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Speaker 1: Wine Down with Janne Kramer. Did I heart radio podcast? Hi,

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Speaker 1: we're back. We're back for another wine down Monday. Halloween

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Speaker 1: was so much fun. It's my favorite holiday. So like,

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Speaker 1: for real, your favorite holiday, it's one of it's in

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Speaker 1: the top three and it might be number one. A witch.

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Speaker 1: I'm always a witch. It's the one day I can

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Speaker 1: be myself. But if it's your favor why don't you

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Speaker 1: like spice it up and do something different? Like why

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Speaker 1: are you the same thing if it's your favorite holiday?

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Speaker 1: Because that's my thing? Okay, Rocco did ask. He said,

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Speaker 1: can you please be something different this year? You're always

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Speaker 1: a witch and every other parent is something different? And

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is my day, Rocker,

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Speaker 1: this is who I am. Accepted. This is the one

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Speaker 1: day year I get to come out of hocus Pocus

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Speaker 1: and be a witch. And be a witch. By the way,

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Speaker 1: that movie is so good. We watched it. Do you

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Speaker 1: have any nostalgic movies you watch? Practice Magic is my

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Speaker 1: very favorite. It's my favorite. You have to watch it

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Speaker 1: at night. We need to watch it. You know where

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Speaker 1: we are. We are full on Christmas before Thanksgiving? Are

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Speaker 1: you a Callmark Channel all like, well every day, all night.

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Speaker 1: So what we're doing, yes and no. But what we're

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Speaker 1: doing is because the baby is coming fast and furious. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I want the entire house set up for for Christmas.

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Speaker 1: I love now. So we're we're setting up the house

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Speaker 1: this weekend for Christmas. That's incredible. Yeah, it's going to

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Speaker 1: be it's gonna be a Thanksgiving Christmas, but it'll probably

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Speaker 1: be in the hospital either before Thanksgiving after I don't know.

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Speaker 1: We don't know yet. Waits and Thanksgiving is this month,

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Speaker 1: well closer than that, it's like two weeks away. That

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Speaker 1: just made me really nervous. Are we doing this podcast

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Speaker 1: from the hospital? That's what I had to figure out

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Speaker 1: because so we have a c section scheduled, but I

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Speaker 1: have a feeling it's going to be the week before,

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Speaker 1: so it's going to be most likely before Thanksgiving. That's

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Speaker 1: so nice though, then you can relax a Thanksgiving. But

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Speaker 1: there's a chance that it might not work what he's

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Speaker 1: like wanting to do to help me to get into labor,

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Speaker 1: so and then if not, then it would be a

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Speaker 1: couple of days after Thanksgiving. So I don't know. So

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Speaker 1: I'm like, how do we how do we plan the

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Speaker 1: how do we plan a live podcast? And we don't

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Speaker 1: know if, if and when where what my water is

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Speaker 1: gonna break? But we just have to go with flow.

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Speaker 1: Turn my voice memo on. Maybe you should have thought

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Speaker 1: of all this stuff before you told us weekly we

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Speaker 1: were doing a live podcast, Dad, So we are doing that.

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Speaker 1: It's happening. What we'll just have to do a voice

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Speaker 1: memo in case we can't get there with the setup.

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Speaker 1: It'll be we'll do it. Okay, I live right down

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Speaker 1: the street from that place. Okay, So we were just

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Speaker 1: on Access Live today talking about relationships. Yeah, no one

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Speaker 1: told me so I didn't get to watch it. It's okay.

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Speaker 1: Oh I'm sorry. I'm just kiddy. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: It was on and we talked about relationships and Michael

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Speaker 1: So we had we had Leslie Gustafson on the show,

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Speaker 1: Uh what like a two months ago. She's great. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: she's awesome, she doesn't intimacy box and we just loved

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Speaker 1: her so much and Access was doing this fallback and

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Speaker 1: love kind of. Yeah, so we went on the show,

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Speaker 1: but Michael he was kind of thrown off for a minute. Okay, well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: can you guys give us a recap a little bit

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Speaker 1: for people that didn't see it of what you guys

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Speaker 1: talked about. Yeah, we just well are The plan was

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Speaker 1: the producer was telling us that we're gonna go on.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be really easy for you, you know, for

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Speaker 1: you and Jana. You guys are just kinda kind of

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Speaker 1: sit there answers from questions. We're going to kind of

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Speaker 1: go off Leslie and ask her some topics and then

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Speaker 1: go to you guys and how you're doing that. And

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Speaker 1: it just turned into Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. So, Mike,

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Speaker 1: you cheating on Janna? Tell us about this, oh so Mike,

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Speaker 1: this and that, Like how are you guys doing this?

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, let's do it. But he, I

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Speaker 1: tell you what, man, he didn't flinch, he didn't stutter.

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Speaker 1: He went I was when I got done, I'm so

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Speaker 1: proud of you. Than he did so good. He was

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Speaker 1: so confident. And yeah, even then, there were some questions

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Speaker 1: that they asked about. I mean, you know, you cheat

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Speaker 1: on Janna and she was pregnant the least child. How

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Speaker 1: did you get through that? And I was just like,

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Speaker 1: damn did it make you feelings? But I mean that's

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Speaker 1: her job to bring up questions, But did it make

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Speaker 1: you feel uncomfortable? It did for It made me uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: for him because I don't think he was prepared for

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Speaker 1: them too. But I've been in that world before. You know,

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Speaker 1: this is you know, we're coming out together, as you know,

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Speaker 1: doing our speaking stuff, and this is the kind of

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Speaker 1: our one of our first things that we did together.

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Speaker 1: So I almost warned him to like, Hey, they're going

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Speaker 1: to probably ask things that we said that not to ask,

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Speaker 1: but they're gonna They're gonna do it anyways, because that's

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Speaker 1: what they do. That's their jobs, which kind of comes

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Speaker 1: with the territory, you know. And again, I'm still learning

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Speaker 1: this whole entertainment world and these shows and podcast and

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Speaker 1: all that stuff. So Jane has kind of coached me

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Speaker 1: up enough to prepare for that kind of stuff. So

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Speaker 1: I think, like Janna said, she was uncomfortable until I

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Speaker 1: reacted the way I did, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: Like she, I think once she realized I could handle it,

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Speaker 1: She's like, okay, she could breathe. God, Okay, he's not

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Speaker 1: going to punch anybody right now. But I'm really excited

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Speaker 1: because Leslie obviously we just had a segment with her,

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Speaker 1: but she's going to be on air with us, so

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Speaker 1: let's go bring her in. Yeah, let's do it. And

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Speaker 1: I also mentioned that she's a kappa. Just gonna leave

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Speaker 1: that there, okay before she comes in though, Um, before

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Speaker 1: she comes in, Michael, what's for dinner, babe? Well, we're

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Speaker 1: starting to stack up on our hell of Fresh boxes?

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Speaker 1: You know that, right? I know I noticed that. Usually

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Speaker 1: it's you getting boxes at the door, but this time

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Speaker 1: it's me. You know, this hell of freshes because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be running out to the store when

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Speaker 1: the baby's here and daddy's got a cook for the family.

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Speaker 1: And you mean, like last night when I said, I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm craving melons at ten o'clock at night. Yeah, at

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Speaker 1: ten o'clock at night, did you he did? Because I

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Speaker 1: only have a few more weeks left of him being

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Speaker 1: able to do that, and I've never I haven't had

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Speaker 1: you do that yet, No, you really haven't. No, So

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Speaker 1: that was my one. But I'm gonna keep doing it.

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Speaker 1: But I'm really excited about the Hell of Fresh because

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Speaker 1: once the baby comes, I mean, we're going to be

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Speaker 1: We're gonna be relying on it. Yeah, because it takes

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Speaker 1: it takes care of our grocery shopping everything. There's gonna

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Speaker 1: be no wasted stuff and no wasting ingredients. It's pre measured,

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Speaker 1: it's it's everything's right there for you don't take longer

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Speaker 1: than forty minutes. That's between prep time and cooked time.

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Speaker 1: It's been great for us. You know, the recipes are

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Speaker 1: always fantastic. So yeah, so Hello First has been great

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Speaker 1: meal deliver We kit brings everything to your door, the ingredients,

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Speaker 1: to plans, everything that you need, the time it takes,

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Speaker 1: the preparation and very good detail. Has pictures to go

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Speaker 1: along with it. For special learners like myself and Ja. Well, no,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't takes thirty minutes to cook. It takes Michael

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Speaker 1: thirty minutes to cook. It takes about an hour to

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Speaker 1: cook because I'm still like Peel the line, I'm not

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Speaker 1: the cook in the world, and like Alexa, what does

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Speaker 1: what does this mean? So um for a total of

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Speaker 1: sixty dollars off, that's twenty dollars off your first three boxes,

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Speaker 1: visit Hello Fresh dot com, slash Cramer sixty and enter

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Speaker 1: Cramer sixty again. That's sixty dollars off. That's twenty dollars

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Speaker 1: off your first three boxes. Visit Hello Fresh dot com,

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Speaker 1: slash Cramer sixty and enter Cramer sixty dinner prepared. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited. Leslie's in the studio, Leslie. Leslie and

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Speaker 1: are in the studio. Her love husband also in the room.

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Speaker 1: Oh I love this, um So, Leslie. I was just

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Speaker 1: kind of catching them up and letting them know that

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Speaker 1: we did Access Live this morning. We did. It was

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Speaker 1: so funny. Flew in from Colorado, fluent from Colorado last

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Speaker 1: night and got very little sleep because of all the

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Speaker 1: excitement of it all. And I got in there and

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Speaker 1: we It was kind of short and sweet, wasn't it?

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Speaker 1: But it was. You guys are a beautiful job. Well,

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Speaker 1: thank you, but it was. It was obviously awesome having

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Speaker 1: you there too, and thank you. Um you and Michael

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Speaker 1: were talking in the room before. Um Jen, just to

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Speaker 1: catch you up. She know she has the intimacy box, right.

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Speaker 1: Do you want to explain that really fast? Please? Yes?

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Speaker 1: I created this. It's a lifestyle and experience box because

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Speaker 1: a lot of couples don't get out as much as

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Speaker 1: I think they should. So I'm bringing the date to them.

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Speaker 1: But because I'm a sex therapist, I've also thrown in

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Speaker 1: a little sexuality as well. Uh so in an uncomfortable way. No,

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Speaker 1: I try to keep it really classy and really elegant

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Speaker 1: because I know everybody is, you know, on a spectrum

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Speaker 1: of where their comfort level. So I'm just easing people in.

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Speaker 1: Uh And it has products to enhance the experience, and

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Speaker 1: hopefully people will just take that time that they need

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Speaker 1: to enhance and enriched their relationship when it's so hard

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Speaker 1: in this busy age. So so what's in the first spot.

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Speaker 1: The first box has three experiences and there's a fund

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Speaker 1: pot in there, and there's a throw and there's a

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Speaker 1: specially designed candle, and there's some massage a ya, and

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Speaker 1: then I kind of coach them through some exercises to

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Speaker 1: kind of enhance their marriage or relationship for couples. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's incredible. It's exciting. And you know, Leslie and I

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Speaker 1: were talking backstage at Access. I stop talking, we have

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Speaker 1: a problem talking. We'll be a good but a good thing.

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Speaker 1: Great thing that I love about the Intimacy Box at

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Speaker 1: Leslie and I were talking about is she has a

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Speaker 1: fun spin on it, and for me, who's someone who

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Speaker 1: struggles from intimacy. Whenever I feel pressured, that's when my

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Speaker 1: anxiety and everything kind of creeps in. When I feel

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Speaker 1: like I have to perform or I have to plea

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Speaker 1: or whatever it may be, your expectations and all that stuff.

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Speaker 1: And that's you know what Leslie was explained to me.

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Speaker 1: Her philosophy about just keeping it like, keeping it fun,

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Speaker 1: no pressure, no anything there. It doesn't have to be

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Speaker 1: a certain end result. And so is it went through

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Speaker 1: that you're you know, developing this box kind of guided

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Speaker 1: you into that direction and make sure you keep it

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Speaker 1: light and fun. Well, just me as a person, I

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Speaker 1: have a core value. If it's not fun, why are

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Speaker 1: we doing it. So it's important for couples to have

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Speaker 1: pleasure and fun. And what tends to happen over time

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Speaker 1: is we get really boring and we get into the

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Speaker 1: responsibilities of life and we forget to have that lightness

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Speaker 1: and playfulness and flirtation. I mean, the bedroom really is

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Speaker 1: kind of an adult playground. And if you have that

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Speaker 1: kind of attitude about it, that is for exploration and connecting,

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Speaker 1: free of outcome, free of expectations and fear or whatever,

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Speaker 1: then then it changes the way it feels because when

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Speaker 1: you enter into the bedroom, you don't want it to

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Speaker 1: be anything but just something you look forward to. And

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Speaker 1: when anxiety kicks in, that's the opposite of the sexual response.

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Speaker 1: Our bodies don't even work if we're anxious. So is

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Speaker 1: designed to just make it fun and light and exploratory.

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Speaker 1: But how do we you know, for him, because he

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Speaker 1: does struggle with intimacy part and wanting to p or

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Speaker 1: the fear of performing, So how does he kind of

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Speaker 1: stay out of his head in those moments. Something I

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Speaker 1: tell couples all the time is to take away the

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Speaker 1: outcome and your former athlete, that's maybe even harder. And

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Speaker 1: the idea is that it's not all about the touchdown,

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Speaker 1: that it's still great if you're in the connecting process

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Speaker 1: of it all, but you're not reaching for a goal.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes I tell i'd sell couples just take sex

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Speaker 1: off the table entirely and go in there to connect

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Speaker 1: and explore and touch. But what if I want more though,

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Speaker 1: and I'm being let down the coming down, and then

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Speaker 1: it's just then we have an argument and like, God,

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Speaker 1: I'm frustrated, I'm sexually frustrated, and yes, and then he

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Speaker 1: gets even more pressure. Yes, because whenever we have a

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Speaker 1: time in the bedroom that has anything negative in it,

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Speaker 1: it pulls us away from wanting to go back in again.

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Speaker 1: And so being really careful of making sure it's positive

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Speaker 1: even if you are disappointed, are you do have hurt feelings,

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Speaker 1: how to keep loving each other through that so that

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Speaker 1: you don't think of the experience the next time. It's like,

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Speaker 1: that was a bummer. I can't go back in there.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to repeat that, because nobody wants to

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Speaker 1: repeat something that was negative or didn't feel good. And

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Speaker 1: so what tends to happen when you take the outcome

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Speaker 1: off is that the pressure is down, and then you

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Speaker 1: start to explore and let it go where it will,

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Speaker 1: and you will relax, and then your bodies will work.

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Speaker 1: And then it just happens because you're not trying to

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Speaker 1: make it happen, because that's the opposite of what our

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Speaker 1: bodies need to do. When we try, it shuts everything down.

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Speaker 1: But when we show up and we're just enjoying and

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Speaker 1: in the process and experience without fear or like I

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Speaker 1: have to get to there or I have to do this,

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Speaker 1: then it's kind of magic. Our bodies start to work

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Speaker 1: scenario that I love your and your your husband here Doug,

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Speaker 1: who's also been a therapist for many years. I was

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Speaker 1: meeting with my therapist just a week or two ago,

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Speaker 1: and we were actually working doing some E m DR

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Speaker 1: work around intimacy, and so I talked to him and

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Speaker 1: I basically painted a scenario. I said, you know. He

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Speaker 1: was like, what what would it mean to you if

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Speaker 1: you went in Like basically I was telling him. I

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Speaker 1: was like, if I went home today and I just

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Speaker 1: told Jannah, say you know it's been say it's been

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Speaker 1: a few days or a week since we've had sex

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Speaker 1: or anything, and I went in, I said, honey, and

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Speaker 1: I just addressed a head on. I said, Honey, I

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Speaker 1: know we haven't had sex in a week. I really

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Speaker 1: want to connect, but right now, I just I'm just

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Speaker 1: not in a place, or I'm really tired, or I've

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Speaker 1: been busy or whatever it may be. My reason is

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Speaker 1: to not be intimate tonight. And I told him I

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Speaker 1: was like, if she said, okay, honey, no worries, like

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Speaker 1: I understand, like all good, like no pressure by her

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Speaker 1: saying that, it would mean more than I can even explain,

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Speaker 1: because then I would feel safe in wanting to be

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Speaker 1: innovat and I told my therapist, I said, you know what,

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Speaker 1: if she did that, give me an hour, I'd probably

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Speaker 1: want to be intimate. It's it's just such a weird

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Speaker 1: thing in my head that why like why do I

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Speaker 1: need that like pressure to be released? Like it's so weird.

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Speaker 1: I'm still trying to figure it out. I wanted to

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Speaker 1: share that with Jane. I hadn't yet, but it was

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Speaker 1: such an interesting feeling. I got emotional actually talking about it,

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Speaker 1: like if she would if she would just say, and

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Speaker 1: she's done that before, but I just even in that moment,

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Speaker 1: I was able to think, Wow, if she did that

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Speaker 1: in an hour, I'd probably want to be intimate. Can

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Speaker 1: I just speak on that before you say something? That

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Speaker 1: would be like the great because even because it has

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Speaker 1: been a week or so and last night I kind

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Speaker 1: of wanted to but I knew we were both tired.

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Speaker 1: If you would have said that to me, I would

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Speaker 1: have immediately I would have immediately let up down my

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Speaker 1: guard and then I would have you addressed it. So

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Speaker 1: it's like, it's so knowing that it's on your mind

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Speaker 1: would have made me feel better. It made me feel

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Speaker 1: chosen by you. Just addressing it, because with you not

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Speaker 1: addressing it doesn't make me feel chosen. I totally get that,

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Speaker 1: and I kind of feel like that, and I would

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Speaker 1: have loved you. It's like it's like the elephant in

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Speaker 1: the room with us sometimes where it's like I know

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Speaker 1: she wants to she's kind of waiting for me. She

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Speaker 1: doesn't want to pressure me, like going back and forth

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Speaker 1: where but yet I'm scared at times to come forward

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Speaker 1: and say that because I still I'm still nervous of

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Speaker 1: her reaction where maybe she doesn't take it well and

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Speaker 1: fears yes, And and you're saying something really important about

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Speaker 1: how we can do all this in a nonverbal arena,

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Speaker 1: like I think she's in the mood. I think he

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Speaker 1: might be, but I bet he's not. But if he's not,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be hurt. And and to get that

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Speaker 1: out on the open more and more like it's just

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Speaker 1: something and it sounds like you do a lot of

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Speaker 1: it already, but to know where you're at as a

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Speaker 1: part of conversation, to let you know, you know, just

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Speaker 1: so you know I'm kind of feeling it, just just

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Speaker 1: letting you know, so that you have kind of a

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Speaker 1: dialogue around each of your sexualities so that you have

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Speaker 1: a beat on each other, and so it keeps you

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Speaker 1: knowing that you're both trying that we're both it's both

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Speaker 1: in our minds and we both care about it. So

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Speaker 1: why did you why does why does he need that to? Like?

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Speaker 1: Kind of your question was why do you feel like

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Speaker 1: you need to let let it out? Is that what

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Speaker 1: you're trying to I think? I think because then I

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Speaker 1: feel alleviated from any expectations or stress. And your response

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Speaker 1: is so important because we're all sensitive people, which is,

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Speaker 1: you know, there's always when you it's a vulnerable thing

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Speaker 1: to reach out for anything that's personable. Even more so

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Speaker 1: probably when we're saying I want you or I'm feeling

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Speaker 1: sexy for you, you've now reached down into a vulnerable spot,

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Speaker 1: which means somebody's heart is basically in your hands at

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Speaker 1: that point. And how you respond is everything. What I

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Speaker 1: heard when he was saying, I heard he wants to

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Speaker 1: know you love him either way, and so if you

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Speaker 1: just go whatever, babe, I'm good with either way, then

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Speaker 1: he's just like, I'm not going to lose the love.

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Speaker 1: I'm not feeling abandoned. She's still with me, whether I

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Speaker 1: pursue her or I don't. The acknowledgement would have been

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Speaker 1: is great, though, are you okay? Yeah? Yeah, that go ahead,

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Speaker 1: It's okay, No, it's just I mean, that's that's me

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Speaker 1: in init show. And that's why I got emotional with

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Speaker 1: my therapist last week. Is exactly what she said. It's

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Speaker 1: like whatever inside of me that created that feeling of

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Speaker 1: not good enough or whatever. It's like knowing that you

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Speaker 1: still love me even if I don't give you what

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Speaker 1: you need is like a lot. So yeah, damon, Leslie.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that though, because that's that's the

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Speaker 1: heart of it. But it's the heart of for all

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Speaker 1: of us, and every one of us on some level

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Speaker 1: hasn't I'm not good enough from our own history. Is

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Speaker 1: our own wound. It's it's just tucked away somewhere. For

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Speaker 1: some of it's a greater wound, some of it's a

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Speaker 1: really um scalped over wound, and so we don't get

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Speaker 1: at it as easy, but it exists for all of

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Speaker 1: us because all of us, at some point in our

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Speaker 1: life had some sort of shaming in a relationship and

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Speaker 1: that's where the wound is. So it's always sort of

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Speaker 1: ready to be flared, and so the gift of just

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Speaker 1: loving somebody no matter what is really healing balm to

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Speaker 1: that because the shame inside says I'm not good enough. Well,

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Speaker 1: and the problem is is there's two two people and

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Speaker 1: that they both are not feeling good enough. He's has

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Speaker 1: his issues, and then I have my issues of why

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Speaker 1: don't you want to be with me? Why am I

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Speaker 1: not good enough for you to be with? Why? You

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Speaker 1: know that hits my core too because I have that's

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Speaker 1: one of my biggest issues is never feeling good enough

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Speaker 1: in a relationship. So we're both hitting it's just a

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Speaker 1: different they're just complete opposite conflicting needs that unfortunately just

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Speaker 1: go to the opposite direction from each other. And being

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Speaker 1: able to put that out in the open is really

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Speaker 1: is the challenge on the beauty because that is true

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Speaker 1: of every couple. If they can go that deep with

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Speaker 1: each other, that they're going to run into parts of

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Speaker 1: the other that they're just like, I can't have you

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Speaker 1: be close to me, I'm not worthy or whatever, or

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Speaker 1: you know, somebody flares and defensiveness. Again, we're looking at

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Speaker 1: shame or I'm not good enough. But to be able

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Speaker 1: to notice those things and go, hey, Okay, Okay, We're okay.

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Speaker 1: You know I love you still. I mean I can

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Speaker 1: say that I definitely there's times when I get so frustrated,

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Speaker 1: and I know that makes him more stressed or more

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Speaker 1: you know, shelled off. It's just I after a while,

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Speaker 1: I just get so frustrated that I just don't understand

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Speaker 1: why I'm not chosen. So if I just but I

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Speaker 1: think I've done better at being patient. But but I

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Speaker 1: would have loved the gift of you to say, hey,

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Speaker 1: acknowledgement of it, because it takes the pressure off of

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Speaker 1: me to not knowing if you just don't think I'm

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Speaker 1: attractive now, or you don't want to be with me,

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Speaker 1: or I'm not chosen, I'm not good enough to get that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And when we talk about it, we don't have to

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Speaker 1: fill in the blank with a negative against ourselves, like

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Speaker 1: I'm not chosen. If he doesn't reach out, maybe he's

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Speaker 1: just in a bad mood, so that attribution of hey,

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Speaker 1: it's not even really about me. I'm still fabulous. He's

390
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Speaker 1: just having a hard time, you know, So how we

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00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,600
Speaker 1: feel in that blank, if we lean into each other,

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Speaker 1: we can find out, you know, what's really going on

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Speaker 1: with you, so I don't have to personalize it and

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Speaker 1: I don't have to hurt what have to change gears

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Speaker 1: a little bit. This is for you and for your husband, Doug.

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Speaker 1: What you know, it's kind of the whole practice what

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Speaker 1: you preach. What do you guys do, Like what's your

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Speaker 1: experience in your relationship to maintain intimacy, maintain that connection?

399
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Speaker 1: You want that one any it's like, oh no, don't

400
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Speaker 1: bring me a No. I was just of an observer

401
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Speaker 1: here and now I'm on target here. You know. We

402
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Speaker 1: I think that we do many things to help sustain

403
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Speaker 1: intimacy and connection and has a gamut of experiences. But

404
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Speaker 1: one of the things that that as I'm listening to

405
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Speaker 1: even this conversation that we do, is that we really

406
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Speaker 1: prioritize our bond together. We look at ourselves as having

407
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Speaker 1: a bond that things can fracture. If I don't feel

408
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Speaker 1: good about myself, it can put a ding in the bond.

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Speaker 1: If if we're not reaching out to each other consistently,

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Speaker 1: we're not sharing space in a meaningful way. And I

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Speaker 1: look at it sort of a bond that we're trying

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Speaker 1: to protect act. We're always mindful of that. We're always

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Speaker 1: mindful of treating each other special, of putting each other

414
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 1: not necessarily first in a sense of codependency, but we're

415
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:11,200
Speaker 1: always trying to seek out the best of the other

416
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Speaker 1: person Um, if there are fractures within your personality, you

417
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Speaker 1: both have just just described, you're not responsible to heal

418
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Speaker 1: each other, but you can't influence one another. You can

419
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Speaker 1: be sensitive to that and the words you use to

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Speaker 1: sustain the bridge and say, hey, you know, I'm not

421
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Speaker 1: just really in the in the mood tonight. And for us, man,

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you kind of sucks because we're expected to

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Speaker 1: want sex all the time and it's never a moment

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Speaker 1: we're not ready to have it. And we have this

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00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 1: that's our sex education by the way, over the years

426
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 1: is right there. So it's amazing, you know, lung ms,

427
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:44,359
Speaker 1: pornography and all those things that sort of feed that.

428
00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:47,439
Speaker 1: But hey, we we have a capacity for intimacy, we

429
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,320
Speaker 1: may or may not want to and we have to

430
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 1: figure out how to have innimate sex and how that

431
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: works so that we aren't in a performance based model.

432
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 1: But back to back to what we were saying that

433
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 1: I just think we we um, we have no criticism zone.

434
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,880
Speaker 1: We don't criticize each other. Ever, if we do, big

435
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,679
Speaker 1: red flags go up and it's not okay. And then

436
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 1: we just try to treat each other special and unique

437
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 1: each day and and enjoy each other's uniqueness. I love

438
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 1: her individuality and her uniqueness what she does and and

439
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,879
Speaker 1: how special she is in that, and that doesn't threaten me,

440
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:21,920
Speaker 1: and what I do doesn't threaten her. And we just

441
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,359
Speaker 1: kind of collaborate in that. But it's all about the bond.

442
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:27,160
Speaker 1: Anything we do or say, we don't want it to

443
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 1: put pull the bond apart. We wanted to sustain and

444
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 1: strengthen it, even if it's a hurt feeling. Hurt feeling

445
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 1: doesn't have to break the bond. It can be one

446
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 1: more a way saying Hey, I'm hurt, but I'm not abandoning.

447
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:41,360
Speaker 1: I'm not leaving. I'm here, but I need to talk

448
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,320
Speaker 1: to you about something that's bothering me. Yeah. And so

449
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: there's that level of awareness that we, of course, we're

450
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:49,960
Speaker 1: both marriage therapists, right, and so we run on a

451
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 1: maybe a different level because we're always in this and

452
00:22:52,359 --> 00:22:55,160
Speaker 1: always thinking about it. But when you think of your

453
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 1: marriage as this separate entity. I tell couples this a

454
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:00,879
Speaker 1: lot that this this marriage edge, the marriage that we

455
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,880
Speaker 1: long for, our dream marriage, if you will, We are

456
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,199
Speaker 1: working towards it, and it's separate from us, and so

457
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:08,639
Speaker 1: we look at the marriage and we're like, what does

458
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,879
Speaker 1: the marriage need and how is the marriage doing? And

459
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:12,760
Speaker 1: how are we doing in it? And it's like you

460
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 1: want to preserve it and protect it and take care

461
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,920
Speaker 1: of it. So you're both in the mindset of like,

462
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 1: this is our mission together, our marriage, because it's the

463
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 1: most important thing to us. So we're really sensitive to

464
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,080
Speaker 1: each other. We haven't always had the amazing sex life.

465
00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:27,560
Speaker 1: I mean we've had to work it out too. We've

466
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 1: been married twenty one years. It used to be you know,

467
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,399
Speaker 1: me trying to figure out he was the higher, higher desire,

468
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,679
Speaker 1: I was the lower desire. He was always feeling kind

469
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 1: of neglected in our early days when we had a

470
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:41,199
Speaker 1: little one. And it's totally changed over time with and

471
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:44,439
Speaker 1: it does change over time because we change individually and

472
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,560
Speaker 1: our desire levels can change over time. But it's always

473
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 1: been a work in progress. It continues to be a

474
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 1: work in progress where we're keeping it out in the

475
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: open and saying, you know, it's a been a few

476
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 1: days or where are you at or you know, we're

477
00:23:56,240 --> 00:24:00,800
Speaker 1: getting cranky, you know, and what might that mean being

478
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,720
Speaker 1: able to put it into words? So we're continuing to

479
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,960
Speaker 1: lean in. Is there is there anything genders from being

480
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 1: recently divorced? Is there anything like with all this that you'

481
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,000
Speaker 1: notice that was lacking in that relationship or something that

482
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: you maybe you personally realize that you want to work on,

483
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,639
Speaker 1: going to do the next one, or yeah, you know,

484
00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,359
Speaker 1: I was married for over sixteen years, and I think

485
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 1: the communication had broken down and there were intimacy issues,

486
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 1: and I think moving forward, I have found my voice.

487
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:36,719
Speaker 1: So when things arise, I talk about them immediately, and

488
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: that's very different from in the past. I would just

489
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 1: sort of, you know, push it down, be the good wife,

490
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 1: keep going. But I'm I'm more aware of what triggers me,

491
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,880
Speaker 1: and then I communicate it in the most mindful way

492
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 1: that I can. UM, And it seems to help with

493
00:24:58,119 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 1: people that I'm involved with or if I'm in a relationship,

494
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 1: it's yeah, you know, it takes two people. The communication

495
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 1: cannot stop because once it stops, the relationship stops. And

496
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 1: I'm realizing that and I'm just I'm at fault UM

497
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 1: for just pushing feelings down and not communicating my needs

498
00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: or hurtful feelings or just and whoever taught us that

499
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 1: as kids, I don't not not in my history. Right,

500
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 1: Who's like, here's how to do feelings and express them

501
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 1: in being vulnerable? Like what that's something we all have

502
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: to learn. Yes, it's amazing, it's amazing how much just

503
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:43,040
Speaker 1: that alone? Communication is a big topic. But how just

504
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 1: that alone, like you're saying, Jen, is being proactive about

505
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,679
Speaker 1: your feelings as opposed to holding them in delivering them

506
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 1: in a negative way and getting them on the forefront,

507
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 1: as opposed to I can handle this making up stories

508
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 1: in your own head. Oh, it's probably because of this

509
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:58,440
Speaker 1: reason and this reason instead of just going to each other.

510
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: And that's where Jan and I've started to excel as

511
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 1: being proactive about hey, I'm feeling this way or whatever,

512
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 1: so we don't so we can not break that bond

513
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,639
Speaker 1: as much and be mean or be spiteful in argument.

514
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 1: We got that down, man, I mean, just the points

515
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 1: where it's just sometimes I don't even know to say

516
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,800
Speaker 1: it was so mean back. Yeah, yeah, so we've got

517
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,160
Speaker 1: that point. But now through the least, no, it didn't

518
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 1: through the last probably eight to twelve months, we've been

519
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 1: a lot more consistent about being ahead of it, not

520
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,120
Speaker 1: you know, not hurting each other like that, not verbally

521
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 1: hurting each other, because we want to respect each other

522
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 1: and love each other, and we weren't doing that. You

523
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,679
Speaker 1: know what hurts people? Most people do not realize that

524
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: shampoo is often the root cause of all hair problems. Okay,

525
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 1: so let me just tell you it over cleans your hair,

526
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,960
Speaker 1: stripping away your body is protective natural barrier. So I'm

527
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,159
Speaker 1: just saying, not only does communication, but you know you

528
00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:59,480
Speaker 1: need to not you need to be nice, but you

529
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,080
Speaker 1: need to stop put your shampoo your hair exactly. So

530
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,720
Speaker 1: imagine being able to wash conditioned, to tangle and repair

531
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,439
Speaker 1: your hair using only one product. Well New Wash clean's

532
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 1: hair with a blend of essential oils that has no

533
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,680
Speaker 1: added urgeons or synthetic compounds. So what I love about

534
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,679
Speaker 1: it is that you can take a nine question quiz

535
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: online to get the perfect pick for you out of

536
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,399
Speaker 1: one of the three formulas. So I am using the

537
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 1: New Wash now on my hair, and let me tell you, guys,

538
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 1: it's amazing. So after the quiz I had, um, I'm

539
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,159
Speaker 1: using the lift, which is a raising roots powder for

540
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:33,919
Speaker 1: dry um for blow dry staying, and then dressed up

541
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,920
Speaker 1: to lotion for safe blow drying. Because now that I

542
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 1: have extensions in I can, you know, damage the hair

543
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:40,840
Speaker 1: a little bit. So I want to make sure it's

544
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,240
Speaker 1: all good. So for all my ladies out there with

545
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 1: long lush is hair, for a limited time offer, get

546
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,600
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547
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 1: dot com slash Janna and by using the promo code Janna.

548
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 1: Let me tell you again, that's for a limited time offer.

549
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,119
Speaker 1: Get ten percent off hair Stories New Wash by visiting

550
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,919
Speaker 1: hairstory dot com, slash Janna and by using the promo

551
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:09,920
Speaker 1: code Janna. So Leslie Janstion, I'm like, I have question. Um.

552
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,919
Speaker 1: Actually we're talking about this too with your husband. Um,

553
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:18,840
Speaker 1: about making sure that our kids see Should they see conflict? Yes,

554
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 1: Because we had our friend Nick on on our last

555
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 1: podcast and he was saying that in his family he

556
00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 1: never saw conflict. So then when his marriage started to

557
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 1: have conflict, it was like, oh my god, this is bad.

558
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:35,120
Speaker 1: I have to leave and run. So but what's the line, right,

559
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,119
Speaker 1: And there's there is a caveat because you want to

560
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 1: see kids want to see that you get to the resolve.

561
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 1: They want to see you working together. It's not that

562
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 1: you have intense feelings. It does matter. If you're saying

563
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 1: damaging things, that's never okay because it's abusive. But if

564
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 1: you're in kind of a heated, passionate discussion because you

565
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 1: have a disagreement, but you keep working at it and

566
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 1: you get to a resolve, they get to see how

567
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 1: that works and that they're still safe and they're still okay,

568
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,360
Speaker 1: and mom and dad can can really work out something

569
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,840
Speaker 1: and they can get to resolve. They can also see

570
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,840
Speaker 1: your investment and your emotionality, and that gives permission for

571
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 1: feelings that it's okay to have strong feelings or any feelings.

572
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 1: When things are hidden, it leaves kids not only in

573
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: the dark, but they can be confused about what is

574
00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 1: reality in their home. Now. We don't want violence ever,

575
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: right because that's just scary and and traumatic. But to

576
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 1: be able to speak passionately because you happen to be

577
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 1: in a person with opinions and it might differ it

578
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 1: sometimes from your partner, and then your kids can see

579
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 1: you problem solving and working it out, is that their

580
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: favorite thing. It might be a little unnerving but when

581
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 1: they see you get to conclusion and everybody's still happy, happy,

582
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:44,200
Speaker 1: then they're like, we can do that. I think it's important.

583
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 1: What do you think do you do you share that? Yeah,

584
00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 1: you know, I think so. I think you have to

585
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 1: have some uh, some practicality around frequency and how loud

586
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 1: it gets and uh. But I think if it's in

587
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 1: front of them and they do see your resolution, shouldn't

588
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 1: that's meaningful. You're not hiding it from him. I think

589
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 1: you're gonna depending on their ages too, you can always

590
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 1: have conversations later and say, you know, mom, dad, we

591
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:10,000
Speaker 1: argue sometimes we love each other and I don't want

592
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 1: you to be scared if we do. And so you

593
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 1: can certainly not three years old probably and in the womb,

594
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 1: but at some point you can. So most most people

595
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 1: grow up. Is so often that we hear in our

596
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 1: practice that, yeah, my parents divorced from when I was thirteen,

597
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 1: and I didn't even know anything was wrong. You know,

598
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 1: people hide it and then the whole family systems based

599
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 1: in secrecy and kind of lies. And but then here's

600
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 1: the other problem is that my parents got divorced and

601
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 1: I was thirteen fourteen, and I saw everything, but it was.

602
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 1: You know, I knew a lot of things were wrong,

603
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 1: you know, so that was it was almost like too

604
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: much was shown. Do you too argue in front of Julie?

605
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 1: So I hate it more than anything. Um, we've we have,

606
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie we've had when she was younger,

607
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:03,320
Speaker 1: especially because we were going through everything it was and

608
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: every time I'd go in the room and cry because

609
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 1: I'm like God, I don't want her to feel that energy. Um,

610
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: we've done a really good job, but there are still

611
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: times when voices will get raised and we have to

612
00:31:14,720 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 1: we just need to get better with that, right. But

613
00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 1: I think, like dougun Lesslie are saying, though, I think

614
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,600
Speaker 1: as of recently, within the last six to eight months,

615
00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:25,800
Speaker 1: any argument we've had in front of her hasn't been

616
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 1: hurt things being said hasn't been you know, in violence

617
00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 1: or over the top anger or name calling or any

618
00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:37,200
Speaker 1: kind of you know, uh anything like that. It's been

619
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,320
Speaker 1: more of just you know, maybe our voices get raised,

620
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,320
Speaker 1: which still I think at that young age, maybe you

621
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 1: don't want to do. I don't know, you know, like

622
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 1: I get triggered from his loud voice because my dad

623
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:52,400
Speaker 1: was loud and scary, so I get scared for Joli's sake.

624
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 1: Did she react? She did with that one day, and

625
00:31:57,240 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: that made me really sad. I told you, we cannot

626
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 1: do that. But but I think because she just she

627
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: looks like, you know, she has that look in her

628
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 1: eye like, oh God, they're either you know, And it's

629
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,360
Speaker 1: scary because and again I think that's my my childhood

630
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 1: wound two is seeing a dad upset and angry, and

631
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:17,280
Speaker 1: I get scared, and I don't want her to feel

632
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:21,160
Speaker 1: that intensity. I mean, yeah, and I guess especially at

633
00:32:21,160 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 1: this age. But I think again, as she gets older,

634
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,000
Speaker 1: she's gonna see some of that. She's gonna see us

635
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,760
Speaker 1: raise our voices, she's gonna see us get angry, you know.

636
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,720
Speaker 1: And it's just just being conscious of it. I mean,

637
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 1: obviously there's just gonna be a fine line that you

638
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 1: gotta flirt with with with you know, is this healthy

639
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:41,960
Speaker 1: for them to be around or is this something that

640
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 1: which we're not good at tabling it, handling it tonight

641
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 1: when the kids are down. But I think that's just

642
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: something that we have to be conscious of. Well, do

643
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 1: you think it depends on what the argument is about? Two? Yeah,

644
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 1: I probably don't need to be exposed to fighting about

645
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:59,880
Speaker 1: your sex life necessarily or something that's that's beyond the

646
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: development a level. Uh. But you were saying a really

647
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:06,320
Speaker 1: important thing, Joanna, which is which is beautiful, which is

648
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: that you're in the sorting so like you're aware that

649
00:33:09,760 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 1: when he gets his voice loud, that it triggers your

650
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,120
Speaker 1: history and you remember that you didn't like that as

651
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,800
Speaker 1: a child, and and you want to protect Jolie for that.

652
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 1: But all of that is like awareness, a beautiful awareness,

653
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,120
Speaker 1: because that's the work in progress, which is then you go,

654
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:26,959
Speaker 1: you know, is he really my dad? No, he's not.

655
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 1: He just feels the same. But he's such a genuine,

656
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: heartfelt guy that's not my dad. And and will it

657
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 1: really impact her in the same way? Could be able

658
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: to sort yourself out from her experience because it's so

659
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,680
Speaker 1: easy for us as parents to like project our experience

660
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:41,320
Speaker 1: and our kid and think, oh my gosh, it's happening

661
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:42,720
Speaker 1: to them just like it happened to me, And it's like,

662
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,479
Speaker 1: was it really the same thing? But being able to

663
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 1: sort that out is really the work of it's the

664
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 1: work of relationship. But he doesn't think his voice gets loud,

665
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: So I'm very sensitive to voices and he's like, I'm

666
00:33:55,680 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 1: not mad. I'm like, but that is very angry, you know, animated,

667
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,600
Speaker 1: And we've had something similar because you want to talk

668
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 1: about what we Yeah, So I'm the I'm the kind

669
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,759
Speaker 1: of leadership for a number of years. I'm the kind

670
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,279
Speaker 1: of person that can debate for hours and I just

671
00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:15,160
Speaker 1: get more energized and more alive and I think more clearly,

672
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 1: you know. And we found out over time that the

673
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,800
Speaker 1: more that I did that, the more it was actually

674
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:22,479
Speaker 1: intimidating her. I've got this strong woman, and she'd cry

675
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 1: and that what women cry, you know, And I didn't realize,

676
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 1: you know, partly was me. So I call it, started

677
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 1: calling it getting in the ring, like I'm getting in

678
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,520
Speaker 1: the ring ready to box, and and it's been really

679
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:34,239
Speaker 1: really helpful for me to realize I can't get in

680
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 1: the ring. I've got to have some other way to

681
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 1: to share my frustrations or my anger and my hurt

682
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:45,240
Speaker 1: without some big debate where I roll over her because

683
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,480
Speaker 1: she probably felt that his abusive and I didn't even

684
00:34:47,520 --> 00:34:49,920
Speaker 1: know it was anything was happening like that. Well, and

685
00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 1: he just has a way of saying things that are

686
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 1: so like because he has a strong opinions, and so

687
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 1: do I. So I'm not going to blame in for that,

688
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 1: but he would say things so definitively, like he just

689
00:34:57,239 --> 00:34:58,600
Speaker 1: had the answer, and he would say it like this

690
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,360
Speaker 1: and did it. And I'm like, did I get considered?

691
00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 1: You know, did you loop me in? And he didn't

692
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:06,879
Speaker 1: realize because he thinks we're in like a collaborative thing there,

693
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,240
Speaker 1: but he's so dogmatic that I'm like, I don't feel

694
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:11,640
Speaker 1: like I was even looped in. So it's kind of funny.

695
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 1: Sometimes he'll like, go, I could just see him doing it.

696
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:18,280
Speaker 1: He'll like, so, what do you think about? And I'm like, okay,

697
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 1: you know, like that's his attempt to like join, because

698
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 1: he just wants to be able to speak his mind

699
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 1: and say his mind, but he doesn't hasn't lost connection

700
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:27,880
Speaker 1: with me in that. I just feel sort of like

701
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:32,560
Speaker 1: I think I think too for Janna, if I may

702
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:37,000
Speaker 1: speak for you as well, honey, um. You know, the

703
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,320
Speaker 1: layer of it with Jolie is her is her, is

704
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 1: Jana's childhood and the projection of the father in the relationship.

705
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 1: I think also there's another layer of her being triggered

706
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:49,320
Speaker 1: with early on in our relationship where I had issues

707
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,680
Speaker 1: with anger management. I was in the midst of doing

708
00:35:52,760 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 1: things that I was doing, acting out or whatever, and

709
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 1: had a lot of guilt, a lot of shame and

710
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 1: just living this other life that just just continued to

711
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:03,400
Speaker 1: put pressure and anxiety and guilt and all that crap

712
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: on top of me. So I was a lot more

713
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,920
Speaker 1: volatile in my arguing and my You know, there was

714
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,879
Speaker 1: no real communicating with me. I can see that now.

715
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:16,400
Speaker 1: Then I would be so definitive like Doug, but almost

716
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 1: in a narcissistic, narcissistic way, where I would unfortunately make

717
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 1: Janna feel crazy for like thinking or feeling the way

718
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 1: she was feeling. And looking back on that now, it

719
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,440
Speaker 1: makes me really sad to think that she ever had

720
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:31,359
Speaker 1: to feel that way around me. Um, But I know,

721
00:36:31,520 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 1: I understand that that's probably another layer for her around

722
00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 1: us arguing and my voice being elevated at all, because

723
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:42,480
Speaker 1: it used to get really, really really bad. Am I

724
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:45,880
Speaker 1: correcting that? Yeah? Remember when he locked me out of

725
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:52,839
Speaker 1: the house? Wait? Can we hear that story? We were

726
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: just in an argument and I just remember being like,

727
00:36:54,719 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 1: am I crazy? But again, like that's just speaking on

728
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:01,200
Speaker 1: his He wouldn't just make me feel crazy. Yeah we

729
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 1: can laugh about now. I don't one being locked out

730
00:37:05,680 --> 00:37:07,319
Speaker 1: of the house right now, Like why are you making

731
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:12,239
Speaker 1: you guys that don't always have to be I mean,

732
00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:14,319
Speaker 1: I don't even remember how I just but it's just

733
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 1: up open the door. Yeah that was. That was you

734
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,720
Speaker 1: know a few months before discovering everything, so everything started

735
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,440
Speaker 1: to make sense. But yes, that does from that anger

736
00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: and that issues that does make me then go trigger too.

737
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 1: Is he acting out right? Which is bring up which

738
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,800
Speaker 1: is unfortunate for both parties because I understand her trigger

739
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:35,919
Speaker 1: behind that is like if I get defensive or start

740
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:37,960
Speaker 1: to raise my words at all. Yeah, Like last night

741
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 1: we're having just a small issue is getting I was like,

742
00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,120
Speaker 1: why are getting so defensive? I'm getting triggered now because

743
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 1: you're so defensive and this is making me think that

744
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 1: you're hiding something from me, and it's and it's like

745
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm actually not, but I'm actually I'm just

746
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 1: trying to help. And it's just so this this whole

747
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:55,440
Speaker 1: conflict where it's like it's it sucks because I understand

748
00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 1: why she feels that way, but at the same time,

749
00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,239
Speaker 1: I feel like I should still be at liberty to

750
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 1: have my feeling to express them, and it's not always

751
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 1: going to be butterfly some rainbows with how it comes out,

752
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 1: like I'm going to be piste off some days and

753
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 1: it's gonna happen. But it's just I it's unfortunate that

754
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,680
Speaker 1: she has to feel tricked around that. Yeah. Yeah, And

755
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 1: I was just thinking, you know, you don't want to

756
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,279
Speaker 1: take away his manhood, right, I mean, I'm sure you

757
00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:18,560
Speaker 1: love love his strength, but it's also threatening sometimes if

758
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 1: it if it gets too angry. But but if he

759
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 1: was always just you know, perfectly soft and tender and vulnerable,

760
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:25,400
Speaker 1: I can tell you right now it's gonna happen in

761
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 1: your sex life, you know, because you want that passionate

762
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:33,840
Speaker 1: man that you're with. Absolutely, I'm real fast. Before we circle,

763
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 1: did you want to say something? I was just gonna

764
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:37,719
Speaker 1: say that, you know, once again, not to beat it

765
00:38:37,800 --> 00:38:40,200
Speaker 1: to death, but I think, uh, in any way we

766
00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 1: interact that fractures the bond, what are we going to

767
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 1: think about that does to put a ding in? It

768
00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:47,239
Speaker 1: is a pulse apart a little bit, and how we're

769
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:50,840
Speaker 1: expressing hurt and how we're expressing emotions. So it's important

770
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:51,719
Speaker 1: to be able to have that And the other thing

771
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 1: I would say too, is that sort of the converse

772
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 1: of all of this is um if you think of

773
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:00,840
Speaker 1: not wanting to have a con like not wanting to

774
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 1: have this happen, what do you want to happen? What

775
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 1: do you want to sound like to each other? What

776
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 1: do you want to fill your home up with? Is

777
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 1: a joy? Is it peace? Is it mutual affirmation? What

778
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: are you shooting for? Because we can try to stop

779
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 1: anything from happening, We can try to stop arguments, but

780
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,879
Speaker 1: it doesn't solve it. If we don't move in some directions, Okay,

781
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:22,279
Speaker 1: then what do we want? What's the replacement for that?

782
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:24,759
Speaker 1: That's awesome, it's really because if we don't have a

783
00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:27,239
Speaker 1: vision of what we want, we're always just fighting off

784
00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 1: the problems and what we're trying to fix instead of

785
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 1: moving towards. We want a culture in our home that

786
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 1: is just filled with positive energy and we're like engaged

787
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:37,279
Speaker 1: and alive, and it's enthusiastic, and we're personal and it's

788
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 1: intimate and we talk about all things. And then you

789
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,120
Speaker 1: have that as kind of your frame of like, but

790
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 1: this is what we're shooting for, and this is how

791
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 1: we're trying to live and so sometimes when that other

792
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 1: stuff comes up, you're like, oh, yeah, that's that stuff.

793
00:39:48,560 --> 00:39:50,120
Speaker 1: But and we'll solve it. But then we're going to

794
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,760
Speaker 1: go back to all our goodness that we love. That's awesome,

795
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:57,360
Speaker 1: makes sense? Yeah, man, this is good. This is some

796
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 1: really good stuff. I just soaked it all in the

797
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 1: seen it stuff. Where where can our listeners find you? Oh?

798
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:09,799
Speaker 1: Everywhere on social media Instagram, Leslie Gustufson, everywhere. Our website

799
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,640
Speaker 1: is Authentic and True dot com. We have a really

800
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:15,680
Speaker 1: great a live Facebook group that's private right now, about

801
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:18,040
Speaker 1: a thousand people just in there telling all their all

802
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,680
Speaker 1: their stuff and getting support from each other. It's amazing.

803
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:23,760
Speaker 1: And I just monitor it for kind of safety and direction.

804
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: So that's cool. And of course you know about the box,

805
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:29,360
Speaker 1: but oh the amazing Intimacy Tribe. Everything is amazing intimacy

806
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 1: to make sure you get the enemy Intimacy box because

807
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 1: it definitely um is can be really helpful and fun

808
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:39,319
Speaker 1: for for for partners out there. So thank you so much,

809
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 1: thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you,

810
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:46,279
Speaker 1: thank you. Okay, So I was I was at my

811
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: girlfriend's house geez, like a week or so ago, and

812
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 1: I was minding my own business. But she goes, she

813
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 1: was talking to her husband and she goes, She's like,

814
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:59,440
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to spend the next fifty million

815
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 1: hours going through two thousand photos and putting them all

816
00:41:03,640 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 1: together on a drive and I go, no, you don't.

817
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 1: Sim was like, oh my gosh. I was like, this

818
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:13,279
Speaker 1: is what it's for. And I was like, Jen, if

819
00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:15,320
Speaker 1: you use promo code, did it? And I started to

820
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:18,320
Speaker 1: go off about it. Then she she saved. She saved

821
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: four hundred dollars with the code. That's amazing, you know, so,

822
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:26,880
Speaker 1: and she put all of our Basically, let me tell you,

823
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 1: this legacy box is a perfect place to take all

824
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 1: of your old home videos, your photos, your tapes and

825
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 1: you can digitize them onto a thumb drive download or

826
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 1: a DVD. So it's so great because she was going

827
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:41,960
Speaker 1: to have to spend all this time scanning every single

828
00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 1: picture manage into the computer. And I was so excited

829
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:50,240
Speaker 1: and proud to have to do this next spot because

830
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 1: it's something that people need. I am so disappointed because

831
00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 1: we had about thirty five or forty photo albums with

832
00:41:58,760 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: all of my baby picture showing horses for fifteen years,

833
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:08,440
Speaker 1: everything and there was a water like pipe break in

834
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:12,359
Speaker 1: the garage and it we lost all of them, so

835
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:15,440
Speaker 1: I have no one. I may have one baby picture

836
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:19,840
Speaker 1: that was at somebody else's house. My whole childhood was erased.

837
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 1: It is so sorry, So listen, do it. Don't wait

838
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 1: to hear that. I know. I know, so just if

839
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 1: I would have had this, Yeah, and I'm going to

840
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,120
Speaker 1: do this for Rocko. Even though everything's on digital, I

841
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:40,160
Speaker 1: still printed photos out and I have video and everything

842
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,720
Speaker 1: just needs to be in one place totally. Well. Legacy

843
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 1: Box will send you a pre labeled box and all

844
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:46,360
Speaker 1: you have to do is fill it with all of

845
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 1: your old family memoirs and then send it right back.

846
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: Go to Legacy box dot com slash Janna to get

847
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 1: off your first order, or save up to two hulls

848
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:57,879
Speaker 1: on your largest Legacy Box kit. So she saved four

849
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 1: by using the code Janna to get forty percent off.

850
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:03,320
Speaker 1: So go to Legacy Box dot com slash Jamna and

851
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,760
Speaker 1: say forty percent off today. Get started preserving your past

852
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:08,719
Speaker 1: and don't let it get washed away. You know it's

853
00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:10,920
Speaker 1: funny too, is that we're at our friend. It was

854
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 1: our friend's house that we're staying at when we're in Nashville,

855
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:15,480
Speaker 1: and so Jane was there like a week before me,

856
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,399
Speaker 1: and then Julie and I got there for a few

857
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 1: days and I was walking through their office at their

858
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 1: house and I saw the Legacy box on flour. I

859
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 1: was like, well, like, yeah, I know, because it was

860
00:43:28,000 --> 00:43:30,680
Speaker 1: all me, I told him, because it's just you know,

861
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:32,839
Speaker 1: you know, we do we do these spots and you know, yes,

862
00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,799
Speaker 1: we love we love Hello Fresh and Grove and like,

863
00:43:35,960 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 1: you know, everything that we do on here. But when

864
00:43:38,719 --> 00:43:41,920
Speaker 1: it's something that you know, we really can it can

865
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 1: help a family, and I don't know, it's just it's

866
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:47,400
Speaker 1: so special. I know, I have no hashtag like throwback

867
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:53,760
Speaker 1: Thursday pictures. Luckily Rockell looks exactly like me. Yeah. Perfect,

868
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 1: I can be like, oh no, that's me. I love that. Hey, honey,

869
00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 1: did you do the Couple's challenge last week about getting

870
00:43:59,920 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 1: me a gift? Actually? You know what's funny, was it

871
00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 1: yesterday or the day before? I was thinking about it.

872
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 1: I was like, oh man, I need to go to

873
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,799
Speaker 1: like Soto or something on Ventura and go get you

874
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,799
Speaker 1: a little something. And then well I forgot to so

875
00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 1: I feel back at our own challenges. I did it.

876
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:25,359
Speaker 1: You did? Yeah, would you do. I just ordered food

877
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:28,399
Speaker 1: and had it delivered without Yeah, for without him knowing.

878
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 1: That's cool. Yeah, that's good. That's a good one. Didn't

879
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 1: do anything for you, nothing, man, we were busy traveling,

880
00:44:36,560 --> 00:44:39,080
Speaker 1: we had it was a crazy busy week. Yeah, it

881
00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 1: was crazy. Nader Virginia back to l A. So we

882
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,480
Speaker 1: have to double up then, So we have to do

883
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 1: this week. This week, we'll have to double up. We

884
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 1: need to do last week's challenge because we can't be

885
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:49,839
Speaker 1: telling people to do things and then we're not even

886
00:44:50,840 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 1: what's the challenge? Something little gifts? Alright? Okad no? Um,

887
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 1: So what's what should be a couple of challenge this week? Oh?

888
00:45:05,200 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 1: You know what? Initiate with your partners in the bedroom.

889
00:45:10,920 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 1: So much pressure, a lot of pressure, I know. But

890
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be like like Leslie said, it

891
00:45:18,760 --> 00:45:21,880
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be the touchdown kiss your partner. You

892
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 1: can just that that one day in bed when you

893
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 1: just kissed me. I was like, I love that. That's

894
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:28,759
Speaker 1: all That's all I needed in that moment. Yeah, or

895
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:31,360
Speaker 1: even like when we're at Matt and Chen's and I

896
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 1: just wanted to kiss you and then it lent into

897
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 1: something else. Yeah, and you're like, oh, I actually I'm

898
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:37,959
Speaker 1: turned on. And then I'm like, well I'm tired. But yeah, yeah,

899
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 1: sorry Matt and Jenn, we soiled your shees. No uh no,

900
00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:49,319
Speaker 1: but I think it doesn't. It is not to be

901
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:52,480
Speaker 1: the touchdown. I'm not saying. You know, Katherine, you know

902
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 1: I love your girl. You just just give him a kiss,

903
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: one little kiss, you know. All right, so we have

904
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,880
Speaker 1: to do a little gift and then initiate. But okay,

905
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:04,319
Speaker 1: that's such a one sided thing. What's your side of it.

906
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a gift, initiate. Okay, maybe

907
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:14,359
Speaker 1: when you're watching football, throw you up past but Sunday,

908
00:46:16,440 --> 00:46:22,160
Speaker 1: real quick catch it. Hey. So I want to talk

909
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 1: about Grove Collaborative. So, like I said, one of the

910
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:28,200
Speaker 1: things that I love about doing these spots are because

911
00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:32,680
Speaker 1: we actually use growth to UM. It's really convenient and

912
00:46:32,719 --> 00:46:36,240
Speaker 1: with having a new baby, you can get everything you

913
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:38,520
Speaker 1: you want in a box and they're very it's clean

914
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:42,520
Speaker 1: and healthy stuff, household products for your home. So we

915
00:46:42,600 --> 00:46:44,799
Speaker 1: never run out of toilet paper because they send it

916
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 1: to us. UM. They have everything from Myers cleaning supplies,

917
00:46:48,960 --> 00:46:52,680
Speaker 1: Burt's Bees, chlorine free wipes, to baby ganic sunscreen lotions,

918
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:54,880
Speaker 1: and they make sure all of the products are free

919
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:58,440
Speaker 1: from animal testing, so it's just it's easier, it's cheaper

920
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 1: when you shop at Grove, and it's great too because

921
00:47:01,080 --> 00:47:03,479
Speaker 1: I get auto scheduled shipments right to my door, so

922
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 1: it's so so so nice, and it's natural, chemical free

923
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 1: products that are good for the baby and jolly. For

924
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 1: a limited time, listeners who signed up getting amazing free

925
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:18,600
Speaker 1: thirty days supply of seedling Groves tree free paper, towels,

926
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 1: toilet paper and tissues, a free sixty day v I

927
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:23,840
Speaker 1: P membership, and a surprise bonus gift just for you

928
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 1: when you sign up in place in order of twin

929
00:47:25,920 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 1: dollars or more. And the gifts really cute. So check

930
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 1: out Grove and our special offer at Grove dot Co

931
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 1: slash Jama. That's Grove dot Co, not com slash Janna.

932
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:37,640
Speaker 1: How do you know, I'm excited because we have our

933
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:40,719
Speaker 1: twenty three and Me kit sitting right in front of us.

934
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 1: And just remind you, guys, twenty three me. Okay, they

935
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 1: have a new podcast called Spit on I Heart Radio,

936
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:49,200
Speaker 1: and what it is is the twenty three Me is

937
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 1: actually named after the twenty three pairs of chromosomes in

938
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:55,279
Speaker 1: your DNA. Their service provides you with over seventy five

939
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:59,320
Speaker 1: genetic reports about your health like lactose intolerance and sleep movement, traits,

940
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:01,239
Speaker 1: your right co or hair color, and all you have

941
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 1: to do is spit into the tube provided mail back

942
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 1: to the lab. I can't wait for you guys to

943
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:07,759
Speaker 1: do this. I'm gonna do it the second I get home.

944
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:10,279
Speaker 1: It is so fun to open the email and click

945
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:13,799
Speaker 1: on results and you're just blown away. And then you

946
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:18,440
Speaker 1: start getting emails like, you know, oh your second cousin,

947
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:22,640
Speaker 1: Oh your third cousin, another family relative and others. It's

948
00:48:22,640 --> 00:48:25,759
Speaker 1: really fun. Well isn't that what they talked about in spit. Yes,

949
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 1: they do penetically alike. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean I came

950
00:48:30,239 --> 00:48:33,479
Speaker 1: back exactly what I knew I was. But it's still

951
00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:35,839
Speaker 1: it's still fun. But yeah, so Jan and I are

952
00:48:35,840 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 1: super super excited about It's gonna be a lot of fun,

953
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 1: and so join us. Subscribe to the spit podcast learn

954
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 1: more about the DNA found in our spit understand who

955
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:46,400
Speaker 1: we who we really are genetically, and how we are

956
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 1: connected to the world around us. Listen to full episodes

957
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:51,719
Speaker 1: now on i Heart Radio. App or wherever you listen

958
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 1: to podcast. Remember we're gonna talk about voting. Yeah, we'll

959
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: talk about later. I'm not ready to talk about it.

960
00:48:57,840 --> 00:48:59,279
Speaker 1: Do you guys go in or do you send it

961
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:02,080
Speaker 1: in because already voted. Well, we need to talk about

962
00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 1: them in other podcast because that's another subject for another time.

963
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 1: This is the last one before the mid terms. Yeah.

964
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:11,399
Speaker 1: Like I said, there's something, there's something that I need

965
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:13,680
Speaker 1: to disclose that we need to disclose, but we need

966
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:21,680
Speaker 1: we're waiting to get someone on the show to help us. Okay,

967
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:23,840
Speaker 1: I'm just okay, we need to talk about it. It It

968
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:27,720
Speaker 1: needs to be a bigger scale because I will get backlash,

969
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:29,880
Speaker 1: have a stomach ache. Alright, we will get back We

970
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:32,040
Speaker 1: will get backlash. But at the same time, I think

971
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:37,000
Speaker 1: a lot of people need to hear um our perspective

972
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 1: and then they can learn to from it. Do you

973
00:49:40,640 --> 00:49:42,719
Speaker 1: think we need to get an expert on That's what

974
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:46,960
Speaker 1: I'm trying to closing information in uh in a safely

975
00:49:49,440 --> 00:49:51,239
Speaker 1: What kind of an expert do you need? We want?

976
00:49:51,320 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 1: We want, well, I want I'm trying to get Sophia

977
00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:57,239
Speaker 1: Bush on the show because she's very um political, but

978
00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 1: I want to get I want to get a poet.

979
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:02,320
Speaker 1: I want to get someone in politics on both sides.

980
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:04,839
Speaker 1: So I want to left and I want to right right.

981
00:50:04,840 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 1: But you're gonna miss the midterms. Is that there's gonna

982
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 1: be nobody available to do this. I understand that, but

983
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 1: they're still going to be voting. We don't we don't

984
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,120
Speaker 1: need we don't need an actual politician. We just need

985
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:20,439
Speaker 1: someone to talk about. Maybe you know the importance of voting.

986
00:50:20,480 --> 00:50:22,560
Speaker 1: I mean, everyone says in voting is important my thing?

987
00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 1: Oh my god, are we talking about Let me just

988
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:27,839
Speaker 1: say vote? No? Let me let me just tell you

989
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 1: my whole theory because my grandfather gets on me that

990
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:34,359
Speaker 1: I don't vote and I haven't voted for years. Is

991
00:50:35,320 --> 00:50:38,880
Speaker 1: I'm not big into politics. I'm just not. It doesn't

992
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 1: interest me. I know I should be. I'm not saying

993
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:45,399
Speaker 1: it's okay not to be, but I would rather not

994
00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 1: vote than make an uneducated decision. Does that make sense?

995
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:56,000
Speaker 1: But so now, now what's she's gonna take out? She's

996
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:57,920
Speaker 1: taken out her ear and it's like for like a

997
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 1: back alley brawl right now, like let me talk to

998
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:09,320
Speaker 1: you about I can't read. It's my fault for not

999
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 1: educating myself. But it's just like I said, I think

1000
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 1: this needs to be a bigger discussion because what I

1001
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,880
Speaker 1: have to say would totally rally you up. And I

1002
00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:23,720
Speaker 1: just think we need someone that so you want security

1003
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:27,800
Speaker 1: here to keep generating. It's kind of all right, but

1004
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 1: I but I also want to you know, we we

1005
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 1: inform where I want to be informed to, and I

1006
00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 1: want to inform listeners out there that feel the same

1007
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 1: with it I feel about voting. So Tuesday, the mid

1008
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 1: term governor of California, among many states, have their governor decided,

1009
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 1: many congress people in the Senate and the House of Representatives,

1010
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 1: and lots of propositions that definitely affect your life are

1011
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:53,359
Speaker 1: all being decided on Tuesday. So just right, but how

1012
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:59,200
Speaker 1: much which will affect everyone in the next two years?

1013
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:04,400
Speaker 1: Example Prop seven well segurative daylight saving time in California? Right, Okay?

1014
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:06,719
Speaker 1: Opinion there you No, I'm not. I'm not saying we

1015
00:52:06,760 --> 00:52:11,320
Speaker 1: don't have a strong opinion. I don't think my vote counts.

1016
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:15,960
Speaker 1: I don't have the statement. I don't think it does.

1017
00:52:17,360 --> 00:52:20,799
Speaker 1: I don't think it counts. I don't think I would

1018
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:24,239
Speaker 1: if we got rid of the electoral votes, I would

1019
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:27,759
Speaker 1: think it maybe would count more then I would maybe

1020
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:32,919
Speaker 1: be more inclined. But you're specifically speaking of presidential elections there, yes,

1021
00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 1: So that's the thing. I don't know. The electoral votes

1022
00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:39,640
Speaker 1: are only for president and you're and yes, all of

1023
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:42,120
Speaker 1: the state votes on mass so whoever gets the most

1024
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:45,440
Speaker 1: votes gets all the states votes. We urge you to

1025
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 1: go vote for our governor. But here's the thing, I

1026
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:55,919
Speaker 1: want to be more informed. You've got a few days.

1027
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:00,720
Speaker 1: I think maybe we right off in terms and focus

1028
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:07,279
Speaker 1: on probably gonna okay, but that's that's my whole thing. Like,

1029
00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 1: I'm not informed, so I'm not going to go Would

1030
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 1: you still rather me just go vote for when he does? Well,

1031
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:16,120
Speaker 1: I don't haven't paid attention to what's going on in California. No,

1032
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:18,680
Speaker 1: But I think that you can have a really educated

1033
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:22,120
Speaker 1: conversation with a few different people that you know from

1034
00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:25,480
Speaker 1: both sides to understand do on the show. But we're

1035
00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 1: missing our full and well, I think Mark was right,

1036
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:31,839
Speaker 1: we need to focus on Yeah. Also, there are non

1037
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 1: partisan websites that can ask you questions and said this

1038
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 1: is probably who you should be voting for, specifically for president.

1039
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,759
Speaker 1: You can take them very helpful as well. What do

1040
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:41,759
Speaker 1: you think of this? What do you think of this?

1041
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:45,200
Speaker 1: That you do then you're with this candidate and you

1042
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:48,399
Speaker 1: know whatever, see see. But that's my my thing too

1043
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:52,000
Speaker 1: is remember taking something like that back in like high school,

1044
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:55,520
Speaker 1: early college or something, and but there there might be Okay,

1045
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 1: this is who you should probably vote for, but there

1046
00:53:57,480 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 1: might be a topic that that person supports that I'm

1047
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:02,439
Speaker 1: just strong, that's true, that's okay. Then then you find

1048
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:05,279
Speaker 1: a different candidate if the other candidate too, so like

1049
00:54:05,800 --> 00:54:08,680
Speaker 1: didn't hid thing, I just don't even have to choose.

1050
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:11,880
Speaker 1: And then there's the third party voting and whether or

1051
00:54:11,880 --> 00:54:17,960
Speaker 1: not the parts, so then your vote really doesn't matter

1052
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 1: because but then someone says, well, if everyone votes for

1053
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:24,279
Speaker 1: the third party, then they're gonna bottom line, you take

1054
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:27,839
Speaker 1: your own interests out of the equation and you think

1055
00:54:27,880 --> 00:54:33,239
Speaker 1: about the best person to run the country and who

1056
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:36,319
Speaker 1: is going to take care of the people, and globally

1057
00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:40,160
Speaker 1: on a global aspect, you want somebody who can interact

1058
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:45,040
Speaker 1: with leaders of other countries in a positive way. So

1059
00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:48,440
Speaker 1: I think if you take your own interests out of

1060
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 1: the equation, you can sort of pick a candidate even

1061
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:55,360
Speaker 1: if they don't believe in everything you believe in, or

1062
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:58,920
Speaker 1: if there's one thing that you just you're completely against,

1063
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 1: you just think globally, and I think you can make

1064
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:06,840
Speaker 1: a really great educated decision that way. All right, we're

1065
00:55:06,880 --> 00:55:09,719
Speaker 1: going to need to have a conversation then again about this.

1066
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:13,760
Speaker 1: But it's just unfortunate that this last presidential election felt

1067
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:17,759
Speaker 1: like picking the lesser of two evils. People say that

1068
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 1: a lot. Hopefully you'll, hopefully there'll be a candidate can

1069
00:55:21,440 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 1: feel passionate running again, necessarily because it is fun when

1070
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 1: you feel really passionate about a candidate. And I truly

1071
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:32,480
Speaker 1: haven't felt that because last year I was like, I

1072
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:36,839
Speaker 1: think personally, I just you get backlash for saying who

1073
00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:39,560
Speaker 1: you like. I didn't like any of them, so that's

1074
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:42,160
Speaker 1: just sorry, that's just my But again I didn't there

1075
00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:44,440
Speaker 1: was things I didn't like about each There's things I

1076
00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:46,440
Speaker 1: liked and didn't like. You might have turned me off

1077
00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:51,399
Speaker 1: from politics. Is maybe my My family, my dad's side

1078
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 1: of the family are all very outspoken when politics. There

1079
00:55:55,239 --> 00:55:58,640
Speaker 1: were many of Dan family dinners. That's just I'm a

1080
00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:01,239
Speaker 1: kid and they start talking my politics, and aunts and

1081
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:03,919
Speaker 1: uncles and grandparents and parents are going back and forth.

1082
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:06,360
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I mean, like, why can't we just

1083
00:56:06,560 --> 00:56:09,759
Speaker 1: talk about something else, you know, a kid yourself. So

1084
00:56:10,680 --> 00:56:12,800
Speaker 1: I'm not it's not to blame anybody, but I just

1085
00:56:13,239 --> 00:56:14,680
Speaker 1: that's the environment. I was just like, you know what

1086
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:16,880
Speaker 1: I don't and that's in that environment is worse than

1087
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:19,520
Speaker 1: ever before. I don't care about this is if this

1088
00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:21,319
Speaker 1: is how I'm going to react about it, I don't

1089
00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 1: care right now. And so now that I'm be coming,

1090
00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:25,600
Speaker 1: but then someone would say, wellhouldn't you care about your

1091
00:56:25,640 --> 00:56:29,600
Speaker 1: country and our rights and ore blah blah blah taxes,

1092
00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:31,480
Speaker 1: But you also need to figure out what the most

1093
00:56:31,560 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 1: important thing to you because everybody's got that. Whether it's

1094
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:36,680
Speaker 1: gun control, or it's immigration, or its taxes, or it's

1095
00:56:37,120 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 1: gay rights, whatever it is, everybody's got something really passionate about.

1096
00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:41,880
Speaker 1: And that's that's kind of way I look at it.

1097
00:56:41,960 --> 00:56:45,520
Speaker 1: Is who's going to support the passionate about My sister

1098
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:47,400
Speaker 1: is gay, and so I've always really been into gay rights,

1099
00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:49,160
Speaker 1: and that's always been a very very important thing to me.

1100
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:52,600
Speaker 1: What are you most passionate about? Gay rights? Gun control?

1101
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:54,880
Speaker 1: But so here's the thing about gun control. I have

1102
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:56,719
Speaker 1: a gun. Are you mad that I have a gun?

1103
00:56:56,800 --> 00:57:00,239
Speaker 1: I'm not mad at you. I'm mad that you know

1104
00:57:00,400 --> 00:57:03,440
Speaker 1: people who shouldn't have guns, so you're able to you

1105
00:57:03,560 --> 00:57:06,400
Speaker 1: still you still think people should have guns. There, they

1106
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:07,880
Speaker 1: should be allowed to have guns, but a bit more

1107
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 1: checks that kind of I think I can agree with that,

1108
00:57:11,239 --> 00:57:15,960
Speaker 1: I absolutely, but I think the the kind of weapon

1109
00:57:16,080 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 1: that people are allowed to agree. Yes, I agree with,

1110
00:57:19,360 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 1: but but then again, what about the people that Again

1111
00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 1: I'm just playing Devil's advocate for both sides. The other

1112
00:57:23,840 --> 00:57:26,080
Speaker 1: person that's I like this as a sport, I do

1113
00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:29,320
Speaker 1: this for fun, and you know I don't have mental

1114
00:57:29,400 --> 00:57:33,200
Speaker 1: issues or and I liked Again, I agree that why

1115
00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:36,680
Speaker 1: do you need this big rifle gun whatever it is,

1116
00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:39,800
Speaker 1: But at this if that's their person's hobby they like

1117
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:43,520
Speaker 1: to collect, or it's I don't know. I don't know.

1118
00:57:43,640 --> 00:57:47,000
Speaker 1: As soon as you know, when we were children, we

1119
00:57:47,080 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 1: didn't have any issues with school shootings. We have a

1120
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 1: serious issue now. I agree. I mean and terrified at

1121
00:57:57,000 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: least once or twice a week. It's on my mind

1122
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:04,040
Speaker 1: when I know Rockos in school out there playing recess.

1123
00:58:04,120 --> 00:58:07,000
Speaker 1: He's been in lockdown a couple of times. One was

1124
00:58:07,160 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 1: due to somebody in the neighborhood who had a gun

1125
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:14,640
Speaker 1: who was out on the street. You know, it's terrifying, right,

1126
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 1: and there is no probably easy solutions, there's not, there's not,

1127
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 1: but nothing is not a good option either, And that

1128
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:23,160
Speaker 1: seems to be what we've done so exactly. I agree

1129
00:58:23,200 --> 00:58:24,640
Speaker 1: with that. What do you think here? Before we get

1130
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:26,320
Speaker 1: hop on this phone call? What do you what is

1131
00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 1: your What would you be most passionate about? Is about?

1132
00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:35,360
Speaker 1: You know? Choice? Is it? Guns? Is it? I don't.

1133
00:58:35,400 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 1: I don't know if I have one blaring thing. I

1134
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 1: think it's a little bit of all of it. But

1135
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 1: that's the thing. I don't know if I have one thing.

1136
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:45,560
Speaker 1: I mean, I believe in gun control, but I believe

1137
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:48,120
Speaker 1: in the right to bear arms in our constitution. I

1138
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:51,200
Speaker 1: believe that, you know, everyone should be treated treated equal.

1139
00:58:51,640 --> 00:58:53,439
Speaker 1: So when you're voting in one persons and you believe

1140
00:58:53,520 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 1: kind of both things, then how do you how do

1141
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 1: you do that? Well, hopefully at some point you become

1142
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:03,440
Speaker 1: so passionate about something or a candidate that you get

1143
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:05,919
Speaker 1: to experience what it feels like when that candidate wins,

1144
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:10,040
Speaker 1: because it feels like you've won the super Bowl. Wow, Well,

1145
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:15,880
Speaker 1: let's get informed. Since we've missed the boat with this time,

1146
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 1: we're going to campaign for Mike and Dano. We need

1147
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:23,520
Speaker 1: you in Okay. So I was just on the Doctors

1148
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:27,320
Speaker 1: recently and I really am excited because Dr Sonya Batra

1149
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:31,919
Speaker 1: Sonia him here. Hey, so you got the wine down crew?

1150
00:59:32,560 --> 00:59:35,640
Speaker 1: Oh Hi, how are you hi? How are you hi? Hi? Hi? Everyone?

1151
00:59:35,760 --> 00:59:38,560
Speaker 1: How's it going? We're doing good. We were just talking

1152
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:43,200
Speaker 1: about voting, so, you know, a real popular subject. I

1153
00:59:43,320 --> 00:59:46,320
Speaker 1: hope everybody and anybody listening to this gets and vote.

1154
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:52,240
Speaker 1: It's so important. I know, yes, um so I was

1155
00:59:52,320 --> 00:59:53,920
Speaker 1: just telling them that I did. I was on the

1156
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:56,000
Speaker 1: Doctors and I had a chance to sit down with

1157
00:59:56,080 --> 00:59:58,800
Speaker 1: you guys. You were great, yea, thank you for coming

1158
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:00,959
Speaker 1: on and we really appre hated it and I hope

1159
01:00:01,040 --> 01:00:03,600
Speaker 1: that our viewers you really raised awareness and just opened

1160
01:00:03,680 --> 01:00:05,880
Speaker 1: up some doors for people to feel comfortable sharing what

1161
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:07,880
Speaker 1: they've been through and talking about it. Yeah, and for

1162
01:00:07,960 --> 01:00:09,400
Speaker 1: those of you that didn't watch it, and we were

1163
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:12,320
Speaker 1: talking about miscarriages and we had an IVF doctor on

1164
01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:15,000
Speaker 1: the show as well and just kind of talking about

1165
01:00:15,680 --> 01:00:18,880
Speaker 1: the challenges and um so definitely try to see if

1166
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 1: you guys can watch that episode on the Doctors. But

1167
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:23,800
Speaker 1: Michael you are reading her background and you're like, she's

1168
01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:30,760
Speaker 1: she's a genius Harvard, Harvard Medical School, Oxford Rhodes scholar.

1169
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 1: I mean, you got it all. I was very impressed

1170
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 1: by just reading you know, your resume here. But so

1171
01:00:37,480 --> 01:00:38,840
Speaker 1: I was like, man, I'm kind of nervous to talk

1172
01:00:38,840 --> 01:00:41,680
Speaker 1: to her now, Oh come on, no, it's I'm happy

1173
01:00:41,720 --> 01:00:43,120
Speaker 1: to talk with you guys. Thank you so much for

1174
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:46,040
Speaker 1: having me on. Do you feel like you like are

1175
01:00:46,160 --> 01:00:50,560
Speaker 1: you what do you think like your absolute specialty is? Oh, well,

1176
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:53,480
Speaker 1: I'm a skin cancer specialist. So my training in medicine

1177
01:00:53,560 --> 01:00:55,720
Speaker 1: is a dermatologist, and then I did a fellowship and

1178
01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:59,400
Speaker 1: skin cancer procedures, so that's that's my niche. So does

1179
01:00:59,440 --> 01:01:01,439
Speaker 1: it make you itch when I say that I don't

1180
01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:06,600
Speaker 1: wear sunscreen? Yes, it's like it's like nails on a

1181
01:01:06,680 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 1: chalkboard for me when when people tell me that, especially

1182
01:01:09,360 --> 01:01:12,200
Speaker 1: you're here in southern California. And how are you feeling,

1183
01:01:12,240 --> 01:01:15,440
Speaker 1: by the way, with the hormones of pregnancy. Well, I've

1184
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:18,440
Speaker 1: been crying a little bit more recently. Um, but I've

1185
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 1: we have we have a couple like we have like

1186
01:01:20,280 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 1: a week or two left. My congratulation, Thank you. I

1187
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:27,120
Speaker 1: figured because we're doing November, it's really any day now.

1188
01:01:28,440 --> 01:01:29,960
Speaker 1: But yeah, you know, I have a hard time with

1189
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:33,360
Speaker 1: that because so speaking of suncare for my uh some

1190
01:01:33,760 --> 01:01:36,360
Speaker 1: lotion for my daughter. For a daughter, one of the

1191
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:38,480
Speaker 1: doctors said that it's actually good for them to get

1192
01:01:38,480 --> 01:01:41,560
Speaker 1: an hour of sun without sunscreen lotion on. Is that true?

1193
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,840
Speaker 1: I would say no, cumulatively in a week, is true?

1194
01:01:45,360 --> 01:01:49,600
Speaker 1: You we Yeah, So usually while it is really important

1195
01:01:49,640 --> 01:01:52,920
Speaker 1: to have adequate vitamin D levels, and no dermatologist or

1196
01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:55,640
Speaker 1: position is going to tell you otherwise. It's more like

1197
01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:58,000
Speaker 1: here in southern California, you're gonna get ten to fifteen

1198
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:00,920
Speaker 1: minutes of daily exposed. Sure, that's going to be more

1199
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:04,000
Speaker 1: than enough. Dad to quickly synthesize what you need. An

1200
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 1: hour is to the point that she's going to turn

1201
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:08,000
Speaker 1: paink or red and she's very likely to burn that

1202
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:10,280
Speaker 1: that's going to be where she's occurring damage that will

1203
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:12,480
Speaker 1: put her at risk for problems later in life, especially

1204
01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:16,920
Speaker 1: skin cancer. So what causes low vitamin D? Because I

1205
01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:20,360
Speaker 1: feel like I was tested once and my vitamin D

1206
01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:23,840
Speaker 1: was low. Yeah, and so we know vitamin D. Everybody

1207
01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:27,040
Speaker 1: knows that it's involved with calcium and phones but we

1208
01:02:27,160 --> 01:02:30,160
Speaker 1: also know that it's a really important regulator of our

1209
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:33,000
Speaker 1: immune system and silk growth, and so it's actually been

1210
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:35,400
Speaker 1: shown to be very protective against certain types of cancer.

1211
01:02:35,600 --> 01:02:37,760
Speaker 1: So the reasons some people we think are low is

1212
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:41,240
Speaker 1: because we're not synthesizing enough, certainly from sunlight, just because

1213
01:02:41,360 --> 01:02:43,680
Speaker 1: we're all indoors and we're not necessarily getting the exposure

1214
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:47,600
Speaker 1: we do otherwise. And then dietary sources, So the sources

1215
01:02:47,760 --> 01:02:50,640
Speaker 1: of vitamin D that are food based are like fatty

1216
01:02:50,680 --> 01:02:53,520
Speaker 1: fish like mackerel, things like egg yolks, so people don't

1217
01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:56,560
Speaker 1: necessarily eat that as much these days. And then fortified

1218
01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:59,440
Speaker 1: foods with vitamin D like milk certainly are good sources

1219
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:04,240
Speaker 1: of it as well. This all makes sense since I'm vegan.

1220
01:03:05,320 --> 01:03:07,760
Speaker 1: That's that's probably why your level was low. But the

1221
01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:09,760
Speaker 1: flip side is that we know if you're out in

1222
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:11,960
Speaker 1: the sun to the point that you turn pink, you're

1223
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:14,320
Speaker 1: getting the type of damage that at least dispuler change

1224
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:16,360
Speaker 1: the least just can cancer down the line. But for

1225
01:03:16,400 --> 01:03:19,440
Speaker 1: your daughter an hour a day, she's too right, It

1226
01:03:19,520 --> 01:03:22,600
Speaker 1: is quite a lot. Yeah, So that's that's a lot

1227
01:03:22,680 --> 01:03:27,600
Speaker 1: of ultraviolet. And we do think that the sunburns she gets. Specifically,

1228
01:03:27,640 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 1: the number of blistering sunburns she gets before she's eighteen

1229
01:03:30,480 --> 01:03:34,520
Speaker 1: is directly proportional to her lifetime can cancer. She's never gotten.

1230
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:37,320
Speaker 1: She's never gotten sunburned yet. Ever. We always and if

1231
01:03:37,320 --> 01:03:38,800
Speaker 1: we're in the sun for a long time, but when

1232
01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:42,080
Speaker 1: she just goes out to play for thirty minutes or

1233
01:03:42,480 --> 01:03:45,160
Speaker 1: in school, I mean, we don't. There's enough shady, shady

1234
01:03:45,280 --> 01:03:47,240
Speaker 1: places that we're playing that it's kind of it's not

1235
01:03:47,400 --> 01:03:51,200
Speaker 1: direct sunlight for that amount of time. Yeah, And I

1236
01:03:51,240 --> 01:03:52,640
Speaker 1: would say if you keep an eye on her and

1237
01:03:52,720 --> 01:03:54,960
Speaker 1: she's not turning pink and the sun that you don't

1238
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:57,240
Speaker 1: see her coming back with this pink it shade to

1239
01:03:57,360 --> 01:04:00,600
Speaker 1: her skin, then she's probably not occurring to damage and

1240
01:04:00,720 --> 01:04:02,960
Speaker 1: it's fine with her. You know that, didn't. I have

1241
01:04:03,040 --> 01:04:05,480
Speaker 1: two kids. I'm outsitting if their sports games. I get it.

1242
01:04:05,960 --> 01:04:08,600
Speaker 1: It's that's what kids should do and they should enjoy

1243
01:04:08,640 --> 01:04:11,360
Speaker 1: the outdoors. It's just really kind of keeping them protected

1244
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:13,080
Speaker 1: that they're not burning. And I was just gonna ask you,

1245
01:04:13,160 --> 01:04:15,560
Speaker 1: sonya you know, you said, your mother of two kids,

1246
01:04:15,920 --> 01:04:18,320
Speaker 1: what do you do knowing what you know and practicing

1247
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,080
Speaker 1: you know, the me in the medical field that you do.

1248
01:04:20,600 --> 01:04:23,720
Speaker 1: What do you do that maybe most parents like the

1249
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:26,680
Speaker 1: common mistake that maybe most parents might make, that you

1250
01:04:26,760 --> 01:04:29,320
Speaker 1: make sure that you don't do. I think it's that

1251
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:33,440
Speaker 1: many parents don't think sunscreen is important year round. And

1252
01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:36,439
Speaker 1: so I even here in southern California where it's sunny

1253
01:04:36,520 --> 01:04:38,920
Speaker 1: all the time, people just think, oh, it's colder, it's

1254
01:04:38,960 --> 01:04:41,920
Speaker 1: the winter, I don't need the sunscreen. But in sunny

1255
01:04:41,960 --> 01:04:44,880
Speaker 1: climates like this, and and even in cold climates because

1256
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:49,160
Speaker 1: remember of ultraviolet penetrates through clouds, it reflects off the snow.

1257
01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:51,480
Speaker 1: So even if you're somewhere when it's one of those bright,

1258
01:04:51,600 --> 01:04:54,880
Speaker 1: beautiful but cold, snowy days, you are getting a lot

1259
01:04:54,960 --> 01:04:57,000
Speaker 1: of ultra violet damage. So I think the one thing

1260
01:04:57,080 --> 01:05:00,440
Speaker 1: I do is that much to my kids for strange

1261
01:05:01,400 --> 01:05:03,919
Speaker 1: screen on them rain or shine, and you know, every

1262
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:06,280
Speaker 1: day year round. It's just they brush their teeth in

1263
01:05:06,320 --> 01:05:08,440
Speaker 1: the morning. And then now they're nine and eleven, they're

1264
01:05:08,440 --> 01:05:10,840
Speaker 1: old enough to put it on themselves. But I'll still

1265
01:05:10,880 --> 01:05:12,680
Speaker 1: attack them if they happen. Then I'll still rub it

1266
01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:14,960
Speaker 1: all over their faces. I mean, I totally get that,

1267
01:05:15,080 --> 01:05:17,480
Speaker 1: but I think what stresses me out is Okay, now,

1268
01:05:17,520 --> 01:05:19,200
Speaker 1: what kind of sunscreen do we have some because if

1269
01:05:19,200 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 1: we put the wrong sunscreen on, then they're going to

1270
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:23,520
Speaker 1: get cancer because of the sunscreen. Yeah, and and that's

1271
01:05:23,560 --> 01:05:25,440
Speaker 1: true because there's more and more data about some of

1272
01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:27,920
Speaker 1: the chemical blocks. And you probably saw and read that

1273
01:05:28,080 --> 01:05:31,160
Speaker 1: in Hawaii, certain chemicals are now banned because they're killing

1274
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:34,440
Speaker 1: the coral reef, the chemicals and sunscreen, specifically octinoxide and

1275
01:05:34,480 --> 01:05:38,280
Speaker 1: oxyben zone. But what I have always recommended, and I

1276
01:05:38,400 --> 01:05:42,160
Speaker 1: certainly recommend for kids is the mineral block broad spectrum sunscreen.

1277
01:05:42,280 --> 01:05:44,720
Speaker 1: So those are things with micronized and oxide or micronized

1278
01:05:44,720 --> 01:05:47,760
Speaker 1: the titanium dioxide and an SPF thirty and those are

1279
01:05:47,920 --> 01:05:50,720
Speaker 1: spafe on adults, they're safe one kids, and they physically

1280
01:05:50,800 --> 01:05:52,440
Speaker 1: just sit on top of your skin and shield and

1281
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:54,600
Speaker 1: deflect ultraviolets. Can you give me do you have any

1282
01:05:54,640 --> 01:05:57,280
Speaker 1: brands that that you know that are good? You know,

1283
01:05:57,440 --> 01:06:00,320
Speaker 1: any brand Just look at the active ingredients the back

1284
01:06:00,400 --> 01:06:02,760
Speaker 1: of the tube and it should have a section at

1285
01:06:02,760 --> 01:06:04,960
Speaker 1: the very top of the bottle that these active ingredients.

1286
01:06:05,080 --> 01:06:08,440
Speaker 1: And if it's a zinc oxide and or titanium dioxide

1287
01:06:08,440 --> 01:06:10,240
Speaker 1: and it doesn't say anything else, that's what you're looking

1288
01:06:10,320 --> 01:06:13,240
Speaker 1: for so every common band in the supermarket drug store

1289
01:06:13,520 --> 01:06:17,200
Speaker 1: should have a line that has that. So we were

1290
01:06:17,280 --> 01:06:20,560
Speaker 1: driving down the street yesterday and I stopped at a

1291
01:06:20,600 --> 01:06:23,120
Speaker 1: red light and I looked over and it was like

1292
01:06:23,240 --> 01:06:27,760
Speaker 1: seventy nine dollars a month cannyon membership, and it made

1293
01:06:27,840 --> 01:06:31,400
Speaker 1: me think that I was like, I can't believe we

1294
01:06:31,600 --> 01:06:37,200
Speaker 1: still have these tanning like tanning beds and strip malls.

1295
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:40,600
Speaker 1: Like what is happening? Or is it okay to go

1296
01:06:40,800 --> 01:06:43,560
Speaker 1: once or twice a week? So this your answer is no,

1297
01:06:43,920 --> 01:06:46,040
Speaker 1: it's not okay to go once or twice a week.

1298
01:06:46,160 --> 01:06:48,840
Speaker 1: In fact, we know that the biggest risk factor for

1299
01:06:49,120 --> 01:06:51,760
Speaker 1: your first skin cancer at a younger age, meaning before

1300
01:06:51,800 --> 01:06:57,520
Speaker 1: the age of forty, is ever having used to tanning bed. Yeah,

1301
01:06:57,600 --> 01:07:00,480
Speaker 1: I mean, there's no thing a quote unquote stay uv

1302
01:07:00,640 --> 01:07:03,280
Speaker 1: tanning bids, because what they're doing is, if you think

1303
01:07:03,280 --> 01:07:05,880
Speaker 1: about it in a very concentrated way, they're delivering that

1304
01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:08,120
Speaker 1: ultra violet that turns to your color, but you're also

1305
01:07:08,160 --> 01:07:12,080
Speaker 1: accruing damage. And so you're right. I mean, panning bits

1306
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 1: are regulated in a number of dates, just like tobacco,

1307
01:07:15,360 --> 01:07:17,280
Speaker 1: basically where you can't go in under the age of

1308
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:20,440
Speaker 1: eighteen and you should get parent parental consent. We know

1309
01:07:20,680 --> 01:07:24,400
Speaker 1: it's a carcinogen. It's just so wildly popular, and there's

1310
01:07:24,480 --> 01:07:27,120
Speaker 1: there's still this kind of misconception among many people that

1311
01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:29,560
Speaker 1: the tan is healthy and you know that you look

1312
01:07:29,640 --> 01:07:31,120
Speaker 1: better win tan, which I think a lot of people

1313
01:07:31,160 --> 01:07:33,400
Speaker 1: feel that way. But but it's totally acceptable to do

1314
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:36,880
Speaker 1: a spray tan. It's so much safer, right, But again,

1315
01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:39,919
Speaker 1: what they're spraying on us, the kind of chemicals they're

1316
01:07:40,000 --> 01:07:43,960
Speaker 1: they're spraying, and then your turn brown. But but the

1317
01:07:44,040 --> 01:07:46,400
Speaker 1: way those chemicals were to your right, and they are chemicals,

1318
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:48,960
Speaker 1: and you know, my bias of course as a dermatologist

1319
01:07:49,080 --> 01:07:51,240
Speaker 1: is why is tans so chic? But I think that

1320
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:54,080
Speaker 1: they're going to be situations and red carpets and things

1321
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:56,720
Speaker 1: where people want to look a little bit more glowy.

1322
01:07:56,880 --> 01:07:59,280
Speaker 1: And the self tanners and the spray tans, so they

1323
01:07:59,320 --> 01:08:02,320
Speaker 1: are chemical, completely agree, are at least much safer than

1324
01:08:02,360 --> 01:08:04,440
Speaker 1: the ultra violet light sources. So in the in the

1325
01:08:04,520 --> 01:08:07,880
Speaker 1: relative risk team, those have not been shown to be carcinogenic,

1326
01:08:07,960 --> 01:08:10,520
Speaker 1: whereas we know that the ultra violet and tanning fits

1327
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:13,200
Speaker 1: it's carcinogenic. So so to me, it seems like a

1328
01:08:13,240 --> 01:08:16,080
Speaker 1: really reasonable trade off. Sonya, have you ever heard of

1329
01:08:16,200 --> 01:08:20,880
Speaker 1: hell's it? I don't know. I don't know what the

1330
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:24,640
Speaker 1: medical term is. So basically, this summer, Jana and I

1331
01:08:25,120 --> 01:08:26,640
Speaker 1: we went to Santa We went to the beach of

1332
01:08:26,680 --> 01:08:28,880
Speaker 1: Santa Monica. We brought our daughter. We lathered her up

1333
01:08:28,920 --> 01:08:32,840
Speaker 1: with sunscreen. Jane didn't wear any that per usual, and

1334
01:08:33,160 --> 01:08:38,400
Speaker 1: I'll usual that I've never gotten burned before. Actually, what

1335
01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:40,160
Speaker 1: I was starting to stay and it made me think

1336
01:08:40,200 --> 01:08:42,680
Speaker 1: of your pregnancy is that Remember the hormones of pregnancy

1337
01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:46,519
Speaker 1: make you much more prone to discoloration. Either the hormone

1338
01:08:46,520 --> 01:08:50,120
Speaker 1: and pregnancy called melano stimulating hormone that's appropriately really high,

1339
01:08:50,200 --> 01:08:53,320
Speaker 1: but that's what gets women a lot of discoloration and melasma. Yeah,

1340
01:08:53,320 --> 01:08:56,599
Speaker 1: I have that on my mouth right now. Beard. Yeah,

1341
01:08:57,560 --> 01:08:59,680
Speaker 1: I will defend her. On this particular day, she was

1342
01:09:00,200 --> 01:09:02,400
Speaker 1: she was wasn't feeling well pregnant. She was laying under

1343
01:09:02,439 --> 01:09:05,600
Speaker 1: the umbrella on a blanket the entire time while I

1344
01:09:05,800 --> 01:09:07,960
Speaker 1: was out with our daughter for like three hours, exposed

1345
01:09:07,960 --> 01:09:10,040
Speaker 1: to the sun with like no break and I lathered

1346
01:09:10,160 --> 01:09:13,439
Speaker 1: him on his front. Okay, wasn't what did I didn't

1347
01:09:13,439 --> 01:09:16,320
Speaker 1: put your front? Yeah? I think you my front because

1348
01:09:16,360 --> 01:09:17,640
Speaker 1: we went like the weekend before and I was a

1349
01:09:17,680 --> 01:09:19,280
Speaker 1: little burn on my front, so I had a load

1350
01:09:19,320 --> 01:09:21,639
Speaker 1: on my front. I didn't do my back on my head,

1351
01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:26,519
Speaker 1: and I'm bald and big mistake. Basically that night was

1352
01:09:27,439 --> 01:09:30,519
Speaker 1: the next day, he comes home. I swear to you, Sonia,

1353
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:34,400
Speaker 1: he comes home like he's a wolf is trying to

1354
01:09:34,479 --> 01:09:36,519
Speaker 1: come out of his body. But I was trying to

1355
01:09:36,600 --> 01:09:40,240
Speaker 1: turn into a werewolf, like I could not move. Jana

1356
01:09:40,479 --> 01:09:43,880
Speaker 1: was dumping ice on my back on our bed like

1357
01:09:44,439 --> 01:09:46,080
Speaker 1: I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt

1358
01:09:46,080 --> 01:09:48,400
Speaker 1: like I had fire ants on my skin and it lasted.

1359
01:09:48,600 --> 01:09:50,360
Speaker 1: I was at work that day. I was starting there.

1360
01:09:50,439 --> 01:09:52,519
Speaker 1: When I was at work, I came home, it got

1361
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:55,280
Speaker 1: even worse and it was just it was one of

1362
01:09:55,280 --> 01:09:57,200
Speaker 1: those things. She had to lock me in the room.

1363
01:09:57,600 --> 01:09:59,760
Speaker 1: So Jolie, our daughter, didn't see me like that because

1364
01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:03,599
Speaker 1: I was like literally losing my mind. Yeah, looked and said,

1365
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:06,200
Speaker 1: how's it. Yeah, I just saw the quote unquote, hell's it.

1366
01:10:06,320 --> 01:10:07,800
Speaker 1: I don't know what the medical term. I don't know

1367
01:10:07,840 --> 01:10:10,120
Speaker 1: if you've heard of that before dealt with that. Yeah,

1368
01:10:10,280 --> 01:10:13,400
Speaker 1: I mean it's basically you were probably also bright red

1369
01:10:13,560 --> 01:10:16,040
Speaker 1: and really swollen to in addition to being a chance

1370
01:10:16,120 --> 01:10:19,080
Speaker 1: to storry that happened to you. Um, but it's true

1371
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:21,880
Speaker 1: that that really damaging and injuring the skin like that

1372
01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:25,920
Speaker 1: from just a really severe acute sun exposure. Often we'll

1373
01:10:26,120 --> 01:10:28,800
Speaker 1: release a lot of the inflammatory chemicals in your skin too,

1374
01:10:28,880 --> 01:10:31,559
Speaker 1: specifically histamine and other they're called side of kinds because

1375
01:10:31,640 --> 01:10:34,400
Speaker 1: John pologist love dragon. But you were probably having a

1376
01:10:34,520 --> 01:10:39,160
Speaker 1: really inflamed, itchy, uncomfortable response just to the injury. That

1377
01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:48,160
Speaker 1: sounds often it can be lousy. Yeah, no again, I'm

1378
01:10:48,160 --> 01:10:50,800
Speaker 1: so sorry that happened. But you know, at least I'm

1379
01:10:51,000 --> 01:10:54,240
Speaker 1: glad you're sharing your stories with people so that they remember.

1380
01:10:54,439 --> 01:10:57,400
Speaker 1: I will never forget to put on sunscreen ever again

1381
01:10:57,439 --> 01:11:02,640
Speaker 1: after that feeling. So it's about yes to remember. An

1382
01:11:02,760 --> 01:11:06,000
Speaker 1: SPF thirty is only talking about how much UVB it blocks,

1383
01:11:06,080 --> 01:11:08,240
Speaker 1: which is one part of the spectrum, but that's still

1384
01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:11,080
Speaker 1: n U to be blocked, so it's pretty good. You

1385
01:11:11,160 --> 01:11:13,160
Speaker 1: do want to also look for something that's a broad

1386
01:11:13,240 --> 01:11:15,880
Speaker 1: spectrum on it because that means it blocks up a Also,

1387
01:11:16,880 --> 01:11:20,559
Speaker 1: Sony two, with you being in dermatology, do you deal

1388
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:23,240
Speaker 1: with I know you specialize kind of the skin skin

1389
01:11:23,360 --> 01:11:27,320
Speaker 1: cancer world, do you deal with, like, you know, breakouts

1390
01:11:27,360 --> 01:11:29,240
Speaker 1: on skin and stuff like that. Just I asked, because

1391
01:11:29,520 --> 01:11:32,720
Speaker 1: I have fairly sensitive skin, and you know, maybe on

1392
01:11:32,800 --> 01:11:35,960
Speaker 1: my back or shoulders, I'm tentative to put oils or

1393
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:38,360
Speaker 1: lotions on there because actually the sun will help kind

1394
01:11:38,360 --> 01:11:40,400
Speaker 1: of clear my skin up at times, especially in the summer,

1395
01:11:40,479 --> 01:11:42,840
Speaker 1: I'm working out a lot or sweating or whatever. And

1396
01:11:43,000 --> 01:11:46,320
Speaker 1: so is that something where certain lotions are better for

1397
01:11:46,400 --> 01:11:49,519
Speaker 1: more sensitive skin? I just I'm very wary about that, yeah,

1398
01:11:49,720 --> 01:11:52,120
Speaker 1: And and so it's interesting because I certainly in the

1399
01:11:52,120 --> 01:11:55,559
Speaker 1: world of dermatology, I deal with breakouts, and people who

1400
01:11:55,640 --> 01:11:58,200
Speaker 1: are acting and breakout prone are often really instant to

1401
01:11:58,240 --> 01:12:01,280
Speaker 1: put anything on. But flip side is that when you

1402
01:12:01,520 --> 01:12:04,640
Speaker 1: strip acne prone skin or it's really sensitive and you

1403
01:12:04,680 --> 01:12:06,680
Speaker 1: put something really harsh and irritating where you're trying to

1404
01:12:06,680 --> 01:12:08,560
Speaker 1: put like in a stringent or alcohol or something to

1405
01:12:08,640 --> 01:12:12,160
Speaker 1: dry it out, then oftentimes you're skin is going to

1406
01:12:12,240 --> 01:12:14,880
Speaker 1: overcompensate because it's being stripped and irritated, so it's going

1407
01:12:14,960 --> 01:12:17,479
Speaker 1: to try to produce more oil, and it may even

1408
01:12:17,560 --> 01:12:20,320
Speaker 1: have kind of a completely counterproductive effect of making you

1409
01:12:20,400 --> 01:12:22,400
Speaker 1: overproduced oil and then your pores get clogged and you

1410
01:12:22,439 --> 01:12:24,880
Speaker 1: break out. So acting prones is actually really sensitive and

1411
01:12:24,960 --> 01:12:27,640
Speaker 1: you don't want to overly irritated to strip it. But

1412
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:29,720
Speaker 1: what you do want to look for is lotions and

1413
01:12:29,840 --> 01:12:32,840
Speaker 1: oils that somewhere have been tested not to clog your pores.

1414
01:12:33,439 --> 01:12:35,439
Speaker 1: So the jargon on the label is going to say

1415
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:38,880
Speaker 1: noncomatogenic or non acnegenic. That means that they've actually at

1416
01:12:38,960 --> 01:12:40,880
Speaker 1: least to asstate and tested it to see if it's

1417
01:12:40,920 --> 01:12:43,320
Speaker 1: likely to break you out. Um. I tell people that

1418
01:12:43,439 --> 01:12:45,479
Speaker 1: try things like if you try something and even if

1419
01:12:45,520 --> 01:12:47,720
Speaker 1: on the label so it's non poor clogging, but it

1420
01:12:47,800 --> 01:12:50,639
Speaker 1: makes you break talk, don't use it. And in general,

1421
01:12:50,880 --> 01:12:54,200
Speaker 1: sent free die free, really hypoallergenic things are a lot

1422
01:12:54,280 --> 01:12:59,840
Speaker 1: less likely to irritate you and worth an acne to work.

1423
01:13:00,000 --> 01:13:03,240
Speaker 1: Our listeners find you. Oh well, I'm practice here in

1424
01:13:03,280 --> 01:13:07,360
Speaker 1: Santa Monica in southern California, and my website is www

1425
01:13:07,720 --> 01:13:10,360
Speaker 1: dot dot trust skincare dot com. I love it and

1426
01:13:10,439 --> 01:13:12,960
Speaker 1: you can watch your on the Doctor. Yes, and Jenna,

1427
01:13:12,960 --> 01:13:15,439
Speaker 1: thank you again. I really do appreciate your coming on

1428
01:13:15,600 --> 01:13:19,600
Speaker 1: and sharing your story with your conception and your miscarriages.

1429
01:13:19,640 --> 01:13:22,800
Speaker 1: I mean, I just was so impressed and grateful that

1430
01:13:22,920 --> 01:13:25,400
Speaker 1: you were so honest and transparent with the people who

1431
01:13:25,479 --> 01:13:27,559
Speaker 1: follow you, because I think you're really opening the door

1432
01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:30,880
Speaker 1: for women who don't talk about miscarriage and they don't

1433
01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:33,479
Speaker 1: talk about fertility struggles and and sort of sort of

1434
01:13:33,479 --> 01:13:35,680
Speaker 1: suffering silence, like I said that day. So thank you

1435
01:13:35,840 --> 01:13:38,520
Speaker 1: for that. Thank you. I appreciate it, and we appreciate

1436
01:13:38,560 --> 01:13:40,800
Speaker 1: you being on on one down. Well, thank you, Thanks

1437
01:13:40,800 --> 01:13:45,439
Speaker 1: for take care by bye. All right, So today's show

1438
01:13:45,560 --> 01:13:47,920
Speaker 1: was full of information. I feel like I need to

1439
01:13:47,960 --> 01:13:52,439
Speaker 1: go home and just digest everything. We went from crying

1440
01:13:52,479 --> 01:13:56,479
Speaker 1: to laughing too to getting scolded by jan Mark for

1441
01:13:58,720 --> 01:14:03,280
Speaker 1: I feel like mom and dad are Matt sorry. We

1442
01:14:03,360 --> 01:14:05,400
Speaker 1: will get more informed and we're we have We have

1443
01:14:05,479 --> 01:14:08,000
Speaker 1: a couple of years to do that. So a huge

1444
01:14:08,040 --> 01:14:10,040
Speaker 1: thank you to all of our guests today on the show,

1445
01:14:10,360 --> 01:14:13,160
Speaker 1: and m Hello Fresh for a total of six dollars off.

1446
01:14:13,200 --> 01:14:15,320
Speaker 1: That's twenty dollars off your first three boxes. Visit Hello

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Speaker 1: Hair Story get ten percent off hair Stories New Wash

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Speaker 1: using the promo code Janna go to Legacy box dot

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Speaker 1: com slash Janna to get off your first order or

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Speaker 1: day v I P membership, and a surprise bonus gift

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Speaker 1: just for you when you sign up and place an

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Speaker 1: order of twenty dollars or more. Grove dot Co slash Jana.

1458
01:14:49,800 --> 01:14:53,000
Speaker 1: Then new podcast Spit. Listen to full episodes now on

1459
01:14:53,120 --> 01:14:55,559
Speaker 1: I Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to podcast.

1460
01:14:55,640 --> 01:14:58,960
Speaker 1: You guys, thank you for an awesome show, and don't

1461
01:14:58,960 --> 01:15:02,080
Speaker 1: forget to do your a couple of challenge too. We

1462
01:15:02,120 --> 01:15:04,800
Speaker 1: are we have to do the couple's challenge, um to

1463
01:15:04,920 --> 01:15:06,240
Speaker 1: both of them. We have to do the guests. And

1464
01:15:06,240 --> 01:15:10,160
Speaker 1: then this week's challenge was to just initiate with your

1465
01:15:10,200 --> 01:15:14,519
Speaker 1: partner and uh god, I don't know if next time

1466
01:15:14,520 --> 01:15:16,000
Speaker 1: we're gonna have a baby or not. I don't know.

1467
01:15:16,280 --> 01:15:19,120
Speaker 1: So we'll see we're not going to have the baby yet.

1468
01:15:19,280 --> 01:15:22,880
Speaker 1: We will Okay, maybe you'll go into labor while doing

1469
01:15:22,960 --> 01:15:25,160
Speaker 1: the podcast, and then we can do the next week.

1470
01:15:25,280 --> 01:15:28,559
Speaker 1: We can do a live podcast, and it'll just all okay,

1471
01:15:28,800 --> 01:15:30,840
Speaker 1: we'll figure it out, we'll all right, see you guys

1472
01:15:30,920 --> 01:15:31,280
Speaker 1: next week.