Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's NICKI Hello here I am
Speaker 1: It's a Niculator podcast. I'm Nicky Glazer. We are here
Speaker 1: in St. Louis. Andrew Colin is here. What's up? Andrew?
Speaker 1: Nick yo? Noah is in Arizona. Noah was. You're in
Speaker 1: a different space today physically, uh not really mentally physically
Speaker 1: in New York. Oh you are? Yeah? I want my
Speaker 1: dad so he's storing me in this little room. Well
Speaker 1: that's You've got a good set up there. Thanks, Like
Speaker 1: you got to go to mic stand. This is the
Speaker 1: only part of the house that doesn't have some like
Speaker 1: weird Romanian relic on the wall. What's like an example
Speaker 1: of a Romanian relic he has? I wouldn't even know
Speaker 1: what the weird like dolls, like weird dog figurines and things.
Speaker 1: You have really white teeth too. Have you been whitening recently?
Speaker 1: I think it's it might be well, I need to
Speaker 1: get that ring light. Tooth whiting is so interesting because
Speaker 1: you it works and your teeth look white because I
Speaker 1: used a little light. You know, you put the stuff
Speaker 1: and I put it in my invisiline trays and then
Speaker 1: I just hold on the light and I read you
Speaker 1: the light over and over like it says to do
Speaker 1: it for three minutes, but I just keep going and
Speaker 1: then my teeth will be so white. And then the
Speaker 1: second I have a beverage, that is the second I
Speaker 1: gargle with Dike Cola, Cola, What am I going over there? Yes,
Speaker 1: some tab when I call it a big thing? I remember,
Speaker 1: remember when you're younger. I remember when the first time
Speaker 1: I rememver went to an open mic night with my
Speaker 1: dad to see what the what it was like Andy Woodhall,
Speaker 1: who is a comedian that is still out and about.
Speaker 1: He's so good his He was his first time doing
Speaker 1: stand up and that night I saw him go up
Speaker 1: and I like loved his joke. He was like, I
Speaker 1: think the next civil war is going to be over
Speaker 1: whether you called it Sodor pop, and I thought that
Speaker 1: was I was. I remember I went up to him
Speaker 1: afterwards and I was like, I really like that joke
Speaker 1: about the civil war. And it was his first time
Speaker 1: on stage, which I did not know, and he never
Speaker 1: forgot it. And then I ended up being obviously a
Speaker 1: comic on the scene and he was like, you were
Speaker 1: the one that came out to me on my first time.
Speaker 1: I ever did stand up and told me that joke
Speaker 1: was good, and uh, that's probably still doing it today. Probably,
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe I'm not even lying. Like that's how
Speaker 1: much it matters when someone, especially like a young cute girl,
Speaker 1: probably for you know, he was a young cute boy,
Speaker 1: was probably like he's like, that's why I've written thirty
Speaker 1: hours on soda? And what did you call it? I mean, Florida,
Speaker 1: I think is a soda land? Right? Soda? Yeah, soda
Speaker 1: for sure. I think pop is more East Coast? Is
Speaker 1: that right now? Were you a pop Chicago? Midwest? Oh? Yeah? Maybe?
Speaker 1: Well I grew up in Ohio and Missouri. We called
Speaker 1: it soda. My cousins called it pop. Yeah, let me
Speaker 1: get a pop. When we moved here, there were a
Speaker 1: lot of things that people said that we were just like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck trash here? Honestly, white trash is one
Speaker 1: of them that they burned in our zoysia yard. Is
Speaker 1: that the idea of someone getting a white person getting
Speaker 1: more mad at another white prayer another person being even whiter.
Speaker 1: White trash is so mean, but it's so it's such
Speaker 1: a good It's a crispy word. Is white trash? Trash
Speaker 1: is just like it's got it's one syllable, yet it
Speaker 1: has so much trash because white is kind of looked
Speaker 1: at as angelic and uh, you know for a wedding
Speaker 1: and then trash. It's a nice combo. It's a nice balance. Well,
Speaker 1: that is an interesting thing that you say that that
Speaker 1: was one of the words. In Cincinnati we called white
Speaker 1: trash hillbillies, and here in St. Louis they called them. No,
Speaker 1: I don't know, what do you think they call him
Speaker 1: in St. Louis, like white trash and not the word
Speaker 1: white trash. No, I know, rednecks. No, that's I think
Speaker 1: that's more South, and that's more like celebrating, like I'm
Speaker 1: a red nick. It's not like derogatory, um Hoosiers, whereas
Speaker 1: in Ohio Hoosiers were like, that's the Indiana team, that's
Speaker 1: the that's the movie about the guy's cycling. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know that. But but but here we moved here and
Speaker 1: no one used hillbilly, and we were I mean, we
Speaker 1: had songs about hill billies. My sister made a song
Speaker 1: that was like, hey, Billy's busting up the town. He
Speaker 1: Billy's running naked all around, Billy's having lots of fun.
Speaker 1: Hey Billy's gotta get one. I don't know why you
Speaker 1: gotta get one. Yeah, Hey, Billy's wasn't up the town. Hey,
Speaker 1: Billy's un naked all around here. Billy's having lots of
Speaker 1: fun here, Billy is gonna get wont that was? That
Speaker 1: was fun. My sister used to do like a jake
Speaker 1: where she was almost very similar to that. Incredible that
Speaker 1: that came out of you. I just want to hold
Speaker 1: a not a teapot. What are it is? A jug? Oh? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What did they call it? Something else? A jug man? Oh?
Speaker 1: That's another. I think there's two different names for canteen. Oh.
Speaker 1: My biggest word that I used to funk up was
Speaker 1: that people go, what did you say? Where are you from?
Speaker 1: Was um c O M P A S S. Wait,
Speaker 1: what's that? C O M P A S S. How
Speaker 1: do you say it? Ce O compass? Yeah? People say compass,
Speaker 1: but to me, I was like, it's not c U
Speaker 1: M it's compass. Oh or I thought you were going
Speaker 1: to say, come pass on my chest. Yeah, there's a
Speaker 1: there's a a little valley. It's the Compass. It's the
Speaker 1: never ending story where the two things blood coming down.
Speaker 1: Um um yeah yeah, I don't canteen. I love the canteen.
Speaker 1: I love the feel of a canteen. Yeah, that metal,
Speaker 1: and then you would put like a cover over. I
Speaker 1: don't know, there was a very nice texture. Kerson had
Speaker 1: one in our base sit and we used to film
Speaker 1: a video of a homeless man who had a record release.
Speaker 1: I think I talked about it before. Okay, so there
Speaker 1: was this. We did a series of videos. We were
Speaker 1: again I hate to brag, but I was. We were
Speaker 1: so funny. Kerson is one of the funniest people a lot,
Speaker 1: and so she really inspired a lot of this. But um,
Speaker 1: we had this canteen. We would put on a bunch
Speaker 1: of coats and then I would sit on the stairs
Speaker 1: and play my canteen and just like oh and just
Speaker 1: kind of like grunt and hit the canteen and Kirsten
Speaker 1: would do the voice over that was like he's back
Speaker 1: with another album and it was just like me just this.
Speaker 1: We would do jump cuts, like we would just press
Speaker 1: record and then on record, record on record, So it
Speaker 1: was just this hectic thing of like oh, it was
Speaker 1: like it was so weird. We were so weird. And
Speaker 1: that was I think that was probably the same night
Speaker 1: we were down in her basement making videos, and I
Speaker 1: remember her mom came to the top of the stairs
Speaker 1: and was like, girl, Princess Diana's dead, and we were
Speaker 1: just like, we're you're sucking up our shot man Like
Speaker 1: it didn't I remember I was. I was actually deeply
Speaker 1: like affected by it because I could tell how much
Speaker 1: it mattered to the world. Um, but do you remember
Speaker 1: you You don't remember where you were for nine eleven,
Speaker 1: let alone princess died. Do you remember anything about Princess
Speaker 1: Diana Dane. I think I was. I think I think
Speaker 1: I was driving behind her. I don't know. Was that
Speaker 1: a big deal to you at all? I remember it,
Speaker 1: but it didn't really like affect me emotionally. I didn't understand,
Speaker 1: like I didn't grasp the size of a princess being
Speaker 1: chased by a paparazzo. And I mean, I don't think
Speaker 1: anyone put that together until later. But mazz that's a
Speaker 1: single interesting Yes. I also just found out that mido
Speaker 1: condria is the plural of condron drawn d r o
Speaker 1: n control what you recommended. Mito country is like the
Speaker 1: the thing inside of a cell that is like the
Speaker 1: center where all this stuff happens. All the energy happens.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm reading a book about sucking science
Speaker 1: and the mind and enlightenment. Right now, I've gone through
Speaker 1: like three pages, but so far things are positive. What's
Speaker 1: what we're to get? Recommended it? My brother recommended it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: to like see positives in the world. That's Oh. I've
Speaker 1: heard of this book where it's like about how everything's okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: People are talking about this book where it's like the
Speaker 1: theme of the book as you get to the end
Speaker 1: of it and things are getting better as opposed to
Speaker 1: work actually essentially, yeah, and then after you read it,
Speaker 1: you feel a lot better about the world. And I
Speaker 1: don't want to be um lied too, So I'm not
Speaker 1: going to read it. Well my two percent right now,
Speaker 1: and I think that includes the introduction. I am so
Speaker 1: sick of reductions. I've said this before. I've never read
Speaker 1: an introduction. Why am I going to buy a book
Speaker 1: forward forward? I'll forward this book to the trash. I
Speaker 1: don't want to hear another I bought this book to
Speaker 1: hear you, right, I don't want to hear your friend
Speaker 1: tell me how good this book is. I bought it
Speaker 1: already and I don't need you to give me a
Speaker 1: synopsis of how good it or what's it's about? Started up,
Speaker 1: it's what inspired to write it, Stop it, what happened
Speaker 1: to just like for John, for mom, Like that's all
Speaker 1: I need out of a page. I do not mean
Speaker 1: I will tell you do do authors not realize that forwards?
Speaker 1: The only forward that I will say is worth reading
Speaker 1: is um that I've heard about because I haven't read
Speaker 1: the book in but I do own it sona mom Cessian.
Speaker 1: Um Uh is Conan's assistant, and he wrote the foreword
Speaker 1: to her book and I read it because they posted
Speaker 1: it on the subreddit. And it is so freaking funny,
Speaker 1: as is the book. Because there's so many excerpts in
Speaker 1: the book you're really getting off. That's the only one
Speaker 1: I want to read, unless the person that is writing
Speaker 1: it is is the funniest person alive. Conan O'Brien, I
Speaker 1: don't want to hear forward. I'm I can't even believe
Speaker 1: we bought your book. You want your I think they
Speaker 1: think that people when they buy a book, they only
Speaker 1: read they start they when they're at browsing at Barnes
Speaker 1: and Noble. This must be based on like trying to
Speaker 1: get people to get your book. So a foreword will
Speaker 1: it's like the preview for your book. But you know
Speaker 1: how long the trailer is? A half? Yeah, you want
Speaker 1: to do a forward, an intro to paragraphs at a
Speaker 1: double space. That's what the back of the book is for,
Speaker 1: is to tell you what the book is about. Show
Speaker 1: me a photo of the guy. Picture a black and
Speaker 1: white picture of the guy at a corner. Tell me
Speaker 1: the Canadian price. That's a couple of dollars more. Why
Speaker 1: is it so expensive? I don't know why. It's worried
Speaker 1: to get that at the end and they got more
Speaker 1: trees there. They know it does work, though every time
Speaker 1: it works, it makes you think that it's twelve dollars.
Speaker 1: It's just all the way down I was thinking, is
Speaker 1: twelve dollars? You think dollars? No, no, no. But that's
Speaker 1: that's why they do it, is because people do think
Speaker 1: and you do too, whether or not you know it.
Speaker 1: It's like it's a it's a proven method to make
Speaker 1: people think that they're getting a deal when they're not.
Speaker 1: They're saving a scent. But I feel we've talked about
Speaker 1: this before. If something is thirteen zero zero, I see
Speaker 1: zeros and I go I'm getting a deal. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: see I Oh my god, too many high numbers. It
Speaker 1: could be two. It's a free book. Ends with zero
Speaker 1: seems so much more than Fuck you, dude. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to spend that for that eraser. By the way,
Speaker 1: nothing anywhere. By the way, I don't think anything is
Speaker 1: eight somewhere. Uh. Stephen Pinker is the guy's name. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: it's called enlightenment now the case for reasons science, humanism,
Speaker 1: and progress. I have a lot of Stephen Pinker books. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he um. He's written a lot of stuff that is
Speaker 1: recommended by like Sam Harrison one time went to as
Speaker 1: a list of books that Sam Harris recommends everyone reading.
Speaker 1: I have a big problem. Another big problem, samples. Stop
Speaker 1: filling it with the intro and the forward. Start your sample.
Speaker 1: I think chapter one it's a good point. No they
Speaker 1: that's a good point, and that is the only no.
Speaker 1: I gotta get off this train. Sorry is on it,
Speaker 1: but no, I actually would the best part about reading
Speaker 1: digitally is that you get a sample, taking sample any
Speaker 1: book you want. And I do feel that someone is
Speaker 1: actually whoever creates the samples for books doing a great job,
Speaker 1: because it is enough to actually give me a good
Speaker 1: sense of the book. I would think it would be
Speaker 1: some program that they'd run it through and just go, oh,
Speaker 1: the first tint five pages, cut it off, and it
Speaker 1: would just be, you know, that way for every book.
Speaker 1: But someone's paying attention to go, we're gonna give them enough.
Speaker 1: So I gotta say that. I think people take it
Speaker 1: into whoever's choosing the samples, at least for Apple books,
Speaker 1: they're taking into consideration that the foreword no one wants
Speaker 1: to read, and they go beyond it. I don't think
Speaker 1: you've made it past the forward though. I don't feel
Speaker 1: like they give you more. No, No, I'll fast forward
Speaker 1: to forward and then I get maybe, you know, twenty
Speaker 1: pages a book on the phone, so that's like you know,
Speaker 1: and then you make it bigger. You ever make a
Speaker 1: children's book three thousand pages? Oh my god? I mean
Speaker 1: that is what every book is for me, is like
Speaker 1: three words per page. And I'm like, it's like, no,
Speaker 1: this is bear steam bears Mandela effect. You know that? Yes,
Speaker 1: you always asked me that, like I've never heard. I
Speaker 1: saw there's a show on HBO that was talking about
Speaker 1: the Mendela effect about oh there was I forget what
Speaker 1: it was, I swear. Yeah, it's like it's the guy
Speaker 1: that Um. If you watched the rehearsal on HBO, they
Speaker 1: suggest this show. And did you watch the Carmichael movie. No,
Speaker 1: but I watched The Princess, which is another thing that
Speaker 1: you recommended to me. Did you watch the No, we
Speaker 1: were watching something else. You recommended that as well. I'm
Speaker 1: going to watch it. You guys, have you watched The
Speaker 1: Most Hated Man on the Internet? No? Oh, that one's
Speaker 1: good too. Noah, Ernie these ringing a bell? Did you
Speaker 1: watch The Princess diaiwan you can cut that out. That's
Speaker 1: part ten. Just leave it there then just put it
Speaker 1: back in, but like copy and pasted throughout the episode. No,
Speaker 1: can I just say the Princess? I really recommend The
Speaker 1: Princess on HBO. UM about Princess Diana. It is so good, captivating,
Speaker 1: I am. I'm riveted by her. So she spoke. Every
Speaker 1: time she talked, it was always like this. She never
Speaker 1: wants like raised her voice. It was always this soft
Speaker 1: I was. I felt bad for her because I felt
Speaker 1: like she wasn't able to talk, and that's why I
Speaker 1: probably built up inside her. And then she left, left
Speaker 1: and then she went through a tunnel really fast because
Speaker 1: she was being chased. No. No, but I think part
Speaker 1: of her marriage she probably got tired and she kept
Speaker 1: getting older and more mature. When she met him, she
Speaker 1: was so young that first interview, she was like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's nineteen. They image when she was sixteen. Suspicion because
Speaker 1: he was definitely in his thirties when they met in England.
Speaker 1: Sixteen you know, it's like, you know, you get your
Speaker 1: beans in your egg. Yeah, in tooth age it was
Speaker 1: eighty he was eighty. Um he yeah. And then the
Speaker 1: interesting part about the princess, because I thought I knew
Speaker 1: everything about Princess Diana just because late nights, just Wikipedian
Speaker 1: and going down those wormholes, um, going through those Paris tunnels. Um.
Speaker 1: I did not know that he was jealous of her,
Speaker 1: and he was jealous of the attention she was getting.
Speaker 1: I did not know that was a part of it,
Speaker 1: because he just seemed like a guy that actually was
Speaker 1: more like Prince William, Prince Harry didn't really want attention,
Speaker 1: was happy that it would go to someone else. How
Speaker 1: did he not know she was going to get so
Speaker 1: much attention? She was this beautiful girl that he kind
Speaker 1: of plucked out of not nowhere. But she was a
Speaker 1: nanny and um, but this this little pip squeak motherfucker
Speaker 1: was so jealous of her, and she did not do
Speaker 1: anything to try to get this more mad. Can you
Speaker 1: imagine I thing, I ride a horse, I murder poor people,
Speaker 1: I do everything, you know, and then this girl just
Speaker 1: wears a sweater with shorts and everyone loves her. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: she was just so I love that look. By the way,
Speaker 1: sweater and shorts, What do you mean it's a great
Speaker 1: look she has. I think you have the don't you
Speaker 1: have a photo in your back? Like big, big chunky shorts? No,
Speaker 1: you mean bicycle shorts? Yeah yeah, with a sweatshirt. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: that is it's not a sweater. Yeah, but a sweater
Speaker 1: is a very different thing than the sweatshirt. Um, not
Speaker 1: cou roy. Do you know what they call sweaters in
Speaker 1: the UK? I guess in London and I think also
Speaker 1: in Australia they called it. Noah, do you know what
Speaker 1: they called him? Jump us? What is it? Jumpers? Jumpers? Well?
Speaker 1: What are jumpers here? And not other people that jump? No,
Speaker 1: but there's a jumper jumper jumpers. I got my jumper
Speaker 1: and a jumper. Oh, I don't know they're sweaters. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so interesting. Let's get back to this right after this
Speaker 1: break Andrew coming around the Mountain dot Com. Alright, we're back. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I could not believe. I just didn't. Just so grossed
Speaker 1: out by Um. I guess I'm so lucky in my
Speaker 1: relationship that Chris lets me shine and it doesn't get
Speaker 1: jealous if I get a lot of attention and he's
Speaker 1: kind of like not, he has no issue with that,
Speaker 1: which I could not handle that I would be a
Speaker 1: Prince Charles about it. But if I were Prince Charles,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't marry someone who was going to take more.
Speaker 1: You know, I wouldn't marry a Princess Diana. I would
Speaker 1: marry a Camilla Parker Bolls. No. But I think that's
Speaker 1: what in his mind he envisioned. I met a nanny
Speaker 1: in a field. I'm I'm going to get it. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna still shine because she did seeing somewhat reserve.
Speaker 1: She's pretty, but she's not like voom kind of look.
Speaker 1: She has like a very like regal like she's so beautiful,
Speaker 1: but she is. But but I think in his mind
Speaker 1: he didn't when I look at her, I see like
Speaker 1: a well sophisticated looking, not like a like a model
Speaker 1: looking kind of people. He didn't know. People would just
Speaker 1: be so drawn because she's so kind and people just
Speaker 1: wanted to connect with her. And it was the first time,
Speaker 1: you know, the British royal family was actually like approachable. Yes,
Speaker 1: everywhere she went, little kids coming up with flowers. She
Speaker 1: would be like being off paparazzi and then she'd like
Speaker 1: see a little kid it and she'd be like, oh
Speaker 1: thank you, Oh my gosh, thank you. She was just
Speaker 1: such a sweet person. She went to the AIDS, Yeah,
Speaker 1: the AIDS hospital, and like at that time people were
Speaker 1: still afraid to be my people thought you could get
Speaker 1: AIDS from the air. They didn't know. And she's holding
Speaker 1: hands victims and so sweet. I cried so much in
Speaker 1: those scenes where she was just so kind to people
Speaker 1: who were like invalids. But um, yeah, I just I
Speaker 1: it makes me scared of like the idea of ever
Speaker 1: being out there again and having someone seemed cool about
Speaker 1: like oh, you're in the spotlight, and then start to
Speaker 1: have the shift of like, wow, you really yuked it
Speaker 1: up today, Like he made little snide comments during press conferences,
Speaker 1: and you could only imagine the fucking vitriol that came
Speaker 1: out when they would get on the plane where he
Speaker 1: got no attention and she's like waving and getting so
Speaker 1: many flowers. You can tell him could even I could predict.
Speaker 1: I bet you anything. At one point he was like,
Speaker 1: you love this, you love it. I'm not doing anything, Jaws,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm just trying to walk to the plane
Speaker 1: and he's like, you love it? You are you He's
Speaker 1: cheating out in the open. Yeah, that he was in
Speaker 1: love with this other girl, and she really wanted that
Speaker 1: marriage to work. It was so much that I didn't
Speaker 1: know about. And the documentary is really done so interestingly
Speaker 1: because it is not narrated. There's not talking heads that
Speaker 1: usually drive a documentary narrative. It's just soundbites of the
Speaker 1: press talking about her and the public whing in on
Speaker 1: what they think of her. And it's just so interesting
Speaker 1: how quickly they go from like we love Diana to
Speaker 1: to she can't get enough attention, she loves leaving her
Speaker 1: house like she's being hounded by paparazzi to leave the houses.
Speaker 1: She can go to the gym, and they're like, why
Speaker 1: doesn't she just I have a gym in my I
Speaker 1: have a recumbent bike in my living room. Why can't
Speaker 1: she get one? She lives at Kensington Palace and they're like,
Speaker 1: because she likes people, and they're like, oh, she loves
Speaker 1: that tension. And this woman is whenever you see someone
Speaker 1: getting a ship ton of love, the flip side of
Speaker 1: that is gonna be so fucking dark and negative. And
Speaker 1: it always happens to people. And that's what happened to
Speaker 1: his football player. His I could tell you like a
Speaker 1: little remember his grandmother and his girlfriend died on the
Speaker 1: same day, and that was the big story, and people
Speaker 1: all rallied behind him, and then the girlfriend was ended
Speaker 1: up being what everyone was told was made up. He
Speaker 1: got catfish before catfish was the thing, right, So he
Speaker 1: thought he had a girlfriend, but everyone thought that he
Speaker 1: was lying, Yeah, because he never met her before. And
Speaker 1: she died of leukemia. Right, that's what her You just
Speaker 1: got to see it. She made up a whole family.
Speaker 1: He ended up playing in the NFL for like eight seasons,
Speaker 1: married with a kid. No, no, he didn't die. The
Speaker 1: other documentary, The Most Hated Man on the Internet, is
Speaker 1: so good and it's about I didn't even know about
Speaker 1: this website and always knew about revenge porn, but I
Speaker 1: did not know about the website. Is anyone up dot
Speaker 1: com that was like huge from two thousand eleven to
Speaker 1: two twelve, and it was like a place where guys
Speaker 1: girls would upload, you know, photos of their exes or
Speaker 1: people who had scorned them and then leave their also
Speaker 1: their address, their Facebook there instant like everything, so that
Speaker 1: you could troll them. And these girls suddenly wake up
Speaker 1: one day and they go to work and they get
Speaker 1: a call from their friend being like you're on this
Speaker 1: site naked, and the girls like, I've never sent that
Speaker 1: picture to ever anyone. And that's where it begins. Was
Speaker 1: like this wasn't a boyfriend. This guy was starting to
Speaker 1: get into some stuff where it's it's so good. There's
Speaker 1: so many heroes and it's a beautifully done documentary a
Speaker 1: lot like um that don't Funk with Cats one where
Speaker 1: it's like whoa, this is a roller coaster, Like that
Speaker 1: was so good. Um, Yeah, there's so much good stuff
Speaker 1: to watch out there. The rehearsal, we've talked talked a
Speaker 1: little bit about it, but that is amazing. With Nathan
Speaker 1: Fielder I think a new episode just came out last night.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited to watch. Say about these documentaries, is
Speaker 1: like even something like that or or the Taal thing.
Speaker 1: The world has changed so much in nine years, where
Speaker 1: you know, the big story was is he gay? Is
Speaker 1: he gay? He's a football player and he's gay. Everyone,
Speaker 1: even Anderson Cooper, is like, we all really think he's gay.
Speaker 1: Like everyone's jumping on this, like he's lying. You know,
Speaker 1: this guy was loved, his grandma died and his girlfriend died.
Speaker 1: Now everyone's like, he's he's made up a story because
Speaker 1: he's really gay. And that's literally every story it's it
Speaker 1: is wild. You're right, that's so that the cultures shifted
Speaker 1: so much something that would never never it just wouldn't
Speaker 1: be the main maybe like people would be like he's
Speaker 1: probly good, you know, like in their privacy of their
Speaker 1: own thing on CNN, across going across on a scroll,
Speaker 1: is he gay? The idea of nudity on the internet,
Speaker 1: like not only fans is here where I'm not saying
Speaker 1: like you don't you know, but then was just like
Speaker 1: people fucking loved it and didn't see a problem with it.
Speaker 1: Now that would be fucking insane. It's like that's progress
Speaker 1: there is that we don't you know, landfast people for
Speaker 1: being gay. Yeah, probably, and that we would probably. It
Speaker 1: makes you think about what is happening right now that
Speaker 1: will either not be cool, but there's also you know
Speaker 1: the woke thing, the woke trend of like where it yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: where there's a lot of things that I think we're
Speaker 1: going to pull back from that and we're going to
Speaker 1: get a little bit more lax about stuff. And are
Speaker 1: you finally did an interview and like are you gay?
Speaker 1: And he goes, whoa far from it? Like he like
Speaker 1: had like like lean into the and the whole audience
Speaker 1: goes and I'm like and like people are still like
Speaker 1: that about gay, Like there's still like that about I wonder,
Speaker 1: I mean, as someone who's not gay at least I
Speaker 1: don't think so yet or doesn't doesn't identify as bisexual
Speaker 1: or anything, it's still must hurt mean to be gay.
Speaker 1: And then hear things in society that's still people go like,
Speaker 1: I'm not fucking kid, Like there's still this repulsion to
Speaker 1: the idea that you might be gay and that person
Speaker 1: we have not progressed that much. It becomes like part
Speaker 1: of the d n A of like, I'm not gay,
Speaker 1: and then you go, well, that comes off a little homophobic,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I'm the last person to be homophobic.
Speaker 1: And it kind of reminds me of like when I
Speaker 1: tell someone I'm Jewish, not in New York City and
Speaker 1: they go, you're a Jew, and it like comes off
Speaker 1: like like in a way where they don't even mean
Speaker 1: to be. This happened at the gym the other day,
Speaker 1: like whatever, someone at the gym you're Jewish, Well, actually
Speaker 1: you look like a Jew. Like they were like saying
Speaker 1: like that, and I'm not kidding you, I am not
Speaker 1: excusing it. People in the Midwest are so fucking dumb
Speaker 1: when it comes to Jewish people. We just don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying, I'm not like mad, it just like
Speaker 1: they don't even realize how it comes. Nathan Fielder's showed
Speaker 1: rehearsal there is there. He is having this guy rehearse
Speaker 1: having a conversation with his brother about um this. You know,
Speaker 1: the show is about rehearsing really tough things in life
Speaker 1: that you're gearing up for, and so he's having a
Speaker 1: conversation with his quote unquote brother played by An actor
Speaker 1: about his father's inheritance, and he's trying to get his
Speaker 1: brother to give him some of it because his dad
Speaker 1: wanted it that way but didn't write him in the will,
Speaker 1: and his brother thinks he's a gold digger, so he's
Speaker 1: trying to convince him his brother like, my, my, my
Speaker 1: girlfriend is not in this for money, Like if you
Speaker 1: give me money, it's it's up to me what I
Speaker 1: do with it, even if I do give it to her,
Speaker 1: like dad wanted this way, and they start, I mean
Speaker 1: this is in I think Oregon, you know again, Yeah,
Speaker 1: And so within seconds no, but Nathan Fielder is standing
Speaker 1: above them with his like little laptop around his shoulders,
Speaker 1: monitoring this rehearsal, helping them practice. And then he's like,
Speaker 1: don't be a jew about it, just like and he
Speaker 1: starts saying, and Nathan is just like looking around like
Speaker 1: whoo whoa, and he goes, I have to just get
Speaker 1: in your brother, the other brother, don't be a jew
Speaker 1: about and give me some money. Essentially, it's telling the brother,
Speaker 1: the actor brother, and Nathan goes, I have to say
Speaker 1: know that the real guy with an actor. So the
Speaker 1: real guy says that, and he says some other stuff too,
Speaker 1: and Nathan is just like, Nathan goes, I feel this
Speaker 1: is very it's anti semitic. And he goes and he's like,
Speaker 1: but I don't want you to not say what he
Speaker 1: would say. And he goes, is this a conversation you
Speaker 1: would have with your brother? And he's like, well, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's how we talk. And he was like, well, it's
Speaker 1: really reeking of anti Semitism, and and he was just
Speaker 1: like he there was no acknowledge. He didn't this guy
Speaker 1: is a sweet guy too, Like, there's no this guy's
Speaker 1: you find out you could come to love this guy
Speaker 1: for what he does for this old man, he says,
Speaker 1: a sweet guy. He just doesn't know that. That's like,
Speaker 1: I mean, that was my whole childhood. It's crazy people
Speaker 1: you're still encountering it in St. Louis from adults. Well
Speaker 1: that it reminded me, like that conversation because living in
Speaker 1: New York, there's no plight of the Jewish person in
Speaker 1: New York City because New York all the Jewish people
Speaker 1: they don't they don't really understand. They get anti Semitism
Speaker 1: a little bit, but they you know, people are well
Speaker 1: off and like there's a lot of Jewish people their
Speaker 1: identity of like we're Jewish and like and loud about
Speaker 1: it and it's great. But then yeah, here or like
Speaker 1: in Florida, like right when I hear that, I just,
Speaker 1: you know, go right back to my childhood of but
Speaker 1: that I heard that, So don't be a jew about it.
Speaker 1: Don't be a Jew about like that. I didn't mind
Speaker 1: Jewish jokes, but when it became such like a part
Speaker 1: of the lexicon, you know, like, hey, don't be a
Speaker 1: jew about it and pay extra or like dude, wait,
Speaker 1: that's when I would get like a little upset. But
Speaker 1: those same people again would literally like one day, would
Speaker 1: give me money if I really needed it. They would
Speaker 1: fight for me. They would They were really good friends,
Speaker 1: but they were just ignorant, and it's just like, what
Speaker 1: do you do with that. I don't, you know, they're
Speaker 1: still my friends. I mean, I guess you could say
Speaker 1: it hurts my feelings, but then you get called gay.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, I mean I was going to say it,
Speaker 1: but I was having this conversation when we were watching
Speaker 1: this with Chris about can you say jew if you're
Speaker 1: not Jewish? He's I feel like it sounds derogatory, even
Speaker 1: though it is the correct term. Well, no, Well, if
Speaker 1: you're saying if you're just saying someone's Jewish and say oh,
Speaker 1: they're a Jew, like, is that it sounds dear to me?
Speaker 1: And I know that sounds Jewish, but it doesn't sound
Speaker 1: it doesn't it sounds I guess because people who say
Speaker 1: who talk derogatorially? How do you feel? Yeah, it's how
Speaker 1: it said. It's the tone. I think, yeah, right, like
Speaker 1: it is the tone, but there is something kind of
Speaker 1: dirty about it. I agree, just say Jewish people. It's
Speaker 1: like you say he's Jewish or she's Jewish, not a Jew.
Speaker 1: I think it's you know, the way black he's black
Speaker 1: and he's African American news to be. I think now
Speaker 1: black culture has like adopted like we're black and that
Speaker 1: is like a fine way to say that's bad. That's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I can't say she is jew, she's
Speaker 1: a Jew? Well, yeah, that's not that's not the but
Speaker 1: I do feel And then I started to go, well,
Speaker 1: is my feeling that it feels weird based on my
Speaker 1: own like is I'm not? Am I not saying it
Speaker 1: because I really want to like whatever it is comics
Speaker 1: to a lot of times a Jew like is a punchline,
Speaker 1: so we think of it. I think that's that's why,
Speaker 1: because every joke about Jewish people is not like, oh,
Speaker 1: don't be a Jewish person about this, it's don't be
Speaker 1: you know, So it's always just a quicker Jews a
Speaker 1: strong word. It's just like it's long. It's like clue, trash,
Speaker 1: like the word I was saying before, Like it has
Speaker 1: a lot of crunch in it. And I don't mean
Speaker 1: to say, that's not what I was, just like the
Speaker 1: phonics of it is like crunchy, sticky, don't mean I
Speaker 1: I wept when I wasn't Jewish from my dad's twenty
Speaker 1: three in me. I want to be too, it's so bad.
Speaker 1: She was like, trash, No, it's it wasn't that. Put
Speaker 1: it in and copy and paste. Yeah, cut that out
Speaker 1: and then put it back in. Um. Yeah. Look, when
Speaker 1: I grew up, I think I've told you a story
Speaker 1: where I went to temple with my Christian Italian friend
Speaker 1: on like a high holiday like Young Kippur or whatever.
Speaker 1: Neo Nazi spray painted my whole temple like six million
Speaker 1: left died juice swastikause, like all six million left. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's pretty clever, like, you know, because we six million
Speaker 1: Jewish people were killed in the Holocaust, so six million
Speaker 1: more to go, like the idea of like they only
Speaker 1: killed half of you that's that's not a statistic, that
Speaker 1: makes no sense. Well they're not the smartest people. Well
Speaker 1: you said it. You just said it was good kind
Speaker 1: of you really like it's pretty clever. I feel in
Speaker 1: there's nothing too much credit anyhow, because I don't think
Speaker 1: there was six million left. It was six million killed. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like they left the earth or something. Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: he was talking more like six million more to go,
Speaker 1: like hypothetically like kind of thing. Like it was the
Speaker 1: anti semantics. Don't be anti anti Semitic. Just let them be.
Speaker 1: Let them have written what they wanted to write. And
Speaker 1: I remember my buddy has never been to the synagogue before.
Speaker 1: He's never you know, so he's seen this. Was it
Speaker 1: fresh paint, like it happened right before they did it
Speaker 1: because it was the high Oh shit. And I just
Speaker 1: remember my friend being like, has happened all the time,
Speaker 1: like being like not, I think a funny job. You
Speaker 1: should see. The people are so jealous of Jewish people
Speaker 1: that I mean, that is that the so much hate
Speaker 1: for different people comes from this and just jealousy that
Speaker 1: you're not that you're not that, because I think that
Speaker 1: there's reason to hate anyone unless you're jealous. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: they don't believe in Jesus, or you feel threatened in
Speaker 1: some way because you're jealous that they have something that
Speaker 1: you want. Well, here's the weird thing is like when
Speaker 1: I was in public school with a bunch of you know,
Speaker 1: everyone pretty much had the same amount of middle income
Speaker 1: lower I never heard granted I left in like fourth
Speaker 1: fifth grade, fourth grade, but I never heard anything really
Speaker 1: about your jew Jewish Like if anyone found out there,
Speaker 1: it was nothing. And then I went to private school
Speaker 1: called Christian School. Obviously there's going to be a little
Speaker 1: bit maybe more anti Semitic parents, but I think it's
Speaker 1: more about not just religion, but like Jewish people coming
Speaker 1: and making money and taking their might in fridge on
Speaker 1: our the things we want and where I live. You
Speaker 1: still couldn't be you couldn't be a member of certain
Speaker 1: country clubs. And that was just like if you're black
Speaker 1: or Jewish, you can't be a member here. And those
Speaker 1: were friends of like like that was not long ago,
Speaker 1: but no one but then if you say this, I
Speaker 1: don't think people want understand how weird it is to
Speaker 1: be Jewish outside of like big cities. You know, yeah,
Speaker 1: it really does get a little bit weird. But the
Speaker 1: thing about it that's different from a black part, like
Speaker 1: you don't have like you can say that people go, oh,
Speaker 1: you look at but people don't know it by looking
Speaker 1: at of course, of course, because we're sneaky, because we
Speaker 1: could pass this way. Yeah, you guys are so set.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so weird. Like I really do
Speaker 1: remember the first time hearing like a Jewish stereotype was
Speaker 1: when my dad was reading a joke of Sarah Silverman's
Speaker 1: out of like the New Yorker, and I was probably
Speaker 1: in high school, and it was like I was, you know,
Speaker 1: I was molested by a doctor, which as a Jewish
Speaker 1: girl is so bitter sweet, and I just didn't understand it.
Speaker 1: I still am like kind of like wait what, I
Speaker 1: don't get it. Every Jewish mother wants he had to
Speaker 1: explain it to me, and I I understand anti Semitism
Speaker 1: is like heartbreaking, and but most of the stereotypes about
Speaker 1: Jewish people are like kind of I never understood. I
Speaker 1: was like, so they are good with money, and they
Speaker 1: are good in Hollywood, and they're funny and they have
Speaker 1: like little curly tendrils on their head. Like what it
Speaker 1: was bad about any that's like it just didn't seem
Speaker 1: But you know, there's a history there that I wasn't
Speaker 1: aware of. You, like, I would love to have curls.
Speaker 1: That's where you're thing. I know, how do you did
Speaker 1: you when you live in New York City? Did you
Speaker 1: deal with anti Semitism or I don't want to like
Speaker 1: talk for people that grew up in the city, but
Speaker 1: just from what I noticed, like when I would tell
Speaker 1: the jokes of being from the South and being Jewish,
Speaker 1: they didn't hit as hard because I don't think people
Speaker 1: lived it as much, you know, not Okay, so like
Speaker 1: not that way. Honestly. I think because I grew up
Speaker 1: in Brooklyn and it's pretty culturally diverse and stuff, I
Speaker 1: never really experienced anything directly anti Semitic. But I think
Speaker 1: like through maturity or something, I realized that all those
Speaker 1: Jewish jokes that I would laugh at, or even if
Speaker 1: like they had like a positive connotation like Jews our
Speaker 1: doctors or whatever, like, I realized that like that creates
Speaker 1: anti Semitism, so it's like, I don't know, I guess
Speaker 1: like in that way, um, and then like having to
Speaker 1: laugh at it is kind of like awkward. Oh yes,
Speaker 1: so I mean I can only relate as the only
Speaker 1: kind of I guess, not minority but disenfranchised group of
Speaker 1: which I'm a part of, as being a woman and
Speaker 1: jokes about like sexist jokes. You laugh because you want
Speaker 1: to just get along with people, but yeah, because you
Speaker 1: want to get to it before anyone else can hurt you. Yes,
Speaker 1: Dan Mints had an amazing joke this weekend. I went
Speaker 1: to go see Dan Mins in um St. Charles. He's
Speaker 1: one of the best joke writers out there, and it
Speaker 1: was so It was the first I'm I can remember
Speaker 1: going to a comedy show ever and being served and
Speaker 1: like getting there and sitting at a table and like
Speaker 1: having a comedy experience. It was so fun. If you
Speaker 1: gotta go see him. Dan Min's he does the voice
Speaker 1: of Tina Belcher on Bob's Burger's, but he's he's one
Speaker 1: of my favorite joke writers ever ever. It's just all
Speaker 1: one liners. He's looking at it. He has a paper
Speaker 1: and he does like two hundred jokes in a night jokes,
Speaker 1: But some of my favorites were, um, having long hair
Speaker 1: makes it really hard to get It makes it a
Speaker 1: lot harder to get a job, especially because you're probably
Speaker 1: a woman. And then the other one I really loved
Speaker 1: was he was like, my wife is the only one
Speaker 1: I've ever been with. The rest of the women were
Speaker 1: nines or tens. When they don't land, that's hard. He
Speaker 1: just keeps rolling through. He'll he'll address it and go like, well,
Speaker 1: because he did up, he funked up a joke. He goes,
Speaker 1: every bell is this snake skin belt. If you think,
Speaker 1: if you really think about it, every belt is a
Speaker 1: snake skin belt. And no one laughed, and he goes,
Speaker 1: what did I say? Did I say? And we were
Speaker 1: just He goes, I should just tell you that, you guys,
Speaker 1: that joke is too smart for you all to get
Speaker 1: because there wasn't an aspect of it of like, was
Speaker 1: that too over our heads? But he was like, no,
Speaker 1: the joke is every snake is a snake skin belt.
Speaker 1: He just up one word, which I've done before. When
Speaker 1: I tell the joke sometimes and it gets nothing, I
Speaker 1: either go I said it wrong or I already said
Speaker 1: it And on to show nights. It frequently happens where
Speaker 1: I have done the joke on the second show, I
Speaker 1: will not know if I have done the joke twice
Speaker 1: or because I know I've done it once, but I'm like,
Speaker 1: did I do it in this set or did I
Speaker 1: do in the set before? So you realize it on stage?
Speaker 1: Now do you stop yourself? And God, did I do
Speaker 1: that joke? And then if no, immediately people be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: if you did it. Rarely happens that I did it.
Speaker 1: I would say maybe one in one percent of times
Speaker 1: I think I've said that joke, Have I actually said
Speaker 1: it again? Because I will call it out because I
Speaker 1: do not want people to go she I think of
Speaker 1: us yea of some sort. That would be so crazy
Speaker 1: if you did a half hour set and then the
Speaker 1: same exact half hour but don't even address it. Would
Speaker 1: you like the rehearsal kind of thing? You know? What
Speaker 1: happens often is that you have this happened all all
Speaker 1: the time in the clubs. When I used to have
Speaker 1: just like random people open for me, I wouldn't watch
Speaker 1: their set and they would tackle a subject that then
Speaker 1: I would tackle and there would be no connective tissue
Speaker 1: to being like, I know you just heard about this,
Speaker 1: and people would just be confounded. And then at the
Speaker 1: end of the week, I'd catch this guy's set and
Speaker 1: he's been doing the same set all week, and I go,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I have been doing the same subject
Speaker 1: matter very close to it, and these people must think
Speaker 1: I'm insane to have even gone. How does this guy
Speaker 1: also have a baggy pussy? Don't wait? Did they hook up? That?
Speaker 1: Is that why he knows that experience? Well? Yeah, it was,
Speaker 1: um what do you yeah? I mean it's uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's funny, like I never have picked openers before. And
Speaker 1: you have to kind of think about that a little
Speaker 1: bit of like who what did they talk about? Well,
Speaker 1: not be dirtier than you have them, not um, talk
Speaker 1: about things that you're going to talk about, like subject wise,
Speaker 1: because you can, like I've told you certain times opening
Speaker 1: for me like don't talk about eating ass. And it's
Speaker 1: just it sounds like I'm like policing you, but it's
Speaker 1: just because you can only ring that bell once. You're
Speaker 1: very you're very kind about material of what I can.
Speaker 1: I mean, usually we don't have too many things that
Speaker 1: cross over, but I've never felt once like keep it
Speaker 1: clean or whatever. Like it's literally been one line or
Speaker 1: one subject matter in three years, so it's like, but
Speaker 1: that that is stuff to think about. You can go
Speaker 1: see Andrew August Tuesday, UM coming up at zany is
Speaker 1: in Nashville, and you can see me in Vegas UM
Speaker 1: on September two. I would love if you would go.
Speaker 1: Benedict Polasy from UM F Boy is opening of me
Speaker 1: a young or no? UM, Well, I always tell you
Speaker 1: not to do the shirtless part, but I'm going to
Speaker 1: actually ask him to include it in this UM. I'm
Speaker 1: excited for him to do it. It's gonna be fun.
Speaker 1: Does India Where does he live? He lives in Indiana?
Speaker 1: I think yeah, I'm pretty sure. But he's flying out
Speaker 1: for that, so that'll be fun. You'll get all. I
Speaker 1: think we'll do a little Q and A about F
Speaker 1: Boy Island. I'd love for people if you want to
Speaker 1: plan a quick Las Vegas trip. It is UM Saturday,
Speaker 1: September two, and it is my last show before I
Speaker 1: have my chords uh taken out right? Now? Is there?
Speaker 1: I don't even want to put this out there, but
Speaker 1: I will because it's it's kind of fun to talk about.
Speaker 1: Are there chances at the surgery. But he's he said,
Speaker 1: in the thirty seven years i've been doing this, I've
Speaker 1: never had someone not like He goes, you have to
Speaker 1: understand the risks because they are there. But and he's
Speaker 1: flying back from Israel the day before he gets in
Speaker 1: like that morning, and my mom was like I thought,
Speaker 1: my mom, because my mom was at the pre up meeting,
Speaker 1: and she was like, what about jet lag? Are you
Speaker 1: gonna have that? And he goes, I'm a surgeon, I've
Speaker 1: sleep anywhere. I like, yeah, she asked, it was a
Speaker 1: good question. At first, thing thought she was talking about me.
Speaker 1: I go, Mama, coming from St. Louis, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: an hour different shut up about the jet lag. And
Speaker 1: she was like no him, And I go, someone's actually
Speaker 1: a good point. Um. But I I talked to um.
Speaker 1: A friend of mine had vocal cord surgery, John Mayer,
Speaker 1: and I reached out to him this weekend because I
Speaker 1: was having a lot of stress about it. That just
Speaker 1: started like I was nothing but excited, but all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, I'm like really scared about the three weeks
Speaker 1: if not talking like really like am I'm almost like
Speaker 1: solitary confinement for my brain, Like am I gonna go insane? Like?
Speaker 1: How am I going if if you know, even leaving
Speaker 1: the building, like people in the elevator always are like
Speaker 1: chatty and like or if you know, someone holds a
Speaker 1: door for me and I don't say thank you, are
Speaker 1: they going to think I'm a sucking nothing. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take my mouth shut so I don't talk in my
Speaker 1: sleep like that kind of thing. Are you gonna go to? Um?
Speaker 1: You know, Chris and I are going to go away
Speaker 1: to some sort of resort, and so no is the
Speaker 1: answer to that. But I'm actually scared that if I
Speaker 1: go there, Noah, I will not someone might come across
Speaker 1: the cabin or like neighbors, and then I will I'll
Speaker 1: have to try to communicate, Like I just I got
Speaker 1: a T shirt that says, um vocal Rest can't talk Um.
Speaker 1: Chris and I are going to make more T shirts
Speaker 1: that I can, so every day I can just wear
Speaker 1: a T shirt because it's too hard to hold out
Speaker 1: your phone and be like here. But I d M
Speaker 1: John and was like, I know you went through this,
Speaker 1: and he he did a lot longer. He did months
Speaker 1: and months, maybe a year. He was no talking and
Speaker 1: he said he suffered pretty hard the first for he said,
Speaker 1: I was going to discover things about myself. He said,
Speaker 1: it was gonna be amazing. You're gonna write so much,
Speaker 1: You're gonna learn things about yourself. You never knew it's
Speaker 1: going to be an amazing experience. Um. But in order
Speaker 1: to be social, get an iPad, put it on a stand,
Speaker 1: turn it around and you can go to dinner with people.
Speaker 1: Turn it around, get a Bluetooth keyboard and just type
Speaker 1: on it and then it comes up on the iPad
Speaker 1: facing out. And that was his tip. And I thought
Speaker 1: that was so helpful, and I was so excited. And
Speaker 1: he asked me, you know, if the doctor said not
Speaker 1: to because he had the same doctor. Um. He asked
Speaker 1: me if he told him not or me not to
Speaker 1: work out, And I was like no, because he said
Speaker 1: sometimes when you work out, you're like, like you grunt,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I'm not doing any grunting. So mine's
Speaker 1: just like I can still work out, I can still
Speaker 1: eat because nothing really touches your vocal cords unless you're
Speaker 1: like choking on water. That's the only time something touches
Speaker 1: your vocal cords. Otherwise, Okay, when you swallowed me Yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't really understand vocal courts. I don't think they
Speaker 1: have nerves, so I don't think it's going to hurt.
Speaker 1: You know, there's very light bleeding. It's mostly done with
Speaker 1: like a laser. Um. It would be funny, like you
Speaker 1: get the surgery and then you have you now speak
Speaker 1: in an Asian accent, and then you you can't stop speaking,
Speaker 1: and everyone's like, dude, this is not right, and you're like,
Speaker 1: you don't understand the surgery. It's not me. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: That would suck. So I would choose to be silent
Speaker 1: the rest of my life. If I just seemed like
Speaker 1: I was doing an impression of an Asian person, like
Speaker 1: you get canceled because you're I mean, what is the
Speaker 1: surgery exactly like it's done with it's called a oh man,
Speaker 1: let me just hold on. She's going to get something
Speaker 1: that explains the surgery. Um. What I'm guessing is they
Speaker 1: probably take a scalpel and they cut around the vocal cord,
Speaker 1: and what they do is they bleed it out. And
Speaker 1: then after you bleed out for about four or five days,
Speaker 1: you can speak better. You gargle your own blood um,
Speaker 1: and then the blood vessels will then turn into a
Speaker 1: crystal telling them about it all. Yeah, I just explained exactly. Well,
Speaker 1: then I don't need to say anything because I'm sure
Speaker 1: you've nailed it. Essentially, it's the old medieval time of
Speaker 1: they bleed out your vocal cords. Oh my god, they
Speaker 1: put leeches on it, the nick version of what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: How funny is that, Dude, You're going for a cold
Speaker 1: and they're like, you know what, We're gonna drain your
Speaker 1: body of blood. We're gonna put leeches and maggots on you. Well,
Speaker 1: leeches and maggots are actually maggots are great to clean
Speaker 1: out with the Noah's Favorite band. Okay, Um, So it's
Speaker 1: called suspension micro larin goscopy with laser and it's a
Speaker 1: green laser, so it's not it doesn't use it doesn't
Speaker 1: burn anything. It uses a green laser, a g laser,
Speaker 1: a glazer something. Mates call it um why not? You know?
Speaker 1: And if you google this doctor you will it's really interesting.
Speaker 1: He's he's operated on fucking ever rewe ever. I mean,
Speaker 1: he's it's going to It was like going to Planet
Speaker 1: Hollywood to go to his office with how many pictures
Speaker 1: on the wall of so many. That's how I knew
Speaker 1: John went to him. I was like, oh, there's a
Speaker 1: sign thing. Is there any other like Joe Buck? Joe
Speaker 1: Buck is the reason I'm going to this guy. Joe
Speaker 1: Buck saved the day and swept in because I went
Speaker 1: to a vocal UH coach who you know, saw heard something.
Speaker 1: I went to a doctor she recommended who trained under
Speaker 1: this doctor, and then um, I talked to Joe Buck
Speaker 1: about it. I was like, I think I'm gonna need
Speaker 1: this surgery because I knew he had had some. And
Speaker 1: he was like, you need to go to yeah wait
Speaker 1: what Oh yeah yeah the hair transplant thing. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: how he sucked up his vocal cords because they put
Speaker 1: a tube in his throat, you know, like into for
Speaker 1: the surgery, and it sat on his vocal cords too
Speaker 1: long and damage them. So he got out of this
Speaker 1: hair transplant surgery and he couldn't talk. And he's a broadcast.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's the voice of sports. I was thinking,
Speaker 1: because the guy talks obviously a lot, so he got
Speaker 1: it from an actual surgery, but you could get it all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but usually had a different operation than I did. Yeah, mine, mine.
Speaker 1: It was really nice to hear the doctor say, first
Speaker 1: of all, I got they stick a scope down your throat,
Speaker 1: and so they spray the stuff in your throat to
Speaker 1: numb it, and then they stick a scope down and
Speaker 1: then he makes me go, uh like do like ah
Speaker 1: and like sing and he said, You're the best I've
Speaker 1: ever had at this is that you were that you
Speaker 1: were the best I've ever had at sticking a scope
Speaker 1: down someone's throat and them singing and not gagging. He
Speaker 1: was like, you were the best at having something down
Speaker 1: your throat and not gagging. And I was like, I
Speaker 1: was believing in college and my second life is but
Speaker 1: I really was. I no gag, refles, nothing, and I
Speaker 1: could sing perfectly. And he was like I've never He
Speaker 1: was like, you're great. And then my mom was like
Speaker 1: she as and he goes, well, her chords are terrible.
Speaker 1: He was like, this is so he looks at it
Speaker 1: and he was like, your mom's like I would never
Speaker 1: watch her perform a scope while singing. Sur I would
Speaker 1: never watch that myself, But I get why people would
Speaker 1: like it. If I wasn't her mom, I would not
Speaker 1: be here right now. It was I got a mom,
Speaker 1: so uh. But he was the idea of your mom
Speaker 1: being like a cancer. What I'm going on, Luigi, what's
Speaker 1: going on? Wiping his butt hole on the ground? Here?
Speaker 1: Come here? Can I hit your butt hole? Come here? Well,
Speaker 1: mean the green lazer your butt hole off? Okay? So
Speaker 1: then so yeah, so you get the scope and then
Speaker 1: and then he's like, it's really you know, this is bad,
Speaker 1: and so my my chords. You know, it looks like
Speaker 1: a vagina. There's like two sides to it, and it's
Speaker 1: all wet and mucacie, and it looked like the places
Speaker 1: where it hits it's like all calloused and bumpy on
Speaker 1: each side, and it's supposed to be smooth. And then
Speaker 1: I got this weird web space at the bottom that
Speaker 1: he might cut. He's going to be like, that might
Speaker 1: free up some more room, but then I'd have to
Speaker 1: stitch it up. So I'm going to actually make all
Speaker 1: I might have to have two surgeries, and which is
Speaker 1: another thing. He's like, I'll decide when I get in
Speaker 1: there if it's going to be one or two. I'm
Speaker 1: never trying to make money off of you, Please don't
Speaker 1: think that, but this might need to which is just like,
Speaker 1: oh god, but but that's what I mean, I was
Speaker 1: going to dumble up on the surgeries because I'm out
Speaker 1: of work, So it's I might as well have maybe
Speaker 1: a little nipotech, a little ponytail lift. Um, let's talk
Speaker 1: about this and top one, bottom one all the week.
Speaker 1: Yeah we're back. Um, so yeah, I'm gonna sound I'm
Speaker 1: gonna sound different. It's like I'm a little bit of
Speaker 1: gonna be too high or like like in the middle.
Speaker 1: Shocked that I don't get mocked more for my voice
Speaker 1: because it is harsh and low and um husky, But
Speaker 1: it's it's something that is I get recognized for my
Speaker 1: voice more than anything. Anytime someone recognizes me, they always
Speaker 1: go I heard your voice, and I go, I know
Speaker 1: that voice, and so what do you mean, Oh, David
Speaker 1: has been well that is a different voice entirely, So
Speaker 1: people don't tend to recognize me on that. But um, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it is. I don't think that happens to most
Speaker 1: people of where their voices. Although I was staying in
Speaker 1: l A this past week and I heard, yeah, well
Speaker 1: we're getting we're waiting for another two point three million
Speaker 1: to finance the deal, and so we're gonna we're gonna
Speaker 1: try to make it happen. And I was like, who
Speaker 1: the And I was like, that's a Baldwin. I looked
Speaker 1: over and it is definitely a Baldwin brother and I
Speaker 1: was like yes, because um, but so I do get
Speaker 1: recognized for my voice. So there's a little part of
Speaker 1: me that's like, I know people are going to be
Speaker 1: like I miss because people hate change, and so I
Speaker 1: know I'm gonna have fans be like you sound weird.
Speaker 1: I don't like it. But the truth is like I'm
Speaker 1: not doing this for my speaking voice and doing this
Speaker 1: we can sing because my but like Keith Urban and
Speaker 1: I are having had the same surgery. And Keith Urban
Speaker 1: I was reading all these things about him and he
Speaker 1: had always sung on a fucking broken voice. He didn't
Speaker 1: he he broke his voice early on in his career
Speaker 1: singing in like loud Australian pubs, and then for the
Speaker 1: rest of his career it just got progressively worse. But
Speaker 1: he was just like it was like running on a
Speaker 1: broken leg, like he just made it work, like he
Speaker 1: was Jackie channing at You ever see those videos of
Speaker 1: like Jackie chan like breaks his leg doing a stunt
Speaker 1: and then he just like keeps working on it. So
Speaker 1: that's what Keith Urban was doing. And he said that
Speaker 1: once he had the surgery, it's he was able to
Speaker 1: write so much more and it freed up so much
Speaker 1: space because he was always so fucking worried about losing
Speaker 1: his voice, not being able to hit this note, like
Speaker 1: it was consuming his life. And then after he got
Speaker 1: it done, he he didn't know what it was like
Speaker 1: to not worry about his voice. And every time I
Speaker 1: sing or do like a little like, you know, even
Speaker 1: by myself alone in my like you know, it's the
Speaker 1: thing I enjoyed most in the world, and every time
Speaker 1: I do it, I'm always like, how long do I
Speaker 1: have before this gives out? Like I have a sweet
Speaker 1: spot of about ten minutes where my voice sounds the
Speaker 1: way I wanted to, and even then not really the
Speaker 1: way I wanted to, just the best that I can sound,
Speaker 1: and then the rest of the time it's ship and
Speaker 1: it's like I, after this, my speaking voice will be
Speaker 1: a little clearer, he said, I'll still probably have a
Speaker 1: little grit to it like I normally have, but that
Speaker 1: my vocal range in terms of singing is going to
Speaker 1: be crazy, like exponentially different, And it's all because I
Speaker 1: think yelling in my childhood home, we like having a
Speaker 1: big house. When we moved into a bigger house, the
Speaker 1: yelling to communicate with each other, I think did broke
Speaker 1: me good. But it was just very I almost started
Speaker 1: crying when he was like, there's a lot of trauma
Speaker 1: on these vocal cords. Just the word trauma like validated,
Speaker 1: like so. And my therapisty Is even noticed that when
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm talking to her on when we're on FaceTime,
Speaker 1: like when I'm having a hard time, when something is
Speaker 1: really affecting me, I just start grabbing my throat like this,
Speaker 1: and it's like that. She's like, that tells me that
Speaker 1: you have so much as being held back through your Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, please like me. He's still came pretty
Speaker 1: and young. You said that like fans are sorry. You
Speaker 1: said that fans might be upset that your voice might
Speaker 1: sound different. But I was watching an old clip, and
Speaker 1: your voice has changed over the years. You still have, like, yes,
Speaker 1: the same quality that makes it recognizable, but I think
Speaker 1: like your pitch has changed totally. I listened to even
Speaker 1: if you watch perfect or even if you listen to
Speaker 1: you Up, like some clips from that, I sound much
Speaker 1: younger and like Spryer and yeah, it's just I'm so
Speaker 1: freaking excited to get that back and to have like
Speaker 1: a a voice that isn't like grizzled and like my
Speaker 1: cords are just struggling every day. And the cool thing
Speaker 1: like Steven Tyler has a lot of damage on his
Speaker 1: vocal chords I've heard, but he makes the little space
Speaker 1: that he does of his chords that actually are soft,
Speaker 1: and like he makes that little space work. He's like
Speaker 1: a genius. He's figured out a way through just training
Speaker 1: to keep to maintain even though he has damaged. So
Speaker 1: like your chords, you don't really have control over them.
Speaker 1: They're not muscles that you can control. But some singers
Speaker 1: that's why they're better than others. There's something that they
Speaker 1: can do in there to make it work that I
Speaker 1: haven't been able to do. It's so um so it's yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I think that if I'm able to like
Speaker 1: sing well and train it, It's like getting my guitar fixed.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm trying to play with a guitar that
Speaker 1: has one baggy string and like going like why this
Speaker 1: is really what I want to do for a living?
Speaker 1: Put like well, you're never going to be good if
Speaker 1: you have a shitty guitar. I feel like the second
Speaker 1: week is going to be the toughest, obviously, So I
Speaker 1: think the second week you're gonna start going okay, like
Speaker 1: because the first week it's kind of it's like a
Speaker 1: new challenge. It's kind of cool. I don't have to
Speaker 1: talk to people. I can actually focus on writing. I
Speaker 1: don't have to really do anything, which is so nice
Speaker 1: for the first time in your watches. I love to talk.
Speaker 1: I really love not talking like I love it. I
Speaker 1: love a fucking nothing. I love especially if I'm like
Speaker 1: having a little bit of a depression, like I just
Speaker 1: want to be I don't like talking to people in elevators.
Speaker 1: I don't like Today I got a weird fan thing.
Speaker 1: I was at Starbucks, got my coffee set down and
Speaker 1: just to like, yeah, just to have a couple of
Speaker 1: SIPs and to think about our top one bottom one.
Speaker 1: I was just trying to like sit down and think
Speaker 1: for a second, and this girl across the way just goes,
Speaker 1: good morning, Nicky Glazer, Hi, Nikki Glazer, and I just
Speaker 1: go oh hi, And I didn't know what elsepposed to
Speaker 1: do with it, because I didn't want to have a
Speaker 1: conversation that almost sounded passive aggressive. Yeah, it was just
Speaker 1: like I know, I know who you are, and it
Speaker 1: was like it was fine, but maybe just add to
Speaker 1: it like a big fan or like oh I know
Speaker 1: you from this or like not just like did we
Speaker 1: go to high school? Like I don't know. So I
Speaker 1: felt rude that I didn't go, Hi, what's your name?
Speaker 1: But she didn't seem to even want that. She just
Speaker 1: wanted to go, I know who you are, and so
Speaker 1: that was interesting. Yeah, Hi, Nikki Glazer. She was very sweet.
Speaker 1: What was that was it? Breat Larson? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Bree Larson knows who I mean. I was in train
Speaker 1: Wreck with Brie Larson and we went to lunch together
Speaker 1: I think once or twice during that process, and I
Speaker 1: definitely talked to her. And this was before she was
Speaker 1: Marvel Yeah Les masal Um, before she was like superhero
Speaker 1: Bree Larson. She was you know, played Amy's sister in
Speaker 1: train Wreck where they were underground or whatever. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah that was great. I read that book. I didn't
Speaker 1: see the film, but um, she was very nice, so
Speaker 1: she knew I think I don't know she connected that
Speaker 1: I'm that person that she's watching on FY Island. But
Speaker 1: last night on her Instagram stories got a lot of
Speaker 1: people messaging me being like Brie Larsen's watching boy and
Speaker 1: she was like, when you're supposed to be memorizing lines
Speaker 1: and preparing for tomorrow's work day, but you can't stop
Speaker 1: binging f Y Island. And then she just kept writing
Speaker 1: like facial expressions of like watching being like like and
Speaker 1: so it was like, y, yeah, I mean, there's it's
Speaker 1: so funny, like how marketing works now. It's like that
Speaker 1: will get more people to watch the show that necessarily
Speaker 1: when I watched it, than any commercial or billboard is about.
Speaker 1: It makes me regret not doing what you said with
Speaker 1: my reality show of asking my famous friends to just
Speaker 1: post about it, because it made me realize, like that
Speaker 1: does get me to watch things is when I see
Speaker 1: someone who's taste I trust or who I'm a fan
Speaker 1: of is watching something that's the biggest endorsement ever. Dude.
Speaker 1: It was funny. I got recognized that golf Galaxy. I went,
Speaker 1: of course, just as a guy that's on the range,
Speaker 1: that guy that's there every day, do you work here?
Speaker 1: He's like, you don't have enough money for how much
Speaker 1: you spend here, And I was like, I know, um
Speaker 1: it was funny though. I showed up right when it
Speaker 1: was opening at like nine am. And there's so there's
Speaker 1: a I'll keep it short, but there's like a famous
Speaker 1: guy that makes putters named Scotty Cameron, and he makes
Speaker 1: these special select ones and so right away they'll be
Speaker 1: they'll jump in value by like double if you could
Speaker 1: buy one. And next thing I know, I'm on a line.
Speaker 1: I just was dropping Brenner off at work because her
Speaker 1: window got knocked out again. That's a whole another and
Speaker 1: uh and I'm and next thing I know, I'm in
Speaker 1: line to get a putter. I don't even want the putter.
Speaker 1: And there's a whole bidding war going on. People are
Speaker 1: standing in line. It makes you want it because it's
Speaker 1: in demand. Other people are wanting it. There's a line
Speaker 1: and it's already on the internet for and how much
Speaker 1: does it cost? Six? Okay, so double? So aways a
Speaker 1: long story short like the there's kids that can't even
Speaker 1: afford it selling their place in line. I'm like and
Speaker 1: they're like, what do you want? I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: just here to get tease, Like I don't even want
Speaker 1: to be part. It's just funny to be like anyways,
Speaker 1: one of those guys that was in the line to
Speaker 1: get one recognize me and like what was really nice
Speaker 1: he want? He like really is into the podcast and
Speaker 1: like sweetest dude ever. And then his other buddy came up,
Speaker 1: you do podcasts and I was like yeah, He's like
Speaker 1: I don't know who you are. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not even try I'm not even trying to like it,
Speaker 1: like you love this and I want to let you
Speaker 1: know that you're not as cool as you think. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just trying to put end up being
Speaker 1: a nice guy. But you know it is. Um. It
Speaker 1: was just a funny moment of being like caught in
Speaker 1: a bidding war that you're not even supposed to be.
Speaker 1: And it's like it's funny to think, like if like
Speaker 1: you you go downtown and next thing you know, you're
Speaker 1: in a protest and you're like, I'm not even part
Speaker 1: of this protest, you know what I mean, Like, oh,
Speaker 1: these people are protesting abortion. I'm just getting a yes. Sorry.
Speaker 1: Chris is entering the building. He's gonna be on the
Speaker 1: show tomorrow, which we're gonna tape right after this. Let's
Speaker 1: get to final thoughts. Um so final that. Let's just
Speaker 1: do top one Bottom one real quick. Today's Top one
Speaker 1: Bottom one. The subject is a party that you've been to.
Speaker 1: Party that you've been to. Okay, the worst party I've
Speaker 1: ever been to was the one my sister through in
Speaker 1: high school at my parents house when they were out
Speaker 1: of town. She was a sophomore. No, she was a freshman.
Speaker 1: I was a junior. Um. She was very popular, and
Speaker 1: so they were like seniors coming. I was a junior,
Speaker 1: and there were seniors showing up for like my sister,
Speaker 1: and it got so out of hand. Too many people
Speaker 1: found out about it. Everyone showed up, kids were drinking,
Speaker 1: stealing my parents like her a guy. A kid threw
Speaker 1: up in my parents bedroom like this, like bright red
Speaker 1: throw up everywhere. Um. My sister left at one point,
Speaker 1: did get froyo with my friends and left me to
Speaker 1: deal with the party. I literally slapped her in the
Speaker 1: face because I was so mad at her. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: I just felt like, you were so fucking kid right
Speaker 1: now not showing any accountability for this. It is out
Speaker 1: of control. It's I mean, I think like walked out
Speaker 1: of the room. I mean it, I don't know if
Speaker 1: I did hit her or if I wanted to so bad.
Speaker 1: I remember almost there I did her, like I can't remember,
Speaker 1: because it might as well have happened because I wanted
Speaker 1: to so badly. The next morning, like kids were having
Speaker 1: sex in bedrooms. I mean, it was insane. And the
Speaker 1: whole time I'm running around just trying to manage it.
Speaker 1: And the next day I found, uh, my parents like
Speaker 1: liquor that I was that I had protected all night long,
Speaker 1: had been drunk as soon as I went to bed eventually,
Speaker 1: and I found the empty bottles and I just walked
Speaker 1: out and was like, oh, drave this, and then chased
Speaker 1: kids out of my house down they ran for me.
Speaker 1: I chased them with the bottle holding it, screaming down
Speaker 1: my street and hardly wait. Like that girl that you know,
Speaker 1: like from the party that in the blue dress. I
Speaker 1: was that girl. And I cleaned everything up, and my
Speaker 1: parents came back in town and they it was really
Speaker 1: creepy because my dad walked in he goes, it smells
Speaker 1: like sex in here. I swear he said, it smells
Speaker 1: like sex, And I was like, I don't even know
Speaker 1: what the funk that meant, but he knew something had happened.
Speaker 1: And then um, they found they found a vodka bottle
Speaker 1: cap and that broke open the whole thing. And then
Speaker 1: you know, my sister was probably grounded for a day
Speaker 1: or something. My parents aren't good at enforcing, you know.
Speaker 1: But that was betrayed by my friends. I felt betrayed
Speaker 1: by my sister, Like they were like, just went off
Speaker 1: with my sister, get throw you and left me at
Speaker 1: this party with all these fucking freshman and these seniors
Speaker 1: that were showing up that I was like trying to
Speaker 1: be cool in front of, but I was also trying
Speaker 1: to like man, it was just it was awful. I mean,
Speaker 1: what kind of person has a party at their parents
Speaker 1: house and then gets fucked up and they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: let's keep breaking and ship like you know, it's never
Speaker 1: fun for the person hosting. Never never just want to
Speaker 1: be cool people to like you, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like you want like you want some recognition, and there's
Speaker 1: always a fight. There's always a fight. And that's why
Speaker 1: I was trying to rack my brain to try to
Speaker 1: think of my parties today. I couldn't think of like
Speaker 1: my favorite parties because I was like, and then I go, well,
Speaker 1: think about your birthday parties and think about parties, and
Speaker 1: I was like, never has mine, Like we talked about this,
Speaker 1: any celebration of me, I am not going to be
Speaker 1: having the best time as possible because I am worried
Speaker 1: about everyone else having fun, and you know, especially if
Speaker 1: it's in my house, like and definitely would never have
Speaker 1: a party at my own house. I mean that sounds
Speaker 1: like complete hell, Like people just judging my hand towels.
Speaker 1: I couldn't even handle it. Um, that's my biggest concern
Speaker 1: is like the handhels in the bathroom, they like don't
Speaker 1: match anything there. Sometimes you'll find them on the stove hangar,
Speaker 1: like the door, Like handgels couldn't go anywhere in my house.
Speaker 1: And I know that certain women are like this is
Speaker 1: the bathroom once and the glazer really just her hand
Speaker 1: towels or just really Yeah? What about your favorite party
Speaker 1: or your least favorite? Well, my least favorite, I guess
Speaker 1: is probably in high school when I shipped my pants
Speaker 1: and was that a party? It was a party in
Speaker 1: your pants? Yeah, and there was a party in there
Speaker 1: and everyone died. Yeah. I just I mean, I think
Speaker 1: I've told the story on here before. But just I'm
Speaker 1: trying to impress like ten of the coolest guys by
Speaker 1: getting funked up smoking some weed, got a twenty four
Speaker 1: hour virus shipped in my friend's bed, and then they
Speaker 1: yelled at me while I was naked in the shower
Speaker 1: like crying, and uh, I'm like, I'm naked, don't come in,
Speaker 1: and they made me sleep on you're so worried about
Speaker 1: getting made fun of at school that Monday, but that
Speaker 1: Monday next weekend. So for about four days I was
Speaker 1: ship boy. And then someone shipped their pants way worse.
Speaker 1: Which was the best party I've ever been because that
Speaker 1: guy saved my life anyhow. But yeah, um no, what
Speaker 1: what's your body's favorite party? Okay? Least favorite party was
Speaker 1: at a company that I worked for, and they definitely
Speaker 1: had a lot of resources and money to throw the
Speaker 1: employees good holiday parties. But one year they threw a
Speaker 1: party for us in like the lobby of the office,
Speaker 1: and the food that they ordered was like all cold.
Speaker 1: They had these like cold like meat sticks, and I
Speaker 1: just remember feeling like this sucks, just realizing this place
Speaker 1: doesn't give a funk about you, even when you're celebrating you.
Speaker 1: It's like I shipped myself and in the lobby. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: her sounds worse time where you're like, you know this,
Speaker 1: we're gonna celebrate working at this shitty place. We're gonna
Speaker 1: enjoy each other's company. It's just example of it. There
Speaker 1: was some thing on Reddit that I saw recently of
Speaker 1: someone that works at Michael's, you know, the craft store.
Speaker 1: It was like employee celebration and it was like a
Speaker 1: gift and you scratch off to figure out what you wanted.
Speaker 1: It says unpaid time off. So it's like it's moments
Speaker 1: like that where you just go they give you little tree,
Speaker 1: and they just give you a little there, like here's
Speaker 1: a you know, oh there's ping pong here. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'll live here, you know, die here making an Excel
Speaker 1: spreadsheet so I can play ping pong for an hour. Man.
Speaker 1: I was walking by an office place the other day
Speaker 1: and just look inside and just saw these women wearing
Speaker 1: these uncomfortable shoes and like these you know, skirts that
Speaker 1: they didn't want to be wearing and having to sit
Speaker 1: at these just it's if you work in if you
Speaker 1: have a s s DJ my heart goes out to you,
Speaker 1: and um, I want to hear about just there must
Speaker 1: be something nice though about being able to leave it there.
Speaker 1: And I hope that if you do have one of
Speaker 1: those jobs, you don't have to take it home with you.
Speaker 1: The stress doesn't come home and you can just like
Speaker 1: pick it back up when you get there. But oftentimes
Speaker 1: those things follow you. The best already I ever went
Speaker 1: to was the premiere party for the movie Snatched that
Speaker 1: Amy was in with Goldie Hawn. She invited all of
Speaker 1: us to go. We get to go in the red
Speaker 1: carpet and then we saw the movie, which was I
Speaker 1: really love that movie if you haven't seen it with
Speaker 1: Goldie Hawn, Wanda Sykes, Amy Schumer so good. Um. But
Speaker 1: afterwards the premiere party, it was nice. Like those parties
Speaker 1: are always so swanky and like great food that's warm,
Speaker 1: not in a lobby, you know though, I just I
Speaker 1: don't feel I don't know l a parties do not
Speaker 1: make me nervous because I just know where I stand
Speaker 1: and like I'll go in these red carpets. This is
Speaker 1: an example of one of them where Rachel and I,
Speaker 1: Rachel Fines and I are there but we know no
Speaker 1: one gives a funk about us. I mean this was
Speaker 1: six years ago, and like, no one knows who I am.
Speaker 1: And I love that because it's like you just know,
Speaker 1: you know where you stand. You're not trying to be
Speaker 1: anything you're not. And I would go, Rachel, let's do
Speaker 1: the carpet. And then you know, usually when you want
Speaker 1: to red carpet, your publicist follows like in front of
Speaker 1: you and go and tells the photographers this is Nicky Glazer,
Speaker 1: she is the star of this, or like either if
Speaker 1: you're the start of it, they know who you are,
Speaker 1: but if it's like you're just there at the premier,
Speaker 1: they'll say she's got this coming up and then everyone's
Speaker 1: like Nicky over here, took and they don't even know
Speaker 1: who you are, but they know because the publicists announced you.
Speaker 1: And I saw that happening all the time, and I
Speaker 1: was like, all I need to do is do that
Speaker 1: for myself. So I'm like, I'm Nicki Glazer, this is
Speaker 1: Rachel fine Stein. We're the next big things in comedy.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be famous. You're gonna want to have photos
Speaker 1: of us. They're going to be sold at some point,
Speaker 1: like just and so the star ropers would laugh and
Speaker 1: then they take a couple of photos and then you
Speaker 1: get ahead of it. You would just address the obvious.
Speaker 1: So what happened at the party. So then the best
Speaker 1: part about the party was the after party because Goldie
Speaker 1: Hawn had Amy and select friends over to her house
Speaker 1: and we got to party and sit with Goldie Hawn
Speaker 1: Kurt Russell in this amazing house and Kurt's make like
Speaker 1: mix and drinks and there's great music and we're just
Speaker 1: sitting on I just remember sitting with Goldie Hawn around
Speaker 1: a fire on their like back porch, having a private
Speaker 1: conversation with Goldie Hawn with you know, other people, but
Speaker 1: just being like this is the coolest thing ever, and
Speaker 1: she's treating me like um. You know. Amy always did
Speaker 1: a good job of making her friends who weren't famous
Speaker 1: co mingled with her famous friends in a really seamless
Speaker 1: way where everyone respected each other. You know, I met
Speaker 1: Diane Sawyer through Amy that Diane saur came over to
Speaker 1: Amy's house one time. I'm just in a kitchen talking
Speaker 1: to Diane Sawyer. I mean, there were just so many
Speaker 1: examples of that, but that was that was one moment
Speaker 1: where I was like you know, I snuck a picture
Speaker 1: I think, you know, just to be like mom, I'm
Speaker 1: at Goldie Hawns house. So in terms of like fun,
Speaker 1: I don't remember any of the fun we had, but
Speaker 1: it was just a cool moment. Yeah what about you? Um. Surprisingly,
Speaker 1: it was for my own birthday, my thirtieth, my brother
Speaker 1: through that surprise birthday. I show up and everyone dressed
Speaker 1: in medieval time, and everyone's dressed as some kind of
Speaker 1: medieval thing. One guy is wearing the best thing. He
Speaker 1: wore a hoosier Indiana. Who's your sweater? And he was
Speaker 1: he was Bobby Night which so night like. And then
Speaker 1: you know, my one friend dressed as not everyone's stuck dress.
Speaker 1: Parties are fun because, you know what, they take the
Speaker 1: pressure off because well, we're all gonna look yeah, we're
Speaker 1: all dumb. And so we go to medieval times and
Speaker 1: I'm dressed as the King and I take the king spotlight.
Speaker 1: Then next thing, you know, the party, we have a
Speaker 1: drunk bus. We go to this one party. My two
Speaker 1: friends are dressed as the Burger Kings and my buddies
Speaker 1: on the on the bull with no underwearing Oh my god, gross,
Speaker 1: he's riding the bulls going and you see everyone able
Speaker 1: to see his dicking balls and everyone's going, oh my,
Speaker 1: you just as people the King and I'm in the
Speaker 1: shower and everyone's like, dude, did you see the Kings?
Speaker 1: Why is it so fun to see people's reactions. There's
Speaker 1: this video I saw yesterday of this baby that his
Speaker 1: mom put eyebrow I was on him, you know, these eyebrows,
Speaker 1: and the baby's facing the mom and again away from
Speaker 1: the door, and you see the dad get home from
Speaker 1: like a construction job. He's in this like neon, like
Speaker 1: fucking neon fucking sweatshirt, and you see him walk in
Speaker 1: and then you see the dad like kind of double
Speaker 1: take on the baby and just start laughing. And it
Speaker 1: just makes you so happy to wait for a reaction
Speaker 1: when you notice is something. There's something so gratifying him
Speaker 1: see people getting grossed out by something. I used to
Speaker 1: always watch reaction videos to Two Girls One Cup like
Speaker 1: that was that was the first time where you were like, oh,
Speaker 1: this must be bad. I mean that's what Cigar and
Speaker 1: them do. Was that live show? Yeah, it's all about reaction.
Speaker 1: It is good. And it was a crazy night, best party,
Speaker 1: so the best party that I could think of um
Speaker 1: was on the roof of the building that you worked
Speaker 1: on hot meat. We had hot meat. Well it was okay.
Speaker 1: So UM, my friend Roland he got me and my
Speaker 1: best friend Rob into the w w E two K event,
Speaker 1: which is like the video game that ww puts out
Speaker 1: right before SummerSlam. And this is like maybe five years ago.
Speaker 1: I was so obsessed with wrestling. So we got to
Speaker 1: like interview wrestlers for a podcast, and then there was
Speaker 1: the after party, and um, one of the wrestlers, her
Speaker 1: name is Sasha Banks. Her cousin or her uncle is
Speaker 1: Snoop Dogg. So he came out and he was djaying
Speaker 1: and like passing around blunts and stuff. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And I just remember like having the most fun because
Speaker 1: I could see wrestlers and they were just talking to
Speaker 1: everyone and you just like have conversations with wrestlers and
Speaker 1: they're just and you didn't feel like you didn't belong.
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like I didn't belong. I didn't feel
Speaker 1: like it was work. I didn't feel like I was
Speaker 1: like nobody amongst celebrities, you know, because everyone was just
Speaker 1: like engaging and just having a good time. Was it weird?
Speaker 1: Meaning the wrestlers like in regular Like you see this
Speaker 1: guy's like expo, like in fucking tights and then you
Speaker 1: see him like, hey, how are you Yes? How she
Speaker 1: dress as a night Oh wait, I'm mixing up my parties.
Speaker 1: They look so big on TV or even like seeing
Speaker 1: them in the ring and stuff. They just look like figurines.
Speaker 1: Even the women. So with the exception of Charlotte Flair,
Speaker 1: who is like six ft three or something like, the
Speaker 1: rest of them are tiny or smaller. Yeah, that's the
Speaker 1: thing about famous people. They're always smaller and fucking I
Speaker 1: don't know when that one where they wore all black
Speaker 1: when they became like there was three of the guys.
Speaker 1: It's the biggest people I've ever seen in my Sometimes
Speaker 1: they're they're either gigantic or smaller. Yeah, that is true.
Speaker 1: I saw a picture of this is the last thing
Speaker 1: I'll say Ben Affleck. This week, I was looking at
Speaker 1: paparazzi shots from their wedding that j Loo and Ben
Speaker 1: got married. Um. Ben Affleck is walking down the street
Speaker 1: with his daughter, Violet, who is fifteen, and she is
Speaker 1: just probably two inches shorter than him, and I looked
Speaker 1: up ben Affleck's height to be like what is going
Speaker 1: on here? This? And she looks exactly like Jennifer Garner exactly,
Speaker 1: but she is and she's wearing flats. She's walking like
Speaker 1: with her arm around him, so like there's not a
Speaker 1: dep thing. It's not a Johnny Depp thing. And it
Speaker 1: was crazy and I looked it up. He's six two
Speaker 1: and a half, so this girl is six ft at fifteen.
Speaker 1: I'm so jealous. I think it's so cool. I love
Speaker 1: the tall lady. Did you see the video of him
Speaker 1: taking photos with people while you're smoking a cigarette? I
Speaker 1: gotta show it to you. So he's doing the nicest
Speaker 1: thing ever while being so upset that he has to
Speaker 1: take photos with regular people smoking. Is it recent? Oh?
Speaker 1: I thought it was. And then like he's smiling, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden you see him just like
Speaker 1: is that zoom and meeting where your face? Just buy guys,
Speaker 1: thanks so much, thank good drop all right, speaking of
Speaker 1: dropping out, we gotta Oh, we're gonna take a new
Speaker 1: podcast that will be out tomorrow with Chris to look
Speaker 1: forward to that. Come see me in Vegas September two.
Speaker 1: Go see Andrew Agust thirtieth at Saints in Nahville. Show up.
Speaker 1: We would love to meet you and see you and
Speaker 1: don't be cool. And Jack Carlotte