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Speaker 1: Hey everyone, it's Jay Sheddy and I'm thrilled to announce

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Speaker 1: my podcast tour. For the first time ever, you can

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Speaker 1: experience on purpose in person. Join me in a city

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Speaker 1: near you for meaningful, insightful conversations with surprise guests. It

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Speaker 1: could be a celebrity, top wellness expert, or a CEO

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Speaker 1: or business leader. We'll dive into experiences designed to experience growth,

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Speaker 1: spark learning, and build real connections. I can't wait to

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Speaker 1: meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences

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Speaker 1: for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a

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Speaker 1: meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now.

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Speaker 1: Head to Jysheddy, dop me Forward Slash Tour and get

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Speaker 1: yours today. How much do we actually know about the

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Speaker 1: brain and its potential?

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Speaker 2: We have years of knowledge, but there is an enormous

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Speaker 2: amount that we still don't know. There are brain areas

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Speaker 2: we have no idea what they do. Every ping of

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Speaker 2: the phone is anxiety producing, which then launches her stress response,

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Speaker 2: and that keeps us stressful for way too much of

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Speaker 2: the day. So many people are appreciating at a higher

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Speaker 2: level stress and anxiety and depression. A little bit of

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Speaker 2: that is actually good for the brain. You want to

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Speaker 2: live a long, healthy, energized life, start paying attention to

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Speaker 2: all the things you need to do to make your

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Speaker 2: brain work beautifully. It defines everything that we do and

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Speaker 2: everything that we are. The number one Health and well

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Speaker 2: Iness Podcast.

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Speaker 1: Jay set Jay Sheddy, Wendy, thank you so much for

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Speaker 1: being him so grateful to have you on on purpose.

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Speaker 1: I was really looking forward to this and even just

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Speaker 1: the few words we've exchanged now I'm like, all right,

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Speaker 1: click record asam. We need to capture all of it.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much.

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Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. I'm thrilled to be here.

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Speaker 1: Well, let's dive right in. Yeah, the first thing I

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Speaker 1: wanted to ask you was how much do we actually

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Speaker 1: know about the brain and its potential?

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Speaker 2: That is such a great question. We have hours and

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Speaker 2: semesters and years of knowledge that we have gained about

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Speaker 2: the brain since we've seriously been studying it, but there

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Speaker 2: is an enormous amount that we still don't know. There

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Speaker 2: are brain areas we have no idea what they do.

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Speaker 2: My favorite is called the claustrum. Somebody asked me, what's

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Speaker 2: the most mysterious brain area that you know? Wendy, this

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Speaker 2: is a brain area that connects to everything cortically subcortically,

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Speaker 2: it should be integrating something critical. We have no idea

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Speaker 2: what it does. We have little idea of how consciousness works.

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Speaker 2: We know a lot about vision. So it is a

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Speaker 2: beautiful bag of information and mystery that our brain represents.

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Speaker 1: There's something about that, right that There's so much we've learned,

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Speaker 1: but there's so much yet to uncover. Yes, but I

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Speaker 1: feel when we talk about the brain and what's relevant

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Speaker 1: to us, I think about what does a healthy and

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Speaker 1: unhealthy brain feel like? Yes, and how do we know

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Speaker 1: whether we have a healthy or unhealthy brain?

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Speaker 2: I think that the answer to that is, so many

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Speaker 2: people are appreciating at a higher level their stress and

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Speaker 2: anxiety and depression. A little bit of that is actually

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Speaker 2: good for the brain. Chronic all the time can't get

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Speaker 2: out from under the cloud or the big rock around

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Speaker 2: your neck, that anxiety can feel like. That is not

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Speaker 2: good for your brain. High levels of stress overall will

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Speaker 2: start to first damage and then kill some neurons in

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Speaker 2: your brain. That is not good. So if you are

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Speaker 2: at that level, that is not good for your brain.

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Speaker 1: What about someone who says, and I'm sure you hear

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Speaker 1: this all the time, Wendy, Oh, you know, stress doesn't

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Speaker 1: really affect me. You know, I can just keep going.

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Speaker 1: I don't really notice it. What would you say to

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Speaker 1: someone who says.

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Speaker 2: That, I would say I said that a lot to myself.

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Speaker 2: And when I sat down to write my second book,

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Speaker 2: Good Anxiety, I realized how much stress and anxiety that

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Speaker 2: I was dealing with in my life. And also, I

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Speaker 2: think the key was there were simple tools that one

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Speaker 2: could use to address not all forms of your stress

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Speaker 2: and anxiety, but a lot of those forms of stress

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Speaker 2: and anxiety. And so the first step is awareness.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so becoming aware. Why are we in denial about

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Speaker 1: our stress?

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Speaker 2: I think, well, I live in New York City. People

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Speaker 2: like to wear a badge of stress. Oh you know

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Speaker 2: you every time you answer how are you? Oh so

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Speaker 2: stressed out? So much to do? It's like a badge

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Speaker 2: of a badge of honor. So I think that that

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Speaker 2: becomes has become part of our individualistic society, and that's

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Speaker 2: not good. I mean, what you should be able to say,

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Speaker 2: at least a good chunk of the time is actually,

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Speaker 2: I'm doing well. I feel good, I feel energized. And

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Speaker 2: you don't hear that response all too often. And that's

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Speaker 2: not just in New York, but I think all over

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Speaker 2: the country and all over the world.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. No, I think you're so right. I

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Speaker 1: think people are used to saying surviving, Yes, just surviving,

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Speaker 1: just getting through this day. Yeah, I'm just moving forward.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's why we're doing this episode, because

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Speaker 1: we want people to be able to turn around and say, oh, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm doing well, imnergizing. But it's almost like we carry

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Speaker 1: this guilt if we are about to say that, right,

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Speaker 1: there's a feeling of like, oh, there's a feeling of

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Speaker 1: shame that I'm not working hard enough. Yes, right, So

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Speaker 1: going back the other way with the badge of honor,

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Speaker 1: there's a feeling of if I said, oh, no, I'm

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Speaker 1: actually doing okay, Yeah, that's me saying I'm not working

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Speaker 1: hard in it.

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Speaker 2: Right. I've noticed that as well. I've noticed that in

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Speaker 2: myself and my colleagues. And it's about stepping back and realizing.

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Speaker 2: You know, I think one of the most profound pieces

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Speaker 2: of advice that somebody gave me early on is making

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Speaker 2: me realize how important and how complex my brain was.

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Speaker 2: It defines everything that we do and everything that we are,

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Speaker 2: and making that work well should be high on our list.

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Speaker 2: Chronic stress and buying into that I'm busy all the

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Speaker 2: time culture is not conducive to brain health. So you

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Speaker 2: want to live a long, healthy, energized life, start paying

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Speaker 2: attention to all the things you need to do to

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Speaker 2: make your brain work beautifully.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, no matter how much you think you've got away

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Speaker 1: with it up until now, Yes, it's not good to

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Speaker 1: keep pushing that and testing, yes, how far the brain

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Speaker 1: can go exactly. Walk me through the difference between anxiety

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Speaker 1: and stress and why is it important to know the difference.

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Speaker 2: They are intertwined in a really complex way. So physiologically,

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Speaker 2: the stress response is enacted by the sympathetic nervous system,

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Speaker 2: and it's all those feelings that we are very familiar with.

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Speaker 2: Increase heart rate, increased respiration rate, our eyes dilate, there's

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Speaker 2: a upset stomach because actually blood is rushing away from

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Speaker 2: our digestion and reproductive systems towards our muscles, because the

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Speaker 2: response is to get us ready to run away, to

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Speaker 2: physically flee. Now, anxiety is the emotion of fearing something

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Speaker 2: that is coming up in the future, that could that

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Speaker 2: we don't like, that that could harm us. In his essence,

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Speaker 2: it is protective. So you know, a woman three point

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Speaker 2: five million years ago, trying to protect your baby wanted

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Speaker 2: to use those feelings of anxiety to keep that baby

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Speaker 2: safe from those physical dangers that were there. The problem

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Speaker 2: is that in today's world, every ping of the phone

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Speaker 2: is anxiety producing, which then launches your stress response, and

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Speaker 2: that keeps us stressful for way too much of the day.

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Speaker 2: So the key, I think is learning how to turn

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Speaker 2: the volume down on those anxiety cues that then launch

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Speaker 2: stress and learning what they are for yourself, but also

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Speaker 2: using the tools of science to turn that volume down.

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Speaker 2: It's a simple first step that everybody can take.

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Speaker 1: How do we do that?

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Speaker 2: So the first thing that you can do is first realize,

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Speaker 2: you said, you know, how do we know we're stressed?

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Speaker 2: Self reflect for a moment. Am I am? I telling

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Speaker 2: everybody I'm stressed all the time? Do I not sleep

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Speaker 2: well because of stress? When you do that, there are

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Speaker 2: my number one and number two tools that I immediately go to,

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Speaker 2: And I know you've talked about this so many times

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Speaker 2: on your show. Number one, because it is immediate, is

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Speaker 2: deep breathing breath work. Why because breath work activates the

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Speaker 2: equal and opposite part of that sympathetic fight or flight system,

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Speaker 2: the parasympathetic system. I told you all the things that

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Speaker 2: stress activates, heart rate rays, respiration rays. You know you're

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Speaker 2: blood rushing. I can't control where my blood rushes, and

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Speaker 2: I can't really control my heart rate, but I can

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Speaker 2: control exactly how deep and profound and frequent my breathing is.

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Speaker 2: So that's why just deep breathing just two or three times,

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Speaker 2: can you know, tried out, It can really calm you down,

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Speaker 2: and if you practice it, it gets even more powerful.

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Speaker 2: That's my tool. Go to number one, and it's number

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Speaker 2: one because if I'm getting anxious about this interview, could

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Speaker 2: actually do this in the background you don't even know,

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Speaker 2: And I can calm myself down even in the heat

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Speaker 2: of a This is not a stressful conversation at all,

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Speaker 2: but I'm pretending that you know it could be. Number

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Speaker 2: two is moving your body, and so ten minutes of

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Speaker 2: walking outside or anywhere up and down the stairs, down

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Speaker 2: the hallway has been shown to decrease your anxiety and

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Speaker 2: stress levels. It's one of the fastest way that you

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Speaker 2: can use physical activity to address your stress and anxiety levels.

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Speaker 2: Those are my number one and number two go tos.

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Speaker 2: Anybody can use. You don't even have to change.

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Speaker 1: Your clothes that first Roe. I'm so glad you brought

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Speaker 1: that up. And it's a practice I do still till

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Speaker 1: this day if I'm going on stage or if I'm

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Speaker 1: doing something that's anxiety and using And I think people

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Speaker 1: are always like, Jay, wait a minute, you experienced anxiety.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, of course I do it. Yeah, It's a

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Speaker 1: part of everyday life. And if I'm about to do

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Speaker 1: something that feels that way, I can not. It's the

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Speaker 1: same thing. But now that I've noticed that queue, which is,

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Speaker 1: like you said, it's easy for me to think, Okay, well,

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Speaker 1: I know I need to breathe in for a four

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Speaker 1: and breathe out for more than four, which is a pattern.

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Speaker 1: I like, Are there any patterns that you suggest or

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Speaker 1: is it just deep breathing?

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Speaker 2: You know, the easiest is just deep you for three

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Speaker 2: or four counts in three, four counts out. But I

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Speaker 2: like box breathing, which I know you know about. Deep

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Speaker 2: breath in for four counts, hold at the top for

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Speaker 2: four counts, deep breath out for four counts, hold it

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Speaker 2: at the bottom for four counts. It's funny every time

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Speaker 2: I even say that, and I often say that in

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Speaker 2: these kinds of interviews, I feel myself destressing as I

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Speaker 2: do that, because the muscle memory of when I do

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Speaker 2: do that comes in. But yes, it is such a

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Speaker 2: powerful technique that everybody can use.

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Speaker 1: And how do we spot our cues more closely? Because

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Speaker 1: so for a long time I used to say I

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Speaker 1: don't get stressed, And then I started to realize when

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Speaker 1: I was actually still, that all my stress was stored

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Speaker 1: in my body. So I wouldn't get stressed mentally, I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't ex experience it in my mind, and I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: experience it in my chest or my heart. But then

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Speaker 1: I started to notice that my upper shoulders or my

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Speaker 1: neck is always tight. Yeah, And it took me a

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Speaker 1: while before I started to recognize that stress existed in

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Speaker 1: different ways as opposed to this idea of oh, well

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Speaker 1: it's not up here, so it doesn't exist. How do

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Speaker 1: we get closer to those cues? Because I think there's

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Speaker 1: two questions. One is how do we get closer to

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Speaker 1: our cues? And the second is when you feel that

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Speaker 1: cue or trigger, how do you remind yourself to breathe?

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Speaker 2: I think to get closer to your cues. The easiest

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Speaker 2: answer is to spend time in open awareness of your

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Speaker 2: own cues. And just as you said, and it's the

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Speaker 2: same for me, they don't suddenly appear on a list

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Speaker 2: in front of you. You have to go and seek

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Speaker 2: them out because for you, it wasn't in your head,

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Speaker 2: it was in your body. I'll never forget. Multiple times

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Speaker 2: I've had the experience of deep tissue massage in certain

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Speaker 2: places that triggered just crying in me and I'm I'm

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Speaker 2: so sorry, what's happening? They said, No, I've just touched

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Speaker 2: a point in your body that you store a lot

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Speaker 2: of stress. You mean, like actually cry, actual physical crime.

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Speaker 2: And it wasn't like I couldn't help it. And it's happened.

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Speaker 2: It's happened just twice. But that was my very clear

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Speaker 2: cue that I also store a lot of stress and

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Speaker 2: anxiety in my own body. You have to go and

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Speaker 2: look for that, and you have to notice it, and

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Speaker 2: you have to remind yourself when you've been covering up

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Speaker 2: your own stress and anxiety, which I am also a

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Speaker 2: master of. It takes a little exploration, and I think

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Speaker 2: that listening to others and and and actually asking a friend,

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Speaker 2: do you notice times when when you think I'm more

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Speaker 2: stress than others, and sometimes you might be surprised. That

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Speaker 2: might be a really good, you know, moment of realization.

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Speaker 2: And so then your second question was, once you realize

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Speaker 2: in this moment, how do you remind yourself to breathe?

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Speaker 2: And that's a hard one and I think the best

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Speaker 2: way is don't wait until say, oh I'm anxious, I

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Speaker 2: need to breathe. But never having any practice with this breathing,

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Speaker 2: it is wonderful to take To take a class time

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Speaker 2: and go to a breath meditation class. You learn so

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Speaker 2: much because there is literally thousands of years of breath

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Speaker 2: work technique to learn. And I've been exploring that as well.

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Speaker 2: But you don't have to get super fancy. Sometimes it's

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Speaker 2: just about you said you like the inhale and exhale

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Speaker 2: for a longer time. That is a very basic but

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Speaker 2: powerful one. Explore that on YouTube. There are thousands of

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Speaker 2: free meditations you can do that. I always send people

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Speaker 2: there practice it, see which ones you like. Sometimes it's

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Speaker 2: too long of a hold for people, and you have

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Speaker 2: to find the one that you like, practice, get it

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Speaker 2: comfortable with yourself, and then it'll be easier to call

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Speaker 2: it up when you do notice that moment coming up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, I think I think that's great. At

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Speaker 1: what advice it's you can't have something help you. It's

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Speaker 1: almost like I remember being at school and they'd always

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Speaker 1: train you with what happens if there was a fire,

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Speaker 1: So you're training when there isn't a fire, yes, and

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Speaker 1: so it's like, hey, when there's a fire, you're going

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Speaker 1: to walk through this door, you're going to line up outside,

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Speaker 1: you're going to do this. And it's almost like we

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Speaker 1: need that yes for when the fires appear in our

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Speaker 1: mind exactly, and you've got to do the routine before

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Speaker 1: it happens in reality.

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Speaker 2: Right, And if you do, do it, really think about

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Speaker 2: how that made you feel. Do you feel that difference?

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Speaker 2: And it's important to keep exploring how different things make

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Speaker 2: you feel. Because maybe you chose just a bum breath technique.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't work for you, and there are those that

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Speaker 2: you know just won't hack it for you, So try

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Speaker 2: other things, but stay aware. And that practice of self

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Speaker 2: awareness I think is so important for the rest of

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Speaker 2: our lives.

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Speaker 1: I think what's actually happening to the brain when we

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Speaker 1: ignore anxiety and stress for a long periods of time.

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Speaker 2: Stress very physiologically releases stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol goes through

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Speaker 2: the blood brain barrier, goes into the brain. And the

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Speaker 2: danger is that there are key brain areas that you

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Speaker 2: want to keep healthy and thriving and growing throughout your

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Speaker 2: life that high levels of consistent cortisol will damage and

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Speaker 2: then eventually kill cells. And the first brain area I'll

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Speaker 2: focus on is called the hippocampus, critical for memory function,

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Speaker 2: and here we know that long term stress. For example,

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Speaker 2: people with PTSD monkeys that have low rank in the

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Speaker 2: pecking order male monkeys have tiny little hippocampi because those

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Speaker 2: cells have gotten damage and then died, and that is

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Speaker 2: not good. We need what I like to call a big, fat,

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Speaker 2: fluffy hippa campus for the rest of our lives. This

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Speaker 2: is the area that first gets attacked in Alzheimer's disease,

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Speaker 2: and you want to keep that beautiful and healthy. The

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Speaker 2: other brain area that is attacked in stress is your

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Speaker 2: prefrontal cortex, critical for decision making, being able to shift

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Speaker 2: and focus your attention. And so you are starting to

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Speaker 2: damage two key areas you know. I lead nine thousand

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Speaker 2: students The two brain areas I want to work best

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Speaker 2: in these students are the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex.

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Speaker 2: And it kills me that during finals, all that stress

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Speaker 2: that comes off is damaging their ability to show us

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Speaker 2: all the beautiful knowledge that they learn. Of course, not

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Speaker 2: just my students, but all students around the world. How

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Speaker 2: how can we destress that process and thereby help learning,

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Speaker 2: help help re call, help their professors know what they

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Speaker 2: do understand about the topic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what what are our daily activities that are damaging

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Speaker 1: the hippocampus and the prefrontal cortex.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it is that every day stress. It's

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Speaker 2: the anxiety provoked by scary news that we read every

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Speaker 2: single day, by social media. And here I'm thinking about younger,

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Speaker 2: younger people well known how much it damages self esteem

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Speaker 2: to spend too much time on social media, all these things.

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Speaker 2: We all know these stressors in our lives. But it's

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Speaker 2: actually hard to put the newspaper down. It's hard, it's

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Speaker 2: really hard to put the phone down. But that could

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Speaker 2: be such a game changer for both adults and children.

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Speaker 2: And you just ask, well, what am I going to

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Speaker 2: do have a conversation with the real person, which is

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Speaker 2: what I always try and push people to do. That

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Speaker 2: is such a joy and a privilege in our lives

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Speaker 2: to be able to do. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I've really found also that if we can just find

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Speaker 1: a gap between when you wake up and when you

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Speaker 1: pick up your phone, it just rewires the brain. And

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Speaker 1: I think we have to think about it, yeah, physically

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Speaker 1: where it goes. Okay, Well, if I don't put my

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Speaker 1: brain in this noise in the morning, just as I

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Speaker 1: would never wake up to like volume one hundred on

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Speaker 1: any song or whatever it may be, if I just

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Speaker 1: allow my brain some time to like speed up naturally

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Speaker 1: and catch up with the pace of the day, then

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Speaker 1: actually I'll be better at doing everything else rather than

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Speaker 1: when I rush my brain from zero to one hundred

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Speaker 1: miles per hour with fifty emails and thirty notifications, I'm

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Speaker 1: expecting so much of my brain, and no wonder I'm

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Speaker 1: stressed out immediately because my brain's trying to compute and formulate.

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Speaker 1: It's like, it's like if your partner turned to you

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Speaker 1: in the morning and said I want to have a

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Speaker 1: really deep discussion about life. Yeah first in the morning,

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Speaker 1: It's like you'd be like, well, I don't think I

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Speaker 1: can handle that right now. Yeah, and it's shocking to

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Speaker 1: me how many of us are putting ourselves in stress

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Speaker 1: by looking at our phones first thing in the morning.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I have a morning routine that I've come to love,

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Speaker 2: which is about a forty five minute meditation when I

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Speaker 2: first wake up. So that's the first thing that I do.

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Speaker 2: And I do a tea meditation, which is meditation over

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Speaker 2: the brewing and drinking of tea, because not tea bag tea,

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Speaker 2: but you know, loose leaf tea where you have to

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Speaker 2: seep it for a certain amount of time or else

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Speaker 2: it doesn't taste its best, and then you pour it

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Speaker 2: and then you drink it and then you re seep it.

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Speaker 2: So for me, that ritual really keeps me in meditation.

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Speaker 2: And what do I mean by meditation Just I do

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Speaker 2: body scans. I have prayers that I go through every morning,

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Speaker 2: which is I think, the antithesis of looking at your email.

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Speaker 2: And then I do a thirty minute workout, which is

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Speaker 2: I do it online, So I do open my computer,

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Speaker 2: but I'm not, you know, looking at the newspaper at

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Speaker 2: the same time I'm doing my workout. I'm focused on

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Speaker 2: that workout, and that really prepares me for the day,

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Speaker 2: and if I miss either one of those, I feel

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Speaker 2: it the rest of the day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, I love hearing that. How long have you

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Speaker 1: done that for?

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Speaker 2: I've done the meditation for nine years straight and I've

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Speaker 2: missed only a few days when I have those four

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Speaker 2: am you have to get on the cab at four

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Speaker 2: am to get to the airport and exercise I've been

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Speaker 2: doing for even longer. I've gone through lots of habits

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Speaker 2: with my exercise, but having the morning habit and really

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Speaker 2: forcing myself, not forcing, it's a habit, having the habit

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Speaker 2: of even when I only have five minutes I'll do

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Speaker 2: some sort of you know, stretch or something for that

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Speaker 2: five minutes every single day and feel good about that

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Speaker 2: in addition to my good thirty minute cardio strength workout

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Speaker 2: where I really sweat. So, I mean, I think we're

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Speaker 2: both talking about the habits that we choose for ourselves

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Speaker 2: that improve our mental health, strengthen our brain. This is

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Speaker 2: so important to choose for us.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, And I think the point is you'll get

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Speaker 1: so much more out of your day and your brain. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I think often we think, well if I skip that,

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Speaker 1: I used to be like this with my wife. She

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Speaker 1: was the one who kept drilling into me how important

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Speaker 1: physical activity was. Yeah, And I was just like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm fine, and she was like, imagine how alert you'll be,

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Speaker 1: Imagine how focused you will be. And I didn't believe her.

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Speaker 1: And then when I started to do it, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: she's right, and it's such an interesting thing. It's so

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Speaker 1: easy to think I'll accomplish more if I don't make

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Speaker 1: time for meditation, breath work and working out, But you won't.

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Speaker 1: You'll actually accomplish less.

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Speaker 2: You'll accomplished.

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Speaker 1: Is that what you found is that does a science

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Speaker 1: show that too?

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Speaker 2: You know, the science shows that exercise improves your mood,

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Speaker 2: it improves your ability to shift and focus your attention.

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Speaker 2: Long term, it will improve your memory. And so compared

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Speaker 2: to subjects or you know, animal subjects that don't do exercise,

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Speaker 2: there is better brain function in those people that are exercising. So, yes,

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Speaker 2: the science is behind it. And there's beautiful science in

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Speaker 2: meditation showing that there are brain areas that are enhanced

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Speaker 2: with in months. For example, that's going way. I'm never

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Speaker 2: going to be a monk. But the active meditation is

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Speaker 2: a act of learning how to focus better, so that

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Speaker 2: I could focus on your questions and not be distracted

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Speaker 2: by whatever is going on on the outside. I mean,

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Speaker 2: we have a nice quiet room, but sometimes, you know,

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Speaker 2: I live in New York, We're on the subway and

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Speaker 2: there's so much noise, and when you practice the meditation,

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Speaker 2: you realize how powerful that is for your life, that

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Speaker 2: I could choose to focus on you. That's all I'm

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Speaker 2: focused on. I'm listening to you deeply, I'm thinking about

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Speaker 2: it deeply, And that is an experience that not enough

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Speaker 2: of us are having on a very regular basis.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, why does it feel like when we're trying to

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Speaker 1: do that? It almost feels like it hut right, Like

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Speaker 1: when someone's really trying to focus, it's like you're trying

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Speaker 1: to pull the energy. And people can feel like, oh god,

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Speaker 1: it's so tiring, where it's exhausting to be present and

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Speaker 1: it almost feels like you're having to pull yourself in

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Speaker 1: a certain direction, but there's some tension and resistance back.

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Speaker 1: What are we experiencing? What's going on? You know?

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Speaker 2: I think part of that is our lives have been

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Speaker 2: focused on getting pulled in ten different directions at the

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Speaker 2: same time. We get used to that, and so no,

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Speaker 2: I can't focus on you for a whole hour because

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Speaker 2: I have thirty other things that I usually get pulled into.

434
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,399
Speaker 2: And that becomes your habit. If that is your habit,

435
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:55,919
Speaker 2: I think you need to rethink that. And it's a

436
00:24:56,119 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 2: muscle that you build. I remember my undergraduate IT advisor,

437
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 2: the woman who made me want to become a neuroscientist.

438
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,919
Speaker 2: She used to say that new learning, this is a

439
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:10,160
Speaker 2: new habit that you're learning, will hurt. It'll make your

440
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,800
Speaker 2: brain hurt because it's those dendrites that are growing and

441
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:18,360
Speaker 2: stretching out and making new connections. It's not an easy thing.

442
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,560
Speaker 2: It's a metabolic load. It is an effort to build

443
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,879
Speaker 2: new pathways. But that's what we're doing when we're trying

444
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,440
Speaker 2: to focus and connect for longer periods of time than

445
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,199
Speaker 2: we were used to.

446
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 1: Okay, so it's okay if it hurts.

447
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, absolutely, it's supposed to hurt.

448
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 1: Right. It's almost like you're walking through a path that

449
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:39,720
Speaker 1: doesn't exist yet, yes, and so you're having to pave

450
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 1: that way exactly. You're the first person walking in. Yeah,

451
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 1: there's nothing ahead of you. You're chopping down the trees

452
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,679
Speaker 1: and leaves in front of you. You're building the bridge

453
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 1: the pathway. Yes, and that's why it hurts. And it's

454
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,640
Speaker 1: so interesting when you think about it that way. Yeah,

455
00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 1: you go, oh, okay, So every time I walk over

456
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:58,200
Speaker 1: that bridge, it will become stronger, yes, And every time

457
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,920
Speaker 1: I step on that step path becomes clearer, and now

458
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 1: it's going to be easier for me every time. Yeah. Yeah,

459
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 1: it's it's fascinating to me just how everything that's good

460
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 1: for you seems hard and everything that's bad for you

461
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,160
Speaker 1: seems easy.

462
00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 2: Well, yes, I think at the certain at a certain

463
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:22,600
Speaker 2: point of the journey, that is absolutely the case. But

464
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 2: at a different point of the journey, when you've when

465
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,880
Speaker 2: you've you know, cut down those trees with your machete,

466
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:34,920
Speaker 2: it feels glorious to be able to have these deep

467
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 2: conversations with your friends and build that habit with your

468
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 2: friends and your loved ones, and build that habit of

469
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 2: first thing in the morning, no no phone, and meditation,

470
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,439
Speaker 2: and you know how much better you're going to feel.

471
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 2: And that that is the part of the gratitude. Yes,

472
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 2: I have a gratitude practice. It is that it is

473
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 2: like being grateful for all those good habits that I

474
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 2: have been forming and throwing those away that I don't

475
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:05,960
Speaker 2: and being grateful that I threw that away.

476
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,399
Speaker 1: Yeah. I talked a lot about going back to your

477
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,840
Speaker 1: point around Monk's Brains. I talked a lot about the

478
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: science be Monk's Brains in my first book, Think Like

479
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,679
Speaker 1: a Monk. And I remember a simple practice that we

480
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:18,119
Speaker 1: used to do when I lived as a month that

481
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 1: was really helpful to me. So we would often meditate

482
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:25,879
Speaker 1: on beads, and we were always told because we'd be

483
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 1: meditating on those beads sometimes for two hours at a time,

484
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:30,399
Speaker 1: four hours at a time, even more. And so we

485
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 1: were always told, when you hear the word two hours,

486
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 1: you're just like, God, how am I going to get

487
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:37,120
Speaker 1: through two hours? And we're always told, just focus on

488
00:27:37,119 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 1: one bead at a time, one mantra at a time,

489
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 1: just one at a time, And all of a sudden,

490
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: it became so much easier where it was just like,

491
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,679
Speaker 1: it's just about this bead, it's just about this mantra,

492
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 1: it's just about this step, it's not about two hours.

493
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,360
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes when we're thinking, oh gosh, I've

494
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:54,840
Speaker 1: got to build this new habit, I've got to work

495
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 1: out five days a week, and I've got to it's

496
00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:01,280
Speaker 1: like that just feels so insurmountable. Why does the brain

497
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:05,040
Speaker 1: work better with small steps and habits and changes.

498
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:10,719
Speaker 2: That's such a great question. I think that it is

499
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 2: part of the effort that goes into something new, the

500
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 2: novelty of praying on a single bead and kind of

501
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 2: fighting away that instacts like, oh I didn't get through

502
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:27,959
Speaker 2: one hundred beads, I'm a failure. That's a lot of

503
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 2: cognitive noise. And I always say for exercise and meditation,

504
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 2: those those two things that could immediately decrease your stress

505
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 2: and anxiety levels. It's great. In fact, I tell you,

506
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 2: I tell everybody to start small. Ten minutes of walking.

507
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 2: Don't even have to change your clothes or your shoes,

508
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 2: just a minute of deep breathing, just put your phone on,

509
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 2: you know, just the clock and just so you know

510
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 2: how much that minute is. And just doing that is

511
00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 2: is good enough. And the effort comes in batting away

512
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 2: all those feelings of failure and the difference between your

513
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 2: one minute and ten hours that you really wanted to do.

514
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:14,520
Speaker 1: Definitely, what's the difference between everyday anxiety and then having

515
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 1: an anxiety disorder?

516
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:22,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, so Anxiety is a normal human emotion. Everybody has anxiety.

517
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 2: I think it's been kind of clinicalized. Oh I have anxiety. Yeah,

518
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 2: everybody has anxiety. But anxiety exists on a very very

519
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 2: large spectrum. So we all have anxiety, and yes, the

520
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 2: highest levels of anxiety that prevent you from doing the

521
00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 2: everyday things that you need to do in your life

522
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 2: and having a job and having relationships and going out

523
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 2: and doing things. That's clinical and it is just kind

524
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:52,680
Speaker 2: of going down that rabbit hole of anxiety and needing

525
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 2: more help, clinical help to get you out with cognitive

526
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 2: behavioral therapy, so many different techniques that you could use.

527
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,479
Speaker 2: So it's all part of a spectrum, which you know,

528
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:07,080
Speaker 2: I hope that makes people feel better because you can

529
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:10,160
Speaker 2: come back. Everybody has it. Let's just pull you back

530
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:14,720
Speaker 2: from that highest level and let you take advantage of

531
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 2: I think one of the things I love the most

532
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 2: from my book Good Anxiety is that it's not about

533
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 2: anxiety so bad. Let me just tell you the tools

534
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 2: to get rid of it in your life. It is

535
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 2: the acknowledgment that anxiety is a protective mechanism. My invitation is,

536
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:40,400
Speaker 2: can I invite you to try and use your anxiety

537
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 2: to help protect you, to actually give you some gifts

538
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 2: or superpowers, because there's a lot that we can learn

539
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 2: from our anxiety and all our uncomfortable emotions.

540
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 1: I think when people hear that, they may think, oh,

541
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 1: that's cool, but I don't believe it, Like, how could

542
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,440
Speaker 1: I believe that anxiety can be my superpower?

543
00:30:58,560 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 2: How do I do that?

544
00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 1: Make that switch from going I'm scared, yeah too, actually unprepared?

545
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah. So I start with I think the easiest

546
00:31:07,320 --> 00:31:11,360
Speaker 2: to implement. So this one is the superpower of productivity

547
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 2: that comes from a very common form of anxiety that

548
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 2: everybody has, which is the to do list that comes

549
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,840
Speaker 2: up at opportune times like oh you get overwhelmed. For me,

550
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 2: it comes up right before I'm going to go to sleep,

551
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 2: and so it prevents me from going to sleep, so annoying.

552
00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 2: And so the flip for that is to take the

553
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:35,040
Speaker 2: to do list, and first I want you to notice

554
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,720
Speaker 2: that all of these things are things that you care

555
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,959
Speaker 2: about doing well. They're usually about your job, or your

556
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 2: relationship or money, money, things, all good to be concerned

557
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:52,600
Speaker 2: about them. The trick is to take that what if

558
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 2: list and turn it into a to do list and

559
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 2: so for me, I don't do it in the middle

560
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 2: of the night. I wait till the next morning. But

561
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 2: I've trained myself that I'm going to take care of

562
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 2: each one of those worries and do something active. If

563
00:32:07,080 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 2: there is an issue at work, I'm going to talk

564
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 2: to three people about it and try and get input

565
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 2: for that. There's something active that you can do for

566
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 2: every single one of your worries, and the more people

567
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,840
Speaker 2: you talk to about it, you realize that very productive

568
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,240
Speaker 2: people are already doing this, so take advantage of that

569
00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:24,960
Speaker 2: of that trick.

570
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,520
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571
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572
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573
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574
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575
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576
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577
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578
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579
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580
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581
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582
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583
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584
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585
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586
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588
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589
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590
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591
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Speaker 1: make sure you use the code on purpose. Yeah. I

592
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 1: really like that. And one thing that's really helped me

593
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 1: is I always look at my anxiety as revealing to

594
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 1: me a skill I haven't yet developed. Yes, and I

595
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:03,239
Speaker 1: really believe that it's like it's a muscle that you

596
00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 1: need to develop. So I go, Okay, if I'm anxious

597
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,360
Speaker 1: about going to this event and having to do small talk,

598
00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 1: it's because I haven't built the skill to be able

599
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,600
Speaker 1: to do small talk. So maybe if I read a book,

600
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 1: or I spoke to someone, or I sat down with

601
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:17,440
Speaker 1: an expert, or I listened to a podcast with an

602
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:20,760
Speaker 1: expert on how to have good conversations, all of a sudden,

603
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 1: now I know what questions to ask, and at least

604
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 1: it makes me feel comfortable. Or if a I'm nervous

605
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,480
Speaker 1: about the fact that I've been asked to do something

606
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 1: at work and I know nothing about it, Hey, let

607
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 1: me go and take a course on it or a

608
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,359
Speaker 1: class on it. And I feel I always look at

609
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 1: anxiety as just a sign of what's a skill I

610
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 1: don't have, quality, I haven't developed, an ability, or a

611
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 1: priority I haven't made, and now let me do that.

612
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 1: It could be the skill of having tough conversations, the

613
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 1: skill of learning to say no, the skill of setting boundaries,

614
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. It's just this one skill away,

615
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 1: not that I won't feel that anxiety ever again, but

616
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,719
Speaker 1: that I can actually better manage that anxiety when it arrives.

617
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:03,359
Speaker 2: Right. I love that because you've just created a new

618
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 2: superpower of anxiety, which is the love of learning. So

619
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:12,000
Speaker 2: can you turn your anxieties into the next learning project

620
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 2: that you have and then get better at small talk

621
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 2: or whatever you're anxious about. I love that.

622
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 1: Yeah. No, it's the only thing that's ever helped me

623
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:24,880
Speaker 1: for so many years subconsciously. I just I've always experienced anxiety,

624
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 1: but I've found that it just got less and less

625
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,320
Speaker 1: and less as my skills developed. Yeah yeah, And developing

626
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 1: those skills was hard, and that took time and effort

627
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 1: and it wasn't easy. But as those skills grew, now

628
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:38,799
Speaker 1: it was just like, oh, I can manage this. I

629
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:40,839
Speaker 1: know I can deal with this. And of course there

630
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: are always going to be things that surprise you and

631
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 1: then you go, oh god, I have no skills for

632
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:47,840
Speaker 1: this one. And that's okay too. But even if the

633
00:35:47,840 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 1: skill is resilient, or even if the skill is learning

634
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,920
Speaker 1: to develop how to deal with grief, I feel these

635
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 1: are all skills and muscles and if they looked to

636
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 1: that way, we can deal with them better.

637
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 2: Absolutely. I mean, those anxieties are really telling you what

638
00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:08,600
Speaker 2: you hold dear in your life. I think, wow, that

639
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 2: sounds good. I want to know what I hold dear

640
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,840
Speaker 2: in my life because the flip side of your anxiety,

641
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 2: and the flip side of grief is deep love. And

642
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:20,000
Speaker 2: so I think that all of these more difficult emotions,

643
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:23,279
Speaker 2: when seen in that light, can be embraced in a

644
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 2: new way instead of trying to kick them out the

645
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:29,560
Speaker 2: door and never experience them again. That that is not

646
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:34,920
Speaker 2: a full life if you don't have grief, because it

647
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:39,000
Speaker 2: suggests you didn't have that deep love that turns into

648
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:42,880
Speaker 2: grief when something goes away. Not that I'm wishing people grief,

649
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 2: but that helped me so much in my periods of

650
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:52,400
Speaker 2: grief to realize that that grief would never be so

651
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 2: deep that I could never even imagine it before it happened,

652
00:36:56,080 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 2: unless unless the love for those people were were so

653
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:02,160
Speaker 2: deep in the first place. And it's like, Wow, I

654
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:07,719
Speaker 2: loved them more than I even realized, which was a

655
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 2: gift to realize that and pulled me out of my grief.

656
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,920
Speaker 1: Wow, that's so beautiful. Could you share more on that

657
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:17,759
Speaker 1: from real perspective, how you actually got to that realization,

658
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 1: How was it before you felt that way?

659
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:24,479
Speaker 2: So that realization really really defined the way I wrote

660
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 2: this book Good Anxiety, because I started the book before

661
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 2: these events, and it was going to be a neuroscience

662
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:33,800
Speaker 2: based book on anxiety, and I was going to explain

663
00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:36,759
Speaker 2: the science of it so everybody could understand. And it

664
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:41,840
Speaker 2: was going forward in an exciting way. And then my

665
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:46,319
Speaker 2: father passed away, and he was eighty five, and he

666
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 2: had dementia and he had a sudden heart attack, and

667
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:56,239
Speaker 2: it was just so so sad, and I remember being

668
00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 2: so grateful that my brother did the eulogy, because that

669
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:03,880
Speaker 2: has been my biggest fear in life, to have to

670
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:07,160
Speaker 2: do eulogy and have to stand up and talk about

671
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:11,239
Speaker 2: somebody who's just passed without your crying uncontrollably. He did

672
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 2: such a beautiful job. But the next traggy tragedy was

673
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 2: that three months later, my brother, who's two years younger,

674
00:38:19,880 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 2: also passed away of a heart attack. Suddenly. He was

675
00:38:22,600 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 2: the most fit person and that you would ever know.

676
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 2: And that was devastating to lose both of them of

677
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 2: the same thing within three months. And I was trying

678
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:40,399
Speaker 2: to go through it, and I stopped writing the book

679
00:38:40,400 --> 00:38:43,360
Speaker 2: because I couldn't because I was grieving. Then I realized

680
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:45,879
Speaker 2: I had to. I had to do his eulogy because

681
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 2: there was nobody else left. It was it was only me. Uh,

682
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 2: and so a lot of soul searching what am I

683
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 2: going to say? How am I going to get through this?

684
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:01,560
Speaker 2: And it was in that search that I realized that

685
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:07,839
Speaker 2: that grief was coming from a good place, and it

686
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 2: actually was inspired by a workout that it was doing,

687
00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 2: where the instructor said and trying to get us to

688
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 2: work out harder. She said, with great pain comes great wisdom.

689
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, my god, that's what I

690
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 2: need to know right at this moment. What is the

691
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 2: wisdom that's coming from this huge pain that I've never

692
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:33,879
Speaker 2: felt before? And I realized that the wisdom was that

693
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:38,279
Speaker 2: the deep grief was showing me how much I love them.

694
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 2: And so it was still hardest thing I've ever done

695
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:48,120
Speaker 2: to write this eulogy and stand up, but I basically

696
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:53,279
Speaker 2: invited everybody to cry along with me at the one

697
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 2: point that was hardest to get through, and I got

698
00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 2: through with that way. But it allowed me to approach

699
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 2: grief in a very different way, and I want to

700
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:14,640
Speaker 2: say I'm almost thankful for that experience because it made

701
00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 2: me search for the beauty that comes from the pain

702
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:20,359
Speaker 2: in our lives in a brand new way.

703
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,799
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for sharing that, And I'm so

704
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 1: sorry for that period in your life. I can't imagine

705
00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:31,680
Speaker 1: how Yeah, how challenging and stressful that is talking about

706
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 1: stress and anxiety. Yeah, and I really appreciate how you

707
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:39,200
Speaker 1: connect to the dots for us, because it's one thing.

708
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:44,400
Speaker 1: You know, you're this incredible researcher, professor, you have so

709
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: much amazing insight, but then to apply it in real

710
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 1: life in extreme cases, it is so hard. What did

711
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:55,920
Speaker 1: you learn about the brain when going through that that

712
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:57,080
Speaker 1: you didn't know already?

713
00:40:58,120 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 2: I learned that my brain was more resilient, to more

714
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 2: resilient than I thought it was. I expanded the range

715
00:41:06,640 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 2: of my emotions that I had experienced in my life,

716
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:16,800
Speaker 2: which is a good thing. I think that relativism is beautiful.

717
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 2: That dark feeling of deep grief helps me appreciate the

718
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 2: joyous moments better. And I think about that a lot

719
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 2: after this has happened. It really that was part of

720
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 2: the gift that I got. And yes, and it changed

721
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 2: the way I looked at because then I did the eulogy.

722
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 2: I came out of it. I was feeling better. Okay.

723
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 2: I to go back to this book on anxiety, but

724
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 2: I couldn't write it in the same way anymore. I

725
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:54,920
Speaker 2: had to find the gifts or the superpowers that came

726
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,799
Speaker 2: from anxiety, which I've already shared that with you, But

727
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 2: that's the reason why I never would have I don't

728
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:04,960
Speaker 2: know what the gifts are. Well, I did learn not trick.

729
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 2: I learned that lesson through through that experience, and I

730
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 2: applied it to the emotion of anxiety, and I think

731
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:15,240
Speaker 2: it changed the book. Well I know it changed the book.

732
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 2: I wrote it in a completely different way and I've

733
00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 2: used those lessons in a different way in my life

734
00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:21,880
Speaker 2: since that experience.

735
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 1: Wonderful And what did you know about the brain already

736
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,440
Speaker 1: at the time that helped you get through it?

737
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:30,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, as a nerdy neuroscience and neuroscientists, I know all

738
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 2: about the mechanisms and the receptors involved in stress. And

739
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 2: not that I studied grief per se, but grief is

740
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:40,920
Speaker 2: one you know, it gives you a lot of stress

741
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:46,640
Speaker 2: when you have grief. I think my whole life has

742
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 2: helped me bring my more academic study of neuroscience to life.

743
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,920
Speaker 2: There is the lessons that I could teach and that

744
00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,959
Speaker 2: I do teach to students about what we know about

745
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:03,800
Speaker 2: the stress system, the memory system, your prefrontal cortex, decision making,

746
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 2: all these fascinating topics. But then there is life that

747
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 2: comes in, and I think that what I've been doing

748
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:16,640
Speaker 2: more recently in my career. I did a very traditional

749
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 2: academic career up to a certain point, and then I

750
00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 2: started to try and apply kind of life's lessons to neuroscience.

751
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:30,359
Speaker 2: And so what does that mean? That means going off

752
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:37,839
Speaker 2: book and thinking about, you know, other ways to convey anxiety,

753
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 2: not just the clinical part, but the useful part for

754
00:43:42,719 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 2: your life. So that's how I wud describe it absolutely.

755
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:48,359
Speaker 1: How do traumatic events like that what you went through

756
00:43:48,480 --> 00:43:50,840
Speaker 1: over a period of three months? And I know so

757
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 1: many friends have been through similar things and different things

758
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:57,160
Speaker 1: that man maybe are not to do with grief in

759
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:59,399
Speaker 1: that way, but even grief of a life you could

760
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:03,400
Speaker 1: have had if you've had breakups. How does emotional trauma

761
00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:05,399
Speaker 1: actually affect the brain? What's going on?

762
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:10,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you know emotional trauma. Also there's a relatively

763
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:14,360
Speaker 2: simple formula with what happens, which is going back to

764
00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 2: the stress hormone cortisol. Depending on the actual stressor and

765
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 2: the duration of that, it is going to first kind

766
00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:26,759
Speaker 2: of alert your brains. Like I don't want to listen

767
00:44:26,760 --> 00:44:28,800
Speaker 2: to happen again. It's like, this will not happen again.

768
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 2: And that's what it was supposed to do. It's supposed

769
00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 2: to heighten your senses so you can escape from the

770
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 2: burning building. However, in these other life circumstances a breakup

771
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 2: or death that you know, the emotional effects linger for

772
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 2: a long time. They might actually cause what's called fear

773
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:55,080
Speaker 2: memories to develop. These are memories dependent on a structure

774
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:58,759
Speaker 2: called the amygdala that again are trying to protect you, like,

775
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:04,720
Speaker 2: don't have this happen again, and steer you away from events.

776
00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 2: So I might have been steered away from eulogies or

777
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:12,360
Speaker 2: speaking in front of crowds, which I do all the time,

778
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:15,640
Speaker 2: but yeah, I would have been steered away from eulogies.

779
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:22,480
Speaker 2: When you have these broader realizations about what's going on,

780
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,759
Speaker 2: you could actually learn in a deeper way from them,

781
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 2: and instead of being steered away, instead of developing a

782
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,640
Speaker 2: fear memory that is very strong and hard to get

783
00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:38,160
Speaker 2: rid of, you can have a deeper learning that sharing

784
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 2: those very personal, very deep, very difficult emotions to feel.

785
00:45:44,600 --> 00:45:52,840
Speaker 2: Talk about new synapses forming is a deeply cathartic process

786
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 2: that brought me closer to my family and to everybody

787
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,759
Speaker 2: that was there footing, all my brother's friends, many of

788
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:02,719
Speaker 2: whom I didn't know.

789
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:10,520
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, Is it possible to prepare for future

790
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 1: trauma or is the only way to be prepared for

791
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:17,120
Speaker 1: it to go through it. Can we build resilience before

792
00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:18,400
Speaker 1: a traumatic event?

793
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:22,440
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think I wouldn't recommend that everybody goes out

794
00:46:22,480 --> 00:46:26,640
Speaker 2: to try and prepare for trauma. But but you know,

795
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 2: everybody has some form of trauma. And I think going

796
00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:36,680
Speaker 2: back to your superpower of anxiety and learning learning from

797
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 2: that and also realizing this was another big realization for me.

798
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 2: You're not going to get rid of that deep negative emotion.

799
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 2: It's there for a reason to warn you against this

800
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,720
Speaker 2: is a bad time. If you didn't have this warning,

801
00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 2: you would be walking in the middle of the freeway

802
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,319
Speaker 2: with no care in the world. So you're not going

803
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 2: to get rid of that. But to focus yourself on

804
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 2: the learning that comes out of it and that yes,

805
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 2: it might take some time, and to give yourself that time.

806
00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 2: Maybe what I'm trying to get at is a self

807
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:18,160
Speaker 2: compassion that can come from any trauma that you have,

808
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:23,080
Speaker 2: and learning to apply that to yourself I think is

809
00:47:23,120 --> 00:47:26,520
Speaker 2: a really good thing that you can prepare. Yeah.

810
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 1: I think when you lose someone you love, that painful

811
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:34,720
Speaker 1: feeling inside is a reminder that life is sacred. Yes,

812
00:47:35,120 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 1: that you should tell the people that are close to

813
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 1: you that you love them, that you should really value

814
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 1: and prioritize time together and moments together. It's a reminder

815
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:49,280
Speaker 1: that pains just pushing you in the right direction, nudging

816
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:52,960
Speaker 1: in the right direction to say, don't make the wrong priorities,

817
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:56,240
Speaker 1: don't set the wrong focuses in your life.

818
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:56,680
Speaker 2: Right.

819
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:01,280
Speaker 1: And if it went away, as it does, we also

820
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:04,920
Speaker 1: forget that as the distance grows from when you've lost

821
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:08,600
Speaker 1: someone and the distance from that pain, it's not that

822
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:10,680
Speaker 1: pain goes away, but it gets less and less and less,

823
00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:12,800
Speaker 1: we also forget that. Yeah, and then all of a

824
00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:15,520
Speaker 1: sudden something else happens again, and we've read prioritized, right,

825
00:48:15,520 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 1: does it? Yeah?

826
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:16,840
Speaker 2: Absolutely?

827
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:20,439
Speaker 1: Why do we forget lessons that we learn?

828
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:25,440
Speaker 2: Well, if I could answer that, that would be that

829
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:29,400
Speaker 2: would be the sixty four million dollar question. And actually

830
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:34,479
Speaker 2: part of the answer is the brain evolved to help

831
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:39,440
Speaker 2: us remember those lessons around dangerous situations that we have,

832
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:43,640
Speaker 2: so we don't go in that direction anymore. Yes, we

833
00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 2: might forget, but actually our brain is has evolved to

834
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:54,319
Speaker 2: make those kinds of fear memories or difficulty memories the

835
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:57,759
Speaker 2: hardest to get rid of. That is why PTSD is

836
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,240
Speaker 2: so hard to get rid of, and those you don't

837
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:03,799
Speaker 2: want to be carrying around. So I would ask a

838
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:08,839
Speaker 2: flip question, which is how come we don't relive our

839
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 2: most glorious memories more often than our lives. And in fact,

840
00:49:14,440 --> 00:49:17,360
Speaker 2: I think of that because that is my favorite brain

841
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:21,759
Speaker 2: hack from good anxiety, which are tools that you can

842
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:26,279
Speaker 2: use to decrease your anxiety. And this tool is called

843
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 2: joy conditioning, and it is designed to specifically to counter

844
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:35,200
Speaker 2: fear conditioning dependent on the amigla. Joy conditioning is dependent

845
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 2: on another structure called the hippocampus, which allows us to

846
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:42,080
Speaker 2: form and routaine our everyday memories for events. And so

847
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:45,319
Speaker 2: joy conditioning is simply using all the tools that we

848
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 2: know about neuroscience that make those kinds of memories stick,

849
00:49:48,880 --> 00:49:52,320
Speaker 2: which is reliving them. I just went on a beautiful

850
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:55,840
Speaker 2: week long yoga breath work it was actually not yoga

851
00:49:56,000 --> 00:50:00,960
Speaker 2: breath work retreat, and I completely unplug rugged and so

852
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:05,560
Speaker 2: what I'm practicing my joy conditioning on is what it

853
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:09,440
Speaker 2: felt to be in that circle every day, every morning,

854
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:13,840
Speaker 2: every afternoon. I remember that the ocean was so loud.

855
00:50:13,840 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 2: We're right by the sea. The heat was so hot.

856
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:21,640
Speaker 2: The food or the fruits were so amazing, just the

857
00:50:21,640 --> 00:50:25,719
Speaker 2: flavor of the fruits. And those are the things that

858
00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:30,319
Speaker 2: that that rea vivification of the what where, why? When

859
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 2: the taste, the smells, the sounds, that's what strengthens the memory.

860
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:42,040
Speaker 2: I am strengthening this joyous memory and I do that consciously,

861
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:45,960
Speaker 2: and I invite everybody to do this to kind of

862
00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:48,680
Speaker 2: counteract all those negative memories that are hard to get

863
00:50:48,760 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 2: rid of. Let's let's fill our brains with all the

864
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 2: most joyous, funny, fun memories of our lives.

865
00:50:55,480 --> 00:51:00,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that joy conditioning hock and Habit was

866
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: when I went on tour last year. We went to

867
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,319
Speaker 1: nearly forty cities across the world, and at the end

868
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:08,400
Speaker 1: of them, I'd lead in meditation. And I didn't have

869
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:10,799
Speaker 1: a name for it, but that's exactly the meditation I do.

870
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:14,480
Speaker 1: I ask everyone to go back to a moment where

871
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:17,600
Speaker 1: they experienced the most love and joy in their life

872
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:21,799
Speaker 1: and to relive it in the feelings. And I was

873
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 1: thinking about earlier this year, you reminded me as you

874
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 1: were talking about your breathwork retreat. Earlier this year, I

875
00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:31,439
Speaker 1: visited Bhutan and I'd never been before. And for anyone

876
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:35,400
Speaker 1: who doesn't know, Bhutan is this tiny, beautiful country landlocked

877
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:39,279
Speaker 1: between India and China, right in between, and it's got

878
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 1: a beautiful culture. They're famously known for measuring GNH not

879
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:47,279
Speaker 1: GDP and gnh's gross National Happiness, and so it's the

880
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 1: culture of Bhutan is very very much mindful and being present.

881
00:51:51,440 --> 00:51:54,000
Speaker 1: And I was asked the leader session there and I

882
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:58,160
Speaker 1: remember we'd gone inside one of these old Bhutanese buildings.

883
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:01,840
Speaker 1: It was We're in this beautiful courtyards surrounded by candles.

884
00:52:02,320 --> 00:52:04,600
Speaker 1: It got really really dark, where even though I was

885
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,439
Speaker 1: giving a presentation, no one could see me. They could

886
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 1: only hear me. And before it got dark, when it

887
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:11,120
Speaker 1: was just the sun was about to set, I asked

888
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 1: everyone to take a mental picture. And I always love

889
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:18,080
Speaker 1: that technique, the five four three two one technique. Yeah,

890
00:52:18,120 --> 00:52:20,359
Speaker 1: And so I asked everyone to look at five things

891
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:24,040
Speaker 1: they could see, four things they could touch, three things

892
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:27,120
Speaker 1: they could hear, two things they could smell, and one

893
00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 1: thing they could taste. And I was like this is

894
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:32,319
Speaker 1: how we take a mental picture. And now literally, if

895
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:35,200
Speaker 1: I close my eyes, I can go back there, right now,

896
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,920
Speaker 1: to that moment, because I took in the colors like

897
00:52:37,960 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 1: you were just saying, took in the shade of the sky,

898
00:52:41,600 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 1: took in the shapes of the Bhutanese architecture like all

899
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:47,840
Speaker 1: of these, and as you were describing the fruits and

900
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 1: the colors, and I just feel like, if we all

901
00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:54,759
Speaker 1: I love what you're saying, because I do think we

902
00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 1: have so much joy in our lives. Yes, but we

903
00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 1: relived the negativity more. If you had a tough journey

904
00:53:02,120 --> 00:53:04,520
Speaker 1: coming here, or I did, we would talk about how

905
00:53:04,520 --> 00:53:07,239
Speaker 1: tough it was the whole day, yes, But if we

906
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 1: had the most beautiful journey coming here, we wouldn't talk

907
00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:13,080
Speaker 1: about it once exactly, and we just ignore it and

908
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:17,239
Speaker 1: feel like, well, that's normal. But what's become normal is

909
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:21,920
Speaker 1: us repeating our challenges. When does talking about our problems

910
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:26,160
Speaker 1: and our anxiety actually help our brain versus our brain?

911
00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:30,400
Speaker 2: I think it depends on how you talk about your anxiety.

912
00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:35,320
Speaker 2: And I think, again, going back to this learning process,

913
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:40,360
Speaker 2: can you talk about your anxiety as what it brings you,

914
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:44,720
Speaker 2: what you learned from either the fantastic way you handed

915
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:49,640
Speaker 2: your anxiety or the non optimal way, and then think about, well,

916
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:53,840
Speaker 2: how will I do that differently the next time. That

917
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 2: is the classic growth mindset. And if we can learn

918
00:53:57,920 --> 00:54:01,720
Speaker 2: how to talk about our fear or anxiety that way,

919
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:07,879
Speaker 2: that is beautiful. In my meditation this morning, actually it

920
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:11,279
Speaker 2: was an auditory, you know, I was listening to a

921
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 2: guided meditation. They asked me to think about four things

922
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 2: and I just loved it. I didn't know this was

923
00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 2: coming up. It was what do you fear? What scares you?

924
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:29,320
Speaker 2: What brings you joy, and what brings you hope? I thought, Wow,

925
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:33,759
Speaker 2: what great things to ponder, and it really kind of

926
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:37,919
Speaker 2: brought things into focus for me when I the first

927
00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:40,839
Speaker 2: thing that came to mind what do I fear? Who

928
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 2: do I fear? Losing more people? What am I scared of?

929
00:54:45,760 --> 00:54:49,120
Speaker 2: And there it was, you know, I get scared of

930
00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:53,880
Speaker 2: people's opinions about myself. What brings me joy, all the

931
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 2: friends that bring me joy? And what do I hope

932
00:54:56,640 --> 00:54:59,239
Speaker 2: for when don't want to build in this world? So

933
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:03,799
Speaker 2: it's about approaching and there's anxiety in that list that

934
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 2: everybody will do when they if they choose to do

935
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:11,080
Speaker 2: those four things. But again, anxiety is pointing you towards

936
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 2: what you hold dear, and all of those questions point

937
00:55:16,080 --> 00:55:20,239
Speaker 2: out what you hold dear and what your aspirations are.

938
00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:26,960
Speaker 2: So so to summarize mindset is so critical as we

939
00:55:27,040 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 2: are living, even as we're talking about our bad day,

940
00:55:30,960 --> 00:55:35,200
Speaker 2: you know, our bad parking experience or driving experience, is

941
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:39,560
Speaker 2: it to learn or is it to commiserate or just

942
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:42,399
Speaker 2: to you know? Or or you're not realizing you are

943
00:55:42,560 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 2: focusing too much on a negative thing. Mindset and awareness.

944
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:50,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, And also what you're saying, is this over amplification

945
00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:54,359
Speaker 1: as well of something that actually was quite insignificant, Yeah,

946
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:57,799
Speaker 1: or if it was significant. You're talking about looking at

947
00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:00,080
Speaker 1: our challenges or talking about them in a way that

948
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:05,000
Speaker 1: takes accountability and future accountability. And that's what I love

949
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:07,799
Speaker 1: this idea of, well, let me talk about what went

950
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 1: wrong today, and maybe I shouldn't take that route to

951
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 1: work anymore, or you know, maybe let me talk about

952
00:56:12,480 --> 00:56:14,719
Speaker 1: what went wrong in this conversation with someone I love,

953
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:17,560
Speaker 1: and maybe I've got to set better boundaries. It's always

954
00:56:17,600 --> 00:56:21,719
Speaker 1: about a solution oriented growth focus, as you said, but

955
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:24,440
Speaker 1: so many of our conversations today, especially about anxiety and

956
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:28,160
Speaker 1: stress are victim based and how do we make that switch?

957
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:30,440
Speaker 1: Because when you feel like the victim, it feels so

958
00:56:30,719 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 1: real to you. It does, yeah, and you do feel

959
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:35,600
Speaker 1: so hurt that if someone said, well, what could you

960
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 1: do differently, You'd be like nothing, I did everything the

961
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:40,960
Speaker 1: best I could. So how do we open up that

962
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:43,400
Speaker 1: switch from anxiety to growth?

963
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:47,959
Speaker 2: Yeah? So I think that something that has really helped

964
00:56:48,040 --> 00:56:52,480
Speaker 2: me is to pay attention to who you are talking to,

965
00:56:53,239 --> 00:56:58,480
Speaker 2: who is feeding you information in your life, and if

966
00:56:58,480 --> 00:57:00,880
Speaker 2: it's too negative and it if it you know, you

967
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 2: know this person is the best complainer in the world,

968
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:07,520
Speaker 2: and and you you join in because it feels good

969
00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 2: to complain, you know, with a with a friend about something.

970
00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:16,680
Speaker 2: Step back and instead choose somebody who has that growth

971
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:22,080
Speaker 2: mindset that can open up other possible ways to think

972
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:25,240
Speaker 2: about that. Do it yourself. Think, okay, you know you

973
00:57:25,280 --> 00:57:29,000
Speaker 2: can do an exercise, do the complainer mindset for you

974
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:33,200
Speaker 2: on yourself, by yourself, and then do the growth mindset

975
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:36,000
Speaker 2: and ask yourself, how does that feel? What does it

976
00:57:36,040 --> 00:57:38,280
Speaker 2: feel if I just go down the road of the

977
00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:42,280
Speaker 2: complainer versus what I like? Oh? I actually like that idea?

978
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:45,160
Speaker 2: What if I do that next time? Can you inspire yourself?

979
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 2: So many different routes and coaches, therapists can they're experts

980
00:57:51,240 --> 00:57:54,560
Speaker 2: at doing this as well. So that's another route to go.

981
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:57,880
Speaker 2: But podcasts or another, this is a common topic in

982
00:57:58,080 --> 00:58:01,080
Speaker 2: in podcast these days.

983
00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:05,400
Speaker 1: Definitely, what does healing actually look like in the brain

984
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:08,000
Speaker 1: from trauma, like from a chemical perspective, like, what's actually

985
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:09,720
Speaker 1: happening when we're healing?

986
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:12,440
Speaker 2: I must say I'm more of an expert not on

987
00:58:12,640 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 2: healing from trauma, but on growth in the positive direction.

988
00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:23,280
Speaker 2: And so here's what growth can look like based on

989
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:26,160
Speaker 2: of the things that we've already talked about. So we

990
00:58:26,200 --> 00:58:29,160
Speaker 2: talked about the effects that the fact that moving your

991
00:58:29,160 --> 00:58:32,560
Speaker 2: body can have an immediate positive effect on your anxiety,

992
00:58:32,600 --> 00:58:37,000
Speaker 2: also on your depression, decrease your stress response. What's happening there?

993
00:58:37,360 --> 00:58:40,440
Speaker 2: Every single time you move your body, you're releasing a

994
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:43,880
Speaker 2: whole bunch of neurochemicals in your brain. I like to

995
00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:46,440
Speaker 2: call it a neurochemical bubble bath for your brain.

996
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 1: I love that.

997
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 2: And so you're giving yourself this bubble bath. What's in

998
00:58:49,640 --> 00:58:51,880
Speaker 2: that bubble bath? Well, you've heard some of these neurochemicals

999
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:55,880
Speaker 2: before dopamine. I know you love talking about dopamine. You

1000
00:58:55,960 --> 00:58:58,840
Speaker 2: and so many other people talk about dopamine in such

1001
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:03,600
Speaker 2: interesting ways. Gitonin nor adrenaline endorphins. That's what's being released

1002
00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:07,120
Speaker 2: in this bubble bath, and so not surprisingly, you feel

1003
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:10,160
Speaker 2: better after you walk. That is why you're feeling better.

1004
00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 2: But the other thing that gets released is growth factors.

1005
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:18,600
Speaker 2: Growth factors get released and they go to the hippocampus

1006
00:59:19,240 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 2: and they actually build new brain cells in the hippo camps.

1007
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 2: They help new brain cells grow in the hippocampus. Now,

1008
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 2: you want as many shiny new hippampal brain cells as

1009
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 2: you can get, which means that and they don't pop

1010
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:34,320
Speaker 2: up like mushrooms. It takes a while. You need to

1011
00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:38,600
Speaker 2: keep up that physical activity and for that, the best

1012
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:41,320
Speaker 2: way to get high levels of growth factors in your

1013
00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 2: bubble bath is to do an aerobic workout, any workout

1014
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:47,600
Speaker 2: that increases your heart rate. Now, this gives you lots

1015
00:59:47,640 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 2: of options. You like to dance, go dance, You like

1016
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 2: to take your dog for a walk, Go take for

1017
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:55,440
Speaker 2: a dog for a power walk, like to walk, go

1018
00:59:55,560 --> 00:59:58,440
Speaker 2: for a walk. Anything that gets your heart rate up.

1019
00:59:58,480 --> 01:00:01,520
Speaker 2: I don't care what it is will help with this.

1020
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 2: But keep it up, and it's like I picture a

1021
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 2: watering can with growth factors going on your left and

1022
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:10,560
Speaker 2: your right hippocampus, making it big and fat and fluffy.

1023
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:18,040
Speaker 2: And that is one of the harbingers two great brain growth.

1024
01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:21,080
Speaker 2: The other brain area, which I'm sure is huge in you,

1025
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:24,240
Speaker 2: is your prefrontal cortex. Living a life of a monk

1026
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:29,720
Speaker 2: and doing that deep practice of focusing your attention keeping

1027
01:00:29,760 --> 01:00:33,040
Speaker 2: it there makes your area ten, which is right behind

1028
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 2: your forehead, enhanced, enriched, not because of new neurons, but

1029
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:42,360
Speaker 2: likely because of new synapses. And so basically, what a

1030
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:47,040
Speaker 2: healed brain looks like is a bigger, fatter, fluffier brain

1031
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:52,120
Speaker 2: that is kind of flush with good neurochemicals and is

1032
01:00:52,240 --> 01:00:58,000
Speaker 2: building new synaptic connections. That is kind of the beautiful

1033
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:01,240
Speaker 2: picture of what I call positive brain plasticity.

1034
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:03,200
Speaker 1: You make it sound so simple in terms of what

1035
01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:06,520
Speaker 1: we need to do. We need to want breathing and moving. Yes,

1036
01:01:07,040 --> 01:01:09,640
Speaker 1: like it's as simple as that. What if we're doing

1037
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 1: breathing and moving and we're still not feeling positive benefits,

1038
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 1: what could be a play there?

1039
01:01:14,320 --> 01:01:17,880
Speaker 2: Well, you know, I think that sometimes it's hard to

1040
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:21,640
Speaker 2: appreciate what's going on. It could be that you're not

1041
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:24,560
Speaker 2: moving quite in the same way. I think it's easy

1042
01:01:24,880 --> 01:01:29,160
Speaker 2: to get in a habit of moving, and so sometimes

1043
01:01:29,200 --> 01:01:31,000
Speaker 2: you need to push yourself a little bit more. If

1044
01:01:31,040 --> 01:01:33,880
Speaker 2: you're doing ten minutes of walking, maybe try fifteen minutes

1045
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:36,800
Speaker 2: and it's it's you know, there are some pillars that

1046
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:40,520
Speaker 2: not just me, but so many neuroscientists have shown are

1047
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:45,200
Speaker 2: so important for brain plasticity, which is actually what my

1048
01:01:45,520 --> 01:01:51,240
Speaker 2: undergraduate advisor discovered as she was a young neuroscientist in

1049
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:54,120
Speaker 2: the nineteen sixties at U SEE Berkeley, Marion Diamond, and

1050
01:01:54,160 --> 01:01:58,200
Speaker 2: so exercise was one of the pillars stress reduction that

1051
01:01:58,240 --> 01:02:03,480
Speaker 2: comes from meditation. Social interaction. We are social beings. I'm

1052
01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 2: sorry social media does not count person to person interaction.

1053
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:14,200
Speaker 2: That is what humans were evolved to do. Sleep, which

1054
01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:18,120
Speaker 2: we haven't talked about but is so critically important. And

1055
01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:22,960
Speaker 2: the fifth pillar is good nutrition. Social interaction. Sorry, I

1056
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:28,640
Speaker 2: need to add that social interaction doesn't mean just conversations.

1057
01:02:28,920 --> 01:02:33,480
Speaker 2: I include love. There. Having love in your life is

1058
01:02:33,720 --> 01:02:37,160
Speaker 2: something that neuroscientists don't often talk about, but it is

1059
01:02:37,280 --> 01:02:39,400
Speaker 2: absolutely critical for the health of your brain.

1060
01:02:39,680 --> 01:02:43,000
Speaker 1: And how do you define love from a neuroscience perspective?

1061
01:02:43,400 --> 01:02:47,520
Speaker 2: Well, so you can study the neurobiology of love and

1062
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:50,720
Speaker 2: compare the brain areas that get active when you look

1063
01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:54,919
Speaker 2: at the picture of an acquaintance versus the picture of

1064
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:56,800
Speaker 2: somebody that you might have.

1065
01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:59,920
Speaker 1: Well, you see, you would see you would see.

1066
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 2: Ward areas lighting up, but other areas social interaction areas

1067
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:08,520
Speaker 2: as well. And one of the most interesting findings that

1068
01:03:08,560 --> 01:03:11,880
Speaker 2: I love from that neurobiology of love fMRI study of

1069
01:03:11,920 --> 01:03:15,520
Speaker 2: love literature is that they've also started to look at

1070
01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:19,240
Speaker 2: how does the brain response to your loved one change

1071
01:03:19,360 --> 01:03:23,760
Speaker 2: from the first throws of romantic love when you can't

1072
01:03:23,760 --> 01:03:27,160
Speaker 2: get enough of each other to a relationship that has

1073
01:03:27,280 --> 01:03:32,040
Speaker 2: evolved to something stable but very very loving. And what

1074
01:03:32,280 --> 01:03:38,400
Speaker 2: happens is it goes from just lots of lots of

1075
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:41,400
Speaker 2: dopamine and lots of reward areas and kind of a

1076
01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:44,520
Speaker 2: suppression of the amigla and and kind of the fear.

1077
01:03:44,760 --> 01:03:47,720
Speaker 2: You're fearless when you are first in love. And I know,

1078
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:49,960
Speaker 2: you know I felt fearless. I don't know if in

1079
01:03:50,000 --> 01:03:54,360
Speaker 2: a good way, but we feel fearless. And it starts

1080
01:03:54,360 --> 01:03:58,280
Speaker 2: to evolve into a pattern that looks like the maternal

1081
01:03:58,440 --> 01:04:03,600
Speaker 2: or paternal pattern, that is that protective element and we

1082
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:07,520
Speaker 2: can't see everything from fMRI, but I thought, I thought,

1083
01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:12,959
Speaker 2: that's such a beautiful pattern to think about that that, yes,

1084
01:04:13,400 --> 01:04:17,360
Speaker 2: I can't sustain that first you know, flush of love

1085
01:04:17,680 --> 01:04:21,040
Speaker 2: for the rest of my life. But that deep love

1086
01:04:21,160 --> 01:04:24,320
Speaker 2: that you do feel for a child, that is what

1087
01:04:24,600 --> 01:04:28,360
Speaker 2: comes with long term.

1088
01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:30,840
Speaker 1: I'd never heard about that from when your That's so interesting. Yeah,

1089
01:04:31,240 --> 01:04:34,960
Speaker 1: that's so interesting, that romantic love. But the way it

1090
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:37,240
Speaker 1: looks afterwards is more paternal and protective.

1091
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:41,560
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, not in every single you know, Marcel, but

1092
01:04:41,760 --> 01:04:45,520
Speaker 2: when you look at the relationships that you admire, you know,

1093
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:50,600
Speaker 2: those long term relationship, there is the devotion that is

1094
01:04:50,720 --> 01:04:53,320
Speaker 2: there that of course you see for you know, protection

1095
01:04:53,480 --> 01:04:57,040
Speaker 2: for your young child. It's not identical, but that devotion

1096
01:04:57,480 --> 01:05:01,320
Speaker 2: is beautiful. That's what's moving about those kinds of relationships.

1097
01:05:01,680 --> 01:05:04,440
Speaker 1: And I feel like today it's become harder and harder

1098
01:05:04,440 --> 01:05:07,960
Speaker 1: and harder even just in how people gather. Like I

1099
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:09,680
Speaker 1: feel like I was just watching what I just see,

1100
01:05:09,680 --> 01:05:13,760
Speaker 1: Gladiated too, And I remember watching Gladiator one and I

1101
01:05:13,840 --> 01:05:15,240
Speaker 1: was just while I was watching it, I was just

1102
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:18,360
Speaker 1: thinking about the fact that the Roman Colisseum was so

1103
01:05:18,560 --> 01:05:21,280
Speaker 1: big and that people would gather every week. I mean,

1104
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:25,280
Speaker 1: they'd gather for the worst reason. But the idea that

1105
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:29,120
Speaker 1: so many people would gather every week, or I think

1106
01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:30,720
Speaker 1: at one point it was every day, And I'm like,

1107
01:05:30,720 --> 01:05:32,760
Speaker 1: first of all, what is everyone doing in their spare time?

1108
01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:36,000
Speaker 1: But so many people would gather, so many people would

1109
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:38,240
Speaker 1: be together. Of course, if we look at whether it's

1110
01:05:38,240 --> 01:05:43,240
Speaker 1: community census, churches, temples, the places of gathering today we

1111
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:46,640
Speaker 1: have less and less places of gathering. Even though there's

1112
01:05:46,720 --> 01:05:50,480
Speaker 1: millions of people going to listen to this episode, they're

1113
01:05:50,520 --> 01:05:52,360
Speaker 1: not in the same place listening to it. And I

1114
01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:54,440
Speaker 1: know that if we did have a million people here

1115
01:05:54,520 --> 01:05:57,720
Speaker 1: right now, even if we had a portion of the

1116
01:05:57,720 --> 01:05:59,960
Speaker 1: people that listen to the episode here, they could then

1117
01:06:00,080 --> 01:06:02,920
Speaker 1: talk about it yeah, and discuss it and exchange it,

1118
01:06:02,920 --> 01:06:05,200
Speaker 1: and they could look at each other's eyes and be like, oh,

1119
01:06:05,240 --> 01:06:06,960
Speaker 1: you feel that too, Oh my gosh, I went through

1120
01:06:06,960 --> 01:06:09,680
Speaker 1: that grief, and how amazing would that be? And we're

1121
01:06:09,720 --> 01:06:13,960
Speaker 1: losing that, And so the ability to create love and

1122
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:17,520
Speaker 1: connection is becoming harder and harder and harder because our

1123
01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:21,000
Speaker 1: places of similar value are now digital. Right If this

1124
01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:22,760
Speaker 1: is a place, I know everyone who listens to us

1125
01:06:23,160 --> 01:06:25,560
Speaker 1: has similar values, cares about similar things, but they're not

1126
01:06:25,680 --> 01:06:28,760
Speaker 1: meeting each other. And you know, we're trying to do

1127
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:30,720
Speaker 1: that by when I go on tour. That's really one

1128
01:06:30,760 --> 01:06:33,520
Speaker 1: of my biggest goals because I'm hoping when everyone walks out,

1129
01:06:33,560 --> 01:06:35,480
Speaker 1: they're all going to just talk to each other and

1130
01:06:35,520 --> 01:06:40,240
Speaker 1: ask each other questions. Should we be forcing ourselves to

1131
01:06:40,320 --> 01:06:44,280
Speaker 1: have places to gather of similar value? Like should we

1132
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:45,240
Speaker 1: make that a priority?

1133
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:50,880
Speaker 2: Absolutely? And I immediately think of the university, And that

1134
01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:56,880
Speaker 2: is a natural place of gathering in person. Universities, you're

1135
01:06:56,920 --> 01:07:01,960
Speaker 2: gathering every single day, multiple times a day. But sometimes

1136
01:07:02,000 --> 01:07:05,040
Speaker 2: I see the stress and the worry of do I

1137
01:07:05,200 --> 01:07:07,120
Speaker 2: you know, am I smart enough? You know in this

1138
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:10,360
Speaker 2: room pushes people apart and then they go and they

1139
01:07:10,400 --> 01:07:13,160
Speaker 2: go on their phone and it's more comfortable to do that.

1140
01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:16,640
Speaker 2: That is what I'm trying to shift, so that we

1141
01:07:16,680 --> 01:07:22,840
Speaker 2: take full advantage of this person to person place of

1142
01:07:22,960 --> 01:07:27,480
Speaker 2: gathering at our university, that they feel connected to each other,

1143
01:07:27,560 --> 01:07:31,560
Speaker 2: they feel like they belong there for whatever thing that

1144
01:07:31,680 --> 01:07:34,320
Speaker 2: you want to promote, I, as dean, want to promote

1145
01:07:34,880 --> 01:07:37,280
Speaker 2: the joy of learning. That is what I want to

1146
01:07:37,320 --> 01:07:39,960
Speaker 2: teach them. That is what I want them to feel like.

1147
01:07:40,560 --> 01:07:45,000
Speaker 2: And so yes, all of you university professors out there.

1148
01:07:45,240 --> 01:07:50,040
Speaker 2: You have this power to make your place of gathering

1149
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:53,959
Speaker 2: one of these places where people are talking and interacting.

1150
01:07:54,000 --> 01:07:57,120
Speaker 2: And of course we all try that. It's harder because

1151
01:07:57,440 --> 01:07:59,840
Speaker 2: because of the pandemic and we're not used to being

1152
01:08:00,040 --> 01:08:05,080
Speaker 2: together as much in society or you know, in our

1153
01:08:05,120 --> 01:08:08,280
Speaker 2: growing up. So the answer to your question is, yes,

1154
01:08:08,560 --> 01:08:10,760
Speaker 2: it's our responsibility to do that. How can we do

1155
01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:11,520
Speaker 2: that more? Yeah?

1156
01:08:11,560 --> 01:08:13,920
Speaker 1: I love that example. I saw I read a study

1157
01:08:13,920 --> 01:08:16,439
Speaker 1: that said eighty percent of us pull out our phone

1158
01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:20,960
Speaker 1: in a crowd just to avoid conversation and contact. And

1159
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:23,479
Speaker 1: so I love what you're saying about building it on

1160
01:08:23,520 --> 01:08:26,120
Speaker 1: a college campus. And I think the same applies inside

1161
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:28,640
Speaker 1: a corporation if people are coming to work, even if

1162
01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:31,439
Speaker 1: they're coming to work three days a week. As a

1163
01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:34,640
Speaker 1: dean yourself, how do you do that when you've got targets.

1164
01:08:34,720 --> 01:08:37,479
Speaker 1: I'm sure there's results you have to get to. You've

1165
01:08:37,520 --> 01:08:40,320
Speaker 1: got things, deadlines you have to meet, You've got a

1166
01:08:40,360 --> 01:08:42,880
Speaker 1: ton of stuff on your play, as does a CEO

1167
01:08:42,960 --> 01:08:46,320
Speaker 1: of a major corporation or an organization. How do you

1168
01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:51,280
Speaker 1: prioritize a love for learning and belonging and connection. Yeah,

1169
01:08:51,320 --> 01:08:54,160
Speaker 1: not just as nice things that you say, but actually

1170
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:55,880
Speaker 1: do How do you do that? Because I see it

1171
01:08:55,880 --> 01:08:56,880
Speaker 1: as very genuine from you.

1172
01:08:57,040 --> 01:09:00,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, real, absolutely, And so how do I prioritize I

1173
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:04,200
Speaker 2: just make it a priority, and I decide the actions

1174
01:09:04,240 --> 01:09:07,800
Speaker 2: that I'm going to do to get to that goal. So,

1175
01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:12,840
Speaker 2: for example, I am literally strategizing about how I could

1176
01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:17,200
Speaker 2: get in front of as many of those nine thousand

1177
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:21,360
Speaker 2: students that I have multiple times during their four years

1178
01:09:21,360 --> 01:09:24,160
Speaker 2: with us. I see them all, every single first year student,

1179
01:09:24,200 --> 01:09:27,479
Speaker 2: I see every single one graduating. I see there's a

1180
01:09:27,520 --> 01:09:30,479
Speaker 2: lot of time between that. What can I do to

1181
01:09:30,640 --> 01:09:34,080
Speaker 2: have a meaningful How should I go on tour just

1182
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:36,680
Speaker 2: like you do, but talk to the first year is,

1183
01:09:36,680 --> 01:09:39,600
Speaker 2: the second year is the third years. I loved my

1184
01:09:39,640 --> 01:09:43,240
Speaker 2: college experience because I was imbued with the love of learning,

1185
01:09:43,280 --> 01:09:47,960
Speaker 2: and so I do that through the coursework that I

1186
01:09:48,000 --> 01:09:52,120
Speaker 2: provide for my students. That is actually I'm trying to

1187
01:09:52,360 --> 01:09:55,439
Speaker 2: develop it right now. It is an online class, but

1188
01:09:55,680 --> 01:09:59,040
Speaker 2: with an in person component so that I could kind

1189
01:09:59,080 --> 01:10:01,479
Speaker 2: of gut up to sk the first time I did it.

1190
01:10:01,520 --> 01:10:03,640
Speaker 2: It's called it's called the Fluffy Brain Course. So I

1191
01:10:03,680 --> 01:10:05,439
Speaker 2: want to give all the students in this course a

1192
01:10:05,479 --> 01:10:08,560
Speaker 2: fluffy brain teaching them a lot about what we've just

1193
01:10:08,600 --> 01:10:12,080
Speaker 2: spent the last hour talking about. But there's always going

1194
01:10:12,160 --> 01:10:16,080
Speaker 2: to be an in person component and the goal of

1195
01:10:16,120 --> 01:10:19,040
Speaker 2: this class is to inspire them to do person, not

1196
01:10:19,120 --> 01:10:21,400
Speaker 2: inspire them. It's part of the class. That's a great

1197
01:10:21,400 --> 01:10:23,240
Speaker 2: thing about a class. I could assign things to you.

1198
01:10:23,560 --> 01:10:27,920
Speaker 2: So your assignment is to do a personal experiment about exercise.

1199
01:10:28,240 --> 01:10:31,040
Speaker 2: How are you going to up your exercise for the

1200
01:10:31,080 --> 01:10:33,599
Speaker 2: next week, But first you're going to just notice your

1201
01:10:33,640 --> 01:10:36,640
Speaker 2: mood or your regular mood states, so that self awareness,

1202
01:10:36,800 --> 01:10:39,040
Speaker 2: and the next week you are going to propose something,

1203
01:10:39,600 --> 01:10:44,200
Speaker 2: do it, increase your exercise, and then self reflect about

1204
01:10:44,200 --> 01:10:47,360
Speaker 2: that and we will we will explore that and talk

1205
01:10:47,400 --> 01:10:48,080
Speaker 2: about it together.

1206
01:10:48,200 --> 01:10:49,559
Speaker 1: I love that. And they have to do it, they

1207
01:10:49,560 --> 01:10:51,800
Speaker 1: have to really do it. Yeah, I'm really happy that

1208
01:10:51,840 --> 01:10:54,360
Speaker 1: you're saying this, because I do think as leaders in

1209
01:10:54,400 --> 01:10:59,840
Speaker 1: different institutions and organizations, there's such a there's a responsibility.

1210
01:11:00,080 --> 01:11:04,320
Speaker 1: There's also just a vision for what an amazingly happy,

1211
01:11:04,400 --> 01:11:09,240
Speaker 1: fluffy brain community looks like. Yes, And when I think

1212
01:11:09,280 --> 01:11:12,960
Speaker 1: about it, coming from college, it's hard because people are

1213
01:11:12,960 --> 01:11:17,200
Speaker 1: coming from so many different motivations. Yes, right, someone's coming

1214
01:11:17,240 --> 01:11:20,000
Speaker 1: there for the best job in the world. Someone's coming

1215
01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:23,439
Speaker 1: there for an amazing social experience. Someone's coming there to

1216
01:11:23,520 --> 01:11:27,720
Speaker 1: compete with everyone else. Right, You've got all these drivers,

1217
01:11:27,800 --> 01:11:31,000
Speaker 1: and to kind of take everyone's drivers and point it

1218
01:11:31,040 --> 01:11:33,960
Speaker 1: in one direction is one of the hardest things to

1219
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:36,439
Speaker 1: do in the world because everyone's got their background and

1220
01:11:36,479 --> 01:11:39,280
Speaker 1: their walk of life. And I remember in the monastery,

1221
01:11:39,320 --> 01:11:42,040
Speaker 1: it's similar to what you said, our senior most monk

1222
01:11:42,160 --> 01:11:46,160
Speaker 1: would always talk about three qualities above all qualities, and

1223
01:11:46,240 --> 01:11:50,680
Speaker 1: it was humility, tolerance, and compassion that was it. And

1224
01:11:50,720 --> 01:11:52,559
Speaker 1: so if you went to one of his lectures, that's

1225
01:11:52,600 --> 01:11:54,600
Speaker 1: all he was going to talk about. And what you

1226
01:11:54,720 --> 01:11:57,960
Speaker 1: realized slowly was that, at least for me, I found

1227
01:11:57,960 --> 01:12:02,080
Speaker 1: that those became qualities that inspired for because I recognized

1228
01:12:02,120 --> 01:12:05,000
Speaker 1: they were most valued in this place, even though I

1229
01:12:05,040 --> 01:12:07,519
Speaker 1: may have come from a different set of values before.

1230
01:12:07,760 --> 01:12:11,200
Speaker 1: I would have come from like ambition, drive, whatever it was,

1231
01:12:11,240 --> 01:12:14,120
Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, it's humility and tolerance, compassion.

1232
01:12:14,720 --> 01:12:16,880
Speaker 1: And then you saw those who accepted and those who

1233
01:12:16,920 --> 01:12:19,200
Speaker 1: rejected it as well. There were some people who just

1234
01:12:19,240 --> 01:12:21,599
Speaker 1: went ye oh, yeah, whatever, who cares, and then there

1235
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:23,600
Speaker 1: was some that went, no, that seems to be the

1236
01:12:23,680 --> 01:12:27,560
Speaker 1: truth and so what do you find is the healthiest

1237
01:12:27,600 --> 01:12:29,880
Speaker 1: way to encourage people in the right direction. Is people

1238
01:12:29,920 --> 01:12:32,240
Speaker 1: don't want to be told and people don't want to

1239
01:12:32,240 --> 01:12:34,559
Speaker 1: be preached to. So how do you do it in

1240
01:12:34,560 --> 01:12:36,480
Speaker 1: a way that actually the brain digests.

1241
01:12:37,160 --> 01:12:42,439
Speaker 2: So I start with the official greeting of the College

1242
01:12:42,439 --> 01:12:45,200
Speaker 2: of Arts and Science, which is Jay, you have a

1243
01:12:45,240 --> 01:12:48,559
Speaker 2: beautiful brain. And so I invite all the students when

1244
01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:50,840
Speaker 2: they see me on the street to come up and say,

1245
01:12:50,920 --> 01:12:52,880
Speaker 2: you have a beautiful brain. And of course I will

1246
01:12:53,040 --> 01:12:55,920
Speaker 2: say it back to them. And I love starting from

1247
01:12:55,960 --> 01:13:01,640
Speaker 2: there because that is the truth, the neurobiological truth, that

1248
01:13:02,040 --> 01:13:06,840
Speaker 2: every single one of the brains of my students is beautiful.

1249
01:13:06,960 --> 01:13:10,639
Speaker 2: Your brain is beautiful, My brain is beautiful. And no

1250
01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:14,040
Speaker 2: matter what your motivation for being in this space with me,

1251
01:13:14,240 --> 01:13:18,320
Speaker 2: it has a beautiful brain. And from there we go,

1252
01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:23,360
Speaker 2: from which hopefully provides a sense of belonging, we go

1253
01:13:23,520 --> 01:13:27,280
Speaker 2: to let's share. Let's share what you have to give

1254
01:13:27,320 --> 01:13:30,680
Speaker 2: from your beautiful brain, because your brain has something to

1255
01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:33,599
Speaker 2: give that is different than what my brain. And let's

1256
01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:38,320
Speaker 2: just provide a situation and an environment that's open to

1257
01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:42,360
Speaker 2: all of that sharing and talk about the fact that

1258
01:13:42,720 --> 01:13:46,680
Speaker 2: no it's not about competition, it's not about getting the

1259
01:13:46,760 --> 01:13:51,200
Speaker 2: highest mark. It's learning the deepest for whatever class you are.

1260
01:13:51,240 --> 01:13:57,000
Speaker 2: And I know these are hard priorities, but I'm building

1261
01:13:57,040 --> 01:13:59,320
Speaker 2: them over the last two and a half years and

1262
01:13:59,840 --> 01:14:02,040
Speaker 2: it's really a joy to be able to do that.

1263
01:14:02,280 --> 01:14:04,960
Speaker 1: They're so lucky to have you there, really are. That's

1264
01:14:04,960 --> 01:14:08,280
Speaker 1: such a you know, to leave college with that mindset,

1265
01:14:08,640 --> 01:14:10,840
Speaker 1: with a love for deep learning, I think we'll set

1266
01:14:10,880 --> 01:14:14,160
Speaker 1: people up for so much more success, yes than just

1267
01:14:14,240 --> 01:14:17,240
Speaker 1: a great job that eventually may end up being the

1268
01:14:17,320 --> 01:14:19,479
Speaker 1: job that they don't want to be in and a

1269
01:14:19,560 --> 01:14:22,400
Speaker 1: career that they don't enjoy. And then when you realize

1270
01:14:22,439 --> 01:14:24,559
Speaker 1: that and you don't have a deep love for learning, yes,

1271
01:14:24,840 --> 01:14:26,800
Speaker 1: that becomes really really hard. And that's kind of what

1272
01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:28,880
Speaker 1: I see. I feel like I speak to a lot

1273
01:14:28,880 --> 01:14:31,599
Speaker 1: of people who are kind of got the job that

1274
01:14:31,640 --> 01:14:33,639
Speaker 1: they thought they want out of college, and then five

1275
01:14:33,720 --> 01:14:37,640
Speaker 1: years in, maybe even quicker to like, it's actually not

1276
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:39,760
Speaker 1: what I wanted yea, And now I'm trying to find

1277
01:14:39,800 --> 01:14:42,120
Speaker 1: meaning in life. For the problem is I didn't have

1278
01:14:42,160 --> 01:14:44,200
Speaker 1: that deep love for learning, and so now I have

1279
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:46,400
Speaker 1: to build it later on. So it's so lucky to

1280
01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:48,720
Speaker 1: have you. Oh, thank you, it's really amazing. I want

1281
01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:50,240
Speaker 1: to ask you when you say that after meation, I

1282
01:14:50,280 --> 01:14:54,000
Speaker 1: love that you have a beautiful brain. Does positive thinking

1283
01:14:54,080 --> 01:14:56,240
Speaker 1: and positive affirmations do they actually work?

1284
01:14:56,560 --> 01:15:00,160
Speaker 2: Absolutely? I mean there are studies showing that if you

1285
01:15:00,200 --> 01:15:03,880
Speaker 2: take a group of people and have them do positive affirmations,

1286
01:15:03,960 --> 01:15:06,519
Speaker 2: not just just saying them a certain number of time

1287
01:15:06,640 --> 01:15:09,800
Speaker 2: every day, versus people that don't do those positive affirmations,

1288
01:15:09,920 --> 01:15:12,880
Speaker 2: their affect is better. It's higher, you know, less uh,

1289
01:15:13,000 --> 01:15:17,000
Speaker 2: less negative affect and more positive affect. Yes, it does

1290
01:15:17,160 --> 01:15:20,439
Speaker 2: have an effect, which makes sense. Our brain takes in

1291
01:15:20,640 --> 01:15:23,479
Speaker 2: everything that's happening to us. So you know, this is

1292
01:15:23,520 --> 01:15:27,360
Speaker 2: why we talked about looking at the people that you are,

1293
01:15:27,479 --> 01:15:31,000
Speaker 2: that you're that's feeding you information. Are they cynical? Are

1294
01:15:31,040 --> 01:15:35,120
Speaker 2: they negative? Or are they giving you a growth mindset?

1295
01:15:35,160 --> 01:15:38,160
Speaker 2: Are they are they giving you interesting new possibilities to

1296
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:41,360
Speaker 2: go to? Very important to ask yourself that I wanted to.

1297
01:15:41,320 --> 01:15:43,040
Speaker 1: Ask you, BENDIVI, it's okay. A couple of questions from

1298
01:15:43,040 --> 01:15:45,800
Speaker 1: your first book about memory. Yeah, sure, because I just

1299
01:15:45,800 --> 01:15:48,559
Speaker 1: think it's such a fascinating subject. And when we think

1300
01:15:48,560 --> 01:15:51,680
Speaker 1: about the brain and memory, I think there's there's just

1301
01:15:51,840 --> 01:15:54,000
Speaker 1: there's so much connection that I think would fascinate people.

1302
01:15:54,360 --> 01:15:57,320
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you, why is it that we

1303
01:15:57,360 --> 01:16:00,559
Speaker 1: can remember different things about the same event and when

1304
01:16:00,560 --> 01:16:01,719
Speaker 1: you're there with the same people.

1305
01:16:02,800 --> 01:16:06,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, so sorry to say, but our memory does not

1306
01:16:06,160 --> 01:16:08,760
Speaker 2: work very well. Generally we think, oh, you know, I'm young,

1307
01:16:09,000 --> 01:16:11,960
Speaker 2: I have a great memory. No, our memory is not great.

1308
01:16:13,040 --> 01:16:17,679
Speaker 2: And so the reason why two people at the same

1309
01:16:17,680 --> 01:16:21,160
Speaker 2: event remember different things is that we are focused on

1310
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:23,640
Speaker 2: these different things. And let me just go over the

1311
01:16:23,680 --> 01:16:28,080
Speaker 2: four things that makes memory stick. This works at all

1312
01:16:28,120 --> 01:16:32,800
Speaker 2: ages based on the neurophysiology and biology of this hippy

1313
01:16:32,840 --> 01:16:37,240
Speaker 2: campus that we talked about critical for forming and retaining new,

1314
01:16:37,280 --> 01:16:40,440
Speaker 2: new long term memories. So what makes memory stick? Repetition.

1315
01:16:41,120 --> 01:16:43,840
Speaker 2: So you and I might be at the same event

1316
01:16:44,040 --> 01:16:46,880
Speaker 2: and you're focused on one thing and it's the same event,

1317
01:16:46,920 --> 01:16:49,080
Speaker 2: but event is big. I'm focused on something else, so

1318
01:16:49,120 --> 01:16:52,559
Speaker 2: you're repeating something that I that I never saw, and

1319
01:16:52,960 --> 01:16:56,680
Speaker 2: I'm seeing something that you never saw. Repetition association. We

1320
01:16:56,800 --> 01:17:00,760
Speaker 2: remember things better when they're associated with other things that

1321
01:17:00,800 --> 01:17:03,760
Speaker 2: are in our long term memory. So we might be

1322
01:17:03,760 --> 01:17:07,120
Speaker 2: easier to remember a friend of a friend that we

1323
01:17:07,200 --> 01:17:10,040
Speaker 2: know really really well and they introduced us versus somebody

1324
01:17:10,080 --> 01:17:11,560
Speaker 2: that you don't know at all, and you try to

1325
01:17:11,640 --> 01:17:18,479
Speaker 2: remember them from anybody association. Novelty, if it's really novel,

1326
01:17:18,560 --> 01:17:21,320
Speaker 2: you've never experienced this in your life, it tends to

1327
01:17:21,360 --> 01:17:25,400
Speaker 2: be more memorable because our brains are focused on novelty.

1328
01:17:25,400 --> 01:17:27,479
Speaker 2: It's a danger kind of you know, we have to

1329
01:17:27,600 --> 01:17:29,600
Speaker 2: pay attention to novelty, and maybe there are things at

1330
01:17:29,640 --> 01:17:31,720
Speaker 2: the event that were really novel to you that, like

1331
01:17:31,760 --> 01:17:33,960
Speaker 2: I've seen a million times in my brain just completely

1332
01:17:34,040 --> 01:17:37,479
Speaker 2: ignores them. And the fourth thing that makes memory stick

1333
01:17:37,760 --> 01:17:42,080
Speaker 2: is emotional resonance. So we remember the happiest and the

1334
01:17:42,120 --> 01:17:45,840
Speaker 2: saddest points in our life. That's what this structure, the

1335
01:17:45,880 --> 01:17:50,320
Speaker 2: amygdala helps with. It kind of helps those really emotional

1336
01:17:50,360 --> 01:17:54,599
Speaker 2: memories stick better. And again, at this same event, you

1337
01:17:54,720 --> 01:17:57,439
Speaker 2: might be moved by something that either I didn't see

1338
01:17:57,600 --> 01:18:00,080
Speaker 2: or just I wasn't moved by because that wasn't in

1339
01:18:00,120 --> 01:18:04,519
Speaker 2: my in my life experience. So there's lots of different

1340
01:18:04,560 --> 01:18:08,559
Speaker 2: reasons why two different people will have sometimes very different

1341
01:18:08,560 --> 01:18:10,040
Speaker 2: memories of the same event.

1342
01:18:10,360 --> 01:18:13,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I have a friend who is very present,

1343
01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:16,600
Speaker 1: like you know, in the moment. But if I was

1344
01:18:16,640 --> 01:18:19,280
Speaker 1: to say to them to remember something from one two

1345
01:18:19,360 --> 01:18:23,200
Speaker 1: years back, even from like fifteen years back, they cannot

1346
01:18:23,200 --> 01:18:25,320
Speaker 1: recall it at all. Well, yeah, is that an issue?

1347
01:18:25,840 --> 01:18:28,760
Speaker 2: You know, memory is also there's a lot of variability.

1348
01:18:29,640 --> 01:18:36,479
Speaker 2: And I remember at I met somebody with something called

1349
01:18:36,680 --> 01:18:40,200
Speaker 2: highly superior autobiographical memory. I don't know if you've heard

1350
01:18:40,240 --> 01:18:42,759
Speaker 2: of this. They did this great show on sixteen minutes

1351
01:18:42,800 --> 01:18:46,679
Speaker 2: about people. It was actually discovered by colleagues of mine,

1352
01:18:46,680 --> 01:18:50,439
Speaker 2: neuroscientists at UC Irvine. And these are people that have

1353
01:18:51,000 --> 01:18:54,240
Speaker 2: extraordinary memory for details, so they could remember when they

1354
01:18:54,240 --> 01:18:58,360
Speaker 2: were eight years old what was on TV at seven pm,

1355
01:18:58,520 --> 01:19:02,680
Speaker 2: seven thirty eight pm, and this this uh uh, this

1356
01:19:02,800 --> 01:19:06,560
Speaker 2: incredible memory. It gets in the way. But but uh

1357
01:19:06,640 --> 01:19:09,519
Speaker 2: there's on one end that form of memory, and then

1358
01:19:09,720 --> 01:19:14,120
Speaker 2: all the way too. There's actually particularly poor memory in

1359
01:19:14,160 --> 01:19:18,559
Speaker 2: that same vein. I'm not sure if two years ago

1360
01:19:18,760 --> 01:19:22,439
Speaker 2: memories don't stick as long as the person can you know,

1361
01:19:22,840 --> 01:19:25,839
Speaker 2: live their lives and they have you know, regular memory

1362
01:19:25,880 --> 01:19:27,800
Speaker 2: for the things they need to live their lives for.

1363
01:19:28,160 --> 01:19:31,880
Speaker 2: But there Yeah, there's a there's a wide variety of

1364
01:19:32,080 --> 01:19:34,080
Speaker 2: memory levels that that can exist.

1365
01:19:33,840 --> 01:19:38,120
Speaker 1: In the world. So that's not a sign for dementia Alzheimer's.

1366
01:19:38,080 --> 01:19:39,120
Speaker 2: Know how old are they?

1367
01:19:39,200 --> 01:19:40,320
Speaker 1: No, they're young, They're young.

1368
01:19:40,479 --> 01:19:43,439
Speaker 2: Yeah. So so so many people have this fear of demand.

1369
01:19:43,520 --> 01:19:49,800
Speaker 2: I have dimension in my family. It's uh our memories. Also,

1370
01:19:50,600 --> 01:19:53,920
Speaker 2: here's a tip for everybody. They get worse as a

1371
01:19:53,920 --> 01:19:57,719
Speaker 2: as we age because we know and we've experienced more

1372
01:19:57,800 --> 01:20:01,560
Speaker 2: in our life. It's called interference. So I didn't know

1373
01:20:01,640 --> 01:20:03,559
Speaker 2: anything when I was in high school. My memory was

1374
01:20:03,600 --> 01:20:07,240
Speaker 2: better because I had nothing to interfere. Now I have

1375
01:20:07,479 --> 01:20:10,080
Speaker 2: so much to keep track of. I don't I give

1376
01:20:10,080 --> 01:20:13,479
Speaker 2: myself some slack when I don't remember certain things. That's

1377
01:20:13,479 --> 01:20:16,040
Speaker 2: why I have an assistant to tell me what I

1378
01:20:16,080 --> 01:20:19,360
Speaker 2: really need to remember. But I'm not worried because there

1379
01:20:19,479 --> 01:20:21,559
Speaker 2: is a lot of interference in my life, and I

1380
01:20:21,640 --> 01:20:22,639
Speaker 2: take that into account.

1381
01:20:23,240 --> 01:20:25,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, and if we want to strengthen our memory, what

1382
01:20:25,960 --> 01:20:26,719
Speaker 1: would you suggest?

1383
01:20:26,880 --> 01:20:31,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, So, strengthening your memory is all about being present

1384
01:20:31,120 --> 01:20:35,439
Speaker 2: to what you really want to remember using those four techniques. Now,

1385
01:20:35,600 --> 01:20:40,280
Speaker 2: you can't make something emotional emotionally resonant unless you try

1386
01:20:40,320 --> 01:20:42,680
Speaker 2: and make it funny. So that's actually one technique that

1387
01:20:42,680 --> 01:20:44,519
Speaker 2: I've used. If I really want to try and remember

1388
01:20:44,520 --> 01:20:47,360
Speaker 2: somebody's name or something, I try and create a funny

1389
01:20:47,400 --> 01:20:51,840
Speaker 2: image about it, but sorry. Repetition repetition. Repetition will help

1390
01:20:51,880 --> 01:20:55,559
Speaker 2: your memory, no problem. Association can help. So if you

1391
01:20:55,600 --> 01:20:58,720
Speaker 2: can associate this person or this name, or this concept

1392
01:20:59,080 --> 01:21:02,679
Speaker 2: with something that it reminds you of to help those

1393
01:21:02,800 --> 01:21:08,639
Speaker 2: kind of recall lines that you can have to this memory,

1394
01:21:08,760 --> 01:21:11,240
Speaker 2: that can help as well. You can't make something novel

1395
01:21:11,280 --> 01:21:16,160
Speaker 2: if it's not completely novel. But it's not unfortunately a

1396
01:21:16,240 --> 01:21:16,960
Speaker 2: magic bullet.

1397
01:21:17,560 --> 01:21:20,240
Speaker 1: Wendy, You've been so kind and gracious with your time today.

1398
01:21:20,439 --> 01:21:22,599
Speaker 1: I feel like I've learned so much. We've talked about

1399
01:21:22,880 --> 01:21:25,240
Speaker 1: absolutely everything. I really hope that everyone goes and grabs

1400
01:21:25,240 --> 01:21:29,000
Speaker 1: a copy of your book Good Anxiety. It's brilliant. I

1401
01:21:29,000 --> 01:21:32,080
Speaker 1: think there's a need for us to use anxiety in

1402
01:21:32,120 --> 01:21:35,280
Speaker 1: the way you're saying, rather than this desire to avoid it.

1403
01:21:35,960 --> 01:21:38,880
Speaker 1: We end every episode with a final five, so these

1404
01:21:38,960 --> 01:21:40,960
Speaker 1: questions have to be answered in one word to one

1405
01:21:41,040 --> 01:21:44,320
Speaker 1: sentence for maximum Okay, So, Wendy, these are your final five.

1406
01:21:44,439 --> 01:21:44,519
Speaker 2: Ye.

1407
01:21:44,640 --> 01:21:47,160
Speaker 1: The first question is what is the best advice you've

1408
01:21:47,160 --> 01:21:48,520
Speaker 1: ever heard or received?

1409
01:21:49,400 --> 01:21:52,439
Speaker 2: Your brain defines who you are. Take care of it.

1410
01:21:53,960 --> 01:21:56,519
Speaker 1: Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever

1411
01:21:56,560 --> 01:21:57,360
Speaker 1: heard or received?

1412
01:21:58,479 --> 01:22:00,720
Speaker 2: Put your head down and work as hard as you

1413
01:22:00,760 --> 01:22:03,080
Speaker 2: can until you reach your goal. I'm the one that

1414
01:22:03,120 --> 01:22:04,679
Speaker 2: told me that that bad advice.

1415
01:22:04,720 --> 01:22:08,960
Speaker 1: So I love that question Number three, what's something you

1416
01:22:09,000 --> 01:22:10,840
Speaker 1: can't wait to discover about the brain?

1417
01:22:12,240 --> 01:22:20,200
Speaker 2: I would love to discover how to enhance joyous memories

1418
01:22:21,080 --> 01:22:22,879
Speaker 2: more easily.

1419
01:22:23,200 --> 01:22:26,960
Speaker 1: I love that question. Number fore, what's something that you

1420
01:22:27,080 --> 01:22:29,599
Speaker 1: used to think was true about the brain but now isn't.

1421
01:22:30,040 --> 01:22:33,080
Speaker 2: Oh well, we used to think back in the early

1422
01:22:33,160 --> 01:22:38,120
Speaker 2: nineteen sixties that the adult brain had no capacity to

1423
01:22:38,280 --> 01:22:42,720
Speaker 2: change or grow. And my whole neuroscience career has been

1424
01:22:42,800 --> 01:22:45,479
Speaker 2: showing how that could happen. How do you make it

1425
01:22:45,560 --> 01:22:47,960
Speaker 2: happen more? And what are those activities that you can

1426
01:22:47,960 --> 01:22:51,320
Speaker 2: bring into your life to do that beautifully?

1427
01:22:51,600 --> 01:22:53,920
Speaker 1: Why did we believe that? Where did that come from?

1428
01:22:54,120 --> 01:22:59,040
Speaker 2: It came from the point in time we were in neuroscience.

1429
01:22:59,160 --> 01:23:03,360
Speaker 2: There was just no evidence that there were over changes.

1430
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:08,400
Speaker 2: We didn't have deep enough microscopes to see the molecular changes,

1431
01:23:08,560 --> 01:23:10,960
Speaker 2: even the structural changes that we can now see very

1432
01:23:10,960 --> 01:23:16,760
Speaker 2: easily with our more powerful tools. And so understandably they said, oh,

1433
01:23:17,040 --> 01:23:20,120
Speaker 2: I see no evidence for change once you reach adulthood,

1434
01:23:20,240 --> 01:23:22,519
Speaker 2: I see no change. And so of course that was

1435
01:23:22,560 --> 01:23:26,040
Speaker 2: the dogma until somebody said, hey, I think let's look

1436
01:23:26,080 --> 01:23:30,000
Speaker 2: at this in a different way. And of course that

1437
01:23:30,040 --> 01:23:33,880
Speaker 2: wasn't believed at first, but then with effort, that was

1438
01:23:33,960 --> 01:23:36,720
Speaker 2: the concept of brain plasticity. And now we know that

1439
01:23:37,000 --> 01:23:38,840
Speaker 2: so much can change in the brain.

1440
01:23:39,080 --> 01:23:41,919
Speaker 1: Is there an age at which certain things can't change?

1441
01:23:42,400 --> 01:23:48,960
Speaker 2: You know? Yes, for certain things. Language, there's a language change. Yeah,

1442
01:23:49,000 --> 01:23:52,439
Speaker 2: I think it is. Don't quote me on this, around

1443
01:23:52,479 --> 01:23:55,479
Speaker 2: ten years old. It's good to learn the languages before that.

1444
01:23:55,479 --> 01:23:59,280
Speaker 2: That could be a little bit on the low side. Also,

1445
01:24:00,600 --> 01:24:05,559
Speaker 2: it's really important to get bilateral good vision, and so

1446
01:24:05,800 --> 01:24:12,040
Speaker 2: if you have amblyoplia, it changes your vision. So those

1447
01:24:12,040 --> 01:24:14,000
Speaker 2: are things that change with me.

1448
01:24:14,400 --> 01:24:16,760
Speaker 1: All right. Fifth and final question. Okay, we asked this

1449
01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:18,840
Speaker 1: to everyone who's ever been on the show. If you

1450
01:24:18,880 --> 01:24:21,519
Speaker 1: could create one law that everyone in the world had

1451
01:24:21,560 --> 01:24:22,880
Speaker 1: to follow, what would it be?

1452
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:27,400
Speaker 2: You must make at least five deep friendships in your life.

1453
01:24:27,840 --> 01:24:32,080
Speaker 1: It's beautiful. Thank you so much, doctor Wendy Siziki. You

1454
01:24:32,160 --> 01:24:34,360
Speaker 1: are incredible. That was so much fun. I had a

1455
01:24:34,360 --> 01:24:37,439
Speaker 1: great time with you. Thank you for being so personal

1456
01:24:37,479 --> 01:24:39,679
Speaker 1: as well and open about your own journey with grief,

1457
01:24:39,720 --> 01:24:42,280
Speaker 1: and I hope you'll come back onto the show.

1458
01:24:42,400 --> 01:24:44,360
Speaker 2: I would love to thank you very much.

1459
01:24:44,400 --> 01:24:47,320
Speaker 1: Thank you. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my

1460
01:24:47,439 --> 01:24:50,559
Speaker 1: interview with doctor Daniel Ahman on how to change your

1461
01:24:50,600 --> 01:24:52,280
Speaker 1: life by changing your brain.

1462
01:24:52,760 --> 01:24:57,720
Speaker 2: If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with

1463
01:24:57,800 --> 01:25:01,000
Speaker 2: a healthy brain. You know, I've had the blessing or

1464
01:25:01,040 --> 01:25:05,519
Speaker 2: the curse to scan over a thousand convicted felons and

1465
01:25:05,640 --> 01:25:09,439
Speaker 2: over a hundred murderers, and their brains are very damaged.