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Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio

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Speaker 1: and the black Effects, and just like that we on

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Speaker 1: the air. Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode

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Speaker 1: with your girl. Jeffs hilarious, so we got voice notes.

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Speaker 1: I'm happy, y'all know this gets me happy every single

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Speaker 1: freaking time. Although y'all have been providing me with these

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Speaker 1: long stories and y'all have improved on y'all punctuation, so

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Speaker 1: I ain't gonna lie. I'll take it. I'll take it

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Speaker 1: for what it is. Y'all. Thank you so very much.

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Speaker 1: All right, but we're gonna jump straight in here we are.

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Speaker 2: What's up, Jess. I'm trying to get you to fix

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Speaker 2: this mess. First of all, before I pull from you,

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Speaker 2: I want to make sure I pull into you and

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Speaker 2: let you know how grateful I am for this platform

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Speaker 2: that you have provided, you know, in this safe space

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Speaker 2: for us to get our shit off. I'm a little

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Speaker 2: heavy for you. It's not really in alignment with a

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Speaker 2: lot of the topics that I hear and you know,

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Speaker 2: piece and blessings to them, but this one may be

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Speaker 2: a little different for you. It may not. But I'm adopted.

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Speaker 2: I found out I was adopted two weeks before my

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Speaker 2: senior year of high school. I am right now in

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Speaker 2: my thirties and that one't around the corner or nothing

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Speaker 2: like that, but it just feels like yesterday. You feel me.

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Speaker 2: So I found out that my mom and my dad

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Speaker 2: wasn't my real mom and my dad, and that just

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Speaker 2: changed my world. It flipped my world like upside down.

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Speaker 2: I know that I hear a lot about people being

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Speaker 2: adopted and the unfortunate circumstances behind that, with Falster care,

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Speaker 2: being in the system, being outside on their own, not

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Speaker 2: having nobody around nobody. You feel me. And I always

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Speaker 2: thought that my story wasn't a priority because I've never

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Speaker 2: been in those types of situations. But when I found

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Speaker 2: out I was adopted, I was seventeen years old, and

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Speaker 2: it just it flipped my world. Before then, I was

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Speaker 2: on a I was being groomed for academic success, grew

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Speaker 2: up in after schools, very my parents were worked in

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Speaker 2: the government. Back then. It was like upper middle class.

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Speaker 2: That was that was the class living in Washington, DC,

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Speaker 2: born and raised, and I can hear it. You know,

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Speaker 2: I couldn't really compare. I had my growing parents because

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Speaker 2: you know, I thought they were my parents. So I

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Speaker 2: just thought that's what came with being the kid growing up.

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Speaker 2: But after that day when they told me, you know,

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Speaker 2: I lost myself. I forgot who I was supposed to be.

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Speaker 2: I forgot what I was supposed to do in life.

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Speaker 2: And about I say, about three four years from that,

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Speaker 2: I met my mom, my biological family. Should I say

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Speaker 2: I found out that I was I'm one of nine siblings.

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Speaker 2: I'm not the oldest, second oldest, or third oldest. I'm

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Speaker 2: the fourth old this and I am the only one

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Speaker 2: that was sent away for adoption and put up for adoption.

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Speaker 2: Should I say my mom? The story is she ran

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Speaker 2: away from Philly to I guess my grandmother wanted to

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Speaker 2: have an abortion and she ran away. Shout out to her.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. But in the midst of that,

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Speaker 2: I was asking about my dad, and I'm like, well,

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Speaker 2: my dad will my adopted father asks first on the

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Speaker 2: first meeting, you know, we had set it up complic

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Speaker 2: charities have found a way to bring us together much

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Speaker 2: gratitude than them. But he had asked my grandmother and

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Speaker 2: my mother, you know who your dad, who my father was,

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Speaker 2: And it gave you some like contexts. My dad is

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Speaker 2: kind of like an alpha male, not kind of like

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Speaker 2: he is an alpha male marine from the country. A

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Speaker 2: man's man, you know. He cut dry, he ain't no emotion,

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Speaker 2: tell it like it is, you know. And he wanted

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Speaker 2: to know who he was, and they say they didn't know.

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Speaker 2: So I've known him now for about like ten ten

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Speaker 2: eleven years, and throughout that process, you know, I had

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Speaker 2: gotten closer to my mom. I was the one that,

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Speaker 2: you know, went up there to visit all the time

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Speaker 2: to show love, and my adopted father would always be like,

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Speaker 2: chill out. You know what I'm saying, hold back your love,

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Speaker 2: don't go up there. You know, you gotta understand where

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Speaker 2: you come from. The whole tea, I was trying to

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Speaker 2: figure out where I really came from because I didn't know.

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Speaker 2: It felt like I had been living a lie, you know.

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Speaker 2: So they say they didn't know. I always been asking them, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, my dad talking to my siblings. Everybody else

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Speaker 2: knew who their father was, so I just I could

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Speaker 2: not really pinpoint why nobody knows who my dad is.

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Speaker 2: But I left it alone because I came with open arms,

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Speaker 2: me saying, my mom and my dad the ones that

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Speaker 2: create me. It's a level of respect that I have

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Speaker 2: for them, even though things turned out the way it did,

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Speaker 2: even though they made the decision to do what they

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Speaker 2: needed to do, or however however it was back then.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, but I've come to learn that although

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Speaker 2: I tried to dismiss it, it still bothers me. You know,

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Speaker 2: I still want to know more. I still as much

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Speaker 2: as I want to act like I don't care and

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Speaker 2: not so much don't care, but it's nothing that I

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Speaker 2: can get from. It's something, and my soul tells me

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Speaker 2: that it's some more information. It always told me that,

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Speaker 2: but it was just it was something out did. This

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Speaker 2: didn't make sense. So around the pandemic, you know, everything

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Speaker 2: was on the open truth, the lies. You know, it

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Speaker 2: was a lot of spiritual information out there, and if

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Speaker 2: you tapped in, you caught the beat. So one of

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Speaker 2: the beasts that I caught mom, I caught my mom,

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Speaker 2: my birth mom. One night, I cut her up on

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Speaker 2: the FaceTime and she started talking about her father and

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Speaker 2: this was like some information that I never heard. She

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Speaker 2: never really talked about her past or whoever. And I

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Speaker 2: felt like it was the perfect moment for me to

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Speaker 2: post a question again, like where my dad at Because

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Speaker 2: at this point in time, I'm kind of telling I'm

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Speaker 2: bracing myself and telling myself, you know, happy birthday to

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Speaker 2: my dad and rest the peace of my dad, all

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Speaker 2: at the same time, all in the same breath. So

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Speaker 2: it was just still on my heart to know who

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Speaker 2: this guy was. So she started to elaborate a little bit,

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Speaker 2: and the way she elaborated was if he was around

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Speaker 2: when she ran away. The story for me always starts

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Speaker 2: when she ran away from Philly to DC, you know

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Speaker 2: what I'm saying, And she gave me like a nickname,

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Speaker 2: but she didn't when I went to ask her about

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Speaker 2: who that name was that I've never heard, she kind

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Speaker 2: of snapped out of it and got off the phone,

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Speaker 2: you know, that type of time. So I was just

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Speaker 2: left with that. But it felt like a little piece

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Speaker 2: that I was getting closer, that I wasn't tripping to

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Speaker 2: keep trying to be adamant, like who my dad is.

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Speaker 2: So one day I'm at work, my grandmother calls. Now

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Speaker 2: we didn't have that type of relationship where she called,

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Speaker 2: you know, if I can't pop up in the city

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Speaker 2: and I seen her. You know, it was the grandmother love,

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Speaker 2: but it wasn't like the relationship that I over here

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Speaker 2: like my other siblings have, or my one boy cousin

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Speaker 2: he got real close with. It wasn't that or how

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Speaker 2: the relationship was with my grandmother, my adoptive grandmother, my

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Speaker 2: mother's mother, my adopter's mother's mother. So she called me

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Speaker 2: and I mentioned to her about the conversation that I

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Speaker 2: have with my mom. So she goes into a story

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Speaker 2: that like absolutely blows my mom. And I don't want

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Speaker 2: to get cut off. But one day she was at

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Speaker 2: the bar in Philly and her homegirls. It's my grandmother,

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Speaker 2: So I'm thinking she's probably like in her thirties, her

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Speaker 2: early thirties, like my age around that time or something

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Speaker 2: like that, and her good, good girlfriends told her that

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Speaker 2: there was some dude talking about my mother, her daughter

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Speaker 2: at the time, her minor daughter at the time, and

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Speaker 2: my grandmother ain't like what the people were telling her,

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Speaker 2: so she popped off at the bar and tried to

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Speaker 2: shoot him. He said she shot at him. She said

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Speaker 2: she shot at him three times. She missed though, but

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Speaker 2: she shot at him. So when I hear that story,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, Damn, I'm a bit taken back. I'm taking

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Speaker 2: him back because I'm finally hearing something about my dad.

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Speaker 2: But I'm also taking back like, damn, that's not no

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Speaker 2: story you ever forget. And I have been asking you,

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Speaker 2: I been asking everybody what's up with my dad? Like

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Speaker 2: I don't care what type of man he is? Where

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Speaker 2: he ain't in an alley. If he in an alley,

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Speaker 2: we go get him, you know what I'm saying. If

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Speaker 2: he at the jail, we go visit him. If he

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Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. If he up, We're gonna

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Speaker 2: try to go see up with him and let him know.

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Speaker 2: It's just all love. But I just wanted to know

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Speaker 2: who my pops was. And you can't tell me that

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Speaker 2: it's not fucked up that you wanna tell me your

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Speaker 2: story like this, as if you never as something you forgot.

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Speaker 2: Now you may have forced yourself to forget because it's

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Speaker 2: something you don't want to think about that. I know

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Speaker 2: you in your old age, lady, and you you know

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Speaker 2: you in your Bible and all of this, and you're

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Speaker 2: trying to get right before your days are however, yo,

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Speaker 2: But I've been looked at for my dad and just

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Speaker 2: the way that I opened my arms with no questions

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Speaker 2: of why I'm Why am I the only one that

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Speaker 2: got adopted? What was up with me? Why me? I

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Speaker 2: never posed that? And also I ain't really had time

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Speaker 2: because I was so broken in the fact that the

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Speaker 2: people that I've been with and look like they not

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Speaker 2: even my real parents and everybody else know before me.

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Speaker 2: Everybody knew but me that type time, So I ain't

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Speaker 2: really had time to try to go back on them

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Speaker 2: on those I'm healing. I'm trying to heal. I'm growing.

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Speaker 2: I had to make some mistakes through self sabosage. You

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Speaker 2: know what I'm saying, doubt myself. I lost myself. I

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Speaker 2: ain't never get in trouble go Obama. You know where

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Speaker 2: I like, really hurt myself where I can't come back.

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Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. I want to try and

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Speaker 2: hurt myself, kill my soul. But I felt some type

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Speaker 2: of way, but my heart wouldn't allow me to have

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Speaker 2: my fleshy feelings about this circumstance. Up.

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Speaker 1: Hold up, I know this shit getting good, But listen

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Speaker 1: to just a couple of seconds of a commercial.

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Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen, so fast forward.

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Speaker 1: I It's okay.

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Speaker 2: I found something, you know, I found a lump on

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Speaker 2: my breast, just a little something. At the time, it

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Speaker 2: was just a little lump, and by me going to

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Speaker 2: the doctor and stuff, that question kept th that was,

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Speaker 2: you know your medical history? Do you know your family

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Speaker 2: medical history? And I'm like, I kept just saying I

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Speaker 2: don't know, I don't know. I feel so ignorant, just

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Speaker 2: being like, I don't know. But ever since my grandmother

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Speaker 2: told me that I haven't spoken to them, I just

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Speaker 2: cut off all communication because the next thing that I

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Speaker 2: have to say to my mom is something. It will

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Speaker 2: be presented in a way that she's not used to,

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Speaker 2: not by anger, not by verbal attack, nothing like that.

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Speaker 2: But just like the questions, and I have more and

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Speaker 2: more questions, I have combound. The questions are why me

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Speaker 2: and all that's gonna come out, and I know it is,

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Speaker 2: but at this point in time, I have a medical

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Speaker 2: issue that's causing me to ask questions or why I

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Speaker 2: don't know my medical history? Like I'm fine, I'm good,

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Speaker 2: but if something else supposed to come up. You need

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Speaker 2: to notice. You can't look at your adopted parents because

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Speaker 2: they medical history don't matter. You can't you can't look

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Speaker 2: at nobody that you've been around all your life, that's

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Speaker 2: been family all your life, and get that piece of information.

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Speaker 2: So what I'm asking you, Jess, is because I refuse to.

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Speaker 2: I I've been holding on not calling them because I

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Speaker 2: don't want to. I ain't never been that type of

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Speaker 2: person in that bag, never, never, and I don't have

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Speaker 2: none to say to them. But I know that the

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Speaker 2: mature thing for me and my health is to know

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Speaker 2: this type of information. I can't go in life without

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Speaker 2: this information. So I'm asking you, like, where do I start? Like,

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Speaker 2: although I want that piece of information, I can't let

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Speaker 2: that information distruct me from really want to know the truth.

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Speaker 2: Like why didn't you tell me who my dad was?

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Speaker 2: And you know what the kicker was about the information?

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Speaker 2: She told me that my dad died. She was like,

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Speaker 2: I think your dad passed away. You know, I knew

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Speaker 2: a couple of his friends, and bird on the street

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Speaker 2: was that he died. Like that's what really like fucked

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Speaker 2: me up. So you mean to tell me you're gonna

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Speaker 2: tell me who this man is and then you're gonna

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Speaker 2: tell me he did in the same sensus. I don't know, Jess,

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Speaker 2: I just want to I don't know. I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I ain't gonna see her. I act like I do

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Speaker 2: know because I don't, and I wouldn't be here if

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Speaker 2: I did. So, please, if you couldn't enlighten me, because

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Speaker 2: I ain't trying to get the crying out here. And yes,

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Speaker 2: and yes, I vest to a therapist. I been for

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Speaker 2: a couple. I' vetted a few. But sometimes my story

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Speaker 2: can be so attractive that I lose faith that they

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Speaker 2: can help me, Like somebody can help me because they

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Speaker 2: feel like they so caught up in my story because

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Speaker 2: it's a lot more to it, just my healing journey,

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Speaker 2: how I went from being broken walking around with a

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Speaker 2: half a broken art to really get into my spiritual bag,

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Speaker 2: my my healing bag, my god bag and everything in

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Speaker 2: real arrange in my mind frame, my aura. Like I'm

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Speaker 2: literally I found my purpose within this, within this mess.

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Speaker 2: But I still got questions. Now you're telling me like

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Speaker 2: I can't even see my dad because he did, like

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Speaker 2: it's been that I haven't talked to him, and I

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Speaker 2: still want to know, like what's his real name? Like

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Speaker 2: that's how much it crushed me, Jess, But I appreciate

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Speaker 2: you listening to me. I just had to get it out.

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Speaker 2: It was I'm usually a lot more fluent in my conversation,

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Speaker 2: in my words, but it's a it's a touchy it's

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Speaker 2: a touchy subject for me. But I know for sure

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Speaker 2: I can't let my story die because I feel like

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Speaker 2: it's not worth it compared to others. So again, I

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Speaker 2: appreciate you, I appreciate the listeners. But should I I

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Speaker 2: want to make the car I want to pull up.

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Speaker 2: But what do I say? Because I'm definitely need being

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Speaker 2: considered of people's nervous systems, these old folks. I'm mamba

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Speaker 2: bond on some shit just based on my experience. But nah,

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Speaker 2: like tied, like I've really like, I'm trying my bag.

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Speaker 2: I really need to know these things because you ain't

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Speaker 2: sitting well with me. I keep thinking about it, man,

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Speaker 2: But again, thank you, jess.

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Speaker 1: Oh you're talking about you trying to cry a girl

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Speaker 1: with shit? Okay, So no, this is heavy. This is

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Speaker 1: one of the heavier stories that I've had, you know,

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Speaker 1: and I've had heavy stories in the past, things that

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Speaker 1: I felt like I could help with, but I still

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Speaker 1: wanted people to get that extra professional coverage. You know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. You said you've gone to therapists and

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Speaker 1: a lot of times therapy don't. It helps you express yourself,

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Speaker 1: but it don't help to heal you, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So I do understand that while it works for a

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Speaker 1: lot of people, it just it. It doesn't work to

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Speaker 1: the fullest for a lot of people as well, you know.

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Speaker 1: But I appreciate you sharing this with me, and just

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Speaker 1: just a few things, yes, call them, call them. You

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Speaker 1: got questions, boom, and I love how you're still trying

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Speaker 1: to How can I say this, You're really trying to,

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Speaker 1: You're still thinking about You're putting other people before yourself.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. You're still selfless in the situation.

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Speaker 1: Notice I said selfless and not selfish, and not telling

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Speaker 1: you to be selfish, but shit, you got to put

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Speaker 1: yourself first, because ty, while you walking around broken hearted,

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Speaker 1: you don't know who you are. You're trying to heal,

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Speaker 1: and you don't even know what the hell you're exactly

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Speaker 1: trying to heal from. You're still putting other people's feelings

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Speaker 1: before yours. I don't care how old they are. You

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Speaker 1: ain't supposed to care how old they are. Somebody owes

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Speaker 1: you some answers, and it's not just your mom, that

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Speaker 1: ain't just your grandmother. It's both of them, and they

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Speaker 1: just have to be held accountable. That's the biggest word

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Speaker 1: in this situation, accountability. You were a baby, like you said,

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Speaker 1: you are one of nine children and the only one

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Speaker 1: that was put up for adoption. I do respect your

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Speaker 1: mom for not letting her, letting your grandmother, you know,

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Speaker 1: force her into an abortion, because that's how you still

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00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:31,320
Speaker 1: hear so all that about suicide and killing yourself. You

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Speaker 1: are here for a reason, and you do make a difference.

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Speaker 1: Whether you feel like there are days that you don't,

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Speaker 1: you do. You do make a difference. Know your story

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Speaker 1: ain't about the fault to the wayside. And there are

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Speaker 1: others just like you. Even if you don't do therapy,

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Speaker 1: there are support groups. There are women and men just

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Speaker 1: like you that feel like unknowns that feel worse than orphans,

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Speaker 1: that feel that feel like they don't even know where

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Speaker 1: they be long because they don't know who they are.

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Speaker 1: You don't kill yourself for that, And you don't feel

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Speaker 1: bad or or tiptoe around somebody's fucking feelings, you know,

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Speaker 1: because you don't want somebody to feel bad. You don't

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Speaker 1: want to trigger memory well, maybe if you do trigger

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Speaker 1: a couple of memories, you can get some answers because

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Speaker 1: you need that. You're in your thirties, Like you said,

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Speaker 1: your whole world was flipped upside down. You seventeen, you know,

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Speaker 1: discovering that the people that raise you aren't even your parents.

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Speaker 1: You got a lump on your breast. You go to

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Speaker 1: the doctor. You said you felt ignorant not knowing your

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Speaker 1: medical history because you don't know shit about your dad's

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Speaker 1: medical history or your mother's medical history. She owe you

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Speaker 1: some answers. I don't care what she going. I don't care.

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Speaker 1: And yes, you do come with love, but that love

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Speaker 1: gonna only go but so far until it turns to hate,

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Speaker 1: until it turns to anguish and misery. And that's not

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Speaker 1: where you deserve to be. So for thirteen fourteen plus years,

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Speaker 1: you've had a void that you have haven't been able

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Speaker 1: to fill because you don't know who you are. It's okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest. I cannot relate to this. I cannot.

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00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:16,320
Speaker 1: But what I can do is tell you need to

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00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,320
Speaker 1: pick up that phone you want to pull up, Pull

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00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 1: up shit, what they're gonna do? Shoot you shit? What

338
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 1: can they do other than look at you like you're crazy,

339
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,919
Speaker 1: other than tell you more lies. You don't stop trying,

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00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,919
Speaker 1: You don't. You pull up your grandmother, you pull up

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Speaker 1: your mom. Look, I know y'all may be going through things.

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00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:41,960
Speaker 1: I know these memories, may you know suppress y'all And

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00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,480
Speaker 1: this is a memory lane that you don't want to

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Speaker 1: go down. But please for me, for me, tell me y'all,

345
00:19:51,359 --> 00:19:53,280
Speaker 1: y'all think this shit is just gonna get swept under

346
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:57,280
Speaker 1: the rug? Why am I the one the only one

347
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:01,440
Speaker 1: of nine that had to be adopted by somebody else? Now,

348
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,919
Speaker 1: much gratitude to your adopted parents. They definitely did right

349
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 1: with you. You're smart, you're articulate, yes you are, But you're

350
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:13,200
Speaker 1: still broken, beautiful woman, but you are still broken, and

351
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 1: your adopted parents can't fix that shit. Even your mom

352
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 1: and your grandmother they can't fix it. But they can

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Speaker 1: help you fix it by telling you the fucking truth,

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Speaker 1: which you need to demand. Like I said, I don't

355
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Speaker 1: care how old they are. You don't need to care

356
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Speaker 1: either how old your grandmother is. If she ain't nonverbal

357
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:40,200
Speaker 1: and physically disable, she can tell you. Oh, she can

358
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 1: jog a memory she remembers, she shot at somebody who

359
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,600
Speaker 1: shot at your dad. She didn't like the way they

360
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 1: were speaking of her daughter. So that tells me that

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Speaker 1: she was automatically protective, overprotective, but fucking protective. That's her baby,

362
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Speaker 1: all right, Cool, your mom she ran away because she

363
00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 1: didn't want to abort you. We don't know what the

364
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: situation was back then, but that tells me she's protective

365
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 1: in some type of way, protective over her child who

366
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,000
Speaker 1: was in her womb. She knew she didn't want to

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Speaker 1: get rid of you. So you do have a purpose,

368
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 1: you do, but you gotta dig deeper with them, and

369
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 1: you can't be afraid to do it boom, because who

370
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,359
Speaker 1: else gonna do it? If you love me, you'll listen

371
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 1: to this commercial and then we'll be right back. And

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Speaker 1: it's okay. It's okay for you to get emotional with me.

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00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:35,439
Speaker 1: It's okay, sit I got emotional with you. You know.

374
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Speaker 1: I wish I could give you the biggest hug and

375
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:42,480
Speaker 1: just snatch you up. I do wish that you need

376
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,960
Speaker 1: that from your mom, You need that from your grandmother.

377
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:48,560
Speaker 1: You need for them to just be like, fuck it. Listen,

378
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:52,439
Speaker 1: this is what happened. You don't stop because you went

379
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,879
Speaker 1: thinking about everybody else's nervous system. You don't stop, You

380
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 1: don't stop. You be honest with them. You tell them

381
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,000
Speaker 1: these stories that I tried to kill my Listen, my

382
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 1: world was flipped upside down. I need to know. Since

383
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 1: I was seventeen, my life has not been the same.

384
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Speaker 1: What happened, Man, was up. I'm your baby. I'm your

385
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 1: baby too. Why mean? What did I do make her feel? You?

386
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:22,399
Speaker 1: You understand there's already a connection because she is your mother.

387
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 1: Maybe she feels so bad about it. She trying to

388
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 1: run from it. She tried to bury those memories. Man,

389
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 1: dig them up, help her dig them up, and then

390
00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 1: y'all go to therapy together. That's how you clean that up.

391
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,760
Speaker 1: I don't give a fuck how long it take. You

392
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,239
Speaker 1: need your answers, and you need to get them. Your

393
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:43,879
Speaker 1: grandmother too. All three of y'all sit in the room,

394
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:49,720
Speaker 1: y'all talk, Make them talk to you, make them feel you,

395
00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,119
Speaker 1: make them feel how you've been feeling. Make them see

396
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,359
Speaker 1: what this has done to you. A part of me

397
00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 1: wants to say, man, I wish that your foster parents

398
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 1: didn't you know, your adopted parents didn't tell you this,

399
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 1: But for that very reason that you were in that

400
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,359
Speaker 1: hospital at your appointment and you got the lump on

401
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,639
Speaker 1: your breast and they needed to know your medical history.

402
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 1: Is why, the very reason why everybody should know where

403
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:19,160
Speaker 1: they came from. What if you have kids and they

404
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 1: want to know where the fuck they came from, you

405
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:26,879
Speaker 1: need to have this information, period. And I love what

406
00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 1: you said about how you've gone to therapy and you know,

407
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 1: you've been an open book to a lot of therapists

408
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 1: or whatever, you know, but they get so lost in

409
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:40,640
Speaker 1: your story that they don't even help you. They don't

410
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,879
Speaker 1: even know what it is that can help you that

411
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:45,920
Speaker 1: they you know, because this is a very interesting story,

412
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:49,680
Speaker 1: But that don't mean you can't be helped. It ain't

413
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 1: so interesting where they got to lose that way where

414
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,439
Speaker 1: you can lose your way on trying to help a person.

415
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,720
Speaker 1: It is, it's so interesting, you should write a book,

416
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But you can't write a

417
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:04,720
Speaker 1: book until you get the end, you know, til you

418
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 1: get more answers. I also love how you said you

419
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 1: just want to know where your dad is. If he

420
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,679
Speaker 1: in the alley, let's go get him. If he locked up,

421
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,840
Speaker 1: let's go visit him. If wherever, wherever he is, you

422
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:19,240
Speaker 1: don't know his name, even if he is deceased, where

423
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 1: is he buried, Let's go, let's go cemetery wherever, where's

424
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 1: his family? You want to know your grandmother, your other grandmother,

425
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 1: if your dad had any other kids, anything, anything. And

426
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,439
Speaker 1: I also love how your adopted parents helped you. What

427
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,439
Speaker 1: I want to say about them is, you know, like

428
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:41,680
Speaker 1: you said, your dad who raised you, he was telling you, man,

429
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,040
Speaker 1: don't go down you know, don't go down there and

430
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:47,399
Speaker 1: try to give all and huge sounds like he was

431
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 1: just trying to protect you from being hurt because you're

432
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 1: still there, baby, you know what I mean. And they

433
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,640
Speaker 1: raised you, you know, and they just seem like he's

434
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,080
Speaker 1: just seemed like he was trying to protect you. So

435
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,720
Speaker 1: you didn't say you were angry with him or whatever.

436
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 1: But I just want you to know where that came from.

437
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 1: That just came. That just comes from him not wanting

438
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 1: to see his daughter hurt. Because this shit does hurt.

439
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 1: This shit hurts me and it's not even my situation.

440
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:16,879
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying. So I don't want you

441
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:21,119
Speaker 1: to give up just because you know, it seems like

442
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 1: you've beating a dead horse. Beat that motherfucker till it

443
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: comes alive. That's what it is. You need your answers,

444
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 1: and you should get them money, and I want you

445
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,920
Speaker 1: to keep me updated. I want to follow your story more.

446
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: If there's anything else you ever want to tell me.

447
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 1: You keep on sending those voice notesboo, like you keep

448
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 1: on crying to me, You keep on opening up. It's

449
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 1: all right, shit, it's all right. You know I ain't

450
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 1: too good to listen ever, you know what I mean.

451
00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,160
Speaker 1: Neither are my listeners. Listen. Let me tell you something.

452
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 1: So many people listen to this podcast where somebody will

453
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 1: more than likely reach out to me to help you

454
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 1: find your father's family. I've had things like that happen

455
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,439
Speaker 1: because somebody was listening and heard your story on my

456
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,160
Speaker 1: podcast and reached out to me to get information on

457
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: you to help you find them. If you can't get

458
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 1: those answers from your mom and your grandmother, but I

459
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: think you still should try, still should try. It don't matter,

460
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 1: Be persistent, it don't matter. Do not give up because

461
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: they sleeping at night you're not. They know who they are,

462
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 1: you don't, so they owe you that. I don't care.

463
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 1: They owe you that and if you never get the

464
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,159
Speaker 1: masters from them, I'm telling you gonna get them from

465
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 1: somewhere else, because there are ways. I have a cousin

466
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:46,960
Speaker 1: who found her dad, finally found her dad. Her mom

467
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 1: told her the same thing, Oh he died. He died

468
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,720
Speaker 1: just because she wanted to suppress those memories, like nah, nah,

469
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:57,720
Speaker 1: what I went through with your dad was too horrifying.

470
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,719
Speaker 1: But the thing is, when my cousin found her father,

471
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:05,760
Speaker 1: he had just died months before she found him. Her

472
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,479
Speaker 1: mom was telling her he had been dead for years

473
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 1: and he wasn't. He died from Sarka dosis months before

474
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 1: my cousin found him. You get what I'm saying, So listen,

475
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,400
Speaker 1: it ain't ever too fucking late to do your own

476
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 1: research and figure it out. Boom it ain't. And that

477
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 1: shit didn't cost her much. You understand what I'm saying,

478
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:31,800
Speaker 1: So get your answers and hopefully somebody hear the story

479
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,360
Speaker 1: and reach out to me to help you do more.

480
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 1: I love you, and keep updating me. And if you

481
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:44,160
Speaker 1: don't want to continue on the podcast, we can continue

482
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:49,680
Speaker 1: in the DMS. You know what I'm saying, because after this,

483
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,640
Speaker 1: after I end this episode, I'm still gonna be thinking

484
00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 1: about it. You know what I mean. This doesn't your story.

485
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,760
Speaker 1: Don't die right here because the episode is over, okay,

486
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:04,680
Speaker 1: So check back in and keep me up dated, bab.

487
00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: And just like that, we've come to the end of

488
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,200
Speaker 1: her story. Took up the whole thing, and that's fine

489
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 1: with me. Y'all know we've had episodes like this before.

490
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 1: So keep her in your prayers, guys, I know I

491
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 1: sure will, and everybody have a blessed day out there,

492
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 1: and in to all other people out there who feel

493
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:25,439
Speaker 1: like they don't know who they are because they're in

494
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 1: the same situation, y'all need to do the same thing.

495
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 1: Get them answers. There are people that can help you

496
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 1: and your family now, whether they want to or not,

497
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: it's on them. But I'm telling you, people know things,

498
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:42,480
Speaker 1: people know shit, and the truth can only be hidden

499
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 1: for so long. I love y'all and then my deepest

500
00:28:46,400 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 1: pan voice peace. Next weeks. Camp Reckless is a production

501
00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 1: of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

502
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:09,800
Speaker 1: visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen

503
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:10,720
Speaker 1: to your favorite shows.