1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:09,520 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of iHeartRadio. Good Morning, 2 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:16,720 Speaker 1: This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's 3 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:20,040 Speaker 1: tip is that if you want to feel more connected, 4 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:26,120 Speaker 1: embrace the people who are already in your life. You 5 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:30,760 Speaker 1: probably don't need to find the right new friends. You 6 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:37,080 Speaker 1: need to deepen the relationships you already have. So many 7 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 1: people want to have closer, more meaningful friendships. Surgeon General 8 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,199 Speaker 1: v Vic Murthy's recent report on what he calls an 9 00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:51,760 Speaker 1: epidemic of loneliness and isolation offers startling statistics about the 10 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: increase in isolation in recent years. The average time spent 11 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:01,440 Speaker 1: alone increased from one hundred forty two point five hours 12 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 1: per month in two thousand and three to one hundred 13 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:09,520 Speaker 1: and sixty six point five hours per month in twenty twenty. 14 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: That is a whole extra twenty four hours spent alone. 15 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:18,200 Speaker 1: The report indicates that over the same time period, in 16 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 1: person's social interactions with friends decreased from thirty hours per 17 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 1: month to ten hours per month. It is no wonder 18 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:32,360 Speaker 1: many people are feeling disconnected. Often people see the solution 19 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,560 Speaker 1: to loneliness as finding the perfect people to be their friends. 20 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,520 Speaker 1: But when you think about the closest friends you have 21 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 1: ever had, they aren't necessarily the people with whom you 22 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:48,720 Speaker 1: have had the most in common. Instead, they are the 23 00:01:48,720 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 1: people with whom you've just shared a lot of life experience. 24 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 1: As you and a neighbor carpool and watch your kids 25 00:01:55,640 --> 00:02:00,160 Speaker 1: grow up together, you become close. Or maybe it's your 26 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 1: roommate in college with whom you spent hours studying, or 27 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,400 Speaker 1: maybe it's a teacher in the classroom next to yours. 28 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:12,239 Speaker 1: Because you are constantly talking and sharing advice, You may 29 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,680 Speaker 1: have had little in common with these people when you met. 30 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 1: It is quite possible you might never have picked each 31 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: other as friends if there were such a thing as 32 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:26,959 Speaker 1: a friendship catalog, But time, lots of time and shared 33 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 1: experiences made you close. Keep that in mind if you 34 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:37,079 Speaker 1: are looking for closer relationships in the year ahead. You 35 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 1: may not need to find people who share your interests 36 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 1: or priorities, or even your season of life. You may 37 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 1: just need to befriend people already in your life and 38 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 1: invest in relationships that you already have. Friendship expert Shasta Nelson, 39 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 1: who was a guest on my other podcast, Best of 40 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:03,680 Speaker 1: Both worlds her book Frintimacy about what she calls the 41 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:07,920 Speaker 1: danger in believing the myth that we can simply find 42 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 1: our friends. She says that the problem is it focuses 43 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 1: our attention on the discovery process are you destined to 44 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 1: be my friend? Instead of on the development process. So, instead, 45 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:26,440 Speaker 1: she advises, stop trying to find the perfect friend and 46 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:30,760 Speaker 1: pay more attention to simply being present with the friendly 47 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 1: people who are all around us. When we are open 48 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:39,840 Speaker 1: to the people we cross paths with and honor those relationships, 49 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:45,520 Speaker 1: we become close. Over time, people move up the ladder 50 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:50,240 Speaker 1: of friendship, and before you know it, that friendly person 51 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 1: at the dog park with the cute chocolate lab may 52 00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 1: become the first person you call when you get a 53 00:03:56,400 --> 00:04:00,640 Speaker 1: new job and want to share the news. So if 54 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 1: you want more connection in your life, just look around. 55 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:07,600 Speaker 1: Are there people you cross paths with that you'd like 56 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 1: to know better? It can be anyone neighbors, co workers, 57 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 1: the people in your yoga class or book club, the 58 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 1: people you see at the dog park every Saturday, the 59 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 1: parents of the kids at your child's daycare. Start conversations, 60 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: ask questions. Maybe you can suggest getting together in a 61 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:35,320 Speaker 1: different context. The yoga friend goes out to coffee with 62 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 1: you after class, Your neighbor comes over for a backyard barbecue. 63 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: You and your colleagues go running together. When you go 64 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:48,480 Speaker 1: to a sales meeting in Denver for several days. When 65 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:52,960 Speaker 1: you invest in relationships with the people in your life already, 66 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 1: you can build your sense of community and connection. As 67 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:00,919 Speaker 1: I often say, people are a good use of time. 68 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,560 Speaker 1: Not all these people will wind up becoming great friends. 69 00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 1: But as Shasta Nelson has said, friendship is based on frequency, positivity, 70 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:19,120 Speaker 1: and vulnerability. Frequency has to happen first. It's hard to 71 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 1: make frequency happen with random people, but the people who 72 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:27,840 Speaker 1: are already in your life, you're already partly up the 73 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:32,719 Speaker 1: ladder to embrace your people. You just have to climb 74 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: a little bit more. In the meantime, this is Laura. 75 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of 76 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: our time. Thanks for listening to Before Breakfast. If you've 77 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:57,600 Speaker 1: got questions, ideas, or feedback, you can reach me at 78 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:06,719 Speaker 1: Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. Before Breakfast is a 79 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 1: production of iHeartMedia. For more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please visit 80 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:15,359 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 81 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.