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Speaker 1: I don't want to be with my kids. I want

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Speaker 1: to be with my girlfriend. My ex is furious, but

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Speaker 1: I can explain.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of players and this story, especially Opie,

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Speaker 2: you know the player, yes, of them all?

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Speaker 1: Why be with you know, the children, the people that

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Speaker 1: you are destined to care and help grow when you

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Speaker 1: can be with some hotel? Help you grow? Yeah? Help me? Like,

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Speaker 1: help me grow, you know, at least a part the ex. Hey,

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Speaker 1: she's the ex now, but what about me? What about

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Speaker 1: me and my growth? I male thirty six, met my

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Speaker 1: ex wife, female thirty three, when I was twenty five.

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Speaker 1: We fell in love, and the children came sooner than

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Speaker 1: we planned, but it just happened. And I love the

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Speaker 1: heck out of my children nine female, male seven and

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Speaker 1: five and female five. The first three years of our

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Speaker 1: relationship was great, but then it wasn't. Oh no, looking back,

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Speaker 1: it definitely wasn't anyone's fault. We just became very different people.

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Speaker 1: After we had our kid, who's five female, our fun

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Speaker 1: time life came non existent. It felt like for my wife,

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Speaker 1: the purpose of effingme was done. Now that we have

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Speaker 1: three beautiful children, there we go. Damn, that's pretty tough yikes.

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Speaker 1: The purpose of your wiener is done.

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Speaker 2: Cut it off.

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Speaker 1: It has completed its mission. After three years, we started

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Speaker 1: doing it again in the form of mercy h jobs

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Speaker 1: in bed. Oh man, dude, the pity handy not what

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Speaker 1: you want. It wasn't enough for me, but she told

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Speaker 1: me that she is tired and busy with three small children.

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Speaker 1: I was tired too, but I was more than prepared

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Speaker 1: to make effort to make plans and time for romance.

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Speaker 1: Not only the fun time.

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Speaker 2: Well, like the flowers and the backrubs and the Ebsom

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Speaker 2: salt baths, all the good time, the bath bombs.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it wasn't only the fun times that suffered. It

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Speaker 1: was the intimacy. Yeah, romance. I had a vasectomy so

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Speaker 1: my ex wife didn't need to take any unnecessary homeowns

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Speaker 1: because we were done having children. When it started affecting

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Speaker 1: our children, seeing us very irritated and cold towards each other,

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Speaker 1: I thought I should man up and pull the plug.

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Speaker 2: Dang, do you think she wanted that to happen?

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Speaker 1: That very well could be it.

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Speaker 2: I don't know that I mean it. Maybe you know

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Speaker 2: sex drives changed out of relationship in one's life. But

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Speaker 2: I wonder if she was like.

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Speaker 1: Guiding towards Yeah, we haven't been happy or intimate since

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Speaker 1: before our second child was born.

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Speaker 2: And when was that?

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Speaker 1: How old?

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Speaker 2: It's a second child? Seven? They haven't been intimate since yep, doom.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty rough. And we haven't had real intimacy since

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Speaker 1: we conceived our youngest. We should have ended it way earlier,

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Speaker 1: but the guilt of breaking the children's home was heavy

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Speaker 1: until I noticed that our home was already broken and

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Speaker 1: my children aren't stupid to not see what was happening,

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Speaker 1: and that we were trying to hold it together. I

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Speaker 1: asked for a divorce. Everyone told me I was mad

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Speaker 1: and to think about the children, and it was very

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Speaker 1: hard at the beginning.

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Speaker 2: Yes, how did the wife respond, that's a good question,

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Speaker 2: and nothing.

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Speaker 1: She was just like sure, yeah, why not. I left

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Speaker 1: the house for my ex. I rented a two bedroom nearby,

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Speaker 1: and we started doing one week each. I was positively

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Speaker 1: surprised at how much happier the children became, seeing me

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Speaker 1: happy and not easily irritated and brooding. I started seeing

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Speaker 1: my now girlfriend forty female about a year ago, and

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Speaker 1: what was thought to be a casual one time thing

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Speaker 1: turned out to be the love of my life.

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Speaker 2: Wow, all right, there he goes. But I want to

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Speaker 2: know the tea on what happened with the wife, Like

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Speaker 2: was she just chill with it? Like like did she

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Speaker 2: care I want it? Or we she mad?

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Speaker 1: Also, this is maybe a theory, but I semi wonder like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you know, my children were so much happier seeing me happy.

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Speaker 1: Probably true, but also like is that what he wants

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Speaker 1: to see? If you get what I'm saying, Like, is

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Speaker 1: he painting a good narrative right out of him leaving?

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Speaker 1: You know? So?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so he can feel good about it completely. Maybe

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Speaker 2: not a little theory there.

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Speaker 1: My new girlfriend is amazing in every aspect, kind, loving, successful, funny,

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Speaker 1: and so effing beautiful. She is child free and she

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Speaker 1: was happy that I was done having children. On my

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Speaker 1: child's free weeks, I can be with just her just

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Speaker 1: being me late, breakfast in bed, morning, fun time wherever

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Speaker 1: I want it in the house. Let's go big upgrade

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Speaker 1: over here in terms of.

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Speaker 2: That, wow, whenever he wants it. But also that's just

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Speaker 2: like that's like you know, honeymoon stage.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it makes me sound like

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Speaker 1: a selfish douche. But on my weeks, I give one

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Speaker 1: hundred percent because I'm content and happy with my life.

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Speaker 1: She has met my children too, and they adore her.

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Speaker 1: Why this lengthy background, I'm going to tell you now

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Speaker 1: my ex?

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Speaker 2: Wait have we we haven't even gotten into the meat.

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Speaker 2: We're just getting into the meat right now, just getting

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Speaker 2: into the meat as the buffet has started. We're getting

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Speaker 2: to that shaven the meat stickpoint.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we are my ex. My mother in law and

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Speaker 1: my own mother behind her have been hinting that maybe

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Speaker 1: we should get back together.

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Speaker 2: Now wait, wait, the the sexless ex.

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Speaker 1: His first boo, whoa first lady. The children are older,

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Speaker 1: we are less tired, and we are much happier now,

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Speaker 1: So we aren't going to fight all the time like

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Speaker 1: we used to. I guess is what they're implying.

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Speaker 2: But what about like everything, like the girl that he's

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Speaker 2: been dating right now.

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Speaker 1: Number bye, get her out. We're done with her.

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Speaker 2: Maybe everyone together one house. We read a story the

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Speaker 2: other day, bring it all with sister wives.

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Speaker 1: Come on, why not? We've been having so much fun.

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Speaker 1: We want you to get in on this. We want

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Speaker 1: you to get it on the ground floor.

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Speaker 2: That's a solution. That is everyone gets a peace.

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Speaker 1: That's right. She wants a real relationship too, and she

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Speaker 1: will give as much fun time as I wanted.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I like the stressing on the

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Speaker 2: fun time as like it feels weird. I may I agree,

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Speaker 2: like I promise, like we'll do it if we get

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Speaker 2: back together. Right, it feels a little weird.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Opie says, Wow, is that really what she thinks?

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Speaker 1: I want? More mercy, f's for my sake, more pity jobs.

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Speaker 1: Think of the children. Is tired of being a single

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Speaker 1: mom while I'm playing a bachelor every other week. Give

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Speaker 1: them their old safe home back, no need for them

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Speaker 1: hopping from place to place now. While the guilt was

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Speaker 1: nagging at me, I rejected her advances and ignored her

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Speaker 1: and the guilt because I'm happy for the first time

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Speaker 1: in years, maybe ever. Wow. Until Friday when my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: came home crying. She asked me maybe we should break up,

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Speaker 1: and that she doesn't want to be in the way

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Speaker 1: of my children and my children's happiness. Oh, my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: asked me if I was still in love with my ex.

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Speaker 1: It broke my heart to see her broken, Like I

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Speaker 1: didn't do a good job showing her what she meant

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Speaker 1: to me and how much I loved her turned out ooh,

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Speaker 1: my ex wife has contacted her, telling her that she

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Speaker 1: was the reason we aren't back together and the children

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Speaker 1: are suffering.

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Speaker 2: Oh to the new girl, Oh whoa.

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Speaker 1: And also that we love each other and she is

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Speaker 1: my fun for now.

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Speaker 2: Damn whoa. That is if you want to speed run

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Speaker 2: your way to someone at one never trusting you again,

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Speaker 2: and two thinking you're a piece of like old wife

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Speaker 2: totally did that.

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Speaker 1: You think you can hide that forever, It's gonna come out.

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Speaker 2: It's gotta come out.

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Speaker 1: I called my ex livid, and she called me selfish.

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Speaker 1: I then told her being a part time dad was

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Speaker 1: the best thing that ever happened to me, because I'm

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Speaker 1: a human, not only a father. My ex wife started crying.

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Speaker 1: I apologized for hurting her, but she hung up on me.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm being bombed by my mom and the rest

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Speaker 1: that I am a selfish man and a terrible father.

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Speaker 1: My mom even sent me a video with my children

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Speaker 1: where she asked them no, how it would feel if

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Speaker 1: mommy and daddy moved back together, and they were so

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Speaker 1: happy saying yes and jumping.

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Speaker 2: Bro, that's like so far like like that's like severe

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Speaker 2: emotional manipulation, using the kids as like an emotional chest

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Speaker 2: pond children that. No, that's like a queen is a

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Speaker 2: queen move? Right?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: Not queen is in queen, but queen is in leg

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Speaker 2: the evil chess chess power pulling the string. Wow, I

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Speaker 2: mean that's a fing move, but a fucked up move

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Speaker 2: your play now, I guess, so dirty tricks, dude.

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Speaker 1: I can't forget my daughter's face lighting up with happiness

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Speaker 1: at the prospect.

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Speaker 2: Oh dude, what a great chess move, but so evil.

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Speaker 1: So evil. This video was sent to my girlfriend as well,

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Speaker 1: and now she is distant and broken, so mess she

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Speaker 1: I hear her cry whenever she thinks I don't hear her?

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Speaker 1: Am I being wrong here? Am I being a terrible parent? No?

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Speaker 1: My family doesn't understand is that my children's happiness is

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Speaker 1: now the result of me leaving our toxic, depressing existence.

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Speaker 1: But how can you explain that to small children? Wow?

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Speaker 1: So we got some we got a commentans and some

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Speaker 1: some updates. But OP asked the question, and I think

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Speaker 1: we should answer here. Everyone watching Sam is being the

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Speaker 1: ahole right now?

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Speaker 2: No, I mean put your answers to the comments. But no,

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Speaker 2: not in the slightest, not in the slightest, Like there's

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Speaker 2: like that whole idea where it's like, oh, we got

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Speaker 2: to stick together for the kids. But if you are

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Speaker 2: miserable and are not able because of that misery, you're

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Speaker 2: probably a worse parent.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I agree.

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Speaker 2: You know, you would be better if you were happy.

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Speaker 2: Your happiness affects how well you can take care of

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Speaker 2: your children, how well you can show for people. I

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Speaker 2: think if you're a happier person, you can show up

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Speaker 2: better for people.

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Speaker 1: It's so crazy that, like I don't know that the

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Speaker 1: ex is just like going so far, going so far

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Speaker 1: far his own mom.

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Speaker 2: Dude, Yeah, my goodness, Yeah, I wonder why the mom

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Speaker 2: is on the ex's side.

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Speaker 1: Right, Maybe maybe she's just like us, Like we've seen

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Speaker 1: these like weird people that are like obsessed with their

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Speaker 1: grandkids in this weird way and like they just like.

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Speaker 2: Well, she probably also like if she's older, she has

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Speaker 2: this idea of like what does a traditional family look like?

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Speaker 2: And it looks like mommy and daddy together again. Just

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Speaker 2: so crazy, just miserable.

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Speaker 1: Now there's a comment on the X versus girlfriend she

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Speaker 1: doesn't have postpartum depression or any type of depression. I

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Speaker 1: think she wasn't attracted to me maybe ever, but wanted

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Speaker 1: children with the gang bro That's wild.

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Speaker 2: I mean some people do it. Some people do it

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Speaker 2: maybe ever find Yeah, I feel like you know whether

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Speaker 2: someone's like attracted to you or not.

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Speaker 1: I yeah, but maybe I don't know.

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Speaker 2: That girl that I took to North Carolina, I don't

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Speaker 2: think was like attracted to.

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Speaker 1: Me, but like at first you were like, is it right?

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Speaker 2: Well yeah, I mean she's like because she was like

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Speaker 2: we would have really good sex like when we when

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Speaker 2: we were first hang out, but then like when we

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Speaker 2: went to North Carolina, I'm like, I'm just not feeling

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Speaker 2: the vibe as much.

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Speaker 1: The vibe wasn't there.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well I was feeling her vibe. I don't think

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Speaker 2: she was.

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Speaker 1: We were.

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Speaker 2: We got along like on like a friend level, but

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Speaker 2: just like I think there has to be that attraction

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Speaker 2: there too, where you get situations like this where you

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Speaker 2: don't feel wanted.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I do not want a situation like this with

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Speaker 1: the girlfriend. It's different. She's distant now and whenever I

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Speaker 1: tell her I love her, she tears up and says

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Speaker 1: that she's being a bad person. So yeah, I'm losing

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Speaker 1: both my children and the love of my life. Here

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Speaker 1: another question, are you and the mom's shouldering equal responsibility

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Speaker 1: for the kids? Like? Are you taking them shopping for

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Speaker 1: new shoes, remembering to schedule their dentist appointments, handling school emails,

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Speaker 1: et cetera. Almost all these things are done by me,

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Speaker 1: Even on her weeks, I drive the kids to school

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Speaker 1: because she doesn't want to get up that early. Wow.

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Speaker 1: And then the final one, isn't your ex also single?

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Speaker 1: Every other week she is? Yes, her summer fling didn't

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Speaker 1: work out, so I am the backup plan.

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Speaker 2: Yikes, yike, She's so bad. She's like, oh I got

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Speaker 2: rejected or whatever. So I'm going to go back to

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Speaker 2: the old flame. You can't do that. You can't do that, dude,

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Speaker 2: especially with the kids, and yikes, and using the kids

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Speaker 2: as like an emotional ploy that's the most evil thing

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Speaker 2: I think evil.

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Speaker 1: Onto the update. Thanks everyone for the advice and suggestions.

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Speaker 1: I'm overwhelmed with the support I got here. Here's my update,

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Speaker 1: But before I want to address the elephant in the room,

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Speaker 1: and that is that I have stepped my toes with

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Speaker 1: some bold statements about being divorced. I think the more

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Speaker 1: expected in virtuous approach is to be devastated and guilt ridden.

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Speaker 1: My experience is something else, however, and I really tried

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Speaker 1: to be genuine and honest here. Divorce is hard and terrifying.

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Speaker 1: Many people, both men and women, hesitate and stay way

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Speaker 1: longer than necessary because of one reason or another. I

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Speaker 1: can't tell all unhappy people to get divorced, since I

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Speaker 1: don't know what y'all situations are, but for those who

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Speaker 1: can do it, I was trying to explain what I

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Speaker 1: have discovered the positive side of having shared custody, because

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Speaker 1: only the negative is talked about. I'm sure many divorce

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Speaker 1: people get what I meant by having every other week

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Speaker 1: child free is awesome. We are humans with feelings. Our

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Speaker 1: love for our children doesn't stop or take a break

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Speaker 1: when they're out of sight. They don't need to be

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Speaker 1: present for us to love and think about them. I

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Speaker 1: will double down and say that being a part time

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Speaker 1: parent is just awesome no matter the gender. It's okay

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Speaker 1: to feel that way, and you are not a lesser

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Speaker 1: parent for it. I'd be curious from everyone in the

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Speaker 1: comments if anyone's field experience statement, how do you feel

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Speaker 1: about that? Have you been through a similar situation and

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Speaker 1: felt that way or didn't. Very curious, so let us

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Speaker 1: know in the comments, y'all. I have talked to my

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Speaker 1: mother about what she did. She was very remorseful. Apparently

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Speaker 1: Dad has had a talk with her about this too.

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Speaker 1: He was shocked at what she's done, and she seems

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Speaker 1: to have realized the seriousness of what she might have done. Maybe,

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Speaker 1: but I'm just I'm looking at granny, I'm looking at

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Speaker 1: my mom like, Yo, I don't know if I trust you?

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Speaker 2: How could you? How could you? After that crazy manipulation.

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Speaker 1: I took her apology, but I was firm on my

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Speaker 1: boundaries that I didn't want her to be in my

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Speaker 1: children's life for a while until I have sorted out

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Speaker 1: their feelings and talked to them. She was reluctant to

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Speaker 1: acknowledge my girlfriend, however, and I made it clear that

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Speaker 1: after the children, she is my priority, before myself and

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Speaker 1: definitely before her my mom. Wow, So how much she

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Speaker 1: wants to be in my life depends on how she

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Speaker 1: respects my life and the people I love. Dude, some

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Speaker 1: love hard truths to mama there. I have talked to

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Speaker 1: my ex wife too. I made it clear that under

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Speaker 1: no circumstances, is she to ever contact my girlfriend again.

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Speaker 1: I told her that this was still a new relation

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Speaker 1: and any contact is going to be with me. I

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Speaker 1: told her that my girlfriend has nothing to do with

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Speaker 1: my decision of divorce. I have no romantic feelings for her,

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Speaker 1: and that I know she doesn't have any feelings for

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Speaker 1: me either. She wants me out of convenience. I don't dang,

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Speaker 1: he's delivering it over here, Facts.

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Speaker 2: Facts.

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Speaker 1: She started crying and telling me that I didn't get

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Speaker 1: to tell her what she's feeling. I agreed and apologized.

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Speaker 1: I told her then I will only speak on my behalf.

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Speaker 1: I want us to be friends and to raise our

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Speaker 1: children to be the great people they're on the path

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Speaker 1: to be coming. I don't want them to be used

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Speaker 1: as ponds in the sick game she and the mothers

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Speaker 1: have been playing. Absolutely yes, I will not allow it

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Speaker 1: and will do whatever it takes to protect them. I

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Speaker 1: suggested that we start family therapy because I needed her

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Speaker 1: to understand the turmoil her and my mother put our

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Speaker 1: children through. I never want that to happen again. She

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Speaker 1: told me that she didn't want my girlfriend to be

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Speaker 1: in their lives yet, because she didn't know her fair enough,

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Speaker 1: but I reminded her that our agreement is that when

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Speaker 1: a relationship is serious, that's when we introduced our new

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Speaker 1: partners to our children. And this is going to happen eventually,

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Speaker 1: so she better get used to it. I also talk

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Speaker 1: to her about me not going to take her workload

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Speaker 1: on weeks, meaning that I won't be dropping by every

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Speaker 1: morning to wake up the children and take them to school.

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Speaker 1: She will have to start waking up in the morning

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Speaker 1: like any other parent out there. About the food, I

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Speaker 1: will send them cooked food with my children on the

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Speaker 1: weekends there with her, because I know that I can't

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Speaker 1: demand her to cook. But at the same time, I

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Speaker 1: don't want my children to eat junk food. About me

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Speaker 1: mentioning that her home is a pig sty. I know

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Speaker 1: that my eldest daughter has mentioned that it wasn't always

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Speaker 1: pleasant at mommy's house. But again, now I don't live

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Speaker 1: there to clean. I can't demand my ex to live

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Speaker 1: in a way she doesn't want to.

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Speaker 2: I mean, but can't you isn't there's some like custody stuff.

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Speaker 1: That's a good question. Yeah, I wonder Legally, I don't know.

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Speaker 2: You have to keep a certain level of clan.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like is it like is it messy? Or

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Speaker 1: is it like is their mildew? Is there? Like? Is

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Speaker 1: it a danger to the children. I guess it's probably

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Speaker 1: a weird area, I can imagine. I have, however, offered

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Speaker 1: that on Fridays, my children will go home to spend

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Speaker 1: time with her. On those weeks, I will send a

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Speaker 1: cleaning service so that children have a somewhat clean environment.

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Speaker 1: She agreed, she was angry about having to wake up early. However,

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Speaker 1: because she usually starts to work at ten am. I

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Speaker 1: guess she will have to adjust about my girlfriend. We

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Speaker 1: were supposed to spend the coming weekend together with the children,

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Speaker 1: but I will respect my ex wife's wishes for now,

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Speaker 1: at least until we have gone into some therapy sessions

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Speaker 1: with the children and I can bring it up again.

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Speaker 1: She is spending the rest of the week with me. However,

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Speaker 1: I know that she feels guilty. I have tried to

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Speaker 1: explain that she has nothing to do with whatever has happened,

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Speaker 1: and that she was dragged into the situation without any reason,

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Speaker 1: because with or without her, I would never go back

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Speaker 1: to my old life. That I left this marriage before

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Speaker 1: I knew she even existed. I don't know if she

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Speaker 1: believed me or felt reassured. She just said that she

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Speaker 1: loved me. I apologize to her and I will try

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Speaker 1: to make her feel comfortable with me again. I guess yes,

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Speaker 1: this is one of those tests relationships hit, and we

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Speaker 1: shall see if our connection is strong enough to overcome this,

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Speaker 1: and I think that it is. And there's one comment

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Speaker 1: left here more on the kids and how they feel

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Speaker 1: with their mom. Not exactly a crappy life, but a

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Speaker 1: more chaotic one. My daughter expressed that she preferred less chaos,

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Speaker 1: but it isn't like any of them are suffering. She

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Speaker 1: loves her children.

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Speaker 2: Okay, that's good.

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Speaker 1: She does feed them, It's just not the type of

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Speaker 1: food that I would want them to eat. This is

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Speaker 1: complicated because she isn't wrong in not sharing my ideas

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Speaker 1: of what cleanliness and quality is. But I have offered

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Speaker 1: to make some meals and she agreed. The rest of

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Speaker 1: the week they eat what she offers, which is McDonald's

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Speaker 1: et cetera.

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Speaker 2: That's pretty bad on McDonald's only. Yeah, whooooo, pretty bad man.

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Speaker 1: So we've already asked if OP was the ahole. Do

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Speaker 1: we think that OP is approaching this situation, right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I would love to know your comments below. Well, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I guess like one of my questions is, do you

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Speaker 2: think OPI can expect his wife to feed his children

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Speaker 2: to a certain standard? Because McDonald's every day is not healthy?

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Speaker 2: Like that's like pretty it's pretty bad. Yeah, And so

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Speaker 2: like it feels like Opie could demand somewhat, Hey, let's

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Speaker 2: give them actually good food. He's probably having to pay alimony,

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Speaker 2: Like is that alimony not going to good food for

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Speaker 2: his children?

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Speaker 1: Right?

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Speaker 2: Or maybe she's paying alimony to him, but like, I

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Speaker 2: don't know, it feels that feels like something that you

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Speaker 2: could demand.

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Speaker 1: I wonder if there's anything like legally, like with whatever

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Speaker 1: the agreement is with the kids.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So I love if anyone has any insight on that.

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Speaker 2: I would love for you to like put in the

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Speaker 2: comments definitely. And if you have any stories about your

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Speaker 2: own divorce or are going through divorce as a kid,

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Speaker 2: let us know in the comments, because I feel like

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Speaker 2: it would be super relevant to this, to the story

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Speaker 2: that we just read. So call us at a four

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Speaker 2: four zero five zer rate six five sixty seven so

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Speaker 2: we can hear that freaking story.

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Speaker 1: That's right. I want to hear your stories, send them

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Speaker 1: to us. We love you, see you in the next season.