WEBVTT - Make relationship goals

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio.

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<v Speaker 1>Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Today's tip is to set some relationship goals. We're all

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<v Speaker 1>familiar with the idea of career goals like getting a

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<v Speaker 1>promotion and personal goals like running a marathon. Those makes

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<v Speaker 1>sense too. Relationship goals aren't quite so intuitive, but using

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<v Speaker 1>a goal setting mindset in relationships can actually be transformative.

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<v Speaker 1>From time to time, I see that someone will write

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<v Speaker 1>or announce that people spend most of their time at work,

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<v Speaker 1>or even people spend most of their waking hours at work.

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<v Speaker 1>Neither are for most people true. There are a hundred

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<v Speaker 1>sixty eight hours in a week, so spending forty hours

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<v Speaker 1>at work is nowhere near most of the time. Even

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<v Speaker 1>if you subtract fifty six hours per week for sleep,

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<v Speaker 1>that's eight hours per night for seven days. That leaves

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<v Speaker 1>seventy two hours for other things. People with regular full

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<v Speaker 1>time jobs spend almost twice as many waking hours not

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<v Speaker 1>working as they do working. To qualify as most of

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<v Speaker 1>your waking hours, you'd have to work more than fifty

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<v Speaker 1>six hours a week, and the vast majority of people

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<v Speaker 1>do not. That said, work can certainly feel like it

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<v Speaker 1>takes the bulk of our time, and so I've pondered

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<v Speaker 1>why that might be. It's not even that work always

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<v Speaker 1>feels like drudgery, which could be an obvious explanation. Even

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<v Speaker 1>people who really love their jobs generally feel like those

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<v Speaker 1>jobs take the bulk of their time. I think the

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<v Speaker 1>explanation is that we give work time structure, We set goals,

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<v Speaker 1>and we work towards them. Because the time is planned

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<v Speaker 1>and given a purpose, it seems to expand. Of course,

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<v Speaker 1>the rest of life isn't exactly like work at all,

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<v Speaker 1>nor should it be. But by adding a bit more

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<v Speaker 1>structure to our personal lives, we can make our personal

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<v Speaker 1>lives feel more memorable and bigger. This is particularly true

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<v Speaker 1>for time spent with other people, which tends to be

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<v Speaker 1>the time we wish would feel bigger and more expansive.

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<v Speaker 1>And so, rather than just try to spend more quality

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<v Speaker 1>time with your partner, you might decide to always ask

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<v Speaker 1>about your partner's day as soon as you see him

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<v Speaker 1>or her after work, and not have your phone with

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<v Speaker 1>you during this time. Instead of just trying to read

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<v Speaker 1>more with your kids, you might embark upon a whole

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<v Speaker 1>series or read through the Caldicott Award winning books from

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<v Speaker 1>the past forty years. Rather than just hoping to take

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<v Speaker 1>advantage of any current work flexibility to spend more time

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<v Speaker 1>with family, you might schedule a daily recess at three

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<v Speaker 1>pm while you're working from home and play with the

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<v Speaker 1>kids for thirty minutes. Then these relationship goals can take

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<v Speaker 1>whatever shape you want. Two kid free chats per week

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<v Speaker 1>with your partner, calling your grandmother every other day. You

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<v Speaker 1>can combine them with personal goals like doing a fast

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<v Speaker 1>run with your teenager on Sunday afternoons or taking a

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<v Speaker 1>cooking class with your sister. But the point is to

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<v Speaker 1>be aiming towards something specific, measurable, achievable, time bound, and

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<v Speaker 1>so forth. All those things we learned to do with

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<v Speaker 1>work goals. Now again, there's no need to go overboard here.

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<v Speaker 1>Some aspects of relationship buildings simply can't be quantified, and

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<v Speaker 1>there is much to be said for just spending a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of relaxed time together. But if you're looking for

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<v Speaker 1>ways to feel connected with the people you love, or

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<v Speaker 1>feel like your personal life is full and rich and

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<v Speaker 1>as time consuming as work in a good way, well,

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<v Speaker 1>this is one way to try set some relationship goals

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<v Speaker 1>and you just might achieve them. And since the process

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<v Speaker 1>itself will be good too, it's a win all the

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<v Speaker 1>way around. In the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks for listening,

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<v Speaker 1>and here's to making the most of our time. Hey, everybody,

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love to hear from you. You can send me

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<v Speaker 1>your tips, your questions, or anything else. Just connect with

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<v Speaker 1>me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod.

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<v Speaker 1>That's B the number four, then Breakfast p o D.

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<v Speaker 1>You can also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>podcast at i heeart media dot com that Before Breakfast

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<v Speaker 1>is spelled out with all the letters. Thanks so much,

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<v Speaker 1>I look forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is

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<v Speaker 1>a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from

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<v Speaker 1>or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. H