WEBVTT - Shawn Colvin 0:00:01.960 --> 0:00:04.120 I've tried not to prepare really so we'll see. 0:00:04.280 --> 0:00:05.000 Yeah, it's funny. 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:08.319 It goes one of two ways. People either really think 0:00:08.360 --> 0:00:09.720 about it or they don't. 0:00:10.360 --> 0:00:11.600 I've gone like care from her. 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:14.880 I think it's fine because I think it's all sort 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:18.079 of a trigger anyway, you know, for a larger conversation 0:00:18.160 --> 0:00:20.880 about yeah, life and being here. 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:23.919 I think that's exactly right. It made me think a lot. 0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:30.800 Hello, I'm mini driver. I've always loved Preust's questionnaire. It 0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:35.080 was originally in nineteenth century parlor game where players would 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:38.839 ask each other thirty five questions aimed at revealing. 0:00:38.320 --> 0:00:39.760 The other player's true nature. 0:00:40.680 --> 0:00:43.599 In asking different people the same set of questions, you 0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:46.960 can make observations about which truths appear to be universal. 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:50.000 And it made me wonder, what if these questions were 0:00:50.040 --> 0:00:52.720 just a jumping off point, what greater depths would be 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:56.320 revealed if I asked these questions as conversation starters. 0:00:56.720 --> 0:00:58.360 So I adapted Prus's. 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:00.720 Questionnaire and I wrote my own seven questions that I 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:03.880 personally think are pertinent to a person's story. They are 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:07.120 when and where were you happiest? What is the quality 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:11.160 you like least about yourself? What relationship real or fictionalized 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:14.840 defines love for you? What question would you most like answered, 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:18.520 What person, place, or experience has shaped you the most? 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:21.240 What would be your last meal? And can you tell 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:23.720 me something in your life that's grown out of a 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:29.280 personal disaster? And I've gathered a group of really remarkable people, 0:01:29.680 --> 0:01:32.400 ones that I am honored and humbled to have had 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:34.760 the chance to engage with. You may not hear their 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:38.200 answers to all seven of these questions. We've whittled it 0:01:38.280 --> 0:01:42.160 down to which questions felt closest to their experience, or 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:47.039 the most surprising, or created the most fertile ground to connect. 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:53.040 My guest today is the multiple Grammy Award winning musician 0:01:53.080 --> 0:01:57.800 and songwriter Sean Colvin. I feel like Sean's song Sonny 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:00.560 Came Home, which came out in nineteen ninety six, was 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:03.640 the soundtrack to one of the most poignant parts of 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:06.880 my life, and so it was probably poignant in yours too. 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:10.600 I still find that song to be both beautiful and 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:14.040 haunting for all kinds of reasons. She writes what I 0:02:14.080 --> 0:02:17.000 consider to be pure folk music and has a voice 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:20.800 that is both transporting and full of wisdom. Rather like 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:24.919 Sean herself, we had such a wonderful conversation bonding about 0:02:25.080 --> 0:02:27.560 swimming in great, big bodies of water and a shared 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.480 love of Barton Springs, which is this amazing natural pool 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:32.360 in Austin, Texas, where Sean lives. 0:02:32.560 --> 0:02:34.640 A few years ago she published. 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:37.160 A really lovely memoir called Diamond in the Rath, and 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:39.880 this year she is touring with Kebmo and her tour 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:43.840 dates are available at Seancolvin music dot com. 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:45.120 It's so funny. 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:47.280 I've been doing pressed or something, and lots of these 0:02:47.360 --> 0:02:49.440 journalists have asked me, you know, I'd like to ask 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:51.959 you my favorite question of your questions, and I have 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:56.360 given the most useless answers. It really on the spot, 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:58.399 like really not great answers. 0:02:58.680 --> 0:02:59.600 I don't believe you all. 0:03:00.000 --> 0:03:00.680 It really wasn't. 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:05.040 I really regretted one of them. They asked me what relationship, 0:03:05.080 --> 0:03:09.240 real or fictionalized, defined love for me, and I said 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:12.400 that it was I used to stand in the rain 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:15.400 and watch Daniel da Lewis play soccer because he went 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:17.560 to my school and he was older than me, much 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:19.280 older than me. He used to come back and play 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:21.960 in these old boy football matches, and I loved him 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:25.280 so much, and he was related to my uncle who 0:03:25.520 --> 0:03:28.040 married my aunt, and so I felt like he was family. 0:03:28.240 --> 0:03:32.640 And what I really wanted to say was not Daniel 0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:36.880 da Lewis necessarily defines love for me, but the generosity 0:03:36.920 --> 0:03:38.400 and the kindness. 0:03:37.840 --> 0:03:38.760 That he showed me. 0:03:38.840 --> 0:03:42.320 He would always walk back to the changing rooms slowly, 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:44.440 even if it was pounding rain. He would answer all 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:48.720 of my questions. He had patience, he had kindness, had 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:53.800 incredible energy and focus, and I felt like all those 0:03:53.840 --> 0:03:57.840 things are real definers of love and I've never forgotten it. 0:03:57.880 --> 0:04:00.400 But obviously the journalist is only going to write about 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:02.080 I love Daniel Davis. 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:02.840 Yeah, I know. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:06.880 It will be good publicity. 0:04:07.000 --> 0:04:08.600 You know what you do. 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:15.480 Yeah, there you're going, Okay, Well, I'm going to ask 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:18.599 you my first question, which is when and why were 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:19.320 you happiest. 0:04:21.080 --> 0:04:24.080 I looked up the definition of the word happiness. I 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:28.120 wanted kind of a prompt, and that helped me think 0:04:28.120 --> 0:04:28.839 about it more. 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:30.880 I think safety is a big part of it. 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:34.680 To feel safe is the very happy place, and to me, 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:41.880 it comes down to music, playing music, writing music, hearing music, 0:04:42.760 --> 0:04:46.279 and water bodies of water. I grew up in South 0:04:46.320 --> 0:04:52.240 Dakota and my father, who was the most fun loving 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:58.760 prankster ish, cool, goofy guy loved the water. And we 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:00.960 had a late close to us called Lewis and Clark 0:05:01.040 --> 0:05:04.599 Lake in Yanked in South Dakota. And things weren't always 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:09.359 great at home, but being in that lake, by that lake, 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:13.640 on the boat, everything was okay. I felt a sense 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:21.239 of contentment, belonging, happiness, joy and safety. And we slept 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:24.480 all in this camper, all of us together, and there 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:26.440 was a closeness and a safety there. 0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:26.760 You know. 0:05:27.400 --> 0:05:29.120 I was a kid who didn't like having the door 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:32.720 shut to my room and darkness and being alone there, 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:34.440 So that was wonderful too. 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:36.560 And body's of water. Just do it for me? 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:37.400 Swimming does it? 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:40.640 Immersing myself in them, It's very important, not just looking 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:44.040 at them. There's a beach in Positano, Italy that some 0:05:44.120 --> 0:05:46.520 of my ashes are going there, okay. And there's a 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:50.279 naturally fed springs pool here in Austin, Texas. 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:53.720 I know it bought in springs that is where Texas 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:55.359 breeds through Boughton Springs. 0:05:55.400 --> 0:05:56.400 It seems to me it is. 0:05:56.600 --> 0:05:59.279 It's a miracle. It's a wonder of nature. I don't 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:01.200 know any place like it that's in the middle of 0:06:01.200 --> 0:06:03.760 a city. I go there every morning. I go there 0:06:03.800 --> 0:06:06.320 every single morning. That's how I start my day. 0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:07.760 And I'm having. 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:09.880 Ashes spread there too, but that's a secret because I'm 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:10.920 sure it's against the law. 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:16.120 Shania during the recent eclipse, my best friend in the world, 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:19.160 Alexandra Valenti and Avid listener. 0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:21.280 Of this podcast. She'll be listening now, the photographer. 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:24.120 Yes, she's taken my picture many. 0:06:23.920 --> 0:06:27.360 Okay, Yeah, she's wonderful. 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:30.159 She used to live there. Okay, she does, she still 0:06:30.200 --> 0:06:30.760 lives still. 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:34.080 We went out, we were in we were in the 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:37.720 water up you know, there's that jetty where boats can 0:06:37.760 --> 0:06:41.200 refuel and there's a great kind of general store. We 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:45.200 were past there and just between these two bridges and 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:47.360 we were in the water with our glasses on for 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:47.960 the eclipse. 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:48.400 And it was. 0:06:48.400 --> 0:06:53.000 Honestly one of the most incredible moments of my life. 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:54.520 I think I have it on my Instagram. 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:56.520 I have the video which is just a lot of 0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:59.200 screaming as it goes to pitch black. 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:02.839 Where you Well, I was here? Were you near the water? 0:07:02.960 --> 0:07:03.400 Will you? 0:07:03.640 --> 0:07:05.680 I was not. I was in my home. I was 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:09.240 in my home and I just was sitting around, going, well, 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:11.160 we'll see. I thought, well, it's going to be crowded 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:13.560 out there, and I couldn't wait for it, but I 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:15.480 didn't make a big social thing out of it. 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:18.080 And it got a little dark and I was like, yeah, 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:23.760 all right, and then it's got pitch black and the screaming. 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:26.040 I ran outside. The screaming started. 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:28.960 All the street lights came on, and one of the 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:32.440 I looked up. What happened to animals in the zoos 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:36.880 when the eclipse happened. A lot of them herded together, 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:40.240 which was interesting. But what I like the most was 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:43.160 the ones who were nocturnal came out. 0:07:45.680 --> 0:07:48.520 Okay, time to get up, and the ones that. 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:51.360 You know usually went to bed at night just started 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:52.560 going to their beds. 0:07:53.400 --> 0:07:55.000 Gosh, I mean, that makes a lot of sense. 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:58.280 There was a huge amount of bird and butterfly activity 0:07:58.400 --> 0:07:59.160 out on the water. 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:00.560 It was what happened. 0:08:00.600 --> 0:08:03.800 First of all, everything cleared, all of the birds and 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:05.840 all of the butterflies. They all came sort of swarming 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:08.200 across the water, and then they just disappeared into the 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:11.200 trees and under the bridges. And then as the light 0:08:11.360 --> 0:08:15.880 was coming back, I assume in their beings they were 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:18.800 thinking it was dawn, and so they were swooping and 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:20.840 one of the guys on the boat. He was like, 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:22.840 I think it's because this is what they do in 0:08:22.880 --> 0:08:25.000 the morning. They sort of swooped back was and forwards 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:26.600 from underneath the bridges and out of the trees, like 0:08:26.640 --> 0:08:29.040 away from their nest and out into the day, and 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:31.320 again the butterflies kind of swarmed back the other way. 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:33.720 It was truly spiritual. 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:36.920 Yea, what it's going to happen in another four hundred 0:08:37.000 --> 0:08:37.840 years or something? 0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:40.360 Is that the k is a long time? 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:44.280 Were they singing like morning birds? Were they tweeting a lot? 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:45.360 Yeah? They were. 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:48.320 They absolutely were making a lot of noise. It was 0:08:48.360 --> 0:08:51.520 really magical, truly truly amazing. That makes a lot of 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:53.080 sense if I lived in Arson and I would go 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:56.760 to Barton Springs every single morning and swim, It's fantastic. 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:06.640 What person place or experience most ultitude life. 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:12.160 I really have to say the experience of getting so 0:09:13.760 --> 0:09:17.120 I was twenty seven, so I was very lucky, but 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:20.280 I was miserable. As I like to say, I had 0:09:20.320 --> 0:09:23.240 my share. I mean, it's just that was my timeline. 0:09:23.320 --> 0:09:25.480 I didn't have to go till I was however old. 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:29.120 I bottomed out and in New York City, and you know, 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:34.760 you know, lecture everyone about addiction and alcoholism, but it's 0:09:34.800 --> 0:09:38.240 a disease, and I was very sick, and it's a 0:09:38.360 --> 0:09:39.400 very tough. 0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:39.840 Disease, you know. 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:43.880 It's a disease of denial, and addiction is a rough one. 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:46.640 It's an obsession of the mind, the craving of the body. 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:52.520 I mean, it's fierce, and not everybody makes it. And 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:56.680 for me, it was more than mornings after where I 0:09:56.840 --> 0:10:00.880 just felt suicidally depressed. And I remember one of the 0:10:00.920 --> 0:10:03.840 thoughts I had that really kind of made a difference 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:10.319 in me having a revelatory moment that this had to stop. 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:12.040 And it was ego driven. 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:14.600 I thought to myself, you know, because in high school 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:18.960 I was in all the musicals and debate team and 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:21.200 speech team and duet acting. 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:22.720 I had a lot of friends. 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:25.440 I was the girl guitar, seemed to have a lot 0:10:25.480 --> 0:10:27.959 of potential, right and there was in New York. Yeah, 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:30.800 I was doing music and suddenly I thought all my 0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:34.080 friends in high school are going to find out I'm 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:34.640 a drunk. 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:38.520 And that really got me. I really remember that. 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:42.000 It was just kind of a come to Jesus about 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:43.120 this is this is real? 0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:44.440 This is what's going on with you. 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:50.800 So I got help, and I was so blessed and 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:54.960 lucky because it took, and it doesn't with everyone. I 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:58.080 just feel like I was really blessed with that. So 0:10:58.120 --> 0:11:02.680 it transformed my life. Was in a program that really 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:06.480 kind of taught me how to live and introduced a 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:10.920 spiritual overview to living. All the things that have happened 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:16.040 to me since then, my dreams have come true. And 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:19.120 I firmly believe that would not have happened had I 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:24.960 not had a combination of some light shining on me 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:31.280 and just the epiphany that just couldn't go on, and 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:33.600 then I've found somewhere to take it. 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:36.560 Have you found what you found through the program all 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:40.559 through the people that you met or through that experience. 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:45.000 Have you sort of handed that on to someone else? 0:11:45.160 --> 0:11:47.560 Like have you kind of continued that chain and like 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:50.920 what you were given. Have you had the opportunity to 0:11:51.000 --> 0:11:51.440 kind of. 0:11:51.720 --> 0:11:52.280 Have that on? 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:55.960 I mean, I've tried, and I've found that there's not 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:59.320 much you can say true. All I can hope for 0:11:59.400 --> 0:12:01.520 is and I know this because of people that talk 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:03.720 to me, because they know me, because of what I do. 0:12:04.320 --> 0:12:10.199 The other person, you're setting an example, not encouraging it, 0:12:10.440 --> 0:12:13.720 proselytizing you know what I'm saying. 0:12:14.120 --> 0:12:15.360 I do. Yeah. 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:17.920 I think it's just through my actions effected. 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:18.320 People the most. 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:21.080 Yeah, it's doing it because I remember once I was 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:24.200 sober for a year or two, had a great friend 0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:30.120 who was a drummer, sweetest guy, great guy, terrible alcoholic, 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:33.640 and I told him what had happened to me and 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:36.240 he was like, oh man, I got to do that, 0:12:36.559 --> 0:12:37.280 I got to do that. 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:40.839 And I'm like, yeah, yeah. 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:43.320 I was just so happy. I'm like, yay, he's going 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:43.800 to come in. 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:44.480 He died. 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:49.200 He died before he came in. And that taught me 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:52.240 a lot. It kind of taught me a lot, like 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:56.600 you can't convince somebody except through your own experience and 0:12:56.720 --> 0:13:02.280 through their willingness to want to change, yeah and recover. Yeah, 0:13:03.480 --> 0:13:06.360 so that's the defining experience for sure. I don't know 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:10.160 what i'd be doing right now. How old were you 0:13:10.160 --> 0:13:11.079 when you had your daughter? 0:13:12.320 --> 0:13:13.040 Forty two? 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.480 Nice? Nice? 0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:17.400 No? 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:23.240 How about you? I was thirty eight? Yeah? 0:13:23.400 --> 0:13:25.960 Yeah, I mean you know, they called it a geriatric pregnancy, 0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.120 which I thought was so unnecessary. 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:35.720 They did. They did so sad like these labels. But yeah, 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:36.880 he's magic. 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:39.760 Yeah, they are magic. Does he have a good sense 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:42.199 of humor? That's what he thinks. I loved the most 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:46.080 about my kid. She's hysterical. Isn't that very absolutely? 0:13:46.240 --> 0:13:46.520 Yes? 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:50.200 Because I think kind, funny, clever. Those were sort of 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:54.720 my benchmarks of what I sort of loving a person. 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:57.920 I've always thrown that around and thought that everything can 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:00.000 actually be distilled into those things. 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:01.760 That makes a lot of sense to me. 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:20.800 Can you tell me about something that has grown out 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:22.040 of the personal disaster? 0:14:23.840 --> 0:14:31.880 Gray Heir? That is the truth, That is the literal truth. 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:37.360 When I saw the word grown, I was like, oh, yeah, that. 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:39.640 I'm trying to think of something else. 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:44.640 Besides the kind of pivotal thing about giving up alcohol. 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:46.040 Being a single mom? 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:49.440 Was that difficult in the beginning because I was also 0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:53.080 a single mom, And while it was heavenly in a 0:14:53.080 --> 0:14:55.720 lot of respects, I love not having anybody telling me 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:57.200 what to do. 0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:01.160 With vapor misers. No, no, no, no no no, I didn't. 0:15:01.240 --> 0:15:04.800 But there were definitely moments where I was like, holy cow, 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:09.520 I am so alone in this. Yeah, she's meaning this 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.760 little tiny baby he can't speak to me, And I 0:15:11.760 --> 0:15:15.520 remember thinking we were both growing out of this, not 0:15:15.600 --> 0:15:16.600 disastrous situation. 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:17.760 But it was suddeny not easy. 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:23.800 Yes, that's really applicable here. Yeah, single parenthood and realizing 0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.440 you're making all the decisions and a lot of them 0:15:27.440 --> 0:15:31.600 are fucking hard. You're responsible, and Calli's had her share 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:34.840 of difficulties. You know, she wouldn't mind my saying that. 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:38.760 And I had to make decisions. She can now, and 0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:44.320 thank god she's twenty six and she launched. But yeah, 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:48.960 to be alone making every decision. And I feel like, 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:53.560 as far as growing from that sort of disaster or 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:58.520 very uncomfortable, challenging thing, I think the most creative job 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:02.440 in the world is being a mother. Yeah, and anybody 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:04.080 who's the mother, I. 0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:05.960 Wish I could sing like you. I wish I could 0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:06.280 be it. 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:08.680 You're being creative, honey. 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:11.000 Was it hard being on the road with a little child. 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:14.240 Well, she came along for a while, and then when 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:18.480 she started school, she stayed back with her dad and 0:16:18.480 --> 0:16:19.560 it just sucked, you. 0:16:19.520 --> 0:16:22.040 Know, for me to be away like that. Yeah, that 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:23.120 must have been very hot. 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:26.680 It was very hard, but I took a couple of 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:27.200 years off. 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:28.440 Yeah, it was very hard. 0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:32.880 But she's amazing and our bond is ironclad, and it 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:33.440 worked out. 0:16:34.320 --> 0:16:36.200 Oh, old Henry, he's fifteen. 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:39.520 Oh yeah, has he gone into his cave yet? 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:43.560 You know what, I think he's in the cave, and 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:46.320 he's in the cave. He is, he in the cave. 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:49.520 He's fighting the bar right now. He's fighting the bat 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:54.440 in the cave. And I just keep handing him supplies. 0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:56.360 I heard they go into a cave. 0:16:57.120 --> 0:16:57.720 They really do. 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:01.360 And I think it's really that initiation and that journey. 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:03.360 It's very hard to sit by and watch and not 0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:05.639 want to make it easier. I got to say, I 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:08.840 don't do a great job not interfering. I really tried. 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:12.439 But it's agony watching someone being born into adulthood. 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:13.560 It is. 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:19.560 And you know, your instincts to try to avoid controlling and. 0:17:19.480 --> 0:17:25.280 Advising and you know, like babying them through it are 0:17:25.320 --> 0:17:25.840 really good. 0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:25.960 You know. 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:28.240 I wish I could say my instincts had been better 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:29.560 as far as that went. 0:17:29.800 --> 0:17:31.400 I came from a place. 0:17:31.119 --> 0:17:34.720 Where I was going to outdo my parents, you know 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:38.280 the things that I didn't get. Man, she was going 0:17:38.359 --> 0:17:40.840 to get it in spades, and I overdid it. There's 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:41.680 somebody told. 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:43.960 Me the other day our generation overcorrected. 0:17:44.560 --> 0:17:45.560 Huh. 0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:48.480 That's interesting. I actually think that's really true. I think 0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:51.640 that they were so hands off. Yeah, I think I definitely, 0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:57.680 to his detriment, sometimes been super prescriptive, like too prescriptive. 0:17:57.720 --> 0:17:59.159 But I don't know what we were talking about this 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:01.720 last night, my sister and some friends. Oh you can 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:04.480 just it's just the best you can do, right. Oh yeah, 0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:08.160 And there's no handbook, you have no idea. You often 0:18:08.200 --> 0:18:10.360 don't realize the things you've handed on to your kids 0:18:10.440 --> 0:18:12.560 until they've been handed on. 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:15.520 So all you can do is just keep talking about it. 0:18:15.560 --> 0:18:16.719 And I don't know. 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:19.520 All you can do is keep talking about it, and 0:18:19.640 --> 0:18:23.040 it's hard to watch them struggle, and then you reach 0:18:23.080 --> 0:18:26.120 a point where you are over correcting. And somebody said, 0:18:26.119 --> 0:18:29.440 you've got to give them the dignity of learning. 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:32.200 Oh that's good. I like that a lot. 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:36.000 I do too, and my folks were on the other 0:18:36.040 --> 0:18:39.120 side of the spectrum. But I figured it out. Yeah, 0:18:39.200 --> 0:18:40.320 we all figured it out. 0:18:44.840 --> 0:18:49.120 So what is the quality that you like least about yourself? 0:18:49.960 --> 0:18:52.560 A few, but I'll try to focus on one. 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:57.679 I did kind of an inventory of the things that 0:18:57.760 --> 0:19:00.840 I do that I really wasn't aware that I was doing, 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:02.480 just to cope in life. 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:04.200 I think we all have these things, and I gave 0:19:04.240 --> 0:19:04.960 them names. 0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:07.040 What I was going to say was the quality I 0:19:07.080 --> 0:19:11.479 like least in myself is I isolate. I enjoy time alone, 0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:14.920 but I isolate too much. I just do, and I'm 0:19:14.960 --> 0:19:18.600 trying to work on that. I'm just kind of a recluse, 0:19:18.680 --> 0:19:22.560 I guess. And I love texting with people and talking 0:19:22.600 --> 0:19:23.119 on the phone. 0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:24.840 But I just kind of stood put. 0:19:25.359 --> 0:19:28.600 But this other thing I was telling you about where 0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:32.280 I started to make a list of my coping mechanisms 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:36.080 that aren't healthy, and I gave them names. And one 0:19:36.119 --> 0:19:41.320 was the contractor. So you know, you meet people. 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:44.280 You fall in love, you have certain friends, whatever shaped 0:19:44.320 --> 0:19:49.040 you in your childhood, you make unconscious contracts with people you. 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:51.000 Know you do, or at least I do. 0:19:51.240 --> 0:19:56.879 If you do do do, then you will get Weah. 0:19:57.040 --> 0:19:59.399 I just realized how full of manipulation I was, and 0:19:59.440 --> 0:20:02.879 how I would make these contracts rather than accepting the 0:20:02.920 --> 0:20:07.920 situation just as it is. Another one was the pontificator. 0:20:08.640 --> 0:20:13.640 I think I'm an expert in so many areas, and 0:20:14.480 --> 0:20:18.119 I give tons of advice. I just think I know it. 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:23.480 You know, you asked me about mental health, music, fashion, 0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:27.560 you know, bring it up. So those are just two 0:20:27.560 --> 0:20:30.120 and the isolation. But you know, there's so many things 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:33.119 to improve in myself is just becoming aware of what 0:20:33.200 --> 0:20:35.600 they are, which comes to you whenever it comes to you. 0:20:36.000 --> 0:20:38.679 What do you get out of isolating? Like, what are 0:20:38.720 --> 0:20:40.080 the benefits of it? 0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:43.800 That's a really good question. I guess I have social anxiety. 0:20:44.800 --> 0:20:48.479 I guess that's kind of that's really kind of it. 0:20:48.040 --> 0:20:49.680