Speaker 1: Okay, so do it.
Speaker 2: Intro.
Speaker 1: So I'm Leanne. Yeah, this is my best friend Janet
Speaker 1: and we have well we've been joined at the hips
Speaker 1: since high school, absolutely, and then now a redacted amount
Speaker 1: of years later, we're still joined.
Speaker 3: At the hips.
Speaker 4: A little bit bigger, hips, wider girdle. It does widen
Speaker 4: down't it?
Speaker 1: It widens with age?
Speaker 3: Sure does.
Speaker 4: So. Anyway, our kids have to do everything together because
Speaker 4: Leanne and I only want to be together, including the
Speaker 4: white hot hell that is youth soccer.
Speaker 1: These games are not pretty, right, Let's be honest.
Speaker 4: We're entertaining.
Speaker 1: No, they're not. There really isn't much applause because these games.
Speaker 3: Are so g there's nothing to cheer.
Speaker 2: This ties.
Speaker 1: It's just a tie.
Speaker 4: We're sharing for their self esteem at this point.
Speaker 1: So we thought podcast, right, this is soccer mobs.
Speaker 4: We let's stay together.
Speaker 3: Ready one, This is soccer mom.
Speaker 1: This is a podcast. We're recording it as we tailgate
Speaker 1: our youth soccer games in the back of my Honda Odyssey.
Speaker 3: With all the snacks and drink sidebar.
Speaker 1: Why did you get hard seltzer instead of beer? But
Speaker 1: it hit a bogo, Well then you got it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and we even have a travel crock pot hooked
Speaker 4: up in the cigarette lighter.
Speaker 1: Here the case. It is almost melted.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's going to be good when it gets hot. Okay,
Speaker 4: and I even brought healthy stuff for dipping, so or
Speaker 4: and I have not healthy stuff too. Make the best
Speaker 4: of a bad situation.
Speaker 1: Okay, my husband just left me a voice memo. What
Speaker 1: wasn't this he learned voice memos. They're not voicemails or
Speaker 1: like memos. Oh no, okay, listen to this.
Speaker 5: So how come everyone can't play with them? It's always
Speaker 5: the Yankees? Up? Hey, sweetheart, it's me.
Speaker 4: I'm not going to make the game today.
Speaker 2: I got to send a little bit of trouble with
Speaker 2: my poor handwriting. Turns out one of my fellows demoed
Speaker 2: the bedroom when you're supposed to demo the bathroom. You
Speaker 2: know how I am with my a's in my east,
Speaker 2: so kind of up creak here with a bathroom shaped paddle.
Speaker 6: And I'm not going to make the game.
Speaker 2: If you could just videotape if anything fun happens, I
Speaker 2: know that's impossible, but uh say sorry.
Speaker 5: Did the kittle for me?
Speaker 4: And uh, you know I love you.
Speaker 5: I'm going to make it up to you. Saturday's yours.
Speaker 2: Whatever you want, as long as it's not a museum,
Speaker 2: all right, love you bike who Demo's the wrong room.
Speaker 4: But I'm gonna be honest, I kind of prefer now
Speaker 4: spouses of these games.
Speaker 5: This is our time.
Speaker 1: So first, so I want to say, Janet is the
Speaker 1: queen of that. She is the queen of making the
Speaker 1: best of a bad situation than you. I tell you
Speaker 1: one time we were at the DMV and she turned
Speaker 1: it into a karaoke bar with just her iPhone, no
Speaker 1: follow up questions, just know it was glorious.
Speaker 3: But you really do.
Speaker 1: That's one of the things I love about you. Like, okay,
Speaker 1: like right now, what is one thing that's keeping you going? Like,
Speaker 1: what is one thing that's keeping you from dipping into
Speaker 1: your dogs expired painkillers?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 1: Just yeah, you know what's keeping you going?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Okay, So this.
Speaker 4: Would be our first segment, the very first segment, our
Speaker 4: first segment.
Speaker 1: What's keeping you from taking your dogs expired painkillers? And
Speaker 1: by the way, if they're expired, it doesn't mean they
Speaker 1: don't work. It just means you have to take two.
Speaker 4: That's that's a tip for life. That's a tip and technique. Yeah,
Speaker 4: you know that my dog hads annex for real and
Speaker 4: it was like humans but it's.
Speaker 1: Human senx and you go to It's funny because you
Speaker 1: go to Walgreens and you're like, I have to pick
Speaker 1: up my and it says like the dog's name.
Speaker 4: They're like patient name, and you're like, baloney.
Speaker 1: Her dog name is boloney? Is that funny?
Speaker 3: Date of birth?
Speaker 1: My dog is like, I don't know. We found her
Speaker 1: in a gutter. What's keeping you from dipping into the
Speaker 1: gap all panting?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Gab a pen? May I say a simple blt in
Speaker 3: a cold pop?
Speaker 2: Jesus?
Speaker 5: Does that work?
Speaker 4: Doesn't that sound good? Even when it's cold out, I'll
Speaker 4: have a cold pop, especially if I'm hungover, And sometimes
Speaker 4: I'll get real nasty with a diet coke with with
Speaker 4: lime when I'm hungover. You're kidding, like, but but it's
Speaker 4: a real squeeze lime. It's not the kind that's already
Speaker 4: in there.
Speaker 1: Oh see, I thought that's what you meant, and I
Speaker 1: was going to slap you in your mouth. But you're saying,
Speaker 1: you get a diet coke, you put a lime in it.
Speaker 1: I'll give you that.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 1: I will say you are drinking a diet coke with
Speaker 1: a lime in it right now. So if I shall
Speaker 1: distill what that means.
Speaker 3: Big shocker.
Speaker 1: Here's why I like a BLT recipes in the name.
Speaker 4: But you can't get wild with it and add things
Speaker 4: like you know you can have like.
Speaker 3: Avocado or chadar or whatever.
Speaker 1: No, that's clown.
Speaker 4: Where do you stand on toasting the bread or not
Speaker 4: you toast?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you gotta toast it.
Speaker 4: But I kind of only have toasted because if it
Speaker 4: gets too crunchy's the top of my roof of mine.
Speaker 3: I understand.
Speaker 4: I think lunch is the best meal of the day,
Speaker 4: and you think breakfast and dinner is the best meal
Speaker 4: of the day.
Speaker 1: So you know, when you're with us, we're together, you
Speaker 1: know every meal is going to be great.
Speaker 4: It's going to be great.
Speaker 1: We got to I will say. I think lunch is
Speaker 1: the best word to say. It's way more the most
Speaker 1: evocative of all.
Speaker 4: Yeah, dinner, you're always like you feel a little childish
Speaker 4: if you say supper.
Speaker 1: Supper makes me feel poor. I think it is. Growing up,
Speaker 1: we always had supper.
Speaker 4: But I think it might be actually uppity, like in England.
Speaker 4: I think they're like supper. Would you care to sup,
Speaker 4: what about you? What's keeping you from dipping into your
Speaker 4: dog's expired meds.
Speaker 1: When everybody goes to sleep. I've been watching The Tutors,
Speaker 1: The Tutors. So The Tutors is a show and it's
Speaker 1: this really raunchy drama on Showtime about the Tutors, which
Speaker 1: I guess is Henry the Eighth. I don't know what
Speaker 1: the bloodline is speaking of, and they sup a lot,
Speaker 1: but what they sup is each other's bodies. Henry Cavill's
Speaker 1: in it, and uh, I just find him worth getting
Speaker 1: up in the morning for, I really do. And he
Speaker 1: seems very dumb. He seems like a dim man, and
Speaker 1: I like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's good, that's easy.
Speaker 1: So I have been watching that. And the thing is
Speaker 1: Don doesn't know that we have showtime because I hook
Speaker 1: it up to our Amazon.
Speaker 4: Oh that's fantastic, So.
Speaker 1: He doesn't know. You gotta have secrets, gotta have secrets.
Speaker 1: And your Marrigor used.
Speaker 4: To always give us that bs about how like this
Speaker 4: is your best friend in the whole world.
Speaker 1: First all, you're my best friend of the whole world.
Speaker 5: I Don.
Speaker 1: I would never tell Don anything half the things I
Speaker 1: tell you.
Speaker 4: But where did that come from that. You have to
Speaker 4: divulge every little secret. If you don't know everything about
Speaker 4: each other, then you don't have a good marriage. I
Speaker 4: think secrets are will make a good marriage because the
Speaker 4: things I'm keeping secret, they're not.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not be bezzling or I'm not like you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not having sex with anyone. First of all, who
Speaker 1: has a time?
Speaker 4: Yeah, like my discover card. He doesn't even know I
Speaker 4: have a Discover card?
Speaker 1: What, Yeah, you have a secret credit card? So what
Speaker 1: do you use to discover? I imagine what is discover?
Speaker 4: I feel like that's everywhere secrets, credit card discovers, like, we.
Speaker 1: Know that should be their tagline, discover.
Speaker 5: We know, we know.
Speaker 4: It's all a pretty clandestine.
Speaker 1: Oh that you're still doing the word today? Yeah, oh
Speaker 1: that was good.
Speaker 4: You know what today? Today was glossilealia? Yesterday was clandestine?
Speaker 1: What is glossialalia?
Speaker 4: Speaking in tongues? I think like in church?
Speaker 1: Ooh, I love that.
Speaker 4: That's a good one.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's also what a rich person would
Speaker 1: name their daughter.
Speaker 4: I feel like, because there's so much dementia in my family,
Speaker 4: the word today thing is is that's keeping you? Keeping me?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: So what's keeping you sharp, I'll tell you what's keeping
Speaker 1: me sharp.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I do five minutes of exercise in the morning and
Speaker 1: five minutes before I.
Speaker 5: Go to bed. Wow, what do you do?
Speaker 1: I do a zoom but for five minutes, and then
Speaker 1: at night I do five minutes of stretching. But it's
Speaker 1: one stretch, one very long stretch.
Speaker 3: That's awesome.
Speaker 4: I know, that's what makes you have that beautiful body.
Speaker 4: I'm shaped like a rectangle. You gotta keep that noodle
Speaker 4: soup shaped like a rectangle. You're a lasagna noodle. What's
Speaker 4: your discover card?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 1: After my dad died, my mom moved into the you know,
Speaker 1: the apartment above the garage, and I didn't tell Don
Speaker 1: for two months and he didn't know, and he didn't
Speaker 1: know and the only and then he figured it out
Speaker 1: because she was using the tanning bed up there and
Speaker 1: so our electric bill tripled.
Speaker 6: And then he.
Speaker 1: Figured it out. So can I tell you what I did? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I turned it on him. I was like, you're an idiot.
Speaker 1: You had someone living in this house, you know, on
Speaker 1: our property for two months and you didn't know. I
Speaker 1: don't feel safe with you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and she's so loud.
Speaker 4: Your mom is so allowed.
Speaker 1: How she has a heavy foot, Yeah, yeah she does.
Speaker 4: But he's always gone. I mean he's he's up so
Speaker 4: early when he comes out, and he's so tired.
Speaker 1: I know, so, you know whatever, God bless him. And
Speaker 1: people are like, oh, you're worried that Don's gonna listen
Speaker 1: to this? Are you kidding me? The guy just figured
Speaker 1: out voice memos. If it's not on Bill Bass's fishing
Speaker 1: channel or whatever it is, he's not listening to this.
Speaker 4: Larry doesn't know I have a housekeeper.
Speaker 1: You've had her for years. I know he doesn't know.
Speaker 3: He thinks you keep a clean house.
Speaker 4: Yeah, the one, the one or two times that he's
Speaker 4: caught her. I said it was a gift for me.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: He He also thinks I have no elevens in my forehead?
Speaker 3: Is that what they're called elevens? The scowl lines.
Speaker 1: Oh he doesn't know. You get both talk.
Speaker 4: No, I would not want him thinking I spend money
Speaker 4: on it. I think you know he would give me
Speaker 4: so much.
Speaker 3: You think he knows.
Speaker 7: I think everyone knows.
Speaker 4: You think everyone.
Speaker 1: I think your forehead looks like sarad Red.
Speaker 4: Oh thank you, you look beautiful, thank you.
Speaker 1: Well, it's halftime they're walking off the field. There's coach.
Speaker 4: Oh, there's coach talker.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, so really no, no, wait, start waving there,
Speaker 1: start waving DoD, Hey, DoD, No wave more.
Speaker 5: He's going.
Speaker 1: So it's zero zero again right at this game.
Speaker 4: Also, you shouldn't be able to go any other Hi.
Speaker 6: Coach, Hi, hey go how are you?
Speaker 3: I I'm sorry if I was waving too much?
Speaker 6: I oh no, it was pretty clear you both were
Speaker 6: waving pretty hard. Yeah, you know, it seemed honestly, I
Speaker 6: was concerned. I felt for a moment like we might
Speaker 6: have an emergency situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, you know, I get animated it.
Speaker 6: Also, I'm just now noticing microphones in here.
Speaker 1: So you're like the perfect person to be on our program.
Speaker 6: Yeah no, I'd love to. I'd love to. I'd love
Speaker 6: to talk to you guys.
Speaker 3: We asked you a few questions.
Speaker 4: Think it would be good.
Speaker 1: I think it would mean a lot, you know, to
Speaker 1: you know, to the community, to hear a little bit
Speaker 1: more about you know, big coach greco You know absolutely
Speaker 1: as what are you? Are you a mister coach.
Speaker 6: Todd or todd Is you can call it Janet, you
Speaker 6: can call me Todd. Absolutely Okay, I'd love it. I'd
Speaker 6: love an opportunity to introduce myself to I can only
Speaker 6: do so much when I'm on the sidelines with the parents.
Speaker 6: But you know, not all the parents can be here
Speaker 6: all the time. Sure, especially a lot of the fathers
Speaker 6: are missing quite a lot, I'm noticing.
Speaker 1: I know that's a blessing. So anyway, we both pay
Speaker 1: for white Pages premium and we did okay, we did
Speaker 1: google you, and we couldn't find much about you. So
Speaker 1: why are you divorced?
Speaker 6: I mean you you really wait for it, missus Riccio,
Speaker 6: you can call me, Okay, okay, you know, I just
Speaker 6: want to make sure everybody in town knows. You know,
Speaker 6: I'm here with the utmost of respect for the for
Speaker 6: the program and the parents and the children in the associate.
Speaker 1: Great, what happened to you?
Speaker 4: Is all your marriage?
Speaker 6: Oh? You know, it's interesting. You know, I'd rather not
Speaker 6: get in it. We just have a few more minutes
Speaker 6: before I got to go back to the game, so
Speaker 6: I'm not sure if I can just launch into the
Speaker 6: well we call it halftime. You know, some things they
Speaker 6: just don't work out, and uh, you know then this
Speaker 6: my marriage was an unfortunately one of those things. You know,
Speaker 6: I love this team. I love these boys. I think
Speaker 6: they're so great, and I'm really trying to be a
Speaker 6: figure in their lives that they can rely on, you know,
Speaker 6: somebody that they can they can feel confident in in
Speaker 6: on and off the field. You know, truly that I
Speaker 6: am there for them as a as a resource, as
Speaker 6: an adult, as a responsible person in their life that
Speaker 6: they know consistently is going to show up. Oh wow,
Speaker 6: you know these kids, these kids wreck me every day.
Speaker 4: That's amazing. What a beautiful, honestly, tad, what a beautiful
Speaker 4: way of looking at because sometimes I will just be like,
Speaker 4: you know, these kids never cease to surprise me at
Speaker 4: the levels of their selfishness.
Speaker 6: I know.
Speaker 1: And when I think like my kid wrecks me, I
Speaker 1: think about like when he was born and how I
Speaker 1: had to get a couple extra stitches and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: But you're talking about emotionally.
Speaker 4: She had a nine pounder that shredded her entire base.
Speaker 1: And you know how sometimes wow, it was.
Speaker 6: Oh no, you don't need to get your phone out.
Speaker 6: You don't need I don't need to I don't need
Speaker 6: to see no, no, no no. In a way, missus richie.
Speaker 1: Oh oh oh yes see that's briefings crazy, so not
Speaker 1: only for the breach, and then they got it unbreached,
Speaker 1: and then it breached again as it is coming out.
Speaker 6: No no, no, no, no no, I don't want to see that.
Speaker 6: I don't want to see that.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that's yeah right, that's a mid canal flip flop.
Speaker 6: Oh my, oh my god, that is yeah wow what
Speaker 6: that is beautiful? That right, there is something something beautiful,
Speaker 6: you know. And and I apologize. I didn't mean to
Speaker 6: react so uh oh, I just wasn't prepared. Get yeah,
Speaker 6: I just was shocked.
Speaker 1: Maybe it shouldn't be my background on my phone. I
Speaker 1: don't know, but it was an important day in my life. Now,
Speaker 1: why don't you have children?
Speaker 6: Have you been talking to my mother? My marriage unfortunately
Speaker 6: ended before we got to that stage, and.
Speaker 4: You know, that's a heartbreaker.
Speaker 1: It was so sorry what happened.
Speaker 6: You know, we're we're still negotiating some things. I still
Speaker 6: have a private investigator that I've hired. I've still there
Speaker 6: stuff ongoing.
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, well tbd, but get back.
Speaker 1: My cousin Bambam has done some of that private investigating too.
Speaker 1: So if you ever need someone you can get fam
Speaker 1: a call.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's got like four or five Italian names. He's
Speaker 4: named after the the Ninja turtle.
Speaker 6: Yeah, oh yeah, Raphael or Leonardo.
Speaker 1: In Donatello and yeah and Shredder. But what got you
Speaker 1: in to soccer? I gotta be honest with you. I
Speaker 1: mean there's no score. I mean, it's a it's an
Speaker 1: interesting sport. It's a very European sport. Yeah, Tonny, I.
Speaker 4: Really I really don't know how you where you land
Speaker 4: on the soccer versus football thing, but you do got
Speaker 4: to admit it makes more sense to call it football
Speaker 4: because there's no other sport. I mean, they're using their
Speaker 4: feet yet. American football I think should be called tackle ball.
Speaker 6: Okay, you know this is like you know, I was
Speaker 6: saying to you last week, you're so funny. You're so
Speaker 6: funny like that. You just have such a unique look
Speaker 6: at the world, such a unique point of view on
Speaker 6: the world, which is just frankly dynamite.
Speaker 8: Yeah.
Speaker 6: It's such a great you such a great way to be.
Speaker 4: Oh Todd, Well, now I'm gonna blush and be careful.
Speaker 6: Because tackleball, that's funny. Call it tackle ball, like that's
Speaker 6: from that's from like stand up comedy. That's like Ellen
Speaker 6: Degener is funny. I don't know, but I'll tell you what.
Speaker 4: The way you respond every time our team scores on
Speaker 4: our own goal, I'm grateful for the way you respond
Speaker 4: in those moments. A lot of times, the only scores
Speaker 4: that happen in any of these games are us accidentally
Speaker 4: score nine our own goal.
Speaker 6: Sometimes you've got what we call in the game goal.
Speaker 1: Goggles, okay, And what happens is.
Speaker 6: Sometimes you get a look at that goal and regardless
Speaker 6: if it's yours or theirs, you know you can put
Speaker 6: the ball in it, so you do. What's hard is
Speaker 6: when you've got goal goggles, even though you might know
Speaker 6: that's my goal, you still can't help but just take
Speaker 6: that shot and bury it in the net.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, I would love to circle back. When were
Speaker 1: you guys it out last week?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 3: I just ran into himage you Alasco and we talked.
Speaker 5: We signed.
Speaker 4: I didn't realize we must have talked for an hour.
Speaker 3: Standing in front of the Little Starbuck.
Speaker 6: Kya mentioned that I know, well, we were comparing tattoo.
Speaker 6: We were comparing yeah, and he was.
Speaker 3: He was a marine biology miner.
Speaker 1: You could minor in that it seems like something that
Speaker 1: will take up more of your time than Yes, I.
Speaker 6: Would have majored in it, but I was studying in
Speaker 6: a landlocked state and so it didn't make sense.
Speaker 1: Oh that's right.
Speaker 6: So I just shifted it to a miner. And this
Speaker 6: is why I loved your tattoo. And you said you
Speaker 6: didn't even know this. Dolphins can see your soul.
Speaker 4: Oh that makes me feel so vulnerable. If you were
Speaker 4: to look at me with no clothes on, okay, your
Speaker 4: gaze would only go skin deep, right, you would only
Speaker 4: share as much as my skin allows.
Speaker 6: Sure. Here's what I'll say to that, Janet, is I
Speaker 6: think for a lot of men, all they're looking at
Speaker 6: is the skin.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's it.
Speaker 6: I'm looking for your soul like a dolphin. I'm looking
Speaker 6: for your soul. So I'll be the guy looking in
Speaker 6: your eyes.
Speaker 1: Wow, you've seen me naked. I'm a I'm a perfect rectangle.
Speaker 1: Janet got that dolphin tattoo on her belly button so
Speaker 1: she could get She had her belly button piers so
Speaker 1: it looked like it was jumping through there.
Speaker 4: You just have a handful of almonds, Are those just like?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Good?
Speaker 5: Oh? Wow?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I've just got loose nuts in my pocket.
Speaker 4: Oh that's a healthy snack I got, you.
Speaker 6: Know, I pop a couple of nuts. It's a protein boost.
Speaker 1: I always forget about nuts.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, I'll be honest. A lot of women do.
Speaker 4: It looks like you're getting a call on your watch.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you know what. That's that's I gotta go. That's
Speaker 6: that's that's the ref. That's the ref calling me. Okay,
Speaker 6: so this has been just a delight. Thank you Janet
Speaker 6: so much, and missus Ritchie.
Speaker 1: I really think you've just started the gay.
Speaker 6: Sorry anyway, that has been great.
Speaker 1: Just okay, okay, okay, all right, seas look at him,
Speaker 1: run look at him. He's like a gazelle.
Speaker 4: He seems good. He seems like a good coach.
Speaker 1: I do think he is a good role model.
Speaker 7: I do think he might have killed his wife.
Speaker 1: Oh let's do another segment. It is the reverse of
Speaker 1: our other segment. Ooh perfect, okay, yeah, So what is
Speaker 1: making you take the dogs expired painkillers?
Speaker 3: Can I be honest about something?
Speaker 1: You have the floor?
Speaker 4: Becoming a mother puts you in a position where you
Speaker 4: have to end up on playdates.
Speaker 7: Here we go.
Speaker 4: When your kids have a playdate. It feels like you're
Speaker 4: stuck on a date you don't want to be on
Speaker 4: with the other parents, And why is it that so
Speaker 4: many of our kids' parents suck? And I'm trying to
Speaker 4: build into my son's self esteem and find him his
Speaker 4: choices and say like, oh, okay, you want to hang
Speaker 4: out with Emma, you want to be at the other
Speaker 4: Emma's birthday party, you want to be at Emma four's.
Speaker 1: And that's a real Lessoname Emma four. That actually is
Speaker 1: like f O R eyes.
Speaker 4: Like four, I end up having one too many because
Speaker 4: I end up kicking back, like I'm drinking wine in
Speaker 4: the middle of the day because I have to be
Speaker 4: around Connie Saint Regis on this play date and the
Speaker 4: kids are having fun and they're having a nice time,
Speaker 4: and I've reached that point of like social burnout. She
Speaker 4: won't shut up, she won't shut up, she doesn't listen,
Speaker 4: she talks at you. Ye, Connie Saint Regis makes me
Speaker 4: want ketamine. I just want a horse tranquilizer so that
Speaker 4: my eyes.
Speaker 3: Will half close.
Speaker 4: I'll just keep nodding when I'm around her until our
Speaker 4: kids are done playing and I can get the hell
Speaker 4: out of her. What about you?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 4: What's making you want to take your dog's expired painkillers?
Speaker 1: I'm going to say the tutors Okay, yeah, the acting
Speaker 1: is very bad. It doesn't really get verywhere.
Speaker 8: Whatever you're saying, you're wrong, and don't record me. I
Speaker 8: want to be on your stupid radio program.
Speaker 1: How did you get here?
Speaker 5: I took the airport shuttle. How you think you got.
Speaker 1: An airport shuttle to drop you off here? You were
Speaker 1: at the airport today?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 5: I got on at the Hampton end over, the nice
Speaker 5: one by the house.
Speaker 3: There's a life hack for you tree.
Speaker 8: Then when he was passing by here, I pretended I
Speaker 8: was gonna puke, so we let me off.
Speaker 5: I can burpunk command. It makes me real.
Speaker 1: Com Mom, Oh my god, mo mo?
Speaker 2: Mom?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no mom.
Speaker 5: How's the game? How's my little grandson doing?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, my you missed it? Scott scored a
Speaker 1: hat trick?
Speaker 4: Mom?
Speaker 1: Really, of course not.
Speaker 4: The game is zero zero per usual.
Speaker 5: Anyway, Janet, my god, you look beautiful. That's what I
Speaker 5: have to say.
Speaker 4: Thank you. I got micro needling. Do you know about micronadling?
Speaker 2: You do?
Speaker 5: Of course, I know everything.
Speaker 1: How do you know about micro needling.
Speaker 5: Mom, I'm interested in things.
Speaker 4: Mickey, be honest, if you ever had any work done?
Speaker 5: Of course not.
Speaker 8: I'm naturally like this and everyone's jealous. But my daughter
Speaker 8: can't imagine you do have.
Speaker 3: A bang and buy.
Speaker 1: I know it's so frustrating Mickey the body, but she
Speaker 1: doesn't do anything.
Speaker 3: I don't know. You eat whatever you want?
Speaker 5: Seeking a witch? Is that case? Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is case. So you want something, you can
Speaker 3: put the veggies in it.
Speaker 1: You be chips, Mom, don't put your fingers in it.
Speaker 5: Is there meat in this thing?
Speaker 1: No, it's regular.
Speaker 5: I'm trying to up my dairy.
Speaker 8: My dairy needs to be higher because if you eat
Speaker 8: high dairy, you will not have osteoporosis. And I don't
Speaker 8: need to get old before my time. Speaking of old,
Speaker 8: do you have any old babe?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 1: I do, Mom, it's in my spice rag. Then I
Speaker 1: keep in the trunk.
Speaker 8: Why I am even talking to you, Janet, listen to me.
Speaker 8: My friend got me this generic valume in Tulum. I
Speaker 8: brought you a mom.
Speaker 5: This is what I think. It's it's a very nice
Speaker 5: with a nice whiskey. It's a cute pairing.
Speaker 1: I think, Oh, Mom, you can't be giving away pills
Speaker 1: from Mexico out a soccer field. Okay, put that away.
Speaker 8: I'll take it, Janet, Janet, I'm talking only to you
Speaker 8: at this point. If you don't want to get fancy,
Speaker 8: use a gym beam early times, maybe something like that.
Speaker 5: I've got some not go off ambient if you want some.
Speaker 8: Oh, I'll take knockoff ambien. Yes, yes, yes, hormones. But
Speaker 8: you'll be years, maybe decades before you need those all
Speaker 8: things if I.
Speaker 5: Don't take them. Dark skin mustache right here, not just days.
Speaker 5: Get that.
Speaker 1: I've got a lot to look forward to. Skin is weird.
Speaker 1: I know, skin is so weird.
Speaker 4: Hold on, I will take this volume, though, I'm gonna
Speaker 4: save this for my birthday month.
Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't make your birthday fun. I know you
Speaker 1: hate your birthday, my birthday. She hates her birthday.
Speaker 5: I'll come to your birthday weekend.
Speaker 1: No mom, no, no, no, because we're going to the hotspurit.
Speaker 1: We are doing hot You hate hot spring, you hate
Speaker 1: you hate the heat?
Speaker 5: Do I hate the heat? Yes? Are we sure? Yes?
Speaker 5: You do? Okay, I hate the heat, but this sounds fun.
Speaker 1: You keep the thermostat at sixty two.
Speaker 4: We'll FaceTime you from the Hot Springs if you don't
Speaker 4: mind talking to as well. We're absolutely hamboned, hammered.
Speaker 8: That's why that's the only way I could tolerate my daughter.
Speaker 8: Oh my god, you know what I did for my birthday?
Speaker 5: Speaking of me? Nothing every year? Nothing?
Speaker 8: You know why I couldn't go anywhere. I had no freedom.
Speaker 8: I was, I was shackled. Someone's always sucking at my teeth.
Speaker 4: What?
Speaker 1: Oh wow, you did breastfeed.
Speaker 3: Any of us?
Speaker 5: Talking about your father. Speaking of teats, Janet, did you
Speaker 5: get yours done? No?
Speaker 4: In fact, I did not get them done. But they're
Speaker 4: sort of like hoisted up right now?
Speaker 5: It look good?
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, this is my daughter's bathing suit. It's laundry day.
Speaker 4: I just put jeans on over this one piece.
Speaker 1: You're wearing Ashley's bathing suit.
Speaker 3: It's a bathing suit.
Speaker 5: It is brilliant. Look at that.
Speaker 8: It looks like a bodise as they say in Mary
Speaker 8: Old England in the Crown. That's a kind of fashion sense.
Speaker 8: This leanne never had you, Janet, you're what the kid
Speaker 8: it's call nailing it tall?
Speaker 1: Well, God bless, I will say no, I will that
Speaker 1: is fair. I don't I do not know how to dress. Well,
Speaker 1: I never did. Like right now, I'm wearing things that
Speaker 1: I got for free or that I bought at Walgreens.
Speaker 1: I went into my pseudo fed and then I seen
Speaker 1: these leggings and they were like a bogo or whatever.
Speaker 1: I got six pairs and they got me all through
Speaker 1: COVID got a level.
Speaker 4: Are they nice?
Speaker 8: I've always said your legs are a bit thick for
Speaker 8: the leggings.
Speaker 1: Janet listen. Okay, you know how most parents mark their
Speaker 1: kids height on a doorframe.
Speaker 5: Oh, here, she goes.
Speaker 1: My mom did that, but with my weight. So somewhere
Speaker 1: in like each Jefferson Park, there's a two flat with
Speaker 1: writing on a kitchen wall that says Leanne aged nine
Speaker 1: ninety eight pounds, and then in parentheses it just says.
Speaker 5: Yikes, it's too big for a nine year old.
Speaker 1: I was five six at the time.
Speaker 5: Mom, I think it's genetic.
Speaker 8: Your father had cankles, and yours just moved up to
Speaker 8: your knees.
Speaker 6: I mean.
Speaker 3: I miss him.
Speaker 1: I miss him every day.
Speaker 6: I do.
Speaker 1: I actually don't have nice knees, I really do. I
Speaker 1: have a thick knee. I have a thicker knee. But
Speaker 1: you know what, you go on and on about all
Speaker 1: this moth. And you're lucky that I have any semblance
Speaker 1: of confidence.
Speaker 4: Luck.
Speaker 1: You are lucky that I have any semblance of confidence
Speaker 1: because of how you and more no, and I know
Speaker 1: that that is no. You are taking no. You are
Speaker 1: taking no.
Speaker 5: You are taking no. You are taking your lucky.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: You are lucky that you're lucky that I am upright
Speaker 1: and walking around.
Speaker 5: Why am I lucky? Oh, you're lucky. I'm not a
Speaker 5: drug addict. You you are not an alcoholic. You are
Speaker 5: I'm not a killer. I have to go Rogers hair, Rogers.
Speaker 4: Yere you go.
Speaker 5: Driver.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's the airport shuttle.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, okay, on his way back.
Speaker 1: I love you, Mom, I love you.
Speaker 5: Okay, bye you later.
Speaker 1: Okay, love you bye, see what love you?
Speaker 5: Love you, love you so much.
Speaker 4: Okay for driving, Okay, I love you.
Speaker 2: Bye.
Speaker 6: Oh.
Speaker 3: I love her.
Speaker 1: She loves you so much.
Speaker 7: I got another voice, Mama from don Yes, I have
Speaker 7: another one here.
Speaker 5: Let's listen, ay, sweetheart. I had a couple of minutes
Speaker 5: of downtime here at work.
Speaker 2: One of the am tractor trailers got stuck in the mud,
Speaker 2: and there's fifteen idiots.
Speaker 5: Trying to drag it out.
Speaker 2: Also, Uh, the guys are taking one kid. You know,
Speaker 2: he's got that metal plate in his head. Yeah, we're
Speaker 2: pulling them up in the metallic crane.
Speaker 1: It's there.
Speaker 6: He's crying. I think he's good at business pants.
Speaker 2: But anyway, something hit me and I just wanted to
Speaker 2: give a quick call to you now that everyone's distracted
Speaker 2: and say I'm real sorry I wasn't at the game,
Speaker 2: and I wish I was at the game, because man,
Speaker 2: it hit me pretty hard, like a ton of bricks.
Speaker 2: Don't tell one hit me like a ton of bricks
Speaker 2: that I didn't get to go to the game, you know,
Speaker 2: because I mean, Scott and Bowl are still at an
Speaker 2: age where they're so excited when something good happens that
Speaker 2: they turn around to see if we're looking, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. And it hit me that one day
Speaker 2: they're just not going to turn around and look to
Speaker 2: see if they were looking. They're just going to look
Speaker 2: at each other and high five and move on. You know.
Speaker 2: Suddenly we become more of a voice in the background
Speaker 2: or an annoying email that you know, like my mom, Yeah,
Speaker 2: she left like a five hour voice message today. I
Speaker 2: wanted to throw my phone in the leak, and it's
Speaker 2: kind of killing me the day that Scott gets that
Speaker 2: age where he wants to throw me in a leak.
Speaker 5: What I want to say is it does not go in.
Speaker 2: Note that you were there, and I am grateful for
Speaker 2: you being there. Be in the eyes that he turns
Speaker 2: around and sees when he's all excited and stuff. So
Speaker 2: that's all I wanted to say.
Speaker 5: I love you, You are appreciated.
Speaker 2: And uh oh oh, someone turned the crane off.
Speaker 6: It's a fall, not a bad one, but it's bad enough.
Speaker 6: I gotta go, Oh, that got me.
Speaker 4: That's sweet, that's true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wonder what he wants.
Speaker 9: Soccer Moms is an improvised podcast created by Kittie Rich
Speaker 9: and Holly Laurent. It's produced by Noah Avior and Hans Sani,
Speaker 9: edited by Hannah Parsons, and original music composed by Julie Nichols.
Speaker 4: Soccer Moms is a
Speaker 9: Production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts.