Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning,
Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's
Speaker 1: tip is that if you want to feel more connected,
Speaker 1: embrace the people who are already in your life. You
Speaker 1: probably don't need to find the right new friends. You
Speaker 1: need to deepen the relationships you already have. So many
Speaker 1: people want to have closer, more meaningful friendships. Surgeon General
Speaker 1: v Vic Murthy's recent report on what he calls an
Speaker 1: epidemic of loneliness and isolation offers startling statistics about the
Speaker 1: increase in isolation in recent years. The average time spent
Speaker 1: alone increased from one hundred forty two point five hours
Speaker 1: per month in two thousand and three to one hundred
Speaker 1: and sixty six point five hours per month in twenty twenty.
Speaker 1: That is a whole extra twenty four hours spent alone.
Speaker 1: The report indicates that over the same time period, in
Speaker 1: person's social interactions with friends decreased from thirty hours per
Speaker 1: month to ten hours per month. It is no wonder
Speaker 1: many people are feeling disconnected. Often people see the solution
Speaker 1: to loneliness as finding the perfect people to be their friends.
Speaker 1: But when you think about the closest friends you have
Speaker 1: ever had, they aren't necessarily the people with whom you
Speaker 1: have had the most in common. Instead, they are the
Speaker 1: people with whom you've just shared a lot of life experience.
Speaker 1: As you and a neighbor carpool and watch your kids
Speaker 1: grow up together, you become close. Or maybe it's your
Speaker 1: roommate in college with whom you spent hours studying, or
Speaker 1: maybe it's a teacher in the classroom next to yours.
Speaker 1: Because you are constantly talking and sharing advice, You may
Speaker 1: have had little in common with these people when you met.
Speaker 1: It is quite possible you might never have picked each
Speaker 1: other as friends if there were such a thing as
Speaker 1: a friendship catalog, But time, lots of time and shared
Speaker 1: experiences made you close. Keep that in mind if you
Speaker 1: are looking for closer relationships in the year ahead. You
Speaker 1: may not need to find people who share your interests
Speaker 1: or priorities, or even your season of life. You may
Speaker 1: just need to befriend people already in your life and
Speaker 1: invest in relationships that you already have. Friendship expert Shasta Nelson,
Speaker 1: who was a guest on my other podcast, Best of
Speaker 1: Both worlds her book Frintimacy about what she calls the
Speaker 1: danger in believing the myth that we can simply find
Speaker 1: our friends. She says that the problem is it focuses
Speaker 1: our attention on the discovery process are you destined to
Speaker 1: be my friend? Instead of on the development process. So, instead,
Speaker 1: she advises, stop trying to find the perfect friend and
Speaker 1: pay more attention to simply being present with the friendly
Speaker 1: people who are all around us. When we are open
Speaker 1: to the people we cross paths with and honor those relationships,
Speaker 1: we become close. Over time, people move up the ladder
Speaker 1: of friendship, and before you know it, that friendly person
Speaker 1: at the dog park with the cute chocolate lab may
Speaker 1: become the first person you call when you get a
Speaker 1: new job and want to share the news. So if
Speaker 1: you want more connection in your life, just look around.
Speaker 1: Are there people you cross paths with that you'd like
Speaker 1: to know better? It can be anyone neighbors, co workers,
Speaker 1: the people in your yoga class or book club, the
Speaker 1: people you see at the dog park every Saturday, the
Speaker 1: parents of the kids at your child's daycare. Start conversations,
Speaker 1: ask questions. Maybe you can suggest getting together in a
Speaker 1: different context. The yoga friend goes out to coffee with
Speaker 1: you after class, Your neighbor comes over for a backyard barbecue.
Speaker 1: You and your colleagues go running together. When you go
Speaker 1: to a sales meeting in Denver for several days. When
Speaker 1: you invest in relationships with the people in your life already,
Speaker 1: you can build your sense of community and connection. As
Speaker 1: I often say, people are a good use of time.
Speaker 1: Not all these people will wind up becoming great friends.
Speaker 1: But as Shasta Nelson has said, friendship is based on frequency, positivity,
Speaker 1: and vulnerability. Frequency has to happen first. It's hard to
Speaker 1: make frequency happen with random people, but the people who
Speaker 1: are already in your life, you're already partly up the
Speaker 1: ladder to embrace your people. You just have to climb
Speaker 1: a little bit more. In the meantime, this is Laura.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of
Speaker 1: our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've
Speaker 1: got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at
Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a
Speaker 1: production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit
Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to
Speaker 1: your favorite shows.