WEBVTT - Quarantine Q & A 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:07.440 Wind down and her radio podcast. Hey honey, how are 0:00:07.440 --> 0:00:11.719 you doing today? Well, um, Jason is not napping at 0:00:11.720 --> 0:00:14.120 the moment, so I'm a little stressed. Let me take 0:00:14.120 --> 0:00:17.800 the monitor from you. You might have to, because he's 0:00:17.840 --> 0:00:20.239 doing so good at night now, but his naps still 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:24.959 are just a challenge. Yeah, he's not napping, and I 0:00:24.960 --> 0:00:28.479 feel like it's so hard because as a mom, and 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:31.000 I don't say this in any disrespect at all, but 0:00:31.520 --> 0:00:35.879 we really need those naps. You know, as a mom, 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:38.520 you don't think the dads. I feel like the dads 0:00:38.520 --> 0:00:41.720 like get their time regardless. That's just what I make 0:00:41.800 --> 0:00:44.960 up in my mind that like, you guys will have 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:49.040 your time regardless. And you know, it is interesting though, 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:54.600 because how we spend our then, like our time during 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:58.920 that naptime. Yeah, because it's like, well you can explain 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:03.520 what you do well. You know, Lunch has become my 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:09.000 favorite meal because two our process, it looks it's the 0:01:09.040 --> 0:01:13.120 only meal that I get to myself because breakfast is 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:16.520 a scramble, Dinners are scramble, and dinner I'm usually cooking, 0:01:16.600 --> 0:01:19.960 so it's like cooking and feeding the kids and putting 0:01:19.959 --> 0:01:25.800 them down. Whoever cooks doesn't feed the kid. So let's 0:01:25.800 --> 0:01:29.119 just correct that one a little bit. Every time you've cooked, 0:01:29.120 --> 0:01:35.160 have you ever had to feed the kids? Maybe? Once? Maybe? What? 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:38.600 Majority of the time, right, whoever is cooking doesn't have 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:42.040 to feed the kids. It's never really been a spoken thing. 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:44.039 It's it's just out of respect for the fact that 0:01:44.040 --> 0:01:45.360 you're cooking. I'm not gonna be like, hey, can you 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:47.840 feed Jay's two while I well, I always try to 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:50.800 help as much as I can, for sure, but the 0:01:51.360 --> 0:01:55.960 normally whoever is cooking doesn't have to do the legwork 0:01:56.000 --> 0:01:58.160 of Jay's Well, that's news to me, guys. So you 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:01.480 guys are all witnesses that that's where Jana's head is at. 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:07.160 But it's lunch is the only meal that I don't 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:09.480 have to scramble, that we don't have to scramble. So 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:13.720 I take my time. You need my lunch. I love it. 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:16.640 It's your time. You do you? You You do you? What 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:20.520 do you do? I do laundry, I respond back to emails, 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:25.440 I work. I yeah, But again, it's just we have 0:02:25.480 --> 0:02:31.280 different ways of of doing us. So how's everything with you? 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:34.320 What's going on in Mike's world? Since we love Mike's world, 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:37.760 do we love Mike's world. I don't know. You always 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:41.280 say in therapy, you say in Mike's world, Yeah, Mike's world. Ever, 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:44.280 I'm always right, and you know that's not the case 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:48.400 around here. No, I mean, I think we're kind of 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:52.120 falling back into our routine again after going on vacation 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:58.720 and everything. And it's but I will say, I miss vacation, 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:00.800 like I want to go on vacation again. I know, 0:03:01.040 --> 0:03:02.440 like I wish we could, like I wish we could 0:03:02.440 --> 0:03:05.680 go to the beach, as wish things were normal, normal, 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:09.480 as everyone does, you know. And it's just again, we've 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:11.600 been in a fortunate situation where on a day to 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:15.360 day this all hasn't affected us as dramatically as maybe 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.560 some people because of the line of work that we're in. 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:24.760 But it's just see, I feel like it's affected our 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:27.800 line of work drastically. No, it has drastically. I'm talking 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:30.160 about we don't have to go in office every day 0:03:30.400 --> 0:03:32.920 like we didn't. We didn't have like an everyday show 0:03:33.000 --> 0:03:36.000 up somewhere and work or every day have to go somewhere. 0:03:36.440 --> 0:03:42.160 That's what I'm saying. Yeah, drastically has financially for us, 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:45.560 you know, and all the traveling that we're supposed to 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:48.000 be doing and promoting in different shows and all of that. 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:51.520 But I'm talking about the day to day. M hmm. Yeah, 0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:54.280 day to day for sure hasn't changed at all for sure. 0:03:54.360 --> 0:03:59.160 So it's just it's still it's I'm just kind of 0:03:59.840 --> 0:04:01.920 I'm gonna bowl of right now because I'm just tired 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:04.480 of all this, as most people are. Yeah, I hear 0:04:04.520 --> 0:04:07.720 you on that. I definitely hear you. I wish we 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:09.760 could go on a vacation. I wish we could go 0:04:09.800 --> 0:04:14.040 to the beach. And it's I booked a film, but 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:19.120 I'm even terrified to even discuss it, to name it, 0:04:19.839 --> 0:04:23.560 to say anything, because I feel like things don't happen, 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:28.920 Things don't like pan out the way you want to. 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:33.280 You know, it's not you know, it's almost like when 0:04:33.279 --> 0:04:35.640 I got the offer, I was like, oh, this won't 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:40.440 happen because the last movie we got ripped from two 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:43.279 days in or one day in because of the you know, 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:45.920 the start of the pandemic. So it's like, wait, no, no, no, 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:49.960 good things don't happen in Fortunately, this one shoots in Nashville. 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:53.719 It does, which they kind of forgot to mention, like 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:56.560 an hour north of Nashville. So it's like an hour. 0:04:57.680 --> 0:05:01.320 I'm like, but I mean either way, I'm like my 0:05:01.320 --> 0:05:03.000 my agents like sent me the offer and I was 0:05:03.040 --> 0:05:04.880 like yes, and they're like, you have to read the 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:07.760 script and I was like, yes, like you have to actually, 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:10.440 like I'm taking it. I don't care, like and then 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:13.480 I sent like an emoji of like a girl strip dancing, 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:20.320 like like it's a part, but no, I was gonna say, 0:05:20.360 --> 0:05:22.680 Jana is trying to lobby to get me into play 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:25.919 a minor part. You'd be so good in the film. 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:28.719 And what the best thing about it? I think we 0:05:28.800 --> 0:05:31.440 all need a lobby for this because the character I 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:35.240 would play very minimal speaking lines, very like only three scenes, 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:37.520 but one of the scenes it was like like ten scenes. 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:41.000 There's a lot more, you said. But the best part 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:44.000 is I'm the one that comes in and like breaks 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:45.880 up the kiss when Janna is about to kiss for 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:48.160 love interest? So how good would that be for all 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:50.000 of you that know us? If I'm the one that's 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:53.440 portraying this person that this you know coincidentally breaks up 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:55.440 the almost kiss, it would be so good and I 0:05:55.520 --> 0:05:58.839 think you'd do amazing at it. The only issue that 0:05:58.920 --> 0:06:02.839 I see is my love interest. You guys hit like, 0:06:02.960 --> 0:06:10.839 you know, he's he's attractive, but you're attractive and and 0:06:08.839 --> 0:06:14.080 so and so. They don't do that in casting. So 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:18.039 but again what I said was we almost look enough 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:20.119 alike where it could be, actually, you guys do actually 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:22.760 look like so it could be like, okay, they could 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:25.719 be friends. They kind of look alike. They should just 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:31.240 make us brothers. Oh my god, that actually would be 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:32.719 kind of cool because you kind of do look alike, 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:35.640 like you have the same like structure and face and 0:06:35.839 --> 0:06:39.640 dark features. They should make us brothers because that way 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:43.480 it wouldn't be as weird, like the chemistry between us is, 0:06:46.400 --> 0:06:48.320 or maybe would be even more scan maybe two scanned 0:06:48.400 --> 0:06:51.880 this for a lifetime. Yeah, oh you can say what 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.240 it is. No, it's okay, No, it's fine. I mean, 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:56.159 I just I am just so afraid it's not going 0:06:56.200 --> 0:06:58.400 to happen. And I'm like, if I get two movies, 0:06:58.440 --> 0:07:00.920 I mean again like Champagne problems, I know, but I've 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:04.560 never booked two movies in a year, like years, so 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.240 like I'm like, man, this could have been. I don't know. 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:09.960 It's just it just sucks because I've sure a lot 0:07:09.960 --> 0:07:11.320 of people out there of you know, either with the 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.200 job promotion or this or that, or you know, things 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.280 that they have we're looking forward to doing, and then 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.320 when it doesn't pan out, like a wedding or something, 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:21.600 you get bummed. And I felt guilty about being bummed 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:24.960 about not filming the last one, um, and then to 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:27.440 be like, wow, I got another off like that. That's 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:29.600 just like that doesn't happen. And then I'm like, oh, 0:07:29.640 --> 0:07:33.120 it's not gonna happen. You're right, which is so unfortunate. 0:07:33.120 --> 0:07:35.600 But I'm very proud of you, and you know, we 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:37.960 try to take the silver lining with all of this, 0:07:38.040 --> 0:07:40.880 and at least you're being thought of and hopefully have 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:43.800 the opportunity and it can build momentum going into into 0:07:44.160 --> 0:07:47.760 next year. But let's uh, we have some great emails 0:07:47.880 --> 0:07:49.720 that we're gonna get today, so let's take a break 0:07:49.840 --> 0:08:04.440 and dive into those. Okay, all right, this is our 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:08.280 first email from anonymous. I've been with my boyfriend for 0:08:08.320 --> 0:08:10.320 a little over three and a half years. Hopefully the 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:12.800 rain coming soon. We have been living together for the 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:15.080 past seven months, and I would love to hear your 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:18.080 advice on tackling a nighttime routine issue I am dealing 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:21.960 with my boyfriend prefers staying up late, either watching TV 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:24.720 or playing video games, even on work days. But I'm 0:08:24.720 --> 0:08:27.200 more of an early bird so I so I'm usually 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:29.800 in bed before him. I have voiced to him that 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:32.400 I really dislike going to bed alone every night, and 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:34.000 that I wish he would at least come to bed 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:36.560 to watch TV. He has agreed to come to bed 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:39.160 when I do, one night a week. I'm not sure 0:08:39.160 --> 0:08:41.480 why this bothers me so much. I'm glad we have 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:43.560 at least one day a week, but it still annoys me. 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:46.800 Am I in the wrong here? Or is there some 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:49.760 validity to my feelings? How else could I communicate my 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:54.240 needs to him? Just really nice, really almost like two 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:58.400 NICs where it's like, no, like you deserve more than that. Yeah, right. 0:08:58.840 --> 0:09:02.280 This is almost like the reversal of our situation, where 0:09:02.280 --> 0:09:04.800 it's like I get like one or two nights to 0:09:04.920 --> 0:09:08.960 myself a week, but we've always historically gone to bed 0:09:09.000 --> 0:09:12.280 at the same time at least together, and to her point, like, 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:15.080 even if I usually stay up a little later, but 0:09:15.160 --> 0:09:18.400 I'm still in bed next to you. Yeah, I know 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:21.360 for sure, And it's like I almost feel like only 0:09:21.480 --> 0:09:25.280 one time might not be enough in a week, it feels. 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:28.800 But I mean again, how can we say how what 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:32.960 works for some people works from together but to me disconnection, 0:09:33.120 --> 0:09:36.800 Well it's not working for her. So it's like that disconnection. 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:39.760 It almost feels like you would need more. I would 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:41.720 think in a week you would need more time to 0:09:41.800 --> 0:09:46.840 connect than just one night. But right especially both people 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:52.640 are working. And what I would say is because they've 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:55.840 only been living together for seven months, right, what I 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:59.840 anticipate what happened was they went into this after dating 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:02.800 for you know, three years, Okay, let's move in together. 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:07.559 No expectations were discussed around their needs and time together. 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:11.880 So he just hasn't changed anything about his schedule or 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:13.960 what he does because when he was living on his own, 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:17.000 this is what he was doing. So now he's not 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:21.560 respecting the fact, not maybe maybe not purposely disrespecting that 0:10:21.679 --> 0:10:23.600 she's living there, but just not respecting the fact that 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:26.280 someone else is living there, and that someone else's time 0:10:26.320 --> 0:10:29.320 also matters, and that you should spend that time together. 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:37.760 He sounds young. Could put in age. They're definitely probably young. 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:39.960 There's no way a forty year old is or even 0:10:40.000 --> 0:10:42.800 I think thirty. I don't know. I mean I wouldn't 0:10:42.840 --> 0:10:45.880 think that, but I mean, who knows. But again, like 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:48.960 this is what works for us as opposed to what 0:10:49.400 --> 0:10:51.240 might work for you, guys. But I would think that 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:55.800 I would think you would need at least four nights 0:10:55.840 --> 0:11:01.160 of the week together, more nights together than Yeah. Having 0:11:01.160 --> 0:11:03.560 said that, they'll look at our friend, you know, look 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:06.280 at our friends. Are are good friends, Like they don't 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:08.600 see each other for four months at a time, and 0:11:08.640 --> 0:11:10.640 that's what worked for them. I mean, gosh, then think 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:13.520 about like army wives and army husbands. They never see 0:11:13.559 --> 0:11:17.199 their people, but that's not by choice. Well, some probably are. 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:20.240 I mean they choose right to go into the army 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:24.559 and and stay. Like our neighbor, you know, yeah, but yeah, 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:28.040 I think I mean to answer her questions, I don't 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:30.520 think she's wrong at all, and having those feelings, there's 0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:36.520 definitely some validity. I would just have sit down conversation 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:39.320 and just and come from a place off you're not 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:41.000 trying to tell, right, because guys, we don't like to 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:44.480 be parented or controlled, So just have to sit down conversation, 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:46.720 be like, look, I want you to have your time. 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:48.800 I know that's important to you. I know you like 0:11:48.800 --> 0:11:51.120 staying up watch TV, you're playing video games, but I 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:53.040 also need some more time with you. How can we 0:11:53.040 --> 0:11:55.760 come up with a compromise that's more than one night 0:11:55.800 --> 0:11:59.520 a week, because that's not a compromise. That's not a compromise, 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:01.920 and it's not of filling my needs because and my 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:04.920 needs are important as yours are too, So is there 0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:06.800 a way that we can work together to fulfill both 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:10.800 our needs? Boom um. I got this on the wind 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:13.520 Down Podcast Instagram. Hey Janna, I know you have a 0:12:13.520 --> 0:12:15.200 ton of d MS flooding and every day. I just 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:17.600 wanted to reach out because I found out yesterday that 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:20.440 my husband of almost three years cheated on me with 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:23.400 a girl from work. I'm so confused on what to do. 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:25.360 I decided to stay with him right away and work 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:27.600 through this, partially because of you guys in your podcast. 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:31.280 That's awesome. Um. I'm just confused and I don't know 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:33.960 how to move forward. I want to just forget. I 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.240 want to just forget about it and think it never 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:38.240 happened and move on. I want to wake up like 0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:40.480 it was a bad dream. He says he doesn't even 0:12:40.480 --> 0:12:42.480 know why he did this. He doesn't have a reason, 0:12:42.840 --> 0:12:44.680 and he is the last person I would have ever 0:12:44.800 --> 0:12:47.320 thought would have done this to me. We are researching 0:12:47.360 --> 0:12:49.720 therapists in our area, and he's willing to do whatever 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:52.520 it takes. What do you suggest I personally do for 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:58.239 myself to move forward? Um, First of all, thanks for responding. 0:12:58.280 --> 0:13:01.520 I love that through listening to our podcast you can 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:08.640 find hope in a situation where it's not. Um, it's 0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:13.080 not easy, but I would say that you know, in 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:16.640 your situation, the fact that he's willing to go to 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:19.120 a therapist is huge. And do the work, because there's 0:13:19.120 --> 0:13:20.960 a lot of guys that you've connected with, Mike, and 0:13:21.160 --> 0:13:23.320 they're like, I just I don't want to do it right, 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:28.640 it's just too much work. Yeah, it's that. The fact 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:31.760 that it seems like from the tone of your message 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:36.840 is that he is He isn't being defensive or trying 0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:41.559 to blame it on her or turn it around or anything. 0:13:41.559 --> 0:13:46.400 I think it seems like he's owning his mistake, and 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:48.280 the first part of that is his willingness to go 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:51.160 to therapy. So good on you for for trying and 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:54.720 not just running, not saying that you know leaving right 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:57.480 away is it would be a bad thing, but you know, 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:00.680 obviously with our story we promote to try to find 0:14:00.679 --> 0:14:03.160 it out and also like what you can do today, 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:06.920 it's staying in today. And I think that's like the 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:11.520 hugest thing that has worked for for me personally, because unfortunately, 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:13.200 you're never gonna wake up and be like, oh, it 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:16.160 was just a bad dream. It's your reality now. And 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:18.679 the only way that you can stay present and work 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:20.640 on the relationship is if you stay in today and 0:14:20.680 --> 0:14:23.240 see what he's doing today and put like really great 0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:26.320 boundaries in place too. And we talk actually about all 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:28.120 of this UM in our new book, The Good Fight, 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:31.280 which we actually just did the audible version of UM. 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:33.320 But if you go to Jan and Mike dot com 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:35.360 you can pre order. The book comes out in September. 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.320 But there's a lot of great tips in there too, 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:39.320 so a lot of stuff that will help you in 0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:42.440 this exact situation. Yeah, so hold out, you got this, 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:45.240 Go to therapy and just remember stay present day today, 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:48.280 see what he's doing today, and focus on those actions 0:14:48.400 --> 0:14:53.240 rather than the past ones. UM from Leon Parker. Hello, 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:56.000 I'm in search of someone I can spoil weekly, sugar baby, 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:57.640 so I can take care of you and pay your 0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:00.160 bills every week. I'll give you twenty. I'll give two 0:15:00.720 --> 0:15:03.280 every week. Will you accept my offer? So if anyone 0:15:03.400 --> 0:15:07.240 is wanting them Leon twenty, No, No, there was a 0:15:07.240 --> 0:15:11.680 few that came in just the past week. What like, 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:14.600 does someone actually like, I know, like you can be 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:20.240 There have been times when I have I was in 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:22.560 the red red Red, Red red, and I was stealing 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:25.360 toilet paper from my like my job, and lights were 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:27.040 turning off, I mean the apartment that my mom and 0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:30.000 I stayed in. The lights shut off because we couldn't 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:34.120 pay our bills. And I almost thought about this is like, 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:36.080 oh my god, I can't blame sharing this. I almost 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:39.000 thought about my friend which I will not name her name. 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:44.080 She went to a foot fetish place and she like 0:15:44.400 --> 0:15:48.160 had guys massage her feet and she's like, you can 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:51.560 make this much money. And I thought about it for 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:57.080 like a second and a half. No, but I was 0:15:57.120 --> 0:15:59.520 like I needed the money. So like when I think, 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:01.360 when I look back on this, and I'm like, well, 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:04.840 if someone really needs the money, Leon dash Parker twenty 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:08.560 will give you two hundred bugs that it's just it's 0:16:08.800 --> 0:16:11.560 creep then what's what's creepy about it? Is you can't 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:13.880 judge because certain things that we've all done in our 0:16:13.920 --> 0:16:18.400 life is it's questionable for sure, but I mean the 0:16:18.440 --> 0:16:20.920 balls on these guys just to be like reach out 0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:23.600 anonymously to these to all these women. He probably sent 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:26.280 that to how many people? Hey, here's a good one. 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:28.520 I got to on the Wine Down podcast. I'm so 0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:30.960 grateful to you for putting your life, marriage and struggles 0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:33.000 out there for people to hear. It takes a lot 0:16:33.040 --> 0:16:36.240 of courage, but you truly help people. I'm currently struggling 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:39.080 with my husband's infidelities, who is claiming it's due to 0:16:39.120 --> 0:16:41.920 sex addiction. We have two young kids, and I'm really 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:44.480 struggling with it. I haven't told many people because I'm 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:48.520 afraid of their judgment and also my embarrassment. My husband 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:50.800 and I are currently separated and I'm really not sure 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:53.920 if I'm willing to work things out. Thank you for 0:16:53.960 --> 0:16:56.080 helping me feel less alone. Thank you for showing me 0:16:56.080 --> 0:16:58.800 that there's life and happiness waiting after this dark hole. 0:16:59.240 --> 0:17:01.920 I'm sure it wasn't easy to share your experiences, but 0:17:02.040 --> 0:17:04.840 thank you. Um. I know she really didn't have any questions. 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:07.399 I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through, but 0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:12.920 I will say Um, sometimes separation is good, especially when 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:16.280 you have kids, to not let them be in that volatile, 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:19.520 weird when things are toxic in that early on stages. 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:21.639 But I'll just say, if you've got to tug in 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:23.160 at your heart and he's willing to try, and you're 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:26.320 willing to try, anything is possible, even though it's really 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:29.119 freaking hard, really hard, and so it's gonna be a 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:31.919 long journey. Um, what can you say to speak on 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:35.040 claiming to be when someone says like they claim to 0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:37.400 be a sex addic, Like, what's something that he could be, 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:43.320 you know, claiming to be? I mean, that's my only 0:17:43.359 --> 0:17:47.960 fear with him claim claiming to be is he might 0:17:48.000 --> 0:17:51.080 be the example of why society thinks this is a 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:56.920 married man's excuse. It's like, don't just like he's using 0:17:56.960 --> 0:17:59.159 it as an excuse. I'm not saying that he is. 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:01.760 I'm just saying the way she made it sound, it 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:03.640 was like he was using it as an excuse when 0:18:03.640 --> 0:18:09.119 it's not. You know, so it's an explanation maybe on 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:11.439 some of his behaviors. But he needs to be showing 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:15.359 her that he believes that he is. But I'll just 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:17.840 say this and just like Devil's Advocate is like, you 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:20.280 didn't believe at the time because you when you heard 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:22.760 it too, you're like, oh, it took me a while too, 0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:25.199 So I think like that's important to to, like, you 0:18:25.240 --> 0:18:28.520 know that for people to know as well, Like you're 0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:30.639 not just going to automatically like come up to that 0:18:30.680 --> 0:18:32.359 conclusion on your own, Like you're like, I think I 0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:35.640 might be. I don't know, like even when, So, then 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:44.000 what differentiates it between thinking and knowing? Yeah, acceptance, it's 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:53.040 really doing the work and realizing realizing that there's a 0:18:53.080 --> 0:18:55.359 pattern there, that there's a trend, that it's not just 0:18:55.440 --> 0:18:59.840 something recent, that there are reasons and explanations for your 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:05.920 behaviors throughout your life in that realm, and so it's yeah, 0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:09.000 even so, it took it took a while for me 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:11.000 to to reach the level of acceptance where I can 0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:12.919 look myself in the mirror and say, I'm a sex addict. 0:19:13.760 --> 0:19:16.240 That's part of who I am. I guess why didn't 0:19:16.240 --> 0:19:18.840 you believe it then in the beginning when our therapist said, 0:19:19.200 --> 0:19:22.600 you know, because you don't really know what that means, 0:19:23.720 --> 0:19:28.920 and that seems so right. A part of it, the 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:31.359 step one is admitting that your powerless in your life 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:35.680 has become unmanageable, well for a man, for anyone, but 0:19:35.920 --> 0:19:39.480 especially for men historically, right, we're want to be these, 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:44.840 you know, strong prideful individuals that aren't weak to admit 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:48.399 that something has power over us, that we are we 0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:52.000 can't control our lives, you know what I mean. So 0:19:53.160 --> 0:19:56.960 it's it's it's I make up that it's a very 0:19:56.960 --> 0:19:59.560 difficult concept. At least it was for me because I 0:19:59.600 --> 0:20:01.600 just feel I've always been in control in so many 0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:05.199 areas of my life and mentally and physically strong and 0:20:05.240 --> 0:20:08.840 tough that to have something just take out my knees, 0:20:10.080 --> 0:20:12.720 you know what I mean, and just completely shatter my life. 0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:17.840 It's hard to admit that we're that weak in that moment, 0:20:18.119 --> 0:20:19.919 and there's so much shame involved with it. You just 0:20:19.960 --> 0:20:22.520 want to be in denial, like I don't have a problem. 0:20:22.520 --> 0:20:25.520 I don't have a problem. I can fix this. I 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:27.760 mean not to make this a sex addiction episode, but 0:20:27.800 --> 0:20:30.040 I think it's for people that are listening. What if 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:33.440 so like for her husband, for example, what would be 0:20:33.520 --> 0:20:36.600 the first step essentially? I know you said to say 0:20:36.720 --> 0:20:39.879 admit that you are, but to to like go because 0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:42.520 because maybe can someone just cheat and not be a 0:20:42.520 --> 0:20:47.480 sex addicts. People can still just make mistakes, you know 0:20:47.520 --> 0:20:53.960 what I mean. It's it's all about the pattern. It's 0:20:54.000 --> 0:20:57.400 all about the which I guess before he said that 0:20:57.440 --> 0:21:00.320 the pattern, so he just cheated one time. He be like, well, 0:21:00.320 --> 0:21:02.520 it's because I'm a sex sex addiction, which then is 0:21:02.560 --> 0:21:05.520 the excuse. But it's not the excuse. That's just you 0:21:06.000 --> 0:21:07.920 up and you were or excuse me, you were bad 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:11.000 and you you know, and you did it. But that's 0:21:12.080 --> 0:21:15.480 you're just not unhealthy. You're not healthy, but doesn't mean 0:21:15.520 --> 0:21:17.800 you're a sex addict. No, not at all. Like the 0:21:18.280 --> 0:21:21.119 early on when I was going through all this, I 0:21:21.119 --> 0:21:23.000 remember my therapist and l A asked me. He was 0:21:23.040 --> 0:21:27.920 like all right, because I was having a hard time 0:21:27.920 --> 0:21:29.960 still like wrapping my head around every certain you know. 0:21:29.960 --> 0:21:32.600 I still had days where I was like I don't 0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:35.600 I don't know if I want to accept this, you 0:21:35.600 --> 0:21:38.800 know what I mean. And he was like, okay, let 0:21:38.800 --> 0:21:41.760 me put to you this way. Do you want to 0:21:42.000 --> 0:21:45.560 go grab a beer right now? I hate beer? Oh 0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:48.400 he did see. I'm a great actor. You believe me. 0:21:49.200 --> 0:21:51.840 You got to be the general So your therapist at 0:21:51.840 --> 0:21:53.000 that to you, Yeah, he's like, do you want to 0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:54.680 go have a drink? I'm like, no, dude, Like it's 0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:58.720 like one in the afternoon, Like I'm good. And he's like, 0:21:58.880 --> 0:22:00.480 all right, well, what if I told you do you 0:22:00.520 --> 0:22:02.320