Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janne Kramer. Did I heart radio podcast? Hi,
Speaker 1: we're back. We're back for another wine down Monday. Halloween
Speaker 1: was so much fun. It's my favorite holiday. So like,
Speaker 1: for real, your favorite holiday, it's one of it's in
Speaker 1: the top three and it might be number one. A witch.
Speaker 1: I'm always a witch. It's the one day I can
Speaker 1: be myself. But if it's your favor why don't you
Speaker 1: like spice it up and do something different? Like why
Speaker 1: are you the same thing if it's your favorite holiday?
Speaker 1: Because that's my thing? Okay, Rocco did ask. He said,
Speaker 1: can you please be something different this year? You're always
Speaker 1: a witch and every other parent is something different? And
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is my day, Rocker,
Speaker 1: this is who I am. Accepted. This is the one
Speaker 1: day year I get to come out of hocus Pocus
Speaker 1: and be a witch. And be a witch. By the way,
Speaker 1: that movie is so good. We watched it. Do you
Speaker 1: have any nostalgic movies you watch? Practice Magic is my
Speaker 1: very favorite. It's my favorite. You have to watch it
Speaker 1: at night. We need to watch it. You know where
Speaker 1: we are. We are full on Christmas before Thanksgiving? Are
Speaker 1: you a Callmark Channel all like, well every day, all night.
Speaker 1: So what we're doing, yes and no. But what we're
Speaker 1: doing is because the baby is coming fast and furious. Yes,
Speaker 1: I want the entire house set up for for Christmas.
Speaker 1: I love now. So we're we're setting up the house
Speaker 1: this weekend for Christmas. That's incredible. Yeah, it's going to
Speaker 1: be it's gonna be a Thanksgiving Christmas, but it'll probably
Speaker 1: be in the hospital either before Thanksgiving after I don't know.
Speaker 1: We don't know yet. Waits and Thanksgiving is this month,
Speaker 1: well closer than that, it's like two weeks away. That
Speaker 1: just made me really nervous. Are we doing this podcast
Speaker 1: from the hospital? That's what I had to figure out
Speaker 1: because so we have a c section scheduled, but I
Speaker 1: have a feeling it's going to be the week before,
Speaker 1: so it's going to be most likely before Thanksgiving. That's
Speaker 1: so nice though, then you can relax a Thanksgiving. But
Speaker 1: there's a chance that it might not work what he's
Speaker 1: like wanting to do to help me to get into labor,
Speaker 1: so and then if not, then it would be a
Speaker 1: couple of days after Thanksgiving. So I don't know. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, how do we how do we plan the
Speaker 1: how do we plan a live podcast? And we don't
Speaker 1: know if, if and when where what my water is
Speaker 1: gonna break? But we just have to go with flow.
Speaker 1: Turn my voice memo on. Maybe you should have thought
Speaker 1: of all this stuff before you told us weekly we
Speaker 1: were doing a live podcast, Dad, So we are doing that.
Speaker 1: It's happening. What we'll just have to do a voice
Speaker 1: memo in case we can't get there with the setup.
Speaker 1: It'll be we'll do it. Okay, I live right down
Speaker 1: the street from that place. Okay, So we were just
Speaker 1: on Access Live today talking about relationships. Yeah, no one
Speaker 1: told me so I didn't get to watch it. It's okay.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm sorry. I'm just kiddy. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: It was on and we talked about relationships and Michael
Speaker 1: So we had we had Leslie Gustafson on the show,
Speaker 1: Uh what like a two months ago. She's great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's awesome, she doesn't intimacy box and we just loved
Speaker 1: her so much and Access was doing this fallback and
Speaker 1: love kind of. Yeah, so we went on the show,
Speaker 1: but Michael he was kind of thrown off for a minute. Okay, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: can you guys give us a recap a little bit
Speaker 1: for people that didn't see it of what you guys
Speaker 1: talked about. Yeah, we just well are The plan was
Speaker 1: the producer was telling us that we're gonna go on.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be really easy for you, you know, for
Speaker 1: you and Jana. You guys are just kinda kind of
Speaker 1: sit there answers from questions. We're going to kind of
Speaker 1: go off Leslie and ask her some topics and then
Speaker 1: go to you guys and how you're doing that. And
Speaker 1: it just turned into Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. So, Mike,
Speaker 1: you cheating on Janna? Tell us about this, oh so Mike,
Speaker 1: this and that, Like how are you guys doing this?
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, let's do it. But he, I
Speaker 1: tell you what, man, he didn't flinch, he didn't stutter.
Speaker 1: He went I was when I got done, I'm so
Speaker 1: proud of you. Than he did so good. He was
Speaker 1: so confident. And yeah, even then, there were some questions
Speaker 1: that they asked about. I mean, you know, you cheat
Speaker 1: on Janna and she was pregnant the least child. How
Speaker 1: did you get through that? And I was just like,
Speaker 1: damn did it make you feelings? But I mean that's
Speaker 1: her job to bring up questions, But did it make
Speaker 1: you feel uncomfortable? It did for It made me uncomfortable
Speaker 1: for him because I don't think he was prepared for
Speaker 1: them too. But I've been in that world before. You know,
Speaker 1: this is you know, we're coming out together, as you know,
Speaker 1: doing our speaking stuff, and this is the kind of
Speaker 1: our one of our first things that we did together.
Speaker 1: So I almost warned him to like, Hey, they're going
Speaker 1: to probably ask things that we said that not to ask,
Speaker 1: but they're gonna They're gonna do it anyways, because that's
Speaker 1: what they do. That's their jobs, which kind of comes
Speaker 1: with the territory, you know. And again, I'm still learning
Speaker 1: this whole entertainment world and these shows and podcast and
Speaker 1: all that stuff. So Jane has kind of coached me
Speaker 1: up enough to prepare for that kind of stuff. So
Speaker 1: I think, like Janna said, she was uncomfortable until I
Speaker 1: reacted the way I did, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like she, I think once she realized I could handle it,
Speaker 1: She's like, okay, she could breathe. God, Okay, he's not
Speaker 1: going to punch anybody right now. But I'm really excited
Speaker 1: because Leslie obviously we just had a segment with her,
Speaker 1: but she's going to be on air with us, so
Speaker 1: let's go bring her in. Yeah, let's do it. And
Speaker 1: I also mentioned that she's a kappa. Just gonna leave
Speaker 1: that there, okay before she comes in though, Um, before
Speaker 1: she comes in, Michael, what's for dinner, babe? Well, we're
Speaker 1: starting to stack up on our hell of Fresh boxes?
Speaker 1: You know that, right? I know I noticed that. Usually
Speaker 1: it's you getting boxes at the door, but this time
Speaker 1: it's me. You know, this hell of freshes because I
Speaker 1: don't want to be running out to the store when
Speaker 1: the baby's here and daddy's got a cook for the family.
Speaker 1: And you mean, like last night when I said, I'm
Speaker 1: I'm craving melons at ten o'clock at night. Yeah, at
Speaker 1: ten o'clock at night, did you he did? Because I
Speaker 1: only have a few more weeks left of him being
Speaker 1: able to do that, and I've never I haven't had
Speaker 1: you do that yet, No, you really haven't. No, So
Speaker 1: that was my one. But I'm gonna keep doing it.
Speaker 1: But I'm really excited about the Hell of Fresh because
Speaker 1: once the baby comes, I mean, we're going to be
Speaker 1: We're gonna be relying on it. Yeah, because it takes
Speaker 1: it takes care of our grocery shopping everything. There's gonna
Speaker 1: be no wasted stuff and no wasting ingredients. It's pre measured,
Speaker 1: it's it's everything's right there for you don't take longer
Speaker 1: than forty minutes. That's between prep time and cooked time.
Speaker 1: It's been great for us. You know, the recipes are
Speaker 1: always fantastic. So yeah, so Hello First has been great
Speaker 1: meal deliver We kit brings everything to your door, the ingredients,
Speaker 1: to plans, everything that you need, the time it takes,
Speaker 1: the preparation and very good detail. Has pictures to go
Speaker 1: along with it. For special learners like myself and Ja. Well, no,
Speaker 1: it doesn't takes thirty minutes to cook. It takes Michael
Speaker 1: thirty minutes to cook. It takes about an hour to
Speaker 1: cook because I'm still like Peel the line, I'm not
Speaker 1: the cook in the world, and like Alexa, what does
Speaker 1: what does this mean? So um for a total of
Speaker 1: sixty dollars off, that's twenty dollars off your first three boxes,
Speaker 1: visit Hello Fresh dot com, slash Cramer sixty and enter
Speaker 1: Cramer sixty again. That's sixty dollars off. That's twenty dollars
Speaker 1: off your first three boxes. Visit Hello Fresh dot com,
Speaker 1: slash Cramer sixty and enter Cramer sixty dinner prepared. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm so excited. Leslie's in the studio, Leslie. Leslie and
Speaker 1: are in the studio. Her love husband also in the room.
Speaker 1: Oh I love this, um So, Leslie. I was just
Speaker 1: kind of catching them up and letting them know that
Speaker 1: we did Access Live this morning. We did. It was
Speaker 1: so funny. Flew in from Colorado, fluent from Colorado last
Speaker 1: night and got very little sleep because of all the
Speaker 1: excitement of it all. And I got in there and
Speaker 1: we It was kind of short and sweet, wasn't it?
Speaker 1: But it was. You guys are a beautiful job. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you, but it was. It was obviously awesome having
Speaker 1: you there too, and thank you. Um you and Michael
Speaker 1: were talking in the room before. Um Jen, just to
Speaker 1: catch you up. She know she has the intimacy box, right.
Speaker 1: Do you want to explain that really fast? Please? Yes?
Speaker 1: I created this. It's a lifestyle and experience box because
Speaker 1: a lot of couples don't get out as much as
Speaker 1: I think they should. So I'm bringing the date to them.
Speaker 1: But because I'm a sex therapist, I've also thrown in
Speaker 1: a little sexuality as well. Uh so in an uncomfortable way. No,
Speaker 1: I try to keep it really classy and really elegant
Speaker 1: because I know everybody is, you know, on a spectrum
Speaker 1: of where their comfort level. So I'm just easing people in.
Speaker 1: Uh And it has products to enhance the experience, and
Speaker 1: hopefully people will just take that time that they need
Speaker 1: to enhance and enriched their relationship when it's so hard
Speaker 1: in this busy age. So so what's in the first spot.
Speaker 1: The first box has three experiences and there's a fund
Speaker 1: pot in there, and there's a throw and there's a
Speaker 1: specially designed candle, and there's some massage a ya, and
Speaker 1: then I kind of coach them through some exercises to
Speaker 1: kind of enhance their marriage or relationship for couples. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's incredible. It's exciting. And you know, Leslie and I
Speaker 1: were talking backstage at Access. I stop talking, we have
Speaker 1: a problem talking. We'll be a good but a good thing.
Speaker 1: Great thing that I love about the Intimacy Box at
Speaker 1: Leslie and I were talking about is she has a
Speaker 1: fun spin on it, and for me, who's someone who
Speaker 1: struggles from intimacy. Whenever I feel pressured, that's when my
Speaker 1: anxiety and everything kind of creeps in. When I feel
Speaker 1: like I have to perform or I have to plea
Speaker 1: or whatever it may be, your expectations and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: And that's you know what Leslie was explained to me.
Speaker 1: Her philosophy about just keeping it like, keeping it fun,
Speaker 1: no pressure, no anything there. It doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: a certain end result. And so is it went through
Speaker 1: that you're you know, developing this box kind of guided
Speaker 1: you into that direction and make sure you keep it
Speaker 1: light and fun. Well, just me as a person, I
Speaker 1: have a core value. If it's not fun, why are
Speaker 1: we doing it. So it's important for couples to have
Speaker 1: pleasure and fun. And what tends to happen over time
Speaker 1: is we get really boring and we get into the
Speaker 1: responsibilities of life and we forget to have that lightness
Speaker 1: and playfulness and flirtation. I mean, the bedroom really is
Speaker 1: kind of an adult playground. And if you have that
Speaker 1: kind of attitude about it, that is for exploration and connecting,
Speaker 1: free of outcome, free of expectations and fear or whatever,
Speaker 1: then then it changes the way it feels because when
Speaker 1: you enter into the bedroom, you don't want it to
Speaker 1: be anything but just something you look forward to. And
Speaker 1: when anxiety kicks in, that's the opposite of the sexual response.
Speaker 1: Our bodies don't even work if we're anxious. So is
Speaker 1: designed to just make it fun and light and exploratory.
Speaker 1: But how do we you know, for him, because he
Speaker 1: does struggle with intimacy part and wanting to p or
Speaker 1: the fear of performing, So how does he kind of
Speaker 1: stay out of his head in those moments. Something I
Speaker 1: tell couples all the time is to take away the
Speaker 1: outcome and your former athlete, that's maybe even harder. And
Speaker 1: the idea is that it's not all about the touchdown,
Speaker 1: that it's still great if you're in the connecting process
Speaker 1: of it all, but you're not reaching for a goal.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I tell i'd sell couples just take sex
Speaker 1: off the table entirely and go in there to connect
Speaker 1: and explore and touch. But what if I want more though,
Speaker 1: and I'm being let down the coming down, and then
Speaker 1: it's just then we have an argument and like, God,
Speaker 1: I'm frustrated, I'm sexually frustrated, and yes, and then he
Speaker 1: gets even more pressure. Yes, because whenever we have a
Speaker 1: time in the bedroom that has anything negative in it,
Speaker 1: it pulls us away from wanting to go back in again.
Speaker 1: And so being really careful of making sure it's positive
Speaker 1: even if you are disappointed, are you do have hurt feelings,
Speaker 1: how to keep loving each other through that so that
Speaker 1: you don't think of the experience the next time. It's like,
Speaker 1: that was a bummer. I can't go back in there.
Speaker 1: I don't want to repeat that, because nobody wants to
Speaker 1: repeat something that was negative or didn't feel good. And
Speaker 1: so what tends to happen when you take the outcome
Speaker 1: off is that the pressure is down, and then you
Speaker 1: start to explore and let it go where it will,
Speaker 1: and you will relax, and then your bodies will work.
Speaker 1: And then it just happens because you're not trying to
Speaker 1: make it happen, because that's the opposite of what our
Speaker 1: bodies need to do. When we try, it shuts everything down.
Speaker 1: But when we show up and we're just enjoying and
Speaker 1: in the process and experience without fear or like I
Speaker 1: have to get to there or I have to do this,
Speaker 1: then it's kind of magic. Our bodies start to work
Speaker 1: scenario that I love your and your your husband here Doug,
Speaker 1: who's also been a therapist for many years. I was
Speaker 1: meeting with my therapist just a week or two ago,
Speaker 1: and we were actually working doing some E m DR
Speaker 1: work around intimacy, and so I talked to him and
Speaker 1: I basically painted a scenario. I said, you know. He
Speaker 1: was like, what what would it mean to you if
Speaker 1: you went in Like basically I was telling him. I
Speaker 1: was like, if I went home today and I just
Speaker 1: told Jannah, say you know it's been say it's been
Speaker 1: a few days or a week since we've had sex
Speaker 1: or anything, and I went in, I said, honey, and
Speaker 1: I just addressed a head on. I said, Honey, I
Speaker 1: know we haven't had sex in a week. I really
Speaker 1: want to connect, but right now, I just I'm just
Speaker 1: not in a place, or I'm really tired, or I've
Speaker 1: been busy or whatever it may be. My reason is
Speaker 1: to not be intimate tonight. And I told him I
Speaker 1: was like, if she said, okay, honey, no worries, like
Speaker 1: I understand, like all good, like no pressure by her
Speaker 1: saying that, it would mean more than I can even explain,
Speaker 1: because then I would feel safe in wanting to be
Speaker 1: innovat and I told my therapist, I said, you know what,
Speaker 1: if she did that, give me an hour, I'd probably
Speaker 1: want to be intimate. It's it's just such a weird
Speaker 1: thing in my head that why like why do I
Speaker 1: need that like pressure to be released? Like it's so weird.
Speaker 1: I'm still trying to figure it out. I wanted to
Speaker 1: share that with Jane. I hadn't yet, but it was
Speaker 1: such an interesting feeling. I got emotional actually talking about it,
Speaker 1: like if she would if she would just say, and
Speaker 1: she's done that before, but I just even in that moment,
Speaker 1: I was able to think, Wow, if she did that
Speaker 1: in an hour, I'd probably want to be intimate. Can
Speaker 1: I just speak on that before you say something? That
Speaker 1: would be like the great because even because it has
Speaker 1: been a week or so and last night I kind
Speaker 1: of wanted to but I knew we were both tired.
Speaker 1: If you would have said that to me, I would
Speaker 1: have immediately I would have immediately let up down my
Speaker 1: guard and then I would have you addressed it. So
Speaker 1: it's like, it's so knowing that it's on your mind
Speaker 1: would have made me feel better. It made me feel
Speaker 1: chosen by you. Just addressing it, because with you not
Speaker 1: addressing it doesn't make me feel chosen. I totally get that,
Speaker 1: and I kind of feel like that, and I would
Speaker 1: have loved you. It's like it's like the elephant in
Speaker 1: the room with us sometimes where it's like I know
Speaker 1: she wants to she's kind of waiting for me. She
Speaker 1: doesn't want to pressure me, like going back and forth
Speaker 1: where but yet I'm scared at times to come forward
Speaker 1: and say that because I still I'm still nervous of
Speaker 1: her reaction where maybe she doesn't take it well and
Speaker 1: fears yes, And and you're saying something really important about
Speaker 1: how we can do all this in a nonverbal arena,
Speaker 1: like I think she's in the mood. I think he
Speaker 1: might be, but I bet he's not. But if he's not,
Speaker 1: I'm going to be hurt. And and to get that
Speaker 1: out on the open more and more like it's just
Speaker 1: something and it sounds like you do a lot of
Speaker 1: it already, but to know where you're at as a
Speaker 1: part of conversation, to let you know, you know, just
Speaker 1: so you know I'm kind of feeling it, just just
Speaker 1: letting you know, so that you have kind of a
Speaker 1: dialogue around each of your sexualities so that you have
Speaker 1: a beat on each other, and so it keeps you
Speaker 1: knowing that you're both trying that we're both it's both
Speaker 1: in our minds and we both care about it. So
Speaker 1: why did you why does why does he need that to? Like?
Speaker 1: Kind of your question was why do you feel like
Speaker 1: you need to let let it out? Is that what
Speaker 1: you're trying to I think? I think because then I
Speaker 1: feel alleviated from any expectations or stress. And your response
Speaker 1: is so important because we're all sensitive people, which is,
Speaker 1: you know, there's always when you it's a vulnerable thing
Speaker 1: to reach out for anything that's personable. Even more so
Speaker 1: probably when we're saying I want you or I'm feeling
Speaker 1: sexy for you, you've now reached down into a vulnerable spot,
Speaker 1: which means somebody's heart is basically in your hands at
Speaker 1: that point. And how you respond is everything. What I
Speaker 1: heard when he was saying, I heard he wants to
Speaker 1: know you love him either way, and so if you
Speaker 1: just go whatever, babe, I'm good with either way, then
Speaker 1: he's just like, I'm not going to lose the love.
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling abandoned. She's still with me, whether I
Speaker 1: pursue her or I don't. The acknowledgement would have been
Speaker 1: is great, though, are you okay? Yeah? Yeah, that go ahead,
Speaker 1: It's okay, No, it's just I mean, that's that's me
Speaker 1: in init show. And that's why I got emotional with
Speaker 1: my therapist last week. Is exactly what she said. It's
Speaker 1: like whatever inside of me that created that feeling of
Speaker 1: not good enough or whatever. It's like knowing that you
Speaker 1: still love me even if I don't give you what
Speaker 1: you need is like a lot. So yeah, damon, Leslie.
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that though, because that's that's the
Speaker 1: heart of it. But it's the heart of for all
Speaker 1: of us, and every one of us on some level
Speaker 1: hasn't I'm not good enough from our own history. Is
Speaker 1: our own wound. It's it's just tucked away somewhere. For
Speaker 1: some of it's a greater wound, some of it's a
Speaker 1: really um scalped over wound, and so we don't get
Speaker 1: at it as easy, but it exists for all of
Speaker 1: us because all of us, at some point in our
Speaker 1: life had some sort of shaming in a relationship and
Speaker 1: that's where the wound is. So it's always sort of
Speaker 1: ready to be flared, and so the gift of just
Speaker 1: loving somebody no matter what is really healing balm to
Speaker 1: that because the shame inside says I'm not good enough. Well,
Speaker 1: and the problem is is there's two two people and
Speaker 1: that they both are not feeling good enough. He's has
Speaker 1: his issues, and then I have my issues of why
Speaker 1: don't you want to be with me? Why am I
Speaker 1: not good enough for you to be with? Why? You
Speaker 1: know that hits my core too because I have that's
Speaker 1: one of my biggest issues is never feeling good enough
Speaker 1: in a relationship. So we're both hitting it's just a
Speaker 1: different they're just complete opposite conflicting needs that unfortunately just
Speaker 1: go to the opposite direction from each other. And being
Speaker 1: able to put that out in the open is really
Speaker 1: is the challenge on the beauty because that is true
Speaker 1: of every couple. If they can go that deep with
Speaker 1: each other, that they're going to run into parts of
Speaker 1: the other that they're just like, I can't have you
Speaker 1: be close to me, I'm not worthy or whatever, or
Speaker 1: you know, somebody flares and defensiveness. Again, we're looking at
Speaker 1: shame or I'm not good enough. But to be able
Speaker 1: to notice those things and go, hey, Okay, Okay, We're okay.
Speaker 1: You know I love you still. I mean I can
Speaker 1: say that I definitely there's times when I get so frustrated,
Speaker 1: and I know that makes him more stressed or more
Speaker 1: you know, shelled off. It's just I after a while,
Speaker 1: I just get so frustrated that I just don't understand
Speaker 1: why I'm not chosen. So if I just but I
Speaker 1: think I've done better at being patient. But but I
Speaker 1: would have loved the gift of you to say, hey,
Speaker 1: acknowledgement of it, because it takes the pressure off of
Speaker 1: me to not knowing if you just don't think I'm
Speaker 1: attractive now, or you don't want to be with me,
Speaker 1: or I'm not chosen, I'm not good enough to get that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And when we talk about it, we don't have to
Speaker 1: fill in the blank with a negative against ourselves, like
Speaker 1: I'm not chosen. If he doesn't reach out, maybe he's
Speaker 1: just in a bad mood, so that attribution of hey,
Speaker 1: it's not even really about me. I'm still fabulous. He's
Speaker 1: just having a hard time, you know, So how we
Speaker 1: feel in that blank, if we lean into each other,
Speaker 1: we can find out, you know, what's really going on
Speaker 1: with you, so I don't have to personalize it and
Speaker 1: I don't have to hurt what have to change gears
Speaker 1: a little bit. This is for you and for your husband, Doug.
Speaker 1: What you know, it's kind of the whole practice what
Speaker 1: you preach. What do you guys do, Like what's your
Speaker 1: experience in your relationship to maintain intimacy, maintain that connection?
Speaker 1: You want that one any it's like, oh no, don't
Speaker 1: bring me a No. I was just of an observer
Speaker 1: here and now I'm on target here. You know. We
Speaker 1: I think that we do many things to help sustain
Speaker 1: intimacy and connection and has a gamut of experiences. But
Speaker 1: one of the things that that as I'm listening to
Speaker 1: even this conversation that we do, is that we really
Speaker 1: prioritize our bond together. We look at ourselves as having
Speaker 1: a bond that things can fracture. If I don't feel
Speaker 1: good about myself, it can put a ding in the bond.
Speaker 1: If if we're not reaching out to each other consistently,
Speaker 1: we're not sharing space in a meaningful way. And I
Speaker 1: look at it sort of a bond that we're trying
Speaker 1: to protect act. We're always mindful of that. We're always
Speaker 1: mindful of treating each other special, of putting each other
Speaker 1: not necessarily first in a sense of codependency, but we're
Speaker 1: always trying to seek out the best of the other
Speaker 1: person Um, if there are fractures within your personality, you
Speaker 1: both have just just described, you're not responsible to heal
Speaker 1: each other, but you can't influence one another. You can
Speaker 1: be sensitive to that and the words you use to
Speaker 1: sustain the bridge and say, hey, you know, I'm not
Speaker 1: just really in the in the mood tonight. And for us, man,
Speaker 1: I'm telling you kind of sucks because we're expected to
Speaker 1: want sex all the time and it's never a moment
Speaker 1: we're not ready to have it. And we have this
Speaker 1: that's our sex education by the way, over the years
Speaker 1: is right there. So it's amazing, you know, lung ms,
Speaker 1: pornography and all those things that sort of feed that.
Speaker 1: But hey, we we have a capacity for intimacy, we
Speaker 1: may or may not want to and we have to
Speaker 1: figure out how to have innimate sex and how that
Speaker 1: works so that we aren't in a performance based model.
Speaker 1: But back to back to what we were saying that
Speaker 1: I just think we we um, we have no criticism zone.
Speaker 1: We don't criticize each other. Ever, if we do, big
Speaker 1: red flags go up and it's not okay. And then
Speaker 1: we just try to treat each other special and unique
Speaker 1: each day and and enjoy each other's uniqueness. I love
Speaker 1: her individuality and her uniqueness what she does and and
Speaker 1: how special she is in that, and that doesn't threaten me,
Speaker 1: and what I do doesn't threaten her. And we just
Speaker 1: kind of collaborate in that. But it's all about the bond.
Speaker 1: Anything we do or say, we don't want it to
Speaker 1: put pull the bond apart. We wanted to sustain and
Speaker 1: strengthen it, even if it's a hurt feeling. Hurt feeling
Speaker 1: doesn't have to break the bond. It can be one
Speaker 1: more a way saying Hey, I'm hurt, but I'm not abandoning.
Speaker 1: I'm not leaving. I'm here, but I need to talk
Speaker 1: to you about something that's bothering me. Yeah. And so
Speaker 1: there's that level of awareness that we, of course, we're
Speaker 1: both marriage therapists, right, and so we run on a
Speaker 1: maybe a different level because we're always in this and
Speaker 1: always thinking about it. But when you think of your
Speaker 1: marriage as this separate entity. I tell couples this a
Speaker 1: lot that this this marriage edge, the marriage that we
Speaker 1: long for, our dream marriage, if you will, We are
Speaker 1: working towards it, and it's separate from us, and so
Speaker 1: we look at the marriage and we're like, what does
Speaker 1: the marriage need and how is the marriage doing? And
Speaker 1: how are we doing in it? And it's like you
Speaker 1: want to preserve it and protect it and take care
Speaker 1: of it. So you're both in the mindset of like,
Speaker 1: this is our mission together, our marriage, because it's the
Speaker 1: most important thing to us. So we're really sensitive to
Speaker 1: each other. We haven't always had the amazing sex life.
Speaker 1: I mean we've had to work it out too. We've
Speaker 1: been married twenty one years. It used to be you know,
Speaker 1: me trying to figure out he was the higher, higher desire,
Speaker 1: I was the lower desire. He was always feeling kind
Speaker 1: of neglected in our early days when we had a
Speaker 1: little one. And it's totally changed over time with and
Speaker 1: it does change over time because we change individually and
Speaker 1: our desire levels can change over time. But it's always
Speaker 1: been a work in progress. It continues to be a
Speaker 1: work in progress where we're keeping it out in the
Speaker 1: open and saying, you know, it's a been a few
Speaker 1: days or where are you at or you know, we're
Speaker 1: getting cranky, you know, and what might that mean being
Speaker 1: able to put it into words? So we're continuing to
Speaker 1: lean in. Is there is there anything genders from being
Speaker 1: recently divorced? Is there anything like with all this that you'
Speaker 1: notice that was lacking in that relationship or something that
Speaker 1: you maybe you personally realize that you want to work on,
Speaker 1: going to do the next one, or yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I was married for over sixteen years, and I think
Speaker 1: the communication had broken down and there were intimacy issues,
Speaker 1: and I think moving forward, I have found my voice.
Speaker 1: So when things arise, I talk about them immediately, and
Speaker 1: that's very different from in the past. I would just
Speaker 1: sort of, you know, push it down, be the good wife,
Speaker 1: keep going. But I'm I'm more aware of what triggers me,
Speaker 1: and then I communicate it in the most mindful way
Speaker 1: that I can. UM, And it seems to help with
Speaker 1: people that I'm involved with or if I'm in a relationship,
Speaker 1: it's yeah, you know, it takes two people. The communication
Speaker 1: cannot stop because once it stops, the relationship stops. And
Speaker 1: I'm realizing that and I'm just I'm at fault UM
Speaker 1: for just pushing feelings down and not communicating my needs
Speaker 1: or hurtful feelings or just and whoever taught us that
Speaker 1: as kids, I don't not not in my history. Right,
Speaker 1: Who's like, here's how to do feelings and express them
Speaker 1: in being vulnerable? Like what that's something we all have
Speaker 1: to learn. Yes, it's amazing, it's amazing how much just
Speaker 1: that alone? Communication is a big topic. But how just
Speaker 1: that alone, like you're saying, Jen, is being proactive about
Speaker 1: your feelings as opposed to holding them in delivering them
Speaker 1: in a negative way and getting them on the forefront,
Speaker 1: as opposed to I can handle this making up stories
Speaker 1: in your own head. Oh, it's probably because of this
Speaker 1: reason and this reason instead of just going to each other.
Speaker 1: And that's where Jan and I've started to excel as
Speaker 1: being proactive about hey, I'm feeling this way or whatever,
Speaker 1: so we don't so we can not break that bond
Speaker 1: as much and be mean or be spiteful in argument.
Speaker 1: We got that down, man, I mean, just the points
Speaker 1: where it's just sometimes I don't even know to say
Speaker 1: it was so mean back. Yeah, yeah, so we've got
Speaker 1: that point. But now through the least, no, it didn't
Speaker 1: through the last probably eight to twelve months, we've been
Speaker 1: a lot more consistent about being ahead of it, not
Speaker 1: you know, not hurting each other like that, not verbally
Speaker 1: hurting each other, because we want to respect each other
Speaker 1: and love each other, and we weren't doing that. You
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Speaker 1: code Janna. So Leslie Janstion, I'm like, I have question. Um.
Speaker 1: Actually we're talking about this too with your husband. Um,
Speaker 1: about making sure that our kids see Should they see conflict? Yes,
Speaker 1: Because we had our friend Nick on on our last
Speaker 1: podcast and he was saying that in his family he
Speaker 1: never saw conflict. So then when his marriage started to
Speaker 1: have conflict, it was like, oh my god, this is bad.
Speaker 1: I have to leave and run. So but what's the line, right,
Speaker 1: And there's there is a caveat because you want to
Speaker 1: see kids want to see that you get to the resolve.
Speaker 1: They want to see you working together. It's not that
Speaker 1: you have intense feelings. It does matter. If you're saying
Speaker 1: damaging things, that's never okay because it's abusive. But if
Speaker 1: you're in kind of a heated, passionate discussion because you
Speaker 1: have a disagreement, but you keep working at it and
Speaker 1: you get to a resolve, they get to see how
Speaker 1: that works and that they're still safe and they're still okay,
Speaker 1: and mom and dad can can really work out something
Speaker 1: and they can get to resolve. They can also see
Speaker 1: your investment and your emotionality, and that gives permission for
Speaker 1: feelings that it's okay to have strong feelings or any feelings.
Speaker 1: When things are hidden, it leaves kids not only in
Speaker 1: the dark, but they can be confused about what is
Speaker 1: reality in their home. Now. We don't want violence ever,
Speaker 1: right because that's just scary and and traumatic. But to
Speaker 1: be able to speak passionately because you happen to be
Speaker 1: in a person with opinions and it might differ it
Speaker 1: sometimes from your partner, and then your kids can see
Speaker 1: you problem solving and working it out, is that their
Speaker 1: favorite thing. It might be a little unnerving but when
Speaker 1: they see you get to conclusion and everybody's still happy, happy,
Speaker 1: then they're like, we can do that. I think it's important.
Speaker 1: What do you think do you do you share that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I think so. I think you have to
Speaker 1: have some uh, some practicality around frequency and how loud
Speaker 1: it gets and uh. But I think if it's in
Speaker 1: front of them and they do see your resolution, shouldn't
Speaker 1: that's meaningful. You're not hiding it from him. I think
Speaker 1: you're gonna depending on their ages too, you can always
Speaker 1: have conversations later and say, you know, mom, dad, we
Speaker 1: argue sometimes we love each other and I don't want
Speaker 1: you to be scared if we do. And so you
Speaker 1: can certainly not three years old probably and in the womb,
Speaker 1: but at some point you can. So most most people
Speaker 1: grow up. Is so often that we hear in our
Speaker 1: practice that, yeah, my parents divorced from when I was thirteen,
Speaker 1: and I didn't even know anything was wrong. You know,
Speaker 1: people hide it and then the whole family systems based
Speaker 1: in secrecy and kind of lies. And but then here's
Speaker 1: the other problem is that my parents got divorced and
Speaker 1: I was thirteen fourteen, and I saw everything, but it was.
Speaker 1: You know, I knew a lot of things were wrong,
Speaker 1: you know, so that was it was almost like too
Speaker 1: much was shown. Do you too argue in front of Julie?
Speaker 1: So I hate it more than anything. Um, we've we have,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie we've had when she was younger,
Speaker 1: especially because we were going through everything it was and
Speaker 1: every time I'd go in the room and cry because
Speaker 1: I'm like God, I don't want her to feel that energy. Um,
Speaker 1: we've done a really good job, but there are still
Speaker 1: times when voices will get raised and we have to
Speaker 1: we just need to get better with that, right. But
Speaker 1: I think, like dougun Lesslie are saying, though, I think
Speaker 1: as of recently, within the last six to eight months,
Speaker 1: any argument we've had in front of her hasn't been
Speaker 1: hurt things being said hasn't been you know, in violence
Speaker 1: or over the top anger or name calling or any
Speaker 1: kind of you know, uh anything like that. It's been
Speaker 1: more of just you know, maybe our voices get raised,
Speaker 1: which still I think at that young age, maybe you
Speaker 1: don't want to do. I don't know, you know, like
Speaker 1: I get triggered from his loud voice because my dad
Speaker 1: was loud and scary, so I get scared for Joli's sake.
Speaker 1: Did she react? She did with that one day, and
Speaker 1: that made me really sad. I told you, we cannot
Speaker 1: do that. But but I think because she just she
Speaker 1: looks like, you know, she has that look in her
Speaker 1: eye like, oh God, they're either you know, And it's
Speaker 1: scary because and again I think that's my my childhood
Speaker 1: wound two is seeing a dad upset and angry, and
Speaker 1: I get scared, and I don't want her to feel
Speaker 1: that intensity. I mean, yeah, and I guess especially at
Speaker 1: this age. But I think again, as she gets older,
Speaker 1: she's gonna see some of that. She's gonna see us
Speaker 1: raise our voices, she's gonna see us get angry, you know.
Speaker 1: And it's just just being conscious of it. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously there's just gonna be a fine line that you
Speaker 1: gotta flirt with with with you know, is this healthy
Speaker 1: for them to be around or is this something that
Speaker 1: which we're not good at tabling it, handling it tonight
Speaker 1: when the kids are down. But I think that's just
Speaker 1: something that we have to be conscious of. Well, do
Speaker 1: you think it depends on what the argument is about? Two? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I probably don't need to be exposed to fighting about
Speaker 1: your sex life necessarily or something that's that's beyond the
Speaker 1: development a level. Uh. But you were saying a really
Speaker 1: important thing, Joanna, which is which is beautiful, which is
Speaker 1: that you're in the sorting so like you're aware that
Speaker 1: when he gets his voice loud, that it triggers your
Speaker 1: history and you remember that you didn't like that as
Speaker 1: a child, and and you want to protect Jolie for that.
Speaker 1: But all of that is like awareness, a beautiful awareness,
Speaker 1: because that's the work in progress, which is then you go,
Speaker 1: you know, is he really my dad? No, he's not.
Speaker 1: He just feels the same. But he's such a genuine,
Speaker 1: heartfelt guy that's not my dad. And and will it
Speaker 1: really impact her in the same way? Could be able
Speaker 1: to sort yourself out from her experience because it's so
Speaker 1: easy for us as parents to like project our experience
Speaker 1: and our kid and think, oh my gosh, it's happening
Speaker 1: to them just like it happened to me, And it's like,
Speaker 1: was it really the same thing? But being able to
Speaker 1: sort that out is really the work of it's the
Speaker 1: work of relationship. But he doesn't think his voice gets loud,
Speaker 1: So I'm very sensitive to voices and he's like, I'm
Speaker 1: not mad. I'm like, but that is very angry, you know, animated,
Speaker 1: And we've had something similar because you want to talk
Speaker 1: about what we Yeah, So I'm the I'm the kind
Speaker 1: of leadership for a number of years. I'm the kind
Speaker 1: of person that can debate for hours and I just
Speaker 1: get more energized and more alive and I think more clearly,
Speaker 1: you know. And we found out over time that the
Speaker 1: more that I did that, the more it was actually
Speaker 1: intimidating her. I've got this strong woman, and she'd cry
Speaker 1: and that what women cry, you know, And I didn't realize,
Speaker 1: you know, partly was me. So I call it, started
Speaker 1: calling it getting in the ring, like I'm getting in
Speaker 1: the ring ready to box, and and it's been really
Speaker 1: really helpful for me to realize I can't get in
Speaker 1: the ring. I've got to have some other way to
Speaker 1: to share my frustrations or my anger and my hurt
Speaker 1: without some big debate where I roll over her because
Speaker 1: she probably felt that his abusive and I didn't even
Speaker 1: know it was anything was happening like that. Well, and
Speaker 1: he just has a way of saying things that are
Speaker 1: so like because he has a strong opinions, and so
Speaker 1: do I. So I'm not going to blame in for that,
Speaker 1: but he would say things so definitively, like he just
Speaker 1: had the answer, and he would say it like this
Speaker 1: and did it. And I'm like, did I get considered?
Speaker 1: You know, did you loop me in? And he didn't
Speaker 1: realize because he thinks we're in like a collaborative thing there,
Speaker 1: but he's so dogmatic that I'm like, I don't feel
Speaker 1: like I was even looped in. So it's kind of funny.
Speaker 1: Sometimes he'll like, go, I could just see him doing it.
Speaker 1: He'll like, so, what do you think about? And I'm like, okay,
Speaker 1: you know, like that's his attempt to like join, because
Speaker 1: he just wants to be able to speak his mind
Speaker 1: and say his mind, but he doesn't hasn't lost connection
Speaker 1: with me in that. I just feel sort of like
Speaker 1: I think I think too for Janna, if I may
Speaker 1: speak for you as well, honey, um. You know, the
Speaker 1: layer of it with Jolie is her is her, is
Speaker 1: Jana's childhood and the projection of the father in the relationship.
Speaker 1: I think also there's another layer of her being triggered
Speaker 1: with early on in our relationship where I had issues
Speaker 1: with anger management. I was in the midst of doing
Speaker 1: things that I was doing, acting out or whatever, and
Speaker 1: had a lot of guilt, a lot of shame and
Speaker 1: just living this other life that just just continued to
Speaker 1: put pressure and anxiety and guilt and all that crap
Speaker 1: on top of me. So I was a lot more
Speaker 1: volatile in my arguing and my You know, there was
Speaker 1: no real communicating with me. I can see that now.
Speaker 1: Then I would be so definitive like Doug, but almost
Speaker 1: in a narcissistic, narcissistic way, where I would unfortunately make
Speaker 1: Janna feel crazy for like thinking or feeling the way
Speaker 1: she was feeling. And looking back on that now, it
Speaker 1: makes me really sad to think that she ever had
Speaker 1: to feel that way around me. Um, But I know,
Speaker 1: I understand that that's probably another layer for her around
Speaker 1: us arguing and my voice being elevated at all, because
Speaker 1: it used to get really, really really bad. Am I
Speaker 1: correcting that? Yeah? Remember when he locked me out of
Speaker 1: the house? Wait? Can we hear that story? We were
Speaker 1: just in an argument and I just remember being like,
Speaker 1: am I crazy? But again, like that's just speaking on
Speaker 1: his He wouldn't just make me feel crazy. Yeah we
Speaker 1: can laugh about now. I don't one being locked out
Speaker 1: of the house right now, Like why are you making
Speaker 1: you guys that don't always have to be I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't even remember how I just but it's just
Speaker 1: up open the door. Yeah that was. That was you
Speaker 1: know a few months before discovering everything, so everything started
Speaker 1: to make sense. But yes, that does from that anger
Speaker 1: and that issues that does make me then go trigger too.
Speaker 1: Is he acting out right? Which is bring up which
Speaker 1: is unfortunate for both parties because I understand her trigger
Speaker 1: behind that is like if I get defensive or start
Speaker 1: to raise my words at all. Yeah, Like last night
Speaker 1: we're having just a small issue is getting I was like,
Speaker 1: why are getting so defensive? I'm getting triggered now because
Speaker 1: you're so defensive and this is making me think that
Speaker 1: you're hiding something from me, and it's and it's like
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm actually not, but I'm actually I'm just
Speaker 1: trying to help. And it's just so this this whole
Speaker 1: conflict where it's like it's it sucks because I understand
Speaker 1: why she feels that way, but at the same time,
Speaker 1: I feel like I should still be at liberty to
Speaker 1: have my feeling to express them, and it's not always
Speaker 1: going to be butterfly some rainbows with how it comes out,
Speaker 1: like I'm going to be piste off some days and
Speaker 1: it's gonna happen. But it's just I it's unfortunate that
Speaker 1: she has to feel tricked around that. Yeah. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I was just thinking, you know, you don't want to
Speaker 1: take away his manhood, right, I mean, I'm sure you
Speaker 1: love love his strength, but it's also threatening sometimes if
Speaker 1: it if it gets too angry. But but if he
Speaker 1: was always just you know, perfectly soft and tender and vulnerable,
Speaker 1: I can tell you right now it's gonna happen in
Speaker 1: your sex life, you know, because you want that passionate
Speaker 1: man that you're with. Absolutely, I'm real fast. Before we circle,
Speaker 1: did you want to say something? I was just gonna
Speaker 1: say that, you know, once again, not to beat it
Speaker 1: to death, but I think, uh, in any way we
Speaker 1: interact that fractures the bond, what are we going to
Speaker 1: think about that does to put a ding in? It
Speaker 1: is a pulse apart a little bit, and how we're
Speaker 1: expressing hurt and how we're expressing emotions. So it's important
Speaker 1: to be able to have that And the other thing
Speaker 1: I would say too, is that sort of the converse
Speaker 1: of all of this is um if you think of
Speaker 1: not wanting to have a con like not wanting to
Speaker 1: have this happen, what do you want to happen? What
Speaker 1: do you want to sound like to each other? What
Speaker 1: do you want to fill your home up with? Is
Speaker 1: a joy? Is it peace? Is it mutual affirmation? What
Speaker 1: are you shooting for? Because we can try to stop
Speaker 1: anything from happening, We can try to stop arguments, but
Speaker 1: it doesn't solve it. If we don't move in some directions, Okay,
Speaker 1: then what do we want? What's the replacement for that?
Speaker 1: That's awesome, it's really because if we don't have a
Speaker 1: vision of what we want, we're always just fighting off
Speaker 1: the problems and what we're trying to fix instead of
Speaker 1: moving towards. We want a culture in our home that
Speaker 1: is just filled with positive energy and we're like engaged
Speaker 1: and alive, and it's enthusiastic, and we're personal and it's
Speaker 1: intimate and we talk about all things. And then you
Speaker 1: have that as kind of your frame of like, but
Speaker 1: this is what we're shooting for, and this is how
Speaker 1: we're trying to live and so sometimes when that other
Speaker 1: stuff comes up, you're like, oh, yeah, that's that stuff.
Speaker 1: But and we'll solve it. But then we're going to
Speaker 1: go back to all our goodness that we love. That's awesome,
Speaker 1: makes sense? Yeah, man, this is good. This is some
Speaker 1: really good stuff. I just soaked it all in the
Speaker 1: seen it stuff. Where where can our listeners find you? Oh?
Speaker 1: Everywhere on social media Instagram, Leslie Gustufson, everywhere. Our website
Speaker 1: is Authentic and True dot com. We have a really
Speaker 1: great a live Facebook group that's private right now, about
Speaker 1: a thousand people just in there telling all their all
Speaker 1: their stuff and getting support from each other. It's amazing.
Speaker 1: And I just monitor it for kind of safety and direction.
Speaker 1: So that's cool. And of course you know about the box,
Speaker 1: but oh the amazing Intimacy Tribe. Everything is amazing intimacy
Speaker 1: to make sure you get the enemy Intimacy box because
Speaker 1: it definitely um is can be really helpful and fun
Speaker 1: for for for partners out there. So thank you so much,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: thank you. Okay, So I was I was at my
Speaker 1: girlfriend's house geez, like a week or so ago, and
Speaker 1: I was minding my own business. But she goes, she
Speaker 1: was talking to her husband and she goes, She's like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to spend the next fifty million
Speaker 1: hours going through two thousand photos and putting them all
Speaker 1: together on a drive and I go, no, you don't.
Speaker 1: Sim was like, oh my gosh. I was like, this
Speaker 1: is what it's for. And I was like, Jen, if
Speaker 1: you use promo code, did it? And I started to
Speaker 1: go off about it. Then she she saved. She saved
Speaker 1: four hundred dollars with the code. That's amazing, you know, so,
Speaker 1: and she put all of our Basically, let me tell you,
Speaker 1: this legacy box is a perfect place to take all
Speaker 1: of your old home videos, your photos, your tapes and
Speaker 1: you can digitize them onto a thumb drive download or
Speaker 1: a DVD. So it's so great because she was going
Speaker 1: to have to spend all this time scanning every single
Speaker 1: picture manage into the computer. And I was so excited
Speaker 1: and proud to have to do this next spot because
Speaker 1: it's something that people need. I am so disappointed because
Speaker 1: we had about thirty five or forty photo albums with
Speaker 1: all of my baby picture showing horses for fifteen years,
Speaker 1: everything and there was a water like pipe break in
Speaker 1: the garage and it we lost all of them, so
Speaker 1: I have no one. I may have one baby picture
Speaker 1: that was at somebody else's house. My whole childhood was erased.
Speaker 1: It is so sorry, So listen, do it. Don't wait
Speaker 1: to hear that. I know. I know, so just if
Speaker 1: I would have had this, Yeah, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: do this for Rocko. Even though everything's on digital, I
Speaker 1: still printed photos out and I have video and everything
Speaker 1: just needs to be in one place totally. Well. Legacy
Speaker 1: Box will send you a pre labeled box and all
Speaker 1: you have to do is fill it with all of
Speaker 1: your old family memoirs and then send it right back.
Speaker 1: Go to Legacy box dot com slash Janna to get
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Speaker 1: So go to Legacy Box dot com slash Jamna and
Speaker 1: say forty percent off today. Get started preserving your past
Speaker 1: and don't let it get washed away. You know it's
Speaker 1: funny too, is that we're at our friend. It was
Speaker 1: our friend's house that we're staying at when we're in Nashville,
Speaker 1: and so Jane was there like a week before me,
Speaker 1: and then Julie and I got there for a few
Speaker 1: days and I was walking through their office at their
Speaker 1: house and I saw the Legacy box on flour. I
Speaker 1: was like, well, like, yeah, I know, because it was
Speaker 1: all me, I told him, because it's just you know,
Speaker 1: you know, we do we do these spots and you know, yes,
Speaker 1: we love we love Hello Fresh and Grove and like,
Speaker 1: you know, everything that we do on here. But when
Speaker 1: it's something that you know, we really can it can
Speaker 1: help a family, and I don't know, it's just it's
Speaker 1: so special. I know, I have no hashtag like throwback
Speaker 1: Thursday pictures. Luckily Rockell looks exactly like me. Yeah. Perfect,
Speaker 1: I can be like, oh no, that's me. I love that. Hey, honey,
Speaker 1: did you do the Couple's challenge last week about getting
Speaker 1: me a gift? Actually? You know what's funny, was it
Speaker 1: yesterday or the day before? I was thinking about it.
Speaker 1: I was like, oh man, I need to go to
Speaker 1: like Soto or something on Ventura and go get you
Speaker 1: a little something. And then well I forgot to so
Speaker 1: I feel back at our own challenges. I did it.
Speaker 1: You did? Yeah, would you do. I just ordered food
Speaker 1: and had it delivered without Yeah, for without him knowing.
Speaker 1: That's cool. Yeah, that's good. That's a good one. Didn't
Speaker 1: do anything for you, nothing, man, we were busy traveling,
Speaker 1: we had it was a crazy busy week. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: was crazy. Nader Virginia back to l A. So we
Speaker 1: have to double up then, So we have to do
Speaker 1: this week. This week, we'll have to double up. We
Speaker 1: need to do last week's challenge because we can't be
Speaker 1: telling people to do things and then we're not even
Speaker 1: what's the challenge? Something little gifts? Alright? Okad no? Um,
Speaker 1: So what's what should be a couple of challenge this week? Oh?
Speaker 1: You know what? Initiate with your partners in the bedroom.
Speaker 1: So much pressure, a lot of pressure, I know. But
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be like like Leslie said, it
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be the touchdown kiss your partner. You
Speaker 1: can just that that one day in bed when you
Speaker 1: just kissed me. I was like, I love that. That's
Speaker 1: all That's all I needed in that moment. Yeah, or
Speaker 1: even like when we're at Matt and Chen's and I
Speaker 1: just wanted to kiss you and then it lent into
Speaker 1: something else. Yeah, and you're like, oh, I actually I'm
Speaker 1: turned on. And then I'm like, well I'm tired. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: sorry Matt and Jenn, we soiled your shees. No uh no,
Speaker 1: but I think it doesn't. It is not to be
Speaker 1: the touchdown. I'm not saying. You know, Katherine, you know
Speaker 1: I love your girl. You just just give him a kiss,
Speaker 1: one little kiss, you know. All right, so we have
Speaker 1: to do a little gift and then initiate. But okay,
Speaker 1: that's such a one sided thing. What's your side of it.
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a gift, initiate. Okay, maybe
Speaker 1: when you're watching football, throw you up past but Sunday,
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Speaker 1: to podcast. Remember we're gonna talk about voting. Yeah, we'll
Speaker 1: talk about later. I'm not ready to talk about it.
Speaker 1: Do you guys go in or do you send it
Speaker 1: in because already voted. Well, we need to talk about
Speaker 1: them in other podcast because that's another subject for another time.
Speaker 1: This is the last one before the mid terms. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like I said, there's something, there's something that I need
Speaker 1: to disclose that we need to disclose, but we need
Speaker 1: we're waiting to get someone on the show to help us. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm just okay, we need to talk about it. It It
Speaker 1: needs to be a bigger scale because I will get backlash,
Speaker 1: have a stomach ache. Alright, we will get back We
Speaker 1: will get backlash. But at the same time, I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people need to hear um our perspective
Speaker 1: and then they can learn to from it. Do you
Speaker 1: think we need to get an expert on That's what
Speaker 1: I'm trying to closing information in uh in a safely
Speaker 1: What kind of an expert do you need? We want?
Speaker 1: We want, well, I want I'm trying to get Sophia
Speaker 1: Bush on the show because she's very um political, but
Speaker 1: I want to get I want to get a poet.
Speaker 1: I want to get someone in politics on both sides.
Speaker 1: So I want to left and I want to right right.
Speaker 1: But you're gonna miss the midterms. Is that there's gonna
Speaker 1: be nobody available to do this. I understand that, but
Speaker 1: they're still going to be voting. We don't we don't
Speaker 1: need we don't need an actual politician. We just need
Speaker 1: someone to talk about. Maybe you know the importance of voting.
Speaker 1: I mean, everyone says in voting is important my thing?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, are we talking about Let me just
Speaker 1: say vote? No? Let me let me just tell you
Speaker 1: my whole theory because my grandfather gets on me that
Speaker 1: I don't vote and I haven't voted for years. Is
Speaker 1: I'm not big into politics. I'm just not. It doesn't
Speaker 1: interest me. I know I should be. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: it's okay not to be, but I would rather not
Speaker 1: vote than make an uneducated decision. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: But so now, now what's she's gonna take out? She's
Speaker 1: taken out her ear and it's like for like a
Speaker 1: back alley brawl right now, like let me talk to
Speaker 1: you about I can't read. It's my fault for not
Speaker 1: educating myself. But it's just like I said, I think
Speaker 1: this needs to be a bigger discussion because what I
Speaker 1: have to say would totally rally you up. And I
Speaker 1: just think we need someone that so you want security
Speaker 1: here to keep generating. It's kind of all right, but
Speaker 1: I but I also want to you know, we we
Speaker 1: inform where I want to be informed to, and I
Speaker 1: want to inform listeners out there that feel the same
Speaker 1: with it I feel about voting. So Tuesday, the mid
Speaker 1: term governor of California, among many states, have their governor decided,
Speaker 1: many congress people in the Senate and the House of Representatives,
Speaker 1: and lots of propositions that definitely affect your life are
Speaker 1: all being decided on Tuesday. So just right, but how
Speaker 1: much which will affect everyone in the next two years?
Speaker 1: Example Prop seven well segurative daylight saving time in California? Right, Okay?
Speaker 1: Opinion there you No, I'm not. I'm not saying we
Speaker 1: don't have a strong opinion. I don't think my vote counts.
Speaker 1: I don't have the statement. I don't think it does.
Speaker 1: I don't think it counts. I don't think I would
Speaker 1: if we got rid of the electoral votes, I would
Speaker 1: think it maybe would count more then I would maybe
Speaker 1: be more inclined. But you're specifically speaking of presidential elections there, yes,
Speaker 1: So that's the thing. I don't know. The electoral votes
Speaker 1: are only for president and you're and yes, all of
Speaker 1: the state votes on mass so whoever gets the most
Speaker 1: votes gets all the states votes. We urge you to
Speaker 1: go vote for our governor. But here's the thing, I
Speaker 1: want to be more informed. You've got a few days.
Speaker 1: I think maybe we right off in terms and focus
Speaker 1: on probably gonna okay, but that's that's my whole thing. Like,
Speaker 1: I'm not informed, so I'm not going to go Would
Speaker 1: you still rather me just go vote for when he does? Well,
Speaker 1: I don't haven't paid attention to what's going on in California. No,
Speaker 1: But I think that you can have a really educated
Speaker 1: conversation with a few different people that you know from
Speaker 1: both sides to understand do on the show. But we're
Speaker 1: missing our full and well, I think Mark was right,
Speaker 1: we need to focus on Yeah. Also, there are non
Speaker 1: partisan websites that can ask you questions and said this
Speaker 1: is probably who you should be voting for, specifically for president.
Speaker 1: You can take them very helpful as well. What do
Speaker 1: you think of this? What do you think of this?
Speaker 1: That you do then you're with this candidate and you
Speaker 1: know whatever, see see. But that's my my thing too
Speaker 1: is remember taking something like that back in like high school,
Speaker 1: early college or something, and but there there might be Okay,
Speaker 1: this is who you should probably vote for, but there
Speaker 1: might be a topic that that person supports that I'm
Speaker 1: just strong, that's true, that's okay. Then then you find
Speaker 1: a different candidate if the other candidate too, so like
Speaker 1: didn't hid thing, I just don't even have to choose.
Speaker 1: And then there's the third party voting and whether or
Speaker 1: not the parts, so then your vote really doesn't matter
Speaker 1: because but then someone says, well, if everyone votes for
Speaker 1: the third party, then they're gonna bottom line, you take
Speaker 1: your own interests out of the equation and you think
Speaker 1: about the best person to run the country and who
Speaker 1: is going to take care of the people, and globally
Speaker 1: on a global aspect, you want somebody who can interact
Speaker 1: with leaders of other countries in a positive way. So
Speaker 1: I think if you take your own interests out of
Speaker 1: the equation, you can sort of pick a candidate even
Speaker 1: if they don't believe in everything you believe in, or
Speaker 1: if there's one thing that you just you're completely against,
Speaker 1: you just think globally, and I think you can make
Speaker 1: a really great educated decision that way. All right, we're
Speaker 1: going to need to have a conversation then again about this.
Speaker 1: But it's just unfortunate that this last presidential election felt
Speaker 1: like picking the lesser of two evils. People say that
Speaker 1: a lot. Hopefully you'll, hopefully there'll be a candidate can
Speaker 1: feel passionate running again, necessarily because it is fun when
Speaker 1: you feel really passionate about a candidate. And I truly
Speaker 1: haven't felt that because last year I was like, I
Speaker 1: think personally, I just you get backlash for saying who
Speaker 1: you like. I didn't like any of them, so that's
Speaker 1: just sorry, that's just my But again I didn't there
Speaker 1: was things I didn't like about each There's things I
Speaker 1: liked and didn't like. You might have turned me off
Speaker 1: from politics. Is maybe my My family, my dad's side
Speaker 1: of the family are all very outspoken when politics. There
Speaker 1: were many of Dan family dinners. That's just I'm a
Speaker 1: kid and they start talking my politics, and aunts and
Speaker 1: uncles and grandparents and parents are going back and forth.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I mean, like, why can't we just
Speaker 1: talk about something else, you know, a kid yourself. So
Speaker 1: I'm not it's not to blame anybody, but I just
Speaker 1: that's the environment. I was just like, you know what
Speaker 1: I don't and that's in that environment is worse than
Speaker 1: ever before. I don't care about this is if this
Speaker 1: is how I'm going to react about it, I don't
Speaker 1: care right now. And so now that I'm be coming,
Speaker 1: but then someone would say, wellhouldn't you care about your
Speaker 1: country and our rights and ore blah blah blah taxes,
Speaker 1: But you also need to figure out what the most
Speaker 1: important thing to you because everybody's got that. Whether it's
Speaker 1: gun control, or it's immigration, or its taxes, or it's
Speaker 1: gay rights, whatever it is, everybody's got something really passionate about.
Speaker 1: And that's that's kind of way I look at it.
Speaker 1: Is who's going to support the passionate about My sister
Speaker 1: is gay, and so I've always really been into gay rights,
Speaker 1: and that's always been a very very important thing to me.
Speaker 1: What are you most passionate about? Gay rights? Gun control?
Speaker 1: But so here's the thing about gun control. I have
Speaker 1: a gun. Are you mad that I have a gun?
Speaker 1: I'm not mad at you. I'm mad that you know
Speaker 1: people who shouldn't have guns, so you're able to you
Speaker 1: still you still think people should have guns. There, they
Speaker 1: should be allowed to have guns, but a bit more
Speaker 1: checks that kind of I think I can agree with that,
Speaker 1: I absolutely, but I think the the kind of weapon
Speaker 1: that people are allowed to agree. Yes, I agree with,
Speaker 1: but but then again, what about the people that Again
Speaker 1: I'm just playing Devil's advocate for both sides. The other
Speaker 1: person that's I like this as a sport, I do
Speaker 1: this for fun, and you know I don't have mental
Speaker 1: issues or and I liked Again, I agree that why
Speaker 1: do you need this big rifle gun whatever it is,
Speaker 1: But at this if that's their person's hobby they like
Speaker 1: to collect, or it's I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: As soon as you know, when we were children, we
Speaker 1: didn't have any issues with school shootings. We have a
Speaker 1: serious issue now. I agree. I mean and terrified at
Speaker 1: least once or twice a week. It's on my mind
Speaker 1: when I know Rockos in school out there playing recess.
Speaker 1: He's been in lockdown a couple of times. One was
Speaker 1: due to somebody in the neighborhood who had a gun
Speaker 1: who was out on the street. You know, it's terrifying, right,
Speaker 1: and there is no probably easy solutions, there's not, there's not,
Speaker 1: but nothing is not a good option either, And that
Speaker 1: seems to be what we've done so exactly. I agree
Speaker 1: with that. What do you think here? Before we get
Speaker 1: hop on this phone call? What do you what is
Speaker 1: your What would you be most passionate about? Is about?
Speaker 1: You know? Choice? Is it? Guns? Is it? I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I have one blaring thing. I
Speaker 1: think it's a little bit of all of it. But
Speaker 1: that's the thing. I don't know if I have one thing.
Speaker 1: I mean, I believe in gun control, but I believe
Speaker 1: in the right to bear arms in our constitution. I
Speaker 1: believe that, you know, everyone should be treated treated equal.
Speaker 1: So when you're voting in one persons and you believe
Speaker 1: kind of both things, then how do you how do
Speaker 1: you do that? Well, hopefully at some point you become
Speaker 1: so passionate about something or a candidate that you get
Speaker 1: to experience what it feels like when that candidate wins,
Speaker 1: because it feels like you've won the super Bowl. Wow, Well,
Speaker 1: let's get informed. Since we've missed the boat with this time,
Speaker 1: we're going to campaign for Mike and Dano. We need
Speaker 1: you in Okay. So I was just on the Doctors
Speaker 1: recently and I really am excited because Dr Sonya Batra
Speaker 1: Sonia him here. Hey, so you got the wine down crew?
Speaker 1: Oh Hi, how are you hi? How are you hi? Hi? Hi? Everyone?
Speaker 1: How's it going? We're doing good. We were just talking
Speaker 1: about voting, so, you know, a real popular subject. I
Speaker 1: hope everybody and anybody listening to this gets and vote.
Speaker 1: It's so important. I know, yes, um so I was
Speaker 1: just telling them that I did. I was on the
Speaker 1: Doctors and I had a chance to sit down with
Speaker 1: you guys. You were great, yea, thank you for coming
Speaker 1: on and we really appre hated it and I hope
Speaker 1: that our viewers you really raised awareness and just opened
Speaker 1: up some doors for people to feel comfortable sharing what
Speaker 1: they've been through and talking about it. Yeah, and for
Speaker 1: those of you that didn't watch it, and we were
Speaker 1: talking about miscarriages and we had an IVF doctor on
Speaker 1: the show as well and just kind of talking about
Speaker 1: the challenges and um so definitely try to see if
Speaker 1: you guys can watch that episode on the Doctors. But
Speaker 1: Michael you are reading her background and you're like, she's
Speaker 1: she's a genius Harvard, Harvard Medical School, Oxford Rhodes scholar.
Speaker 1: I mean, you got it all. I was very impressed
Speaker 1: by just reading you know, your resume here. But so
Speaker 1: I was like, man, I'm kind of nervous to talk
Speaker 1: to her now, Oh come on, no, it's I'm happy
Speaker 1: to talk with you guys. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: having me on. Do you feel like you like are
Speaker 1: you what do you think like your absolute specialty is? Oh, well,
Speaker 1: I'm a skin cancer specialist. So my training in medicine
Speaker 1: is a dermatologist, and then I did a fellowship and
Speaker 1: skin cancer procedures, so that's that's my niche. So does
Speaker 1: it make you itch when I say that I don't
Speaker 1: wear sunscreen? Yes, it's like it's like nails on a
Speaker 1: chalkboard for me when when people tell me that, especially
Speaker 1: you're here in southern California. And how are you feeling,
Speaker 1: by the way, with the hormones of pregnancy. Well, I've
Speaker 1: been crying a little bit more recently. Um, but I've
Speaker 1: we have we have a couple like we have like
Speaker 1: a week or two left. My congratulation, Thank you. I
Speaker 1: figured because we're doing November, it's really any day now.
Speaker 1: But yeah, you know, I have a hard time with
Speaker 1: that because so speaking of suncare for my uh some
Speaker 1: lotion for my daughter. For a daughter, one of the
Speaker 1: doctors said that it's actually good for them to get
Speaker 1: an hour of sun without sunscreen lotion on. Is that true?
Speaker 1: I would say no, cumulatively in a week, is true?
Speaker 1: You we Yeah, So usually while it is really important
Speaker 1: to have adequate vitamin D levels, and no dermatologist or
Speaker 1: position is going to tell you otherwise. It's more like
Speaker 1: here in southern California, you're gonna get ten to fifteen
Speaker 1: minutes of daily exposed. Sure, that's going to be more
Speaker 1: than enough. Dad to quickly synthesize what you need. An
Speaker 1: hour is to the point that she's going to turn
Speaker 1: paink or red and she's very likely to burn that
Speaker 1: that's going to be where she's occurring damage that will
Speaker 1: put her at risk for problems later in life, especially
Speaker 1: skin cancer. So what causes low vitamin D? Because I
Speaker 1: feel like I was tested once and my vitamin D
Speaker 1: was low. Yeah, and so we know vitamin D. Everybody
Speaker 1: knows that it's involved with calcium and phones but we
Speaker 1: also know that it's a really important regulator of our
Speaker 1: immune system and silk growth, and so it's actually been
Speaker 1: shown to be very protective against certain types of cancer.
Speaker 1: So the reasons some people we think are low is
Speaker 1: because we're not synthesizing enough, certainly from sunlight, just because
Speaker 1: we're all indoors and we're not necessarily getting the exposure
Speaker 1: we do otherwise. And then dietary sources, So the sources
Speaker 1: of vitamin D that are food based are like fatty
Speaker 1: fish like mackerel, things like egg yolks, so people don't
Speaker 1: necessarily eat that as much these days. And then fortified
Speaker 1: foods with vitamin D like milk certainly are good sources
Speaker 1: of it as well. This all makes sense since I'm vegan.
Speaker 1: That's that's probably why your level was low. But the
Speaker 1: flip side is that we know if you're out in
Speaker 1: the sun to the point that you turn pink, you're
Speaker 1: getting the type of damage that at least dispuler change
Speaker 1: the least just can cancer down the line. But for
Speaker 1: your daughter an hour a day, she's too right, It
Speaker 1: is quite a lot. Yeah, So that's that's a lot
Speaker 1: of ultraviolet. And we do think that the sunburns she gets. Specifically,
Speaker 1: the number of blistering sunburns she gets before she's eighteen
Speaker 1: is directly proportional to her lifetime can cancer. She's never gotten.
Speaker 1: She's never gotten sunburned yet. Ever. We always and if
Speaker 1: we're in the sun for a long time, but when
Speaker 1: she just goes out to play for thirty minutes or
Speaker 1: in school, I mean, we don't. There's enough shady, shady
Speaker 1: places that we're playing that it's kind of it's not
Speaker 1: direct sunlight for that amount of time. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: would say if you keep an eye on her and
Speaker 1: she's not turning pink and the sun that you don't
Speaker 1: see her coming back with this pink it shade to
Speaker 1: her skin, then she's probably not occurring to damage and
Speaker 1: it's fine with her. You know that, didn't. I have
Speaker 1: two kids. I'm outsitting if their sports games. I get it.
Speaker 1: It's that's what kids should do and they should enjoy
Speaker 1: the outdoors. It's just really kind of keeping them protected
Speaker 1: that they're not burning. And I was just gonna ask you,
Speaker 1: sonya you know, you said, your mother of two kids,
Speaker 1: what do you do knowing what you know and practicing
Speaker 1: you know, the me in the medical field that you do.
Speaker 1: What do you do that maybe most parents like the
Speaker 1: common mistake that maybe most parents might make, that you
Speaker 1: make sure that you don't do. I think it's that
Speaker 1: many parents don't think sunscreen is important year round. And
Speaker 1: so I even here in southern California where it's sunny
Speaker 1: all the time, people just think, oh, it's colder, it's
Speaker 1: the winter, I don't need the sunscreen. But in sunny
Speaker 1: climates like this, and and even in cold climates because
Speaker 1: remember of ultraviolet penetrates through clouds, it reflects off the snow.
Speaker 1: So even if you're somewhere when it's one of those bright,
Speaker 1: beautiful but cold, snowy days, you are getting a lot
Speaker 1: of ultra violet damage. So I think the one thing
Speaker 1: I do is that much to my kids for strange
Speaker 1: screen on them rain or shine, and you know, every
Speaker 1: day year round. It's just they brush their teeth in
Speaker 1: the morning. And then now they're nine and eleven, they're
Speaker 1: old enough to put it on themselves. But I'll still
Speaker 1: attack them if they happen. Then I'll still rub it
Speaker 1: all over their faces. I mean, I totally get that,
Speaker 1: but I think what stresses me out is Okay, now,
Speaker 1: what kind of sunscreen do we have some because if
Speaker 1: we put the wrong sunscreen on, then they're going to
Speaker 1: get cancer because of the sunscreen. Yeah, and and that's
Speaker 1: true because there's more and more data about some of
Speaker 1: the chemical blocks. And you probably saw and read that
Speaker 1: in Hawaii, certain chemicals are now banned because they're killing
Speaker 1: the coral reef, the chemicals and sunscreen, specifically octinoxide and
Speaker 1: oxyben zone. But what I have always recommended, and I
Speaker 1: certainly recommend for kids is the mineral block broad spectrum sunscreen.
Speaker 1: So those are things with micronized and oxide or micronized
Speaker 1: the titanium dioxide and an SPF thirty and those are
Speaker 1: spafe on adults, they're safe one kids, and they physically
Speaker 1: just sit on top of your skin and shield and
Speaker 1: deflect ultraviolets. Can you give me do you have any
Speaker 1: brands that that you know that are good? You know,
Speaker 1: any brand Just look at the active ingredients the back
Speaker 1: of the tube and it should have a section at
Speaker 1: the very top of the bottle that these active ingredients.
Speaker 1: And if it's a zinc oxide and or titanium dioxide
Speaker 1: and it doesn't say anything else, that's what you're looking
Speaker 1: for so every common band in the supermarket drug store
Speaker 1: should have a line that has that. So we were
Speaker 1: driving down the street yesterday and I stopped at a
Speaker 1: red light and I looked over and it was like
Speaker 1: seventy nine dollars a month cannyon membership, and it made
Speaker 1: me think that I was like, I can't believe we
Speaker 1: still have these tanning like tanning beds and strip malls.
Speaker 1: Like what is happening? Or is it okay to go
Speaker 1: once or twice a week? So this your answer is no,
Speaker 1: it's not okay to go once or twice a week.
Speaker 1: In fact, we know that the biggest risk factor for
Speaker 1: your first skin cancer at a younger age, meaning before
Speaker 1: the age of forty, is ever having used to tanning bed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, there's no thing a quote unquote stay uv
Speaker 1: tanning bids, because what they're doing is, if you think
Speaker 1: about it in a very concentrated way, they're delivering that
Speaker 1: ultra violet that turns to your color, but you're also
Speaker 1: accruing damage. And so you're right. I mean, panning bits
Speaker 1: are regulated in a number of dates, just like tobacco,
Speaker 1: basically where you can't go in under the age of
Speaker 1: eighteen and you should get parent parental consent. We know
Speaker 1: it's a carcinogen. It's just so wildly popular, and there's
Speaker 1: there's still this kind of misconception among many people that
Speaker 1: the tan is healthy and you know that you look
Speaker 1: better win tan, which I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: feel that way. But but it's totally acceptable to do
Speaker 1: a spray tan. It's so much safer, right, But again,
Speaker 1: what they're spraying on us, the kind of chemicals they're
Speaker 1: they're spraying, and then your turn brown. But but the
Speaker 1: way those chemicals were to your right, and they are chemicals,
Speaker 1: and you know, my bias of course as a dermatologist
Speaker 1: is why is tans so chic? But I think that
Speaker 1: they're going to be situations and red carpets and things
Speaker 1: where people want to look a little bit more glowy.
Speaker 1: And the self tanners and the spray tans, so they
Speaker 1: are chemical, completely agree, are at least much safer than
Speaker 1: the ultra violet light sources. So in the in the
Speaker 1: relative risk team, those have not been shown to be carcinogenic,
Speaker 1: whereas we know that the ultra violet and tanning fits
Speaker 1: it's carcinogenic. So so to me, it seems like a
Speaker 1: really reasonable trade off. Sonya, have you ever heard of
Speaker 1: hell's it? I don't know. I don't know what the
Speaker 1: medical term is. So basically, this summer, Jana and I
Speaker 1: we went to Santa We went to the beach of
Speaker 1: Santa Monica. We brought our daughter. We lathered her up
Speaker 1: with sunscreen. Jane didn't wear any that per usual, and
Speaker 1: I'll usual that I've never gotten burned before. Actually, what
Speaker 1: I was starting to stay and it made me think
Speaker 1: of your pregnancy is that Remember the hormones of pregnancy
Speaker 1: make you much more prone to discoloration. Either the hormone
Speaker 1: and pregnancy called melano stimulating hormone that's appropriately really high,
Speaker 1: but that's what gets women a lot of discoloration and melasma. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have that on my mouth right now. Beard. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I will defend her. On this particular day, she was
Speaker 1: she was wasn't feeling well pregnant. She was laying under
Speaker 1: the umbrella on a blanket the entire time while I
Speaker 1: was out with our daughter for like three hours, exposed
Speaker 1: to the sun with like no break and I lathered
Speaker 1: him on his front. Okay, wasn't what did I didn't
Speaker 1: put your front? Yeah? I think you my front because
Speaker 1: we went like the weekend before and I was a
Speaker 1: little burn on my front, so I had a load
Speaker 1: on my front. I didn't do my back on my head,
Speaker 1: and I'm bald and big mistake. Basically that night was
Speaker 1: the next day, he comes home. I swear to you, Sonia,
Speaker 1: he comes home like he's a wolf is trying to
Speaker 1: come out of his body. But I was trying to
Speaker 1: turn into a werewolf, like I could not move. Jana
Speaker 1: was dumping ice on my back on our bed like
Speaker 1: I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt
Speaker 1: like I had fire ants on my skin and it lasted.
Speaker 1: I was at work that day. I was starting there.
Speaker 1: When I was at work, I came home, it got
Speaker 1: even worse and it was just it was one of
Speaker 1: those things. She had to lock me in the room.
Speaker 1: So Jolie, our daughter, didn't see me like that because
Speaker 1: I was like literally losing my mind. Yeah, looked and said,
Speaker 1: how's it. Yeah, I just saw the quote unquote, hell's it.
Speaker 1: I don't know what the medical term. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you've heard of that before dealt with that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean it's basically you were probably also bright red
Speaker 1: and really swollen to in addition to being a chance
Speaker 1: to storry that happened to you. Um, but it's true
Speaker 1: that that really damaging and injuring the skin like that
Speaker 1: from just a really severe acute sun exposure. Often we'll
Speaker 1: release a lot of the inflammatory chemicals in your skin too,
Speaker 1: specifically histamine and other they're called side of kinds because
Speaker 1: John pologist love dragon. But you were probably having a
Speaker 1: really inflamed, itchy, uncomfortable response just to the injury. That
Speaker 1: sounds often it can be lousy. Yeah, no again, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry that happened. But you know, at least I'm
Speaker 1: glad you're sharing your stories with people so that they remember.
Speaker 1: I will never forget to put on sunscreen ever again
Speaker 1: after that feeling. So it's about yes to remember. An
Speaker 1: SPF thirty is only talking about how much UVB it blocks,
Speaker 1: which is one part of the spectrum, but that's still
Speaker 1: n U to be blocked, so it's pretty good. You
Speaker 1: do want to also look for something that's a broad
Speaker 1: spectrum on it because that means it blocks up a Also,
Speaker 1: Sony two, with you being in dermatology, do you deal
Speaker 1: with I know you specialize kind of the skin skin
Speaker 1: cancer world, do you deal with, like, you know, breakouts
Speaker 1: on skin and stuff like that. Just I asked, because
Speaker 1: I have fairly sensitive skin, and you know, maybe on
Speaker 1: my back or shoulders, I'm tentative to put oils or
Speaker 1: lotions on there because actually the sun will help kind
Speaker 1: of clear my skin up at times, especially in the summer,
Speaker 1: I'm working out a lot or sweating or whatever. And
Speaker 1: so is that something where certain lotions are better for
Speaker 1: more sensitive skin? I just I'm very wary about that, yeah,
Speaker 1: And and so it's interesting because I certainly in the
Speaker 1: world of dermatology, I deal with breakouts, and people who
Speaker 1: are acting and breakout prone are often really instant to
Speaker 1: put anything on. But flip side is that when you
Speaker 1: strip acne prone skin or it's really sensitive and you
Speaker 1: put something really harsh and irritating where you're trying to
Speaker 1: put like in a stringent or alcohol or something to
Speaker 1: dry it out, then oftentimes you're skin is going to
Speaker 1: overcompensate because it's being stripped and irritated, so it's going
Speaker 1: to try to produce more oil, and it may even
Speaker 1: have kind of a completely counterproductive effect of making you
Speaker 1: overproduced oil and then your pores get clogged and you
Speaker 1: break out. So acting prones is actually really sensitive and
Speaker 1: you don't want to overly irritated to strip it. But
Speaker 1: what you do want to look for is lotions and
Speaker 1: oils that somewhere have been tested not to clog your pores.
Speaker 1: So the jargon on the label is going to say
Speaker 1: noncomatogenic or non acnegenic. That means that they've actually at
Speaker 1: least to asstate and tested it to see if it's
Speaker 1: likely to break you out. Um. I tell people that
Speaker 1: try things like if you try something and even if
Speaker 1: on the label so it's non poor clogging, but it
Speaker 1: makes you break talk, don't use it. And in general,
Speaker 1: sent free die free, really hypoallergenic things are a lot
Speaker 1: less likely to irritate you and worth an acne to work.
Speaker 1: Our listeners find you. Oh well, I'm practice here in
Speaker 1: Santa Monica in southern California, and my website is www
Speaker 1: dot dot trust skincare dot com. I love it and
Speaker 1: you can watch your on the Doctor. Yes, and Jenna,
Speaker 1: thank you again. I really do appreciate your coming on
Speaker 1: and sharing your story with your conception and your miscarriages.
Speaker 1: I mean, I just was so impressed and grateful that
Speaker 1: you were so honest and transparent with the people who
Speaker 1: follow you, because I think you're really opening the door
Speaker 1: for women who don't talk about miscarriage and they don't
Speaker 1: talk about fertility struggles and and sort of sort of
Speaker 1: suffering silence, like I said that day. So thank you
Speaker 1: for that. Thank you. I appreciate it, and we appreciate
Speaker 1: you being on on one down. Well, thank you, Thanks
Speaker 1: for take care by bye. All right, So today's show
Speaker 1: was full of information. I feel like I need to
Speaker 1: go home and just digest everything. We went from crying
Speaker 1: to laughing too to getting scolded by jan Mark for
Speaker 1: I feel like mom and dad are Matt sorry. We
Speaker 1: will get more informed and we're we have We have
Speaker 1: a couple of years to do that. So a huge
Speaker 1: thank you to all of our guests today on the show,
Speaker 1: and m Hello Fresh for a total of six dollars off.
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Speaker 1: Hair Story get ten percent off hair Stories New Wash
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Speaker 1: save up to two and the largest Legacy Box kit,
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Speaker 1: Then new podcast Spit. Listen to full episodes now on
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcast.
Speaker 1: You guys, thank you for an awesome show, and don't
Speaker 1: forget to do your a couple of challenge too. We
Speaker 1: are we have to do the couple's challenge, um to
Speaker 1: both of them. We have to do the guests. And
Speaker 1: then this week's challenge was to just initiate with your
Speaker 1: partner and uh god, I don't know if next time
Speaker 1: we're gonna have a baby or not. I don't know.
Speaker 1: So we'll see we're not going to have the baby yet.
Speaker 1: We will Okay, maybe you'll go into labor while doing
Speaker 1: the podcast, and then we can do the next week.
Speaker 1: We can do a live podcast, and it'll just all okay,
Speaker 1: we'll figure it out, we'll all right, see you guys
Speaker 1: next week.