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Speaker 1: Bugle up, Hold on tight, we gotta fell you here.

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Speaker 1: It is the Strawberry letta subject. He can leave and

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Speaker 1: take his son with him. Here's Stephen Shirley. My husband

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Speaker 1: and I have been married for over twenty years and

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Speaker 1: we have four children, three daughters and one son. My

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Speaker 1: husband is a truck driver, so he's gone a lot

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Speaker 1: and I'm left to care for the kids. When my

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Speaker 1: husband is home, he tries to step in and take

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Speaker 1: over the father role, but we argue constantly about disciplining

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Speaker 1: the kids. My husband has been driving trucks for ten years,

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Speaker 1: and that's when I started noticing problems with our son's behavior.

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Speaker 1: I used to stay I used to stay up at

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Speaker 1: the school because of his bad attitude, poor grades, and

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Speaker 1: fighting with classmates. And at home he was unruly too.

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Speaker 1: When he was fifteen, he got so angry with me

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Speaker 1: I thought he might hit me, so I call the

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Speaker 1: police on him. My husband got upset with me and

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Speaker 1: told me that I was overreacting. Now our son is

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Speaker 1: eighteen years old and he is graduated from high school.

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Speaker 1: He does not work, and he has been arrested for

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Speaker 1: smoking marijuana in public. My husband does not think it's

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Speaker 1: a big deal. And he told me that I need

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Speaker 1: to back off of him and let him find himself.

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Speaker 1: We got in the biggest argument, and I told him

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Speaker 1: my daughters and I don't feel safe with my son around.

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Speaker 1: My husband threatened to leave me if I keep making

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Speaker 1: our son feel like he is a problem. I told

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Speaker 1: him to go ahead and leave me and take his

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Speaker 1: son with him. This has been going on for years

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Speaker 1: and I will not take it anymore. Steve, how can

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Speaker 1: I get this man to see that he is raising

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Speaker 1: a sorry man that's going to end up in jail.

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Speaker 1: Please help? Wow. Well, one of the worst things you

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Speaker 1: know that parents can do when you have kids is

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Speaker 1: to not present a united front in front of them.

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Speaker 1: Your husband and you are supposed to be on the

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Speaker 1: same page. This is not happening in your household, in

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Speaker 1: your marriage, and you're right. Your your son probably did

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Speaker 1: start acting up because your husband is always gone. That

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Speaker 1: coupled with the fact that your husband doesn't support you

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Speaker 1: when you when with the discipline, makes for a bad

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Speaker 1: acting son with an even worse attitude. That's why he

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Speaker 1: probably is up at school, fighting and being unruly at

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Speaker 1: home and things like that. Well, I say shame on

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Speaker 1: your husband for letting your son be so disrespectful to

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Speaker 1: you and to his sisters. Uh, this is a lot

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Speaker 1: to be afraid of your own son in your own home. Clearly,

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Speaker 1: your husband and your son need to spend some serious

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Speaker 1: time together, and your husband needs to let him know

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Speaker 1: that in no way is his behavior acceptable toward you

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Speaker 1: and your sister and his sisters. I just think he

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Speaker 1: should be a real father to him, not a friend,

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Speaker 1: not let him get away with this stuff. Maybe your

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Speaker 1: son can go on the road sometimes in the truck

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Speaker 1: with your husband for a while since he's eighteen now,

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Speaker 1: and not do anything. I mean, maybe they can figure

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Speaker 1: this thing out. But right now, this is not a

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Speaker 1: good look at home, and you know you your husband

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Speaker 1: is just wrong for not supporting you. Steve, you know what, man,

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Speaker 1: this is the sletters really like it's it's bad from

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Speaker 1: top to bottom. You know, this woman has been married

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Speaker 1: for over twenty years. They got four kids, three daughters

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Speaker 1: and one son. My husband is a truck driver, so

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Speaker 1: he's gone a lot man trying to take care of

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Speaker 1: his family. But I got it now. When my husband home,

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Speaker 1: he tries to step in and take over the father role.

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Speaker 1: But they're always arguing about disciplining and their kids. That's

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Speaker 1: because the man ain't there and you got a certain

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Speaker 1: right way that you do stuff, and now it's at

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Speaker 1: odds because he come in and he got a different way.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of tough now because he had left you

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Speaker 1: at the house to handle everything. Then he want to

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Speaker 1: come home and run everything. That's that's a tough one, partner.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be able to help him with this

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Speaker 1: one right here. Can't be on this side right here,

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Speaker 1: because you leave her at home to fend for everything.

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Speaker 1: I got you making the money, but that's all you're doing,

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Speaker 1: all right. So now ten years you've been driving this

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Speaker 1: truck and you started noticing problems with your son's behavior

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Speaker 1: because he's smelling himself. Now this is the age, and

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Speaker 1: this is where a man gotta get real active in

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Speaker 1: these boys lives and girls lives too. Though. Now you

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Speaker 1: stayed up at the school because the boy got funk

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Speaker 1: ass attitude, okay, now pole grades and fighting with classmates.

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Speaker 1: Then at home here and ruly too. When he was fifteen,

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Speaker 1: he got so angry with me, I thought he might

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Speaker 1: hit me. So you call the police on er. Your

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Speaker 1: husband got upset, told you you was overreacting. Now a

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Speaker 1: boy eighteen years old, he didn't graduate him high school,

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Speaker 1: he ain't working, and he'd been arresting for smoking weed

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Speaker 1: in public. Now a husband, don't think that's a bit

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Speaker 1: damn deal either, And I need to back off him

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Speaker 1: and let him find himself. Let me stop right here, right,

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Speaker 1: let me let me back up, and let's talk about

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Speaker 1: the back up and let him find himself well. Fact,

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Speaker 1: while he'd been finding himself at fifteen, he'd been in

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Speaker 1: all kinds of trouble up at the school. She stay

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Speaker 1: up at the school. The boy been in trouble for

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Speaker 1: having a bad attitude. He got pole grades, and he

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Speaker 1: fight all his classmates. You want her to back off,

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Speaker 1: let him find himself well. Now he eighteen, he didn't

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Speaker 1: got arrested and went to jail for smoking weed. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I guess he's still looking for herself. But now see

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Speaker 1: the older you get when you start making mistakes. Why

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Speaker 1: are you finding yourself as some other people come find

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Speaker 1: you too? Now they came down and arrested him, monk ads,

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Speaker 1: Now he'd been fifteen, fighting, cussing out classmates, pole grades.

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Speaker 1: Ain't doing right? You got to stay up at the school.

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Speaker 1: He eighteen here in jail. Now, he didn't graduate it.

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Speaker 1: He ain't working. He got up in your face so

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Speaker 1: bad one time you had to call the police. Your

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Speaker 1: husband come home and says you are overreactive. You need

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Speaker 1: to back up and let him find himself. You see

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Speaker 1: how he's been finding himself. Dog, He didn't found himself

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Speaker 1: down with bad grades. He didn't found himself at the

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Speaker 1: principal's office. He didn't found himself in fightful classmate. He

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Speaker 1: didn't found himself eighteen. He didn't found himself down there,

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Speaker 1: rested in jail. He didn't found himself out of work. Right.

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Speaker 1: Have you ever thought that this boy ain't looking for himself?

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Speaker 1: He ain't looking for nothing. And instead of you telling

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Speaker 1: the woman that she need to back up, dog, you

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Speaker 1: need to step up right. You didn't left this woman

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Speaker 1: holding the bag. And here's the perfect male answer. If

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Speaker 1: you don't back up off him letting find himself, you're

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Speaker 1: getting the big My husband threatened to leave me if

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Speaker 1: I keep making our son feel like he's a problem.

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Speaker 1: He is a damn problem at making this little stupid

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Speaker 1: ass feel no kind of way. Hang on, dumb ass boy,

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Speaker 1: Hang on, little boy. Fifteen man been driving trucks for

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Speaker 1: two years she'd been at the house. Then when he

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Speaker 1: do come home, they get in the arguments about the

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Speaker 1: parenting style. He don't like the way she raising the family.

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Speaker 1: But you truck driver for Broton, that's a tough job.

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Speaker 1: Good good men out of here. Good men and women

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Speaker 1: drive trucks. Everybody don't have these problems when you come home.

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Speaker 1: You gotta realize you ain't been home now. Now you're

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Speaker 1: jumping all over his sister about the way she raising

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Speaker 1: things and doing stuff at the house. You ain't had

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Speaker 1: no input for ten years. Now. The boy starting to

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Speaker 1: smell itself. He misses daddy. He ain't got no direction.

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Speaker 1: He's tired of being around all these women, living the

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Speaker 1: house with four women. Now he down at the school, fighting,

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Speaker 1: cousing out classmates, getting in trouble, getting suspended. Nah, he

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Speaker 1: didn't got so much. He just he hadn't bucked up

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Speaker 1: to the mama. She got scared and called the police.

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Speaker 1: She ain't do nothing with this boy. You think the

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Speaker 1: boy trying to find itself, Well, he's eighteen now, so

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Speaker 1: he didn't found himself smoking weed with some friends, and

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Speaker 1: he didn't got arrested for that. Now he finds himself

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Speaker 1: out of work, and now you think that she needs

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Speaker 1: to back up and let him find himself. You don't

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Speaker 1: think he's a big deal. He's smoking weed, doog. Now

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Speaker 1: this could get somewhere else. I ain't saying everybody smoke weed, leader,

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Speaker 1: but this could lead the other thing. Right now, his

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Speaker 1: pattern is he's getting worse. It's what I'm hearing in

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Speaker 1: the ladder. He's not getting better. Charley had a great suggestion.

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Speaker 1: You're a truck driver, hen't working. Put him in the

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Speaker 1: truck taking with you. That's what you do. Put the

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Speaker 1: boy in the truck taking with you, Let him learn something,

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Speaker 1: let him see what his daddy do. He might just

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Speaker 1: want to be a truck driver. That's cool, but he eighteen. Now. Oh,

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Speaker 1: we got into the biggest argument, and I told him

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Speaker 1: my daughters and I don't feel safe with my son around.

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Speaker 1: My husband threatened to leave me if I keep making

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Speaker 1: our son feel like he's a problem. No, she's not

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Speaker 1: making your son feel like he's a problem. Your son

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Speaker 1: is a problem, and the woman don't know how to

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Speaker 1: handle the problem. But see, dog, you do, so why

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Speaker 1: don't you do like Shirley say and take the problem

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Speaker 1: with you. Since it ain't a problem, you take the

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Speaker 1: yeah see, you take that, remove that threat from your house,

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Speaker 1: and put that threat in the truck and take the

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Speaker 1: non problem with you. You might find out he talked

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Speaker 1: to you crazy. Yeah see. But since you ain't home,

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Speaker 1: you don't know. Now, my husband threatened to leave me

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Speaker 1: if I keep making our son feel like he's a problem.

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Speaker 1: I told him to go ahead and leave me and

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Speaker 1: take a son with it. This has been going on

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Speaker 1: for years and I will not take it anymore. Steve,

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Speaker 1: how can I get this man to see that he

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Speaker 1: is raising a sorry man that's gonna end up in

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Speaker 1: the jail. Well, hold on, our sister, this sorry man

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Speaker 1: that he's raising is your son. Surely said another thing

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Speaker 1: that was important. Y'all got to get on the same page.

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Speaker 1: But you you recognize a problem that your husband don't

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Speaker 1: see is a problem. He need to put that boy

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Speaker 1: in the truck, take him with him, spending some time

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Speaker 1: with him, let him help out. You know, y'all get up,

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Speaker 1: pump gas, make him pump gas. You know, y'all get out,

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Speaker 1: make him go get the food out of town. That

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Speaker 1: ain't even work, but hell, he got to do something.

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Speaker 1: Let him sit up in that seat and go to

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Speaker 1: sleep while you get in the back cab and take

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Speaker 1: sleep in the bed. Oh, y'all go back there, lay

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Speaker 1: down together. Yes, you need time with your boy man

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Speaker 1: because your boys are sorry man, because he ain't got

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Speaker 1: no leadership from his father. Now, you do work hard, brother,

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Speaker 1: you're driving trucks. That's hard work. But he don't see

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Speaker 1: you and your absence. He tired of him girls. Man,

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Speaker 1: So he's acting out. Yeah, he acting out. It's a

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Speaker 1: cry out for his father exactly. So now you you

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Speaker 1: got to step up. So the best way for you

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Speaker 1: to do, ma'am, I would take the approach like this, Smitty,

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Speaker 1: we need to talk. That's the son's name, Smitty. No,

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Speaker 1: that's the husband. Oh that's too older man, earty, Smitty.

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Speaker 1: We need to talk about Deonte. Okay, all right, this

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Speaker 1: is what I want you to do. You're working, he's not.

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Speaker 1: I want you to take him on the road with you.

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Speaker 1: That's your son. Put your son in that cab next

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Speaker 1: to you because he needs you. And your son needs

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Speaker 1: to be around his father so he can see how

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Speaker 1: hard or real man work. So you got to stop

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Speaker 1: arguing with your husband. You got to make a plea

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Speaker 1: to your husband. Take the argument of tone out. Now.

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Speaker 1: You may not think he's a problem Smitty, but he's

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Speaker 1: a problem for me because I can't handle him. What's

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Speaker 1: her name, Dolores, Yes, yes, and yeah, and them three

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Speaker 1: girls as Lexus Mercedes. Why ain't got to be merced? Yes? Yes,

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Speaker 1: they calls because that's what he always wanted. When you

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Speaker 1: were driving. The truck was a car, but he got

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Speaker 1: that damn truck, Lexus got sadis in Porsche Deonte yea

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Speaker 1: and you need to change your tone and get into

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Speaker 1: a plea tone. Why don't you cry? I can't do it.

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Speaker 1: He too strong for me, he's too big for me.

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Speaker 1: He don't listen to me. He needs his father. We

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Speaker 1: all need his father. But I need you to take

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Speaker 1: your son and help me turn him into him man,

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Speaker 1: because we're gonna lose our boy. Yeah, we're gonna lose

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Speaker 1: our child. She ain't gonna take you and your son.

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Speaker 1: That's your son too. And that's the plea you got

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Speaker 1: to make. Keep it soft, cry and tell him that

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Speaker 1: all y'all need him. Come on, Dolores, you can do it,

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Speaker 1: girl Smith, all right, listen, we gotta get out of

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Speaker 1: your guys Dad. Yeah, you can post your thoughts on

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Speaker 1: today Strawberry Letter. It's Steve Harvey F. M. Smith. Check

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Speaker 1: out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. You're listening morning

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Speaker 1: show