Speaker 1: Hey, my mama told me listeners, you thought you were
Speaker 1: gonna get a mini episode today, didn't you. Well, you're not.
Speaker 1: Langston and I are busy out on the floor iide
Speaker 1: and barber side tour, but we didn't want to leave
Speaker 1: you all hanging. First of all, you should be checking
Speaker 1: us out on the road in the city near you.
Speaker 1: Second of all, check out this clip of Big Money
Speaker 1: Players Network's newest podcast, Bombing with Eric Andre, where stand
Speaker 1: up comedian Eric Andre talks with his friends about bombing
Speaker 1: on stage at life and what crazy things they've seen
Speaker 1: on tour. I was a guest on this week's episode,
Speaker 1: and man, do I have some stories to tell you,
Speaker 1: from bombing in Las Vegas on Christmas to witnessing a
Speaker 1: geriatric thresome and a Laquinta in You can listen to
Speaker 1: the first half of the episode here. Before the full version,
Speaker 1: go subscribe to Bombing with Eric Andre wherever you listen
Speaker 1: to podcasts. Lastly, if you haven't by now, subscribe to
Speaker 1: Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts. There you'll get
Speaker 1: an extended bonus clip of me and Eric talking about
Speaker 1: stories from sier Leone, Denver and much more. Plus add
Speaker 1: free episodes Bombing with Eric Andrey.
Speaker 2: David Bori in the house.
Speaker 1: Man, I miss you. How are you all right?
Speaker 2: So I got a podcast.
Speaker 1: You have a podcast.
Speaker 2: It's called Bombing Bombing. We are here with one of
Speaker 2: my favorite comedians. We toured together. He's written for the
Speaker 2: Eric Andre Show, the Voice of Comedy Central, the sex symbol,
Speaker 2: he's the body of an Adonis and the ass of
Speaker 2: mccullay cocaine. Yeah, David Bori, everybody, he first of all,
Speaker 2: your name is spelled g b oh r I E.
Speaker 2: Did I get it right? But the G is silent?
Speaker 1: Silent?
Speaker 2: How bad have people fucked up and mispronounced your name?
Speaker 2: Give me like a little what do you? What do
Speaker 2: you get?
Speaker 1: My high school football coach, he said orgy, which is
Speaker 1: like you can't read. Yeah, he was like rage. It
Speaker 1: was the first day of weightlifting and he was like
Speaker 1: the borgy orgy and it's like you can't read, Like
Speaker 1: that's the problem, not my orgy.
Speaker 2: It's crazy, especially when.
Speaker 1: You're a virgin, you can't live up to that. Thank god.
Speaker 1: I went to a different school next year. I had
Speaker 1: never even I think I'd seen a boob, and then
Speaker 1: you call me orgy. I can't live like that.
Speaker 2: All right, what is the worst you've ever bombed on stage?
Speaker 1: This is so funny that you because I was telling Olivia,
Speaker 1: your producer, also the producer from my MoMA told me, Oh,
Speaker 1: I was telling her. I just got off of my
Speaker 1: worst bombing weekend of my entire career, Christmas weekend in
Speaker 1: Las Vegas. It was it was what happened, dog, It's
Speaker 1: just like it just got so much worse, like it
Speaker 1: started Christmas Eve eve.
Speaker 2: So what was the venue? What was it? What was it?
Speaker 2: Give us some context?
Speaker 1: Was this, I don't want to say in a venue?
Speaker 2: Okay, give us like the type of venue. Were you
Speaker 2: playing a casino? Are you playing a theater? Was it
Speaker 2: a room?
Speaker 1: Was it was like off of a strip mall next
Speaker 1: to the casino?
Speaker 2: It was a theater? Or what was it? Comedy club?
Speaker 1: It was a it was a comedy club, high high ceilings,
Speaker 1: comedy club, crowd far far away, and it was the
Speaker 1: type of people who were in Las Vegas on Christmas.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a tough crowd.
Speaker 1: And I bomb like so I start on Thursday night
Speaker 1: and I bombed consecutively worse, Oh, every show, every single
Speaker 1: fucking show, And I tried to go, so like two
Speaker 1: a night, three at night. Everyone, Oh my god, that's
Speaker 1: a night. That's purgatory. That's a black Marror episode.
Speaker 2: Dog.
Speaker 1: And then I had to go to sleep, wake up,
Speaker 1: go to Gordon Ramsay's restaurant, and face that ship again
Speaker 1: and again.
Speaker 2: God, what was the talent? What was like the producer
Speaker 2: or whatever the booker saying to you.
Speaker 1: They don't even give a ship because it's Vegas. They
Speaker 1: just these people were going to be here any It's
Speaker 1: not about putting on a good show. It's just having
Speaker 1: them go somewhere for an hour and a half so
Speaker 1: they don't gamble.
Speaker 2: Were you with any other comedian that you could commiserate
Speaker 2: with and be like, oh, this is horrible.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was with Steve Aj, Stephen AJ, my fellow
Speaker 1: Gian brother.
Speaker 2: This isn't Steve ag no, no, no, this is this
Speaker 2: is Stephen Aj.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he also was bombed.
Speaker 2: So were you guys just like halfway through it like
Speaker 2: this is hell on Earth?
Speaker 1: Yeah? It was, because it was like every night you
Speaker 1: bomb and then they let you loose on Las Vegas
Speaker 1: to like think about it. Yeah, but it's also Christmas Eve. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so now it's like Christmas Eve in Vegas. You're in
Speaker 1: a piano bar, and Hara's just like thinking about everything
Speaker 1: you've ever done wrong.
Speaker 2: It's like the saddest Christmas all the time. Christmas it's
Speaker 2: so much work. Piano's bombed in February. You want to
Speaker 2: give a ship?
Speaker 1: Yeah no, but Christmas Eve, I'm just like trying to
Speaker 1: do the math of like what time can I call
Speaker 1: my mom and have her not worried that I'm doing.
Speaker 1: It's better as I am right now, But it.
Speaker 2: Was so did you have to do an hour?
Speaker 1: I had to do forty five? Yeah, forty five? Forty five?
Speaker 2: Sorry? Described the crowd to us? What's the crowd like?
Speaker 2: Give us a paint us a picture?
Speaker 1: Couples where one of them had kids and one didn't,
Speaker 1: and those kids were out of state.
Speaker 2: I don't even know how to respond to that. What
Speaker 2: does that mean?
Speaker 1: It's people who would go to Las Vegas for Christmas talk?
Speaker 2: So is that like like Jimmy Buffett parent had white
Speaker 2: people or is it like.
Speaker 1: No, It's like it's like it's like people.
Speaker 2: Who are they troubled?
Speaker 1: They were happier than I was to be there, which
Speaker 1: is odd. But I haven't even told you the worst
Speaker 1: or two parts of it?
Speaker 2: Okay, God go ahead, Okay.
Speaker 1: The worst part was like one night I ran into
Speaker 1: the arms of a sex worker. That was the only
Speaker 1: way I thought it could get better. It did not
Speaker 1: get better. So then I wake up on Christmas.
Speaker 2: You ran into the arms of the sex worker. It's
Speaker 2: such a beautiful poetic way of saying I bought a
Speaker 2: hooker for no.
Speaker 1: Because it gets so much deeper because we didn't actually
Speaker 1: have sex. It was very complicated.
Speaker 2: Well that's conceptual, is it.
Speaker 1: It sounds sad. So then I wake up on Christmas.
Speaker 1: Christmas is our last show. We only have to do
Speaker 1: one show on Christmas. And I'm like, all right, just
Speaker 1: one show and then I'm free. Lord, I was going
Speaker 1: to Hawaii the next day. I was like, I'm free.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be okay, I'll be okay, right, I wake up,
Speaker 1: I'm doing my thing. The club owner calls me on
Speaker 1: Christmas Day. He's like, hey, Lunell missed her flight, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know what that has to
Speaker 1: do with me. Oh no, he wanted you to do more.
Speaker 1: Lunell does the late show every Sunday night at this show,
Speaker 1: and it's on Christmas and she missed her flight and
Speaker 1: he's like, you want to just do it? I was like,
Speaker 1: And then he talks about the pay.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, Okay, the pay was good.
Speaker 1: The whole reason I was even there was because the
Speaker 1: pay was incredible.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, right. Money changes the conversation.
Speaker 1: Which is no. But this is what it locked into me,
Speaker 1: is like, now I'm like, I'm never doing this ever again.
Speaker 1: I'm never doing comedy just for money. This is the worst.
Speaker 1: So it's Lunell's crowd on Christmas. They don't tell anybody
Speaker 1: that she's not gonna make it until people start showing
Speaker 1: up for the show. No. In between shows, the club
Speaker 1: owner comes up and he's like, people are fucking freaking
Speaker 1: out downstairs. Have to figure out they want their money back.
Speaker 2: Fuck.
Speaker 1: So the people who stayed are people who are so pissed,
Speaker 1: but they refuse to get a refund. And they wanted
Speaker 1: Lunell and it's me. They wanted Lunell on Christmas and
Speaker 1: it's me. It's me, you hear me, It's me. I
Speaker 1: got know Lunelle. And then the club owner starts getting crazy,
Speaker 1: like kind of racist, like he takes me and Steve
Speaker 1: aside He's like, listen, just so you guys know it's
Speaker 1: an urban show, so just you don't Just.
Speaker 2: My brother, he was like Luell.
Speaker 1: She never holds back. Just just just let it go.
Speaker 2: Baby, somebody who has never done comedy once.
Speaker 1: Bro and then so and then yeah, her opener made
Speaker 1: it so, her opener was there. And then I had
Speaker 1: to headline Munell's show on Christmas for a bunch of
Speaker 1: old black aunties who were pissed.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, did I wasn't Now, how'd you do?
Speaker 1: Well? Thank god a guy was wearing a wife beater
Speaker 1: because I got to be like, are you wearing a
Speaker 1: wife beater? And his wife was like yeah over then
Speaker 1: I got twenty five minutes out of that.
Speaker 2: That was just saving grace.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I made him stand up and spin around.
Speaker 2: And you're just grabbing at straws the whole weekend. It
Speaker 2: was never We're just doing crowd work at one point
Speaker 2: where you're like my jokes, they don't want my jokes.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I never got any traction ever. They never liked me,
Speaker 1: they were never into it. I never understood what they
Speaker 1: were doing there. They never understood what I was doing there.
Speaker 2: Did you just feel like you wanted to quit doing
Speaker 2: stand up comedy at the end of it. Yeah, where
Speaker 2: you're like, I'm gonna paint houses the rest of my life.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I went to Hawaii like the day afterwards, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I might just not come back. I
Speaker 1: was like trying to figure it out in my head.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, you got other things you do.
Speaker 1: You can you can make money some other way, Like
Speaker 1: you don't have to.
Speaker 2: The thing is we have no we have no comics,
Speaker 2: have no other life skill.
Speaker 1: No, bro, I can't build anything.
Speaker 2: I'm useless. I'm fucking like a useless skill set. If
Speaker 2: this ends, there's nothing.
Speaker 1: What am I gonna do?
Speaker 2: There's nothing.
Speaker 1: I haven't had a real job in fifteen years.
Speaker 2: There's nothing entry level. I would have to I would
Speaker 2: have to deliver pizzas.
Speaker 1: I would have to do that entry doc. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd be temping living pizzas, going up to a
Speaker 2: construction site with a hammer, Like, hey, I could fucking
Speaker 2: hammer some nails and be fucking that. I would get
Speaker 2: fired from that.
Speaker 1: I couldn't even do that. I'd have to like go
Speaker 1: get their lunches.
Speaker 2: I would just like break both my legs and collect
Speaker 2: disability or something. I would just have somebody steamroll over
Speaker 2: my foot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what are you gonna do tomorrow? This saends tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Chop off a couple of toes, be like, yeah, I
Speaker 2: got diabetes, just collect disability.
Speaker 1: Did you ever have a job you were get at
Speaker 1: besides this? Never?
Speaker 2: I was the worst employee. I was so fucking incompetent, lazy,
Speaker 2: had no I was useless. I was useless every job
Speaker 2: I ever had. Yeah, like I fired all the time.
Speaker 1: Lectured, Yeah, I got fired alive.
Speaker 2: I waited table. I lied when I first moved to
Speaker 2: New York. And I told the guy I was twenty
Speaker 2: one years old. And I told the guy that I
Speaker 2: waited table since I was fourteen. Total lie. And he's like,
Speaker 2: all right, well start waiting tables. And I was like,
Speaker 2: oh how do you do that? I was dropping plates.
Speaker 2: I was burning myself. I was eating food off the
Speaker 2: customer's thing when like they would like beat in the
Speaker 2: bathroom and the other waiters like you can't do that, man.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm so hungry, bro, I'm fucking starving.
Speaker 2: I was horrible. And then the guy that the boss
Speaker 2: came in a few days later he goes, oh, my
Speaker 2: waiter said you look pretty nervous out there, and you
Speaker 2: wanted to just start as a busboy, and I had
Speaker 2: some weird ego about it. I was like, fuck, no, man,
Speaker 2: I'm a waiter till I d I E and then
Speaker 2: I quit and I was like so broken, hungry, and
Speaker 2: I was like why did I just say that? And
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm not a waiter, I'm a liar. Yeah, no,
Speaker 2: I should have just bus tables, Like I'm a fucking idiot.
Speaker 1: The only job I ever had, I was good at
Speaker 1: working at the gas station.
Speaker 2: You worked at a gas station.
Speaker 1: But I also let all my friends steal. Really I
Speaker 1: worked at like four different gas stations in like two
Speaker 1: different states.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you see any crazy shit, You see any brawls
Speaker 2: at a gas station or anything?
Speaker 1: Or was a mellow not really brawls, But like, I
Speaker 1: did work overnight, so I just see a lot of
Speaker 1: weird people getting out. There was a bar next door
Speaker 1: called Finoogis, and you would just see weird people getting
Speaker 1: out of the bar late at night, clearly driving like drunk.
Speaker 2: This is rural Colorado, correct, this is like Aurora.
Speaker 1: It's not that rural like the suburbs.
Speaker 2: I interviewed the Beastie Boys one time and I asked them,
Speaker 2: I think it was an ad Rock Dead responding, I go,
Speaker 2: what's the craziest thing you guys grew up in New
Speaker 2: York City. What's the crazy thing you ever saw on
Speaker 2: the subway? And he said he saw two Hasidic dudes
Speaker 2: French kissing deep French kissing on them on the subway
Speaker 2: the middle of the day. I was like, that's a
Speaker 2: mind blowing just two rabbis going out at it.
Speaker 1: It's like a poster in your art school girlfriend's apartment.
Speaker 2: I was like, it's kind of like a Eric Andre
Speaker 2: show bit. Can I borrow that from those.
Speaker 1: In some type of blasphemy? Like if you do that,
Speaker 1: they won't let you get buried somewhere. I'm sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah? Worth it? So any other bombing stories, any other
Speaker 2: things that you like.
Speaker 1: So there was this one. There was this one open
Speaker 1: mic that I was at in San Francisco at this
Speaker 1: place called the Brainwash that Isn't bear anymore. It was
Speaker 1: like a laundry mat slash open mic.
Speaker 2: Oh, it sounds like a great venue.
Speaker 1: Oh that's where I started. Maybe. It was like there
Speaker 1: was this guy and he was like bugging the host
Speaker 1: to get up, bugging the host to get up, and
Speaker 1: the host was like, fuck you man, I'm not putting
Speaker 1: you up, and the guy just kept bugging him up,
Speaker 1: bugging him, and finally the host puts him up, and
Speaker 1: the guy just starts eating shit. And it's only five minutes, right, yeah,
Speaker 1: but he's just eating a bag of Dixie's so terrible. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he decides to turn on the host and start making
Speaker 1: fun of the host.
Speaker 2: Oh no, the.
Speaker 1: Hoast grabs a knife and tries to stab him. What. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was pretty great. And then everybody like grabbed the
Speaker 1: host and like carry him outside.
Speaker 2: The host had a knife and was ready to commit
Speaker 2: on the side.
Speaker 1: No, he didn't have a knife. He like grabbed it.
Speaker 1: It was like one of those silk they were walked
Speaker 1: because it was like laundry mat slash bar slash. They
Speaker 1: serve food to.
Speaker 2: A laundry mat that served food and beer and like booze.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and they had pitball shit.
Speaker 2: What kind of magical laundry mat is this?
Speaker 1: Ah Soma?
Speaker 2: If anybody here you could wash your clothes and and
Speaker 2: do and and drink.
Speaker 1: And watch open my comedy. It was really great.
Speaker 2: So he grabbed a knife from the kitchen well like.
Speaker 1: From the counter, like they had the uh you know,
Speaker 1: they had the thing where they keep all the silverwear
Speaker 1: in like I think they had just got.
Speaker 2: He grabbed like a butter knife.
Speaker 1: He grabbed them. He grabbed a butter knife, and it
Speaker 1: was like trying to go and then everybody like carried
Speaker 1: him outside.
Speaker 2: That's like a Michelle Gondry music video.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was great.
Speaker 2: I was in a laundry matt doing my clothes, but
Speaker 2: I was also doing stand up, but I was also
Speaker 2: there was also a restaurant and a bar, and then
Speaker 2: people were fighting with butter knives.
Speaker 1: It was really great. I missed those old days of
Speaker 1: stand up when it was scary.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're fucking rap. They were hell, but they were
Speaker 2: like they made us men.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's just sad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's kind of like, Yeah, it's not as you
Speaker 2: can always go back to those shows. Those shows still exist, Yeah,
Speaker 2: but you it's.
Speaker 1: Like I don't even move the way that I used to.
Speaker 1: I was like back then, I was supposed to be
Speaker 1: in that room. Now it's like a weird.
Speaker 2: It's a weird feeling going back to those it's a
Speaker 2: weird sadness going back to those room you feel like
Speaker 2: something is terribly wrong.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't sleep on a couch anymore. I'm not
Speaker 1: excited about the potential of what's gonna happen anymore.
Speaker 2: I went to uh Columbus, Ohio one time to do
Speaker 2: a gig. It was it was at a small venue.
Speaker 2: It felt like almost like a sports bar. But they
Speaker 2: had a stage. I had a proper stage and a mic,
Speaker 2: and they did book me like they flew me out.
Speaker 2: They paid me like a decent check. And I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think this is like right before the air Gonder
Speaker 2: Show started. But I'm on stage and I'm doing well.
Speaker 2: I wasn't bombing. I was on stage just all college kids.
Speaker 2: The place is packed. Maybe it was like season one
Speaker 2: of the air Gun Show. I'm not sure place is packed.
Speaker 2: I'm doing well. There's this super drunk white girl in
Speaker 2: the front and like front row texting the whole time,
Speaker 2: talking oblivious to me on stage, oblivious of the gesus
Speaker 2: part of a show. And I'm like trying to like
Speaker 2: roaster plightly to be like, hey, I'm in the middle
Speaker 2: of work right now, sweetie, can you shut the fuck up?
Speaker 2: Like doing like little things like that, like playfully like
Speaker 2: trying to get her to shut the fuck up, but
Speaker 2: she won't, and she's being belligerent and texting, and I go,
Speaker 2: give me your phone and she's like, okay, okay, And
Speaker 2: then I grabbed her phone. I looked up mom in
Speaker 2: her contacts and I texted. I texted her mom, Mom,
Speaker 2: I've always had a thing for dad. And the crowd
Speaker 2: erupts like oh shit, and I'm like and I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna hold your phone up here until your mom
Speaker 2: starts responding. Her mom starts responding crazy shit, I'm running
Speaker 2: back shit. And then I give her her phone back,
Speaker 2: thinking like that you've been reprimanded. Now you can you
Speaker 2: can do damage control with your mom. You can say that,
Speaker 2: you know, that's her opportunity to be like, oh, comedian,
Speaker 2: grab my phone and he's fucking with you. And then
Speaker 2: she was so drunk, I don't think she processed anything
Speaker 2: that happened, and she just kept blabbing away and kept
Speaker 2: being fucking annoying. So it's like, God, damn it. So
Speaker 2: I give you your phone and I go, hey, everybody,
Speaker 2: I'm going to pass this phone around. Let's pass it
Speaker 2: around the whole audience and just text any text her mom,
Speaker 2: text her dad, text anybody in her phone anything you want,
Speaker 2: and like hundreds of kids got access to her phone
Speaker 2: and texted god knows what. I have no idea what
Speaker 2: the kids did amazing. Then the phone, the phone got
Speaker 2: back to her and she's kind of like in and out,
Speaker 2: and then she's like grabs her phone. She starts looking
Speaker 2: at it, and I see her turn like bugs bunny thermometer,
Speaker 2: red with anger, with like drunken anger, and like just
Speaker 2: like inhaling all the fucking foul texts these college kids
Speaker 2: are probably sending to like every one of her friends
Speaker 2: and family and anyone in her phone. Ex boyfriend's, old bosses,
Speaker 2: people she currently works with, who knows, who knows what
Speaker 2: Jieva Yeh, Gimon pop Pop, Like, yeah, I'll just like
Speaker 2: just the fucking heinous debris that these people, these the
Speaker 2: vitriol that whatever. I have no idea. I'm not responsible
Speaker 2: entirely for what they said, but like just heinous cribes
Speaker 2: against humanity. So I see her just reacting to all
Speaker 2: these incoming ship on her phone and then she just
Speaker 2: and then I just go back and I'm like kind
Speaker 2: of clocking it out of the corner of my eye
Speaker 2: and I just go back to my set, like, hey,
Speaker 2: what's up with the dublibitty blue or whatever. Then she
Speaker 2: just jumps on stage and sings like a big haymaker
Speaker 2: at me, and I like whoa and like matrix tight
Speaker 2: sheet out of the way. She almost punched me right
Speaker 2: in the face, and then I'm like looking at security,
Speaker 2: like help help me. And then like some college kids
Speaker 2: just kind of like dragged her out real security because yeah,
Speaker 2: it wasn't yeah. I was like the security didn't even help.
Speaker 2: They were like cracking up in the background. They're like,
Speaker 2: this guy's crazy.
Speaker 1: Man.
Speaker 2: I was like, no, help me out right now, and
Speaker 2: I had some like eighteen year old kids like help
Speaker 2: me out. So like the kids like kind of like
Speaker 2: dragged her out, and then finally security came in dragged
Speaker 2: her out, and I was like what the fuck? And
Speaker 2: but like the crowd is erupted at this point. It
Speaker 2: was actually a really good set, and the crowd's erupted,
Speaker 2: and I kind of ended early after that. I was like,
Speaker 2: there's not really any jokes I can do after this.
Speaker 2: I can't go back to like be like she Game
Speaker 2: of Thrones or whatever the fuck, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was like, the set's gonna be short, but whatever,
Speaker 2: I'm going out on a high. And then as I'm
Speaker 2: leaving the venue, she's outside in the hallway and I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh fuck, and she looks at me like none of
Speaker 2: that ever even happened, and she was like, we som
Speaker 2: can I get a sound fanling you? And I was
Speaker 2: like really, it's like her brain just control all deleted everything.
Speaker 1: And she was like, why's up.
Speaker 2: She's like, I had a great time, did do and
Speaker 2: like no anger? She was just like, whoa, that was fun,
Speaker 2: Like comedy, That's what a comedy show is. Like, I
Speaker 2: was like, didn't I just like destroy your life fifteen ways?
Speaker 1: Everybody said that you were trying to blow your brother?
Speaker 1: And now she's just like.
Speaker 2: Hey, yeah, She's just like that was fun. Comedy shows
Speaker 2: are crazy with Eric Andrey.
Speaker 1: That's it. Go subscribe and listen to the full episode
Speaker 1: at Bombing with Eric andre You idiots.