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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that's reinvigorating mall food courts by

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Speaker 1: launching a Mexican food version of Panda Express called Chupacabra Rapid,

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Speaker 1: different flavors, same terrifying results. With Laser Stories, the segment

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Speaker 1: where we read weird news stories around the globe, just

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Speaker 1: like everyone else does, except we've got a laser. Those

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Speaker 1: other burrito bandidos just don't. This first laser story is

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Speaker 1: out of Pittsburgh. A thirty four year old guy named

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Speaker 1: Charles Felder showed up at a random building at four

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Speaker 1: am the other day, and he immediately tried to break

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Speaker 1: into the lobby by kicking the glass doors and using

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Speaker 1: garbage cans as battering rams.

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Speaker 2: Why he want in so bad? Wow? The glass was thicker.

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Speaker 1: Charles did not realize it was two inch thick bulletproof glass.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, but he did crack it. Never got inside, though,

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Speaker 1: although he did manage to rip off a door handley.

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Speaker 2: Nobody got progress.

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Speaker 1: And he kept at it for three straight hours and

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Speaker 1: apparently no one noticed the whole time.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 1: A little after seven am, a police officer found him

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Speaker 1: next to the doors, passed out from exhaustion. I bet

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Speaker 1: more than a marathon in the door handle still in

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Speaker 1: his hand. Probably, and it wasn't by chance the officer

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Speaker 1: found him there either, because the deputy was reporting for duty,

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Speaker 1: since the random building Charles picked to destroy was in

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Speaker 1: fact a local county jail.

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Speaker 2: Okay, oh my god.

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Speaker 1: He resisted as they loaded him into an ambulance to

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Speaker 1: treat him for minor injuries, and he spit in the

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Speaker 1: medic's face. Okay, now he's facing harassment and burglary related charges.

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Speaker 2: He added harassment onto that. Good for him.

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Speaker 1: On the bright side, though, he's right where he wanted

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Speaker 1: to break into jail.

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Speaker 2: Maybe he heard the food is good.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's good work, Charles. This next laser stories out

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Speaker 1: of the open road. This isn't gonna be good anyway

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Speaker 1: I say it, so I'll just do it quick. A

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Speaker 1: truck hauling forty eight thousand pounds of molasses crashed into

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Speaker 1: a truck loaded with two tons of manure. God, I

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Speaker 1: thought you were gonna say, ran into a white sugar

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Speaker 1: van and they made sugar and salt.

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Speaker 2: Nope, it's much much worse.

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Speaker 1: Happened near Twin Falls, Idaho, last weekend, right next to

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Speaker 1: brooks hometown. Witnesses said the molasses truck plowed into the

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Speaker 1: back of the manure truck. Then the manure truck crashed

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Speaker 1: and caught fire. So not only was it gross and sticky,

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Speaker 1: but now the stuff was burning.

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Speaker 2: No talk about a hot pile. A thousand pounds of

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Speaker 2: syrup spilled.

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Speaker 1: Out onto the highway, sticky, and the road was partially

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Speaker 1: blocked for four and a half hours.

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Speaker 2: You don't imagine the problem they're gonna happen. Can you

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Speaker 2: imagine the smell when you're sitting in your car in traffic?

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Speaker 2: What happened? Then you're also like, well, this is where

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Speaker 2: I live.

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Speaker 1: So Idaho State Police are investigating what caused the crash,

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Speaker 1: calling it the stickiest and stinkiest situation that they have

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Speaker 1: ever dealt with.

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Speaker 2: Whoever had to clean that up pay them more?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you give them like a medal of honor. O.

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Speaker 1: This next Lazer stories out of Awesome Autumn Headquarters is

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Speaker 1: America's love affair with Pumpkin Spice drawing to a close.

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Speaker 2: Ever doesn't feel what, I don't know. I'm kind of

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Speaker 2: over it.

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Speaker 1: Well, I love it still not yet, but it may

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Speaker 1: be in trouble. I say that because even though the

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Speaker 1: first day of fall is still over a month out.

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Speaker 1: An early poll for it found fifty eight percent of

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Speaker 1: Americans think pumpkin spice is not the best fall flavor.

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Speaker 2: What would be there? What tell me who's who's on top?

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Speaker 2: Out of tank life before pumpkin spice? Right now, pumpkins

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Speaker 2: wins only runs fourth overall?

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Speaker 1: Wow, what beat it? Number one was cinnamon Almost forty

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Speaker 1: percent of people said it's one of their favorite fall flavors.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, it is good.

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Speaker 1: Number two salted caramel thirty seven percent of respondence, We're

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Speaker 1: all about it.

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Speaker 2: God, you add that salt to that chocolate.

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Speaker 1: I am in.

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Speaker 2: I am so sold. We're going to smell or flavor here,

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Speaker 2: it's flavor flavor. I can see why. Okay, now over

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Speaker 2: smells now it's different. Next up at number three, candy apple. Okay,

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Speaker 2: I can't fall to happen yet, like I'm not ready.

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Speaker 1: As I mentioned before, Pumpkin spice is fourth, with only

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Speaker 1: thirty two percent saying it's a favorite, followed by maple flavor, s'mores,

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Speaker 1: and pecan.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I love all of them, like a pecan waffle

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Speaker 2: or that sounds so good in wait as a punkin spice? Lawful?

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Speaker 2: I mean some fake pumpkins spices.

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Speaker 1: Last stat, are you more likely to feel sad when

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Speaker 1: summer ends or excited that fall is here? Sad people

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Speaker 1: were almost twice as likely to say they were more

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Speaker 1: excited that fall was starting.

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Speaker 2: I'm excited for Christmas. Oh God, Christmas.

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Speaker 1: Either this nex Sizer stories out of Research Worlds Storing.

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Speaker 1: There's a new study out on the connection between life

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Speaker 1: longevity and facial attractiveness. And I will say it's not

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Speaker 1: exactly great news for some of us.

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Speaker 2: I'm dead, I am I dead right now.

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Speaker 1: They looked at eight thousand yearbook photos from nineteen fifty seven.

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Speaker 2: Yearbook photos are so cringe, right, but nineteen fifty seven

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Speaker 2: those are like classic ones. Oh yeah.

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Speaker 1: And they had independent arbiters rate their attractiveness. Then they

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Speaker 1: went and looked how and when those people passed away

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Speaker 1: or if they're still living Okay, so they'd be in

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Speaker 1: about their eighties right now. And they found that ugly

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Speaker 1: men live nearly a year less on average than men

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Speaker 1: who were considered good looking.

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Speaker 2: Ugly guys die quicker. Yeah, even worse.

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Speaker 1: Unattractive women lived two years less than women who are

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Speaker 1: more blessed than the Looks Department.

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Speaker 2: It is still weird to talk about like grandparents that way, though.

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Speaker 1: You know, well, just think of them as hot young

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Speaker 1: high schoolers.

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Speaker 2: Oh, that makes it better, jeff high schoolers.

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Speaker 1: The study admits that they don't exactly know much about

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Speaker 1: the connection between attractiveness and longevity, but there could be

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Speaker 1: direct scientific and genetic explanations. Also could be societal prejudice

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Speaker 1: or pretty privilege that drawing hearts through your books over

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Speaker 1: hot people might pay off for.

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Speaker 2: Future sciencess save a lot of time. Yeah, her a

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Speaker 2: science degree.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the idea. Attractive people are treated better in

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Speaker 1: day to day life. Pretty privilege and preferential treatment gives

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Speaker 1: them boosts along the way.

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Speaker 2: So there you go. It's official.

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Speaker 1: Pretty people do live longer. And there is one guy

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Speaker 1: who's smiling big about that because he's one hundred and

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Speaker 1: twenty eight in turtle years and he's got four hundred

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Speaker 1: more to go.

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Speaker 2: Baby, you're not gonna make him in the funeral. That

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Speaker 2: sounding lable stories has come to an end of the day.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna do it again, same time on Friday, Brook

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Speaker 2: and Jeffrey in the morning