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Speaker 1: Okay for the High Mighty Tour people, we are rocket

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Speaker 1: and rolling. These are the shows we have coming up.

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Speaker 1: May fifteenth, I will be in Saratoga, May sixteenth, Monterey,

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Speaker 1: May seventeenth, Modesto.

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Speaker 2: I will be in port Chester on June fourth, and

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Speaker 2: we added two new dates to the High and Mighty Tour.

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Speaker 1: On June third, I am coming to Saratoga Springs, New York,

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Speaker 1: so pre sale has begun for that, and then on

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Speaker 1: June twenty eighth, I am coming to Nantucket and presale

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Speaker 1: has started on that. June fifth, I will be in Boston, Massachusetts.

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Speaker 1: June twelfth, I will be in Portland, Oregon. And June thirteenth,

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Speaker 1: I will be in Seattle, Washington. June twenty seventh is

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Speaker 1: going to be Hyenna's, Massachusetts. August sixth is red Bank,

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Speaker 1: New Jersey. August seventh, I'm coming home to Montclair, New Jersey.

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Speaker 1: August fifteenth is Calgary, Alberta, Canada. September eighteenth, Santa Barbara,

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Speaker 1: September nineteenth, San Diego, September twenty fifth. I will be

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Speaker 1: at the Beacon in New York City. September twenty sixth,

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Speaker 1: I will be in Philadelphia September twenty seventh, New Haven, Connecticut,

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Speaker 1: October second, Atlanta, Georgia, October third, Baltimore, Maryland, October fourth, Saginaw, Michigan,

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Speaker 1: October ninth, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October tenth, Toronto, Canada, October sixteenth.

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Speaker 1: I'm coming to Boise, Idaho, October seventeenth, Spokane, Washington, November seventh,

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Speaker 1: I will be in San Francisco and November thirteenth, Salt

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Speaker 1: Lake City November twentieth, Austin November twenty first, Houston, Texas,

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Speaker 1: November twenty second, Irving, Texas.

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Speaker 2: December fifth.

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Speaker 1: I am adding a second show in Denver for those

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Speaker 1: of you who can get tickets to the first one.

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Speaker 1: And on December sixth, I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada. Okay,

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Speaker 1: those are all my dates for the High Mighty Door.

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Speaker 1: Go to Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.

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Speaker 3: Hello Catherine, Hi Chelsea, what shows you have coming off

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Speaker 3: this week?

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Speaker 1: Well?

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Speaker 2: I just did My Netflix is a joke show.

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Speaker 1: Awesome, but there is a Kevin Hart roast on Sunday night.

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Speaker 1: The Netflix is a joke festival, and I don't think

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Speaker 1: anything's public, but I would just say stay tuned to that.

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Speaker 4: Are you do you do roasts very often or is this.

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Speaker 1: I've never done a roast, but this roast is going

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Speaker 1: to close out the festival and it's for Kevin Hart.

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Speaker 2: So you know how I feel about Kevin Hart.

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Speaker 4: That's basically like.

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Speaker 3: Your entire interaction with him is just like roasting him

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Speaker 3: the entire time you're together anyway.

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Speaker 4: So I know you'll do amazingly.

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Speaker 1: So he's an absolutely ridiculous person and he needs to

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Speaker 1: hear that on a regular basis to keep his little

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Speaker 1: tiny feet on the ground.

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Speaker 4: Well, I mean he's a dad. But today is our

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Speaker 4: Mother's Day Special.

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Speaker 2: Oh yes, yes, Kevin's roast ironically is on Mother's Day.

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Speaker 1: He'll do anything to get out of having plans with

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Speaker 1: his wife on her special day.

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Speaker 2: Yes, we have a very.

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Speaker 1: Special mother who is so sweet and responsible for raising

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Speaker 1: lots and lots of children. She has a podcast called

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Speaker 1: Sorry Where Cyrus. She is a manager, a producer, and

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Speaker 1: she's here for our Mother's Day Special. Please welcome Tish

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Speaker 1: Cyrus Purcell. Okay, last time I saw you, Tish, we

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Speaker 1: were talking about our love of marijuana, and you said

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Speaker 1: that you had to quit smoking marijuana because you were

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Speaker 1: getting anxiety. And I would like an update because the

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Speaker 1: last time I saw you was about a year ago,

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Speaker 1: and before that it was about a year that you

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Speaker 1: had quit.

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Speaker 4: Yes, so still dealing with anxiety. Okay, it's freaking horrible

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Speaker 4: and way better. Definitely functioning living my life where before

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Speaker 4: I was not. But still like at night, I'll smoke

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Speaker 4: here and there, but I still now, I just have

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Speaker 4: the spear of everything with the anxiety. So I'm like

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Speaker 4: so afraid it'll give me anxiety, that it'll definitely give

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Speaker 4: me anxiety. Yeah, so I only smoke when I'm feeling

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Speaker 4: really really good, but because.

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Speaker 1: Then you have room to spaih Oh my god, You're like,

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Speaker 1: then I have a little margin of error.

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Speaker 2: I can handle it.

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Speaker 4: I just I love marijuana.

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Speaker 2: I love marijuana too.

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Speaker 1: I smoked some last night in my bed and it

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Speaker 1: felt so great, Like I just moved into this house

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Speaker 1: as you can see, and it felt so nice to

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Speaker 1: sit in my bed and my underwear yep, and smoke

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Speaker 1: a joint.

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Speaker 4: It's the best.

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Speaker 1: But I understand what you're saying about, like if anything

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Speaker 1: causes you anxiety, then it becomes more anxiety induced in

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Speaker 1: to even contemplate doing it totally, And the only thing

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Speaker 1: I sometimes feel like that could relate to what you're

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Speaker 1: saying is sometimes when I'm smoking weed, there's a period

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Speaker 1: of like a fifteen to twenty minute bubble where you

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Speaker 1: have no self consciousness at all and you get lost

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Speaker 1: in it. And it's such a beautiful feeling to be

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Speaker 1: lost in a conversation or lost in a book, or

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Speaker 1: lost in like whatever you're doing organizing at your house.

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Speaker 1: But then when you remember that you're stoned, oh totally,

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Speaker 1: and there's a shift that goes, oh, you're stone, and

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Speaker 1: then you start.

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Speaker 2: Having that kind of anxiety one million percent.

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Speaker 4: Yes, so the fifteen to twenty is heaven like paradise.

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Speaker 4: But you know I used to before the anxiety like

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Speaker 4: that I've had for the last few years. I don't

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Speaker 4: really feel like I hit that twenty minute and even

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Speaker 4: thought about it, but you know what, I was kind

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Speaker 4: of stone twenty four to seven.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, that's what happens.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes you just have to really like break it off

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Speaker 1: and let our body like reacclimate, and then our physiology

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Speaker 1: changes as we get older too, which is a fucking

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Speaker 1: pain in the ass.

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Speaker 4: It sucks.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm not going to ever stop drinking. Did you

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Speaker 2: stop drinking?

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Speaker 4: I never was a drinker. I just weed. But now

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Speaker 4: people say, like, well, my therapist when I talk about

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Speaker 4: the weed thing and my love for it, and I

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Speaker 4: miss it, and I just because she was like, but

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Speaker 4: you were never kind of just like on an even keel.

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Speaker 4: You were because I would. I mean I did smoke,

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Speaker 4: like at night, I smoked a lot, you know, and

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Speaker 4: smoked during the day, so I was kind of like,

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Speaker 4: I don't think I ever had a baseline of not

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Speaker 4: being stoned for like ten years.

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Speaker 2: Did you wake up and smoke weed?

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Speaker 4: I did not do that, but I definitely thought when

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Speaker 4: I woke up, I definitely was still high. Do you

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Speaker 4: feel like that, Oh really from the night before, I

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Speaker 4: definitely feel like I was still like just chilled and

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Speaker 4: somewhat not completely not stuck a really nice hangover. Yes,

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Speaker 4: in the best possible Well that's great then, and then

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Speaker 4: would start smoking about like two pm something like that,

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Speaker 4: but it was every single salt. Do you smoke every day? No?

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Speaker 2: I don't smoke every ding.

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Speaker 4: That's the difference. I was smoking every single day.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but there are days where I wake up and

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Speaker 1: immediately take an edible where I'm like, this is going

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Speaker 1: to be hard. Yeah, and I just medicate, But that

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Speaker 1: doesn't happen that often either. I definitely go through phases.

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Speaker 1: When I go to Whistler, Canada and I'm there for winter,

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Speaker 1: I definitely wake and bake, Like I get up, I

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Speaker 1: smoke weed, I go skiing, I smoke more weed. I

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Speaker 1: come home, you know, Like that's my vibe up there,

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Speaker 1: but when I'm in La, it's not the same vibe.

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Speaker 4: Rot I think now, I'm just probably from what I'm

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Speaker 4: learning during all this damn therapy I've been doing. Is

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Speaker 4: I I'm just learning to kind of process things that

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Speaker 4: happened over the last ten years that I did not

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Speaker 4: process in any way, shape or form because I was

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Speaker 4: just hot. And so I'm having to kind of deal

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Speaker 4: which absolutely sucks. And I'm just learning to do that.

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Speaker 2: And that's where your anxiety comes from, totally.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I mean that's where anxiety comes from for all of us,

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Speaker 1: like trauma or stuff that we had to deal with

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Speaker 1: that we weren't really present for which most people aren't,

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Speaker 1: because there's all these defense mechanisms that we build in

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Speaker 1: order to protect ourselves from dealing with anything traumatizing or dramatic. Okay,

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Speaker 1: congratulations twentieth.

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Speaker 2: Anniversary of Hannah Mountana.

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Speaker 1: I was watching a Miley and I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, you guys have morphed into the same exact person.

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Speaker 2: It's really crazy, isn't it so crazy? You look like

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Speaker 2: it's so nuts?

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Speaker 4: Like, and she like, we were shopping the other day

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Speaker 4: and I was in like a store next door to

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Speaker 4: the store she was in, and I hear her come

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Speaker 4: down and she was like, she was like, Mom, I

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Speaker 4: literally looked in the window, but it was my reflection,

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Speaker 4: but I thought it was you, and it was a

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Speaker 4: whole weird thing for me. And she was like, I'm

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Speaker 4: really kind of scared. I'm scared that I have absolutely

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Speaker 4: morphed into you.

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Speaker 2: Isn't that so crazy?

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Speaker 4: It's weird?

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Speaker 1: And what about the other kids? Are they looking as

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Speaker 1: much like you? I mean, brand he does a little bit,

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Speaker 1: but not in the way that you and Miley are

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Speaker 1: like twins. Well, I want to actually, let's circle back

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Speaker 1: to the pot smoking, because if you're managing all five

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Speaker 1: of them, you have five children, you may as well

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Speaker 1: have seventeen.

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Speaker 4: Okay, I don't manage all of them.

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Speaker 2: Okay, but didn't you at some point manage all of that?

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Speaker 4: At some point I was very more. I was not

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Speaker 4: with Brandy. She always did the DJ thing, which wasn't

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Speaker 4: I didn't know anything about that. With Noah, I managed

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Speaker 4: her when she was really young, but also I was

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Speaker 4: getting older, and it is just like doing that when

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Speaker 4: your kids are younger is much harder because you're the

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Speaker 4: mom and the manager and it's just like a constant battle.

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Speaker 4: Everything's a battle at that time. So Noah has had

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Speaker 4: her own manager for a long time. So I really

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Speaker 4: really just I'm in the literal weeds day to day

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Speaker 4: on the Miley stuff, which is a lot, but it's

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Speaker 4: also I don't know. I say this all the time.

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Speaker 4: I really don't know how we did that and came

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Speaker 4: out unscathed in like a crazy way, but I don't

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Speaker 4: know how we came out in it to where we

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Speaker 4: are still best friends. I'm her manager and her mom

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Speaker 4: and like we love each other and like we even

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Speaker 4: like each other, and like it just works seamlessly for

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Speaker 4: us somehow, and I don't like I look back and

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Speaker 4: I'm like, damn, we did so much, and she grew

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Speaker 4: up in front of the world, and you know, she

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Speaker 4: went through her own stuff, and somehow we made it

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Speaker 4: through in the best possible way do.

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Speaker 1: You Can you think of a time where you gave

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Speaker 1: her advice or guided her in a certain direction that

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Speaker 1: you're most proud of.

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Speaker 4: You know. I think for me, one of the things

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Speaker 4: is like, you know, when she was like listen, we

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Speaker 4: all grew up and we all did crazy shit, and

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Speaker 4: Molly was doing everything in front of the world. But

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Speaker 4: also Molly was such a creative genius during those periods

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Speaker 4: of time, which you know, I think some people were

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Speaker 4: just like watching her and it was like this growing

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Speaker 4: up thing. But I always saw like her mind and

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Speaker 4: creatively what she was doing her entire career. And so

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Speaker 4: for me, it's just like some of the things that

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Speaker 4: I was watching her do, like even I didn't understand,

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Speaker 4: and but looking back off it, I was always just

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Speaker 4: telling her to be authentically who she was, like no

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Speaker 4: matter what, no matter what somebody from a label is

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Speaker 4: saying or just whoever, as long as you're being authentically,

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Speaker 4: you go for it. Yeah, And no matter what she

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Speaker 4: was doing, there was never a time that I wasn't.

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Speaker 4: Just somebody told me one, if you're always coming from

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Speaker 4: a place of love, it works out. And I always

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Speaker 4: had to keep that in mind with while I was

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Speaker 4: managing her and also like being number one or mom,

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Speaker 4: you know, but also being her friend and then the manager.

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Speaker 4: There was always for me, just like if I'm always

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Speaker 4: coming from the right place and a place of love,

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Speaker 4: I can't steer her wrong. And I really did live

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Speaker 4: by that during all those years and just kind of

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Speaker 4: letting her be who she was and who she is.

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Speaker 4: And now I look at her and I'm like, holy crap, girl,

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Speaker 4: you did good. Yeah, totally. You know. When I see

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Speaker 4: her now, it's like I am so blown away by

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Speaker 4: who she.

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Speaker 2: Is me too.

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Speaker 4: It's really crazy.

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Speaker 1: I know, it is really impressive. Did you ever look

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Speaker 1: at all of these other girls and think I should

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Speaker 1: step in and take over the ones whose parents weren't

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Speaker 1: as coming from a place of love. Yeah, I must

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Speaker 1: have felt that way, because I feel that way and

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Speaker 1: I'm not even a mother.

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Speaker 4: Totally, and people, you know, even with Molly, people would

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Speaker 4: you know, look at me and be like, where's her mother?

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Speaker 4: And I'm like right there, like right beside her every

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Speaker 4: step of the way, but handling it, I don't know,

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Speaker 4: in just a way that made Molly feel safe, I think,

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Speaker 4: And I just look, I just and I was I

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Speaker 4: really did even though I had all these other children.

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Speaker 4: I think like when we went on when Molly was

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Speaker 4: on the road, I took them, you know, and that

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Speaker 4: was like a hard decision too, but because it was

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Speaker 4: like I wanted them to have their own lives, but

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Speaker 4: I also didn't want to leave them with like a

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Speaker 4: nanny or whatever, so like no one brazen would go

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Speaker 4: on the road with us and we'd have a teacher,

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Speaker 4: and you know, it kind of felt like just being

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Speaker 4: at home on the road because the family was all around.

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Speaker 4: And I think that's another huge thing that probably helped Molly,

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Speaker 4: just having her family around all the time.

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Speaker 1: And do you think that was beneficial for the kids

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Speaker 1: now in retrospect?

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Speaker 4: And I do, because I feel like, you know, I'm

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Speaker 4: like crazy about like I think the school system is

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Speaker 4: insane and how we teach the kids learn and all

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Speaker 4: these things. I think they learned way more being on

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Speaker 4: the road, living life, having those experiences, also having a

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Speaker 4: teacher out there where they were actually doing school, but

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Speaker 4: also just learning way more than they ever would sitting

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Speaker 4: in a classroom and going to homeroom. And you know,

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Speaker 4: I just feel like it was a completely different life.

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Speaker 4: They grew up quick too, you know, they grew up.

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Speaker 4: I do feel like they probably had to grow up

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Speaker 4: faster than a lot of kids. But I'll look at

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Speaker 4: them now and they're boath also just well rounded and

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Speaker 4: very independent, and so when I look back on it,

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Speaker 4: I feel like it was absolutely the right choice.

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Speaker 1: Well, what I love about your story too, is a

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Speaker 1: good fucking job.

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Speaker 4: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Mothers need to be told that all the time. And

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Speaker 1: I know you would didn't do it alone. I know

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Speaker 1: your husband was there too, your ex husband was there too,

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Speaker 1: but let's just say that what I love about your

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Speaker 1: story is that now you have a whole news story

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Speaker 1: of your own. So you did all of this work,

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Speaker 1: and you went on the road, and you played the

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Speaker 1: role of mother and manager, not just for one of

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Speaker 1: your children, for all of your children at different times.

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Speaker 1: Maybe not the manager part, but you know, being a

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Speaker 1: mother to all of them while this was all happening.

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Speaker 1: And then you get to have your next chapter, which

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Speaker 1: is like really inspiring because you got divorced, yes, and

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Speaker 1: you probably had no idea that you were going to

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Speaker 1: fall in love with this man to Nick.

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Speaker 2: So can you fill our listeners in.

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Speaker 1: On that story and how you guys met And that's

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Speaker 1: stuff because it's pretty cute.

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Speaker 4: Yes, it's so cute. So yes, I did all those things.

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Speaker 4: And you know, I didn't ever really think I would

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Speaker 4: get a divorce that was not in the cards that

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Speaker 4: offer me, and you know that happened, and so I

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Speaker 4: literally just I love love. And one of my friends

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Speaker 4: at the time, I was devastated. I'd been married for

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Speaker 4: so long since I was like twenty four years old,

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Speaker 4: so I didn't know anything different and had never been

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Speaker 4: like on a date like a date and whatever. So

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Speaker 4: one of my friends just said, if you could go

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Speaker 4: out with anyone in the world, like who is your

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Speaker 4: like dream god?

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Speaker 2: How long after?

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Speaker 1: Were you still in devastation mode at this point or

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Speaker 1: were you in recovery mode?

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Speaker 4: I was pretty much. I think I was at that

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Speaker 4: point in shock mode, blindsided, yes, and just the I

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Speaker 4: don't know where I was at honestly, I was stoned.

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Speaker 4: But when she asked me that I had always I

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Speaker 4: loved the show prison Break and I just always thought

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Speaker 4: Dominic was so dreamy and just like so gorge and

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Speaker 4: so when she said that, and she happened to be

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Speaker 4: an agent, and I was like, Dominic per sale, and

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Speaker 4: she was like, you need to DM him right now.

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Speaker 4: And I was like, what, I Am not doing that

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Speaker 4: and she was like, no, you're You're doing it, and

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Speaker 4: so I did. And at the time it was funny.

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Speaker 4: I had a deal at NBCU to do TV shows

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Speaker 4: and so when I DMD him, I was like, hey, Domic,

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Speaker 4: you know, I don't know if you live in Australia

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Speaker 4: or LA, but I have a TV deal at NBCU

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Speaker 4: and I'm such a huge fan of Prison Break. Don't

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Speaker 4: know what you're up to, but what do you think

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Speaker 4: about getting together and talk about like maybe creating a

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Speaker 4: show together or whatever. He literally I'm talking dings me

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Speaker 4: back in like five seconds and he goes I Love,

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Speaker 4: like yes, let's do that, like let's let's get lunch

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Speaker 4: or whatever. And I'm like okay, and then he's like,

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Speaker 4: how about tomorrow And we meet up at this little

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Speaker 4: crazy place called Pickwicks. It's a little Irish pub in

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Speaker 4: Sherman Oaks and he's drinking and I'm smoking weed and

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Speaker 4: we played darts and hang out and then we made

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Speaker 4: out and it was just like wow, like this is crazy,

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Speaker 4: and we had so much fun and it really was

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Speaker 4: something that kind of like saved me at that moment I.

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Speaker 1: Think, Okay, so you guys got together. We did and

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Speaker 1: had a great first date that sounds like an adorable

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Speaker 1: first day.

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Speaker 2: Kissing in the afternoon is.

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Speaker 4: Really really cute, right, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Kiss somebody that's cute.

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Speaker 4: Yes, it was great. Yeah. And then so then the

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Speaker 4: next day he texts me like, how do we do

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Speaker 4: this again? Like when I'm like, I don't, I don't

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Speaker 4: let me know. And so he called me, and then

359
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:59,440
Speaker 4: we just saw each other constantly and pretty quickly he

360
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Speaker 4: said yeah, I love you, like, let's do this. And

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Speaker 4: I was like great, and we just we started seeing

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Speaker 4: each other like consistently, and here we are.

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Speaker 1: And what are some of the things that you discovered

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Speaker 1: about yourself being in this kind of new, different relationship

365
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Speaker 1: that you didn't even know existed within a relationship maybe.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, well, Number one communication I did not

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Speaker 4: I did not know how to communicate in anyway. And

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Speaker 4: I think that was probably a big, you know thing,

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Speaker 4: is like there was just no communication. Like even now

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Speaker 4: I feel like I'm more close up and close myself

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Speaker 4: off and like go hide in my room or something

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Speaker 4: instead of like like speaking up and saying like, you know,

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Speaker 4: I really like for me, I just I love like

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Speaker 4: to be cuddled and like I need to Like I

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Speaker 4: guess my love language is touch probably or words of affirmation,

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Speaker 4: and like I could if I am feeling any way,

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Speaker 4: I will just go to Dom and be like I'm

378
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Speaker 4: feeling sad, I need to cuddle and like it's just

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Speaker 4: like he like is so I have never gotten anything

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00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,040
Speaker 4: from him but love when it's anything in anything in

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Speaker 4: my world that's like wrong or I'm feeling a certain way,

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Speaker 4: like I used to be so scared to voice those things.

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Speaker 4: I felt like I just needed to be so strong

384
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Speaker 4: and because I really kind of did run everything, like

385
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Speaker 4: our entire family, everything kind of really did fall on

386
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Speaker 4: me to handle. And I feel like this is the

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Speaker 4: first time I've actually felt like I had a partner

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Speaker 4: that what you know, and and that's taken a lot

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Speaker 4: to get used to. And also I feel like for me,

390
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Speaker 4: it was always like there's such a calmness in my

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Speaker 4: life now and I'm having a hard time with that.

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Speaker 4: Oh interesting, yeah, I think. I mean in therapy, that's

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Speaker 4: what I'm learning is like I have lived in so

394
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Speaker 4: much not bad case necessarily, like just chaos in general

395
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Speaker 4: for so long, which I.

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Speaker 2: Love I actually like it to love. I know what

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Speaker 2: you mean.

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Speaker 1: I thrive in chaos. Then everything's just moving, moving, moving.

399
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Speaker 1: It's hard to sit and stop and be like, uh.

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Speaker 4: Oh, that is when it's not good for me, it's

401
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:21,439
Speaker 4: not good for me.

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Speaker 1: And also, I would imagine because you are such like

403
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Speaker 1: the orchestra conductor of Miley's life and making all the decisions,

404
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,840
Speaker 1: like you have no problem being a sort of on

405
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Speaker 1: behalf of her totally, but when it comes to you,

406
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,159
Speaker 1: it's a different situation.

407
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Speaker 4: Completely different. And I don't know what, Wow, that was.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think that's true for a lot of women,

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Speaker 1: Like I think we are able to stand up for

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Speaker 1: each other or some sometimes more than we are, like

411
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Speaker 1: if it's our daughter or sister or mother, you know,

412
00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:52,760
Speaker 1: totally anybody. You can go to bat for someone else,

413
00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:56,120
Speaker 1: sometimes much more easily than we can defend or stand

414
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Speaker 1: up for ourselves, way easier.

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Speaker 2: So I think that's common.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. And I will say, and I do this on

417
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Speaker 4: my podcast where I'm like Brandy Zelwicks here we go

418
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:09,800
Speaker 4: on the Domb Show. But I will say, I literally

419
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:14,439
Speaker 4: I have actually never met someone like him, because I

420
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,760
Speaker 4: like it is it's so crazy to me because it

421
00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 4: has to be like conscious because it is very much

422
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Speaker 4: like he just tries to empower me so much, not

423
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Speaker 4: to only like like to be communicated communicative with him,

424
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,400
Speaker 4: but like he's always like, you are so strong. Look

425
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,239
Speaker 4: what you've done, Look what you've done this, you know,

426
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Speaker 4: and he's like, you've got to stand up for tish

427
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 4: like you know, he like really has in the last

428
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Speaker 4: few years, just really because I have struggled with the

429
00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 4: anxiety thing so much. And let me tell you, like,

430
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Speaker 4: holy crap, like he has just been poor thing rock,

431
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:56,239
Speaker 4: like a Reagan rock. And but the part of like

432
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Speaker 4: kind of teaching me to lean into my power and

433
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Speaker 4: what I've already accomplished because I actually didn't really even

434
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 4: see it because I was so in it has been amazing. Yeah, amazing.

435
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 1: Yeah that's beautiful. Yeah, I'm so happy for you. Yeah,

436
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,600
Speaker 1: he like and he sounds so wonderful and lovely, Like

437
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,320
Speaker 1: if all men could just be like that, then we

438
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 1: wouldn't have half the problems that we have, oh.

439
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:20,639
Speaker 4: For real, And like even the first year where my

440
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:24,800
Speaker 4: anxiety was like completely out of control, like truly, he

441
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,200
Speaker 4: did not leave us ode like, he did not work,

442
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:29,879
Speaker 4: he did not he like really was just like I

443
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,679
Speaker 4: cannot leave my off, like this is critical time, like

444
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 4: for me to like be there and get her through this.

445
00:21:35,880 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 4: And he really did and like he listen. I'm not

446
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,960
Speaker 4: saying he's perfect, Like he loves to watch sports and

447
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 4: I want to watch There's these little things. But as

448
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:52,399
Speaker 4: a man like you said, if every man was like that,

449
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 4: it would be a different world.

450
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, if every man was encouraging time and to stand

451
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 1: up for themselves and to search their truth and to

452
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 1: set the time side for when someone needs you to

453
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,720
Speaker 1: actually be available to them. I mean that's a luxury item. Also,

454
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 1: not everybody has the ability to do that financially, but

455
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 1: those aren't the only ways to show up. And it's

456
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 1: very nice to hear about men that are doing that.

457
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:19,320
Speaker 4: Totally speaking of men, at one point, I got to

458
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:22,199
Speaker 4: tell you about my frand so I've been seeing on

459
00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:24,919
Speaker 4: your Instagram you helping men fund lives.

460
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 1: Well, I'm trying to help women find love. Oh, but

461
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 1: the men problem is there's like we need men, We

462
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:36,280
Speaker 1: need straight men that are available and respectful and respectable.

463
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 4: Yes, I was talking about gay men.

464
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,000
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there's a lot of the gay men. But

465
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,320
Speaker 1: also like that is not gay men.

466
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 2: Are fucking. They're already fucking. They're all fucking.

467
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,919
Speaker 1: So it's like the fact that they're like leaning on

468
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 1: me to meet so that they can fuck more.

469
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:54,160
Speaker 2: This is really for straight women, is who I.

470
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 4: Was trying to okay, because I was thinking.

471
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:58,120
Speaker 2: Go ahead, your friend is a game.

472
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,400
Speaker 4: Yes, and he definitely sent you something into the DM, okay,

473
00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 4: But I was thinking, because he was telling me all

474
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 4: about it, I was thinking, this was mostly for gay man,

475
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 4: So you're helping women.

476
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:09,240
Speaker 2: Yeah.

477
00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 1: I don't know where it got, probably because my audience

478
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:15,280
Speaker 1: is probably mostly gay men and women, and there are

479
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 1: definitely not straight men hitting me up in the way

480
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 1: that they I'm asking them to.

481
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:20,600
Speaker 2: But yeah, I've got it.

482
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 1: Broaden my I have some opportunities have arrived that I'm like,

483
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:26,400
Speaker 1: should I do something like this?

484
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 2: Because I really do.

485
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,239
Speaker 1: I think in times like that we're living in, I

486
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 1: just want everyone to be fucking and having a good

487
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,879
Speaker 1: time totally. Everyone should at least be having sex with

488
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 1: someone that they are attracted totally at the very minimum,

489
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 1: you know.

490
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,800
Speaker 4: Agree, Oh yeah, I wish I knew good.

491
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 2: Good straight guys.

492
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,360
Speaker 1: Well, if you do find any and you come across them,

493
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 1: send them my way, because I have so many women.

494
00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:49,159
Speaker 1: I have so many These women are in my dms, like,

495
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 1: please help us, help us. These dating apps are atrocious,

496
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 1: and I guess there's just a dish.

497
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 2: The problem is, did you ever do the dating app?

498
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 2: I did not. You didn't get that far?

499
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,480
Speaker 4: No? Right, that has to be horrible.

500
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:00,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.

501
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:03,959
Speaker 1: And I think that's also problematic because there's such abundance

502
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,880
Speaker 1: on the dating apps, so you can just swipe through

503
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,679
Speaker 1: people and you don't really take them seriously like you

504
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 1: would going on a date with someone. You're looking at

505
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 1: like fifty girls in a day, so how are you

506
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 1: going to focus on one? You're like looking for the

507
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,880
Speaker 1: next best thing. So there's they need to re engineer

508
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 1: these dating apps. Anyway, more to come on that, more

509
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 1: to come. I'm going to stay focused on it.

510
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 4: Okay, you should, it's honestly, it is so needed.

511
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 1: How long after you started seeing dominic, did you guys

512
00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 1: get married?

513
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 4: We got married in a year and a half. Did

514
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 4: we we met in twenty God, I'm so bad. We

515
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,520
Speaker 4: met in February of twenty two and we got married

516
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,960
Speaker 4: in August of twenty thirty. Okay, so year and a half.

517
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 2: Okay, that's that's and how long has it been? Yeah,

518
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 2: just a two years.

519
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 4: We've been married two years and we've been together over

520
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,679
Speaker 4: four right four in February.

521
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well when I saw you, I went on your

522
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,280
Speaker 1: podcast which is called Sorry We're Cyrus that you and

523
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,360
Speaker 1: Brandy do together, which is great fun.

524
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 2: Have you had a good time doing the podcast?

525
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 4: Love it more than anything? Oh?

526
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 2: Really? What do you love about it?

527
00:25:07,119 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 4: You know what? I honestly, this is something else I've

528
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 4: learned is like I really don't give myself props for

529
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,199
Speaker 4: being good at anything. Like I'm like, what am I

530
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,320
Speaker 4: good at? Like I've I was good at managing Molly

531
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 4: that went well, But like there are never really anything

532
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 4: that I think about that I love to do. And

533
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 4: I've found that with the podcast, Like I really do

534
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 4: love talking to people. It's my favorite thing, and I

535
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,800
Speaker 4: love like instead of just like shooting the shit, like

536
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 4: I actually love kind of a deep conversation, and I

537
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 4: feel like I'm pretty good at it. Like I think

538
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 4: it's more it's not something like that I prepare for

539
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 4: for three days or like I kind of just go

540
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 4: into it as like I'm just shooting the shit with

541
00:25:55,080 --> 00:26:00,200
Speaker 4: a friend, and that even I have Landrion which I

542
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 4: had not seen leve Island at the time, and everybody afterwards,

543
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,160
Speaker 4: everybody just freaked out on how great it was because

544
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 4: it wasn't about the show that it was about her.

545
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 4: And I think for me, it gave me this confidence

546
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 4: in doing the pod that I had never had and

547
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,600
Speaker 4: because I really didn't know if I felt like I

548
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 4: was good at it, and I had all these people

549
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,080
Speaker 4: like just really being like, we really didn't know a

550
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:26,879
Speaker 4: Landry at all, and we felt like we got to

551
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 4: know her through you, and she was from the South,

552
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 4: which made it easy. And so I don't know, it

553
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,879
Speaker 4: just is something that I've really like. I look forward

554
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:36,199
Speaker 4: to it every time I get to do it.

555
00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 2: Oh that's nice. I know. That's a nice surprise too.

556
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:40,679
Speaker 4: It's really an assaprise.

557
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:43,159
Speaker 1: It's just so nice the way this second act of

558
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,639
Speaker 1: your life is working out for you.

559
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,399
Speaker 4: Well, let's hope, because that's another that's another one of

560
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,000
Speaker 4: my mental problems. I'm like, oh my god, I'm old.

561
00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 4: Oh my god, Like what if I don't get to

562
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,880
Speaker 4: work anymore, Oh my gosh, what if no one wants

563
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 4: to come on the podcast? Oh my gosh, Like this

564
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 4: is what my brain does, and so and it's hard,

565
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 4: like I have five kids at home and now no

566
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 4: kids at home.

567
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 1: You know, there's like a there's like a great solution

568
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: that I always do whenever I have like a negative

569
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,919
Speaker 1: thought pattern or and it's from that book that I

570
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 1: always talk about called Letting Go by David Hawkings, which

571
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 1: is whenever you have a thought, there's always a direct

572
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 1: opposite thought, like when is someone gonna come on?

573
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,360
Speaker 2: What if no one wants to come on my podcast?

574
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,440
Speaker 1: The opposite thought is what if everyone wants to come

575
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:26,240
Speaker 1: on my podcast?

576
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 2: What if I don't have enough space for everybody?

577
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 1: And if you just flip to the opposite, it works

578
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:33,639
Speaker 1: if you keep doing it. And so if that's a

579
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 1: good little hack that I use when I'm like, even

580
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:37,639
Speaker 1: if I'm not like if I have to go do

581
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 1: something that I don't want to do, I'm like, yeah,

582
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 1: you do you want to go? Look how excited, Look

583
00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:43,439
Speaker 1: how great it's gonna be when you get there. You're

584
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 1: gonna light up the whole place and everything's gonna be

585
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:47,040
Speaker 1: so much fun and you're gonna have a good time.

586
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 1: And then by the time I get there, I'm in

587
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 1: a good mood about it.

588
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 2: Okay, So it's a good.

589
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,119
Speaker 4: Chock's going yeah, yeah, yeah, Jesus.

590
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 2: You can remind her. Remind her she deals with me.

591
00:27:56,400 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 3: Most are we going to take some we're ready to take.

592
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,640
Speaker 1: We have live callers, Colin, and you're the only mother

593
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: in this room, so we might have to defer to

594
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 1: you on a couple of things.

595
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:14,600
Speaker 3: So, Sarah says, dear Chelsea. Hello, I'm a twenty year

596
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 3: old college student who would love advice on what to

597
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 3: look for in a partner. I have dated in the past,

598
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:20,840
Speaker 3: and I'm drawn to boys who need me to fix them,

599
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 3: and I'm quite frankly over it. What green flags are

600
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:25,600
Speaker 3: there to look for when it comes to men? And

601
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,720
Speaker 3: should I start dating older men? If anything?

602
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 1: Kindly, Sarah, so, a pretty general question, Yeah, pretty broad question.

603
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 1: I don't think you should limit to anyone who you're dating.

604
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,440
Speaker 1: I think you should have like a good practice for

605
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 1: dating is just being as open as possible, not gearing

606
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 1: it towards young men or older men, or black guys

607
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:45,160
Speaker 1: or white guys.

608
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I take that back.

609
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:50,320
Speaker 1: I prefer black guys quite frankly, but I think it's

610
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:54,240
Speaker 1: just good to practice dating as in general and avoiding

611
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: the patterns that you've created like, when you notice a

612
00:28:56,840 --> 00:29:00,080
Speaker 1: pattern in your behavior, then just stop doing that. If

613
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 1: you're gonna avoid anyone, it's anyone who needs fixing and

614
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,120
Speaker 1: green flags. If you're dealing with people that need to

615
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,479
Speaker 1: be fixed, A green flag is somebody who has their

616
00:29:09,520 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 1: shit together, somebody who has a job, who is you know,

617
00:29:13,160 --> 00:29:16,480
Speaker 1: showing initiative and being assertive about you and spending time

618
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 1: with you and going out with you, not you being

619
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 1: a mom Like that's not sexy for anyone in a

620
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:24,000
Speaker 1: romantic dynamic.

621
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 2: Nobody wants to feel like a mother.

622
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:27,600
Speaker 1: I don't want to be telling you what to do

623
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,640
Speaker 1: or so I think all you have to do for

624
00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 1: me is avoid that feeling. As soon as you feel

625
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,960
Speaker 1: like you're parenting or your mommy ing, then you want

626
00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 1: to just exit out of that, and that's your red flag,

627
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:44,719
Speaker 1: And then you're gonna notice what the green flags are.

628
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 1: As soon as you say no to the red flags,

629
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 1: you're gonna notice the things that you're welcoming. But as

630
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 1: soon as you feel that feeling, and I know exactly

631
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: what you're talking about, I don't like it either. I'm

632
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,520
Speaker 1: not attracted when I have to be like a mommy.

633
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:57,960
Speaker 1: I don't want to be your mommy, Tish, what do

634
00:29:58,000 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 1: you think.

635
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 4: I'm definitely gill of that, of being okay with that.

636
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,160
Speaker 2: Being a mother to an in a relationship.

637
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 4: Yes, and that is one thing. Another thing that I've

638
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 4: definitely learned is that I do not need to be.

639
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:16,720
Speaker 2: That right and how like freeing that is exactly it's

640
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 2: also freeing.

641
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: What's freeing is also to be taken care of by someone,

642
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: when someone cares for you and is looking after you

643
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 1: and doing nice things that you didn't ask them to do,

644
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,640
Speaker 1: and then that whole dynamic shifts and you realize what's

645
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 1: on the other side of it totally, which is much

646
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 1: sexier than being with someone who you.

647
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:34,880
Speaker 2: Have to direct.

648
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 4: Yep. What do you think about the dating an older

649
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 4: man part of it?

650
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:40,560
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, you could date an older man, but

651
00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,480
Speaker 1: like those guys can be messes too, totally. Just because

652
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 1: they're older doesn't mean they have more of their shit together.

653
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,480
Speaker 1: It may seem like they have their shit together because

654
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 1: they have more experience, but they can have their own

655
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: set of problems. So I don't think you need to

656
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:53,760
Speaker 1: focus on an age. I think you need to focus

657
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: on the way you feel when you're.

658
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 2: Out with a man and totally.

659
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 1: When you're in a relationship with a man, you're feeling like,

660
00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 1: even from what Tish you've talked about just today, the

661
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 1: feeling that you had from your previous relationship moving into

662
00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 1: this is like you've been reborn, basically.

663
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's it was nas because I took care

664
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 4: of everybody for so long, like truly just took care

665
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 4: of everything and everyone, And to now feel like someone's

666
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,240
Speaker 4: taking care of me and every aspect of my life

667
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:23,959
Speaker 4: is incredible.

668
00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 2: I love it.

669
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 4: Yeah. So Katie is thirty seven.

670
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 3: She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in my late thirties, married

671
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 3: and have three young kids, ages one, three, and five.

672
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:37,520
Speaker 3: My mom, who's in her seventies, also has her own

673
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 3: space in our basement. We moved to a new state

674
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 3: three years ago when I was pregnant with my second

675
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 3: I work full time and my husband works in television,

676
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 3: so his schedule is very unpredictable, often nights and weekends

677
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 3: when he's home, we divide and conquer well, but I'm

678
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 3: also frequently solo parenting. My mom has mobility issues and

679
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 3: some brain fog, so I also find myself caring.

680
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 4: For her in many ways.

681
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 3: Between solo parenting full time time work and caregiving. I've

682
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 3: reached the part where every professional says you need self care,

683
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 3: and I want to ask when and how exactly. I've

684
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,280
Speaker 3: tried making mom friends, but it mostly feels like monitoring

685
00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:14,040
Speaker 3: kids near each other rather than forming any real connections.

686
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 3: I'd love any advice you have for the stage of life,

687
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 3: especially how to take care of yourself when there's truly

688
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 3: no margin. Thanks for making me laugh when I'm exhausted, Katie.

689
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 2: Hi, Katie, this is our special guest. Titsh Cyrus is here.

690
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 4: Hi Katie, Hi, Nice to meet you.

691
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: She knows a lot about what you're talking about. Do

692
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 1: you want to go first? Tish about self.

693
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 4: Care totally, which I never did, and I actually would

694
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 4: say make that a priority now because I actually did not,

695
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 4: and it is exhausting. I also like I was raising

696
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 4: five kids in a crazy, crazy world. You know, my

697
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 4: husband at the time was also working, and I was

698
00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:58,600
Speaker 4: doing most of it alone. My mom also lived with us,

699
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 4: and so you know, she helped me, but I also

700
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 4: cared for her as well, and really there was like,

701
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:07,640
Speaker 4: in my mind, there was really no time for me,

702
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:12,200
Speaker 4: and I wish so bad that I had made Tom,

703
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:15,360
Speaker 4: especially I love what you just said about like you

704
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:17,760
Speaker 4: even feel like with the friends that you make it's

705
00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 4: more just like kids play dates and you know, things

706
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 4: like that. Because now it's it's crazy because I really

707
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 4: I'm feeling lame at this moment in my life because

708
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 4: I literally will meet someone out and I'm like, I

709
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 4: really need friends, Like can we like do something Like

710
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 4: I'm literally trying to make friends now at fifty eight,

711
00:33:37,680 --> 00:33:40,600
Speaker 4: And I wish so bad that at the time that

712
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 4: you're in in your life that I would have taken

713
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 4: time to do self care and to build a friend

714
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 4: group that was there to support me, not just support

715
00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 4: like the play dates. So I think for you, I

716
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 4: know how hard that is because when you have that

717
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 4: many kids and you're caring for your parent and you're

718
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 4: doing most of it alone, it's hard to find the time.

719
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 4: But I do think it's so important, even if it's

720
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:07,120
Speaker 4: just getting some time when your husband is around and

721
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 4: able to help, like to read a book or take

722
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:12,280
Speaker 4: a bath, or you know, go be with a friend

723
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 4: for an hour.

724
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, and get out of the house away from the

725
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 1: kids for an hour. Do you have that ability to

726
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 1: leave the house for like an hour a day?

727
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 2: Is that a possibility for you.

728
00:34:22,120 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 5: It is on the days that my husband is home, right,

729
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:28,319
Speaker 5: So like if we can make our schedules kind of

730
00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:29,759
Speaker 5: line up, then yeah, I can do that.

731
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 1: Well, that could be one of the first points that

732
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 1: you make is whenever he is home, you have an

733
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: hour and what you decide to do with that is

734
00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 1: up to you, like you take I mean not just

735
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: an hour, it can be as long as you trust

736
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 1: him with the children. I guess the better way to say,

737
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: but like hit up one of these women to go

738
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:47,719
Speaker 1: for a walk without the kids and see if you

739
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 1: have anything going on between you two. Then you know,

740
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 1: I know, it's easier to do stuff with the kids

741
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:54,600
Speaker 1: when they're that age and you kind of have to.

742
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:57,360
Speaker 1: But also find out if you have anything in common

743
00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:00,840
Speaker 1: with these women outside of the children, and if you do, great,

744
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:02,880
Speaker 1: and if you don't great, then you know that then

745
00:35:02,920 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 1: you know they're just like your kid's parent friends and

746
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,319
Speaker 1: you can do stuff together. Then you can even take

747
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 1: the one year old or the three year old or

748
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 1: I guess the one year old on a walk with you.

749
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,759
Speaker 1: But like, just to separate yourself from like all of

750
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 1: your duties as a mother, I think geographically is important.

751
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:20,000
Speaker 2: Like to get out of the house, to go out to.

752
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,359
Speaker 1: Dinner, you know, with a group of women, or one

753
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,840
Speaker 1: or two women at the very minimum, just to be

754
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 1: away from all of the stuff that you're dealing with

755
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,439
Speaker 1: because you need to recharge your batteries. So self care

756
00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,839
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be like you're meditating every day. You know,

757
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,400
Speaker 1: that can be great for certain people, but if it

758
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be like a prescription, it can be

759
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 1: whatever makes you feel good in the moment. And I know,

760
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 1: exercising and moving your body and getting out of a

761
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 1: house when.

762
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 2: You're a mother are two really important ingredients.

763
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that those are the things

764
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:53,320
Speaker 6: I missed the most, honestly, is you know, being able

765
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 6: to move around and not have you know, a child

766
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 6: trying to jump on top of me at the same time.

767
00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:58,799
Speaker 2: Rightally, right.

768
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:01,520
Speaker 1: And also something to remember is so like make that

769
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,560
Speaker 1: agreement and even if you're going for a walk alone,

770
00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:07,040
Speaker 1: that's fucking great, like better to be like I would

771
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 1: prefer to go for a walk alone. I'm not into

772
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,360
Speaker 1: walking with people. I don't understand what that even means.

773
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 1: I found out about that during COVID because everyone wanted

774
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,759
Speaker 1: to go for a fucking walk. I'm like, I don't

775
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 1: want to go for a walk with someone, Like I

776
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 1: want to listen to a podcast or listen to music

777
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,440
Speaker 1: and do my own thing, but I like people for

778
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 1: other things.

779
00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 2: Not that so.

780
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 1: But even if it's just you saying that to your

781
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,400
Speaker 1: husband on the days that you can when he is home,

782
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:33,160
Speaker 1: just start the practice of asking for a time and

783
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 1: a little space that's reasonable. And also remember this is temporary.

784
00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:39,799
Speaker 1: You're not gonna have a one three to five year

785
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 1: old for the rest of your life. So the better

786
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 1: you have, like the better ability you have to recharge

787
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,719
Speaker 1: your batteries to be present for all of it and

788
00:36:47,760 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 1: all of the chaos, the better you're gonna feel you're

789
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:52,040
Speaker 1: the better you're going to show up as a mom

790
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,200
Speaker 1: when you are tired, the better you're going to show

791
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 1: up as a partner, and the better memories you're gonna

792
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,320
Speaker 1: have in six months and three years and six years.

793
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:03,359
Speaker 4: And it goes fast, because I remember just praying, oh

794
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 4: my gosh, when are they going to be eighteen? Like

795
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 4: I like, when is this gonna be over? Right after

796
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 4: the number five? And now I'll look back and think,

797
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 4: oh my god, it went so fast, like it really does.

798
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:18,040
Speaker 4: Even though I can feel your vibe in front in

799
00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 4: this moment, it doesn't feel that way, but she's right, like,

800
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:25,360
Speaker 4: it won't be this chaotic forever.

801
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 1: You know, what you should do is pick up a book.

802
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 1: I just read this book. It's a great book. It's

803
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 1: called The Correspondent. Pick that up and make that your

804
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 1: first gift to yourself. Get that book, start reading it.

805
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,720
Speaker 1: It's a real easy read. It's really good. You're gonna

806
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:42,560
Speaker 1: like it. Every woman will like this book. And just

807
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 1: give that as a gift to yourself. And when your

808
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 1: husband's around, just say I need.

809
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:47,240
Speaker 2: An hour alone.

810
00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,240
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to the park and read the book,

811
00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 1: or you're gonna go to your room wherever you want

812
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:52,719
Speaker 1: to go. I would say, get out of the house

813
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 1: and just go find somewhere to read a book for

814
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 1: an hour. And that gift alone that you give yourself

815
00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:01,920
Speaker 1: will start leading to new ways and new ideas for

816
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,000
Speaker 1: you to kind of pour more water in your cup.

817
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:08,239
Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, that's a great idea. I feel like, you know,

818
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:10,680
Speaker 5: sometimes you get kind of guilty being like, oh, I

819
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,840
Speaker 5: shouldn't want to, you know, spend time away from my

820
00:38:13,920 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 5: kids when I don't have as much time with them

821
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,840
Speaker 5: because they're in daycare if I'm working and stuff like that.

822
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 5: But I do think that it'll help me bond with

823
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 5: them better when we are together if I do have

824
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:26,720
Speaker 5: a little more time for myself.

825
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, And there's also something about like filling up your

826
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:32,799
Speaker 1: brain with different information than the information you're circulating and

827
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,839
Speaker 1: recirculating all day with your kids, because it's a lot

828
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 1: of the same shit all the time. So it's like

829
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,759
Speaker 1: you can go have a break, read a book, fill

830
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:43,120
Speaker 1: your brain up with someone else's story and someone else's

831
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 1: life that's thought provoking, that gets you out of your head,

832
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:48,800
Speaker 1: and that's like building your kind of you know, brain

833
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:49,960
Speaker 1: power chemistry.

834
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,319
Speaker 2: Your neurotransmitters are like it's all good for you.

835
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 1: So like make sure like make that your first thing,

836
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 1: and then if you love that, then get another book

837
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 1: and make sure you're asking for the time that you

838
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 1: need because no one's going to give you anything that

839
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:05,560
Speaker 1: you don't ask for totally, you know, So you really

840
00:39:05,600 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 1: have to advocate for yourself. Act like you're in a

841
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 1: mental hospital and you're your advocate.

842
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 5: It feels like that sometimes, So I think I can

843
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 5: do that, yes.

844
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:16,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I mean your husband, is he a reasonable guy, like,

845
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,160
Speaker 1: will he get this and understand it?

846
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 4: Yeah?

847
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 2: I think so.

848
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 5: He tries to help out when he's around. It's just

849
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 5: the you know, the kids are usually like mommy, mommy, mommy. Yeah,

850
00:39:25,520 --> 00:39:27,759
Speaker 5: you know, I think maybe getting away, like if I'm

851
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,839
Speaker 5: not physically there, it might be easier for him too,

852
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 5: because they're not always trying.

853
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:34,760
Speaker 2: To go for me, yes, exactly.

854
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 1: And that will help their bond too, because then they'll

855
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:39,879
Speaker 1: spend more time with their father and then they'll start

856
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 1: to lean on him in a more equal way. So

857
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 1: it's like going to work for everyone. It's just like, aa,

858
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 1: it works if you work it totally.

859
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 2: All right, thanks, Yeah, I think that's good advice. Okay,

860
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:52,359
Speaker 2: all right, we'll hit us back.

861
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 1: Let us know. Yeah you like the book, and then

862
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 1: we'll give you books to read if you need more

863
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:56,799
Speaker 1: books to read.

864
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure I would love that. Oh yeah, that's

865
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 4: a great, awesome Okay, all.

866
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 3: Right, thanks so much, Katie, Katie, thank you, bye bye.

867
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 1: Whenever I hear you know, i was watching someone at

868
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 1: the airport and they had four kids traveling, and I'm

869
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, fucking four strollers and.

870
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:16,520
Speaker 4: Four much but that is way too much.

871
00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:19,080
Speaker 1: But also it's just like, tell me if I'm wrong

872
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 1: about this. I feel like, once you have two, you

873
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: may as well have five? Or is it once you

874
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,000
Speaker 1: have three you may as well have you have three?

875
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 2: Three? Yeah? Because three two to three is a big.

876
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 3: My mom always says like after three, it's like basically

877
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:32,480
Speaker 3: more of the same we were four.

878
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:35,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally yeah, and then they can help occupy each

879
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 1: other and start playing with each other. But getting out

880
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:39,920
Speaker 1: of a one year old, like that's the youngest, that

881
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:40,640
Speaker 1: is very hard.

882
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 4: It is hard. She's got them independent, she's definitely got

883
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 4: her hands full.

884
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 3: So Elizabeth says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing to you today

885
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:53,799
Speaker 3: for advice on how to shrug off a man who

886
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 3: isn't worth it when he's stuck in your life indefinitely.

887
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 3: I was married for over ten years until I found

888
00:40:59,280 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 3: out he'd been having a series of affairs and cheating

889
00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 3: for half that time. Ultimately, he wouldn't change his behavior,

890
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:07,319
Speaker 3: so I left. Here's where it gets complicated. We have

891
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 3: a small child together. We have shared custody and our

892
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:12,440
Speaker 3: cool parenting, and we're both determined not to fuck up

893
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 3: our kid with our issues, so we don't let that

894
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 3: drama get in the way. We actually co parent quite well.

895
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 3: We communicate, we can trade days or cover each other

896
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:22,239
Speaker 3: when we need to. We can each attend school extracurricular

897
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 3: events and be around each other for the sake of

898
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,279
Speaker 3: our kid. What I need advice on is how to

899
00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:28,280
Speaker 3: get my heart out of the way. We've been divorced

900
00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 3: for a year now. I threw myself into healing and

901
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,760
Speaker 3: moving on. I've done all the things, therapy, new hobbies, travel,

902
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,759
Speaker 3: I've dated, had casual hookups, and I put myself out there.

903
00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 4: But damn if my heart isn't still broken.

904
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 3: Every time I have to talk to my ex and

905
00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 3: see him, he still has the parts of him I

906
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:45,239
Speaker 3: fell in love with all those years ago. I just

907
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 3: get this sense of loss and longing for what I

908
00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:49,800
Speaker 3: thought I had. What do I do or can't just

909
00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 3: stop seeing him or speaking to him, Like any other

910
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,279
Speaker 3: breakup where you can get a clean break, He'll be

911
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 3: around for my son's entire life. Any advice on how

912
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 3: to take the emotional sting out of this and stop

913
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,880
Speaker 3: nurturing a broken heart for this guy who doesn't deserve it.

914
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 3: My brain says, screw that guy, but my heart doesn't

915
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 3: know what to do with the love I had for

916
00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 3: him for a decade. Elizabeth, I know, I know.

917
00:42:09,040 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 4: This is a tough one.

918
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 2: Well what do you think, I mean, you have experience

919
00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:13,359
Speaker 2: with this.

920
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:16,319
Speaker 4: I think it's so. I think there was one thing

921
00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 4: that she said in there that someone kept saying to me,

922
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,760
Speaker 4: and it was if you can like because she said,

923
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 4: it's like what I picture that we could have had,

924
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 4: Like what it could be? What it that is? The

925
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:34,320
Speaker 4: thing is like for me, it was really being having

926
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 4: to like really make my brain focus on how things

927
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:42,800
Speaker 4: had gotten, how things were, instead of how they should

928
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:46,080
Speaker 4: be or could be. And I don't know that it

929
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 4: actually because when you have kids with someone, I mean,

930
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 4: it makes it so much harder. And especially my kids

931
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 4: are all older, so there was none of the going

932
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,000
Speaker 4: back and forth or having to communicate, which I'm sure

933
00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,640
Speaker 4: is so hard. I mean, I don't know how you

934
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 4: take the emotion out of it or how you change

935
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 4: how you feel, but I think you can look at

936
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 4: things in that way of like, you know, how it

937
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:13,680
Speaker 4: could have been if only this, but you know those

938
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 4: kind of fantasy, you know, and the fantasy when what

939
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:21,120
Speaker 4: is your reality and what reality? That was the hardest

940
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:21,520
Speaker 4: part for me.

941
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:24,840
Speaker 1: And also you have to move into acceptance totally. You

942
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:27,640
Speaker 1: have to accept that the relationship is over. Yeah, and

943
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 1: there's a new book that everyone's talking about Strangers, which

944
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:34,320
Speaker 1: is that woman wrote about this very thing, her husband

945
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 1: cheating on her, the dissolution of their marriage, all of it,

946
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 1: and how she had to basically reconcile because people automatically

947
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 1: assume that when a partner cheats, you fall out of

948
00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:46,879
Speaker 1: love with them.

949
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 2: She said that, and she's like, I didn't.

950
00:43:49,719 --> 00:43:51,680
Speaker 1: I still loved him and I had to deal with

951
00:43:51,840 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: a You have to accept the situation at face value.

952
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 2: There is no more relationship. It's over. So what you

953
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 2: thought was going to be there is not there. But

954
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:03,479
Speaker 2: what's ahead could be even more beautiful than what you had.

955
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:05,160
Speaker 2: So it's really important.

956
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: I mean, we're sitting here with like a perfect living

957
00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 1: example with Tish about how wonderful her life has become

958
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,240
Speaker 1: in this second chapter that she didn't want or expect

959
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:17,200
Speaker 1: or was planning for, you know, not at all, and

960
00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:19,880
Speaker 1: look how happy she is and vibrant like you have

961
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,480
Speaker 1: to be. You have to accept the situation for what

962
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: it is because before that happens, until that happens, you're

963
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,480
Speaker 1: not going to be shown what else is possible in

964
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 1: your life.

965
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:33,279
Speaker 3: Right, And I think like in Elizabeth's situation, like the

966
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,520
Speaker 3: idea of happily ever after with this person wasn't even

967
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,359
Speaker 3: the reality when she was with this person. That's the key, right,

968
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,040
Speaker 3: It was like there was all this drama and all

969
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 3: this turmoil, so like the idea of what it would

970
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 3: have been would have been.

971
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 2: More of that in reality exactly.

972
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, And getting stuck in this kind of romantic idealization

973
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:55,760
Speaker 1: and kind of fantasy is just I think a sign

974
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 1: of you really needing to get grounded and getting g

975
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:04,120
Speaker 1: in the reality of your situation and moving forward, because

976
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:07,920
Speaker 1: really anything is possible in your life. Anything is as

977
00:45:07,960 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 1: soon as you cut these heart strings, you know, and

978
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 1: just start to look at him for what he is,

979
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:13,920
Speaker 1: which is your children's father, and that's it.

980
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:14,319
Speaker 4: Yeah.

981
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think once she does meet someone that

982
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 3: she actually does care about, it's going to start to undo.

983
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 4: A lot of that, you know. I think it undoes that.

984
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 4: And also I think her child is maybe younger too,

985
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:29,280
Speaker 4: and then the relationship you can have with his father

986
00:45:29,640 --> 00:45:34,120
Speaker 4: or your ex like will be so much better and

987
00:45:34,480 --> 00:45:38,880
Speaker 4: clearer in what that actually is. And everybody, it's so

988
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 4: hard to believe when you're in it that things can

989
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:45,839
Speaker 4: get better, that there is someone else for you out there.

990
00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:49,960
Speaker 4: But yeah, I think when you kind of, just like

991
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:54,640
Speaker 4: you said, get grounded in reality of what is is

992
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:58,400
Speaker 4: when you actually can move forward and bring great things

993
00:45:58,440 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 4: into your life. Yeah.

994
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, so good luck to you. Let's keep us posted. Also,

995
00:46:04,239 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 1: we always like to hear feedback, and Tish, are you

996
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 1: going to you're writing a book? Have you started writing

997
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:09,280
Speaker 1: your book?

998
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 4: I was saying, I need to do mine will need

999
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 4: to be a trilogy because there is so much, like

1000
00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 4: so much, but I do need to do that.

1001
00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you need to enjoy yourself totally, like I

1002
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:21,200
Speaker 2: am all for.

1003
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,560
Speaker 1: You just having a great old time me too, and

1004
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 1: just fucking kicking back and doing whatever the fuck you

1005
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 1: feel like.

1006
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 4: I know, I've got to figure out what that is.

1007
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 4: I'm on it. I'm on it.

1008
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 1: We'll start just by having sex with Domino. It's not

1009
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: that you haven't started that, but just continue because I

1010
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:38,480
Speaker 1: think that's Yeah, that part is.

1011
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:41,439
Speaker 2: Thank you Tish for being with us, Thanks for having

1012
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 2: me having Yes check out Sorry We're Cyrus.

1013
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:46,880
Speaker 1: Right, Yes, check out Sorry We're Cyrus. That is a

1014
00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:50,279
Speaker 1: podcast with Tish and Brandy, her daughter Brandy that I

1015
00:46:50,320 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 1: have been on as well and had a great time

1016
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 1: talking to you girls.

1017
00:46:53,120 --> 00:46:55,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so fun and like I said, it's my

1018
00:46:55,400 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 4: favorite thing. So help me.

1019
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:00,040
Speaker 2: If you do.

1020
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,040
Speaker 3: You want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea podcast

1021
00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:07,120
Speaker 3: at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.

1022
00:47:07,400 --> 00:47:10,399
Speaker 3: Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find

1023
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:14,240
Speaker 3: Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited

1024
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:18,440
Speaker 3: and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find

1025
00:47:18,440 --> 00:47:21,640
Speaker 3: full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get

1026
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 3: tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com