1 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: Wind down and her radio podcast. Hey honey, how are 2 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,719 Speaker 1: you doing today? Well, um, Jason is not napping at 3 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 1: the moment, so I'm a little stressed. Let me take 4 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,800 Speaker 1: the monitor from you. You might have to, because he's 5 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: doing so good at night now, but his naps still 6 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:24,959 Speaker 1: are just a challenge. Yeah, he's not napping, and I 7 00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:28,479 Speaker 1: feel like it's so hard because as a mom, and 8 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 1: I don't say this in any disrespect at all, but 9 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:35,879 Speaker 1: we really need those naps. You know, as a mom, 10 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 1: you don't think the dads. I feel like the dads 11 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 1: like get their time regardless. That's just what I make 12 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 1: up in my mind that like, you guys will have 13 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 1: your time regardless. And you know, it is interesting though, 14 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 1: because how we spend our then, like our time during 15 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: that naptime. Yeah, because it's like, well you can explain 16 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 1: what you do well. You know, Lunch has become my 17 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 1: favorite meal because two our process, it looks it's the 18 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:13,120 Speaker 1: only meal that I get to myself because breakfast is 19 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: a scramble, Dinners are scramble, and dinner I'm usually cooking, 20 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:19,960 Speaker 1: so it's like cooking and feeding the kids and putting 21 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:25,800 Speaker 1: them down. Whoever cooks doesn't feed the kid. So let's 22 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:29,119 Speaker 1: just correct that one a little bit. Every time you've cooked, 23 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: have you ever had to feed the kids? Maybe? Once? Maybe? What? 24 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 1: Majority of the time, right, whoever is cooking doesn't have 25 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,040 Speaker 1: to feed the kids. It's never really been a spoken thing. 26 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:44,039 Speaker 1: It's it's just out of respect for the fact that 27 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 1: you're cooking. I'm not gonna be like, hey, can you 28 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: feed Jay's two while I well, I always try to 29 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,800 Speaker 1: help as much as I can, for sure, but the 30 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: normally whoever is cooking doesn't have to do the legwork 31 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 1: of Jay's Well, that's news to me, guys. So you 32 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: guys are all witnesses that that's where Jana's head is at. 33 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: But it's lunch is the only meal that I don't 34 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,480 Speaker 1: have to scramble, that we don't have to scramble. So 35 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: I take my time. You need my lunch. I love it. 36 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,640 Speaker 1: It's your time. You do you? You You do you? What 37 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 1: do you do? I do laundry, I respond back to emails, 38 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: I work. I yeah, But again, it's just we have 39 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: different ways of of doing us. So how's everything with you? 40 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,320 Speaker 1: What's going on in Mike's world? Since we love Mike's world, 41 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,760 Speaker 1: do we love Mike's world. I don't know. You always 42 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 1: say in therapy, you say in Mike's world, Yeah, Mike's world. Ever, 43 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 1: I'm always right, and you know that's not the case 44 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: around here. No, I mean, I think we're kind of 45 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 1: falling back into our routine again after going on vacation 46 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: and everything. And it's but I will say, I miss vacation, 47 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,800 Speaker 1: like I want to go on vacation again. I know, 48 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: like I wish we could, like I wish we could 49 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,680 Speaker 1: go to the beach, as wish things were normal, normal, 50 00:03:06,360 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: as everyone does, you know. And it's just again, we've 51 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: been in a fortunate situation where on a day to 52 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,360 Speaker 1: day this all hasn't affected us as dramatically as maybe 53 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: some people because of the line of work that we're in. 54 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 1: But it's just see, I feel like it's affected our 55 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,800 Speaker 1: line of work drastically. No, it has drastically. I'm talking 56 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 1: about we don't have to go in office every day 57 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:32,920 Speaker 1: like we didn't. We didn't have like an everyday show 58 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: up somewhere and work or every day have to go somewhere. 59 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. Yeah, drastically has financially for us, 60 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 1: you know, and all the traveling that we're supposed to 61 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 1: be doing and promoting in different shows and all of that. 62 00:03:48,040 --> 00:03:51,520 Speaker 1: But I'm talking about the day to day. M hmm. Yeah, 63 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 1: day to day for sure hasn't changed at all for sure. 64 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: So it's just it's still it's I'm just kind of 65 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 1: I'm gonna bowl of right now because I'm just tired 66 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 1: of all this, as most people are. Yeah, I hear 67 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,720 Speaker 1: you on that. I definitely hear you. I wish we 68 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 1: could go on a vacation. I wish we could go 69 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: to the beach. And it's I booked a film, but 70 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: I'm even terrified to even discuss it, to name it, 71 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 1: to say anything, because I feel like things don't happen, 72 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:28,920 Speaker 1: Things don't like pan out the way you want to. 73 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:33,280 Speaker 1: You know, it's not you know, it's almost like when 74 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,640 Speaker 1: I got the offer, I was like, oh, this won't 75 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:40,440 Speaker 1: happen because the last movie we got ripped from two 76 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,279 Speaker 1: days in or one day in because of the you know, 77 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:45,920 Speaker 1: the start of the pandemic. So it's like, wait, no, no, no, 78 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,960 Speaker 1: good things don't happen in Fortunately, this one shoots in Nashville. 79 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,719 Speaker 1: It does, which they kind of forgot to mention, like 80 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: an hour north of Nashville. So it's like an hour. 81 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 1: I'm like, but I mean either way, I'm like my 82 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 1: my agents like sent me the offer and I was 83 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: like yes, and they're like, you have to read the 84 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: script and I was like, yes, like you have to actually, 85 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: like I'm taking it. I don't care, like and then 86 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:13,480 Speaker 1: I sent like an emoji of like a girl strip dancing, 87 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:20,320 Speaker 1: like like it's a part, but no, I was gonna say, 88 00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,680 Speaker 1: Jana is trying to lobby to get me into play 89 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,919 Speaker 1: a minor part. You'd be so good in the film. 90 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,719 Speaker 1: And what the best thing about it? I think we 91 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: all need a lobby for this because the character I 92 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:35,240 Speaker 1: would play very minimal speaking lines, very like only three scenes, 93 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 1: but one of the scenes it was like like ten scenes. 94 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:41,000 Speaker 1: There's a lot more, you said. But the best part 95 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 1: is I'm the one that comes in and like breaks 96 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 1: up the kiss when Janna is about to kiss for 97 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,160 Speaker 1: love interest? So how good would that be for all 98 00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 1: of you that know us? If I'm the one that's 99 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: portraying this person that this you know coincidentally breaks up 100 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,440 Speaker 1: the almost kiss, it would be so good and I 101 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:58,839 Speaker 1: think you'd do amazing at it. The only issue that 102 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:02,839 Speaker 1: I see is my love interest. You guys hit like, 103 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:10,839 Speaker 1: you know, he's he's attractive, but you're attractive and and 104 00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 1: so and so. They don't do that in casting. So 105 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:18,039 Speaker 1: but again what I said was we almost look enough 106 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,119 Speaker 1: alike where it could be, actually, you guys do actually 107 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,760 Speaker 1: look like so it could be like, okay, they could 108 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,719 Speaker 1: be friends. They kind of look alike. They should just 109 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:31,240 Speaker 1: make us brothers. Oh my god, that actually would be 110 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 1: kind of cool because you kind of do look alike, 111 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,640 Speaker 1: like you have the same like structure and face and 112 00:06:35,839 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 1: dark features. They should make us brothers because that way 113 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 1: it wouldn't be as weird, like the chemistry between us is, 114 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 1: or maybe would be even more scan maybe two scanned 115 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 1: this for a lifetime. Yeah, oh you can say what 116 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 1: it is. No, it's okay, No, it's fine. I mean, 117 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 1: I just I am just so afraid it's not going 118 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 1: to happen. And I'm like, if I get two movies, 119 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 1: I mean again like Champagne problems, I know, but I've 120 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 1: never booked two movies in a year, like years, so 121 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:07,240 Speaker 1: like I'm like, man, this could have been. I don't know. 122 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 1: It's just it just sucks because I've sure a lot 123 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 1: of people out there of you know, either with the 124 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: job promotion or this or that, or you know, things 125 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,280 Speaker 1: that they have we're looking forward to doing, and then 126 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: when it doesn't pan out, like a wedding or something, 127 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 1: you get bummed. And I felt guilty about being bummed 128 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,960 Speaker 1: about not filming the last one, um, and then to 129 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 1: be like, wow, I got another off like that. That's 130 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 1: just like that doesn't happen. And then I'm like, oh, 131 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 1: it's not gonna happen. You're right, which is so unfortunate. 132 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 1: But I'm very proud of you, and you know, we 133 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 1: try to take the silver lining with all of this, 134 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: and at least you're being thought of and hopefully have 135 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 1: the opportunity and it can build momentum going into into 136 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 1: next year. But let's uh, we have some great emails 137 00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 1: that we're gonna get today, so let's take a break 138 00:07:49,840 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: and dive into those. Okay, all right, this is our 139 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 1: first email from anonymous. I've been with my boyfriend for 140 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,320 Speaker 1: a little over three and a half years. Hopefully the 141 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 1: rain coming soon. We have been living together for the 142 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: past seven months, and I would love to hear your 143 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: advice on tackling a nighttime routine issue I am dealing 144 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: with my boyfriend prefers staying up late, either watching TV 145 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,720 Speaker 1: or playing video games, even on work days. But I'm 146 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 1: more of an early bird so I so I'm usually 147 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 1: in bed before him. I have voiced to him that 148 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,400 Speaker 1: I really dislike going to bed alone every night, and 149 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 1: that I wish he would at least come to bed 150 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,560 Speaker 1: to watch TV. He has agreed to come to bed 151 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 1: when I do, one night a week. I'm not sure 152 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 1: why this bothers me so much. I'm glad we have 153 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:43,560 Speaker 1: at least one day a week, but it still annoys me. 154 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 1: Am I in the wrong here? Or is there some 155 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 1: validity to my feelings? How else could I communicate my 156 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: needs to him? Just really nice, really almost like two 157 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,400 Speaker 1: NICs where it's like, no, like you deserve more than that. Yeah, right. 158 00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 1: This is almost like the reversal of our situation, where 159 00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: it's like I get like one or two nights to 160 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,960 Speaker 1: myself a week, but we've always historically gone to bed 161 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:12,280 Speaker 1: at the same time at least together, and to her point, like, 162 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 1: even if I usually stay up a little later, but 163 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 1: I'm still in bed next to you. Yeah, I know 164 00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 1: for sure, And it's like I almost feel like only 165 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:25,280 Speaker 1: one time might not be enough in a week, it feels. 166 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 1: But I mean again, how can we say how what 167 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,960 Speaker 1: works for some people works from together but to me disconnection, 168 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:36,800 Speaker 1: Well it's not working for her. So it's like that disconnection. 169 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 1: It almost feels like you would need more. I would 170 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:41,720 Speaker 1: think in a week you would need more time to 171 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:46,840 Speaker 1: connect than just one night. But right especially both people 172 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: are working. And what I would say is because they've 173 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 1: only been living together for seven months, right, what I 174 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:59,840 Speaker 1: anticipate what happened was they went into this after dating 175 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 1: for you know, three years, Okay, let's move in together. 176 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:07,559 Speaker 1: No expectations were discussed around their needs and time together. 177 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,880 Speaker 1: So he just hasn't changed anything about his schedule or 178 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,960 Speaker 1: what he does because when he was living on his own, 179 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: this is what he was doing. So now he's not 180 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,560 Speaker 1: respecting the fact, not maybe maybe not purposely disrespecting that 181 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 1: she's living there, but just not respecting the fact that 182 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,280 Speaker 1: someone else is living there, and that someone else's time 183 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,320 Speaker 1: also matters, and that you should spend that time together. 184 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:37,760 Speaker 1: He sounds young. Could put in age. They're definitely probably young. 185 00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,960 Speaker 1: There's no way a forty year old is or even 186 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 1: I think thirty. I don't know. I mean I wouldn't 187 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:45,880 Speaker 1: think that, but I mean, who knows. But again, like 188 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,960 Speaker 1: this is what works for us as opposed to what 189 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 1: might work for you, guys. But I would think that 190 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 1: I would think you would need at least four nights 191 00:10:55,840 --> 00:11:01,160 Speaker 1: of the week together, more nights together than Yeah. Having 192 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 1: said that, they'll look at our friend, you know, look 193 00:11:03,559 --> 00:11:06,280 Speaker 1: at our friends. Are are good friends, Like they don't 194 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 1: see each other for four months at a time, and 195 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 1: that's what worked for them. I mean, gosh, then think 196 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 1: about like army wives and army husbands. They never see 197 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:17,199 Speaker 1: their people, but that's not by choice. Well, some probably are. 198 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 1: I mean they choose right to go into the army 199 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:24,559 Speaker 1: and and stay. Like our neighbor, you know, yeah, but yeah, 200 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 1: I think I mean to answer her questions, I don't 201 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,520 Speaker 1: think she's wrong at all, and having those feelings, there's 202 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 1: definitely some validity. I would just have sit down conversation 203 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:39,320 Speaker 1: and just and come from a place off you're not 204 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,000 Speaker 1: trying to tell, right, because guys, we don't like to 205 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: be parented or controlled, So just have to sit down conversation, 206 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:46,720 Speaker 1: be like, look, I want you to have your time. 207 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:48,800 Speaker 1: I know that's important to you. I know you like 208 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: staying up watch TV, you're playing video games, but I 209 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,040 Speaker 1: also need some more time with you. How can we 210 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 1: come up with a compromise that's more than one night 211 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,520 Speaker 1: a week, because that's not a compromise. That's not a compromise, 212 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 1: and it's not of filling my needs because and my 213 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 1: needs are important as yours are too, So is there 214 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 1: a way that we can work together to fulfill both 215 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: our needs? Boom um. I got this on the wind 216 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,520 Speaker 1: Down Podcast Instagram. Hey Janna, I know you have a 217 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 1: ton of d MS flooding and every day. I just 218 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: wanted to reach out because I found out yesterday that 219 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,440 Speaker 1: my husband of almost three years cheated on me with 220 00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:23,400 Speaker 1: a girl from work. I'm so confused on what to do. 221 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 1: I decided to stay with him right away and work 222 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 1: through this, partially because of you guys in your podcast. 223 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 1: That's awesome. Um. I'm just confused and I don't know 224 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,960 Speaker 1: how to move forward. I want to just forget. I 225 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: want to just forget about it and think it never 226 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 1: happened and move on. I want to wake up like 227 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: it was a bad dream. He says he doesn't even 228 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 1: know why he did this. He doesn't have a reason, 229 00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:44,680 Speaker 1: and he is the last person I would have ever 230 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,320 Speaker 1: thought would have done this to me. We are researching 231 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 1: therapists in our area, and he's willing to do whatever 232 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 1: it takes. What do you suggest I personally do for 233 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:58,239 Speaker 1: myself to move forward? Um, First of all, thanks for responding. 234 00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 1: I love that through listening to our podcast you can 235 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:08,640 Speaker 1: find hope in a situation where it's not. Um, it's 236 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:13,080 Speaker 1: not easy, but I would say that you know, in 237 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: your situation, the fact that he's willing to go to 238 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:19,120 Speaker 1: a therapist is huge. And do the work, because there's 239 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,960 Speaker 1: a lot of guys that you've connected with, Mike, and 240 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 1: they're like, I just I don't want to do it right, 241 00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 1: it's just too much work. Yeah, it's that. The fact 242 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 1: that it seems like from the tone of your message 243 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: is that he is He isn't being defensive or trying 244 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:41,559 Speaker 1: to blame it on her or turn it around or anything. 245 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:46,400 Speaker 1: I think it seems like he's owning his mistake, and 246 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: the first part of that is his willingness to go 247 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 1: to therapy. So good on you for for trying and 248 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,720 Speaker 1: not just running, not saying that you know leaving right 249 00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 1: away is it would be a bad thing, but you know, 250 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,680 Speaker 1: obviously with our story we promote to try to find 251 00:14:00,679 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 1: it out and also like what you can do today, 252 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 1: it's staying in today. And I think that's like the 253 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 1: hugest thing that has worked for for me personally, because unfortunately, 254 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,200 Speaker 1: you're never gonna wake up and be like, oh, it 255 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 1: was just a bad dream. It's your reality now. And 256 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:18,679 Speaker 1: the only way that you can stay present and work 257 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,640 Speaker 1: on the relationship is if you stay in today and 258 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 1: see what he's doing today and put like really great 259 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 1: boundaries in place too. And we talk actually about all 260 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,120 Speaker 1: of this UM in our new book, The Good Fight, 261 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,280 Speaker 1: which we actually just did the audible version of UM. 262 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,320 Speaker 1: But if you go to Jan and Mike dot com 263 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,360 Speaker 1: you can pre order. The book comes out in September. 264 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 1: But there's a lot of great tips in there too, 265 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,320 Speaker 1: so a lot of stuff that will help you in 266 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:42,440 Speaker 1: this exact situation. Yeah, so hold out, you got this, 267 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,240 Speaker 1: Go to therapy and just remember stay present day today, 268 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,280 Speaker 1: see what he's doing today, and focus on those actions 269 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 1: rather than the past ones. UM from Leon Parker. Hello, 270 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,000 Speaker 1: I'm in search of someone I can spoil weekly, sugar baby, 271 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: so I can take care of you and pay your 272 00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,160 Speaker 1: bills every week. I'll give you twenty. I'll give two 273 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 1: every week. Will you accept my offer? So if anyone 274 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 1: is wanting them Leon twenty, No, No, there was a 275 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 1: few that came in just the past week. What like, 276 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,600 Speaker 1: does someone actually like, I know, like you can be 277 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:20,240 Speaker 1: There have been times when I have I was in 278 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,560 Speaker 1: the red red Red, Red red, and I was stealing 279 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,360 Speaker 1: toilet paper from my like my job, and lights were 280 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: turning off, I mean the apartment that my mom and 281 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 1: I stayed in. The lights shut off because we couldn't 282 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 1: pay our bills. And I almost thought about this is like, 283 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,080 Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't blame sharing this. I almost 284 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: thought about my friend which I will not name her name. 285 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 1: She went to a foot fetish place and she like 286 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:48,160 Speaker 1: had guys massage her feet and she's like, you can 287 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: make this much money. And I thought about it for 288 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 1: like a second and a half. No, but I was 289 00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,520 Speaker 1: like I needed the money. So like when I think, 290 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,360 Speaker 1: when I look back on this, and I'm like, well, 291 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,840 Speaker 1: if someone really needs the money, Leon dash Parker twenty 292 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 1: will give you two hundred bugs that it's just it's 293 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 1: creep then what's what's creepy about it? Is you can't 294 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 1: judge because certain things that we've all done in our 295 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:18,400 Speaker 1: life is it's questionable for sure, but I mean the 296 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,920 Speaker 1: balls on these guys just to be like reach out 297 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 1: anonymously to these to all these women. He probably sent 298 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 1: that to how many people? Hey, here's a good one. 299 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 1: I got to on the Wine Down podcast. I'm so 300 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 1: grateful to you for putting your life, marriage and struggles 301 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,000 Speaker 1: out there for people to hear. It takes a lot 302 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:36,240 Speaker 1: of courage, but you truly help people. I'm currently struggling 303 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 1: with my husband's infidelities, who is claiming it's due to 304 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 1: sex addiction. We have two young kids, and I'm really 305 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,480 Speaker 1: struggling with it. I haven't told many people because I'm 306 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 1: afraid of their judgment and also my embarrassment. My husband 307 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 1: and I are currently separated and I'm really not sure 308 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:53,920 Speaker 1: if I'm willing to work things out. Thank you for 309 00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 1: helping me feel less alone. Thank you for showing me 310 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,800 Speaker 1: that there's life and happiness waiting after this dark hole. 311 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,920 Speaker 1: I'm sure it wasn't easy to share your experiences, but 312 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:04,840 Speaker 1: thank you. Um. I know she really didn't have any questions. 313 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,399 Speaker 1: I'm sorry you're going through what you're going through, but 314 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:12,920 Speaker 1: I will say Um, sometimes separation is good, especially when 315 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 1: you have kids, to not let them be in that volatile, 316 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: weird when things are toxic in that early on stages. 317 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:21,639 Speaker 1: But I'll just say, if you've got to tug in 318 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,160 Speaker 1: at your heart and he's willing to try, and you're 319 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 1: willing to try, anything is possible, even though it's really 320 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,119 Speaker 1: freaking hard, really hard, and so it's gonna be a 321 00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,919 Speaker 1: long journey. Um, what can you say to speak on 322 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 1: claiming to be when someone says like they claim to 323 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,400 Speaker 1: be a sex addic, Like, what's something that he could be, 324 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 1: you know, claiming to be? I mean, that's my only 325 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:47,960 Speaker 1: fear with him claim claiming to be is he might 326 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,080 Speaker 1: be the example of why society thinks this is a 327 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:56,920 Speaker 1: married man's excuse. It's like, don't just like he's using 328 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,159 Speaker 1: it as an excuse. I'm not saying that he is. 329 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 1: I'm just saying the way she made it sound, it 330 00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,640 Speaker 1: was like he was using it as an excuse when 331 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:09,119 Speaker 1: it's not. You know, so it's an explanation maybe on 332 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,439 Speaker 1: some of his behaviors. But he needs to be showing 333 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,359 Speaker 1: her that he believes that he is. But I'll just 334 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 1: say this and just like Devil's Advocate is like, you 335 00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: didn't believe at the time because you when you heard 336 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 1: it too, you're like, oh, it took me a while too, 337 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,199 Speaker 1: So I think like that's important to to, like, you 338 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:28,520 Speaker 1: know that for people to know as well, Like you're 339 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,639 Speaker 1: not just going to automatically like come up to that 340 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,359 Speaker 1: conclusion on your own, Like you're like, I think I 341 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,640 Speaker 1: might be. I don't know, like even when, So, then 342 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: what differentiates it between thinking and knowing? Yeah, acceptance, it's 343 00:18:45,359 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: really doing the work and realizing realizing that there's a 344 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,359 Speaker 1: pattern there, that there's a trend, that it's not just 345 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 1: something recent, that there are reasons and explanations for your 346 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:05,920 Speaker 1: behaviors throughout your life in that realm, and so it's yeah, 347 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 1: even so, it took it took a while for me 348 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:11,000 Speaker 1: to to reach the level of acceptance where I can 349 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,919 Speaker 1: look myself in the mirror and say, I'm a sex addict. 350 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: That's part of who I am. I guess why didn't 351 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,840 Speaker 1: you believe it then in the beginning when our therapist said, 352 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,600 Speaker 1: you know, because you don't really know what that means, 353 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 1: and that seems so right. A part of it, the 354 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,359 Speaker 1: step one is admitting that your powerless in your life 355 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,680 Speaker 1: has become unmanageable, well for a man, for anyone, but 356 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 1: especially for men historically, right, we're want to be these, 357 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 1: you know, strong prideful individuals that aren't weak to admit 358 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:48,399 Speaker 1: that something has power over us, that we are we 359 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 1: can't control our lives, you know what I mean. So 360 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,960 Speaker 1: it's it's it's I make up that it's a very 361 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,560 Speaker 1: difficult concept. At least it was for me because I 362 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 1: just feel I've always been in control in so many 363 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,199 Speaker 1: areas of my life and mentally and physically strong and 364 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:08,840 Speaker 1: tough that to have something just take out my knees, 365 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:12,720 Speaker 1: you know what I mean, and just completely shatter my life. 366 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:17,840 Speaker 1: It's hard to admit that we're that weak in that moment, 367 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:19,919 Speaker 1: and there's so much shame involved with it. You just 368 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,520 Speaker 1: want to be in denial, like I don't have a problem. 369 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 1: I don't have a problem. I can fix this. I 370 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 1: mean not to make this a sex addiction episode, but 371 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 1: I think it's for people that are listening. What if 372 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,440 Speaker 1: so like for her husband, for example, what would be 373 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,600 Speaker 1: the first step essentially? I know you said to say 374 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,879 Speaker 1: admit that you are, but to to like go because 375 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,520 Speaker 1: because maybe can someone just cheat and not be a 376 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:47,480 Speaker 1: sex addicts. People can still just make mistakes, you know 377 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:53,960 Speaker 1: what I mean. It's it's all about the pattern. It's 378 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,400 Speaker 1: all about the which I guess before he said that 379 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 1: the pattern, so he just cheated one time. He be like, well, 380 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,520 Speaker 1: it's because I'm a sex sex addiction, which then is 381 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,520 Speaker 1: the excuse. But it's not the excuse. That's just you 382 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,920 Speaker 1: up and you were or excuse me, you were bad 383 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:11,000 Speaker 1: and you you know, and you did it. But that's 384 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:15,480 Speaker 1: you're just not unhealthy. You're not healthy, but doesn't mean 385 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:17,800 Speaker 1: you're a sex addict. No, not at all. Like the 386 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,119 Speaker 1: early on when I was going through all this, I 387 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: remember my therapist and l A asked me. He was 388 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:27,920 Speaker 1: like all right, because I was having a hard time 389 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,960 Speaker 1: still like wrapping my head around every certain you know. 390 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,600 Speaker 1: I still had days where I was like I don't 391 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to accept this, you 392 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,800 Speaker 1: know what I mean. And he was like, okay, let 393 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: me put to you this way. Do you want to 394 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,560 Speaker 1: go grab a beer right now? I hate beer? Oh 395 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,400 Speaker 1: he did see. I'm a great actor. You believe me. 396 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 1: You got to be the general So your therapist at 397 00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:53,000 Speaker 1: that to you, Yeah, he's like, do you want to 398 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,680 Speaker 1: go have a drink? I'm like, no, dude, Like it's 399 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,720 Speaker 1: like one in the afternoon, Like I'm good. And he's like, 400 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,480 Speaker 1: all right, well, what if I told you do you 401 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 1: want to go in a room by yourself and watch porn? 402 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:06,879 Speaker 1: And I was like it took me, uh because I 403 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:09,320 Speaker 1: wanted to think about it. This is true question. I 404 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,520 Speaker 1: was like, you know, I mean like not seriously, but 405 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,840 Speaker 1: in my head, I'm like can I Not that I 406 00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:17,480 Speaker 1: wanted to, but still it's that's where my urge wanted 407 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,560 Speaker 1: to go. But all for me a drink, I'm like, no, 408 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,920 Speaker 1: why what I want to drink right now? So it's 409 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 1: that it's that you know, that draw, that powerlessness over 410 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 1: something that, like, to me alcohol, even though I'm in 411 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,679 Speaker 1: a twelve step program, I know how to say no 412 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:37,240 Speaker 1: to alcohol. I know how to say no to drugs now, 413 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,000 Speaker 1: I know how to say no to to my vices 414 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,439 Speaker 1: that I had before. And it really kind of was 415 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,840 Speaker 1: one of those moments that even you know, within the 416 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:49,439 Speaker 1: first year of me being in this program, that I 417 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:54,240 Speaker 1: was like, holy, like yeah, you know, so I think 418 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,600 Speaker 1: her husband needs to needs to start looking into some 419 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 1: of that doing some introspective work. Yeah, it's uh, that's 420 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:05,040 Speaker 1: one of the best ways you've ever put it before. Yeah, 421 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:08,119 Speaker 1: where I'm like that that makes a lot of sense. 422 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,520 Speaker 1: And because it's been hard to explain it to some 423 00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,520 Speaker 1: people who think it's just an excuse for the married's 424 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 1: be an excuse her. But that makes a lot of 425 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,679 Speaker 1: sense because I think someone who just cheated would be like, no, 426 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:20,720 Speaker 1: I don't like, I don't care whatever, It's just the 427 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 1: opportunity was in front of me. But it's not someone 428 00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:26,080 Speaker 1: that's like, yeah, you know, so wow, that was Thank 429 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:28,240 Speaker 1: you for sharing that and being vulnerable and open to 430 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,880 Speaker 1: share that. Of course, do you have any other emails? 431 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:34,280 Speaker 1: The only d ms that I have are all like 432 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: and I don't want to have to drag you through that, 433 00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,480 Speaker 1: so we can. You can drag me through some of it. 434 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,800 Speaker 1: It's okay, Um, you want to take a break first 435 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,359 Speaker 1: and then we'll come back with someone. Let's do it 436 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,960 Speaker 1: and then make sure to email us um at wind 437 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,760 Speaker 1: Down at heart radio dot com or go on the 438 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,920 Speaker 1: wind Down podcast, Instagram and d m s questions there. 439 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 1: You've been flooding the emails and Instagram lately, so we 440 00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:00,639 Speaker 1: wanted to do an episode just so based on some 441 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,800 Speaker 1: of these um questions, I hope you guys enjoy it. 442 00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:18,320 Speaker 1: We'll be back with some more. All right, here's a 443 00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 1: different email that we haven't really gotten much of. This 444 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,639 Speaker 1: is from Michelle. She's a thirty year old female looking 445 00:24:24,640 --> 00:24:26,840 Speaker 1: for something long term and recently met a forty three 446 00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 1: year old divorced man with two kids. They've been dating. 447 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:36,719 Speaker 1: She's thirty three, divorced with two kids. They've been dating 448 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,719 Speaker 1: for a little over three months and seeing each other 449 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:44,359 Speaker 1: around once a week on average. When they first met, 450 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 1: she asked him what he was looking for. This is 451 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,480 Speaker 1: what he typed, word for word to her. Everything starts 452 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 1: casual for me. I mean I have two kids I 453 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,760 Speaker 1: need to consider and do not want them meeting just anyone. 454 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,120 Speaker 1: Having said that, if I like someone and they want 455 00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 1: a relationship, I'm not going to break it off because 456 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:02,239 Speaker 1: I don't want one. She's asked him if she's if 457 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:04,880 Speaker 1: he's ever wanted to get married again. He said probably not. 458 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 1: It takes someone really special. She doesn't know if she 459 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 1: can have kids because of endometrius endometrius. Uh. Fast forward 460 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,160 Speaker 1: to yesterday, when she wrote this, He invited me over 461 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,400 Speaker 1: for a pool party with his family kids are not there, 462 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,840 Speaker 1: and I met his mom's siblings, their kids, and close friends. 463 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,119 Speaker 1: My question is when do you think it's appropriate to 464 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:27,960 Speaker 1: have the relationship slash exclusivity conversation and when do you 465 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:32,679 Speaker 1: think it's appropriate to meet someone's kids, which I think, 466 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:37,720 Speaker 1: again little over three months now. The kid thing is 467 00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:41,000 Speaker 1: solely based on whatever the mom and dad have discussed 468 00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:45,600 Speaker 1: for sure, So if it's six months a year, I know, 469 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,640 Speaker 1: like I think my brother and his ex wife did 470 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,720 Speaker 1: six months. Yeah, I don't think she's close to no, 471 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:55,479 Speaker 1: I think three, But yeah, I think she's In my opinion, 472 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,720 Speaker 1: you know mine too, I wouldn't want if if we 473 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:02,760 Speaker 1: were to get divorced, which we're not, but if we were, um, 474 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:04,880 Speaker 1: I would I would at least put six months on it, 475 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,879 Speaker 1: because you just don't want your kids being around so 476 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:12,639 Speaker 1: many different people, I would think. But I mean again, 477 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,600 Speaker 1: everyone has a different method to it. But I would 478 00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,640 Speaker 1: at least wait a good, healthy about just because it's 479 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 1: for the kids. But I also get if I was 480 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,159 Speaker 1: in her shoes, I would be like, when can I 481 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:27,679 Speaker 1: meet them? And then I also because out how I 482 00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:31,359 Speaker 1: know I am, And he's like when he says that, 483 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,679 Speaker 1: like I'm waiting for someone special, and I'm like, it's me, 484 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,199 Speaker 1: it's me, it's me. I'm gonna do everything I can 485 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 1: to be that special one and like fight really hard 486 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,359 Speaker 1: for it. Whether I did, I don't even know if 487 00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 1: I wanted it anyways, But that's how my personality be. 488 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,240 Speaker 1: Like with those little things he throws out there, like well, 489 00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:49,000 Speaker 1: if I meet the right one, and it's like, oh, hi, 490 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 1: like choose me, pick me, because this is a competition, 491 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,320 Speaker 1: like I'm gonna win, right. Well, that's where kind of 492 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 1: with the stuff that he's saying, I don't feel very 493 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:05,399 Speaker 1: optimistic for this relationship because he's saying, no, I'm just 494 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,400 Speaker 1: being honest. I'm just saying as a guy, if he's 495 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:10,920 Speaker 1: just saying, yeah, if I meet someone special, well, you've 496 00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:15,000 Speaker 1: been quote unquote seeing her for a little over three months. 497 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,080 Speaker 1: He would know if you're someone special. Do you think 498 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,760 Speaker 1: a guy knows by three months, you know something's there. 499 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:25,480 Speaker 1: It's not like all of a sudden a month for 500 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 1: the woman's going to do something. He's like, oh, she's special. 501 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,080 Speaker 1: It's a gradual thing. Right, So after three months have 502 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:35,000 Speaker 1: seen each other. I'm granted she only said that it's 503 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,280 Speaker 1: on average like once a week, so it's not that often. 504 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:43,199 Speaker 1: I just don't think he's taking it very serious. Do 505 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,800 Speaker 1: you blame him? No, No, I don't. That's the thing. 506 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 1: I don't fault him. Yeah, I'm just I'm just thinking 507 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:50,880 Speaker 1: about it because you're right, Like any guy that would 508 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,720 Speaker 1: say that, it would make me question, like, oh, okay, 509 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:56,560 Speaker 1: I guess I'm not the special one, right and I 510 00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:58,840 Speaker 1: make up in the woman's shoes, would be like, wait, 511 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:00,440 Speaker 1: I haven't met him yet. That you probably want to 512 00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,640 Speaker 1: rush to meet him because you want to. You know, 513 00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:06,119 Speaker 1: anyone with kids, they only introduced them to someone special, 514 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:10,000 Speaker 1: most likely in a healthy relationship. So it's like if 515 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,680 Speaker 1: you haven't met the kids. Shoot, even as a guy, 516 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,720 Speaker 1: say hypothetically, if we got divorced, We're not going to 517 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,119 Speaker 1: get divorced, but if we did, right, and I was 518 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,960 Speaker 1: seeing someone or dating someone and they had kids, and 519 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,080 Speaker 1: if I hadn't seen them like after a certain amount 520 00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,920 Speaker 1: of time, right, damn, you don't see this going anywhere, 521 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:30,960 Speaker 1: because I would want to be I'm like you, I 522 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:34,919 Speaker 1: never called me, I'll talk to her. I would be 523 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 1: the one to want to feel special enough to see 524 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 1: the kids, right. Yeah, it's just man, I think back 525 00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,960 Speaker 1: on one of our friends who's let his daughter see 526 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 1: lots of different girls around, and it's I can see 527 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:53,000 Speaker 1: how that might have hurt her in her childhood. But 528 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,280 Speaker 1: it's just tricky. It's so trick. I don't know, because 529 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,960 Speaker 1: in my mind, I'm I would just be like here, 530 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,200 Speaker 1: like hi, because I want someone to I want to 531 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,360 Speaker 1: see how they fit into my life. I would want 532 00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 1: to see that. And I have a hard time going slow. 533 00:29:08,400 --> 00:29:13,040 Speaker 1: So you would introduced the kids to okay quick. I 534 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:16,440 Speaker 1: could see myself doing that. Iver get that written down 535 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:19,200 Speaker 1: in the papers. I could see that just because I 536 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:22,400 Speaker 1: you know how fast I move, Like I'm gonna I 537 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:26,880 Speaker 1: love you within ten days or we're done. That's very true. 538 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:31,240 Speaker 1: Whatever we did a podcast, like if we actually got 539 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,680 Speaker 1: divorced and we podcasted through the whole thing, I mean 540 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,760 Speaker 1: we it would be the biggest train wreck ever and 541 00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:41,560 Speaker 1: people would love it. Maybe, I don't know, do it 542 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:45,280 Speaker 1: for the brand. I'm just kidding. Do you have any 543 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:49,160 Speaker 1: more emails? Yeah? We have a few more um from Anonymous. 544 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,560 Speaker 1: I've been with my man for seven years. He's twenty 545 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,120 Speaker 1: nine and I we lived together and have plans to 546 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,760 Speaker 1: get married. We have had our ups and downs, But 547 00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:00,360 Speaker 1: the number one issue is how to handle. Is how 548 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:01,960 Speaker 1: to handle when he gets mad at me for not 549 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:06,240 Speaker 1: losing weight fast enough. It's hard because it makes me 550 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,800 Speaker 1: feel like I'm not good enough. He's the peloton guy 551 00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,000 Speaker 1: he has. He has threatened to leave me because of 552 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:15,040 Speaker 1: my weight and for looking through his phone. He did 553 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,920 Speaker 1: say he regretted, saying that after I'm not of her weight, 554 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,480 Speaker 1: but I am emotionally, but I have emotionally put on 555 00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:23,360 Speaker 1: weight from this. He loves me, but his temper gets 556 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,600 Speaker 1: the best of him. Am I a fool for staining? 557 00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:32,680 Speaker 1: Or should we try to make this work? I feel 558 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,560 Speaker 1: like those questions are both about staying. We're the last two. 559 00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:41,480 Speaker 1: He loves me, but his temper gets the best of him. 560 00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:43,640 Speaker 1: And then am I a fool? My fool for staining? 561 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:46,120 Speaker 1: Or should we try to make this work? Am I 562 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,800 Speaker 1: fool for staying? And I am? I say, yes, you're 563 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 1: a fool, or you should try to make this work? Okay, 564 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,960 Speaker 1: see my mind, I'm like, she's still just sees staying well. 565 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,320 Speaker 1: I think she Oh, of course, I think she does. 566 00:30:56,640 --> 00:31:00,320 Speaker 1: And when she said, you know, he had to come 567 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,840 Speaker 1: about the weight, and he said he regretted it after 568 00:31:04,240 --> 00:31:08,640 Speaker 1: that's awful, because that's and I just want you to 569 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:13,400 Speaker 1: hear this well sorts her name Anonymous, Anonymous. His comment 570 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,880 Speaker 1: to you about your weight has nothing to do about 571 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:20,680 Speaker 1: you and your weight. It has everything to do with 572 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:24,520 Speaker 1: him and whatever he is going through. He is trying 573 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,360 Speaker 1: to hurt you, and he will find the one thing 574 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:30,720 Speaker 1: that knows will hurt you, and that's what he's doing. 575 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:34,280 Speaker 1: It has nothing to do about your weight. I really 576 00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 1: want you to hear that. And we're not just saying 577 00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:43,200 Speaker 1: that because let me open up my mind to you, Anonymous. 578 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:50,760 Speaker 1: It's when Janna and I get into an argument, and 579 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,720 Speaker 1: as a guy, right I can't. I'm still trying to 580 00:31:55,040 --> 00:32:00,280 Speaker 1: emotionally mature myself on how to handle conflict. I've had 581 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:03,000 Speaker 1: a lot of moments, especially in the past, where when 582 00:32:03,040 --> 00:32:06,160 Speaker 1: I would get angry about something, I would get mean 583 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:08,840 Speaker 1: and I would say the things that I know would 584 00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,040 Speaker 1: hurt Jane the most because I would feel hurt or 585 00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,360 Speaker 1: shame or guilt for whatever she had said, or for 586 00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:16,880 Speaker 1: my past actions, or for whatever it is. So I 587 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:21,440 Speaker 1: would want to hurt back. And even if she didn't 588 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:24,440 Speaker 1: say anything to provoke that or started any conflict, and 589 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:28,560 Speaker 1: she was just saying something that triggered me, I would 590 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:32,480 Speaker 1: still be mean and try to cut her down because 591 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:35,440 Speaker 1: maybe it was before all this discovery of what I 592 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,560 Speaker 1: was doing, and I had all that shame and guilt 593 00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 1: of acting out and having affairs. So I was angry. 594 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,680 Speaker 1: I was mean, I was resentful towards her for reasons 595 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:50,600 Speaker 1: that she had no idea why. So my fear is 596 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:55,560 Speaker 1: that there's definitely something going on with this guy. I 597 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 1: don't know what it is. I'm not saying it's infidelity. 598 00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:59,200 Speaker 1: I'm not saying it's one thing or the other. I'm 599 00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:02,440 Speaker 1: just saying, like Jane's said, he definitely has something internal 600 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:05,640 Speaker 1: going on with him because he is taking that ship 601 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:09,240 Speaker 1: out on you to try to make himself feel better, 602 00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:13,080 Speaker 1: to cut you down to his level. So, as Janna said, 603 00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:17,920 Speaker 1: I will mirror that his comments about your weight has 604 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 1: zero to do with you, no matter if you were 605 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:24,480 Speaker 1: fifty pounds or two pounds, has zero to do with you. 606 00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:32,880 Speaker 1: I'm asking this because if it was, because obviously he's 607 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:36,360 Speaker 1: saying it all in the wrong ways. Hypothetically, if I 608 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:43,080 Speaker 1: gained fifty pounds because I, you know, stopped working out 609 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,920 Speaker 1: and I started to get really stressed about fears and 610 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:53,440 Speaker 1: anxieties and triggers, and I turned to emotionally eating um 611 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:57,800 Speaker 1: and I gained fifty pounds. Are you saying that you 612 00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:02,880 Speaker 1: wouldn't say anything to me about my weight? No, what 613 00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:07,000 Speaker 1: would you say? I would address it in a way. 614 00:34:07,440 --> 00:34:10,759 Speaker 1: Obviously I have to be really sensitive around it, but 615 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:16,000 Speaker 1: be like, honey, I've noticed that you know you're eating 616 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:22,399 Speaker 1: habits have changed and you aren't exercising like you used to, 617 00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,160 Speaker 1: because I know you used to love to run, run 618 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:28,480 Speaker 1: and walk and work out like every other day. Are No. 619 00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:31,239 Speaker 1: I just want you to be healthy and just know 620 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: that whatever it is that you're dealing with, I'm here 621 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,920 Speaker 1: for you. Do you want Is there anything you want 622 00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:40,839 Speaker 1: to talk about? So it wouldn't even be about for me. 623 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:44,640 Speaker 1: It wouldn't be about the weight. It wouldn't be about Okay, 624 00:34:44,719 --> 00:34:47,279 Speaker 1: let I'll start working out with you or anything like that. 625 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:51,799 Speaker 1: It would be about figuring out why you're eating, why 626 00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:57,719 Speaker 1: your weight is fluctuating. Then you can, once you get 627 00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:01,520 Speaker 1: to the root of it, what going on, then you 628 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,560 Speaker 1: can be like, hey, I'll work out with you. Hey 629 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:08,040 Speaker 1: like to get it off. And there's where I was 630 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,080 Speaker 1: going to say, And that's the difference but I'm gonna 631 00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:13,560 Speaker 1: caveat it put Is that the right word? But it right? Okay, 632 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:17,680 Speaker 1: which brings me to my point. I am insecure about 633 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,920 Speaker 1: sometimes how I talk and I say the wrong things, 634 00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:27,080 Speaker 1: like is caveat? And because I'm just relating to the situation, 635 00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:29,279 Speaker 1: she's saying, like he's mean, and let's throws out the 636 00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,640 Speaker 1: mean Let's say we had that conversation about my weight 637 00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:35,480 Speaker 1: and I'm over fifty pounds or a hundred whatever. But 638 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:39,040 Speaker 1: because it can be in y'all's blood sometimes to be 639 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 1: mean about things that you know would hurt us if 640 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:46,600 Speaker 1: we got into a conversation, just like with me being 641 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,759 Speaker 1: insecure about my words sometimes and we got into a 642 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,879 Speaker 1: really big fight and you said I can't even put 643 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:54,400 Speaker 1: my words together like a toddler or whatever he said, 644 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,600 Speaker 1: And but you knew that was gonna hurt me. So 645 00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:03,720 Speaker 1: in that moment, could you also see doing that too 646 00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:07,240 Speaker 1: about the way like and call me porky or something 647 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:11,440 Speaker 1: or or you know what I mean? What difference is 648 00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:15,040 Speaker 1: that to know that it's still the same, it's still 649 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:20,359 Speaker 1: hurting someone because of an insecurity they have. I see 650 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:26,759 Speaker 1: what you're saying, and it's a very good question. I 651 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:31,480 Speaker 1: think it's different if it's something that's always been an issue, 652 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:35,560 Speaker 1: Like what if it's something new, I would know something's 653 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:38,439 Speaker 1: going on, Like if you started gaining all this weight, 654 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,959 Speaker 1: I would know there's something going on. But either way, 655 00:36:42,040 --> 00:36:43,799 Speaker 1: what if it what if I've always just had a 656 00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,040 Speaker 1: little extra maybe like she's not she said she's like 657 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,960 Speaker 1: enough fat, but I've you know, I'm curvier, and that 658 00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:52,080 Speaker 1: is my insecurity. I'm just curious what the what the 659 00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:56,239 Speaker 1: difference is when being mean, and maybe that's something that 660 00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,959 Speaker 1: when someone is mean, they can be like no matter 661 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,120 Speaker 1: if it's about weight or how they talk, or how 662 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,720 Speaker 1: they look or what they dress or how they sound, 663 00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:09,120 Speaker 1: that either way it's going to hurt. Yeah, no matter where. 664 00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:14,520 Speaker 1: I think your question is fantastic, honey, thanks, Like I 665 00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:16,680 Speaker 1: feel like I never get This is kind of an 666 00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:18,800 Speaker 1: inside joke between Mike and I whenever we podcast and 667 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:23,719 Speaker 1: the guests always say good question to Mike, and I'm like, 668 00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,520 Speaker 1: damn it, Like I'm just because I'm just not the 669 00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:27,600 Speaker 1: great question ask her ince andtimes I don't know how 670 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,160 Speaker 1: to connect words and like, no, wonder why jolly is 671 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:34,080 Speaker 1: a speech impediment. But I'm just saying, like, you know, 672 00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:37,160 Speaker 1: and you have thrown met in mean ways at times, 673 00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,920 Speaker 1: and I'm like, that's you know, so I just I 674 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,160 Speaker 1: just started thinking about that when we were talking about 675 00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,640 Speaker 1: I'm like, what makes what's the difference it's hurt to hurt. 676 00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:54,160 Speaker 1: I think where there isn't a difference is the fact 677 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 1: that it ultimately comes from the person that's saying the 678 00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:00,239 Speaker 1: mean thing, whether it the male or the theme only 679 00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,319 Speaker 1: whoever or the part whatever partners saying the mean thing, 680 00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:06,080 Speaker 1: it has nothing to do with the other person. It 681 00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:09,520 Speaker 1: only has something to do with the person that said it. Sure, 682 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,239 Speaker 1: that's that's the common denominator. So no matter what the 683 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:18,560 Speaker 1: topic is, he's obviously got something going on internal that 684 00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:22,320 Speaker 1: he's trying to Either he feels bad about how he looks, 685 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:26,960 Speaker 1: or there's something going on, or maybe he's got some depression. 686 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,480 Speaker 1: I don't know, there's something going on with him emotionally 687 00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:33,640 Speaker 1: that he needs to figure out. To lead to the 688 00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: temper question that she asked, like what does one do? 689 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:39,120 Speaker 1: Because I'll say, for me, like I have in this 690 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:42,960 Speaker 1: relationship been super rightful and like never fought back one 691 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,960 Speaker 1: day in my life, but in this relationship, like I 692 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:48,080 Speaker 1: fight back and something where that like I had to 693 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:51,360 Speaker 1: do a lot of work with not fighting back and 694 00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:53,239 Speaker 1: learning to like go in the closet and shut the 695 00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:55,960 Speaker 1: door and like breathe. But for a man, like what 696 00:38:56,040 --> 00:39:02,399 Speaker 1: does a man do with one's temper? Like it's and 697 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:08,960 Speaker 1: what can the wife do with one man's temper? It's 698 00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:13,680 Speaker 1: It's taken me, I mean, you know, it's taking me 699 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:22,000 Speaker 1: a significant amount of time to finally more consistently walk away. 700 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:27,600 Speaker 1: And even so, there's been things that have come up 701 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:30,720 Speaker 1: that I'll maybe want to make a snarky remark about 702 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,480 Speaker 1: or or something, and just I'll be frustrated and I'll 703 00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 1: want to pick a fight, and I'll just like I 704 00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:41,040 Speaker 1: just won't and I'll just walk away. I won't say anything. 705 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:42,759 Speaker 1: And then like five ten minutes later, I'm like, I 706 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,959 Speaker 1: can't believe I was about to start some shot over that. Really, Yeah, 707 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:50,279 Speaker 1: like what anything recently? Probably? Yeah, I tell you, But 708 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:52,879 Speaker 1: that's the thing. It doesn't even matter, because it's something 709 00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:57,920 Speaker 1: stupid that just I received away, or that I just 710 00:39:57,960 --> 00:39:59,880 Speaker 1: wanted to bring up, just to bring up because of 711 00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:01,560 Speaker 1: a feeling I was feeling in a moment, And then 712 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,760 Speaker 1: ten minutes later, I'm just like that was so dumb, 713 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,440 Speaker 1: so then would your would your advice then to be 714 00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:10,640 Speaker 1: before you go down the rabbit hole, walk away for 715 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:16,839 Speaker 1: five because because the thing is at least for me 716 00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:19,439 Speaker 1: right even if I was starting to feel a feeling, 717 00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:22,040 Speaker 1: because the healthy thing would also be, Hey, I'm feeling this, 718 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:27,880 Speaker 1: you know, can you can you elaborate? You know? Is 719 00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:30,080 Speaker 1: there any truth to my feeling? Is there any validity 720 00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:32,719 Speaker 1: to why I'm feeling this way based on what you 721 00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:37,200 Speaker 1: said or did. My thing is that I have a 722 00:40:37,239 --> 00:40:39,719 Speaker 1: hard time doing that from a great place too soon. 723 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,919 Speaker 1: And so I'll set expectations and then if you if 724 00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,439 Speaker 1: what you respond, if how you respond doesn't meet my expectations, 725 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:50,000 Speaker 1: I'll blow up even more So I I personally need 726 00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:55,320 Speaker 1: to definitely walk away and let it dissipate. Um. And then, 727 00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:57,160 Speaker 1: I mean, I can't speak for the wives you gotta. 728 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:02,000 Speaker 1: I mean, what I've learned though, is that when I 729 00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:07,640 Speaker 1: don't go into your anger and your mood of I'm 730 00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:09,680 Speaker 1: a great I'm a great place to talk and I'm like, no, 731 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:13,279 Speaker 1: you're not, which almost because i know I'm like this 732 00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,640 Speaker 1: is you're not in a good place, and I'm like, 733 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:19,600 Speaker 1: I'm going to leave, but I know, I'm like, I 734 00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:26,359 Speaker 1: know her teacher voice. Okay, Michael, I'm like, yeah, I'm 735 00:41:26,440 --> 00:41:29,239 Speaker 1: in a great place to talk. Let's talk about it. 736 00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,560 Speaker 1: And I'm like, Michael, you're not in a good place 737 00:41:31,680 --> 00:41:33,759 Speaker 1: right now. I'm going to do with the therapist to do. 738 00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:38,799 Speaker 1: But then you always have to come back with your 739 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:43,319 Speaker 1: tail between your legs because you're like a crap. Think 740 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:47,920 Speaker 1: about it. For the guys out there or relationships that 741 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,000 Speaker 1: have this issue. I heard this one of my meetings 742 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:55,040 Speaker 1: one time, and it's always stuck with me. And the 743 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:59,280 Speaker 1: guy was like, you know, I'm just tired of always 744 00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:03,560 Speaker 1: saying I'm sorry, and I've and when he shared it, 745 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,680 Speaker 1: he just you just feel the weight just like cut 746 00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,000 Speaker 1: in the room just drip off of him because he's 747 00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:12,560 Speaker 1: just like exhausted from saying sorry so much. And I 748 00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:15,080 Speaker 1: try to remind myself of that. I'm like, don't do 749 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:17,760 Speaker 1: anything that will cause me to have to say I'm sorry, 750 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:21,520 Speaker 1: because I'm just tired of saying I'm sorry. I'm so 751 00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:27,640 Speaker 1: tired of it. But yeah, so all in all, Anonymous, 752 00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:32,239 Speaker 1: I do think you're full for staining a fool. First, 753 00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:35,720 Speaker 1: she said, she said, am I full for stain so sorry? 754 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:39,439 Speaker 1: More politely, I don't I think you should. I think 755 00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:45,440 Speaker 1: you should reconsider staying in this relationship. I think I'm like, 756 00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:49,480 Speaker 1: I think that he is not using his words right. 757 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,439 Speaker 1: Having said that, if we were to put our love 758 00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:55,560 Speaker 1: story on paper and write down some of the things 759 00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:59,200 Speaker 1: that you said to me and not include any of 760 00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:02,120 Speaker 1: the good, what do you think that person would say 761 00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:09,719 Speaker 1: to me? So I'm just saying, I'm just saying she 762 00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:12,879 Speaker 1: didn't write the good and that you can be mean, 763 00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,680 Speaker 1: I can be mean, we can have really crappy fights. 764 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,960 Speaker 1: What he said is absolutely not I'm not at all 765 00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:22,160 Speaker 1: condoning any of that. It's wrong and it's about him. 766 00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:26,680 Speaker 1: But until he chooses, she can say I can't be initialation, 767 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:30,080 Speaker 1: And basically it's what I almost said to you. I'm like, 768 00:43:30,239 --> 00:43:32,040 Speaker 1: I can't keep doing this if you're going to be 769 00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:36,040 Speaker 1: this mean, because that's not okay, and like you're doing 770 00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,120 Speaker 1: the work on it. So if she can say that 771 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:40,839 Speaker 1: to him and then live and then stand by that 772 00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,239 Speaker 1: and he's still being mean, well then yeah, you're a 773 00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:52,320 Speaker 1: fool for saying I love it. Anyways, thanks to everyone 774 00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:54,839 Speaker 1: who shared their stories, got vulnerable with us, trusted us 775 00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:57,640 Speaker 1: to share their stories and give you any insight, take 776 00:43:57,680 --> 00:43:59,960 Speaker 1: it or leave it again. We always say we're not 777 00:44:00,120 --> 00:44:02,799 Speaker 1: experts and we just have been through hell and back 778 00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:04,920 Speaker 1: like we say in our book too, But um, we 779 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:08,080 Speaker 1: love you guys, and I'm so excited because we have 780 00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:13,120 Speaker 1: a really, really awesome guest next week, so um mine 781 00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:14,480 Speaker 1: down later, see you next week