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Speaker 1: Hey, John, you're under arrest. Oh no, don't do it.

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Speaker 1: I'm an og Okay story Time podcast host.

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Speaker 2: I don't care. I'm making sure that you stay here

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Speaker 2: for the next two minutes.

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Speaker 1: All right, I'll be detained for the two more minutes

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Speaker 1: before we get into this episode.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we got some ads coming up. Just stick around.

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Speaker 2: Stick around.

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Speaker 3: My mother in law demanded we get a paternity test,

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Speaker 3: so now she's not allowed to hold the baby.

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Speaker 4: That's what you get.

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Speaker 3: And it's I'm Not your Father week on Okay Storytime

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Speaker 3: and we're diving into jaw dropping paternity twists and family

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Speaker 3: confessions that I'll have you asking is this really my dad?

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Speaker 3: But let's dive into this one. I twenty eight female,

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Speaker 3: gave birth to my first child, a beautiful baby girl,

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Speaker 3: three weeks ago. My husband, thirty mail, and I have

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Speaker 3: been over the moon, but his mother has been causing

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Speaker 3: non stop drama. By the way, this comes from Commercial

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Speaker 3: East three h two And if you want to spend

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Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

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Speaker 3: Time suburt it. So she never liked me from the start.

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Speaker 3: She may snide comments about how I trapped her son,

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Speaker 3: even though we've been happily married for four years. What

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Speaker 3: is your husband doing about this? When I got pregnant,

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Speaker 3: she constantly joked about how the baby might not be his.

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Speaker 4: No, I just think she's hoping for that.

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Speaker 3: It's like baby, hopefully it's not his.

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Speaker 4: She's praying every night.

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Speaker 3: He can leave you. I brush it off as her

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Speaker 3: usual passive aggressive behavior until I found out she took

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Speaker 3: it way further. Two days after I gave birth, my

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Speaker 3: husband got a text from his mom saying, you should

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Speaker 3: get a DNA test. You never know these days. I

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Speaker 3: was devastated when I saw it. My husband was furious

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Speaker 3: and told her off, saying he had zero doubts about

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Speaker 3: me and that her comment was disgusting. She tried to backtrack,

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Speaker 3: saying she was just looking out for him. Now she

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Speaker 3: wants to come over and meet the baby, but I

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Speaker 3: told my husband that she will not be holding our daughter.

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Speaker 3: She cannot have it both way if she wants to

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Speaker 3: question whether my child is even her grandchild, and she

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Speaker 3: doesn't get the privilege of bonding with her. My husband

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Speaker 3: understands why I'm upset, but he thinks we should let

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Speaker 3: her come just once so she doesn't play the victim

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Speaker 3: with the rest of the family. Now she's crying to

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Speaker 3: everyone's saying I'm keeping her granddaughter from her and that

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Speaker 3: I'm punishing her overall harmless question. Some family members think

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Speaker 3: I'm being dramatic and should be the bigger person. But

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Speaker 3: why should I let someone who disrespected me and my

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Speaker 3: child hold her like nothing happened? Am I the ale

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Speaker 3: for refusing to let her hold my baby? And there

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Speaker 3: is an update?

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Speaker 5: Well?

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Speaker 3: I wish I could say things got better, but mother

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Speaker 3: in law made sure that didn't happen. After my husband

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Speaker 3: told her off, I thought she'd at least try to apologize,

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Speaker 3: but instead she doubled down. She started calling my husband,

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Speaker 3: telling him I was churning him against her his own mother,

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Speaker 3: and that I was overreacting to a simple question. She

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Speaker 3: even pulled the classic victim ma ac, crying to the

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Speaker 3: rest of the family about how I was keeping her

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Speaker 3: grandbaby from her. Then things took a ridiction a Kila's turn.

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Speaker 3: I found out from my sister in law that mother

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Speaker 3: in law was actually trying to get a DNA test

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Speaker 3: done behind our backs. Apparently she was hoping to get

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Speaker 3: a strand of my baby's hair or some spit to

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Speaker 3: confirm the truth. When my sister in law told me,

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Speaker 3: I was absolutely done. I told my husband that until

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Speaker 3: she apologizes, not a fake i'm sorry you're mad apology,

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Speaker 3: but a real one, she's not welcome around me or

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Speaker 3: my daughter. Thankfully, my husband backed me up one hundred percent.

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Speaker 4: All right.

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Speaker 3: He told his mother that if she can't respect his

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Speaker 3: wife and child, then she doesn't deserve to be a

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Speaker 3: part of our lives.

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Speaker 4: We never see sons like this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Usually the sons are like, whatever you say, mom, your mom.

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Speaker 3: Mom says that you cheated on me, So I guess

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Speaker 3: I have to agree with her.

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Speaker 4: Just spit in this copproop work.

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Speaker 3: Can you spit in it? Please? Thank you? Mother in

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Speaker 3: law lost it. She went full drama mode, telling everyone

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Speaker 3: I was tearing the family apart and that she might

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Speaker 3: not ever recover from this heartbreak. Oh boy, At this point,

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Speaker 3: I don't even care. She disrespected me, she disrespected my marriage,

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Speaker 3: and she disrespected my child's actions have concert quin sais

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Speaker 3: so yeah. Mother in law still hasn't met the baby,

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Speaker 3: and unless she does some serious apologizing and self reflection,

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Speaker 3: she won't be anytime soon.

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Speaker 5: Am I the ale?

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Speaker 3: And there are some relevant comments.

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Speaker 4: No I don't think so.

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Speaker 3: No, I think you're in the clear man.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you're good. Why are you here?

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Speaker 3: Why are we even here? You're in the wrong subreddit.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you're in the wrong one.

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Speaker 3: They should be in. Just no mother in law.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you need to go to that subreddit.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, your mother in law is whacked because usually.

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Speaker 4: People going to am I the A hole because everyone

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Speaker 4: in their lives Yeah, saying you're the a whole are

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Speaker 4: saying you're the a whole.

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Speaker 3: But the husband's on our side.

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Speaker 4: And I know the baby's on your side.

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Speaker 3: Or baby's so so on your side.

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Speaker 4: I just confused, why you're here? Are you just coming

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Speaker 4: to rent? If you're just come to rent? Okay, cool,

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Speaker 4: that's totally fine. It's a great story.

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Speaker 3: GRAPHI fifty seven says, for one, it wasn't a harmless question.

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Speaker 3: If a person was harmed by it, I wouldn't be

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Speaker 3: allowing her near the child because at some stage she

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Speaker 3: will gather enough genetic material to do a quiet DNA

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Speaker 3: test to make sure nothing harmful there. Dear let her

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Speaker 3: play the victim, but the moment any family member comments

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Speaker 3: point out that she has already expressed doubt that the

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Speaker 3: child is in fact her grandchild, So what's the problem.

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Speaker 3: Not the ale commercial East three Poho two says exactly

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Speaker 3: a question. Isn't a harmless if it causes harm? And honestly,

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't put it past her to secretly colect DNA

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Speaker 3: just to verify things on her own. We already know

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Speaker 3: that's what she tried to do. We already know that's

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Speaker 3: her plant. She already doubts her grandchild's paternity. Why should

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Speaker 3: she get the privilege of being close to her? And

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Speaker 3: there is an update, so let's get into it. Well,

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Speaker 3: I wish I could say things got better, but nope,

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Speaker 3: my mother in laws somehow managed to make things worse.

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Speaker 4: She's doubling down. Usually whenever you bet, yeah, you're like,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna go double or nothing. That's what the mother

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Speaker 4: law's doing here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. She was like, you know what, I'm also gonna

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Speaker 3: say that Op is not even her mom's child. I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna go one generation further. I'm actually going to say

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Speaker 3: that my son's not even my son. Oh there you go.

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Speaker 4: I thought she was gonna be like, Oh, this is

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Speaker 4: the person that you know you cheated with, this is

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Speaker 4: actually the real dad. Make up a whole story.

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Speaker 3: About it, that makes more sense. Yeah, this person.

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Speaker 4: Does not really have their mind together, so they could

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Speaker 4: be going down that route too.

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Speaker 3: After I refuse to let her hold my baby, she

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Speaker 3: went on a full blown smear campaign against me. She

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Speaker 3: told the extended family that I was controlling and keeping

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Speaker 3: our granddaughter away out of spite. She conveniently left out

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Speaker 3: the part where she accused me of cheating and demanded

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Speaker 3: a DNA test. The worst part. My husband is starting

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Speaker 3: to waiver. He still thinks what she said it was disgusting,

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Speaker 3: But now that some relatives are siding with her and

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Speaker 3: saying I'm being too harsh, he's wondering if we should

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Speaker 3: just let her see the baby once and move on.

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Speaker 3: I told them point blank, she questioned our child's paternity.

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Speaker 3: She disrespected me and by extension, you and your daughter.

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Speaker 3: If we let this slide, what's next? I agree, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: she's gonna give her an inch, She could take a mile.

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Speaker 4: Just thinking what else she would do? Yeah, she probably will,

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Speaker 4: you know, break up your marriage absolutely.

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Speaker 3: I mean, if this is where she's already at, she

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Speaker 3: is going to go to you know, many lengths to

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Speaker 3: try and destroy your guys's marriage.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I definitely break up your marriage, and then she's

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Speaker 4: gonna force your ex husband to have her move in

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Speaker 4: with him, and then she's gonna have the baby alder himself,

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Speaker 4: and then you're not gonna have cut study. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 4: what's gonna happen.

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Speaker 3: I agree. Now he's torn. I can tell he wants

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Speaker 3: to back me up, but he also doesn't want to

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Speaker 3: be the bad guy in his family's eye. I don't

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Speaker 3: care about being the villain and mother in law's story,

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Speaker 3: but I do care about my husband having my back.

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Speaker 3: So now I'm wondering, am I fighting a losing battle? Here?

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Speaker 3: Is this the hill I should pass away on? Because

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Speaker 3: right now it feels like mother in law is winning

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Speaker 3: by playing the victim, and I'm the one being treated

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Speaker 3: like the unreasonable one. Relevant comments She was hoping to

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Speaker 3: get a strand of baby's hair or some spit to

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Speaker 3: confirm the truth. So if her truth is that the

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Speaker 3: baby isn't your husband's, why does she care if you're

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Speaker 3: keeping her granddaughter away from her and that I'm punishing

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Speaker 3: her over a harmless question. If her truth is that

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Speaker 3: it's not as kid, then it's not her grandchild. She

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Speaker 3: can't have it both ways. I would so be saying

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Speaker 3: that to every flying monkey. Mother in law is convinced

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Speaker 3: I cheated on a husband and it's not his baby.

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Speaker 3: Therefore she believes it's not our granddaughter. So by her truth,

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Speaker 3: I'm not keeping her from her granddaughter because according to her,

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Speaker 3: our baby isn't her granddaughter. She can't have it both ways.

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Speaker 4: What do you want? Do you want a granddaughter or

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Speaker 4: do you want your daughter me.

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Speaker 3: To have cheated on yourself. You gotta pick one, Commerciall

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Speaker 3: East three h two oh, which is ope? I realize

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Speaker 3: now exactly. She either believes she's not related and shouldn't care,

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Speaker 3: or she knows she was full of it from the

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Speaker 3: start and just wanted to stir the pot. Either way,

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Speaker 3: I'm not playing into her nonsense and that is the

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Speaker 3: end of that story.

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Speaker 4: This is textbook how to shut down yeah in your family.

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Speaker 3: I agree with people's just like, uh, you were telling

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Speaker 3: lies about me so you can't see your granddaughter now.

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Speaker 4: First step, got on the same page with your husband.

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Speaker 4: Second step, talk to the problem. Third step, put boundaries up.

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Speaker 4: That's going in the textbook. We should make a textbook

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Speaker 4: one hundred and one ways to communicate or like you

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Speaker 4: can think of the book name.

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Speaker 3: I'll work on the titles.

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Speaker 4: It's like one hundred and one, but it's like, you know,

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Speaker 4: one hundred, Like it's each one is like how to

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Speaker 4: ask out someone. It's like if you have if it's

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Speaker 4: from dating app, do this, if you've been friends with

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Speaker 4: them for years, do this.

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Speaker 3: You know, one hundred and one ways to stand in

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Speaker 3: a relationship.

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Speaker 4: But they're all they are is every single one is

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Speaker 4: just steps to take in order, like this happens, do this,

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Speaker 4: And it has a beautiful all you know what my

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Speaker 4: favorite thing is. Yeah, I put a table in context

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Speaker 4: in my scrap book for Angie.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so cute.

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Speaker 4: That was my favorite thing to do.

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Speaker 5: I love that.

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Speaker 4: We should do that Mother in Law how to deal

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Speaker 4: with mother loss for sure. And it has a bunch

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Speaker 4: of if ands or wins in it and they're all

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Speaker 4: formula based. Oh, it's so good. And then we make

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Speaker 4: a part two, two hundred and two ways, three hundred

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Speaker 4: and three ways. They're like, you know all that SOPs

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Speaker 4: we do. Yeah, it's just a book of that.

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Speaker 3: It's just a book of sps.

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Speaker 4: And we have videos. Our videos are links to each

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Speaker 4: one of our YouTube.

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Speaker 3: Things brilliant and you just have QR codes.

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Speaker 4: We can come up with ideas together and then you

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Speaker 4: can write them well and I can help with like

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Speaker 4: all the little technical things in the layout.

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Speaker 3: Dude, we're geniuses. But that was the end of that story.

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Speaker 4: And guys, we have one more day of I'm Not

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Speaker 4: Your Father Week coming up. Tune in tomorrow see the

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Speaker 4: crazy stories. And it has to deal with a sister

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Speaker 4: in law getting a lit it out of hand.

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Speaker 2: My mother won't stop nagging me to have children, so

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Speaker 2: I hung up on her.

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Speaker 3: Has she tried putting a bad newspaper?

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Speaker 2: Oh, it might work. So my husband and I have

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Speaker 2: been married for around six years. We currently have no

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Speaker 2: children because we feel like right now is not the

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Speaker 2: right time. My parents are very eager for grandchildren, to

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Speaker 2: the point where they asked me where are we going

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Speaker 2: to have kids? Every few months. By the way, this

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Speaker 2: comes from a certain ears three six five zero And

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Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 2: our slash Okay storytime suppurat in. So over the years

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Speaker 2: I've explained to them that we will have kids when

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Speaker 2: we feel like it's right for us, but they aren't

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Speaker 2: satisfied with this answer. My mother especially asks very personal

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Speaker 2: questions about our spicy sleep wife, which I don't answer

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Speaker 2: other than saying we use birth control.

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Speaker 4: She know if you're doing it wrong.

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Speaker 2: My mother and I got in through an argument over

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Speaker 2: a month ago. Once again, the question of kids came

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Speaker 2: back up, and I said the decision for us to

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Speaker 2: have kids was between my husband and I. She continued

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Speaker 2: to push, saying that maybe I should seek medical help. Eventually,

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Speaker 2: fed up with this conversation, I said that we either

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Speaker 2: change topic or we hang up. First, she said that

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Speaker 2: she was just trying to help, try help, that I

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Speaker 2: was already thirty and only had a few more years

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Speaker 2: of peak fertility and reduce risk for miscarriage, that having

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Speaker 2: kids at a young age would mean be me being

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Speaker 2: able to keep up with them, which I do agree with.

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Speaker 2: Then she said that it's better to talk to her,

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Speaker 2: otherwise my father would call my husband and ask him,

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Speaker 2: which I said, she doesn't need to be the middleman.

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Speaker 2: He should stop hiding behind her and talk to us directly.

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Speaker 2: How relatives are asking her again and again, I said

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Speaker 2: that if they have a problem, direct them to me.

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Speaker 2: I tried to change the topic, but she brought it

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Speaker 2: right back up. I asked her respect to the boundaries,

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Speaker 2: and that was ignored. After more back and forth, I

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Speaker 2: said that since we have nothing else to talk about,

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Speaker 2: I think we should hang up. My mother got angry

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Speaker 2: and said that she is my mother. I couldn't hang

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Speaker 2: up on her. I kept on repeating that we should

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Speaker 2: change the topic, but she wouldn't hear any of it. Finally,

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Speaker 2: I said that I'm hanging up and told her goodbye

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Speaker 2: three times as a warning, hoping she would understand that

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Speaker 2: was serious. I hung up. I made sure this entire

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Speaker 2: interaction to speak in a calm voice, even though I

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Speaker 2: wanted to yell. I am a adults and I expect

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Speaker 2: to be treated as one. Maybe maybe I could have

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Speaker 2: handled the argument better. Was it wrong to hang up

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Speaker 2: on her? I don't know how I could have ended

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Speaker 2: the conversation any other way, and he'd her to understand

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Speaker 2: that I'm adult and while I appreciate her worry, this

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Speaker 2: is not a conversation I want to have with her anymore.

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Speaker 2: She's not responding to calls. She'd probably leave her a

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Speaker 2: text any advice. Was there something else they should do?

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Speaker 2: There's another update WHA coming up. But question, Angie April

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Speaker 2: James Ishan, do you think Op's and a hole for

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Speaker 2: hanging up on their mother after the mother insisted that

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Speaker 2: she had grand babies right now, whether it be by

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Speaker 2: doing it raw artificial insemination, sir or goats.

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Speaker 6: Good quick answers yes or no, I say no, no, no, no.

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Speaker 5: No, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think it's mama, Mama, Mama, mama. Push. She overstepped absolute.

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Speaker 3: I mean, Opie also warned the mom too.

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Speaker 2: Exactly, I'm gonna I'm gonna hang.

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Speaker 3: Up on you. That seems pretty fair.

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Speaker 7: That's what's I think Mama has been seeing her friends

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Speaker 7: post their grandchildren on Facebook too much, and now she's like, yeah,

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Speaker 7: you know, feeling some type of way, but yeah, I

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Speaker 7: don't know.

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Speaker 2: We do have an update, rush this on your rug

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Speaker 2: and move on with my life. But I don't think

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Speaker 2: she feels the same. Yesterday we had a big religious holiday,

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Speaker 2: I think Christmas level. I debate. I debated whether I

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Speaker 2: should call my mom after the way she had been

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Speaker 2: treating me, but felt it would be rude and not

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Speaker 2: help the situation to not at least wish her a

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Speaker 2: happy holiday. I call her, She picks up says hello.

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Speaker 2: Before I even have a chance to say hello back.

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Speaker 2: She's talking to someone else in the background. I fig

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Speaker 2: that she was in the middle of the conversation, so

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Speaker 2: I waited. After thirty seconds, she switches to video chat.

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Speaker 2: Here I'm thinking she wants to see me and we

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Speaker 2: can reconcile. She has the camera pointed away from her,

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Speaker 2: showing my little cousins having fun with their new toys

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Speaker 2: and talking to my uncle or aunt. She doesn't talk

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Speaker 2: to me or let anyone know that I'm on the phone,

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Speaker 2: and after three minutes she hangs up.

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Speaker 3: This is very ominous.

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Speaker 2: I'm not sure what to do with this. Nothing is

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Speaker 2: going to get fixed if we don't talk keck. If

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Speaker 2: she wants me to apologize, which I will not, I

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Speaker 2: can't do so without talking to her. I don't feel angry.

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Speaker 2: I feel hurt. She disrespected my clearly stated boundaries, and

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Speaker 2: now I feel like she's punishing me for standing up

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Speaker 2: for myself. If she calls me in the future, I

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Speaker 2: don't think I will answer the call. I want to

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Speaker 2: text her right now, calling her a petty bee for

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Speaker 2: not letting things go at least for the holiday, but

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Speaker 2: I feel like that would show her how hurt and

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Speaker 2: frustrated I am at her actions. I will continue to

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Speaker 2: talk to my dad and my siblings who still live

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Speaker 2: at home, but there will be no calls to her

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Speaker 2: and no forgiveness. I will not forget this and I

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Speaker 2: expect a full apology from her for actions. I'm going

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Speaker 2: full no contact with her, and in June, one another

348
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Speaker 2: big holiday comes up, I will not be talking to her.

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Speaker 2: There is a mini update to see this post getting

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Speaker 2: more attractions, so I thought i'd give a mini update.

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Speaker 2: It's been around five months since our fight and my

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Speaker 2: mother and I still have not talked. She hasn't called

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Speaker 2: me back, and I no longer reach out. I actually

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Speaker 2: feel relieved by this, since I didn't realize how much

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Speaker 2: I dreaded talking to my mom. Is she going to

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Speaker 2: ask do I have the energy to fight her today?

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Speaker 2: I'm just going to enjoy the peace, and if she

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Speaker 2: does decide to call, I'm not looking for an apology.

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Speaker 2: I'm just going to see if I want to end

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Speaker 2: my new peaceful existence. At the moments. My father is

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Speaker 2: keeping resistance, and I don't blame him. He still talks

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Speaker 2: to me if I call, but not for long. I

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00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,480
Speaker 2: don't have a close relationship with him and don't talk

364
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:55,240
Speaker 2: to him often, so it's not that great of a loss.

365
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,440
Speaker 2: I made a concerted effort not to involve my siblings

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Speaker 2: in this. My sister's in school and should focus on

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Speaker 2: her studies, and my brother is young. We talk often,

368
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,840
Speaker 2: but I told them to not get involved. There is

369
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Speaker 2: another update. This is an update in summary. My mother

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Speaker 2: and I got into argument about me not having children

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Speaker 2: after six years of marriage. After some back and forth,

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Speaker 2: I hung up on her. She's angry that I don't

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Speaker 2: listen to her, and I dared to cut her off

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Speaker 2: by hanging up. I called her several times after, and

375
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Speaker 2: she ignored me. I have left her alone until now.

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00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,359
Speaker 2: She sent me an extremely long email telling me how

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Speaker 2: to disrespectful I was, and then I better change my ways.

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00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,159
Speaker 2: While reading this email, I thought I was going to cry.

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00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,080
Speaker 2: I had to read it in pieces because it's set

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Speaker 2: me so much. I shared it with my sister and

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Speaker 2: she did cry. Apparently she's become more religious in the

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Speaker 2: last few months, and it really shows in this email.

383
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:46,919
Speaker 2: Here's my equally as long draft email response. My husband's

384
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Speaker 2: telling me not to respond. Honestly, that's usually the best way.

385
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:53,800
Speaker 2: Abraham Lincoln would send letters, or he would write letters

386
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Speaker 2: and then not send them because writing letter is half

387
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:01,600
Speaker 2: of the emotional release, like seventy five percent, so I

388
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:04,199
Speaker 2: shouldn't ignore hers, like treat it others the way you

389
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,160
Speaker 2: want to be treated, and so on. Do I want

390
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,359
Speaker 2: to make up No, but saying the door is open

391
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:10,360
Speaker 2: makes me out to be the better person. I want

392
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Speaker 2: to write about all the hurt she has inflicted on me,

393
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,560
Speaker 2: but that would have been a fifteen page essay. I

394
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,200
Speaker 2: want to talk about how she talks to my cousin's aunts, uncles,

395
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,720
Speaker 2: and in laws about me being childless, in the attempt

396
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Speaker 2: that will talk to me about it. Since I won't

397
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 2: listen to her, maybe I'll listen to others. I know

398
00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,240
Speaker 2: for a fact she's currently trying to manipulate my grandfather,

399
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,359
Speaker 2: but my grandpa is holding her off, not wanting to

400
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,600
Speaker 2: be involved in her bs. I want to talk about

401
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 2: how the first contact I had from her in months

402
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:41,439
Speaker 2: was this evil email where she told me that because

403
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:46,440
Speaker 2: I'm disrespectful in her eyes, I'm going to he that's whack.

404
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:49,520
Speaker 2: This isn't the letter to reconcile or even in OH,

405
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 2: I miss you, Let's not fight? Can we please move on?

406
00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,919
Speaker 2: I love you, but a throw gasoline and burn it

407
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,960
Speaker 2: until not even ashes remain kind of email. How she

408
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,320
Speaker 2: thinks this email will saw anything or make me change

409
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,480
Speaker 2: my mind is beyond me. So Mama set and sent

410
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:08,800
Speaker 2: an email that's like, I don't know, unspeakable. Basically, I

411
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 2: can't imagine what she's trying to achieve other than getting

412
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:15,040
Speaker 2: me to respond. Maybe I shouldn't respond. Maybe she's so

413
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,159
Speaker 2: mad that I haven't crawled back to her and she's

414
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,159
Speaker 2: attempting to provoke a response. Should I send this email.

415
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,520
Speaker 2: I'm going to visit my hometown soon after two years,

416
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,680
Speaker 2: and I will not be visiting her house. It's sad

417
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,320
Speaker 2: that I won't be able to see my siblings, but

418
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,520
Speaker 2: they understand. I just spoke to my sister and she

419
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,879
Speaker 2: said that Mom confiscated her phone laptop and was looking

420
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,560
Speaker 2: through it. She has gone full psycho. This is the

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00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,320
Speaker 2: last time I'm going to talk to her until she

422
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,959
Speaker 2: changes her ways. If she tries to force a confrontation,

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00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,920
Speaker 2: I will leave. I'm definitely not dealing with this narcissistic

424
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:46,400
Speaker 2: behavior anymore. I'll update if anything big happens. By the way,

425
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,399
Speaker 2: something big has just happened, and it's our podcast that

426
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:55,520
Speaker 2: releases every day on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and everywhere get podcasts,

427
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:59,040
Speaker 2: so listen, okay, storytime wherever you get podcasts. But we

428
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:01,440
Speaker 2: got a little bit more. I kind of knew I

429
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,400
Speaker 2: shouldn't send the email, but I really need to get

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Speaker 2: my thoughts out there. My parents don't do emotions. I

431
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,679
Speaker 2: vividly remember at eight years old, being upset by something

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Speaker 2: and crying in front of them, and they ignored me,

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00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:15,600
Speaker 2: continuing to watch TV. I learned early on that crying

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Speaker 2: doesn't work. It wasn't until after I wrote the email

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00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,639
Speaker 2: and was writing this post that I thought, what is

436
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,960
Speaker 2: she hoping to accomplish? That I realized all she wanted

437
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,439
Speaker 2: was a reaction. So Mama isn't actually trying to solve anything.

438
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 2: She just wants you to be mad.

439
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:30,600
Speaker 3: Of course, of course not.

440
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,040
Speaker 2: Thank you for all the people that mentioned the gray

441
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,800
Speaker 2: box method. What's that? I had never heard of it,

442
00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 2: but I had been following it my entire life. It

443
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:43,040
Speaker 2: recommended short, one word answers, noncommittal. So I'm going to

444
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:46,640
Speaker 2: reply back with I see that's nice or okay, nice

445
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:49,240
Speaker 2: hearing from you. I'll reply on Friday. Give it a

446
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,560
Speaker 2: few days, and at two I ended up not replying

447
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,520
Speaker 2: at all. I realized that I was hoping that if

448
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,760
Speaker 2: I gave her a short, one word reply, I would

449
00:20:56,840 --> 00:21:00,040
Speaker 2: drive her crazy. I wanted to hurt her and I

450
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,199
Speaker 2: don't want to be that kind of person. Let it

451
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 2: be and live my life.

452
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,200
Speaker 3: Wow. Wow, that's the end.

453
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:12,280
Speaker 2: That's the end. So it looks like op uh is

454
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:13,639
Speaker 2: kind of taking the high road at the end of

455
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:15,959
Speaker 2: the day. That's good, which is kind of good if

456
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 2: forgetting an email like what it seems like she got

457
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:20,960
Speaker 2: like I can I think that's I think that's the

458
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:21,440
Speaker 2: best move.

459
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:25,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I mean to the mom, it's not that

460
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,119
Speaker 3: big of a deal. I don't This feels like I

461
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:30,000
Speaker 3: saw that out of proportion. Yeah, from like on the

462
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 3: mom's side.

463
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

464
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 4: Oh man, I accidentally revealed why I broke up with

465
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,200
Speaker 4: my ex. His girlfriend left him after that. I twenty

466
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,160
Speaker 4: seven mel. I had a relationship with him. It's called

467
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 4: Mikey twenty six Mal. Around five years ago. Mikey and

468
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 4: I met at college and started his friends, then turned

469
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 4: into a couple. We lasted almost two years, but I

470
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 4: broke up with him three months before reaching that date.

471
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from Tonight Lost fifty seven

472
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 4: and if you want to be your old stories, go

473
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,440
Speaker 4: to our social okay stories I'm subredding. So the summarized

474
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 4: reason on why we broke up was because he didn't

475
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:03,160
Speaker 4: give me my place as his partner and prioritized time

476
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 4: with any other person that wasn't me. I'm not saying

477
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 4: like the he wasn't with me twenty four to seven

478
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,880
Speaker 4: kind of thing, but the we agreed to a date

479
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,080
Speaker 4: to hang out together and he canceled on me for

480
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,920
Speaker 4: the eighth consecutive time to hang out with his friend's

481
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,560
Speaker 4: kind of thing. It wasn't the lack of love or

482
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,639
Speaker 4: cheating on behalf of no one, and I tried to

483
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,840
Speaker 4: break up with him thrice, with him begging for another chance,

484
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,080
Speaker 4: and each time with him doing absolutely nothing to change.

485
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:33,640
Speaker 4: So the fourth was definite one, and despite him asking

486
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,960
Speaker 4: to get back together, I stood my ground and ignored

487
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 4: him for at least six months before talking to him again.

488
00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 4: By the time I talked to him again, I had

489
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,760
Speaker 4: already moved on. I'm not sure if he did too

490
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 4: by that time, but I was clear in me not

491
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:50,119
Speaker 4: to have romantic feelings anymore, and that I was willing

492
00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:52,479
Speaker 4: to be friends again because I missed him as he

493
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,400
Speaker 4: was my best friend previous to our relationship. I put

494
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,440
Speaker 4: some strong boundaries, like not trying to make a move

495
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,640
Speaker 4: on me ever again, and and many others I don't

496
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 4: find relevant for this post, and he seemed fine with him.

497
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:06,920
Speaker 4: Now we are not the bestest of friends. We are

498
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,560
Speaker 4: just friendly to each other, but we're not awkward about

499
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,520
Speaker 4: not having the same level of friendship than before, since

500
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,640
Speaker 4: we used to be more physically affectionate now and now

501
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 4: we aren't. I dated some people, but I'm currently single

502
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,840
Speaker 4: and he's gotten into a relationship a few weeks ago

503
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 4: with Carly. We knew Carly way before being friends or

504
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,200
Speaker 4: getting together, and both me and Mikey loved her because

505
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,719
Speaker 4: she is a genuinely amazing girl. When they announced they

506
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 4: were together, I was happy for them, but at the

507
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 4: same time, I was low key worried about her, since

508
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 4: apparently what broke my relationship with Mikey happened with his

509
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 4: previous partners too, according to what he said to me himself,

510
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 4: So I was a bit concerned that he would try

511
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 4: and pull that same card with her, but ultimately decided

512
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 4: to not intervene since his new relationship was not my business.

513
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,160
Speaker 6: Now just enlightened, I like that, that's yeh. Mind your

514
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 6: Sometimes you gotta mind your business.

515
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 4: Because Mikey's your boy. If you heard something about Carly,

516
00:23:58,400 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 4: I'd be like, yo, this is what I heard about

517
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 4: car But Carly's not your girl. Carly and you were

518
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,720
Speaker 4: not like super tight. So but it does suck that,

519
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 4: you know. But if Carly here we go, Carly comes

520
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,800
Speaker 4: to you, Hey, is there so much to be worried about?

521
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 6: Boom, there you go. Yeah, don't don't just do it unprompted.

522
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,919
Speaker 6: But if you're asked for the info, go ahead.

523
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:14,439
Speaker 3: Well.

524
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:18,680
Speaker 4: I ended up unintentionally intervening, kind of. We were all

525
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,560
Speaker 4: hanging out with friends three weeks ago when we started

526
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,919
Speaker 4: talking about relationships and I commented how I was fine

527
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 4: at the time being single and getting occasional matches on Tender.

528
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 4: I used to be very active on Tender before, but

529
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:33,760
Speaker 4: now I slowed down a lot, and I'm much happier

530
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 4: being by myself. He said something like, huh, I haven't

531
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:38,399
Speaker 4: found someone to leach onto yet. I was a bit

532
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,879
Speaker 4: surprised by his comment, because, first of all, it wasn't

533
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 4: like him to say something like that. I thought someone

534
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,639
Speaker 4: else said it before realizing it was him after everyone

535
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 4: turned to look at him, as as shocked as I was.

536
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 4: And second of all, what the heck, why does he

537
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 4: suddenly have the audacity to say it as if I

538
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 4: was always demanding his attention. I honestly ended up playing

539
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,639
Speaker 4: dumb and trying to stay clueless as possible. What do

540
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:04,639
Speaker 4: you mean? I don't think he was trying to mock me,

541
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:08,879
Speaker 4: because the entire time he had a dead serious expression,

542
00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 4: like it seemed he actually believed I was the one

543
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:16,119
Speaker 4: being clingy. He responded, you know, man, like those times

544
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 4: you got mad at me for going out with my

545
00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 4: friends and stuff like that. When I tried to act

546
00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:23,439
Speaker 4: nonchalant and said, oh yeah, I remember, Yeah, I was

547
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 4: pretty mad back then. I was expecting that we could

548
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,120
Speaker 4: go on our day as promised, but you canceled again

549
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 4: to go out with friends without telling me in time.

550
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 4: But it wasn't even lee ching, and it happened a

551
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,919
Speaker 4: long time ago. Why are you bringing it up now

552
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 4: in front of everyone?

553
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, that was a weird power play. Then that's gonna

554
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,360
Speaker 6: get uno reverse card, right.

555
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, I got you.

556
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 5: Yeah.

557
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 4: I recently had a conflict with someone and uh, it

558
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,160
Speaker 4: didn't go well, and it was in front of someone else,

559
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 4: and I just like still know what to do with myself.

560
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,880
Speaker 6: You got to play there and it was the role

561
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,000
Speaker 6: of peace. Oh so it was just like you misspoke,

562
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 6: essentially basically oof. Yeah, I hate when that happens.

563
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 4: That's happened to me, and it just didn't go the

564
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 4: way a planning.

565
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,199
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, that's crazy, especially when it's like given the

566
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:04,880
Speaker 6: context is like he's going to hang out with his friends,

567
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 6: and it's like we had a date. But couldn't you

568
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 6: at least be like, yeah, do you want to come

569
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 6: hang out with my friends too? Like you just completely

570
00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,359
Speaker 6: ditched your partner multiple times over and over again.

571
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 4: Carly looked at him a bit confused, like expecting him

572
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,280
Speaker 4: to clarify what I meant, and he said, well, as

573
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 4: I said before, I wasn't gonna choose between my friends

574
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 4: and my boyfriend. Both were important to me. So maybe

575
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:30,040
Speaker 4: it's good you stay single for a while. The world

576
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,160
Speaker 4: doesn't spend around you, you know. Carly seemed a bit

577
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 4: shocked by his response, which I understand since my key

578
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 4: is usually a really gentle and loving guy as a

579
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:42,719
Speaker 4: partner and as a pretender, and tends to be extremely romance.

580
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 4: I got first before pulling out, so the sudden accusation

581
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 4: towards me seemed very out of character. I replied, well,

582
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 4: it's obvious the world doesn't spend around me, but we

583
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:53,640
Speaker 4: were planning to get married. Wasn't in a good enough

584
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 4: motive to prioritize me a little bit more? Because I

585
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 4: did prioritize you, and you even promised me to change

586
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,399
Speaker 4: every time I try to break up with you, So

587
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:04,760
Speaker 4: of course you knew you had to prioritize me. You

588
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,119
Speaker 4: just didn't want to. Mikey seemed like he wanted to

589
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,439
Speaker 4: argue more, and I stared at him in silence, waiting

590
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:14,359
Speaker 4: for his reply, but he kept quiet instead and didn't

591
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,920
Speaker 4: say anything while he kept sulking. The rest of the hangout,

592
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 4: my friends and I moved on from the awkward moment,

593
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,159
Speaker 4: but Carly and Mikey obviously didn't. Cary looked very conflicted

594
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 4: and deep in her thoughts. After that. We all eventually

595
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 4: left to our homes and nothing eventful happened until this morning.

596
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 4: I must remind you three weeks of past and I

597
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 4: kind of forgot about the small argument I had with

598
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,720
Speaker 4: Mikey during that hangout, especially because we tend to go

599
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:41,360
Speaker 4: out with our friends almost daily. But around three days ago,

600
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 4: Carle stopped showing up and Mikey excused her, saying she

601
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 4: was feeling under the weather and that's why she wasn't coming.

602
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 4: Then yesterday Carly suddenly left the group chat without a word.

603
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,159
Speaker 4: We were all confused and a bit worried, but she

604
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:57,159
Speaker 4: sent a DM to everyone assuring she was fine and

605
00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:00,440
Speaker 4: that she wasn't mad with us or any dangerous situation situation,

606
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:02,840
Speaker 4: which calmed us down a lot. But unlike the messages

607
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 4: she sent to the rest of us my friends, Harley

608
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 4: sent me a longer and to tell the truth somewhat

609
00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:11,959
Speaker 4: sad one. She first started the explanation she sent to

610
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:14,880
Speaker 4: everyone that she was fine, and then proceeded to tell

611
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 4: me that after hearing what I said about Mikey about

612
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 4: a relationship, she started having her doubts because she had

613
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 4: a really similar experience to what I was describing in

614
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:27,440
Speaker 4: a previous relationship, with the much more heavier stuff going

615
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 4: on that I won't detail here, but it was a

616
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 4: very emotional, harmful and draining relationship, and she didn't like. Oh.

617
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,199
Speaker 4: He responded to me when I argued that he should

618
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,239
Speaker 4: have prioritized me much more than he had done. So

619
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 4: I think Mikey probably yelled or like had like a

620
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:43,680
Speaker 4: kind of vibe I.

621
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,320
Speaker 6: Think it would be while sitting next to your partner,

622
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 6: going like, yeah, I told you person who I was

623
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 6: considering marrying, I won't be made to choose between you

624
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 6: and my friends.

625
00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 5: And then she's probably there like.

626
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 6: Uh, but you would maybe choose me over your friends

627
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 6: if we were gonna get married, right, Like, what's.

628
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:05,960
Speaker 5: The weird thing to say? It's just a yeah, I

629
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:06,960
Speaker 5: don't know what he was on.

630
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:07,200
Speaker 3: Man.

631
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:09,680
Speaker 4: She feared he would do the same to her, so

632
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 4: before taking any decisions, she sat him down and asked

633
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,800
Speaker 4: him about his priorities in line and yeah, she found out,

634
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,640
Speaker 4: while he was eager to compromise like he did when

635
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 4: we were a couple, he pretty much didn't want to

636
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 4: prioritize her enough and excused himself on the fact that

637
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 4: he was an emotionally invasive type and has always been,

638
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 4: basically implying he was like that and he probably wouldn't change.

639
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 4: She broke up with him, and she was still pretty sad.

640
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 4: She told me she wasn't sure if it was the

641
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 4: best decision, since Mikey was a wonderful guy, but the

642
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 4: thought of him doing the same to her once again,

643
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,280
Speaker 4: gave her so much anxiety she had to get out

644
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:49,840
Speaker 4: as speedy and as possible. She asked me not to reply,

645
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 4: but she appreciated me and thanks me for everything. We

646
00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 4: weren't really close friends, but we got along really great.

647
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 4: I didn't reply like she asked, but left a hugging

648
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,280
Speaker 4: emoji just to let her I read it. A whole

649
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 4: different story can be said about Mikey, though. He is

650
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,760
Speaker 4: devastated and does it seem to understand why she left him,

651
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,000
Speaker 4: and is seriously thinking of asking her for another chance,

652
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 4: even when she denied it when she broke up with

653
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 4: him in person.

654
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 6: Oh wait a minute, is Mikey not being emotionally evasive

655
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 6: right now?

656
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:20,920
Speaker 5: Ooh?

657
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 6: Oh?

658
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 4: What is that? I feel like Mikey. There's a checkbox

659
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:30,640
Speaker 4: on Mikey's list, and that's a partner. And once that's good,

660
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 4: he's like, I don't have to worry about finding anyone else.

661
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 4: I can just go out do my own thing, hang out.

662
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 4: But when that box is not checked, inside, little Hamster's

663
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:39,520
Speaker 4: going crazy.

664
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 5: Yeah. I don't know what I mean, what the mental

665
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:42,280
Speaker 5: of that is?

666
00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 6: Like, wait a minute, I don't have a partner to

667
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 6: neglect anymore. But but who am I gonna Who am

668
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:49,760
Speaker 6: I gonna neglect? Will I choose to hang out with

669
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 6: my friends instead.

670
00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:53,920
Speaker 4: I had to give him a mental smack by scolding

671
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 4: him and telling him that he should put himself together

672
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 4: and stop being mediocre in his relationships because he only

673
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:02,960
Speaker 4: and everyone leaves him is because he doesn't put any

674
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,760
Speaker 4: effort into his relationships. He got mad and said I

675
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 4: had no business in his relationships and that I didn't

676
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:13,560
Speaker 4: have to say unnecessary stuff to his girlfriend. Well now, X,

677
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 4: because I put her against him and now she thought

678
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 4: he didn't love her, which is not what she said

679
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 4: or thought at all. I kind of chuckled because how

680
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 4: ridiculous he was being and said, all right, bro whatever

681
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 4: and laugh thinking about it, Maybe I was a knucklehead

682
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 4: telling him all that stuff now, and I've should have

683
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 4: been jinseller about it since he is having a breakup.

684
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 4: I don't blame myself for telling him his truths in

685
00:31:37,880 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 4: front of his girlfriend because he brought it up first.

686
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 4: But maybe I could have handled it better and changed

687
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 4: the topic since the beginning. I don't know. I'm confused,

688
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 4: and part of me feels guilty since a relationship ended

689
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 4: because of what I said, Am I the a whole?

690
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 4: I don't think you're like the a hole at all.

691
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 6: I mean if you had brought it up first at

692
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 6: that list gathering, like he literally like took a shot

693
00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 6: at you, and then you were just like, uh, defense deflect.

694
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, here's reality.

695
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:09,880
Speaker 4: Would you like to reply to that?

696
00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 6: And then he did and you again were like, well, sidestep,

697
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 6: that's not real. Here's what really happened. And then he

698
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 6: literally was yeah, he dug his own grave there. So

699
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:20,680
Speaker 6: I don't know, You're not at fault there at all.

700
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 4: It's not your fault. Not your fault, guys, what do

701
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:26,480
Speaker 4: you think? But I'm gonna get back into this update now.

702
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 4: I'm updating at this hour of the morning because I

703
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 4: set up all night talking through the phone with my

704
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 4: key and we had a productive conversation. So it turns

705
00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,440
Speaker 4: out he found my posts and almost since the day

706
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 4: I made it. Lol. I thought of the possibility since

707
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 4: he also uses Reddit, but I wasn't too worried even

708
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 4: if he saw it, because if he saw it from

709
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 4: there the perspective of strangers, maybe he would realize how

710
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 4: foolish he looked. And it worked like a charm because

711
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:56,040
Speaker 4: he did get too self aware of how he was acting.

712
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 4: He stopped talking to me for a while after our

713
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 4: last fight, but honestly, I was a bit too dumb

714
00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 4: with him to care. I was like, if this is

715
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:05,200
Speaker 4: how our friendship ends, then this is gonna be on

716
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 4: him because I didn't do anything wrong. Honestly, I'm a

717
00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 4: bit too prideful, especially when I didn't even do the

718
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 4: first attack, so I mentally refused to apologize to him

719
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 4: since he was the one responsible for messing up his relationships. Well,

720
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 4: last night, he texted me the link to my post, saying,

721
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 4: you didn't have to describe me like that. I asked him,

722
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 4: did I lie? And he didn't reply for a while,

723
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,120
Speaker 4: but called me a few minutes later and we spent

724
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 4: the night talking about the issue so well, he told

725
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:34,440
Speaker 4: me after Carly broke up with him, she tried giving

726
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:37,000
Speaker 4: him another chance because, like I said, he was a

727
00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 4: really sweet guy and she really liked him. He didn't

728
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 4: want to try it again too, but apparently he said

729
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 4: something about me that really annoyed her. He didn't want

730
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 4: to tell me what it was. I think what he

731
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,960
Speaker 4: said was to mock me, because he said I would

732
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 4: get mad if I knew, which already got me really irritated,

733
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 4: but I didn't want to make a fuss because I

734
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 4: still wanted to hear what happened.

735
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:00,719
Speaker 6: To Let me get this straight, you get broken up

736
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 6: with by your girlfriend because you said some out of

737
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 6: pocket crap about OP. You managed to get back together

738
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 6: with her, she gives you another chance. Then you say

739
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 6: more out of pocket crap about OP your ex, and

740
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:11,880
Speaker 6: she leaves you again.

741
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're a fool, my guy. I didn't elaborate in

742
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 4: my previous post, but even though we weren't close, Carly

743
00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 4: said to me and also my key, she appreciated me

744
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 4: for a few favors I did when she needed them.

745
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 4: I did tell her at times she didn't need to

746
00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 4: compensate me and just return the favors when I needed them,

747
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:32,919
Speaker 4: and she did so. Even if we didn't talk too much,

748
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 4: we still got along really well and would consider each

749
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,839
Speaker 4: other good friends. So when he said that, she got

750
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,279
Speaker 4: angry with him, not in an aggressive way, because she

751
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 4: is not like that, but she got cold with him,

752
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,360
Speaker 4: and after avoiding him like the plug for some time,

753
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 4: she broke up with him. She said she didn't like

754
00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,400
Speaker 4: the fact he wouldn't lit his crap together, and that

755
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:56,320
Speaker 4: he mocked me even when he was the one starting

756
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 4: the petty argument, and I just defended myself.

757
00:34:59,600 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 5: I'm trying.

758
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 4: I'm not like, does seem like a bad guy. He

759
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:03,839
Speaker 4: just doesn't. It's just not clicking with him.

760
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,479
Speaker 5: He just didn't know how to not run his mouth.

761
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,719
Speaker 5: From the sound of things. Yeah, he's just a very

762
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,120
Speaker 5: like MEMI me all about me kind of person.

763
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:11,880
Speaker 4: And you can't tell them that he's wrong with.

764
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 6: Any person who's like I need a partner and I

765
00:35:14,760 --> 00:35:16,400
Speaker 6: need you know, I want you to like be with

766
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:17,920
Speaker 6: me and you can't leave me, and blah blah blah

767
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 6: and then bye. By the way, it's gonna be completely

768
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:23,560
Speaker 6: emotionally uh what emotionally avoidant. And I'm always if it

769
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,800
Speaker 6: comes down to we have a date night. But my

770
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 6: buddy's like, oo, come movie, We're gonna watch uh Lord

771
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,279
Speaker 6: of the Rings for the seventeenth time. I'm gonna go

772
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 6: hang out with them, and it's like, and by the way,

773
00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 6: my ex is smelly and I hate them.

774
00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 5: It's like, dude, stop it.

775
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:37,959
Speaker 3: You're you're just.

776
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:40,720
Speaker 5: Motor mounting your way into the into the ground.

777
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:43,799
Speaker 4: She has been rejecting his calls and blocked him, and

778
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 4: when he cooled down from the breakup, he started reflecting

779
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 4: on his behavior. He apologized to me and acknowledged that

780
00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,120
Speaker 4: he was being a butt. Like I said at the

781
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,959
Speaker 4: start of the update, Mikey found my post, which only

782
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 4: made him more resentful towards me. When he read it,

783
00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 4: he started feeling self conscious about his attitude, but was

784
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,440
Speaker 4: in denial. He didn't sell anyone because that would mean

785
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,359
Speaker 4: he would have to show them the post and potentially

786
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:09,960
Speaker 4: have them agree with me. So basically, he knew that

787
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,400
Speaker 4: if another friend saw the post, it woulde hundred disagree

788
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,360
Speaker 4: with my key and that would either hurt his pride

789
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 4: or make him angrier. He didn't want to talk to me,

790
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 4: but after Carly broke up with him, he started to

791
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,720
Speaker 4: realize that the argument in the first place was very dumb,

792
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,319
Speaker 4: especially over something that we both had already moved on

793
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,800
Speaker 4: from a long time ago. He admitted that he felt

794
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 4: a bit hurt when we first talked since our breakup

795
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,359
Speaker 4: because I moved on from him way too fast. He

796
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 4: was kind of expecting to get back together after giving

797
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 4: each other a break lol for a few months, and

798
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:42,000
Speaker 4: when I came back to talk to him again, I

799
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,360
Speaker 4: was dating another guy, so his hopes were shattered.

800
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 5: Guy's just toxic. That's toxic. That's a toxic assumption.

801
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 4: You might be doing word jiu jitsu to get back

802
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:53,520
Speaker 4: with you, or word salsa. He's trying to accept that

803
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,480
Speaker 4: we weren't meant to be, even when he said he

804
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 4: was fine with it. And it hurt even more because

805
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 4: I was very firm when I told him I wasn't

806
00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 4: interested in him romantically anymore. I honestly didn't know about it.

807
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,600
Speaker 4: And while it was not my intention, and maybe it

808
00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 4: did hurt that I even resumed contact with him, But

809
00:37:11,480 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 4: when I said I missed him as a friend, I'm

810
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:16,319
Speaker 4: in it. Outside of those things, he has still been

811
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:19,200
Speaker 4: an amazing friend. He was with me when I lost

812
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:22,360
Speaker 4: both my parents in an accident. We graduated together, and

813
00:37:22,640 --> 00:37:25,760
Speaker 4: he even took me into his home when I felt alone,

814
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 4: even letting me bring my dogs with me to play

815
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 4: with his dogs. I felt bad because all that time

816
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 4: I thought about my own feelings, but didn't think that

817
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 4: coming back to resume our friendship would hurt him. He

818
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 4: doesn't have romantic feelings for me now, but he was

819
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 4: still salty about it. In his own words by the

820
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 4: way when we ended up talking about our unrelated stuff

821
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 4: he and when we caught the call after he realized

822
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 4: he was getting late to work, So I would say

823
00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 4: that we ended the call on good terms. I think

824
00:37:54,520 --> 00:37:56,440
Speaker 4: we are back to being friends now, but I won't

825
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:58,840
Speaker 4: push or invite him directly to spend time with me.

826
00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:01,320
Speaker 4: I'll only do it when we are with our friend

827
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:04,279
Speaker 4: group to make it less awkward. I feel relieved that

828
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 4: we have talked things out, and thank goodness because I

829
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:10,880
Speaker 4: miss messing around with him. But again, I'll take things easy.

830
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 4: One of our friends even jumped into my DMS asking

831
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 4: if we made up after Mikey sent something to the

832
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:20,560
Speaker 4: friend chat and I interacted with it after ignoring each

833
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 4: other during our argument. When I said yes, he sent

834
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,600
Speaker 4: a lot of happy cat stickers. I think he's glad

835
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 4: HE'LLOWO and guys, you can be glad that after the story,

836
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 4: there's a place for you, a place for your ear holes,

837
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 4: and that is where to go to.

838
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:36,360
Speaker 6: iHeartRadio, Spotify, Apple podcasts, I mean even YouTube has a

839
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 6: podcast section. You can find us on anywhere you listen

840
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 6: to podcasts. Just search Okay Storytime and you can listen

841
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:45,880
Speaker 6: to over twelve hundred hours worth of stories boom.

842
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 4: Do you think this is a friendshow that should have

843
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:48,680
Speaker 4: gotten back together.

844
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 6: It doesn't sound like Mikey's going to actually level it

845
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 6: out like it sounds like, because again, what do we

846
00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 6: know about Mikey. Mikey talks, he says I'm gonna do this,

847
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:01,640
Speaker 6: I'm gonna do that, and then.

848
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:04,719
Speaker 5: Does not do that, in fact, does the opposite of that.

849
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:08,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, so Mikey could be like, I've moved on, everything's fine,

850
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 6: but hasn't moved on.

851
00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:12,600
Speaker 4: If Mikey actually changes from this and actually has some

852
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,839
Speaker 4: self realization, I'm down for it. But not people can

853
00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 4: change anyways. In case of in case of any of

854
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,680
Speaker 4: the people who gave their opinion on my previous posts

855
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,719
Speaker 4: or reading this, thank you for validating my feelings. I

856
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:28,040
Speaker 4: felt at some point I was being unreasonable, even when

857
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 4: I knew I wasn't. I just needed some confirmations. It's

858
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 4: our friends didn't want to take sides, so nobody other

859
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 4: than Carle reassured me about what happened. I'm seeing you, Mikey. Okay,

860
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 4: they can see through the fourth wall, guys. I've seen

861
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,799
Speaker 4: in that story that that kind of ended on a

862
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 4: weird note.

863
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:44,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, that was kind of I'm not sure if that

864
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:48,480
Speaker 6: was ominous or if it was like I'm seeing you, Mikey, like.

865
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 4: We're seeing each other.

866
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:53,919
Speaker 5: I don't think so that. I would definitely not recommend again.

867
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:55,719
Speaker 5: H hmm.

868
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,840
Speaker 4: But I mean, anyways, Op, you did the lord's work right,

869
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 4: trying to get someone to realize their flaws now on them,

870
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 4: and you don't have to worry about that anymore. You've

871
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 4: done your part.

872
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 1: Hey, John Ogi host here, we're gonna get back to

873
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:11,520
Speaker 1: this episode, but a quick three minute break of.

874
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,240
Speaker 5: Ads from a sponsor's keeping the show alive.

875
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,400
Speaker 3: My wife went on a work trip and came home

876
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:17,920
Speaker 3: with a bug bite.

877
00:40:17,960 --> 00:40:21,959
Speaker 6: Oh that's that's a very human shaped bug. I would

878
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:23,239
Speaker 6: assume a vampire.

879
00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:23,720
Speaker 5: Yeah.

880
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:27,560
Speaker 3: Perhaps I'm twenty seven male in a fight with my

881
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,799
Speaker 3: wife twenty eight female. We've had fights before, but not

882
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 3: this bad. I met a loss on how to proceed.

883
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 3: For context, were college sweethearts, married for almost six years.

884
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 3: We have a daughter for a female. Our relationship was

885
00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:41,719
Speaker 3: never perfect or without challenges. By the way, this comes

886
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,400
Speaker 3: from throw a sunflower at buff and if you want

887
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 3: to submit your own stories, got to our Sashoky storytime

888
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,680
Speaker 3: sufferate it. We faced some family opposition with cultural differences,

889
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,960
Speaker 3: but we've made it work. She's my first love and

890
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,919
Speaker 3: my best friend. My wife works in corporate. Her job

891
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,359
Speaker 3: is annual work retreats that last for about a week.

892
00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:01,520
Speaker 3: This year was in Vegas. Oh no, what happens in

893
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,680
Speaker 3: Vegas stays in Vegas.

894
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:05,960
Speaker 5: Uh oh, we have really big bugs in Vegas.

895
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 3: I usually arrange my work schedule and tag along with

896
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 3: her and we make our own trip of it. We

897
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:13,920
Speaker 3: couldn't this year. Our daughter gets major anxiety traveling long distances.

898
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 3: We're working on it, but she wasn't budging, and we

899
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:19,880
Speaker 3: decided to choose our battles, so I stood behind and

900
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 3: held down the fort at home. The change of plans

901
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:23,960
Speaker 3: was a bummer because the trip was part of us

902
00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:26,880
Speaker 3: reconnecting as both couple and as a family. My wife's

903
00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:29,359
Speaker 3: work hours had taken as toll, and her work life

904
00:41:29,440 --> 00:41:32,800
Speaker 3: balance leaves much to be desired. We entertain the idea

905
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:36,239
Speaker 3: of her skipping the retreat. Attendance is optional, but it's

906
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,200
Speaker 3: generally frowned upon if you don't. And my wife's making

907
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 3: connections in her fields, she's grown increasingly weird. We have

908
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,800
Speaker 3: a system if either of us is away for extended periods,

909
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 3: we keep in contact. For the first day or so,

910
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:51,879
Speaker 3: she was herself, but she grew distant. I'd even text

911
00:41:51,920 --> 00:41:54,359
Speaker 3: her about important stuff and be left on red while

912
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 3: she claims she never saw my text. Whenever we talked,

913
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 3: she was rushing me or our daughter off the phone.

914
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 3: These were all times she wasn't involved in retreat activities.

915
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 3: We were supposed to have a mini birthday celebration for

916
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 3: our daughter over FaceTime. Our daughter was excited. It was

917
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 3: something my wife promised her because the retreat overlapped her

918
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 3: actual birthday. But my wife backed out because she had

919
00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:15,799
Speaker 3: people up to her room after a seminar. It was

920
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:18,319
Speaker 3: like she wanted my permission to break her promise to

921
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 3: our daughter. I told her I wasn't offering that, nor

922
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,320
Speaker 3: making her keep her word. She said I wasn't being fair,

923
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 3: and this was a networking opportunity. They were business oriented

924
00:42:26,520 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 3: and wouldn't understand her stepping away family time. I said,

925
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 3: her decision is her decision, but she'd have to explain

926
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 3: it to our daughter. You promised her that she'd raincheck

927
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,360
Speaker 3: the following day. Our daughter didn't understand. She's four.

928
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:40,360
Speaker 5: You can't rain check your four year old daughter's birthday

929
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 5: and cried.

930
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:43,200
Speaker 3: My wife ended up hanging up and leaving me to

931
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 3: comfort our daughter alone. That whole incident rubbed me the

932
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 3: wrong way. I didn't like it. She didn't keep her

933
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 3: word for the raincheck either. She was documenting the retreat

934
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 3: on social media. One coworker twenty three mail was almost

935
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 3: in every pick and video attached to her hip, and

936
00:42:57,239 --> 00:43:00,359
Speaker 3: one pick he had his arm too comfortably around her.

937
00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:04,120
Speaker 3: In my opinion, we're her husband. He's a recent hire

938
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,759
Speaker 3: in my wife's department. She was asked to oversee him.

939
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:07,399
Speaker 8: Yeah.

940
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 3: I bet she oversaw him.

941
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I bet she.

942
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 3: I thought she saw over him.

943
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 5: I bet she explored his whole.

944
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 3: I don't like the guy. He doesn't know boundaries. Once,

945
00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 3: in response to a work assignment, he texted my wife

946
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 3: that she's exactly the kind of woman he needs to

947
00:43:21,600 --> 00:43:24,440
Speaker 3: keep in check. My wife brushed it off. She feels

948
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:26,839
Speaker 3: bad for him because he's not fitting in. I'm sure

949
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 3: he's fitting in all just fine. Oh, she took him

950
00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 3: under her wing. Yeah, during his first retreat with the team.

951
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:35,320
Speaker 3: If I'd questioned, she says she was tired or networking.

952
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,280
Speaker 3: There was always something, but I've seen her at these retreats.

953
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 3: This wasn't like her. She was just off. The day

954
00:43:40,960 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 3: before her return home, she complained about a bruise on

955
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:45,759
Speaker 3: her neck. She's stressed it was a bug bite.

956
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,479
Speaker 8: Oh oh, so she's doing the pre planning, She's like, oh,

957
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:52,759
Speaker 8: I got this weird rash on my Neck's crazy and

958
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,839
Speaker 8: it really it's so funny because it looks like you're

959
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:56,680
Speaker 8: gonna you're gonna laugh.

960
00:43:56,719 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 3: It looks like you know.

961
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:01,200
Speaker 5: You're in a laugh. It looks like Greg was slurping

962
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:01,839
Speaker 5: on my neck.

963
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,840
Speaker 6: But really it was a bug that yet to be

964
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:06,040
Speaker 6: discovered by science.

965
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:08,239
Speaker 4: They're looking for it.

966
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:10,880
Speaker 3: Though I didn't actually see the bruise until she came home.

967
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 3: I instantly thought it was a Fulon's spicy kiss. She

968
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:17,399
Speaker 3: kind of brushed it off after making a big deal

969
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 3: of it over the phone. I didn't push because her

970
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 3: daughter was present, but when I was able to confront her,

971
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 3: she clung to her bug bite claim. When I kept pushing,

972
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 3: she asked, what was I trying to imply? I outright

973
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:29,120
Speaker 3: said I believe she had a spicy kiss, and I

974
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,160
Speaker 3: didn't believe she was being honest with me. We had

975
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:34,120
Speaker 3: it out. Then she was offended and pissed at the accusation.

976
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 3: Infidelity has always been a sore topic. Her family has

977
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:39,959
Speaker 3: a history of infidelity. So we had a pretty bad fight,

978
00:44:40,080 --> 00:44:41,959
Speaker 3: and she accused me of looking to pick a fight

979
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 3: due to the incident with our daughter's birthday. I told

980
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,320
Speaker 3: her it had nothing to do with that and everything

981
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,319
Speaker 3: to do with a spicy kiss on her neck. The

982
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:51,719
Speaker 3: fight ended in an impasse. We're still not recovered. She

983
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:55,319
Speaker 3: swears it's a bug bite, but I'm not convinced. I've

984
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:58,160
Speaker 3: always trusted my wife, I've never doubted her, but this

985
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 3: bruise doesn't look like a bug bite. It looks like

986
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:03,759
Speaker 3: a spicy kiss. I only feel more strongly when I

987
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:06,560
Speaker 3: consider how distant and weird she was during the Vegas retreat.

988
00:45:06,680 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 3: Now she's wearing turtlenecks ever since, and we're caught between

989
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,760
Speaker 3: arguing and her dousing our daughter and me with affection.

990
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:16,600
Speaker 3: Communication usually prevails for us, but not now. I think

991
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 3: my accusation pushed us to a new level of arguments.

992
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:22,799
Speaker 3: I'm at a loss here. I really need outside perspectives

993
00:45:22,840 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 3: relevant comments. Football Ton Fans says, I'm not saying it's impossible,

994
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 3: but I've never gotten a bug bite that looked like

995
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:31,920
Speaker 3: a bruce. Did she show you her phone or provide

996
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 3: any proof that could support her innocence or just dismiss you.

997
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:37,880
Speaker 3: The extra affection is a common move from guilt ridden cheaters,

998
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 3: even if we stretch the imagination and believe it is

999
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 3: a bug bite. She wasn't acting trustworthy, nor was she

1000
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:46,400
Speaker 3: a good mother. Well, she was in Vegas and she

1001
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:49,640
Speaker 3: needs to address and correct that. Oh p He says, No,

1002
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:52,160
Speaker 3: I haven't had access to her phone. We usually have

1003
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 3: an open phone policy, but it's not something we've ever

1004
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:57,880
Speaker 3: really done. I'm sure it'll be another argument. Chippeci says,

1005
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 3: why did you go on work trips with her in

1006
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:01,799
Speaker 3: the past? Did she want you to or did you

1007
00:46:01,880 --> 00:46:03,839
Speaker 3: not want her to go alone? What is and why

1008
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:05,719
Speaker 3: is it necessary to have the system when one of

1009
00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:08,560
Speaker 3: you is away? Whose idea was the FaceTime birthday celebration?

1010
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:10,520
Speaker 3: Did she not talk to the daughter at all on

1011
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,360
Speaker 3: her birthday or just couldn't do the FaceTime celebration? Opie

1012
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:16,280
Speaker 3: says work life balance was an issue, so she'd invite

1013
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 3: me on the retreats. The system is for an extended

1014
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 3: periods away from each other like how long the retreat was,

1015
00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 3: especially since we have a child now. The birthday FaceTime

1016
00:46:24,440 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 3: was my wife's idea. You promised our daughter and got

1017
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 3: her excited about it. No, she didn't talk with our

1018
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:32,600
Speaker 3: daughter until she was calling to cancel. That's another reason

1019
00:46:32,640 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 3: the birthday stunt rubbed me the wrong way. Opie responded

1020
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 3: to lead a comment. Yeah, you don't get to disconnect

1021
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 3: from being a parent, especially to a minor, for extended holidays.

1022
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:43,960
Speaker 3: You certainly don't ghost them on their birthday and when

1023
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,319
Speaker 3: you promise to do something special for them and got

1024
00:46:46,320 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 3: the child excited about it, or hang up on them

1025
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 3: while they're crying. I'm not insecure. My wife's gone on

1026
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:53,719
Speaker 3: the retreats before. We both work outside the home and

1027
00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:56,759
Speaker 3: have the caring for our daughter, so it's not imbalance.

1028
00:46:57,080 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 3: My wife's work life balance is out of sorts. She's

1029
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:01,799
Speaker 3: in the company any of other adults plenty. I've been

1030
00:47:01,800 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 3: with my wife on these retreats and other social events.

1031
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:07,240
Speaker 3: I know how she is. She was off this entire trip,

1032
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 3: nor was it appreciated her entertaining a coworker who ignores

1033
00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 3: boundaries having his arm wrapped around her waist like he

1034
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:16,000
Speaker 3: was claiming her or something. I trusted her when she

1035
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:17,840
Speaker 3: said she had a bug bite. I got things to

1036
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,600
Speaker 3: help retreat it for when she returned. It was only

1037
00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:22,840
Speaker 3: after I saw the bruis in person that there was

1038
00:47:22,960 --> 00:47:25,440
Speaker 3: no mistaking it was a bruise for me, and I

1039
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,239
Speaker 3: questioned her on it. And there is an update. I

1040
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,759
Speaker 3: twenty seven male, wanted to give an update and thank

1041
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,960
Speaker 3: everyone who reached out. The outside perspectives helped. Things are

1042
00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:36,880
Speaker 3: a roller coaster. I'm trying to process it. Took a

1043
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 3: while for my wife, twenty eight female, and me to

1044
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 3: have any real conversation about the bruise on her neck.

1045
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:45,279
Speaker 3: We were stuck between arguing and her showering our daughter

1046
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 3: for female and me with affection. I rarely saw the

1047
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 3: bruise because she was turtle necked up, but I did

1048
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:54,040
Speaker 3: note the healing process from reddish purple yellow. There wasn't

1049
00:47:54,080 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 3: any more discussions about the vegus retreat. She made it

1050
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 3: clear she was done talking about it and that she

1051
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:00,960
Speaker 3: shouldn't need to defend herself to her husband. I told

1052
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,239
Speaker 3: her she could do whatever she wanted, but I was

1053
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,919
Speaker 3: done being treated like an idiot, and I wasn't sharing

1054
00:48:05,960 --> 00:48:08,640
Speaker 3: a bed with someone I couldn't trust, so I moved

1055
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 3: into the guest room. Communication stopped. The silences were palpable.

1056
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,279
Speaker 3: Even our daughter noticed. I'm not proud of that. I

1057
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:17,680
Speaker 3: tried keeping her out of fights. My wife came to

1058
00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:19,799
Speaker 3: the guest room one night and asked if we could talk.

1059
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 3: I could tell she'd been crying. She said she hated

1060
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 3: the way things were between us. She felt she was

1061
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,400
Speaker 3: losing me either way. I told her I needed complete honesty.

1062
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:31,200
Speaker 3: You confessed she hooked up with that coworker twenty three

1063
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:33,200
Speaker 3: mail on our daughter's birthday.

1064
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:35,800
Speaker 5: It was a gift for our daughter, twenty three hot mail.

1065
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:38,040
Speaker 3: It was from him. She was lost in the heat

1066
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:41,680
Speaker 3: of the moment and didn't realize he was attached to

1067
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:44,040
Speaker 3: her neck. By her account, they made out while doing

1068
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:45,960
Speaker 3: some on top of the clothes stuff, and then he

1069
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,319
Speaker 3: went down on her. It stopped there because he called

1070
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:50,759
Speaker 3: her by a nickname that I affectionately call her. It

1071
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:52,600
Speaker 3: snapped her back to the reality of her actions.

1072
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:54,960
Speaker 5: Is that what she's trying. She's trying to make it

1073
00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:59,160
Speaker 5: like one. I remembered that I'm married to you by.

1074
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 3: The moment, does not happen in the like.

1075
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:04,239
Speaker 5: You can also what's the name? Why does he know

1076
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:04,840
Speaker 5: the nickname?

1077
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:05,360
Speaker 4: By the way, we.

1078
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 3: Probably it's just like sweety honey. She went to splash

1079
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:11,879
Speaker 3: water on her face and saw the bruce. The guy

1080
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,400
Speaker 3: made light of it and made a joke about the

1081
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:16,000
Speaker 3: bruise being her souvenir. She blew up on him and

1082
00:49:16,160 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 3: punted him out of her sweet so she didn't Part

1083
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:20,240
Speaker 3: of the reason she was avoiding me was out of guilt.

1084
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:22,279
Speaker 3: She said, she's coming clean because she doesn't want to

1085
00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 3: hide things anymore. I asked her why she cheated. What

1086
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:27,240
Speaker 3: was it about the guy she deemed worth risking everything?

1087
00:49:27,280 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 3: She claimed it wasn't him specifically, Nor is she unhappy

1088
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:32,880
Speaker 3: with our marriage. She doesn't really know how to explain it,

1089
00:49:32,920 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 3: but a part of her feels broken. The more she

1090
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 3: looks in the mirror, the more she sees her dad

1091
00:49:37,320 --> 00:49:40,040
Speaker 3: fifty seven male, a cycle of being consumed with work,

1092
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:42,919
Speaker 3: distant from child, and the infidelity he put her mom

1093
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 3: fifty five female. She said her family never talked about

1094
00:49:46,160 --> 00:49:48,239
Speaker 3: anything openly, and how when she was growing up, my

1095
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:50,799
Speaker 3: mother in law never addressed anything with her. I said

1096
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:53,840
Speaker 3: her parents didn't make her cheek. She chose to party

1097
00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:56,799
Speaker 3: up with the guy who constantly disrespected our relationship. These

1098
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:59,279
Speaker 3: were all her decisions, and she at any point could

1099
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 3: have chosen our face family. She agreed she wants to

1100
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 3: blame her parents, but realizes this is on her. You

1101
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:07,839
Speaker 3: apologize for cheating and for entertaining the guy's advances. You said,

1102
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:10,399
Speaker 3: she'll do whatever it takes to repair, go to HR,

1103
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:13,839
Speaker 3: quit her job, counseling anything, she wants to make everything right.

1104
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 3: I told her, I don't know what right looks like,

1105
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,319
Speaker 3: or if that's possible for us anymore. I knew we

1106
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 3: had our problems, but I thought there wasn't anything we

1107
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 3: couldn't talk out. She insisted we still could talk it out.

1108
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:25,720
Speaker 3: We didn't have to give up on us. She tried

1109
00:50:25,760 --> 00:50:28,800
Speaker 3: giving this rally cry for our relationship, but I felt

1110
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:29,919
Speaker 3: bury enough, all right.

1111
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 6: So the plan was to go together as a family

1112
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:34,640
Speaker 6: and then and fix the exact thing that you're saying

1113
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:38,320
Speaker 6: feels broken. But you premeditated going out there and hooking

1114
00:50:38,400 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 6: up with this other guy.

1115
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:42,240
Speaker 3: Absolutely. I mean, she knew she probably has been flirting

1116
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 3: with him or entertaining.

1117
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:44,560
Speaker 5: The spur of the moment.

1118
00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:45,680
Speaker 4: I didn't know what.

1119
00:50:45,719 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 5: I don't know what came over me type thing this

1120
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:48,160
Speaker 5: was a plant.

1121
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 3: I said. I didn't recognize her, not just the betrayal

1122
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 3: of our vows, but also how she treated our daughter.

1123
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:56,160
Speaker 3: He's like a stranger. She feels she failed as a

1124
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 3: wife and a mom, but she loves us both beyond

1125
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:01,360
Speaker 3: words and wants her life together and our family intact.

1126
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 3: I told her I couldn't give her the answer she wanted,

1127
00:51:03,640 --> 00:51:06,479
Speaker 3: and thought we needed to separate and reevaluate. You didn't

1128
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:09,120
Speaker 3: want separation. You felt we should stay together in our home.

1129
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:11,839
Speaker 3: But I told her, as separation was happening, either she

1130
00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:14,360
Speaker 3: was leaving the home or I was with our daughter.

1131
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:16,399
Speaker 3: You can sent it to leaving so as to best

1132
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,520
Speaker 3: not uproot our daughter so much. She asked for our

1133
00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:21,120
Speaker 3: daughter not to be taken away from her. My wife's

1134
00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 3: staying with my in laws. I know that's difficult in

1135
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 3: itself because she doesn't have the best relationship with her parents.

1136
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:29,240
Speaker 3: One of the hardest parts is the shift for our daughter.

1137
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:31,480
Speaker 3: Right now. She believes her mom's just busy with work

1138
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 3: per usual. She hasn't questioned it too much. My mother

1139
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:37,440
Speaker 3: in law call the other day. You made no excuses

1140
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:40,080
Speaker 3: for my wife, but she's advocating for us to work

1141
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:42,560
Speaker 3: through it. She told me times when she heard my

1142
00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 3: wife describe me as the anchor she always wanted. She

1143
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:47,880
Speaker 3: believes there's something worth fighting for if I'm open. Despite

1144
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 3: some family opposition we faced through our relationship, my mother

1145
00:51:50,560 --> 00:51:52,840
Speaker 3: in law was always a supporter of us. I'm even

1146
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:55,440
Speaker 3: more at a loss. I never imagine this kind of

1147
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 3: betrayal for my wife. She was my safe place. I

1148
00:51:58,120 --> 00:52:01,560
Speaker 3: feel numb yet broken. I'm in love with that hasn't changed,

1149
00:52:01,680 --> 00:52:04,719
Speaker 3: but I don't see myself for our relationship or our

1150
00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 3: family the same. Everything's more tense because it's fresh. I

1151
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:10,239
Speaker 3: think this period of separation is for the best. I'm

1152
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:13,239
Speaker 3: not sure about divorce. I haven't let myself fully go there.

1153
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 3: I'm not set either way. I don't know where things

1154
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,799
Speaker 3: go from here. But I'm focusing on our daughter and

1155
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 3: taking things one step at a time. I feel that's

1156
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 3: all I can do right now. Thanks again to everyone

1157
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:26,480
Speaker 3: for the supports and there are some relevant comments and

1158
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 3: I think another update. Toger Sex says it was already

1159
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 3: established that there had been line crossing with the coworker

1160
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:34,719
Speaker 3: prior to the trip, even if it wasn't physical yet.

1161
00:52:34,880 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 3: But even if there hadn't been I've known coworkers' pet

1162
00:52:37,640 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 3: names for their significant others before when only interacting with

1163
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:42,480
Speaker 3: them on a professional level. The fact that the guy

1164
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:46,239
Speaker 3: both intentionally gave her a spicy kiss and used the

1165
00:52:46,280 --> 00:52:48,719
Speaker 3: pet name says a whole heck of a lot about him.

1166
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:51,359
Speaker 3: Though someone willing to engage an affair is bad enough,

1167
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:53,479
Speaker 3: this guy was doing it as some kind of sick

1168
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:56,120
Speaker 3: power playing funshot first two two six says It's also

1169
00:52:56,239 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 3: possible it's something super common like honey or baby. Opie says, No,

1170
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 3: it's it's a specific nickname. It's not derived from her

1171
00:53:02,560 --> 00:53:04,919
Speaker 3: name or anything. It just summed up things I loved

1172
00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:07,320
Speaker 3: about her in one word. Apparently he turned it into

1173
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:10,239
Speaker 3: a spicy related context and then write to make Kiebe

1174
00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:12,799
Speaker 3: says One question. How close was the colleague to her

1175
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:15,120
Speaker 3: to know her nickname that you use and why did

1176
00:53:15,120 --> 00:53:18,920
Speaker 3: she let him disclosed her literally and figuratively. Opie says,

1177
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:20,960
Speaker 3: at the time, I knew they had a friendship. She

1178
00:53:21,040 --> 00:53:23,440
Speaker 3: was asked to mentor him as he joined her department,

1179
00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:25,360
Speaker 3: so she took him under the wing and was supposed

1180
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,840
Speaker 3: to be showing him the ropes. It would text and stuff,

1181
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:31,400
Speaker 3: and he would cross boundaries his text increasingly read like

1182
00:53:31,440 --> 00:53:33,759
Speaker 3: a guy fishing for an opportunity. My wife shut the

1183
00:53:33,800 --> 00:53:36,000
Speaker 3: idea down as not even a factor for her, and

1184
00:53:36,080 --> 00:53:38,400
Speaker 3: I chose to trust my wife because I never had

1185
00:53:38,440 --> 00:53:40,640
Speaker 3: a reason to doubt her before. As far as the nickname,

1186
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 3: it was something only I called her, but it wasn't

1187
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:44,719
Speaker 3: like a secret thing. I called her by it in

1188
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,080
Speaker 3: front of others and our daughter. She claims the guy

1189
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:49,720
Speaker 3: overheard me say it when she had me on speaker

1190
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:52,160
Speaker 3: once and he asked her about it after. And there

1191
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:56,000
Speaker 3: is an update. Thank you again to everyone. I twenty

1192
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:59,200
Speaker 3: seven mail. Couldn't respond to every message, but everything's appreciated.

1193
00:53:59,239 --> 00:54:01,880
Speaker 3: I wanted to provide. Things have been a little chaotic

1194
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:04,359
Speaker 3: with the new status quo after my wife's twenty eight

1195
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:07,759
Speaker 3: female affair, but I'm taking everything one step at a time.

1196
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 3: My wife and I explain the separation to our daughter

1197
00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:13,640
Speaker 3: for female in simple, concrete terms, and reassured her that

1198
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 3: we both still love her, without going into the reasons

1199
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:19,720
Speaker 3: behind the separation. Our daughter's always been an observant kid,

1200
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:21,879
Speaker 3: but I don't think the separation is hit her yet.

1201
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:24,359
Speaker 3: She doesn't see the difference between her mom not being

1202
00:54:24,400 --> 00:54:27,439
Speaker 3: home and her usual busy with work. During visits, she's

1203
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:29,560
Speaker 3: more distant towards her mom and clings to me. My

1204
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:31,719
Speaker 3: wife attempted to play with her on this toy set,

1205
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:34,319
Speaker 3: but our daughter wasn't having it and shouted at her

1206
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:35,920
Speaker 3: mom that she didn't want to play with her. The

1207
00:54:35,960 --> 00:54:38,520
Speaker 3: disconnect between my daughter and wife hurts in a way.

1208
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:41,280
Speaker 3: I'm still processing. I knew my wife's work life balance

1209
00:54:41,320 --> 00:54:43,759
Speaker 3: took its toll pre Vegas. We were supposed to be

1210
00:54:43,800 --> 00:54:46,680
Speaker 3: working on reconnecting, but just how fractured things are is

1211
00:54:46,719 --> 00:54:49,759
Speaker 3: a lot more apparent. Our daughter interacts very little with

1212
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:52,200
Speaker 3: her mom and becomes quiet around her like she does

1213
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:55,279
Speaker 3: with strangers. I feel, at her age, we as her

1214
00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 3: parents should be who she's closest with and not this

1215
00:54:57,880 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 3: disconnected from her mom. Well it's her fall. Oh yeah,

1216
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 3: I mean she's the four year old is mad.

1217
00:55:02,480 --> 00:55:05,040
Speaker 5: At her mom because she ditched her on her birthday.

1218
00:55:05,120 --> 00:55:07,399
Speaker 3: Well also, she's probably I mean, she probably isn't really

1219
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 3: thinking about her birth anymore. She's probably just like mom

1220
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:12,400
Speaker 3: hasn't been here for a while.

1221
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:14,120
Speaker 5: And then when mom is here, Yeah, I don't know,

1222
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:15,440
Speaker 5: it's like very quite weird.

1223
00:55:15,560 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 2: Mommy and daddy aren't like mommy and daddy.

1224
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 5: I'm sure that that's that's I don't know.

1225
00:55:20,120 --> 00:55:22,720
Speaker 3: I don't think she remembers her birthday. She was crying

1226
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:23,719
Speaker 3: four years four.

1227
00:55:24,080 --> 00:55:25,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's like I feel like at that age

1228
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 5: she's over her birthday.

1229
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 6: If at that age, it's like I remember that I

1230
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:31,880
Speaker 6: cried on I cried.

1231
00:55:31,960 --> 00:55:32,880
Speaker 5: Mommy and me cry.

1232
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:36,080
Speaker 3: Their dynamic is something I've been reflecting on. My main

1233
00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:38,600
Speaker 3: focus is making sure my daughter's okay through all this.

1234
00:55:38,880 --> 00:55:41,799
Speaker 3: As far as between my wife and me, she's advocating

1235
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,120
Speaker 3: for us to reconcile. She's expressed she wants to work

1236
00:55:44,120 --> 00:55:46,280
Speaker 3: on our marriage, not solely for our daughter, but because

1237
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:48,759
Speaker 3: she loves me. Her rally cries for our relationship are

1238
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,040
Speaker 3: still falling flat for me. I can't give her what

1239
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:52,920
Speaker 3: she wants right now. I told her I wish she

1240
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:56,239
Speaker 3: would give herself these rallies before she She's adamant about

1241
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,839
Speaker 3: the affair timeline and what occurred with coworker at twenty

1242
00:55:58,840 --> 00:56:01,359
Speaker 3: three mail. They connect did because she felt bad he

1243
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:04,719
Speaker 3: wasn't fitting in. He kept flirting and treating her like royalty.

1244
00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:07,480
Speaker 3: It started feeling good on the rougher work days. They

1245
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:09,880
Speaker 3: had an emotional affair even though she didn't label it

1246
00:56:09,920 --> 00:56:12,320
Speaker 3: as such at the time. The emotional affair turned physical

1247
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:15,239
Speaker 3: during the retreat. She dissociated from her life back home

1248
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 3: while away in Vegas. You still swears they only slept

1249
00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:21,879
Speaker 3: together once. A spicy kiss came from foreplay, and while

1250
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:24,479
Speaker 3: giving her oral he called her my nickname, for which

1251
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 3: shook her out of it. No, she dissociated from her family.

1252
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:32,040
Speaker 6: What I mean that would make sense because she literally

1253
00:56:32,200 --> 00:56:35,080
Speaker 6: was completely a wall the entire time she was there.

1254
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:39,919
Speaker 5: But like, but that's not like, honey, I just don't

1255
00:56:39,920 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 5: think that's just like, Yeah, I.

1256
00:56:41,239 --> 00:56:43,040
Speaker 3: Didn't want to think about my family because I wanted

1257
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:43,640
Speaker 3: to think about this.

1258
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:44,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1259
00:56:44,239 --> 00:56:45,799
Speaker 5: Was it clinical dissociation?

1260
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:49,080
Speaker 3: She snapped at him about his immature attitude with a

1261
00:56:49,120 --> 00:56:52,120
Speaker 3: spicy kiss. You're calling him immature. She thought she could

1262
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:55,440
Speaker 3: quietly end things and salvage our marriage. I asked her

1263
00:56:55,440 --> 00:56:58,040
Speaker 3: if she wore her wedding ring during spicy sleep with him.

1264
00:56:58,120 --> 00:57:01,239
Speaker 3: She confessed that she did, knowing this hurts like to me.

1265
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,680
Speaker 3: Our wedding rings were a physical symbol of our love,

1266
00:57:03,800 --> 00:57:07,000
Speaker 3: commitment to our vows, and our bond. She tarnished our rings.

1267
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:09,560
Speaker 3: I haven't been able to wear mine. It never hurts

1268
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,000
Speaker 3: any less, there are just new levels to the hurts.

1269
00:57:12,200 --> 00:57:14,839
Speaker 3: She admits to contributing to blurred lines. Of course she did.

1270
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 3: She's now changed her number and claims to have cut

1271
00:57:17,440 --> 00:57:20,800
Speaker 3: contact with the coworker she reported the affair to HR.

1272
00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 3: The company has suspended both of them while the investigate

1273
00:57:23,920 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 3: the extent to which the affair impacted the apartment. Coworker

1274
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 3: relations violate the policy, and it doesn't look good for

1275
00:57:30,120 --> 00:57:32,160
Speaker 3: my wife in terms of power balance, since she was

1276
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:34,600
Speaker 3: the guys mentor. They're also calling into question if she

1277
00:57:34,720 --> 00:57:37,800
Speaker 3: gave him favoritism. Some have suggested I reach out to

1278
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:40,120
Speaker 3: the coworker. I've considered it, but I'm not in a

1279
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:42,280
Speaker 3: place too. I feel a lot of anger towards him.

1280
00:57:42,320 --> 00:57:45,040
Speaker 3: You knew exactly what he was doing with the spicy

1281
00:57:45,120 --> 00:57:47,919
Speaker 3: kiss and nickname stunt. I wouldn't get anything from him

1282
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 3: except trouble. He's not worth it. I've chosen to focus

1283
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:54,160
Speaker 3: on my daughter. I've chosen to pursue marriage counseling. This

1284
00:57:54,240 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 3: isn't under the promise of reconciling, but as an assist

1285
00:57:57,040 --> 00:58:00,120
Speaker 3: in working through the separation as healthily as possible for

1286
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:02,880
Speaker 3: our daughter. And you know what else, will make your

1287
00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:05,760
Speaker 3: life as healthy as possible listening to full episodes of

1288
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:09,120
Speaker 3: stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

1289
00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:12,000
Speaker 3: or iHeartRadio and search up folkustort times. There is a

1290
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:14,240
Speaker 3: little bit left to the story. Any final thoughts.

1291
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:16,040
Speaker 5: Does she deserve sympathy?

1292
00:58:16,440 --> 00:58:16,520
Speaker 6: No?

1293
00:58:16,920 --> 00:58:18,760
Speaker 5: But is she still a human being?

1294
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:21,640
Speaker 3: Yes? I think that going to the marriage counseling is

1295
00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 3: the best thing, and just like using it, It's like, no,

1296
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:26,640
Speaker 3: this is probably not going to lead back into like

1297
00:58:26,680 --> 00:58:29,720
Speaker 3: a relationship together, but it is helping us parents. I'm

1298
00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:32,040
Speaker 3: still numb in a lot of ways. I never thought

1299
00:58:32,080 --> 00:58:34,720
Speaker 3: this would be how my marriage and my family turned out.

1300
00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 3: I've seen it happen to others. I've heard stories. I

1301
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:39,640
Speaker 3: thought I knew what it was like, but it's nothing

1302
00:58:39,680 --> 00:58:41,880
Speaker 3: compared to dealing with it yourself. I don't feel like

1303
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 3: the same person anymore. I don't know how everything will

1304
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:46,600
Speaker 3: pan out. It's an uphill battle, but I'm trying to

1305
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:48,400
Speaker 3: show up to the battle. It's the best I can

1306
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:51,240
Speaker 3: do right now. And that is the end of that story.

1307
00:58:51,280 --> 00:58:54,720
Speaker 5: Brighter days Ahead, Yeah, Op, Brighter days Ahead.

1308
00:58:54,840 --> 00:58:58,480
Speaker 3: It'll it'll get easier, but we have another story, so

1309
00:58:58,520 --> 00:58:59,600
Speaker 3: we're gonna get into it.

1310
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:02,480
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

1311
00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 2: But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that

1312
00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 2: keep the show alive.

1313
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 3: My husband thinks I cheated with my best friend, so

1314
00:59:09,040 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 3: he got with his husband in return. Whoa a little

1315
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:15,440
Speaker 3: bit of context. I have been with my partner for

1316
00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:19,080
Speaker 3: just under six months. It's going well, despite some clashes

1317
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 3: in expectations and pushing of boundaries. Mostly we figure things out.

1318
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:25,480
Speaker 3: The main issue for him is my best friend. By

1319
00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:28,200
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from Alert Media fifty six eighty four,

1320
00:59:28,280 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 3: and if you want to smit your own stories, go

1321
00:59:29,920 --> 00:59:32,240
Speaker 3: to our slashokey storytime supparate it. I've grown up with

1322
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,920
Speaker 3: his friend. We are both attracted to the same gender

1323
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:37,680
Speaker 3: males and went through experience together. We have slept together

1324
00:59:37,720 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 3: in the past, but it all ended when he found

1325
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 3: his husband, though we're still incredibly close. They are polyamorous,

1326
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:45,160
Speaker 3: but have an agreement that they talk about whom they

1327
00:59:45,160 --> 00:59:48,000
Speaker 3: will bring into the relationship before it happens, and it

1328
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:50,600
Speaker 3: works well for them. They've been together eight years, married

1329
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:52,760
Speaker 3: five As far as I'm aware, this is the first

1330
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:56,040
Speaker 3: instance of something like this happening. I truly don't know

1331
00:59:56,080 --> 00:59:58,800
Speaker 3: what to do. My best friend is devastated, and so

1332
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:01,440
Speaker 3: am I. Me and my are not in a throttle

1333
01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:04,720
Speaker 3: or polly situation, as he is quite jealous and has

1334
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:08,160
Speaker 3: freely admitted as much. I found out they'd slept together

1335
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:11,240
Speaker 3: through a mutual friend. When I asked, they both admitted

1336
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:13,200
Speaker 3: to it, but asked me to keep it from my

1337
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:15,360
Speaker 3: best friend, telling me they would tell him in their

1338
01:00:15,360 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 3: own time. I gave them the grace of twenty four hours,

1339
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:21,200
Speaker 3: in which time nothing has been said. I've told my

1340
01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:23,960
Speaker 3: best friend because I feel he needs to know, and

1341
01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 3: he is rightly devastated. When asked why this happened to

1342
01:00:27,840 --> 01:00:30,240
Speaker 3: begin with, my partner replied that it was in retaliation

1343
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:32,400
Speaker 3: for the fact that I've clearly been sleeping with my

1344
01:00:32,480 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 3: best friend. Again. We haven't slept together since he got

1345
01:00:35,640 --> 01:00:37,360
Speaker 3: with his now husband, and though we used to be

1346
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 3: quite touchy with each other, hugging, et cetera, we've stopped

1347
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:41,720
Speaker 3: that too, as I always felt wrong doing it in

1348
01:00:41,720 --> 01:00:43,800
Speaker 3: front of his partner. I have requested my partner go

1349
01:00:43,880 --> 01:00:46,400
Speaker 3: back to his own apartment as I need time to think,

1350
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:48,479
Speaker 3: and all he's done is yell at me for telling

1351
01:00:48,520 --> 01:00:50,240
Speaker 3: my best friend. I don't know if I did the

1352
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 3: right thing, but I felt wrong to hide it. You

1353
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:54,880
Speaker 3: absolutely did the right thing. Am I the A hole

1354
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:57,080
Speaker 3: Reddit and there is an update. I have spoken with

1355
01:00:57,200 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 3: both my now ex and my best friend's partner this morning.

1356
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:03,000
Speaker 3: He called me. Both conversations were not good, and the

1357
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:04,600
Speaker 3: long and the short of it is that this has

1358
01:01:04,640 --> 01:01:07,440
Speaker 3: been going on for months. Behind are me and my

1359
01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:11,200
Speaker 3: best friend's back, and neither are apologetic for it, especially

1360
01:01:11,280 --> 01:01:13,800
Speaker 3: as my now x seems convinced I cheated on him

1361
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:15,760
Speaker 3: with my best friend. They are both acting as though

1362
01:01:15,800 --> 01:01:18,320
Speaker 3: it was something we should have inevitably foreseen. Thank you

1363
01:01:18,360 --> 01:01:20,680
Speaker 3: to those of you who offered your kind words yesterday.

1364
01:01:20,800 --> 01:01:23,080
Speaker 3: I was a bit nervous about posting on here, but

1365
01:01:23,160 --> 01:01:26,240
Speaker 3: I'm glad to have gotten some outsider perspective and still

1366
01:01:26,240 --> 01:01:28,439
Speaker 3: trying to wrap my head around everything, but I think

1367
01:01:28,480 --> 01:01:30,200
Speaker 3: this is the right choice for me. I know it's

1368
01:01:30,200 --> 01:01:32,360
Speaker 3: only been less than a few hours, but the revelation

1369
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:35,280
Speaker 3: that this has been a continual thing has really broken

1370
01:01:35,400 --> 01:01:38,240
Speaker 3: any semblance of trust I may have had in my ex.

1371
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:40,680
Speaker 3: For anyone wondering, I think that the best friend is

1372
01:01:40,720 --> 01:01:43,080
Speaker 3: going to be planning for a divorce. We haven't talked

1373
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:45,760
Speaker 3: too much since last night, but I know there's been

1374
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:48,520
Speaker 3: a lot of yelling and angry word between him and

1375
01:01:48,600 --> 01:01:51,360
Speaker 3: his husband, and he's very upset. I'm trying to give

1376
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:53,640
Speaker 3: them their space to work things out to whatever conclusion

1377
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:55,880
Speaker 3: they so choose. And there is a second update, a

1378
01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:59,440
Speaker 3: final and strange update for anyone still interested. I think

1379
01:01:59,440 --> 01:02:01,600
Speaker 3: this will be the final update, I hope, so as

1380
01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:05,000
Speaker 3: I am done with this crap show, please forgive my language.

1381
01:02:05,040 --> 01:02:07,320
Speaker 3: This evening I was asked if I would meet with

1382
01:02:07,360 --> 01:02:09,320
Speaker 3: my best friend for a dinner. They offered a cook

1383
01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:12,200
Speaker 3: I agreed, thinking perhaps they were struggling with everything that's

1384
01:02:12,240 --> 01:02:14,720
Speaker 3: happened and needed the support, and honestly, it would have

1385
01:02:14,760 --> 01:02:16,680
Speaker 3: been really nice to just talk to them and take

1386
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:19,280
Speaker 3: a breather from all the madness. I couldn't have been

1387
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:23,760
Speaker 3: more wrong. When I got there, both my best friend's partner,

1388
01:02:23,960 --> 01:02:26,080
Speaker 3: who last I heard was soon to be the rex,

1389
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:28,240
Speaker 3: and they'd made no mention of them being there this eve,

1390
01:02:28,400 --> 01:02:30,120
Speaker 3: but I shrugged that off as much as they could,

1391
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:33,480
Speaker 3: and my ex partner were there too. What followed was

1392
01:02:33,520 --> 01:02:37,000
Speaker 3: the strangest conversation I've ever been witnessed to. I say

1393
01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:38,560
Speaker 3: that because I wasn't really given too much of a

1394
01:02:38,640 --> 01:02:41,040
Speaker 3: chance to respond until they finished. My best friend told

1395
01:02:41,080 --> 01:02:43,360
Speaker 3: me quite calmly that they had all decided that what

1396
01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:45,360
Speaker 3: is best for them is that he and his husband

1397
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:47,960
Speaker 3: are going to try and salvage the relationship and marriage

1398
01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:50,200
Speaker 3: because they worked well together so far and this is

1399
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:54,040
Speaker 3: a minor setback. His words. Then came the kicker. Apparently

1400
01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:57,440
Speaker 3: his husband cannot live without my ex, so they've decided

1401
01:02:57,480 --> 01:03:00,520
Speaker 3: to become a thropple. He's the missing piece in the lives,

1402
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:02,720
Speaker 3: et cetera, et cetera, And now they feel complete, and

1403
01:03:02,720 --> 01:03:05,080
Speaker 3: they hope that I'll understand and still want my company.

1404
01:03:05,160 --> 01:03:05,960
Speaker 5: And the thing is.

1405
01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:08,280
Speaker 6: They can do this and have it be their like

1406
01:03:08,680 --> 01:03:13,040
Speaker 6: little you know, stick twisted trio or whatever, but then

1407
01:03:13,160 --> 01:03:14,720
Speaker 6: like the vibe to be like.

1408
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 5: Let's get Ope to be okay with this is an absurd.

1409
01:03:19,240 --> 01:03:22,280
Speaker 3: Let's absolve our guilt that we feel for the situation

1410
01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:27,680
Speaker 3: by just like blind siding Ope with his crazy meeting. Yea,

1411
01:03:27,880 --> 01:03:31,720
Speaker 3: when he's expecting that he's coming to come comfort a friend. I,

1412
01:03:31,920 --> 01:03:34,000
Speaker 3: as commly as I could, asked my ex if he

1413
01:03:34,120 --> 01:03:36,000
Speaker 3: was sure this was what he wants, and he began

1414
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:39,000
Speaker 3: shouting at me, accusing me of never trying to understand him,

1415
01:03:39,040 --> 01:03:41,400
Speaker 3: et cetera. My best friend's husband then said that they've

1416
01:03:41,400 --> 01:03:44,000
Speaker 3: all talked and that if I wanted to join them,

1417
01:03:44,080 --> 01:03:47,600
Speaker 3: then I was welcome to God, I'm quite proud of myself.

1418
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:50,320
Speaker 3: I really wanted to swear very loudly and make some

1419
01:03:50,400 --> 01:03:52,240
Speaker 3: choice words, but I just said that I wish them

1420
01:03:52,240 --> 01:03:53,720
Speaker 3: the best. But I didn't think that would be a

1421
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:56,040
Speaker 3: good idea, and then I left. Apart from one very

1422
01:03:56,120 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 3: teary sounding voicemail an hour ago from my ex best

1423
01:03:59,040 --> 01:04:03,160
Speaker 3: friend asking me to understand, appreciate, respect, and reconsider, I

1424
01:04:03,400 --> 01:04:06,000
Speaker 3: haven't heard from any of them, and nor have I

1425
01:04:06,040 --> 01:04:08,080
Speaker 3: responded to the voicemail. I think it's time for me

1426
01:04:08,120 --> 01:04:10,880
Speaker 3: to embrace being single for a while. Thank you again

1427
01:04:10,920 --> 01:04:14,120
Speaker 3: to everyone who was commented and offered advice. I've really

1428
01:04:14,160 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 3: appreciated all the kindness. I was a little hasty in

1429
01:04:16,840 --> 01:04:19,200
Speaker 3: calling my last update the final update, but there we

1430
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:20,960
Speaker 3: have it. Just to keep those of you interested on

1431
01:04:21,040 --> 01:04:23,680
Speaker 3: board and to get your thoughts. I've been thinking through everything,

1432
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:26,480
Speaker 3: and I did reach out to my best friend. I

1433
01:04:26,520 --> 01:04:28,439
Speaker 3: hope that you're only reaching out to be like, dude,

1434
01:04:28,560 --> 01:04:30,640
Speaker 3: what's going on with you? Why are you putting up

1435
01:04:30,640 --> 01:04:32,440
Speaker 3: with this. I'm worried about him, and I want to

1436
01:04:32,480 --> 01:04:34,200
Speaker 3: be certain that when this is all put to rest

1437
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:36,400
Speaker 3: one way or another, especially as he left me multiple

1438
01:04:36,480 --> 01:04:39,440
Speaker 3: voicemails last night asking me to get in contact anyhow.

1439
01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:41,800
Speaker 3: I shot him a text today explaining that though my

1440
01:04:41,880 --> 01:04:44,800
Speaker 3: position in the entire thing hasn't changed, we've been friends

1441
01:04:44,800 --> 01:04:47,160
Speaker 3: for a long time and I am concerned about him

1442
01:04:47,160 --> 01:04:50,240
Speaker 3: in this whole thing. I'm here if he needs to talk.

1443
01:04:50,320 --> 01:04:53,560
Speaker 3: I received a FaceTime call from him almost instantly after,

1444
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:56,920
Speaker 3: and he was a wreck, upset and shaking. He said

1445
01:04:57,000 --> 01:04:59,880
Speaker 3: he'd been asked to move into the spare bedroom while

1446
01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:02,840
Speaker 3: my ex and his husband celebrated, and that he's barely

1447
01:05:02,920 --> 01:05:05,120
Speaker 3: seen either of them since he was in a worse

1448
01:05:05,160 --> 01:05:07,160
Speaker 3: state than I've seen him in a very long time,

1449
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:09,360
Speaker 3: which is saying a lot. I've told him I'm happy

1450
01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:11,480
Speaker 3: to pay for him to see a therapist for three sessions.

1451
01:05:11,600 --> 01:05:14,520
Speaker 3: Anti Ford Morris therapists are expensive, and I have recommended

1452
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:16,760
Speaker 3: him a few different people that my own had recommended

1453
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:19,439
Speaker 3: to me. He broke down and told me that he'd

1454
01:05:19,440 --> 01:05:22,840
Speaker 3: only agreed to everything because otherwise his husband threatened divorce

1455
01:05:22,920 --> 01:05:24,960
Speaker 3: and they've worked too hard on their marriage to quit

1456
01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 3: now a class folcy exactly. I don't know where we'll

1457
01:05:28,240 --> 01:05:30,680
Speaker 3: go from here or what to do really, except that

1458
01:05:30,720 --> 01:05:32,760
Speaker 3: I am very tired andk you again to everyone who's

1459
01:05:32,760 --> 01:05:35,840
Speaker 3: commented and offered support and understanding. This community is love.

1460
01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:36,160
Speaker 5: Okay.

1461
01:05:36,240 --> 01:05:38,920
Speaker 6: Update four is going to be like Update number four,

1462
01:05:39,120 --> 01:05:43,000
Speaker 6: we actually are all getting married next next September. That

1463
01:05:43,040 --> 01:05:45,720
Speaker 6: would be That would make me We've adopted bonker thirteen

1464
01:05:45,880 --> 01:05:46,760
Speaker 6: children together.

1465
01:05:46,960 --> 01:05:49,640
Speaker 3: This would make me bonkers. My best friend has agreed

1466
01:05:49,640 --> 01:05:52,480
Speaker 3: to move into a nearby flat as temp accommodation until

1467
01:05:52,480 --> 01:05:55,760
Speaker 3: he sorts things out good. I had offered my guest room,

1468
01:05:55,760 --> 01:05:58,480
Speaker 3: but he's correctly said that we will both need our

1469
01:05:58,480 --> 01:06:00,240
Speaker 3: own space and he doesn't want to put me out,

1470
01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 3: so for the meantime this is a good solution. It

1471
01:06:02,800 --> 01:06:05,480
Speaker 3: at least gets him away from his husband and my ex.

1472
01:06:05,560 --> 01:06:08,280
Speaker 3: He's moved in as of early this morning. Regarding those two,

1473
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:10,640
Speaker 3: I had a very angry call from the husband this

1474
01:06:10,680 --> 01:06:13,440
Speaker 3: morning demanding I keep my nose out of his situationship.

1475
01:06:13,560 --> 01:06:16,160
Speaker 5: Well, he's about to hook up with the guy moving

1476
01:06:16,200 --> 01:06:19,240
Speaker 5: into his house. Maybe that that's going to happen.

1477
01:06:19,040 --> 01:06:21,040
Speaker 3: And then I would respond, you should have kept your

1478
01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:23,720
Speaker 3: nose out of my relationship, my marriage actually, but you

1479
01:06:23,760 --> 01:06:25,640
Speaker 3: didn't so shut.

1480
01:06:25,520 --> 01:06:28,680
Speaker 6: Up at this point, Like I think my go to

1481
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:31,760
Speaker 6: move would be like just confusion, like I would send

1482
01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:35,320
Speaker 6: a gift that had nothing to do with anything, like

1483
01:06:35,480 --> 01:06:38,800
Speaker 6: I would just confuse, discombobulate, discombobulate.

1484
01:06:39,200 --> 01:06:40,840
Speaker 3: And I told him I wasn't willing to talk to

1485
01:06:40,960 --> 01:06:43,640
Speaker 3: him until he could please stop yelling quite so loudly,

1486
01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:46,160
Speaker 3: and then he slammed the phone down. I haven't heard

1487
01:06:46,200 --> 01:06:48,240
Speaker 3: from my ex, though I am half tempted to check

1488
01:06:48,280 --> 01:06:49,640
Speaker 3: you'se all right. I don't want him to be a

1489
01:06:49,680 --> 01:06:52,480
Speaker 3: victim in all this, even if he started as an instigator,

1490
01:06:52,560 --> 01:06:55,160
Speaker 3: but so far haven't. I want you guys to start

1491
01:06:55,320 --> 01:06:58,400
Speaker 3: start listening to full episodes and stories just like this.

1492
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:01,040
Speaker 3: Just go to Spotify, apple pie g or iHeart Radio

1493
01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:03,120
Speaker 3: such ap oky story time, but there is a little

1494
01:07:03,120 --> 01:07:05,600
Speaker 3: bit left to the story real quick. I understand the

1495
01:07:05,800 --> 01:07:08,840
Speaker 3: desire to check in to an X and be like, oh,

1496
01:07:09,000 --> 01:07:10,360
Speaker 3: I just want to make sure that they're doing okay.

1497
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:12,280
Speaker 3: I just want to make sure you know everything's fine

1498
01:07:12,320 --> 01:07:15,400
Speaker 3: with them. This person betrayed you, this person.

1499
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:18,360
Speaker 5: Cheated on you and like trippled tripled down on you. Yeah,

1500
01:07:18,400 --> 01:07:21,360
Speaker 5: tripled yelled at you down.

1501
01:07:21,560 --> 01:07:25,120
Speaker 3: It's it's you do not owe him anything, nor would

1502
01:07:25,160 --> 01:07:27,520
Speaker 3: it help you or him for you to get involved

1503
01:07:27,560 --> 01:07:29,280
Speaker 3: in this. But there's a little bit left for those

1504
01:07:29,320 --> 01:07:32,000
Speaker 3: curious in asking. Thankfully, my ex and I weren't married.

1505
01:07:32,080 --> 01:07:34,320
Speaker 3: There seems to be some confusion there, and I own

1506
01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:37,040
Speaker 3: my own home, so there shouldn't be any legalities needed,

1507
01:07:37,080 --> 01:07:39,120
Speaker 3: at least on my side of things. I am talking

1508
01:07:39,160 --> 01:07:41,520
Speaker 3: to my therapist. We had a session yesterday and I've

1509
01:07:41,560 --> 01:07:44,360
Speaker 3: been invited to text if I absolutely need to. My

1510
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:46,920
Speaker 3: best friend hasn't yet acted on the offer of a therapist,

1511
01:07:46,960 --> 01:07:49,040
Speaker 3: but I hope he will soon. I am trying not

1512
01:07:49,160 --> 01:07:51,200
Speaker 3: to be pushy and give him space. I think our

1513
01:07:51,200 --> 01:07:52,880
Speaker 3: friendship will be all right. It just might be a

1514
01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:55,400
Speaker 3: little rocky for a while, and in all honesty, I

1515
01:07:55,480 --> 01:07:58,200
Speaker 3: need space as much as he does. Feeling a little

1516
01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:00,440
Speaker 3: less hairy than I was at the start of the weekend,

1517
01:08:00,560 --> 01:08:03,720
Speaker 3: and thank you again for all the kind and supportive comments.

1518
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:06,240
Speaker 3: I'm sorry I couldn't reply to you all individually, but

1519
01:08:06,280 --> 01:08:08,920
Speaker 3: I've read through everyone and been very grateful for them.

1520
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:11,360
Speaker 3: I will update if anything further happens, but I'm hoping

1521
01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:13,120
Speaker 3: we are nearing the end of all this and that

1522
01:08:13,360 --> 01:08:16,360
Speaker 3: is the end of that story. That is the end,

1523
01:08:16,479 --> 01:08:19,439
Speaker 3: so hopefully everything's got to work out. Don't reach out

1524
01:08:19,479 --> 01:08:20,000
Speaker 3: to your XO.

1525
01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:22,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's time to be done with that. Let them

1526
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:24,840
Speaker 5: have that situation. It's theirs now