WEBVTT - “I WAS UNINVITED TO MY FRIEND’S WEDDING” 0:00:00.360 --> 0:00:05.360 Hello, what's up? Who is this? Is this? While? Yeah? 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:05.840 Who is this? 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:10.440 Oh? My goodness, that's amazing. My name is Elijah. 0:00:10.440 --> 0:00:15.080 How are you Elijah? What's up? Man? How am I? 0:00:15.080 --> 0:00:20.560 I am fine, I'm okay, I'm living life. I feel 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:27.680 pretty good. Actually, scale one's a ten like a seven. Yeah, 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:31.520 I feel pretty good. I feel ready to have this conversation. 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:33.720 I feel really all right. 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:35.560 Yeah I do. I feel ready to have this conversation. 0:00:35.680 --> 0:00:38.920 I feel I feel like I don't know what you're 0:00:38.960 --> 0:00:43.800 gonna talk to me about, but I feel like I 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:48.600 can thoroughly engage with you for at least twenty minutes 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:52.720 or that depending. I feel ready to engage with whatever 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:54.600 you have to talk to me about. That's how I feel. 0:00:55.640 --> 0:01:00.280 Well, that's amazing. Wow, you know, I hear it's a 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:03.240 lot listening, and it's like, never thought I'd actually be 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:05.360 in this position. But everybody's like, oh man, you know, 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:07.120 I had all these things to say and now I'm 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:09.400 on the phone, and what do I talk about? You 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:13.280 know you just had a blank But yeah, I don't know. 0:01:13.360 --> 0:01:17.720 I had texted you earlier about something, and I feel 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:20.520 like maybe that's a good jumping off point. 0:01:20.680 --> 0:01:23.480 Perhaps, Sure, I didn't read the text, but you can 0:01:23.480 --> 0:01:24.240 tell me what it was. 0:01:25.480 --> 0:01:30.039 So very good friend of mine is talking about his 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:33.880 wedding and I don't think that I'm going to be 0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:37.160 invited to the wedding because I used to date his 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:39.280 sister and she is going to be there. 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:46.520 Ooh, I okay, Now did you and the sister end 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:52.000 on good terms or bad terms? Or neutral terms? 0:01:52.240 --> 0:02:01.040 I would say neutral ish, maybe, like a chaotic neutral possibly. 0:02:01.520 --> 0:02:07.560 I mean she there wasn't necessarily anything wrong in the relationship. 0:02:07.720 --> 0:02:09.959 It was just I feel that she had reached a 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:14.519 point where, you know, things may be fizzled out. You know, honestly, 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:16.840 I'm gonna say this, and this is like the most 0:02:16.880 --> 0:02:20.040 fucked up part about it, is that the main reason 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:22.079 she broke up with me is because I didn't want 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:26.679 to start my own business. That was literally like the 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:29.200 big because like I work corporate and I have a 0:02:29.280 --> 0:02:31.079 very nice job and I'm still doing what I love 0:02:31.120 --> 0:02:33.000 and I make good money doing it. She's like, yeah, 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:35.320 like you have a boss, you don't want to like 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:38.520 do your own thing, and like my industry, like my 0:02:38.639 --> 0:02:42.000 field is like for you to be your own business owner, 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:45.239 you would be making way less money than what I'm 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:46.800 doing not owning my own business. 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:51.120 You know, So she broke up with you because she 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:53.080 didn't because you didn't want to start your own business? 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:55.079 What makes you now? What makes you feel like that 0:02:55.240 --> 0:02:58.560 was the main thing versus like that? 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:01.679 Definitely? She set it out right. 0:03:02.960 --> 0:03:04.639 Really well. 0:03:04.680 --> 0:03:07.040 She said that I had well it was more of 0:03:07.080 --> 0:03:10.880 a drive thing. But that drive concept leads back to 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:14.120 me not wanting to start my own thing or own 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:16.760 my own thing. And I kept telling her, I'm like, 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:18.519 you know, that's it's a lot of headaches, it's a 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:22.760 lot of stress that quite frankly, I would rather not 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:23.200 deal with. 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:29.600 Weird. How long were you dating? 0:03:29.600 --> 0:03:29.680 For? 0:03:31.240 --> 0:03:32.880 About two years? 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:35.960 Okay? And did this did this idea of like you 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:37.960 don't have enough drive come up a lot? 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:41.360 I mean not a lot. She had brought it up 0:03:41.440 --> 0:03:44.720 a few times, so like for a reference, I'm a chef, 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:47.240 right as she was like, oh, you know, you could 0:03:47.240 --> 0:03:50.240 do catering or you could open up your own restaurant 0:03:50.320 --> 0:03:53.960 and all that stuff, like to leave my cushy, you know, 0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:57.640 insurance and for a one k gig to just kind 0:03:57.680 --> 0:03:59.320 of like jump out there. And now there's people that 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:01.640 do it and they're very successful. And I understand that, 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:06.760 but like risk to reward, I'd rather not be responsible for, 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:10.360 you know, my future as much. Does that make sense? 0:04:10.680 --> 0:04:14.240 Yeah, of course, Well yeah, it's not for everyone, the 0:04:14.240 --> 0:04:16.200 fact that you don't want to do it. But also 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:17.800 like I don't know, you're a chef, right, you're working 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:20.159 for another. I mean, you're still you're still working hard, 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:23.200 You're still making the fucking food. It's just like you 0:04:23.200 --> 0:04:25.480 don't want to have to do all the other bullshit 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:29.159 involved with making food, with opening a restaurant. That's not 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:32.440 because then then your job stops being making food and 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.520 then it becomes like posting and ship. 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:39.560 Yeah, exactly. And a good advice that I got years 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:41.679 ago when I started doing this is that the higher 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:44.360 up you go in the food chain of a kitchen, 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:46.880 the further away you get from the stove, which is 0:04:46.920 --> 0:04:49.080 like why everybody falls in love with it, you know, 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:52.279 is the fire and the excitement and the and the 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:55.680 throwing salt on shit. But like, I mean, I'm in 0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:57.880 a management position at this point where thankfully I get 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:01.080 to choose how much I get the cookers, like paperwork 0:05:01.080 --> 0:05:03.360 involved too, and scheduling and stuff like that. But like 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:05.320 at the end of the day I worked for a 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:08.960 corporation that they're not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm always 0:05:09.000 --> 0:05:12.640 going to have a job. The company's treated me very 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:13.400 well so far. 0:05:15.360 --> 0:05:18.080 How was the relationship outside of that, like, did was 0:05:18.120 --> 0:05:19.039 it relatively good? 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:23.880 I mean, I what's fucked up is that prior to 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:26.360 this relationship, I was with a girl for seven years 0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:31.120 and I never once thought about like proposing to her. 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:33.560 I was just kind of like complacent with the relationship. 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:35.719 But I was with this other girl for damn near 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:39.160 two years, and I had ring money saved up, like 0:05:39.839 --> 0:05:41.760 I had like a couple grands saved up that I 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:43.560 was like waiting for the right time. I'm like, oh, 0:05:43.600 --> 0:05:46.120 we'll book a trip and I'll get down on my knee. 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:49.839 And then as I'm thinking about this, she's like, yeah, 0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:52.040 by the way, we got to talk, and I'm like, ah, 0:05:52.120 --> 0:05:54.359 I know what that means. That's not good. 0:05:56.440 --> 0:05:58.320 What was it about this woman that made marry her 0:05:58.360 --> 0:05:58.800 so much? 0:05:59.880 --> 0:06:02.120 I feel like there was just a lot of connections. 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:06.840 She was my previous relationship. That girl, she was just 0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:10.599 like very much like a timid yes yes man kind 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:12.520 of thing, like oh you want to do this, Yeah, 0:06:12.560 --> 0:06:14.320 we'll do that. But then like this other girl, I'd 0:06:14.320 --> 0:06:18.080 never been with somebody who was just so A lot 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:19.800 of my friends said she was a bitch, but like, 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:21.480 I don't agree with that. She was just she just 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:24.239 knew what she wanted, you know what I mean. She'd 0:06:24.240 --> 0:06:25.960 be like, hey, this is what I want. We're going 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:27.120 to do this, and I'd be like, hey, you want 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:28.599 to go do this and she's like, no, I don't 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:31.359 want to do that. Obviously, she would take what I 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:33.000 wanted to do every once in a while, even if 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:34.160 she didn't want to do it. You know, you got 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:36.560 to give a little bit in a relationship. But like 0:06:37.440 --> 0:06:40.120 outside of that, I mean, it was just very there 0:06:40.200 --> 0:06:41.160 was very much a connection. 0:06:42.160 --> 0:06:43.480 Yeah, what was it? 0:06:44.839 --> 0:06:45.160 What was it? 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:47.200 What was it that attracted you so much? To that 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:52.919 energy of knowing what like her knowing what she wanted? 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:56.880 I couldn't really tell you. Again, I think it goes 0:06:56.880 --> 0:07:00.839 back to my extremely long relationship before that, where I 0:07:00.920 --> 0:07:03.080 never had that. I only found out after the fact, 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:05.880 like in an argument she'd be like, oh, well, like 0:07:06.000 --> 0:07:08.800 I do this for you, you know, And like that 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:10.760 never came up with this girl because if she didn't 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:12.920 want to do it, she wouldn't and then if she 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:14.160 didn't want to do it, but she would do it 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:15.840 for me, she would just say that. She's like, yeah, 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:17.640 like this is your thing, Like I like to go 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:22.840 to concerts a lot, like kind of like like heavier concerts. 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:24.240 She's like, yeah, I'll go with you, but I'm not 0:07:24.280 --> 0:07:26.560 going to go get ruffed up by a bunch of 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:29.520 dudes in the pit with you. I'm like, okay, So 0:07:29.560 --> 0:07:31.200 then you know, stash her in the back by the 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:33.560 merch booth, and then I go have fun. And I 0:07:33.560 --> 0:07:36.800 mean we still got to experience it together, just not 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:39.120 you know. And then she wouldn't complain. She's like, yeah, 0:07:39.440 --> 0:07:40.640 this is what I wanted to do. I just I'll 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:42.680 stand in the back, you go have fun. I'll drive 0:07:42.720 --> 0:07:45.080 you home after you break your glasses in your leg. 0:07:46.120 --> 0:07:49.480 So do you feel a lot of grief when she 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:52.000 broke up with you after you're planning to propose? 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:57.160 It was actually so bad that I moved across the country. 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:02.280 Mm. 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:04.160 And this is only a couple months ago, by the way, 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:08.360 I just moved here. I think I'm on months three. 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:09.160 How's it going? 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:15.640 Is pros and cons? I mean my job, I was 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:17.600 able to move with my job, so they paid for 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:21.080 all the moving expenses. Where I'm living now, i'm paying 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:25.800 more for less. Like the last place I was living, 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:29.040 I was living in like the newest most high tech 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:33.280 apartment complex that there was, Like the if you left 0:08:33.280 --> 0:08:35.240 the fridge open too long, it would like sing a 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:37.840 song that told you it was open too long. Like 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:40.400 the washer and dryer in the unit was like one 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:43.120 one thing I'd never seen that before. So like you 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:45.360 put your laundry in it washes and then afterwards you 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:46.960 said it to dry and you don't even have to 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:50.520 move the clothes. It was very nice. And now I 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:52.839 live in like a studio for like six hundred dollars 0:08:52.920 --> 0:08:56.240 more months than like kind of a shadier part of town. 0:08:56.640 --> 0:09:01.199 But I needed I needed the new experience, the new faces. 0:09:01.280 --> 0:09:03.280 You know, it was really hard living in that city 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:05.640 because it was like I had taken this girl everywhere, 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:07.680 and then you go to those places and you're just 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:09.800 reminded of the times that you spent with that person 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:11.000 that you're never going to talk to again. 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:13.319 Yeah, so I. 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:14.880 Have none of those memories here. 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:18.880 So wait, I'm confused. And so I'm sorry if I 0:09:19.880 --> 0:09:24.560 you said this already, But the job that you were 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:27.160 staying in That was the whatever straw that broke the 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:30.719 camel's back. Is it a remote job? Like, how were 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:31.520 you able to keep it? 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:35.719 No? So again, I worked for a big corporation. I'm 0:09:35.720 --> 0:09:40.800 not going to dox myself, but yeah, yeah, it's a 0:09:40.840 --> 0:09:45.680 hotel change. I just transferred hotels. They have an entire 0:09:45.720 --> 0:09:48.080 website where it's like find a job, and then you look, 0:09:48.120 --> 0:09:50.160 and then I saw one in the city that I'm 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:52.320 living in now, and then I applied for it. I 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:53.760 got the job, and then they were like, hey, we'll 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:55.920 move you all the way across the country into this 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:58.240 new city for a new job. It was a promotion too, 0:09:58.280 --> 0:09:58.880 so that was nice. 0:09:58.920 --> 0:09:59.160 Cool. 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:01.280 Did you move a do you know anyone there? 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:06.000 I this is up in New England and I have friends, 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:09.400 you know, kind of close, like in New Hampshire and 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:11.160 Rhode Island, which is a bit of a trek but 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:15.320 still close enough. But yeah, I left like a whole 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:18.200 life that I had built for years down south to 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:20.880 move up north again. Right at the wrong time too. 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:22.520 It was snowing earlier and I was like, God, I 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:25.520 haven't seen snow in years. 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:28.920 So it's two months and how are you feeling about 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:29.560 your decision. 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:36.200 I feel better about it every day. I think I'm 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:41.840 kind of hitting a stride here. I will say that 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:43.959 living going from a red state to a blue state 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:51.400 is very different because the price of cigarettes are outrageous. 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:55.960 M but I mean personally, but going back to if 0:10:56.000 --> 0:10:58.040 you don't mind going back to like the initial thought. 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:02.120 So I met this girl, right, and then I met 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:05.040 her family. Obviously I miss was right around the time 0:11:05.080 --> 0:11:07.480 I was having trouble with my roommate. I needed somewhere 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:09.320 a new to lips. So her younger brother, him and 0:11:09.360 --> 0:11:12.079 I became friends. We got similar interests. He was like, oh, well, 0:11:12.080 --> 0:11:13.600 you know, I'm trying to move into this apartment. You 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:15.160 want to move in with me? So then him and 0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:17.920 I were roommates for a full year. So we became 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:20.240 very good friends. And I remember after she broke up 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:22.920 with me, I went out and got very drunk, as 0:11:23.360 --> 0:11:27.800 some people do, and I had called him. I was like, dude, 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:29.600 like you know what happened. He was like, yeah, you know, 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:31.560 she just talked to me about it. And I was like, 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:34.120 but like we're still cool, right He's like yeah, obviously, 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:36.880 Like our relationship isn't affected by what you did with 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:39.920 my sister. You know, I was like cool, cool, But 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.080 now again I'm finding out that he's going to get 0:11:42.160 --> 0:11:44.679 married and I'm like, oh, dude, like congratulations, Like when's 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:46.920 the wedding? Where is it? Like I'll try and take 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:49.200 some time off to come to it. And he's just 0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:52.760 like yeah about that, Yeah I don't know. Yeah. 0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:56.120 Oh so how did that conversation go. 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:01.880 I mean it was pretty much be like defending my 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:05.320 side of it because like my last day in that city, 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:09.400 I went to the bar that I'd also preface. I 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:12.520 was introduced to her by my old boss because me 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:14.920 and my boss we would go out drinking all the time, 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:17.400 and she was one of the regulars at this bar. 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:20.000 I remember the one day. I'm still getting over my 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:23.240 seven year relationship, which I also moved across the country for. 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:24.960 I have a bad habit of getting broken up with 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:26.840 and moving to a brand new city I've never been to. 0:12:27.640 --> 0:12:30.920 So I'm like all depressed about this, that and the 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:34.120 other end, my boss text me and he's like, hey, 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:36.080 you know, so and so is asking about you, and 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:38.599 mind Jesus, girl was phenomenally out of my league and 0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:40.840 I'm like, yeah, right, you're probably just drunk. At the 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:43.560 bar and your wife left you, right, and you want 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:45.080 somebody to drink with, so you want me to come 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:47.160 to the bar. And then his wife text me and 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:49.679 she's like, if you don't stop being fucking depressed and 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:51.839 come out to the bar and talk to this beautiful girl, 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:53.320 I'm gonna be pissed off at you. And at that 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:55.480 point I knew it was true, right all right? So anyway, 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:59.040 fast forward four years later, I'm I go out to 0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:00.760 hang out with my boss in my last night in 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:03.360 the city, and she's there. I didn't talk to her. 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:06.520 I didn't say anything, you know, very just yeah, she 0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:08.520 wants to talk to me, she'll talk to me. If not. 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:13.400 Then Also, as soon as she broke up with me, coincidentally, 0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:15.920 she's with this other guy who lo and behold owns 0:13:15.960 --> 0:13:20.760 his own like bar. So I want to say that 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:24.320 that maybe was playing into it a little bit, but yeah, yees. 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:26.040 So that I'm talking, I'm talking to my friend and 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:27.680 I'm like, hey, you know, if I go to the wedding, 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:29.360 I'm not going to fucking cause a scene, you know 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:31.079 what I mean, I'm not gonna if she doesn't talk 0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:32.840 to me, I'm not going to talk to her, like 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:36.520 I'm there for you, I'm not there even to see her. 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:38.920 Like if I go the whole night without seeing her, 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:40.960 it's looking cool, you know. 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.520 Yeah, do you do you really even want to go 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:50.160 to this wedding that this fucking lady is gonna be at? 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:51.400 Like when is the wedding even? 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:55.320 Oh see, it wasn't planned yet. It was kind of 0:13:55.320 --> 0:13:57.679 like I just found out about the proposal not too 0:13:57.720 --> 0:13:59.920 long ago. I was like, oh, well, do we have 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:01.920 date for the wedding? When is it? Like, let me 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:03.960 know what it is that I can plan to fly 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:06.320 out and be a part of it, because like, you're 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:07.640 a very good friend of mine, I'd like to be 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:12.680 a part of your special day kind of thing. And yeah, 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:15.080 I don't know. It was just a lot of resistance 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:17.640 from him about it. It was just like, yeah, well, 0:14:18.120 --> 0:14:20.560 you know who's going to be there kind of thing. 0:14:23.040 --> 0:14:25.360 I feel like, I mean, do you want do you 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:27.800 want to be around that lady? 0:14:28.160 --> 0:14:32.520 You know, it's not about her, it's about him, you 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:34.360 know what I mean? Like I've looked past the fact 0:14:34.360 --> 0:14:35.720 that she's going to be there in order for me 0:14:35.760 --> 0:14:37.680 to show up for my friend. 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:43.040 You know, yeah, well, clearly your ex is like influencing 0:14:43.640 --> 0:14:48.400 your friend to be like yo, like, you can't invite 0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:52.400 clearly this this woman is like, you know, throwing her 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:58.400 weight around in the family dynamic, I suppose, and has 0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:02.920 has successfully influenced your friend to be like you're out, 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:05.440 you know, I. 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:09.080 Mean yeah, And granted that's that's his older sister. He's 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:13.600 known her his entire life. But in the short time 0:15:13.640 --> 0:15:15.400 that I knew him, I'm like, come on, we're boys. 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:18.280 You know, we've been through some stuff together, Truman's with 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:19.880 the roomies kind of stuff. You know. 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:23.840 Yeah, but she got she she got in way earlier 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:26.040 than you did. I mean, because I actually I thought 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:29.800 I thought, I thought you met the sister through your 0:15:29.840 --> 0:15:32.760 friendship with the brother. But if you start the friendship 0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:36.400 with the brother through relationship with the sister, that's a 0:15:36.400 --> 0:15:37.880 bit of a different story, I think. 0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:43.240 Okay, okay, so are you saying that? Like, so, what, 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:46.320 what in your opinion should I should I feel about 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:50.880 this situation? Like to me. 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:53.920 Well, listen, I'm not in the business of telling people 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:59.080 what they should feel. But any ponders feel feel whatever 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:02.000 you want. Any Well, that is my ponder is, like, 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:04.600 you know, look, you met this guy, you lived with 0:16:04.680 --> 0:16:08.360 him for a year. You guys became good friends, you 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:11.480 dated this girl, and now you're in a new city 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:14.080 you don't live. How often do you talk to this guy? 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:16.240 Are you like really good friends with them? 0:16:16.600 --> 0:16:20.360 I mean talking and you know, sending each other memes 0:16:20.440 --> 0:16:23.040 or two different things, I guess, but at least every 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:26.000 other day we'll have a text conversation about something, you know. 0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:30.280 And then I'm I'm a pretty big proponent of calling 0:16:30.560 --> 0:16:32.600 your friends because like, I've moved around a lot in 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:36.160 my life, so all like five of I would call 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:38.760 my best friends, like my inner circle everyone lives in 0:16:38.800 --> 0:16:42.040 a different city that I've lived in kind of thing. 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:45.240 So it's like whenever I get the chance, I like 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:47.640 to shoot people's phone calls and just kind of like 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:49.560 even it's just for like ten minutes, Hey, how you doing? 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:52.760 You know, like, how's life, what's new? Everything good? 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:56.920 So again, again, when you talked to your friend about this, 0:16:57.000 --> 0:16:59.960 what was his vibe? Was he like, ah, yeah, sorry 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:02.040 about though? Like what was his vibe like was he 0:17:02.080 --> 0:17:04.440 being apologetic or was he just like ah sorry, man. 0:17:06.280 --> 0:17:08.880 It wasn't like my hands are tied like it did 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:11.639 come off as if like it was his own decision, 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:16.440 which obviously we already talked about the influence behind the decision. 0:17:16.480 --> 0:17:20.040 I'm sure, But at the same time, he did make 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.119 it sound like it was like his call, which at 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:24.159 the same time, I feel like I did mention something 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:27.600 about like, hey, you know you you are in a 0:17:27.640 --> 0:17:32.400 position to say no to her. I mean, it's your 0:17:32.480 --> 0:17:35.080 fucking wedding. It's not like it's her wedding, you know. 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:40.000 Yeah, but yeah, but it's true, he is in a position, 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:42.720 but he didn't take it. You know, it's a bummer. 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:44.560 I'm gonna tell you how you should feel. But it's like, 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:49.560 you know, he assessed the situation. You came in after 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:55.159 you know you you you your relationship with him formed 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:58.600 after the relationship with her. It's just it's a mess. 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:03.000 I think it's an understandable, lee fragile situation your homie. 0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:06.520 But listen, your homie probably is not stoked about I 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:08.760 don't think this is like a reflection of your friendship 0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:10.399 with homie. I don't think he stoked about it. But 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:13.280 I think he, for whatever reason, has made the decision 0:18:13.960 --> 0:18:20.800 to you know, he's the piece I suppose, or he's 0:18:20.880 --> 0:18:24.119 his sister by not having you there. Now, how you 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:27.600 should feel about it, I don't know, but whether or 0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:29.520 not you want to now if you were like, you 0:18:29.560 --> 0:18:33.800 know what, I don't feel valued in this friendship because 0:18:33.800 --> 0:18:35.720 you didn't stand up for me whatever, and you want 0:18:35.720 --> 0:18:38.719 to start spending you know, sending a few less means 0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:41.240 to this guy. That's understanding. 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:46.000 No, No, I don't think that I'm taking it personally 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:48.480 in any kind of way. I'm just trying to understand 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:54.720 the where where is the real issue with me actually 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:56.600 going because outside of her? 0:18:56.720 --> 0:19:02.880 But yeah, yeah, but it doesn't Yeah, but we can 0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:05.159 ponder on this stuff. But like it doesn't really matter 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:08.000 because he made the decision already, you know. 0:19:08.160 --> 0:19:10.880 Like, yeah, it's not something that I want to press either, 0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:13.080 like not at least in a conversation. It's not something 0:19:13.080 --> 0:19:15.160 that I'm gonna bring up again and be like, hey 0:19:15.600 --> 0:19:18.720 you think about it again, like you have any second thoughts? 0:19:18.760 --> 0:19:21.159 Yeah, but yeah, I think here's the thing is, like, 0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:24.080 if you decide you're offended and you don't want to 0:19:24.080 --> 0:19:26.840 be homies with this guy anymore, like you know, I 0:19:26.840 --> 0:19:30.679 think that's justified. But also if you're like, Okay, I'm 0:19:30.680 --> 0:19:33.000 gonna be homies with this guy, don't like be homies 0:19:33.040 --> 0:19:35.720 with him. But then yeah, also like press him about it. 0:19:35.880 --> 0:19:41.040 Also also who knows, right, the wedding hasn't even been planned, right, 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:43.359 there's not even a date, And you just broke up 0:19:43.400 --> 0:19:45.840 with this lady two fucking months ago, you know what 0:19:45.880 --> 0:19:46.359 I'm saying. 0:19:46.440 --> 0:19:48.919 So like it was a little longer than two months, 0:19:48.960 --> 0:19:50.200 but I know what you're saying. 0:19:50.280 --> 0:19:52.879 Yeah, so who knows this la By the time that 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:55.800 this lady, by the time that your brother gets married 0:19:55.880 --> 0:20:01.560 and whatever, maybe she moves, like things could evolve emotionally 0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:05.880 to the point where you are you are invited back 0:20:05.880 --> 0:20:07.359 by I don't think you should press about it. I 0:20:07.359 --> 0:20:10.440