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Speaker 1: Why is monogamy important.

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Speaker 2: I'll tell you why, because I believe monogamy helps me

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Speaker 2: be disciplined.

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Speaker 1: Deadass.

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Speaker 3: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our

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Speaker 1: voys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I make you need therapy most days. Wow. Oh, and

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Speaker 1: one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we are.

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Speaker 2: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 2: li's most taboo topics, things.

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Speaker 4: Most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 2: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 2: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 2: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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Speaker 2: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 2: Were about to take philosof to our whole new level.

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Speaker 3: Dead Ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: Storytime.

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Speaker 2: Back in then, I believe it was twenty nineteen, Kadeen

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Speaker 2: and I dropped a podcast about monogamy and it went viral.

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Speaker 1: I was canceled on Twitter for about three days.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know because I don't have a Twitter, or

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Speaker 2: at the time, I didn't have a Twitter, but I

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Speaker 2: have a Twitter now, and I don't really tweet that much.

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Speaker 2: But the podcast went viral and everybody took a sixty

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Speaker 2: minute conversation, boiled it down to a thirty second clip,

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Speaker 2: and then created their own ideas and narrative not only

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Speaker 2: about me as a person and my wife as a person,

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Speaker 2: but about us as a union. And what I learned

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Speaker 2: from that moment is that conversation was probably the most

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Speaker 2: healthiest conversation that me and my wife.

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Speaker 1: Have had to date. And I'll tell you why.

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Speaker 2: Karaoke I'm here with four brothers. Well, I'm here with

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Speaker 2: three brothers. I'm the fourth brother. Four Brothers is actually

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Speaker 2: one of my favorite movies. Shout out to John Singleton.

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Speaker 2: But uh, this song I'm gonna see if y'all know it,

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Speaker 2: y'all can jump in at any time if you want to.

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Speaker 2: We're brothers, we're happy, and we're singing, and we're color.

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Speaker 1: Give me a hive, five beautiful guys, Dona Maya. Now

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell ya real quick why I chose that song.

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Speaker 2: I chose that song because the Wayne's brothers chose that

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Speaker 2: song for particular reason. They did not want to be

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Speaker 2: Blackfaced when they decided to do their own show. And

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Speaker 2: one of the biggest reason why I followed you guys

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Speaker 2: is because I felt like you were the exact opposite

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Speaker 2: of blackface when I listened to the podcast.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna pay some bills.

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Speaker 2: I gonna introduce you guys to my guests who need

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Speaker 2: no introduction when we get right back.

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Speaker 1: We're back, so let me do a quick introduction of

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Speaker 1: my guests over here.

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Speaker 2: All right, y'all already know a couple of you guys

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Speaker 2: and ladies because I was introduced by my wife to

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Speaker 2: the hosts of the Nice and Knee podcast.

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Speaker 1: We got Duke, we got Omar, we got Jalan.

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Speaker 2: I like to call them d OJ, righty DJ Department

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Speaker 2: of Justice.

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Speaker 1: Okay, y'all represent this very well. Okay, see how I

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Speaker 1: did that? You started something. But seriously, y'all, do represent

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Speaker 1: us well.

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Speaker 2: I watched hours of your content by accident, and I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna let you guys introduce yourself by asking you questions.

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Speaker 2: But I watched hours of you guys content by accident

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Speaker 2: because I felt like I was watching the young men,

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Speaker 2: because you guys are about five years younger than me,

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Speaker 2: answer questions for me. As a forty year old man

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Speaker 2: that I wanted to ask my elders. And as you

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Speaker 2: guys know, you know, well, I don't know. We'll talk

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Speaker 2: about this too, But my father's always been in my life.

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Speaker 2: But my father wasn't vocal as a mentor should be

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Speaker 2: to a son. My father was a mentor to hundreds

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Speaker 2: of other men, but when it came to me, it

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Speaker 2: was like, that's my son.

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Speaker 1: We don't talk about this. So I always kind of

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Speaker 1: felt lost to certain things.

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Speaker 2: And when I was listening to y'all speak, I was like, man,

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Speaker 2: if I was in my twenty and I heard this,

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Speaker 2: it would have gave me some direction on where I

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Speaker 2: needed to go. So, first and foremost, kudos to you guys. Secondly,

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Speaker 2: we're going to introduce each of you. We're gonna start

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Speaker 2: my boy Jealon here right first and foremost. I've been

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Speaker 2: calling him Jalen this whole time. I said, how, how

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Speaker 2: do you pronounce your name? He said, it's never been Jalen,

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Speaker 2: and it's sad it with that voice. Right here, here's

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Speaker 2: my boy Jelin and Jelan. Please introduce yourself. Tell everybody

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Speaker 2: why you got into podcasting, what you do, and who

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Speaker 2: you are I.

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Speaker 1: Got into podcasting. My name is Jelan.

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Speaker 3: I got into podcasting because me and my brothers here,

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Speaker 3: we will be having hours and hours of conversations at

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Speaker 3: my shop. I'm a barber by trade, right, so we'll

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Speaker 3: be having hours and hours of conversations. We will see

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Speaker 3: other men will come in and exit in and you know,

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Speaker 3: these are other men that we admire, some that you

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Speaker 3: ain't really know, like that they get a haircut, they

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Speaker 3: stay around for three four hours and we just like

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Speaker 3: exchanging game and we're like, hey, yo, like we should

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Speaker 3: really do something with this. Right around the pandemic time

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Speaker 3: we started the podcast, originally Pan happened, we had real

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Speaker 3: life situations. We put it on whole pandemic was starting

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Speaker 3: to clear up a little bit. So twenty twenty one,

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Speaker 3: twenty twenty one, we went ahead and we launched it.

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Speaker 3: We launched it and man, honestly, we were received. I

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Speaker 3: think it exceeded our expectations. Thousands and thousands of people

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Speaker 3: were resharing it, whether it was people in our community,

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Speaker 3: outside the community, people that was going through what we

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Speaker 3: were going through, saying similar things that you're saying as well,

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Speaker 3: and you know, it really just took off for us.

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Speaker 3: You know, I've been having conversations like this. As I mentioned,

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Speaker 3: I'm a barber. I've been having conversations like this because

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Speaker 3: to you like you, my father, we didn't sit down

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Speaker 3: and we didn't have sex conversations.

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Speaker 2: We had that conversation in podcast. We didn't talk about

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Speaker 2: sex me and my pops.

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Speaker 3: Ever never my dad gave me one sex conversation and

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Speaker 3: he looked at me square in the face and he said,

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Speaker 3: remember when you had sex, it's for the woman.

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Speaker 1: For you. He told you that because we are your

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Speaker 1: father's in your lives.

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Speaker 2: Yes, okay, sorry to hear that, but this was the

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Speaker 2: conversation my dad had with me about sex. Yo, So

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Speaker 2: you're having sex? Yeah, you know, I got comments in

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Speaker 2: my drawer right, I see here at the bottom. And

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Speaker 2: to this day we still laugh about it. Like my

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Speaker 2: dad laughs and be like, I didn't know what to say.

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Speaker 2: Like he grew up Southern Baptists, you don't speak about

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Speaker 2: sex because his abstinence or nothing else. So he felt

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Speaker 2: like he was doing a disservice to his religion and

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Speaker 2: his calling if he speaks to his son about sex.

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Speaker 2: I didn't understand that. You know what I'm saying, so

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Speaker 2: I didn't understand that. So I was a little bit

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Speaker 2: upset about it growing up. But I wish I had

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Speaker 2: people like us, so I knew what I was doing

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Speaker 2: because even with sex, I didn't know it was for

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Speaker 2: the woman in the beginning. Think about how we learned

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Speaker 2: about sex and now I'm glad you brought that up

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Speaker 2: because we're talking about matter of fact, let's not get

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Speaker 2: into it.

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Speaker 1: Omar, Omar, got to stop rubbing the mic. Poorse Yo.

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Speaker 1: That's nasty work.

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Speaker 2: Crazy word every episode that happens one time, but the

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Speaker 2: omer I believe, fourth round one hundred and first pick. Wow, okay,

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Speaker 2: you did the home work twenty twelve. Yep, Denver Broncos. Yes, sir,

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Speaker 2: go ahead and introduce yourself to everyone.

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Speaker 1: My name is Omar Bolden.

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Speaker 3: I'm a father, a husband, man of God wellness, entrepreneur, actor, podcaster,

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Speaker 3: content creator. I pride myself and not trying to limit

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Speaker 3: myself or cap myself with a ceiling and everything that

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Speaker 3: I feel like I'm skillful at I go for So.

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Speaker 3: I know a lot of people will try to tell

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Speaker 3: you got to narrow your focus and things like that,

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Speaker 3: but a lot of people don't have the passions I got,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Or the drive, the determination,

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Speaker 3: or the bandwidth or the bandwidth with his important or

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Speaker 3: the brotherhood and community, you know what I mean? With that,

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Speaker 3: I feel like I have infinite resources, and with infinite resources,

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Speaker 3: I feel like you can accomplish anything you want life.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I moved through life with that kind of mindset,

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Speaker 3: that kind of mentality, And yeah, I started podcasting just

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Speaker 3: to echo what Jaelan was saying, man, because I wanted

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Speaker 3: to create a safe space for us to voice our

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Speaker 3: opinions the way we felt we needed to, you know

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Speaker 3: what I mean, and be able to reach the audiences

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Speaker 3: that we wanted to and really control our narrative. I

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Speaker 3: think coming out of the NFL in twenty sixteen was

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Speaker 3: really the emergence of athletes starting to take control.

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Speaker 1: Of their narrative and their media.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, we just took that same approach and just

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Speaker 3: threw it into the podcast and you know what I mean,

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Speaker 3: And four years later, you know, we're sitting here next

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Speaker 3: to you, you know what I mean, having a joint podcast.

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Speaker 1: So the.

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Speaker 3: Reception from our audience has been incredible. It's been, like

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Speaker 3: Jaelan would say, exceeded expectations. It's really moving to walk

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Speaker 3: up to different venues, different environments, meet random men that

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Speaker 3: you never met before here and hear them tell you, Hey,

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Speaker 3: what you're doing right now is really helping change my life.

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Speaker 3: Is helping shape and mold me and turn me into

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Speaker 3: a man that I didn't even think I could be

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Speaker 3: at twenty seven, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: So I'm glad you brought you. I don't want to

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Speaker 1: cut you, you know, because I do want to finish

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Speaker 1: the introductions.

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Speaker 2: But Duke, I gotta get to you real quick, and

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you a funny story about how I

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Speaker 2: got introduced to Duke. I'm a very vain person, as

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Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure we all are, cause I'll be dressed

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Speaker 2: every time I see y'all right, and Kadeen and I

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Speaker 2: have this thing where if i want to look a

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Speaker 2: certain way, the first thing I'm gonna do to my

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Speaker 2: wife is be like, yo, if I gain this amount

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Speaker 2: of weight or if I got skinny, what would you do?

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Speaker 2: And I'm sending her pictures and stuff through Instagram and

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Speaker 2: she'd be like, man, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Nah, yeah right.

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Speaker 2: So I ran up on Duke's page and I'm like, swove,

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Speaker 2: But He's still be moving though.

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Speaker 1: Like you know what I'm saying. So I say, hey,

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Speaker 1: what about his physique?

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Speaker 2: And she was like, yeah, everything, everything. And I wanted

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Speaker 2: to say that publicly because we live in a world

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Speaker 2: now where if you compliment a dude like, there's so

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Speaker 2: much homophobia now. I can't even compliment a black man

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Speaker 2: with people like yo, why are you giving him a compliment?

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Speaker 2: But that's just not the case because us as men

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Speaker 2: have to learn how to compliment each other and be

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Speaker 2: present amongst men who are also attractive or doing well

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Speaker 2: in life. And I have to feel like it's a competition.

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Speaker 2: So I want to just tell that quick story, but

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Speaker 2: do undrafted Yes, out.

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Speaker 1: Of is it San Diego State, San Jose, San Jose.

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Speaker 2: State to the Denver Broncos as well, So y'all were

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Speaker 2: there at the same time.

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Speaker 1: A little bit about your charm. My name is Duke.

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Speaker 4: I am an entrepreneur. I am a fitness coach, a

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Speaker 4: men's growth coach. Most importantly, I'm a leader of men,

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Speaker 4: helped men elevate, help men, uh you know, overcome self

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Speaker 4: limited beliefs, destructive habits to just elevating life.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 4: I really care about people like us. I see how

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Speaker 4: much we struggle in silence. Right, So I just try

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Speaker 4: to add my experience and my knowledge and any type

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Speaker 4: of you know, expertise to other people's lives to help

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Speaker 4: them just elevate, right. I think for us, and I

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Speaker 4: can speak for all of us, man, we felt like

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Speaker 4: we had tremendous value to offer to the world, and

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Speaker 4: just through conversations with each other, through dating, through sports,

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Speaker 4: through you know, the low owns the shop, so he

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Speaker 4: speaks to a lot of guys as well on a

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Speaker 4: day to day basis. So taking all that information and

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Speaker 4: really taking inventory of data that we hear from people,

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Speaker 4: you understand, people struggle, so we can relate to a

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Speaker 4: lot of people. So it was important for us to

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Speaker 4: take all that and be able to offer something to

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Speaker 4: the world and help the world navigate any of the

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Speaker 4: complexities that they're having, right, because there's not a lot

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Speaker 4: of black men like us, you know, in this capacity

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Speaker 4: where you know, we're relatively young, but relatively like experienced,

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Speaker 4: where we can still relate to young people and older

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Speaker 4: people people and articulate it in a way that people

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Speaker 4: can digest.

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Speaker 1: Right, So that was really important to.

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Speaker 4: Us, man, and just throughout the journey of starting a podcast, man,

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Speaker 4: we've been able to just touch so many people, men

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Speaker 4: and women, right. The most surprising thing was how many

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Speaker 4: test absolutely and absolutely and you know, every day someone's

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Speaker 4: hitting us up like, yo, how do I do this

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Speaker 4: for my men?

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Speaker 1: How do I be better for my men? Or?

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Speaker 4: And I think that's the most fulfilling thing too, because

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Speaker 4: we're actually affecting relationships, all right. And when you get

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Speaker 4: to affect a relationship in a positive manner, that means

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Speaker 4: you affect the world absolutely, because now you get better relationships,

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Speaker 4: that means you get better marriages. That means you get

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Speaker 4: better children, children become better adults, right, And that's the

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Speaker 4: type of impact we always wanted to make.

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Speaker 2: I'm glad you brought that up in shout out to

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Speaker 2: all three of you, gentlemen, because there's a lot of times,

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Speaker 2: especially in the podcast space, it's easy to just go

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Speaker 2: for the clickbait, right. And the reason why I sang

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Speaker 2: the song I sang because you guys could have easily

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Speaker 2: done the blackface thing.

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Speaker 1: Right. Let's get up here and just bash women.

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Speaker 2: We'll get a ton of engagement if we bashed women,

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Speaker 2: because then women will argue with us, men will champion us.

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Speaker 1: It's easy, easy content, right, But you chose not to.

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Speaker 2: You chose to go to long route, right, which means

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Speaker 2: that we're going to talk about the things that we

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Speaker 2: really want to discuss. Which I also want to point

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Speaker 2: out that most people think in a barbershop, black men

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Speaker 2: are talking about ass basketball and football, that's it. But

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Speaker 2: I've been in barbershops and a lot of times there

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Speaker 2: are black men just there trying to figure out, like,

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Speaker 2: how do I become better at what I'm doing?

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Speaker 1: And that's not.

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Speaker 2: Only just about professions. How do I become a better father?

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Speaker 2: Like I'm going through this with my wife. I think

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Speaker 2: I've been around you twice so far. Every time I'm

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Speaker 2: around you, three one of you, two or two of

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Speaker 2: you are talking about something that happened with your wife,

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Speaker 2: or your fiance or your child, and you're trying to

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Speaker 2: navigate and you're asking opinions, and I'm like, these are

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Speaker 2: the type of relationships that young black men need to

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Speaker 2: see that are healthy, because the next generation going to

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Speaker 2: look at this and be like, well, I can be

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Speaker 2: like that.

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Speaker 1: I don't got to be like them clowns. They just

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Speaker 1: want to argue with everybody.

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Speaker 2: And the reason why I call them clowns is because

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Speaker 2: there's a lot of people out here who are.

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Speaker 1: I would say, extorting our culture.

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Speaker 2: You know, they know that seventy five percent of women

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Speaker 2: who well I know this for a fact, seventy five

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Speaker 2: percent of the young men and I trained over a

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Speaker 2: thousand had no fathers in their life. So you know,

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Speaker 2: there's trigger points, especially with black women, and there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of clowns out here who are using those trigger

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Speaker 2: points to get engagement.

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Speaker 1: And kudos to y'all for not Do.

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Speaker 3: You think though, that the guys who are creating that

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Speaker 3: style of content are the men that are in.

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Speaker 1: Relationships because I not at all.

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Speaker 3: I don't think so, because I feel like it was

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Speaker 3: very easy for us to go the eyes a way

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Speaker 3: because we're men of relationships, we're men of integrity, we're representation,

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Speaker 3: we're representations of our women at the absolute friends, you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean, they've all elevated at this point.

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Speaker 3: But when you when you were coming from that perspective,

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Speaker 3: it's really hard to sit get online absolutely to the world.

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Speaker 1: And because you're being authentic to who you are.

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Speaker 2: Yes, a lot of people aren't being authentic because this

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Speaker 2: is entertainment, and I think that's what people need to realize.

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Speaker 2: Podcasting is entertainment. You don't have to represent yourself authentically

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Speaker 2: when you come on the podcast, I can say whatever.

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Speaker 2: And that's why I keep saying, like the fact that

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Speaker 2: y'all chose to represent yourself authentically, put yourself out there

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Speaker 2: when you know, even if you're trying to be authentic,

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Speaker 2: someone's gonna have something negative to say.

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Speaker 1: Because that's also about the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Space, which would which leads me to monogamy right before

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Speaker 2: you get there, Like we've actually we actually did kind

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Speaker 2: of struggle with because it's still a business and we

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Speaker 2: still want an engagement, you know, and we still want people.

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Speaker 4: We want to grow. So we did have conversations of, yo,

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Speaker 4: do we need to spice it up a little bit?

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Speaker 4: What was what was that conversation? Like it was more

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Speaker 4: so are we being too nice? Are we pacifying women

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Speaker 4: too much?

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Speaker 2: Right? Real conversations like that should we did y'all feel

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Speaker 2: like that that you were passified?

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Speaker 1: Now? We didn't feel like that. It's just how it

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Speaker 1: was like coming off.

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Speaker 3: There wasn't enough data to show who we were, so

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Speaker 3: it may come off as that people don't know what

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Speaker 3: our past is. People don't know what our background is.

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Speaker 3: All they see is three dudes in happy relationships today,

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Speaker 3: and that's where you're speaking from.

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Speaker 2: I tell you something that's never going to change. I've

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Speaker 2: been with my wife for twenty two years. We've been

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Speaker 2: podcasting for six years season one. People's like, Oh, this

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Speaker 2: ain't real. He don't really live like that. It is

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Speaker 2: now thirteen years of marriage, four kids, and people still

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Speaker 2: say the same thing. I'll see you in five years.

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Speaker 2: Y'all said that five years ago. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 2: that's never going to change. People will root for y'all

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Speaker 2: to fail because you got to also realize too, when

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Speaker 2: you feel it validates all of their failed relationship. But

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Speaker 2: when you don't fail, now, there's no excuse for them

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Speaker 2: now that like, wait a minute, there's three black men.

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Speaker 2: Oh wait, they're married to three black women. Wait a minute,

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Speaker 2: they're all faithful. Just can't be possible, you.

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Speaker 1: Know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: They always going to find a way to make it

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Speaker 2: seem like y'all not real. So I wouldn't even harp

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Speaker 2: on that because I still get that backglass to this day.

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Speaker 2: That's a fact. It's always going to be like that.

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Speaker 2: So how'd you end up coming to the conclusion like,

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Speaker 2: you know what, we're not going to just spice it

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Speaker 2: up and argue for no reason. How did y'all decide

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Speaker 2: like this is where we're going to stay. It made

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Speaker 2: us better.

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Speaker 3: It did make us better because not saying that we

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Speaker 3: was like, we're not going to spice it up, but

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Speaker 3: it was like a yo. As far as the business side,

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Speaker 3: we started having production meetings and we started really sitting

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Speaker 3: down saying like, AYO, how do you feel about that? Okay,

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Speaker 3: what would it look like if you took this perspective

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Speaker 3: and actually really embody this perspective on if somebody approached

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Speaker 3: it and they was like, yo, and don't feel monogamy,

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Speaker 3: it's important, How would you speak from that place?

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Speaker 1: What would that look like?

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Speaker 3: Because as people are listening, you know, you don't want

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Speaker 3: to just have just like one specific niche audience.

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Speaker 1: You want to be able to have everybody. Wise, that's exact.

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Speaker 3: Business wise, right, but also realistic like we live in

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Speaker 3: a world where monogamy may not be for everybody, but

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Speaker 3: I think the only way to get somebody's ears to

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Speaker 3: even consider your opinion is to be able to address theirs.

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Speaker 3: So we got to start addressing their opinion in order

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Speaker 3: for our message to actually get louder. I think we

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Speaker 3: landed on it ultimately, because, like you said, man, was

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Speaker 3: just the authentic thing to do doing this podcast thing.

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Speaker 1: Man, it's very hard to do it when you're faking it,

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Speaker 1: absolutely right.

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Speaker 4: So no longer, you know, anytime you're doing business with

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Speaker 4: your friends, we're friends first. It's not like we just

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Speaker 4: became't business young met up on the broncos. We met,

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Speaker 4: we met playing, we met, I met through a mutual friends.

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Speaker 1: So twelve years, all of y'all have been friends. I

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Speaker 1: know you guys meant it does.

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Speaker 2: I think we may made a year thirteen ten years.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, so we we were friends first. So it

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Speaker 2: was just authentic and we all had similar beliefs, similar relationships.

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Speaker 2: So it's just like yo, like we can spice it up,

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Speaker 2: but not in this not in this standpoint of we're

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Speaker 2: just gonna come out here and you know, say our

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Speaker 2: land this stuff. Now, how we're gonna spice it up

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Speaker 2: is we're going to figure out different ways to articulate

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Speaker 2: our points and drive home our points while still being

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Speaker 2: respectful to the overall like masses.

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Speaker 3: It's fair and by generating the engagement. You double down,

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Speaker 3: you like, literally draw a line on your perspective. Yes,

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Speaker 3: like I'm I'm literally on this side today. That's what

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Speaker 3: I'm and that's what I'm doing. And that right there

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Speaker 3: increased the engagement. That right there gave us the more eyeballs,

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Speaker 3: the reach that we were looking for.

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Speaker 1: Kudos to y'am, and that's that's dope.

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Speaker 2: The fact that you said production meeting because you're you know,

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Speaker 2: all athletes in a barber I had to learn to

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Speaker 2: have production meeting. Shout out to trouble because I'm a

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Speaker 2: winger as an athlete.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: My wife went to school for speech, communication and performance.

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Speaker 1: They would have Q cards. I never have Q cards.

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Speaker 1: You know why.

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Speaker 2: I'll just be sitting here saying my opinion. But production

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Speaker 2: media is matter because words matter. After you know, we

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Speaker 2: had a powerful discussion before this. But let me get

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Speaker 2: back to these facts and stacks about monogamy. You're gonna

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Speaker 2: be surprised, Okay. It says here that a majority of

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Speaker 2: Americans fifty five percent, prefer complete monogamy in their relationships,

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Speaker 2: but many adults would rather have some form of non monogamy.

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Speaker 2: February twenty third you Gov poll finds that one third

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Speaker 2: of Americans thirty four percent, describe their ideal relationship as

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Speaker 2: something other than complete monogamy. Many adults who do not

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Speaker 2: choose total monogamy desire something in between complete monogamy and

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Speaker 2: complete non monogamy, with twenty six percent of all Americans

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Speaker 2: choosing an option in the middle. I'll give you my perspective,

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Speaker 2: and I want to hear you guys perspective. I chose

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Speaker 2: monogamy not for my wife, and I think part of

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Speaker 2: the reason why we went viral was because people expected

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Speaker 2: me to say I chose to be monogamous because you

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Speaker 2: were just this perfect woman, and I chose it for you.

436
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,719
Speaker 2: But that's literally not what happened. I was living my

437
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 2: life and there were times where I was chasing skirts.

438
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,120
Speaker 2: You know, you graduate from high school, you go to college,

439
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 2: and I'm the guy d one university.

440
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,960
Speaker 1: Everybody knows me. I'm going here and here and there.

441
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:43,560
Speaker 2: But I watched my success in my production struggle because

442
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:44,680
Speaker 2: I wasn't focused.

443
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 1: On what I needed to do.

444
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,399
Speaker 2: And then I looked at my mom, I looked at

445
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 2: my grandmother, I looked at my father, my grandfather, and

446
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,879
Speaker 2: I was just like, one thing is coming my father

447
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,040
Speaker 2: and my grandfather able to focus on being the best

448
00:20:56,119 --> 00:20:56,919
Speaker 2: versions of themselves.

449
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:57,480
Speaker 1: Because there are.

450
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 2: Certain things that my mom and my grandmother take me hero,

451
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,720
Speaker 2: I'm going to have to use discernment to find the

452
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 2: right woman to be next to me so that when

453
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 2: I'm doing these things and making these decisions, I got

454
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:13,439
Speaker 2: a partner. I chose monogamy and selfish just it sounds

455
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 2: before myself, and I want to know from you three,

456
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:21,640
Speaker 2: why did y'all choose monogamy if y'all.

457
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:26,879
Speaker 3: Know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I chose monogamy before my girl

458
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:27,640
Speaker 3: even existed.

459
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:31,880
Speaker 1: So like that is I'm a man of God.

460
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,120
Speaker 3: I'm a man of faith, and my relationship with God

461
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,720
Speaker 3: actually comes before any woman that is there. I can't

462
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,080
Speaker 3: replace God, but whoever fits in that piece, Like I

463
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:43,479
Speaker 3: don't know what her name was. I didn't know her

464
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 3: name was going to be Britney. I had no idea.

465
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,320
Speaker 3: So but you knew, you knew that he was like

466
00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,200
Speaker 3: I'm going to be when it comes to the woman

467
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,879
Speaker 3: that I want to marry. Absolutely Now, when I was younger,

468
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 3: I can't say that existed. Absolutely when it comes down

469
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:58,960
Speaker 3: to the woman that I want to marry and be

470
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 3: with for the rest of my life life and the

471
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:04,040
Speaker 3: woman that's going to be raising my children and teaching

472
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,159
Speaker 3: my son how to walk and kissing my kids on

473
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 3: the face. Like, yes, absolutely, but to your point, it

474
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,520
Speaker 3: wasn't for her, It was for you.

475
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 1: It's for me, you know.

476
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,760
Speaker 3: And I actually have a philosophy though, like I feel

477
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,919
Speaker 3: like we're all selfish. We don't really just say it

478
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:22,240
Speaker 3: out loud fact, but like, I'm selfish, like in every way,

479
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,639
Speaker 3: shape and form. If I get if I got you

480
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:27,440
Speaker 3: a birthday gift, it's because I want you to view

481
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 3: me as a good friend, not just because I wanted

482
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:30,280
Speaker 3: you to feel good.

483
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:31,960
Speaker 1: What was I think it was friends?

484
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 2: They had to show about no selfless acts, and they

485
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,800
Speaker 2: were like, even like if a beastings you, that's selfish

486
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 2: on you because then the be gos and dies. When

487
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,679
Speaker 2: you say that, it reminds me of that that there

488
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,679
Speaker 2: really is no selfless act in the world. Everything we do.

489
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 3: That's that's really how I feel, right, But that also

490
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 3: helps me, it sounds crazy, it helps me be the

491
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,959
Speaker 3: best person that I could possibly be because when I

492
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,400
Speaker 3: show up for you too, I'm showing up for you

493
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,879
Speaker 3: because I want you to view me in a certain light.

494
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 2: Right, So I'm gonna do my best for me to

495
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 2: have the best view and viewpoint in your life.

496
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:06,800
Speaker 1: Right.

497
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 3: If there's laundry in the hallway, I'm gonna do the

498
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 3: laundry for my fiance because I want her to be like, man,

499
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:15,400
Speaker 3: I got a good dude.

500
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 1: I feel you he.

501
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 2: Took a lot off my plate by doing that. So

502
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,160
Speaker 2: I'll be doing laundry because I'll be wanting to smash later.

503
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:22,879
Speaker 1: I feel that I.

504
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 2: Just got to be clean and she gonna be tired,

505
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,200
Speaker 2: so fuck it, I'm about to go get this ship done.

506
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:30,919
Speaker 4: To that.

507
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:32,399
Speaker 1: So that's to that point, right.

508
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 3: And I've learned so much about myself through monogamy because

509
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 3: you know, like being single and dating, that's totally different

510
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:45,879
Speaker 3: than being monogamous because when it comes to how I

511
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:49,359
Speaker 3: want my partner to feel about me, she's actually teaching me.

512
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 2: It sounds crazy. She's taught me how to be a

513
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 2: man for real, doesn't doesn't sound crazy at all, Like

514
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 2: she's really really taught me how to be a man,

515
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:57,640
Speaker 2: Like we talked about it.

516
00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,560
Speaker 1: Why do you think that that sounds crazy?

517
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:02,000
Speaker 3: It sounds I was crazy because I feel like people

518
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 3: feel like you're supposed to show up as a complete person.

519
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 3: And I also feel like that's the reason why the

520
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 3: day landscape is Yes, but I feel like people feel

521
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:13,440
Speaker 3: like you're supposed to show.

522
00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:14,640
Speaker 1: Up as a complete person.

523
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,199
Speaker 3: And she's taught me how to be a man, and

524
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 3: she's taught me how to continue to date her. She's

525
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:21,919
Speaker 3: taught me how to continue to flirt with her through

526
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:23,600
Speaker 3: today so I can smash at the end of the

527
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:28,480
Speaker 3: day all of those things, because you feel like, you know,

528
00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 3: you get into a relationship we being monogamous, the only

529
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 3: thing you gotta worry about is I'm not out here

530
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 3: chasing nobody else. And it's just like, nah, like the

531
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,720
Speaker 3: work actually just getting started when you enter the space

532
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 3: of monogamy.

533
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 2: So what So ultimately, what you're saying is she didn't

534
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 2: teach you how to be a man. She taught you

535
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 2: how to be her man because that you had to

536
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 2: show up for her.

537
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that.

538
00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:51,919
Speaker 2: Omar, did you always know you wanted to be monogamous

539
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 2: or did there something happen where you were like, nah,

540
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 2: I gotta change this.

541
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,639
Speaker 1: Well, I would say similar to your situation.

542
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:02,360
Speaker 3: And when I say similar to you, I just mean

543
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,880
Speaker 3: in terms of being selfish I've kind of always been

544
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 3: smart enough to understand that what me being committed to

545
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,959
Speaker 3: one woman will take me to greater heights in my

546
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 3: life in terms of being a great man of leadership, power, integrity,

547
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 3: even wealth. Right, I would need a woman by my

548
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 3: side when I've studied or when I look in the

549
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:25,160
Speaker 3: in the history of men, great men leaders in particular,

550
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 3: when you look at them next to their side, there's

551
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 3: always a woman. You look at Martin Luther King, you

552
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:33,120
Speaker 3: have Kretta. You look at Barack Obama, you have Michelle

553
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:34,120
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

554
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:35,680
Speaker 1: Anytime people will.

555
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 2: Push back through and say that Martin Luther King was

556
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,760
Speaker 2: a philanderer, though he wasn't necessarily like.

557
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 3: What I'm saying is though as a kid without even

558
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:48,119
Speaker 3: understanding that, because that information that I'm privy to as

559
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 3: an adult, right, But as a kid, you don't understand that.

560
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,720
Speaker 1: All you see is this is a great leader.

561
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,639
Speaker 3: Of men in the image that he's being portrayed in,

562
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 3: and next to him is his wife. So when I

563
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 3: look at that from a young age, because these are

564
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 3: when these thought performed, it's not like these thoughts are

565
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,360
Speaker 3: formed as a as an older point, like they're making

566
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 3: a lasting impression as a as a kid on your

567
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 3: subconscious mind without you, whether you know it or not.

568
00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 3: So when I've been able to look at those those

569
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 3: type of men in my life or that have make

570
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,640
Speaker 3: an impact in my life, I'm like, okay, I need

571
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 3: be a woman as well. And then also too the

572
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,760
Speaker 3: moments that I have had a woman, even before I

573
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 3: became a fiance and a husband, Like, for some reason,

574
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 3: I've always noticed I've been more productive when I have

575
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:29,879
Speaker 3: a woman.

576
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Oh okay.

577
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 3: I'm actually locked in on my job, you know what

578
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,400
Speaker 3: I mean. I'm actually getting things accomplished, I'm signing deals,

579
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 3: I'm making more money and so and to me, that

580
00:26:39,240 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 3: is that is a place that I always want to

581
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 3: be in.

582
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 1: I always want to be in a fruitful place of

583
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 1: growth and progression.

584
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,920
Speaker 3: And I believe that that could only happen by being

585
00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 3: committed to one woman. When you're not committed to one woman,

586
00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 3: let's just say you you live a life of polygamy, right,

587
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 3: I personally feel like you're a bit distracted. You may

588
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,479
Speaker 3: not say people who live those lifestyles may not come

589
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 3: on the front on the front lines and say that, right,

590
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:08,760
Speaker 3: because it's conducive to their lifestyle. But I personally believe

591
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,920
Speaker 3: that you're spread then by whether it be emotionally, physically,

592
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,960
Speaker 3: either way financially, you know what I mean.

593
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 1: You're spread, you know what I mean.

594
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,239
Speaker 3: And to me, I feel like I can make more

595
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,439
Speaker 3: of an impact in my life and those around me

596
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:21,360
Speaker 3: by being committed and.

597
00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,159
Speaker 1: Being in a monogamous relationship.

598
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:26,680
Speaker 2: Due and before we before we move on, polygamy is

599
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 2: illegal in America's it's not necessarily polygamy, it's monogamy or

600
00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:31,159
Speaker 2: non monogamy.

601
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,679
Speaker 1: So we're just going to correct that and not say polygamy.

602
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 2: No one here agrees with polygamy, but we're talking about

603
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:37,400
Speaker 2: being non monogamous.

604
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:41,640
Speaker 1: But Duke, what happened to you? My brother? Man? What happened?

605
00:27:43,560 --> 00:27:45,280
Speaker 1: That's actually that's actually a good way to put it.

606
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,080
Speaker 4: And the reason that's a good way to put it

607
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 4: is because I grew up in a culture where it

608
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 4: was very normal to not be to not be monogamous, right,

609
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 4: So I grew up with it. My uncles, my grandpa,

610
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 4: you know, my father to some degree, right, So I

611
00:28:00,359 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 4: grew up with it. So everything pointed me in the

612
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 4: direction of because I'm Nigerian, right, so they have different

613
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:10,760
Speaker 4: kind of just traditional values. You go there, you go,

614
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,159
Speaker 4: so regardless of people would agree with it or not.

615
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,640
Speaker 4: That's kind of like very normal. But to be honest, bro, man,

616
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:22,680
Speaker 4: I don't trust women. I don't trust women. M hmm,

617
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 4: I trust my women. I don't trust women.

618
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 1: That's fair.

619
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:29,280
Speaker 4: So I don't believe I could go mess with women

620
00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 4: and everybody stay hushed us don't believe it.

621
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,160
Speaker 1: That's an that's an honest ass answer. But I don't

622
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 1: do it right. And I'm saying it's layered, but I

623
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 1: could never. I could never. I'm saying.

624
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,360
Speaker 4: I'm saying it's there's more to it, but I could

625
00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 4: never put my trust in another woman to dibble and.

626
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 1: Dabble, hurt and everything.

627
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 2: Way, bro, you're absolutely right, because we don't we don't trust.

628
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 2: We don't trust all men. That's why we only have

629
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 2: specific friends. So it makes the same sense. If I

630
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:58,520
Speaker 2: don't trust all women, why would us go out here

631
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 2: and lay down with every woman? It actually makes sense,

632
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,400
Speaker 2: but go ahead, no way, so you know, and amongst

633
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,760
Speaker 2: other things, man, it's just like everything you said.

634
00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm going to.

635
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 4: Be the most successful with one woman because I don't

636
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:15,680
Speaker 4: have that type of capacity dealing with women is hard. Yes,

637
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 4: it's difficult. It takes a lot to deal with a

638
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 4: women and cultivate a strong, healthy relationship, all right. And

639
00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 4: there's no way I can say that I want this,

640
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 4: I want the best out of myself and my relationship

641
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 4: and still be playing around with other women.

642
00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 1: Okay.

643
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:33,800
Speaker 4: So for me, monogamy gives me structure, right, it gives

644
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 4: me a foundation of principles, and it allows me to

645
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 4: trust someone, right. I don't want to have to navigate

646
00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 4: different you know, relationships or situations or whatever the case

647
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,680
Speaker 4: may be, and be wondering can I trust this person?

648
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 1: You know?

649
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:50,400
Speaker 4: So for me, monogamy has always been I want to

650
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 4: say always been, but just through growing up, I realized

651
00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 4: it was the best path for me, right.

652
00:29:55,680 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: And I'm someone I'm a giver man. I love when

653
00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,680
Speaker 1: I love, I love hard. I feel right.

654
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 4: I can't even I can't even just think about giving

655
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 4: that up for everybody.

656
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:07,200
Speaker 1: I'm a nasty thing.

657
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,840
Speaker 2: The things I be wanting to do I can't do

658
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 2: to everybody, you know what I'm saying. So for me, yeah,

659
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:16,239
Speaker 2: it's also on the sex thing, like I do, I'm

660
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:19,600
Speaker 2: gonna sit down and just dive into any woman I meet,

661
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,480
Speaker 2: I want to have a conversation first, what was going

662
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 2: on with you? What's your credit score? Like?

663
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:25,800
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, how often have you

664
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 1: been to the doctor? Well, you know what I'm saying.

665
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 2: These are conversations that everybody don't want to have. So

666
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 2: for me, monogamy was also about that.

667
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I feel like this, man, I feel like

668
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 4: like I feel with everything in life, you are going

669
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 4: to get out what you put in. And if you

670
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 4: give your all to one person, I trust that my

671
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 4: decision to pick her, I trust that she's gonna give

672
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:47,880
Speaker 4: me everything back.

673
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:49,720
Speaker 1: Okay, And that's why.

674
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 4: And the other thing is is too I'm not afraid

675
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 4: to be hurt. Oh you're hurt by a woman. I'm

676
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 4: not afraid, bro, I'm not afraid. I'm confident that I

677
00:30:58,280 --> 00:30:59,400
Speaker 4: could be hurt and bounce back.

678
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 2: So you saying I'm gonna use discernment to pick the

679
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 2: right woman and if I get hurt, I'm strong enough

680
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 2: to say I can bounce back. I'm saying that a

681
00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 2: lot of people want monogamy but are afraid to be hurt,

682
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,800
Speaker 2: so they'll stay away from it. Because when you're dealing

683
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:16,000
Speaker 2: with someone else, there's no guarantee that this person is

684
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 2: gonna do you right, there's no guarantee. It's not a chance,

685
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 2: but it's no guarantee.

686
00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 1: You know why. I know that you're right about that,

687
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:22,800
Speaker 1: and I can't say you're right.

688
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 2: But there's a memo social media of the cat sleeping,

689
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:27,920
Speaker 2: and there's a lot of people saying, how I sleep

690
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 2: at night knowing that nobody's sucking me over.

691
00:31:29,880 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 1: A single exactly? That literally is what you just said.

692
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 1: It's a fear. Yeah, it's a fear.

693
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 2: So you believe fear of people keeping people from monogamy

694
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 2: because they don't want to be hurt.

695
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:40,959
Speaker 4: I believe that people know they can get hurt, but

696
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 4: they don't. They feel like if they get hurt, they

697
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 4: can't recover. And I'm saying that when you confident you

698
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 4: can recover, you're okay with taking the risk of monogamy.

699
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:50,960
Speaker 1: I never thought about that. Did y'all ever think about that?

700
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 2: Like the possibility of getting hurt and no one can

701
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:55,800
Speaker 2: I recover if I put everything into this woman.

702
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 1: When I was younger.

703
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be honest with you, and I don't want

704
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 3: to disrespect the men that are in mind, that were

705
00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:03,960
Speaker 3: in my life have been in my life, monogamy was

706
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 3: Anything outside of monogamy was never an option for me.

707
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 3: My dad was monogamous, My brothers are monogamous. The men,

708
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 3: the good men that were around me were monogamous. So

709
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 3: like us sitting up here isn't a shock to me.

710
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:19,360
Speaker 1: It's not anomally.

711
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 3: I see a lot of people they're like, man, I'm

712
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:24,280
Speaker 3: gonna be the first person in my lineage, in my

713
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:29,480
Speaker 3: generation to be monogamous, and like, that's not my story.

714
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:33,320
Speaker 3: My my parents fully expected me to be monogamous. My

715
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,600
Speaker 3: brothers fully expected me to be monogamous, so anything outside

716
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 3: of that would be the anomaly of the family. So like,

717
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 3: being around even being around men that are not monogamous

718
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 3: is like, it's shocking to me.

719
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 1: And how long you've been what's your three years? Three years?

720
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 2: Was there ever a point in your life where you

721
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 2: were trying to be monogamous and felt like this ain't

722
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 2: for me with her, with anybody, oh yeah, before her,

723
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 2: before her, Like, I don't even think you should even

724
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 2: be considering the word monogamous for real until you talking

725
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 2: about getting married.

726
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair. Dating doesn't require monogamy to be honest,

727
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 1: to be honest, you got to work on it.

728
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 3: Yes, but I wasn't in the space of wanting to

729
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 3: get married in space, so it's like, yeah, I'm dating,

730
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 3: but I'm not trying to get married. That wasn't That

731
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:23,320
Speaker 3: wasn't a thing like, yeah, were moving around, you know

732
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,680
Speaker 3: what I'm saying, And so we would have fun now

733
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 3: moving with intention And one thing that was very difficult

734
00:33:29,360 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 3: is me and my fiance. She's an incredible woman. We

735
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,280
Speaker 3: did long distance for the first year of our relationship,

736
00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 3: so I knew for that to work for me, we

737
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 3: had to be crazy intentional with our relationship. So when

738
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 3: we first got together, I vowed to her that we'll

739
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 3: see each other twice a month. She lived in Austin,

740
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,480
Speaker 3: I lived in la We had to see each other

741
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 3: twice an I remember, oh, and Duke, you used to

742
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 3: be like, bro, where are you going?

743
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 1: Yep? Every time was getting on flights. You're going to

744
00:33:58,840 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 1: text you so much.

745
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 3: B I gotta go see my girl because it's it's

746
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 3: like if I don't or and this is just for

747
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,439
Speaker 3: people who have long distance relationships. If you don't have

748
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 3: a schedule on when you're gonna see your partner, you're

749
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:16,200
Speaker 3: leaving too much space for yourself to get in trouble,

750
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:18,240
Speaker 3: for her to get in trouble. When an argument happens,

751
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:19,880
Speaker 3: you don't know when you're gonna see her again. So

752
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 3: now it's just like I'm finna go out and do

753
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,920
Speaker 3: this now if I know, he Yo, this week I

754
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:28,240
Speaker 3: seen her, I'm gonna see her again in two weeks.

755
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 3: So anything that I do within that two weeks, that's

756
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,400
Speaker 3: on me. But if it's like this week I seen her,

757
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 3: I don't know when I'm gonna see her again. You

758
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:38,360
Speaker 3: got too much space to go and make mistakes.

759
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,279
Speaker 2: You got too much idle time and not understand what's

760
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 2: going on with you. And you know what we say

761
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,720
Speaker 2: about idle time. Yeah, zevil find time for idle hands.

762
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 2: We don't know that, and we don't know that.

763
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:49,880
Speaker 3: So it's like I knew what the flight schedule was.

764
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:51,919
Speaker 3: I used to send her a flight schedule every single month,

765
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 3: so I was I was very intentional with being monogamous.

766
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:58,399
Speaker 3: I don't think monogamy is something that happens on accident either,

767
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 3: Like I'm I'm not that good of a person bro.

768
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:06,319
Speaker 1: To say I'm just monogamous because I'm in.

769
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 3: A relationship, right, Like, no, I have to, like I

770
00:35:08,719 --> 00:35:10,760
Speaker 3: told you, I'm selfish. I have to be like, Okay,

771
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 3: how is this gonna benefit Julyn? How is this gonna

772
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:15,719
Speaker 3: benefit Jelyn? What does that look like for Jilan? And

773
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 3: then I have to put all those together and I

774
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 3: have to put it into action, and I have to

775
00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,000
Speaker 3: stay disciplined on the things that I said I'm gonna

776
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,960
Speaker 3: put into action. Like me, if something look like I'm

777
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 3: gonna not be monogamous, yeah, I'm not gonna resist. I'm

778
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 3: just gonna flee, like I get out of there, bro,

779
00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 3: I'll be So you.

780
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 2: Never played that game like I'm gonna just I'm playing

781
00:35:32,120 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 2: with shorty now we.

782
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 3: Be We talk about it all the time. I'm I'm

783
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 3: I don't you never Jean, Oh No, I don't trust

784
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 3: me enough.

785
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 2: You never played with any chicks before you decided you

786
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,200
Speaker 2: was gonna get engaged, like I'm gonna just play around

787
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 2: because I don't really want to be monogamous with my

788
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 2: fiance now.

789
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 1: No no, no, I.

790
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 2: Said like before your like before when you were dating,

791
00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 2: because remember when hundred percent okay, because when Duke said

792
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 2: dating should be about monogamy, you was just like, I

793
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,560
Speaker 2: don't think it necessarily that's a great conversation because when

794
00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,759
Speaker 2: women date, women are dating with the expertation and I

795
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 2: can't old women that we're going to be monogamous. But

796
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 2: I've also learned that men are not always dating with

797
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:07,600
Speaker 2: that because I don't date men, so I don't know

798
00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 2: how men thought process be, you know, when dating.

799
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 3: But I'm gonna be honest though, like in the space

800
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 3: of dating, like if we're not moving in that way,

801
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:19,839
Speaker 3: you know that there's there's now am I coming back

802
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:21,840
Speaker 3: and I'm going to tell you everything that's happening along

803
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,160
Speaker 3: the way. No, because I don't think you earn that

804
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 3: space either, So I'm not gonna sit here and I'm

805
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 3: not gonna lie to you. Matter of fact, if we're

806
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 3: just dating and you see me out, you got to

807
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 3: respect that too, because we're just dating, and that's a

808
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,040
Speaker 3: conversation you have and beginning to dating. But there's also

809
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 3: there's also level. There's never you don't have a conversation,

810
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 3: but there's levels to dating. Right when you first started dating,

811
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 3: somewhere you're casually dating them.

812
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,720
Speaker 2: And I'm be honest, I'm asking these questions because remember

813
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 2: I met my wife when I was eighteen. I've never

814
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 2: dated as a grown adult.

815
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:56,279
Speaker 3: Let me tell you, bro, So let me tell you

816
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,840
Speaker 3: when you first started dating a woman, it's casual, you

817
00:36:58,880 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 3: know what I mean.

818
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 1: It's it's very light, it's over the surface.

819
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 3: And casual also means that I could be courting another

820
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 3: woman at the same time. Right in order for for

821
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:09,480
Speaker 3: the woman to take it to the level of yo,

822
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:10,520
Speaker 3: this situation has.

823
00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 1: Now become monogamous.

824
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 3: We had to have the conversation of yo, you and

825
00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:16,319
Speaker 3: I are now exclusively dating each other.

826
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:18,600
Speaker 1: Once we're exclusively dating one.

827
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:22,800
Speaker 3: Another, now now we're now monogamy is introduced into the fold.

828
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,799
Speaker 3: Right until then, we can't even have that conversation because

829
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 3: it's not fair.

830
00:37:26,920 --> 00:37:30,319
Speaker 1: And and even if you're not, I'm under the assumption that.

831
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 3: You're you're you're dating other people too, because we haven't

832
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 3: had the conversation that said, hey, we're both locked into

833
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:36,959
Speaker 3: one another, let's take the next step.

834
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 1: So does that conversation come before sex?

835
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 3: I under that probably not, probably not, And a lot

836
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,880
Speaker 3: of my situations, know a lot, I'll be honest with it.

837
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:47,240
Speaker 1: But but but, but if you're.

838
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 3: Trying to be proper about your situation, if you game tight,

839
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:51,920
Speaker 3: like if you someone who's young and you listen to

840
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 3: this conversation, then yeah.

841
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:54,720
Speaker 1: You will. You would approach that conversation.

842
00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 3: You would prost the situation differently and have the conversation beforehand,

843
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,319
Speaker 3: because for one, it's way more player. You give her

844
00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 3: the option to make a choice, right, Which is that's

845
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 3: all you That's that's like in terms of being a man, like,

846
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,719
Speaker 3: we gotta be fair and we be like we could

847
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:10,960
Speaker 3: be fair by giving women.

848
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 2: Choicest me, let me cut you off just to ask

849
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,479
Speaker 2: a question, because this is actually fascinating to me because

850
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 2: I've never dated in my twenties and I got four boys,

851
00:38:18,920 --> 00:38:20,879
Speaker 2: so I know they're gonna come to me because they're

852
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:22,840
Speaker 2: not all going to meet their girl at eighteen. No,

853
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,799
Speaker 2: I can't say, like, you know, go to college, first

854
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 2: year of college, meet your mother. You know what I'm saying,

855
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,719
Speaker 2: Like you can't. So for me, it's interesting because you

856
00:38:29,840 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 2: said it's way more player. And this is what I

857
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:33,880
Speaker 2: believe because and this is just me being maybe I

858
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 2: live in a utopia.

859
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 1: I believe that.

860
00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 2: When you meet a young lady, if you don't want

861
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:41,320
Speaker 2: to be monogamous, it's like yo, we dating, we smashing

862
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 2: or were trying to be And when I say that

863
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,319
Speaker 2: women be like, I would love if a man said that,

864
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,120
Speaker 2: But then when I hear dudes say that, they be like,

865
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:50,799
Speaker 2: you can't say that to no woman.

866
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 3: Because he's never said it before. The only man who

867
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:54,719
Speaker 3: are saying that are the men who haven't said it.

868
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:56,319
Speaker 3: They don't have the courage to say it. They think

869
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 3: if I say it, I'm gonna lose this woman. Listen,

870
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,080
Speaker 3: you got if you're gonna be living a lifestyle, you

871
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 3: got to operate with that risk. Hey, I can say

872
00:39:03,160 --> 00:39:05,439
Speaker 3: this and she could possibly walk away. That's the game

873
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 3: I'm playing. That's the way more players.

874
00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:09,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say this as well.

875
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:14,719
Speaker 4: Right, because we all lived a unique experience, absolutely, right,

876
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 4: So our confidence was a little different, Our access was

877
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:21,800
Speaker 4: a little different, especially living especially living in LA. All guys,

878
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 4: most guys don't have the same access or environment that

879
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 4: we have, right, So.

880
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 2: Explain that to them so they understand because you definitely,

881
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:31,480
Speaker 2: we definitely live unique experience.

882
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 4: Explain so because we played in the NFL, we knew

883
00:39:35,080 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 4: we were an anomaly. So it wasn't NFL because we

884
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 4: left because we're in this space, right, this industry, whatever

885
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 4: the case may be, right, whether you're in the NFL,

886
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 4: if you're in an industry and you could touch these people. Right,

887
00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:49,759
Speaker 4: especially living in LA we see celebrities all the time,

888
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 4: so like we're all like, we could live without you.

889
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 1: Right.

890
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 4: There's a plethora of women around this place, beautiful women

891
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:00,560
Speaker 4: around this place. So if you I want to fuck

892
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,879
Speaker 4: with me, somebody else will. I'm handsome enough, I'm intelligent enough,

893
00:40:04,840 --> 00:40:07,120
Speaker 4: going on, right, people know me, people know me. I

894
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:10,439
Speaker 4: got respect in my city. It doesn't matter, right, every man,

895
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 4: most men don't have that same type of luxury. That's

896
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 4: one okay, that's less than one in the NFL, but

897
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 4: just even just even something to give them that type

898
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 4: of confidence.

899
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 1: Okay.

900
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:25,440
Speaker 4: So the other thing is this, we can speak now

901
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:29,800
Speaker 4: right now because thirty five, we're super articulate, absolutely, so

902
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:34,080
Speaker 4: we know what our young person, our young self just

903
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 4: say to navigate that situation. But eighteen year old you

904
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 4: may not have that experience with women to navigate her feelings, right,

905
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:42,879
Speaker 4: You may not know how to communicate. Yo, I'm dealing

906
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,879
Speaker 4: with another chick on the side, just so you know, right,

907
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:47,239
Speaker 4: so you will just try to keep it in your

908
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 4: pocket and just try to assume. Now, going back to

909
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,440
Speaker 4: the point of us having that confidence, we were also

910
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 4: confident enough to know that, yo, I'm dealing with a

911
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 4: bad one.

912
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 1: I'm sure she's talking to other other people.

913
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,839
Speaker 4: Rue, So we never so even if I saw you

914
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:05,080
Speaker 4: doing your thing, I was good. So what happens is

915
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 4: a lot of guys they'll be like, yo, I want

916
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 4: to mess with other girls, but I don't want you

917
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,239
Speaker 4: messing with no other guys. Yeah, all right, and that's

918
00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 4: a problem. So for us, it was just like, hey, listen,

919
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,759
Speaker 4: the girls I'm dealing with. It's already assumed that I

920
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,080
Speaker 4: know guys talking to you. Yeah, so no, you know

921
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 4: women are talking to me, right, So monogamy isn't even

922
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 4: a conversation you had. And is it before sex though?

923
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: No, no, I'm telling you when you're young, it's not

924
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:30,880
Speaker 1: none of that. None of that is happening. It's just

925
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:31,319
Speaker 1: as soon.

926
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:35,880
Speaker 4: And then also at least nah, since I since I

927
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 4: was in college to you know, the last couple of

928
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 4: years in the NFL, like all this interaction was out

929
00:41:40,600 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 4: in the public, were in the hottest places, so there

930
00:41:44,239 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 4: was no hiding this interaction.

931
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: Oh, I see what you're saying. You knew when I

932
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:49,360
Speaker 1: was hiding at a girl, you found out.

933
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:52,440
Speaker 2: You knew social media that people take pictures video like

934
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 2: I mean, not even find out you see who I am?

935
00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:59,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, you see the way I'm moving so and saying

936
00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,439
Speaker 4: that like it. I didn't have to explain this matter

937
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 4: of fact. I know that you saw me. You saw me,

938
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 4: and I kept it tom and you didn't say nothing

939
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,640
Speaker 4: to me because you're like, I'm playing my part and

940
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 4: that was just the order of things. And women will say, yo,

941
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 4: I want you to tell me. I want you to

942
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:16,800
Speaker 4: tell me. Sometimes sometimes that's the space you got to

943
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:17,560
Speaker 4: create too.

944
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:22,400
Speaker 3: Like, for example, if you are kicking it with a

945
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 3: woman and you know you're not being serious, you haven't

946
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:27,080
Speaker 3: open enough conversation with her where she's telling you about

947
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 3: her experiences, you're telling her about your experiences, and you

948
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 3: guys both have an idea exactly who each other is.

949
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 3: It's not like, Yo, I really want you to be

950
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 3: my girl, and you're trying to You're trying to collherseer

951
00:42:38,800 --> 00:42:42,359
Speaker 3: into doing things. That's not how, that's not how, that's

952
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:45,360
Speaker 3: not how moving player looks. It's like, Yo, you have

953
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 3: the option to come and mess with me if you

954
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:51,319
Speaker 3: want to, so let me good. Yes, I'm good. In

955
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 3: your son's case. All right, they're growing up in a

956
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:59,360
Speaker 3: different era. Yeah, all right, people today more solations than

957
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,800
Speaker 3: everyone absolutely, So you got it. You're gonna have to

958
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 3: communicate early on just to protect yourself, right, so you're

959
00:43:05,239 --> 00:43:06,719
Speaker 3: not gonna have the same type of luxury that we

960
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 3: had to not know, you're gonna need early on. A Yo, listen,

961
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,880
Speaker 3: what's the situation, and here's what I'm doing, here's how

962
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,319
Speaker 3: I'm moving. I'm expecting you to be honest because people

963
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 3: are getting more intelligent, people are becoming more articulate, outspoken.

964
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 3: You got access to different types of social media, so

965
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 3: it's going to be different than when we were coming up. Right,

966
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,320
Speaker 3: So by the time he's eighteen, don't let him play football.

967
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,520
Speaker 3: If he's playing football too, Yeah, he's gonna things are

968
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:31,880
Speaker 3: going to be a little different. So he's going to

969
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 3: have to have those conversations. So this is actually interesting.

970
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:37,280
Speaker 3: This is actually pivoting me because now.

971
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 2: I'm realizing how like naive I am to the dating

972
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 2: process because I didn't go through the dating process in

973
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:45,880
Speaker 2: my twenties. We're speaking about monogamy. How much do you

974
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 2: expect monogamy from a woman? And I asked this question

975
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:53,040
Speaker 2: because one of my partners who's he's not an athlete,

976
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:55,440
Speaker 2: but he's in the entertainment industry, make good money.

977
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 1: Everybody knows him.

978
00:43:57,000 --> 00:44:00,920
Speaker 2: He started dating this young lady, she went out with someone.

979
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:03,319
Speaker 1: Else who's on social media, and he lost it.

980
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 2: He said to me, like, Yo, this is messed up,

981
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:07,719
Speaker 2: Like she should have told me da da da da da.

982
00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:10,439
Speaker 2: And I was just like, well, you're dating other people though, dude.

983
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:13,239
Speaker 2: He was just like, yeah, but it's different because if

984
00:44:13,280 --> 00:44:16,319
Speaker 2: she expects a man of my caliber to choose her,

985
00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:20,480
Speaker 2: then she should move a certain way. How hard is

986
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,920
Speaker 2: it to be in the NFL on your own business,

987
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 2: mid twenties, young attractive black man, You got options? How

988
00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:31,720
Speaker 2: hard is it to settle down and say, I trust

989
00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 2: this woman who knows all of these.

990
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: Things about me?

991
00:44:34,320 --> 00:44:36,440
Speaker 2: Because that's an issue I get from a lot of

992
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 2: young men that I mentor who are in the NCAA

993
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 2: football basketball they're going to project it to be high

994
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:45,439
Speaker 2: draft picks, or they're in the entertainment industry, they're on shows.

995
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 2: And they always asked me, yo, you met your girl

996
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:49,239
Speaker 2: when I was eighteen. You lucky because you ain't have

997
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:51,839
Speaker 2: nothing then, so you didn't have to worry about her

998
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:56,280
Speaker 2: taking stuff said, what do I tell my sons about

999
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,319
Speaker 2: because they're going to grow up in the spotlight that

1000
00:44:58,320 --> 00:44:59,919
Speaker 2: they're going to grow up, They're going to have things

1001
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 2: and people want to know who they are. How do

1002
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:04,919
Speaker 2: I tell them how to weed out those women who

1003
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:06,960
Speaker 2: are going to know because y'all have been through that.

1004
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,120
Speaker 2: I've never been through that. I've been with Case. I

1005
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 2: was eighteen and you met you you're thirty five. So

1006
00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 2: you met your wife when you were thirty two? Right

1007
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:15,520
Speaker 2: when did you meet your wife?

1008
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 1: On mom? Who?

1009
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 3: I was twenty seven, twenty eight, so you had already

1010
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 3: been in the league.

1011
00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:21,640
Speaker 1: And I was. I was out.

1012
00:45:22,080 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 3: So, like I would say, like being young, black successful

1013
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 3: making money, it's really hard.

1014
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 1: It's hard.

1015
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:32,399
Speaker 3: It's hard, bro, especially because we don't grow up with

1016
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 3: like an abundance of a good examples, you know what

1017
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:38,319
Speaker 3: I mean? Like we're more times than than not, we

1018
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:41,520
Speaker 3: have terrible examples that are leading us down a path

1019
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 3: of destruction, whether it be in music, television, or music.

1020
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:48,120
Speaker 3: I don't want to cut you off, but to that

1021
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 3: point you asking about your son specifically right now, society

1022
00:45:54,080 --> 00:45:56,960
Speaker 3: can't be their perception of reality. Their reality has to

1023
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:00,080
Speaker 3: be what they can understand. So you guys, you and

1024
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:05,719
Speaker 3: Kadeen are sitting an incredible example. So I used to

1025
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:07,640
Speaker 3: think my mom was nuts when she'd was like, You're

1026
00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:08,600
Speaker 3: gonna mary somebody.

1027
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:09,880
Speaker 1: Just like me? And I'm like, no, I'm not. I

1028
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,799
Speaker 1: know I'm married d and I'm.

1029
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 2: Gonna marry somebody that's just like my mom, and you

1030
00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:18,719
Speaker 2: could only it's just like, it's just like, how did you.

1031
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:19,279
Speaker 1: Find her though?

1032
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 2: In this this world where it is a lot of

1033
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 2: salacious people out there and people be looking to come up.

1034
00:46:24,520 --> 00:46:27,319
Speaker 1: When I've seen her, I knew. And here's why.

1035
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:28,840
Speaker 3: I don't mean to cut you off though, but like

1036
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,200
Speaker 3: when you older, you have better discernment, you know what

1037
00:46:31,239 --> 00:46:33,840
Speaker 3: I mean. You see the world from a different perspective,

1038
00:46:33,880 --> 00:46:36,719
Speaker 3: You have different experiences. So if I was you, I

1039
00:46:36,719 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 3: would encourage my sons, if I was in your situation,

1040
00:46:39,360 --> 00:46:42,480
Speaker 3: to wait, to wait, like now have fun, right, and

1041
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 3: you teach them how to have fun safely. Of course,

1042
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:46,680
Speaker 3: I know you, I know you do, you know what

1043
00:46:46,719 --> 00:46:49,200
Speaker 3: I mean. But that's the thirteen we started having them conversations.

1044
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:51,239
Speaker 3: And that's important, And that's important because that's the first

1045
00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:54,399
Speaker 3: step because one mistake could ruin this whole whole game plan.

1046
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 3: But if they can stay on the right path in

1047
00:46:57,120 --> 00:46:59,800
Speaker 3: that regard right, they'll gain more discernment as a a

1048
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 3: and it'll be a lot easier for them to choose

1049
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:04,320
Speaker 3: the woman that's right for them, and it'll actually speak

1050
00:47:04,320 --> 00:47:06,360
Speaker 3: to their spirit. They'll be a lot more aware of

1051
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 3: their spirit. When you're young, you can't hear you knew

1052
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 3: when you see your wife? Did I know when I

1053
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 3: seen my all? You said you knew when you've seen her?

1054
00:47:13,560 --> 00:47:14,880
Speaker 1: I knew. I knew when I seen her.

1055
00:47:14,920 --> 00:47:17,400
Speaker 3: I met her five years before we got together, and

1056
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 3: I was like, as soon as she gave me a chance,

1057
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 3: I'm taking every problem that come with her.

1058
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:26,880
Speaker 1: So you did you know what I didn't know? Here,

1059
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:27,879
Speaker 1: I'll tell you when I knew.

1060
00:47:27,920 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 3: I told you I met Candice when I was I

1061
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 3: had just won a super Bowl, right, but shiit six

1062
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,680
Speaker 3: months later I got released, Okay, so I lose my job.

1063
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:40,960
Speaker 3: This is probably as as an athlete. I've never been

1064
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 3: cut from anything. This is my first time experiencing this.

1065
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,919
Speaker 3: But see as the earlier you experienced it, the better

1066
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:52,480
Speaker 3: you are to rebound from it. Absolutely, it happened so

1067
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 3: later in my life that it was hard for me

1068
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 3: to rebound like it was.

1069
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 1: I just struggled with it, you know what I mean.

1070
00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,400
Speaker 3: And she ended up showing up for me in a

1071
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:03,000
Speaker 3: time where man, I wasn't really showing up for myself.

1072
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:05,759
Speaker 3: And so in that moment, even though we didn't lock

1073
00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:07,839
Speaker 3: it in in that very moment, because I was still

1074
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:09,480
Speaker 3: on the journey, you know what I mean, I was,

1075
00:48:09,520 --> 00:48:10,440
Speaker 3: I was moving around.

1076
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,760
Speaker 1: I knew, I knew she was the one.

1077
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:14,799
Speaker 3: I was like, yo, if I get back from this,

1078
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 3: because I was leaving LA moving to New York, and

1079
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:19,640
Speaker 3: I knew I was gonna eventually make my way back

1080
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 3: to Los Angeles, And I told myself, Yo, if I

1081
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,120
Speaker 3: make my way back and she's still available, there's no

1082
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:26,759
Speaker 3: way I'm going on at that full fledged you know

1083
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 3: what I mean. And we've been literally locked in ever since.

1084
00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:32,160
Speaker 3: So it was a moment in my life that made

1085
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:34,759
Speaker 3: me realize this is the one.

1086
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 4: Happened gradually. There was no like moment. How long did

1087
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 4: y'all date before we dated?

1088
00:48:41,680 --> 00:48:41,759
Speaker 2: For?

1089
00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:42,319
Speaker 1: We dated?

1090
00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:46,440
Speaker 4: Oh, before I proposed, Yeah, shit, I proposed between twenty three,

1091
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,279
Speaker 4: so four years, for like four or five years, but.

1092
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:51,360
Speaker 1: Thirty one we all met.

1093
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:51,879
Speaker 3: Nah.

1094
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:55,160
Speaker 4: When we met, I was twenty twenty eight, twenty eight, Right,

1095
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:57,960
Speaker 4: So we I met, we dated for like eight months,

1096
00:48:58,000 --> 00:48:59,320
Speaker 4: stopped talking for like eight months.

1097
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, right, kind of get it right, we can

1098
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:02,400
Speaker 1: do it.

1099
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:03,600
Speaker 4: And then when we can do it, that was kind

1100
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:05,279
Speaker 4: of the first time that we really That's how we

1101
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 4: count when we started, because then we became serious. We

1102
00:49:08,160 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 4: were just we were just dating. It's just kind of like, yo,

1103
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:11,840
Speaker 4: I was in New York. I ain't know nobody she

1104
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,440
Speaker 4: was out there. I feel it was just it was

1105
00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:14,920
Speaker 4: what it was.

1106
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 2: Did the break tell you like when you was on

1107
00:49:16,840 --> 00:49:18,719
Speaker 2: that break, was you like that that might have been

1108
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:19,000
Speaker 2: the one?

1109
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 1: Honestly? No? No, nah nah man? When what was.

1110
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 4: I think when she came back into my life and

1111
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,160
Speaker 4: I realized, oh, I still feel the same way about her,

1112
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,439
Speaker 4: and we just picked the right when we left off.

1113
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:35,759
Speaker 4: And this is so I'm in La too, So like

1114
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 4: all my work is out here, yeah right, not your job.

1115
00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 1: We're not doing work. We're not talking about employments.

1116
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:46,640
Speaker 4: All my work is out here. And she just came

1117
00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 4: and inserted herself right back into my life. I didn't

1118
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:51,719
Speaker 4: nothing happened, and I just dropped everybody. I dropped everybody

1119
00:49:51,760 --> 00:49:53,759
Speaker 4: dog and I was just like, oh wow, and at

1120
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 4: that moment, were you trying to be monogamous?

1121
00:49:55,680 --> 00:49:56,560
Speaker 1: For sure? For sure?

1122
00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 4: Because I realized when she came back to my life

1123
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 4: the way we picked up, I was like, this is

1124
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:04,560
Speaker 4: not normal, you know, and sometimes God give you a

1125
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:06,960
Speaker 4: song you just got to listen is not normal. And

1126
00:50:07,000 --> 00:50:11,160
Speaker 4: we just picked up conversation, chemistry, intimacy, all those things.

1127
00:50:11,600 --> 00:50:12,879
Speaker 1: And then the other thing is.

1128
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,759
Speaker 4: This right because she came back in my life, right,

1129
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:18,320
Speaker 4: we addressed certain things that went on before we stopped

1130
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:20,520
Speaker 4: talking right away. I was like, Yo, let's just be

1131
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 4: a little bit more transparent and vulnerable. Hey, here's what,

1132
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,400
Speaker 4: here's why I think you did wrong. And she was

1133
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:27,399
Speaker 4: just like, you know what, Like I couldn't handle that better.

1134
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:29,839
Speaker 4: That's really important. So there was a reason why y'all

1135
00:50:29,840 --> 00:50:32,600
Speaker 4: broke up. Well, she was really afraid that I was

1136
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 4: going to like come back to La and just like

1137
00:50:34,239 --> 00:50:36,120
Speaker 4: forget about her, So she tried to kind of self

1138
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:37,200
Speaker 4: sabotage a relationship.

1139
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:39,840
Speaker 1: It's a long copy. I get it. I understand that.

1140
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:42,399
Speaker 4: But you know, like we had when she came back

1141
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 4: to my life, we just had a different type of

1142
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:48,239
Speaker 4: communication that allowed us to actually go deeper, right, And

1143
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:49,840
Speaker 4: then I realized, Okay, I'm going to play some of

1144
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 4: my life.

1145
00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 1: And then timing is important. Time isn't important, you know

1146
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:53,279
Speaker 1: what I mean.

1147
00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:55,319
Speaker 4: Like I was out of the league, and I was

1148
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:58,040
Speaker 4: just like, okay, this is is to have a girl

1149
00:50:58,080 --> 00:50:59,320
Speaker 4: in the league is not conducive.

1150
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:02,720
Speaker 1: It's not gonna do. It's just too hard. It's hard,

1151
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 1: hard traveling.

1152
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:08,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, the lifestyle, it's just hard. So timing was important,

1153
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 4: you know. So we said hard for I was like,

1154
00:51:15,600 --> 00:51:19,680
Speaker 4: my gentleman, but yeah, so so so time was important man.

1155
00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 4: And then just from there we just continue to build.

1156
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 4: And then we were doing a long distance thing like Jalan.

1157
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:26,360
Speaker 4: I was going back and forth, spend a lot of money.

1158
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 4: She was coming here. She was missing work to come

1159
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:30,280
Speaker 4: see me, and I was just like, yo, like yeah,

1160
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:31,240
Speaker 4: let's make it happen.

1161
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:33,280
Speaker 1: And she wanted to come to l A anyway. Yeah,

1162
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:34,359
Speaker 1: and she made it. She came.

1163
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 2: Bro.

1164
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,359
Speaker 4: Well, you had said something about I want to say

1165
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 4: something about your son. Bro, I think your son is

1166
00:51:40,719 --> 00:51:42,040
Speaker 4: going to be here. Your son is going to grow

1167
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:46,160
Speaker 4: up in a fantastic position. Right, you have influence, authority, power,

1168
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 4: all these things, Okay, and it is going to be

1169
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:51,560
Speaker 4: hard for him. But something that I didn't have for

1170
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 4: my dad. Right, he didn't give me any type of

1171
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,120
Speaker 4: just eight principles that you should look for in a woman,

1172
00:51:57,600 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 4: all right, And what I think. I think you guys

1173
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:01,719
Speaker 4: have a great relationship. So you should just start instilling

1174
00:52:01,760 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 4: principles to look for in a woman, even though it's

1175
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 4: gonna be hard. So it's like, all right, look, what

1176
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:07,840
Speaker 4: are your values? You know what I'm saying.

1177
00:52:08,040 --> 00:52:10,280
Speaker 1: You as a man, what are your values? Okay? Cool?

1178
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:13,719
Speaker 4: One of my values is family, absolutely, So now I

1179
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:16,600
Speaker 4: got to look for a woman who's into family, right,

1180
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 4: what are your family?

1181
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:17,680
Speaker 1: Like?

1182
00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 4: Asking those questions? He got to ask those questions. You

1183
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 4: gotta facilitate those questions.

1184
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:21,919
Speaker 1: Right.

1185
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:26,319
Speaker 4: I'm looking for a woman who is not all about herself, right,

1186
00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:27,400
Speaker 4: someone who's carrying.

1187
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 1: How do I figure that out? Okay? Cool? Well, a

1188
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:32,400
Speaker 1: way to figure out that is, yo, does does she pay? Sometimes?

1189
00:52:33,239 --> 00:52:33,359
Speaker 2: Right?

1190
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:36,120
Speaker 4: She willing to pay sometimes. These are small signs that

1191
00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:38,160
Speaker 4: are going to show up in good women. Now, a

1192
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:38,799
Speaker 4: good woman is.

1193
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:40,359
Speaker 1: Not you know, that's gonna be a viral clip. Right.

1194
00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Duke says his girl. You know that's what

1195
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 1: they're going to do. That's not what Duke said but

1196
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 1: I understand where you're coming from.

1197
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,239
Speaker 4: Though a good woman is not mistake free, though she's

1198
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:51,280
Speaker 4: gonna still have mistakes.

1199
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:53,560
Speaker 1: Absolutely what I'm saying. But there's certain things you could

1200
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:54,239
Speaker 1: look for and look.

1201
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 4: If you're a god fearing religious person, then it's just like, hey, listen,

1202
00:52:58,000 --> 00:52:59,879
Speaker 4: do you go to church, do you pray?

1203
00:53:00,239 --> 00:53:00,839
Speaker 1: Right?

1204
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:02,600
Speaker 4: And like, you know, they talk about talk a lot

1205
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:06,240
Speaker 4: about women having checklist mm hmm, you gotta have a checklist.

1206
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:08,200
Speaker 1: I had a checklist. You gotta have a checklist.

1207
00:53:08,920 --> 00:53:11,920
Speaker 3: Everybody got a check I had a check Everybody had

1208
00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 3: to check, whether they know it or not.

1209
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,719
Speaker 1: You have a check checklist. You know through data, you

1210
00:53:15,719 --> 00:53:18,680
Speaker 1: have a checklist, right, I had a super checklist. I'll

1211
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:25,000
Speaker 1: get on your checklist, bad ass. Yeah, I know me,

1212
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:31,240
Speaker 1: and I love that. I was deliberate.

1213
00:53:32,840 --> 00:53:35,400
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be honest. I was deliberate about and this

1214
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:37,360
Speaker 2: is probably gonna get attack too. I was delibered about

1215
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:41,280
Speaker 2: the dating a woman with a father. And the reason

1216
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:44,759
Speaker 2: why is because when I first went to Kadeen's house,

1217
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:50,200
Speaker 2: her grandmother said, come here, sweetheart, come sit down. I

1218
00:53:50,239 --> 00:53:53,760
Speaker 2: sat down at that table and her grandmother made Kadeen

1219
00:53:53,880 --> 00:53:57,320
Speaker 2: go get a ceramic plate, with an actual iron fork

1220
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:01,239
Speaker 2: to make my plate. And what that said to me was,

1221
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 2: this young lady has been taught by the women in

1222
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:07,759
Speaker 2: her life how to treat a man, the same way

1223
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:10,040
Speaker 2: my mom and my dad made sure I knew how

1224
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,040
Speaker 2: to treat a woman. So the biggest thing on my

1225
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 2: list was to make sure I find someone who had

1226
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 2: a good, strong family unit, because prior to that, I

1227
00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 2: had dated a couple of women whose father's weren't in

1228
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 2: their life, and sometimes the way they spoke to me,

1229
00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:23,920
Speaker 2: it was almost like, you either want me to slap

1230
00:54:23,960 --> 00:54:25,440
Speaker 2: the shit out of you or you want me to

1231
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 2: cheat on you, because you're talking to me like I'm

1232
00:54:27,840 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 2: beneath you and if the only way I can show

1233
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,440
Speaker 2: you love is through disrespect, because that's all you know,

1234
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:35,640
Speaker 2: I don't want to you know what I'm saying. So

1235
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:37,319
Speaker 2: after that is when I was like, I gotta find

1236
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:39,400
Speaker 2: that was the number one, that I gotta find a

1237
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:43,160
Speaker 2: young woman who has a father, and then it was fat.

1238
00:54:42,880 --> 00:54:52,279
Speaker 3: Ass So the same order though the family part was

1239
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:55,440
Speaker 3: extremely important to me, and it was important to me

1240
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:59,000
Speaker 3: because I actually need somebody that loves theyself or I'll

1241
00:54:59,000 --> 00:54:59,759
Speaker 3: take advantage of.

1242
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:01,520
Speaker 1: You and you can't get that.

1243
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:03,919
Speaker 3: If people haven't been telling you who you are your

1244
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 3: entire life.

1245
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:05,200
Speaker 1: That was deep.

1246
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 2: Take it back on one time. You knew that if

1247
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 2: they didn't love themselves, you would take it.

1248
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:14,400
Speaker 3: I'll take advantage of their lack of self love. So

1249
00:55:14,719 --> 00:55:17,560
Speaker 3: that's deep. It's super deep. I told you I'm not

1250
00:55:17,640 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 3: that good of a person, right. The fact that you

1251
00:55:20,280 --> 00:55:24,640
Speaker 3: know that is important. So my fiance, she taught me

1252
00:55:24,760 --> 00:55:27,720
Speaker 3: how to love her. She showed me what love looks

1253
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:30,239
Speaker 3: like for her. But she could only do that if

1254
00:55:30,280 --> 00:55:32,000
Speaker 3: people tell her who she is every day.

1255
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:35,279
Speaker 1: Absolutely, that's a good one. That's a good one. What

1256
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:42,800
Speaker 1: was your list? Fat ass? Bro? Fat ass? Why is

1257
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:44,319
Speaker 1: that something that's so high on the list? I mean,

1258
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:46,200
Speaker 1: what is that about? Why is that something that's so

1259
00:55:46,280 --> 00:55:48,719
Speaker 1: high on the list. Do you don't really want to

1260
00:55:48,760 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 1: have this conversation? I mean I feel like you have

1261
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:55,279
Speaker 1: the conversation. Yeahap clap, I love it.

1262
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:58,440
Speaker 2: Plus, there's nothing like when your woman puts on heels

1263
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:02,000
Speaker 2: and she's statue wes and she you know, lean and

1264
00:56:02,000 --> 00:56:04,399
Speaker 2: that shit pop out and she just walked by.

1265
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:06,680
Speaker 1: It's like I didn't ask to love ass like that.

1266
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:09,719
Speaker 1: It was put upon me. You know what, I'm saying

1267
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:14,480
Speaker 1: like some people are breasts. That's me.

1268
00:56:16,280 --> 00:56:19,040
Speaker 2: It's all about that for me. Also, I knew I wouldn't.

1269
00:56:19,080 --> 00:56:20,480
Speaker 2: I knew I was gonna have sons. You can ask

1270
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:22,520
Speaker 2: my wife. We was in college and she was just like,

1271
00:56:22,520 --> 00:56:23,759
Speaker 2: how many kids you want to have? I said, I

1272
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:25,560
Speaker 2: have three kids. They're all gonna be boys. I don't

1273
00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:27,520
Speaker 2: make girls. That's what I said to her. And then

1274
00:56:27,560 --> 00:56:29,359
Speaker 2: I told her, I said, you lucky you athletic, because

1275
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:31,319
Speaker 2: my kids got to be athletic. And I knew that

1276
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 2: the bubble and a woman meant that she had some

1277
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 2: athleticism because her mom ran track. She Jamaican. So for me,

1278
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 2: it wasn't just about the look. It was like, oh

1279
00:56:38,800 --> 00:56:42,080
Speaker 2: she an athlete. And if my sons get my wife's body,

1280
00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 2: they can't you know, they can't have.

1281
00:56:44,040 --> 00:56:46,480
Speaker 1: The you know, you know what I'm saying. You see

1282
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:52,000
Speaker 1: people who are not athletic, you know, coordinated.

1283
00:56:51,719 --> 00:56:53,479
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying. I needed to make sure.

1284
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:56,120
Speaker 2: So I watched I watched k walk. She was a

1285
00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 2: pagant girl. She put them heels on, she didn't stumble,

1286
00:56:58,880 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 2: she still tall. Also, her confidence it's what freaking got me.

1287
00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:08,640
Speaker 2: Like Kadeen was so confident at a young age that

1288
00:57:08,719 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 2: I was like, gosh, this, I've never seen an eighteen

1289
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 2: year old woman standing up in front of a bunch

1290
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:16,720
Speaker 2: of people. She was a pageant girl, she was a

1291
00:57:16,760 --> 00:57:20,080
Speaker 2: hostess and just hi everyone, I'm Kadeen Ellis and now

1292
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 2: I'm here at that and I'm just like, yo, because

1293
00:57:22,320 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 2: you know how it is when you eighteen girls are

1294
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 2: shy and they tend me. She wasn't like that. That

1295
00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 2: just got me because I know how I am. I

1296
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:31,000
Speaker 2: like to talk, I like to be out. So I'm like,

1297
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:33,160
Speaker 2: if I like to be out, I need somebody with

1298
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:34,439
Speaker 2: me that when I'm out there, just like.

1299
00:57:34,320 --> 00:57:37,320
Speaker 1: Nothing, No, come with me. And she took that and

1300
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:38,680
Speaker 1: she ran with and I was like, well, I love

1301
00:57:38,760 --> 00:57:40,920
Speaker 1: this one. Here she was. She was my one, Like

1302
00:57:40,960 --> 00:57:42,120
Speaker 1: everything about her was.

1303
00:57:42,120 --> 00:57:44,440
Speaker 2: Just what I needed in my life. Yeah, that's what

1304
00:57:44,520 --> 00:57:44,880
Speaker 2: I needed.

1305
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:47,360
Speaker 1: I needed. I needed a woman who had a fat ass.

1306
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 3: I needed a woman who wanted a family because I

1307
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:52,439
Speaker 3: knew that was something that I wanted at some point

1308
00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:55,919
Speaker 3: in my life. And then I guess the other thing

1309
00:57:55,960 --> 00:58:00,439
Speaker 3: would be Damn, I just lost my thought.

1310
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:05,800
Speaker 1: Let's see a distracted distracted you know what, I'm like,

1311
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:10,520
Speaker 1: what family? God, God, godly and.

1312
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:15,560
Speaker 3: Excuse me. Just like yourself outgoing, I am super social.

1313
00:58:15,640 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 3: I'm a social butterfly. You put me in the room,

1314
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:21,040
Speaker 3: I'm going to talk to people. I'm gonna just like

1315
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 3: a butterfly. I'm gonna float, you know what I mean?

1316
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 3: Here here, And I wanted someone who could compliment that

1317
00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,600
Speaker 3: and who could also hold their own and I'm not

1318
00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:32,240
Speaker 3: around because when I turn my back, I need someone

1319
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:34,520
Speaker 3: who could possibly seal the deal for me.

1320
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:37,160
Speaker 1: So when I got into the conversation.

1321
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 3: And now we're moving on, so that was important for

1322
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:43,360
Speaker 3: me because I knew that that was going to help

1323
00:58:43,400 --> 00:58:43,919
Speaker 3: make me better.

1324
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:45,720
Speaker 2: So that was important for me to have that checklist.

1325
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:48,200
Speaker 2: That's not that's you bet a lot of the same.

1326
00:58:48,360 --> 00:58:50,560
Speaker 2: That's why Wise when they did the podcast, got along

1327
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:52,920
Speaker 2: so much because they like the same person who's your

1328
00:58:52,960 --> 00:59:00,600
Speaker 2: list due personal lists.

1329
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:07,240
Speaker 1: Man, family oriented, someone who is just loving.

1330
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:09,960
Speaker 4: I think for me, Man, I had the tendency to

1331
00:59:10,040 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 4: like get so doubted too, sports work, whatever the case

1332
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:14,680
Speaker 4: may be, that sometimes I could fit.

1333
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 1: I forget. I have a family, right and my girls

1334
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,640
Speaker 1: like heyo call your mom? Yeah yeah, and.

1335
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:23,120
Speaker 4: You need to have you spoke to your brothers, have

1336
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 4: you spoke to your mom. Hey, listen, you need to

1337
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:27,520
Speaker 4: get better at that. Right, So someone who is going

1338
00:59:27,600 --> 00:59:30,880
Speaker 4: to make it, who's going to hold me accountable to

1339
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:34,240
Speaker 4: keeping my flame going with my family? That was really important, right,

1340
00:59:34,280 --> 00:59:38,000
Speaker 4: someone my family loved, My family loves her, right, and

1341
00:59:39,040 --> 00:59:42,240
Speaker 4: she's super accommodating to my family values.

1342
00:59:42,640 --> 00:59:42,880
Speaker 1: Right.

1343
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:48,680
Speaker 4: So she's not Nigerian. Nigerians are tough, Nigerians are judgmental, Right,

1344
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:51,320
Speaker 4: Nigerians will try to test you if you're not Nigerian.

1345
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 1: Right.

1346
00:59:51,680 --> 00:59:55,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, she was just eating it and you was not

1347
00:59:55,320 --> 00:59:58,000
Speaker 4: not even like a not even just like a just

1348
00:59:58,080 --> 01:00:01,080
Speaker 4: taking it in like a like a you know, a victim,

1349
01:00:01,400 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 4: but really like taking it flipping it back.

1350
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:05,320
Speaker 1: Hey, yo, I'm going to meet you with love.

1351
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:08,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm going to meet you with Oh auntie, here's

1352
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:10,680
Speaker 4: what we brought for you. You know what I'm saying, more

1353
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:13,280
Speaker 4: so than I've ever done. So that was really important

1354
01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:15,000
Speaker 4: for me. And I realized how she can maneuver it

1355
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,800
Speaker 4: in that environment and meant that she would be accommodating

1356
01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:21,600
Speaker 4: to whatever comes with that. Right, someone who was super intelligent.

1357
01:00:21,960 --> 01:00:24,720
Speaker 4: I need to be able to talk to you. I

1358
01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 4: just need to be able to talk to you and like,

1359
01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:29,280
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm a pretty smart person.

1360
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:32,320
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I'm an in depth thinker.

1361
01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:35,560
Speaker 4: I want to talk about anything and everything, and I

1362
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:37,760
Speaker 4: want to deal with the person I love. And if

1363
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 4: you can't do that with me, you're not for me,

1364
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:41,560
Speaker 4: all right. So that was on my list. Someone who

1365
01:00:41,560 --> 01:00:45,920
Speaker 4: I could talk to, someone who knew how to argue, right,

1366
01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:51,240
Speaker 4: someone who knew how to just disagree.

1367
01:00:51,360 --> 01:00:54,280
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, that's what I'm saying. You know why that is? Dope?

1368
01:00:54,320 --> 01:00:55,120
Speaker 1: You say that, you know what?

1369
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:58,480
Speaker 2: The second thing on here is, yeah, finding out as

1370
01:00:58,480 --> 01:01:02,640
Speaker 2: a man how now to always want to be writing's

1371
01:01:02,720 --> 01:01:04,440
Speaker 2: on the paper right here, because I wanted to ask

1372
01:01:04,520 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 2: y'all about this. So I'm glad you brought that up.

1373
01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:07,480
Speaker 2: And now you just talk about that.

1374
01:01:07,800 --> 01:01:09,520
Speaker 4: And now that I think about that, which we're talking

1375
01:01:09,520 --> 01:01:12,000
Speaker 4: about what you said, what you finished saying, Now that

1376
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:15,680
Speaker 4: I think about the argument part, right, you asked me earlier,

1377
01:01:15,720 --> 01:01:17,680
Speaker 4: how did I know she was the one? Or how

1378
01:01:17,720 --> 01:01:19,880
Speaker 4: do I know when you were? I do remember when

1379
01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 4: we were dating, all right. It was our first type

1380
01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:26,840
Speaker 4: of disagreement and it was the yo. So what are

1381
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 4: we that type of Okay? Okay, okay, okay. And when

1382
01:01:30,160 --> 01:01:32,520
Speaker 4: we first had that talk, you know, it was in

1383
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:34,760
Speaker 4: shower and she was like, YO, like, let me ask

1384
01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:36,320
Speaker 4: you a question. Was like, YO, like, so we've been

1385
01:01:36,400 --> 01:01:38,560
Speaker 4: dating a couple, we've been hanging out with you where

1386
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:42,400
Speaker 4: you see this going right and usually you know my

1387
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:44,880
Speaker 4: heartstar Race. I'm like, how to answer this? So then

1388
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:46,560
Speaker 4: we just start talking. I said, you know what, man,

1389
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:48,880
Speaker 4: here's some things I would like to see from you

1390
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:52,080
Speaker 4: before we moved it, before we moved to the next step.

1391
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:53,640
Speaker 4: I've never met your family yet.

1392
01:01:53,640 --> 01:01:53,959
Speaker 1: I haven't.

1393
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:56,240
Speaker 4: I haven't met your sisters. We've been dating for X

1394
01:01:56,240 --> 01:01:58,040
Speaker 4: amount of time. You talk about your sisters, but I've

1395
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:01,320
Speaker 4: never met them, right, So I talking about things that

1396
01:02:01,360 --> 01:02:03,800
Speaker 4: she was doing wrong while we're dating, and she didn

1397
01:02:03,880 --> 01:02:06,520
Speaker 4: spas out. She just took it and was like, Okay,

1398
01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:09,240
Speaker 4: I can make I can make that correction. So for

1399
01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:12,160
Speaker 4: a woman to want to make corrections when she's not

1400
01:02:12,200 --> 01:02:14,480
Speaker 4: even locked in with somebody like that, it said he

1401
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 4: told me a lot that, like, Okay, we can have

1402
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:20,440
Speaker 4: a difficult conversation. We can have a like difficult conversation

1403
01:02:20,680 --> 01:02:24,280
Speaker 4: right now and move something happens from it right now.

1404
01:02:24,520 --> 01:02:26,880
Speaker 4: It gave me confidence that Okay, this person is someone.

1405
01:02:26,640 --> 01:02:27,960
Speaker 1: I could really build a life with.

1406
01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:31,400
Speaker 4: Right and immediately, like next week, start making changes everything

1407
01:02:31,400 --> 01:02:33,480
Speaker 4: I was talking about, Start making changes, Start making changes

1408
01:02:33,720 --> 01:02:35,360
Speaker 4: instead of just dismissing it and me like, now I

1409
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:36,080
Speaker 4: ain't doing all that.

1410
01:02:36,480 --> 01:02:38,200
Speaker 1: My boy that I was talking about was going to

1411
01:02:38,280 --> 01:02:40,520
Speaker 1: hear this. One thing is he's not jimmying.

1412
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:42,640
Speaker 2: People are gonna put two and two together when they

1413
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 2: watched this, but he's not germying.

1414
01:02:43,840 --> 01:02:45,280
Speaker 1: He's doing well for himself, making money.

1415
01:02:45,280 --> 01:02:47,040
Speaker 2: And he's the one who called me about you know,

1416
01:02:47,080 --> 01:02:48,960
Speaker 2: if she if she wants to be with a guy

1417
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 2: like me, she should know. And I literally said to him,

1418
01:02:51,600 --> 01:02:52,880
Speaker 2: I said, well, how was she going to know if

1419
01:02:52,920 --> 01:02:54,720
Speaker 2: you don't give her a chance to make adjustments?

1420
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 1: And he said and then he said, I need to

1421
01:02:58,760 --> 01:02:59,400
Speaker 1: go to therapy.

1422
01:02:59,480 --> 01:03:02,080
Speaker 2: And I said why he said, even though he's not Jerry,

1423
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:05,600
Speaker 2: And he said, I've never seen a positive family atmosphere

1424
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,760
Speaker 2: because of the things that happened in my culture and

1425
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:09,120
Speaker 2: the way I want to live my life.

1426
01:03:09,120 --> 01:03:10,960
Speaker 1: I didn't watch that, so I don't know how to

1427
01:03:11,040 --> 01:03:11,560
Speaker 1: exist in that.

1428
01:03:11,920 --> 01:03:14,360
Speaker 2: And he was like, I have to learn how to

1429
01:03:14,400 --> 01:03:16,760
Speaker 2: be in a relationship, which goes back to what you

1430
01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:19,800
Speaker 2: said that you had to learn how to be the

1431
01:03:19,880 --> 01:03:21,320
Speaker 2: right man for your fiance.

1432
01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:22,880
Speaker 1: You know, you see what I'm saying?

1433
01:03:22,960 --> 01:03:25,479
Speaker 2: Like that all it's funny to hear y'all talk about

1434
01:03:25,480 --> 01:03:27,919
Speaker 2: this because I've never experienced this. And this is why

1435
01:03:27,960 --> 01:03:30,320
Speaker 2: I like doing these type of podcasts where it's just men,

1436
01:03:30,800 --> 01:03:33,560
Speaker 2: because typically when it's me and Kadeen, I give my perspective,

1437
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:36,320
Speaker 2: she gives her perspective. But both of our perspectives are

1438
01:03:36,440 --> 01:03:39,120
Speaker 2: very linear because we met each other when we were eighteen.

1439
01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:41,640
Speaker 2: So it's like when people ask us, well, when y'all

1440
01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:44,560
Speaker 2: was dated, would y'all do this? And I'm like, I

1441
01:03:45,080 --> 01:03:47,919
Speaker 2: wasn't really dating in twenty six, Like I can't even

1442
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,480
Speaker 2: give you advice on that. I can't, you know what

1443
01:03:50,520 --> 01:03:53,640
Speaker 2: I'm saying. So these conversations are really helping me. Also,

1444
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:57,360
Speaker 2: he quit my sons because Jackson literally said to me

1445
01:03:57,440 --> 01:03:59,320
Speaker 2: last week, yeah, I'm starting to get more confident and

1446
01:04:00,040 --> 01:04:01,160
Speaker 2: you know, talking to girls.

1447
01:04:01,280 --> 01:04:03,520
Speaker 1: And I asked him myself, what makes you more confident?

1448
01:04:03,920 --> 01:04:06,560
Speaker 2: He was like, well, number one, I'm finally taller than them,

1449
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:09,960
Speaker 2: because you know, girls, that's the thing before us.

1450
01:04:09,920 --> 01:04:10,120
Speaker 1: You know.

1451
01:04:10,600 --> 01:04:13,000
Speaker 2: So now he's about he's five to five now, so

1452
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:16,040
Speaker 2: all the girls in his age shorten him an eye level,

1453
01:04:16,360 --> 01:04:18,880
Speaker 2: and he started lifting weights. He's like, I feel a

1454
01:04:18,920 --> 01:04:21,280
Speaker 2: little bit more plus the test to talk about how

1455
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:21,440
Speaker 2: to do.

1456
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:22,120
Speaker 1: But he's coming.

1457
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:24,960
Speaker 2: So we having in real conversations and he's just like,

1458
01:04:25,000 --> 01:04:27,440
Speaker 2: so when you start talking to mom, and I'm just like, well,

1459
01:04:27,440 --> 01:04:29,320
Speaker 2: he's gonna ask me questions when he's in his twenties

1460
01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:31,320
Speaker 2: and I'm going to say, I don't know because at

1461
01:04:31,320 --> 01:04:33,640
Speaker 2: this point I was already with your mom, Like you're

1462
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:37,280
Speaker 2: talking about dating girls like imagine him twenty seven, twenty eight, Dad,

1463
01:04:37,280 --> 01:04:38,200
Speaker 2: I got this chick on mating.

1464
01:04:38,280 --> 01:04:40,320
Speaker 1: She lives in France and I live here. How did

1465
01:04:40,360 --> 01:04:41,360
Speaker 1: you and mom deal with that?

1466
01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:42,880
Speaker 3: But you don't got too though, That's why you say

1467
01:04:42,920 --> 01:04:47,480
Speaker 3: you call call called uncle Duke. Yeah, no, I'm gon

1468
01:04:47,480 --> 01:04:50,040
Speaker 3: tapping with uncle. I'm definitely gonna do that, you know

1469
01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:52,600
Speaker 3: what I mean, absolutely, And that's that's why the what

1470
01:04:52,680 --> 01:04:54,680
Speaker 3: we're doing right here is important. Building with other brothers

1471
01:04:54,720 --> 01:04:57,240
Speaker 3: is important, connected with like my individuals support. We talk

1472
01:04:57,280 --> 01:04:58,840
Speaker 3: about the shit all the time, you know what I mean,

1473
01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:01,520
Speaker 3: Like I want to know that, like if my kids

1474
01:05:01,600 --> 01:05:03,200
Speaker 3: get sent to you, or if you're watching your kids

1475
01:05:03,240 --> 01:05:06,400
Speaker 3: you're enforcing the same value as a science structure that

1476
01:05:06,480 --> 01:05:06,760
Speaker 3: I am.

1477
01:05:06,800 --> 01:05:08,960
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, because sometimes as a kid,

1478
01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:10,720
Speaker 1: you don't want to hear from your pops. Now, it's

1479
01:05:10,720 --> 01:05:12,919
Speaker 1: great about relationship that y'all have, right, it's great.

1480
01:05:14,200 --> 01:05:16,200
Speaker 3: You're still his dad, and he don't look at me

1481
01:05:16,240 --> 01:05:19,040
Speaker 3: like you do. You don't like nothing, nah, exactly exactly.

1482
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:21,440
Speaker 3: So it's it's another voice, and outside voice that you

1483
01:05:21,480 --> 01:05:24,080
Speaker 3: trust is going to be really important and instrumental in

1484
01:05:24,120 --> 01:05:29,000
Speaker 3: that growth process, right, Like these guys are I mean

1485
01:05:29,280 --> 01:05:33,920
Speaker 3: you included in my life by design, Like it's I

1486
01:05:34,000 --> 01:05:36,480
Speaker 3: know that. To Oh's point, I can't get to my

1487
01:05:36,680 --> 01:05:38,760
Speaker 3: son all the time. I won't be able to get

1488
01:05:38,800 --> 01:05:40,520
Speaker 3: to my son. But I will tell you this though

1489
01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:44,560
Speaker 3: you feel like you're not equipped a lot of times.

1490
01:05:44,640 --> 01:05:47,320
Speaker 3: But I hear the way that you speak, and you said,

1491
01:05:47,560 --> 01:05:51,160
Speaker 3: I seen this eighteen year old woman. The fact that

1492
01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:53,720
Speaker 3: you called her an eighteen year old woman told me

1493
01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:56,320
Speaker 3: that you knew what you were looking for. You were

1494
01:05:56,320 --> 01:05:59,280
Speaker 3: attracted to a mature woman at a young age. I

1495
01:05:59,440 --> 01:06:02,520
Speaker 3: was at a young age, right, because eighteen year old

1496
01:06:02,520 --> 01:06:05,280
Speaker 3: as a girl, right, But when somebody separates their self

1497
01:06:05,800 --> 01:06:07,640
Speaker 3: and you could see like wow, it's a confidence, it's

1498
01:06:07,640 --> 01:06:10,360
Speaker 3: a regalness that she carries herself with. She's sexy without

1499
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:13,760
Speaker 3: showing her body. I like that. That's a woman to me, right,

1500
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:15,840
Speaker 3: So you knew what you were looking at. I'm saying

1501
01:06:16,920 --> 01:06:18,600
Speaker 3: as far as when it comes to your son, When

1502
01:06:18,640 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 3: it comes to jackson, like you can absolutely tell him

1503
01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:23,160
Speaker 3: what to look for because you knew what to look for.

1504
01:06:23,680 --> 01:06:25,919
Speaker 3: You guys date all You guys date all the time.

1505
01:06:25,920 --> 01:06:27,720
Speaker 3: I've seen you guys go on more dates than I

1506
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:28,440
Speaker 3: s We still do.

1507
01:06:29,640 --> 01:06:32,400
Speaker 1: We date once mandatory, but at least twice.

1508
01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:35,920
Speaker 3: And I don't want to take anything away from women

1509
01:06:35,960 --> 01:06:38,440
Speaker 3: that are in relationships, but like, you do know how

1510
01:06:38,440 --> 01:06:41,080
Speaker 3: to date. You do know how to make her continuously

1511
01:06:41,120 --> 01:06:45,080
Speaker 3: feel sexy. You know those steps and you know those things.

1512
01:06:45,080 --> 01:06:47,640
Speaker 3: You guys just go to bed tonight together every single night,

1513
01:06:47,920 --> 01:06:50,000
Speaker 3: but you know exactly what that looks like.

1514
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:51,400
Speaker 1: You know what she needs to feel.

1515
01:06:51,480 --> 01:06:53,480
Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell you the biggest thing that was important

1516
01:06:53,480 --> 01:06:55,840
Speaker 3: for me when I was growing up. It wasn't my

1517
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:58,680
Speaker 3: mom and my dad's relationship. They got a divorce when

1518
01:06:58,720 --> 01:07:00,520
Speaker 3: I was six, but it was my mother and my

1519
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:03,760
Speaker 3: stepdad's relationship because of the affection I got to see

1520
01:07:03,800 --> 01:07:07,320
Speaker 3: in the home when she when she walks by and

1521
01:07:07,960 --> 01:07:10,600
Speaker 3: he smack her on the ass, or you know, she's

1522
01:07:10,680 --> 01:07:12,600
Speaker 3: at the kitchen and he comes up behind her and

1523
01:07:12,640 --> 01:07:14,360
Speaker 3: he hugs her, and I'm like, oh, women like that.

1524
01:07:14,880 --> 01:07:16,920
Speaker 3: The fact that you get to show your sons what

1525
01:07:17,000 --> 01:07:19,440
Speaker 3: women like every day, that's who they're gonna emulate.

1526
01:07:19,560 --> 01:07:19,800
Speaker 1: Fact.

1527
01:07:20,720 --> 01:07:23,160
Speaker 3: So like my dad didn't do any of that. So

1528
01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:26,160
Speaker 3: my brothers they have a bit of a disconnect with affection.

1529
01:07:26,560 --> 01:07:29,040
Speaker 3: I don't have any disconnect with affection because I grew

1530
01:07:29,080 --> 01:07:33,320
Speaker 3: up in the household seeing it all the time. So

1531
01:07:33,480 --> 01:07:36,560
Speaker 3: I'm telling you, we could say all the words that

1532
01:07:36,600 --> 01:07:37,960
Speaker 3: we want to say to our kids.

1533
01:07:38,000 --> 01:07:39,480
Speaker 1: They're gonna watch.

1534
01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:44,320
Speaker 3: They're gonna watch because I hear men who were unfaithful

1535
01:07:44,640 --> 01:07:48,640
Speaker 3: to their wives, to their children's mom and they try

1536
01:07:48,680 --> 01:07:50,200
Speaker 3: to speak to their son and tell them who he

1537
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:51,880
Speaker 3: should be, and he gonna only be what he sees.

1538
01:07:52,240 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 1: He say, you did this to mom. No.

1539
01:07:54,840 --> 01:07:57,560
Speaker 3: So again, this is when we say you said in

1540
01:07:57,600 --> 01:07:59,560
Speaker 3: an incredible example, it's not because of the words you

1541
01:07:59,560 --> 01:08:01,800
Speaker 3: hear you say, we hear you say, we can watch

1542
01:08:01,840 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 3: your Instagram in silence.

1543
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:04,919
Speaker 1: Act know exactly who you are. Action. It's my brother.

1544
01:08:05,880 --> 01:08:08,680
Speaker 1: I appreciate that. Actually, that's what and not for nothing.

1545
01:08:08,680 --> 01:08:10,160
Speaker 2: That's a good time to take a break because you see,

1546
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:14,880
Speaker 2: I'm sweating like a freaking slave. Uh, it's hot in here, bro,

1547
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:16,720
Speaker 2: It's it's crazy here. We had to turn the AC

1548
01:08:16,800 --> 01:08:19,000
Speaker 2: off because y'all wouldn't able to hear nothing. So we're

1549
01:08:19,040 --> 01:08:21,920
Speaker 2: gonna take a quick break. We're gonna come back finish

1550
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:34,799
Speaker 2: with these letters listen to letters. So we're back after

1551
01:08:35,400 --> 01:08:37,479
Speaker 2: you know, paying some bills. We got listening letters, so

1552
01:08:37,720 --> 01:08:39,559
Speaker 2: I'm gonna let you guys help me with listening to letters.

1553
01:08:39,560 --> 01:08:42,120
Speaker 2: Listen to letters are when people writing with their problems. Now,

1554
01:08:42,880 --> 01:08:45,760
Speaker 2: this listening letter is four cards. You see this four cards,

1555
01:08:45,800 --> 01:08:47,719
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna have to go through this. I guess

1556
01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:49,920
Speaker 2: we we always told them we want context, so I

1557
01:08:49,920 --> 01:08:51,719
Speaker 2: guess we're gonna get a lot of context.

1558
01:08:51,760 --> 01:08:52,920
Speaker 1: I saw if I brainier.

1559
01:08:52,640 --> 01:08:56,559
Speaker 2: Major and communication major, right, Yes, no problem, So let's

1560
01:08:56,600 --> 01:08:59,839
Speaker 2: get money. It says what's up de Val and Kadeen,

1561
01:09:00,160 --> 01:09:02,960
Speaker 2: So we're gonna add what's up Daval, Kadeen and DJ

1562
01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:07,280
Speaker 2: from the nicest in the podcast like that, first and foremost,

1563
01:09:07,320 --> 01:09:09,320
Speaker 2: thank you guys for the work you guys do it

1564
01:09:09,400 --> 01:09:11,439
Speaker 2: helps so much. Let's get right to it. I need

1565
01:09:11,560 --> 01:09:16,519
Speaker 2: y'all help. I need you'll help a nigga out. My

1566
01:09:16,560 --> 01:09:18,559
Speaker 2: wife and I have been happily married for twelve years,

1567
01:09:18,600 --> 01:09:20,760
Speaker 2: and now we're both in our early thirties, no kids,

1568
01:09:20,760 --> 01:09:22,840
Speaker 2: and I absolutely can't keep my hands off my wife.

1569
01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:23,960
Speaker 1: I know that problem.

1570
01:09:24,320 --> 01:09:27,360
Speaker 2: I low keep married the damn supermodel and not really

1571
01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:30,080
Speaker 2: sure how the fuck I pulled it off. I could

1572
01:09:30,120 --> 01:09:33,080
Speaker 2: easily sit here courtside and she would catch the eye

1573
01:09:33,120 --> 01:09:34,479
Speaker 2: of many professional athletes.

1574
01:09:34,680 --> 01:09:35,639
Speaker 1: The girl is so bad.

1575
01:09:35,720 --> 01:09:37,680
Speaker 2: She can come down the stairs with a bonnet and

1576
01:09:37,720 --> 01:09:41,160
Speaker 2: the house roll on my dick and house roll on,

1577
01:09:41,520 --> 01:09:43,360
Speaker 2: and my dick will instantly get hard.

1578
01:09:43,520 --> 01:09:46,720
Speaker 1: He going in. Y'all get it? Your wife fine, be

1579
01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:48,720
Speaker 1: getting it all right, We all got fine wires. You're

1580
01:09:48,760 --> 01:09:52,080
Speaker 1: going too much. Do you know how he's still going on?

1581
01:09:52,160 --> 01:09:53,160
Speaker 1: How to describe his wife?

1582
01:09:53,240 --> 01:09:56,080
Speaker 2: Do you know how the fresh Krispy Kreme donuts look

1583
01:09:56,080 --> 01:09:57,400
Speaker 2: when you're being glazed on.

1584
01:09:57,360 --> 01:10:02,680
Speaker 1: The Oh wow wow? All the conveyor belt trouble. How

1585
01:10:02,680 --> 01:10:04,200
Speaker 1: did you let all of this get through here?

1586
01:10:04,240 --> 01:10:04,439
Speaker 2: Bro?

1587
01:10:08,520 --> 01:10:13,960
Speaker 1: You serious things? So okay? So he okay. So that's

1588
01:10:14,360 --> 01:10:15,080
Speaker 1: that's what I see.

1589
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:16,960
Speaker 2: If she gives me a glimpse of a calf muscle

1590
01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:19,240
Speaker 2: fresh out the shower. Not only do I get the

1591
01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:22,680
Speaker 2: privilege of being married to this mahogany, majestic goddess, but

1592
01:10:22,800 --> 01:10:25,040
Speaker 2: this girl has a heart with the richness and size

1593
01:10:25,080 --> 01:10:29,280
Speaker 2: of Africa Nigeria. In fact, for Duke, I say that

1594
01:10:29,400 --> 01:10:29,960
Speaker 2: he didn't write that.

1595
01:10:30,000 --> 01:10:31,519
Speaker 1: I say that she.

1596
01:10:31,600 --> 01:10:34,800
Speaker 2: Has a heart of vibranium because she's held me down

1597
01:10:34,880 --> 01:10:37,599
Speaker 2: in so many ways that only a person who truly

1598
01:10:37,640 --> 01:10:40,679
Speaker 2: loves someone can I have just recently completed my PhD

1599
01:10:40,720 --> 01:10:44,479
Speaker 2: in nuclear medicine, and she's an intel specialist for homeland security.

1600
01:10:44,600 --> 01:10:47,840
Speaker 1: Oh, it's probably busting his money again to it.

1601
01:10:47,840 --> 01:10:50,280
Speaker 2: All right, My process to getting my PhD was not

1602
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:53,240
Speaker 2: a pretty process, and financially it wasn't. I haven't been

1603
01:10:53,280 --> 01:10:55,360
Speaker 2: able to contribute the way that I know she deserves,

1604
01:10:55,400 --> 01:10:58,960
Speaker 2: because the schooling journey is intensive and mentally exhausting. In

1605
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:00,679
Speaker 2: the beginning, when the time some mind if my goal

1606
01:11:00,720 --> 01:11:02,800
Speaker 2: wasn't favorable and people told me to let it go,

1607
01:11:03,040 --> 01:11:05,679
Speaker 2: she said, Nah, bro, this is all you've talked about

1608
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:07,719
Speaker 2: since I've known you. You're going to get this doctorate

1609
01:11:08,160 --> 01:11:10,400
Speaker 2: in the same vein we would be out to eating

1610
01:11:10,439 --> 01:11:12,000
Speaker 2: because I couldn't have a job while I was in

1611
01:11:12,000 --> 01:11:14,120
Speaker 2: school for ten plus years. She would slip me the

1612
01:11:14,280 --> 01:11:16,760
Speaker 2: Oh my god, this is a beautiful woman. She would

1613
01:11:16,800 --> 01:11:18,920
Speaker 2: slip me the debit card under the table when the

1614
01:11:19,040 --> 01:11:19,760
Speaker 2: check would come.

1615
01:11:19,960 --> 01:11:20,400
Speaker 1: Jesus.

1616
01:11:20,720 --> 01:11:23,439
Speaker 2: I cried like a baby, sitting at a restaurant in Atlanta, thinking,

1617
01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:26,599
Speaker 2: why would someone be so beautiful who could effortlessly get

1618
01:11:27,120 --> 01:11:29,400
Speaker 2: a seven figure nigga with her smile do this for me?

1619
01:11:30,040 --> 01:11:32,200
Speaker 2: Here we are now, though, my sexual appetite for her

1620
01:11:32,280 --> 01:11:34,800
Speaker 2: is often a point of contention because I just can't

1621
01:11:34,840 --> 01:11:37,720
Speaker 2: get enough. I struggled with porn during the first couple

1622
01:11:37,840 --> 01:11:39,880
Speaker 2: years of our marriage, but I prayed for release from

1623
01:11:39,880 --> 01:11:41,920
Speaker 2: that because I didn't like the control that took over me.

1624
01:11:41,960 --> 01:11:46,080
Speaker 2: Since twenty eighteen, I hadn't touched it. I no longer

1625
01:11:46,120 --> 01:11:48,599
Speaker 2: have to clear the browsing history off my laptop. Everybody

1626
01:11:48,640 --> 01:11:51,000
Speaker 2: knows about that when company comes over.

1627
01:11:51,360 --> 01:11:51,759
Speaker 1: Lol.

1628
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:54,160
Speaker 2: The problem is I often feel like a weirdo because

1629
01:11:54,160 --> 01:11:56,120
Speaker 2: I want sex so much from my wife. I do too,

1630
01:11:56,160 --> 01:11:58,080
Speaker 2: trust me, I know, but I know it's not on

1631
01:11:58,120 --> 01:11:59,200
Speaker 2: her mind like it is mine.

1632
01:11:59,240 --> 01:11:59,960
Speaker 1: Mine isn't either.

1633
01:12:00,479 --> 01:12:03,479
Speaker 2: There has unequivalently been zero infidelity in our marriage. But

1634
01:12:03,520 --> 01:12:05,639
Speaker 2: I am afraid that if we keep going the way

1635
01:12:05,680 --> 01:12:08,640
Speaker 2: we are, I may break like I'm a catch to

1636
01:12:09,479 --> 01:12:11,400
Speaker 2: just not a twelve out of ten like she is

1637
01:12:11,520 --> 01:12:13,719
Speaker 2: maybe eight eight point five, but all.

1638
01:12:13,520 --> 01:12:17,080
Speaker 1: My side teeth. Wait, but I got all my side teeth.

1639
01:12:17,120 --> 01:12:20,520
Speaker 2: I'm six to one, consistent, four pack abs, natural hairline,

1640
01:12:20,560 --> 01:12:22,200
Speaker 2: and older women in my network make.

1641
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:23,479
Speaker 1: Advances from time to time.

1642
01:12:23,840 --> 01:12:27,479
Speaker 2: He talking like a nuclear physicist, like they can since

1643
01:12:27,800 --> 01:12:31,040
Speaker 2: when the dick ain't been getting sucked exact.

1644
01:12:32,479 --> 01:12:34,600
Speaker 1: This is hilarious. It's hilarious.

1645
01:12:34,720 --> 01:12:37,160
Speaker 2: It ain't goes like my wife hates sucking dick and

1646
01:12:37,240 --> 01:12:38,920
Speaker 2: I love to be a pussy, and I think she

1647
01:12:38,920 --> 01:12:40,559
Speaker 2: doesn't even like getting ate out.

1648
01:12:41,439 --> 01:12:43,680
Speaker 1: I tell her I'm gonna let you. I'm'a let you.

1649
01:12:43,680 --> 01:12:45,920
Speaker 2: Sit on my face when I get home, or make

1650
01:12:45,960 --> 01:12:48,400
Speaker 2: a general advance, and I can immediately feel in sense

1651
01:12:48,800 --> 01:12:51,880
Speaker 2: She's like weirded out and arguments then ensue. I try

1652
01:12:51,880 --> 01:12:54,200
Speaker 2: to explain to her that I can't help that I'm

1653
01:12:54,200 --> 01:12:57,519
Speaker 2: infatuated with her and only her. Our last argument about

1654
01:12:57,560 --> 01:12:59,800
Speaker 2: sex ended with her letting me know that most of

1655
01:12:59,800 --> 01:13:01,840
Speaker 2: the time when we do have sex, she actually doesn't

1656
01:13:01,840 --> 01:13:05,280
Speaker 2: want to. She just does it to make me happy, Bro,

1657
01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:07,919
Speaker 2: that's the worst because I don't.

1658
01:13:08,760 --> 01:13:14,160
Speaker 1: Y'all y'all larious beautiful.

1659
01:13:14,160 --> 01:13:15,920
Speaker 2: That's the worst because I don't want her to do

1660
01:13:15,960 --> 01:13:18,679
Speaker 2: it out of guilt or obligation. She made a statement

1661
01:13:18,720 --> 01:13:21,360
Speaker 2: along the lines that my expectations are for her to

1662
01:13:21,400 --> 01:13:23,360
Speaker 2: be a porn star, and that was a low blow

1663
01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:25,920
Speaker 2: because I worked my ass off to lose that addiction and.

1664
01:13:25,920 --> 01:13:27,599
Speaker 1: Been cleaned since twenty eighteen.

1665
01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:30,200
Speaker 2: On that, bro, I don't think one is sex ten

1666
01:13:30,240 --> 01:13:32,960
Speaker 2: times a month and willing to settle for hand jobs.

1667
01:13:33,040 --> 01:13:36,439
Speaker 1: Is porn star? Ask a porn star esque like damn.

1668
01:13:36,800 --> 01:13:39,240
Speaker 2: Sometimes when she's on her cycle, I won't let her

1669
01:13:39,320 --> 01:13:40,360
Speaker 2: give me a hand job.

1670
01:13:40,280 --> 01:13:41,960
Speaker 1: Considering the pain and cramps and stuff.

1671
01:13:42,200 --> 01:13:43,920
Speaker 2: I feel like that would be fucked up to take

1672
01:13:43,960 --> 01:13:46,519
Speaker 2: pleasure while she's in pain. To be fair, she has

1673
01:13:46,520 --> 01:13:49,400
Speaker 2: a traumatic pass from childhood that would have that. We've

1674
01:13:49,400 --> 01:13:52,320
Speaker 2: sought professional help, and I often feel that sometimes that

1675
01:13:52,360 --> 01:13:55,479
Speaker 2: past situation affects us and it's rough. Help me out

1676
01:13:55,640 --> 01:13:59,040
Speaker 2: because I got nes bro, cheating ain't an option, and

1677
01:13:59,080 --> 01:14:02,320
Speaker 2: I love her to life that.

1678
01:14:04,960 --> 01:14:06,679
Speaker 1: I got anxiety super layer.

1679
01:14:07,000 --> 01:14:11,960
Speaker 3: So it started off beautiful, man, My initial thought is

1680
01:14:12,040 --> 01:14:17,360
Speaker 3: off the top is before you even said she had trauma.

1681
01:14:17,880 --> 01:14:19,960
Speaker 3: I was already leaning there. I'm like, there's got to

1682
01:14:19,960 --> 01:14:22,639
Speaker 3: be something. There has to be something in her past

1683
01:14:23,120 --> 01:14:24,920
Speaker 3: for her not to be connected with him like this.

1684
01:14:25,600 --> 01:14:27,479
Speaker 3: To me, it sounds like it's clear that she's not

1685
01:14:27,600 --> 01:14:30,599
Speaker 3: over it, you know what I mean, And although they

1686
01:14:30,960 --> 01:14:33,920
Speaker 3: went to seek counsel for it, maybe it's something that

1687
01:14:33,960 --> 01:14:37,120
Speaker 3: they haven't actually fully made it through, you know.

1688
01:14:37,400 --> 01:14:39,960
Speaker 1: So on top of that, though, like.

1689
01:14:41,479 --> 01:14:44,320
Speaker 3: It's clear that he's talking, he's voicing his opinion to

1690
01:14:44,360 --> 01:14:47,599
Speaker 3: his woman. But maybe he needs to change the setting

1691
01:14:47,640 --> 01:14:49,600
Speaker 3: and where he's telling her at. Maybe he needs to

1692
01:14:49,640 --> 01:14:53,559
Speaker 3: change up the environment. Maybe it's maybe it's it's it's

1693
01:14:53,600 --> 01:14:55,439
Speaker 3: triggering to her where he's telling her at.

1694
01:14:55,479 --> 01:14:57,680
Speaker 2: You know, let me ask a question, and this is

1695
01:14:57,720 --> 01:15:01,240
Speaker 2: just me playing devil's advocate, but also just being honest.

1696
01:15:01,680 --> 01:15:03,960
Speaker 2: Why does it seem like we as men always have

1697
01:15:04,040 --> 01:15:07,080
Speaker 2: to jump through so many hoops when we're not the

1698
01:15:07,080 --> 01:15:10,639
Speaker 2: only ones that want monogamy. Women want monogamy too, especially

1699
01:15:10,720 --> 01:15:12,439
Speaker 2: from a man that they say I want that man

1700
01:15:12,520 --> 01:15:15,479
Speaker 2: to be my man. Part of that monogamy means that

1701
01:15:16,040 --> 01:15:18,840
Speaker 2: you want me to share all of my sexual exploits

1702
01:15:18,880 --> 01:15:21,960
Speaker 2: with only you. So if I'm only supposed to share

1703
01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:25,400
Speaker 2: my sexual exploits with you. Why can't you make it

1704
01:15:25,439 --> 01:15:26,439
Speaker 2: a safe space for me.

1705
01:15:26,479 --> 01:15:29,680
Speaker 1: To do that. Maybe she wasn't aware of what the

1706
01:15:29,760 --> 01:15:33,600
Speaker 1: expectation was. That is actually a very good point, you

1707
01:15:33,680 --> 01:15:34,080
Speaker 1: know what I mean.

1708
01:15:34,160 --> 01:15:38,160
Speaker 3: Sometimes that happens when we haven't expressed exactly what we're

1709
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:40,880
Speaker 3: looking for or what we need. We kind of just

1710
01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:43,719
Speaker 3: kept it internally and just assumed them to know because

1711
01:15:43,720 --> 01:15:45,600
Speaker 3: she's the woman and I'm the man, you know what

1712
01:15:45,640 --> 01:15:48,080
Speaker 3: I mean, And that's how it goes. So I would

1713
01:15:48,080 --> 01:15:50,040
Speaker 3: say that's the first thing. It's just like the assumption

1714
01:15:50,120 --> 01:15:53,640
Speaker 3: that she understands what I'm saying or that what my

1715
01:15:53,760 --> 01:15:57,040
Speaker 3: needs are to the point, yeah, probably that when do

1716
01:15:57,080 --> 01:16:00,080
Speaker 3: you have that conversation or during the dating process, like

1717
01:16:00,080 --> 01:16:01,760
Speaker 3: like what does it sound like? Like hey listen, Because

1718
01:16:01,760 --> 01:16:04,519
Speaker 3: he said I don't think having sex ten times a

1719
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:08,720
Speaker 3: month is porn star ResQue ten times a month would

1720
01:16:08,760 --> 01:16:11,840
Speaker 3: be what two point five times a week, so maybe

1721
01:16:11,840 --> 01:16:13,559
Speaker 3: two to three times a week. I would have to

1722
01:16:13,600 --> 01:16:15,400
Speaker 3: agree with him and say I don't think that's porn star.

1723
01:16:15,560 --> 01:16:17,439
Speaker 1: Well did he say that? I mean, what's the what's

1724
01:16:17,479 --> 01:16:18,479
Speaker 1: the job situation now?

1725
01:16:18,520 --> 01:16:22,479
Speaker 4: Is she's still like because that makes that makes a difference.

1726
01:16:23,320 --> 01:16:25,920
Speaker 4: That makes a difference. He said something, Well, she slip me.

1727
01:16:26,240 --> 01:16:28,519
Speaker 4: He was talking about all these qualities about her. Well,

1728
01:16:28,520 --> 01:16:31,320
Speaker 4: maybe she's built, maybe she loves him, but that can

1729
01:16:31,360 --> 01:16:34,840
Speaker 4: build resentment if you're not if you're not moving and progressing, right,

1730
01:16:34,880 --> 01:16:35,280
Speaker 4: we can.

1731
01:16:35,280 --> 01:16:36,280
Speaker 1: See that in acrimony.

1732
01:16:36,320 --> 01:16:41,240
Speaker 4: And here's the thing, yore like arousal from a woman's standpoint,

1733
01:16:41,280 --> 01:16:44,160
Speaker 4: it's not just your physical it's not just yourr good yo,

1734
01:16:44,360 --> 01:16:45,920
Speaker 4: I want other guys to respect you.

1735
01:16:47,680 --> 01:16:50,800
Speaker 1: Do other men respect you? You feel me? Did y'all

1736
01:16:50,840 --> 01:16:51,160
Speaker 1: hear that?

1737
01:16:51,240 --> 01:16:54,040
Speaker 2: But it's true though, because women will say that though

1738
01:16:54,080 --> 01:16:55,720
Speaker 2: it's other men. Look at your man?

1739
01:16:56,760 --> 01:16:57,400
Speaker 1: All right? Cool?

1740
01:16:57,439 --> 01:16:59,880
Speaker 4: So now you're talking about all right, well I got

1741
01:17:00,120 --> 01:17:02,240
Speaker 4: solid four pack, Well go get a six pack.

1742
01:17:03,600 --> 01:17:03,960
Speaker 1: You got it?

1743
01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:06,040
Speaker 2: I mean, just like you wanted some funny though, dude,

1744
01:17:06,520 --> 01:17:09,479
Speaker 2: me and my friends have the same conversation. Sometimes you

1745
01:17:09,520 --> 01:17:11,280
Speaker 2: got to be better than what you think she is

1746
01:17:11,320 --> 01:17:13,320
Speaker 2: your best to get the type of woman that you want.

1747
01:17:13,360 --> 01:17:16,439
Speaker 2: Because he s you seeked out this supermodel chick that's

1748
01:17:16,439 --> 01:17:17,679
Speaker 2: super smart who makes money.

1749
01:17:17,680 --> 01:17:19,360
Speaker 4: So that's a good point for sure. And then you

1750
01:17:19,360 --> 01:17:21,840
Speaker 4: you just listed off all these things. So maybe she

1751
01:17:21,920 --> 01:17:25,519
Speaker 4: feels like she's settling for you, but she's gonna definitely

1752
01:17:25,520 --> 01:17:29,240
Speaker 4: diminish her arousal. That's just how it is. And people

1753
01:17:29,280 --> 01:17:31,559
Speaker 4: will love you through that, right, but.

1754
01:17:31,520 --> 01:17:32,400
Speaker 1: Not have sex with you.

1755
01:17:33,040 --> 01:17:38,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, And he said, I don't know how I got her.

1756
01:17:38,160 --> 01:17:39,840
Speaker 3: I don't know how I deserve her, and like we

1757
01:17:39,960 --> 01:17:44,200
Speaker 3: all love our women, but you know exactly that, right,

1758
01:17:44,560 --> 01:17:47,679
Speaker 3: not exactly how I got her. Also, you know that's

1759
01:17:47,880 --> 01:17:51,120
Speaker 3: that's a perspective look to look at. Another perspective is

1760
01:17:52,000 --> 01:17:57,160
Speaker 3: they're not speaking the same language, right, And and it's

1761
01:17:57,240 --> 01:18:01,120
Speaker 3: tough because and we talk about the porn issue a lot.

1762
01:18:01,360 --> 01:18:05,040
Speaker 3: Porn is very very damaging to the way that you

1763
01:18:05,240 --> 01:18:10,360
Speaker 3: view affection because and porn affection is kind of like

1764
01:18:10,439 --> 01:18:14,280
Speaker 3: non existent. It just shows you reaction the business, getting

1765
01:18:14,280 --> 01:18:16,120
Speaker 3: too the business and how good it be when you

1766
01:18:16,200 --> 01:18:16,880
Speaker 3: are in there.

1767
01:18:17,120 --> 01:18:17,360
Speaker 1: Right.

1768
01:18:17,960 --> 01:18:21,320
Speaker 3: So we have a I think it's known now that

1769
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:25,000
Speaker 3: women need to be stimulated mentally and emotionally before they

1770
01:18:25,000 --> 01:18:27,400
Speaker 3: can even get to that physical part of like really

1771
01:18:27,439 --> 01:18:28,639
Speaker 3: desiring that space.

1772
01:18:29,600 --> 01:18:33,879
Speaker 1: So throughout the day and we talked.

1773
01:18:33,680 --> 01:18:36,519
Speaker 3: About like warming up, warming your woman up, Like I

1774
01:18:36,560 --> 01:18:38,040
Speaker 3: don't know if that exists.

1775
01:18:38,800 --> 01:18:40,559
Speaker 1: This is what I said. It's layered to your point

1776
01:18:40,640 --> 01:18:41,800
Speaker 1: Duke of if.

1777
01:18:41,720 --> 01:18:43,519
Speaker 3: I'm sliding my man in the card, I know that

1778
01:18:43,560 --> 01:18:45,439
Speaker 3: I'm the one kind of like taking care of things.

1779
01:18:45,479 --> 01:18:46,800
Speaker 1: I'm doing this. It's like.

1780
01:18:48,360 --> 01:18:52,479
Speaker 3: That space of stimulation isn't necessarily there. It's just not there.

1781
01:18:52,600 --> 01:18:57,680
Speaker 3: It's non existent, and it's not showing up because I

1782
01:18:57,680 --> 01:19:01,679
Speaker 3: couldn't imagine my girl telling me after how many years?

1783
01:19:01,720 --> 01:19:03,960
Speaker 1: What was the years they've been together? Twelve years?

1784
01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:07,760
Speaker 3: Twelve years? Like you know, like, nah, I'm kind of good.

1785
01:19:08,280 --> 01:19:11,400
Speaker 3: I know that it's me. It's not you. It's a

1786
01:19:11,479 --> 01:19:16,439
Speaker 3: me thing. So I don't know how he's approaching the habit,

1787
01:19:16,680 --> 01:19:19,000
Speaker 3: the poor, the poorn addiction habit, because a lot of

1788
01:19:19,040 --> 01:19:20,840
Speaker 3: times we want to act that out right and you

1789
01:19:20,880 --> 01:19:22,439
Speaker 3: want to make that out and she's like, I don't know,

1790
01:19:22,600 --> 01:19:24,360
Speaker 3: don't want to do that. That's what I'm trying to do.

1791
01:19:24,439 --> 01:19:25,960
Speaker 3: You didn't even get me to the point to do that.

1792
01:19:26,160 --> 01:19:29,320
Speaker 3: To Duke's point, the lack of respect that she may

1793
01:19:29,360 --> 01:19:32,200
Speaker 3: see in him and then also see around when it

1794
01:19:32,200 --> 01:19:36,000
Speaker 3: comes to other men. Matter of fact, I'm thinking about

1795
01:19:36,000 --> 01:19:40,880
Speaker 3: this more. She might be the one that lack respect.

1796
01:19:40,880 --> 01:19:42,639
Speaker 3: It may not even be other men, because she's sliding

1797
01:19:42,640 --> 01:19:44,599
Speaker 3: the card under the table because she don't want.

1798
01:19:44,439 --> 01:19:48,080
Speaker 1: To ye, yes, see that yeah.

1799
01:19:48,560 --> 01:19:51,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, So like I don't see how you slide on

1800
01:19:51,720 --> 01:19:54,760
Speaker 3: the card, and it's like, all right, take me, that's fair.

1801
01:19:54,840 --> 01:19:55,760
Speaker 1: I'm the masculine.

1802
01:19:55,840 --> 01:19:59,800
Speaker 4: That's fair energy in your card because I still love you, yep, right,

1803
01:20:00,240 --> 01:20:02,479
Speaker 4: and that's all that is. I love you, So I

1804
01:20:02,479 --> 01:20:04,760
Speaker 4: want to preserve your integrity. I don't want you to

1805
01:20:04,760 --> 01:20:05,480
Speaker 4: be embarrassed.

1806
01:20:05,600 --> 01:20:05,800
Speaker 1: See.

1807
01:20:05,840 --> 01:20:07,880
Speaker 2: I wish he would have told us where he is

1808
01:20:07,920 --> 01:20:10,880
Speaker 2: financially now so that we could understand, because all he

1809
01:20:10,880 --> 01:20:12,840
Speaker 2: talked about in the very beginning, he said he got

1810
01:20:12,840 --> 01:20:15,559
Speaker 2: his degree, but that doesn't mean the degree translated to

1811
01:20:15,640 --> 01:20:17,920
Speaker 2: making money to where he can be the one.

1812
01:20:17,760 --> 01:20:19,000
Speaker 1: Now to be like, baby, I got it.

1813
01:20:19,040 --> 01:20:21,840
Speaker 4: That's actually a good value, right, And like you just said,

1814
01:20:21,880 --> 01:20:26,200
Speaker 4: like he's talking about like pretty much he's.

1815
01:20:25,240 --> 01:20:28,160
Speaker 1: Writing like he all kicked his coverage. That's literally where

1816
01:20:28,160 --> 01:20:28,519
Speaker 1: I said.

1817
01:20:28,760 --> 01:20:31,679
Speaker 4: So any guy's walking around like I'll kick my coverage,

1818
01:20:32,040 --> 01:20:35,000
Speaker 4: it's not like commanding that type of respect from your woman,

1819
01:20:35,360 --> 01:20:37,719
Speaker 4: right You'll say, your woman's not looking up to you. Yeah,

1820
01:20:37,800 --> 01:20:40,160
Speaker 4: that's going to affect you sexually, you know what I'm saying,

1821
01:20:40,280 --> 01:20:43,240
Speaker 4: Especially if you're the one who always wants to have sex,

1822
01:20:44,160 --> 01:20:46,519
Speaker 4: especially where she feels like, Okay, now it's a burden,

1823
01:20:46,600 --> 01:20:47,160
Speaker 4: a burden to.

1824
01:20:47,160 --> 01:20:51,040
Speaker 1: Me, all right. Nah, I agree with that. I agree

1825
01:20:51,040 --> 01:20:51,360
Speaker 1: with that.

1826
01:20:51,840 --> 01:20:56,040
Speaker 2: I hope, sir, he didn't leave his name, but I

1827
01:20:56,080 --> 01:20:58,600
Speaker 2: do hope he was able to listen and will be

1828
01:20:58,640 --> 01:21:01,679
Speaker 2: able to take what you guys say, because I'm always

1829
01:21:01,680 --> 01:21:03,320
Speaker 2: the one on the giving end of this, like when

1830
01:21:03,360 --> 01:21:05,960
Speaker 2: guys right in and then I'm told sometimes and I'm

1831
01:21:06,000 --> 01:21:09,360
Speaker 2: too hard on the guys because well, everybody ain't gonna

1832
01:21:09,360 --> 01:21:10,720
Speaker 2: be able to do this and make this money and

1833
01:21:10,720 --> 01:21:12,559
Speaker 2: play in the NFL. And I said, what, everything ain't

1834
01:21:12,560 --> 01:21:15,719
Speaker 2: about money, but everything is about how you see yourself.

1835
01:21:16,160 --> 01:21:18,559
Speaker 2: And if your girl sees that you don't see yourself

1836
01:21:18,560 --> 01:21:23,120
Speaker 2: in a high value, she's not going every time. And

1837
01:21:23,200 --> 01:21:25,280
Speaker 2: you guys just confirmed that because all of you have

1838
01:21:25,479 --> 01:21:27,880
Speaker 2: all said that in one way or another. You gotta

1839
01:21:27,920 --> 01:21:31,560
Speaker 2: feel yourself in order for your girl to feel you.

1840
01:21:31,560 --> 01:21:33,400
Speaker 3: You gotta feel like the prize in order for her

1841
01:21:33,400 --> 01:21:37,000
Speaker 3: to understand you are one. So that you gotta feel

1842
01:21:37,000 --> 01:21:38,920
Speaker 3: like the prize in order for her to understand that

1843
01:21:39,000 --> 01:21:39,559
Speaker 3: you are one.

1844
01:21:39,720 --> 01:21:43,280
Speaker 1: If you another.

1845
01:21:44,800 --> 01:21:49,040
Speaker 2: Says men of the prize, you have to feel like

1846
01:21:49,160 --> 01:21:49,960
Speaker 2: you are the prize.

1847
01:21:49,960 --> 01:21:51,200
Speaker 1: For her to recognize that.

1848
01:21:51,120 --> 01:21:53,559
Speaker 2: You are one and vice versa lively every day you

1849
01:21:53,600 --> 01:21:55,840
Speaker 2: walked in the house and your girl told you, like, man,

1850
01:21:55,880 --> 01:21:56,960
Speaker 2: I don't even deserve you.

1851
01:21:57,479 --> 01:21:59,760
Speaker 3: Man, you're just such a good man. You're just I

1852
01:21:59,760 --> 01:22:02,280
Speaker 3: gotta don't even know how I even got you. I'm

1853
01:22:02,280 --> 01:22:04,760
Speaker 3: surprised that all the women out there that look at

1854
01:22:04,800 --> 01:22:06,840
Speaker 3: you can't just get you at the drop of a hat.

1855
01:22:06,880 --> 01:22:08,080
Speaker 3: You're gonna tell you that all the time. You be

1856
01:22:08,080 --> 01:22:12,080
Speaker 3: looking at it, like, bro, we in this together, right, right,

1857
01:22:12,680 --> 01:22:15,080
Speaker 3: you gotta have that that. I don't want to say.

1858
01:22:15,120 --> 01:22:16,880
Speaker 3: I don't want to say self respect as if he's

1859
01:22:16,960 --> 01:22:18,720
Speaker 3: lacking it, but you gotta do.

1860
01:22:19,479 --> 01:22:20,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, he do.

1861
01:22:20,840 --> 01:22:23,240
Speaker 2: I do feel like he does lack of respect for himself,

1862
01:22:23,280 --> 01:22:24,960
Speaker 2: even the way he wrote that letter. It's a four

1863
01:22:25,040 --> 01:22:28,120
Speaker 2: page letter about how beautiful his wife is, but also

1864
01:22:28,200 --> 01:22:29,200
Speaker 2: downplaying himself.

1865
01:22:29,479 --> 01:22:30,400
Speaker 1: Then in a super.

1866
01:22:30,200 --> 01:22:33,920
Speaker 2: Bowl looking at the lights, yes, like this the whole game,

1867
01:22:34,080 --> 01:22:35,400
Speaker 2: and it's like, bruh, yeah.

1868
01:22:35,280 --> 01:22:37,040
Speaker 1: You got to get in the game. That is true.

1869
01:22:37,720 --> 01:22:39,320
Speaker 2: That's a good analogy because you are in the super

1870
01:22:39,360 --> 01:22:41,040
Speaker 2: Bowl looking at the lights, and if you are a coach,

1871
01:22:41,320 --> 01:22:41,720
Speaker 2: you like.

1872
01:22:41,760 --> 01:22:45,600
Speaker 1: You're not playing. You gotta play it. Coach, won't be like,

1873
01:22:45,720 --> 01:22:48,000
Speaker 1: get your ass in the back, but what you doing? So?

1874
01:22:48,360 --> 01:22:50,559
Speaker 2: Nah, I appreciate that, sir. What would you say if

1875
01:22:50,600 --> 01:22:53,280
Speaker 2: we wasn't here, I would have you gould add trouble.

1876
01:22:53,720 --> 01:22:55,559
Speaker 2: I would have literally said the same thing, like you

1877
01:22:55,560 --> 01:22:57,720
Speaker 2: gotta believe in yourself. The first thing I would have

1878
01:22:57,720 --> 01:23:00,840
Speaker 2: said was, well, after you got the PhD, are you

1879
01:23:00,920 --> 01:23:03,400
Speaker 2: earning enough now where you can treat your woman the

1880
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:04,400
Speaker 2: way she treated you?

1881
01:23:05,400 --> 01:23:06,360
Speaker 1: If you got a four pack.

1882
01:23:06,439 --> 01:23:08,479
Speaker 2: I say this to dudes all the time, get an

1883
01:23:08,479 --> 01:23:11,320
Speaker 2: eight pack if your girl requires that, you need more

1884
01:23:11,360 --> 01:23:13,720
Speaker 2: of this, Because we as men often require out of

1885
01:23:13,720 --> 01:23:15,920
Speaker 2: our girls, don't we be the first ones to be

1886
01:23:15,960 --> 01:23:17,720
Speaker 2: like I like if you get a little tighter, you

1887
01:23:17,800 --> 01:23:19,200
Speaker 2: get that a little bit. We will all say we

1888
01:23:19,320 --> 01:23:21,840
Speaker 2: like ass. I'm the same one telling Kay like yo

1889
01:23:21,920 --> 01:23:23,600
Speaker 2: hit that squad rat twice a week, you know what

1890
01:23:23,600 --> 01:23:25,760
Speaker 2: I'm saying. So for me, it ain't nothing for me

1891
01:23:25,800 --> 01:23:28,320
Speaker 2: to tell myself like I got to eat better.

1892
01:23:28,640 --> 01:23:30,200
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I got a question for you.

1893
01:23:30,439 --> 01:23:34,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, And this is like us as brothers talking right

1894
01:23:35,120 --> 01:23:37,160
Speaker 3: when you just said, you know, sometime I look at

1895
01:23:37,200 --> 01:23:39,000
Speaker 3: my wife and I'd be like, yo, hit that squad rack.

1896
01:23:40,080 --> 01:23:41,800
Speaker 3: How did you guys get to the point for you

1897
01:23:41,880 --> 01:23:44,959
Speaker 3: to get to that level of critique and feel comfortable

1898
01:23:44,960 --> 01:23:47,280
Speaker 3: with saying it and know that you're not attacking her,

1899
01:23:47,520 --> 01:23:49,599
Speaker 3: but you know, you just you're speaking from a real

1900
01:23:49,640 --> 01:23:50,240
Speaker 3: place of love.

1901
01:23:50,680 --> 01:23:52,040
Speaker 2: To be honest, I think it was easy for me

1902
01:23:52,080 --> 01:23:55,360
Speaker 2: because my wife was a pageant queen. Her mom is

1903
01:23:55,439 --> 01:23:57,760
Speaker 2: Jamaican and her mom will pinch her side every day

1904
01:23:57,800 --> 01:23:59,360
Speaker 2: of her life and be like, you're not where you

1905
01:23:59,439 --> 01:24:01,680
Speaker 2: need to be. So I think she was already conditioned

1906
01:24:01,720 --> 01:24:05,040
Speaker 2: to understand that that type of critique is also coming

1907
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:07,679
Speaker 2: from a place of love. Plus she's also extremely vain,

1908
01:24:08,120 --> 01:24:10,240
Speaker 2: like I don't have to do much of that getting

1909
01:24:10,280 --> 01:24:13,320
Speaker 2: the squad right stuff. K wakes up every morning and

1910
01:24:13,360 --> 01:24:18,680
Speaker 2: she does the sideways. Everybody knows that girl to do that,

1911
01:24:18,760 --> 01:24:20,479
Speaker 2: and they pull it back and they just babe what

1912
01:24:20,560 --> 01:24:21,000
Speaker 2: you think.

1913
01:24:21,320 --> 01:24:23,559
Speaker 1: A lot of times I have to tell her like, yo,

1914
01:24:23,600 --> 01:24:24,920
Speaker 1: you relax.

1915
01:24:25,479 --> 01:24:27,120
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, You just had a baby,

1916
01:24:27,520 --> 01:24:29,240
Speaker 2: Calm down, that she's the one that's in the gym,

1917
01:24:29,439 --> 01:24:31,679
Speaker 2: Train me, train me. So for me, I just chose

1918
01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:34,280
Speaker 2: a woman that I knew would appreciate herself and how

1919
01:24:34,320 --> 01:24:36,320
Speaker 2: she looked enough that I wouldn't have to be the

1920
01:24:36,400 --> 01:24:37,080
Speaker 2: drill sergeant.

1921
01:24:37,600 --> 01:24:39,160
Speaker 1: So for me, I didn't really have to go through

1922
01:24:39,160 --> 01:24:39,800
Speaker 1: that like that.

1923
01:24:39,960 --> 01:24:43,320
Speaker 2: Like she she self motivates, you know, she just doesn't

1924
01:24:43,439 --> 01:24:45,840
Speaker 2: like for me to train with her because then I

1925
01:24:45,960 --> 01:24:47,840
Speaker 2: go and then I'm now, you're supposed to do it

1926
01:24:47,840 --> 01:24:49,000
Speaker 2: like this, and then she looking at I'm like, I'm

1927
01:24:49,000 --> 01:24:51,160
Speaker 2: not a football player, and I'm like, I'm not training

1928
01:24:51,200 --> 01:24:53,479
Speaker 2: you like a football player. I'm just saying that I've

1929
01:24:53,560 --> 01:24:56,320
Speaker 2: done this, and if you want to get more of

1930
01:24:56,400 --> 01:24:57,680
Speaker 2: the group, Maximus.

1931
01:24:57,280 --> 01:24:58,640
Speaker 1: You might want to turn your fee. If fuck you

1932
01:24:58,680 --> 01:25:04,559
Speaker 1: the valo, Okay, well get a trainer. I can't do it.

1933
01:25:04,680 --> 01:25:07,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not doing it. I'm not And that's been

1934
01:25:07,680 --> 01:25:09,439
Speaker 2: good for us. You know what I'm saying. We go

1935
01:25:09,479 --> 01:25:13,479
Speaker 2: to the gym, you that way, I go down somebody,

1936
01:25:16,040 --> 01:25:19,080
Speaker 2: Do you see any videos of me and k with me? Like, no,

1937
01:25:19,320 --> 01:25:21,040
Speaker 2: I'm here, she's there.

1938
01:25:21,720 --> 01:25:24,519
Speaker 1: That works for us. That works. That keeps us out

1939
01:25:24,560 --> 01:25:25,439
Speaker 1: a lot of arguments.

1940
01:25:26,920 --> 01:25:28,120
Speaker 2: If you want to be featured on one of our

1941
01:25:28,120 --> 01:25:29,960
Speaker 2: listening letters, make sure you email us at that that's

1942
01:25:29,960 --> 01:25:33,080
Speaker 2: advice dot com. That's d E A D A S

1943
01:25:33,080 --> 01:25:36,559
Speaker 2: S A d V I C E at gmail dot com.

1944
01:25:36,560 --> 01:25:38,679
Speaker 2: Now before we leave, we always finish with a moment

1945
01:25:38,720 --> 01:25:40,839
Speaker 2: of truth. I mean, give each of you a minute

1946
01:25:41,240 --> 01:25:43,719
Speaker 2: to say your moment of truth. My moment of truth

1947
01:25:43,760 --> 01:25:48,599
Speaker 2: is very simple. As men, we have to use discernment

1948
01:25:48,640 --> 01:25:51,160
Speaker 2: the same way we ask women to use discernment. If

1949
01:25:51,200 --> 01:25:54,240
Speaker 2: you're looking for a woman, make sure you're looking for

1950
01:25:54,280 --> 01:25:56,680
Speaker 2: a woman that wants to be monogamous, not just be

1951
01:25:56,760 --> 01:25:58,880
Speaker 2: a wife, because there are two different things. You can

1952
01:25:58,880 --> 01:26:01,160
Speaker 2: be a wife without being monogo but if you find

1953
01:26:01,160 --> 01:26:04,160
Speaker 2: a woman that aspires to be monogamous, you have a

1954
01:26:04,160 --> 01:26:06,240
Speaker 2: better opportunity to find someone that's gonna be your soulmate

1955
01:26:06,360 --> 01:26:06,599
Speaker 2: like you.

1956
01:26:07,720 --> 01:26:10,879
Speaker 1: That's my moment of truth. Bow, go ahead, go ahead.

1957
01:26:11,040 --> 01:26:14,559
Speaker 4: Hey, so moment of truth. Okay, So you can as

1958
01:26:14,560 --> 01:26:18,320
Speaker 4: a man, you can create the exact relationship that you

1959
01:26:18,360 --> 01:26:20,640
Speaker 4: want to create, all right, And it comes down to you.

1960
01:26:21,080 --> 01:26:25,080
Speaker 4: It's no one else's responsibility to make you handsome. There's

1961
01:26:25,080 --> 01:26:28,480
Speaker 4: no one else's responsibility to make you successful. Talk about intelligence,

1962
01:26:28,520 --> 01:26:31,280
Speaker 4: all right. Anything you want to create, you can create.

1963
01:26:31,439 --> 01:26:35,320
Speaker 4: It's your decision to choose women and have discernment, and

1964
01:26:35,760 --> 01:26:37,639
Speaker 4: you know, pick the right type of women that align

1965
01:26:37,680 --> 01:26:40,320
Speaker 4: with your morals and values. All right, Stop getting out

1966
01:26:40,360 --> 01:26:44,200
Speaker 4: here and complaining about women, all right, Shut up, stop

1967
01:26:44,240 --> 01:26:45,240
Speaker 4: complaining about women.

1968
01:26:45,439 --> 01:26:46,559
Speaker 1: Just be better, all right.

1969
01:26:46,600 --> 01:26:49,240
Speaker 4: When you just become better and make yourself the best

1970
01:26:49,240 --> 01:26:52,080
Speaker 4: you can make yourself, all right, you become desirable and

1971
01:26:52,120 --> 01:26:54,519
Speaker 4: when you come, when you become your ultimate self, bro,

1972
01:26:54,840 --> 01:26:58,439
Speaker 4: you can pick and have any women, any woman you want.

1973
01:26:58,640 --> 01:26:58,920
Speaker 1: All right.

1974
01:26:59,000 --> 01:27:02,240
Speaker 4: So it's a very bulletproof way of thinking about things.

1975
01:27:02,520 --> 01:27:04,559
Speaker 4: Don't be complaining, Just get better.

1976
01:27:05,439 --> 01:27:09,160
Speaker 3: Moment of truth, fellas, we gotta be honest. If we

1977
01:27:09,200 --> 01:27:11,760
Speaker 3: need help, we gotta see counsel. If you need to

1978
01:27:11,800 --> 01:27:16,400
Speaker 3: be if you what, excuse me, we gotta see wise counsel.

1979
01:27:16,479 --> 01:27:19,800
Speaker 3: If you know you need to remove yourself from certain

1980
01:27:19,840 --> 01:27:22,960
Speaker 3: situations because you found you feel like you fall to

1981
01:27:23,040 --> 01:27:25,320
Speaker 3: victim to certain things in those in those moments, then

1982
01:27:25,360 --> 01:27:27,640
Speaker 3: you need to avoid those type of situations, and you

1983
01:27:27,680 --> 01:27:29,840
Speaker 3: gotta be honest with yourself about that. If you know

1984
01:27:29,920 --> 01:27:32,120
Speaker 3: that you need to do more self work, you gotta

1985
01:27:32,160 --> 01:27:33,920
Speaker 3: be honest with yourself about that. You need to look

1986
01:27:33,960 --> 01:27:37,240
Speaker 3: yourself in the mirror and demand the highest out of yourself.

1987
01:27:37,240 --> 01:27:39,639
Speaker 3: You can't expect your brothers to demand it out of you,

1988
01:27:39,640 --> 01:27:42,880
Speaker 3: your mother, your girlfriend, your wife, you gotta demand that

1989
01:27:42,920 --> 01:27:44,960
Speaker 3: out of yourself. But it's first, It's got to start

1990
01:27:44,960 --> 01:27:46,320
Speaker 3: with you being honest with yourself.

1991
01:27:47,200 --> 01:27:48,200
Speaker 1: Moment of truth.

1992
01:27:48,240 --> 01:27:50,240
Speaker 3: I got it, now you got it, got it, Let's

1993
01:27:50,240 --> 01:27:55,920
Speaker 3: get money. Moment of truth. Monogamy is a choice. Monogamy

1994
01:27:56,160 --> 01:27:58,960
Speaker 3: is not a lifetime choice that you say, heyo, I'm

1995
01:27:58,960 --> 01:28:01,280
Speaker 3: gonna think about it once and I'm going to establish it.

1996
01:28:01,760 --> 01:28:05,280
Speaker 3: Monogamy is a day to day, moment to moment, minute

1997
01:28:05,320 --> 01:28:09,800
Speaker 3: to minute choice. Monogamy is understanding who you are when

1998
01:28:09,840 --> 01:28:13,560
Speaker 3: you are in the most treacherous of positions. Monogamy is

1999
01:28:13,640 --> 01:28:16,479
Speaker 3: understanding who you are when things are good and bad.

2000
01:28:17,040 --> 01:28:20,040
Speaker 3: Monogamy is a decision that you're making, not off of

2001
01:28:20,080 --> 01:28:23,120
Speaker 3: somebody else's actions, but off of your decisions and your

2002
01:28:23,160 --> 01:28:27,280
Speaker 3: thoughts and your convictions. Monogamy is a choice that is

2003
01:28:27,360 --> 01:28:29,479
Speaker 3: my moment of truth. And I'm not gonna cheat just

2004
01:28:29,479 --> 01:28:32,599
Speaker 3: because my partner cheated. It's a choice that I made.

2005
01:28:33,320 --> 01:28:35,720
Speaker 3: So I think people feel like you're gonna magically wake

2006
01:28:35,800 --> 01:28:37,840
Speaker 3: up and be monogamous because that's what you see and

2007
01:28:37,880 --> 01:28:40,759
Speaker 3: your parents do, and you've seen other good couples do. No,

2008
01:28:41,000 --> 01:28:44,519
Speaker 3: you have to choose monogamy, gentlemen, I want to thank

2009
01:28:44,560 --> 01:28:47,559
Speaker 3: y'all nice and neat podcast. Please, each one of y'all

2010
01:28:47,640 --> 01:28:50,280
Speaker 3: say your name, say your Instagram handles where we can

2011
01:28:50,320 --> 01:28:50,800
Speaker 3: find y'all.

2012
01:28:51,200 --> 01:28:53,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, man, my name is Duke Ihanacho. You can find

2013
01:28:53,800 --> 01:28:55,639
Speaker 4: me at Duke right. I don't know how I got

2014
01:28:55,640 --> 01:29:00,360
Speaker 4: the name, but you know that's crazy, very simple on

2015
01:29:00,439 --> 01:29:03,599
Speaker 4: Duke Universities under the back for it right, It's Duke

2016
01:29:03,760 --> 01:29:06,639
Speaker 4: at d u k E. And yeah, it's been a pleasure.

2017
01:29:06,640 --> 01:29:08,960
Speaker 1: Bro. My name is Omar Bolden.

2018
01:29:09,000 --> 01:29:11,160
Speaker 3: You can find me on all platforms at Omar dot

2019
01:29:11,200 --> 01:29:14,880
Speaker 3: Bolden and your devo. Bro, thank you for giving us

2020
01:29:14,880 --> 01:29:19,320
Speaker 3: this opportunity to connect to builds and to share the platform. Yes, sir,

2021
01:29:19,760 --> 01:29:24,120
Speaker 3: my name is Jalan Webster. You can find me at

2022
01:29:24,520 --> 01:29:27,479
Speaker 3: just dot jeln j A l O N. I was

2023
01:29:27,520 --> 01:29:30,680
Speaker 3: trying to get at Jalan but I couldn't get it,

2024
01:29:30,680 --> 01:29:32,240
Speaker 3: so it's just dot jelan.

2025
01:29:32,880 --> 01:29:37,840
Speaker 1: Thanks de Val. Appreciate you. I had to give you

2026
01:29:41,120 --> 01:29:41,920
Speaker 1: real thank you man.

2027
01:29:42,000 --> 01:29:45,360
Speaker 3: We really appreciate you and the time that we spent

2028
01:29:45,439 --> 01:29:47,519
Speaker 3: and feel like just really kicking it with one of us.

2029
01:29:48,560 --> 01:29:50,360
Speaker 1: We love your platform, We love what you and your

2030
01:29:50,360 --> 01:29:50,880
Speaker 1: wife are doing.

2031
01:29:50,880 --> 01:29:55,760
Speaker 3: And keep spreading this positivity and continue to help relationships

2032
01:29:55,840 --> 01:29:56,360
Speaker 3: be cool.

2033
01:29:57,120 --> 01:29:59,200
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, thank you, No, I appreciate y'all.

2034
01:29:59,280 --> 01:30:03,559
Speaker 2: Let make sure you on patreonicy exclusive Deadass podcast video content,

2035
01:30:03,760 --> 01:30:05,120
Speaker 2: and find us on social media.

2036
01:30:05,160 --> 01:30:06,400
Speaker 1: That's dead Ass the podcast.

2037
01:30:06,680 --> 01:30:09,040
Speaker 2: Kadeen is my wife known as Kadeen, I am and

2038
01:30:09,120 --> 01:30:11,800
Speaker 2: I Am Devout, and if you're listening on Apple podcasts.

2039
01:30:11,560 --> 01:30:17,080
Speaker 1: Be sure to rate, review, and subscribe dead Ass y'all.

2040
01:30:17,880 --> 01:30:23,360
Speaker 2: Cut dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network

2041
01:30:23,400 --> 01:30:26,600
Speaker 2: and its produced by Donor Opinya and Triple. Follow the

2042
01:30:26,600 --> 01:30:29,439
Speaker 2: podcast on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and

2043
01:30:29,520 --> 01:30:30,439
Speaker 2: never miss a Thing