WEBVTT - Things I'm Unlearning 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:08.840 Hello, gorgeous, it's La La Kent. Welcome to Untraditionally Lala 0:00:09.039 --> 0:00:13.079 Hey Bams, welcome back to the bonus episode of Untraditionally 0:00:13.200 --> 0:00:18.959 Lala with myself and tit Hey. So I asked you 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:20.680 guys because I was thinking what would be a good 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:25.640 bonus episode because I miss getting our listeners involved. So 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:28.640 if you guys don't know, make sure you go and 0:00:28.680 --> 0:00:32.480 follow Untraditionally Laala Pod. I'm going to be posting there 0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:36.760 every week to ask you questions and whatever. The topic 0:00:36.880 --> 0:00:43.360 is this Monday, it's things I'm unlearning. And we were 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:50.040 flooded with people telling us what they are trying to unlearn. 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:52.440 And what's so hard is I feel like sometimes you 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:55.280 just come into the world as you are right actually 0:00:55.280 --> 0:00:58.440 for the most part, So when you think back on 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:02.080 behavior that you're like, this is not serving me. You're 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:05.120 having to unlearn something some things for me that have 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:08.520 been happening for the past fucking twenty years. How the 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.360 hell do I unlearn? And I was thinking as I 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:14.440 was going through this topic, I'm trying to just like 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:19.320 unlearned being me like very intense. There's so many things 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:22.280 on a regular basis that I go through in my 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:24.520 mind because I'm a virgo and I beat myself up 0:01:24.560 --> 0:01:29.760 and I like obsess over every detail of when something 0:01:29.800 --> 0:01:31.840 went wrong, and how can I change myself? What can 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:35.120 I do? It's like, okay, we have to we have 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:37.679 to still like tap into self love, like you don't 0:01:37.720 --> 0:01:39.800 need to change everything about yourself, but how do we 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:42.560 tweak it just enough so this shit doesn't keep happening? 0:01:43.800 --> 0:01:50.440 So I would say, gosh, I want you to go 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:51.040 first tea. 0:01:51.720 --> 0:01:56.160 Mmm, what are you unlearning the definition of successful? 0:01:57.080 --> 0:01:59.320 Walk me through that, because I actually really like this one, 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:00.480 and I feel like we've talked. 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:03.120 About this, yeah, and maybe a lot of people feel 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:08.080 like this, but you know, for me, it was always like, 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:10.360 I don't know what you see for a man is 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:13.760 like success is like financially taking care of a family, 0:02:13.800 --> 0:02:17.360 making you know, it's money based, and I'm trying to 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:23.720 understand that honestly, money is like the least important thing. Okay, 0:02:23.919 --> 0:02:26.400 you know, yeah, success is like me being there for 0:02:26.480 --> 0:02:29.480 you when you need something. Success for me is like 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:33.480 being there to take my mom to doctor's appointments, being 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:37.760 there for your kids, just like a firm like man 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:41.400 in the house. So like just things like that I'm 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:44.800 trying to relearn that that is success because I'm helping 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:48.840 out many of people, and especially these little girls, to 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:51.520 show what a man should do, how a man should 0:02:51.520 --> 0:02:54.080 treat women and hopefully send them off into the world 0:02:54.120 --> 0:02:56.800 with a little bit of an understanding. And to me, 0:02:56.880 --> 0:03:00.919 that's successful. So, yeah, it doesn't because it was always 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:04.480 money for me, like how can I and not billions 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:07.080 or you know, it was just like I want to 0:03:07.120 --> 0:03:09.520 be able to take all of you guys on a 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:11.280 trip and little things like that, and it was like, 0:03:11.440 --> 0:03:13.160 you know, it's tough. Money is hard. We all know 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:16.000 it's hard to come by. But like I would beat 0:03:16.000 --> 0:03:18.600 myself up over that, and then as time went on, 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:21.240 I was like, I need to redefine this or I 0:03:21.480 --> 0:03:25.519 will fucking lose myself. And so being there and like, honestly, 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:30.240 redefining the success like money has been easier in a sense, 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:33.400 if that makes sense. Okay, So I don't know, redefining 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:37.800 it like success for me is being present in the 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:42.560 lives of everyone around me that I enjoy and being 0:03:43.240 --> 0:03:47.640 somebody who they can call upon if things get very dark, right, 0:03:48.160 --> 0:03:50.680 So that is where I'm trying to retrain. Is just 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:54.000 like being a good person, being present and doing things 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:54.600 with purpose. 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:58.240 I love that you brought this up as something that 0:03:58.280 --> 0:04:00.680 you're un learning because we have this converse a lot, 0:04:00.720 --> 0:04:04.160 and like you wanting to, you know, make your mark 0:04:04.280 --> 0:04:06.440 and all of these things. And as you were talking 0:04:06.440 --> 0:04:08.840 about all the things you want, which I think is great, 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:12.200 and I am here to support you and whatever you 0:04:12.240 --> 0:04:15.600 want to go and do when it comes to that. 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:19.279 But I think society has taught us that success means 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:24.719 you have money, you have something like a business to 0:04:24.839 --> 0:04:27.880 show for it. And I had to point out to 0:04:27.920 --> 0:04:31.680 you because you were really beating yourself up, like what 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:35.120 you bring to this family every single day with such 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:42.320 a selfless heart, like you are the only I mean, 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:49.720 I don't want to discredit Ocean's dad, but without going there, 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:56.280 you are the only male figure that my kids, especially 0:04:56.360 --> 0:04:58.320 Sosa have. 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:03.640 Yeah, and here's the thing I know about the other 0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:08.880 side before Ocean was even born, you know. Yeah, we 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:13.360 were over there, so I saw things and like it 0:05:13.440 --> 0:05:15.039 is what it is. But the one thing that I 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:19.479 can be for Ocean is always there, yeah, right, and 0:05:19.520 --> 0:05:22.239 that in present, because I feel like that's what she needs, 0:05:22.279 --> 0:05:23.799 is just a man who is present. 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:27.599 Right, And I say that you do that with a 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:34.640 selfless heart because you You don't do it because you have to. 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:37.159 You do it because you want to. And like that 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:39.479 means everything to me. Like when you come out of 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:41.800 your house and I see like your blonde dreadlocks is 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:44.719 king over to like start the morning, like I get 0:05:44.720 --> 0:05:47.200 excited and happy. I'm like, oh, my friend, Yeah, Like 0:05:48.040 --> 0:05:51.520 you're such a bright light. So although you have all 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:53.279 of these things you want to go and do, I 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:57.880 don't want it to ever be lost that you've already 0:05:57.920 --> 0:06:01.440 reached the highest lifelevel of success you can get to. 0:06:01.800 --> 0:06:02.719 Thank you for that. 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:05.599 And you are very much appreciated. And the hard work 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:07.599 on it, whole family. 0:06:07.360 --> 0:06:09.960 For real, thank you still working on it. Go into 0:06:10.000 --> 0:06:13.960 my AA. Good for you doing this thing. We're doing 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:16.320 this thing, doing this thing. It's not very It really 0:06:16.400 --> 0:06:16.840 is rough. 0:06:17.200 --> 0:06:19.039 The money is hard to come by, it really is. 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:21.520 And everybody I feel like listening will know that it's 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:24.600 it's hard to start a business. It's hard to figure 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:28.080 out what you really enjoy, what you are passionate about, 0:06:28.200 --> 0:06:31.440 and just getting up under like getting up and out 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:34.200 of under the man. You know. Yeah, it's it's very hard, 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:37.080 and it's you know a lot of people are doing it, 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:40.600 and I hope success comes to everybody who's doing it. 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:43.400 It's just very very hard, very hard. 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:46.960 But I think if you just strive for like happiness 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:47.560 and passion. 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:50.920 Guess what, me and mom because Lisa b we we 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:53.200 were talking and in the past month she's made a 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:57.120 huge leap. We're getting back in two blondes and bends. 0:06:57.600 --> 0:06:59.320 So don't you worry. We're back. 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:02.120 I know, looking and I'm like, where's we're gonna be back? 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:02.920 We're going to be back. 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:07.760 I'll share my uh unlearning at the end. So this 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:11.600 is what our listeners submitted. People pleasing and being a doormat. 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:15.880 That's a hard one to unlearn, and I feel like 0:07:15.920 --> 0:07:17.040 a lot of people. 0:07:16.840 --> 0:07:21.400 Have that because whom learns well to whoever learns. I 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:23.560 don't know the whom and all that shit. I don't 0:07:23.560 --> 0:07:24.160 care to. 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:28.680 Yeah, sometimes it's who instead of whom. 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:31.720 And I don't know if it's who or whom, but 0:07:31.920 --> 0:07:35.240 to whom it may concerns. Yeah, if you figure that out, 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:36.400 let me know, because. 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:40.120 Like, well, sometimes it's just easier to eat it, right. 0:07:40.320 --> 0:07:44.000 It is, but like not every time, not every time, 0:07:44.080 --> 0:07:47.720 And like here's the thing, it's being out and about 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:49.560 and standing up for yourself, but in a way that 0:07:49.640 --> 0:07:52.040 you don't look like an asshole. Like that's how I'm 0:07:52.080 --> 0:07:54.400 taking that. It's like I'm a people pleaser, even out 0:07:54.400 --> 0:07:55.840 and about, like oh no, you go ahead, and it's 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:58.760 like I'm gonna rush fuck you, you know, but I 0:07:58.800 --> 0:07:59.840 still let it happen. 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:02.640 Yeah, you're like almost my flight. But that's fine. 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:07.280 Because you're happier than me right now. Yeah fuck you. Yeah, yeah, 0:08:07.360 --> 0:08:09.920 I can't do it anymore. I got to be like, nah, motherfucker, 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:12.160 I got to catch this thing too. I get it, 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:14.200 you know. I like that one. 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:16.600 This person wants to stop punishing themselves. 0:08:18.000 --> 0:08:18.760 Figure that one out. 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:22.360 Tell me to relate to that, like, let it go. 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:25.320 Let it go, let it go. I know, I kind 0:08:25.320 --> 0:08:29.320 of wish I was Dory just forgetting, just forgot. 0:08:29.120 --> 0:08:33.640 Not really not having any ability for short term memory 0:08:33.880 --> 0:08:34.600 sounds awful. 0:08:34.800 --> 0:08:37.440 Well, I'm not talking about all of it. I'm just thinking, like, 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:40.400 if I did something I didn't like, just Dory. 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:44.959 Just keep swimming. I relate to that one because I 0:08:45.600 --> 0:08:50.480 I I punish myself pretty heavily. And I've told you 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:52.640 guys this. I talked to my sponsor and I would 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:55.440 loop and obsess, and she finally was like, Lailah, you're 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:57.360 on the verge of a relapse. If you continue to 0:08:57.400 --> 0:09:00.680 punish yourself, You've got to fucking let it go. It 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:06.400 is not that big of a deal. Like it's fine, 0:09:07.720 --> 0:09:10.600 I was your side of the street, clean and move on. 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:14.079 What success. I was like, that's if I didn't change it, 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:17.199 that's where I was going to be headed. Yeah, because 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:18.840 you just beat yourself up and you got to get 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:20.240 away from you and how do you do it? 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:24.079 Everywhere I go there, I am what a nightmare? 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:26.239 What a nightmare? 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:30.040 Just because their family doesn't mean you have to love them. 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:34.400 I agree, Lisa. 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:38.559 No, but like it's so true, like growing up in 0:09:38.679 --> 0:09:42.920 Utah with such a big family, like I don't talk 0:09:42.960 --> 0:09:46.439 to any of my cousins, any of my aunts and uncles. 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:48.680 My family is I don't even. 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:52.840 Talk to my dad anymore. I thought it was a 0:09:52.840 --> 0:09:57.080 good one. Why not to throw it in In eight 0:09:57.160 --> 0:10:00.520 years I've heard from that, haven't heard from at all. 0:10:00.760 --> 0:10:04.439 You just it's like, are you okay, buddy, you're dead 0:10:04.520 --> 0:10:06.439 or something? 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:06.800 Fucking croke? 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:09.800 Get sure you're alive, Sure you're not dead. 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:15.719 But I do agree there are some shitty families out there, Yeah, right, 0:10:15.840 --> 0:10:19.360 them off them off? Because you can your friends. 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:21.120 Blood is thicker than water? 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:26.719 What well I can clean the blood with water, so no, 0:10:26.920 --> 0:10:27.480 but what is. 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:29.199 Blood is thicker than water? 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:34.880 Well? My friends are my blood. I guess water. 0:10:36.720 --> 0:10:40.320 I obviously do under your blood. That person's just water, like, 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:45.000 I got it. But like, but water goes down the 0:10:45.040 --> 0:10:47.640 throat much better. I'm not trying to be up in 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:49.800 here vampiring my ass off. 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:53.640 And swimming in water is much better rather the thirst. 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:56.679 All right, I have fun when Wow, I. 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:57.840 Rather quench my thirst. 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:04.160 So I'm taking beautiful all right. To not wait on 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:07.000 my husband hand and foot, I am a wife and partner, 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:08.280 not a chef and nanny. 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:10.800 Bitch, you better get it. 0:11:10.080 --> 0:11:13.760 It is the best thing I have ever heard. 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:15.840 What I think you do is get a ladder, get 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:18.280 on your roof when he gets home, you shout exactly that, 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:21.280 and then you get down. We can cook them up. 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:24.480 That is so good. To not wait on my husband, 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:26.760 hand and foot. I am a wife and a partner, 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:28.200 not a chef and a nanny. 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:32.400 Amen, who is this man? I'll have a word. 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:34.800 I don't think she needs you to have a word. 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:41.160 She's got it covered. You better work, bitch. My opinion 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:45.560 matters too, That's a great one. What I have to 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:47.800 say is just as important as everybody else's. 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:49.520 I kind of want to print all of these off 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:52.240 and put them on so I can read them every 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:54.200 day and be like, I'm not going to care about that, 0:11:54.960 --> 0:11:55.200 you know. 0:11:55.760 --> 0:11:59.120 I think that that's one thing, not one. There's many 0:11:59.160 --> 0:12:05.000 things that I absolutely adore about filming a reality TV show. 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:10.440 I love I get a high off of those moments 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:15.400 of disagreement. I love debating back and forth. 0:12:15.920 --> 0:12:17.800 The one thing that I feel like Bravo has done 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:19.400 for you guys and all of that is like a 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:21.719 safe space for you to do it well. 0:12:21.760 --> 0:12:25.880 Our production team is everything, right, those are our people who, Yes, 0:12:26.840 --> 0:12:31.839 we're here to make a show, and I entertain. 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:34.440 Even because me and you talking on this about mom 0:12:34.760 --> 0:12:37.520 so much easier than just like having it, I know, 0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:39.680 because this is protecting. Yes. 0:12:39.679 --> 0:12:42.360 But what's great about reality TV is they sit there 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:46.280 and they are asking you what do you think? And 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:48.760 sometimes you're like, I don't know, I haven't really thought 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:50.120 about it. It's like I'm gonna need you to think 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:53.520 about it. What do you feel? How do you feel 0:12:53.600 --> 0:12:56.920 about how this person did this, and you you do 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:00.359 start realizing like, oh my god, my voice fucking mass. 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:02.640 There's gonna be people who agree with me, there's gonna 0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:05.800 be people who don't. Then you watch it back, because 0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:07.120 that's the other thing, perspective, and. 0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.120 You're like, oh, wow, I don't agree with myself. 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:15.280 Perspective is everything how I approached someone and how they 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:19.160 respond Like for me, I could feel like I totally 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:21.800 handled it the right way and that they just didn't, 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:24.640 you know, receive it that way. When you watch, you're 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:26.760 able to look back and be like, wow, that actually 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:28.760 wasn't my proudest moment. I could have been a lot 0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:33.480 more delicate. Our conversation with Mom in the car so delicate. 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:35.880 If I had to watch that back, I think I 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:37.040 would probably be mortified. 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:39.920 I don't think you'd be very happy. But I have 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:44.280 to say that I kicked myself because I also was 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:46.560 a little frustrated. Here's the one thing that me and 0:13:46.600 --> 0:13:49.520 mom did talk about yesterday, and I said, Lisa, the 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:54.480 one thing that irritated Lauren, that irritated me, That is 0:13:54.520 --> 0:13:57.240 why we had the conversation is when she brought out 0:13:57.320 --> 0:14:00.920 your phone and you said sorry, I just so worried 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:05.160 about everyone else. I said, right there is where you 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:08.640 fucking clock the both of us. And that's why we 0:14:08.720 --> 0:14:11.360 had the conversation. And she was like, you own you're right. 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:15.040 And I was like, that's fine that you're like doing 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:16.440 things and she was like and she was like, well, 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:18.240 I grab the credit card and I was like, that's great, 0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:20.320 but now you gotta grab your phone, you gotta grab 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:22.880 your glasses, you gotta grab it all. I was like, 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:26.680 so that you sang, I was worried about everyone else? 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:28.440 Is what fucking. 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:33.080 Sparked me and Lauren, yes, and that's and she got 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:35.520 the door open and I was like, it's the little 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:37.960 things mom in the car and I was gonna come 0:14:37.960 --> 0:14:39.520 back out and clean up. 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:44.560 She wasn't you got me fucked up? Love verdada, but 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:46.600 little things like that, but that. But I told her 0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:48.680 that that's why we and she was like that makes sense. 0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:50.440 I was like, because Lisa, you have to know you 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:51.760 not taking care of everyone. 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:55.760 Did you see me yesterday? I was lathering the pancakes 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:58.880 for her, putting syrup because she was like, the table 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:03.160 pancakes on all of them. So I'm like feeding Sosa, 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:06.560 lathering the pancakes ocean knee eater eggs, but she wants 0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:08.440 it with toast. I'm trying to cut that. Like I 0:15:08.560 --> 0:15:11.840 felt like an octopus and granted love. 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:13.560 It best part to the best part. 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:15.360 Tell me what is the best part. 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:21.240 So as she's octopusing around me, well, no, she doesn't know. 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:26.680 Sosa is doing something you can't even remember. And Lisa 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:29.400 just looks it over and then goes, Lauren, your daughter 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:31.040 needs that, and it's. 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:34.600 Like, Lauren, she's about to pull her water. I was like, 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:36.600 you're right across from her, stand up and help me, 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:39.920 Like it's so overwhelmed, so overwholmed. 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:43.440 But she's been helping everyone. So that is where that started. 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:47.080 But I did point in her opinionated mind, she was 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.920 going to do X, Y and Z. I think opinions 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:52.520 are like assholes. Everyone has one. But you know what, 0:15:52.640 --> 0:15:55.280 all shit don't care. I'm going to voice mine. If 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:58.640 you're going to voice you, I'm going I'm going to 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:00.640 voice mine, and we're gonna have a back and forth 0:16:00.680 --> 0:16:03.120 about it until I feel like i'm right or until 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.280 I see your point. If you can make sense to 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:08.800 me or I can make sense to you, we're good 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:24.520 voice your opinion. It does matter, delays can actually present 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:30.040 opportunities you weren't focused on. Wow, I saw my whole 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:31.360 thing is like, no, got to do it now. 0:16:31.760 --> 0:16:35.400 If I saw a quote and it was like it 0:16:35.480 --> 0:16:39.360 was like God, delaying things in your life is to 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:45.160 make the things that you don't seem unimportant important. They're important. 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:47.560 Like the quote was amazing kind of on that thing, 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:50.520 and it was like He's these things aren't working because 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:53.280 they're not that important and you're not seeing the real importance. Oh, 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:56.560 so that's what it will show you the time. 0:16:56.800 --> 0:17:01.200 Can I tell you this presents something much grander to me, 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:06.920 which is putting faith in something bigger than you. There's 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:12.240 always a reason, I know, and you know what outside 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:16.960 I think I say this all the time, me believing 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:19.399 in the universe or whatever. And it could be just 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:21.560 to make myself feel better. 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:25.159 I think that's all of everything is Without that, what 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.080 do we have nothing? You have nothing. 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:29.879 It's okay to be in your thirties and single. 0:17:31.000 --> 0:17:32.080 I'll say that louder. 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:36.920 Please, No, Can I tell you she's onto something? When 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:39.520 I meet these young girls and they're like, oh, I 0:17:39.560 --> 0:17:41.960 want to have a baby by the time I'm thirty, Yes, 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:48.440 I got it. Biological clock totally important. I didn't even 0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:53.920 really know who I was until probably this past year. 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:56.080 I don't know the hell I am. 0:17:56.400 --> 0:18:00.760 Like, I truly think thirties are your new twenties, forties 0:18:00.800 --> 0:18:03.560 are the new thirties, and so on and so forth, 0:18:04.080 --> 0:18:08.080 and it is totally fine. And I'm not just saying 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:11.360 this this. I have spiraled on this a lot where 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:13.320 I talk to my mom and I'm like, I'm fucking 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:16.480 thirty five. I'm gonna be thirty six next month. I 0:18:16.520 --> 0:18:22.000 have never been married. I've never experienced true partnership. And 0:18:22.040 --> 0:18:24.959 you want to know what my mom pointed out. She said, Lauren, 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:30.800 look around you. Most people right now are in that 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:33.200 stage of getting divorced. 0:18:33.560 --> 0:18:34.560 Something's in the air. 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:38.000 No, but this is when you start seeing divorces even 0:18:38.040 --> 0:18:41.800 in their even forties and fifties. We're watching people, you know, 0:18:42.040 --> 0:18:45.920 ending their marriages of fifteen, seventeen, twenty six. 0:18:45.760 --> 0:18:47.480 Years Cayl Richards. 0:18:47.680 --> 0:18:52.320 Yes, so every nothing is promised. People are starting over 0:18:52.600 --> 0:18:59.240 in every age group, like, yes, be single in your thirties, 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:01.320 have fun and let me tell you something. I have 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:03.719 two babies right now and I love it. But if 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:07.960 you are in your thirties, single noe kids. Go live 0:19:08.040 --> 0:19:11.840 it up because the moment that you find your person 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:14.240 and you have your babies and now you'll probably find 0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:16.000 a great guy because you know exactly who you are, 0:19:16.359 --> 0:19:20.239 you're not going to compromise. You're independent, You've got all 0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:23.280 of the things that you're supposed to fucking have before 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:25.360 you find your mate, right because you're one hundred percent, 0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:29.040 you got to find your other hundred. But literally, your 0:19:29.040 --> 0:19:31.600 whole life changes. I can't just call a friend right 0:19:31.600 --> 0:19:33.959 now and say, fuck it, let's go to Mexico next week. 0:19:34.440 --> 0:19:37.280 I can't because I gotta worry about school starting. I 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:41.400 gotta worry about who's watching Sosa, all the things. If 0:19:41.440 --> 0:19:47.760 you are in your thirties, live it up, baby, Take 0:19:47.960 --> 0:19:51.840 the hot doorman home if he's safe. Of course, protect yourself, 0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:55.359 always move in a safe manner. But go have fun. 0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:59.000 My god, we deserve it because once you're locked down, 0:20:01.920 --> 0:20:04.480 it's great. I wouldn't know when it comes to a man, 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:09.359 but with kids, absolutely fantastic. But you lose freedom. I 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:13.719 will say that I do making myself too available. I 0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:17.919 relate to that. Not my ason's the canceled king, so 0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:22.280 am I though husband is in rehab Coddling him isn't 0:20:22.320 --> 0:20:23.280 always helpful. 0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:25.560 We get that about my mother. 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:28.480 She's not in rehab. She should be in some sort 0:20:28.520 --> 0:20:32.240 of rehabilitating. She's rehabilitating. But I get that it's a 0:20:32.280 --> 0:20:35.600 tough love. I'm actually happy that I read this right now, 0:20:35.680 --> 0:20:39.640 because no matter what, anybody in a vulnerable situation, I'm 0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:41.119 going to let you know that I love you when 0:20:41.119 --> 0:20:44.720 I'm here for you. But we gotta buck up. Got 0:20:44.720 --> 0:20:46.920 to buck up, take the bowl by the balls. I'm 0:20:47.000 --> 0:20:50.040 really really praying for you and your husband. I hope 0:20:50.080 --> 0:20:56.440 that he I'm assuming that it's rehab like addiction, one 0:20:56.520 --> 0:20:58.879 day at a time. Don't feel guilty when you're not 0:20:59.240 --> 0:21:02.000 coddling him. He's got to keep himself sober. But I 0:21:02.040 --> 0:21:04.240 am praying for you, guys, and wishing you the bus. 0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:08.159 How to be so hard? I am trying to be 0:21:08.240 --> 0:21:12.399 more soft. Oh I need to get hard, get hard. 0:21:12.720 --> 0:21:13.480 I get that. 0:21:14.400 --> 0:21:17.480 Yeah, you can get that. I'm more of a softy 0:21:18.000 --> 0:21:20.080 you are. I feel like I got more soft because 0:21:20.119 --> 0:21:20.840 you are tougher. 0:21:21.640 --> 0:21:26.199 Yeah, good tough. It's very difficult over here with I 0:21:26.240 --> 0:21:29.639 see this person. I need to be softer too. Not 0:21:29.800 --> 0:21:32.119 everyone is going to like me and I can't change it. 0:21:32.760 --> 0:21:34.680 I know you're not everyone. 0:21:34.400 --> 0:21:39.080 To thank you, but here I'll say I do like 0:21:39.119 --> 0:21:41.080 I don't want to leave a place where somebody's like 0:21:41.119 --> 0:21:42.960 that kid was an asshole or that kid. But it's 0:21:42.960 --> 0:21:44.760 like a friend to everyone, it's a friend to no one. 0:21:45.359 --> 0:21:47.360 But then again I can be I stay cordial. 0:21:48.440 --> 0:21:52.080 I think being a civilized human being is one thing. 0:21:53.000 --> 0:21:59.280 But if everybody likes you, that means that you are 0:21:59.840 --> 0:22:02.680 You're not vocal about how you feel. You just stay 0:22:02.840 --> 0:22:06.280