Speaker 1: Hello, Hi, How are you?
Speaker 2: I'm okay?
Speaker 3: How are you?
Speaker 1: What's your name?
Speaker 2: Can I give my real name?
Speaker 1: No? Want to give me a fake name? I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give you and I'm gonna I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: give you a fake name. I'm gonna give you one.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call you Annie.
Speaker 3: Amy.
Speaker 2: Come on, bro, I don't sound like a Amy, all right?
Speaker 1: You know what you get the fake name you get,
Speaker 1: and you don't get upset.
Speaker 2: Amy.
Speaker 1: How old are you? Amy?
Speaker 2: I'm twenty three?
Speaker 1: Well, what's going on? Amy? How can I how can
Speaker 1: I get you today? What's happening?
Speaker 2: Man? Honestly, that's such a loaded question with everything that's
Speaker 2: gone on in like the past year and a half
Speaker 2: of my life. But basically, long story short, right before
Speaker 2: my senior year of college started, one of my best
Speaker 2: friends was like murdered the first week of school us.
Speaker 2: And it's just the craziest, like his most mind warping
Speaker 2: time honestly in my life, and I thinking back on
Speaker 2: it now, I'm just like I can't even believe it's
Speaker 2: been that long, and it's like this the way that
Speaker 2: I've had to accept like that I'll never get closure
Speaker 2: on some things has been just way too much for
Speaker 2: me to handle.
Speaker 1: You know, what sorts of things are you trying to
Speaker 1: accept that you'll never get closure on.
Speaker 2: Basically, just with everything that happened to her, it was
Speaker 2: like a lot of blurred lines and just like things
Speaker 2: that don't add up from like the person that murdered her,
Speaker 2: and like he never technically got charged with a murder
Speaker 2: just because of the way laws work in my state.
Speaker 2: So it's just like, although he is behind bars for
Speaker 2: what he did, it's still no one was responsible with
Speaker 2: her life. And I'll never really know like what really
Speaker 2: like in a way killed her, Like what really happened
Speaker 2: with it? You know?
Speaker 1: Can I ask you what happened? Do you want to
Speaker 1: talk about what happened?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I can. I can kind of go into it.
Speaker 2: So basically, there's this huge thing in my school that
Speaker 2: I went to in college, I went just background. I
Speaker 2: went to a big ten college, really big school, big
Speaker 2: party school. It's really known for that, and it's really
Speaker 2: like great college in general, but it definitely has a
Speaker 2: culture around drinking and partying in Greek life is like
Speaker 2: the biggest thing ever. So it definitely prompts a lot
Speaker 2: of crazy shit to happen there. But this was like
Speaker 2: way more than I ever could understand. But there's this
Speaker 2: thing that everyone like goes to you on Tuesdays. It's
Speaker 2: called two dollars Tuesdays. And it was the first one
Speaker 2: of the year, like we had all just moved back down.
Speaker 2: It was the week before school started, called welcome week,
Speaker 2: and this is our senior year. And me and my
Speaker 2: friend had met each other when we were in high school,
Speaker 2: but we never really met each other for real and
Speaker 2: started becoming friends until freshman year of college. She was
Speaker 2: my best friend throughout like all three years of college,
Speaker 2: one of my closest friends. And that night she was
Speaker 2: a year younger than me, so she wasn't twenty one yet.
Speaker 2: I was twenty one at the time. Me and two
Speaker 2: other friends had gone to the two dollars Tuesday thing.
Speaker 2: She was at another friend's house and they were all
Speaker 2: just like kind of pregaming to go out later, but
Speaker 2: Avery was just gonna do something else. But basically Avery
Speaker 2: ended up getting god name. She ended up getting just
Speaker 2: like more drunk than she intended. And she was supposed
Speaker 2: to leave and come to my house, and I was
Speaker 2: supposed to go pick her up. But since I was drunk.
Speaker 2: I was like, I'll walk to you, because we were
Speaker 2: only like ten minute walk away from each other. But
Speaker 2: by the time I said that, her friend was like, no,
Speaker 2: I'll just drive her over to you. But Avery was
Speaker 2: still thinking that I was coming to walk and get her,
Speaker 2: so she was being reluctant to go with her friend,
Speaker 2: although me and her friend had already worked this whole
Speaker 2: thing out that she was going to get dropped off
Speaker 2: in my house, but she didn't have her phone, her keys,
Speaker 2: or anything, so she didn't want to leave because she
Speaker 2: couldn't find them. And then she ended up getting in
Speaker 2: the car, but was convinced that our other friend was
Speaker 2: taking her to the wrong house because I had just
Speaker 2: moved to a different house this year and she'd only
Speaker 2: been there like once or twice, so she was like
Speaker 2: unfamiliar with the area I was in, And so she
Speaker 2: got out of the car without any of her stuff,
Speaker 2: like a block away from my house, by this gas station,
Speaker 2: and then I was on the phone with the friend
Speaker 2: that led her out of the car, basically not thinking
Speaker 2: anything of it because she was being aggressive and they
Speaker 2: were both very drunk, so she was like, she'll make
Speaker 2: it to Laurence. She's literally right down the street. But
Speaker 2: like I was waiting out of my porch for her,
Speaker 2: and she never showed up. So I was just like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck, Like, where's my friend? And then my
Speaker 2: sober friend, my roommate at the time, came home and
Speaker 2: I was like, yo, I don't know where my friend is.
Speaker 2: We need to go look for her, like I'm scared,
Speaker 2: Like she doesn't have any of her stuff on her,
Speaker 2: you know. So then we drive around, we don't see
Speaker 2: her at all. We drive around where she lives, which
Speaker 2: is like ten minutes walk away from me, drive around
Speaker 2: my neighborhood, don't sear, drive around where she came from,
Speaker 2: wasn't there, And so then I was just I mean,
Speaker 2: I was intoxicated too. So then I called my other
Speaker 2: best friend. So it was me, my best friend that
Speaker 2: was missing at the time, and my other best friends
Speaker 2: who were like a trio. My other part of the
Speaker 2: trio was in Florida. So I FaceTime her while I'm drunk,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, yo, I don't know where our friend is.
Speaker 2: Like I don't know what to do because she doesn't
Speaker 2: have her phone on her, no one knows where she is.
Speaker 2: She could be with maybe one of her friends, like
Speaker 2: you know that she ran into, or maybe someone that
Speaker 2: else she knew in the area, like no one knew.
Speaker 2: So then basically I ended up just going to sleep
Speaker 2: that night and I was like, I don't know what
Speaker 2: to do. There's no way I can track this girl.
Speaker 2: I don't know where she is, and I was feeling
Speaker 2: ill about it, but like really truly, there's nothing that
Speaker 2: I could do. And everyone was like, she's okay, Like
Speaker 2: she's probably just with like her kind of man at
Speaker 2: the time, friends or something along the lines of that.
Speaker 2: But then the next day we woke up still heard
Speaker 2: nothing from her, which was rare because she was always
Speaker 2: the type to wake up early and text us that
Speaker 2: like she was up or whatever, send us something funny
Speaker 2: from the night before, like just some humorous shit, like
Speaker 2: she was funny, and we were just didn't hear from her,
Speaker 2: and we were like, this is so like just so
Speaker 2: fucking weird. So then me and my friend were like, okay,
Speaker 2: we need to like call our other friend, the roommate
Speaker 2: that let her out of the car, and we do,
Speaker 2: and then we called the police. She's not in the hospital,
Speaker 2: she's not anywhere. And so then We're just like, this
Speaker 2: is so messed up up. And then like all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, I'm on the phone with my best friend
Speaker 2: and she was on the phone with our friend's stepmom
Speaker 2: at the time, and the police had came to their
Speaker 2: door and said that they had found their daughter dead.
Speaker 2: And then we just started flipping out. We're like, how
Speaker 2: did like how and what and where and like how
Speaker 2: did any of this happen? And basically we didn't even
Speaker 2: find out that, like the person that did this to
Speaker 2: her wasn't arrested for like two months later. This guy
Speaker 2: that just like murdered our friend was just out there
Speaker 2: and we had like no idea what it happened really truly,
Speaker 2: and then we had to wait like an entire year
Speaker 2: until like this past June to even go to trials
Speaker 2: for it and everything, and we still never even got
Speaker 2: full closure because he didn't have to go up on
Speaker 2: the stands because he didn't have to like choose to
Speaker 2: incriminate himself.
Speaker 1: So you don't even know, you don't even know what happened.
Speaker 1: You're like, who is this guy? How they like this
Speaker 1: was this just was she was talking drunk along the
Speaker 1: streets and this guy just was randomly from the streets
Speaker 1: like kidnapped her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's like in the nutshell basically what happened. I mean,
Speaker 2: the trial pieced it more together for us and gave
Speaker 2: us like an idea of the timeline. Like we saw
Speaker 2: footage of her in her parking garage, like alone, she
Speaker 2: was talking to some people. But I think the conclusion
Speaker 2: of her like being in the parking garage and not
Speaker 2: being able to get up to her apartments because she
Speaker 2: didn't have her keys, and like when you have an
Speaker 2: elevator in the parking garage, like you can't go up
Speaker 2: to a floor unless you have the fob. She never
Speaker 2: had her fob. So there's footage of her in the
Speaker 2: elevator like trying to go up and down but it
Speaker 2: won't let her out on her floor. And then there's
Speaker 2: like footage of her going in and out of the
Speaker 2: garage like trying to talk to people.
Speaker 1: But is there like is there footage of her and
Speaker 1: the sky?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: How did she meet this guy?
Speaker 2: There's there's no footage of her actually meeting him. It's
Speaker 2: hearsay of like what he said how they met, which
Speaker 2: was they met like five blocks away from my house,
Speaker 2: which was legitimately on campus at this university, So that
Speaker 2: just shows you everything about safety at colleges. He was
Speaker 2: just lurking at two to five am on a random
Speaker 2: Tuesday night, like nobody's business, and he said that that
Speaker 2: night he was looking to get drunk and fuck some bitches.
Speaker 2: So then he picks up my friend while she's overly intoxicated,
Speaker 2: alone and drunk. And the technical cause of her death
Speaker 2: was speentanel. So what we won't do like ever know
Speaker 2: is because the autopsy doesn't reveal how the sentinel was ingested.
Speaker 2: They didn't find any like points on her skin or
Speaker 2: anything like that, like either she took a pill of
Speaker 2: some sort or like bad drugs, but like well just
Speaker 2: or like the thing is is like I know she
Speaker 2: would never do that, so it's like very difficult for
Speaker 2: me to ever think that would happen. And he also
Speaker 2: raped her two times, three times more maybe I don't know,
Speaker 2: but Jesus, yeah, it's just like I don't ever think
Speaker 2: that she would willingly do that. But like people originally
Speaker 2: when this happened, people thought that like she did this
Speaker 2: to herself, like they thought that she took bad drugs
Speaker 2: and killed herself. But I knew that it was never
Speaker 2: true the whole time.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to hear about all this. This is a wild, wild,
Speaker 1: wild thing, especially you know, being you know, in contact
Speaker 1: with her the night that it all happened.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I mean the hardest part is definitely the
Speaker 2: guilt of like wishing I wouldn't have never went to
Speaker 2: sleep and just like looked for her more and like
Speaker 2: went in the parking garage. It's just like it was
Speaker 2: the first we had moved down there. We had hung
Speaker 2: out that day, Like we went to the grocery store together,
Speaker 2: we went to the gym. We were like, yeah, like
Speaker 2: let's get ready like this year, and then we were like,
Speaker 2: we're going out later, and then like we literally were
Speaker 2: at the gym and then we hugged and we were
Speaker 2: like see you later, like because she was gonna come
Speaker 2: over that night anyway. And so it's just crazy that
Speaker 2: like we were texting and it was like twelve, it
Speaker 2: was midnight, and I was talking to her and then
Speaker 2: like I could tell she was drunk, but then I
Speaker 2: thought I was going to see her later, and then
Speaker 2: I just woke up to that the next day. And
Speaker 2: I mean, even the crazier part is that my like
Speaker 2: the other person that's in the trio or our best friends,
Speaker 2: Like her best friend was murdered like four months prior
Speaker 2: to this, So this is like the second time that
Speaker 2: my other friend was going through this. And like she
Speaker 2: genuinely was in like disbelief when she called me. She
Speaker 2: was just like, I can't even like process this.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, your friend's friend had another friend to
Speaker 1: get murdered four months before this. Yeah, at the same school.
Speaker 2: No, he didn't go to college with us. It was
Speaker 2: a friend from home.
Speaker 1: How long ago did all this stuff happen?
Speaker 2: This is all the year twenty twenty two, so.
Speaker 1: It's still pretty pretty new.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was a.
Speaker 2: Two year deathmark of our friends, a male friend that
Speaker 2: we had that passed away just.
Speaker 4: A week she did.
Speaker 1: Man, So the things that you were talking about not
Speaker 1: getting closure on are really just like like what exactly happens? Right?
Speaker 2: I'm like, did were they doing cocaine? Like like I
Speaker 2: just like I just want to know, you know. It's
Speaker 2: like and then we obviously, like me and my other
Speaker 2: best friend are like freaking detectives because the police weren't
Speaker 2: doing as they should. They treated the whole case like
Speaker 2: an overdose when they found my friend not like a murder.
Speaker 2: They didn't fingerprint anything. There was like cut straws. There
Speaker 2: was definitely probably drugs present, but like they said, there wasn't.
Speaker 2: I mean, they see and the guy that did this,
Speaker 2: keep in mind, was thirty five or thirty six and
Speaker 2: she was twenty years old.
Speaker 4: Mm.
Speaker 5: So yeah, And this all happened at a thirty six
Speaker 5: year old's parents' house, and the parents were the.
Speaker 2: One that called the police, not the guy that did
Speaker 2: this to my friend.
Speaker 1: And so so that guy didn't get charged with murder,
Speaker 1: you said, what, but he's behind what exactly happened.
Speaker 3: He got charged with rape.
Speaker 2: And for distributing alcohol to a minor.
Speaker 1: That's fucking crazy because he.
Speaker 2: Admitted to supplying her with weed and alcohol. But her
Speaker 2: assistant says, spinal.
Speaker 1: And who are you? Who are you with?
Speaker 2: This is my boyfriend?
Speaker 1: What's up?
Speaker 2: Man? Like you have to go on here? He's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's just it's a lot of a lot of crazy
Speaker 2: ship honestly, can I want to expose the state because
Speaker 2: Indiana Indiana's laws are the reason that his motherfucker's not
Speaker 2: gone for murder.
Speaker 1: Right now, I will say a few pe people I've
Speaker 1: I've checked out the chat a couple of times while
Speaker 1: we've been talking, and there have been a couple of
Speaker 1: people who deduced that it was Indiana. Damn, somebody in
Speaker 1: the chat, And I don't know if this is true,
Speaker 1: but I and I actually might be making this up
Speaker 1: because I just kind of glanced at it. But somebody
Speaker 1: in the chat said that like Indiana like an like
Speaker 1: Indiana University, that like ship like this happens a lot.
Speaker 1: Is that true?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's not surprising. The culture
Speaker 2: that's breeded at Indiana University is the most toxic and
Speaker 2: just messed up, like culture of kids dying underage.
Speaker 1: And so you've graduated way.
Speaker 2: Too many dots there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what are you doing now?
Speaker 2: I live like near Chicago.
Speaker 1: Okay, and I guess I have a few bunch of questions.
Speaker 1: I mean, how how often are do you do you
Speaker 1: think about this? I mean, it's only been two years,
Speaker 1: It's not like this is something that is heavily in
Speaker 1: the past, but like, how often do you do you
Speaker 1: think about it? How often does it like persist in
Speaker 1: your brain?
Speaker 2: Oh? Man, I mean I mean recently, I've had an
Speaker 2: easier time with it I don't really know why, but
Speaker 2: I feel like the weight of it is finally getting
Speaker 2: a little easier to put them in my fath just
Speaker 2: trying to stay positive and like live a normalish life
Speaker 2: after all this, you know. Yeah, yeah, but I mean before,
Speaker 2: like over the last summer after I graduated in May
Speaker 2: twenty twenty three, I started working right after it, just
Speaker 2: because I was like, screw it, like I want money,
Speaker 2: Like I just don't need to sit around and like
Speaker 2: pretend all this didn't happen, you know, and like what
Speaker 2: was I gonna say, Oh yeah, back then, like in
Speaker 2: June and July, Like when I first started working, I
Speaker 2: thought about it so much, Like I couldn't sometimes during work,
Speaker 2: I would just have to like get up and go
Speaker 2: to the bathroom just to like sob a little bit.
Speaker 2: But I mean, it's way better than that now, just
Speaker 2: after the trials. The trials was a lot, and leading
Speaker 2: up to that, because I had to be on the
Speaker 2: stands a couple of times. Didn't want them to like
Speaker 2: like grill me about stuff, you know, like why I
Speaker 2: wasn't trying to help more like they were, because basically
Speaker 2: the other side of the case, the defense of the
Speaker 2: criminal was trying to say like Avery did this often
Speaker 2: and like this was a part of her behavior to
Speaker 2: like be reckless and drunk and all this, And I
Speaker 2: like it was just hard because they had the evidence
Speaker 2: on my phone and stuff, Like I thought they would
Speaker 2: like look through our messages and stuff and kind of
Speaker 2: like see that. You know, we were partiers at the time, truly,
Speaker 2: but who is it? You know, it's like we were
Speaker 2: in college. Everybody was drinking, everyone smoked a little weed
Speaker 2: everyone and I you stay it in the chat everyone
Speaker 2: ie you does blow that's the culture.
Speaker 1: And how long How long was the How long was
Speaker 1: the trial for?
Speaker 2: It was a week?
Speaker 1: When did that end? Was that also like around the
Speaker 1: end of twenty twenty.
Speaker 2: Two, right right before fourth of July of twenty twenty three.
Speaker 2: This is like lessons, this is like six months ago, No,
Speaker 2: almost a year actually, like eight months.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, you know, like I know you talked about
Speaker 1: like this, this feeling of guilt, and I am sure
Speaker 1: I'm not the first person to tell you this, but
Speaker 1: you know, of course your friend getting murdered is not
Speaker 1: your faults.
Speaker 2: Right, But I feel like every single day is like
Speaker 2: like I look at a picturver and I'm like fuck,
Speaker 2: like why, like why did I go to sleep? Like
Speaker 2: It's just it goes to show for anybody in out
Speaker 2: there right now listening to this, never leave your friends alone,
Speaker 2: and don't go out with the dead phone, and always
Speaker 2: keep your stuff on you, you know, and a weapon
Speaker 2: and a and a fucking weapon if it's a niney
Speaker 2: or pepper spray or something like Lord forbid. You know
Speaker 2: this stuff happens every single day, and you don't understand
Speaker 2: that the depth of it until it's someone that you
Speaker 2: really love, like someone that you talk to every single day.
Speaker 1: M How has the uh process of moving on? Now
Speaker 1: that you're out of school and you're working and it
Speaker 1: sounds like you're living with your boyfriend, how's the process
Speaker 1: of uh? You laugh? Are you're not living with your boyfriend? No?
Speaker 2: Okay, we we live like it's funny, like we joke.
Speaker 2: We're like medium distance right now. We live like thirty
Speaker 2: minutes away from each other. But it's way better than
Speaker 2: how we were when I was at school. So I'm grateful.
Speaker 1: I I you know what, I guess. I guess for
Speaker 1: like a little second, I lived in a universe where,
Speaker 1: of course, why would her why would her boyfriend just
Speaker 1: be over. They have to live together. I don't know
Speaker 1: why these I lived.
Speaker 2: In for a second we're living together. Why they live
Speaker 2: together and get married and have kids?
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, wait, vibe vibean's good vibein is A is
Speaker 1: A is a relationship status? I would I would put
Speaker 1: that on your Facebook. How's the process of Okay, so
Speaker 1: you're a vibe? And that's what I was going to
Speaker 1: ask you is, how's how's vibing? How's the process of vibing?
Speaker 1: How's how's today? How the last week?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's definitely it's been a lot. Like
Speaker 2: I've said, the past couple of weeks been a lot,
Speaker 2: just better. I don't know. I've been more positive and
Speaker 2: just I don't know, not not getting over it.
Speaker 4: But she's always positive. I've seen nothing since before from after.
Speaker 4: She's changed so much, but in the greatest way possible.
Speaker 4: It's it's shocking to me. She's always positive, which is crazy.
Speaker 1: I like, this guy's cool guy? What is is he
Speaker 1: on the speakerphone?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, can't talk to can't talk to him real
Speaker 1: Quick's so good? What's your deal?
Speaker 4: Man? My deal is her deal? I just told her
Speaker 4: to call and because I got the notification that you're streaming,
Speaker 4: and I just found you a couple of months ago
Speaker 4: and I've been watching NonStop. So I was like, well,
Speaker 4: I don't have ship to tell, but he does. So
Speaker 4: I'm just glad she called you.
Speaker 3: You quicked up.
Speaker 2: We were cracking up right before you called, because like
Speaker 2: my text were so dry, and I was like, I
Speaker 2: was like, he's not going to know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I'm well, so okay, So you guys aren't living together,
Speaker 1: but you're vibing. That's good, and uh, you got it?
Speaker 1: What are you? What is it? What's your job now?
Speaker 2: I'm in marketing. Yeah, I graduated from the business school. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Are you enjoying? You know? I guess I'm curious because
Speaker 1: the way that you kind of opened to the call.
Speaker 1: I know that you you know, a lot of what
Speaker 1: you seemed to be dealing with right now, you know
Speaker 1: is in relation to this, but it seems like you
Speaker 1: were in some sort of of a of an overall
Speaker 1: encompassing malaise of some kind. Is that is that? Is
Speaker 1: that true? Am I making that up?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean that's the thing. Is like all of
Speaker 2: this just really made me so eye opened to like
Speaker 2: how I mean, this honestly is gonna sound so corny,
Speaker 2: but there's that Kanye video where he's like I ask
Speaker 2: God to deliver me from pain and he took my
Speaker 2: mom And it's like, in a way, that's like how
Speaker 2: this feels, Like it's it's hard to have anything that
Speaker 2: could ever really hurt that much. And it's like it's
Speaker 2: kind of made me so like not even in a
Speaker 2: bad way, like not numb, but just like it made
Speaker 2: me realize how little so much means, and like how
Speaker 2: much someone means, you know, m h m hm.
Speaker 1: Ask good delivery from pain. So he took my mom
Speaker 1: as in, like you want me to deliver you from pain.
Speaker 1: Here's the most painful thing now, right, there's no more
Speaker 1: pain in comparison.
Speaker 2: Right, It's like it's it's not even and obviously like
Speaker 2: I live in fear of just like even my little brother,
Speaker 2: like he still goes to IU. So it's definitely like
Speaker 2: i still have a lot of like worry with that,
Speaker 2: just because I'm like the culture there, like I said,
Speaker 2: is very like toxic. So I'm like that definitely still
Speaker 2: stresses me out. But I'm like at the end of
Speaker 2: the day, like yeah, like at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: it's like all these things I just think that I
Speaker 2: can't control, and I'm I kill myself worrying about all
Speaker 2: of that when I you know, try to chill out
Speaker 2: for some time. But yeah, I haven't really been going
Speaker 2: to therapy much when I probably should be. But I
Speaker 2: don't know. I just feel like if I was going
Speaker 2: on like a consistent basis, it would make it like weirder.
Speaker 2: It would make it harder for me to open up
Speaker 2: about it authentically because I feel like when he just
Speaker 2: told me to come up here, I was like, screw it,
Speaker 2: I'll talk about it right now, because like I definitely
Speaker 2: like feel the love for my friend enough to talk
Speaker 2: about her every single day to anybody. But at the
Speaker 2: same time, it's like to a therapist and like paying
Speaker 2: someone and like, I don't know that that.
Speaker 3: To me is titchy.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I guess you, yeah, you don't want it to see
Speaker 1: to seem like you're like rehearsing it or something like that,
Speaker 1: or is that is that kind of.
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: I mean, it's it's genuinely like I've talked about it
Speaker 2: so so much and like just even with you know,
Speaker 2: like obviously you can imagine my best friend's text and
Speaker 2: I like or like our text every day are very
Speaker 2: like we talk about our friends that we lost quite
Speaker 2: a bit, and it's like I get a lot of
Speaker 2: just release, like just talking to them about her and like,
Speaker 2: you know, looking at old video stuff like that, and
Speaker 2: like obviously just like having my boyfriend and my family
Speaker 2: and stuff, like they all understand everything that and it's
Speaker 2: it's also kind of crazy too because my little brother
Speaker 2: was also very good friends with this girl, so like
Speaker 2: sometimes we talk about her and it like hits a
Speaker 2: different part, you know.
Speaker 1: I was going to ask, how's your relationship with that?
Speaker 1: So it was a trio. It was you friend Avery
Speaker 1: and this other girl? Who's who's this other girl? Are
Speaker 1: you still friends with her?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's my best dat day one? So we talked. Yeah,
Speaker 2: every day, we hang out quite a lot. We go
Speaker 2: to church together.
Speaker 3: We're very.
Speaker 4: Encouraging.
Speaker 2: I would say we both have like opposite work schedules
Speaker 2: right now. So like she's on midnights and I have
Speaker 2: a regular nine to five. So she's always like up
Speaker 2: when I'm not up, and I'm always asleep when she's up.
Speaker 1: And yeah, oh is she like a like a nurse
Speaker 1: or something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's going to PA school, so she's got to
Speaker 2: get those patient care hours in at the hospital. M Yeah.
Speaker 2: But yeah, super encouraging. And like she was the friend
Speaker 2: that also lost someone else very close to her too,
Speaker 2: so like it's super weird. It's like, you know, she
Speaker 2: lost her best friend and then like I mean not
Speaker 2: to say that like we weren't all best friends, but
Speaker 2: like I avery, I had known her like quite a
Speaker 2: long time and stuff, like since high school, and just
Speaker 2: like to have her kind of like help me through that,
Speaker 2: you know, because I couldn't imagine like what she was
Speaker 2: feeling like back then when like I was with her
Speaker 2: at the funeral and stuff, because I wasn't as close
Speaker 2: with that person. So I was just like I could
Speaker 2: never imagine what she feels like right now, and then
Speaker 2: I literally had to go through it. I'm like, damn,
Speaker 2: you know, some things maybe really do happen for a reason.
Speaker 1: You know, what are you excited about for the future.
Speaker 2: I'm definitely excited about the business I'm going to start
Speaker 2: in honor of her, because.
Speaker 1: It's a business.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I think I'm just gonna do some digital marketing,
Speaker 2: like what I do as a career now for a brand.
Speaker 2: I'm just going to do more agency type of work
Speaker 2: and try to work for some cool brands. Because it's
Speaker 2: funny when we were when Avery and I were juniors,
Speaker 2: we were actually going to intern at this for a
Speaker 2: marketing company or a tequila company. We're going to be
Speaker 2: in the marketing department together. But then she ended up
Speaker 2: like needing to stay home that like summer because she
Speaker 2: had just been abroad, so her dad didn't want her
Speaker 2: to like live in Chicago and blah blah blah. But yeah,
Speaker 2: so I was just like she was a super creative
Speaker 2: person and like she was into digital and social media.
Speaker 3: Just like me.
Speaker 2: So we're very similar in that way. And I just
Speaker 2: thought it'd be sitting to have a company, you know,
Speaker 2: name after her, and then we'll always have something with
Speaker 2: her around, you know.
Speaker 1: Are you gonna name your your your agency after her?
Speaker 1: Mm hmm yeah, very nice, very nice. Yeah, no, go ahead.
Speaker 2: And then I'm gonna try to incorporate some philanthropy into
Speaker 2: it as well, with just trying to give back to
Speaker 2: anyone with mental health and the opioid addiction in the
Speaker 2: crisis going on in this country right now. It's just
Speaker 2: really personal with all of that. I mean, if truly,
Speaker 2: if all these drugs weren't as accessible and weren't as
Speaker 2: you know, accepted in our culture and all that, Like,
Speaker 2: I just feel like this wouldn't have happened to her, Like,
Speaker 2: I mean, I just I've never heard of someone just
Speaker 2: like killing someone with fatan all until this like happened.
Speaker 2: And then I just realized, like, wow, this like actually
Speaker 2: happens with people every day. There's really sad that, like
Speaker 2: the number one leading killer of people eighteen to thirty.
Speaker 2: Is that all?
Speaker 1: Really that's the number one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like besides, I'm pretty sure it's like car
Speaker 2: wrecks and satanal is like in the top five. Now
Speaker 2: the number one too.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty I thought it was suicide.
Speaker 2: Maybe maybe that is too. Honestly, I'm not sure, but
Speaker 2: I saw I know, I thought no, I thought he said,
Speaker 2: gont forget that big one.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was about to be like this is a fun
Speaker 1: little conversation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I don't know what it is, but I
Speaker 2: swore I thought I saw a statistic that top three
Speaker 2: fetanyl for sure.
Speaker 1: Tough three, Top three sounds sounds accurate.
Speaker 2: Yeah, It's just it's just really sad, and it's it's
Speaker 2: also crazy because like the guy, me and my best friend,
Speaker 2: like we would stop the guy that did this, and
Speaker 2: like his family and just like see the things that
Speaker 2: they would post and like leading up to what he
Speaker 2: did to my friend, he would like post about like
Speaker 2: drugging and raping and like taking money from white women
Speaker 2: and stuff, and like how white women were so gullible
Speaker 2: and like all that, and I was just like, that's
Speaker 2: so disgusting. And then you'd go to his mom's Facebook
Speaker 2: profile and she literally would say, my my sons are
Speaker 2: addicted to fetanyl. But they couldn't put they couldn't put
Speaker 2: one in, you know, two and two together to pin
Speaker 2: the fetanyl on him.
Speaker 1: I was about to say, like, was there were those
Speaker 1: Facebook posts? Not were they like brought into the trial?
Speaker 2: The trial The trial was at that point had nothing
Speaker 2: to do with the fetanyl. Basically, the trials was all
Speaker 2: to do it's like the rape and and whether or
Speaker 2: not alcohol contributed to her death.
Speaker 1: So there's there was no like if the guy just
Speaker 1: goes on Facebook and and and admits to that, there
Speaker 1: was no like did that that didn't like trigger any
Speaker 1: any anything.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they want to do it as they don't want
Speaker 4: to do more than they have to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were like the murder isn't going to get
Speaker 2: in The murder for like basically selling someone or giving
Speaker 2: someone a drug and it kills them in Indiana is
Speaker 2: like five to seven years in prison.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, so that's like that's a technicality.
Speaker 3: In in aena.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that like rape getting him on, like the rape
Speaker 2: and the distribution of alcohol to a minor. And he
Speaker 2: also while he was in jail, he also used a
Speaker 2: different inmates pen and tried coercing the person that he
Speaker 2: called at five am when Avery was quote unquote still
Speaker 2: alive to live for him on the stand, and they
Speaker 2: had recordings and transcripts of it all and we've got
Speaker 2: to listen to it all in course. So he also
Speaker 2: got charged for that.
Speaker 1: Geez, Yeah, what idiot are you? What's his mom posts?
Speaker 1: Do you still look at like his family's Facebook posts?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Sometimes we haven't really looked recently. I should honestly look.
Speaker 1: Ye, it's probably I don't know, I'm not a it's
Speaker 1: it's probably for the best to not look at it.
Speaker 2: I think, no, right, And it's like, honestly, it's like
Speaker 2: with all this it's like, as much as I love her,
Speaker 2: it's like this is how it was for like a
Speaker 2: whole year when we didn't know anything about what happened.
Speaker 2: Is like we were constant looking and like searching, and
Speaker 2: so then it's like after the trials and stuff, it
Speaker 2: was just really good to be able to just kind
Speaker 2: of have some peace with all of it and like
Speaker 2: not really care because I knew he was gonna probably
Speaker 2: be back there for life. Plus when he got arrested
Speaker 2: in his prince went in the system, it actually came
Speaker 2: up and matched another girl's rape kit from a year
Speaker 2: before Josh, And so now he's getting tried for that
Speaker 2: one too, So now he might be and it's the
Speaker 2: same judge, so she's definitely gonna like back to back
Speaker 2: the sentences and then like he'll probably be in.
Speaker 4: There for life.
Speaker 2: That's fucking crazy, right, Yeah, it just it makes me sick.
Speaker 2: It makes me so sick that and and one time
Speaker 2: I was actually recently I don't want to say this
Speaker 2: girl's name, but shout out to my one friend that
Speaker 2: lives in Hyde Park. He told me that if it
Speaker 2: gives me any closure, Avery, this happening to Avery might
Speaker 2: have been for that girl, you know, to have her
Speaker 2: closure with it, because that they would have never found him,
Speaker 2: and they would have she probably never would have got
Speaker 2: justice at this then, like avery had to be the
Speaker 2: reason for all this to stop, because who knows how
Speaker 2: many girls there were form.
Speaker 3: And in the future.
Speaker 1: Right, And this guy he just like openly and admitted
Speaker 1: to it on Facebook.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but no, no, his yeah, he tiptoed around it.
Speaker 2: He was just like I didn't get like I don't
Speaker 2: even know. The way he responded to it all just
Speaker 2: like made him look so guilty, Like yeah, he was
Speaker 2: like I didn't do shit, Like I never even knew
Speaker 2: this bitch, Like you know what I'm saying, Like had
Speaker 2: this attitude that like he didn't know what happened to her.
Speaker 2: And I'm like she was alone and without any phone wallet,
Speaker 2: if she didn't have any of that, how the fuck
Speaker 2: would she have fatanal? Like you clearly supplied her with it.
Speaker 2: Where did it come from? What did you do to her?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: It's like I want to know if he like did
Speaker 2: that to her and then raped her and kid, like
Speaker 2: you know, like I just like I just want to know.
Speaker 2: I just want to know, Like I'll never know. But
Speaker 2: I mean, I was just praying that she was in
Speaker 2: a honestly, I pray that she was like out of
Speaker 2: it when all that was happening, you know, for the
Speaker 2: best of her.
Speaker 1: Well Amy, Wait, Amy was the name I gave you.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we got you know what.
Speaker 1: You know what, after all this, if you want to
Speaker 1: pick a different name, you can pick a different name.
Speaker 2: I don't even have a better one. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: even have a better one. But yeah, I mean all
Speaker 2: this definitely some crazy ship.
Speaker 1: But well, I'm glad. I'm Look. Look man, I'm glad
Speaker 1: that you're doing You seem like you're doing better. You're
Speaker 1: ready to go and do this. This marketing agency that
Speaker 1: you're going to name after her. I think I think
Speaker 1: I'm glad. I'm I'm I'm. My verdict is, I'm glad
Speaker 1: you're you're not swarming Facebook with looking at at your friends. No,
Speaker 1: you're not your friend looking at uh uh this guy's family.
Speaker 1: You know, it's not like you're you're I like that
Speaker 1: you're doing the things that are are are sort of
Speaker 1: forward moving, you know.
Speaker 2: I think it's good. I think I think it's important
Speaker 2: to do that and to anybody, even just struggling with
Speaker 2: grief too. I mean, the thing that gives you comfort
Speaker 2: to is that they wouldn't like if if Avery had
Speaker 2: in my life right now, she would want me to
Speaker 2: live that shit to the fullest.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, you know.
Speaker 2: She was full of life, literally so full of life,
Speaker 2: and so if I didn't the days that I don't
Speaker 2: feel like getting out of bed and like doing anything
Speaker 2: and being sad, it's just I'm like, she would not
Speaker 2: want this for me at all.
Speaker 1: Well, Amy, is there anything else that you or or
Speaker 1: or your boyfriend want to talk about or say to
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 2: No, I'm good. Yeah to everyone out there, hug your friends,
Speaker 2: extra clothes, every take.
Speaker 1: Care of me. Thank you for calling, and thank you
Speaker 1: for sharing your story. How did it feel to talk about?
Speaker 3: Was?
Speaker 1: Did it feel good to talk about? At least?
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, it actually really did it really good?
Speaker 2: Thank you so much?
Speaker 1: Gag of course, of course have Yeah, we got to
Speaker 1: hear what this guy's story is, but that's for another time.
Speaker 1: I'm sure he's got stuff all right. You gotta take care.
Speaker 3: Hello, big hands there.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you just said, but what's your name?
Speaker 3: My name is Ryan.
Speaker 1: What's up? Ryan? How can I get you today?
Speaker 6: You could?
Speaker 3: You could get me, get me in the mouth, feeling
Speaker 3: a little hungry, and I just want to talk about
Speaker 3: food food for a little bit.
Speaker 1: Oh man, all right. I respect the boldness that you
Speaker 1: just just put on display.
Speaker 3: What's your what's your favorite food?
Speaker 1: What's my favorite food? Oh man? You want to talk
Speaker 1: about food? You want to talk about food?
Speaker 2: Ryan?
Speaker 1: Ryan? Is that what you said? Your name was? Yes,
Speaker 1: you want to talk about food. Let's fucking talk about food. Okay,
Speaker 1: here's my thing, Ryan, I'm god, I'm trying to lose
Speaker 1: weight because I'm gonna tell you, guys, I'm gonna just
Speaker 1: rant for a second. If if you don't mind, you
Speaker 1: got me going a little crazy. I do so in
Speaker 1: ju I think so. I started doing therapy getto in
Speaker 1: June of twenty twenty, and in the four years that
Speaker 1: I've done this podcast, I think I gained forty or
Speaker 1: fifty pounds or something like that, forty fifty pounds because
Speaker 1: I just well, a couple things happened. One thing that
Speaker 1: happened was, you know, once the podcast started to like
Speaker 1: be a little bit more successful, I think I thought
Speaker 1: to myself, like, oh okay, I'm just gonna, you know,
Speaker 1: put all of my stock into this podcast and then
Speaker 1: who gives a shit what my body looks or feels
Speaker 1: like because I have a successful podcast. You know. That
Speaker 1: was terrible decision. But also I just like what I
Speaker 1: would do. It was four years, Ryan, it was four
Speaker 1: years of Okay, sit in this chair three times a
Speaker 1: week and talk to people on the phone for two hours.
Speaker 1: And then how does one how do you think one
Speaker 1: decompresses after talking to strangers about stuff for two.
Speaker 7: Hours, breath eating, by stress eating by no, no, by first
Speaker 7: getting extremely high and then eating an extra genuinely maybe
Speaker 7: four thousand calories every single night.
Speaker 1: I mean, it was. It was crazy. And then at
Speaker 1: the beginning of this year, I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: I got stop. This is not cool. So now Ryan,
Speaker 1: I have a little I have a folder on my
Speaker 1: notes app. I have one for food and one for fitness,
Speaker 1: and the fitness one I track my my lifts, and
Speaker 1: then the food one I'm trying to eat at a
Speaker 1: caloric deficit. I put my I put my ship into
Speaker 1: that calculator, you know, that calculator that tells you how
Speaker 1: many calories to.
Speaker 3: How many you gotta burn and how much you gotta
Speaker 3: eat and how long you gotta run?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so I got I'm a caloric deficit. I
Speaker 1: gotta I've limited myself to two thousand calories a day,
Speaker 1: which is, you know what is actually a pretty sizable
Speaker 1: amount of calories, I think, But now I'm like.
Speaker 3: A daily value of that that it's like for a
Speaker 3: normal cuman human mail.
Speaker 1: I think it's a daily value value for a normal
Speaker 1: human male. Now I don't do I haven't been doing
Speaker 1: it every single day for the for the whole year.
Speaker 1: God No, I've had plenty of I think I've actually
Speaker 1: done it like most of the days in the last
Speaker 1: two months. Maybe, but I mean there's been a lot
Speaker 1: of times I'm going on venders and still but I low,
Speaker 1: here's what happens now. I log my venders, so like
Speaker 1: I no matter whether I log everything, now, I log
Speaker 1: everything now. And I'm like, oh my god, I was
Speaker 1: eating like I law I had I had this day recently.
Speaker 1: I was just feeling pretty miserable and I was like,
Speaker 1: the only I just need some dopamine in my life.
Speaker 1: And I it started with it. It started as it
Speaker 1: always does with I'm just I'm just gonna say this.
Speaker 1: I don't care if they want to sponsor this podcast
Speaker 1: one day, I'm not. I I cannot in good faith,
Speaker 1: UH promote this company because the Okay, my least favorite
Speaker 1: brand of all time is Starbucks. For multiple way. I
Speaker 1: hate Starbucks. I love Duncan. If Duncan ever wants to
Speaker 1: be a sponsor of the Therapy Gical podcast, I got them.
Speaker 1: But I hate Starbucks. I hate them because I think
Speaker 1: their coffee tastes shitty, and I think it's it's the
Speaker 1: most pretentious brand of all time. They sell a cake pop,
Speaker 1: they sell a unicorn cake pop, they sell a variety
Speaker 1: of different cake pops, and it's a It's literally it's
Speaker 1: a one single bite of cake. Ryan. And guess how
Speaker 1: much one single bite of cake cost your.
Speaker 3: Soul, your corporate soul is sold to Starbucks.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure it costs. I'm pretty sure it costs
Speaker 1: like four dollars for this one bite of cake. I
Speaker 1: hate these cake pops. I eat them all the time.
Speaker 1: I'm addicted to them. They're delicious. So I had a
Speaker 1: cake pop, which was the start of the beginning of
Speaker 1: the end, uh, and then I just snack in Ryan,
Speaker 1: I went to the bodega, I got my favorite fucking
Speaker 1: Neon sour gummy, fucking Neon War of the Bright Sour Worms.
Speaker 1: I love those. I got a cookie from Starbucks. I
Speaker 1: got Pringles and with all this shin, I logged it
Speaker 1: all and it was like the fucking five thousand, six thousand.
Speaker 1: It was crazy. This is crazy. And I was like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, I've been like in twenty twenty three and
Speaker 1: twenty twenty two. I ate like that every fucking day. Dude.
Speaker 1: It was insane. It was insane.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: So anyway, so now I'm I I have a secret.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give some free pro I'm gonna give free
Speaker 1: promo right now. Okay, so I give. I gave free
Speaker 1: anti promo to Starbucks. I'm gonna give here's my here's
Speaker 1: my secrets.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: One is Factor. You know I talk. Factor sponsors a podcast.
Speaker 1: Factor's been sick. Another one Chapotle. Okay, I'm meeting Chipotle
Speaker 1: every single day because i can actually track the fucking
Speaker 1: uh macros on. So I'm just eating uh that. I
Speaker 1: like that, I mean right now, rocks Rocks. So every
Speaker 1: day I'm eating quest bars, I'm eating mussel milks. But
Speaker 1: but here's the thing, Ryan is I'm counting calories and
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't know if it's worth it. Man,
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's worth it, because sometimes I'm
Speaker 1: just like I'm just sitting in my fucking bed or
Speaker 1: I'm walking down the street and I just don't feel good.
Speaker 1: I just feel sad and depressed, and I'm just like, God,
Speaker 1: nothing would make me fucking happier in the universe right
Speaker 1: now than to eat a giant chicken parmesan sub and
Speaker 1: French fries and mazzarella sticks and fucking king sized Reese's
Speaker 1: cup fast break I have. It's just my brain. It's like,
Speaker 1: there's nothing that would make me feel better in this
Speaker 1: universe than to do that right fucking now, and then
Speaker 1: I wake and then but every time I do that,
Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning and I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 1: I just I ruined all my progress. I gained back
Speaker 1: the one pound. You can literally you can eat a
Speaker 1: pound if you can eat three thirty five hundred calories. Like,
Speaker 1: if you lose a pound a week and we just
Speaker 1: decided to go on a crazy bender, you could get
Speaker 1: a gain a whole fucking pound back. Just raises your progress.
Speaker 1: It's so fucked up. I don't know when it's gonna end.
Speaker 1: And uh, I'm just I'm going crazy out here because
Speaker 1: because I don't know whether to to give in and
Speaker 1: just be like all right, fuck it, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: be a fat guy. It's fine. I'm sure I can
Speaker 1: find somebody who loves me like this. I'll we'll figure
Speaker 1: it out, or to be like you know what, No,
Speaker 1: we're gonna lift, We're gonna do this, We're gonna get
Speaker 1: back in shape, We're gonna be But what's the point.
Speaker 1: What's the point of any of this shit? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm feeling too existential, you know, if you haven't noticed this,
Speaker 1: If you haven't, if you haven't noticed, I'm actually asking
Speaker 1: you to be the therapy. Get go for this call.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah for sure. I mean I've definitely gone through
Speaker 3: like the ringar when it comes to food.
Speaker 6: Because growing up, I didn't have a lot of food,
Speaker 6: so it was like eat and then I got a
Speaker 6: job in college working in the restaurant and that turned
Speaker 6: into like a like a survival thing, like yeah, so
Speaker 6: I got I got diagnosed with the stomach issue and
Speaker 6: uh diabetes also, which was major because and I track
Speaker 6: I track all my ship too, and sometimes I'm staring
Speaker 6: up the ceiling at night, like do these numbers really matter?
Speaker 3: And they do, yeah, especially for me because I'm diabetic.
Speaker 3: And literally I see a wrong number and I'm like,
Speaker 3: oh shit, I have to eat, but I can't have pizza,
Speaker 3: I can't have donuts. I have to have low carb
Speaker 3: red and bage old. And I never had a sweet
Speaker 3: tooth before, but now doughnuts, ice cream, I have one,
Speaker 3: and I'm I'm good, I'm set. And then there are
Speaker 3: some days where I just now all binge eat an
Speaker 3: entire bag of frido is just just because I can,
Speaker 3: and then not be able to eat for the next
Speaker 3: three days.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh god, it it It's so brutal, Ryan, It's
Speaker 1: so brutal.
Speaker 3: Well, that will like just looking at that number and
Speaker 3: and and and realizing how much like food is cent
Speaker 3: thrilled to like culture and like society and like economics
Speaker 3: and even just like your mental state too. And yeah,
Speaker 3: what comes from behind like eating with intention or when
Speaker 3: you cook for someone and make them a nice meal
Speaker 3: and or you know, like you said, you're you're you're
Speaker 3: eating a chicken parm That's that's life right there, man,
Speaker 3: That's like, that's pure well, it's what I think it is.
Speaker 1: It is it is. I've thought about that. Man, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I really I really was thinking and like it's like
Speaker 1: it's kind of the simple things in life. I'm noticing
Speaker 1: are are the best ones?
Speaker 3: Like, but it's also so destructive and like so cast Yeah,
Speaker 3: it is.
Speaker 1: It's very destructive.
Speaker 3: Eat like having to be more intuitive to what I'm eating.
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, Like it's like I I really have
Speaker 3: to start thinking about it now. You know, I can't
Speaker 3: eat ultra process foods anymore, even even though I want to.
Speaker 3: Or like you said, the cake cake pops are like
Speaker 3: two bites and they're selling for like five dollars, like yeah,
Speaker 3: and that man, like it's food. It's tucking food.
Speaker 1: You know what was I gonna say? It's, uh, here's
Speaker 1: what I'm doing now here. Here's here's a I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to count and like get undertooth that but
Speaker 1: it doesn't always happen every day. And here's here's where
Speaker 1: I'm at is I'm just trying to be reasonable now
Speaker 1: because I was eating Unreasonable'm like, let's just be reasonable,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like, like if you go
Speaker 1: out to dinner and you get a big fucking burrito
Speaker 1: and you eat it. That's cool. Or like if you
Speaker 1: got if you just get a chicken parmesan sub and
Speaker 1: you eat it, like whatever, that's fine. But like I
Speaker 1: was doing unreasonable shit, like like eating, like eating candy
Speaker 1: every day is not reasonable eating a chicken parmesan sub
Speaker 1: and then going to the bodega and getting a big
Speaker 1: bag of fritos and getting a thing of the read
Speaker 1: like you know, like you know when you're being unreasonable
Speaker 1: versus just like eating a meal. And I've loved to
Speaker 1: myself like, oh I can actually, I can actually live
Speaker 1: my life in a way where I can eat pizza
Speaker 1: and a doughnut and ice cream and whatever. But just
Speaker 1: you know, don't be a thick about it. Don't be
Speaker 1: a fucking asshole. Don't eat you know, four donuts, don't
Speaker 1: eat candy every day, don't eat pizza every day, don't
Speaker 1: don't be a fucking asshole. But you can still live
Speaker 1: a life where you have it. And I don't know,
Speaker 1: I've been pretty good this year, but it's only been
Speaker 1: two months. But I'm I am worried, especially like if
Speaker 1: I go to a I've been thinking about I think
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take a trip soon. I've been doing a
Speaker 1: lot of touring and I want to do I haven't
Speaker 1: been international for the sole purpose of just like hanging
Speaker 1: out as a get go and filming stuff. So I'm
Speaker 1: thinking about a few places, and I'm like, fuck, man,
Speaker 1: if I end up going to like Thaighland or whatever
Speaker 1: I'm gonna, I'm gonna fucking I might get back into it.
Speaker 1: I might because I'm gonna go to seven eleven anytime
Speaker 1: I go international. I am literally I went to Hawaii
Speaker 1: to do a show and my hostel had a seven
Speaker 1: eleven in the literally next door. And I didn't eat
Speaker 1: there every day. I ate there every two hours. I mean,
Speaker 1: it was crazy. If I go and when I go
Speaker 1: to Europe, I'm eating at the McDonald's. I mean, it's like,
Speaker 1: I don't I'm not gonna be I don't. I just
Speaker 1: I don't want to revert back to how I was
Speaker 1: when it was gaining, you know, when I gained fucking
Speaker 1: forty pounds. But it's like, I kind of had a
Speaker 1: lot of fun doing that. I had a lot of fun.
Speaker 1: I kind of had a lot of fun eating a
Speaker 1: shit ton of food. But I've also I'm looking at
Speaker 1: it with rose colored glasses because I also had a
Speaker 1: lot of shit misery of like, oh man, I'm an adult,
Speaker 1: this is not sustainable way to be as a human
Speaker 1: being at all. And I'm also I started, I feel
Speaker 1: like kind of unattractive and fat and gross, and I'm
Speaker 1: trying to you know, be not that you know, so
Speaker 1: I don't know. I I have marginal amounts of faith
Speaker 1: in myself, which is good. That's all you need.
Speaker 3: I think about looking back at the times where I
Speaker 3: was working in the restaurant and how destructive it was
Speaker 3: at those times. And I look back to with roast
Speaker 3: colored glasses and think like wow, you know, like having
Speaker 3: that intense amount of like dopamine, like just like just
Speaker 3: based on food, it's just scary, scary typripe to walk
Speaker 3: because I've seen a lot of friends go down really
Speaker 3: terrible drug roots with that too, and because they were
Speaker 3: in the kitchen industry, and luckily I stayed away from
Speaker 3: all that, and it scared the shit out of me.
Speaker 3: But I looked back when I used to go out
Speaker 3: and I would, you know, eat a bunch of pizza,
Speaker 3: go home, get stones, and drink till four o'clock in
Speaker 3: the morning, and I'm like, yeah, that was fun. I'd
Speaker 3: love to do it every day. But also my body
Speaker 3: is scaring me now, so yeah, that and and I
Speaker 3: think it's it definitely was like a blessing in disguise
Speaker 3: because it was like ship, like you really have to
Speaker 3: you know, you have to take care of yourself. And
Speaker 3: before then I wasn't really like in tuned with my body,
Speaker 3: and now I'm super aware of like it's like like
Speaker 3: a weird like power, like awake and work and feel
Speaker 3: people's vibes or like through their their food, if that
Speaker 3: makes sense, Like I could tell if you put love
Speaker 3: in your food or not.
Speaker 6: Ye Starbucks, no love, Fredo, no love.
Speaker 3: But when I eat them, I still get joy, but
Speaker 3: there's no love in it. And I think that's what.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: What else I hate about Starbucks is I hate how
Speaker 1: popular it is. Why is everyone everyone loves fucking Starbucks.
Speaker 1: I go to the airport at six a m. You
Speaker 1: know what, It's fine. I was at a fucking airport
Speaker 1: the other day and I'm walking past all these all
Speaker 1: these places that have coffee. There's like a fucking kiosk
Speaker 1: that sells coffee. There's like two people in the line.
Speaker 1: There's the McDonald's coffee. McDonald's a little crowded, but there's
Speaker 1: this like nameless coffee shop here in a nameless coffee
Speaker 1: shop there I walked past, I see the Starbucks. The
Speaker 1: Starbucks has like a literally like a half hour long line,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what are all you people fucking doing?
Speaker 1: Go to the father places? What's just so? I don't get.
Speaker 1: I don't understand what's so great about Starbucks. It's better
Speaker 1: than the other places. It doesn't make any sense. It
Speaker 1: doesn't make any sense to me.
Speaker 3: What's my favorite things at the airport is to watch
Speaker 3: the people at the Starbucks because there, like you said,
Speaker 3: there's always a line in a mile and a half.
Speaker 3: And then literally down the road like the hallway or
Speaker 3: whatever whatever it's called, there's like a local coffee shop
Speaker 3: and it's like empty, and I'm from the from the
Speaker 3: airports that I'm plying out of, and I'm just looking
Speaker 3: at them. I'm like, all it looks so sad over there,
Speaker 3: and I and I that cheither coffee is probably better.
Speaker 3: Like I love to go to a little cafes of River,
Speaker 3: but it's like, why would you wait in a line
Speaker 3: like that long for some like half assed coffee when
Speaker 3: you can literally just walk up here like get something
Speaker 3: pretty simple.
Speaker 1: It all probably gotta, I gotta, I got a hot
Speaker 1: take for you, I got a hot take for you
Speaker 1: to me. To me, all coffee tastes the fucking same,
Speaker 1: like coffee, like a coffee you know when you go
Speaker 1: you know, and they're like, oh, this coffee is is
Speaker 1: the beans are from Machu Picchu and blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: and then like a fucking uh gas station coffee all
Speaker 1: the same to me who gives a ship all exactly
Speaker 1: the same.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of people talking out their ass like
Speaker 3: they know and and then but then there are fun
Speaker 3: there You're like, okay, this is like this is pretty different.
Speaker 3: Like I had a coffee with like a mushroom apricot
Speaker 3: like syrup in it, so they like fermented their own
Speaker 3: syrup and they added to coffee, and it's like why
Speaker 3: would you put apricots and like mushrooms in a coffee?
Speaker 3: But like you can actually taste it like it was.
Speaker 3: It was weird, man, but I liked it pretty good.
Speaker 1: That's another thing. My is my therapy session. If that's
Speaker 1: okay with you.
Speaker 3: Oh that's that's okay.
Speaker 1: You sounded pretty disappointed.
Speaker 3: Actually, you know, no, no, dude, Like I think they're
Speaker 3: you know, having a conversation about these things instead of
Speaker 3: like someone just like talking at you. Like I feel
Speaker 3: like we're talking like together, you know, like an actual
Speaker 3: conversation with time.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I was just gonna say it's I tore.
Speaker 1: I think I did like fifty five different fucking cities
Speaker 1: last year, which was like I I took it. At
Speaker 1: least I took at least more than like one flight
Speaker 1: a week. Like I was on a plane multiple times
Speaker 1: a week. And the airport there's nothing to do but
Speaker 1: just there's this thing at the fucking airport where it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm about to be trapped to the sky for like
Speaker 1: six hours. Let me stuff my bag with food because
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm gonna get. And also, oh
Speaker 1: my god, it's the weed, dude. That's what I realized
Speaker 1: was was like a big crux of all my eating
Speaker 1: thing was the weed. Because yeah, airport.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love doing things at airport because they're so
Speaker 3: ridiculously overpriced, like seven dollars for like a bag of
Speaker 3: check next. Nah, I'm good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, go ahead. No, I think I think I would
Speaker 1: put I would put airports on a on a I mean.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, I forgot my headphones.
Speaker 1: But like I had a thing where if I didn't
Speaker 1: have a show that night, I would get crazy stones
Speaker 1: before anytime I would get on the flight. So just
Speaker 1: be stoned in the airport, going fucking crazy with the
Speaker 1: fast breaks and the McDonald's and it is just crazy, man.
Speaker 1: And yeah it's all overpriced. Dude. You ever you ever
Speaker 1: try to buy beef jerky at the airport?
Speaker 3: Oh no, that's what that's like. What told bug.
Speaker 1: Twelve dollars? You think beef jerky at the airport is
Speaker 1: twelve dollars, buddy, beef jerky at the airport is like
Speaker 1: thirty dollars.
Speaker 3: Okay, Because I'm getting like chips and getting loaded on
Speaker 3: the planes like bloody Mary's.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm They're getting drunk on the plane. It's fun.
Speaker 1: I'm not a big I've kind of I'm not a
Speaker 1: big I've decided recently. This is another like kind of
Speaker 1: Calorie County thing. Is that uh, this is another kind
Speaker 1: of Calory County thing. Is like I'll uh, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: not I'm not drinking as much, and I'm like, if
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get drunk, I want it to be like
Speaker 1: for an occasion. Like if I'm just like out at
Speaker 1: a bar or whatever, I'm not gonna probably get drunk.
Speaker 1: But if it's like a good if there's a good
Speaker 1: reason too, I'll get drunk. But not so much anymore.
Speaker 1: I I like getting high at the airport because like
Speaker 1: there's all there's a there's all these like little things
Speaker 1: at the airport. Like next time, if you're listening to this,
Speaker 1: next time you're at an airport, look at some of
Speaker 1: the little ship that they have going on. Like there's
Speaker 1: like art galleries at some airports. They just are like
Speaker 1: here's a local Kentucky artist and when he does these
Speaker 1: these uh portraits of steel workers, you know, like that
Speaker 1: kind of ship is in you know what I'm talking about, right,
Speaker 1: Like that kind of ship is all over the airport.
Speaker 1: Nobody ever gives a ship looks at it because they're
Speaker 1: on their way to you know, catch a flight. But
Speaker 1: like I like going to the there's like art galleries
Speaker 1: and every air not every airport, but they always have
Speaker 1: like little installations or fountains or or ship like that.
Speaker 1: So it's fun if you have some time, you know,
Speaker 1: I would get high and I would I would look
Speaker 1: at all the stuff. But you don't even have here's
Speaker 1: the crazy thing. You don't even have to get high
Speaker 1: to look at that stuff. It's it's uh, it's just
Speaker 1: right there for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah. In the Las Vegas Airport, they have a hallway
Speaker 3: that is because it's mcarens and he was a pilot,
Speaker 3: So they have a whole like avia aviation section and
Speaker 3: like a I think, like a giant, giant culture that
Speaker 3: you could climb all over. And I know in the
Speaker 3: Portland Airport they have like a like a dog petting area.
Speaker 3: Really that's kind of cue anxiety or whatever, but I'm
Speaker 3: just like, I'm gonna pet these dogs before my funny
Speaker 3: and I'm really stoned right now.
Speaker 1: Yes, brilliant, that's actually pretty cool. That sounds pretty cool.
Speaker 3: And then there are like really like we're not really
Speaker 3: shitty airports but like kind of like like it's just
Speaker 3: an airport, like uh, this whole like city one there.
Speaker 3: That one was kind of like they had like a
Speaker 3: kritty cream and like that in a bunch of like
Speaker 3: Mormon stores like like like book like what do they
Speaker 3: call it? Like the bookstores. I guess, I guess they'd
Speaker 3: just be like religous bookstores or whatever. But that was
Speaker 3: probably the the worst airport that I was at. And
Speaker 3: it's not not even bad just I've been to better airports.
Speaker 1: Man. I really got to say, I'm like sitting here
Speaker 1: talking to you right now, and you mentioned Krispy Kreme,
Speaker 1: and I thought to myself, I don't think that there's
Speaker 1: anything that would make me happier right now than eating
Speaker 1: six Krispy Kreme.
Speaker 3: Donuts, those dumpster dives Christy creams, because they really throw
Speaker 3: out everything at the end of the night and they
Speaker 3: just they're just boxes, like untouched.
Speaker 1: Great, Ryan, we got to get out of here before
Speaker 1: one of us does something crazy.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well it was pleasure. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Man, good talking to you. Is there anything else
Speaker 1: you want to say to the people of the computer
Speaker 1: before we go.
Speaker 3: I would say to uh, love your friends, guy laughing,
Speaker 3: and uh, remember the food is fuel. Food is important.
Speaker 3: Food is also just sometimes you eat it to take
Speaker 3: a ship.
Speaker 1: You do need it to take a ship. That's the
Speaker 1: one thing I will say about food.
Speaker 3: And some people can't take a ship.
Speaker 1: So be thankful, grateful for for your ships. I like that,
Speaker 1: thanks for calling Ryan.
Speaker 2: But it goes on the line exp