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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, it's Cadine. And if there's one thing that

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Speaker 1: we're known for, it's sharing a lot of our life

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Speaker 1: with the world. From our social media sitcom The Elysis

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Speaker 1: to our podcast that As, we're known for being as

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Speaker 1: transparent as possible so that we can all learn from

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Speaker 1: what we've been through. And after twelve years of marriage,

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Speaker 1: twenty years together, four kids, we've been through a lot exactly,

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Speaker 1: from cohabitating for the first time to being in a

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Speaker 1: long distance relationship, from having a lucrative career to go

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Speaker 1: and broke and building it back up again. From knowing

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Speaker 1: that you're with the love of your life to not

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Speaker 1: knowing who the person is at all. Hey, hey, hey,

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Speaker 1: you do know you've got multiple personality I mean that

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Speaker 1: is a fact to shay. After much trial and error,

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Speaker 1: we've learned one essential truth. If you're looking for a

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Speaker 1: healthy relationship and a fulfilling life, you have to choose

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Speaker 1: service over selfishness. And we just so happened to write

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Speaker 1: a book about it. That's right. We over me the

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Speaker 1: counterintuitive approach to getting everything you want from your relationship,

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Speaker 1: because I mean, when you could put yourself first, putting

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Speaker 1: your relationship first is the act of discipline that could

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Speaker 1: be the difference between one failed relationship and a legacy

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Speaker 1: that spans over generations. And we over Me. We talk

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Speaker 1: about family, parenting, sex and intimacy, finances and commitment with

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Speaker 1: honest advice threatened through our own stories. Now listen, We'll

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Speaker 1: admit we may not have all the answers, but we

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Speaker 1: do know what good love takes, and its friendship, grace

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Speaker 1: and service. And everyone deserves good love. That's a fact.

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Speaker 1: We over Me, the counterintuitive approach to getting everything you

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Speaker 1: want from your relationship, available for preorder today. Pre Orders

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Speaker 1: are available now at www dot p r H dot

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Speaker 1: com slash we over me. That's www dot pr H

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Speaker 1: dot com slash we over me. This is gonna be

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Speaker 1: a little different than what people expect. But stop putting

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Speaker 1: your kids on social media. If you get upset when

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Speaker 1: people have opinions about your kids, mhm, I mean, I guess,

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Speaker 1: you guess, I guess, But I will say I feel

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Speaker 1: fortunate to have been in the generation where social media

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Speaker 1: was not even a thing and I was able to

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Speaker 1: grow and thrive without unsolicited opinions. Hey, I'm Cadine and

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Speaker 1: we're the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny

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Speaker 1: videos without boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We are.

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Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to

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Speaker 1: talk about through the lens of a millennium married couple.

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Speaker 1: That ads is the term that we say every day.

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Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, will actually saying facts,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: Were about to take pillow talk to a whole new level.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass starts right now. Jackson comes to me and says,

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Speaker 1: your pops, because now he thinks he's grown, right, I said,

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Speaker 1: what's up? This was? I said last year he's nine

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Speaker 1: turning ten. So a couple of year and a couple

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Speaker 1: of months because dad what always says? Can I get

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Speaker 1: a TikTok? And he had just gotten the phone and

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Speaker 1: I said absolutely not And he was like, why can't

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Speaker 1: I get a TikTok? And I was like, because you

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Speaker 1: don't have the emotional maturity to deal with what comes

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Speaker 1: with having a social media And he got upset and

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Speaker 1: his eyes started to water and he was and I

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Speaker 1: was like, what's the matter and he was just like nothing, nothing, nothing,

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Speaker 1: And I said, no, no, no no, tell me it's the matter, Like,

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Speaker 1: what's what's going on? There's nothing I don't talk aboutn't

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Speaker 1: talk about it. I was like, you mad? He says, yes,

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Speaker 1: I said exactly. He said, what you mean? I said,

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Speaker 1: you're proving my point? You want social media? I tell

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm telling you something you don't like, and

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Speaker 1: your first thing is to get mad. And now you're

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Speaker 1: about to cry and you think I'm gonna let you

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Speaker 1: have access to billions of people in the world. Funk

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Speaker 1: out of here, period, like like seriously, like like you're

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Speaker 1: proving my point. And you know what he said, he's

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Speaker 1: I promise you I won't cry. Bro, Bro, you you

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Speaker 1: already failed the test, okay, but understand this, and I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna leave you with this before we go into karaoke.

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Speaker 1: The fact that you cried and you have feelings. It's

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Speaker 1: good and it's important. I just need you to understand why.

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Speaker 1: And that's what we're gonna talk about today. The why,

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Speaker 1: not what happened, but the why. Sometimes I feel like

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Speaker 1: somebody's why me no privacy? WHOA, what is it? I

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Speaker 1: don't know what the words are. Don't ask me. That's

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Speaker 1: not my my forte ain't the words it was? It was.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, WHOA, Sometimes I feel like somebody's watching me. Well,

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Speaker 1: motherfuckernat on there, that's true, right, And that's what I

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Speaker 1: want to discuss today. But before we even get into well,

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Speaker 1: you know what, let's take a break. Okay, let's take

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Speaker 1: a break, Let's pay some bills, and let's come back

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Speaker 1: and let's discuss this crazy world called social media. Sounds like,

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Speaker 1: I'm We're back. We paid some real fast. And I

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Speaker 1: just want to preface this by saying that I don't

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Speaker 1: believe social media is bad. I don't. I don't believe

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Speaker 1: social media, But what I do believe is that social

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Speaker 1: media has evolved into something that people don't understand, and

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Speaker 1: because they don't understand what it is, people try to

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Speaker 1: create try to make social media something that it's no

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Speaker 1: longer is anymore. So, I mean, yeah, we we understand

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Speaker 1: that social media can be a very weird or dangerous place,

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Speaker 1: right like the world. And yeah, and we do share

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Speaker 1: our children on social media. That's pretty much how we started,

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Speaker 1: and I will admit in the very beginning it was

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Speaker 1: something that was pretty simple for me because I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 1: we're just making little videos. Oh, you have a little

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Speaker 1: three hundred followers. Then you begin you know, then you

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Speaker 1: get three thousand, and then became like three hundred thousand,

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Speaker 1: and it's like, oh, shoot, we have three million collectively

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Speaker 1: collectively three million eyes in our family and our children.

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Speaker 1: And it was kind of a thing where I started

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Speaker 1: to get anxiety about the fact that we were even

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Speaker 1: having our children in this space. One because they didn't

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Speaker 1: ask to be in that space. Um, I know you didn't.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying while you're saying, I'm just saying so

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Speaker 1: that people can understand that both can exist in the

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Speaker 1: same house, one can feel something in one and it

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Speaker 1: still happened. We still happen, Yeah, exactly. Um. So that

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Speaker 1: so I had moments where I was just like, shoot,

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Speaker 1: at what point do we start pulling the children back,

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Speaker 1: you know, because essentially now they are in the spotlight. Yes. Um.

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Speaker 1: And although we are very transparent with our social media,

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Speaker 1: the overarching topic with this today is not allowing our

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Speaker 1: children to have their own right because there are two

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Speaker 1: purposes for social media. One purposes to share and then

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Speaker 1: one is to consume. So you're either a sharer of

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Speaker 1: social media, a content creator, or you're a consumer. I

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Speaker 1: mean you can be both. You can be a consumer

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Speaker 1: and also you know, receive social media. But at the

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Speaker 1: same time we're we're both consumers, different types of consumers,

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Speaker 1: but we're mainly creators, and I think that's what's important. Um.

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Speaker 1: The first part is I wanted preface this by saying

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Speaker 1: I saw a social media for what it was. It

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Speaker 1: was an opportunity and a lane two create my own

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Speaker 1: version of what I wanted to see on television. I

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Speaker 1: saw the phone as a mini television screen. And I

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Speaker 1: remember on my on my profile, if anyone of the

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Speaker 1: screenshot my profile when I first started it said, um,

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Speaker 1: I'm devoured a boy from Brooklyn and creating my life

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Speaker 1: with sixty seconds in an iPhone, creating the life I

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Speaker 1: want with sixty seconds in an iPhone. So for me,

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Speaker 1: I was purposeful about it, right. So when I viewed

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Speaker 1: social media, I viewed social media as a medium that

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Speaker 1: shared content like the theater, like TV. It wasn't real,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So when when I saw

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Speaker 1: it as that and I started to create content for it.

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Speaker 1: I utilized it as a form of entertainment. And when

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Speaker 1: I started to use it as a form of entertainment,

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Speaker 1: I realized that people have the right to have their

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Speaker 1: own opinion about what you share in the realm of entertainment.

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Speaker 1: We do it in everything music, TV, film, theater, arts.

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Speaker 1: This is just another art form. So I started to

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Speaker 1: say to myself, I can no longer feel a way

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Speaker 1: when people share their comments about my content, because that's

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Speaker 1: what social media is for. Right you share it, there's

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Speaker 1: a comment section, there's a like button, so you're expecting

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Speaker 1: to get likes and share and comments. Just because someone

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Speaker 1: makes a comment you don't like doesn't mean that that

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Speaker 1: person is a hater. It doesn't mean that that person

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Speaker 1: is against you. That's just how they feel in a moment,

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Speaker 1: and that person has a right to share that comment.

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Speaker 1: So as I started to navigate the space and realize

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Speaker 1: that that's how we exist, I started to make my

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Speaker 1: decisions about how I wanted my children to be raised

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Speaker 1: around social media. I stopped putting the onus on everybody

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Speaker 1: else to be kind or say the right thing, because

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Speaker 1: you can't control everybody's comments. And I started to realize

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Speaker 1: if there was a comment section where we were growing

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Speaker 1: up and watching The Fresh Prince or or watching Brandy

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Speaker 1: and listen, if there was a comment section for music

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Speaker 1: and stuff, we'd all be commented what we liked and

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Speaker 1: didn't like. We just didn't have that access. So the

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Speaker 1: same comments people are making about us and our children

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Speaker 1: or whatever we posted, the same way they felt when

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Speaker 1: they watched all least things. We just never got a

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Speaker 1: chance to see it. So it's not like people are

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Speaker 1: really changed that much. We just get an inside look

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Speaker 1: at what their you say, Oh my god, Like for example,

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Speaker 1: you know, the murder between this one and that one,

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Speaker 1: a group of people is up. The rates is up.

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Speaker 1: It's not that the race is necessarily up. It's just

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Speaker 1: that we can see it more instantaneously. So it makes

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Speaker 1: you feel as if certain things are now more prevalent.

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Speaker 1: But this ship always been this way for years, you know. Um,

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Speaker 1: So some facts for you guys, because you know, we

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Speaker 1: always like to throw a little bit of statistics in there.

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Speaker 1: According to the researchers at the University of Michigan, Michigan,

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Speaker 1: about one third of children ages seven to nine use

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Speaker 1: social media apps on their phones and tablets, which is

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Speaker 1: very interesting to me because that's super super young um

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Speaker 1: to have access to that in my opinion, But you know,

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Speaker 1: to each their own. The researchers found that most parents

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Speaker 1: said they do some sort of monitoring monitoring of their

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Speaker 1: children's social media involvement, but one in six parents were

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Speaker 1: found to be using no parental controls because of lack

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Speaker 1: of information on how to do so, or because it

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Speaker 1: would just be two time consuming. Now, before you say

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Speaker 1: that seems a little young, you know, al four, you

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Speaker 1: will use the social medi you right, because YouTube, YouTube

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Speaker 1: and social social media, social media you can really every

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Speaker 1: thinking about like Instagram and like Twitter. But YouTube is

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Speaker 1: one of the first social media platforms. Is Facebook YouTube

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Speaker 1: If you look at you look at Instagram. Now Instagram

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Speaker 1: has evolved into what YouTube is longer videos. But on

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Speaker 1: social media, you can post shorts, you can create blogs,

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Speaker 1: I mean on on YouTube, promote posts blogs, You've got

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Speaker 1: comments into all of the videos. It literally is a

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Speaker 1: community of commentary based on your art form. So cas

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Speaker 1: has been using social media for essence for Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: not even thinking of YouTube as social media, but that's

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Speaker 1: exactly what it is. Look at me, all, I guess

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Speaker 1: some one of them people to each my own UM

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Speaker 1: and thetcent of parents for twelve year old say that

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Speaker 1: their channels on Facebook sent said that they helped them

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Speaker 1: to gain access to Facebook. Of teens that they're that

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Speaker 1: they of teens say they've witnessed someone being mean or

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Speaker 1: cruel on social media. Teams have given out information to

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Speaker 1: someone they don't know online. So now I'm glad you

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Speaker 1: said all of these things. Remember we talked about there

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Speaker 1: being two types of social media users, consumers and then creators.

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Speaker 1: Our children were presented to social media as creators. They

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Speaker 1: were part of a show The ellis Is on YouTube,

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Speaker 1: and we put clips of that same show. Because we

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Speaker 1: had our vlogs that were fifteen minute long vlogs. We

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Speaker 1: put those same clips on Instagram and Facebook. So when

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Speaker 1: people say, oh, your kids are on social media, they're

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Speaker 1: on social media as part of the show, you know.

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Speaker 1: And we supposed pictures of our life and post little

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Speaker 1: like um. At the time, there was no live When

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Speaker 1: we did something, we would create a video of it

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Speaker 1: edited and posted, so it came across as if we

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Speaker 1: were posting them every single day in real time. And

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Speaker 1: when people ask me like, well, why wouldn't you let

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Speaker 1: your kids get social media? But they're on social media.

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Speaker 1: This is the reason why I can't control what you

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Speaker 1: see about my children on social media now that they're older.

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Speaker 1: The reason why you don't see them as much is

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Speaker 1: because I've also given them control of whether or not

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Speaker 1: they want to be on camera. So sometimes you say,

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Speaker 1: then we don't see the kids no much, just because

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Speaker 1: Jackson is eleven and Jackson now has his own life

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Speaker 1: and his own things he wanted to create, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: your bro, you want to post this and he's like nah,

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, absolutely not. Absolutely not. That's a hard

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Speaker 1: note for us, and the kids don't want to do something,

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Speaker 1: especially when it comes to this filming recording. There maybe

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Speaker 1: moments that we may think, oh, it's cute for us

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Speaker 1: and people might enjoy it, and if the kids are

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Speaker 1: not with it, you know, And it's not that I'm

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Speaker 1: heavily posting or we're trying deciding to heavily post one

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Speaker 1: child versus the other. It just depends on who's with

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Speaker 1: the ships in the moment. Dakota right now, he's with

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Speaker 1: all the ships because he ain't got a way to

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Speaker 1: tell me that he's not you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: join the camera. But at his age, Kaz didn't enjoy

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Speaker 1: the camera, and we didn't put him on as much. Right,

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Speaker 1: he wasn't engaged. He wasn't at all. Kids don't be

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Speaker 1: engaged with nobody know how anyways, So and he's enjoying

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Speaker 1: his life, just living his best life, living his best life.

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Speaker 1: But um, I feel like it's important at this age

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Speaker 1: to teach children, especially young black children, how to have

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Speaker 1: authority over their body, their mind, and their likeness because

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Speaker 1: for a long time, in well since forever, in this world,

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Speaker 1: young black bodies have been the commodity for other people

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Speaker 1: to make money and be exploited. So for Codeine and

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Speaker 1: I were very um deliberate about the brands we partner

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Speaker 1: with Number one and also number two, what they require

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Speaker 1: from us. So we'll ask the kids, Hey, we want

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Speaker 1: to do partnership, they want to do all of this.

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Speaker 1: If the kids are just like no, We're like no,

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Speaker 1: we can't. Like they don't want to film, they don't

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Speaker 1: want to do that, You're gonna either have to use

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Speaker 1: codein and I or we're just not doing a partnership

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Speaker 1: because I'm not willing and Codeine is not willing to

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Speaker 1: force our kids to do something they don't want to do. Also,

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Speaker 1: to get back to story time, emotional intelligence, it's extremely

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Speaker 1: important one thing I do know. And we're going to

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Speaker 1: talk about bullying um on a whole another episode. We're

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Speaker 1: gonna do a whole episode about bullying. But I want

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Speaker 1: to say this, parents that grew up in the eighties, nineties,

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Speaker 1: even grew up in the early two thousands have never

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Speaker 1: experienced what cyber bullying is like. And there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of parents who are not on social media to understand.

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Speaker 1: For example, when I was doing my mentorship program and prototype,

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Speaker 1: it was mandatory that we did social media checks because

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Speaker 1: I was helping the young men navigate what to post

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Speaker 1: on their Twitter pages, Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat at the time,

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Speaker 1: because college coaches used to go on social media as

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Speaker 1: other names to see what the people post. This is

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Speaker 1: what young people need to realize. You think the coach

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Speaker 1: that's recruiting you or the job that's looking to offer

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Speaker 1: you an opportunity is going to go under there as

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Speaker 1: head coach from Texas University. No, they're going to create

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Speaker 1: a different profile with a random person. They're gonna befriends

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Speaker 1: you and see what you post when you think no

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Speaker 1: one important is watching, and that's how they figure out

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Speaker 1: who you are. So, while I was doing this process

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Speaker 1: of helping them navigate their social media as I had

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Speaker 1: access to the content, and I had access and I

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Speaker 1: had access to their messages and their g M, and

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Speaker 1: I saw from as early as middle school twelve all

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Speaker 1: the way up to eighteen, the amount of messages that

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Speaker 1: a child gets. They do not have the emotional security

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Speaker 1: or mental fortitude to deal with it. For example, you

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Speaker 1: remember going into high school and we talked about another

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Speaker 1: episode and them calling your team wolf because he was

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Speaker 1: hearing them telling me that I wasn't black because I

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Speaker 1: was too light and I had pink lips, and calling

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Speaker 1: them the Asian and calling me Mexican. Right, I learned

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Speaker 1: how to deal with that on the bus because it

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Speaker 1: was one person. Everybody laughed when it was funny, so

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Speaker 1: they might have been twenty to thirty people laughing. But

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Speaker 1: imagine someone taking your likeness, posting a post and millions

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Speaker 1: of people get to repost and comment on it, and

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Speaker 1: you're twelve, and you gotta you read all of the comments,

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Speaker 1: and then that comment takes you down a rabbit hole

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Speaker 1: of other comments, and then you see your post, your

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Speaker 1: picture is getting used in other things, and now you

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Speaker 1: feel like everybody in the world doesn't like you and

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Speaker 1: your twelve How are you supposed to deal with that?

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Speaker 1: How are you supposed to the mental fortitude? And that's

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Speaker 1: what I was trying to explain to Jackson about him

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Speaker 1: not being emotionally intelligent to deal with it. When I

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Speaker 1: tell you, know, as your dad, will tell you something

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Speaker 1: I don't like that you're doing, or something I don't

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Speaker 1: like about you, you cry and you feel and you

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Speaker 1: should because you're you're learning how to deal with that.

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Speaker 1: But as your father, I should be able to help

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Speaker 1: you through that emotion because I'm the one telling it

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Speaker 1: to you. So when when I tell Jackson about himself,

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Speaker 1: I don't only tell him about itself. For example, Jackson

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Speaker 1: was going through a phase where every time we questioned

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Speaker 1: him about something, Hey did you brush your teeth? Hey

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Speaker 1: did you finish your homework? He felt like we were

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Speaker 1: undermining his ability to take care of himself, and he

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Speaker 1: was taking it personal and be like, you guys, don't

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Speaker 1: listen to me. And we would have hours and hours

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Speaker 1: of conversation about what that feeling he's feeling, and let's

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Speaker 1: talk through that. While you feel that way. Imagine if

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Speaker 1: he got thousands and thousands of comments telling him something

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Speaker 1: about himself that he don't like, and he doesn't have

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Speaker 1: his dad there because he's in his room just reading

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Speaker 1: the continents. How does he learn how to deal with that?

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Speaker 1: You know what he does, he'll internalize that, right. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's virtually impossible to stay on top of these things. Yes,

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Speaker 1: of course they have parental controls devil and I am

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Speaker 1: very deliberate about making sure that if the children are

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Speaker 1: on any version of social media, we have the parental controls.

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Speaker 1: For example, on YouTube, we sometimes have proven to not

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Speaker 1: even be as as safe or as accurate because people

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Speaker 1: who are predators, who will you know, put something on

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Speaker 1: the topic of coco melon, but then start putting random

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Speaker 1: things inside of the videos and it's like you really

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Speaker 1: have to you know, And I'm not going to profess

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Speaker 1: to be this parent that is just like my you know,

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Speaker 1: my children only do like, you know, twenty minutes of

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Speaker 1: video time during the week, and they only do this,

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Speaker 1: and we have these rigid regulations. Sometimes should be hitting

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Speaker 1: a fan of we have thousand things going on it's like, yo,

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Speaker 1: y'all sit down right here and put YouTube one and

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Speaker 1: we're gonna watch a show together. You're gonna watch a

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Speaker 1: show together. But I will say this though, our children,

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Speaker 1: especially the young ones, are not allowed to be on

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Speaker 1: the phones during the week. Or yeah, we do have that.

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Speaker 1: I am. I am very rigid with that. When you

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Speaker 1: come when Monday starts and Cas knows even he's yeah,

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Speaker 1: I see him with Mimi's phone because he doesn't have

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Speaker 1: his own phone. Cairo doesn't have his own phone. Jackson

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Speaker 1: got his own phone because he started traveling to school

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Speaker 1: by himself. He got his own phone when he was

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Speaker 1: not Yes, so when it comes to Kyra and cash

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Speaker 1: they have to ask for devices, they know not to

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Speaker 1: ask me for any devices during the week, so that

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Speaker 1: immediately I know where you're going with this. I know

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Speaker 1: where you're going with this. Cass, that little one right

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Speaker 1: there is one day, real quick story. I was coming

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Speaker 1: in from running errands or whatever. So I went through

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Speaker 1: the side door of the house and um, I don't

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Speaker 1: think he heard in yeah in the door, you know

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Speaker 1: when the door chime and stuff went off. And I

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Speaker 1: came around the corner into the kitchen and he's standing

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Speaker 1: there like at attention, and he's like mommy. He's like, mommy, Oh,

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Speaker 1: it's just you. And I'm like, what do you mean

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Speaker 1: it's just but yes, it's just me, and and I'm

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Speaker 1: not picking up yet on what's happening. He's like, it's

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Speaker 1: just you, and he's just like peeking around the corner.

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Speaker 1: He was dead Daddy night with you. I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: And then I see his one little hand on top

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Speaker 1: of the countertop and what's his hand on top of

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Speaker 1: Mimi's iPad? So that's that, Cassie. Were you just watching

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Speaker 1: the iPad? Yes? I said what days today? And he

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Speaker 1: gave me the date actually because he came up from school,

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Speaker 1: so he said today. It was like, for example, Monday, September.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, and it's a school day, right,

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Speaker 1: and he said yes. I said, are you supposed to

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Speaker 1: be watching the iPad during the week? No? I said,

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Speaker 1: why you're being sneaky. You're being sneaky because Addy gave

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Speaker 1: a specific instructions not to watch that. I said, should

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Speaker 1: I tell Daddy that you're not listening? No? I said,

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Speaker 1: then you're gonna Are you going to tell Daddy that

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Speaker 1: you weren't listening. No, I said, all right, well, let

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Speaker 1: this be a lesson. I'm not gonna give you up

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Speaker 1: this time. It's between you and I. I said, but

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Speaker 1: when Daddy said that there's no iPad during the week,

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Speaker 1: you have to listen or else it'll be no iPad

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Speaker 1: ever again in life. Then he said, okay, mommy, But

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Speaker 1: he sneaky is out of just like he's very intellectual. Um,

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00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,399
Speaker 1: I always know because he's sneaky, but he's not the

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Speaker 1: smartest because he's only four or four years of life.

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00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 1: But I know when I come in the house, the

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Speaker 1: first head that pops out the side of the world

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00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,200
Speaker 1: typically is cast and then he'll his head'll pop out.

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Speaker 1: He'll see me in. Then he's running, right, So then

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Speaker 1: I come in and he's like, I'm running from you,

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Speaker 1: And I said, what are you running too? And he's

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00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:49,919
Speaker 1: like running from He's not running from me, he's running

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Speaker 1: to what he was just doing. To try to put

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00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 1: it back, but that also gives me insight into who

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00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 1: my child is, which means when he gets to that

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Speaker 1: age and when he gets his cell phone, he's definitely

419
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,879
Speaker 1: going to be the type of child to have a

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Speaker 1: profile on the side that no one ever knows about

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And I'm not foolish enough

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Speaker 1: to believe that all of my children are angels because

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Speaker 1: I wasn't an angel. You were an angel. You were

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00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 1: doing a wild freaky ship to me when your parents

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00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 1: didn't know. And I take that into account. But realistically,

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00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:27,040
Speaker 1: it's like emotional maturity and emotional intelligence is something that

427
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,640
Speaker 1: we don't spend enough time with our children, and it's

428
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 1: difficult in this world. Right, I'm going to give this example, right,

429
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:37,439
Speaker 1: and we're going to talk more about this example in

430
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,439
Speaker 1: another episode, But learning how to have empathy for people

431
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:45,639
Speaker 1: who are not willfully ignorant, but who are taught ignorance.

432
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:53,679
Speaker 1: For example, UM, someone like Dylan ruth Right. He's he

433
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 1: was a child, I think when he was nineteen nineteen

434
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,880
Speaker 1: when he walked into the children's ath Carolina and killed

435
00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,680
Speaker 1: those people. But he did it because he said that

436
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 1: he to start a race war, which means he was

437
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 1: taught the things he was saying by people who who

438
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:07,760
Speaker 1: we trusted because they were older than his family. He

439
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,200
Speaker 1: was taught these things. Right also said he had a

440
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 1: manifested and he did a lot of stuff on social

441
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 1: media that right there, was a trigger for me because

442
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 1: I said, wait a minute, what are we really doing

443
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,040
Speaker 1: or allowing from our children. When you have a social

444
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: media profile, you get to pick who you follow. Since

445
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 1: you get to pick who you follow, you you are

446
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 1: literally curating your world because most people spend more time

447
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,959
Speaker 1: on social media than they actually spend in the real world.

448
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 1: So if you get to choose who you follow, and

449
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 1: then the algorithm gets to give you people who are

450
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: similar to the people you following, you're now following thousands

451
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 1: of people who are only like the people you want

452
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,600
Speaker 1: to see. And if that person has one message, now

453
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 1: your whole world revolves around that one message. And they

454
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 1: took it a step further. I feel like there was

455
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 1: always the explore page, but then there's a function where

456
00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 1: within your feed there's um suggested follows that. So I

457
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: remember scrolling one day and I was just like, why

458
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 1: is it giving me all this page that I don't follow?

459
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:12,879
Speaker 1: But I'm just and there's an option for you to

460
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:14,280
Speaker 1: opt out of that, So I think I asked it

461
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,439
Speaker 1: out of it for like thirty days, but then it

462
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,159
Speaker 1: comes back and it's just like, you're really pushing this

463
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: stuff on me. But so imagine being a young child

464
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 1: and you follow so for example, some right wing profile,

465
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 1: or they're just spewing hatred and misogyny and and racism

466
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: and sexism and and you know, just really violent, angry messages.

467
00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 1: And because you click this message, now they're giving you

468
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,439
Speaker 1: suggestions of other people with the same message. So if

469
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,439
Speaker 1: you're young, in your mind, you think all of this

470
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: is what the world is. You don't realize that it's

471
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:50,200
Speaker 1: an algorithm that's pushing forth a message and that becomes

472
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 1: your reality. And then be upset at that child whose

473
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 1: reality becomes something that they didn't even realize. So when

474
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:02,200
Speaker 1: I think about my children, I'm like, I'm not saving

475
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 1: Mike or not. I'm not keeping my kids from social

476
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 1: media because I'm worried about them getting marketed some blah

477
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. I'm worried about the world curating an

478
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 1: idea in their mind that I can't control when I'm

479
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 1: not around. And if you get that message enough, easily

480
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 1: persuaded in that. And that's the reality of it. Absolutely,

481
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 1: And think about this. Imagine if we talked about the

482
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 1: cyber bullying. Now you have all your friends in school

483
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 1: who are saying something about you. They share stuff and

484
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: it gets out. This is what our generation never experienced

485
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 1: having to deal with because because bullying was a big

486
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 1: deal when we were growing Remember it was no bullying,

487
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 1: no bully when we were growing up, but it was

488
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 1: only kids in school. Imagine you have to deal with

489
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 1: a whole generation of people who speak different languages sharing

490
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,679
Speaker 1: your picture and making funny comments and stuff. How does

491
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: the child deal with that? No, I totally understand, and

492
00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 1: I totally get it, and I, like I said before,

493
00:26:01,040 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 1: being a mother unlocks this constant state of worry that

494
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,880
Speaker 1: you tend to have when it comes to your children.

495
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: And we had a conversation recently where you were just like, hey,

496
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,919
Speaker 1: I need you to stop existing in a space of

497
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:17,159
Speaker 1: always thinking of the worst that may happen, or you know,

498
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,399
Speaker 1: something negative might go wrong, or but I just feel

499
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:24,440
Speaker 1: like I can no longer exist in this almost utopia

500
00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,639
Speaker 1: that I existed in when we were kids, or just

501
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,639
Speaker 1: even dating or in our twenties, where I'm just like, oh,

502
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 1: we'll just do whatever and we'll be careless and we'll

503
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,680
Speaker 1: be reckless, because Okay, I feel like I have such

504
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 1: a soul responsibility to care for and nurtured these children.

505
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 1: So I worry about what could potentially go wrong. But

506
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 1: I have to learn how to not let that completely

507
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 1: engulf my being, you know. Um. So I think a

508
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,720
Speaker 1: way that I am able to kind of help to

509
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 1: lessen this worry a bit is by being very active

510
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,680
Speaker 1: in and present in whatever they're consuming. So Jackson's text

511
00:26:58,720 --> 00:27:01,920
Speaker 1: messages between his friends, Yes, um, there was a group

512
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 1: text that was with him amongst some other children in

513
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,600
Speaker 1: his grade. And you know, there was some stuff going

514
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 1: on in that group chat where I was like, bro,

515
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: get out at that group chat, like, you don't even

516
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 1: know who some of these kids are. You're the due

517
00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:14,639
Speaker 1: to association. But I want to talk. I want to

518
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 1: talk about that because we live in a time now

519
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 1: where and I remember it started we we started family living.

520
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 1: When I was in fourth grade. We had a family

521
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,600
Speaker 1: living teacher who came and told us that we are humans.

522
00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,159
Speaker 1: We have the right to our own opinion, We have

523
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 1: the right to our own space, and our parents don't

524
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 1: have right to come into our space without asking for

525
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,239
Speaker 1: permission and stuff like that. I don't agree with that.

526
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:34,639
Speaker 1: I don't agree with that at all. And I'm explaining

527
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: to you why the law now will give children all

528
00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,680
Speaker 1: of this leeway to do whatever they want to do,

529
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:46,320
Speaker 1: but you know who the law blames when your children

530
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:50,160
Speaker 1: does something sucked up you as a parent. If your

531
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 1: children damage property, you are responsible for it. Or if

532
00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,360
Speaker 1: your child is within a certain age range, they are

533
00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:59,120
Speaker 1: not responsible for it. So as a teen, for example,

534
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,359
Speaker 1: they do some thing wrong and they're at that age

535
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,199
Speaker 1: where they are now technically almost kind of adult or

536
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,639
Speaker 1: can be charged in an adult, then you, as a

537
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: parent can't even intervene and do anything for your child.

538
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,159
Speaker 1: I think that would be the most heartbreaking thing for

539
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: me to know that God forbid, one of my children

540
00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 1: were in trouble and I was not able to come

541
00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:17,439
Speaker 1: up with a solution. And it's not a matter of

542
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,639
Speaker 1: just bailing them out, because you want to, of course,

543
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: make sure that they're taking responsibility for their actions and

544
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,320
Speaker 1: there will be life lessons that they have to learn

545
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 1: without our intervening. But it's like, imagine being in a

546
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 1: situation where it's just like damn, I can't even got

547
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:31,399
Speaker 1: to imagine that. You want to know why if I

548
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,120
Speaker 1: am responsible for you, there's a certain level of control

549
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,120
Speaker 1: I have to have to protect you, period, And that's

550
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 1: what that's where I stand with children, Right, this is

551
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:43,960
Speaker 1: my child. I am responsible from my child, which means

552
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: I am responsible to control the environment around my child

553
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:52,760
Speaker 1: to make sure that they are available, able enough mentally

554
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 1: and emotionally to take care and handle everything that goes

555
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:57,280
Speaker 1: on in their life, which means while they grow up

556
00:28:57,280 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 1: in my house. No, you don't have privacy to keep

557
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 1: do is closed. No you don't know your phone is

558
00:29:02,480 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 1: not gonna be locked and I'm not gonna happen. Know

559
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 1: you ain't going to such a such house because I

560
00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:08,360
Speaker 1: don't want my parents like And that's not just a

561
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:12,120
Speaker 1: social media thing. That's just controlling your child's environment so

562
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: that you can curate what the world looks like for them,

563
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 1: rather than letting a bot or letting an algorithm curated

564
00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,800
Speaker 1: for them. And I feel like if more people were

565
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 1: responsible enough like that, we wouldn't have the cyber bullying

566
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 1: issues that we have. But since we do have the

567
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:31,800
Speaker 1: cyber bullying issues that we have. I want to be

568
00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 1: clear to parents when you or your child because Kadina

569
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 1: and I have struggled with this as well. Right, when

570
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,800
Speaker 1: you or your child post something on social media has

571
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 1: a comment section if you don't want to hear any

572
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:47,360
Speaker 1: comments about it. Turn the comments off, period. But if

573
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 1: you left the comments open, that means you left the

574
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 1: comments open for people to give their opinion about what

575
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 1: they saw or what they watched. Now, if that's what

576
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 1: you left it open for, you have to receive whatever

577
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: people say. We all know everybody in the world is

578
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 1: not kind hearted. Some people are mean spirited for whatever reasons,

579
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 1: whatever they've gone through in their life. They want to

580
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 1: project whatever issues they have on other people. People like

581
00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 1: that exist. Since we know that, we can't be surprised

582
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 1: when every single comment isn't kind and it's unfair to

583
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 1: your children when you post them. It's unfair to yourself,

584
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,080
Speaker 1: and it's also unfair to the other people who post

585
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,000
Speaker 1: when you post something that you get upset every single

586
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: time someone says something you don't like. If you really

587
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 1: want to be that uh, I don't want to say juvenile,

588
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:39,040
Speaker 1: but that guarded about what people say about what you post.

589
00:30:39,040 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 1: Take the comments off, that's an option, or don't post

590
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: them right. Well, I know that, Like I've spoken before

591
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 1: about someone making a comment about Jackson and made feeling

592
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: like I wanted to like rip the bit head off, right,

593
00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 1: and that's happened recently. To where people particularly want to

594
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 1: comment on this, and I get what you're saying, but

595
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 1: in my feeling that way, I feel like, Okay, the

596
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: context of the video was about, for example, us making

597
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 1: a joke about, say, something that happened on a family trip.

598
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,360
Speaker 1: But then people will tend to, nowitpick about something in

599
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 1: the video which has nothing to do with the context

600
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,239
Speaker 1: of it, or the context of the photo right, or

601
00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: the context of whatever the caption was. But then they'll

602
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 1: choose to pick out something to talk about, whether it

603
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:24,520
Speaker 1: be with our children or with us. Now, yes, you're

604
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: entitled to your opinion, and I think some people are

605
00:31:26,400 --> 00:31:29,040
Speaker 1: just genuinely mean. But we know that, and we know that,

606
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: so if we know that, we have to make a

607
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 1: choice prior to posting if we want to post it,

608
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: and we have to examine, well, what maybe picked a

609
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,720
Speaker 1: part in these videos. Now I am of the mindset

610
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:44,040
Speaker 1: and you and I disagree sometimes in this. I don't

611
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 1: mind posting flaws. I don't mind posting myself with flaws.

612
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 1: You were flaws. I mean, people have made comments all

613
00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 1: the time about my hair thinning. My hair has been

614
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,200
Speaker 1: thinning since I was in my late twenties. You know

615
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. People have made comment about Jackson's teeth,

616
00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 1: they made comment about Cairo not speaking proper English when

617
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 1: he is too. All of these things I've learned to

618
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 1: not let bother me because these are flaws that my

619
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,120
Speaker 1: children are going to have to learn how to deal

620
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,560
Speaker 1: with anyway, and you and I are going to have

621
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: to learn how to deal with personally. So I let

622
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,560
Speaker 1: them help us, help them navigate it, so I don't

623
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,400
Speaker 1: mind it. And if we're being honest, we may get

624
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:20,400
Speaker 1: maybe four or five thousand comments per pose it, maybe

625
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 1: twenty comments that may be best. May someone sends to

626
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 1: us and be like, oh, this person said x y Z,

627
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 1: because we know we do have a very strong support

628
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 1: system for sure. But I do have to say, like

629
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:40,280
Speaker 1: if how you how people respond to what you post

630
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 1: makes you feel a way you, then you then need

631
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 1: to do more soul soarcing about whether or not you

632
00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 1: want to post or not. You know what I'm saying,

633
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 1: Because if you're expecting to have a hundred percent acceptance

634
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:53,200
Speaker 1: on all of your arts, all of your posts, on

635
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 1: all of your blogs, you're gonna fail because nothing in

636
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 1: life is a certain all the time. Like that doesn't

637
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: happen to greatest shooter in the world. Stuff Curry still

638
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 1: misses more than half the time. You know, the greatest

639
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:08,840
Speaker 1: baseball players that hit still hit between two hundred three

640
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:13,520
Speaker 1: you know, two hundred three hundred, which is about and

641
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:18,240
Speaker 1: that means they miss and those are greats. So you

642
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 1: have to understand that people are entitled to their own opinion.

643
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,400
Speaker 1: And once you come to that rationale, and if you

644
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 1: teach your children to come to that rationale, they are

645
00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 1: more equipped to deal with what social media is. Right.

646
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. Na see, I see what

647
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: you're saying for sure, because I mean they will come

648
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 1: a point when they are going to be within their

649
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 1: right to get their own social media right. UM. A

650
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:44,120
Speaker 1: common conversation between myself and some of my mom friends

651
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 1: are but what is that age that you are going

652
00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,320
Speaker 1: to allow your kid potentially to have access to social media?

653
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 1: There's no age. I don't feel like you have to

654
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 1: know as a parent what your child can and can't handle,

655
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:58,880
Speaker 1: and you cannot allow for a particular age to dictate that,

656
00:33:59,320 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 1: nor can you allowed for other parents to One child

657
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:06,880
Speaker 1: may be equipped for, another child may not be equipped for. UM.

658
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,960
Speaker 1: So I think there's an age, you have to be

659
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,680
Speaker 1: equipped to have that conversation with your child. Like I

660
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,239
Speaker 1: explained to Jackson, it was I'm not the type of

661
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: parent that's gonna be like, just listen to me, because

662
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 1: I said so, I explained it. I explained it, and

663
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:22,719
Speaker 1: we talked about emotional maturity, and we had a very

664
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:25,280
Speaker 1: in depth conversation about and we even had a conversation

665
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:29,200
Speaker 1: about his teeth. Right, And I'm open to share this um.

666
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:33,760
Speaker 1: Codein's Codein war braces. Codeine's sister, her brother war braces.

667
00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 1: So in her family, they just have narrower but You're family,

668
00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 1: in particular, have a narrower palette and it has to

669
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,680
Speaker 1: get adjusted, which means the front two teeth typically protrude.

670
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 1: And we've known this since Codeine and I have met

671
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:52,960
Speaker 1: each other. She was wearing a retainer when I met her.

672
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,360
Speaker 1: So I remember one of the things that Codeine says

673
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:58,799
Speaker 1: when Um, when we met together, just like, man, I

674
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 1: hope you're children to get your teeth because you have

675
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 1: a wider palette and they won't have to deal with

676
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: the teeth protrusion. So all these people keep saying that

677
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:07,359
Speaker 1: you'll need to get them children's teeth fixed we are

678
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:10,239
Speaker 1: aware of that. But what I what I don't do

679
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:14,359
Speaker 1: is I don't let people's comments about my son's teeth

680
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,040
Speaker 1: or Jackson affect me, and I'm teaching him how to

681
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 1: not let it affect him. So rather than saying no,

682
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:22,560
Speaker 1: you can't get a social media and in not giving

683
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,080
Speaker 1: him a reason why, I'm explaining to him for sure,

684
00:35:25,239 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 1: we're not telling Jackson that people are making these comments

685
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 1: about him either. I am no, no, no no, this is

686
00:35:31,920 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: what I told Jackson. I said, listen um because he

687
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 1: had so on YouTube one time, like what what what?

688
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 1: It was wrong with my teeth? Right, And now that

689
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: he's going through the process of getting braces, it's an

690
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,680
Speaker 1: easier conversation to have because he's going through the process

691
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:46,800
Speaker 1: of getting it fixed in real time, in real time.

692
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 1: So I didn't tell him earlier because then it's like

693
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 1: he was going to be worried about his teeth and

694
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:56,520
Speaker 1: walking around with a subconscious condition of everyone's looking at

695
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 1: my teeth. So when you started taking him to the

696
00:35:58,800 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: endodontist and he was just like orthodont orthodontists, it was

697
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 1: like that he asked me that why do I why

698
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 1: I don't want to get braceist? I'm worried. So then

699
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 1: I explained to myself, look at your mom's teth, look

700
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 1: at your uncle Seth, look at your honestly, look at that.

701
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 1: No no, no no, no, no no. And I was like,

702
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:13,879
Speaker 1: this will also help you with your bite. It will

703
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 1: help you with your hygiene because if your your teeth

704
00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 1: aren't in alignment. And this is how I explained. I

705
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 1: didn't even use other people as a reason why he

706
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 1: has to give his teeth fix. What I explained to

707
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:25,480
Speaker 1: him is if your teeth are in a line, it

708
00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:28,440
Speaker 1: can cause migraines because your bite can be off. If

709
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: you don't chew properly, you can have issues swallowing. So

710
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 1: I gave him, I gave him reasons as to why

711
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 1: his teeth needed to get fixed. But then I also said,

712
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:41,720
Speaker 1: when your teeth look different than everyone else's teeth, people

713
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 1: tend to poke fund at people who are different. You

714
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: have to learn how to realize what's different about yourself,

715
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,760
Speaker 1: walk in it, on it, and don't let people define

716
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 1: you by what's different in yourself. And then having those conversations,

717
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,799
Speaker 1: I'm helping him get tools to defend himself and be

718
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 1: empowered even if something happens and I can't control it,

719
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:04,920
Speaker 1: because let's be honest, we can't control all the comments.

720
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,440
Speaker 1: We can't control we can once he gets thirteen and

721
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:09,360
Speaker 1: stuff like that, he's probably gonna have a little secret

722
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 1: profile and doing all this stuff because kids do stuff

723
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 1: like that. We snuck out our parents house, we went

724
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 1: to parties we weren't supposed to. But rather than just

725
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,800
Speaker 1: tell him, no, you can't have social media, I'm choosing

726
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:22,839
Speaker 1: to arm him with the emotional security to be able

727
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 1: to feel strong enough to say, this is who I am.

728
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:28,040
Speaker 1: This is Jackson, regardless of what people say. I'm gonna

729
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 1: walk proudly in who I am. I love that you've

730
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 1: done that with him. And we've also taken the approach

731
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:35,839
Speaker 1: like even just with simple things like for example, I'm

732
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:38,439
Speaker 1: sure other boy moms and dads can relate, but it's

733
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 1: trying to instill proper hygiene, taking pride in oneself, how

734
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:46,680
Speaker 1: you look when you leave the house, maintaining just yourself overall.

735
00:37:47,200 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 1: And instead of taking the approach like, well, Jackson, you

736
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 1: got to make sure that you, like, you know, brush

737
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 1: your hair, because girls ain't gonna like you if you're

738
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,400
Speaker 1: hearing brushed like you don't got nothing to do with

739
00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 1: the girls. We want you to be able to make

740
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:02,200
Speaker 1: sure that you know you need to walk out of

741
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,440
Speaker 1: this house, door, house, this front door, looking your best,

742
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,759
Speaker 1: feeling your best, because that's something you need to do

743
00:38:07,840 --> 00:38:10,640
Speaker 1: for yourself. You don't have nothing to do with nobody else.

744
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 1: So I've been that approach. Also with social media. I

745
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,919
Speaker 1: think has been great too, because now Jackson doesn't look

746
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 1: at him getting braces as something that's so daunting and

747
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm gonna have this for two years.

748
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 1: He has now an excitement around it because he's just

749
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:27,600
Speaker 1: like it's progressing. You know, his expanders in now, so

750
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:29,759
Speaker 1: he's like, mom, like it's expanding. Can you see can

751
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 1: you tell you know? I got him his little water pick,

752
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:33,520
Speaker 1: he got his little system with how he can practice

753
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 1: proper hygiene, and then I can speak to him from

754
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 1: a place of Mommy has been here before, so here

755
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:39,759
Speaker 1: are the things that I did to help. I can

756
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 1: now know certain foods to give him and not give him,

757
00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 1: because it can help to just make the process that

758
00:38:45,480 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 1: much easier. He even called my sister who had to

759
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 1: deal with the same thing he hasn't now and yeah,

760
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 1: she had the same issue with the narrow palace, you know,

761
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:56,480
Speaker 1: having to expand it, and you know, technology has advanced

762
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:58,759
Speaker 1: so much, even between her and I having braces. So

763
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:00,600
Speaker 1: she spoke to him one day. He was a little

764
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 1: apprehensive and you know, scared about what was happening in

765
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:04,839
Speaker 1: the process, and she was like, buddy, like, YO, call

766
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 1: me if you need me. Like, that's great to have

767
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,640
Speaker 1: that support system as well too. So but that's but

768
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,800
Speaker 1: I think that's what people need to do more focusing

769
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:12,520
Speaker 1: on because you can't prevent your child from being on

770
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 1: social media, but you can also give them proper social

771
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,440
Speaker 1: media etiquette. Right. So for example, when you used to

772
00:39:17,440 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 1: walk out of the house before school, your parents used

773
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,799
Speaker 1: to say, sticking stones may break my bones, but names

774
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 1: will never hurt me. And also tell you if you

775
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 1: have nothing kind to say, don't say anything at all, right,

776
00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 1: So they your parents also teach you how to treat

777
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 1: people in person. We would hope that more parents would

778
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,239
Speaker 1: teach their children how to act on social media, but

779
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 1: if we're being honest, there's a lot of parents in

780
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 1: this generation that never used social media. So when you

781
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 1: speak to parents and they're like, you get your sons

782
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:44,919
Speaker 1: doing on social media, they're looking like well, I don't

783
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 1: even know what this is, so they don't even know

784
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,359
Speaker 1: how to equip their children with how to be kind

785
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,000
Speaker 1: to other people. You understand what I'm saying. Not so

786
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 1: for me, it's not only so much about protecting my child,

787
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 1: but it's also helping society and protecting other people's children. Right,

788
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 1: don't allow your children to become part of the virtual

789
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 1: lynch mob. Right. The virtual lynch mob is the same

790
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 1: group of bad girls or bad guys in elementary school,

791
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:12,360
Speaker 1: junior high school, high school who find the weak person

792
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: and they all gang up on the person. For us

793
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,799
Speaker 1: in high school, it was called a what was that

794
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:21,360
Speaker 1: book they had? It was a composition book And people

795
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: would would find a person and they would have a

796
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,640
Speaker 1: composition book and they would draw pictures of this person

797
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 1: and might write bad things, and they would pass it

798
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:32,719
Speaker 1: around the school and then eventually the person would find out,

799
00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 1: like there's a book going on. It wasn't that a

800
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:41,319
Speaker 1: show that we were watching? Yeah? Why, But those things

801
00:40:41,360 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: like that happened actually before social media was a big thing.

802
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 1: There was a big one in Madison. I mean when

803
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:50,680
Speaker 1: I was graduating, there was a young lady and there

804
00:40:50,719 --> 00:40:52,839
Speaker 1: was a bunch of Um, a young lady was talking

805
00:40:52,880 --> 00:40:55,719
Speaker 1: to this guy and all of his friends created a book.

806
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 1: They drew pictures of her, you know, doing you know,

807
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 1: scantily clad thing, drawing stuff with her with a penis

808
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 1: in her mouth and saying things like that, and it

809
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: was just guys being bullies, right, and it was a book,

810
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 1: but you had all of these guys doing it. So

811
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 1: when she finally showed the book, it hurt her, you know.

812
00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:16,719
Speaker 1: But now there's no book, there's social media. And when

813
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 1: I think about it now, it was like, I never

814
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:21,440
Speaker 1: participated in things like that because my mom and my

815
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:25,439
Speaker 1: dad made sure that growing up, I always took care

816
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,239
Speaker 1: of the little person, you know what I'm saying, Like

817
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:31,439
Speaker 1: the person that everyone else seems to be going at.

818
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,040
Speaker 1: It was kind of like, wait, why can I just understand?

819
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 1: Why are we all ganging up on this person who

820
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 1: seems to not know how to protect themselves? Like what

821
00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 1: is the fund in this? Like my parents used to

822
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,919
Speaker 1: my father, he's you're the oldest, you gotta protect your brother,

823
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, don't ever let nobody done that.

824
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 1: And he used to tell me in the world, they're

825
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 1: going to be people who can't protect themselves, like you can't.

826
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,240
Speaker 1: It is your responsibility to protect them if you can't,

827
00:41:53,239 --> 00:41:55,640
Speaker 1: even if you don't know them. That was a teacher

828
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 1: from my father. I teach Jackson the same thing. Jackson

829
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:02,640
Speaker 1: is such a pathetic child, he really really is. Like

830
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,160
Speaker 1: it's amazing to see how he's able to have such

831
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:09,440
Speaker 1: empathy for people, regardless of who it is, and he

832
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:11,440
Speaker 1: wears his emotion on his sleeve. Um, and it's a

833
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 1: beautiful thing to see that. I think the teachings from

834
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 1: your dad has manifested itself into him and his spirit

835
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 1: reminds me of my grandmother and my father. Yeah, who

836
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 1: is the same way. She just like everybody just loved

837
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,759
Speaker 1: her and um adored her and revered her because she

838
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:29,439
Speaker 1: just cared genuinely for people. And that's like the person

839
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:31,920
Speaker 1: at the very bottom of the bottom of the totem polls,

840
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,279
Speaker 1: you know, important to society standards, and then it could

841
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:36,439
Speaker 1: be the king, you know what I mean. Um, it's

842
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 1: regardless of who the person is having that. So that's

843
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:42,879
Speaker 1: pretty dope. There are some parental parental control softwares out

844
00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 1: there that can be used. One that I'm particularly familiar

845
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 1: with more recently. Um, now that Jackson has a new

846
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 1: phone and trying to install certain things. UM. This one

847
00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,399
Speaker 1: called Bark and Bark is a really good one UM

848
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 1: that gives parents more control over their child's Internet devices.

849
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 1: And it also gives you the ability and to monitor

850
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 1: like their social media, text messages, other activity UM to

851
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:07,239
Speaker 1: alert you when there are signs of possible cyber bullying, depression,

852
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,720
Speaker 1: or inappropriate content. So I think UM any parents should

853
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:12,960
Speaker 1: be invested in making sure that they're finding some sort

854
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:16,600
Speaker 1: of software that they can then use, even if they're

855
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:18,560
Speaker 1: just doing random checks, but it can kind of lets

856
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 1: you know in real time if something that's for example,

857
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 1: search on their phone that's inappropriate, or they're receiving something

858
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:27,120
Speaker 1: inappropriate on their phone UM, or even if you're watching

859
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:29,319
Speaker 1: they're playing the game and sometimes those ads come in

860
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,520
Speaker 1: and I've seen some ads pop up that looks kind

861
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 1: of like sexual ba yeah, sexual base or something, and

862
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,279
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know, scroll past that. But you know,

863
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:40,320
Speaker 1: do your due diligence with that. Even with all of

864
00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:43,799
Speaker 1: these things, you still have to have these conversations with

865
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 1: your children because all of these all of these like

866
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:48,840
Speaker 1: Bark and Stop and these things that these prevention and

867
00:43:48,840 --> 00:43:50,480
Speaker 1: all this other stuff. My parents put all these things

868
00:43:50,480 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 1: in place to prevent me from doing stuff, and I

869
00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 1: had access to everything. You know what I'm saying, because

870
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 1: you had the code for the box on cables and

871
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:01,920
Speaker 1: Spice plain something to you guys, right, alright, Spice Shandol

872
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:06,800
Speaker 1: channel sixty nine, great number, the channel on cable vision, right,

873
00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 1: and there was a little red dot in the back

874
00:44:08,560 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 1: of the cable box, right. And I knew that if

875
00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:12,719
Speaker 1: you hold the cable box and you hold the enter

876
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: and the power at the same time you hold a

877
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:17,479
Speaker 1: little red button, the scrambled Spice Shandel will become clear band.

878
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:19,840
Speaker 1: So I used to be watching all that stuff in

879
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 1: middle school, right, And this is what my parents putting

880
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:25,360
Speaker 1: up the parental guarden. Everything I'm scrambling the house unscrambled

881
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:27,360
Speaker 1: all of that. So I was watching these chicks, right,

882
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 1: But I know that our children are gonna find ways

883
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 1: around it. The greater assets is to helping, is to

884
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,200
Speaker 1: making sure that they are empowered with the ability to

885
00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 1: handle the things they see, not just prevent them from

886
00:44:41,120 --> 00:44:43,719
Speaker 1: seeing things, because you can't prevent them from seeing. That

887
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 1: is very what I'm saying. That's a very good point

888
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 1: because if they're not finding on their phone. They're talking

889
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 1: to their little friends. And I first learned about the

890
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:56,680
Speaker 1: Spice channel at a dude named Ian's house who we moved.

891
00:44:56,960 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 1: We moved my back in. If I'm blowing you up,

892
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:02,319
Speaker 1: but I think you're good eno you probably I don't know. Yeah,

893
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:04,279
Speaker 1: so you're good now your parents will be fine. But

894
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 1: I went to his house, right, and it's the first

895
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 1: time we moved to Canarsi, and this is when I started.

896
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 1: This is the first time I ever lived around white people.

897
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:14,760
Speaker 1: This is the true story, true true story. We moved

898
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 1: from Flatbush to Canarsi and I had a boy named Mark,

899
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:22,279
Speaker 1: and I never forget going by marks house. And Mark

900
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:24,279
Speaker 1: was in his room and I went by mark room.

901
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:26,279
Speaker 1: He's a little older than me, and his mother came

902
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 1: in the room. It was just like, Mark, you gotta

903
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:31,560
Speaker 1: clean this goddamn room. And he said, close my goddamn door, right,

904
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:34,160
Speaker 1: and she slammed the door, and I was like, well,

905
00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 1: what's happening here, Like he just said goddamn to his

906
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:38,920
Speaker 1: mother's about to be crazy. She's about to come back

907
00:45:38,920 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 1: in here with a knife, right. So he's like he's like, yeah,

908
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:42,560
Speaker 1: let's get out of here. Let's get out of here, right.

909
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:44,760
Speaker 1: So he walks out of the house, leaves the door open,

910
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:46,880
Speaker 1: and he's like, Mom, close my damn door. Don't go

911
00:45:46,880 --> 00:45:48,919
Speaker 1: on my room, right, And then she was just like Mark,

912
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:53,279
Speaker 1: shut the funk up, like it was like communicated. So

913
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,239
Speaker 1: I was just like, man, this, yeah, this don't seem

914
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:57,560
Speaker 1: like this is gonna work in my house. I'm an

915
00:45:57,680 --> 00:45:59,719
Speaker 1: refrain from doing that. But then we went by in

916
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:03,439
Speaker 1: so house, went by in his house and was like, hey,

917
00:46:03,640 --> 00:46:06,560
Speaker 1: you want to see something cool? And I was nine,

918
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: and he was just like he was like he's something cool,

919
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:10,719
Speaker 1: and I was like, yeah, let me sound cool. So

920
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:12,560
Speaker 1: he went in the back of the cable box and

921
00:46:12,600 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 1: he hit the thing. He did the thing with the

922
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,239
Speaker 1: internal power and held the button right and when in

923
00:46:16,239 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 1: the beginning, all I saw was like scrambled gray lines,

924
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:20,880
Speaker 1: but I did see some titties, so it was like scrambles,

925
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 1: gray lines, some titties, and then wants the thing cleared up.

926
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,120
Speaker 1: All I've seen was like titty and the lady she

927
00:46:26,160 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 1: had on like a little plumber thing and she came

928
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 1: in and she was just like hey, and it was

929
00:46:30,160 --> 00:46:35,319
Speaker 1: like she was just like, my pipes are clogged. I

930
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:38,360
Speaker 1: need someone to clean my pipes, and I was like,

931
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:39,840
Speaker 1: I was nine. I was like, what is this? So

932
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 1: then he his dad comes in there. I was like, yeah,

933
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,920
Speaker 1: what I tell you about watching this ship? And then

934
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 1: he like turned the TV off and told us to

935
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:50,160
Speaker 1: go outside, right, So I was like, wait, his father

936
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,960
Speaker 1: know he'd be watching this. Did his ass whooped and

937
00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: then he made us turn off and go outside. But

938
00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 1: at the time, I didn't, like, I didn't understand what

939
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 1: was going on, and my father never spoke to me

940
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 1: about sex because my father was like the parent controls

941
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 1: are my kids ain't watching? I'm good right right? Right?

942
00:47:08,160 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 1: Then we get then we get older and little di

943
00:47:10,400 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: he know we've been watching it all through high school

944
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:15,000
Speaker 1: and middle school. Then my brother ends up having a

945
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:18,759
Speaker 1: baby at seventeen. You know what I'm saying, because no, yeah,

946
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 1: no one ever prepared us for what we were going

947
00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:23,759
Speaker 1: to see. Right, So I'm learning now that you know,

948
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:25,799
Speaker 1: not to say that my parents were bad parents, but

949
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 1: rather than saying, don't do this, abstinence, you know, kind

950
00:47:29,719 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 1: of like the black the Black Church, abstinence, don't have sex.

951
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:34,840
Speaker 1: Let's talk about these things and let's discuss how to

952
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:37,080
Speaker 1: navigate them. Properly. So let's say all we talk about

953
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,719
Speaker 1: communication all the time, and the show we talk about transparency,

954
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,759
Speaker 1: and it's not just between the val and I. We

955
00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 1: exhibit these same practices with our children. And it doesn't

956
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:51,359
Speaker 1: start when they're old enough to comprehend whatever we think

957
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:54,600
Speaker 1: it may be. Naturally we have age appropriate discussions depending

958
00:47:54,640 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 1: on what they can absorb and understand at that moment.

959
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 1: But these conversations continue to happen as they grow, and

960
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:03,000
Speaker 1: you divulge a little bit more and a little bit

961
00:48:03,040 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: more detail as they get older, because in turn, you're

962
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:09,240
Speaker 1: able to then equip them with at least the knowledge

963
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 1: to that now know how to make a decision, because

964
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,239
Speaker 1: we're not gonna be there to be able to make them.

965
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:15,400
Speaker 1: As much as I want to be able to hand

966
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:18,520
Speaker 1: hold them through this life, I have realized the value

967
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:22,120
Speaker 1: in making sure that my children I'm hands off with

968
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 1: sometimes because you're gonna have to learn Jackson being late

969
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 1: to school in the morning, I'm not gonna be like Jackson,

970
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 1: is this time? Jackson? Is this time? Jackson? You're Jackson?

971
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 1: You know your ride is about to be outside. No,

972
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:34,839
Speaker 1: you missed, You miss your ride to school? Bro, how

973
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:37,040
Speaker 1: are you gonna get there. Let me figure it out.

974
00:48:37,320 --> 00:48:39,040
Speaker 1: You have to figure it out. Let me talked about

975
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 1: figuring stuff out. This is how smart these kids our

976
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:43,200
Speaker 1: parents point For you to know, one of my kids

977
00:48:43,239 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 1: I was mentoring got in trouble for content that he

978
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 1: has shared on social media. His mom says, y'all got

979
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:53,359
Speaker 1: the wrong child, because my son doesn't even have a phone. Yeah,

980
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:57,520
Speaker 1: doesn't even have a phone phone. His cousin got an

981
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:00,880
Speaker 1: upgrade on his iPhone and still kept the old iPhone.

982
00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:03,959
Speaker 1: Gave it to him and she said the line doesn't work.

983
00:49:04,040 --> 00:49:07,840
Speaker 1: He used the WiFi, created a profile and a password,

984
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:10,799
Speaker 1: and had a whole another separate social media life. His

985
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:13,160
Speaker 1: mom swore up and down that he didn't have so

986
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 1: he was out there just stugging it. He never even

987
00:49:15,120 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 1: took the phone home. You want to know why because

988
00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 1: his mom used to check his bag and check his room.

989
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 1: Guess where he kept the phone? School in his locker.

990
00:49:25,400 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 1: And I'm telling you this story because as much as

991
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:31,400
Speaker 1: you think you can prevent your children from seeing things

992
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:34,720
Speaker 1: or doing things, you can't. And all you can really

993
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:37,840
Speaker 1: do is prepare them with the emotional intelligence to handle

994
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:41,319
Speaker 1: what they see accordingly. So yes, I'm not putting my

995
00:49:41,400 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 1: kids on social media. I'm not letting them get up

996
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:47,840
Speaker 1: social media page. But on top of that, I'm preparing them.

997
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. All right, y'all, this

998
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:54,440
Speaker 1: is a good segue to take a little bit of break,

999
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:57,360
Speaker 1: all right, and then we're going to get back to

1000
00:49:57,400 --> 00:50:01,439
Speaker 1: some listener letters after pay some bills. All right, see

1001
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:14,000
Speaker 1: you soon. All right, we're back. Let's dive into listener

1002
00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:16,840
Speaker 1: letters now we have to today we normally always have

1003
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:18,960
Speaker 1: to that to one development. Let you read that because

1004
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,720
Speaker 1: all right, hi guys, I hope you all are doing well.

1005
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:26,319
Speaker 1: Thank you. A little tired, but you know, hey, I'm

1006
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:29,080
Speaker 1: tired and pro Perpetuity already told you that. I often

1007
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:30,839
Speaker 1: listened to your podcast and I've heard you guys speak

1008
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,080
Speaker 1: a few times about taking breaks in your relationship. What

1009
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 1: is your opinion on taking breaks and when you guys

1010
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 1: were in college, what led to those decisions of taking

1011
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:41,760
Speaker 1: the time apart? Do you guys feel like those times

1012
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:46,279
Speaker 1: benefited relationship? Absolutely? I think they did benefit our relationship

1013
00:50:46,320 --> 00:50:49,080
Speaker 1: a lot um develop I yes, we've spoken about at

1014
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:51,839
Speaker 1: certain points in our relationship, particularly in the beginning, having

1015
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:54,440
Speaker 1: to take those breaks. Some of them were forced in

1016
00:50:54,520 --> 00:50:57,240
Speaker 1: that develot was you know, for example, in the NFL

1017
00:50:57,320 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 1: had to leave and go to Detroit and that's where

1018
00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 1: he was then stationed, and I was still back in

1019
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:04,920
Speaker 1: New York at Hofstra finishing grad school. So that was

1020
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,279
Speaker 1: kind of like a forced break in a sense, although

1021
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,959
Speaker 1: we were together break yeah, um, but I think those

1022
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 1: moments definitely kind of helped us to decide whether or

1023
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,600
Speaker 1: not this was a space that we wanted to be in. Um.

1024
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 1: It was very healthy for us to have these breaks. Um.

1025
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,719
Speaker 1: And though at the time certain times that we had

1026
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:24,879
Speaker 1: to take these breaks and they weren't frequent, they were

1027
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 1: maybe like two or three times over the course of

1028
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 1: our relationship. We got on a break twice in college, yeah,

1029
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 1: and that one time when I got back from the NFL.

1030
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 1: About three times, and sometimes, you know, either of us

1031
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:41,360
Speaker 1: were the ones to initiate it. So where one person

1032
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:43,120
Speaker 1: kind of wants to have the break and the other

1033
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:45,240
Speaker 1: doesn't want to have the break, I think it tends

1034
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 1: to complicate things, um in a sense. But they definitely

1035
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 1: were beneficial because it gave each of us the choice

1036
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:54,640
Speaker 1: to decide if this is somewhere that we wanted to

1037
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,759
Speaker 1: be and rather than trying to hold things together by

1038
00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:00,120
Speaker 1: force or trying to hold things together because of the

1039
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 1: time that was already invested. Um giving the person the

1040
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:06,359
Speaker 1: opportunity to go out there and just kind of not

1041
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 1: necessarily even be with someone else, but giving them the

1042
00:52:09,920 --> 00:52:12,279
Speaker 1: space to just kind of either clear their head or

1043
00:52:12,320 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 1: decide like what it is they really want out of

1044
00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:17,399
Speaker 1: life in general, and to see how you even fit

1045
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:20,120
Speaker 1: into that equation. If you do, I think it's necessary

1046
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:24,319
Speaker 1: to have those moments. Um Mine is really short for this.

1047
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 1: Having those brakes every time made me realize that I

1048
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:31,800
Speaker 1: wanted to be here because here I get an opportunity

1049
00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:35,680
Speaker 1: two as they say, a young man sold my wild olds.

1050
00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:38,719
Speaker 1: And when I had the opportunity to go and do that,

1051
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:41,680
Speaker 1: something in me was just like I want to be

1052
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:44,720
Speaker 1: with Cadino, Like I'd rather be here. But having that option,

1053
00:52:44,800 --> 00:52:48,239
Speaker 1: in that choice to make that decision embowered me and

1054
00:52:48,280 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: made me realize, like, yo, I just want to be

1055
00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:52,719
Speaker 1: because I don't need to be there, But I'm still

1056
00:52:52,800 --> 00:52:55,560
Speaker 1: going over to her apartment, like I'm still going to

1057
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:59,399
Speaker 1: her room. We used to fight it, man, I told

1058
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:01,319
Speaker 1: you about That's how Develt left my apartment with all

1059
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 1: his stuff. Like the suitcase. It was winter time, it

1060
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 1: was cold, it was it was windy, and he threw

1061
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:09,359
Speaker 1: his scarf around his head like Mary J. Blige and

1062
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:12,600
Speaker 1: not try video. It was one of the wool joints

1063
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:15,960
Speaker 1: that looked like Burdberry, but it wasn't really burberry. It

1064
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 1: was furberry. It was the story did that has evolved

1065
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 1: into the person you see here today? He was not

1066
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:28,600
Speaker 1: always like this okay, and I evolved to like what

1067
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:31,839
Speaker 1: you're You're that. We weren't always the one to wear

1068
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 1: a fake Burberry scarf and throw it around your neck

1069
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,360
Speaker 1: like Mary J. Blosh all you were missing with the glasses?

1070
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:39,040
Speaker 1: Who were you dating all this time? Because it was

1071
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 1: you took that you strowing out of my apartment with

1072
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 1: your suitcase, like this is it, I'm out of here,

1073
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:47,160
Speaker 1: and then you turned around and came back within thirty minutes,

1074
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:50,759
Speaker 1: like because yeah, I went back to my room and

1075
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 1: my dumbass took you back. Yes, that went to my

1076
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 1: room when it was nothing in there. It was just

1077
00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:58,800
Speaker 1: Aloud and maybe some couple of noodles. It was bloud,

1078
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:04,120
Speaker 1: sprites and old. It can make nuggets. But even even that,

1079
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 1: that was the time that I stormed out but that

1080
00:54:05,680 --> 00:54:07,880
Speaker 1: wasn't a break though. We actually did go on a

1081
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:11,520
Speaker 1: break after that, and even in that break, I'm still

1082
00:54:11,560 --> 00:54:13,520
Speaker 1: at your apartment every day, and it was just like,

1083
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:17,359
Speaker 1: didout go away? You wanted this break, right? She was like,

1084
00:54:17,560 --> 00:54:20,919
Speaker 1: please stop stop, please stop waving me to come back,

1085
00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 1: but um no, going on breaks actually just gives you

1086
00:54:25,120 --> 00:54:27,840
Speaker 1: an open choice. And when you have the opportunity to

1087
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:31,399
Speaker 1: make an open choice and YouTube both collectively still want

1088
00:54:31,440 --> 00:54:35,719
Speaker 1: to be there, that it doesn't do. So I do

1089
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:38,400
Speaker 1: think breaks are healthy, especially and in those times where

1090
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 1: you know change happens, and then in a break, you

1091
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 1: have to be also willing and able and knowledgeable up

1092
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 1: to know that somebody may not come back after that break,

1093
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:52,439
Speaker 1: that breaks might then make them decide, you know what,

1094
00:54:52,520 --> 00:54:55,799
Speaker 1: this might not be for me. Take that ship as

1095
00:54:55,800 --> 00:54:59,239
Speaker 1: a blessing. Don't hold me here hostage just to hold

1096
00:54:59,239 --> 00:55:02,800
Speaker 1: me here hostage, because if you decide that this is

1097
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:05,000
Speaker 1: not where you want to be, I'd rather you go

1098
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,359
Speaker 1: find your happiness else, or actually find you're happy within

1099
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:09,880
Speaker 1: you and then see how you can share that with

1100
00:55:09,920 --> 00:55:11,320
Speaker 1: somebody else. She didn't say that to me when I

1101
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 1: was in my break, but sure, that's growth, Like I

1102
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:16,400
Speaker 1: said he wasn't the same person. I ain't the same person.

1103
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:18,439
Speaker 1: In that moment, I had his ass in a choke hold.

1104
00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:21,600
Speaker 1: I will say this. Never come back from a break

1105
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:24,799
Speaker 1: and say I'm gonna be with that person because I

1106
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:27,880
Speaker 1: don't want her to be with someone else. The reason

1107
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 1: for coming back to the break should be because you

1108
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:32,399
Speaker 1: want to be there, not because you just don't want

1109
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:34,279
Speaker 1: them to be with someone else. That's just selfish, because

1110
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:37,040
Speaker 1: what typically happens is you didn't have resentment because you

1111
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 1: don't want that person to be with anybody else. But

1112
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,759
Speaker 1: you still don't want to be there. And now you

1113
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:43,120
Speaker 1: say the only reason why I'm here is because of you,

1114
00:55:43,800 --> 00:55:45,759
Speaker 1: and that's not good. So make sure you're there because

1115
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,080
Speaker 1: you want to be the right reasons, y'all, always the

1116
00:55:48,160 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 1: right reasons. All right on to number two, devote ahead.

1117
00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:51,839
Speaker 1: I mean we could break this up to I can

1118
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:53,800
Speaker 1: rehaf and half because this pretty, this is a novel.

1119
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:57,799
Speaker 1: This is we over me. Hey, guys, peace and prosperity

1120
00:55:57,840 --> 00:55:59,880
Speaker 1: to you and your family. I know you can hundreds

1121
00:55:59,880 --> 00:56:02,520
Speaker 1: of letters daily, but if this happens to catch your attention,

1122
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:05,960
Speaker 1: please help assister out. I seven year old female. I

1123
00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:09,200
Speaker 1: am terrified of marriage. I've been with my boyfriend year

1124
00:56:09,239 --> 00:56:11,840
Speaker 1: old for eight years. We have two bail for children,

1125
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:14,120
Speaker 1: and he proposed to me years ago, but I keep

1126
00:56:14,160 --> 00:56:16,160
Speaker 1: pushing the wedding back. Although I love this man with

1127
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:19,359
Speaker 1: everything in me, and every obstacle we've ever encountered, we've

1128
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:22,239
Speaker 1: conquered and pushed through, the thought of marriage scares me.

1129
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:24,760
Speaker 1: I want to marry him, I really do. The problem

1130
00:56:24,840 --> 00:56:27,760
Speaker 1: is it's never something I've seen successfully accomplished. That's most people.

1131
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:30,800
Speaker 1: Just to be clear, more than fifty percent of people

1132
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:33,560
Speaker 1: that get married get divorced, So most marriages you see,

1133
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:37,040
Speaker 1: don't end well. Every married person I know talks negatively,

1134
00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:40,520
Speaker 1: negatively about marriage, not us, like they never bring up

1135
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:43,600
Speaker 1: a positive moment, not us. His mother divorced her husband

1136
00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 1: and all she talks about is how it's a negative experience.

1137
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,520
Speaker 1: My mother has been married to my stepfather for over

1138
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:51,840
Speaker 1: ten years and I've never witnessed a loving moment between them.

1139
00:56:51,880 --> 00:56:53,799
Speaker 1: You know, both of I have expressed, both of us

1140
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:57,239
Speaker 1: have expressed that in our families we've watched marriages and

1141
00:56:57,280 --> 00:57:00,200
Speaker 1: felt like the marriages just never seemed to be super positive. Ye,

1142
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:03,760
Speaker 1: we can definitely relate to that. My grandparents still lived together,

1143
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 1: but they've never been married and seemed to be more

1144
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,640
Speaker 1: of roommates than a couple of My biological dad. Ever

1145
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:11,399
Speaker 1: since I told him I was pregnant with our first

1146
00:57:11,480 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 1: child when I was twenty, has repeatedly stated that my

1147
00:57:15,040 --> 00:57:17,840
Speaker 1: fiance would leave me alone as a single mother. Once

1148
00:57:17,880 --> 00:57:21,000
Speaker 1: my fiance proved that he's in this for the long one,

1149
00:57:21,040 --> 00:57:23,600
Speaker 1: he still enforces his belief that once we get married,

1150
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:25,720
Speaker 1: he will leave me and the children. And I am

1151
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,600
Speaker 1: stupid for doing this to myself. Wow, you don't have

1152
00:57:28,640 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 1: a lot of You don't have a strong support systems.

1153
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 1: All of our friends hate that we don't talk about

1154
00:57:33,440 --> 00:57:36,320
Speaker 1: any issues with them about our relationship, and they say

1155
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:40,280
Speaker 1: we think we're too good and they stay Yo. She

1156
00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:42,840
Speaker 1: has no support system. I feel so bad for this

1157
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:46,680
Speaker 1: person that if we get married, our relationship will crumble.

1158
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 1: He's willing, I mean, people told me and K the

1159
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:53,520
Speaker 1: entire way willing to wait on marriage, but has expressed

1160
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,840
Speaker 1: that he's not really happy that we're going to be

1161
00:57:55,920 --> 00:57:58,840
Speaker 1: into ours ninth year and I keep pushing things back.

1162
00:57:59,160 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 1: I guess my question is, do you believe that a

1163
00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:03,960
Speaker 1: successful marriage can be accomplished? Do you listen to that

1164
00:58:04,120 --> 00:58:07,760
Speaker 1: as podcasts, even when neither of us have seen a

1165
00:58:07,800 --> 00:58:13,560
Speaker 1: successful marriage. Is my fear justified? Girl? Yes you can

1166
00:58:14,000 --> 00:58:17,480
Speaker 1: period like this is a short answer. That's a short answer, devil,

1167
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:20,560
Speaker 1: and I literally and I mean, y'all. We divulge more

1168
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 1: about this in our book, UM that will be in

1169
00:58:24,200 --> 00:58:28,400
Speaker 1: hand February seve But you can pre order now, you

1170
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 1: can definitely pre order, please do UM. So we divulge

1171
00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:35,800
Speaker 1: more about this in detail. But you just have to

1172
00:58:35,880 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 1: curate the life and the marriage and the relationship that

1173
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 1: you want. You cannot lean on other people for their opinions.

1174
00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:46,520
Speaker 1: And I had come to the revelation because initially I

1175
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 1: was putting the onus on, for example, my mother or

1176
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:52,040
Speaker 1: my aunt's or my grandmother or just women who were

1177
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 1: in my household or outside of my household but had

1178
00:58:55,160 --> 00:58:58,040
Speaker 1: a hand in raising me. I was putting the responsibility

1179
00:58:58,080 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 1: on them to be the ones you give me. You

1180
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 1: know all the tea about marriage, Let me know the

1181
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 1: pros and the cons, Let me know what I should

1182
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 1: and shouldn't do, Like you feel like these women should

1183
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:11,680
Speaker 1: then kind of lift you up and prepare you for

1184
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 1: this marriage. And the more I think about it, the more,

1185
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,960
Speaker 1: I realized maybe the blessing and not having that and

1186
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:21,560
Speaker 1: then having to figure things out on my own because

1187
00:59:21,600 --> 00:59:25,520
Speaker 1: I was coming to my relationship with you kind of

1188
00:59:25,560 --> 00:59:28,480
Speaker 1: green and figuring things out along the way. Now, was

1189
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:32,800
Speaker 1: it easy? Hell No, it wasn't. We're still twenty years

1190
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:34,840
Speaker 1: in trying to figure out things as we continue to

1191
00:59:34,840 --> 00:59:37,120
Speaker 1: grow and change. So I think about how much more

1192
00:59:37,240 --> 00:59:40,760
Speaker 1: jaded I might have been by hearing these instances from

1193
00:59:40,800 --> 00:59:43,480
Speaker 1: these women in my life and knowing, like, shoot, so

1194
00:59:43,520 --> 00:59:45,880
Speaker 1: many of them are living in a state of unhappiness

1195
00:59:46,040 --> 00:59:49,160
Speaker 1: within their relationships. Is that something that I necessarily want

1196
00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:53,040
Speaker 1: as just an energy around this space with me because

1197
00:59:53,040 --> 00:59:55,840
Speaker 1: I'm very protective of the energy that I have around me.

1198
00:59:56,240 --> 00:59:58,280
Speaker 1: So there was a blessing in disguise for that, And

1199
00:59:58,280 --> 01:00:00,800
Speaker 1: I can't particularly blame them for not do that. I

1200
01:00:00,840 --> 01:00:02,320
Speaker 1: guess I have to see that this is something we

1201
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 1: curated on our own. Well, here's my thing. People seem

1202
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:09,520
Speaker 1: to think that their unhappiness comes from marriage. I see

1203
01:00:09,600 --> 01:00:12,960
Speaker 1: unhappy single people. So you have to start asking you

1204
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:15,920
Speaker 1: a question of the people you're speaking to, unhappy because

1205
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:19,200
Speaker 1: they're married, or are they unhappy and happy to be married.

1206
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:23,560
Speaker 1: There's a big difference. There's a huge difference. It's because

1207
01:00:24,400 --> 01:00:27,720
Speaker 1: we've we've talked about this before the world's wealth is

1208
01:00:27,720 --> 01:00:30,520
Speaker 1: controlled by one percent of the population, which means most

1209
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:32,520
Speaker 1: of the people in the world are not happy with

1210
01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:36,360
Speaker 1: their place in life financially right. Most people have stated

1211
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:39,160
Speaker 1: that they don't know what their purpose is, so unhappiness

1212
01:00:39,280 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 1: just lives in them not understanding what their purposes. Then

1213
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:47,480
Speaker 1: they seek happiness through these fleeting things, getting married, getting

1214
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 1: a job, having kids, and then when they're still unhappy

1215
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:53,640
Speaker 1: because they can't find their purpose, they blame their marriage,

1216
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 1: they blame their job, they blame their kids. It's like

1217
01:00:57,560 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: people always look to blame all the other fact there's

1218
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:01,840
Speaker 1: in their life other than the fact that they haven't

1219
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:04,160
Speaker 1: put the working on themselves to be better. And I

1220
01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 1: think marriage gets a bad rap right With that being said,

1221
01:01:07,960 --> 01:01:11,640
Speaker 1: if you want to be married right you, I mean,

1222
01:01:11,680 --> 01:01:14,440
Speaker 1: if you're in a relationship, you have to decide first

1223
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:17,160
Speaker 1: if you want to be married right now. We don't

1224
01:01:17,200 --> 01:01:19,280
Speaker 1: sound like you want to be married, And you asked,

1225
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:23,400
Speaker 1: is my fear justified? We're gonna do a whole another podcast.

1226
01:01:23,600 --> 01:01:26,400
Speaker 1: It's going to be entitled stay Out of My Feelings.

1227
01:01:26,960 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 1: I can't tell you if your fear is justified because

1228
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:32,240
Speaker 1: you woke up being afraid. You never woke up saying

1229
01:01:32,440 --> 01:01:36,520
Speaker 1: I want to be afraid of marriage. It just is so. So, yes,

1230
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 1: your fear is justified because you've seen um the negative

1231
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:44,120
Speaker 1: aspects of marriage pretty much projected on you by your

1232
01:01:44,120 --> 01:01:47,280
Speaker 1: friends and family. So yes, it's justified. But does their

1233
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 1: projection have to be your reality? No it doesn't. Because

1234
01:01:52,400 --> 01:01:54,400
Speaker 1: when I said I was getting married to k and

1235
01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:56,120
Speaker 1: I told my dad I wanted to get married, I

1236
01:01:56,160 --> 01:01:58,040
Speaker 1: was eighteen when the manage girt love for and he

1237
01:01:58,160 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 1: was just like, yeah, okay, you say that now, but

1238
01:02:01,480 --> 01:02:03,080
Speaker 1: wait when you get older. You know what I'm saying.

1239
01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:04,959
Speaker 1: Both of my moms told us we need to slow

1240
01:02:05,000 --> 01:02:07,960
Speaker 1: down the people when we were in college, or y'all

1241
01:02:08,000 --> 01:02:10,760
Speaker 1: y'all together, now, y'all freshmen, wait till senior year. Then

1242
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:12,320
Speaker 1: when I got to the league. Or you you you're

1243
01:02:12,400 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 1: real rookie, now, wait till you get in the league,

1244
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:16,240
Speaker 1: you know, or you and TV Now it's like every

1245
01:02:16,280 --> 01:02:19,640
Speaker 1: aspect of my life. People have said watching the more

1246
01:02:19,680 --> 01:02:22,880
Speaker 1: famous Kadina and I get, people keep saying we'll see

1247
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:25,720
Speaker 1: if their marriage last after all of this we never

1248
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:29,480
Speaker 1: let anyone else's projection become our reality. We continue to

1249
01:02:29,640 --> 01:02:33,360
Speaker 1: nurture the relationship we want, the way we want, on

1250
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:36,360
Speaker 1: the timeline we want to have it. And as long

1251
01:02:36,400 --> 01:02:38,919
Speaker 1: as we continue to do that, baby girl, I'm telling you,

1252
01:02:39,600 --> 01:02:42,800
Speaker 1: our sex life is bomb. We enjoy being parents, we

1253
01:02:42,920 --> 01:02:45,240
Speaker 1: enjoy building an empire that we can afford to not

1254
01:02:45,320 --> 01:02:48,000
Speaker 1: only help our children and ourselves, but the people around us.

1255
01:02:48,240 --> 01:02:51,080
Speaker 1: And we've done all of this while being a married

1256
01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:55,280
Speaker 1: couple and being happy like we enjoy being married. If

1257
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:58,560
Speaker 1: you don't, you can't say you've never seen a married

1258
01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:01,640
Speaker 1: couple that enjoy being married, because you have Kadina and I.

1259
01:03:01,760 --> 01:03:04,760
Speaker 1: As much as we may complain about aspects of marriage,

1260
01:03:05,200 --> 01:03:08,240
Speaker 1: because we do. I complain and I'm I'm right now,

1261
01:03:08,800 --> 01:03:11,760
Speaker 1: Davis in the room, Matt is in the room, Josh

1262
01:03:11,840 --> 01:03:13,800
Speaker 1: is in the room, triple. I have complained about the

1263
01:03:13,840 --> 01:03:17,800
Speaker 1: aspects of my marriage. I have, but I've been happily married.

1264
01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:20,640
Speaker 1: You understand what I'm saying, Like you don't wake up

1265
01:03:20,680 --> 01:03:22,880
Speaker 1: every morning and being like I enjoy every aspect of

1266
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:25,400
Speaker 1: being a man. Sometimes you be complaining, like I don't

1267
01:03:25,400 --> 01:03:27,720
Speaker 1: want to be a man. For this reason, I'm saying

1268
01:03:27,720 --> 01:03:29,960
Speaker 1: women go through that all the time. Just because you

1269
01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:32,440
Speaker 1: don't enjoy every aspect of being a woman don't mean

1270
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:34,640
Speaker 1: you don't want to be a woman. It's just this

1271
01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:36,800
Speaker 1: part of being a woman is fucked up. It's the

1272
01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 1: same parenting too, and you feel guilty for feeling bad

1273
01:03:39,240 --> 01:03:42,480
Speaker 1: because it's like, damn, I brought these kids, and now

1274
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:44,000
Speaker 1: I would be mad at them because they're here over

1275
01:03:44,040 --> 01:03:48,080
Speaker 1: here tearing it up. Bro Yo, I picked we decided

1276
01:03:48,120 --> 01:03:51,640
Speaker 1: to have four kids, we didn't tired, and then wakes

1277
01:03:51,680 --> 01:03:53,600
Speaker 1: up in the morning to be pissed that we're tired,

1278
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:55,960
Speaker 1: but then still be seeing our kids and picked them up.

1279
01:03:55,960 --> 01:03:57,560
Speaker 1: And I always tell them I seething. I tell you

1280
01:03:57,560 --> 01:03:59,640
Speaker 1: I love you today because I love them. I love

1281
01:03:59,680 --> 01:04:02,000
Speaker 1: being a parents. But waking up at six in the

1282
01:04:02,000 --> 01:04:05,200
Speaker 1: morning to take somebody in school going and standing outside

1283
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:07,560
Speaker 1: for football practice for two hours one of his rain

1284
01:04:07,720 --> 01:04:10,360
Speaker 1: and it's hot, and you still got to do content

1285
01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:12,840
Speaker 1: for for work and you haven't seen your wife in

1286
01:04:12,840 --> 01:04:15,880
Speaker 1: a couple of months. That should be annoying. But do

1287
01:04:15,920 --> 01:04:19,120
Speaker 1: I love it? Yes? Yes, So let that be a

1288
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:21,600
Speaker 1: message to you. It can exist. It's not a utopia.

1289
01:04:22,040 --> 01:04:24,200
Speaker 1: Every day is not going to be rainbows and sun

1290
01:04:24,400 --> 01:04:27,120
Speaker 1: kids and diamonds and every No, some days it's gonna

1291
01:04:27,120 --> 01:04:30,320
Speaker 1: be gonna be annoyed with that motherfucker facts. But if

1292
01:04:30,360 --> 01:04:32,800
Speaker 1: you want to be married, make that marriage the best

1293
01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:35,560
Speaker 1: marriage you can ye. Like I said, find your happiness

1294
01:04:35,720 --> 01:04:38,720
Speaker 1: with you and then go share that ship. I the

1295
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 1: world will be a better place, all right, y'all if

1296
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:42,560
Speaker 1: you want to be a part of listening letters, make

1297
01:04:42,640 --> 01:04:44,640
Speaker 1: make our world a better place, you know. And you

1298
01:04:44,680 --> 01:04:46,760
Speaker 1: know what I just thought about two? She probably didn't

1299
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:50,960
Speaker 1: even She doesn't know us personally, so she can't say.

1300
01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:52,400
Speaker 1: So we can't say to her, girl, you know what

1301
01:04:52,520 --> 01:04:55,560
Speaker 1: a happily married couple, it's us because some people still

1302
01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:57,920
Speaker 1: do this. They think they were facade, right, they think

1303
01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:00,760
Speaker 1: that all is. They ain't really they ain't really happy.

1304
01:05:00,760 --> 01:05:02,280
Speaker 1: They're just doing this for cloud, they're doing it for

1305
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:04,520
Speaker 1: social media, and they're doing it like so I can't

1306
01:05:04,560 --> 01:05:06,400
Speaker 1: even blame her for feeling like she doesn't see that

1307
01:05:06,520 --> 01:05:09,520
Speaker 1: because she doesn't personally know anybody. And we can say

1308
01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:11,640
Speaker 1: how happy we are, and people really just be like, yeah,

1309
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:15,360
Speaker 1: that's cap because you got to maintain this really not

1310
01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:20,600
Speaker 1: in the airport, there's plenty of seats We're in the airport.

1311
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:23,400
Speaker 1: I'm sitting down. Cadine Goals gets coffee, comes down, she

1312
01:05:23,440 --> 01:05:25,920
Speaker 1: sits on my lap. And why she's sitting on my lap,

1313
01:05:26,000 --> 01:05:27,800
Speaker 1: I'm just squeezing on her, but you know, doing what

1314
01:05:27,920 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 1: I do, I'm giggling. She's giggling and stuff in. A

1315
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:33,600
Speaker 1: woman comes over and says, you know, I follow y'all

1316
01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:35,600
Speaker 1: on social media, and I'm not gonna lie. You know.

1317
01:05:35,760 --> 01:05:38,080
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll be like, oh, this is fake, there's no

1318
01:05:38,120 --> 01:05:39,920
Speaker 1: way to do this, but I'm watching y'all right now,

1319
01:05:40,040 --> 01:05:42,920
Speaker 1: there's nobody here, and she chose to sit on your lap.

1320
01:05:43,080 --> 01:05:46,280
Speaker 1: She's like, that was the sweetest thing. And I don't

1321
01:05:46,280 --> 01:05:49,880
Speaker 1: think people realize you can argue with somebody and still

1322
01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:52,920
Speaker 1: be madly in love with that. You know, you can

1323
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:57,400
Speaker 1: differ you you can have different ideals and still if

1324
01:05:57,440 --> 01:06:00,760
Speaker 1: you ask, ask our camera crew, ask trouble. When you

1325
01:06:00,840 --> 01:06:03,480
Speaker 1: see trouble, what the ellises are like? Nigga's being here

1326
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:05,920
Speaker 1: arguing mad at each other, but Becaudean will walk by

1327
01:06:06,000 --> 01:06:07,520
Speaker 1: me with some tight soon and I'll squeeze that. But

1328
01:06:07,760 --> 01:06:09,400
Speaker 1: I come here. I did. I'll tell you I love

1329
01:06:09,440 --> 01:06:12,560
Speaker 1: you today that that's not going to change you know,

1330
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:14,680
Speaker 1: so don't better not change or I'll be what it

1331
01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:20,160
Speaker 1: won't change shook in my little boots. But don't don't

1332
01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:23,640
Speaker 1: feel like if everything isn't perfect, that your your marriage

1333
01:06:23,760 --> 01:06:27,479
Speaker 1: or your relationship isn't worth going to that next step

1334
01:06:27,520 --> 01:06:31,520
Speaker 1: in being a married couple, because I freaking love being married.

1335
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:34,360
Speaker 1: I do. I love it. I love it same, bro,

1336
01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:37,120
Speaker 1: you make it. You make it fairly easy, not completely easy,

1337
01:06:37,160 --> 01:06:41,320
Speaker 1: but fairly. That's being fair. I receive that. All right, good,

1338
01:06:41,360 --> 01:06:43,400
Speaker 1: I'm sure you can say the same. Be sure to

1339
01:06:43,840 --> 01:06:47,000
Speaker 1: write to us on social media. Well, no, that's that's

1340
01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:48,680
Speaker 1: a lie, because that's not the point in the show.

1341
01:06:49,400 --> 01:06:52,120
Speaker 1: If you want to be featured as a listener letter.

1342
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:55,120
Speaker 1: There we go back on track. Now, I just lovely

1343
01:06:55,160 --> 01:06:56,800
Speaker 1: that we should be having me at my mind or

1344
01:06:57,320 --> 01:07:00,280
Speaker 1: crazy since thence be sure to email us at dead

1345
01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:02,640
Speaker 1: s Advice at gmail dot com. That's d E A

1346
01:07:02,840 --> 01:07:05,400
Speaker 1: D A S S A d V I C E

1347
01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:09,280
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. All right now, moment of truth time.

1348
01:07:09,880 --> 01:07:12,360
Speaker 1: We had a lot of little like tidbits in this show, um,

1349
01:07:12,400 --> 01:07:14,880
Speaker 1: but ultimately what we were talking about because initially I'm like,

1350
01:07:14,920 --> 01:07:16,800
Speaker 1: oh shoot, we just had these really great listen letters

1351
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:18,800
Speaker 1: that's my moment of truth. But no, going back to

1352
01:07:18,920 --> 01:07:20,959
Speaker 1: what the show topic is about, and it's about social

1353
01:07:21,000 --> 01:07:23,680
Speaker 1: media and our children and them having their own what's

1354
01:07:23,680 --> 01:07:26,280
Speaker 1: your moment of truth? Baby, it's my moment of truth, right, people,

1355
01:07:26,560 --> 01:07:30,160
Speaker 1: social media is entertainment. It is no longer what it

1356
01:07:30,240 --> 01:07:33,760
Speaker 1: was originally created for. Our generation thinks about black Planet.

1357
01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:37,000
Speaker 1: You know, um, you have friends, so you can curate

1358
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:38,960
Speaker 1: who is going to be on your page. It's now

1359
01:07:39,040 --> 01:07:42,880
Speaker 1: a public forum since it's no longer a place where

1360
01:07:43,120 --> 01:07:45,320
Speaker 1: you only have the people that you're close to looking

1361
01:07:45,360 --> 01:07:48,240
Speaker 1: at your picture and video. People who are watching it

1362
01:07:48,320 --> 01:07:51,040
Speaker 1: are watching it for entertainment. So the things they say

1363
01:07:51,480 --> 01:07:55,080
Speaker 1: they're saying for entertainment. If you entertain the things they

1364
01:07:55,160 --> 01:07:57,520
Speaker 1: say and take it personal, you're doing yourself a disservice.

1365
01:07:58,120 --> 01:08:01,600
Speaker 1: Teach your children that social media's entertainment. The things they

1366
01:08:01,640 --> 01:08:04,040
Speaker 1: see on social media are not real. Give them the

1367
01:08:04,120 --> 01:08:07,440
Speaker 1: emotional intelligence to deal with the things people say if

1368
01:08:07,480 --> 01:08:10,160
Speaker 1: they choose to keep their comments up, and also teach

1369
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:13,280
Speaker 1: them how to be good, have good social media etiquette

1370
01:08:13,280 --> 01:08:15,160
Speaker 1: and not be a part of the virtual lynch mob.

1371
01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:19,400
Speaker 1: Be an individual while on social media, and have emotional

1372
01:08:19,479 --> 01:08:23,400
Speaker 1: intelligence that is a word and a mouthful, and it

1373
01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:25,840
Speaker 1: actually was a portion of what I was gonna say,

1374
01:08:26,320 --> 01:08:29,240
Speaker 1: which was just making sure that you're equipping your children

1375
01:08:29,640 --> 01:08:34,720
Speaker 1: at home to just understand what social media is and

1376
01:08:34,840 --> 01:08:37,200
Speaker 1: what they may be embarking on if they choose to

1377
01:08:37,560 --> 01:08:39,960
Speaker 1: then be involved in social media, because like we said,

1378
01:08:40,280 --> 01:08:43,040
Speaker 1: they may be unbeknownst to us as parents, but not

1379
01:08:43,240 --> 01:08:48,160
Speaker 1: having to micromanage their phone or their iPads, any devices

1380
01:08:48,560 --> 01:08:51,320
Speaker 1: micro managing their social media. The best way to kind

1381
01:08:51,360 --> 01:08:54,439
Speaker 1: of counteract that is making sure we're equipping them with

1382
01:08:54,960 --> 01:08:57,720
Speaker 1: the like you said, emotional intelligence and just the acknowledge

1383
01:08:57,800 --> 01:09:02,679
Speaker 1: to decipher what's different. Um. But also if you think

1384
01:09:02,920 --> 01:09:04,920
Speaker 1: that your child is not on social media, you are

1385
01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:10,120
Speaker 1: damn ful, because these kids clever. That's how I t

1386
01:09:10,560 --> 01:09:13,080
Speaker 1: I was gonna say. Um. One thing that I've been

1387
01:09:13,120 --> 01:09:15,519
Speaker 1: doing is trying to stay in in order to stay

1388
01:09:16,120 --> 01:09:19,280
Speaker 1: up to breast with what's happening in the young people's forums.

1389
01:09:19,680 --> 01:09:21,640
Speaker 1: Is having young people around us who may be a

1390
01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:23,640
Speaker 1: little bit older than Jackson, but younger than us. So

1391
01:09:24,040 --> 01:09:26,640
Speaker 1: it's like our nieces and our nephews, and you know,

1392
01:09:26,920 --> 01:09:29,200
Speaker 1: my younger sister who's just like, hey, what's coming on

1393
01:09:29,320 --> 01:09:31,479
Speaker 1: with this? Yeah, let me keep me in the loop

1394
01:09:31,520 --> 01:09:33,519
Speaker 1: of what's happening here, so I at least can know,

1395
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:36,320
Speaker 1: maybe not all the lingo, but I can at least

1396
01:09:36,360 --> 01:09:38,320
Speaker 1: know that there's like this new platform or there's this

1397
01:09:38,439 --> 01:09:40,800
Speaker 1: new you know, way that people are interacting that we

1398
01:09:40,920 --> 01:09:42,880
Speaker 1: may have to be mindful of. So as a parent,

1399
01:09:43,040 --> 01:09:45,080
Speaker 1: is your responsibility to make sure that you're doing that,

1400
01:09:45,400 --> 01:09:47,360
Speaker 1: that you're staying on top of things and not just saying, oh,

1401
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:49,920
Speaker 1: this is not my generation, so therefore I'm just going

1402
01:09:49,960 --> 01:09:53,160
Speaker 1: to be dumb to what's happening, all right, y'all, So

1403
01:09:53,720 --> 01:09:56,120
Speaker 1: don't be dumb to what's happening, and be sure to

1404
01:09:56,160 --> 01:10:00,640
Speaker 1: follow us on social media. And then when I was like,

1405
01:10:00,680 --> 01:10:06,240
Speaker 1: don't be a fool, don't be a fool, follow us

1406
01:10:06,280 --> 01:10:08,679
Speaker 1: on social media, dead As the podcast because we always

1407
01:10:08,720 --> 01:10:10,600
Speaker 1: post like cute little clips and you know, all that

1408
01:10:10,680 --> 01:10:13,280
Speaker 1: good stuff there, and be sure to follow me on

1409
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:15,680
Speaker 1: social media. And I'm gonna share with y'all what I

1410
01:10:15,760 --> 01:10:19,000
Speaker 1: feel to share because you know, we have a relationship.

1411
01:10:19,320 --> 01:10:21,360
Speaker 1: Kadina I am and I am devouted. And if you're

1412
01:10:21,360 --> 01:10:25,520
Speaker 1: listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate, review, and subscribe.

1413
01:10:26,240 --> 01:10:30,120
Speaker 1: Dead Ass will see you next time. Dead Ass is

1414
01:10:30,160 --> 01:10:32,800
Speaker 1: a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is

1415
01:10:32,840 --> 01:10:36,200
Speaker 1: produced by the Nora, Opinia and Triple Follow the podcast

1416
01:10:36,320 --> 01:10:38,880
Speaker 1: on social media at dead as the Podcasts and Never

1417
01:10:38,960 --> 01:10:39,439
Speaker 1: miss a Thing