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Speaker 1: Right now, it's time for the Strawberry Letter. If you

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Speaker 1: need advice on relationships, on dating, on sex, on parenting,

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Speaker 1: on work, and more, please submit your Strawberry Letter to

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Speaker 1: Steve HARVEYFM dot com and click submit Strawberry Letter. Please

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Speaker 1: tell him Steve Man today where she's saying. She had

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Speaker 1: just say she being mean everything, and we could be

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Speaker 1: reading your letter on the air live, just like we're

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Speaker 1: reading this one right now. Let's go, nephew, buckle up,

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Speaker 1: hold on tight here it is the straw Day. My

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Speaker 1: husband's drinking is no longer a secret. Dear Stephen Shirley,

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Speaker 1: My husband and I have been married for fifteen years

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Speaker 1: and we have two children. My husband is a functioning alcoholic.

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Speaker 1: He can work a full day without drinking, but as

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Speaker 1: soon as he's off the clock, he starts drinking. He

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Speaker 1: drinks in private. He doesn't leave his alcohol out where

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Speaker 1: I can see it, but I can always smell it

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Speaker 1: in his cup. This started shortly after we got married,

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Speaker 1: and I allowed it and never confronted him. I can

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Speaker 1: always tell when he's been drinking by the changes in

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Speaker 1: his behavior and how he treats me and the kids.

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Speaker 1: It's gotten worse recently, and I brought it to his attention.

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Speaker 1: I told him that I know exactly what he's up to.

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Speaker 1: He says that he drinks too unwind every now and then. Well,

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Speaker 1: a few weeks ago, he left work early for a

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Speaker 1: doctor's appointment, and later that evening he came home in

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Speaker 1: an uber and he was totally wasted. He could not

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Speaker 1: stand up, and he was talking so much trash that

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Speaker 1: I had to tell the kids to leave the room.

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Speaker 1: He called me all kinds of names and told me

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Speaker 1: that he was miserable in our marriage. The next day,

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Speaker 1: I took the kids and left him. I've been staying

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Speaker 1: with my mom for three weeks, and during that time

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Speaker 1: I encouraged him to get some help. My husband is

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Speaker 1: great when he's sober, but he needs some professional help

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Speaker 1: with his drinking. I have checked out, and I'm no

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Speaker 1: longer trying to keep our marriage going. He visits me

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Speaker 1: and the kids and we still do some things as

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Speaker 1: a family, and he's always sober when we see him.

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Speaker 1: He wants more, but I don't. Neither of us can

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Speaker 1: afford to live on our own. What should I do? Well?

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Speaker 1: I mean, the obvious thing is there's no kind of

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Speaker 1: marriage if you're just staying together because you can't afford

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Speaker 1: to live on your own, you can't afford to live apart.

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Speaker 1: That's no marriage. I mean, what about real love and

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Speaker 1: real relationship and a real marriage. I mean, you're absolutely right,

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Speaker 1: as his wife and as his friend hopefully to encourage

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Speaker 1: him to get some help, because that and the Lord himself,

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Speaker 1: it seems, are the only things that can make this

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Speaker 1: situation better and work this situation out. You know you've

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Speaker 1: allowed it. You've been married for fifteen years, you've allowed it.

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Speaker 1: He started drinking shortly after you got married, and you

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Speaker 1: say you did allow it and never confronted him about it.

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Speaker 1: You can always tell when he's drinking because you can

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Speaker 1: smell it. This thing has blown up, it's blown out

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Speaker 1: of proportion. Now he's stumbling drunk when he comes in.

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Speaker 1: He can't even drive home. At least he has a

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Speaker 1: wherewithal to know that he shouldn't be driving when he's

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Speaker 1: that wasted. So I encourage you to continue to encourage

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Speaker 1: him to get some help. And if he doesn't get

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Speaker 1: any help, it does look like this marriage is over,

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Speaker 1: and that's unfortunate because you guys have kids. But he

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Speaker 1: says he's been miserable since the very beginning. What Steve, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he says, he's been miserable since since the very beginning.

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Speaker 1: And you're not willing, you don't want any more either.

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Speaker 1: But the part about you can't afford to live on

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Speaker 1: your own, you're gonna have to work that out, get

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Speaker 1: a second job, do whatever you have to do, because

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Speaker 1: it looks like this marriage is doomed, especially if he

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Speaker 1: does and get any help and change his behavior. Steve,

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Speaker 1: let me, let me, let me let me just read

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Speaker 1: something to y'all. Okay, my husband and I have been

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Speaker 1: made fifteen years. We have two children. My husband is

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Speaker 1: a functioning alcoholic. He could work a full day without drinking,

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Speaker 1: but as soon as he get off the clock, he

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Speaker 1: stars drinking. Do that sound for me? I don't know

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Speaker 1: what you're saying, Steve. I hope, I hope. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Fifteen years, got two kids. No one we know wrote

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Speaker 1: this letter, Steve. I didn't ask you, do you know

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Speaker 1: who wrote it? I asked you that this part right

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Speaker 1: here sound familiar to anybody other than me. No? Well

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Speaker 1: to me, no, well, it sounds familiar to me. What

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Speaker 1: are you saying? Just say it anyway? He started, here's

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Speaker 1: another one. This started shortly. I'll say it again, This

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Speaker 1: started shortly. Oh word everybody that that sounds like anybody.

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Speaker 1: We know why because of the word shortly, shortly. This

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Speaker 1: letter is full of clues. It is not a mystery

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Speaker 1: that we're trying to solve. We're trying to help this lady.

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Speaker 1: And this is what she said. I can always tell

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Speaker 1: when he'd been drinking by the changes in his behavior.

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Speaker 1: Who the hell can't? Everybody? Everybody knows somebody when they

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Speaker 1: start drinking. She sitting up here like she the head

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Speaker 1: of a damn revolution or revelation comes in here talking

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Speaker 1: about No, I can always tell when he's been drinking.

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Speaker 1: Who can't. I'll be back, yeah, with part two of

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Speaker 1: your response. Today's subject is my husband's drinking is no

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Speaker 1: longer a secret? Will be back at twenty three after

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Speaker 1: the hour you're listening show. All right, Steve, let's go.

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Speaker 1: Let's recap. The subject is my husband's drinking is no

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Speaker 1: longer a secret. Well, here's a dude who this woman

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Speaker 1: claims as a functioning alcoholic. He drinks in private. He

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Speaker 1: never lead alcohol out where they could see it. This

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Speaker 1: started after they gotten married. Yeah, and she never confronted him.

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Speaker 1: She can always tell when he's been drinking because it

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Speaker 1: changes any behavior, and the way he treat me and

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Speaker 1: a kid has gotten worse recently. I bought it to

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Speaker 1: his attention. I told him I know exactly what he's

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Speaker 1: up to. He says he drinks unwind every nine need well.

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Speaker 1: A few weeks ago, he left work early for doctor's appointment.

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Speaker 1: Later that evening, he came home in an uber and

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Speaker 1: was totally waste. This is when you drunk, when you

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Speaker 1: leave your car anywhere, and you don't leave your car voluntarily.

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Speaker 1: Some people after car go, hey, hey, you can't drive

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Speaker 1: all right? Hell right, we're calling you a uber and

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Speaker 1: let's thank God for stuff like that. He couldn't stand up.

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Speaker 1: He was talking so much trash. I had to tell

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Speaker 1: the kids to lead the room. He called me all

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Speaker 1: kinds of names. See, when you get drunk, it come out.

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Speaker 1: And finally he told me, this is what I was

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Speaker 1: thinking the drinking was about. He was miserable in our marriage. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's what he said, miserable. But let me share something

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Speaker 1: with you. Th old lady, you've been miserable too, if

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Speaker 1: you honestly think about it, and I'll show you why.

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Speaker 1: I know you've been miserable because the next day you

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Speaker 1: took the kids and you left. I've been staying with

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Speaker 1: my mom for three weeks, and during that time I've

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Speaker 1: encouraged him to get some help, and he need help.

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Speaker 1: My husband is great when he's sober, but he needs

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Speaker 1: some professional help with his drinking. I checked out and

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Speaker 1: I no longer trying to keep our marriage going. That's

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Speaker 1: cause you've been through for a long time. This was

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Speaker 1: just the tip of the iceberg. This was just the

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Speaker 1: straw that broke the camel's back. You got sick of it.

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Speaker 1: This was the last time. See, you've been miserable too,

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Speaker 1: So don't wear this just cause this drunk dude and

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Speaker 1: came in here and had a revelation in front of

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Speaker 1: you and a kid. I've been miserable any marriage. You

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Speaker 1: went soberly, you went, well, I'll be damned. I have

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Speaker 1: to and me and the kids is over mama's house.

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Speaker 1: Now you're gonna have to go on the act like

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Speaker 1: a girl. Now he the one got to move. You

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Speaker 1: go back to the house. Let him move. She put

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Speaker 1: up with it for a long time. Yeah, he visits

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Speaker 1: me and the kids. We still do some things together

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Speaker 1: at the family and he's always sober when we see.

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Speaker 1: He wants more, but I don't. Neither of us can't

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Speaker 1: afford to live on our own. What should I do? Well,

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Speaker 1: you find to be roommates with alcoholic. You ain't got

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Speaker 1: the money to go nowhere. He ain't got enough money

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Speaker 1: to put you out something. You're fit to live with

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Speaker 1: an alcoholic as a roommate, telling kids quick calling him daddy,

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Speaker 1: started calling him Jerome. Yeah, let's telling kids and hit

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Speaker 1: your daddy no more. He's a roommate. Uh, don't do

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Speaker 1: nothing together as a family, no more. When he come

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Speaker 1: in the room, y'all cut the TV off in league.

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Speaker 1: But he's sober when they see him. When they go

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Speaker 1: out on family outing, he gonna get drunk less he

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Speaker 1: gets some help. Yeah, yeah, he definitely needs and if

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Speaker 1: he wants more, he gonna drink when he gets off work,

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Speaker 1: and you're gonna have another episode. My suggestion to you

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Speaker 1: is follow your heart. He has to get help before

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Speaker 1: he can come back. He probably a great guy, like

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Speaker 1: you said, But after he gets help and completes the

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Speaker 1: program twelve Step and every winds, he probably had to

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Speaker 1: go on in every time I'm Jerome, I'm an alcoholic

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Speaker 1: because they make you say that at the meetings. I

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Speaker 1: ain't never been to the meetings before. I've seen it

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Speaker 1: on TV in movies like I had to go into.

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Speaker 1: I was in a group one time that was, you know,

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Speaker 1: with physical disadvantages. I was in the group one time

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Speaker 1: when you had to stand up and admit your flaw.

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Speaker 1: What I've had to do that before? And what did

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Speaker 1: you stand up? Ad met? Tom Steve and I have

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Speaker 1: big limps. I've had to say that big limp anonymous. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then but the ladies standing next to me, how

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Speaker 1: I'm claid and I have a huge nose. And I

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Speaker 1: looked at her and I went, damn, man, you should

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Speaker 1: have been in this class where you've been. I don't

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Speaker 1: know how you deal with that. Can you see anybody

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Speaker 1: on your right limp with your other such a group?

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Speaker 1: Is there problem is? You know? I was looking at

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Speaker 1: getting into him. You know what I'm saying. I just

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Speaker 1: try to stay abreast to these type of help groups cases.

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Speaker 1: People out there listening to straw Beard letter that need help,

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Speaker 1: you know, they got they got clear answer. High. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm Harold and I'm ugly. That class hasn't waiting list though,

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Speaker 1: that hasn't waiting waiting to get in that. Yeah, how

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Speaker 1: do you get help for that? Though? I mean from

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Speaker 1: being ugly? No, what you do, you can't get help

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Speaker 1: form being ugly? You have you heard you learn coping? Coping, y'all?

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Speaker 1: How to deal with it? Like you know, don't don't

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Speaker 1: stay in the mirror longer than ten seconds, because you

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Speaker 1: can't do a lot of time ten seconds. Just do

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Speaker 1: your hair and get on. Don't you brush your teeth

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Speaker 1: in the mirror and stuff? And I don't. I'll be

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Speaker 1: in my calls a brushing my teeth because I know,

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Speaker 1: not standing there and look at it, because I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: see something wrong. Because if you stat yourself long enough,

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Speaker 1: you know one of your eyes ain't the same size

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Speaker 1: as the other one. Well, you just kept it too. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: one of my lips is bigger than the other one.

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Speaker 1: Which one top or bottom or the bottom easily to bottom?

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Speaker 1: That thing got some weighting, Like take you canny bottom

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Speaker 1: lip around like walking around with a five pound bag

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Speaker 1: of sugar on your face. That you're crazy girl. I'm

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Speaker 1: just trying to take all right, Well, listen, we gotta go.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for that Steve. You know I'm here for you. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I see. You can email us or instagram us your

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Speaker 1: thoughts on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM, or

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Speaker 1: you can go to My Girls Shirley. You're listening to

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Speaker 1: the Steve Harvey Morning Show.