WEBVTT - Embrace your people

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,

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<v Speaker 1>This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

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<v Speaker 1>tip is that if you want to feel more connected,

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<v Speaker 1>embrace the people who are already in your life. You

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<v Speaker 1>probably don't need to find the right new friends. You

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<v Speaker 1>need to deepen the relationships you already have. So many

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<v Speaker 1>people want to have closer, more meaningful friendships. Surgeon General

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<v Speaker 1>v Vic Murthy's recent report on what he calls an

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<v Speaker 1>epidemic of loneliness and isolation offers startling statistics about the

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<v Speaker 1>increase in isolation in recent years. The average time spent

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<v Speaker 1>alone increased from one hundred forty two point five hours

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<v Speaker 1>per month in two thousand and three to one hundred

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<v Speaker 1>and sixty six point five hours per month in twenty twenty.

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<v Speaker 1>That is a whole extra twenty four hours spent alone.

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<v Speaker 1>The report indicates that over the same time period, in

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<v Speaker 1>person's social interactions with friends decreased from thirty hours per

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<v Speaker 1>month to ten hours per month. It is no wonder

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<v Speaker 1>many people are feeling disconnected. Often people see the solution

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<v Speaker 1>to loneliness as finding the perfect people to be their friends.

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<v Speaker 1>But when you think about the closest friends you have

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<v Speaker 1>ever had, they aren't necessarily the people with whom you

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<v Speaker 1>have had the most in common. Instead, they are the

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<v Speaker 1>people with whom you've just shared a lot of life experience.

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<v Speaker 1>As you and a neighbor carpool and watch your kids

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<v Speaker 1>grow up together, you become close. Or maybe it's your

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<v Speaker 1>roommate in college with whom you spent hours studying, or

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<v Speaker 1>maybe it's a teacher in the classroom next to yours.

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<v Speaker 1>Because you are constantly talking and sharing advice, You may

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<v Speaker 1>have had little in common with these people when you met.

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<v Speaker 1>It is quite possible you might never have picked each

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<v Speaker 1>other as friends if there were such a thing as

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<v Speaker 1>a friendship catalog, But time, lots of time and shared

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<v Speaker 1>experiences made you close. Keep that in mind if you

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<v Speaker 1>are looking for closer relationships in the year ahead. You

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<v Speaker 1>may not need to find people who share your interests

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<v Speaker 1>or priorities, or even your season of life. You may

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<v Speaker 1>just need to befriend people already in your life and

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<v Speaker 1>invest in relationships that you already have. Friendship expert Shasta Nelson,

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<v Speaker 1>who was a guest on my other podcast, Best of

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<v Speaker 1>Both worlds her book Frintimacy about what she calls the

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<v Speaker 1>danger in believing the myth that we can simply find

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<v Speaker 1>our friends. She says that the problem is it focuses

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<v Speaker 1>our attention on the discovery process are you destined to

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<v Speaker 1>be my friend? Instead of on the development process. So, instead,

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<v Speaker 1>she advises, stop trying to find the perfect friend and

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<v Speaker 1>pay more attention to simply being present with the friendly

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<v Speaker 1>people who are all around us. When we are open

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<v Speaker 1>to the people we cross paths with and honor those relationships,

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<v Speaker 1>we become close. Over time, people move up the ladder

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<v Speaker 1>of friendship, and before you know it, that friendly person

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<v Speaker 1>at the dog park with the cute chocolate lab may

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<v Speaker 1>become the first person you call when you get a

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<v Speaker 1>new job and want to share the news. So if

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<v Speaker 1>you want more connection in your life, just look around.

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<v Speaker 1>Are there people you cross paths with that you'd like

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<v Speaker 1>to know better? It can be anyone neighbors, co workers,

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<v Speaker 1>the people in your yoga class or book club, the

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<v Speaker 1>people you see at the dog park every Saturday, the

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<v Speaker 1>parents of the kids at your child's daycare. Start conversations,

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<v Speaker 1>ask questions. Maybe you can suggest getting together in a

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<v Speaker 1>different context. The yoga friend goes out to coffee with

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<v Speaker 1>you after class, Your neighbor comes over for a backyard barbecue.

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<v Speaker 1>You and your colleagues go running together. When you go

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<v Speaker 1>to a sales meeting in Denver for several days. When

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<v Speaker 1>you invest in relationships with the people in your life already,

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<v Speaker 1>you can build your sense of community and connection. As

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<v Speaker 1>I often say, people are a good use of time.

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<v Speaker 1>Not all these people will wind up becoming great friends.

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<v Speaker 1>But as Shasta Nelson has said, friendship is based on frequency, positivity,

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<v Speaker 1>and vulnerability. Frequency has to happen first. It's hard to

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<v Speaker 1>make frequency happen with random people, but the people who

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<v Speaker 1>are already in your life, you're already partly up the

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<v Speaker 1>ladder to embrace your people. You just have to climb

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit more. In the meantime, this is Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of

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<v Speaker 1>our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've

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<v Speaker 1>got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at

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<v Speaker 1>Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a

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<v Speaker 1>production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit

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<v Speaker 1>your favorite shows.