1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,600 Speaker 1: Hey, my mama told me listeners, you thought you were 2 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:05,520 Speaker 1: gonna get a mini episode today, didn't you. Well, you're not. 3 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:07,720 Speaker 1: Langston and I are busy out on the floor iide 4 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:10,120 Speaker 1: and barber side tour, but we didn't want to leave 5 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:12,400 Speaker 1: you all hanging. First of all, you should be checking 6 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: us out on the road in the city near you. 7 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 1: Second of all, check out this clip of Big Money 8 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:20,799 Speaker 1: Players Network's newest podcast, Bombing with Eric Andre, where stand 9 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: up comedian Eric Andre talks with his friends about bombing 10 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,560 Speaker 1: on stage at life and what crazy things they've seen 11 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,040 Speaker 1: on tour. I was a guest on this week's episode, 12 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:31,600 Speaker 1: and man, do I have some stories to tell you, 13 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:34,479 Speaker 1: from bombing in Las Vegas on Christmas to witnessing a 14 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:37,479 Speaker 1: geriatric thresome and a Laquinta in You can listen to 15 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:40,240 Speaker 1: the first half of the episode here. Before the full version, 16 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 1: go subscribe to Bombing with Eric Andre wherever you listen 17 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,880 Speaker 1: to podcasts. Lastly, if you haven't by now, subscribe to 18 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 1: Big Money Players Diamond on Apple Podcasts. There you'll get 19 00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: an extended bonus clip of me and Eric talking about 20 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: stories from sier Leone, Denver and much more. Plus add 21 00:00:56,280 --> 00:01:07,600 Speaker 1: free episodes Bombing with Eric Andrey. 22 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:08,880 Speaker 2: David Bori in the house. 23 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,720 Speaker 1: Man, I miss you. How are you all right? 24 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 2: So I got a podcast. 25 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:13,880 Speaker 1: You have a podcast. 26 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:17,280 Speaker 2: It's called Bombing Bombing. We are here with one of 27 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 2: my favorite comedians. We toured together. He's written for the 28 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 2: Eric Andre Show, the Voice of Comedy Central, the sex symbol, 29 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:32,399 Speaker 2: he's the body of an Adonis and the ass of 30 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:44,960 Speaker 2: mccullay cocaine. Yeah, David Bori, everybody, he first of all, 31 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:49,560 Speaker 2: your name is spelled g b oh r I E. 32 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 2: Did I get it right? But the G is silent? 33 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 1: Silent? 34 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 2: How bad have people fucked up and mispronounced your name? 35 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 2: Give me like a little what do you? What do 36 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 2: you get? 37 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:03,040 Speaker 1: My high school football coach, he said orgy, which is 38 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:08,519 Speaker 1: like you can't read. Yeah, he was like rage. It 39 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,360 Speaker 1: was the first day of weightlifting and he was like 40 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:15,680 Speaker 1: the borgy orgy and it's like you can't read, Like 41 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 1: that's the problem, not my orgy. 42 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 2: It's crazy, especially when. 43 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 1: You're a virgin, you can't live up to that. Thank god. 44 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:25,560 Speaker 1: I went to a different school next year. I had 45 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:27,960 Speaker 1: never even I think I'd seen a boob, and then 46 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 1: you call me orgy. I can't live like that. 47 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:34,519 Speaker 2: All right, what is the worst you've ever bombed on stage? 48 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 1: This is so funny that you because I was telling Olivia, 49 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:43,720 Speaker 1: your producer, also the producer from my MoMA told me, Oh, 50 00:02:43,840 --> 00:02:45,400 Speaker 1: I was telling her. I just got off of my 51 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 1: worst bombing weekend of my entire career, Christmas weekend in 52 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:52,000 Speaker 1: Las Vegas. It was it was what happened, dog, It's 53 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,080 Speaker 1: just like it just got so much worse, like it 54 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: started Christmas Eve eve. 55 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 2: So what was the venue? What was it? What was it? 56 00:02:58,200 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 2: Give us some context? 57 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 1: Was this, I don't want to say in a venue? 58 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 2: Okay, give us like the type of venue. Were you 59 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 2: playing a casino? Are you playing a theater? Was it 60 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 2: a room? 61 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,840 Speaker 1: Was it was like off of a strip mall next 62 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: to the casino? 63 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,040 Speaker 2: It was a theater? Or what was it? Comedy club? 64 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: It was a it was a comedy club, high high ceilings, 65 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 1: comedy club, crowd far far away, and it was the 66 00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 1: type of people who were in Las Vegas on Christmas. 67 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:22,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a tough crowd. 68 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,519 Speaker 1: And I bomb like so I start on Thursday night 69 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 1: and I bombed consecutively worse, Oh, every show, every single 70 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: fucking show, And I tried to go, so like two 71 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:38,839 Speaker 1: a night, three at night. Everyone, Oh my god, that's 72 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,520 Speaker 1: a night. That's purgatory. That's a black Marror episode. 73 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 2: Dog. 74 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: And then I had to go to sleep, wake up, 75 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 1: go to Gordon Ramsay's restaurant, and face that ship again 76 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:49,160 Speaker 1: and again. 77 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,480 Speaker 2: God, what was the talent? What was like the producer 78 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 2: or whatever the booker saying to you. 79 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,600 Speaker 1: They don't even give a ship because it's Vegas. They 80 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 1: just these people were going to be here any It's 81 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: not about putting on a good show. It's just having 82 00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 1: them go somewhere for an hour and a half so 83 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 1: they don't gamble. 84 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 2: Were you with any other comedian that you could commiserate 85 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,440 Speaker 2: with and be like, oh, this is horrible. 86 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 1: Yeah. I was with Steve Aj, Stephen AJ, my fellow 87 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: Gian brother. 88 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 2: This isn't Steve ag no, no, no, this is this 89 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,359 Speaker 2: is Stephen Aj. 90 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, and he also was bombed. 91 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 2: So were you guys just like halfway through it like 92 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:25,559 Speaker 2: this is hell on Earth? 93 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: Yeah? It was, because it was like every night you 94 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: bomb and then they let you loose on Las Vegas 95 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 1: to like think about it. Yeah, but it's also Christmas Eve. Yeah, 96 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:38,000 Speaker 1: so now it's like Christmas Eve in Vegas. You're in 97 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 1: a piano bar, and Hara's just like thinking about everything 98 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 1: you've ever done wrong. 99 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 2: It's like the saddest Christmas all the time. Christmas it's 100 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:51,520 Speaker 2: so much work. Piano's bombed in February. You want to 101 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 2: give a ship? 102 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:55,240 Speaker 1: Yeah no, but Christmas Eve, I'm just like trying to 103 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,240 Speaker 1: do the math of like what time can I call 104 00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:59,600 Speaker 1: my mom and have her not worried that I'm doing. 105 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:01,800 Speaker 1: It's better as I am right now, But it. 106 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,720 Speaker 2: Was so did you have to do an hour? 107 00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 1: I had to do forty five? Yeah, forty five? Forty five? 108 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 2: Sorry? Described the crowd to us? What's the crowd like? 109 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 2: Give us a paint us a picture? 110 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 1: Couples where one of them had kids and one didn't, 111 00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:18,359 Speaker 1: and those kids were out of state. 112 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,560 Speaker 2: I don't even know how to respond to that. What 113 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 2: does that mean? 114 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 1: It's people who would go to Las Vegas for Christmas talk? 115 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 2: So is that like like Jimmy Buffett parent had white 116 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,800 Speaker 2: people or is it like. 117 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:33,160 Speaker 1: No, It's like it's like it's like people. 118 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 2: Who are they troubled? 119 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 1: They were happier than I was to be there, which 120 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: is odd. But I haven't even told you the worst 121 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:39,040 Speaker 1: or two parts of it? 122 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,880 Speaker 2: Okay, God go ahead, Okay. 123 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: The worst part was like one night I ran into 124 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,800 Speaker 1: the arms of a sex worker. That was the only 125 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 1: way I thought it could get better. It did not 126 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,840 Speaker 1: get better. So then I wake up on Christmas. 127 00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 2: You ran into the arms of the sex worker. It's 128 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,640 Speaker 2: such a beautiful poetic way of saying I bought a 129 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,159 Speaker 2: hooker for no. 130 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,160 Speaker 1: Because it gets so much deeper because we didn't actually 131 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: have sex. It was very complicated. 132 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,719 Speaker 2: Well that's conceptual, is it. 133 00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:09,560 Speaker 1: It sounds sad. So then I wake up on Christmas. 134 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: Christmas is our last show. We only have to do 135 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: one show on Christmas. And I'm like, all right, just 136 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:18,120 Speaker 1: one show and then I'm free. Lord, I was going 137 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 1: to Hawaii the next day. I was like, I'm free. 138 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 1: We're gonna be okay, I'll be okay, right, I wake up, 139 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: I'm doing my thing. The club owner calls me on 140 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: Christmas Day. He's like, hey, Lunell missed her flight, and 141 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,039 Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know what that has to 142 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 1: do with me. Oh no, he wanted you to do more. 143 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:41,279 Speaker 1: Lunell does the late show every Sunday night at this show, 144 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,080 Speaker 1: and it's on Christmas and she missed her flight and 145 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,159 Speaker 1: he's like, you want to just do it? I was like, 146 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:49,719 Speaker 1: And then he talks about the pay. 147 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:53,160 Speaker 2: And I'm like, Okay, the pay was good. 148 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,360 Speaker 1: The whole reason I was even there was because the 149 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 1: pay was incredible. 150 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, right. Money changes the conversation. 151 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,760 Speaker 1: Which is no. But this is what it locked into me, 152 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,159 Speaker 1: is like, now I'm like, I'm never doing this ever again. 153 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 1: I'm never doing comedy just for money. This is the worst. 154 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: So it's Lunell's crowd on Christmas. They don't tell anybody 155 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:16,560 Speaker 1: that she's not gonna make it until people start showing 156 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:20,239 Speaker 1: up for the show. No. In between shows, the club 157 00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 1: owner comes up and he's like, people are fucking freaking 158 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 1: out downstairs. Have to figure out they want their money back. 159 00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 2: Fuck. 160 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:34,560 Speaker 1: So the people who stayed are people who are so pissed, 161 00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 1: but they refuse to get a refund. And they wanted 162 00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 1: Lunell and it's me. They wanted Lunell on Christmas and 163 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:45,320 Speaker 1: it's me. It's me, you hear me, It's me. I 164 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:48,679 Speaker 1: got know Lunelle. And then the club owner starts getting crazy, 165 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:51,320 Speaker 1: like kind of racist, like he takes me and Steve 166 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: aside He's like, listen, just so you guys know it's 167 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: an urban show, so just you don't Just. 168 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 2: My brother, he was like Luell. 169 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: She never holds back. Just just just let it go. 170 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 2: Baby, somebody who has never done comedy once. 171 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 1: Bro and then so and then yeah, her opener made 172 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 1: it so, her opener was there. And then I had 173 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 1: to headline Munell's show on Christmas for a bunch of 174 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,000 Speaker 1: old black aunties who were pissed. 175 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 2: Oh my god, did I wasn't Now, how'd you do? 176 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: Well? Thank god a guy was wearing a wife beater 177 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: because I got to be like, are you wearing a 178 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 1: wife beater? And his wife was like yeah over then 179 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,840 Speaker 1: I got twenty five minutes out of that. 180 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 2: That was just saving grace. 181 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: Yeah. I made him stand up and spin around. 182 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 2: And you're just grabbing at straws the whole weekend. It 183 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 2: was never We're just doing crowd work at one point 184 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,080 Speaker 2: where you're like my jokes, they don't want my jokes. 185 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 1: Yeah. I never got any traction ever. They never liked me, 186 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,439 Speaker 1: they were never into it. I never understood what they 187 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,719 Speaker 1: were doing there. They never understood what I was doing there. 188 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 2: Did you just feel like you wanted to quit doing 189 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 2: stand up comedy at the end of it. Yeah, where 190 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:05,520 Speaker 2: you're like, I'm gonna paint houses the rest of my life. 191 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: Yeah. I went to Hawaii like the day afterwards, and 192 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:10,720 Speaker 1: I was like, I might just not come back. I 193 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 1: was like trying to figure it out in my head. 194 00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:14,160 Speaker 1: I was like, no, you got other things you do. 195 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:17,000 Speaker 1: You can you can make money some other way, Like 196 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 1: you don't have to. 197 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 2: The thing is we have no we have no comics, 198 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 2: have no other life skill. 199 00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: No, bro, I can't build anything. 200 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:28,240 Speaker 2: I'm useless. I'm fucking like a useless skill set. If 201 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 2: this ends, there's nothing. 202 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 1: What am I gonna do? 203 00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 2: There's nothing. 204 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 1: I haven't had a real job in fifteen years. 205 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 2: There's nothing entry level. I would have to I would 206 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,479 Speaker 2: have to deliver pizzas. 207 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: I would have to do that entry doc. Yeah. 208 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd be temping living pizzas, going up to a 209 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,679 Speaker 2: construction site with a hammer, Like, hey, I could fucking 210 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 2: hammer some nails and be fucking that. I would get 211 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 2: fired from that. 212 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,320 Speaker 1: I couldn't even do that. I'd have to like go 213 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:55,319 Speaker 1: get their lunches. 214 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,959 Speaker 2: I would just like break both my legs and collect 215 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 2: disability or something. I would just have somebody steamroll over 216 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 2: my foot. 217 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,239 Speaker 1: Yeah, what are you gonna do tomorrow? This saends tomorrow. 218 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,959 Speaker 2: Chop off a couple of toes, be like, yeah, I 219 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,719 Speaker 2: got diabetes, just collect disability. 220 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,319 Speaker 1: Did you ever have a job you were get at 221 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,559 Speaker 1: besides this? Never? 222 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 2: I was the worst employee. I was so fucking incompetent, lazy, 223 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:23,520 Speaker 2: had no I was useless. I was useless every job 224 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:26,479 Speaker 2: I ever had. Yeah, like I fired all the time. 225 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,839 Speaker 1: Lectured, Yeah, I got fired alive. 226 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 2: I waited table. I lied when I first moved to 227 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:31,680 Speaker 2: New York. And I told the guy I was twenty 228 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 2: one years old. And I told the guy that I 229 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:37,800 Speaker 2: waited table since I was fourteen. Total lie. And he's like, 230 00:10:37,840 --> 00:10:39,880 Speaker 2: all right, well start waiting tables. And I was like, 231 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 2: oh how do you do that? I was dropping plates. 232 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,880 Speaker 2: I was burning myself. I was eating food off the 233 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,360 Speaker 2: customer's thing when like they would like beat in the 234 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 2: bathroom and the other waiters like you can't do that, man. 235 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:54,359 Speaker 2: I was like, I'm so hungry, bro, I'm fucking starving. 236 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,520 Speaker 2: I was horrible. And then the guy that the boss 237 00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 2: came in a few days later he goes, oh, my 238 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 2: waiter said you look pretty nervous out there, and you 239 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:03,600 Speaker 2: wanted to just start as a busboy, and I had 240 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 2: some weird ego about it. I was like, fuck, no, man, 241 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 2: I'm a waiter till I d I E and then 242 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,000 Speaker 2: I quit and I was like so broken, hungry, and 243 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,720 Speaker 2: I was like why did I just say that? And 244 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,319 Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm not a waiter, I'm a liar. Yeah, no, 245 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:17,920 Speaker 2: I should have just bus tables, Like I'm a fucking idiot. 246 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,520 Speaker 1: The only job I ever had, I was good at 247 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 1: working at the gas station. 248 00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 2: You worked at a gas station. 249 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,200 Speaker 1: But I also let all my friends steal. Really I 250 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,480 Speaker 1: worked at like four different gas stations in like two 251 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 1: different states. 252 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, you see any crazy shit, You see any brawls 253 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 2: at a gas station or anything? 254 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,080 Speaker 1: Or was a mellow not really brawls, But like, I 255 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,200 Speaker 1: did work overnight, so I just see a lot of 256 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,960 Speaker 1: weird people getting out. There was a bar next door 257 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: called Finoogis, and you would just see weird people getting 258 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,840 Speaker 1: out of the bar late at night, clearly driving like drunk. 259 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,000 Speaker 2: This is rural Colorado, correct, this is like Aurora. 260 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 1: It's not that rural like the suburbs. 261 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,640 Speaker 2: I interviewed the Beastie Boys one time and I asked them, 262 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:57,000 Speaker 2: I think it was an ad Rock Dead responding, I go, 263 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 2: what's the craziest thing you guys grew up in New 264 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,959 Speaker 2: York City. What's the crazy thing you ever saw on 265 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 2: the subway? And he said he saw two Hasidic dudes 266 00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:08,040 Speaker 2: French kissing deep French kissing on them on the subway 267 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:09,720 Speaker 2: the middle of the day. I was like, that's a 268 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,439 Speaker 2: mind blowing just two rabbis going out at it. 269 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,280 Speaker 1: It's like a poster in your art school girlfriend's apartment. 270 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,320 Speaker 2: I was like, it's kind of like a Eric Andre 271 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,840 Speaker 2: show bit. Can I borrow that from those. 272 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,240 Speaker 1: In some type of blasphemy? Like if you do that, 273 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,440 Speaker 1: they won't let you get buried somewhere. I'm sure. 274 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:35,720 Speaker 2: Yeah? Worth it? So any other bombing stories, any other 275 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:36,640 Speaker 2: things that you like. 276 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:39,520 Speaker 1: So there was this one. There was this one open 277 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,680 Speaker 1: mic that I was at in San Francisco at this 278 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 1: place called the Brainwash that Isn't bear anymore. It was 279 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,560 Speaker 1: like a laundry mat slash open mic. 280 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 2: Oh, it sounds like a great venue. 281 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:52,199 Speaker 1: Oh that's where I started. Maybe. It was like there 282 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,439 Speaker 1: was this guy and he was like bugging the host 283 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,760 Speaker 1: to get up, bugging the host to get up, and 284 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,560 Speaker 1: the host was like, fuck you man, I'm not putting 285 00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:00,160 Speaker 1: you up, and the guy just kept bugging him up, 286 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: bugging him, and finally the host puts him up, and 287 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 1: the guy just starts eating shit. And it's only five minutes, right, yeah, 288 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,640 Speaker 1: but he's just eating a bag of Dixie's so terrible. Yeah, 289 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:13,079 Speaker 1: he decides to turn on the host and start making 290 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:13,920 Speaker 1: fun of the host. 291 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:14,800 Speaker 2: Oh no, the. 292 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 1: Hoast grabs a knife and tries to stab him. What. Yeah, 293 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,960 Speaker 1: that was pretty great. And then everybody like grabbed the 294 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,520 Speaker 1: host and like carry him outside. 295 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:26,120 Speaker 2: The host had a knife and was ready to commit 296 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:26,920 Speaker 2: on the side. 297 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,000 Speaker 1: No, he didn't have a knife. He like grabbed it. 298 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,760 Speaker 1: It was like one of those silk they were walked 299 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: because it was like laundry mat slash bar slash. They 300 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 1: serve food to. 301 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:40,479 Speaker 2: A laundry mat that served food and beer and like booze. 302 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,079 Speaker 1: Yeah, and they had pitball shit. 303 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 2: What kind of magical laundry mat is this? 304 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 1: Ah Soma? 305 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,160 Speaker 2: If anybody here you could wash your clothes and and 306 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,880 Speaker 2: do and and drink. 307 00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:51,680 Speaker 1: And watch open my comedy. It was really great. 308 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 2: So he grabbed a knife from the kitchen well like. 309 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,960 Speaker 1: From the counter, like they had the uh you know, 310 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 1: they had the thing where they keep all the silverwear 311 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,160 Speaker 1: in like I think they had just got. 312 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 2: He grabbed like a butter knife. 313 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 1: He grabbed them. He grabbed a butter knife, and it 314 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,600 Speaker 1: was like trying to go and then everybody like carried 315 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:11,319 Speaker 1: him outside. 316 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,720 Speaker 2: That's like a Michelle Gondry music video. 317 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:14,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, it was great. 318 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,240 Speaker 2: I was in a laundry matt doing my clothes, but 319 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,440 Speaker 2: I was also doing stand up, but I was also 320 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 2: there was also a restaurant and a bar, and then 321 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 2: people were fighting with butter knives. 322 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 1: It was really great. I missed those old days of 323 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,080 Speaker 1: stand up when it was scary. 324 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:29,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, they're fucking rap. They were hell, but they were 325 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 2: like they made us men. 326 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 1: Yeah that's just sad. 327 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's kind of like, Yeah, it's not as you 328 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 2: can always go back to those shows. Those shows still exist, Yeah, 329 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 2: but you it's. 330 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 1: Like I don't even move the way that I used to. 331 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: I was like back then, I was supposed to be 332 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,800 Speaker 1: in that room. Now it's like a weird. 333 00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 2: It's a weird feeling going back to those it's a 334 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,720 Speaker 2: weird sadness going back to those room you feel like 335 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:50,880 Speaker 2: something is terribly wrong. 336 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't sleep on a couch anymore. I'm not 337 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 1: excited about the potential of what's gonna happen anymore. 338 00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 2: I went to uh Columbus, Ohio one time to do 339 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 2: a gig. It was it was at a small venue. 340 00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 2: It felt like almost like a sports bar. But they 341 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,760 Speaker 2: had a stage. I had a proper stage and a mic, 342 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 2: and they did book me like they flew me out. 343 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 2: They paid me like a decent check. And I don't know. 344 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:19,280 Speaker 2: I think this is like right before the air Gonder 345 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 2: Show started. But I'm on stage and I'm doing well. 346 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,440 Speaker 2: I wasn't bombing. I was on stage just all college kids. 347 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 2: The place is packed. Maybe it was like season one 348 00:15:29,320 --> 00:15:31,440 Speaker 2: of the air Gun Show. I'm not sure place is packed. 349 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 2: I'm doing well. There's this super drunk white girl in 350 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 2: the front and like front row texting the whole time, 351 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 2: talking oblivious to me on stage, oblivious of the gesus 352 00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 2: part of a show. And I'm like trying to like 353 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 2: roaster plightly to be like, hey, I'm in the middle 354 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 2: of work right now, sweetie, can you shut the fuck up? 355 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 2: Like doing like little things like that, like playfully like 356 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 2: trying to get her to shut the fuck up, but 357 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 2: she won't, and she's being belligerent and texting, and I go, 358 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,600 Speaker 2: give me your phone and she's like, okay, okay, And 359 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 2: then I grabbed her phone. I looked up mom in 360 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:08,080 Speaker 2: her contacts and I texted. I texted her mom, Mom, 361 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,400 Speaker 2: I've always had a thing for dad. And the crowd 362 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 2: erupts like oh shit, and I'm like and I was like, 363 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:16,320 Speaker 2: I'm gonna hold your phone up here until your mom 364 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 2: starts responding. Her mom starts responding crazy shit, I'm running 365 00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 2: back shit. And then I give her her phone back, 366 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 2: thinking like that you've been reprimanded. Now you can you 367 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 2: can do damage control with your mom. You can say that, 368 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,160 Speaker 2: you know, that's her opportunity to be like, oh, comedian, 369 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:30,320 Speaker 2: grab my phone and he's fucking with you. And then 370 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 2: she was so drunk, I don't think she processed anything 371 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:36,040 Speaker 2: that happened, and she just kept blabbing away and kept 372 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 2: being fucking annoying. So it's like, God, damn it. So 373 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 2: I give you your phone and I go, hey, everybody, 374 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:44,000 Speaker 2: I'm going to pass this phone around. Let's pass it 375 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 2: around the whole audience and just text any text her mom, 376 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 2: text her dad, text anybody in her phone anything you want, 377 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 2: and like hundreds of kids got access to her phone 378 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:55,360 Speaker 2: and texted god knows what. I have no idea what 379 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 2: the kids did amazing. Then the phone, the phone got 380 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 2: back to her and she's kind of like in and out, 381 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,000 Speaker 2: and then she's like grabs her phone. She starts looking 382 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:08,120 Speaker 2: at it, and I see her turn like bugs bunny thermometer, 383 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,400 Speaker 2: red with anger, with like drunken anger, and like just 384 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 2: like inhaling all the fucking foul texts these college kids 385 00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:18,520 Speaker 2: are probably sending to like every one of her friends 386 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:22,160 Speaker 2: and family and anyone in her phone. Ex boyfriend's, old bosses, 387 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,119 Speaker 2: people she currently works with, who knows, who knows what 388 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:30,639 Speaker 2: Jieva Yeh, Gimon pop Pop, Like, yeah, I'll just like 389 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:35,280 Speaker 2: just the fucking heinous debris that these people, these the 390 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,399 Speaker 2: vitriol that whatever. I have no idea. I'm not responsible 391 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,560 Speaker 2: entirely for what they said, but like just heinous cribes 392 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,920 Speaker 2: against humanity. So I see her just reacting to all 393 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,639 Speaker 2: these incoming ship on her phone and then she just 394 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,719 Speaker 2: and then I just go back and I'm like kind 395 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,359 Speaker 2: of clocking it out of the corner of my eye 396 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,280 Speaker 2: and I just go back to my set, like, hey, 397 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,960 Speaker 2: what's up with the dublibitty blue or whatever. Then she 398 00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 2: just jumps on stage and sings like a big haymaker 399 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,120 Speaker 2: at me, and I like whoa and like matrix tight 400 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,959 Speaker 2: sheet out of the way. She almost punched me right 401 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,800 Speaker 2: in the face, and then I'm like looking at security, 402 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,520 Speaker 2: like help help me. And then like some college kids 403 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,040 Speaker 2: just kind of like dragged her out real security because yeah, 404 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 2: it wasn't yeah. I was like the security didn't even help. 405 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 2: They were like cracking up in the background. They're like, 406 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:22,200 Speaker 2: this guy's crazy. 407 00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:22,560 Speaker 1: Man. 408 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,159 Speaker 2: I was like, no, help me out right now, and 409 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,560 Speaker 2: I had some like eighteen year old kids like help 410 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:29,959 Speaker 2: me out. So like the kids like kind of like 411 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,880 Speaker 2: dragged her out, and then finally security came in dragged 412 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,200 Speaker 2: her out, and I was like what the fuck? And 413 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 2: but like the crowd is erupted at this point. It 414 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:39,680 Speaker 2: was actually a really good set, and the crowd's erupted, 415 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 2: and I kind of ended early after that. I was like, 416 00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 2: there's not really any jokes I can do after this. 417 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,600 Speaker 2: I can't go back to like be like she Game 418 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,360 Speaker 2: of Thrones or whatever the fuck, you know what I mean? 419 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:48,640 Speaker 1: Yeah. 420 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,080 Speaker 2: I was like, the set's gonna be short, but whatever, 421 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:53,840 Speaker 2: I'm going out on a high. And then as I'm 422 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:58,560 Speaker 2: leaving the venue, she's outside in the hallway and I'm like, 423 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:02,199 Speaker 2: oh fuck, and she looks at me like none of 424 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,960 Speaker 2: that ever even happened, and she was like, we som 425 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,600 Speaker 2: can I get a sound fanling you? And I was 426 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:13,520 Speaker 2: like really, it's like her brain just control all deleted everything. 427 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 1: And she was like, why's up. 428 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,439 Speaker 2: She's like, I had a great time, did do and 429 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,560 Speaker 2: like no anger? She was just like, whoa, that was fun, 430 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:22,760 Speaker 2: Like comedy, That's what a comedy show is. Like, I 431 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 2: was like, didn't I just like destroy your life fifteen ways? 432 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 1: Everybody said that you were trying to blow your brother? 433 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:31,000 Speaker 1: And now she's just like. 434 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:34,879 Speaker 2: Hey, yeah, She's just like that was fun. Comedy shows 435 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:40,920 Speaker 2: are crazy with Eric Andrey. 436 00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,920 Speaker 1: That's it. Go subscribe and listen to the full episode 437 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: at Bombing with Eric andre You idiots.