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Speaker 3: Hello, Hello, Hello, Hi guys, Hey Sydney.
Speaker 2: Hey Marie, Marie, Marie, soy, let's talk about why you're
Speaker 2: so excited.
Speaker 3: I'm not.
Speaker 2: Actually, I'm actually having a rough ass morning. But it's like,
Speaker 2: you gotta fake the funk. You gotta do that. I'm
Speaker 2: an expert in faking it. I'm being fake as my
Speaker 2: titties right now. Oh wow, that's when I'm the.
Speaker 1: Top six of twenty three seconds in that break it in,
Speaker 1: you'll throw the word titties out.
Speaker 3: Wait six seconds in? Do you fake the funk? Always?
Speaker 2: Not all the time, but like half and half. You know,
Speaker 2: we'd be running into people that you're like, I really
Speaker 2: fuck with you, but hey, how you doing?
Speaker 3: You know? Oh my god.
Speaker 1: We were on the train sitting in our particular being
Speaker 1: our loud black cell yes, yes, yes, and this woman
Speaker 1: got on and she had like an interesting offit on.
Speaker 3: That's what you understand.
Speaker 1: She looked like a cat lady met a homeless lady
Speaker 1: and like she just wore their clothes.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 1: And I leaned over to be like you look at
Speaker 1: this crazy and she was like hey, Marie. And I
Speaker 1: was like this woman that I was get ready to
Speaker 1: make fun of him, Mary, And I was like hi,
Speaker 1: and she was like he sid did she say guy
Speaker 1: to you?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: She said, And then I had the devil whear's proud
Speaker 2: of you. I had to whisper, that's so insud and
Speaker 2: we were like.
Speaker 1: Oh, Sydney, devil wears proud as me all the time.
Speaker 2: You said you have to be that friend that whispers
Speaker 2: in the other friend's ear just to let them up.
Speaker 1: They don't talk shit. We know who that person is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had no idea who the person. I mean, I
Speaker 1: know who she is now and the outfit makes sense now.
Speaker 1: But she was trying to talk to us on the train,
Speaker 1: and I was like, you're not going to have these
Speaker 1: white people thinking that we know what we do, but
Speaker 1: we mean we too, but we don't.
Speaker 3: But we did, we do, but we don't.
Speaker 2: It's fine, But yeah, I'm glad that I do that
Speaker 2: for you. You I feel like you've never done that
Speaker 2: for me. I can't remember anybody's name. Yeah, I'll see
Speaker 2: her face, like we had a show the other day together.
Speaker 1: And that guy that was online with the with his
Speaker 1: friend behind us, he looked familiar, but I couldn't place
Speaker 1: his How do we know him?
Speaker 3: That guy? I know.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to place him too. I'm going through my rolodex.
Speaker 2: It mean, so many people, that's what it is.
Speaker 1: Sidney will hug somebody and they'll be like hey, and
Speaker 1: she's like hey, and then I'll walk away and be
Speaker 1: like who was that and She'll be like I don't know.
Speaker 2: So just honestly, just reintroduce yourself every time you see us,
Speaker 2: because literally, I have no brain cells and I can't remember.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not even trying to remember. I don't have
Speaker 1: the capacity to care.
Speaker 3: Uh, Sidney, what were you an expert in this week? Ooh?
Speaker 3: You know how?
Speaker 2: We had somebody on the We had the cool mom expert,
Speaker 2: and you know how she was like, oh, you want
Speaker 2: to get your teeth done?
Speaker 3: Da da da da.
Speaker 1: I took her up on her offer. I'm the expert
Speaker 1: in No, don't be da da da da. Don't be
Speaker 1: rushing through. We need those details. What's the da da
Speaker 1: da da dada?
Speaker 2: The cool expert? Remember cool the cool mom expert. She said,
Speaker 2: my husband is a dentist. He can fix your teeth.
Speaker 2: And at first I was.
Speaker 3: Like, no, no, no, no, remind the kids what why your
Speaker 3: teeth needed to be fixed? One of Sydney's teeth.
Speaker 1: Fellow, Wow, Marie, isn't that what we talked about on
Speaker 1: the EPID? I think I talked about it, well, you
Speaker 1: could cut that out, but a whole piece of a
Speaker 1: tooth filler, a chunk of dom't film, No, the.
Speaker 3: Whole fucking tooth.
Speaker 2: What happened was I was flossing, and uh, I was
Speaker 2: flossing in front of my cat, and the tooth got
Speaker 2: got stuck on the floss and I just yanked it
Speaker 2: a little bit and then the tooth came out, and
Speaker 2: then the cat was like.
Speaker 1: Mar I was like, god damn, and the cat packed
Speaker 1: his bag.
Speaker 3: It's like, you're losing your teeth. I gotta guns. I'm
Speaker 3: getting Yeah.
Speaker 2: So I went and I got half of my mouth done,
Speaker 2: and I had to go back on Monday, and it
Speaker 2: was yeah, because you Sidney kept sending me pictures of
Speaker 2: her gross teeth. It was pretty nasty. But people take
Speaker 2: care of your teeth, like, don't drink red Bull floss.
Speaker 2: You got floss flows. We're not Sydney, because the flosses
Speaker 2: was your tooth's downfall. So I mean, that's what literally
Speaker 2: broke the camel's tooth. I guess back back your ba
Speaker 2: camel's back. He let on his teeth and all teeth fellow,
Speaker 2: but you, he said, like a lot of people don't floss.
Speaker 2: That's like where a lot of the decay come from,
Speaker 2: like your food getting stuck in between your teeth. So
Speaker 2: people either don't floss or they don't brush properly. So
Speaker 2: take care of your teeth people.
Speaker 3: But watch when I have my TV teeth.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'll be blocking all of y'all. I'm gonna be
Speaker 2: unfollowing people. I'm gonna be brand new.
Speaker 1: When you get your TV teeth, can you make sure
Speaker 1: you get them in like a size medium. I feel
Speaker 1: like everybody in Hollywood when they get their new teeth,
Speaker 1: they're an extra large.
Speaker 2: They don't come in a smaller size. Ah, you know,
Speaker 2: and it's crazy because the camera adds ten pounds. So
Speaker 2: if you got these big ass chick lits, they look
Speaker 2: even bigger.
Speaker 1: They look like they look like, uh uh, what are
Speaker 1: those things called?
Speaker 3: They look like iPads.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the teeth are too big and too white, like
Speaker 1: Cardi B got her teeth fixed, and it's like they're
Speaker 1: all the same length, you know what I'm talking about,
Speaker 1: Like it looks like she's wearing like a mouthguard.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta stain them a little bit, you got to.
Speaker 1: No, that's not what I'm saying if you get in
Speaker 1: new teeth, they need to be white. They need you
Speaker 1: don't want to get an extra fresh out the box.
Speaker 1: You don't have the new teeth smell. You don't want
Speaker 1: to alabaster tooth sis.
Speaker 3: Listen.
Speaker 2: I just it's too much.
Speaker 3: It's all too much, Okay, Marie, what were your expert in?
Speaker 1: So my roommate moved out this past weekend, and so you.
Speaker 2: Went butt naked in her overall and talked all night.
Speaker 2: I have I have a room now with which to
Speaker 2: shoot self tapes.
Speaker 1: I'm opening a studio online because I need somebody to
Speaker 1: pay that n So this week I was an expert
Speaker 1: in living like a person who can afford to live
Speaker 1: by myself.
Speaker 3: Just for a week, just for like a cool week,
Speaker 3: you know. So what do you do? So what would
Speaker 3: you do if you lived alone?
Speaker 1: If I lived alone, I would come in at whatever
Speaker 1: time at night and not gently close the door, but
Speaker 1: like let us slam even slam a door, and then
Speaker 1: be like, so you slam it. Make kick my shoes off, literally,
Speaker 1: like not bend down and take them off, but like
Speaker 1: kick them across the room and then start stripping immediately,
Speaker 1: like jacket pants, shirt, bra, panties on the couch, the
Speaker 1: couch that you know we used to do our podcast on. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm listening to music and like embarrassing songs, like songs
Speaker 1: that you don't want people to know you listen to,
Speaker 1: like like like Disney soundtrack songs like like Mari, are you.
Speaker 3: Listening to a Whole New World again?
Speaker 1: Last night I got high and listened to One Sweet
Speaker 1: Day like Legit nineteen times.
Speaker 3: Wow, it's a really good song.
Speaker 2: I love the score on Up Up the movie. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the pixel score like like when I don't know, showing
Speaker 2: you the compilation of like him meeting his wife and
Speaker 2: then she dying.
Speaker 3: You know about that sad scene, sad song. That's my shit, y'o.
Speaker 2: I will just turn it on in ball just think
Speaker 2: about how does the song go? Like I don't know
Speaker 2: the song I remember, but I'm because I'm I'm happy
Speaker 2: right now, but when I'm depressed, I know it from
Speaker 2: like top to bottom.
Speaker 3: Yeah, did y'all see Up? It's a sadass movie?
Speaker 1: It is anyway? Uh once we day on a loop
Speaker 1: all night last night.
Speaker 2: Did you play Patty Cake with your mouse?
Speaker 1: No, Sydney, the mouse is dead. I haven't seen that
Speaker 1: mouse in like two months. I'm sure he died.
Speaker 2: Maybe he went off of AK maybe he went to Hawaii.
Speaker 3: Good, he can stay there.
Speaker 2: And then I've had people coming in to see the apartment.
Speaker 3: So you know, I've been playing the uh.
Speaker 2: Yeah you know, I don't let dishes sit in the sink,
Speaker 2: and yeah, you know I'll.
Speaker 3: Work too, but I have a job.
Speaker 1: But do you know, Okay, my job is comedy and
Speaker 1: that's at nighttime.
Speaker 3: But I need somebody who's gonna move in, who's not
Speaker 3: gonna be there during the day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what's here? Can you list like the things you want.
Speaker 1: My apartments in a roommate. I need you to have
Speaker 1: a full time job. I need you to work like
Speaker 1: a nine to seven yay, Like you got a job
Speaker 1: that you're supposed to be out at six, but you
Speaker 1: stay till seven.
Speaker 3: Okay. I need you to have a man that you
Speaker 3: go visit on the weekends. I don't want you.
Speaker 1: I don't want to see you Friday through Sunday. Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: I need you to have some type of cooking skill.
Speaker 1: I need you to I need you to milk pep
Speaker 1: and share right, meal prep and share. I need you
Speaker 1: to know how to clean a bathroom because for some reason,
Speaker 1: that's something that people don't know how to do.
Speaker 2: No, No, what's your favorite product to clean the tubin?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 2: I put a little bit of ajax and then I
Speaker 2: hit the sponge with so good, with some fabulosa. When
Speaker 2: I used to clean, when I used to and I
Speaker 2: used to clean, and I used to clean anyway, Yeah, do.
Speaker 3: White people use fabuloso? Is that a thing that y'all use?
Speaker 3: Do y'all know what that is?
Speaker 2: Well, y'all go to the bodegas, so y'all might know
Speaker 2: what fabuloso.
Speaker 1: I feel like white people will use a light salt
Speaker 1: wipe for anything, for the bathtub, for anything, toilet like.
Speaker 3: I feel like.
Speaker 1: They'll just pull out a wipe and then like hit
Speaker 1: and hate it real quick. I missed the clean magic eraser.
Speaker 1: And then you're like, you didn't scrub anything.
Speaker 3: No, okay, we have we have the gas is shaking
Speaker 3: here today.
Speaker 1: We won't ask her these questions. But anyway, that's what
Speaker 1: I was an expert in.
Speaker 3: This week. I feel like I'm killing it. Did you
Speaker 3: find did you find the roommate?
Speaker 2: Sure didn't. We got to get your roommate because you
Speaker 2: can't pay that run by yourself.
Speaker 3: I don't want to. And if, say, for instan you.
Speaker 2: Don't find a roommate, we're starting to go fund me.
Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, I've seen people start these go fund means
Speaker 2: where I'm like, you should be fucking embarrassed.
Speaker 3: You should be ashamed, Like, just get another job.
Speaker 1: Somebody posted something online the other day and she was
Speaker 1: like she posted screenshots of hers checking and savings balance
Speaker 1: and it was like sixty nine cents and fifty three cents.
Speaker 2: I know, but that's where we are. That's where we
Speaker 2: are in social media. It's like be honest, be brave,
Speaker 2: be bold, like tell your story now, I'm all for it.
Speaker 3: I'm for it.
Speaker 2: But then there's like, we gotta draw a line.
Speaker 1: Your story should be a lie, like I should not
Speaker 1: know that you ain't. I shouldn't know that you have
Speaker 1: a dollar and twenty six cents to your name.
Speaker 2: Listen, City Bank closed my account so honestly closed.
Speaker 3: It was like we're done, We're done with you. They
Speaker 3: broke up with me.
Speaker 2: City Banks said we're no longer interested in being your bank.
Speaker 2: They consciously uncoupled. So now I'll just be hanging out
Speaker 2: the check cashing places they know me by first name.
Speaker 1: Is Yeah, they're like, shouldn't he should the check catching
Speaker 1: blaze the check that's crazy speaking of somebody who doesn't
Speaker 1: use kept check cashing places.
Speaker 2: Our guest is quite phenomenal. She has a half hour
Speaker 2: on Netflix. Yes, she's all over town. She's in Comedy Central,
Speaker 2: she's in movies. She just got married, let's talk about that. Yes,
Speaker 2: she is the expert in hotelling because she is a traveler.
Speaker 3: Give it up for Rachel Finestein. Thank you guys. I
Speaker 3: love it here. I love this realm.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I like all the books. I want to just deposit
Speaker 4: them into my dumb head. I don't want to take
Speaker 4: the time to but I want all the information.
Speaker 2: We do have a library. Actually, both these books from
Speaker 2: my house.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm very impressed with It is true about wipes.
Speaker 4: I use wipe for everything. You clean your bathte I'll
Speaker 4: wipe it that I'm worthless.
Speaker 3: Let me begin there.
Speaker 4: No, I'm just saying like in terms of I'm slovenly girl,
Speaker 4: you know. And that's what it said next to my
Speaker 4: Bubble profile when I was just I'm a slovenly girl.
Speaker 2: I'm like your hands that you're not doing no manual
Speaker 2: labor you have some really nice hands and manicure as
Speaker 2: fresh as fuck.
Speaker 3: Did you just get it?
Speaker 2: No, that manicure is a month old.
Speaker 3: No that.
Speaker 2: She does her nailsteak.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you have really nice hands. Let me,
Speaker 3: oh my god. Things I always feel like they they're
Speaker 3: kind of wrinkling.
Speaker 2: These are definitely like I'm married and I'm not doing
Speaker 2: anything today.
Speaker 1: So we just had a wedding expert on the show
Speaker 1: You Got Married when.
Speaker 3: A month ago?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: How's it good?
Speaker 4: It was pretty fun. I mean I know nothing about weddings.
Speaker 4: I wait, can I curse? Yes, I'm not. I've never
Speaker 4: been like one of those wedding twats that like imagined
Speaker 4: her day, Like I have no idea, but I could.
Speaker 4: I could give a shit about a flower or anything.
Speaker 4: So we would go to the meetings, like these pre
Speaker 4: wedding meetings, and they would ask me these questions and
Speaker 4: I never even heard of the question like this whole
Speaker 4: tel is like she was like, what do you want
Speaker 4: to do for your first look picture?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, what is that? And she explained that.
Speaker 4: Before you they all had that voice too, just that
Speaker 4: voice of that girl, like beep beep, she knew everything.
Speaker 4: She ever and how it was supposed to be done,
Speaker 4: and I'm not a woman in that way, Like I
Speaker 4: don't know any of that.
Speaker 2: Like she saw you immediately and turn into a BFF.
Speaker 2: She likes she knew you for Oh my god, So
Speaker 2: what do you want your first look?
Speaker 3: What does that mean?
Speaker 4: She said that before the ceremony, they do this thing
Speaker 4: where they take pictures of the bride and groom and
Speaker 4: they slowly turn the bride around for the groom to
Speaker 4: like behold her for the first time, and then they
Speaker 4: take pictures of that moment of him looking at her
Speaker 4: for the first time. I was, I was, I was
Speaker 4: crying laughing. I told him, I was like, when they
Speaker 4: turned me around, you should just like look at me
Speaker 4: like I'm a bad omen.
Speaker 3: Just be like nothing.
Speaker 1: I didn't know that the bride and the groom saw
Speaker 1: each other before the ceremony.
Speaker 4: Now that like some photographers, I guess do this. I
Speaker 4: mean I didn't do it. It was too dumb for words,
Speaker 4: but they do it. They try to like turn you
Speaker 4: around and then they like are supposed to capture the
Speaker 4: man's I guess. I told him, I was like, you
Speaker 4: should just like spit in a napkin or something Oh god,
Speaker 4: just do you have any different options or something?
Speaker 2: That is so rude because it's just like, well, what
Speaker 2: do you do? You know if I have money for
Speaker 2: his first look, I got money for just the first
Speaker 2: and last together. Can we This is ruining weddings for me.
Speaker 1: I thought the first look was when the door's open
Speaker 1: and see it, and that's how.
Speaker 3: We did it. I was like, I can't do that nonsense,
Speaker 3: that's fool.
Speaker 2: Just zoom into his face at the altar, get him there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like I want to not act in a
Speaker 3: fool like that.
Speaker 4: And then they asked me, they said, or she was like, so,
Speaker 4: what's your color story for the wedding?
Speaker 3: And I was like, what's a color story? I'm like,
Speaker 3: I don't know if they have yeager like, I don't
Speaker 3: have any questions. I'm black.
Speaker 4: Other She's like, she's like, what colors make you happy?
Speaker 4: And I'm like, I've never seen a color and it's
Speaker 4: turned my day around. How dumb do you have to
Speaker 4: be that you're having like a ship day and then
Speaker 4: you just see periwinkle blue and start skipping like my
Speaker 4: problems need I need like a cocktail of alcohol and compliments?
Speaker 4: You know what I mean like it's it's not like
Speaker 4: I'm going to see a flash of yellow and just
Speaker 4: start skipping.
Speaker 2: They all right, they need to have your story, Rachel.
Speaker 2: Like we always see these wedding movies and it just
Speaker 2: is like dramatic. It's a Lifetime channel. It's like we
Speaker 2: need the real deal, like people who just don't give
Speaker 2: a fuck.
Speaker 3: It's like, that's how we did it.
Speaker 4: We had comics, Maria, so it was like Colin Quinn
Speaker 4: in this comic Tom Pop. But he's my husband is
Speaker 4: a fireman. So it's a bunch of comedy. Okay, go ahead.
Speaker 4: It was a real it was a real ship show. Yeah,
Speaker 4: Like it was just a bunch of firemen in comics.
Speaker 4: And we had a pinata I wanted.
Speaker 1: To it was the color story for the pinata.
Speaker 3: It was just a big fire hat and a microphone
Speaker 3: and I just filled it with like.
Speaker 4: Airport sized liquors and like Lucky Seven's and stuff like that.
Speaker 3: Oh nice. It was pretty satisfying.
Speaker 2: So wait, this was at the wedding. This was not
Speaker 2: at the bacherette.
Speaker 4: No, we had a bachelor bachelrett party that Hotel tonight
Speaker 4: through for us. That's this app that I that I
Speaker 4: am doing a campaign for where you can buy the
Speaker 4: hotel that night you can, which is how I plan
Speaker 4: things in my life. Is that evening something occurs to
Speaker 4: me and I'm on the road so much so I
Speaker 4: just sort of hurled my body and then I wake
Speaker 4: up and I'm in Nashville, and I'm like, yes.
Speaker 2: That's why you're a hotelling expert.
Speaker 3: You keep saying it like you're like, it's a hotelling
Speaker 3: the hotel a hotelling experts put tell us how the
Speaker 3: speak youre truth though, I.
Speaker 4: Just hurl my body to different places and different people
Speaker 4: pick me up. And you know, I love being in
Speaker 4: hotels because I'm not clean, and I like it that
Speaker 4: I just get to lay there and be an animal.
Speaker 1: And when you go to hotels, like for me, I
Speaker 1: don't want anybody to come into the room if I'm
Speaker 1: in the room, so I leave the do not disturb
Speaker 1: thing on the door.
Speaker 2: You do from when I get there till the time.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't want them coming in to steal
Speaker 1: my my Marshal's where.
Speaker 2: My consignment clothes.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just I leave that up there because I don't
Speaker 1: want them to come in and like move my stuff.
Speaker 4: I don't mind them taking because they always do it
Speaker 4: better than I do, you know, Like they always make
Speaker 4: my shirt look better. I don't mind them takering with
Speaker 4: my filing's basement pile.
Speaker 2: If you're there for a couple of days though, like
Speaker 2: that ship piles up, and like if you wait to
Speaker 2: the end and they come in, it's like you're on animal,
Speaker 2: like you're really.
Speaker 3: Yes, but I'm not there.
Speaker 1: They won't see me, right, they can think that I'm
Speaker 1: an animal, but I've already checked out.
Speaker 4: I'm laying there like eating macaroni and cheese in the room,
Speaker 4: and I won't find a fork, so I'll use a
Speaker 4: coffee filter instead.
Speaker 3: That's because I'm listen ladies.
Speaker 2: Man, Okay, so you over here using your tensils and ship,
Speaker 2: you could use you a coffee filter.
Speaker 3: And get you tensils and you and got no man
Speaker 3: coffee filter.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Husband.
Speaker 4: The first time I spent the night at his house,
Speaker 4: I was like our first date we went on. I
Speaker 4: was like I went over there and I was like, uh,
Speaker 4: we can just cuddle and make out. I gave him
Speaker 4: my like rules for my Mormon sleepover or whatever, and
Speaker 4: he was very nice about it. And then in the
Speaker 4: morning I was about to leave, and uh, but you
Speaker 4: know when you're like, I'm looking around his apartment.
Speaker 3: Like, am I ever going to see this? Motherfucker? I'm
Speaker 3: looking at this pictures just expecting as you go through
Speaker 3: the cabinets in the bathroom or I did I opened
Speaker 3: that for like that? Yeah you gotta do that. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it was pretty standard man stuff. Where does he live?
Speaker 2: He was a great Now I live there, and okay,
Speaker 2: so he's got a nice part of Brooklyn.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 4: He was like I'm looking through those things just look,
Speaker 4: I mean looking at his pictures and I'm just like,
Speaker 4: where do I fit into this life?
Speaker 3: And then he walks out and he's like, oh, did
Speaker 3: you forget this? And I was trying to be.
Speaker 4: All, you know, cute and whatever, and uh, what he
Speaker 4: brought me was the longest goodwill receipt like you've ever seen,
Speaker 4: Like it was like a.
Speaker 3: Novella by Goodwill Way.
Speaker 4: And then stuck to the receipt was like a lollipop stick,
Speaker 4: like I'd eat a lot of stuck on a receipt
Speaker 4: such a princess, and then some nylon like pantyhose.
Speaker 3: I don't even usually wear pantyhose. I think I wore n
Speaker 3: for an.
Speaker 4: Audition or something like that, and it took the most
Speaker 4: disgusting cocktail of items.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: I'm just sitting there like babe, like trying to pretend
Speaker 4: like I'm the cleanest, loveliest girl, and it just brings
Speaker 4: me this sloven pile.
Speaker 3: How did that fall out?
Speaker 4: I guess it just fell out of my dumb sack.
Speaker 4: I always have a two big bag. Like if you
Speaker 4: look at you to the bottom of my bag, it's
Speaker 4: it's dis great. Yeah, my keys are usually in some
Speaker 4: peanut butter or something.
Speaker 3: You know. I guess I'm a wife now, but nobody
Speaker 3: respects so a mother. That's a thing, you know.
Speaker 4: I remember watching this, like this documentary about Princess Diana,
Speaker 4: and like the paparazzi was like hounding her, and she
Speaker 4: was like, as a mother, I just like a.
Speaker 3: Bit of privacy.
Speaker 4: I'm sure you can understand, Like I love the please
Speaker 4: just a bit of privacy with my children. And I'm like,
Speaker 4: I just want to start a sentence like that. But
Speaker 4: nobody cares about as a wife. You can't be as
Speaker 4: a wife.
Speaker 2: Like do you have kids? Yeah, And but the thing
Speaker 2: about your bag, it's it's that's what we do. We
Speaker 2: have overnight back, so you never know. You could be
Speaker 2: going to one gig to another gig and then all
Speaker 2: of a sudden her friend is like, girl, there's an
Speaker 2: after party and like at will Smith's house. Are you ready? Yeah, girl,
Speaker 2: I got an evening gown in my Duffel bag.
Speaker 3: Like you have a change of class. I have a change.
Speaker 1: Sidney texts me last night, like the after party for
Speaker 1: such and such is tonight. I'm going to try to
Speaker 1: get us in and I was like, I'm not dressed,
Speaker 1: makeup on, my hair was to the side.
Speaker 3: I was like, you know, what did you go?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: I couldn't get in. I can't get in. I was like, damn.
Speaker 3: I was thirsty too. I was like, hey, where are
Speaker 3: you at?
Speaker 2: You know when somebody text you like last minute, like
Speaker 2: where are you it's like, oh, you want something right
Speaker 2: or you're already outside.
Speaker 4: It's always a tricky text yeah, because you was like,
Speaker 4: I do I want to be where you want me
Speaker 4: to be?
Speaker 3: Here? Yeah? I was at home? All cool, I'm outside
Speaker 3: like I'm at my dad's house. Oh home. Oh, I'm
Speaker 3: at the precinct right now.
Speaker 1: I know I'm at the club home, club home. Okay,
Speaker 1: so how long did you and this guy date for
Speaker 1: before you got real comfortable?
Speaker 4: We dated by a year, and I remember when I
Speaker 4: was about to leave the place, when his apartment, that
Speaker 4: first night of our cuddling sleepover, I.
Speaker 3: Said the dumbest thing, like I turn around, I go,
Speaker 3: next time, I'll wear better panties. And I'm like, why
Speaker 3: did I just say that?
Speaker 4: It's not a sexy They weren't that bad. They weren't
Speaker 4: like some grandma shit. I shouldn't even called attention.
Speaker 3: They weren't like the planned panties like when you're gonna
Speaker 3: go to nd CD. Yeah, they weren't.
Speaker 4: But I'm like, why did I even say that. It
Speaker 4: doesn't sound like a sexy sentence.
Speaker 2: It was just came out all awkward, and I'm holding
Speaker 2: my good will receipts and I'm.
Speaker 3: Like, next time, all wear better panties, and he goes.
Speaker 4: I remember, he's like the thickest New York accent. His
Speaker 4: mom's Columbian, but he grew and he grew up like
Speaker 4: deep Brooklyn. You know, nobody's got this thick New York accent.
Speaker 3: So he's like something to look forward.
Speaker 2: So that's hot now that's sexy something to look forward that.
Speaker 3: It was pretty cute.
Speaker 2: I'm so I now like half my life is spent
Speaker 2: in firehouses. I'm so attracted to all of them. They're
Speaker 2: all like there's a there. A lot of them are
Speaker 2: like aggressively hot.
Speaker 3: It's confusing.
Speaker 1: Okay, well go ahead. And it's introduced me to somebody's
Speaker 1: fireman after this buck.
Speaker 3: And she doesn't have a roommate, so she has like
Speaker 3: a whole.
Speaker 4: Room firement party because sometimes they have party. That's how
Speaker 4: we met. My friend brought me to this fireman party
Speaker 4: and it was like an fdn Y Christmas party. She's
Speaker 4: a comedian, she's married to retired fireman and he they
Speaker 4: all get up on the bar.
Speaker 3: They're giving speeches.
Speaker 4: I was talking about this in my Netflix special because
Speaker 4: they all have the same voice.
Speaker 3: They all talk like this, like I love you. It's
Speaker 3: a brotherhood. We're not just friends, but we're here for
Speaker 3: each other.
Speaker 4: It sounds like a thread, beautiful, like why am I
Speaker 4: in trouble? Why do I feel like I'm under arrest
Speaker 4: for some reason? Every speech is like that, like it's
Speaker 4: exactly It's like fd and Y Foyer feitas. It sounds
Speaker 4: pretty foyasyus.
Speaker 2: It's almost like Foyer for you.
Speaker 4: But they're kind of like comics in it, Like they
Speaker 4: just they work a couple of days a week. They
Speaker 4: have these weird you know, like like hours and lives,
Speaker 4: and everybody kind of doesn't really understand what they do
Speaker 4: and asks the same sorts of questions about it.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, because honestly, I feel we should just talk
Speaker 1: about fireman because I know nothing about them. But I
Speaker 1: see the the trucks all the time, and it's like,
Speaker 1: there's not a fire all the time, Like, where are
Speaker 1: the trucks going.
Speaker 4: Well, they go to they go to uh basically, these
Speaker 4: are their biggest calls. They go to people think that
Speaker 4: they smell gas in their building and usually it's nothing,
Speaker 4: and but they're odor of the get these calls all
Speaker 4: the time.
Speaker 3: And then a bunch of fire come in and some guy's.
Speaker 4: Embarrassed, like in front of his wife and she's talking
Speaker 4: to him, you know, and then they walk out and
Speaker 4: I was like, do you laugh at people when you leave?
Speaker 3: He's like, oh, yeah, hold up, but it's better to
Speaker 3: be safe than sorry.
Speaker 2: If you smell gas, you definitely have to hit somebody up.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they got they do that. Yeah, a lot of
Speaker 4: their calls are definitely that. And then they get some
Speaker 4: stuck at a lot of stuck elevators.
Speaker 2: I'll come home again. Two stuck elevators, one cool, I
Speaker 2: guess one over. It gains a dry dry fires happened
Speaker 2: because of the lint. They people leave the lint and
Speaker 2: the dryers dryer fire.
Speaker 3: I was like, what is she saying.
Speaker 4: He's like one dry fire, try fire fire, and so
Speaker 4: they go to Yeah, a lot of it's that.
Speaker 1: And imagine you wash your clothes, you separate the colors,
Speaker 1: you throw them in the dryer, and you come down
Speaker 1: and you'll close.
Speaker 3: Her a fire.
Speaker 1: That's fucking nuts. My filings basement ship is one of
Speaker 1: a kind. My rayon polyester blend. I mean, they should
Speaker 1: all be on fire.
Speaker 3: They should. They should be.
Speaker 2: I would be stressed out about that.
Speaker 4: They do building inspections. You see him for that. They
Speaker 4: love to go to the grocery store. They're always at
Speaker 4: the grocery store.
Speaker 3: They sit around and eat too. They're like comics.
Speaker 4: They sit around and eat until somebody asks them to,
Speaker 4: you know, go on stage or whatever.
Speaker 3: You know. They they do a lot of sitting around
Speaker 3: talking shit too. So he understands you. He understands your
Speaker 3: life because there it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're gone a lot. How much do you travel?
Speaker 3: I travel a lot. And he's been coming with me
Speaker 3: everywhere so he can.
Speaker 2: Go way comes down the road all the time.
Speaker 3: He's like, where we going next, babe. And then and
Speaker 3: then he'll get he'll lay on.
Speaker 4: The bed with his app. He's got an app for
Speaker 4: the fires. And here's the other thing about fireman. They
Speaker 4: love the fires. They get upset when they miss a fire,
Speaker 4: to be like, look at this baby, beautiful job up.
Speaker 2: Ten seventy five, bright and dwelling fire on all floors.
Speaker 3: Look at that. The guys are probably going through the
Speaker 3: front right now. They're lowering the hydrots, getting the bunch
Speaker 3: sweaty on the rig. What's the fire app?
Speaker 4: It's like, I can't remember what it's called, but it's
Speaker 4: some FD and Y app where they see all the
Speaker 4: latest fires.
Speaker 2: And it's like CNN, but there's for five pictures for fires.
Speaker 3: There's just say which jobs.
Speaker 4: And he always speaks to me like I understand all
Speaker 4: these military codes.
Speaker 3: He's like, oh, these boys are going to work.
Speaker 4: It's not it's not ten twenty one, it's a ten
Speaker 4: seventy five lowering the rigs right now with the nidrids,
Speaker 4: he got the probe's outside.
Speaker 3: I'm like, am I the first.
Speaker 2: Ten seventy five is a fire is like a healthy
Speaker 2: jeb like, you know, like a second alarm, Like these
Speaker 2: boys are going to work second alarm.
Speaker 3: The boys.
Speaker 2: So when you say the boys, that means everybody that's
Speaker 2: on a truck truck.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean they have certain they all have different posts.
Speaker 3: He's a captain now, so.
Speaker 4: So he'll send some of his guys in this way
Speaker 4: or that way, and they all have different ways of
Speaker 4: attacking the fire. After when we first like had sex, afterwards,
Speaker 4: I always act like he had a show called behind
Speaker 4: the Fire.
Speaker 3: In the Fuego, Oh my interview to Bete, I'm gonna
Speaker 3: take you behind the fire.
Speaker 4: And then I always acted like he had this show
Speaker 4: where he only had a T shirt on and no boxers,
Speaker 4: like I know my balls and diggera right now, but
Speaker 4: I'm going to take you. But we're not talking about that.
Speaker 4: We're talking about what happens behind them. He's like, nothing
Speaker 4: happens behind that makes no.
Speaker 2: Sense, Rachel, How does he even take you serious?
Speaker 3: He can't I put his captain's hat on all the time.
Speaker 3: As soon as I come home, I put it on
Speaker 3: my hat. I'm like, respect the rank. Please.
Speaker 2: I feel like after y'all have sex, you bloop him,
Speaker 2: you bloop him on.
Speaker 3: A nose like you I do.
Speaker 4: I have a change on him. I'm an idiot. I
Speaker 4: have a complete fool.
Speaker 3: I love it and we have some good fun. I'm
Speaker 3: here from all of it.
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Speaker 3: Eh for you.
Speaker 1: So he goes on the road with you, and you
Speaker 1: travel a lot.
Speaker 3: How many weeks out of the year would you say
Speaker 3: that you're on the road. I'm probably saying right now.
Speaker 4: I saw it down a little bit, so I'm like,
Speaker 4: away like two weekends a year. But he, you know,
Speaker 4: he works a couple of days in a row overnights.
Speaker 4: They call him twenty fours at the firehouse. So they'll
Speaker 4: he'll work a couple of twenty fours and then and
Speaker 4: then I'm like, you want to go to Nashville this
Speaker 4: weekend or whatever, and so he'll get a ticket and
Speaker 4: he likes to come along.
Speaker 3: He'll like to hang with the comics, and you know,
Speaker 3: usually comedians like they don't care for a boyfriend.
Speaker 2: That's what I was going to ask I'm like men,
Speaker 2: male comics, they bring their wives, their girlfriends, whatever, and
Speaker 2: it's fine, everybody accept it. But if you're a woman
Speaker 2: and you're you're a man, it's like, wait, why why
Speaker 2: would you do that. It's not like people are throwing
Speaker 2: dick at you anyway after a show, so it's like,
Speaker 2: why not bring it?
Speaker 4: But they usually people don't want that guy anywhere around,
Speaker 4: you know, like at the table, the cellar, they're like,
Speaker 4: beat it, we don't hear his dumb story. Yeah, but
Speaker 4: I do feel like you can kind of people like
Speaker 4: fireman people.
Speaker 3: So he's so different. He's not trying to be funny
Speaker 3: at all.
Speaker 1: He just kind of gets a kick out of it
Speaker 1: all naturally funny because we're like laughing and everything.
Speaker 3: He's said. Yeah, he's like he's hot, he's pretty cute.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so and it's like, but he's not this,
Speaker 4: he's it's so different. So I think people have like
Speaker 4: a general kind of interest in it, you know. And
Speaker 4: he doesn't have a headshot. He's not trying to be
Speaker 4: part of our world.
Speaker 2: So that's what you do for now, like in the beginning,
Speaker 2: you never know, like three years down the road, he's
Speaker 2: got this fucking yohistic because you've got a notebook and
Speaker 2: you're like, wait, are you going to open mics? Well,
Speaker 2: I'm turning the house until open mic. The boys are
Speaker 2: gonna come home.
Speaker 3: Boys. He loves to.
Speaker 4: Tease me because he knows that's my worst nightmare that
Speaker 4: he would ever want to do stand up. He's like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I got it, type five, type five. Think it's good,
Speaker 4: said directly, the comedy said, do you a comedy? Saidral
Speaker 4: But no, he has, thank god, no intentions. But when
Speaker 4: he came out for the taping of the Netflix special,
Speaker 4: he had never been to la before, and he had
Speaker 4: no he never been like on a set. So he
Speaker 4: just wanders up to the director of the special and
Speaker 4: you know, after the special, you they tape you like walking,
Speaker 4: they tape your entrance. You'll be walking all the way
Speaker 4: through the crowd. It's like that awkward moment where you're like,
Speaker 4: what is my arm always done?
Speaker 2: When it's we They don't do it before, try to
Speaker 2: do it after they do it after.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they tape that do that.
Speaker 4: I guess I'm not really sure, but I guess like
Speaker 4: it's just like a separate shoot. So they want to
Speaker 4: get the special in the bank first, or whatever the
Speaker 4: term is, and then they want to get all those
Speaker 4: little extra moments, and so they have you walking from
Speaker 4: outside of the theater all the way and through people,
Speaker 4: and it's just one of those long walks that feel
Speaker 4: so dumb and awkward as this camera is following you. Like,
Speaker 4: I just felt like there's no way to do this naturally,
Speaker 4: and like, what's my elbow been doing?
Speaker 3: It looks kind of cool when it's in the final product.
Speaker 3: Watch it.
Speaker 2: I always like it too makes sense.
Speaker 4: But it was funny because he was watching it and
Speaker 4: he's like, he goes, I don't think you should do that.
Speaker 3: You know, he goes, he already did this special. It's
Speaker 3: a it shouldn't have be done. I was like, you
Speaker 3: have no information to offer anyone, and then they tell you.
Speaker 4: And then he walks up to the director and I
Speaker 4: watched him. He's usually just eating chips. I'm always wondering
Speaker 4: when I'm on the set. I'm like, is he like
Speaker 4: intrigued b is he looking over like her? No, she's
Speaker 4: usually just eating chips, kind of looking at it around
Speaker 4: at the wall.
Speaker 3: I'm like, is he looking up at me like her life?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 4: He's usually yeah, just eating some sort of doritos, and
Speaker 4: he just walks up to this guy, the.
Speaker 3: Director of the special, and he's like, I don't think you.
Speaker 4: Should have to do that because you know, like she
Speaker 4: already did this special, right, And then she does that
Speaker 4: long walk after she looks tired.
Speaker 2: You should just let it looks tired, said she's exhausted
Speaker 2: because I think she's done.
Speaker 3: And I was like, Pete, no, you can't. That guy,
Speaker 3: you have no information for that. He could possibly drinking. No,
Speaker 3: he wasn't. He was just was just a man, never
Speaker 3: been on a set. He doesn't know.
Speaker 4: But the best thing about fireman is I was like,
Speaker 4: I'm so sorry. I was like, he doesn't like now.
Speaker 4: I was like, he's a fireman. The guy's like, thank
Speaker 4: you for your service, Like right away. They always have
Speaker 4: a bunch of questions for your service.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Rachel, we're gonna have to go back and do
Speaker 2: it again.
Speaker 3: We're gonna run it one more time. Yeah, he was.
Speaker 4: Then he just wanted to ask him all these questions
Speaker 4: about being a fireman. So it's a perfect excuse when
Speaker 4: he's a fool.
Speaker 2: That's good for you that you were able to do both,
Speaker 2: you know, get you a man. That's also like cool,
Speaker 2: like people like firefighters.
Speaker 3: It's fun.
Speaker 4: When I'm on a plane, I'll tell everybody like I
Speaker 4: try to use it to get free stuff.
Speaker 3: He's always shaking. Husband's a firefighter.
Speaker 4: I'm like, don't you have like first responder upgrade. They're like,
Speaker 4: that's not.
Speaker 3: You know, do what you gotta do to get what
Speaker 3: you can get to. They'll be like, bring the beverage
Speaker 3: card down.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'll have a ginger. He's a fireman. He's
Speaker 4: always like, that's not useful right now, but I like and.
Speaker 3: Then they're like, thank you, keep a yes, sire, and
Speaker 3: they give him like a little a little little gin.
Speaker 2: They send him an extra bag of chip. They're like,
Speaker 2: this is on us, and You're like, but they're free. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's it was nine hundred dollars. Gives me all the chips.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll use it. I'll use it.
Speaker 2: I'm a firewife now I'm telling everyone a firewife. Rachel,
Speaker 2: tell me tell me about some of these hotels you've.
Speaker 3: Been in it.
Speaker 2: What's your least favorite hotels stay?
Speaker 4: I hate to do you like this Howard Johnson's, but
Speaker 4: I've had some tougher Howard Johnson.
Speaker 3: It sounds like it's in like, uh, like Florida. Somewhere
Speaker 3: is Howard Johnson. I think I did stay in Howard
Speaker 3: Johnson's It was Tampa, I believe. Okay.
Speaker 4: When I started stand up, I would stay in hotels
Speaker 4: where I mean like I would go on orbits at
Speaker 4: the time, and I would get like a forty dollars
Speaker 4: hotel room, and I'm like, you can get a hotel
Speaker 4: for forty dollars, But meanwhile it's like, no, you can
Speaker 4: get it actively dangerous hotel, like there'd be holes in
Speaker 4: the sheets, like car terror. There was many terror years
Speaker 4: of just staying in the most jacked up, trifling places.
Speaker 2: And it was fine because you're like, this is what
Speaker 2: I'm doing.
Speaker 3: I love.
Speaker 1: You're not used to like a nicer like you can
Speaker 1: do a yankie place until you stay in a nice
Speaker 1: place and then you're like.
Speaker 3: Oh, out of here. Yeah, I've been doing this wrong.
Speaker 3: Not catching out the quality In again.
Speaker 1: We went we did some shows in Miami last year
Speaker 1: and we stayed at the Quality In and they were like,
Speaker 1: there was a little cover on the the in the
Speaker 1: drain in the bathroom, and they were like, make sure
Speaker 1: you leave that closed because things crawl up at night.
Speaker 3: There was a roach in our room.
Speaker 2: Sydney went to put her shoe on. There was a
Speaker 2: roach in the shoe. The roach had a bikini on
Speaker 2: and everything.
Speaker 3: And and whatnot. Threw the shoe off. The bell.
Speaker 2: The roach was like, you should try the peanutlata.
Speaker 3: It was not quality and it's jacked quality and is
Speaker 3: not quality.
Speaker 1: We had a moto and it says, I you're already
Speaker 1: like on a shaky.
Speaker 3: Ground and I always try to like downput the in this.
Speaker 3: I'll be like it's a boutique.
Speaker 4: I'm like, not now, it's shacked up actively dangerous friends
Speaker 4: and read.
Speaker 2: The yelp review the yelp. One of the Yelp reviews
Speaker 2: was like, oh, there was like four or five gun shots.
Speaker 3: Someone got killed. I would have come back.
Speaker 2: It wasn't there wasn't a gunshots.
Speaker 3: I probably would stay here again. And they don't care.
Speaker 4: They really don't care, Like they'll send any sex offender
Speaker 4: to pick up the comedian from the airport just you know,
Speaker 4: like I've got picked up by some of the most
Speaker 4: suspicious characters, just like where they're just crackling with insanity,
Speaker 4: like you can feel their feel the value.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you get off the plane, You're like, is that
Speaker 3: shuge night with my name on the face of pipe?
Speaker 3: Get your bag?
Speaker 2: No, because you know how they grab your bag for you.
Speaker 2: When you get the drivers, it's like pull your own ship.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, you're that rude ass, the rude ash
Speaker 1: driver that won't lug your tiny carry on.
Speaker 4: I remember get doing this gig in Vegas and they
Speaker 4: sent this guy picked me up from a the airport.
Speaker 4: He was wearing like a Halloween shirt and it was
Speaker 4: like July, you know. And and just I had the biggest,
Speaker 4: dumbest suitit. I used to call my suitcase the Red Dragon.
Speaker 4: It was this big pile of garbage, but I brought
Speaker 4: it everywhere. I was always with the Red Dragon. And
Speaker 4: he I'm pulling it up those airport stairs. He's watching
Speaker 4: me like nothing, not even the tiniest hand.
Speaker 3: He looked at his phone. He was like, you're gonna
Speaker 3: be a while, Yeah.
Speaker 4: Just watching me, just lugging the dumb red Dragon. I mean,
Speaker 4: and it was it was heavy many airport stairs. The
Speaker 4: elevator was broken.
Speaker 3: He didn't give a fuck.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 3: He was like, yeah, so you just want to do
Speaker 3: it yourself. You're just gonna have to figure it out.
Speaker 1: So the Howard Johnson, Howar Johnson sounds like a like
Speaker 1: a dude who has like really good meat at his barbecue.
Speaker 1: You going to Howard today, Howard Howard Johnson's on the
Speaker 1: grove and it does it sounds like good barbecue.
Speaker 3: Bad hotel.
Speaker 4: Yeah, fine, fine, fine porkling.
Speaker 2: He's grilling with those sandals, those like grated sandals. Yeah,
Speaker 2: the sandals with the with the little bucket wo.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, the brown ones, but I say the
Speaker 1: good ones.
Speaker 3: They threw us a bachelor bachelor party at this Dream Hotel.
Speaker 3: Love the Dream That was beautiful. That was really long.
Speaker 2: Services great, Yeah, that was good.
Speaker 4: They'll give you anything anything. You get a dumb urge
Speaker 4: at two a m. You know, for some sort of
Speaker 4: specific avocado egg thing coke.
Speaker 2: Hey, I was like eggs eggs, Benedict. I mean.
Speaker 3: You got dick down there, bring it up.
Speaker 2: No, No, the Dream Hotel is cute. They they did
Speaker 2: you go to the pool they have.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and they put like they made us a
Speaker 3: little party.
Speaker 4: But they put fire hats in the they had a
Speaker 4: hot tub in the room and they put a bunch
Speaker 4: of fire.
Speaker 3: We had a hot they gave us. It was a
Speaker 3: pretty sweet party. Wow.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was really fun. They had people come by
Speaker 4: and do like cryo facials and and nails and wait
Speaker 4: what massages.
Speaker 2: There was a big dream a dream. Yeah, that's how
Speaker 2: you do that's how you do a bacheoette, Like yeah,
Speaker 2: the stuff, all the dicks and the stripper like, no,
Speaker 2: thank she's married to a fireman.
Speaker 3: He's literally right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's married to what she don't eat a straw
Speaker 2: with like a dildo on it?
Speaker 3: No thank you. Yeah, there were no dick necklaces. I
Speaker 3: was proud of that.
Speaker 2: But I had a bachelor party with not a dick
Speaker 2: necklace in sight. Wow, did you have any crazy dick straw?
Speaker 2: Any crazy requests for room service?
Speaker 3: That?
Speaker 4: I mean usually I just like I like to have
Speaker 4: a lot of milkshakes and dumb hours. I like, I know,
Speaker 4: I eat like a six year old, Like it's like
Speaker 4: one croissant, one milkshap, like just the dumbest orders where
Speaker 4: they're like, are you an adult?
Speaker 3: You know what kind of milkshake are you? Are you
Speaker 3: going for? I love chocolate milkshake and I love a
Speaker 3: strawberry milkshake vanilla. It's very satisfy.
Speaker 1: Think milkshake that when you try to drink it through
Speaker 1: the straw and like like it comes out real slow.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: When I have a hangover, I do a joy and
Speaker 4: Vanilla milkshake especially.
Speaker 3: It's very soothing. Yeah, yeah it is. It's a good time. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I remember Chris Rock had this joke about hotels about
Speaker 4: how like once women experience something, they always want that
Speaker 4: like what you were saying about the quality in like
Speaker 4: once you leave the quality, like once you stay at
Speaker 4: the other place, you that's it. And he was talking
Speaker 4: about how I'm sure going to butcher this Christrock drug
Speaker 4: and he was talking about how his wife he's like,
Speaker 4: I still when I'm at the plaza, I'm like the plaza,
Speaker 4: you know, Like yeah, but he said, his wife calls downstairs,
Speaker 4: like I said, cinnamonntoast. You know, she's already expecting the
Speaker 4: exact thing she had last time.
Speaker 3: He's like, I'm so thankful to be there. She's like,
Speaker 3: sinnam men, cinnamon toast. I've been in the plaza, but
Speaker 3: I have never stayed at the plaza.
Speaker 2: That I never stayed the plaza. The sheets on their beds, Oh,
Speaker 2: it's like.
Speaker 1: You knew who were you at the plaza with I'll
Speaker 1: break that down. Listen, who did you go with?
Speaker 2: Just know that I was at the plaza with somebody
Speaker 2: who was paying for the plaza, somebody who was paying
Speaker 2: for the paying for the No, it's a friend, somebody
Speaker 2: else is paying for the hotel for her, the plaza
Speaker 2: and the four Seasons and the world for story. It
Speaker 2: was those Are you were just with a friend at all? Three?
Speaker 2: I were three like most expensive hotels in Manhattan. I
Speaker 2: would hop with friends that just they just got just
Speaker 2: got it like that, just getting hotels.
Speaker 1: Getting hotels, what Rachel, Rachel's doing?
Speaker 2: Getting no tails.
Speaker 4: We stayed another like we did another hotel tonight thing
Speaker 4: where they or they the whole family got together to
Speaker 4: meet each other or whatever. And my dad, See, we're
Speaker 4: not like his family. They know how to fix things. Juice,
Speaker 4: we don't know about. My dad just takes like sickly naps,
Speaker 4: you know what I.
Speaker 3: Mean, and lean nabs.
Speaker 4: He's a great man, but he doesn't know how to
Speaker 4: fix things or operate a fuse box.
Speaker 3: I mean, he's he's impressive.
Speaker 4: He's a civil rights lawyer and a blues musician, but
Speaker 4: you you know, yeah, he could play.
Speaker 3: Dad is Bill Clinton. That's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 4: He's piano and Zidico accordion and he's incredible.
Speaker 2: He plays all by Indian. Your dad be like accordion harmonica. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you got the little hat Hurricane Howie.
Speaker 3: He was a tiny vest.
Speaker 4: Does your dad he does somewhere he wears a little
Speaker 4: Chinese Marty craffee.
Speaker 3: He's in the New Orleans best he wears the Aladdin
Speaker 3: vest with like an undershirt. Does he do this on
Speaker 3: the train? Does he excuse me? Ladies and gentlemen raising
Speaker 3: like blues clubs in DC? Now, you know?
Speaker 4: And he just he teaches civil rights now and he
Speaker 4: just plays blues at night. But he doesn't know how
Speaker 4: to fix a thing, like, you know, if a tires out,
Speaker 4: forget it. He's not the man to call, you know,
Speaker 4: you will just call a doctor if a tire's not working.
Speaker 4: So I was trying to explain my dad to him,
Speaker 4: and I'm like and and my dad meets him and
Speaker 4: this is the first thing he says to him in
Speaker 4: the hotel, so humiliated, goes.
Speaker 3: You're a fireman.
Speaker 4: And then he goes to tell you what, I got
Speaker 4: a dead squirrel in the backyard.
Speaker 3: Maybe you can help me out with that a dead squirrel.
Speaker 3: I'm like, he's a fireman, he's not a taxidermist. No,
Speaker 3: your dad has a dead squirrel, and he asked him
Speaker 3: to help him. Yes, because you have.
Speaker 2: To dispose of these animals.
Speaker 3: You know how you do that?
Speaker 1: You get a bag right now, throw it over the
Speaker 1: fence to the people next door.
Speaker 3: You turn the bag inside out, throw it out of way.
Speaker 1: No, you can't do that. Throw it at the neighbor's yard.
Speaker 1: And now it's like, it's.
Speaker 3: A fine if you don't magic, it's a it's a fine.
Speaker 3: I don't have a yard.
Speaker 2: A squirrel dies, I'm sliding it.
Speaker 1: With my foot across the street, and then I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be like, well that's that's stay squirrel.
Speaker 5: Yo.
Speaker 2: If like say, for instance, like you have a dead
Speaker 2: possum like in front of your building, like you have to.
Speaker 1: I've never even seen a possum in real life. I
Speaker 1: don't think they live animal.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, they not firemen. But listen, my dad goes,
Speaker 4: you take care of that dead squirrel carcass for me.
Speaker 4: Here's a beautiful sentence, very cleosy. He goes, you take
Speaker 4: care of that dead squirrel for me. Peter I'll tell
Speaker 4: you what I'll slip you with twenty.
Speaker 3: I'll slip you that's what I say to your future husband. Yeah,
Speaker 3: like it's not.
Speaker 4: A slip first of all if you announce it ahead
Speaker 4: of time. And he looked at me like is he serious?
Speaker 4: So it was like about everything except for the twenty
Speaker 4: you're money a red scent from how I.
Speaker 3: Don't know why people are so weird about animals.
Speaker 1: My friend Valerie was in her car driving and a
Speaker 1: bunch of geese jumped into like they were crossing the street.
Speaker 2: And she hit them. She hit the geese.
Speaker 1: And she was like, oh my god, like she's like
Speaker 1: a person with feelings, and she like pulled over to
Speaker 1: the side and people were driving by and they're like,
Speaker 1: you're a month s. People were calling the cops on
Speaker 1: my friend because she hit a bunch of geese crossing
Speaker 1: the street real slow, and the cops were like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we can't, like there's nothing that we can do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we don't respond to geese slang. Is it black? Geese?
Speaker 1: Don't really, But people were driving by and my friend's
Speaker 1: like crying in the driver like they're like, you're a monster.
Speaker 3: You should burn it. It's like, oh, she just accidentally
Speaker 3: accidentally hit geese. Though it's a whole group of it.
Speaker 3: It's not school of school of geese. You can see them.
Speaker 3: There's gaggle gaggle. It was which guy is the factchecker here?
Speaker 1: I like, no, one's it's not a school of geese.
Speaker 3: His expression the whole hour is so cute.
Speaker 4: It's just like has the most attentive learning and this
Speaker 4: one and the other guy just looks like he's not interested.
Speaker 3: He's just like, yeah, let's go to a collar.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: He's learning.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Anyway, people are weird when it comes to animals.
Speaker 1: But like, I don't want to see animals in my hotel.
Speaker 1: I don't want to see them like all my balcony.
Speaker 1: I don't want to see them in the pool that
Speaker 1: I'm do you how do you feel about a hotel
Speaker 1: pool because a lot of them I.
Speaker 3: Feel are gross.
Speaker 4: I guess if you think about it, they're gross. But
Speaker 4: I don't really care about germs. I forget about germs.
Speaker 4: Some people walk around and they really are aware of potential.
Speaker 3: You know that you don't care about you? Yeah, I
Speaker 3: don't share anybody's cup. I don't care.
Speaker 2: I mean, you're using chlorox wipes for everything, So.
Speaker 3: I do I love a wipe. Yeah, I've always loved
Speaker 3: a wipe.
Speaker 1: Now, when you stay in different hotels, do you do
Speaker 1: you bring? I bring my own pillowcases?
Speaker 3: Do you wow?
Speaker 2: So you run staying in a certain way, like she
Speaker 2: has flip flops to get in a shower.
Speaker 3: The bitches a lot.
Speaker 1: But if I stay in Airbnb, I'm bringing my own sheet. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm stripping the bed. I'm putting my sheets down,
Speaker 1: I'm sleeping on them, and then I'm rolling them up
Speaker 1: and making the bed at the end of the shame
Speaker 1: me the.
Speaker 3: Whole time you were in this hotel.
Speaker 2: She's like, Oh, you're wearing any sandals and they shower
Speaker 2: ill you sleep in those sheets?
Speaker 3: You're putting your face on the pillow. Growing up, she
Speaker 3: does same thing to me.
Speaker 4: She's like, wait, chall gross, like everything I every impulse
Speaker 4: I have she finds.
Speaker 1: But we're at the Quality Inn City already put her
Speaker 1: foot on a roach. She's in the shower with no
Speaker 1: shower shoes on.
Speaker 3: I never even I've never wore a showered shoe in
Speaker 3: my life, and my dumb life.
Speaker 1: I'm going on an old Davy flip flap flap to
Speaker 1: get in the shower.
Speaker 3: Really, I didn't even know shower flip flops were. Oh
Speaker 3: my gods, I got it. I got in the shower
Speaker 3: on the roach, had a towel on. Excuse me wrap
Speaker 3: his hair up. He was like, excuse me, I'm not finished?
Speaker 3: Could you not? Could you not? Wait? Do you guys
Speaker 3: wear shower shoes?
Speaker 4: I know, probably not supposed to address the gentleman when
Speaker 4: during a live recording here, but gross.
Speaker 3: Familiar. You know, listen, bring a shower stand.
Speaker 1: I've been in friends' houses and I've gotten in their
Speaker 1: shower with my flip flaps on.
Speaker 3: Wow, you must have the loveliest feet.
Speaker 1: Yes, but not with a shoe, a closed shoe. I'll
Speaker 1: pick a squirrel with a dead shoe. I mean a
Speaker 1: closed toad shoe. I'm not gonna have a sand like.
Speaker 1: I'm not doing it in the burket stop.
Speaker 3: See.
Speaker 4: I always just assume I'm the one that should apologize
Speaker 4: for whatever I'm bringing to the table. Like when we
Speaker 4: used to leave friend's houses when I was a kid,
Speaker 4: My mom used to get I had to go back
Speaker 4: to the house if I didn't do this, to find
Speaker 4: the father, the mother and say like thank you, for
Speaker 4: having me, mister cap And if I didn't say thank
Speaker 4: you for having me, then I got a nice, good
Speaker 4: sweet smack up side my head in the car. But
Speaker 4: you have to say thank you for having me. But
Speaker 4: I still feel like that, like I walk around.
Speaker 3: Like beg you for having me. I'm sorry about whatever.
Speaker 2: If I leave housekeeping a note, I leave them a
Speaker 2: little like yeah, like, because I'm the type of person
Speaker 2: who leaves the heat on very high in my room,
Speaker 2: I'll leave a mess like they're One hotel I went to,
Speaker 2: I think it was the Sheraton. They fixed my makeup
Speaker 2: because it was all it looked like it exploded all
Speaker 2: they organized everything, and when I immediately I saw it,
Speaker 2: I was like, that was bitches, so much shit. And
Speaker 2: then I was like, oh wow, everything's here. They just
Speaker 2: like made it very neat. They make it all nice.
Speaker 1: They make that little classic Oh my god, I do
Speaker 1: that by myself.
Speaker 3: Y'all are trash. I left.
Speaker 2: I left twenty dollars. I said, thank you so much,
Speaker 2: you love twenty dollars for the people because they fixed
Speaker 2: your makeup. Listen, and I was at one. I went
Speaker 2: to another hotel and I gave a tip and the
Speaker 2: woman was like, they don't do that here.
Speaker 3: Thank you. So it was did you make the ladies
Speaker 3: sound like a slave? They don't know that we can.
Speaker 3: It was actually a white woman. I was like, oh
Speaker 3: my god, there's a white slave here. I'll be back.
Speaker 1: Come on, Hannah, I'll be back.
Speaker 3: That's awful. No, don't touch my makeup.
Speaker 1: Don't I put the I put the hand towel down
Speaker 1: and I put my makeup on top of that. I
Speaker 1: do that, so I already do that, and then I
Speaker 1: put a towel down in front of the tubs.
Speaker 2: So when I step out, the kind of woman I
Speaker 2: want my shower shoes. Yeahs, it's not classy.
Speaker 1: I'm just too gemophobic, just like like touching things.
Speaker 3: I mean, you want a tight shir that's a lot.
Speaker 4: I always wanted to be one of those lovely but
Speaker 4: like if you ever look at my mom's like things
Speaker 4: on her dresser, and she would always have them just
Speaker 4: her look like such a perfect.
Speaker 3: Lady dresser and her I don't have any like that.
Speaker 3: I'm mat sure your lady dresser very impressive.
Speaker 2: It's cocoa butter to the side. Rachel Edibles.
Speaker 3: You take your outfits out of the suitcase and hang
Speaker 3: them up. Do you do that? That sounds a lot
Speaker 3: about a woman. You don't do that.
Speaker 4: Some times he gets mad at me because he wants
Speaker 4: me to unpack as soon as I go home, and
Speaker 4: I'm like, no, why you can't when somebody else unpacked,
Speaker 4: I can't relate to that. Why could that possibly bother
Speaker 4: you when I unpacked my suitcase? But he is very organized.
Speaker 2: I never unpack immediately. I let whatever settle, whatever dust
Speaker 2: settle to the bottom.
Speaker 3: Whatever quality.
Speaker 4: Injest, if there's a lot you know that unpacked, repack,
Speaker 4: it's like, that's my whole life.
Speaker 3: Give it them, let me give it a moment.
Speaker 1: Let the suitcase sit there for a couple of days,
Speaker 1: and I live out of the suitcase.
Speaker 3: I want to get home to me too sometimes too.
Speaker 1: Did you know that that little weird stand thing at
Speaker 1: the hotels for you to unpack your suitcase?
Speaker 3: Yes? Did you know that?
Speaker 4: I did know, and I only learned it like after
Speaker 4: I've been on the road for like twelve years.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, I'm a slow learner. But now I put
Speaker 3: it there.
Speaker 1: You got to satisfy your suitcase up and put it
Speaker 1: on that thing, and that's what you're supposed to.
Speaker 4: And also, did you know you get a good packing
Speaker 4: tip is you put your stuff in your shoes, put
Speaker 4: your put your socks in your shoes or like or like.
Speaker 4: If you want to stuff more things in a suitcase,
Speaker 4: you put things inside of shoes.
Speaker 3: I learned that from mom.
Speaker 1: Nah, I thought you were supposed to sit on the
Speaker 1: suitcase to pack it.
Speaker 3: I do that too, sit zip yeah, I do sit. Yeah.
Speaker 2: If you wear spandex, that's great for packing because you
Speaker 2: literally keep folding and folding.
Speaker 3: Rolling.
Speaker 4: Rolling is also better than folding for packing. Let's wrinkles
Speaker 4: if you roll. I've earned a few fun loving tips.
Speaker 3: So we Sitney irons at the hotel.
Speaker 1: She'll use the iron wow, And I'm like, girl, I
Speaker 1: just used that spray.
Speaker 3: There's like some irons for yes, trial size down good. No,
Speaker 3: it's good.
Speaker 1: It works, but you spray it on something that's wrinkled
Speaker 1: and it'll unwrinkle it.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 2: Yes, But we were at the Stratosphere and let me
Speaker 2: tell you, they put a lock on the motherfucking iron
Speaker 2: and table.
Speaker 3: It was crazy.
Speaker 2: I was like, who is stealing iron and irons here
Speaker 2: in Vegas?
Speaker 3: This is trash.
Speaker 1: I can't believe you stayed at the Stratosphere. That's great anyway. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I see my friend, I say, have you done Vegas? Like, like,
Speaker 1: what hotels? Have you seen him there?
Speaker 4: Let's see, I was at Harrah's, which is the you
Speaker 4: stay at the hotel there, like the Harrah's Hotel. God,
Speaker 4: I mean I stayed like when I'm opening for Schumer,
Speaker 4: we stay at the nice places like the Writs and
Speaker 4: stuff like that.
Speaker 3: Are you friends with Schumer? Okay?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: We have a podcast, yes, name called Three Girls One Keith.
Speaker 4: It's me Schumer, Keith Robinson. And let's I know, Keith
Speaker 4: is my buddy so grumpy, it's hysterical. The Yeah, it's
Speaker 4: just Keith, Amy, me and our friend Bridget So we
Speaker 4: have a podcast together on Spotify, Three Girls, One Keith.
Speaker 3: But yeah, she was my bridesmaid Amy, here's that. It
Speaker 3: was fun. Yeah, what's like to have a famous bridesmaid?
Speaker 3: She was pretty cool. I mean, neither of us know a.
Speaker 2: Lot about like and she ain't doing none of the
Speaker 2: ship you asked like, because people will be asking a
Speaker 2: lot of bridesmaids, like you got to go to all
Speaker 2: these parties. You gotta plan, plan, plan, you gotta send
Speaker 2: out emails, they gotta like, you gotta.
Speaker 3: Wear the ugly dress dress for the bridesmaids. No, I
Speaker 3: think they're pretty cute.
Speaker 4: They're like just normal like long navy dresses maybe yeah, good,
Speaker 4: Yeah they were.
Speaker 3: They were pretty cute. They they really liked him. I
Speaker 3: just I just had two. But I don't.
Speaker 4: I don't know about stuff like that. So I didn't
Speaker 4: really make anybody do. And everybody was telling me what
Speaker 4: I was supposed to do.
Speaker 2: The bridesmaids ar and is pretty as you and You're like,
Speaker 2: I don't. I'm not worried about this, yeah at all.
Speaker 2: I'm the bride.
Speaker 3: I'm getting married. Yeah, I didn't know about anything like that.
Speaker 4: Like, it was his mother that would call me up
Speaker 4: and she would tell me things that I and she
Speaker 4: had a vision for wedding.
Speaker 3: You know, she had been dreaming about the day her
Speaker 3: whole life exactly. My mom is like super liberal.
Speaker 4: She's just like I hope it's a rock and time,
Speaker 4: you know, like she doesn't know it at all. Yeah,
Speaker 4: She's like she was like weddings rock, Like she had
Speaker 4: no insight to offer.
Speaker 3: And his mom was.
Speaker 4: Like, sweetheart, I see the suit that I see on
Speaker 4: the Tony's I would like Peter to wear these SUITI
Speaker 4: is from a person named Joshua.
Speaker 3: He's an actor named Joshua from the Tony's. Honey, can
Speaker 3: you wear these suits? I love it?
Speaker 4: And it was it was josh Grobin, but I was like,
Speaker 4: I was trying to figure out what is the your
Speaker 4: mom wants you to wear the suit of Joshua from
Speaker 4: the Tonys.
Speaker 3: I'm like, what She's like, he's a tuxedo, honey from
Speaker 3: Joshua's from the Tony's.
Speaker 2: It's a tuxedo, Honey, learn about it.
Speaker 4: He's like, she can wear the tuxedo from Joshua from
Speaker 4: the Tony's. And then I found Joshua from the Tony's
Speaker 4: and I was like, oh, you know what, the toxedo
Speaker 4: is kind of sharp, so I was like, you want
Speaker 4: to wear a tux So we had him basically in
Speaker 4: the same tex as Joshua from the.
Speaker 2: Tony Toxedo did Josh Grobin one of the Tonies.
Speaker 4: I think it was this like adult ching, but I
Speaker 4: can't remember the name of the brand.
Speaker 3: It's on my phone. Had we got like the We
Speaker 3: got like the lower rent version of that, but it
Speaker 3: is so nice.
Speaker 2: So we have a fashion over version exactly.
Speaker 3: It's called Indo Chino there in Soho. It's like a
Speaker 3: good place, it's a good talks place, but it's on
Speaker 3: like Dulce Gabana.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but so he You also weren't going to like
Speaker 2: Burlington Go factory for these suits.
Speaker 3: No, somewhere in between.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, Target does tuxeedles o. Whoa they got
Speaker 2: a black label note wow, conscious brand. I'm here for
Speaker 2: all of that.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: So we talked about your Is there anything that like,
Speaker 1: is there a like an inside thing that you know
Speaker 1: about hotels that you feel like people don't take advantage of, well,
Speaker 1: people don't know or Sydney even well.
Speaker 4: I mean this isn't really, this is not in any
Speaker 4: way inside. But so the answer to that is no,
Speaker 4: But you can eat. I mean, there are a lot
Speaker 4: of great snacks in that little fridge, and I say,
Speaker 4: just give him to yourself, all stuff, every fun loving
Speaker 4: treat right.
Speaker 3: In my face. You have paid for it. I know,
Speaker 3: you gotta pay for it. I know, and it's over
Speaker 3: bryce and it is. But I like those snacks.
Speaker 2: Like one time I saw Twizzlers ten dollars, fucking way
Speaker 2: ten dollars, ten dollars I was like, is this a
Speaker 2: movie theaters?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 1: Why is Twizzlers this month? This is this is what
Speaker 1: you gotta do, Rachel. Before you get to the hotel,
Speaker 1: you gotta go to like a Walgreens or or a
Speaker 1: Dwayne Read and pick up all your snacks from there
Speaker 1: then eat them in your room.
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, that is true. I do sometimes do those
Speaker 4: drug store trips. I'll get myself some sort of protein
Speaker 4: and shine water. Yeah, one of those big old waters. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I go. I do some lunges in the gym. I'm
Speaker 4: the kind of person when I wait when I work out.
Speaker 4: I don't know if you guys feel like this. I
Speaker 4: work out for two minutes and in my mind, I
Speaker 4: think I'm taking over the world, like I'm such a dick.
Speaker 3: Like I'll do like half a lunch and.
Speaker 1: You're like, let me look at my legs and see
Speaker 1: if I can see the muscles already.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then my mind, I'm like, motherfucker's better step
Speaker 2: the fuck back.
Speaker 4: I'm like, you just checked a text message. I did
Speaker 4: like one side lunch for yourself. But I work out
Speaker 4: for like three minutes, and I really do. I think
Speaker 4: I'm like Lebron and I'm just fucking on the treadmill,
Speaker 4: like fuck you bit and I'm just relax.
Speaker 3: You just like, what's almost nothing? Excuse me? What? Sorry?
Speaker 4: But as soon as I start at the gym, like
Speaker 4: I just play a little music and I think I'm
Speaker 4: a hero for like I'm in my mind, I really am.
Speaker 3: I'm like Connor McGregor or something.
Speaker 2: But you got a lot of I can tell you
Speaker 2: got a lot going on in that noggin you got.
Speaker 2: You got a lot of a lot of people in there,
Speaker 2: a lot of voices.
Speaker 3: I see, I see.
Speaker 4: I just when I went to the gym, I do
Speaker 4: I work out for a few minutes and I think
Speaker 4: I'm the truth.
Speaker 3: But nobody else feels like this. Men, gentlemen, Oh god,
Speaker 3: he's completely I was like, I work out for a
Speaker 3: little bit and back me up.
Speaker 4: Don't you ever kind of like it takes a few
Speaker 4: minutes and you really think you're taking over it.
Speaker 3: It depends. It's like, what song are you listening to?
Speaker 2: Short?
Speaker 3: Too short? Blow the whistle? Okay, that's why I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: It's a very fun song. But I was on the treadmill.
Speaker 3: I mean, I was on that stair thing the other day.
Speaker 4: And I'll take a compliment wherever I could get it.
Speaker 4: This was really sad moment because these two kids, they
Speaker 4: were maybe like twenty three, twenty four something, and I'm
Speaker 4: on that stair thing and I just hear one of
Speaker 4: them talk to the other one.
Speaker 3: I was just doing this and he goes is like
Speaker 3: he was pointing over me. I was like, Oh, that's.
Speaker 4: That actually brightened my day, that's what it is. I
Speaker 4: was like, how sad. It was just one nudge and
Speaker 4: he just went is a nice twenty three year olds
Speaker 4: from Jersey. He didn't mean for me to hear it. It
Speaker 4: was supposed to be private exchange. He was just pointing
Speaker 4: out the ass to his friend.
Speaker 3: And I was like, I was touched.
Speaker 2: But didn't make you like Archer back and pull your
Speaker 2: butt out a little bit more.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I try. I wanted to sho that's right. I'm
Speaker 3: thinking that the snicker. I want to tiger than a snicker.
Speaker 3: I think you need a shirt. I think you need
Speaker 3: a shirt boot.
Speaker 2: You gotta get that on a sweater.
Speaker 3: Wait. I had like a tip.
Speaker 2: I had a tip if you check into your hotel late,
Speaker 2: like the overnight, when you are like nice to the
Speaker 2: overnight people at the front desk. They fucking hook you up.
Speaker 2: Like when we went to the Sheraton, I was talking
Speaker 2: to the overnight guy and he's like, I'm not supposed
Speaker 2: to tell you this, but they have a breakfast and
Speaker 2: certain time and it's people pay extra for this breakfast,
Speaker 2: but I'm gonna tell you what's time to go. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna put your name on the list. I mean a
Speaker 2: breakfast wasn't shit, but it was just.
Speaker 3: It was bagels and orange juice. But it was.
Speaker 2: Cool to go there and just you know, get those
Speaker 2: powdered eggs and whatnot and fruits.
Speaker 3: But it's just like be nice to the overnight people.
Speaker 2: They're there, they don't want to be there, see what
Speaker 2: they're doing, how they're feeling, and just like talk them up.
Speaker 1: So yeah, they can like give you stuff. So the
Speaker 1: nice of the hotel, the better the breakfast. Like the
Speaker 1: nicer the place you're staying, the better the food is
Speaker 1: gonna be.
Speaker 3: Like if you stay.
Speaker 1: I stayed at the Wind in Vegas, and my sister
Speaker 1: and I were eating like frittatas and like split in
Speaker 1: a like a crunchy brio French toast quality in it
Speaker 1: was like you get these neutra brain bars that expired
Speaker 1: in two thousand and eight.
Speaker 3: No, they're gonna tell you to go to the vending.
Speaker 2: Machine down the hall and maybe there'll be some ice
Speaker 2: next to it.
Speaker 4: At a box, like a box full of bagels. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I've seen that cardboard box. They have them at those
Speaker 4: FDNY pick next they'll have I'm like, come on, these.
Speaker 3: Bobs deserve better. But a box full of hardened bagels,
Speaker 3: a box of bays.
Speaker 4: It was a box, yeah, a cardboard box of bagels.
Speaker 4: And I was talking to some of the firemen. I
Speaker 4: was like thinking, I was going to find the one
Speaker 4: liberal fireman, you know what I mean, because like, because
Speaker 4: I'm in my mind, it's really confusing because like I said,
Speaker 4: I'm really attracted to all of them, but but I
Speaker 4: want to pick political fights with the So it's confused
Speaker 4: because I'm like actively aroused, but I want to, like,
Speaker 4: you know, yell at him about Hillary Clinton or whatever.
Speaker 4: So I uh, I go to this wine fireman. I thought, like,
Speaker 4: I was like, I think I found like the one hippie.
Speaker 4: He was like, he goes, you know, I love I
Speaker 4: love nature. He goes, I love nature, I love being outside,
Speaker 4: just being He goes, I love flying planes, you know,
Speaker 4: being up in the sky.
Speaker 3: That's all I need. He goes, just a blue sky,
Speaker 3: a sandwich, and my gun.
Speaker 2: Why, well, you need a gun. You need a gun
Speaker 2: to shoot.
Speaker 4: I was seriously, I was opening up my body. I
Speaker 4: was like, I found the one liberal and he's like
Speaker 4: my gun.
Speaker 3: I'm like, what is the threat. You're in the sky,
Speaker 3: you know. He just sometimes you just want to shoot.
Speaker 3: Oh no, just the blue sky is sandwich of my gun. Sandwich, Well,
Speaker 3: that's what it is. A sandwich pairs well with the good. Yea.
Speaker 4: I love a uniform, so I can't. I'm a sucker
Speaker 4: for a uniform. I had this stalker online for a while.
Speaker 3: I get to the police report. She would write these long.
Speaker 2: Hold on, let me sit down, single white female, okay.
Speaker 4: She would write these long emails to me, and it
Speaker 4: was just basically harassing emails. But she would write to
Speaker 4: comedy clubs complaining that I smelled right. It was all
Speaker 4: about smelling odor. So one of them she'd be like,
Speaker 4: and she'd buy all these domain names like Rachel Fart
Speaker 4: smelling Feinstein.
Speaker 3: It's so humiliating.
Speaker 4: She'd buy and buy these so mad names and then
Speaker 4: write these long harassing letters and just emails after has
Speaker 4: she met you before? Yeah, I mean I think she
Speaker 4: saw me once at a show. And then I found
Speaker 4: out that she was also harassing like a local rabbi
Speaker 4: near where she lived, you know.
Speaker 3: And accusing him of the smelling.
Speaker 2: Out of God.
Speaker 4: And she was writing him a lot of anti Semitic emails,
Speaker 4: which is funny because she's Jewish, but she's insane. But
Speaker 4: she was writing him all these emails about how he
Speaker 4: smelled and he had a bad odor and he was
Speaker 4: a pottyodor a lot of like pottyodor at feinstein dot com.
Speaker 4: Like she'd buy all these domain names for me and
Speaker 4: the rabbi about how we both equally sunk.
Speaker 3: So I had to finally go and I.
Speaker 4: Had to finally go file a police report, and party
Speaker 4: of me was like a little excited because like I
Speaker 4: want to go, like I just like I like a uniform,
Speaker 4: you know. But then I had to go into the
Speaker 4: police station and read the emails were just so humiliating.
Speaker 3: I'm like, they're like, well, what do they say? And
Speaker 3: I'm like, they say, they call me Rachel Bard smelling
Speaker 3: fine stuff.
Speaker 1: Wait, so this is weird. So you met this woman
Speaker 1: at a show and she's like, hey, big fan, and
Speaker 1: you're like, actually have to run to another show.
Speaker 3: And she was like, I think I had.
Speaker 4: Brief encounter, and she didn't like how short it was,
Speaker 4: so she decided to let me know that I was
Speaker 4: smelling down.
Speaker 2: All these domain names.
Speaker 3: She would buy domain names for hours a day, me
Speaker 3: and the rabbi, And I wonder what the rabbi did.
Speaker 3: He didn't like the way he made her read her Well,
Speaker 3: maybe she was trying to convert you.
Speaker 2: You know, the rabbis have to ignore you a couple
Speaker 2: of times if you're trying to convert.
Speaker 3: Because you saw a sex in the city.
Speaker 1: Because Scarlette, Charlotte, Charlotte, I ignore Okay girl, She's like,
Speaker 1: you know they have to ignore you.
Speaker 3: I'm all right, okay, Sydney.
Speaker 1: You know they has to play hard to get, you know, okay,
Speaker 1: because because they do whatever.
Speaker 4: I shouldn't read any of this stuff, but I read
Speaker 4: everything and you're not supposed to do. There's some guy
Speaker 4: named mister twat Waffles that writes under all my YouTube videos.
Speaker 4: His screen name is mister twat Waffles, and I still
Speaker 4: read every comment. I'm like, why do I care what
Speaker 4: mister twat Waffles has to say about me.
Speaker 2: Wait, what happened with the stalker?
Speaker 3: We want to know?
Speaker 4: Sorry, so I have time on the police report, and
Speaker 4: and then she we we had a court date, but
Speaker 4: she ended up getting called back in because she threatened
Speaker 4: to bomb an airport, and so she's back in jail
Speaker 4: now anyway, so I didn't have to I never ended
Speaker 4: up having to go to court in jail.
Speaker 1: Some of these people, well, what airport did she threaten
Speaker 1: to bum? Because why airports are created equal?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and Newark as well. Also, please bomb this place.
Speaker 2: We've been trying to get rid of it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my brothers.
Speaker 4: I never told my parents because I want to worry them.
Speaker 4: My brothers are such idiots. They thought the whole thing
Speaker 4: was hysterical because she was calling me like fart smelling friends.
Speaker 4: They thought it was really funny. And my brother said
Speaker 4: he was going to show up. He's like, I'm not
Speaker 4: really sure whose side I'm on, you know, for the trial.
Speaker 4: They kept talking about the trial as if there was
Speaker 4: going to be an actual trial, so I have to
Speaker 4: change her day for this.
Speaker 3: But they were like, my brother said.
Speaker 4: He was going to wear a sweatshirt that said I'm
Speaker 4: on Kelly's side and like sit on her side, and
Speaker 4: he made up the change on the computer. You know
Speaker 4: how you could show somebody the shirt. My brother likes
Speaker 4: to make fake ridiculous and said, like, I'm on Kelly's side.
Speaker 3: It was a picture of a month's shot for her
Speaker 3: for harrissing me. There's a mugshot in rugshot. Yeah, how
Speaker 3: do we get this shirt? So let's get let's show
Speaker 3: you after. Yeah, we want to see going.
Speaker 4: To show you she looks kind of like Tom Petty.
Speaker 4: She's haunting Tom Petty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, right, so that's rude, that's so mean.
Speaker 4: I mean she did, you know, buy a lot of
Speaker 4: fart smelling finestide website?
Speaker 3: She old? Did she young?
Speaker 2: Also, she sounds white?
Speaker 3: She's white?
Speaker 1: Yes, obviously to fool the record, I want to you
Speaker 1: know most of my stalkers are white.
Speaker 3: There was only most of my stalkers are white.
Speaker 2: Why don't even be busy.
Speaker 3: We'd be busy. We got like twelve jobs, we got
Speaker 3: two kids.
Speaker 2: We're dealing with our own stalker.
Speaker 4: Yes, there was one black guy that wrote me a
Speaker 4: lot of emails. But his name was Tony on the
Speaker 4: girl and he just told me he wanted to cook
Speaker 4: for me.
Speaker 1: Tony Tony on the Girl that's Howard Johnson's son, Tony's
Speaker 1: on the grill at Howard's house.
Speaker 4: They were like pleasing because like I would look at
Speaker 4: the meals that a lot of them looked really good,
Speaker 4: like they.
Speaker 3: Were made on a George Foreman. Is sweet.
Speaker 1: It wasn't even fully on the grill was sending you
Speaker 1: pictures of food that he would just be.
Speaker 3: Like, boo, I just want to cook for you. I'm
Speaker 3: thinking you want to cook for you and listen.
Speaker 2: It was on a George Foreman. I've been some of
Speaker 2: the best meals I've had. It was on a George
Speaker 2: Foreman small ones, the small on the travel size for men.
Speaker 3: I'm just I gotta go. We gotta wrap this mother
Speaker 3: episode up, my best Shut up, Sydney. The meals looked tasty,
Speaker 3: and it was difficult.
Speaker 4: To know is that talking or is that that's not
Speaker 4: a person?
Speaker 3: A fan? You persistent. It was kind of sweet. He
Speaker 3: always had a picture of the meal. He was like,
Speaker 3: I just want to feed you.
Speaker 1: When you zoomed into those pictures of the food, was
Speaker 1: his dick in the corner, like you at the bottom corner,
Speaker 1: his dick was there.
Speaker 3: And Rachel if you would have gave.
Speaker 2: Him corner to Rachel, if you would have gave him
Speaker 2: some time, you wouldn't be with a firefighter. You would
Speaker 2: have a man with a grill at the table. They
Speaker 2: would accept the man with a grill. You came and
Speaker 2: all cook because they have to cook for the whole firehouse.
Speaker 2: So my husband cooks a lot.
Speaker 4: Anyway, I didn't show him too. Yeah, they have four
Speaker 4: men's they love growing firemen. But I did show my
Speaker 4: husband some of the meals Tony made.
Speaker 3: He agreed they looked for We should have come bout
Speaker 3: a house. You should invite him over for Thanksgiving. Girl. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean it was nice to me. He told me
Speaker 3: I was thick and they just wanted to help me
Speaker 3: get that.
Speaker 1: Girl, I'm trying to get trying to get thick since
Speaker 1: nineteen ninety.
Speaker 3: I can use an extra thigh or two. You know,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna find some of Tony's.
Speaker 2: Yes, Rachel, now this is dumb. I shouldn't even mention this,
Speaker 2: but it's it's You're gonna mention it anyway, you know,
Speaker 2: because I.
Speaker 3: Want to get it right ahead. I was wrong.
Speaker 2: It's not fine Stein, it's fine sign.
Speaker 3: So I said that in the beginning. You didn't even
Speaker 3: correct me, Everybody says, Feinstein, I don't really care. I
Speaker 3: feel like you should care.
Speaker 2: You know, Ariana Grande is actually it's Ariana Grandee. It's Grandy's.
Speaker 3: Grandidy. Don't flip the table. This is Teresa Juda.
Speaker 1: Wait it made so it's Ariana Grande. Grandy doesn't sound
Speaker 1: as good as Grande.
Speaker 3: She knew that.
Speaker 2: That's why she's like, it's Grandy, but it's Ariana Grande.
Speaker 1: It's arian Even her first name I don't even know,
Speaker 1: because Rihanna's not her first name.
Speaker 2: But somebody kept saying her Grande, Grande grande, and finally
Speaker 2: she was like, Grandy, it was my grandfather's is my
Speaker 2: grandfather's name. That's why I went to call upper called
Speaker 2: her so hard because I was like, well, why don't
Speaker 2: you correct people? Well, because this is the thing too,
Speaker 2: because when I was little, people used to say Marie Fausten,
Speaker 2: Fauston fust fast, stupid, and it's fast.
Speaker 3: As it seems like it would be. It's Foston, it's fasted.
Speaker 3: But when I was in like first grade, I let
Speaker 3: people call me Fauston. Rachel. You should have you should
Speaker 3: have just you could have read me. You could should. Yeah.
Speaker 3: The thing is.
Speaker 4: The thing is, it's like I've always hated my last name.
Speaker 4: I feel like it's not a hot name. If somebody
Speaker 4: wants to my name is cock boxed me my whole life.
Speaker 4: If somebody wanted to set you up with a racial
Speaker 4: fine style, it's not sexy. You're like, let me see
Speaker 4: some pictures. I'm seventy photos. Uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I got a dick in the corner of the photo.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she got a George former though, Sidney. The grill,
Speaker 2: that's all you need.
Speaker 3: This is the grill.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: They weren't said like Rachel Menoralwitz or something. It's a
Speaker 3: lot of normal name Rachel.
Speaker 4: I always want to change it to like, oh, fine stuff,
Speaker 4: you got a new last name. Now, No, I didn't
Speaker 4: change my bitch five his last name is Brennan. And
Speaker 4: there's too many comics with the last name Brennan, so Neil, no,
Speaker 4: thank you, I didn't. Yeah, there's we got Neil and
Speaker 4: Kevin and yeah, I can't be the third Brennan comics.
Speaker 4: But when I was a little all I wanted was
Speaker 4: a new last name, Like they would say my name
Speaker 4: and roll and I was like, oh, no, don't say
Speaker 4: it a cop box me.
Speaker 3: You know, it's a good last name, Foston.
Speaker 4: What it sounds rich, it sounds full, stay like like York,
Speaker 4: Custus or Washington.
Speaker 3: That's my last name. She is your last Yeah, I
Speaker 3: always wanted to treat Rachel Washington. You gotta marry Sydney's
Speaker 3: that was one of the ones. You were just marry Sydney.
Speaker 3: But Sydney is not a fire. Sydney's not a fire.
Speaker 4: Because I didn't know your last name, but I used
Speaker 4: to write it on my my you know, my tropperty
Speaker 4: No way, Rachel.
Speaker 3: Washington, Rachel.
Speaker 4: What's your husband's name, Pete, Peter Brennan, Peter about to
Speaker 4: take your bit?
Speaker 1: She man?
Speaker 3: Now, Oh my god, we gotta go. Rachel. This has
Speaker 3: been so fun. You are hilarious. Yeah, there's time.
Speaker 1: This is so the anything you want to leave the
Speaker 1: listeners with, either about firemen or hotels or.
Speaker 3: Uh, hotel tonight, you can get a hotel that night.
Speaker 3: That's how it works.
Speaker 4: You open up the app and you just get like
Speaker 4: good deals on on like that very evening and you
Speaker 4: can get you could be living life, not trife, but
Speaker 4: living life.
Speaker 2: I wrote that there nothing to do with that ride
Speaker 2: like they were like.
Speaker 3: No hotel, right, nah? What are you ludicrous? What? Well?
Speaker 1: I learned today that it's arian A Grandy grandy and
Speaker 1: that actually doesn't sound good at all.
Speaker 3: Arian A Grandee.
Speaker 4: And I'm at Gotham Comedy Club this weekend. But I
Speaker 4: don't know when this is gonna air.
Speaker 2: Neither nobody does record just flip a coin and be like, well,
Speaker 2: we haven't had a girl att while she why let's
Speaker 2: do it?
Speaker 3: What do you want to say?
Speaker 2: I wanted to say that Rachel, this was the first
Speaker 2: time hanging out with you, and this has been like amazing.
Speaker 3: I had the best day here in this cozy room.
Speaker 2: And I also learned that you know, the hotels that
Speaker 2: I'm going to, all right, they could be better? No
Speaker 2: said you stay at the Stratosphere in Las Vegas.
Speaker 1: Talked about it that I was not their friend. I
Speaker 1: wasn't in Vegas that weekend. I've been at the Wind
Speaker 1: and the Love Sore and the cousin Politan had sex
Speaker 1: on a belty A lot of truth. Friend, that's our friend, Molly,
Speaker 1: shut up, don't.
Speaker 3: See my truth.
Speaker 1: Guys, don't forget to rate, comment and subscribe. We're here
Speaker 1: every week, we love you so much, or we like
Speaker 1: you as a friend.
Speaker 5: Bye Forever. This has been a Forever Dog production executive
Speaker 5: produced by Brett Bouham, Joe ccilio, and Alex Ramsey. For
Speaker 5: more original podcasts, please visit Foreverdog Podcasts dot com and
Speaker 5: subscribe to our shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify.
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