1 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,720 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. 5 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 6 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:31,040 Speaker 2: the podcast. New listeners, old listeners. Wherever you are in 7 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,639 Speaker 2: the world, it is so great to have you here, 8 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,880 Speaker 2: back for another episode as we, of course break down 9 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:42,160 Speaker 2: the psychology of our twenties. Of your twenties. Before we begin, 10 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:46,200 Speaker 2: a brief trigger warning that this episode does deal with 11 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 2: some fairly in depth discussions around weight loss, weight gain, appearance, 12 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:55,320 Speaker 2: and eating disorders. So please do just take a second 13 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 2: to consider whether you are in a healthy mental space, 14 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 2: a healthy mindset to be listening to this right now. 15 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 2: This episode will still be here in a few days, 16 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:08,839 Speaker 2: in a week, in a few months, so you can 17 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 2: always return to it when the time is right, when 18 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 2: the time is better. Let's get into it today. We 19 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:17,959 Speaker 2: are going to be talking about a pretty vulnerable topic, 20 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 2: one that has I think especially serious implications for our 21 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 2: mental health, both in our twenties and beyond and even before, 22 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 2: and it can also just be such a present and 23 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:33,200 Speaker 2: overwhelming shadow in our lives, our thoughts, our feelings, our 24 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 2: opinions about our body do have this incredible capacity to 25 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:42,880 Speaker 2: really influence every other area of our daily life, of 26 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 2: our existence, of our values, of our relationships, and yet 27 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:48,960 Speaker 2: we really do tend to kind of keep it out 28 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 2: of the light of day. We really avoid discussing this 29 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 2: openly because I think of, you know, well, shame and 30 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 2: how hard it is to come out and say, you know, 31 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:02,040 Speaker 2: at the moment, I really dislike my body, I really 32 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 2: hate some part of me, or I'm fixated on my 33 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 2: appearance and I don't know how to stop it. I 34 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:10,959 Speaker 2: think it's also what it comes down to is embarrassment 35 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 2: as well as shame, the sense that caring this much 36 00:02:14,639 --> 00:02:19,040 Speaker 2: about your looks is somehow, you know, vapid or vain, 37 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,119 Speaker 2: when actually it goes so much deeper than what other 38 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 2: people might want to label it. It is and can 39 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 2: be very disordered, a very disordered pattern of thinking, and 40 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:35,360 Speaker 2: beyond that, something that is hugely and largely beyond our control. 41 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,720 Speaker 2: I've come to realize the more I also choose to 42 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:43,360 Speaker 2: speak more openly about this experience, how many of us 43 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:47,720 Speaker 2: are struggling with some form of negative and harsh thinking 44 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 2: about our bodies, about our weight, about our appearance. But 45 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:55,240 Speaker 2: you wouldn't think that given how much we have trained 46 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:59,919 Speaker 2: ourselves in society has trained us to be silent about it. 47 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,600 Speaker 2: Beyond that, it hasn't just trained us to be silent, 48 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,399 Speaker 2: it's also trained us to view and treat our body 49 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 2: like it is a constant, working progress rather than something 50 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 2: that we can just be satisfied with as it is. 51 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 2: So consider this your safe space. We're going to discuss 52 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 2: everything to do with this today, specifically the topic of 53 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 2: body dysmorphia and what that actually means. I think we 54 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 2: hear a lot of people talk about how you know 55 00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:31,160 Speaker 2: they are dissatisfied with their appearance, with their weight. Is 56 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 2: that always body dysmorphia? Or can we just have symptoms 57 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 2: without a diagnosable condition. The other point that people mention 58 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,920 Speaker 2: is how it's really difficult to even be able to 59 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 2: tell what we look like. How a lot of us 60 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 2: are really struggling with just a genuine acknowledgment of our 61 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,680 Speaker 2: appearance and how other people see us. Is that body 62 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 2: dysmorphia or is that something else? What is the actual 63 00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 2: I would say pathology and criteria behind BDD body dysmorphic disorder. 64 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 2: So we're going to discuss all of that, including the 65 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:09,680 Speaker 2: origins of this condition, what makes us more susceptible, including 66 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 2: the impact of toxic gym and diet culture, how it 67 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:16,400 Speaker 2: manifests the impact, but also some stories from you guys, 68 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:20,040 Speaker 2: the listeners, who were really vulnerable and open about their 69 00:04:20,080 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 2: personal experiences. And I also just want to talk more 70 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 2: generally about what it means to really dislike your body 71 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 2: without having BDD, and why that is becoming increasingly more common, 72 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 2: and what we can actually do about it. What are 73 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 2: ways of interrupting this really negative belief system that our 74 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 2: appearance is really at the core of our worth all 75 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:47,200 Speaker 2: matters more than it does. So we have so much 76 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,000 Speaker 2: to talk about, so much research, so much science, and 77 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 2: of course so much psychology. So without further ado, let 78 00:04:54,520 --> 00:05:02,160 Speaker 2: us get into it. Body dysmorphia is one of those 79 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 2: conditions that I think we've all heard about, which is 80 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 2: definitely enlargely misunderstood. So to start off with, I just 81 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,160 Speaker 2: want to get our kind of basics downpat what actually 82 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:18,200 Speaker 2: is BDD. So BDD body dysmorphic disorder is a mental 83 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 2: health condition, and it's a lot more than feeling occasionally 84 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:28,520 Speaker 2: negative about your body. It is an entire pattern roundabout 85 00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 2: cycle maze, inescapable maze of negative emotions, negative perceptions, and 86 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 2: negative feelings that are all directed towards your appearance. And 87 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 2: what it really involves is an obsessive focus and shame 88 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 2: and anxiety around some perceived flaw in our appearance. This 89 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 2: often very small feature of us. It could be, you know, 90 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 2: some feature of our face, our physique, muscle mass, our skin, 91 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 2: combination of all of those things, our weight, our height, 92 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 2: and this feature becomes a preoccupation, regardless of whether it 93 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:08,480 Speaker 2: is real or imagined, no matter how small it is. 94 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 2: So when I say real or imagined, I mean that 95 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:14,919 Speaker 2: this thing that we really dislike about ourselves. You know, 96 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,520 Speaker 2: it could be so tiny and obscure that no one 97 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,680 Speaker 2: else would ever notice it. But for us, it feels 98 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,960 Speaker 2: like a huge part of who we are. It feels 99 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:30,120 Speaker 2: like we exist in the world, and as we are existing, 100 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 2: this huge spotlight is highlighting to ourselves and everybody around us, 101 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 2: this feature that we really don't like. Even when others 102 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,360 Speaker 2: say that we look amazing, they compliment us, they say 103 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:46,359 Speaker 2: we look lovely, They reassure us that no one is 104 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 2: noticing this floor that we are focused on. We can't 105 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 2: believe them. There is a part of us that is 106 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 2: quite honestly delusional and constantly tells us that all these 107 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,880 Speaker 2: other people must be lying, just can't see it, they 108 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:05,040 Speaker 2: must be blind in some way. And so we continue 109 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:08,720 Speaker 2: to have this like hyper focus on this floor, and 110 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 2: we normally resort to repetitive behaviors in order to kind 111 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:16,239 Speaker 2: of self soothe or regain some control over this aspect 112 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:19,760 Speaker 2: of our appearance that is causing mental tension. So these 113 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,720 Speaker 2: behaviors are things like always checking ourselves in the mirror, 114 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:28,679 Speaker 2: constant mirror checking, constant grooming and touching or skin picking, 115 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 2: only choosing clothes that will hide this feature or a 116 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 2: part of yourself. So these are actually called BDD safety behaviors, 117 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,960 Speaker 2: and they're one step above avoidance, whereby they make us 118 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,680 Speaker 2: feel like we have control over what part of us 119 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 2: is being made visible to others, and therefore we can 120 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:50,960 Speaker 2: control the judgments that we assume people are making about 121 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 2: us based on this feature. So it's not just that 122 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 2: we have a fixation on this floor. It's not just 123 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 2: that we have this personal spotlight. It's also that in 124 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 2: order to be meeting the criteria of BDD, you have 125 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 2: to become obsessed with how you can fix it. In 126 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,480 Speaker 2: our minds, if the floor was to disappear or suddenly 127 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,880 Speaker 2: go away, so would all of our mental distress. And 128 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,880 Speaker 2: so we are always searching or coming up with a 129 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,160 Speaker 2: plan to erase this part of us, whether that is 130 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 2: through excessive exercise, intense skincare routines, or cosmetic surgery. So 131 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 2: cosmetic surgery has a really important kind of place in 132 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:35,840 Speaker 2: this discussion, now that I've kind of brought it up, 133 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 2: what I found was really interesting when I was really 134 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 2: digging into this research is that whilst only about I 135 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:46,199 Speaker 2: would say three to five percent of the general population 136 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 2: has BDD, and that's even quite a generous statistic, it's 137 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 2: probably sitting at around three point five amongst people who 138 00:08:55,320 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 2: pursue cosmetic interventions, not just surgery but fillers and actions, 139 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:05,719 Speaker 2: non invasive procedures, that prevalence of BDD in that population 140 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,520 Speaker 2: rises to almost twenty five percent. So, depending on how 141 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 2: you feel about cosmetic surgery, you may think that this 142 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 2: could provide some relief to people with BDD. It's almost 143 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 2: like a treatment, right, you know, if they're experiencing so 144 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 2: much shame, associated with their appearance. Here is this fix. 145 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,680 Speaker 2: But on the other hand, this is a multi billion 146 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 2: dollar industry that makes its money on exacerbating and preying 147 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 2: on these insecurities and the purported ability to kind of 148 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:37,920 Speaker 2: fix them. We have to remember BDD is a mental disorder, 149 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:42,600 Speaker 2: not a physical disorder. The problem is with cosmetic intervention 150 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,119 Speaker 2: is that it actually often makes people with body dysmorphic 151 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:51,079 Speaker 2: disorder feel worse or actually just the same. After the procedure. 152 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:54,920 Speaker 2: They may even become more preoccupied with the perceived floor 153 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:58,600 Speaker 2: because it has just changed, it hasn't gone away, and 154 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:02,200 Speaker 2: they can seek further medic procedures, leading to at times 155 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 2: an addiction. So something that really fascinated me about this 156 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:10,480 Speaker 2: kind of interaction between body dysmorphic disorder and cosmetic surgery 157 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:14,160 Speaker 2: is the study that said that, yes, a lot of 158 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:17,400 Speaker 2: people who pursue cosmetic surgery would actually make the criteria 159 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,280 Speaker 2: for this mental condition, but more so, they are actually 160 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,679 Speaker 2: also the people that are most likely to take legal 161 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:26,760 Speaker 2: action against surgeons because even when the surgeon in their 162 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 2: mind has fixed this flaw, you know, it's it hasn't 163 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 2: gone away, just because it's you know, physical form has 164 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:38,320 Speaker 2: changed this feature of us is once again a preoccupation 165 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:42,320 Speaker 2: that it's coming from something that is kind of mentally 166 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 2: disturbed or mentally I don't like to say broken. Mentally 167 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:49,520 Speaker 2: different is probably a better way mentally disordered, right, It's 168 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 2: just not an accurate reflection of what we actually look like. 169 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,560 Speaker 2: It's not an accurate reflection of our physical forms, So 170 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:59,160 Speaker 2: it doesn't actually matter if that feature of us changes. 171 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,280 Speaker 2: So obviously not everybody with BDD is going to seek 172 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 2: out cosmetic surgery, but I think it does really reveal 173 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:10,240 Speaker 2: to us how hard it is to control such a 174 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:14,679 Speaker 2: loud and persistent thoughts about our body, and why it 175 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 2: does seem that drastic measures will be the only solution 176 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,360 Speaker 2: to silence them. This is often why as well BDD 177 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 2: is compared to parallel disorders like OCD and eating disorders. 178 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 2: I feel like that one might have come to mind 179 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:33,680 Speaker 2: for you almost immediately, And these disorders in particular have 180 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:38,600 Speaker 2: a high chromobility. With BDD, that means that often not often, 181 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 2: but you know, it's not uncommon for people to have 182 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:44,079 Speaker 2: a dual diagnosis. So for these two things to be 183 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,840 Speaker 2: occurring at the same time, for somebody to have BDD 184 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:51,679 Speaker 2: and an eating disorder or OCD and BDD. So the 185 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 2: comparison to OCD really emerges because of the excessive sixuation 186 00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 2: which results in compulsive behaviors, which really kind of follows 187 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 2: a similar format to how OCD manifests. However, with you know, 188 00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:08,840 Speaker 2: body dysmorphia, it's really solely based on an obsession and 189 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:11,960 Speaker 2: a compulsion to do with appearance. So the link to 190 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:16,320 Speaker 2: eating disorders is also quite a common one. If someone 191 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:22,000 Speaker 2: is that disgusted i would say, almost tormented by their appearance. 192 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 2: Sometimes this can really manifest in disordered eating habits, you know, 193 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 2: wanting to control this aspect of yourself through whatever behavior 194 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 2: or means necessary. But it's also important to remember that 195 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:39,080 Speaker 2: a lot of people with BEDD do actually just have 196 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:43,520 Speaker 2: quite normal eating patterns, like you can have BDD without 197 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:48,479 Speaker 2: abnormal eating. It's also interesting because people who are experiencing 198 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:52,520 Speaker 2: anorexia or binge eating disorder or bolimia, yes, they may 199 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:55,280 Speaker 2: find that this has resulted from initial feelings of like 200 00:12:55,880 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 2: extreme dissatisfaction and fixation with some perceived flaw. But also 201 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,960 Speaker 2: another component of this is that sometimes there is you know, 202 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 2: behaviors like restricting food or excessive exercising or purging can 203 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 2: also emerge simply from a place of control, not just 204 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,959 Speaker 2: bodily modification, which is why I think BDD is really 205 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 2: deserving of its own separate diagnosis. All right, so let's 206 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,440 Speaker 2: talk about risk factors here. There are obviously some people 207 00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:30,000 Speaker 2: who are a lot more susceptible to this than others, 208 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,520 Speaker 2: like most mental health conditions, And when we talk about 209 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 2: mental health conditions and we talk about who's at risk, 210 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,760 Speaker 2: the biggest thing it mostly comes down to, or always 211 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:44,640 Speaker 2: comes back to in some sense, is family history. If 212 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:50,200 Speaker 2: someone in your close or your immediate family has endured BDD, 213 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 2: your chances go up quite a bit. This, You know, 214 00:13:54,720 --> 00:14:00,480 Speaker 2: it comes down to genetic predisposition, but also exposure and 215 00:14:00,559 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 2: life experiences. You know, if that individual with BDD was 216 00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:08,840 Speaker 2: a parent, their own experience with this condition is going 217 00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 2: to influence how they raise you and how they parent you, 218 00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,080 Speaker 2: as much as they may try for it not to. 219 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,160 Speaker 2: You know, if this kind of condition goes untreated, it 220 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 2: does have the impact of bleeding into all these other 221 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 2: aspects of our lives, including our relationships. So, for example, 222 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 2: I heard from someone who spoke about how their mother 223 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,120 Speaker 2: was obsessed with slimness for all her life. She would 224 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:38,240 Speaker 2: endure these like drastic diets. She got multiple surgeries in 225 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 2: the pursuit of this small body, this small physique. She 226 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 2: would always comment on her weight to others. She really 227 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 2: never seemed happy regardless of the results, So definitely meeting 228 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 2: the criteria for BDD here and as a child, this 229 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:55,880 Speaker 2: person spoke about how her mother really implanted a lot 230 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 2: of those beliefs in her through the way that she, 231 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 2: you know, controlled her as a parent. She would, you know, 232 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,240 Speaker 2: control her food. For example, she would choose flattering clothes 233 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,920 Speaker 2: and colors for her and tell her these are the 234 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 2: colors that you should wear, or you can't wear those things, 235 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 2: they make you look fat. She was constantly commenting on 236 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 2: her skin, especially as she hit puberty and developed acne. 237 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,720 Speaker 2: And this person said to me, you know, two years ago, 238 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 2: I got the same diagnosis that my mum had gotten. 239 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,320 Speaker 2: And sometimes I think how much of it was genetic 240 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,720 Speaker 2: and how much of it was environmental? And was my 241 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 2: you know, the environment of my upbringing. Because in those situations, 242 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,840 Speaker 2: how are you meant to develop a healthy sense of 243 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,080 Speaker 2: self esteem? How are you meant to detach your appearance 244 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 2: from your self worth? When that kind of preoccupation is 245 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 2: being passed down to you by the person in your 246 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,640 Speaker 2: life that matters the most to you as a child, 247 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 2: which is your caregiver. This kind of example, and I 248 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:01,480 Speaker 2: don't like to say example, this person's experienceerience, Yeah, they're 249 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:06,040 Speaker 2: very much personal experience. Really demonstrates to me as well 250 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:10,280 Speaker 2: how negative life experiences also play a really crucial role, 251 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:17,280 Speaker 2: especially experiences like childhood bullying, like neglect, like teasing, like abuse. 252 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 2: So I actually have a story about this that is 253 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,720 Speaker 2: from my own life that I've never really shared before 254 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 2: on the show. You know, it never really came up, 255 00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,720 Speaker 2: but it is one of my earliest and most lucid 256 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,560 Speaker 2: memories from childhood. It's also one of those moments that 257 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,520 Speaker 2: really goes to show how, you know, passing words can 258 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:41,560 Speaker 2: really leave quite a lifelong mark. So when I was 259 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 2: around seven, six or seven years old, I used to 260 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,320 Speaker 2: always go to out of after school hours care Like 261 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 2: I don't know if that's a thing everywhere in the world, 262 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 2: but you know, both my parents were working, and so 263 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:55,160 Speaker 2: I like stayed at the school a little bit longer 264 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 2: with like other kids whose parents were also working or 265 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 2: also had things to do. And we were watching this 266 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,440 Speaker 2: movie with a bunch of other kids called the little princess, 267 00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 2: and this boy turns to me and he goes, you know, 268 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:13,480 Speaker 2: you would look just like her if you weren't so fat. 269 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 2: I have never been able to shake those words, even 270 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,679 Speaker 2: to this day. They have left such an imprint on me. 271 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,960 Speaker 2: It was like the first time that I ever felt 272 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:29,560 Speaker 2: shame about my body. And I think when I was 273 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 2: a teenager. Now as an adult, my whole life, my 274 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 2: weight has been a point of fixation for me. There 275 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 2: has never been a period of my life where I've 276 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:43,120 Speaker 2: been satisfied with how I look or how I weigh, 277 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:46,320 Speaker 2: how I feel in my body, and I often wonder 278 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,880 Speaker 2: whether that would have been different if that hadn't happened, 279 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,919 Speaker 2: because it was almost like this new you know, It 280 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,359 Speaker 2: was almost like that was the beginning, Like I became 281 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 2: conscious of everything that I could change that I didn't 282 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:03,160 Speaker 2: like myself, and the fact that people could observe these 283 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,000 Speaker 2: things that I didn't like about myself and could make 284 00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:10,560 Speaker 2: judgments or mean comments to me about my appearance, and 285 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,959 Speaker 2: it mattered. It's also really interesting to me how that 286 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,040 Speaker 2: continues to come up as a problem for me in 287 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,240 Speaker 2: my life. I posted like this random video on my 288 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 2: Instagram a few weeks ago. If you follow me over there, 289 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,000 Speaker 2: I think you'll know which one it is. And it 290 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 2: reached an audience that I basically like didn't intend it 291 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,520 Speaker 2: to like. It went semi viral, and the audience was 292 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 2: you know, men in their like thirties and forties who 293 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 2: didn't you didn't agree with what I was saying. And 294 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 2: as always goes with those situations, if like a middle 295 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 2: aged man doesn't agree with what you're saying, the first 296 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,280 Speaker 2: thing they're going to resort to doing is making a 297 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:49,680 Speaker 2: comment about your weight or your appearance. And oh my gosh, 298 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,160 Speaker 2: did I not get hundreds of them? And they were awful, 299 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,920 Speaker 2: And the only thing I could think of was, oh 300 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:57,720 Speaker 2: my god, this is just like this all over again. 301 00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 2: It brought me right back to that version of me 302 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,520 Speaker 2: who was first really made aware that her body wasn't 303 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:06,399 Speaker 2: just there to climb and to run and to play 304 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 2: and to giggle and to eat yummy foods like it 305 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:14,680 Speaker 2: was there to be judged. Those early life experiences might 306 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 2: seem very far in the past, but they definitely linger, 307 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:22,399 Speaker 2: especially since BDD typically starts, you know, in our early 308 00:19:22,480 --> 00:19:25,720 Speaker 2: teen years when everything is so formative, but also when 309 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:29,399 Speaker 2: those childhood experiences and memories are a lot more fresh 310 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,919 Speaker 2: and we are a lot more impressionable. So there are 311 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:38,360 Speaker 2: some other risk factors, including personality traits like perfectionism. If 312 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 2: we are, of course preoccupied with being flawless in every 313 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,399 Speaker 2: other area of our life, of course our appearance is 314 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,439 Speaker 2: going to come into that. You know, the existence of 315 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,880 Speaker 2: even a tiny perceived floor, a bad skin day, stretch 316 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,479 Speaker 2: marks a facial feature that can really disrupt our whole 317 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 2: identity and be quite distressing. I will say something that 318 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 2: is not a fact to hear is gender. So with 319 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:07,040 Speaker 2: eating disorders, for example, there is you know, typically a 320 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,680 Speaker 2: much higher prevalence amongst women. It's normally around three times 321 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 2: the rates that we would see in men for things 322 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:18,840 Speaker 2: like anorexia and bolimia. But for BDD men and women, 323 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:23,520 Speaker 2: people of all genders are influenced the same, It just 324 00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:28,400 Speaker 2: expresses itself quite differently. One area that this is really 325 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,159 Speaker 2: evident to me is when it comes to weight. Women 326 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:35,040 Speaker 2: typically want to be thinner, whereas men want more muscle. 327 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 2: They're preoccupied with gaining weight. Obviously this isn't always the case, 328 00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,439 Speaker 2: but I do think that it's a distinction that we 329 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,040 Speaker 2: can really see when we just look around ourselves, when 330 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,919 Speaker 2: we just compare what our male friends versus our female 331 00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:53,240 Speaker 2: friends complain about when it comes to their size. So 332 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 2: in the DSM there is even a specifier around this 333 00:20:56,640 --> 00:21:01,840 Speaker 2: particular kind of BDD that results from muscles dysmorphia, whereby 334 00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:05,840 Speaker 2: somebody is really engrossed with the idea that their body 335 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 2: build is too small. They are not muscular enough to 336 00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:11,679 Speaker 2: be seen as I don't know, manly, or to be 337 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 2: seen as big enough, or worthy enough, or like strong enough, 338 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 2: whatever it is. This, in my mind can also be 339 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 2: really attributed to, I would say, a rise in toxic 340 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:26,280 Speaker 2: gym culture and this idea of big erexia. Now, this 341 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,800 Speaker 2: is a term that I learned from a recent article 342 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,719 Speaker 2: by the Guardian and they talk about like how you know, 343 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,120 Speaker 2: we all know what anorexia is. This is a play 344 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:39,880 Speaker 2: on words, and anorexia is typically associated with the pursuit 345 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:44,120 Speaker 2: of smallness and thinness, whereas big erexia is this pursuit 346 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,439 Speaker 2: of being as huge as possible. And in this article 347 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,200 Speaker 2: they spoke to some you know, guys and some women 348 00:21:50,240 --> 00:21:53,199 Speaker 2: as well, but mainly men about the lengths that they 349 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:57,240 Speaker 2: are willing to go to to achieve this, and how 350 00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,440 Speaker 2: no matter how many people say, wow, like you are 351 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,600 Speaker 2: so huge, huge, You're massive, Like every time they look 352 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,680 Speaker 2: in the mirror, they do not see that. They see 353 00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:09,119 Speaker 2: themselves as tiny. And this one man in this article 354 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:13,080 Speaker 2: was talking about how he would like eat the only 355 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,920 Speaker 2: thing he would eat would be like chicken breasts and 356 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 2: protein sources. And he was like, I looked amazing, Like 357 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,879 Speaker 2: in my mind, I looked so huge, but I was 358 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,159 Speaker 2: so unhealthy, and like his kidneys started failing and his 359 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,880 Speaker 2: livers started failing. And I think that that really comes 360 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:35,240 Speaker 2: down to this crucial point, which is that this obsession 361 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 2: with a muscular body is largely ignored because it's seen 362 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 2: as healthy or a worthwhile bodily pursuit. Because you know, 363 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 2: what's unhealthy about strength, and what's unhealthy about spending time 364 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,679 Speaker 2: in the gym, what's unhealthy with fueling your body in 365 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:54,919 Speaker 2: this opt optimal way, what's unhealthy about protein? And I 366 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,880 Speaker 2: think a lot of people experiencing this, witnessing this would 367 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,959 Speaker 2: be quick to highlight how easy it is for this 368 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:08,440 Speaker 2: to tip into very unhealthy and maladaptive terrain. How this 369 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:12,360 Speaker 2: is just another version of an unrealistic or an extreme 370 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:17,119 Speaker 2: expectation for our body image that is promoted by certain 371 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 2: in groups and certain cultures and certain aspects of society. 372 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,119 Speaker 2: So this distinction, this general distinction is I think between 373 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:28,199 Speaker 2: weight loss and weight gain for different genders is essentially 374 00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,879 Speaker 2: a reflection of what society expects from men and women, 375 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,800 Speaker 2: you know, the beauty ideals that each gender is very 376 00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,120 Speaker 2: much forced to endure. And we can't ignore that component, 377 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:42,560 Speaker 2: the influence of our social conditioning and how we have 378 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 2: been taught to hate our bodies, not instinctially but through 379 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,960 Speaker 2: external influence. So BDD, I think, is what I would 380 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,520 Speaker 2: call a modern day disorder because it really has arisen 381 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,879 Speaker 2: mainly in the last one hundred years, probably even twenty 382 00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:01,679 Speaker 2: to fifty years specifically, and it's really emerged, as some 383 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,560 Speaker 2: researchers would say, from the fact that we now have 384 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,760 Speaker 2: more comparison points than ever to judge ourselves based on, 385 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:13,479 Speaker 2: and we are increasingly being exposed to this messaging around 386 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,320 Speaker 2: what we should look like and what is not desirable. 387 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 2: This is because things like TV, advertising, social media, they 388 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,080 Speaker 2: have made us more aware of the social norms around 389 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:28,200 Speaker 2: attraction and what society sees as beautiful or not. Secondly, 390 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,000 Speaker 2: they've exposed us to what other people look like, meaning, 391 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,439 Speaker 2: of course, more opportunities to come up short and compare. 392 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:37,840 Speaker 2: And finally, you know, the media uses looks and appearance 393 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:41,479 Speaker 2: as something through which they can influence and sell us things, 394 00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:45,040 Speaker 2: And so let's be honest, they benefit from us not 395 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:49,920 Speaker 2: feeling great. They benefit from us seeing a beautiful person 396 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:53,359 Speaker 2: on TV and wanting whatever skincare product that they're using, 397 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 2: or seeing you know, a huge, huge guy on some 398 00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:01,919 Speaker 2: superhero movie and admiring not just this plotline and this 399 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,919 Speaker 2: narrative around him being a hero, but the fact that 400 00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 2: he looks so great and the fact that we could 401 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,919 Speaker 2: copy his work out routine, and the fact that he 402 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:14,879 Speaker 2: is like this really jacked cool guy. And the sociocultural 403 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,920 Speaker 2: theory of self esteem would tell you that the messages 404 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 2: given to us by the media about the importance of 405 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:25,399 Speaker 2: appearance and what is hot and what is attractive and 406 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 2: what looks good, they are so easily internalized by us 407 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:35,159 Speaker 2: as individuals, and they also so easily influence how we 408 00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:41,199 Speaker 2: treat ourselves, our standards, our habits, and our behaviors. I 409 00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 2: think as we feel more pressure to conform with that, 410 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:47,919 Speaker 2: we become more aware once again of the aspects of 411 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:52,280 Speaker 2: ourselves that we feel will be judged based on prevailing 412 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:57,040 Speaker 2: norms of attraction. If I am not thinn does that 413 00:25:57,080 --> 00:26:01,240 Speaker 2: mean I will be unhappy? If I I'm not bigger, 414 00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:03,720 Speaker 2: If I don't fix my nose, if I don't fix 415 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,640 Speaker 2: my skin, does that mean that I will never find love? 416 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,920 Speaker 2: Will they consider me for this job? If my hair 417 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 2: is thinning, If I'm too frail, if whatever, my teeth 418 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:21,160 Speaker 2: aren't straight? And all of it comes back to this idea, 419 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:26,399 Speaker 2: this irrational belief that the secret to happiness is our appearance. 420 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,919 Speaker 2: I want to share another person's experience here because I 421 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:33,960 Speaker 2: think they articulated it so well, in a much better 422 00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:37,080 Speaker 2: way than I ever could. I've struggled with body dysmorphia 423 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,000 Speaker 2: and eating disorders since I was twelve. I'm twenty two now. 424 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,200 Speaker 2: Last year I started recovery and treatment after being at 425 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,879 Speaker 2: my lowest with my symptoms, so I had the urge 426 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,920 Speaker 2: of seeking help. It's been a tough journey and very 427 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:53,399 Speaker 2: difficult to accept the diagnosis. The mind blowing thing is 428 00:26:53,440 --> 00:26:57,840 Speaker 2: that almost my entire adolescence and early adult years, I 429 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:01,679 Speaker 2: thought life was about my weight, appearance, and body composition, 430 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,639 Speaker 2: and I made it till now just like that, fitting 431 00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:09,480 Speaker 2: so perfectly into society and no one noticed that something 432 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,640 Speaker 2: was going on. What I'd like to emphasize is that 433 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:16,840 Speaker 2: just because weight loss and obsession with appearance is culturally 434 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 2: normalized in our society doesn't mean that it is healthy 435 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,200 Speaker 2: or even pleasurable at all. I've been in this mental 436 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:28,680 Speaker 2: prison for years, losing time, missing experiences people that I 437 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,840 Speaker 2: will never regain. I really hope that we could move 438 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,760 Speaker 2: towards a more inclusive society in terms of body norms, 439 00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 2: to not feel like the only way to fit in 440 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:43,080 Speaker 2: is through a stereotype of beauty that is unachievable, unachievable. 441 00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:46,040 Speaker 2: I love that this individual. Firstly, thank you so much 442 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,840 Speaker 2: for sharing and it's that was like kind of emotional 443 00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,199 Speaker 2: when I first read that. But secondly, I like that 444 00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,199 Speaker 2: you finished on that because so many of of the 445 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,919 Speaker 2: examples that fuel our body dysmorphia are the one percent 446 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:04,600 Speaker 2: to like crazy amazing genetics, are due to something that 447 00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,359 Speaker 2: we could never change, and at times or even due 448 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:11,080 Speaker 2: to somebody who themselves has body dysmorphia and who is 449 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:15,520 Speaker 2: you know, undergoing some you know, crazy surgeries and crazy 450 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,800 Speaker 2: efforts to fix the part of themselves that we are 451 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:22,600 Speaker 2: sitting back and admiring. So I really think that it 452 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:28,120 Speaker 2: is such a weird mess around where if everybody's experiencing this, 453 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:33,240 Speaker 2: the person that we are probably comparing ourselves too, is 454 00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:35,320 Speaker 2: probably looking at us or looking at somebody else and 455 00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:37,960 Speaker 2: wanting what they have as well. So, you know, the 456 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,520 Speaker 2: norm is constantly evolving, and yet we're constantly chasing the 457 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:46,360 Speaker 2: sense of again that appearance equals happiness. All right, we're 458 00:28:46,360 --> 00:28:48,200 Speaker 2: going to take a short break, but when we come back, 459 00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,880 Speaker 2: I want to discuss whether body dysmorphia is more prevalent 460 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,240 Speaker 2: than we think, but also how we can kind of 461 00:28:55,320 --> 00:29:01,640 Speaker 2: move through some of the stress, dissatisfaction, worry, anxiety around 462 00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:10,160 Speaker 2: our appearance stay with us. There is an important distinction 463 00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:15,200 Speaker 2: here between BDD and having the occasional negative perception about 464 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,640 Speaker 2: our body, and it is an important one because I 465 00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,960 Speaker 2: would go so far as to say that nearly every 466 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 2: single one of us has something that they want to 467 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 2: change about how we look, but we aren't really going 468 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:29,840 Speaker 2: to drastic measures to do that. You know, maybe that 469 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:33,440 Speaker 2: doesn't qualify us as having a mental health condition. However, 470 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:36,440 Speaker 2: I think just because it's not as intense as it 471 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:40,920 Speaker 2: is for people with body dysmorphia doesn't make hating your 472 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 2: body easy. It is so difficult to wake up in 473 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:50,080 Speaker 2: a body that you increasingly do not like or find 474 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,360 Speaker 2: problem with, because that is your home, you know, as 475 00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:55,640 Speaker 2: the incredible Emma Thompson says, that is your vessel. There 476 00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:58,800 Speaker 2: is no escaping that you will exist in this body, 477 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 2: and no one else says until the day that you die. 478 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:05,240 Speaker 2: So hating how you look and how you feel quickly 479 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 2: evolves into hating yourself almost instantly, because the two things 480 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,800 Speaker 2: you know, yourself or your soul and your appearance your body, 481 00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 2: they're very hard to separate. So I wanted to hear 482 00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,680 Speaker 2: from you guys, the listeners around the world around just 483 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:25,080 Speaker 2: how many of us are experiencing this kind of daily dislike, 484 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:28,000 Speaker 2: how endemic it is, because whilst I think we can 485 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:33,240 Speaker 2: all recognize the universality of warry and dissatisfaction towards our appearance, 486 00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 2: I don't think we talk about it enough. But I 487 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,880 Speaker 2: think that having a general and a more like kind 488 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,040 Speaker 2: of bird's eye view of just how many of us 489 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 2: are going through this is quite comforting. So I kind 490 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:45,920 Speaker 2: of wanted to just siphon it down to the area 491 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,000 Speaker 2: of weight loss because I feel like or weight change, 492 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,880 Speaker 2: more like weight loss or weight change, because I think 493 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 2: that weight is something that most of us have a 494 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:57,200 Speaker 2: general insecurity about compared to more unique things about ourselves 495 00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:00,680 Speaker 2: that are probably different between each of us. You know, 496 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 2: it's kind of hard to talk about, like, oh, would 497 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,200 Speaker 2: you want to change that unique scar or would you 498 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:07,680 Speaker 2: want to change that do you want to know his job? 499 00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:11,000 Speaker 2: Like when people you know, that's yeah, big insecurity, but 500 00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,440 Speaker 2: not as prominent as weight is for all of us. So, 501 00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:17,440 Speaker 2: you know, it's kind of sad to say it, but 502 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 2: weight dissatisfaction is a bit of a human equalizer. That's 503 00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,000 Speaker 2: why I chose it. It's out of almost two thousand 504 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,520 Speaker 2: of you, seventy percent of you said that in the 505 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:31,680 Speaker 2: past year you had thought about losing weight nearly every month. 506 00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:35,960 Speaker 2: And for those of you who said every month, shockingly, 507 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,600 Speaker 2: it was like forty seven percent of that faction who 508 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,920 Speaker 2: said that you thought about it every day every day, 509 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,000 Speaker 2: some nearly fifty percent of you said every day that 510 00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:50,840 Speaker 2: weight loss is on your mind, clouding your thoughts and 511 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,920 Speaker 2: your judgment. I want you to like genuinely think about 512 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:57,280 Speaker 2: this for a second. Is there any other warrior insecurity 513 00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,480 Speaker 2: that we all share as much as that one. You know, 514 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,880 Speaker 2: as we are all going about our daily lives, we 515 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,800 Speaker 2: each have our own unique set of problems. We each 516 00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:09,200 Speaker 2: have you know, work deadlines, we each have relationship issues, 517 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,600 Speaker 2: we each have small anxieties, small to do lists. And 518 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,040 Speaker 2: the one thing that seems to you know, bind us 519 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:20,280 Speaker 2: all together is that in this small reality that is 520 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,640 Speaker 2: our own reality, all of us are sharing this collective 521 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:25,440 Speaker 2: thought that we don't like how we look and that 522 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,280 Speaker 2: we want to lose weight. Like I was thinking about 523 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:29,600 Speaker 2: this the other day when I was on the train 524 00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:31,720 Speaker 2: and I was looking around. It was like a pack train, 525 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,640 Speaker 2: and I was like, how many people here right now 526 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:39,440 Speaker 2: have thought about dieting today? How many people on this 527 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,760 Speaker 2: train have, you know, put on their Janes in the 528 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:45,240 Speaker 2: morning and been like, oh gosh, I really probably should 529 00:32:45,320 --> 00:32:48,720 Speaker 2: lose a few like And that's just crazy to me 530 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:51,360 Speaker 2: because you look at all these people, and you know, 531 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,080 Speaker 2: if the statistics that I got from you guys are 532 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:55,960 Speaker 2: saying it, that's like fifty percent of those people on 533 00:32:56,000 --> 00:33:00,280 Speaker 2: that train have thought about it that day. Yeah, I 534 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:01,840 Speaker 2: wouldn't have been able to tell you that that's what 535 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,600 Speaker 2: they were thinking. And yet I would have thought that 536 00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:07,400 Speaker 2: I would be the only one, because our own lives 537 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:12,400 Speaker 2: just feel so unique and so isolated. Beyond that, the 538 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,480 Speaker 2: other interesting question I asked you, guys was whether you 539 00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,960 Speaker 2: think that weight loss or a change in your size 540 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:22,600 Speaker 2: weight game for some people, would make you happier, And 541 00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:27,120 Speaker 2: sixty seven percent of you said yes. Is there any 542 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,720 Speaker 2: other factor in our life in which two thirds of 543 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,680 Speaker 2: us would put our hands up and say, if that changed, 544 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,800 Speaker 2: I would be happier. Maybe like winning a million dollars, 545 00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:39,480 Speaker 2: maybe like finding the love of your life. But both 546 00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 2: of those things are like additions, right, weight loss is 547 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 2: this thing, this subtraction that we believe is suddenly going 548 00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,520 Speaker 2: to open a whole new world to us, is suddenly 549 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:53,880 Speaker 2: going to eliminate so much, I guess insecurity, so much 550 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:56,360 Speaker 2: like hate that we have for ourselves. And I think 551 00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,000 Speaker 2: that right there is where the core problem in this lies. 552 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:04,080 Speaker 2: The problem is that we have these delusions that take 553 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:08,080 Speaker 2: over that insidiously tell us that if we just looked 554 00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:11,600 Speaker 2: like her, if we just lost that last killer or 555 00:34:11,680 --> 00:34:15,000 Speaker 2: fix this small thing, gain some more muscle, our whole 556 00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:19,040 Speaker 2: life would change. And so until then, there's nothing else 557 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:23,520 Speaker 2: we can do until then, until this miracle occurs, until 558 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:26,279 Speaker 2: this thing is fixed, we just kind of have to 559 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:31,840 Speaker 2: endure a less than happy reality. This thinking, which I 560 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:36,560 Speaker 2: think most commonly we don't even adopt by choice, also 561 00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:42,000 Speaker 2: causes us to very much intrinsically tie our value to 562 00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:46,880 Speaker 2: our appearance, and that is what influences our behaviors. If 563 00:34:47,239 --> 00:34:50,080 Speaker 2: your worth, if my worth is only activated when I 564 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,680 Speaker 2: think I look good, when that is not the case, 565 00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:56,040 Speaker 2: why let myself be seen? Why believe I am deserving 566 00:34:56,080 --> 00:35:00,880 Speaker 2: of happiness? Why feel happy? And we spoke about briefly before, 567 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:02,719 Speaker 2: but to return to an example of this that I 568 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:07,000 Speaker 2: find particularly compelling is the experience of thinking that we 569 00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,880 Speaker 2: need to look a certain way before dating, that no 570 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:12,880 Speaker 2: one could possibly love us at this size or this 571 00:35:13,000 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 2: shape or this composition. And so our appearance is like 572 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:19,960 Speaker 2: almost this thing that we need to sort out before 573 00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:23,319 Speaker 2: putting ourselves out there, because we kind of realize that 574 00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:26,800 Speaker 2: when we put ourselves out into the romantic world, something 575 00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:32,040 Speaker 2: that we're going to be evaluated on is appearance. And 576 00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:35,200 Speaker 2: so the problem is is that we begin to firstly 577 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:38,920 Speaker 2: overestimate the likelihood that others are going to respond to 578 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:42,719 Speaker 2: our appearance in a negative way. Secondly, we underestimate our 579 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:44,920 Speaker 2: ability to cope if they did. You know, if somebody 580 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:47,600 Speaker 2: doesn't like what you look like, is that the end 581 00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,279 Speaker 2: of the world. If you have this fixation on your 582 00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,040 Speaker 2: appearance in this sense that it's tied to your worth, 583 00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:55,840 Speaker 2: then of course it's going to matter. But thirdly, we 584 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,960 Speaker 2: really tend to discount any information which kind of suggests 585 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,279 Speaker 2: that things are not going to go as bad as 586 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,319 Speaker 2: we predicted. You know, when we're dating, we overlook all 587 00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,600 Speaker 2: the times that people did find us really attractive, We 588 00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:11,120 Speaker 2: overlook all the times that we were complemented, and we 589 00:36:11,239 --> 00:36:14,400 Speaker 2: just continue to think that if we were to be seen, 590 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:18,080 Speaker 2: if we were to be perceived, we would not be loved. 591 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:23,319 Speaker 2: And that just really really broke my heart to just 592 00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,760 Speaker 2: like even consider to even say just then, these negative 593 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,640 Speaker 2: and false beliefs really follow us into every corner of 594 00:36:29,680 --> 00:36:32,160 Speaker 2: our lives. And the thing is is that they are 595 00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:39,160 Speaker 2: entirely incorrect. This idea that your appearance determines your worthiness 596 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:43,880 Speaker 2: of love, your worthiness of opportunity, of success, of happiness 597 00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:47,719 Speaker 2: is a false belief. And you know how I know 598 00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 2: that these beliefs are incorrect is because all of us 599 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:53,839 Speaker 2: are thinking them, and none of us think that they 600 00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:58,279 Speaker 2: are true. For anybody but ourselves. None of us would 601 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,120 Speaker 2: for a second believe that one of our friends, you know, 602 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:06,480 Speaker 2: is unworthy of love or dates or affection because you know, 603 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,560 Speaker 2: they didn't get a nose job when they were sixteen. 604 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:12,120 Speaker 2: Not a single person listening to this would tell their 605 00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:15,080 Speaker 2: friend to not go for a job until they'd lost 606 00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:18,520 Speaker 2: a few kilos. You know, have you ever heard somebody 607 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:23,000 Speaker 2: look at their partner and say, yeah, sorry, babe. You know, 608 00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:24,880 Speaker 2: I'm not going to say I love you until you 609 00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:29,440 Speaker 2: fix those freckles or until you like, gain some more muscle. No, 610 00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,600 Speaker 2: because that is ridiculous when we say it out loud, 611 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:34,719 Speaker 2: When we say it in the context of somebody else, 612 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:38,880 Speaker 2: that is ridiculous, And let's be honest, it's also incredibly 613 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:41,960 Speaker 2: toxic and harsh and dangerous. We would never say that 614 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,040 Speaker 2: to somebody else, and that's like a major red flag. 615 00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:48,080 Speaker 2: If somebody ever even suggested that, it would be like 616 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:51,319 Speaker 2: the end of that relationship. And yet we have no 617 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:56,279 Speaker 2: problem believing those things about ourselves, saying it to ourselves, 618 00:37:56,880 --> 00:38:00,040 Speaker 2: you know, demolishing our self esteem and self war the 619 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:03,480 Speaker 2: way that we would never do to somebody that we loved. 620 00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:06,560 Speaker 2: And you know what's even worse is that it doesn't 621 00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:09,480 Speaker 2: even feel like it's in our control. You know, that 622 00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:13,440 Speaker 2: internal voice that in a critic, that is so loud 623 00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,640 Speaker 2: and that does so much harm is something that we 624 00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:18,799 Speaker 2: never quite feel like is part of us. 625 00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:19,040 Speaker 1: Right. 626 00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:22,279 Speaker 2: It feels like this external thing that is within us 627 00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:25,680 Speaker 2: that pops up that we didn't even consciously want to 628 00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:28,680 Speaker 2: hate our body or hate our appearance today, and yet 629 00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:33,040 Speaker 2: here we are doing it. So what's next? If we 630 00:38:33,080 --> 00:38:35,400 Speaker 2: have accepted that this is something that we are dealing 631 00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:37,520 Speaker 2: with that is holding us back, that is causing us 632 00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:41,040 Speaker 2: social anxiety, causing us avoidance, causing us to hold off 633 00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:44,520 Speaker 2: on life, what can we change? What can we actually do? 634 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:45,399 Speaker 1: Well? 635 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,920 Speaker 2: I drew some stuff from both the research and the psychology, 636 00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,440 Speaker 2: the science, but also my own experience is to really 637 00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:55,200 Speaker 2: guide us through. I think this past year for me 638 00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:59,360 Speaker 2: has been a journey of body recognition. And you know, 639 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:03,080 Speaker 2: I say recognition rather than acceptance or positivity. And I 640 00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:06,279 Speaker 2: say that deliberately because I really wanted it to be 641 00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:09,760 Speaker 2: quite a neutral experience for me. You know, I didn't 642 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,000 Speaker 2: need to learn to love every part of myself straight away. 643 00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:15,879 Speaker 2: That felt like a lot of pressure. I didn't need 644 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:19,200 Speaker 2: to celebrate the things immediately that I, you know, disliked 645 00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:22,680 Speaker 2: for so many years because it felt artificial to you know, 646 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:26,800 Speaker 2: do that overnight. It also felt like huge hill to climb. 647 00:39:27,320 --> 00:39:30,560 Speaker 2: So the first step was actually just getting comfortable with 648 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:36,200 Speaker 2: recognizing what my body actually looked like, Actually recognizing, you know, 649 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:40,120 Speaker 2: my features, not choosing to obscure them or cover them, 650 00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:43,200 Speaker 2: not looking away from mirrors, or buying clothes that I 651 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:45,520 Speaker 2: knew were going to be the wrong size. You know, 652 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:48,680 Speaker 2: I had this awful habit of always buying clothes that 653 00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:51,719 Speaker 2: were like, genuinely two to three sizes too big for 654 00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:54,160 Speaker 2: me because I didn't want to deal with the idea 655 00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,680 Speaker 2: of like not fitting into something and thinking that I 656 00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:59,960 Speaker 2: gained weight. Like I told myself to stop doing that. 657 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,239 Speaker 2: I actually figured out what my size was, what I 658 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,160 Speaker 2: actually looked like, and it didn't matter whether that was 659 00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,400 Speaker 2: a good thing or a bad thing. It was neutral. 660 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:12,320 Speaker 2: It was an honest process of just again recognition. Like 661 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,279 Speaker 2: the way I always put this to other people was 662 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:18,200 Speaker 2: that I was observing a painting and the colors, the technique, 663 00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:21,520 Speaker 2: the shadows, the textures, and I wasn't saying anything about 664 00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,959 Speaker 2: whether I liked that painting or not. I wasn't saying 665 00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,279 Speaker 2: anything about how I would have done it differently. I 666 00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:30,360 Speaker 2: was just observing. The second element I think that comes 667 00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:32,680 Speaker 2: after being committed to seeing your body for what it 668 00:40:32,719 --> 00:40:37,960 Speaker 2: actually is, neither positively or negatively, is noticing your unhelpful appearance, 669 00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:43,359 Speaker 2: assumptions or judgments and really interrogating where they came from. 670 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,760 Speaker 2: Was it because you experienced, as we talked about, negative 671 00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:50,680 Speaker 2: events in the past that came back and were tied 672 00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,919 Speaker 2: to kind of a trauma around appearance. Was it that 673 00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:57,360 Speaker 2: you know, where did you learn this from? What was 674 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:01,640 Speaker 2: the experience where you first remember having a recognition that 675 00:41:01,680 --> 00:41:04,719 Speaker 2: you didn't like how you looked? And who told you that? 676 00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:08,279 Speaker 2: Who said something? What did you say to yourself? Is 677 00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:11,000 Speaker 2: there something that you tell yourself that you must or 678 00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:14,440 Speaker 2: should do in order to avoid judgment about your appearance? 679 00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:17,600 Speaker 2: Why is that? Why do you tell yourself, Oh, you know, 680 00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,279 Speaker 2: I can't wear those kinds of jeans, or like, oh no, 681 00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:23,960 Speaker 2: I can't go to work without wearing makeup. Oh you know, no, 682 00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:26,560 Speaker 2: I need to get my eyelashes done on my hair 683 00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:31,279 Speaker 2: dyed once a month. Why do you feel the need 684 00:41:31,320 --> 00:41:35,240 Speaker 2: to do that? What negative predictions do you have around 685 00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:37,880 Speaker 2: what would happen if you didn't do those things. And 686 00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,480 Speaker 2: to go one step further, it's you know, what is 687 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:43,360 Speaker 2: the worst thing that could occur from somebody actually noticing 688 00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:46,400 Speaker 2: that floor that I try so hard to hide and 689 00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:50,720 Speaker 2: I try so hard to obscure. What is the worst thing, truly, 690 00:41:50,760 --> 00:41:53,920 Speaker 2: the worst thing that could come from somebody judging me 691 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:58,120 Speaker 2: based on my appearance? They could not like you. I know, 692 00:41:58,200 --> 00:41:59,879 Speaker 2: it sounds so obvious to say that is the worst 693 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,399 Speaker 2: up And they could just not like you. They could 694 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:05,000 Speaker 2: not give you attention, They couldn't They might not give 695 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,840 Speaker 2: you something that you want from them. But if that 696 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:11,080 Speaker 2: is a friend, a love interest, a colleague, whoever, if 697 00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,040 Speaker 2: that is how they judge or they value you is 698 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,800 Speaker 2: based on your appearance, if that is how they determine 699 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,799 Speaker 2: what you are deserving of. I have a feeling that 700 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:23,279 Speaker 2: that relationship wasn't going to last that long anyways, and 701 00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:24,960 Speaker 2: I have a feeling that it wasn't going to be 702 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:29,200 Speaker 2: particularly fruitful. So is it actually a loss? Is it 703 00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:33,919 Speaker 2: truly a loss that this person couldn't look past the 704 00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:37,759 Speaker 2: most uninteresting thing about you, which is your appearance, to 705 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:42,080 Speaker 2: the thing that really exists below the surface. This whole 706 00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:45,040 Speaker 2: process is about really taking your irrational beliefs about your 707 00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:47,800 Speaker 2: body to their final conclusion. What is the darkest place 708 00:42:48,280 --> 00:42:51,439 Speaker 2: that they could go? Stop there and really assess whether 709 00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:53,800 Speaker 2: that is a bad you know, as as bad as 710 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,920 Speaker 2: you tend to believe, because often we just have this 711 00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:00,279 Speaker 2: belief and we avoid really thinking about what is that 712 00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,560 Speaker 2: sustaining it. And when we actually look at the underlying 713 00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:06,239 Speaker 2: fears that we have and we realize how untrue or 714 00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:10,719 Speaker 2: how unnecessary they are, we escape from our initial compulsions. 715 00:43:11,680 --> 00:43:13,719 Speaker 2: I would also say find a way to feel good 716 00:43:13,719 --> 00:43:16,600 Speaker 2: in your body that doesn't have the primary goal of 717 00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:21,360 Speaker 2: changing it. For example, when you exercise, instead of thinking 718 00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:25,200 Speaker 2: about calories, about muscle growth, about weight loss, broaden your 719 00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:27,840 Speaker 2: focus to how much better it makes you feel. Mentally, 720 00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:31,479 Speaker 2: when you're choosing clothes, instead of always thinking about what's 721 00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,719 Speaker 2: flattering first, think about what you would wear if you 722 00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:37,680 Speaker 2: were the person you most admired. What would you dress 723 00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,799 Speaker 2: the hottest person alive in and why not wear those 724 00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:44,239 Speaker 2: clothes yourself. Someone was telling me how they used to 725 00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:47,960 Speaker 2: really see doing their makeup as a way to conceal, 726 00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:51,600 Speaker 2: and now they see it as a way to be creative. Right. 727 00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:55,759 Speaker 2: It's that mindset shift of focusing on what makes you 728 00:43:55,840 --> 00:44:01,719 Speaker 2: feel confident despite the dysmorphia, and doing more of retraining 729 00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:05,960 Speaker 2: your brain to remember that your appearance is once again 730 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:10,000 Speaker 2: not tied to your value. There is something that matters more, 731 00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:12,640 Speaker 2: and that is how you feel about the world. That's 732 00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:16,760 Speaker 2: feeling good in yourself. That's feeling healthy. That's your kindness, 733 00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:21,000 Speaker 2: your creativity, your intelligence, your wellbeing. All of those come above. 734 00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:25,960 Speaker 2: So some final tips and some lightning round advice. Every day, 735 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,560 Speaker 2: try and find one thing to compliment about yourself that 736 00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:32,040 Speaker 2: is not looks based. To kind of steer your brain 737 00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:35,120 Speaker 2: and your mind away from centering appearance at the core 738 00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:39,319 Speaker 2: of everything else and compliment others as well. Create more 739 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:44,240 Speaker 2: positive reactions in yourself by extending those kind of reactions 740 00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:48,440 Speaker 2: to those around you as well. Try and break out 741 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:52,000 Speaker 2: of the narrative that your body and your appearance has 742 00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:54,680 Speaker 2: to be a constant work in progress. It can be 743 00:44:54,760 --> 00:44:58,120 Speaker 2: the final destination. Where you are right now can be 744 00:44:58,680 --> 00:45:01,239 Speaker 2: the end goal. If your body can do what it 745 00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:03,799 Speaker 2: needs to do, if it can have fun, if it 746 00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,080 Speaker 2: can move, if it can dance, if it can laugh, 747 00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:10,480 Speaker 2: if it can love, that's it great. It's done everything 748 00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:12,320 Speaker 2: that it needs to do. You don't need to improve 749 00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:16,120 Speaker 2: it beyond that, you don't require any anything more from it. 750 00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:19,840 Speaker 2: You don't have any further demands. Speak to your body 751 00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:23,319 Speaker 2: as if the person you are speaking to is that 752 00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:27,000 Speaker 2: childhood version of yourself who probably first encountered the belief 753 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:31,919 Speaker 2: that they didn't like something about their appearance. If you were, 754 00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,680 Speaker 2: if you knew what you knew now, and you were 755 00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:37,520 Speaker 2: speaking to that child version of yourself in this moment, 756 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,799 Speaker 2: what would you be saying And are the things that 757 00:45:40,840 --> 00:45:42,799 Speaker 2: you would be saying to that version of you, that 758 00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:46,080 Speaker 2: five six seven year old version of you, that sweet, 759 00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:49,880 Speaker 2: innocent person. Would you be saying to them what you 760 00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:54,360 Speaker 2: were saying to yourself? Would you be as harsh? Would 761 00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:57,600 Speaker 2: you be looking in the mirror seeing that childhood version 762 00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,239 Speaker 2: of you reflected back and saying, Wow, you really need 763 00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:02,960 Speaker 2: to do something about X, or you're not going to 764 00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:06,120 Speaker 2: be happy until you change why, or like that's revolting, 765 00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:09,200 Speaker 2: that's disgusting. Of course you wouldn't, So why are you 766 00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:14,600 Speaker 2: saying that to yourself now? That version of you, that innocent, 767 00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:19,280 Speaker 2: you know, unashamed version of you, still exists and still 768 00:46:19,320 --> 00:46:23,040 Speaker 2: deserves to be alive and present in the version of 769 00:46:23,040 --> 00:46:25,759 Speaker 2: you now that is an adult, and every time we 770 00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:29,239 Speaker 2: are harsh and critical and unkind to ourselves, I do 771 00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:31,560 Speaker 2: honestly believe that we kill a little part of us 772 00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:36,640 Speaker 2: that is quite pure and quite happy. So that is 773 00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:40,560 Speaker 2: kind of my final reminder for the day. I really 774 00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:45,000 Speaker 2: hope that this episode has brought you something, whether that 775 00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:50,480 Speaker 2: is information, whether that is peace, whether that is closure, community, 776 00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:53,400 Speaker 2: a sense that other people are going through what you 777 00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:56,640 Speaker 2: are going through. I promise you are not alone. This 778 00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:59,120 Speaker 2: is so much more common, and I don't know if 779 00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,279 Speaker 2: that's a good thing, but at least it doesn't feel 780 00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:05,000 Speaker 2: as solitary, and I just hope that you're taking care 781 00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:07,480 Speaker 2: of yourself and that you're choosing to be kinder to 782 00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:10,760 Speaker 2: yourself as a result. So again, thank you for listening. 783 00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,600 Speaker 2: If you did enjoy this episode, please feel free to 784 00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:17,520 Speaker 2: leave a five star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever 785 00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:19,360 Speaker 2: you are listening right now. It really does help the 786 00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:24,080 Speaker 2: show to grow and to reach new people. Make sure 787 00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:26,960 Speaker 2: you are following along. If you liked this episode, we 788 00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:31,040 Speaker 2: have hundreds more that might be of use. But whatever 789 00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,759 Speaker 2: you're going through, and if you have a suggestion, if 790 00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:37,000 Speaker 2: you have feedback, if you have something you want to 791 00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:39,839 Speaker 2: say about this episode. You can follow me at that 792 00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:43,400 Speaker 2: Psychology podcast. We would love to hear from you. Until 793 00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:47,799 Speaker 2: next time, be kind to yourself. Please be gentle with 794 00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:49,719 Speaker 2: yourself and we will talk soon.