Speaker 1: Why is monogamy important.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you why, because I believe monogamy helps me
Speaker 2: be disciplined.
Speaker 1: Deadass.
Speaker 3: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our
Speaker 1: voys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I make you need therapy most days. Wow. Oh, and
Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,
Speaker 1: we are.
Speaker 2: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 2: li's most taboo topics, things.
Speaker 4: Most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 2: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 2: is a term that we say every day. So when
Speaker 2: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred
Speaker 2: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Speaker 2: Were about to take philosof to our whole new level.
Speaker 3: Dead Ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: Storytime.
Speaker 2: Back in then, I believe it was twenty nineteen, Kadeen
Speaker 2: and I dropped a podcast about monogamy and it went viral.
Speaker 1: I was canceled on Twitter for about three days.
Speaker 2: I didn't know because I don't have a Twitter, or
Speaker 2: at the time, I didn't have a Twitter, but I
Speaker 2: have a Twitter now, and I don't really tweet that much.
Speaker 2: But the podcast went viral and everybody took a sixty
Speaker 2: minute conversation, boiled it down to a thirty second clip,
Speaker 2: and then created their own ideas and narrative not only
Speaker 2: about me as a person and my wife as a person,
Speaker 2: but about us as a union. And what I learned
Speaker 2: from that moment is that conversation was probably the most
Speaker 2: healthiest conversation that me and my wife.
Speaker 1: Have had to date. And I'll tell you why.
Speaker 2: Karaoke I'm here with four brothers. Well, I'm here with
Speaker 2: three brothers. I'm the fourth brother. Four Brothers is actually
Speaker 2: one of my favorite movies. Shout out to John Singleton.
Speaker 2: But uh, this song I'm gonna see if y'all know it,
Speaker 2: y'all can jump in at any time if you want to.
Speaker 2: We're brothers, we're happy, and we're singing, and we're color.
Speaker 1: Give me a hive, five beautiful guys, Dona Maya. Now
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell ya real quick why I chose that song.
Speaker 2: I chose that song because the Wayne's brothers chose that
Speaker 2: song for particular reason. They did not want to be
Speaker 2: Blackfaced when they decided to do their own show. And
Speaker 2: one of the biggest reason why I followed you guys
Speaker 2: is because I felt like you were the exact opposite
Speaker 2: of blackface when I listened to the podcast.
Speaker 1: We're gonna pay some bills.
Speaker 2: I gonna introduce you guys to my guests who need
Speaker 2: no introduction when we get right back.
Speaker 1: We're back, so let me do a quick introduction of
Speaker 1: my guests over here.
Speaker 2: All right, y'all already know a couple of you guys
Speaker 2: and ladies because I was introduced by my wife to
Speaker 2: the hosts of the Nice and Knee podcast.
Speaker 1: We got Duke, we got Omar, we got Jalan.
Speaker 2: I like to call them d OJ, righty DJ Department
Speaker 2: of Justice.
Speaker 1: Okay, y'all represent this very well. Okay, see how I
Speaker 1: did that? You started something. But seriously, y'all, do represent
Speaker 1: us well.
Speaker 2: I watched hours of your content by accident, and I'm
Speaker 2: gonna let you guys introduce yourself by asking you questions.
Speaker 2: But I watched hours of you guys content by accident
Speaker 2: because I felt like I was watching the young men,
Speaker 2: because you guys are about five years younger than me,
Speaker 2: answer questions for me. As a forty year old man
Speaker 2: that I wanted to ask my elders. And as you
Speaker 2: guys know, you know, well, I don't know. We'll talk
Speaker 2: about this too, But my father's always been in my life.
Speaker 2: But my father wasn't vocal as a mentor should be
Speaker 2: to a son. My father was a mentor to hundreds
Speaker 2: of other men, but when it came to me, it
Speaker 2: was like, that's my son.
Speaker 1: We don't talk about this. So I always kind of
Speaker 1: felt lost to certain things.
Speaker 2: And when I was listening to y'all speak, I was like, man,
Speaker 2: if I was in my twenty and I heard this,
Speaker 2: it would have gave me some direction on where I
Speaker 2: needed to go. So, first and foremost, kudos to you guys. Secondly,
Speaker 2: we're going to introduce each of you. We're gonna start
Speaker 2: my boy Jealon here right first and foremost. I've been
Speaker 2: calling him Jalen this whole time. I said, how, how
Speaker 2: do you pronounce your name? He said, it's never been Jalen,
Speaker 2: and it's sad it with that voice. Right here, here's
Speaker 2: my boy Jelin and Jelan. Please introduce yourself. Tell everybody
Speaker 2: why you got into podcasting, what you do, and who
Speaker 2: you are I.
Speaker 1: Got into podcasting. My name is Jelan.
Speaker 3: I got into podcasting because me and my brothers here,
Speaker 3: we will be having hours and hours of conversations at
Speaker 3: my shop. I'm a barber by trade, right, so we'll
Speaker 3: be having hours and hours of conversations. We will see
Speaker 3: other men will come in and exit in and you know,
Speaker 3: these are other men that we admire, some that you
Speaker 3: ain't really know, like that they get a haircut, they
Speaker 3: stay around for three four hours and we just like
Speaker 3: exchanging game and we're like, hey, yo, like we should
Speaker 3: really do something with this. Right around the pandemic time
Speaker 3: we started the podcast, originally Pan happened, we had real
Speaker 3: life situations. We put it on whole pandemic was starting
Speaker 3: to clear up a little bit. So twenty twenty one,
Speaker 3: twenty twenty one, we went ahead and we launched it.
Speaker 3: We launched it and man, honestly, we were received. I
Speaker 3: think it exceeded our expectations. Thousands and thousands of people
Speaker 3: were resharing it, whether it was people in our community,
Speaker 3: outside the community, people that was going through what we
Speaker 3: were going through, saying similar things that you're saying as well,
Speaker 3: and you know, it really just took off for us.
Speaker 3: You know, I've been having conversations like this. As I mentioned,
Speaker 3: I'm a barber. I've been having conversations like this because
Speaker 3: to you like you, my father, we didn't sit down
Speaker 3: and we didn't have sex conversations.
Speaker 2: We had that conversation in podcast. We didn't talk about
Speaker 2: sex me and my pops.
Speaker 3: Ever never my dad gave me one sex conversation and
Speaker 3: he looked at me square in the face and he said,
Speaker 3: remember when you had sex, it's for the woman.
Speaker 1: For you. He told you that because we are your
Speaker 1: father's in your lives.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, sorry to hear that, but this was the
Speaker 2: conversation my dad had with me about sex. Yo, So
Speaker 2: you're having sex? Yeah, you know, I got comments in
Speaker 2: my drawer right, I see here at the bottom. And
Speaker 2: to this day we still laugh about it. Like my
Speaker 2: dad laughs and be like, I didn't know what to say.
Speaker 2: Like he grew up Southern Baptists, you don't speak about
Speaker 2: sex because his abstinence or nothing else. So he felt
Speaker 2: like he was doing a disservice to his religion and
Speaker 2: his calling if he speaks to his son about sex.
Speaker 2: I didn't understand that. You know what I'm saying, so
Speaker 2: I didn't understand that. So I was a little bit
Speaker 2: upset about it growing up. But I wish I had
Speaker 2: people like us, so I knew what I was doing
Speaker 2: because even with sex, I didn't know it was for
Speaker 2: the woman in the beginning. Think about how we learned
Speaker 2: about sex and now I'm glad you brought that up
Speaker 2: because we're talking about matter of fact, let's not get
Speaker 2: into it.
Speaker 1: Omar, Omar, got to stop rubbing the mic. Poorse Yo.
Speaker 1: That's nasty work.
Speaker 2: Crazy word every episode that happens one time, but the
Speaker 2: omer I believe, fourth round one hundred and first pick. Wow, okay,
Speaker 2: you did the home work twenty twelve. Yep, Denver Broncos. Yes, sir,
Speaker 2: go ahead and introduce yourself to everyone.
Speaker 1: My name is Omar Bolden.
Speaker 3: I'm a father, a husband, man of God wellness, entrepreneur, actor, podcaster,
Speaker 3: content creator. I pride myself and not trying to limit
Speaker 3: myself or cap myself with a ceiling and everything that
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm skillful at I go for So.
Speaker 3: I know a lot of people will try to tell
Speaker 3: you got to narrow your focus and things like that,
Speaker 3: but a lot of people don't have the passions I got,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Or the drive, the determination,
Speaker 3: or the bandwidth or the bandwidth with his important or
Speaker 3: the brotherhood and community, you know what I mean? With that,
Speaker 3: I feel like I have infinite resources, and with infinite resources,
Speaker 3: I feel like you can accomplish anything you want life.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I moved through life with that kind of mindset,
Speaker 3: that kind of mentality, And yeah, I started podcasting just
Speaker 3: to echo what Jaelan was saying, man, because I wanted
Speaker 3: to create a safe space for us to voice our
Speaker 3: opinions the way we felt we needed to, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, and be able to reach the audiences
Speaker 3: that we wanted to and really control our narrative. I
Speaker 3: think coming out of the NFL in twenty sixteen was
Speaker 3: really the emergence of athletes starting to take control.
Speaker 1: Of their narrative and their media.
Speaker 3: And yeah, we just took that same approach and just
Speaker 3: threw it into the podcast and you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: And four years later, you know, we're sitting here next
Speaker 3: to you, you know what I mean, having a joint podcast.
Speaker 1: So the.
Speaker 3: Reception from our audience has been incredible. It's been, like
Speaker 3: Jaelan would say, exceeded expectations. It's really moving to walk
Speaker 3: up to different venues, different environments, meet random men that
Speaker 3: you never met before here and hear them tell you, Hey,
Speaker 3: what you're doing right now is really helping change my life.
Speaker 3: Is helping shape and mold me and turn me into
Speaker 3: a man that I didn't even think I could be
Speaker 3: at twenty seven, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: So I'm glad you brought you. I don't want to
Speaker 1: cut you, you know, because I do want to finish
Speaker 1: the introductions.
Speaker 2: But Duke, I gotta get to you real quick, and
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you a funny story about how I
Speaker 2: got introduced to Duke. I'm a very vain person, as
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure we all are, cause I'll be dressed
Speaker 2: every time I see y'all right, and Kadeen and I
Speaker 2: have this thing where if i want to look a
Speaker 2: certain way, the first thing I'm gonna do to my
Speaker 2: wife is be like, yo, if I gain this amount
Speaker 2: of weight or if I got skinny, what would you do?
Speaker 2: And I'm sending her pictures and stuff through Instagram and
Speaker 2: she'd be like, man, yeah.
Speaker 1: Nah, yeah right.
Speaker 2: So I ran up on Duke's page and I'm like, swove,
Speaker 2: But He's still be moving though.
Speaker 1: Like you know what I'm saying. So I say, hey,
Speaker 1: what about his physique?
Speaker 2: And she was like, yeah, everything, everything. And I wanted
Speaker 2: to say that publicly because we live in a world
Speaker 2: now where if you compliment a dude like, there's so
Speaker 2: much homophobia now. I can't even compliment a black man
Speaker 2: with people like yo, why are you giving him a compliment?
Speaker 2: But that's just not the case because us as men
Speaker 2: have to learn how to compliment each other and be
Speaker 2: present amongst men who are also attractive or doing well
Speaker 2: in life. And I have to feel like it's a competition.
Speaker 2: So I want to just tell that quick story, but
Speaker 2: do undrafted Yes, out.
Speaker 1: Of is it San Diego State, San Jose, San Jose.
Speaker 2: State to the Denver Broncos as well, So y'all were
Speaker 2: there at the same time.
Speaker 1: A little bit about your charm. My name is Duke.
Speaker 4: I am an entrepreneur. I am a fitness coach, a
Speaker 4: men's growth coach. Most importantly, I'm a leader of men,
Speaker 4: helped men elevate, help men, uh you know, overcome self
Speaker 4: limited beliefs, destructive habits to just elevating life.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: I really care about people like us. I see how
Speaker 4: much we struggle in silence. Right, So I just try
Speaker 4: to add my experience and my knowledge and any type
Speaker 4: of you know, expertise to other people's lives to help
Speaker 4: them just elevate, right. I think for us, and I
Speaker 4: can speak for all of us, man, we felt like
Speaker 4: we had tremendous value to offer to the world, and
Speaker 4: just through conversations with each other, through dating, through sports,
Speaker 4: through you know, the low owns the shop, so he
Speaker 4: speaks to a lot of guys as well on a
Speaker 4: day to day basis. So taking all that information and
Speaker 4: really taking inventory of data that we hear from people,
Speaker 4: you understand, people struggle, so we can relate to a
Speaker 4: lot of people. So it was important for us to
Speaker 4: take all that and be able to offer something to
Speaker 4: the world and help the world navigate any of the
Speaker 4: complexities that they're having, right, because there's not a lot
Speaker 4: of black men like us, you know, in this capacity
Speaker 4: where you know, we're relatively young, but relatively like experienced,
Speaker 4: where we can still relate to young people and older
Speaker 4: people people and articulate it in a way that people
Speaker 4: can digest.
Speaker 1: Right, So that was really important to.
Speaker 4: Us, man, and just throughout the journey of starting a podcast, man,
Speaker 4: we've been able to just touch so many people, men
Speaker 4: and women, right. The most surprising thing was how many
Speaker 4: test absolutely and absolutely and you know, every day someone's
Speaker 4: hitting us up like, yo, how do I do this
Speaker 4: for my men?
Speaker 1: How do I be better for my men? Or?
Speaker 4: And I think that's the most fulfilling thing too, because
Speaker 4: we're actually affecting relationships, all right. And when you get
Speaker 4: to affect a relationship in a positive manner, that means
Speaker 4: you affect the world absolutely, because now you get better relationships,
Speaker 4: that means you get better marriages. That means you get
Speaker 4: better children, children become better adults, right, And that's the
Speaker 4: type of impact we always wanted to make.
Speaker 2: I'm glad you brought that up in shout out to
Speaker 2: all three of you, gentlemen, because there's a lot of times,
Speaker 2: especially in the podcast space, it's easy to just go
Speaker 2: for the clickbait, right. And the reason why I sang
Speaker 2: the song I sang because you guys could have easily
Speaker 2: done the blackface thing.
Speaker 1: Right. Let's get up here and just bash women.
Speaker 2: We'll get a ton of engagement if we bashed women,
Speaker 2: because then women will argue with us, men will champion us.
Speaker 1: It's easy, easy content, right, But you chose not to.
Speaker 2: You chose to go to long route, right, which means
Speaker 2: that we're going to talk about the things that we
Speaker 2: really want to discuss. Which I also want to point
Speaker 2: out that most people think in a barbershop, black men
Speaker 2: are talking about ass basketball and football, that's it. But
Speaker 2: I've been in barbershops and a lot of times there
Speaker 2: are black men just there trying to figure out, like,
Speaker 2: how do I become better at what I'm doing?
Speaker 1: And that's not.
Speaker 2: Only just about professions. How do I become a better father?
Speaker 2: Like I'm going through this with my wife. I think
Speaker 2: I've been around you twice so far. Every time I'm
Speaker 2: around you, three one of you, two or two of
Speaker 2: you are talking about something that happened with your wife,
Speaker 2: or your fiance or your child, and you're trying to
Speaker 2: navigate and you're asking opinions, and I'm like, these are
Speaker 2: the type of relationships that young black men need to
Speaker 2: see that are healthy, because the next generation going to
Speaker 2: look at this and be like, well, I can be
Speaker 2: like that.
Speaker 1: I don't got to be like them clowns. They just
Speaker 1: want to argue with everybody.
Speaker 2: And the reason why I call them clowns is because
Speaker 2: there's a lot of people out here who are.
Speaker 1: I would say, extorting our culture.
Speaker 2: You know, they know that seventy five percent of women
Speaker 2: who well I know this for a fact, seventy five
Speaker 2: percent of the young men and I trained over a
Speaker 2: thousand had no fathers in their life. So you know,
Speaker 2: there's trigger points, especially with black women, and there's a
Speaker 2: lot of clowns out here who are using those trigger
Speaker 2: points to get engagement.
Speaker 1: And kudos to y'all for not Do.
Speaker 3: You think though, that the guys who are creating that
Speaker 3: style of content are the men that are in.
Speaker 1: Relationships because I not at all.
Speaker 3: I don't think so, because I feel like it was
Speaker 3: very easy for us to go the eyes a way
Speaker 3: because we're men of relationships, we're men of integrity, we're representation,
Speaker 3: we're representations of our women at the absolute friends, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean, they've all elevated at this point.
Speaker 3: But when you when you were coming from that perspective,
Speaker 3: it's really hard to sit get online absolutely to the world.
Speaker 1: And because you're being authentic to who you are.
Speaker 2: Yes, a lot of people aren't being authentic because this
Speaker 2: is entertainment, and I think that's what people need to realize.
Speaker 2: Podcasting is entertainment. You don't have to represent yourself authentically
Speaker 2: when you come on the podcast, I can say whatever.
Speaker 2: And that's why I keep saying, like the fact that
Speaker 2: y'all chose to represent yourself authentically, put yourself out there
Speaker 2: when you know, even if you're trying to be authentic,
Speaker 2: someone's gonna have something negative to say.
Speaker 1: Because that's also about the podcast.
Speaker 2: Space, which would which leads me to monogamy right before
Speaker 2: you get there, Like we've actually we actually did kind
Speaker 2: of struggle with because it's still a business and we
Speaker 2: still want an engagement, you know, and we still want people.
Speaker 4: We want to grow. So we did have conversations of, yo,
Speaker 4: do we need to spice it up a little bit?
Speaker 4: What was what was that conversation? Like it was more
Speaker 4: so are we being too nice? Are we pacifying women
Speaker 4: too much?
Speaker 2: Right? Real conversations like that should we did y'all feel
Speaker 2: like that that you were passified?
Speaker 1: Now? We didn't feel like that. It's just how it
Speaker 1: was like coming off.
Speaker 3: There wasn't enough data to show who we were, so
Speaker 3: it may come off as that people don't know what
Speaker 3: our past is. People don't know what our background is.
Speaker 3: All they see is three dudes in happy relationships today,
Speaker 3: and that's where you're speaking from.
Speaker 2: I tell you something that's never going to change. I've
Speaker 2: been with my wife for twenty two years. We've been
Speaker 2: podcasting for six years season one. People's like, Oh, this
Speaker 2: ain't real. He don't really live like that. It is
Speaker 2: now thirteen years of marriage, four kids, and people still
Speaker 2: say the same thing. I'll see you in five years.
Speaker 2: Y'all said that five years ago. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: that's never going to change. People will root for y'all
Speaker 2: to fail because you got to also realize too, when
Speaker 2: you feel it validates all of their failed relationship. But
Speaker 2: when you don't fail, now, there's no excuse for them
Speaker 2: now that like, wait a minute, there's three black men.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, they're married to three black women. Wait a minute,
Speaker 2: they're all faithful. Just can't be possible, you.
Speaker 1: Know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: They always going to find a way to make it
Speaker 2: seem like y'all not real. So I wouldn't even harp
Speaker 2: on that because I still get that backglass to this day.
Speaker 2: That's a fact. It's always going to be like that.
Speaker 2: So how'd you end up coming to the conclusion like,
Speaker 2: you know what, we're not going to just spice it
Speaker 2: up and argue for no reason. How did y'all decide
Speaker 2: like this is where we're going to stay. It made
Speaker 2: us better.
Speaker 3: It did make us better because not saying that we
Speaker 3: was like, we're not going to spice it up, but
Speaker 3: it was like a yo. As far as the business side,
Speaker 3: we started having production meetings and we started really sitting
Speaker 3: down saying like, AYO, how do you feel about that? Okay,
Speaker 3: what would it look like if you took this perspective
Speaker 3: and actually really embody this perspective on if somebody approached
Speaker 3: it and they was like, yo, and don't feel monogamy,
Speaker 3: it's important, How would you speak from that place?
Speaker 1: What would that look like?
Speaker 3: Because as people are listening, you know, you don't want
Speaker 3: to just have just like one specific niche audience.
Speaker 1: You want to be able to have everybody. Wise, that's exact.
Speaker 3: Business wise, right, but also realistic like we live in
Speaker 3: a world where monogamy may not be for everybody, but
Speaker 3: I think the only way to get somebody's ears to
Speaker 3: even consider your opinion is to be able to address theirs.
Speaker 3: So we got to start addressing their opinion in order
Speaker 3: for our message to actually get louder. I think we
Speaker 3: landed on it ultimately, because, like you said, man, was
Speaker 3: just the authentic thing to do doing this podcast thing.
Speaker 1: Man, it's very hard to do it when you're faking it,
Speaker 1: absolutely right.
Speaker 4: So no longer, you know, anytime you're doing business with
Speaker 4: your friends, we're friends first. It's not like we just
Speaker 4: became't business young met up on the broncos. We met,
Speaker 4: we met playing, we met, I met through a mutual friends.
Speaker 1: So twelve years, all of y'all have been friends. I
Speaker 1: know you guys meant it does.
Speaker 2: I think we may made a year thirteen ten years.
Speaker 2: So yeah, so we we were friends first. So it
Speaker 2: was just authentic and we all had similar beliefs, similar relationships.
Speaker 2: So it's just like yo, like we can spice it up,
Speaker 2: but not in this not in this standpoint of we're
Speaker 2: just gonna come out here and you know, say our
Speaker 2: land this stuff. Now, how we're gonna spice it up
Speaker 2: is we're going to figure out different ways to articulate
Speaker 2: our points and drive home our points while still being
Speaker 2: respectful to the overall like masses.
Speaker 3: It's fair and by generating the engagement. You double down,
Speaker 3: you like, literally draw a line on your perspective. Yes,
Speaker 3: like I'm I'm literally on this side today. That's what
Speaker 3: I'm and that's what I'm doing. And that right there
Speaker 3: increased the engagement. That right there gave us the more eyeballs,
Speaker 3: the reach that we were looking for.
Speaker 1: Kudos to y'am, and that's that's dope.
Speaker 2: The fact that you said production meeting because you're you know,
Speaker 2: all athletes in a barber I had to learn to
Speaker 2: have production meeting. Shout out to trouble because I'm a
Speaker 2: winger as an athlete.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: My wife went to school for speech, communication and performance.
Speaker 1: They would have Q cards. I never have Q cards.
Speaker 1: You know why.
Speaker 2: I'll just be sitting here saying my opinion. But production
Speaker 2: media is matter because words matter. After you know, we
Speaker 2: had a powerful discussion before this. But let me get
Speaker 2: back to these facts and stacks about monogamy. You're gonna
Speaker 2: be surprised, Okay. It says here that a majority of
Speaker 2: Americans fifty five percent, prefer complete monogamy in their relationships,
Speaker 2: but many adults would rather have some form of non monogamy.
Speaker 2: February twenty third you Gov poll finds that one third
Speaker 2: of Americans thirty four percent, describe their ideal relationship as
Speaker 2: something other than complete monogamy. Many adults who do not
Speaker 2: choose total monogamy desire something in between complete monogamy and
Speaker 2: complete non monogamy, with twenty six percent of all Americans
Speaker 2: choosing an option in the middle. I'll give you my perspective,
Speaker 2: and I want to hear you guys perspective. I chose
Speaker 2: monogamy not for my wife, and I think part of
Speaker 2: the reason why we went viral was because people expected
Speaker 2: me to say I chose to be monogamous because you
Speaker 2: were just this perfect woman, and I chose it for you.
Speaker 2: But that's literally not what happened. I was living my
Speaker 2: life and there were times where I was chasing skirts.
Speaker 2: You know, you graduate from high school, you go to college,
Speaker 2: and I'm the guy d one university.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows me. I'm going here and here and there.
Speaker 2: But I watched my success in my production struggle because
Speaker 2: I wasn't focused.
Speaker 1: On what I needed to do.
Speaker 2: And then I looked at my mom, I looked at
Speaker 2: my grandmother, I looked at my father, my grandfather, and
Speaker 2: I was just like, one thing is coming my father
Speaker 2: and my grandfather able to focus on being the best
Speaker 2: versions of themselves.
Speaker 1: Because there are.
Speaker 2: Certain things that my mom and my grandmother take me hero,
Speaker 2: I'm going to have to use discernment to find the
Speaker 2: right woman to be next to me so that when
Speaker 2: I'm doing these things and making these decisions, I got
Speaker 2: a partner. I chose monogamy and selfish just it sounds
Speaker 2: before myself, and I want to know from you three,
Speaker 2: why did y'all choose monogamy if y'all.
Speaker 3: Know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I chose monogamy before my girl
Speaker 3: even existed.
Speaker 1: So like that is I'm a man of God.
Speaker 3: I'm a man of faith, and my relationship with God
Speaker 3: actually comes before any woman that is there. I can't
Speaker 3: replace God, but whoever fits in that piece, Like I
Speaker 3: don't know what her name was. I didn't know her
Speaker 3: name was going to be Britney. I had no idea.
Speaker 3: So but you knew, you knew that he was like
Speaker 3: I'm going to be when it comes to the woman
Speaker 3: that I want to marry. Absolutely Now, when I was younger,
Speaker 3: I can't say that existed. Absolutely when it comes down
Speaker 3: to the woman that I want to marry and be
Speaker 3: with for the rest of my life life and the
Speaker 3: woman that's going to be raising my children and teaching
Speaker 3: my son how to walk and kissing my kids on
Speaker 3: the face. Like, yes, absolutely, but to your point, it
Speaker 3: wasn't for her, It was for you.
Speaker 1: It's for me, you know.
Speaker 3: And I actually have a philosophy though, like I feel
Speaker 3: like we're all selfish. We don't really just say it
Speaker 3: out loud fact, but like, I'm selfish, like in every way,
Speaker 3: shape and form. If I get if I got you
Speaker 3: a birthday gift, it's because I want you to view
Speaker 3: me as a good friend, not just because I wanted
Speaker 3: you to feel good.
Speaker 1: What was I think it was friends?
Speaker 2: They had to show about no selfless acts, and they
Speaker 2: were like, even like if a beastings you, that's selfish
Speaker 2: on you because then the be gos and dies. When
Speaker 2: you say that, it reminds me of that that there
Speaker 2: really is no selfless act in the world. Everything we do.
Speaker 3: That's that's really how I feel, right, But that also
Speaker 3: helps me, it sounds crazy, it helps me be the
Speaker 3: best person that I could possibly be because when I
Speaker 3: show up for you too, I'm showing up for you
Speaker 3: because I want you to view me in a certain light.
Speaker 2: Right, So I'm gonna do my best for me to
Speaker 2: have the best view and viewpoint in your life.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: If there's laundry in the hallway, I'm gonna do the
Speaker 3: laundry for my fiance because I want her to be like, man,
Speaker 3: I got a good dude.
Speaker 1: I feel you he.
Speaker 2: Took a lot off my plate by doing that. So
Speaker 2: I'll be doing laundry because I'll be wanting to smash later.
Speaker 1: I feel that I.
Speaker 2: Just got to be clean and she gonna be tired,
Speaker 2: so fuck it, I'm about to go get this ship done.
Speaker 4: To that.
Speaker 1: So that's to that point, right.
Speaker 3: And I've learned so much about myself through monogamy because
Speaker 3: you know, like being single and dating, that's totally different
Speaker 3: than being monogamous because when it comes to how I
Speaker 3: want my partner to feel about me, she's actually teaching me.
Speaker 2: It sounds crazy. She's taught me how to be a
Speaker 2: man for real, doesn't doesn't sound crazy at all, Like
Speaker 2: she's really really taught me how to be a man,
Speaker 2: Like we talked about it.
Speaker 1: Why do you think that that sounds crazy?
Speaker 3: It sounds I was crazy because I feel like people
Speaker 3: feel like you're supposed to show up as a complete person.
Speaker 3: And I also feel like that's the reason why the
Speaker 3: day landscape is Yes, but I feel like people feel
Speaker 3: like you're supposed to show.
Speaker 1: Up as a complete person.
Speaker 3: And she's taught me how to be a man, and
Speaker 3: she's taught me how to continue to date her. She's
Speaker 3: taught me how to continue to flirt with her through
Speaker 3: today so I can smash at the end of the
Speaker 3: day all of those things, because you feel like, you know,
Speaker 3: you get into a relationship we being monogamous, the only
Speaker 3: thing you gotta worry about is I'm not out here
Speaker 3: chasing nobody else. And it's just like, nah, like the
Speaker 3: work actually just getting started when you enter the space
Speaker 3: of monogamy.
Speaker 2: So what So ultimately, what you're saying is she didn't
Speaker 2: teach you how to be a man. She taught you
Speaker 2: how to be her man because that you had to
Speaker 2: show up for her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2: Omar, did you always know you wanted to be monogamous
Speaker 2: or did there something happen where you were like, nah,
Speaker 2: I gotta change this.
Speaker 1: Well, I would say similar to your situation.
Speaker 3: And when I say similar to you, I just mean
Speaker 3: in terms of being selfish I've kind of always been
Speaker 3: smart enough to understand that what me being committed to
Speaker 3: one woman will take me to greater heights in my
Speaker 3: life in terms of being a great man of leadership, power, integrity,
Speaker 3: even wealth. Right, I would need a woman by my
Speaker 3: side when I've studied or when I look in the
Speaker 3: in the history of men, great men leaders in particular,
Speaker 3: when you look at them next to their side, there's
Speaker 3: always a woman. You look at Martin Luther King, you
Speaker 3: have Kretta. You look at Barack Obama, you have Michelle
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Anytime people will.
Speaker 2: Push back through and say that Martin Luther King was
Speaker 2: a philanderer, though he wasn't necessarily like.
Speaker 3: What I'm saying is though as a kid without even
Speaker 3: understanding that, because that information that I'm privy to as
Speaker 3: an adult, right, But as a kid, you don't understand that.
Speaker 1: All you see is this is a great leader.
Speaker 3: Of men in the image that he's being portrayed in,
Speaker 3: and next to him is his wife. So when I
Speaker 3: look at that from a young age, because these are
Speaker 3: when these thought performed, it's not like these thoughts are
Speaker 3: formed as a as an older point, like they're making
Speaker 3: a lasting impression as a as a kid on your
Speaker 3: subconscious mind without you, whether you know it or not.
Speaker 3: So when I've been able to look at those those
Speaker 3: type of men in my life or that have make
Speaker 3: an impact in my life, I'm like, okay, I need
Speaker 3: be a woman as well. And then also too the
Speaker 3: moments that I have had a woman, even before I
Speaker 3: became a fiance and a husband, Like, for some reason,
Speaker 3: I've always noticed I've been more productive when I have
Speaker 3: a woman.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Oh okay.
Speaker 3: I'm actually locked in on my job, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. I'm actually getting things accomplished, I'm signing deals,
Speaker 3: I'm making more money and so and to me, that
Speaker 3: is that is a place that I always want to
Speaker 3: be in.
Speaker 1: I always want to be in a fruitful place of
Speaker 1: growth and progression.
Speaker 3: And I believe that that could only happen by being
Speaker 3: committed to one woman. When you're not committed to one woman,
Speaker 3: let's just say you you live a life of polygamy, right,
Speaker 3: I personally feel like you're a bit distracted. You may
Speaker 3: not say people who live those lifestyles may not come
Speaker 3: on the front on the front lines and say that, right,
Speaker 3: because it's conducive to their lifestyle. But I personally believe
Speaker 3: that you're spread then by whether it be emotionally, physically,
Speaker 3: either way financially, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: You're spread, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: And to me, I feel like I can make more
Speaker 3: of an impact in my life and those around me
Speaker 3: by being committed and.
Speaker 1: Being in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 2: Due and before we before we move on, polygamy is
Speaker 2: illegal in America's it's not necessarily polygamy, it's monogamy or
Speaker 2: non monogamy.
Speaker 1: So we're just going to correct that and not say polygamy.
Speaker 2: No one here agrees with polygamy, but we're talking about
Speaker 2: being non monogamous.
Speaker 1: But Duke, what happened to you? My brother? Man? What happened?
Speaker 1: That's actually that's actually a good way to put it.
Speaker 4: And the reason that's a good way to put it
Speaker 4: is because I grew up in a culture where it
Speaker 4: was very normal to not be to not be monogamous, right,
Speaker 4: So I grew up with it. My uncles, my grandpa,
Speaker 4: you know, my father to some degree, right, So I
Speaker 4: grew up with it. So everything pointed me in the
Speaker 4: direction of because I'm Nigerian, right, so they have different
Speaker 4: kind of just traditional values. You go there, you go,
Speaker 4: so regardless of people would agree with it or not.
Speaker 4: That's kind of like very normal. But to be honest, bro, man,
Speaker 4: I don't trust women. I don't trust women. M hmm,
Speaker 4: I trust my women. I don't trust women.
Speaker 1: That's fair.
Speaker 4: So I don't believe I could go mess with women
Speaker 4: and everybody stay hushed us don't believe it.
Speaker 1: That's an that's an honest ass answer. But I don't
Speaker 1: do it right. And I'm saying it's layered, but I
Speaker 1: could never. I could never. I'm saying.
Speaker 4: I'm saying it's there's more to it, but I could
Speaker 4: never put my trust in another woman to dibble and.
Speaker 1: Dabble, hurt and everything.
Speaker 2: Way, bro, you're absolutely right, because we don't we don't trust.
Speaker 2: We don't trust all men. That's why we only have
Speaker 2: specific friends. So it makes the same sense. If I
Speaker 2: don't trust all women, why would us go out here
Speaker 2: and lay down with every woman? It actually makes sense,
Speaker 2: but go ahead, no way, so you know, and amongst
Speaker 2: other things, man, it's just like everything you said.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm going to.
Speaker 4: Be the most successful with one woman because I don't
Speaker 4: have that type of capacity dealing with women is hard. Yes,
Speaker 4: it's difficult. It takes a lot to deal with a
Speaker 4: women and cultivate a strong, healthy relationship, all right. And
Speaker 4: there's no way I can say that I want this,
Speaker 4: I want the best out of myself and my relationship
Speaker 4: and still be playing around with other women.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 4: So for me, monogamy gives me structure, right, it gives
Speaker 4: me a foundation of principles, and it allows me to
Speaker 4: trust someone, right. I don't want to have to navigate
Speaker 4: different you know, relationships or situations or whatever the case
Speaker 4: may be, and be wondering can I trust this person?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 4: So for me, monogamy has always been I want to
Speaker 4: say always been, but just through growing up, I realized
Speaker 4: it was the best path for me, right.
Speaker 1: And I'm someone I'm a giver man. I love when
Speaker 1: I love, I love hard. I feel right.
Speaker 4: I can't even I can't even just think about giving
Speaker 4: that up for everybody.
Speaker 1: I'm a nasty thing.
Speaker 2: The things I be wanting to do I can't do
Speaker 2: to everybody, you know what I'm saying. So for me, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's also on the sex thing, like I do, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna sit down and just dive into any woman I meet,
Speaker 2: I want to have a conversation first, what was going
Speaker 2: on with you? What's your credit score? Like?
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, how often have you
Speaker 1: been to the doctor? Well, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: These are conversations that everybody don't want to have. So
Speaker 2: for me, monogamy was also about that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I feel like this, man, I feel like
Speaker 4: like I feel with everything in life, you are going
Speaker 4: to get out what you put in. And if you
Speaker 4: give your all to one person, I trust that my
Speaker 4: decision to pick her, I trust that she's gonna give
Speaker 4: me everything back.
Speaker 1: Okay, And that's why.
Speaker 4: And the other thing is is too I'm not afraid
Speaker 4: to be hurt. Oh you're hurt by a woman. I'm
Speaker 4: not afraid, bro, I'm not afraid. I'm confident that I
Speaker 4: could be hurt and bounce back.
Speaker 2: So you saying I'm gonna use discernment to pick the
Speaker 2: right woman and if I get hurt, I'm strong enough
Speaker 2: to say I can bounce back. I'm saying that a
Speaker 2: lot of people want monogamy but are afraid to be hurt,
Speaker 2: so they'll stay away from it. Because when you're dealing
Speaker 2: with someone else, there's no guarantee that this person is
Speaker 2: gonna do you right, there's no guarantee. It's not a chance,
Speaker 2: but it's no guarantee.
Speaker 1: You know why. I know that you're right about that,
Speaker 1: and I can't say you're right.
Speaker 2: But there's a memo social media of the cat sleeping,
Speaker 2: and there's a lot of people saying, how I sleep
Speaker 2: at night knowing that nobody's sucking me over.
Speaker 1: A single exactly? That literally is what you just said.
Speaker 1: It's a fear. Yeah, it's a fear.
Speaker 2: So you believe fear of people keeping people from monogamy
Speaker 2: because they don't want to be hurt.
Speaker 4: I believe that people know they can get hurt, but
Speaker 4: they don't. They feel like if they get hurt, they
Speaker 4: can't recover. And I'm saying that when you confident you
Speaker 4: can recover, you're okay with taking the risk of monogamy.
Speaker 1: I never thought about that. Did y'all ever think about that?
Speaker 2: Like the possibility of getting hurt and no one can
Speaker 2: I recover if I put everything into this woman.
Speaker 1: When I was younger.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be honest with you, and I don't want
Speaker 3: to disrespect the men that are in mind, that were
Speaker 3: in my life have been in my life, monogamy was
Speaker 3: Anything outside of monogamy was never an option for me.
Speaker 3: My dad was monogamous, My brothers are monogamous. The men,
Speaker 3: the good men that were around me were monogamous. So
Speaker 3: like us sitting up here isn't a shock to me.
Speaker 1: It's not anomally.
Speaker 3: I see a lot of people they're like, man, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna be the first person in my lineage, in my
Speaker 3: generation to be monogamous, and like, that's not my story.
Speaker 3: My my parents fully expected me to be monogamous. My
Speaker 3: brothers fully expected me to be monogamous, so anything outside
Speaker 3: of that would be the anomaly of the family. So like,
Speaker 3: being around even being around men that are not monogamous
Speaker 3: is like, it's shocking to me.
Speaker 1: And how long you've been what's your three years? Three years?
Speaker 2: Was there ever a point in your life where you
Speaker 2: were trying to be monogamous and felt like this ain't
Speaker 2: for me with her, with anybody, oh yeah, before her,
Speaker 2: before her, Like, I don't even think you should even
Speaker 2: be considering the word monogamous for real until you talking
Speaker 2: about getting married.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair. Dating doesn't require monogamy to be honest,
Speaker 1: to be honest, you got to work on it.
Speaker 3: Yes, but I wasn't in the space of wanting to
Speaker 3: get married in space, so it's like, yeah, I'm dating,
Speaker 3: but I'm not trying to get married. That wasn't That
Speaker 3: wasn't a thing like, yeah, were moving around, you know
Speaker 3: what I'm saying, And so we would have fun now
Speaker 3: moving with intention And one thing that was very difficult
Speaker 3: is me and my fiance. She's an incredible woman. We
Speaker 3: did long distance for the first year of our relationship,
Speaker 3: so I knew for that to work for me, we
Speaker 3: had to be crazy intentional with our relationship. So when
Speaker 3: we first got together, I vowed to her that we'll
Speaker 3: see each other twice a month. She lived in Austin,
Speaker 3: I lived in la We had to see each other
Speaker 3: twice an I remember, oh, and Duke, you used to
Speaker 3: be like, bro, where are you going?
Speaker 1: Yep? Every time was getting on flights. You're going to
Speaker 1: text you so much.
Speaker 3: B I gotta go see my girl because it's it's
Speaker 3: like if I don't or and this is just for
Speaker 3: people who have long distance relationships. If you don't have
Speaker 3: a schedule on when you're gonna see your partner, you're
Speaker 3: leaving too much space for yourself to get in trouble,
Speaker 3: for her to get in trouble. When an argument happens,
Speaker 3: you don't know when you're gonna see her again. So
Speaker 3: now it's just like I'm finna go out and do
Speaker 3: this now if I know, he Yo, this week I
Speaker 3: seen her, I'm gonna see her again in two weeks.
Speaker 3: So anything that I do within that two weeks, that's
Speaker 3: on me. But if it's like this week I seen her,
Speaker 3: I don't know when I'm gonna see her again. You
Speaker 3: got too much space to go and make mistakes.
Speaker 2: You got too much idle time and not understand what's
Speaker 2: going on with you. And you know what we say
Speaker 2: about idle time. Yeah, zevil find time for idle hands.
Speaker 2: We don't know that, and we don't know that.
Speaker 3: So it's like I knew what the flight schedule was.
Speaker 3: I used to send her a flight schedule every single month,
Speaker 3: so I was I was very intentional with being monogamous.
Speaker 3: I don't think monogamy is something that happens on accident either,
Speaker 3: Like I'm I'm not that good of a person bro.
Speaker 1: To say I'm just monogamous because I'm in.
Speaker 3: A relationship, right, Like, no, I have to, like I
Speaker 3: told you, I'm selfish. I have to be like, Okay,
Speaker 3: how is this gonna benefit Julyn? How is this gonna
Speaker 3: benefit Jelyn? What does that look like for Jilan? And
Speaker 3: then I have to put all those together and I
Speaker 3: have to put it into action, and I have to
Speaker 3: stay disciplined on the things that I said I'm gonna
Speaker 3: put into action. Like me, if something look like I'm
Speaker 3: gonna not be monogamous, yeah, I'm not gonna resist. I'm
Speaker 3: just gonna flee, like I get out of there, bro,
Speaker 3: I'll be So you.
Speaker 2: Never played that game like I'm gonna just I'm playing
Speaker 2: with shorty now we.
Speaker 3: Be We talk about it all the time. I'm I'm
Speaker 3: I don't you never Jean, Oh No, I don't trust
Speaker 3: me enough.
Speaker 2: You never played with any chicks before you decided you
Speaker 2: was gonna get engaged, like I'm gonna just play around
Speaker 2: because I don't really want to be monogamous with my
Speaker 2: fiance now.
Speaker 1: No no, no, I.
Speaker 2: Said like before your like before when you were dating,
Speaker 2: because remember when hundred percent okay, because when Duke said
Speaker 2: dating should be about monogamy, you was just like, I
Speaker 2: don't think it necessarily that's a great conversation because when
Speaker 2: women date, women are dating with the expertation and I
Speaker 2: can't old women that we're going to be monogamous. But
Speaker 2: I've also learned that men are not always dating with
Speaker 2: that because I don't date men, so I don't know
Speaker 2: how men thought process be, you know, when dating.
Speaker 3: But I'm gonna be honest though, like in the space
Speaker 3: of dating, like if we're not moving in that way,
Speaker 3: you know that there's there's now am I coming back
Speaker 3: and I'm going to tell you everything that's happening along
Speaker 3: the way. No, because I don't think you earn that
Speaker 3: space either, So I'm not gonna sit here and I'm
Speaker 3: not gonna lie to you. Matter of fact, if we're
Speaker 3: just dating and you see me out, you got to
Speaker 3: respect that too, because we're just dating, and that's a
Speaker 3: conversation you have and beginning to dating. But there's also
Speaker 3: there's also level. There's never you don't have a conversation,
Speaker 3: but there's levels to dating. Right when you first started dating,
Speaker 3: somewhere you're casually dating them.
Speaker 2: And I'm be honest, I'm asking these questions because remember
Speaker 2: I met my wife when I was eighteen. I've never
Speaker 2: dated as a grown adult.
Speaker 3: Let me tell you, bro, So let me tell you
Speaker 3: when you first started dating a woman, it's casual, you
Speaker 3: know what I mean.
Speaker 1: It's it's very light, it's over the surface.
Speaker 3: And casual also means that I could be courting another
Speaker 3: woman at the same time. Right in order for for
Speaker 3: the woman to take it to the level of yo,
Speaker 3: this situation has.
Speaker 1: Now become monogamous.
Speaker 3: We had to have the conversation of yo, you and
Speaker 3: I are now exclusively dating each other.
Speaker 1: Once we're exclusively dating one.
Speaker 3: Another, now now we're now monogamy is introduced into the fold.
Speaker 3: Right until then, we can't even have that conversation because
Speaker 3: it's not fair.
Speaker 1: And and even if you're not, I'm under the assumption that.
Speaker 3: You're you're you're dating other people too, because we haven't
Speaker 3: had the conversation that said, hey, we're both locked into
Speaker 3: one another, let's take the next step.
Speaker 1: So does that conversation come before sex?
Speaker 3: I under that probably not, probably not, And a lot
Speaker 3: of my situations, know a lot, I'll be honest with it.
Speaker 1: But but but, but if you're.
Speaker 3: Trying to be proper about your situation, if you game tight,
Speaker 3: like if you someone who's young and you listen to
Speaker 3: this conversation, then yeah.
Speaker 1: You will. You would approach that conversation.
Speaker 3: You would prost the situation differently and have the conversation beforehand,
Speaker 3: because for one, it's way more player. You give her
Speaker 3: the option to make a choice, right, Which is that's
Speaker 3: all you That's that's like in terms of being a man, like,
Speaker 3: we gotta be fair and we be like we could
Speaker 3: be fair by giving women.
Speaker 2: Choicest me, let me cut you off just to ask
Speaker 2: a question, because this is actually fascinating to me because
Speaker 2: I've never dated in my twenties and I got four boys,
Speaker 2: so I know they're gonna come to me because they're
Speaker 2: not all going to meet their girl at eighteen. No,
Speaker 2: I can't say, like, you know, go to college, first
Speaker 2: year of college, meet your mother. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 2: Like you can't. So for me, it's interesting because you
Speaker 2: said it's way more player. And this is what I
Speaker 2: believe because and this is just me being maybe I
Speaker 2: live in a utopia.
Speaker 1: I believe that.
Speaker 2: When you meet a young lady, if you don't want
Speaker 2: to be monogamous, it's like yo, we dating, we smashing
Speaker 2: or were trying to be And when I say that
Speaker 2: women be like, I would love if a man said that,
Speaker 2: But then when I hear dudes say that, they be like,
Speaker 2: you can't say that to no woman.
Speaker 3: Because he's never said it before. The only man who
Speaker 3: are saying that are the men who haven't said it.
Speaker 3: They don't have the courage to say it. They think
Speaker 3: if I say it, I'm gonna lose this woman. Listen,
Speaker 3: you got if you're gonna be living a lifestyle, you
Speaker 3: got to operate with that risk. Hey, I can say
Speaker 3: this and she could possibly walk away. That's the game
Speaker 3: I'm playing. That's the way more players.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this as well.
Speaker 4: Right, because we all lived a unique experience, absolutely, right,
Speaker 4: So our confidence was a little different, Our access was
Speaker 4: a little different, especially living especially living in LA. All guys,
Speaker 4: most guys don't have the same access or environment that
Speaker 4: we have, right, So.
Speaker 2: Explain that to them so they understand because you definitely,
Speaker 2: we definitely live unique experience.
Speaker 4: Explain so because we played in the NFL, we knew
Speaker 4: we were an anomaly. So it wasn't NFL because we
Speaker 4: left because we're in this space, right, this industry, whatever
Speaker 4: the case may be, right, whether you're in the NFL,
Speaker 4: if you're in an industry and you could touch these people. Right,
Speaker 4: especially living in LA we see celebrities all the time,
Speaker 4: so like we're all like, we could live without you.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: There's a plethora of women around this place, beautiful women
Speaker 4: around this place. So if you I want to fuck
Speaker 4: with me, somebody else will. I'm handsome enough, I'm intelligent enough,
Speaker 4: going on, right, people know me, people know me. I
Speaker 4: got respect in my city. It doesn't matter, right, every man,
Speaker 4: most men don't have that same type of luxury. That's
Speaker 4: one okay, that's less than one in the NFL, but
Speaker 4: just even just even something to give them that type
Speaker 4: of confidence.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 4: So the other thing is this, we can speak now
Speaker 4: right now because thirty five, we're super articulate, absolutely, so
Speaker 4: we know what our young person, our young self just
Speaker 4: say to navigate that situation. But eighteen year old you
Speaker 4: may not have that experience with women to navigate her feelings, right,
Speaker 4: You may not know how to communicate. Yo, I'm dealing
Speaker 4: with another chick on the side, just so you know, right,
Speaker 4: so you will just try to keep it in your
Speaker 4: pocket and just try to assume. Now, going back to
Speaker 4: the point of us having that confidence, we were also
Speaker 4: confident enough to know that, yo, I'm dealing with a
Speaker 4: bad one.
Speaker 1: I'm sure she's talking to other other people.
Speaker 4: Rue, So we never so even if I saw you
Speaker 4: doing your thing, I was good. So what happens is
Speaker 4: a lot of guys they'll be like, yo, I want
Speaker 4: to mess with other girls, but I don't want you
Speaker 4: messing with no other guys. Yeah, all right, and that's
Speaker 4: a problem. So for us, it was just like, hey, listen,
Speaker 4: the girls I'm dealing with. It's already assumed that I
Speaker 4: know guys talking to you. Yeah, so no, you know
Speaker 4: women are talking to me, right, So monogamy isn't even
Speaker 4: a conversation you had. And is it before sex though?
Speaker 1: No, no, I'm telling you when you're young, it's not
Speaker 1: none of that. None of that is happening. It's just
Speaker 1: as soon.
Speaker 4: And then also at least nah, since I since I
Speaker 4: was in college to you know, the last couple of
Speaker 4: years in the NFL, like all this interaction was out
Speaker 4: in the public, were in the hottest places, so there
Speaker 4: was no hiding this interaction.
Speaker 1: Oh, I see what you're saying. You knew when I
Speaker 1: was hiding at a girl, you found out.
Speaker 2: You knew social media that people take pictures video like
Speaker 2: I mean, not even find out you see who I am?
Speaker 4: Yeah, you see the way I'm moving so and saying
Speaker 4: that like it. I didn't have to explain this matter
Speaker 4: of fact. I know that you saw me. You saw me,
Speaker 4: and I kept it tom and you didn't say nothing
Speaker 4: to me because you're like, I'm playing my part and
Speaker 4: that was just the order of things. And women will say, yo,
Speaker 4: I want you to tell me. I want you to
Speaker 4: tell me. Sometimes sometimes that's the space you got to
Speaker 4: create too.
Speaker 3: Like, for example, if you are kicking it with a
Speaker 3: woman and you know you're not being serious, you haven't
Speaker 3: open enough conversation with her where she's telling you about
Speaker 3: her experiences, you're telling her about your experiences, and you
Speaker 3: guys both have an idea exactly who each other is.
Speaker 3: It's not like, Yo, I really want you to be
Speaker 3: my girl, and you're trying to You're trying to collherseer
Speaker 3: into doing things. That's not how, that's not how, that's
Speaker 3: not how moving player looks. It's like, Yo, you have
Speaker 3: the option to come and mess with me if you
Speaker 3: want to, so let me good. Yes, I'm good. In
Speaker 3: your son's case. All right, they're growing up in a
Speaker 3: different era. Yeah, all right, people today more solations than
Speaker 3: everyone absolutely, So you got it. You're gonna have to
Speaker 3: communicate early on just to protect yourself, right, so you're
Speaker 3: not gonna have the same type of luxury that we
Speaker 3: had to not know, you're gonna need early on. A Yo, listen,
Speaker 3: what's the situation, and here's what I'm doing, here's how
Speaker 3: I'm moving. I'm expecting you to be honest because people
Speaker 3: are getting more intelligent, people are becoming more articulate, outspoken.
Speaker 3: You got access to different types of social media, so
Speaker 3: it's going to be different than when we were coming up. Right,
Speaker 3: So by the time he's eighteen, don't let him play football.
Speaker 3: If he's playing football too, Yeah, he's gonna things are
Speaker 3: going to be a little different. So he's going to
Speaker 3: have to have those conversations. So this is actually interesting.
Speaker 3: This is actually pivoting me because now.
Speaker 2: I'm realizing how like naive I am to the dating
Speaker 2: process because I didn't go through the dating process in
Speaker 2: my twenties. We're speaking about monogamy. How much do you
Speaker 2: expect monogamy from a woman? And I asked this question
Speaker 2: because one of my partners who's he's not an athlete,
Speaker 2: but he's in the entertainment industry, make good money.
Speaker 1: Everybody knows him.
Speaker 2: He started dating this young lady, she went out with someone.
Speaker 1: Else who's on social media, and he lost it.
Speaker 2: He said to me, like, Yo, this is messed up,
Speaker 2: Like she should have told me da da da da da.
Speaker 2: And I was just like, well, you're dating other people though, dude.
Speaker 2: He was just like, yeah, but it's different because if
Speaker 2: she expects a man of my caliber to choose her,
Speaker 2: then she should move a certain way. How hard is
Speaker 2: it to be in the NFL on your own business,
Speaker 2: mid twenties, young attractive black man, You got options? How
Speaker 2: hard is it to settle down and say, I trust
Speaker 2: this woman who knows all of these.
Speaker 1: Things about me?
Speaker 2: Because that's an issue I get from a lot of
Speaker 2: young men that I mentor who are in the NCAA
Speaker 2: football basketball they're going to project it to be high
Speaker 2: draft picks, or they're in the entertainment industry, they're on shows.
Speaker 2: And they always asked me, yo, you met your girl
Speaker 2: when I was eighteen. You lucky because you ain't have
Speaker 2: nothing then, so you didn't have to worry about her
Speaker 2: taking stuff said, what do I tell my sons about
Speaker 2: because they're going to grow up in the spotlight that
Speaker 2: they're going to grow up, They're going to have things
Speaker 2: and people want to know who they are. How do
Speaker 2: I tell them how to weed out those women who
Speaker 2: are going to know because y'all have been through that.
Speaker 2: I've never been through that. I've been with Case. I
Speaker 2: was eighteen and you met you you're thirty five. So
Speaker 2: you met your wife when you were thirty two? Right
Speaker 2: when did you meet your wife?
Speaker 1: On mom? Who?
Speaker 3: I was twenty seven, twenty eight, so you had already
Speaker 3: been in the league.
Speaker 1: And I was. I was out.
Speaker 3: So, like I would say, like being young, black successful
Speaker 3: making money, it's really hard.
Speaker 1: It's hard.
Speaker 3: It's hard, bro, especially because we don't grow up with
Speaker 3: like an abundance of a good examples, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean? Like we're more times than than not, we
Speaker 3: have terrible examples that are leading us down a path
Speaker 3: of destruction, whether it be in music, television, or music.
Speaker 3: I don't want to cut you off, but to that
Speaker 3: point you asking about your son specifically right now, society
Speaker 3: can't be their perception of reality. Their reality has to
Speaker 3: be what they can understand. So you guys, you and
Speaker 3: Kadeen are sitting an incredible example. So I used to
Speaker 3: think my mom was nuts when she'd was like, You're
Speaker 3: gonna mary somebody.
Speaker 1: Just like me? And I'm like, no, I'm not. I
Speaker 1: know I'm married d and I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna marry somebody that's just like my mom, and you
Speaker 2: could only it's just like, it's just like, how did you.
Speaker 1: Find her though?
Speaker 2: In this this world where it is a lot of
Speaker 2: salacious people out there and people be looking to come up.
Speaker 1: When I've seen her, I knew. And here's why.
Speaker 3: I don't mean to cut you off though, but like
Speaker 3: when you older, you have better discernment, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. You see the world from a different perspective,
Speaker 3: You have different experiences. So if I was you, I
Speaker 3: would encourage my sons, if I was in your situation,
Speaker 3: to wait, to wait, like now have fun, right, and
Speaker 3: you teach them how to have fun safely. Of course,
Speaker 3: I know you, I know you do, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean. But that's the thirteen we started having them conversations.
Speaker 3: And that's important, And that's important because that's the first
Speaker 3: step because one mistake could ruin this whole whole game plan.
Speaker 3: But if they can stay on the right path in
Speaker 3: that regard right, they'll gain more discernment as a a
Speaker 3: and it'll be a lot easier for them to choose
Speaker 3: the woman that's right for them, and it'll actually speak
Speaker 3: to their spirit. They'll be a lot more aware of
Speaker 3: their spirit. When you're young, you can't hear you knew
Speaker 3: when you see your wife? Did I know when I
Speaker 3: seen my all? You said you knew when you've seen her?
Speaker 1: I knew. I knew when I seen her.
Speaker 3: I met her five years before we got together, and
Speaker 3: I was like, as soon as she gave me a chance,
Speaker 3: I'm taking every problem that come with her.
Speaker 1: So you did you know what I didn't know? Here,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you when I knew.
Speaker 3: I told you I met Candice when I was I
Speaker 3: had just won a super Bowl, right, but shiit six
Speaker 3: months later I got released, Okay, so I lose my job.
Speaker 3: This is probably as as an athlete. I've never been
Speaker 3: cut from anything. This is my first time experiencing this.
Speaker 3: But see as the earlier you experienced it, the better
Speaker 3: you are to rebound from it. Absolutely, it happened so
Speaker 3: later in my life that it was hard for me
Speaker 3: to rebound like it was.
Speaker 1: I just struggled with it, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: And she ended up showing up for me in a
Speaker 3: time where man, I wasn't really showing up for myself.
Speaker 3: And so in that moment, even though we didn't lock
Speaker 3: it in in that very moment, because I was still
Speaker 3: on the journey, you know what I mean, I was,
Speaker 3: I was moving around.
Speaker 1: I knew, I knew she was the one.
Speaker 3: I was like, yo, if I get back from this,
Speaker 3: because I was leaving LA moving to New York, and
Speaker 3: I knew I was gonna eventually make my way back
Speaker 3: to Los Angeles, And I told myself, Yo, if I
Speaker 3: make my way back and she's still available, there's no
Speaker 3: way I'm going on at that full fledged you know
Speaker 3: what I mean. And we've been literally locked in ever since.
Speaker 3: So it was a moment in my life that made
Speaker 3: me realize this is the one.
Speaker 4: Happened gradually. There was no like moment. How long did
Speaker 4: y'all date before we dated?
Speaker 2: For?
Speaker 1: We dated?
Speaker 4: Oh, before I proposed, Yeah, shit, I proposed between twenty three,
Speaker 4: so four years, for like four or five years, but.
Speaker 1: Thirty one we all met.
Speaker 3: Nah.
Speaker 4: When we met, I was twenty twenty eight, twenty eight, Right,
Speaker 4: So we I met, we dated for like eight months,
Speaker 4: stopped talking for like eight months.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, right, kind of get it right, we can
Speaker 1: do it.
Speaker 4: And then when we can do it, that was kind
Speaker 4: of the first time that we really That's how we
Speaker 4: count when we started, because then we became serious. We
Speaker 4: were just we were just dating. It's just kind of like, yo,
Speaker 4: I was in New York. I ain't know nobody she
Speaker 4: was out there. I feel it was just it was
Speaker 4: what it was.
Speaker 2: Did the break tell you like when you was on
Speaker 2: that break, was you like that that might have been
Speaker 2: the one?
Speaker 1: Honestly? No? No, nah nah man? When what was.
Speaker 4: I think when she came back into my life and
Speaker 4: I realized, oh, I still feel the same way about her,
Speaker 4: and we just picked the right when we left off.
Speaker 4: And this is so I'm in La too, So like
Speaker 4: all my work is out here, yeah right, not your job.
Speaker 1: We're not doing work. We're not talking about employments.
Speaker 4: All my work is out here. And she just came
Speaker 4: and inserted herself right back into my life. I didn't
Speaker 4: nothing happened, and I just dropped everybody. I dropped everybody
Speaker 4: dog and I was just like, oh wow, and at
Speaker 4: that moment, were you trying to be monogamous?
Speaker 1: For sure? For sure?
Speaker 4: Because I realized when she came back to my life
Speaker 4: the way we picked up, I was like, this is
Speaker 4: not normal, you know, and sometimes God give you a
Speaker 4: song you just got to listen is not normal. And
Speaker 4: we just picked up conversation, chemistry, intimacy, all those things.
Speaker 1: And then the other thing is.
Speaker 4: This right because she came back in my life, right,
Speaker 4: we addressed certain things that went on before we stopped
Speaker 4: talking right away. I was like, Yo, let's just be
Speaker 4: a little bit more transparent and vulnerable. Hey, here's what,
Speaker 4: here's why I think you did wrong. And she was
Speaker 4: just like, you know what, Like I couldn't handle that better.
Speaker 4: That's really important. So there was a reason why y'all
Speaker 4: broke up. Well, she was really afraid that I was
Speaker 4: going to like come back to La and just like
Speaker 4: forget about her, So she tried to kind of self
Speaker 4: sabotage a relationship.
Speaker 1: It's a long copy. I get it. I understand that.
Speaker 4: But you know, like we had when she came back
Speaker 4: to my life, we just had a different type of
Speaker 4: communication that allowed us to actually go deeper, right, And
Speaker 4: then I realized, Okay, I'm going to play some of
Speaker 4: my life.
Speaker 1: And then timing is important. Time isn't important, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean.
Speaker 4: Like I was out of the league, and I was
Speaker 4: just like, okay, this is is to have a girl
Speaker 4: in the league is not conducive.
Speaker 1: It's not gonna do. It's just too hard. It's hard,
Speaker 1: hard traveling.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, the lifestyle, it's just hard. So timing was important,
Speaker 4: you know. So we said hard for I was like,
Speaker 4: my gentleman, but yeah, so so so time was important man.
Speaker 4: And then just from there we just continue to build.
Speaker 4: And then we were doing a long distance thing like Jalan.
Speaker 4: I was going back and forth, spend a lot of money.
Speaker 4: She was coming here. She was missing work to come
Speaker 4: see me, and I was just like, yo, like yeah,
Speaker 4: let's make it happen.
Speaker 1: And she wanted to come to l A anyway. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and she made it. She came.
Speaker 2: Bro.
Speaker 4: Well, you had said something about I want to say
Speaker 4: something about your son. Bro, I think your son is
Speaker 4: going to be here. Your son is going to grow
Speaker 4: up in a fantastic position. Right, you have influence, authority, power,
Speaker 4: all these things, Okay, and it is going to be
Speaker 4: hard for him. But something that I didn't have for
Speaker 4: my dad. Right, he didn't give me any type of
Speaker 4: just eight principles that you should look for in a woman,
Speaker 4: all right, And what I think. I think you guys
Speaker 4: have a great relationship. So you should just start instilling
Speaker 4: principles to look for in a woman, even though it's
Speaker 4: gonna be hard. So it's like, all right, look, what
Speaker 4: are your values? You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You as a man, what are your values? Okay? Cool?
Speaker 4: One of my values is family, absolutely, So now I
Speaker 4: got to look for a woman who's into family, right,
Speaker 4: what are your family?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 4: Asking those questions? He got to ask those questions. You
Speaker 4: gotta facilitate those questions.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: I'm looking for a woman who is not all about herself, right,
Speaker 4: someone who's carrying.
Speaker 1: How do I figure that out? Okay? Cool? Well, a
Speaker 1: way to figure out that is, yo, does does she pay? Sometimes?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 4: She willing to pay sometimes. These are small signs that
Speaker 4: are going to show up in good women. Now, a
Speaker 4: good woman is.
Speaker 1: Not you know, that's gonna be a viral clip. Right.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Duke says his girl. You know that's what
Speaker 1: they're going to do. That's not what Duke said but
Speaker 1: I understand where you're coming from.
Speaker 4: Though a good woman is not mistake free, though she's
Speaker 4: gonna still have mistakes.
Speaker 1: Absolutely what I'm saying. But there's certain things you could
Speaker 1: look for and look.
Speaker 4: If you're a god fearing religious person, then it's just like, hey, listen,
Speaker 4: do you go to church, do you pray?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 4: And like, you know, they talk about talk a lot
Speaker 4: about women having checklist mm hmm, you gotta have a checklist.
Speaker 1: I had a checklist. You gotta have a checklist.
Speaker 3: Everybody got a check I had a check Everybody had
Speaker 3: to check, whether they know it or not.
Speaker 1: You have a check checklist. You know through data, you
Speaker 1: have a checklist, right, I had a super checklist. I'll
Speaker 1: get on your checklist, bad ass. Yeah, I know me,
Speaker 1: and I love that. I was deliberate.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be honest. I was deliberate about and this
Speaker 2: is probably gonna get attack too. I was delibered about
Speaker 2: the dating a woman with a father. And the reason
Speaker 2: why is because when I first went to Kadeen's house,
Speaker 2: her grandmother said, come here, sweetheart, come sit down. I
Speaker 2: sat down at that table and her grandmother made Kadeen
Speaker 2: go get a ceramic plate, with an actual iron fork
Speaker 2: to make my plate. And what that said to me was,
Speaker 2: this young lady has been taught by the women in
Speaker 2: her life how to treat a man, the same way
Speaker 2: my mom and my dad made sure I knew how
Speaker 2: to treat a woman. So the biggest thing on my
Speaker 2: list was to make sure I find someone who had
Speaker 2: a good, strong family unit, because prior to that, I
Speaker 2: had dated a couple of women whose father's weren't in
Speaker 2: their life, and sometimes the way they spoke to me,
Speaker 2: it was almost like, you either want me to slap
Speaker 2: the shit out of you or you want me to
Speaker 2: cheat on you, because you're talking to me like I'm
Speaker 2: beneath you and if the only way I can show
Speaker 2: you love is through disrespect, because that's all you know,
Speaker 2: I don't want to you know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 2: after that is when I was like, I gotta find
Speaker 2: that was the number one, that I gotta find a
Speaker 2: young woman who has a father, and then it was fat.
Speaker 3: Ass So the same order though the family part was
Speaker 3: extremely important to me, and it was important to me
Speaker 3: because I actually need somebody that loves theyself or I'll
Speaker 3: take advantage of.
Speaker 1: You and you can't get that.
Speaker 3: If people haven't been telling you who you are your
Speaker 3: entire life.
Speaker 1: That was deep.
Speaker 2: Take it back on one time. You knew that if
Speaker 2: they didn't love themselves, you would take it.
Speaker 3: I'll take advantage of their lack of self love. So
Speaker 3: that's deep. It's super deep. I told you I'm not
Speaker 3: that good of a person, right. The fact that you
Speaker 3: know that is important. So my fiance, she taught me
Speaker 3: how to love her. She showed me what love looks
Speaker 3: like for her. But she could only do that if
Speaker 3: people tell her who she is every day.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, that's a good one. That's a good one. What
Speaker 1: was your list? Fat ass? Bro? Fat ass? Why is
Speaker 1: that something that's so high on the list? I mean,
Speaker 1: what is that about? Why is that something that's so
Speaker 1: high on the list. Do you don't really want to
Speaker 1: have this conversation? I mean I feel like you have
Speaker 1: the conversation. Yeahap clap, I love it.
Speaker 2: Plus, there's nothing like when your woman puts on heels
Speaker 2: and she's statue wes and she you know, lean and
Speaker 2: that shit pop out and she just walked by.
Speaker 1: It's like I didn't ask to love ass like that.
Speaker 1: It was put upon me. You know what, I'm saying
Speaker 1: like some people are breasts. That's me.
Speaker 2: It's all about that for me. Also, I knew I wouldn't.
Speaker 2: I knew I was gonna have sons. You can ask
Speaker 2: my wife. We was in college and she was just like,
Speaker 2: how many kids you want to have? I said, I
Speaker 2: have three kids. They're all gonna be boys. I don't
Speaker 2: make girls. That's what I said to her. And then
Speaker 2: I told her, I said, you lucky you athletic, because
Speaker 2: my kids got to be athletic. And I knew that
Speaker 2: the bubble and a woman meant that she had some
Speaker 2: athleticism because her mom ran track. She Jamaican. So for me,
Speaker 2: it wasn't just about the look. It was like, oh
Speaker 2: she an athlete. And if my sons get my wife's body,
Speaker 2: they can't you know, they can't have.
Speaker 1: The you know, you know what I'm saying. You see
Speaker 1: people who are not athletic, you know, coordinated.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. I needed to make sure.
Speaker 2: So I watched I watched k walk. She was a
Speaker 2: pagant girl. She put them heels on, she didn't stumble,
Speaker 2: she still tall. Also, her confidence it's what freaking got me.
Speaker 2: Like Kadeen was so confident at a young age that
Speaker 2: I was like, gosh, this, I've never seen an eighteen
Speaker 2: year old woman standing up in front of a bunch
Speaker 2: of people. She was a pageant girl, she was a
Speaker 2: hostess and just hi everyone, I'm Kadeen Ellis and now
Speaker 2: I'm here at that and I'm just like, yo, because
Speaker 2: you know how it is when you eighteen girls are
Speaker 2: shy and they tend me. She wasn't like that. That
Speaker 2: just got me because I know how I am. I
Speaker 2: like to talk, I like to be out. So I'm like,
Speaker 2: if I like to be out, I need somebody with
Speaker 2: me that when I'm out there, just like.
Speaker 1: Nothing, No, come with me. And she took that and
Speaker 1: she ran with and I was like, well, I love
Speaker 1: this one. Here she was. She was my one, Like
Speaker 1: everything about her was.
Speaker 2: Just what I needed in my life. Yeah, that's what
Speaker 2: I needed.
Speaker 1: I needed. I needed a woman who had a fat ass.
Speaker 3: I needed a woman who wanted a family because I
Speaker 3: knew that was something that I wanted at some point
Speaker 3: in my life. And then I guess the other thing
Speaker 3: would be Damn, I just lost my thought.
Speaker 1: Let's see a distracted distracted you know what, I'm like,
Speaker 1: what family? God, God, godly and.
Speaker 3: Excuse me. Just like yourself outgoing, I am super social.
Speaker 3: I'm a social butterfly. You put me in the room,
Speaker 3: I'm going to talk to people. I'm gonna just like
Speaker 3: a butterfly. I'm gonna float, you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Here here, And I wanted someone who could compliment that
Speaker 3: and who could also hold their own and I'm not
Speaker 3: around because when I turn my back, I need someone
Speaker 3: who could possibly seal the deal for me.
Speaker 1: So when I got into the conversation.
Speaker 3: And now we're moving on, so that was important for
Speaker 3: me because I knew that that was going to help
Speaker 3: make me better.
Speaker 2: So that was important for me to have that checklist.
Speaker 2: That's not that's you bet a lot of the same.
Speaker 2: That's why Wise when they did the podcast, got along
Speaker 2: so much because they like the same person who's your
Speaker 2: list due personal lists.
Speaker 1: Man, family oriented, someone who is just loving.
Speaker 4: I think for me, Man, I had the tendency to
Speaker 4: like get so doubted too, sports work, whatever the case
Speaker 4: may be, that sometimes I could fit.
Speaker 1: I forget. I have a family, right and my girls
Speaker 1: like heyo call your mom? Yeah yeah, and.
Speaker 4: You need to have you spoke to your brothers, have
Speaker 4: you spoke to your mom. Hey, listen, you need to
Speaker 4: get better at that. Right, So someone who is going
Speaker 4: to make it, who's going to hold me accountable to
Speaker 4: keeping my flame going with my family? That was really important, right,
Speaker 4: someone my family loved, My family loves her, right, and
Speaker 4: she's super accommodating to my family values.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: So she's not Nigerian. Nigerians are tough, Nigerians are judgmental, Right,
Speaker 4: Nigerians will try to test you if you're not Nigerian.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she was just eating it and you was not
Speaker 4: not even like a not even just like a just
Speaker 4: taking it in like a like a you know, a victim,
Speaker 4: but really like taking it flipping it back.
Speaker 1: Hey, yo, I'm going to meet you with love.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm going to meet you with Oh auntie, here's
Speaker 4: what we brought for you. You know what I'm saying, more
Speaker 4: so than I've ever done. So that was really important
Speaker 4: for me. And I realized how she can maneuver it
Speaker 4: in that environment and meant that she would be accommodating
Speaker 4: to whatever comes with that. Right, someone who was super intelligent.
Speaker 4: I need to be able to talk to you. I
Speaker 4: just need to be able to talk to you and like,
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm a pretty smart person.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I'm an in depth thinker.
Speaker 4: I want to talk about anything and everything, and I
Speaker 4: want to deal with the person I love. And if
Speaker 4: you can't do that with me, you're not for me,
Speaker 4: all right. So that was on my list. Someone who
Speaker 4: I could talk to, someone who knew how to argue, right,
Speaker 4: someone who knew how to just disagree.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, that's what I'm saying. You know why that is? Dope?
Speaker 1: You say that, you know what?
Speaker 2: The second thing on here is, yeah, finding out as
Speaker 2: a man how now to always want to be writing's
Speaker 2: on the paper right here, because I wanted to ask
Speaker 2: y'all about this. So I'm glad you brought that up.
Speaker 2: And now you just talk about that.
Speaker 4: And now that I think about that, which we're talking
Speaker 4: about what you said, what you finished saying, Now that
Speaker 4: I think about the argument part, right, you asked me earlier,
Speaker 4: how did I know she was the one? Or how
Speaker 4: do I know when you were? I do remember when
Speaker 4: we were dating, all right. It was our first type
Speaker 4: of disagreement and it was the yo. So what are
Speaker 4: we that type of Okay? Okay, okay, okay. And when
Speaker 4: we first had that talk, you know, it was in
Speaker 4: shower and she was like, YO, like, let me ask
Speaker 4: you a question. Was like, YO, like, so we've been
Speaker 4: dating a couple, we've been hanging out with you where
Speaker 4: you see this going right and usually you know my
Speaker 4: heartstar Race. I'm like, how to answer this? So then
Speaker 4: we just start talking. I said, you know what, man,
Speaker 4: here's some things I would like to see from you
Speaker 4: before we moved it, before we moved to the next step.
Speaker 4: I've never met your family yet.
Speaker 1: I haven't.
Speaker 4: I haven't met your sisters. We've been dating for X
Speaker 4: amount of time. You talk about your sisters, but I've
Speaker 4: never met them, right, So I talking about things that
Speaker 4: she was doing wrong while we're dating, and she didn
Speaker 4: spas out. She just took it and was like, Okay,
Speaker 4: I can make I can make that correction. So for
Speaker 4: a woman to want to make corrections when she's not
Speaker 4: even locked in with somebody like that, it said he
Speaker 4: told me a lot that, like, Okay, we can have
Speaker 4: a difficult conversation. We can have a like difficult conversation
Speaker 4: right now and move something happens from it right now.
Speaker 4: It gave me confidence that Okay, this person is someone.
Speaker 1: I could really build a life with.
Speaker 4: Right and immediately, like next week, start making changes everything
Speaker 4: I was talking about, Start making changes, Start making changes
Speaker 4: instead of just dismissing it and me like, now I
Speaker 4: ain't doing all that.
Speaker 1: My boy that I was talking about was going to
Speaker 1: hear this. One thing is he's not jimmying.
Speaker 2: People are gonna put two and two together when they
Speaker 2: watched this, but he's not germying.
Speaker 1: He's doing well for himself, making money.
Speaker 2: And he's the one who called me about you know,
Speaker 2: if she if she wants to be with a guy
Speaker 2: like me, she should know. And I literally said to him,
Speaker 2: I said, well, how was she going to know if
Speaker 2: you don't give her a chance to make adjustments?
Speaker 1: And he said and then he said, I need to
Speaker 1: go to therapy.
Speaker 2: And I said why he said, even though he's not Jerry,
Speaker 2: And he said, I've never seen a positive family atmosphere
Speaker 2: because of the things that happened in my culture and
Speaker 2: the way I want to live my life.
Speaker 1: I didn't watch that, so I don't know how to
Speaker 1: exist in that.
Speaker 2: And he was like, I have to learn how to
Speaker 2: be in a relationship, which goes back to what you
Speaker 2: said that you had to learn how to be the
Speaker 2: right man for your fiance.
Speaker 1: You know, you see what I'm saying?
Speaker 2: Like that all it's funny to hear y'all talk about
Speaker 2: this because I've never experienced this. And this is why
Speaker 2: I like doing these type of podcasts where it's just men,
Speaker 2: because typically when it's me and Kadeen, I give my perspective,
Speaker 2: she gives her perspective. But both of our perspectives are
Speaker 2: very linear because we met each other when we were eighteen.
Speaker 2: So it's like when people ask us, well, when y'all
Speaker 2: was dated, would y'all do this? And I'm like, I
Speaker 2: wasn't really dating in twenty six, Like I can't even
Speaker 2: give you advice on that. I can't, you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. So these conversations are really helping me. Also,
Speaker 2: he quit my sons because Jackson literally said to me
Speaker 2: last week, yeah, I'm starting to get more confident and
Speaker 2: you know, talking to girls.
Speaker 1: And I asked him myself, what makes you more confident?
Speaker 2: He was like, well, number one, I'm finally taller than them,
Speaker 2: because you know, girls, that's the thing before us.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: So now he's about he's five to five now, so
Speaker 2: all the girls in his age shorten him an eye level,
Speaker 2: and he started lifting weights. He's like, I feel a
Speaker 2: little bit more plus the test to talk about how
Speaker 2: to do.
Speaker 1: But he's coming.
Speaker 2: So we having in real conversations and he's just like,
Speaker 2: so when you start talking to mom, and I'm just like, well,
Speaker 2: he's gonna ask me questions when he's in his twenties
Speaker 2: and I'm going to say, I don't know because at
Speaker 2: this point I was already with your mom, Like you're
Speaker 2: talking about dating girls like imagine him twenty seven, twenty eight, Dad,
Speaker 2: I got this chick on mating.
Speaker 1: She lives in France and I live here. How did
Speaker 1: you and mom deal with that?
Speaker 3: But you don't got too though, That's why you say
Speaker 3: you call call called uncle Duke. Yeah, no, I'm gon
Speaker 3: tapping with uncle. I'm definitely gonna do that, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean, absolutely, And that's that's why the what
Speaker 3: we're doing right here is important. Building with other brothers
Speaker 3: is important, connected with like my individuals support. We talk
Speaker 3: about the shit all the time, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: Like I want to know that, like if my kids
Speaker 3: get sent to you, or if you're watching your kids
Speaker 3: you're enforcing the same value as a science structure that
Speaker 3: I am.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, because sometimes as a kid,
Speaker 1: you don't want to hear from your pops. Now, it's
Speaker 1: great about relationship that y'all have, right, it's great.
Speaker 3: You're still his dad, and he don't look at me
Speaker 3: like you do. You don't like nothing, nah, exactly exactly.
Speaker 3: So it's it's another voice, and outside voice that you
Speaker 3: trust is going to be really important and instrumental in
Speaker 3: that growth process, right, Like these guys are I mean
Speaker 3: you included in my life by design, Like it's I
Speaker 3: know that. To Oh's point, I can't get to my
Speaker 3: son all the time. I won't be able to get
Speaker 3: to my son. But I will tell you this though
Speaker 3: you feel like you're not equipped a lot of times.
Speaker 3: But I hear the way that you speak, and you said,
Speaker 3: I seen this eighteen year old woman. The fact that
Speaker 3: you called her an eighteen year old woman told me
Speaker 3: that you knew what you were looking for. You were
Speaker 3: attracted to a mature woman at a young age. I
Speaker 3: was at a young age, right, because eighteen year old
Speaker 3: as a girl, right, But when somebody separates their self
Speaker 3: and you could see like wow, it's a confidence, it's
Speaker 3: a regalness that she carries herself with. She's sexy without
Speaker 3: showing her body. I like that. That's a woman to me, right,
Speaker 3: So you knew what you were looking at. I'm saying
Speaker 3: as far as when it comes to your son, When
Speaker 3: it comes to jackson, like you can absolutely tell him
Speaker 3: what to look for because you knew what to look for.
Speaker 3: You guys date all You guys date all the time.
Speaker 3: I've seen you guys go on more dates than I
Speaker 3: s We still do.
Speaker 1: We date once mandatory, but at least twice.
Speaker 3: And I don't want to take anything away from women
Speaker 3: that are in relationships, but like, you do know how
Speaker 3: to date. You do know how to make her continuously
Speaker 3: feel sexy. You know those steps and you know those things.
Speaker 3: You guys just go to bed tonight together every single night,
Speaker 3: but you know exactly what that looks like.
Speaker 1: You know what she needs to feel.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell you the biggest thing that was important
Speaker 3: for me when I was growing up. It wasn't my
Speaker 3: mom and my dad's relationship. They got a divorce when
Speaker 3: I was six, but it was my mother and my
Speaker 3: stepdad's relationship because of the affection I got to see
Speaker 3: in the home when she when she walks by and
Speaker 3: he smack her on the ass, or you know, she's
Speaker 3: at the kitchen and he comes up behind her and
Speaker 3: he hugs her, and I'm like, oh, women like that.
Speaker 3: The fact that you get to show your sons what
Speaker 3: women like every day, that's who they're gonna emulate.
Speaker 1: Fact.
Speaker 3: So like my dad didn't do any of that. So
Speaker 3: my brothers they have a bit of a disconnect with affection.
Speaker 3: I don't have any disconnect with affection because I grew
Speaker 3: up in the household seeing it all the time. So
Speaker 3: I'm telling you, we could say all the words that
Speaker 3: we want to say to our kids.
Speaker 1: They're gonna watch.
Speaker 3: They're gonna watch because I hear men who were unfaithful
Speaker 3: to their wives, to their children's mom and they try
Speaker 3: to speak to their son and tell them who he
Speaker 3: should be, and he gonna only be what he sees.
Speaker 1: He say, you did this to mom. No.
Speaker 3: So again, this is when we say you said in
Speaker 3: an incredible example, it's not because of the words you
Speaker 3: hear you say, we hear you say, we can watch
Speaker 3: your Instagram in silence.
Speaker 1: Act know exactly who you are. Action. It's my brother.
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. Actually, that's what and not for nothing.
Speaker 2: That's a good time to take a break because you see,
Speaker 2: I'm sweating like a freaking slave. Uh, it's hot in here, bro,
Speaker 2: It's it's crazy here. We had to turn the AC
Speaker 2: off because y'all wouldn't able to hear nothing. So we're
Speaker 2: gonna take a quick break. We're gonna come back finish
Speaker 2: with these letters listen to letters. So we're back after
Speaker 2: you know, paying some bills. We got listening letters, so
Speaker 2: I'm gonna let you guys help me with listening to letters.
Speaker 2: Listen to letters are when people writing with their problems. Now,
Speaker 2: this listening letter is four cards. You see this four cards,
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna have to go through this. I guess
Speaker 2: we we always told them we want context, so I
Speaker 2: guess we're gonna get a lot of context.
Speaker 1: I saw if I brainier.
Speaker 2: Major and communication major, right, Yes, no problem, So let's
Speaker 2: get money. It says what's up de Val and Kadeen,
Speaker 2: So we're gonna add what's up Daval, Kadeen and DJ
Speaker 2: from the nicest in the podcast like that, first and foremost,
Speaker 2: thank you guys for the work you guys do it
Speaker 2: helps so much. Let's get right to it. I need
Speaker 2: y'all help. I need you'll help a nigga out. My
Speaker 2: wife and I have been happily married for twelve years,
Speaker 2: and now we're both in our early thirties, no kids,
Speaker 2: and I absolutely can't keep my hands off my wife.
Speaker 1: I know that problem.
Speaker 2: I low keep married the damn supermodel and not really
Speaker 2: sure how the fuck I pulled it off. I could
Speaker 2: easily sit here courtside and she would catch the eye
Speaker 2: of many professional athletes.
Speaker 1: The girl is so bad.
Speaker 2: She can come down the stairs with a bonnet and
Speaker 2: the house roll on my dick and house roll on,
Speaker 2: and my dick will instantly get hard.
Speaker 1: He going in. Y'all get it? Your wife fine, be
Speaker 1: getting it all right, We all got fine wires. You're
Speaker 1: going too much. Do you know how he's still going on?
Speaker 1: How to describe his wife?
Speaker 2: Do you know how the fresh Krispy Kreme donuts look
Speaker 2: when you're being glazed on.
Speaker 1: The Oh wow wow? All the conveyor belt trouble. How
Speaker 1: did you let all of this get through here?
Speaker 2: Bro?
Speaker 1: You serious things? So okay? So he okay. So that's
Speaker 1: that's what I see.
Speaker 2: If she gives me a glimpse of a calf muscle
Speaker 2: fresh out the shower. Not only do I get the
Speaker 2: privilege of being married to this mahogany, majestic goddess, but
Speaker 2: this girl has a heart with the richness and size
Speaker 2: of Africa Nigeria. In fact, for Duke, I say that
Speaker 2: he didn't write that.
Speaker 1: I say that she.
Speaker 2: Has a heart of vibranium because she's held me down
Speaker 2: in so many ways that only a person who truly
Speaker 2: loves someone can I have just recently completed my PhD
Speaker 2: in nuclear medicine, and she's an intel specialist for homeland security.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's probably busting his money again to it.
Speaker 2: All right, My process to getting my PhD was not
Speaker 2: a pretty process, and financially it wasn't. I haven't been
Speaker 2: able to contribute the way that I know she deserves,
Speaker 2: because the schooling journey is intensive and mentally exhausting. In
Speaker 2: the beginning, when the time some mind if my goal
Speaker 2: wasn't favorable and people told me to let it go,
Speaker 2: she said, Nah, bro, this is all you've talked about
Speaker 2: since I've known you. You're going to get this doctorate
Speaker 2: in the same vein we would be out to eating
Speaker 2: because I couldn't have a job while I was in
Speaker 2: school for ten plus years. She would slip me the
Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is a beautiful woman. She would
Speaker 2: slip me the debit card under the table when the
Speaker 2: check would come.
Speaker 1: Jesus.
Speaker 2: I cried like a baby, sitting at a restaurant in Atlanta, thinking,
Speaker 2: why would someone be so beautiful who could effortlessly get
Speaker 2: a seven figure nigga with her smile do this for me?
Speaker 2: Here we are now, though, my sexual appetite for her
Speaker 2: is often a point of contention because I just can't
Speaker 2: get enough. I struggled with porn during the first couple
Speaker 2: years of our marriage, but I prayed for release from
Speaker 2: that because I didn't like the control that took over me.
Speaker 2: Since twenty eighteen, I hadn't touched it. I no longer
Speaker 2: have to clear the browsing history off my laptop. Everybody
Speaker 2: knows about that when company comes over.
Speaker 1: Lol.
Speaker 2: The problem is I often feel like a weirdo because
Speaker 2: I want sex so much from my wife. I do too,
Speaker 2: trust me, I know, but I know it's not on
Speaker 2: her mind like it is mine.
Speaker 1: Mine isn't either.
Speaker 2: There has unequivalently been zero infidelity in our marriage. But
Speaker 2: I am afraid that if we keep going the way
Speaker 2: we are, I may break like I'm a catch to
Speaker 2: just not a twelve out of ten like she is
Speaker 2: maybe eight eight point five, but all.
Speaker 1: My side teeth. Wait, but I got all my side teeth.
Speaker 2: I'm six to one, consistent, four pack abs, natural hairline,
Speaker 2: and older women in my network make.
Speaker 1: Advances from time to time.
Speaker 2: He talking like a nuclear physicist, like they can since
Speaker 2: when the dick ain't been getting sucked exact.
Speaker 1: This is hilarious. It's hilarious.
Speaker 2: It ain't goes like my wife hates sucking dick and
Speaker 2: I love to be a pussy, and I think she
Speaker 2: doesn't even like getting ate out.
Speaker 1: I tell her I'm gonna let you. I'm'a let you.
Speaker 2: Sit on my face when I get home, or make
Speaker 2: a general advance, and I can immediately feel in sense
Speaker 2: She's like weirded out and arguments then ensue. I try
Speaker 2: to explain to her that I can't help that I'm
Speaker 2: infatuated with her and only her. Our last argument about
Speaker 2: sex ended with her letting me know that most of
Speaker 2: the time when we do have sex, she actually doesn't
Speaker 2: want to. She just does it to make me happy, Bro,
Speaker 2: that's the worst because I don't.
Speaker 1: Y'all y'all larious beautiful.
Speaker 2: That's the worst because I don't want her to do
Speaker 2: it out of guilt or obligation. She made a statement
Speaker 2: along the lines that my expectations are for her to
Speaker 2: be a porn star, and that was a low blow
Speaker 2: because I worked my ass off to lose that addiction and.
Speaker 1: Been cleaned since twenty eighteen.
Speaker 2: On that, bro, I don't think one is sex ten
Speaker 2: times a month and willing to settle for hand jobs.
Speaker 1: Is porn star? Ask a porn star esque like damn.
Speaker 2: Sometimes when she's on her cycle, I won't let her
Speaker 2: give me a hand job.
Speaker 1: Considering the pain and cramps and stuff.
Speaker 2: I feel like that would be fucked up to take
Speaker 2: pleasure while she's in pain. To be fair, she has
Speaker 2: a traumatic pass from childhood that would have that. We've
Speaker 2: sought professional help, and I often feel that sometimes that
Speaker 2: past situation affects us and it's rough. Help me out
Speaker 2: because I got nes bro, cheating ain't an option, and
Speaker 2: I love her to life that.
Speaker 1: I got anxiety super layer.
Speaker 3: So it started off beautiful, man, My initial thought is
Speaker 3: off the top is before you even said she had trauma.
Speaker 3: I was already leaning there. I'm like, there's got to
Speaker 3: be something. There has to be something in her past
Speaker 3: for her not to be connected with him like this.
Speaker 3: To me, it sounds like it's clear that she's not
Speaker 3: over it, you know what I mean, And although they
Speaker 3: went to seek counsel for it, maybe it's something that
Speaker 3: they haven't actually fully made it through, you know.
Speaker 1: So on top of that, though, like.
Speaker 3: It's clear that he's talking, he's voicing his opinion to
Speaker 3: his woman. But maybe he needs to change the setting
Speaker 3: and where he's telling her at. Maybe he needs to
Speaker 3: change up the environment. Maybe it's maybe it's it's it's
Speaker 3: triggering to her where he's telling her at.
Speaker 2: You know, let me ask a question, and this is
Speaker 2: just me playing devil's advocate, but also just being honest.
Speaker 2: Why does it seem like we as men always have
Speaker 2: to jump through so many hoops when we're not the
Speaker 2: only ones that want monogamy. Women want monogamy too, especially
Speaker 2: from a man that they say I want that man
Speaker 2: to be my man. Part of that monogamy means that
Speaker 2: you want me to share all of my sexual exploits
Speaker 2: with only you. So if I'm only supposed to share
Speaker 2: my sexual exploits with you. Why can't you make it
Speaker 2: a safe space for me.
Speaker 1: To do that. Maybe she wasn't aware of what the
Speaker 1: expectation was. That is actually a very good point, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Sometimes that happens when we haven't expressed exactly what we're
Speaker 3: looking for or what we need. We kind of just
Speaker 3: kept it internally and just assumed them to know because
Speaker 3: she's the woman and I'm the man, you know what
Speaker 3: I mean, And that's how it goes. So I would
Speaker 3: say that's the first thing. It's just like the assumption
Speaker 3: that she understands what I'm saying or that what my
Speaker 3: needs are to the point, yeah, probably that when do
Speaker 3: you have that conversation or during the dating process, like
Speaker 3: like what does it sound like? Like hey listen, Because
Speaker 3: he said I don't think having sex ten times a
Speaker 3: month is porn star ResQue ten times a month would
Speaker 3: be what two point five times a week, so maybe
Speaker 3: two to three times a week. I would have to
Speaker 3: agree with him and say I don't think that's porn star.
Speaker 1: Well did he say that? I mean, what's the what's
Speaker 1: the job situation now?
Speaker 4: Is she's still like because that makes that makes a difference.
Speaker 4: That makes a difference. He said something, Well, she slip me.
Speaker 4: He was talking about all these qualities about her. Well,
Speaker 4: maybe she's built, maybe she loves him, but that can
Speaker 4: build resentment if you're not if you're not moving and progressing, right,
Speaker 4: we can.
Speaker 1: See that in acrimony.
Speaker 4: And here's the thing, yore like arousal from a woman's standpoint,
Speaker 4: it's not just your physical it's not just yourr good yo,
Speaker 4: I want other guys to respect you.
Speaker 1: Do other men respect you? You feel me? Did y'all
Speaker 1: hear that?
Speaker 2: But it's true though, because women will say that though
Speaker 2: it's other men. Look at your man?
Speaker 1: All right? Cool?
Speaker 4: So now you're talking about all right, well I got
Speaker 4: solid four pack, Well go get a six pack.
Speaker 1: You got it?
Speaker 2: I mean, just like you wanted some funny though, dude,
Speaker 2: me and my friends have the same conversation. Sometimes you
Speaker 2: got to be better than what you think she is
Speaker 2: your best to get the type of woman that you want.
Speaker 2: Because he s you seeked out this supermodel chick that's
Speaker 2: super smart who makes money.
Speaker 4: So that's a good point for sure. And then you
Speaker 4: you just listed off all these things. So maybe she
Speaker 4: feels like she's settling for you, but she's gonna definitely
Speaker 4: diminish her arousal. That's just how it is. And people
Speaker 4: will love you through that, right, but.
Speaker 1: Not have sex with you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And he said, I don't know how I got her.
Speaker 3: I don't know how I deserve her, and like we
Speaker 3: all love our women, but you know exactly that, right,
Speaker 3: not exactly how I got her. Also, you know that's
Speaker 3: that's a perspective look to look at. Another perspective is
Speaker 3: they're not speaking the same language, right, And and it's
Speaker 3: tough because and we talk about the porn issue a lot.
Speaker 3: Porn is very very damaging to the way that you
Speaker 3: view affection because and porn affection is kind of like
Speaker 3: non existent. It just shows you reaction the business, getting
Speaker 3: too the business and how good it be when you
Speaker 3: are in there.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: So we have a I think it's known now that
Speaker 3: women need to be stimulated mentally and emotionally before they
Speaker 3: can even get to that physical part of like really
Speaker 3: desiring that space.
Speaker 1: So throughout the day and we talked.
Speaker 3: About like warming up, warming your woman up, Like I
Speaker 3: don't know if that exists.
Speaker 1: This is what I said. It's layered to your point
Speaker 1: Duke of if.
Speaker 3: I'm sliding my man in the card, I know that
Speaker 3: I'm the one kind of like taking care of things.
Speaker 1: I'm doing this. It's like.
Speaker 3: That space of stimulation isn't necessarily there. It's just not there.
Speaker 3: It's non existent, and it's not showing up because I
Speaker 3: couldn't imagine my girl telling me after how many years?
Speaker 1: What was the years they've been together? Twelve years?
Speaker 3: Twelve years? Like you know, like, nah, I'm kind of good.
Speaker 3: I know that it's me. It's not you. It's a
Speaker 3: me thing. So I don't know how he's approaching the habit,
Speaker 3: the poor, the poorn addiction habit, because a lot of
Speaker 3: times we want to act that out right and you
Speaker 3: want to make that out and she's like, I don't know,
Speaker 3: don't want to do that. That's what I'm trying to do.
Speaker 3: You didn't even get me to the point to do that.
Speaker 3: To Duke's point, the lack of respect that she may
Speaker 3: see in him and then also see around when it
Speaker 3: comes to other men. Matter of fact, I'm thinking about
Speaker 3: this more. She might be the one that lack respect.
Speaker 3: It may not even be other men, because she's sliding
Speaker 3: the card under the table because she don't want.
Speaker 1: To ye, yes, see that yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, So like I don't see how you slide on
Speaker 3: the card, and it's like, all right, take me, that's fair.
Speaker 1: I'm the masculine.
Speaker 4: That's fair energy in your card because I still love you, yep, right,
Speaker 4: and that's all that is. I love you, So I
Speaker 4: want to preserve your integrity. I don't want you to
Speaker 4: be embarrassed.
Speaker 1: See.
Speaker 2: I wish he would have told us where he is
Speaker 2: financially now so that we could understand, because all he
Speaker 2: talked about in the very beginning, he said he got
Speaker 2: his degree, but that doesn't mean the degree translated to
Speaker 2: making money to where he can be the one.
Speaker 1: Now to be like, baby, I got it.
Speaker 4: That's actually a good value, right, And like you just said,
Speaker 4: like he's talking about like pretty much he's.
Speaker 1: Writing like he all kicked his coverage. That's literally where
Speaker 1: I said.
Speaker 4: So any guy's walking around like I'll kick my coverage,
Speaker 4: it's not like commanding that type of respect from your woman,
Speaker 4: right You'll say, your woman's not looking up to you. Yeah,
Speaker 4: that's going to affect you sexually, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 4: Especially if you're the one who always wants to have sex,
Speaker 4: especially where she feels like, Okay, now it's a burden,
Speaker 4: a burden to.
Speaker 1: Me, all right. Nah, I agree with that. I agree
Speaker 1: with that.
Speaker 2: I hope, sir, he didn't leave his name, but I
Speaker 2: do hope he was able to listen and will be
Speaker 2: able to take what you guys say, because I'm always
Speaker 2: the one on the giving end of this, like when
Speaker 2: guys right in and then I'm told sometimes and I'm
Speaker 2: too hard on the guys because well, everybody ain't gonna
Speaker 2: be able to do this and make this money and
Speaker 2: play in the NFL. And I said, what, everything ain't
Speaker 2: about money, but everything is about how you see yourself.
Speaker 2: And if your girl sees that you don't see yourself
Speaker 2: in a high value, she's not going every time. And
Speaker 2: you guys just confirmed that because all of you have
Speaker 2: all said that in one way or another. You gotta
Speaker 2: feel yourself in order for your girl to feel you.
Speaker 3: You gotta feel like the prize in order for her
Speaker 3: to understand you are one. So that you gotta feel
Speaker 3: like the prize in order for her to understand that
Speaker 3: you are one.
Speaker 1: If you another.
Speaker 2: Says men of the prize, you have to feel like
Speaker 2: you are the prize.
Speaker 1: For her to recognize that.
Speaker 2: You are one and vice versa lively every day you
Speaker 2: walked in the house and your girl told you, like, man,
Speaker 2: I don't even deserve you.
Speaker 3: Man, you're just such a good man. You're just I
Speaker 3: gotta don't even know how I even got you. I'm
Speaker 3: surprised that all the women out there that look at
Speaker 3: you can't just get you at the drop of a hat.
Speaker 3: You're gonna tell you that all the time. You be
Speaker 3: looking at it, like, bro, we in this together, right, right,
Speaker 3: you gotta have that that. I don't want to say.
Speaker 3: I don't want to say self respect as if he's
Speaker 3: lacking it, but you gotta do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he do.
Speaker 2: I do feel like he does lack of respect for himself,
Speaker 2: even the way he wrote that letter. It's a four
Speaker 2: page letter about how beautiful his wife is, but also
Speaker 2: downplaying himself.
Speaker 1: Then in a super.
Speaker 2: Bowl looking at the lights, yes, like this the whole game,
Speaker 2: and it's like, bruh, yeah.
Speaker 1: You got to get in the game. That is true.
Speaker 2: That's a good analogy because you are in the super
Speaker 2: Bowl looking at the lights, and if you are a coach,
Speaker 2: you like.
Speaker 1: You're not playing. You gotta play it. Coach, won't be like,
Speaker 1: get your ass in the back, but what you doing? So?
Speaker 2: Nah, I appreciate that, sir. What would you say if
Speaker 2: we wasn't here, I would have you gould add trouble.
Speaker 2: I would have literally said the same thing, like you
Speaker 2: gotta believe in yourself. The first thing I would have
Speaker 2: said was, well, after you got the PhD, are you
Speaker 2: earning enough now where you can treat your woman the
Speaker 2: way she treated you?
Speaker 1: If you got a four pack.
Speaker 2: I say this to dudes all the time, get an
Speaker 2: eight pack if your girl requires that, you need more
Speaker 2: of this, Because we as men often require out of
Speaker 2: our girls, don't we be the first ones to be
Speaker 2: like I like if you get a little tighter, you
Speaker 2: get that a little bit. We will all say we
Speaker 2: like ass. I'm the same one telling Kay like yo
Speaker 2: hit that squad rat twice a week, you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. So for me, it ain't nothing for me
Speaker 2: to tell myself like I got to eat better.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I got a question for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And this is like us as brothers talking right
Speaker 3: when you just said, you know, sometime I look at
Speaker 3: my wife and I'd be like, yo, hit that squad rack.
Speaker 3: How did you guys get to the point for you
Speaker 3: to get to that level of critique and feel comfortable
Speaker 3: with saying it and know that you're not attacking her,
Speaker 3: but you know, you just you're speaking from a real
Speaker 3: place of love.
Speaker 2: To be honest, I think it was easy for me
Speaker 2: because my wife was a pageant queen. Her mom is
Speaker 2: Jamaican and her mom will pinch her side every day
Speaker 2: of her life and be like, you're not where you
Speaker 2: need to be. So I think she was already conditioned
Speaker 2: to understand that that type of critique is also coming
Speaker 2: from a place of love. Plus she's also extremely vain,
Speaker 2: like I don't have to do much of that getting
Speaker 2: the squad right stuff. K wakes up every morning and
Speaker 2: she does the sideways. Everybody knows that girl to do that,
Speaker 2: and they pull it back and they just babe what
Speaker 2: you think.
Speaker 1: A lot of times I have to tell her like, yo,
Speaker 1: you relax.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, You just had a baby,
Speaker 2: Calm down, that she's the one that's in the gym,
Speaker 2: Train me, train me. So for me, I just chose
Speaker 2: a woman that I knew would appreciate herself and how
Speaker 2: she looked enough that I wouldn't have to be the
Speaker 2: drill sergeant.
Speaker 1: So for me, I didn't really have to go through
Speaker 1: that like that.
Speaker 2: Like she she self motivates, you know, she just doesn't
Speaker 2: like for me to train with her because then I
Speaker 2: go and then I'm now, you're supposed to do it
Speaker 2: like this, and then she looking at I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: not a football player, and I'm like, I'm not training
Speaker 2: you like a football player. I'm just saying that I've
Speaker 2: done this, and if you want to get more of
Speaker 2: the group, Maximus.
Speaker 1: You might want to turn your fee. If fuck you
Speaker 1: the valo, Okay, well get a trainer. I can't do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not doing it. I'm not And that's been
Speaker 2: good for us. You know what I'm saying. We go
Speaker 2: to the gym, you that way, I go down somebody,
Speaker 2: Do you see any videos of me and k with me? Like, no,
Speaker 2: I'm here, she's there.
Speaker 1: That works for us. That works. That keeps us out
Speaker 1: a lot of arguments.
Speaker 2: If you want to be featured on one of our
Speaker 2: listening letters, make sure you email us at that that's
Speaker 2: advice dot com. That's d E A D A S
Speaker 2: S A d V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: Now before we leave, we always finish with a moment
Speaker 2: of truth. I mean, give each of you a minute
Speaker 2: to say your moment of truth. My moment of truth
Speaker 2: is very simple. As men, we have to use discernment
Speaker 2: the same way we ask women to use discernment. If
Speaker 2: you're looking for a woman, make sure you're looking for
Speaker 2: a woman that wants to be monogamous, not just be
Speaker 2: a wife, because there are two different things. You can
Speaker 2: be a wife without being monogo but if you find
Speaker 2: a woman that aspires to be monogamous, you have a
Speaker 2: better opportunity to find someone that's gonna be your soulmate
Speaker 2: like you.
Speaker 1: That's my moment of truth. Bow, go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 4: Hey, so moment of truth. Okay, So you can as
Speaker 4: a man, you can create the exact relationship that you
Speaker 4: want to create, all right, And it comes down to you.
Speaker 4: It's no one else's responsibility to make you handsome. There's
Speaker 4: no one else's responsibility to make you successful. Talk about intelligence,
Speaker 4: all right. Anything you want to create, you can create.
Speaker 4: It's your decision to choose women and have discernment, and
Speaker 4: you know, pick the right type of women that align
Speaker 4: with your morals and values. All right, Stop getting out
Speaker 4: here and complaining about women, all right, Shut up, stop
Speaker 4: complaining about women.
Speaker 1: Just be better, all right.
Speaker 4: When you just become better and make yourself the best
Speaker 4: you can make yourself, all right, you become desirable and
Speaker 4: when you come, when you become your ultimate self, bro,
Speaker 4: you can pick and have any women, any woman you want.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 4: So it's a very bulletproof way of thinking about things.
Speaker 4: Don't be complaining, Just get better.
Speaker 3: Moment of truth, fellas, we gotta be honest. If we
Speaker 3: need help, we gotta see counsel. If you need to
Speaker 3: be if you what, excuse me, we gotta see wise counsel.
Speaker 3: If you know you need to remove yourself from certain
Speaker 3: situations because you found you feel like you fall to
Speaker 3: victim to certain things in those in those moments, then
Speaker 3: you need to avoid those type of situations, and you
Speaker 3: gotta be honest with yourself about that. If you know
Speaker 3: that you need to do more self work, you gotta
Speaker 3: be honest with yourself about that. You need to look
Speaker 3: yourself in the mirror and demand the highest out of yourself.
Speaker 3: You can't expect your brothers to demand it out of you,
Speaker 3: your mother, your girlfriend, your wife, you gotta demand that
Speaker 3: out of yourself. But it's first, It's got to start
Speaker 3: with you being honest with yourself.
Speaker 1: Moment of truth.
Speaker 3: I got it, now you got it, got it, Let's
Speaker 3: get money. Moment of truth. Monogamy is a choice. Monogamy
Speaker 3: is not a lifetime choice that you say, heyo, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna think about it once and I'm going to establish it.
Speaker 3: Monogamy is a day to day, moment to moment, minute
Speaker 3: to minute choice. Monogamy is understanding who you are when
Speaker 3: you are in the most treacherous of positions. Monogamy is
Speaker 3: understanding who you are when things are good and bad.
Speaker 3: Monogamy is a decision that you're making, not off of
Speaker 3: somebody else's actions, but off of your decisions and your
Speaker 3: thoughts and your convictions. Monogamy is a choice that is
Speaker 3: my moment of truth. And I'm not gonna cheat just
Speaker 3: because my partner cheated. It's a choice that I made.
Speaker 3: So I think people feel like you're gonna magically wake
Speaker 3: up and be monogamous because that's what you see and
Speaker 3: your parents do, and you've seen other good couples do. No,
Speaker 3: you have to choose monogamy, gentlemen, I want to thank
Speaker 3: y'all nice and neat podcast. Please, each one of y'all
Speaker 3: say your name, say your Instagram handles where we can
Speaker 3: find y'all.
Speaker 4: Yeah, man, my name is Duke Ihanacho. You can find
Speaker 4: me at Duke right. I don't know how I got
Speaker 4: the name, but you know that's crazy, very simple on
Speaker 4: Duke Universities under the back for it right, It's Duke
Speaker 4: at d u k E. And yeah, it's been a pleasure.
Speaker 1: Bro. My name is Omar Bolden.
Speaker 3: You can find me on all platforms at Omar dot
Speaker 3: Bolden and your devo. Bro, thank you for giving us
Speaker 3: this opportunity to connect to builds and to share the platform. Yes, sir,
Speaker 3: my name is Jalan Webster. You can find me at
Speaker 3: just dot jeln j A l O N. I was
Speaker 3: trying to get at Jalan but I couldn't get it,
Speaker 3: so it's just dot jelan.
Speaker 1: Thanks de Val. Appreciate you. I had to give you
Speaker 1: real thank you man.
Speaker 3: We really appreciate you and the time that we spent
Speaker 3: and feel like just really kicking it with one of us.
Speaker 1: We love your platform, We love what you and your
Speaker 1: wife are doing.
Speaker 3: And keep spreading this positivity and continue to help relationships
Speaker 3: be cool.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, thank you, No, I appreciate y'all.
Speaker 2: Let make sure you on patreonicy exclusive Deadass podcast video content,
Speaker 2: and find us on social media.
Speaker 1: That's dead Ass the podcast.
Speaker 2: Kadeen is my wife known as Kadeen, I am and
Speaker 2: I Am Devout, and if you're listening on Apple podcasts.
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