1
00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:05,360
Speaker 1: Hello, what's up? Who is this? Is this? While? Yeah?

2
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:05,840
Speaker 2: Who is this?

3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,440
Speaker 1: Oh? My goodness, that's amazing. My name is Elijah.

4
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:15,080
Speaker 2: How are you Elijah? What's up? Man? How am I?

5
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:20,560
Speaker 2: I am fine, I'm okay, I'm living life. I feel

6
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:27,680
Speaker 2: pretty good. Actually, scale one's a ten like a seven. Yeah,

7
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:31,520
Speaker 2: I feel pretty good. I feel ready to have this conversation.

8
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:33,720
Speaker 1: I feel really all right.

9
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,560
Speaker 2: Yeah I do. I feel ready to have this conversation.

10
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,920
Speaker 2: I feel I feel like I don't know what you're

11
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:43,800
Speaker 2: gonna talk to me about, but I feel like I

12
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:48,600
Speaker 2: can thoroughly engage with you for at least twenty minutes

13
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,720
Speaker 2: or that depending. I feel ready to engage with whatever

14
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:54,600
Speaker 2: you have to talk to me about. That's how I feel.

15
00:00:55,640 --> 00:01:00,280
Speaker 1: Well, that's amazing. Wow, you know, I hear it's a

16
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,240
Speaker 1: lot listening, and it's like, never thought I'd actually be

17
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,360
Speaker 1: in this position. But everybody's like, oh man, you know,

18
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,120
Speaker 1: I had all these things to say and now I'm

19
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:09,400
Speaker 1: on the phone, and what do I talk about? You

20
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:13,280
Speaker 1: know you just had a blank But yeah, I don't know.

21
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:17,720
Speaker 1: I had texted you earlier about something, and I feel

22
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:20,520
Speaker 1: like maybe that's a good jumping off point.

23
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,480
Speaker 2: Perhaps, Sure, I didn't read the text, but you can

24
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:24,240
Speaker 2: tell me what it was.

25
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:30,039
Speaker 1: So very good friend of mine is talking about his

26
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,880
Speaker 1: wedding and I don't think that I'm going to be

27
00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:37,160
Speaker 1: invited to the wedding because I used to date his

28
00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:39,280
Speaker 1: sister and she is going to be there.

29
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:46,520
Speaker 2: Ooh, I okay, Now did you and the sister end

30
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:52,000
Speaker 2: on good terms or bad terms? Or neutral terms?

31
00:01:52,240 --> 00:02:01,040
Speaker 1: I would say neutral ish, maybe, like a chaotic neutral possibly.

32
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:07,560
Speaker 1: I mean she there wasn't necessarily anything wrong in the relationship.

33
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:09,959
Speaker 1: It was just I feel that she had reached a

34
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:14,519
Speaker 1: point where, you know, things may be fizzled out. You know, honestly,

35
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this, and this is like the most

36
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:20,040
Speaker 1: fucked up part about it, is that the main reason

37
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,079
Speaker 1: she broke up with me is because I didn't want

38
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:26,679
Speaker 1: to start my own business. That was literally like the

39
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:29,200
Speaker 1: big because like I work corporate and I have a

40
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,079
Speaker 1: very nice job and I'm still doing what I love

41
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,000
Speaker 1: and I make good money doing it. She's like, yeah,

42
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,320
Speaker 1: like you have a boss, you don't want to like

43
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,520
Speaker 1: do your own thing, and like my industry, like my

44
00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:42,000
Speaker 1: field is like for you to be your own business owner,

45
00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,239
Speaker 1: you would be making way less money than what I'm

46
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,800
Speaker 1: doing not owning my own business.

47
00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:51,120
Speaker 2: You know, So she broke up with you because she

48
00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,080
Speaker 2: didn't because you didn't want to start your own business?

49
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:55,079
Speaker 2: What makes you now? What makes you feel like that

50
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,560
Speaker 2: was the main thing versus like that?

51
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,679
Speaker 1: Definitely? She set it out right.

52
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,639
Speaker 3: Really well.

53
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,040
Speaker 1: She said that I had well it was more of

54
00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:10,880
Speaker 1: a drive thing. But that drive concept leads back to

55
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:14,120
Speaker 1: me not wanting to start my own thing or own

56
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,760
Speaker 1: my own thing. And I kept telling her, I'm like,

57
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,519
Speaker 1: you know, that's it's a lot of headaches, it's a

58
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:22,760
Speaker 1: lot of stress that quite frankly, I would rather not

59
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:23,200
Speaker 1: deal with.

60
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:29,600
Speaker 2: Weird. How long were you dating?

61
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:29,680
Speaker 3: For?

62
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,880
Speaker 1: About two years?

63
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,960
Speaker 2: Okay? And did this did this idea of like you

64
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,960
Speaker 2: don't have enough drive come up a lot?

65
00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:41,360
Speaker 1: I mean not a lot. She had brought it up

66
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,720
Speaker 1: a few times, so like for a reference, I'm a chef,

67
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,240
Speaker 1: right as she was like, oh, you know, you could

68
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,240
Speaker 1: do catering or you could open up your own restaurant

69
00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:53,960
Speaker 1: and all that stuff, like to leave my cushy, you know,

70
00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:57,640
Speaker 1: insurance and for a one k gig to just kind

71
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,320
Speaker 1: of like jump out there. And now there's people that

72
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,640
Speaker 1: do it and they're very successful. And I understand that,

73
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:06,760
Speaker 1: but like risk to reward, I'd rather not be responsible for,

74
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,360
Speaker 1: you know, my future as much. Does that make sense?

75
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:14,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, Well yeah, it's not for everyone, the

76
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,200
Speaker 2: fact that you don't want to do it. But also

77
00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:17,800
Speaker 2: like I don't know, you're a chef, right, you're working

78
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,159
Speaker 2: for another. I mean, you're still you're still working hard,

79
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,200
Speaker 2: You're still making the fucking food. It's just like you

80
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,480
Speaker 2: don't want to have to do all the other bullshit

81
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,159
Speaker 2: involved with making food, with opening a restaurant. That's not

82
00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:32,440
Speaker 2: because then then your job stops being making food and

83
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:35,520
Speaker 2: then it becomes like posting and ship.

84
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. And a good advice that I got years

85
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,679
Speaker 1: ago when I started doing this is that the higher

86
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:44,360
Speaker 1: up you go in the food chain of a kitchen,

87
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,880
Speaker 1: the further away you get from the stove, which is

88
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,080
Speaker 1: like why everybody falls in love with it, you know,

89
00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:52,279
Speaker 1: is the fire and the excitement and the and the

90
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,680
Speaker 1: throwing salt on shit. But like, I mean, I'm in

91
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,880
Speaker 1: a management position at this point where thankfully I get

92
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,080
Speaker 1: to choose how much I get the cookers, like paperwork

93
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,360
Speaker 1: involved too, and scheduling and stuff like that. But like

94
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,320
Speaker 1: at the end of the day I worked for a

95
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,960
Speaker 1: corporation that they're not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm always

96
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,640
Speaker 1: going to have a job. The company's treated me very

97
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,400
Speaker 1: well so far.

98
00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:18,080
Speaker 2: How was the relationship outside of that, like, did was

99
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,039
Speaker 2: it relatively good?

100
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,880
Speaker 1: I mean, I what's fucked up is that prior to

101
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,360
Speaker 1: this relationship, I was with a girl for seven years

102
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:31,120
Speaker 1: and I never once thought about like proposing to her.

103
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,560
Speaker 1: I was just kind of like complacent with the relationship.

104
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,719
Speaker 1: But I was with this other girl for damn near

105
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,160
Speaker 1: two years, and I had ring money saved up, like

106
00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,760
Speaker 1: I had like a couple grands saved up that I

107
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,560
Speaker 1: was like waiting for the right time. I'm like, oh,

108
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,120
Speaker 1: we'll book a trip and I'll get down on my knee.

109
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,839
Speaker 1: And then as I'm thinking about this, she's like, yeah,

110
00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:52,040
Speaker 1: by the way, we got to talk, and I'm like, ah,

111
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:54,359
Speaker 1: I know what that means. That's not good.

112
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,320
Speaker 2: What was it about this woman that made marry her

113
00:05:58,360 --> 00:05:58,800
Speaker 2: so much?

114
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:02,120
Speaker 1: I feel like there was just a lot of connections.

115
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:06,840
Speaker 1: She was my previous relationship. That girl, she was just

116
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,599
Speaker 1: like very much like a timid yes yes man kind

117
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,520
Speaker 1: of thing, like oh you want to do this, Yeah,

118
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,320
Speaker 1: we'll do that. But then like this other girl, I'd

119
00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:18,080
Speaker 1: never been with somebody who was just so A lot

120
00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:19,800
Speaker 1: of my friends said she was a bitch, but like,

121
00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:21,480
Speaker 1: I don't agree with that. She was just she just

122
00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,239
Speaker 1: knew what she wanted, you know what I mean. She'd

123
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:25,960
Speaker 1: be like, hey, this is what I want. We're going

124
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:27,120
Speaker 1: to do this, and I'd be like, hey, you want

125
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,599
Speaker 1: to go do this and she's like, no, I don't

126
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,359
Speaker 1: want to do that. Obviously, she would take what I

127
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:33,000
Speaker 1: wanted to do every once in a while, even if

128
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,160
Speaker 1: she didn't want to do it. You know, you got

129
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,560
Speaker 1: to give a little bit in a relationship. But like

130
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:40,120
Speaker 1: outside of that, I mean, it was just very there

131
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,160
Speaker 1: was very much a connection.

132
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, what was it?

133
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:45,160
Speaker 1: What was it?

134
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,200
Speaker 2: What was it that attracted you so much? To that

135
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:52,919
Speaker 2: energy of knowing what like her knowing what she wanted?

136
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,880
Speaker 1: I couldn't really tell you. Again, I think it goes

137
00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,839
Speaker 1: back to my extremely long relationship before that, where I

138
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,080
Speaker 1: never had that. I only found out after the fact,

139
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,880
Speaker 1: like in an argument she'd be like, oh, well, like

140
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,800
Speaker 1: I do this for you, you know, And like that

141
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,760
Speaker 1: never came up with this girl because if she didn't

142
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:12,920
Speaker 1: want to do it, she wouldn't and then if she

143
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:14,160
Speaker 1: didn't want to do it, but she would do it

144
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,840
Speaker 1: for me, she would just say that. She's like, yeah,

145
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,640
Speaker 1: like this is your thing, Like I like to go

146
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:22,840
Speaker 1: to concerts a lot, like kind of like like heavier concerts.

147
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:24,240
Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, I'll go with you, but I'm not

148
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:26,560
Speaker 1: going to go get ruffed up by a bunch of

149
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,520
Speaker 1: dudes in the pit with you. I'm like, okay, So

150
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,200
Speaker 1: then you know, stash her in the back by the

151
00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,560
Speaker 1: merch booth, and then I go have fun. And I

152
00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,800
Speaker 1: mean we still got to experience it together, just not

153
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,120
Speaker 1: you know. And then she wouldn't complain. She's like, yeah,

154
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:40,640
Speaker 1: this is what I wanted to do. I just I'll

155
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,680
Speaker 1: stand in the back, you go have fun. I'll drive

156
00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,080
Speaker 1: you home after you break your glasses in your leg.

157
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,480
Speaker 2: So do you feel a lot of grief when she

158
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,000
Speaker 2: broke up with you after you're planning to propose?

159
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:57,160
Speaker 1: It was actually so bad that I moved across the country.

160
00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:02,280
Speaker 2: Mm.

161
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,160
Speaker 1: And this is only a couple months ago, by the way,

162
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:08,360
Speaker 1: I just moved here. I think I'm on months three.

163
00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:09,160
Speaker 2: How's it going?

164
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:15,640
Speaker 1: Is pros and cons? I mean my job, I was

165
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,600
Speaker 1: able to move with my job, so they paid for

166
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:21,080
Speaker 1: all the moving expenses. Where I'm living now, i'm paying

167
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:25,800
Speaker 1: more for less. Like the last place I was living,

168
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:29,040
Speaker 1: I was living in like the newest most high tech

169
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:33,280
Speaker 1: apartment complex that there was, Like the if you left

170
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,240
Speaker 1: the fridge open too long, it would like sing a

171
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,840
Speaker 1: song that told you it was open too long. Like

172
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,400
Speaker 1: the washer and dryer in the unit was like one

173
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,120
Speaker 1: one thing I'd never seen that before. So like you

174
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:45,360
Speaker 1: put your laundry in it washes and then afterwards you

175
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:46,960
Speaker 1: said it to dry and you don't even have to

176
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,520
Speaker 1: move the clothes. It was very nice. And now I

177
00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:52,839
Speaker 1: live in like a studio for like six hundred dollars

178
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:56,240
Speaker 1: more months than like kind of a shadier part of town.

179
00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:01,199
Speaker 1: But I needed I needed the new experience, the new faces.

180
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,280
Speaker 1: You know, it was really hard living in that city

181
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:05,640
Speaker 1: because it was like I had taken this girl everywhere,

182
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:07,680
Speaker 1: and then you go to those places and you're just

183
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,800
Speaker 1: reminded of the times that you spent with that person

184
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,000
Speaker 1: that you're never going to talk to again.

185
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I.

186
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,880
Speaker 1: Have none of those memories here.

187
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:18,880
Speaker 2: So wait, I'm confused. And so I'm sorry if I

188
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:24,560
Speaker 2: you said this already, But the job that you were

189
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:27,160
Speaker 2: staying in That was the whatever straw that broke the

190
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,719
Speaker 2: camel's back. Is it a remote job? Like, how were

191
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:31,520
Speaker 2: you able to keep it?

192
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,719
Speaker 1: No? So again, I worked for a big corporation. I'm

193
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:40,800
Speaker 1: not going to dox myself, but yeah, yeah, it's a

194
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:45,680
Speaker 1: hotel change. I just transferred hotels. They have an entire

195
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,080
Speaker 1: website where it's like find a job, and then you look,

196
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,160
Speaker 1: and then I saw one in the city that I'm

197
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,320
Speaker 1: living in now, and then I applied for it. I

198
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:53,760
Speaker 1: got the job, and then they were like, hey, we'll

199
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,920
Speaker 1: move you all the way across the country into this

200
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,240
Speaker 1: new city for a new job. It was a promotion too,

201
00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:58,880
Speaker 1: so that was nice.

202
00:09:58,920 --> 00:09:59,160
Speaker 3: Cool.

203
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,280
Speaker 2: Did you move a do you know anyone there?

204
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,000
Speaker 1: I this is up in New England and I have friends,

205
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,400
Speaker 1: you know, kind of close, like in New Hampshire and

206
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,160
Speaker 1: Rhode Island, which is a bit of a trek but

207
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:15,320
Speaker 1: still close enough. But yeah, I left like a whole

208
00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:18,200
Speaker 1: life that I had built for years down south to

209
00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,880
Speaker 1: move up north again. Right at the wrong time too.

210
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,520
Speaker 1: It was snowing earlier and I was like, God, I

211
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,520
Speaker 1: haven't seen snow in years.

212
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,920
Speaker 2: So it's two months and how are you feeling about

213
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:29,560
Speaker 2: your decision.

214
00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:36,200
Speaker 1: I feel better about it every day. I think I'm

215
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:41,840
Speaker 1: kind of hitting a stride here. I will say that

216
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,959
Speaker 1: living going from a red state to a blue state

217
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:51,400
Speaker 1: is very different because the price of cigarettes are outrageous.

218
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:55,960
Speaker 1: M but I mean personally, but going back to if

219
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,040
Speaker 1: you don't mind going back to like the initial thought.

220
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:02,120
Speaker 1: So I met this girl, right, and then I met

221
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,040
Speaker 1: her family. Obviously I miss was right around the time

222
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,480
Speaker 1: I was having trouble with my roommate. I needed somewhere

223
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,320
Speaker 1: a new to lips. So her younger brother, him and

224
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,079
Speaker 1: I became friends. We got similar interests. He was like, oh, well,

225
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:13,600
Speaker 1: you know, I'm trying to move into this apartment. You

226
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,160
Speaker 1: want to move in with me? So then him and

227
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,920
Speaker 1: I were roommates for a full year. So we became

228
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,240
Speaker 1: very good friends. And I remember after she broke up

229
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,920
Speaker 1: with me, I went out and got very drunk, as

230
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:27,800
Speaker 1: some people do, and I had called him. I was like, dude,

231
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,600
Speaker 1: like you know what happened. He was like, yeah, you know,

232
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,560
Speaker 1: she just talked to me about it. And I was like,

233
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,120
Speaker 1: but like we're still cool, right He's like yeah, obviously,

234
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,880
Speaker 1: Like our relationship isn't affected by what you did with

235
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,920
Speaker 1: my sister. You know, I was like cool, cool, But

236
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,080
Speaker 1: now again I'm finding out that he's going to get

237
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:44,679
Speaker 1: married and I'm like, oh, dude, like congratulations, Like when's

238
00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:46,920
Speaker 1: the wedding? Where is it? Like I'll try and take

239
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,200
Speaker 1: some time off to come to it. And he's just

240
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:52,760
Speaker 1: like yeah about that, Yeah I don't know. Yeah.

241
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:56,120
Speaker 2: Oh so how did that conversation go.

242
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,880
Speaker 1: I mean it was pretty much be like defending my

243
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:05,320
Speaker 1: side of it because like my last day in that city,

244
00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:09,400
Speaker 1: I went to the bar that I'd also preface. I

245
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,520
Speaker 1: was introduced to her by my old boss because me

246
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,920
Speaker 1: and my boss we would go out drinking all the time,

247
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,400
Speaker 1: and she was one of the regulars at this bar.

248
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,000
Speaker 1: I remember the one day. I'm still getting over my

249
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,240
Speaker 1: seven year relationship, which I also moved across the country for.

250
00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:24,960
Speaker 1: I have a bad habit of getting broken up with

251
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,840
Speaker 1: and moving to a brand new city I've never been to.

252
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:30,920
Speaker 1: So I'm like all depressed about this, that and the

253
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,120
Speaker 1: other end, my boss text me and he's like, hey,

254
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,080
Speaker 1: you know, so and so is asking about you, and

255
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,599
Speaker 1: mind Jesus, girl was phenomenally out of my league and

256
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, right, you're probably just drunk. At the

257
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,560
Speaker 1: bar and your wife left you, right, and you want

258
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,080
Speaker 1: somebody to drink with, so you want me to come

259
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,160
Speaker 1: to the bar. And then his wife text me and

260
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,679
Speaker 1: she's like, if you don't stop being fucking depressed and

261
00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,839
Speaker 1: come out to the bar and talk to this beautiful girl,

262
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be pissed off at you. And at that

263
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,480
Speaker 1: point I knew it was true, right all right? So anyway,

264
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:59,040
Speaker 1: fast forward four years later, I'm I go out to

265
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,760
Speaker 1: hang out with my boss in my last night in

266
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,360
Speaker 1: the city, and she's there. I didn't talk to her.

267
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,520
Speaker 1: I didn't say anything, you know, very just yeah, she

268
00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:08,520
Speaker 1: wants to talk to me, she'll talk to me. If not.

269
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:13,400
Speaker 1: Then Also, as soon as she broke up with me, coincidentally,

270
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,920
Speaker 1: she's with this other guy who lo and behold owns

271
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:20,760
Speaker 1: his own like bar. So I want to say that

272
00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:24,320
Speaker 1: that maybe was playing into it a little bit, but yeah, yees.

273
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,040
Speaker 1: So that I'm talking, I'm talking to my friend and

274
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:27,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, you know, if I go to the wedding,

275
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:29,360
Speaker 1: I'm not going to fucking cause a scene, you know

276
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:31,079
Speaker 1: what I mean, I'm not gonna if she doesn't talk

277
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,840
Speaker 1: to me, I'm not going to talk to her, like

278
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,520
Speaker 1: I'm there for you, I'm not there even to see her.

279
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,920
Speaker 1: Like if I go the whole night without seeing her,

280
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,960
Speaker 1: it's looking cool, you know.

281
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:47,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you do you really even want to go

282
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,160
Speaker 2: to this wedding that this fucking lady is gonna be at?

283
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,400
Speaker 2: Like when is the wedding even?

284
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,320
Speaker 1: Oh see, it wasn't planned yet. It was kind of

285
00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:57,679
Speaker 1: like I just found out about the proposal not too

286
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,920
Speaker 1: long ago. I was like, oh, well, do we have

287
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,920
Speaker 1: date for the wedding? When is it? Like, let me

288
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,960
Speaker 1: know what it is that I can plan to fly

289
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,320
Speaker 1: out and be a part of it, because like, you're

290
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,640
Speaker 1: a very good friend of mine, I'd like to be

291
00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:12,680
Speaker 1: a part of your special day kind of thing. And yeah,

292
00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:15,080
Speaker 1: I don't know. It was just a lot of resistance

293
00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:17,640
Speaker 1: from him about it. It was just like, yeah, well,

294
00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,560
Speaker 1: you know who's going to be there kind of thing.

295
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:25,360
Speaker 2: I feel like, I mean, do you want do you

296
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:27,800
Speaker 2: want to be around that lady?

297
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:32,520
Speaker 1: You know, it's not about her, it's about him, you

298
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,360
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like I've looked past the fact

299
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:35,720
Speaker 1: that she's going to be there in order for me

300
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,680
Speaker 1: to show up for my friend.

301
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:43,040
Speaker 2: You know, yeah, well, clearly your ex is like influencing

302
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:48,400
Speaker 2: your friend to be like yo, like, you can't invite

303
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,400
Speaker 2: clearly this this woman is like, you know, throwing her

304
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:58,400
Speaker 2: weight around in the family dynamic, I suppose, and has

305
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,920
Speaker 2: has successfully influenced your friend to be like you're out,

306
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,440
Speaker 2: you know, I.

307
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:09,080
Speaker 1: Mean yeah, And granted that's that's his older sister. He's

308
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:13,600
Speaker 1: known her his entire life. But in the short time

309
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,400
Speaker 1: that I knew him, I'm like, come on, we're boys.

310
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,280
Speaker 1: You know, we've been through some stuff together, Truman's with

311
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,880
Speaker 1: the roomies kind of stuff. You know.

312
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, but she got she she got in way earlier

313
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,040
Speaker 2: than you did. I mean, because I actually I thought

314
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:29,800
Speaker 2: I thought, I thought you met the sister through your

315
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,760
Speaker 2: friendship with the brother. But if you start the friendship

316
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,400
Speaker 2: with the brother through relationship with the sister, that's a

317
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:37,880
Speaker 2: bit of a different story, I think.

318
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:43,240
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, so are you saying that? Like, so, what,

319
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,320
Speaker 1: what in your opinion should I should I feel about

320
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:50,880
Speaker 1: this situation? Like to me.

321
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,920
Speaker 2: Well, listen, I'm not in the business of telling people

322
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:59,080
Speaker 2: what they should feel. But any ponders feel feel whatever

323
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,000
Speaker 2: you want. Any Well, that is my ponder is, like,

324
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,600
Speaker 2: you know, look, you met this guy, you lived with

325
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:08,360
Speaker 2: him for a year. You guys became good friends, you

326
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,480
Speaker 2: dated this girl, and now you're in a new city

327
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:14,080
Speaker 2: you don't live. How often do you talk to this guy?

328
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,240
Speaker 2: Are you like really good friends with them?

329
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:20,360
Speaker 1: I mean talking and you know, sending each other memes

330
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,040
Speaker 1: or two different things, I guess, but at least every

331
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:26,000
Speaker 1: other day we'll have a text conversation about something, you know.

332
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:30,280
Speaker 1: And then I'm I'm a pretty big proponent of calling

333
00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 1: your friends because like, I've moved around a lot in

334
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,160
Speaker 1: my life, so all like five of I would call

335
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,760
Speaker 1: my best friends, like my inner circle everyone lives in

336
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:42,040
Speaker 1: a different city that I've lived in kind of thing.

337
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,240
Speaker 1: So it's like whenever I get the chance, I like

338
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:47,640
Speaker 1: to shoot people's phone calls and just kind of like

339
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:49,560
Speaker 1: even it's just for like ten minutes, Hey, how you doing?

340
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,760
Speaker 1: You know, like, how's life, what's new? Everything good?

341
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,920
Speaker 2: So again, again, when you talked to your friend about this,

342
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,960
Speaker 2: what was his vibe? Was he like, ah, yeah, sorry

343
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,040
Speaker 2: about though? Like what was his vibe like was he

344
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,440
Speaker 2: being apologetic or was he just like ah sorry, man.

345
00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:08,880
Speaker 1: It wasn't like my hands are tied like it did

346
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,639
Speaker 1: come off as if like it was his own decision,

347
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:16,440
Speaker 1: which obviously we already talked about the influence behind the decision.

348
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:20,040
Speaker 1: I'm sure, But at the same time, he did make

349
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,119
Speaker 1: it sound like it was like his call, which at

350
00:17:22,119 --> 00:17:24,159
Speaker 1: the same time, I feel like I did mention something

351
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,600
Speaker 1: about like, hey, you know you you are in a

352
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:32,400
Speaker 1: position to say no to her. I mean, it's your

353
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 1: fucking wedding. It's not like it's her wedding, you know.

354
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:40,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, but it's true, he is in a position,

355
00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:42,720
Speaker 2: but he didn't take it. You know, it's a bummer.

356
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,560
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you how you should feel. But it's like,

357
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:49,560
Speaker 2: you know, he assessed the situation. You came in after

358
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:55,159
Speaker 2: you know you you you your relationship with him formed

359
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:58,600
Speaker 2: after the relationship with her. It's just it's a mess.

360
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:03,000
Speaker 2: I think it's an understandable, lee fragile situation your homie.

361
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,520
Speaker 2: But listen, your homie probably is not stoked about I

362
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,760
Speaker 2: don't think this is like a reflection of your friendship

363
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,399
Speaker 2: with homie. I don't think he stoked about it. But

364
00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:13,280
Speaker 2: I think he, for whatever reason, has made the decision

365
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:20,800
Speaker 2: to you know, he's the piece I suppose, or he's

366
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:24,119
Speaker 2: his sister by not having you there. Now, how you

367
00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:27,600
Speaker 2: should feel about it, I don't know, but whether or

368
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,520
Speaker 2: not you want to now if you were like, you

369
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:33,800
Speaker 2: know what, I don't feel valued in this friendship because

370
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,720
Speaker 2: you didn't stand up for me whatever, and you want

371
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:38,719
Speaker 2: to start spending you know, sending a few less means

372
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:41,240
Speaker 2: to this guy. That's understanding.

373
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:46,000
Speaker 1: No, No, I don't think that I'm taking it personally

374
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,480
Speaker 1: in any kind of way. I'm just trying to understand

375
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 1: the where where is the real issue with me actually

376
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 1: going because outside of her?

377
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:02,880
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, but it doesn't Yeah, but we can

378
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,159
Speaker 2: ponder on this stuff. But like it doesn't really matter

379
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:08,000
Speaker 2: because he made the decision already, you know.

380
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:10,880
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, it's not something that I want to press either,

381
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,080
Speaker 1: like not at least in a conversation. It's not something

382
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,160
Speaker 1: that I'm gonna bring up again and be like, hey

383
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,720
Speaker 1: you think about it again, like you have any second thoughts?

384
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, but yeah, I think here's the thing is, like,

385
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 2: if you decide you're offended and you don't want to

386
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,840
Speaker 2: be homies with this guy anymore, like you know, I

387
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:30,679
Speaker 2: think that's justified. But also if you're like, Okay, I'm

388
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,000
Speaker 2: gonna be homies with this guy, don't like be homies

389
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 2: with him. But then yeah, also like press him about it.

390
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:41,040
Speaker 2: Also also who knows, right, the wedding hasn't even been planned, right,

391
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:43,359
Speaker 2: there's not even a date, And you just broke up

392
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,840
Speaker 2: with this lady two fucking months ago, you know what

393
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 2: I'm saying.

394
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,919
Speaker 1: So like it was a little longer than two months,

395
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,200
Speaker 1: but I know what you're saying.

396
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:52,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, so who knows this la By the time that

397
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,800
Speaker 2: this lady, by the time that your brother gets married

398
00:19:55,880 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 2: and whatever, maybe she moves, like things could evolve emotionally

399
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,880
Speaker 2: to the point where you are you are invited back

400
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,359
Speaker 2: by I don't think you should press about it. I

401
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:10,440
Speaker 2: don't think you should be like, you know, you should

402
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,359
Speaker 2: let it consume you necessarily.

403
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,760
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean it was just a bummer. It's

404
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:18,879
Speaker 1: not like all consuming. It was more just again me

405
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 1: trying to figure out outside of the obvious my sister's

406
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,879
Speaker 1: going to be there, Like, is there is there like

407
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,200
Speaker 1: anything else, you know, like there's something about me because

408
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 1: there was one time pretty shortly after the breakup where

409
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,760
Speaker 1: I did I mean, I was drinking and doing a

410
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,719
Speaker 1: lot of drugs because I mean I had all this

411
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,080
Speaker 1: ring money just sitting around. So what do you do

412
00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:44,399
Speaker 1: with it. I got like five breakup tattoos, did a

413
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,240
Speaker 1: lot of coke, drank a lot, and so then like

414
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 1: there was this restaurant that I let, like my favorite

415
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,359
Speaker 1: restaurant right by where I used to hang out after

416
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,640
Speaker 1: work at the bar, but I had been there for

417
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:59,439
Speaker 1: like eight hours drinking and non you know, nonsense. And

418
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,560
Speaker 1: then me and he's like, yo, dude, guess where I'm

419
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,680
Speaker 1: going tonight. I'm like, oh shit, like where he said

420
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: the name of the restaurant, like my favorite restaurant, which

421
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,800
Speaker 1: was right around the corner, and I was like, ah, dude,

422
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,000
Speaker 1: like let me tell him, you know, like let's go

423
00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:13,880
Speaker 1: like order some appetizers, like there was this one duff

424
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:17,080
Speaker 1: thing that I really loved there, and he was just like, ah,

425
00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 1: you know I would, but there's gonna be like other

426
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 1: characters with me. And then I'm like all right, fine, whatever.

427
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 1: And so then I sat at the bar and I

428
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,920
Speaker 1: kept drinking. I was like, you know what, I'm gonna

429
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,040
Speaker 1: go sit at the bar at that restaurant and I'm

430
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,959
Speaker 1: gonna eat the duft thing that I wanted because this

431
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,960
Speaker 1: is my life. And then like later that night he

432
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,400
Speaker 1: texted me he was just like, yo, like she totally

433
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 1: saw you, and she was like kind of pissed off

434
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 1: that you were there. But like I didn't I didn't

435
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:43,199
Speaker 1: talk to them at all, Like I didn't even look

436
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,600
Speaker 1: in their direction. I just enjoyed myself and my food

437
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,679
Speaker 1: and my drink. But again, that was definitely not the

438
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:53,560
Speaker 1: smartest decision. But that was the only time anything like that.

439
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,119
Speaker 2: Every So when he said when he said his sister

440
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:57,560
Speaker 2: was there, your ex was there?

441
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. So it was like their dads

442
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:05,800
Speaker 1: birthday that they went out for. I was like, oh, oh,

443
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,240
Speaker 1: other characters are going to be there. Fuck you. I'm

444
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 1: my own person. I'm gonna go eat at the bar.

445
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 1: Yeah listen, which again bad decision, but I was also

446
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: heavily intoxicated, and I I was just kind of like

447
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:22,400
Speaker 1: in a fuck you mood. I was like, I'm gonna

448
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,120
Speaker 1: do what I want to do with my life because

449
00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 1: it's my life and I can do that. But again,

450
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 1: when when you say those things, the things that you

451
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:34,479
Speaker 1: do with that sentence aren't always very justifiable. Usually use

452
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 1: that statement when you're doing things that you kind of

453
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 1: know in the back of your head you shouldn't be doing.

454
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 2: That is that is kind of hilarious. But you were

455
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 2: there on their dad's birthday. I thought it was just

456
00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:48,159
Speaker 2: because I thought I thought it was just your friend,

457
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,480
Speaker 2: like I don't know, like trying to like keep his

458
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,919
Speaker 2: friend groups apart or whatever the fuck he's doing. But

459
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,640
Speaker 2: the fact that it was the family birthday and you're

460
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,879
Speaker 2: just there at the bar like in their eyeline.

461
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, Like she totally just like looking at me

462
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 1: the whole time, apparently like why is he here? And

463
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,479
Speaker 1: I went with my buddy that I was sitting at

464
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 1: the bar with. I was like, have you ever been

465
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,199
Speaker 1: to this restaurant? And he was like no.

466
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 3: Wow.

467
00:23:10,560 --> 00:23:13,119
Speaker 1: I was like, come on, we're going, We're going to

468
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 1: order some food.

469
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 2: Listen, here's okay, okay. That story has informed me a

470
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 2: little bit more on what the dynamic is over here.

471
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 2: And uh, listen, brother, my friends, what's your name again?

472
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:30,399
Speaker 1: Elijah?

473
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:34,159
Speaker 2: Elijah, Elijah Brother. I think you gotta let this go.

474
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:38,439
Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm working every day towards it. You know,

475
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 1: every day gets a little bit better.

476
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 2: I think I think you gotta let it go. I

477
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 2: think that your impulse to move across the country is

478
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,159
Speaker 2: not necessarily a wrong one, but I think if you're

479
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 2: moving across the country to build a new life for yourself.

480
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 2: I think you should invest in the life that you

481
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 2: are building in that new country and perhaps lay to

482
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:01,439
Speaker 2: waste the emotional energy that you still have in the

483
00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:06,440
Speaker 2: life in which you left behind, which includes, uh somewhat

484
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 2: emotionally divesting yourself from that family in general.

485
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,639
Speaker 1: To see, I've had that thought too, because I'm not

486
00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 1: gonna lie despite the fact that he's my boy, like

487
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 1: and you know, a pretty inner circle friend type situation.

488
00:24:22,119 --> 00:24:25,439
Speaker 1: It's like talking to him sometimes does kind of like

489
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,360
Speaker 1: trigger you know how your brain makes connections. Well, obviously

490
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,240
Speaker 1: this guy's connected to that part of my life. But

491
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 1: at the same time, I don't want to let go

492
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 1: of a very good friendship just because my friend.

493
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 2: You don't Okay, you don't have to. You can keep

494
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,800
Speaker 2: sending to memes, but like I mean, let go of

495
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 2: uh you know this, like like I'd let go of

496
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 2: the wedding thing, I'd let go of like any any

497
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,159
Speaker 2: kind of like a negative emotional energy you're getting from

498
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,440
Speaker 2: this guy, like he's let it go. Is fucking if

499
00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,239
Speaker 2: if if things are now weird with him and like

500
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 2: the family events because of this restaurant situation, and because

501
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 2: of the breakup. Just let it. Just let it go

502
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 2: and let him have as much uh.

503
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 1: What is it?

504
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 2: Let it go and let him have as much involvement

505
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:18,199
Speaker 2: in your life as he desires to have, you know,

506
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:20,960
Speaker 2: don't I wouldn't go to I wouldn't and I would

507
00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 2: also not get to because you're getting pissed off about

508
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 2: this stuff and it's just like taking you away from

509
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 2: your life.

510
00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say that I'm pissed off. I'm just more

511
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:36,879
Speaker 1: like inquisitive of you know, like the greater Why. But

512
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 1: at the same time, that's just me personally.

513
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:42,720
Speaker 2: Sound you sound like you sound like you're as inquisitive

514
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:46,159
Speaker 2: of the greater why as much as you wanted to

515
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 2: go to that restaurant that they were going to that night.

516
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,119
Speaker 1: Well, why you gotta say it like that.

517
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 2: Because you know I'm right?

518
00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.

519
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 2: So let's look, You've been on the phone with a

520
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 2: human gecko man about this for twenty five minutes. So

521
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:09,399
Speaker 2: clearly it's taking up even even the inquisition, whether or

522
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 2: not you believe it to be benign, it's hostile enough

523
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 2: to your life that it's taking up precious brain resources

524
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 2: that you could be using to you know, go talk

525
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,960
Speaker 2: to other beautiful women that exist on the planet, and

526
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:27,440
Speaker 2: you know, make make food and do all the other

527
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,640
Speaker 2: things with your life. So let it go as much

528
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 2: as you possibly can. That's that's my Uh. Can I final?

529
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,919
Speaker 1: Can I branch off on what you just said just

530
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 1: a little bit because I've been I've been listening to

531
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,719
Speaker 1: this for a few years now and a lot of

532
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 1: there's a reoccurring scene that you put out there which

533
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 1: I've been trying to take up, which is, is go go

534
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,679
Speaker 1: somewhere that has a you know, a community based around

535
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,080
Speaker 1: something that you like to do, and the city that

536
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: I'm in now literally has none of those, And.

537
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 2: Why then, why the fuck did you go there?

538
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,320
Speaker 1: I thought it would be a good idea, And I'm

539
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 1: slowly finding out that this place because I've visited this

540
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:14,199
Speaker 1: city prior to me moving here, and it was a

541
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,920
Speaker 1: lot of fun visiting. But now that I live here, it's.

542
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 2: Like, Uh, what city is it?

543
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 1: All right?

544
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:27,880
Speaker 2: It's Boston, Boston, Okay. There's nothing to do in Boston,

545
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:30,040
Speaker 2: nothing that.

546
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 1: I like to do. And I mean I'm the type

547
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,240
Speaker 1: of person who likes to go out and like try

548
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 1: something new too, you know what I mean? Like the

549
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 1: last city I was in. There was like this pottery

550
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 1: place where like you go and you spend I don't know,

551
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,440
Speaker 1: like sixty bucks and you do like a pottery lesson

552
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 1: and you learn how to use a pottery wheel. And

553
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 1: I had never done it before. I was like, fucking,

554
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,399
Speaker 1: I'll go do that. They did like it. There was

555
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 1: like a cheese making thing. Now granted that's a little

556
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,679
Speaker 1: bit more like my niche, but like, yeah, you know,

557
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,440
Speaker 1: I'll go out and I'll do that. They got top golf.

558
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 1: I don't really golf, but like I go do that.

559
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 1: But here it's like I have yet to find anything

560
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:04,320
Speaker 1: that peaks me or anything a lot like in that

561
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 1: vein and then like I I go to bars a lot.

562
00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:12,560
Speaker 1: Let's I'll go all right, I'm gonna I'm gonna.

563
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 2: All right, I'm gonna all right. You're not gonna like

564
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 2: what I'm about to say to you, Elijah h. But

565
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say it. It'll be it'll this. I'm gonna

566
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 2: say it. I want to get your thoughts.

567
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: On it as you say it from a kind plate.

568
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,120
Speaker 2: You're not gonna like what I'm gonna have to say,

569
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:33,080
Speaker 2: but I'm gonna say it to you. Okay, I think

570
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 2: the the thing of your girlfriend being like, you know,

571
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 2: you gotta get your drive up or whatever hurtful thing.

572
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 2: Hurtful thing. But I think in some sense, when you're

573
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 2: broken up with even if you really don't like the reason,

574
00:28:53,280 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 2: and you can be like, oh she's a bit you

575
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 2: know this and the other thing like you, you have

576
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:02,240
Speaker 2: to kind of look and be like, well, to what

577
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:06,400
Speaker 2: degree are they correct? You know what I mean? And

578
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:10,720
Speaker 2: so for you this thing of like uh, getting your

579
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,520
Speaker 2: drive up. I suppose, h you can live your life

580
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:16,920
Speaker 2: however you want to live, but like, if you want

581
00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:21,160
Speaker 2: to indulge in community and you want to have these

582
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 2: like you know you're talking about, Oh, there's nothing to

583
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:27,440
Speaker 2: do in Boston, it's like you got to get your

584
00:29:27,760 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 2: entrepreneurial spirit up a little bit, you know, and see like,

585
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 2: like how much have you really dug in there or

586
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 2: tried to make a thing before you've concluded that in

587
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 2: the entire city where millions of people live, and I

588
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 2: think millions of people live in Boston, but where you

589
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 2: know all these people live, that there's nothing for you

590
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 2: to do. It's like, you know, I would say to

591
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:52,320
Speaker 2: you to you know, increase your drive and if there's

592
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 2: nothing for which exists, then you know, perhaps you create

593
00:29:56,440 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 2: it or you continue your search for it, you know

594
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 2: what I mean?

595
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:05,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, again in two months. I'm not saying that it

596
00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: doesn't exist. I'm just saying that I haven't found it yet. Okay,

597
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 1: is a little.

598
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure you said it doesn't exist.

599
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: It hasn't exist. Well, until I see it, it doesn't exist.

600
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:22,400
Speaker 1: But okay, you know. But also, yeah, you're talking about

601
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 1: the creation aspects, and we're going back to like that

602
00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 1: whole why why did the relationship end? Because I don't

603
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 1: go out and fucking start my own thing. It's like, yeah, you.

604
00:30:32,320 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 2: Don't even have to say you don't even have you

605
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 2: don't even have to start your own thing. But you

606
00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 2: got to give a little more of a push before

607
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,840
Speaker 2: you decide there's nothing that exists in Boston that's that

608
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 2: you would like.

609
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 1: You know, that's true. Yeah, I'll push it a little

610
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: bit more.

611
00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 2: Elijah. I'm rooting for you, Okay, I don't. I'm rooting

612
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:56,280
Speaker 2: for you.

613
00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 1: I think I appreciate it. I got I'm rooting.

614
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 2: I'm rooting for you. I'm in your corner. I want

615
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 2: I want you to have a you know what, I

616
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 2: want for you. I want you to have a fulfilling

617
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 2: social life. I want you to have a fulfilling relationship.

618
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:15,080
Speaker 2: I want you to enjoy your fucking life. And I

619
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 2: think that stewing over this thing is not additive to

620
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 2: those goals. Let's say though, it is. Though, it is tempting.

621
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 2: Though it is tempting, And I know that because I'm

622
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 2: I too have been tempted by stewing over things that

623
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 2: pissed me off. Yet bring me nowhere.

624
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 1: Close to It's the one tree that you were told

625
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 1: not to eat from. It looks the tastiest. You know,

626
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 1: don't eat from this one tree. It's true, we're ending it.

627
00:31:57,400 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 1: I do. I do have a comment that I knew

628
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 1: that I ever got on here. I'd have to say.

629
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,840
Speaker 1: So recently you did this Thanksgiving thing with your sister.

630
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: I have to know. This is just like a set

631
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 1: that was awesome by the way, I mean, all of

632
00:32:10,280 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 1: them are awesome, but I like it, and you have

633
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 1: that you were even talking about just having real people

634
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 1: on the podcast. And don't get me wrong, like I

635
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:20,719
Speaker 1: love all of your celebrity guests, but like just to

636
00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 1: have like your sister, who's just actually like for lack

637
00:32:23,600 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 1: of a better words or just a fucking real person.

638
00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 3: You know.

639
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 1: But during that, during that you were you always ask

640
00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 1: what people's names are, and she's like, wow, you really

641
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 1: do have name blindness. And then I was thinking to

642
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 1: myself because I always thought it was a bit. I

643
00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,680
Speaker 1: thought it was a running bit that you do on purpose.

644
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:45,360
Speaker 1: But then after she said that, I was like, maybe

645
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 1: it's not a bit. But then I got like very

646
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: uh like in my head, and I was like, but

647
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 1: what if he told her beforehand that it's a running

648
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 1: bit and she has to play along with it?

649
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 2: You know, I've said, I've said multiple times it's not

650
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: a bit. But also what really pisses me off is

651
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,280
Speaker 2: that people are like, oh, you're so forgetful, and it's

652
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,960
Speaker 2: like I could talk to someone for an hour, like like,

653
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 2: quiz me on anything, Like we've been on the phone

654
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:12,600
Speaker 2: for thirty three minutes, quiz me on anything except I

655
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 2: do remember your name. Surprisingly, but if you but if

656
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:17,520
Speaker 2: I forgot your name and you quizzed me on any

657
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 2: other aspect of your life, I could probably give you

658
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 2: the answer because I'm paying attention to what you're actually saying.

659
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:24,920
Speaker 2: Even if I've forgot.

660
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 1: Your no, I'm I'm completely the same way. I'm horrible

661
00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: with names, but I'll never forget what you do to me,

662
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,800
Speaker 1: what you say to me, or how you treat me.

663
00:33:32,120 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, So I just I don't know. I

664
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:37,400
Speaker 1: just thought it was funny how conspiracy. I got in

665
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 1: my head after your sister was like, wow, you really

666
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 1: do have a name blindness, and I was like, oh,

667
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:42,400
Speaker 1: it is true.

668
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 3: But then I got in my head. I was like,

669
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:45,080
Speaker 3: he probably told her to say that.

670
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 2: No, that's true, that's your No, that's that's too much.

671
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 2: It's like people, It's like people who say that the

672
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 2: it's like people who say that the callers on this

673
00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,120
Speaker 2: show are actors. It's like, I don't that would be.

674
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 2: That'd be you know how much more work it would

675
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 2: be to write a script and hire an actor to

676
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,440
Speaker 2: be on on this show than to just sit here

677
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 2: and talk to whoever calls in. But Elijah is your name.

678
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,399
Speaker 2: I remember that. I'm rooting for you, Elijah. I hope

679
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 2: that you.

680
00:34:10,080 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 1: I appreciate you deeply. Thank you for your time. So tour,

681
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 1: I'm signed up, but like, can you can you drop it?

682
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 1: Or you coming to Boston because I'm showing up.

683
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm planning to come to Boston in September. I

684
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 2: know it's a long way away Retember.

685
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 1: Well, fine, that's totally fine. Well, I hope to talk

686
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,319
Speaker 1: to you again at some point in the universe. This

687
00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 1: has been very helpful in more ways than one. I

688
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:40,600
Speaker 1: suppose you know. Yeah, dude, fucking real quick, what do

689
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: you got planned for the rest of the day. Anything cool?

690
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 1: You're hanging out?

691
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 2: What do I have planned for the rest of the day.

692
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:51,240
Speaker 2: I'm gonna finish recording this podcast and then I'm gonna

693
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 2: probably edit more, probably have more work to do. Man,

694
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,400
Speaker 2: I gotta edit a video. I gotta do other stuff.

695
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: But uh, I forget that, this is your job. I'm

696
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,360
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna get drunk and place the more Kingdom

697
00:35:06,400 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: Hearts three.

698
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, go do that, man, Go go enjoy the toy

699
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 2: Story three world.

700
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 1: I'm literally in the toy story world. That's so funny.

701
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 1: All right, but you have you have a great resume.

702
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 2: Day geck, thank you, Elijah. You have a good one man,

703
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:23,319
Speaker 2: all right?

704
00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:23,760
Speaker 1: Peace.

705
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 2: That was Elijah. I'm rooting for him. I hope he

706
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 2: finds a good uh life for himself. Whatever weddings are

707
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 2: stupid anyway, they have they have too much water. I

708
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 2: don't know what that means. I just wanted to say

709
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:56,719
Speaker 2: something friend, cool, Hello, Hello, what's up man?

710
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 3: Oh? My goodness, not much. I am awake today.

711
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:10,239
Speaker 2: That's good. That's good. A lot of people aren't. A

712
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:13,520
Speaker 2: lot of people are not awake. A lot of people

713
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 2: are dead.

714
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, like a certain amount of people died died.

715
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, a certain amount of people did die today.

716
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 3: One of them wasn't me. It wasn't you. It wasn't

717
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 3: you either.

718
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:29,319
Speaker 1: I know.

719
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 2: Isn't that crazy? I know, I know. I've like I've

720
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:39,360
Speaker 2: I've gotten too fucking deep into all this like existential stuff.

721
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 2: But once you start thinking about it, you can't you

722
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,280
Speaker 2: really can't stop.

723
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 3: It's literally okay. Wait, I think I think we're in

724
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:49,160
Speaker 3: some kind of loop because I started listening to your

725
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:52,800
Speaker 3: podcast again recently, like in the past two or three weeks,

726
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:55,480
Speaker 3: I've gotten more into it. And I think the reason

727
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 3: I answered this phone call the way I did was

728
00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 3: because I've been listening to you talk to people about

729
00:37:01,560 --> 00:37:04,759
Speaker 3: existential shit, and now here I am being like, oh, hey, yeah,

730
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:05,760
Speaker 3: I'm alive today.

731
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 2: It's I'm spreading it like a virus or something.

732
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,799
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, yeah, I've developed it.

733
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you know what the funny thing is though,

734
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:18,080
Speaker 2: And I'm trying to write something about this because I'm

735
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 2: like going, it's like, there's people who go their whole

736
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 2: lives they never think about existential stuff, and they get

737
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 2: the points more than people who spend all their time

738
00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 2: thinking about it. Because if you spend your whole life

739
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:39,640
Speaker 2: thinking about life, you know, it's stupid. You should be

740
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 2: living life. I was my friends my friend once was.

741
00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:45,360
Speaker 2: I was talking to my friend about this kind of

742
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 2: existential stuff and he's like, he's like, it's like if uh,

743
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,279
Speaker 2: it's like buying a dog and being like, oh, this

744
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,240
Speaker 2: dog is going to die one day. And my friend

745
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 2: was like, that's not the point of the dog is

746
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,480
Speaker 2: that it's gonna die one day.

747
00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 1: You know.

748
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,400
Speaker 2: It's like, it's it's just stupid. It's it's stupid to

749
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 2: think too much about it. I mean, it's not stupid

750
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,440
Speaker 2: to think too much about it, but it's no, it's

751
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,920
Speaker 2: stupid to think too much about it. There's an optimal amount.

752
00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 2: There's an optimal amount of thinking about life. There's an

753
00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 2: optimal amount.

754
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 3: Do it right. It makes you appreciate the cleanness of

755
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 3: the dog more. Yeah, and maybe you spend some more

756
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 3: present days with the dogs because you know it will die.

757
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 2: But that's stupid too, because like, uh, man, can I

758
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 2: get I'm gonna get dark for a second, please, Like

759
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,080
Speaker 2: I've been hanging out with my I was with my

760
00:38:47,239 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 2: parents over Thanksgiving, and uh, when you're really existential and

761
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 2: you're with your parents, all you can think about is like, fuck,

762
00:38:56,000 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 2: they're gonna they're gonna be gone. And I'm like, oh, okay,

763
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 2: let me really soak up the this is depressing, but okay,

764
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 2: I'm like, let me really soak up and try to

765
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 2: be present in the moments that I feel like are fleeting.

766
00:39:14,320 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 2: And I've realized that whether you were present or not,

767
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 2: they're gonna still fleet you know what I mean. It's

768
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:25,360
Speaker 2: like you can be you can be so present, but

769
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 2: it's still not gonna do it. It's not going to

770
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:28,240
Speaker 2: do anything.

771
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:30,319
Speaker 1: Yeah.

772
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 3: I had that kind of similar experience of visit my

773
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 3: grandma this Thanksgiving, and I had those kind of same

774
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 3: thoughts sitting there with her. But she's interesting because she

775
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 3: starts talking about death now ever since she hit like

776
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 3: eighty yeah, which is just crazy because she's like a

777
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 3: person who like will tell me that she's still afraid

778
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:56,279
Speaker 3: of death, and that's just like crazy to hear, and

779
00:39:56,440 --> 00:40:00,640
Speaker 3: like it kind of scares me because I want to

780
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 3: get to a place where i'm her age and I'm like,

781
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 3: all right, I'm getting older whatever, yeah, you know, but

782
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:08,040
Speaker 3: she's like very much like, oh I woke up today,

783
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 3: my back hurts, Oh my god, I'm gonna die. My

784
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,239
Speaker 3: life sucks, and so I freak herself out.

785
00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 2: You know, shit, yeah, no, no, you imagine. Yeah, you'd

786
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:20,240
Speaker 2: like to imagine that by the time you get to eighty,

787
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:23,279
Speaker 2: you're ready. But to meet someone who's eighty and she's like, no,

788
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 2: I'm not ready to go. That's the most terrifying thing

789
00:40:25,600 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 2: I've heard.

790
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,880
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, here's the fuck out of it.

791
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 2: Well, well yeah.

792
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:41,920
Speaker 3: Uh did you eat breakfast today?

793
00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:42,319
Speaker 1: No?

794
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:50,719
Speaker 2: I yeah, ad a protein bar. We'll be fine. It'll

795
00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,480
Speaker 2: blue cares. You know, I've been not I've been dead

796
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:54,760
Speaker 2: for most of the time.

797
00:40:57,280 --> 00:40:58,160
Speaker 1: You're dead.

798
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been dead most of the time. Like I

799
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 2: was like, uh like like, for example, like a history

800
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:09,040
Speaker 2: is interesting to me because I'll read about like, uh,

801
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 2: like you kind of think that.

802
00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 3: This.

803
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 2: I think I'm a nar Sometimes I think I'm a

804
00:41:15,000 --> 00:41:20,880
Speaker 2: narcissist because really, unconsciously, unconsciously, I think I have a

805
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:25,000
Speaker 2: belief within me that the universe doesn't exist unless if

806
00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 2: I'm actively there to perceive it, which is a crazy

807
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 2: thing to believe, even unconsciously, So like this is stupid.

808
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 2: I'll be reading about like like the French Revolution on Wikipedia,

809
00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 2: and I'm like, well, where was I during all this?

810
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 2: It's like, you didn't you were you were? You didn't,

811
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,319
Speaker 2: you were nothing. You had nothing to do with the

812
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 2: French Revolution. There's an infinite amount you had nothing to do.

813
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 2: You had nothing to do with a guy in China

814
00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 2: eating food today. You had not like you know what

815
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 2: I mean. There's infinite amount of things that you had

816
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,240
Speaker 2: nothing to do with. You didn't matter for them. And

817
00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 2: but that's fine. You shouldn't want to be that important.

818
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:12,960
Speaker 1: You could be.

819
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:15,880
Speaker 2: You could be so important. You could be like like

820
00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:18,920
Speaker 2: Donald Like I was thinking about like Donald Trump is

821
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 2: like like everyone's talking about him and all the time

822
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 2: he's he's theoretically he's the probably important is the wrong word.

823
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 2: But he's the most perceived individual on the planet. Probably, right,

824
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,839
Speaker 2: he's the most Yeah, he's at least the top five

825
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:42,720
Speaker 2: most perceived talked about individual on the planet right now,

826
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:46,719
Speaker 2: and by like, by the time I have kids and

827
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 2: they're my age, he'll be long dead and they'll nobody's

828
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 2: talking about him anymore. Nobody will be talking about him

829
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 2: by people.

830
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 3: So many people measure their success in terms of like

831
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 3: how how relevant am I? Mm hm. He might very

832
00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 3: well be one of those people.

833
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 2: Exactly. He's the most relevant guy on the planet, and

834
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,840
Speaker 2: he's gonna be like he was never any and even

835
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 2: he the most relevant guy in the way, he's going

836
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:19,839
Speaker 2: to be like he was never anything. Yeah, but that's

837
00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,320
Speaker 2: kind of Do I think he's happy?

838
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like is that our goal in life to be happy?

839
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:29,320
Speaker 2: I think I have to say I think that because

840
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:34,240
Speaker 2: he's the president and he's like doing all this stuff,

841
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:38,240
Speaker 2: whether or not, Like I think I think he seems

842
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 2: to be deeply present in his life, you know what

843
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:46,200
Speaker 2: I like to be. Uh, Like, if you're giving a

844
00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:49,359
Speaker 2: press conference and you're talking to the world and you're

845
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:51,279
Speaker 2: like commanding the military. I don't know whether or not

846
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:53,080
Speaker 2: he commands the military, he probably has some how to

847
00:43:53,120 --> 00:43:53,880
Speaker 2: do that for him.

848
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:54,399
Speaker 1: Uh.

849
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:57,560
Speaker 2: And he's like meeting with Zoran Mondam and he's doing

850
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:01,840
Speaker 2: He's just like every day, Like every day he's doing

851
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,400
Speaker 2: a bunch of stuff. So I don't know if he's

852
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:09,719
Speaker 2: so I think so he's probably happy only because he's

853
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:14,880
Speaker 2: so deeply present in his life at the age of

854
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 2: seventy nine. And by the way, and also by the way,

855
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 2: like you can be like really angry and really afraid

856
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 2: and really greedy and really wanting, but those are all

857
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 2: like present emotions, you know, like if you're like, yeah, like,

858
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 2: I don't think he's depressed, you know, like because if

859
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,719
Speaker 2: you're depressed, like if you're sitting alone in a room

860
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:40,319
Speaker 2: and you're not doing anything and you're like, oh, what

861
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 2: should I do with my life? Then you're depressed and

862
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 2: you start going into despair. But he's not sitting around

863
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 2: like what should I do with my life? He's like

864
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:49,720
Speaker 2: he's at minimum. I don't know if he's like happy.

865
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:51,439
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know if what happy means,

866
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 2: but he's at minimum extremely present in his life.

867
00:44:56,200 --> 00:45:00,640
Speaker 3: I think I like meditate every morning or I try to,

868
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:03,200
Speaker 3: and I spend so many of so much of my

869
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:05,600
Speaker 3: time thinking like we might who am I doing? And

870
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,879
Speaker 3: you're telling me this guy who probably was not I'm

871
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,239
Speaker 3: assuming he is not meditate. That's assumption I'm making. I

872
00:45:11,239 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 3: don't think he wakes up every morning and meditates you

873
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,200
Speaker 3: figuring dead. No, and you're saying that he is far

874
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 3: far more present than I am or perhaps ever will be.

875
00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:26,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, here's the thing. Overthrowing democracy takes a lot

876
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,800
Speaker 2: of presence, Like it takes like to stage a coup

877
00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:34,600
Speaker 2: and over try to overthrow the US government. It's you

878
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 2: have to be in your life. You know. You don't

879
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 2: have time to get depressed when you're doing that. So

880
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 2: in a way, I do think that that makes a

881
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:43,840
Speaker 2: person happy.

882
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:52,319
Speaker 3: That's a good point. I maybe I should find a hobby.

883
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,920
Speaker 2: Like that exactly. Yeah, I mean there's there's better. I

884
00:45:55,960 --> 00:46:03,000
Speaker 2: think there's like for as in engaging as overthrowing the

885
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:07,640
Speaker 2: American government was is for him. I think you could

886
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 2: find a similar level of engagement in like playing soccer.

887
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 3: You know. Yeah, that's a good point. Is it interesting

888
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 3: that you were born at a time in history that

889
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 3: your life progressed in such a sense that you are

890
00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:35,680
Speaker 3: now a get go computer person, Like if you were

891
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 3: born during the French Revolution? I wonder I think a

892
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 3: lot about what my life would have looked like if

893
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:44,239
Speaker 3: I was born in a different period of time. So

894
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:45,919
Speaker 3: I feel like being born at this period of time

895
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:47,960
Speaker 3: has allowed me to grow up in a sense where

896
00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:49,840
Speaker 3: I think a lot. But I feel like if I

897
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:53,280
Speaker 3: was born in a different period of time, I would

898
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 3: and maybe have lived a very present life in the

899
00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:57,799
Speaker 3: sense we're talking about where I was just like, fuck,

900
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:01,239
Speaker 3: I need I need to get some food and not

901
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 3: get stabbed.

902
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:08,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally. Yeah. Well, because we have access to more,

903
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 2: Like the average person has access to so much more information.

904
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 2: And this is only in the last like less than

905
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:23,719
Speaker 2: twenty years compared to how much along human beings have

906
00:47:23,760 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 2: been around. We have access to infinitely more information than

907
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 2: like every human being that has ever lived has basically, dude,

908
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 2: last night, I don't know why, but last night I

909
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,840
Speaker 2: was getting really into North Korea. Like I was just

910
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:42,760
Speaker 2: like I was down. I was down like a YouTube

911
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 2: rabbit hole. I was like reading about Kim Jong un

912
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:53,520
Speaker 2: and like, fucking, there's like seven maybe top ten. Yeah,

913
00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:58,560
Speaker 2: I don't Kim Jong un. Maybe maybe he might be

914
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:01,080
Speaker 2: in the top ten, but he might I don't. He

915
00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:03,319
Speaker 2: might be in the top ten most perceived people. I

916
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:08,720
Speaker 2: don't know. There's I feel like Sabrina Carpenter is probably

917
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 2: perceived more than Kim Jong un. Is I mean he's perceived.

918
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:15,799
Speaker 2: I mean, let's say there's twenty five million people. There's

919
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:18,759
Speaker 2: like twenty five million people in North Korea, and they

920
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 2: all heavily perceived Kim Jong un every day. But how

921
00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 2: many monthly streams to Sabrina Carpenter get, She probably gets

922
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 2: more than twenty five million. So she's probably more perceived

923
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,800
Speaker 2: at least in this moment than Kim jong'un.

924
00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 3: But she were perceiving him last night.

925
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 2: I was, I was perceiving him last night. I was

926
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,239
Speaker 2: watching some YouTube video and I was talking about how

927
00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:45,799
Speaker 2: there's seven hundred and fifty I think, I think there's

928
00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:52,320
Speaker 2: something like seven hundred and fifty thousand troops stationed along

929
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,759
Speaker 2: the border of North Korea and South Korea. And I

930
00:48:56,800 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 2: was thinking about those people, because if you're guarding the

931
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 2: border of North Korea and South Korea, you're and your

932
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:14,840
Speaker 2: whole life, you've been like propagandized to you know, believe,

933
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 2: you know whatever, like whatever they're making you believe that

934
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 2: you're doing. That's seven hundred and fifty thousand unique consciousnesses

935
00:49:27,040 --> 00:49:31,239
Speaker 2: and human bodies that are no different in any way,

936
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 2: shape or form from mine, and for some reason, I'm

937
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:44,080
Speaker 2: like a guy living in America talking on a podcast

938
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 2: thinking about all this stuff, and I'm like, there's and

939
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 2: I was just watching it and I was like, why

940
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:52,680
Speaker 2: am I not guarding the border of North Korea right now?

941
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:57,839
Speaker 2: No reason, no reason, there's no fathomable reason why I'm

942
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 2: not guarding the border of It's insane. You can't think

943
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:04,879
Speaker 2: about it too much, or else it'll ruin your life

944
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:11,000
Speaker 2: if I think too much about why I'm not. If

945
00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 2: I try to think too much about why I'm not

946
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:16,839
Speaker 2: guarding the border of North Korea right now, it'll ruin

947
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:17,960
Speaker 2: my life.

948
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:22,800
Speaker 3: Well, ultimately, it really doesn't matter why, because it's here

949
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 3: and it's changing it so.

950
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:32,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm never gonna know. I'm never gonna know why,

951
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:40,239
Speaker 2: and it's only gonna distract me from because I don't

952
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:43,799
Speaker 2: live in the existential grandiosity of my life. I live

953
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 2: in like the days, and thinking about why I'm not

954
00:50:48,520 --> 00:50:51,719
Speaker 2: guarding the border of North Korea is not gonna make

955
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:55,920
Speaker 2: my days better. It's only gonna make them more freaky.

956
00:50:57,320 --> 00:51:02,360
Speaker 3: It's an interesting thought to have, but I think the

957
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 3: key is kind of noting it and being like, all right,

958
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:08,919
Speaker 3: I'm going to get back to the living now.

959
00:51:09,480 --> 00:51:16,880
Speaker 2: It's true, like cool thought, dude, Yeah I remember, yeah,

960
00:51:16,920 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 2: go ahead, no, go ahead. I remember the day that

961
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:25,520
Speaker 2: Charlie Kirk died. I was like on Mike, I was like, oh,

962
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 2: I watched the video. Do you watch the video?

963
00:51:28,280 --> 00:51:30,360
Speaker 3: Okay, So I actually didn't watch the video.

964
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:31,719
Speaker 2: Horrible video.

965
00:51:31,800 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 3: I made a choice not to.

966
00:51:33,960 --> 00:51:36,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a horrible video. Yeah, it's a horrible video.

967
00:51:36,160 --> 00:51:38,160
Speaker 2: I watched it and I was like, it's a really

968
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,960
Speaker 2: just it's a really disturbing video. And I watched it

969
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:42,960
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh wow, I watched it. I

970
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:44,640
Speaker 2: was like I was like thinking about it, and I

971
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:47,560
Speaker 2: was like, man, this guy was just like he just

972
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:50,279
Speaker 2: like snap just died, you know what I mean. And

973
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:52,840
Speaker 2: it's like, fuck, you can just die. And that like

974
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 2: really freaked me out thinking about that. Can he just

975
00:51:55,200 --> 00:52:00,359
Speaker 2: dies dies? Snap die? Freaked me out. That and if

976
00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:02,080
Speaker 2: just my whole day, like I was fucked up. And

977
00:52:02,080 --> 00:52:05,560
Speaker 2: then I remember at one point I like went on

978
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 2: YouTube and started watching something else and I was like, oh,

979
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:10,960
Speaker 2: I've moved on from that thought.

980
00:52:14,120 --> 00:52:16,239
Speaker 3: Yeah that's in yeah, because I mean, you didn't really

981
00:52:16,280 --> 00:52:20,120
Speaker 3: have any attachments to this particular person, so it kind

982
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 3: of meant a lot to you for a second, and

983
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 3: then you're like, Okay, my life continues on.

984
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 2: But you know, even if I did have attachment to

985
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:33,920
Speaker 2: this person, yeah, like life style, life still moves on

986
00:52:34,560 --> 00:52:36,520
Speaker 2: in a weird, well way.

987
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:41,000
Speaker 3: So yeah, I kind of I heard this thing in

988
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:44,960
Speaker 3: like my meditation practice, which is literally just me using

989
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:50,200
Speaker 3: the headspace app So yeah, whatever. But the thing that

990
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:52,640
Speaker 3: was said that kind of changed my perception of just

991
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:55,360
Speaker 3: the world and what I'm aiming for in life was

992
00:52:55,480 --> 00:53:00,120
Speaker 3: that what I should be looking for is not happiness,

993
00:53:00,719 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 3: because that's just a fleeting feeling, just like sadness. Is

994
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:06,440
Speaker 3: what I should be looking for is like a feeling

995
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 3: of just being content and at ease with the fact

996
00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:11,719
Speaker 3: that Okay, I'm here, I'm alive, and life goes on.

997
00:53:12,160 --> 00:53:14,959
Speaker 3: Because like in life, you're going to like your loved

998
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,560
Speaker 3: ones are going to die, You are going to lose

999
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:20,239
Speaker 3: someone you care about or something you care about, and

1000
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 3: that's of course going to make you feel sad. It's

1001
00:53:22,640 --> 00:53:26,719
Speaker 3: supposed to. Just like you're going to experience things in

1002
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:29,919
Speaker 3: life that make you feel happy. But the one thing

1003
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:33,160
Speaker 3: you can carry consistently through both the happy and the

1004
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:36,920
Speaker 3: sad moments is the feeling of contentment, because if both

1005
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 3: you and I are like, Okay, people are going to die.

1006
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:42,240
Speaker 3: I'm going to be sad that's the cost of playing

1007
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 3: the game. Then that's us saying like okay, Like we

1008
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 3: might not be like okay or thralled with the fact

1009
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:51,640
Speaker 3: that our loved ones are passing away, but we're ultimately

1010
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 3: accepting of it because we know it's inevitable. So in

1011
00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:58,600
Speaker 3: that way, even when we're like super depressed or sad

1012
00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:03,520
Speaker 3: about something or at least content to still be alive

1013
00:54:03,640 --> 00:54:06,640
Speaker 3: playing the game and we know that different sueings will come.

1014
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:09,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, that's when I feel the best. It's

1015
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,040
Speaker 2: when I well, actually, I feel like I feel the

1016
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 2: best when I'm deeply in the present because I'm completing

1017
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 2: something that uh, I feel the best. I think when

1018
00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,840
Speaker 2: i'm deeply in the present because I have achieved something

1019
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 2: that I have been working hard towards. H or I'm like, actually,

1020
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:32,919
Speaker 2: that's probably when I feel the best is when I'm

1021
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:34,960
Speaker 2: deeply in the present because I've achieved something I've been

1022
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:37,480
Speaker 2: working hard towards. And then also when I feel content

1023
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:39,040
Speaker 2: and when I feel like when I start like, ah

1024
00:54:39,920 --> 00:54:43,400
Speaker 2: want like I'll like when I want the life that

1025
00:54:43,440 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 2: I already have that feels good. Yeah, it's a form

1026
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:50,319
Speaker 2: of contentment. It's not like a manic happiness. Actually, when

1027
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:52,680
Speaker 2: I get like manically when I get like manically happy,

1028
00:54:52,719 --> 00:54:55,719
Speaker 2: I'll like I sometimes I'm walking down the street and

1029
00:54:55,719 --> 00:55:00,239
Speaker 2: I'm like, uh, oh fuck, I wanna I'm when is

1030
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:02,560
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'm walking down the street and I'm like looking

1031
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:04,879
Speaker 2: at my watch like when is this gonna be over?

1032
00:55:06,520 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 3: You know what I mean?

1033
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 2: And then yeah, and then sometimes I'm but also but

1034
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:13,319
Speaker 2: then I have the opposite effect where I'll be sometimes

1035
00:55:13,360 --> 00:55:15,040
Speaker 2: I'll be walking down the street like in New York,

1036
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:16,880
Speaker 2: and I'm like looking around all the people and the stuff,

1037
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:19,480
Speaker 2: and I'll be like, wait, I really like life. I'm like,

1038
00:55:19,719 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 2: I hope I get to do a lot more of this.

1039
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 2: You know, it's between that. It's either it's either it's

1040
00:55:27,160 --> 00:55:30,040
Speaker 2: either you know, I think we did it. I think

1041
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,520
Speaker 2: I'm ready versus oh no, I want to do a

1042
00:55:32,520 --> 00:55:35,200
Speaker 2: lot more. So I don't know. That's I think that's

1043
00:55:35,239 --> 00:55:40,480
Speaker 2: part of being uh but I guess mentally ill or

1044
00:55:40,520 --> 00:55:43,560
Speaker 2: I'm not mentally ill, But you know, I meant, you

1045
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:46,480
Speaker 2: know whatever high high as Lo lows all that jazz.

1046
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:50,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I I okay. I think I kind of

1047
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:52,719
Speaker 3: relate to what you're saying. I kind of like I

1048
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 3: was thinking a lot about whether I got to like

1049
00:55:55,160 --> 00:55:57,960
Speaker 3: my talking about my grandma just Thanksgiving. It's like I

1050
00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:00,759
Speaker 3: wonder if I accept death, and I don't think I do.

1051
00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:02,960
Speaker 3: But there are some moments where I look around and

1052
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:04,919
Speaker 3: I go, man, I'm just I'm happy to have done

1053
00:56:04,920 --> 00:56:08,879
Speaker 3: what I've done. And those are like really cool because

1054
00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,880
Speaker 3: I feel really wise in those moments. But then, like

1055
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:15,400
Speaker 3: the more common more of the time, I feel like

1056
00:56:15,719 --> 00:56:17,440
Speaker 3: I'm just like, fuck, I have more I want to do.

1057
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:22,360
Speaker 3: How I haven't done it yet. I'm turning twenty six

1058
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:23,080
Speaker 3: this month.

1059
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:26,799
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, yeah. I mean you ever look at like, oh,

1060
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 2: I do this all the time. I'll look at like

1061
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:32,839
Speaker 2: a sixty year old guy and he's walking around, he's

1062
00:56:32,840 --> 00:56:36,799
Speaker 2: eating soup, it's making plans, and I'm like, all right,

1063
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:40,759
Speaker 2: that's like two more of me plus a few years.

1064
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:42,080
Speaker 2: He's not freaking out.

1065
00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:44,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he's good.

1066
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:49,160
Speaker 2: What do you want to do that you haven't done?

1067
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:55,680
Speaker 3: I don't know. I I think one of my biggest

1068
00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:58,759
Speaker 3: purposes in life that I am just excited to get

1069
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:02,759
Speaker 3: to is to have of a family, like I really want,

1070
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:07,040
Speaker 3: I really want to like raise kids and have a

1071
00:57:07,080 --> 00:57:13,239
Speaker 3: wife that I stay with. It really excites me. So

1072
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:16,439
Speaker 3: I think that remains the thing that kind of keeps

1073
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 3: me motivated. And in addition, like just little moments of

1074
00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:26,760
Speaker 3: just being present really excite me about life. Like I

1075
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 3: produce music, and when I like finish a song I've

1076
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:31,680
Speaker 3: been working on means a lot to me and I'm

1077
00:57:31,720 --> 00:57:35,440
Speaker 3: really happy. And when when I spend time with friends

1078
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:36,760
Speaker 3: and when I go on a hike, you know, like

1079
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:41,240
Speaker 3: those are moments that really bring me joy. So I'm

1080
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:44,200
Speaker 3: excited to do more of those and have like more

1081
00:57:44,280 --> 00:57:49,040
Speaker 3: experiences because I love experiences. But like at some point,

1082
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:53,120
Speaker 3: just like having little experiences doesn't feel like a complete purpose,

1083
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 3: you know, to me. That's why I feel like my

1084
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:58,040
Speaker 3: my answer is the family thing, because that just feels

1085
00:57:58,080 --> 00:57:59,840
Speaker 3: like more of a natural Okay, this is what my

1086
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:02,360
Speaker 3: art wants to grow into, you know.

1087
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:05,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, you gotta have a little universe of

1088
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 2: your own. That's what That's when I feel that I

1089
00:58:07,200 --> 00:58:10,320
Speaker 2: happy is when I'm like in my own universe that

1090
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:13,600
Speaker 2: I feel like I've created, you know, like little like, yeah,

1091
00:58:13,680 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 2: little experiences are kind of fleeting, but like, yeah, when

1092
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:20,560
Speaker 2: you're in kind of your own universe and having a family,

1093
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:22,920
Speaker 2: it's like the ultimate version of creating your own universe.

1094
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:27,880
Speaker 2: You're creating like a place where you are. You're you're

1095
00:58:28,000 --> 00:58:32,640
Speaker 2: creating a thing that deeply needs you.

1096
00:58:32,720 --> 00:58:37,480
Speaker 3: Definitely. Yeah. I left. I left like my whole life behind,

1097
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:42,200
Speaker 3: and I moved to Portland in August. And I feel

1098
00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:44,520
Speaker 3: like I've just been having like little experiences here because

1099
00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:48,720
Speaker 3: I haven't really you know, gotten into my little niche yet.

1100
00:58:50,280 --> 00:58:52,360
Speaker 3: And like over Thanksgiving, I just made this kind of

1101
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:55,280
Speaker 3: manic decision, like fuck, I'm just getting in my car

1102
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:58,400
Speaker 3: and driving. And then I ended up driving in the

1103
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:02,160
Speaker 3: direction of home. And that's when I visited my family

1104
00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:04,360
Speaker 3: and my grandma and my friends, and I felt like

1105
00:59:04,400 --> 00:59:06,920
Speaker 3: I was kind of in my bubble again. That felt

1106
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:11,080
Speaker 3: really comfortable of people I care about and love and whatnot.

1107
00:59:11,720 --> 00:59:14,320
Speaker 3: And I really needed that. And I came back here

1108
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 3: and like it's it's hard because I know I will find,

1109
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 3: you know, those comfortable places here, but I just haven't

1110
00:59:22,440 --> 00:59:26,280
Speaker 3: completely gotten figured out yet. So some days I've been

1111
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 3: pretty hard being and I don't have my support system,

1112
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 3: like in person.

1113
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:35,280
Speaker 2: Why why did you move to Portland.

1114
00:59:37,040 --> 00:59:44,280
Speaker 3: I've always wanted to experience living somewhere else that wasn't home.

1115
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 3: So I've always kind of had this thing in me,

1116
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:49,280
Speaker 3: and I was like, I can't stay here forever. I

1117
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:53,760
Speaker 3: need to go see what it's like somewhere else. As

1118
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:56,960
Speaker 3: much as I like love the people, my friends and

1119
00:59:57,000 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 3: family back at home, I felt like, more so for

1120
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:06,960
Speaker 3: my soul, I needed like adventure. So like I did

1121
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:10,480
Speaker 3: a trip to Europe too before I moved here. It's

1122
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:16,520
Speaker 3: like one hundred days just fucking around, walking around, and

1123
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:19,720
Speaker 3: that was cool for like the adventure bug. And then

1124
01:00:19,760 --> 01:00:24,160
Speaker 3: now I'm here just seeing what's up, and it's really

1125
01:00:24,200 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 3: fun and exciting some days, and other days it's like

1126
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:31,840
Speaker 3: incredibly depressingly lonely, and I questioned my decisions, but it's

1127
01:00:31,880 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 3: it's just kind of accentuating the roller coaster for me,

1128
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 3: is what I've noticed. Mm.

1129
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:43,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a big thing for me as well as

1130
01:00:43,440 --> 01:00:54,600
Speaker 2: like you, the balance between desiring adventure and desiring like

1131
01:00:54,840 --> 01:00:57,760
Speaker 2: like stability. Although it's funny because when I was when

1132
01:00:57,760 --> 01:01:01,880
Speaker 2: I'm watching the North Korea thing or like getting or

1133
01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:03,960
Speaker 2: like I'm getting really into like what life is like

1134
01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:07,360
Speaker 2: in other places, I'm like, oh my god, I have

1135
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:13,920
Speaker 2: such stupid problems. Yeah, when you really think, when I

1136
01:01:13,960 --> 01:01:17,440
Speaker 2: really think about it, I'm like, it's fun because like

1137
01:01:17,720 --> 01:01:20,360
Speaker 2: like when you're waiting in like the bread line and

1138
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 2: like the Soviet rushier or whatever the fuck, you know,

1139
01:01:23,560 --> 01:01:27,400
Speaker 2: you're not like do I want stability or adventure? You

1140
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:27,919
Speaker 2: know what I mean.

1141
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:28,480
Speaker 1: It's like a.

1142
01:01:28,640 --> 01:01:35,240
Speaker 2: Strong it's it's a strongly uh, it's a super like

1143
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:45,960
Speaker 2: first world problem. But also whatever it's it's totally a privilege.

1144
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:49,360
Speaker 2: But it's like, well, fuck, I live in the that's

1145
01:01:49,560 --> 01:01:51,880
Speaker 2: I have. This is my life and my brain. So whatever,

1146
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:56,640
Speaker 2: all your problems are always like relative to your own existence,

1147
01:01:57,560 --> 01:02:01,880
Speaker 2: you know, and whatever existence, however extra ravagance it may be,

1148
01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:07,520
Speaker 2: it'll always have problems. However, however extravagant or shitty your

1149
01:02:07,560 --> 01:02:11,160
Speaker 2: existence is, it could always be more extravagant and you,

1150
01:02:11,560 --> 01:02:13,840
Speaker 2: or it could always be more shitty.

1151
01:02:14,000 --> 01:02:14,200
Speaker 1: You know.

1152
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:16,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's something that you can go up in

1153
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 3: your head. Yeah, compared your life to the lady. Imagine

1154
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:22,520
Speaker 3: every serpist you ever had, just compared your life to

1155
01:02:22,560 --> 01:02:26,720
Speaker 3: the starving lady and Soviet Russia waiting in the breadline,

1156
01:02:26,840 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 3: and you're just like okay, thank you, let me leave.

1157
01:02:30,840 --> 01:02:34,360
Speaker 3: You leave therapy. They don't do that.

1158
01:02:35,160 --> 01:02:36,120
Speaker 2: They don't do they do that.

1159
01:02:36,120 --> 01:02:39,200
Speaker 3: They engage your problems as for what they are.

1160
01:02:39,800 --> 01:02:42,600
Speaker 2: They do. And here's what I think. I think when

1161
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:47,520
Speaker 2: I go to my therapist, sometimes like half the time

1162
01:02:48,920 --> 01:02:51,120
Speaker 2: I want her to engage with my problems and I

1163
01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:54,160
Speaker 2: want to take them seriously. But then half the time

1164
01:02:54,240 --> 01:02:57,200
Speaker 2: she should be she should be like, you know, you

1165
01:02:57,200 --> 01:02:59,880
Speaker 2: could be starving to death in Russia, and that's also good.

1166
01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:00,600
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1167
01:03:01,400 --> 01:03:05,080
Speaker 2: I think sometimes you engage. Yeah, sometimes you engage your problems,

1168
01:03:05,120 --> 01:03:10,000
Speaker 2: and then other times, you know, you kind of have

1169
01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:14,120
Speaker 2: to be like I could. My life is amazing, I

1170
01:03:14,160 --> 01:03:16,800
Speaker 2: could be starving to death in Russia.

1171
01:03:16,880 --> 01:03:21,320
Speaker 3: Yeah. You ever heard the saying license too serious to

1172
01:03:21,360 --> 01:03:22,400
Speaker 3: be taken seriously.

1173
01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:25,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've heard something like that.

1174
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:27,320
Speaker 3: Does that make any sense to you?

1175
01:03:27,680 --> 01:03:29,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. It's kind of

1176
01:03:29,360 --> 01:03:32,400
Speaker 2: trying to hold those two things in one.

1177
01:03:33,440 --> 01:03:37,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, like they're both true. It somehow makes sense.

1178
01:03:44,560 --> 01:03:46,720
Speaker 2: Wouldn't it be funny if we both just died right now?

1179
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:50,960
Speaker 3: It'd be crazy. Yeah, that'd be crazy.

1180
01:03:51,320 --> 01:03:53,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, we both just like I don't know what, Like

1181
01:03:53,520 --> 01:03:56,120
Speaker 2: we both just got had like aneurysms. Or we got

1182
01:03:56,160 --> 01:03:57,800
Speaker 2: exploded or sniped or something.

1183
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:02,040
Speaker 3: Dude, terrifying. Can't like control that. I don't think it

1184
01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:02,960
Speaker 3: just happens time.

1185
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:07,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, what's what's your name?

1186
01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:13,080
Speaker 3: Oh? My name is Cole Cole, Cole Cole.

1187
01:04:13,160 --> 01:04:15,880
Speaker 2: Let's not live our lives in fear of our own fragility.

1188
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:18,080
Speaker 2: Let's not do that. I think it's a bad idea.

1189
01:04:19,000 --> 01:04:21,880
Speaker 3: Okay, because I do, I won't.

1190
01:04:22,600 --> 01:04:25,000
Speaker 2: I've begun to realize that I'm not special in any way,

1191
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:28,960
Speaker 2: shape or form. I'm just as susceptible to disease and

1192
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:33,360
Speaker 2: horrendous things as anyone else. It's a little scary, but

1193
01:04:35,640 --> 01:04:37,560
Speaker 2: I'm gonna not think about that. I encourage you to

1194
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:38,480
Speaker 2: not think about that either.

1195
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:41,440
Speaker 3: I think that's the biggest thing I need to work on.

1196
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:45,960
Speaker 3: So thank you for identifying that for me. That's like

1197
01:04:45,960 --> 01:04:49,720
Speaker 3: a real that's like a real therapy moment for you, Like,

1198
01:04:49,800 --> 01:04:54,400
Speaker 3: that's yeah, you did a therapy for.

1199
01:04:54,400 --> 01:04:57,880
Speaker 2: Me, Thanks, Matt. I feel like we're doing it. We're

1200
01:04:57,920 --> 01:04:59,200
Speaker 2: doing a little therapy for each other.

1201
01:04:59,240 --> 01:05:05,320
Speaker 3: Maybe yeah you think so? Do you feel therapized in

1202
01:05:05,320 --> 01:05:06,480
Speaker 3: some shape or form.

1203
01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:10,680
Speaker 2: I feel this conversation to be therapeutic.

1204
01:05:11,680 --> 01:05:17,880
Speaker 3: Right, I have I have one more thing for you.

1205
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:19,320
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, go ahead.

1206
01:05:19,920 --> 01:05:20,760
Speaker 1: I have a job.

1207
01:05:20,960 --> 01:05:22,960
Speaker 3: I have a job that I don't think anyone has

1208
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:28,400
Speaker 3: talked about on the podcast. It might interest you. You

1209
01:05:28,480 --> 01:05:31,320
Speaker 3: might not give a ship because we've been talking about

1210
01:05:35,280 --> 01:05:36,960
Speaker 3: and I'm just talking about my career.

1211
01:05:37,480 --> 01:05:40,760
Speaker 2: But no, I'm interested. I'm curious if your job, in

1212
01:05:40,800 --> 01:05:44,880
Speaker 2: some way, shape or form creates existential dread. Go ahead.

1213
01:05:45,040 --> 01:05:48,680
Speaker 3: Sorry, No, it's so, it's pretty basic. My job is

1214
01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:50,560
Speaker 3: I'm a bridge inspector.

1215
01:05:57,440 --> 01:05:58,400
Speaker 2: Your bridge inspector.

1216
01:05:59,760 --> 01:06:00,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah.

1217
01:06:00,320 --> 01:06:05,400
Speaker 3: I look at bridges and then I assign them a rating.

1218
01:06:09,440 --> 01:06:11,880
Speaker 3: I give them a score on how good of a

1219
01:06:11,920 --> 01:06:12,600
Speaker 3: bridge they are.

1220
01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:17,560
Speaker 2: Do you ever do you encounter a lot of shitty bridges?

1221
01:06:19,760 --> 01:06:27,280
Speaker 3: Sometimes yes, because they're old. Sometimes or they were engineered wrong.

1222
01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,360
Speaker 3: But it's more likely that they just were old and

1223
01:06:30,320 --> 01:06:34,080
Speaker 3: people don't pay attention to them. Mm hmm, and then

1224
01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:36,480
Speaker 3: I shut them down. Mm hmm.

1225
01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:44,880
Speaker 2: Do you what is it that makes a bridge shitty?

1226
01:06:46,880 --> 01:06:55,960
Speaker 3: Corrosion? Okay, you know about corrosion, about corrosion, cracks, about cracks.

1227
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:57,400
Speaker 3: Have you ever heard the word spall?

1228
01:06:58,440 --> 01:06:58,640
Speaker 1: No?

1229
01:06:58,880 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 2: I haven't.

1230
01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:02,080
Speaker 3: That's crazy. That's like when you got concrete and like

1231
01:07:02,120 --> 01:07:07,520
Speaker 3: a big chunk of it falls out because there's cheeping

1232
01:07:07,520 --> 01:07:08,240
Speaker 3: into it.

1233
01:07:08,240 --> 01:07:19,080
Speaker 2: It sounds like a British slang term for jizl. I'm

1234
01:07:19,120 --> 01:07:20,360
Speaker 2: a spoil on your mom.

1235
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:24,000
Speaker 3: Oh off book off.

1236
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:32,720
Speaker 2: Does the does your job does your job in some way?

1237
01:07:32,720 --> 01:07:32,919
Speaker 3: Shop?

1238
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:37,360
Speaker 2: What's your relationship? What's your job's relationship with your existential dread?

1239
01:07:37,840 --> 01:07:43,520
Speaker 3: My job's relationship with my existential dread is fuck. Because

1240
01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:46,600
Speaker 3: I I got out of school, I did like engineering.

1241
01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:51,080
Speaker 3: I got a degree in engineering, and I worked in

1242
01:07:51,080 --> 01:07:54,280
Speaker 3: in design because that's what most civil engineers do, is

1243
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:56,720
Speaker 3: they graduate and go into like consulting work where they

1244
01:07:56,800 --> 01:08:01,080
Speaker 3: just like design stuff. And I I went to design

1245
01:08:01,120 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 3: and it's like every day I was in the office

1246
01:08:03,800 --> 01:08:07,160
Speaker 3: forty hours a week in my little cubicle, doing mostly

1247
01:08:07,280 --> 01:08:12,000
Speaker 3: computer work. And for me that was terrible because I

1248
01:08:12,080 --> 01:08:16,440
Speaker 3: was I just like, you know, I have whatever ADHD

1249
01:08:16,640 --> 01:08:18,840
Speaker 3: or whatever that I don't want to sit in the

1250
01:08:18,840 --> 01:08:21,360
Speaker 3: same place every day. And I only worked there for

1251
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:23,200
Speaker 3: like eight months out of college, and I was like,

1252
01:08:23,240 --> 01:08:25,240
Speaker 3: what the fuck did I do? Like I spent all

1253
01:08:25,280 --> 01:08:28,559
Speaker 3: this time working towards my degree, and like here I am,

1254
01:08:29,320 --> 01:08:33,120
Speaker 3: I'm gonna die in these office walls. I was. I

1255
01:08:33,160 --> 01:08:36,920
Speaker 3: was not having it. It was crazy, and I found this

1256
01:08:37,040 --> 01:08:40,479
Speaker 3: job posting for the bridge inspection saying where I could

1257
01:08:40,600 --> 01:08:43,559
Speaker 3: use the degree I earned in civil engineering for this

1258
01:08:43,720 --> 01:08:46,200
Speaker 3: job where instead of being in the office all the time,

1259
01:08:46,240 --> 01:08:48,160
Speaker 3: I was in the office half the time and the

1260
01:08:48,160 --> 01:08:50,360
Speaker 3: other half the time I was like traveling around the

1261
01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:53,720
Speaker 3: country looking at a bridge. And to me, I was like,

1262
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:56,720
Speaker 3: oh my god, that's exactly what I need to keep

1263
01:08:56,720 --> 01:09:01,200
Speaker 3: myself from like bouncing off the walls. And it really

1264
01:09:01,280 --> 01:09:05,200
Speaker 3: has been. But there's also trade offs to that because

1265
01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:08,720
Speaker 3: sometimes when the travel is a lot, Like I had

1266
01:09:08,760 --> 01:09:14,040
Speaker 3: an issue with anxiety and panic attacks like a year

1267
01:09:14,120 --> 01:09:17,400
Speaker 3: and a half ago, and it was kind of related

1268
01:09:17,439 --> 01:09:19,599
Speaker 3: to my travel at the time, and I had to

1269
01:09:19,600 --> 01:09:21,200
Speaker 3: tone it back a little bit, so like that was

1270
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:26,680
Speaker 3: really hard. So I was like, fuck, now now I'm

1271
01:09:26,720 --> 01:09:29,120
Speaker 3: traveling too much and I want to chill out more.

1272
01:09:29,200 --> 01:09:35,320
Speaker 3: But anyways, that's a lot of information. But this job

1273
01:09:35,400 --> 01:09:37,880
Speaker 3: ultimately is really working for me again now because I've

1274
01:09:37,920 --> 01:09:40,960
Speaker 3: kind of gotten I understand my anxiety a lot more

1275
01:09:40,960 --> 01:09:43,960
Speaker 3: and it took a lot of time to grow and

1276
01:09:44,479 --> 01:09:48,679
Speaker 3: go to therapy and stuff like that, and it's working

1277
01:09:48,680 --> 01:09:50,719
Speaker 3: for me because half the time I'm in the office

1278
01:09:50,960 --> 01:09:53,639
Speaker 3: and then right about the time I start getting jumpy

1279
01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:56,960
Speaker 3: and want to bounce off the walls. I go and

1280
01:09:57,120 --> 01:10:01,200
Speaker 3: inspect the bridge for a week outside and I breathe

1281
01:10:01,240 --> 01:10:06,280
Speaker 3: in air, and I think, ultimately the job is working

1282
01:10:06,320 --> 01:10:09,120
Speaker 3: for me in that regard. Mm hmm.

1283
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:15,880
Speaker 2: Do you do you ever encounter any bridge trolls?

1284
01:10:19,439 --> 01:10:22,000
Speaker 3: No? No, no, trolls. I don't. I don't think I've

1285
01:10:22,000 --> 01:10:29,000
Speaker 3: ever met a troll here in Portland. Sometimes people like

1286
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:35,599
Speaker 3: live live there and mostly they're pretty cool, and I

1287
01:10:35,640 --> 01:10:37,840
Speaker 3: just tell them, hey, like, if you don't want one

1288
01:10:37,880 --> 01:10:40,080
Speaker 3: to fuck with, you just don't have a fire down here,

1289
01:10:40,240 --> 01:10:44,559
Speaker 3: because the bridge owners stood upset when when they have

1290
01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:45,080
Speaker 3: a fire.

1291
01:10:46,120 --> 01:10:46,639
Speaker 1: But they're not.

1292
01:10:46,640 --> 01:10:50,440
Speaker 3: Trolls, They're just they're just people living under a bridge.

1293
01:10:50,680 --> 01:10:53,800
Speaker 3: Of course, of course, if I saw a troll, I'd

1294
01:10:53,800 --> 01:10:54,400
Speaker 3: be scared.

1295
01:10:55,040 --> 01:10:56,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, that'd be terrifying, that would I wonder if that

1296
01:10:56,840 --> 01:10:59,080
Speaker 2: would increase your existential dread or if that would make

1297
01:10:59,120 --> 01:11:04,960
Speaker 2: you feel like there is that like there's fantastical things

1298
01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:06,040
Speaker 2: out there for you.

1299
01:11:07,360 --> 01:11:10,599
Speaker 3: That yeah, kind of mystical. Uh. The one thing that

1300
01:11:10,640 --> 01:11:15,400
Speaker 3: does increase my dread is just this exists to every job,

1301
01:11:15,400 --> 01:11:19,400
Speaker 3: but it's like the corporate ladder flash people trying to

1302
01:11:19,600 --> 01:11:24,840
Speaker 3: get promotions and message each other on LinkedIn and make

1303
01:11:25,080 --> 01:11:28,840
Speaker 3: posts about how we're working as a company. We're a

1304
01:11:28,840 --> 01:11:33,960
Speaker 3: great company, and networking events and shit like that. Like

1305
01:11:34,000 --> 01:11:42,760
Speaker 3: that whole side of work just kills my spirit. I

1306
01:11:42,760 --> 01:11:44,519
Speaker 3: don't know why. I don't know why I can't just

1307
01:11:44,640 --> 01:11:47,040
Speaker 3: genuinely jump in and be like, oh, yes, sorry, I

1308
01:11:47,080 --> 01:11:48,880
Speaker 3: work for this company and we're the best at what

1309
01:11:48,920 --> 01:11:51,080
Speaker 3: we do, and it's very nice to meet you. But

1310
01:11:51,160 --> 01:11:53,080
Speaker 3: it just all feels so fake to me because I'm

1311
01:11:53,120 --> 01:11:54,400
Speaker 3: just going to make money so I.

1312
01:11:54,320 --> 01:11:56,920
Speaker 2: Can go on a hike, you know, Like, Yeah, by

1313
01:11:56,920 --> 01:11:59,720
Speaker 2: the way, that's not a defect in your existence. That's

1314
01:11:59,840 --> 01:12:05,200
Speaker 2: uh uh Honestly, that's a shared sentiment among a lot

1315
01:12:05,240 --> 01:12:08,880
Speaker 2: of people. So I don't think you're crazy for feeling that. Well,

1316
01:12:08,880 --> 01:12:13,120
Speaker 2: I don't think you're crazy for not having strong pride

1317
01:12:13,120 --> 01:12:16,320
Speaker 2: in the company and just being there for a paycheck,

1318
01:12:16,360 --> 01:12:17,639
Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So I don't I don't

1319
01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:21,559
Speaker 2: think you're I don't think that's completely insane.

1320
01:12:24,160 --> 01:12:26,519
Speaker 3: Yeah, some people just like to hustle. Maybe that's how

1321
01:12:26,560 --> 01:12:29,040
Speaker 3: they get their worth.

1322
01:12:30,120 --> 01:12:31,680
Speaker 2: What did you say your name? What did you say

1323
01:12:31,680 --> 01:12:32,080
Speaker 2: your name was?

1324
01:12:32,120 --> 01:12:32,360
Speaker 3: Again?

1325
01:12:33,560 --> 01:12:35,280
Speaker 1: My name is Cole Cole.

1326
01:12:37,240 --> 01:12:39,719
Speaker 2: This was there. This was a therapeutic conversation. I didn't

1327
01:12:39,720 --> 01:12:41,679
Speaker 2: I did enjoy this, and I hope that. I hope

1328
01:12:41,680 --> 01:12:44,200
Speaker 2: that the both of us live very long lives and

1329
01:12:44,240 --> 01:12:48,160
Speaker 2: eventually when we're eighty, except hopefully we make it to eighty.

1330
01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:50,080
Speaker 2: I'd like to make it to eighty to be nice.

1331
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:53,599
Speaker 2: You'll have a family, You'll like grandkids and shit, that'll

1332
01:12:53,640 --> 01:13:01,559
Speaker 2: be nice. Maybe I'll have a uh, you know, a

1333
01:13:01,640 --> 01:13:07,679
Speaker 2: spider or something I don't know, and well, uh yeah,

1334
01:13:07,720 --> 01:13:09,920
Speaker 2: I'll have like a pet tarantula that I'll give my

1335
01:13:12,600 --> 01:13:18,639
Speaker 2: wroth ira two and we'll die, and more things will

1336
01:13:18,640 --> 01:13:23,120
Speaker 2: happen after us, and those people will enjoy life and

1337
01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:26,080
Speaker 2: eternity will be good.

1338
01:13:27,960 --> 01:13:30,479
Speaker 3: I'm gonna check the balance of my roth Ira.

1339
01:13:32,280 --> 01:13:33,160
Speaker 2: Thank you for calling cool.

1340
01:13:34,840 --> 01:13:35,320
Speaker 3: Bye, Lyle.

1341
01:13:38,880 --> 01:13:42,040
Speaker 2: You can max out your roth Ira every year and

1342
01:13:42,080 --> 01:13:45,679
Speaker 2: you're still gonna die. Hello, folks, it's Lyle here. That's

1343
01:13:45,720 --> 01:13:49,360
Speaker 2: the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing

1344
01:13:49,439 --> 01:13:54,479
Speaker 2: a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra

1345
01:13:54,680 --> 01:13:57,880
Speaker 2: hour of the podcast that you can listen to by

1346
01:13:57,920 --> 01:14:02,479
Speaker 2: becoming a premium member of Therapy Gecko over at therapy

1347
01:14:02,520 --> 01:14:06,960
Speaker 2: Gecko dot supercast dot com. Supercast subscribers get access to

1348
01:14:07,080 --> 01:14:11,120
Speaker 2: bonus episodes, They get a completely ad free podcast feed

1349
01:14:11,160 --> 01:14:14,519
Speaker 2: of the regular show, They get recordings from my live shows,

1350
01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:17,960
Speaker 2: members only streams, and they help support my ability to

1351
01:14:18,080 --> 01:14:21,800
Speaker 2: continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this

1352
01:14:21,880 --> 01:14:24,600
Speaker 2: week's members only bonus episode.

1353
01:14:24,640 --> 01:14:27,360
Speaker 1: She like got mad and said.

1354
01:14:27,280 --> 01:14:31,000
Speaker 2: Wait, hold on, what do you mean it's all over text?

1355
01:14:31,080 --> 01:14:33,840
Speaker 2: Because you guys spoke after she sent you the text? Right,

1356
01:14:33,880 --> 01:14:34,880
Speaker 2: you spoke in person?

1357
01:14:35,080 --> 01:14:35,920
Speaker 1: Oh?

1358
01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:37,719
Speaker 3: No, we have not spoken in person.

1359
01:14:37,880 --> 01:14:38,960
Speaker 2: You haven't spoken in person.

1360
01:14:40,439 --> 01:14:42,120
Speaker 3: No, we've all made it over text.

1361
01:14:42,360 --> 01:14:44,120
Speaker 2: Have you have you? Have you called her?

1362
01:14:44,520 --> 01:14:49,840
Speaker 1: The call got denied. We're supposedly we're supposedly meeting.

1363
01:14:49,720 --> 01:14:54,439
Speaker 2: Tonight in Okay, So you're talking to me more about

1364
01:14:54,439 --> 01:14:56,000
Speaker 2: this than you have with her so far.

1365
01:14:58,080 --> 01:14:58,280
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1366
01:14:58,360 --> 01:15:00,240
Speaker 2: If you want to hear this full conversation, and you

1367
01:15:00,240 --> 01:15:02,960
Speaker 2: can sign up to become a premium member at therapy

1368
01:15:03,080 --> 01:15:07,320
Speaker 2: Gecko dot supercast dot com or find the link in

1369
01:15:07,400 --> 01:15:12,840
Speaker 2: the episode description that's therapy gecko dot supercast dot com.

1370
01:15:12,880 --> 01:15:17,559
Speaker 2: All right, I have nothing else to say. There goes

1371
01:15:17,680 --> 01:15:20,479
Speaker 2: on the line taking your phone calls every night.

1372
01:15:20,840 --> 01:15:23,519
Speaker 3: Therepy goes to his i's teaching you

1373
01:15:23,600 --> 01:15:26,599
Speaker 2: About in the memory of life, but he's not really

1374
01:15:26,800 --> 01:15:27,560
Speaker 2: an expert.