WEBVTT - Ep. 173 — When Money Issues Threaten Your Mental Health 0:00:16.160 --> 0:00:22.680 Hey, hey, hey, I'm back. We're black, We're brown. It's Tiffany. 0:00:23.320 --> 0:00:25.800 Hey, guys, happy brown ambition Wednesday. It's Mandy. 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:28.880 Yeah, so my dad about last week, guys, I was 0:00:28.920 --> 0:00:32.520 on a plane and I miscalculated that pst to ees 0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:33.600 T is a tricky one. 0:00:33.960 --> 0:00:37.320 They don't need to know that we messed up. Well, 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:40.240 we meant to do a rerun last week. It wasn't 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:43.120 at all because Tiffany screwed up. 0:00:43.080 --> 0:00:47.840 The schedule right six in the morning. So I was like, oh, Mandy, 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:49.320 see this before I get on this flight. 0:00:49.720 --> 0:00:51.720 Guilty concience, you have to like mess up. 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.520 I do. I do feel guilty. I was like, next, 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.200 I feel like I was just away and now then 0:00:56.240 --> 0:00:58.360 I was gone again. That's okay. 0:00:58.400 --> 0:01:01.120 We're human beings, fear. 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:05.399 Not well, So what's new? And in the in the 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:07.280 world of Molly and Molly and then I'm gonna call 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:09.800 you and and husband Molly and. 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:13.240 Then Molly nam Oh, Molly's naughty. She got out of 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:16.480 the fence yesterday and my husband didn't notice. He was 0:01:16.480 --> 0:01:18.920 out there doing some yard work. And I usually track 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:21.680 her on the nest cam. I'll have the app up 0:01:21.720 --> 0:01:23.520 and I'll just like check in on her and make 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:26.000 sure that she's not up to any good, any you know, wrongdoing. 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:28.680 But since my husband was out there, I was like, oh, 0:01:28.680 --> 0:01:31.360 there's an adult presence, so I'll just you know, meanwow, 0:01:31.680 --> 0:01:34.560 watch this rerun of Game of Thrones and relaxed. And 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:37.240 then I checked and I didn't see her. And I 0:01:37.280 --> 0:01:39.319 and usually if you shake the treat jar, she'll come, 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:42.120 but she didn't come. And next thing I know, I 0:01:42.160 --> 0:01:44.520 hear my husband yelling her name and she's across the 0:01:44.560 --> 0:01:47.360 street and it's just like my It's like, it's my 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:49.640 biggest fear is that she's going to get out. I 0:01:49.680 --> 0:01:51.600 don't know if you guys have this the app called 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:55.560 next door, which is this new it's like a yeah, yeah, 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:58.560 we do yeah, and you can sign on in your 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:01.520 neighborhood and people people like, we'll post sayings like, you know, 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:04.360 for things for sale or we're looking for a housekeeper 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:07.400 or something like that. But what people posted my neighborhood 0:02:07.440 --> 0:02:09.240 is a lot of lost dogs, and I'm always like, 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:11.320 oh god, you know, if that was me, I would die. 0:02:11.639 --> 0:02:15.400 So my name came home, happy as can be herself, 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:16.280 just thrill. 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:20.200 I had a good time well in my neighborhood. People 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:23.520 are petty with next door. One lady posted case of 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:28.400 water stolen on front porch, then found half drink, not sure, cries. 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:31.399 I'm like, oh my god, really like I'll get another case. 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.960 They post all the petty things on my next Dora app. Well, 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:39.240 I'm glad that I know. That is very strange, because yeah, 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:42.520 I'm like, I suspect it was just a bunch of teenagers, like, 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:44.919 you know, doing some slight vandalism, like let me take 0:02:44.919 --> 0:02:48.400 this water and pour it out. Yeah, the utes, the utes. 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:51.200 Then speaking of my neighborhood, Oh my god, we're rounding 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:54.120 the bend. Just this is the month we'll move in. 0:02:54.880 --> 0:02:57.360 And now we have to buy I know, but we 0:02:57.440 --> 0:02:59.520 have to buy appliances. And I'm not gonna lie. It's 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:02.320 killing me slowly quickly. Actually, it's killing me quickly. 0:03:02.360 --> 0:03:03.880 Choosing too many options. 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:06.520 Oh my god. You know what it is. Well, one 0:03:06.720 --> 0:03:09.760 I've got I have like a microwave cabinet, you know, 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:11.520 like there's a little space. But who knew that people 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:13.160 don't put microwaves on the counter anymore. 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:14.760 I didn't know you can't have that. That's no, we 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:15.160 don't do that. 0:03:17.040 --> 0:03:20.040 Everyone was like yes, everyone was like, oh, Tiffany no, 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:24.240 and I was like, what, okay, trash? So we got 0:03:24.560 --> 0:03:28.680 the problem is is that like that the specifications of 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:33.639 this like this like microwave box, it's really it's not typical. 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:36.320 And so I finally found a microwave that will fit perfectly, 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:39.440 but it's not part of a suite that I want 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:41.640 to be all the way honest. Like I've read that 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:45.360 GE the refrigerators are like are trash because they're so loud, 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:47.120 and I'm like, I don't want a loud refrigerator. 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:47.840 Can't have that. 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:50.480 Yeah, So but I heard Whirlpool has really great refrigerator. 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:52.360 So after doing research, I found this to be true. 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:55.880 Like consumer reports, everyone's saying they're great. You know, they 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:57.720 had the least amount of incidents as far as being 0:03:57.800 --> 0:04:00.480 returned and YadA, YadA, YadA. But then I'm like, oh 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:04.680 so now my GE refrigerator, will the stainless steel match 0:04:04.800 --> 0:04:09.000 my my GE microwave, will the stainless steel match my willproof? 0:04:09.200 --> 0:04:12.600 Like you here yourself, this is like so one percent, 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:15.720 Oh my god, my appliance. 0:04:17.040 --> 0:04:19.160 And then it's so hard because you're like because then 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:21.120 you're like, how much is too much? Like I had 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:22.920 to reel myself in I'm like, Tiffany, are we really 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:24.919 looking at thirty five hundred dollars refrigerators? No. 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:28.840 It escalates very quickly, especially and you know what got 0:04:28.920 --> 0:04:32.359 us is that delivery. Like you want something, it's available, 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:34.200 you order it, you get excited, and then it's like 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:37.359 not available until like two months from when you order it, 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:40.000 and then you're like looking at the more expensive model 0:04:40.040 --> 0:04:42.640 because you want it. You need a fridge. We ran 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:45.360 into that exact well. Our problem was a bit different. 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:47.880 The best thing if you're buying appliances, if you're doing 0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:51.000 if you're using like a company like best Buy, is 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:53.520 that you can purchase them in advance and then make 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:55.800 the delivery for as far out as you want, and 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:58.239 then you can change the delivery delivery date a bunch 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:00.560 of times. We were changing ours all the time because 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:03.279 our house wasn't ready and there's no additional charge to 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:05.160 do it. What we didn't realize is there was a 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:08.760 risk of that item going out of stock or being 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:11.880 backwardered over the time, you know, being sold out and 0:05:11.920 --> 0:05:14.159 then on back order. So we ended up with the 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:16.599 week of Christmas, you know, or we had this fridge 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:18.320 delivery all set up and then they were like, oh, 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:20.720 we ran out of those, so we had to get 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:23.760 a more expensive one just to have a fridge. 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:25.719 It's been great, Like I said, we're here now, this 0:05:25.800 --> 0:05:29.120 is this is like the last major design choice that 0:05:29.200 --> 0:05:31.160 had to be made, and I really felt like I 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.320 wanted to do, like I said, the heavy lift, because 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:35.560 it's such a it's such an expensive choice. We have 0:05:35.600 --> 0:05:38.680 to get everything new, like the whole, you know, dishwasher. 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:40.240 I never had a dish washer. No that's not true. 0:05:40.279 --> 0:05:43.560 My parents asked. We did, but dishwasher, the hood for 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:48.360 the oven, the stove itself, microwave, refrigerator, And I'm like, uh, 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:50.599 I need to be in control of like what that 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:52.800 budget looks like, because that, you know, you can. 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:55.400 Get the measurements. My husband was really he was in 0:05:55.480 --> 0:05:56.560 charge of all that and he was. 0:05:56.720 --> 0:05:59.479 Meticulous without the measurements, right, yeah, and. 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:01.880 To be sure they fit. If you want any advice, 0:06:02.000 --> 0:06:05.320 you know, you can contact my husband. He loves electronics 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:08.280 and choosing things. I want to write a book on it. 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:10.600 I do. I would loved And then I'm like, yes, 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:12.080 but do you know what kind of friends did you 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:14.000 guys choose? We got? 0:06:14.360 --> 0:06:19.640 I don't know a big one. I love my husband. 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:22.320 He he's like, babe's good library. I want to get 0:06:22.320 --> 0:06:23.919 some books. And I was like, okay, we never go 0:06:24.000 --> 0:06:26.240 to our local library, and it's a nice library. And 0:06:26.240 --> 0:06:28.360 we finally went and I'm like picking out my latest 0:06:28.400 --> 0:06:30.360 novel and he I go over to him and he's 0:06:30.839 --> 0:06:34.400 got a stack of like electrical wiring books with like 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:37.359 how to how to wire house and diy home and 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:40.279 he legit like studied these books and then taught himself 0:06:40.320 --> 0:06:43.200 how to wire light bulbs and the ups. Like, we 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:45.960 have a house that doesn't have center light fixtures like 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:49.479 in the in the ceilings they'd have like you know, 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:52.799 these jerry rigged lights that are either it's this lamp 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:55.480 turns on when you flip that switch or this switch 0:06:55.560 --> 0:06:57.679 turns on that lamp or whatever. So he's been working 0:06:57.720 --> 0:07:01.080 on fixing that and I was nervous about him trying, 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:02.279 but he's really good at it. 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:04.640 He's just yes, I handed, guy's such a good it's 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.239 such a great right, I mean not ho, It's like yeah, 0:07:07.560 --> 0:07:10.720 I'm like, because okay, why can I be like, well, 0:07:10.880 --> 0:07:12.960 I guess that draw will be crooked forever. And I'm like, 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:15.400 ser man, He's like it's a drawer. I'm like, I know, 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:18.600 but it's been broken, like you know, like I'm just 0:07:18.680 --> 0:07:21.240 used to like looking at that stuff and being like, well, yes, 0:07:21.320 --> 0:07:22.560 that's how we live now, you know. 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:25.760 For me, it's about like not having to spend money 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:28.640 getting someone to fix it because every time, you know, 0:07:28.680 --> 0:07:30.400 whenever he wants to spend money. Now, I'm just like, 0:07:31.360 --> 0:07:34.480 we've didn't we didn't we How aren't we done? Like 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:36.280 didn't we do all the spending we're ever going to 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:39.679 do in our life this year? So it's it probably 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:41.760 saved us already a few hundred bucks. 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:45.040 Yeah, unfortunate electrician. It's like a plumber just to come out, 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:47.400 isn't it like minimal? Like you have to pay at 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.120 least twenty seventy five dollars just for them to come out. 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:53.240 But I know for them, plumber, I'm not sure we 0:07:53.320 --> 0:07:56.360 got we we luckily don't have any plumbing issues, but 0:07:56.440 --> 0:08:00.960 like for home, and yeah, so are our gutter. For example, 0:08:01.440 --> 0:08:03.600 that was the guy who we talked to you about 0:08:03.600 --> 0:08:05.920 coming to fix a gutter that wasn't draining properly. He 0:08:06.000 --> 0:08:07.760 was like, well, to come to your area, we need 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:10.200 a minimum of this much money and this job isn't 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:11.880 worth that, and then Enrique just learned how to do 0:08:11.920 --> 0:08:15.120 it on his own. So yeah, I mean if and 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:17.200 you know he had to when we were choosing to 0:08:17.200 --> 0:08:19.480 buy a house, like you need a partner who's you 0:08:19.520 --> 0:08:21.880 either need a lot of money to hire professionals, or 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:24.880 you need a partner or you yourself should be prepared 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:28.200 to start DIY. We're fixing things because I would have 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:32.160 been very upset with my husbands if we got into 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:34.600 this house situation. He wanted us to be in so desperately, 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:37.120 and then we were just you know, burning made. 0:08:37.480 --> 0:08:40.000 Yeah, it's paid all these little things. Yeah, because I 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:42.760 was telling my Superman like, oh, with the TVs? You know, 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:43.880 how are we going to hang them? He's like a 0:08:44.000 --> 0:08:47.360 Tiffany like that, I mean, all the TV's in a half. 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:50.000 I forget sometimes I'm like I'm like, literally, he's a 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:52.720 super of three hundred, three hundred units, why would he 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:55.600 know how to fix something. He's like hey, I'm like hey, 0:08:57.559 --> 0:08:59.360 but just so sometimes you just forget because I'm just 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:01.240 like I want everything to be done perfectly. He's like 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:03.680 I did, and he did. He hid the wires and everything. 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:09.400 I'm like, well, okay, it's exciting moving in. Yeah, yes, 0:09:10.440 --> 0:09:12.880 I know that this month is I mean this is 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:18.440 like a total one eighty three to sixty. But this month, no, 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:20.840 this month is a mental health awareness month, right, that's what. 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:23.360 May is Mental health Awareness month. 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:25.720 Yes, for those. 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:29.040 Of you out there who are struggling with whatever is 0:09:29.160 --> 0:09:31.760 holding you back or weighing you down, this is a 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:33.800 good time to reflect. I'm we're doing some fun things 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:36.160 at our office. Actually, it's cool, like some companies will 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:40.480 get into the month and we're having the animal We're 0:09:40.480 --> 0:09:43.640 having a what is it called the Humane Society. We're 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:46.720 bringing some therapy dogs to our office for a day, 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:50.040 and we're going to do group yoga at our office 0:09:50.080 --> 0:09:52.960 for a day. And then we already have a wellness room, 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:54.600 which is kind of just a room off in the corner. 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:56.559 It's supposed to be a breastfeeding room, but we don't 0:09:56.600 --> 0:09:58.719 have any breastfeeding mothers right now, so it's just kind 0:09:58.720 --> 0:10:00.559 of like the room you can go in and stretch 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:03.520 or sit in the dark, like I do for fifteen 0:10:03.520 --> 0:10:07.760 minutes a day sometimes. So for me, like if I'm 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:10.000 feeling stressed at work, that's what I do. And then 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:13.559 I've my goal for Mental Health Awareness Month has been 0:10:13.600 --> 0:10:16.520 to get up and walk for an hour during the day. 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:19.160 And so what I've been doing, because I don't take 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:22.280 hour long breaks from work ever, is I've just been 0:10:22.920 --> 0:10:26.400 going on walks during conference calls, okay, and conference calls 0:10:26.440 --> 0:10:28.440 where I know I don't need to be like talking 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:31.080 a lot, okay, And it's been awesome. I did like 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:34.680 four thousand steps today just wandering around the park looking 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:36.880 at the birds, you know, listening in on this call. 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:40.360 And that's been really helpful for me as far as 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:43.720 like dealing with the just the like the monotony and 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:46.440 the stress of you know, sitting at your desk and 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:47.160 working all day. 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:50.960 No, that's good, honestly it can be because even though 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:53.760 and you think like, oh, could you work for yourself? 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:55.959 So no, like I there are days and I'm like, 0:10:56.000 --> 0:10:58.960 goodn'ty have you gone outside? Because you can work anywhere. 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:01.839 I had even bought my self this little like it's 0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:06.240 like the size of a long cell phone. It's one 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.520 of these portable charges for my laptop, so that way 0:11:08.640 --> 0:11:11.920 I could like just take my laptop and literally sit 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:14.920 at the park bench and do work with the birds chirping. 0:11:15.320 --> 0:11:17.240 And I feel like I don't take that take advantage 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:19.600 of it as much. And when I don't get outside 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:22.720 as much, it definitely you know, it's caused for me 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:26.960 not feeling like like myself. And you'd be surprised how 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:30.160 like financial you know, well, I think no people, nobody 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:32.319 would be surprised how you finances and your mental health 0:11:32.640 --> 0:11:34.600 played such a pivotal role with each other. I remember 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:37.000 when post recession, I fell into like and I didn't 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:38.800 realize at the time that's what it was, but I 0:11:38.800 --> 0:11:42.480 fell into a depression because I'd lost everything, like everything 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:46.320 i'd identified with, Like Tiffany, you're a preschool teacher, not anymore, Tiffany, 0:11:46.360 --> 0:11:49.120 you own a condo, not anymore, Tiffany, you have retirement, 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:54.440 not anymore. Everything was gone and for like almost two years. 0:11:54.679 --> 0:11:56.920 I would say probably was bad the first six months, 0:11:57.240 --> 0:11:59.520 but like where it was like really bad where I 0:11:59.559 --> 0:12:01.960 was like I was and washing dishes. I wasn't washing myself. 0:12:02.040 --> 0:12:04.920 I was just in the house dark always. And I 0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:06.520 broke up with my boyfriend at the time. We had 0:12:06.559 --> 0:12:09.000 been together for like six years. I thought were going 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:10.960 to get married. So it was like it was lost. 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:12.400 On top of loss and type of loss, I just 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:16.000 felt I felt lost, And it wasn't until like I said, 0:12:16.040 --> 0:12:17.520 I think it was like my best friend Linda, she 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:19.720 was like, you haven't come out, you don't call anybody. 0:12:19.800 --> 0:12:22.079 Where are you? And I kind of looked around and 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:24.360 was like why am I living in Squalor? And I'm 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:26.600 like what is this? And I'm like wait. Then it 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:28.200 wasn't until I got out of it that I realized, 0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:32.480 like timmany, you really fell into like a depression and 0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:34.800 I don't know that it was a clinical depression, definitely 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:38.760 an emotional depression. And even then it took about like 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:40.480 a year and a half for me to fully get 0:12:40.480 --> 0:12:44.240 out of this that funk of like a feeling like 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:47.640 I was a failure because I'd messed up, you know, 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:50.079 and what were someone? 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.320 Do you have like specific things that you think you 0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:53.840 did that helps you get out? I know one of 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:55.439 them was starting the budget LISTA. 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.280 Yeah, you know, well it was one the most important 0:12:58.280 --> 0:13:01.000 thing in the beginning was honestly, I had like I 0:13:01.040 --> 0:13:03.600 had to talk to someone, Like it started with Linda 0:13:04.360 --> 0:13:06.160 because she called me, like all my other friends were 0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:08.240 kind of persistent, but I was like just ignoring everyone 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:10.720 quite honestly, Like I wasn't picking up the phone. And 0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:12.720 then I don't know what made me pick up the 0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:15.000 phone or Linda call, but I know Linda literally like 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:17.760 my whole life. Our parents used to share an apartment 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:20.920 and so we known each other before we were even here, 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:22.680 and so Linda was more like, you know, like a 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:25.600 sister versus like a friend. And so I don't know, 0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:27.720 for some random reason, I picked up and she was 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:30.040 just like, what's going on, and you know, like okay. 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.320 And Linda's like a ray of sunshine, So she was 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:34.439 like the perfect person to call. And she's the least 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:37.520 judgmental person. You could be like, Linda, I killed someone 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:40.280 and She'll be like, well, I mean that's not good. 0:13:40.679 --> 0:13:47.000 But and so I knew like I had not told anyone, 0:13:47.400 --> 0:13:49.120 So that to me that the first kind of break 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:52.040 was like I had to tell someone what I was 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:55.560 harboring because the depression was also coming from me. No 0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:57.320 one knew what was happening. They didn't know I'd lost 0:13:57.320 --> 0:13:59.600 my job. They didn't know that, you know, I'd lost 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:01.760 I was using my house. They didn't know anything. So 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:04.160 we were talking and then it kind of spilled that 0:14:04.200 --> 0:14:07.079 I just started crying and saying like everything that I'd 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:09.200 identified with is who I was is gone. I'm like, 0:14:09.200 --> 0:14:10.800 I love my money, I know if there's all these 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:13.480 things that you guys, And she was like, that's it, girl, 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:16.400 everyone's broke. I remember, She's like, are saying that, like 0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:20.760 literally everyone is broke, Like it's the recession girl. Like 0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:23.560 So it ain't really clicked to me that I wasn't that. 0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:25.800 I was like, it wasn't just me, that this was 0:14:25.840 --> 0:14:28.200 like a wave that was happening. So one, I'm just 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:31.560 getting acceptance from someone that I wasn't terrible. I wasn't 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:34.240 this bad person because you know, these things had happened. 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:36.600 And so once Linda kind of gave me the permission 0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:40.800 to basically start to forgive myself. So speaking to someone, 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:43.840 starting to forgive myself, and then I also realized that 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:46.400 a lot of the what I was feeling was like 0:14:46.480 --> 0:14:49.040 it was all it was self self, self, poor Tiffany. 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:51.960 Tiffany lost the Tifany lost that. And when I started volunteering, 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:54.280 that's how I started the Budgetista. Really it was The 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:58.160 Budgetista was supposed to be a nonprofit and it was 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:02.960 so I started volunteering. Helping and helping other people helps 0:15:02.960 --> 0:15:05.240 you to stop thinking about you yourself and what you're 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:07.320 going through and helps you to be more grateful. So 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:09.840 like those two things really helped me to get over 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:14.040 the biggest hurdles. And then through the budgetista and volunteering 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:16.480 and people started to ask, you know, how much do 0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:18.480 you cost and all that kind of stuff, and so 0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:22.360 the business grew. But it was really through forgiving myself, 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:26.400 getting permission to forgive myself, forgiving myself and helping people 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:28.280 that brought me out of the deepest part of the funk. 0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:31.000 But yeah, it was hard because I really was like 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:33.040 I just remember being like, yo, I had to throw 0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:35.560 away the dishes because like that's how bad, Like the 0:15:35.600 --> 0:15:38.680 sink had gotten, Like I could they were not, you know, redeemable. 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:41.400 I was like, yes, it was really bad. I was 0:15:41.440 --> 0:15:44.120 like just in the house because I imagine just losing everything, 0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:49.240 your house, your future fiance, your you know, financial stability, 0:15:49.760 --> 0:15:52.120 your I just lost everything. And then I found myself 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:54.760 like three hundred thousand dollars in debt and no way 0:15:54.800 --> 0:15:56.880 to dig my way out. And I had just remember, 0:15:56.920 --> 0:15:58.320 I don't know if you remember I told that story 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:02.000 about the guy that had gone through that financial scam. Yes, 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:04.040 so now all of a sudden like that. That just 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:06.240 hit it that time too. So now I owed thirty 0:16:06.240 --> 0:16:08.800 five thousand dollars in credit card debt, fifty thousand dollars 0:16:08.840 --> 0:16:13.000 of student loans, two twenty in my mortgage, no job, 0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:16.600 no retiring account, like no, you know, no man, Not 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:18.160 that I needed a man, but you know we were. 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:20.400 That was like I thought I was going to marry him, 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:22.800 and so like everything was gone and it was just 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:27.560 too much. And so my depression it I just slept 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:30.200 all the time, like I just I couldn't get out 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:32.520 of bed. I just slept. Everything was dark. I don't 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:34.400 even know what I ate when I drank. Everything was dark. 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:36.440 I probably just showered every other day. I don't even know. 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:40.000 I just remember I was like I didn't speak to anyone. 0:16:40.120 --> 0:16:44.280 So yeah, So if you are experiencing, you know, any 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:49.480 sort of mental breakdown, or you're feeling like, you know, 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:54.760 it's only me, it's not. Honestly, it's so many people 0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:57.880 struggle through it. And I'm fortunate in that mind was 0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:02.280 emotional versus clinical, meaning that because it's not. Sometimes it's 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:04.280 not just easy, oh talk to your friend, because if 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:07.280 you are, if you have are clinically depressed, it is 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:11.320 there's something in your hormonal makeup, so it's not a 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:13.080 matter of just talking to a friend, you know what 0:17:13.119 --> 0:17:16.200 I mean. So I can't imagine how hard that must 0:17:16.200 --> 0:17:18.800 be when it's it's not just oh, as your situation 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:21.159 gets better. You can have the most amazing life and 0:17:21.280 --> 0:17:24.800 still feel depressed if you are clinically depressed. And I 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:26.760 can't I can't imagine how hard that must be and 0:17:26.800 --> 0:17:28.639 how you deal with something like that when you're like, 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.679 I know nothing's wrong, but everything feels terrible, you know. 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:35.240 Yeah, I mean sometimes like just the financial stress can 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:39.000 be the like the trigger that may bring about like 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:41.359 some latent clinical depression, or if you have like if 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.320 it runs in your family, you know, I know that 0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:49.080 you're predisposed to suffering from depression. Yeah, well, thanks for sharing. 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:51.920 It's always I mean, I'm always I know I've heard 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:53.720 your story a bunch of times, but I'm always like, damn, 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:55.560 it's turned around. Good for her. 0:17:56.600 --> 0:17:58.720 I'm not gonna lie. I don't even know how. 0:17:59.200 --> 0:18:01.280 Well it's like, oh go ahead, no. 0:18:01.240 --> 0:18:03.359 No, I'm gonna say. Sometimes I just it's not until 0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:05.840 like you said, someone like you say it, and then 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:07.840 you're like, wow, it was really bad. 0:18:08.400 --> 0:18:12.879 Kind of put today's worries in perspective. Yeah, well, you know, 0:18:12.920 --> 0:18:15.800 it can be really you know, we can make it 0:18:15.800 --> 0:18:17.359 can be talking to a friend, but then there's a 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:20.360 serious issues like I read one stat there's a new 0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:23.240 survey that came out this week saying one in fifteen 0:18:23.280 --> 0:18:27.359 student loan borrowers has considered committing suicide because of their 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:30.200 student loan debt. So if you're at that kind of 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:33.440 place right now, suicide prevention hotline, I think it's one 0:18:33.440 --> 0:18:35.680 eight hundred. I think it's one eight hundred prevention. I'll 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:39.400 double check that. Yeah, talk to someone a professional if 0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:43.480 you can. And also when it comes to financial problems 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:45.280 in general, you know, we got we got questions from 0:18:45.320 --> 0:18:50.560 listeners all the time, and it's not an easy problem 0:18:50.640 --> 0:18:54.360 to fix right away. So part of recovery is acknowledging, 0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:57.280 forgiving yourself, you know, and acknowledging it's going to be 0:18:57.320 --> 0:19:01.400 a long road to recovery, especially if there's no quick fixes, 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:04.000 like you're not about to inherit you know, thousands of dollars, 0:19:04.080 --> 0:19:06.200