1 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:04,120 Speaker 1: I've tried not to prepare really so we'll see. 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:05,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny. 3 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:08,319 Speaker 3: It goes one of two ways. People either really think 4 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:09,720 Speaker 3: about it or they don't. 5 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: I've gone like care from her. 6 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:14,880 Speaker 3: I think it's fine because I think it's all sort 7 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 3: of a trigger anyway, you know, for a larger conversation 8 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 3: about yeah, life and being here. 9 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,919 Speaker 1: I think that's exactly right. It made me think a lot. 10 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 4: Hello, I'm mini driver. I've always loved Preust's questionnaire. It 11 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:35,080 Speaker 4: was originally in nineteenth century parlor game where players would 12 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:38,839 Speaker 4: ask each other thirty five questions aimed at revealing. 13 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 2: The other player's true nature. 14 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,599 Speaker 4: In asking different people the same set of questions, you 15 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:46,960 Speaker 4: can make observations about which truths appear to be universal. 16 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 4: And it made me wonder, what if these questions were 17 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,720 Speaker 4: just a jumping off point, what greater depths would be 18 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 4: revealed if I asked these questions as conversation starters. 19 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,360 Speaker 2: So I adapted Prus's. 20 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 4: Questionnaire and I wrote my own seven questions that I 21 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 4: personally think are pertinent to a person's story. They are 22 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:07,120 Speaker 4: when and where were you happiest? What is the quality 23 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:11,160 Speaker 4: you like least about yourself? What relationship real or fictionalized 24 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 4: defines love for you? What question would you most like answered, 25 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 4: What person, place, or experience has shaped you the most? 26 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,240 Speaker 4: What would be your last meal? And can you tell 27 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 4: me something in your life that's grown out of a 28 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:29,280 Speaker 4: personal disaster? And I've gathered a group of really remarkable people, 29 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:32,400 Speaker 4: ones that I am honored and humbled to have had 30 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,760 Speaker 4: the chance to engage with. You may not hear their 31 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 4: answers to all seven of these questions. We've whittled it 32 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:42,160 Speaker 4: down to which questions felt closest to their experience, or 33 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 4: the most surprising, or created the most fertile ground to connect. 34 00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 5: My guest today is the multiple Grammy Award winning musician 35 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 5: and songwriter Sean Colvin. I feel like Sean's song Sonny 36 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,560 Speaker 5: Came Home, which came out in nineteen ninety six, was 37 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 5: the soundtrack to one of the most poignant parts of 38 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 5: my life, and so it was probably poignant in yours too. 39 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 5: I still find that song to be both beautiful and 40 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 5: haunting for all kinds of reasons. She writes what I 41 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 5: consider to be pure folk music and has a voice 42 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,800 Speaker 5: that is both transporting and full of wisdom. Rather like 43 00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:24,919 Speaker 5: Sean herself, we had such a wonderful conversation bonding about 44 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 5: swimming in great, big bodies of water and a shared 45 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,480 Speaker 5: love of Barton Springs, which is this amazing natural pool 46 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:32,360 Speaker 5: in Austin, Texas, where Sean lives. 47 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,640 Speaker 2: A few years ago she published. 48 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,160 Speaker 5: A really lovely memoir called Diamond in the Rath, and 49 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,880 Speaker 5: this year she is touring with Kebmo and her tour 50 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 5: dates are available at Seancolvin music dot com. 51 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,120 Speaker 2: It's so funny. 52 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 3: I've been doing pressed or something, and lots of these 53 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 3: journalists have asked me, you know, I'd like to ask 54 00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,959 Speaker 3: you my favorite question of your questions, and I have 55 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 3: given the most useless answers. It really on the spot, 56 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,399 Speaker 3: like really not great answers. 57 00:02:58,680 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: I don't believe you all. 58 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:00,680 Speaker 2: It really wasn't. 59 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 3: I really regretted one of them. They asked me what relationship, 60 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 3: real or fictionalized, defined love for me, and I said 61 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 3: that it was I used to stand in the rain 62 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 3: and watch Daniel da Lewis play soccer because he went 63 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 3: to my school and he was older than me, much 64 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 3: older than me. He used to come back and play 65 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,960 Speaker 3: in these old boy football matches, and I loved him 66 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:25,280 Speaker 3: so much, and he was related to my uncle who 67 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,040 Speaker 3: married my aunt, and so I felt like he was family. 68 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:32,640 Speaker 3: And what I really wanted to say was not Daniel 69 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,880 Speaker 3: da Lewis necessarily defines love for me, but the generosity 70 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 3: and the kindness. 71 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 2: That he showed me. 72 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 3: He would always walk back to the changing rooms slowly, 73 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,440 Speaker 3: even if it was pounding rain. He would answer all 74 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 3: of my questions. He had patience, he had kindness, had 75 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,800 Speaker 3: incredible energy and focus, and I felt like all those 76 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 3: things are real definers of love and I've never forgotten it. 77 00:03:57,880 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 3: But obviously the journalist is only going to write about 78 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 3: I love Daniel Davis. 79 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, I know. 80 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 1: It will be good publicity. 81 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 2: You know what you do. 82 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, there you're going, Okay, Well, I'm going to ask 83 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,599 Speaker 3: you my first question, which is when and why were 84 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 3: you happiest. 85 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 6: I looked up the definition of the word happiness. I 86 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:28,120 Speaker 6: wanted kind of a prompt, and that helped me think 87 00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:28,839 Speaker 6: about it more. 88 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 1: I think safety is a big part of it. 89 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 6: To feel safe is the very happy place, and to me, 90 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 6: it comes down to music, playing music, writing music, hearing music, 91 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:46,279 Speaker 6: and water bodies of water. I grew up in South 92 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 6: Dakota and my father, who was the most fun loving 93 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:58,760 Speaker 6: prankster ish, cool, goofy guy loved the water. And we 94 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 6: had a late close to us called Lewis and Clark 95 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:04,599 Speaker 6: Lake in Yanked in South Dakota. And things weren't always 96 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:09,359 Speaker 6: great at home, but being in that lake, by that lake, 97 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,640 Speaker 6: on the boat, everything was okay. I felt a sense 98 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:21,239 Speaker 6: of contentment, belonging, happiness, joy and safety. And we slept 99 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,480 Speaker 6: all in this camper, all of us together, and there 100 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,440 Speaker 6: was a closeness and a safety there. 101 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 5: You know. 102 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 6: I was a kid who didn't like having the door 103 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,720 Speaker 6: shut to my room and darkness and being alone there, 104 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,440 Speaker 6: So that was wonderful too. 105 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,560 Speaker 2: And body's of water. Just do it for me? 106 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 1: Swimming does it? 107 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:40,640 Speaker 6: Immersing myself in them, It's very important, not just looking 108 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:44,040 Speaker 6: at them. There's a beach in Positano, Italy that some 109 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 6: of my ashes are going there, okay. And there's a 110 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:50,279 Speaker 6: naturally fed springs pool here in Austin, Texas. 111 00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 3: I know it bought in springs that is where Texas 112 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:55,359 Speaker 3: breeds through Boughton Springs. 113 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 2: It seems to me it is. 114 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,279 Speaker 6: It's a miracle. It's a wonder of nature. I don't 115 00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:01,200 Speaker 6: know any place like it that's in the middle of 116 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 6: a city. I go there every morning. I go there 117 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,320 Speaker 6: every single morning. That's how I start my day. 118 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 2: And I'm having. 119 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,880 Speaker 6: Ashes spread there too, but that's a secret because I'm 120 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:10,920 Speaker 6: sure it's against the law. 121 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 3: Shania during the recent eclipse, my best friend in the world, 122 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,160 Speaker 3: Alexandra Valenti and Avid listener. 123 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:21,280 Speaker 2: Of this podcast. She'll be listening now, the photographer. 124 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 1: Yes, she's taken my picture many. 125 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 6: Okay, Yeah, she's wonderful. 126 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:30,159 Speaker 2: She used to live there. Okay, she does, she still 127 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 2: lives still. 128 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 3: We went out, we were in we were in the 129 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,720 Speaker 3: water up you know, there's that jetty where boats can 130 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:41,200 Speaker 3: refuel and there's a great kind of general store. We 131 00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:45,200 Speaker 3: were past there and just between these two bridges and 132 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,360 Speaker 3: we were in the water with our glasses on for 133 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 3: the eclipse. 134 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 2: And it was. 135 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:53,000 Speaker 3: Honestly one of the most incredible moments of my life. 136 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 2: I think I have it on my Instagram. 137 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 3: I have the video which is just a lot of 138 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,200 Speaker 3: screaming as it goes to pitch black. 139 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,839 Speaker 2: Where you Well, I was here? Were you near the water? 140 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 2: Will you? 141 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:05,680 Speaker 6: I was not. I was in my home. I was 142 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 6: in my home and I just was sitting around, going, well, 143 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 6: we'll see. I thought, well, it's going to be crowded 144 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,560 Speaker 6: out there, and I couldn't wait for it, but I 145 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,480 Speaker 6: didn't make a big social thing out of it. 146 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 1: And it got a little dark and I was like, yeah, 147 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 1: all right, and then it's got pitch black and the screaming. 148 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 2: I ran outside. The screaming started. 149 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,960 Speaker 6: All the street lights came on, and one of the 150 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,440 Speaker 6: I looked up. What happened to animals in the zoos 151 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 6: when the eclipse happened. A lot of them herded together, 152 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 6: which was interesting. But what I like the most was 153 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 6: the ones who were nocturnal came out. 154 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,520 Speaker 2: Okay, time to get up, and the ones that. 155 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,360 Speaker 1: You know usually went to bed at night just started 156 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: going to their beds. 157 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,000 Speaker 2: Gosh, I mean, that makes a lot of sense. 158 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 3: There was a huge amount of bird and butterfly activity 159 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 3: out on the water. 160 00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: It was what happened. 161 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 3: First of all, everything cleared, all of the birds and 162 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 3: all of the butterflies. They all came sort of swarming 163 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 3: across the water, and then they just disappeared into the 164 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 3: trees and under the bridges. And then as the light 165 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 3: was coming back, I assume in their beings they were 166 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 3: thinking it was dawn, and so they were swooping and 167 00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 3: one of the guys on the boat. He was like, 168 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 3: I think it's because this is what they do in 169 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 3: the morning. They sort of swooped back was and forwards 170 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 3: from underneath the bridges and out of the trees, like 171 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 3: away from their nest and out into the day, and 172 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,320 Speaker 3: again the butterflies kind of swarmed back the other way. 173 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 2: It was truly spiritual. 174 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 1: Yea, what it's going to happen in another four hundred 175 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: years or something? 176 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 2: Is that the k is a long time? 177 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 6: Were they singing like morning birds? Were they tweeting a lot? 178 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:45,360 Speaker 2: Yeah? They were. 179 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:48,320 Speaker 3: They absolutely were making a lot of noise. It was 180 00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 3: really magical, truly truly amazing. That makes a lot of 181 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:53,080 Speaker 3: sense if I lived in Arson and I would go 182 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,760 Speaker 3: to Barton Springs every single morning and swim, It's fantastic. 183 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 3: What person place or experience most ultitude life. 184 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 6: I really have to say the experience of getting so 185 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:17,120 Speaker 6: I was twenty seven, so I was very lucky, but 186 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,280 Speaker 6: I was miserable. As I like to say, I had 187 00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:23,240 Speaker 6: my share. I mean, it's just that was my timeline. 188 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 6: I didn't have to go till I was however old. 189 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 6: I bottomed out and in New York City, and you know, 190 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:34,760 Speaker 6: you know, lecture everyone about addiction and alcoholism, but it's 191 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 6: a disease, and I was very sick, and it's a 192 00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 6: very tough. 193 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 2: Disease, you know. 194 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 6: It's a disease of denial, and addiction is a rough one. 195 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 6: It's an obsession of the mind, the craving of the body. 196 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 6: I mean, it's fierce, and not everybody makes it. And 197 00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:56,680 Speaker 6: for me, it was more than mornings after where I 198 00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 6: just felt suicidally depressed. And I remember one of the 199 00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 6: thoughts I had that really kind of made a difference 200 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:10,319 Speaker 6: in me having a revelatory moment that this had to stop. 201 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 2: And it was ego driven. 202 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 6: I thought to myself, you know, because in high school 203 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,960 Speaker 6: I was in all the musicals and debate team and 204 00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:21,200 Speaker 6: speech team and duet acting. 205 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 1: I had a lot of friends. 206 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,440 Speaker 6: I was the girl guitar, seemed to have a lot 207 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,959 Speaker 6: of potential, right and there was in New York. Yeah, 208 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 6: I was doing music and suddenly I thought all my 209 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,080 Speaker 6: friends in high school are going to find out I'm 210 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 6: a drunk. 211 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: And that really got me. I really remember that. 212 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 6: It was just kind of a come to Jesus about 213 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 6: this is this is real? 214 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,440 Speaker 1: This is what's going on with you. 215 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 6: So I got help, and I was so blessed and 216 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,960 Speaker 6: lucky because it took, and it doesn't with everyone. I 217 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 6: just feel like I was really blessed with that. So 218 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:02,680 Speaker 6: it transformed my life. Was in a program that really 219 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 6: kind of taught me how to live and introduced a 220 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 6: spiritual overview to living. All the things that have happened 221 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 6: to me since then, my dreams have come true. And 222 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:19,120 Speaker 6: I firmly believe that would not have happened had I 223 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:24,960 Speaker 6: not had a combination of some light shining on me 224 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:31,280 Speaker 6: and just the epiphany that just couldn't go on, and 225 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,600 Speaker 6: then I've found somewhere to take it. 226 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,560 Speaker 3: Have you found what you found through the program all 227 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,559 Speaker 3: through the people that you met or through that experience. 228 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,000 Speaker 3: Have you sort of handed that on to someone else? 229 00:11:45,160 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 3: Like have you kind of continued that chain and like 230 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 3: what you were given. Have you had the opportunity to 231 00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 3: kind of. 232 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 2: Have that on? 233 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 6: I mean, I've tried, and I've found that there's not 234 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,320 Speaker 6: much you can say true. All I can hope for 235 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,520 Speaker 6: is and I know this because of people that talk 236 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 6: to me, because they know me, because of what I do. 237 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:10,199 Speaker 6: The other person, you're setting an example, not encouraging it, 238 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,720 Speaker 6: proselytizing you know what I'm saying. 239 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,360 Speaker 2: I do. Yeah. 240 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 1: I think it's just through my actions effected. 241 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:18,320 Speaker 2: People the most. 242 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,080 Speaker 6: Yeah, it's doing it because I remember once I was 243 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,200 Speaker 6: sober for a year or two, had a great friend 244 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 6: who was a drummer, sweetest guy, great guy, terrible alcoholic, 245 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,640 Speaker 6: and I told him what had happened to me and 246 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 6: he was like, oh man, I got to do that, 247 00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 6: I got to do that. 248 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,839 Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, yeah. 249 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,320 Speaker 1: I was just so happy. I'm like, yay, he's going 250 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 1: to come in. 251 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:44,480 Speaker 2: He died. 252 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:49,200 Speaker 6: He died before he came in. And that taught me 253 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,240 Speaker 6: a lot. It kind of taught me a lot, like 254 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:56,600 Speaker 6: you can't convince somebody except through your own experience and 255 00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:02,280 Speaker 6: through their willingness to want to change, yeah and recover. Yeah, 256 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 6: so that's the defining experience for sure. I don't know 257 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 6: what i'd be doing right now. How old were you 258 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,079 Speaker 6: when you had your daughter? 259 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 1: Forty two? 260 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 2: Nice? Nice? 261 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:17,400 Speaker 5: No? 262 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 2: How about you? I was thirty eight? Yeah? 263 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean you know, they called it a geriatric pregnancy, 264 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,120 Speaker 3: which I thought was so unnecessary. 265 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 2: They did. They did so sad like these labels. But yeah, 266 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:36,880 Speaker 2: he's magic. 267 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,760 Speaker 6: Yeah, they are magic. Does he have a good sense 268 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,199 Speaker 6: of humor? That's what he thinks. I loved the most 269 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 6: about my kid. She's hysterical. Isn't that very absolutely? 270 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 2: Yes? 271 00:13:46,679 --> 00:13:50,200 Speaker 3: Because I think kind, funny, clever. Those were sort of 272 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:54,720 Speaker 3: my benchmarks of what I sort of loving a person. 273 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 3: I've always thrown that around and thought that everything can 274 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 3: actually be distilled into those things. 275 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: That makes a lot of sense to me. 276 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:20,800 Speaker 3: Can you tell me about something that has grown out 277 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:22,040 Speaker 3: of the personal disaster? 278 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 2: Gray Heir? That is the truth, That is the literal truth. 279 00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:37,360 Speaker 6: When I saw the word grown, I was like, oh, yeah, that. 280 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 1: I'm trying to think of something else. 281 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:44,640 Speaker 6: Besides the kind of pivotal thing about giving up alcohol. 282 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,040 Speaker 2: Being a single mom? 283 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 3: Was that difficult in the beginning because I was also 284 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 3: a single mom, And while it was heavenly in a 285 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 3: lot of respects, I love not having anybody telling me 286 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,200 Speaker 3: what to do. 287 00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:01,160 Speaker 2: With vapor misers. No, no, no, no no no, I didn't. 288 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,800 Speaker 3: But there were definitely moments where I was like, holy cow, 289 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 3: I am so alone in this. Yeah, she's meaning this 290 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 3: little tiny baby he can't speak to me, And I 291 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 3: remember thinking we were both growing out of this, not 292 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:16,600 Speaker 3: disastrous situation. 293 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:17,760 Speaker 2: But it was suddeny not easy. 294 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:23,800 Speaker 6: Yes, that's really applicable here. Yeah, single parenthood and realizing 295 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 6: you're making all the decisions and a lot of them 296 00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 6: are fucking hard. You're responsible, and Calli's had her share 297 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 6: of difficulties. You know, she wouldn't mind my saying that. 298 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 6: And I had to make decisions. She can now, and 299 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 6: thank god she's twenty six and she launched. But yeah, 300 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 6: to be alone making every decision. And I feel like, 301 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 6: as far as growing from that sort of disaster or 302 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 6: very uncomfortable, challenging thing, I think the most creative job 303 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 6: in the world is being a mother. Yeah, and anybody 304 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 6: who's the mother, I. 305 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,960 Speaker 2: Wish I could sing like you. I wish I could 306 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:06,280 Speaker 2: be it. 307 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 1: You're being creative, honey. 308 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 2: Was it hard being on the road with a little child. 309 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,240 Speaker 6: Well, she came along for a while, and then when 310 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 6: she started school, she stayed back with her dad and 311 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:19,560 Speaker 6: it just sucked, you. 312 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 2: Know, for me to be away like that. Yeah, that 313 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:23,120 Speaker 2: must have been very hot. 314 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,680 Speaker 1: It was very hard, but I took a couple of 315 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 1: years off. 316 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, it was very hard. 317 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 6: But she's amazing and our bond is ironclad, and it 318 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:33,440 Speaker 6: worked out. 319 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:36,200 Speaker 2: Oh, old Henry, he's fifteen. 320 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,520 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, has he gone into his cave yet? 321 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,560 Speaker 2: You know what, I think he's in the cave, and 322 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 2: he's in the cave. He is, he in the cave. 323 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 3: He's fighting the bar right now. He's fighting the bat 324 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 3: in the cave. And I just keep handing him supplies. 325 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 3: I heard they go into a cave. 326 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:57,720 Speaker 2: They really do. 327 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 3: And I think it's really that initiation and that journey. 328 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,360 Speaker 3: It's very hard to sit by and watch and not 329 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,639 Speaker 3: want to make it easier. I got to say, I 330 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 3: don't do a great job not interfering. I really tried. 331 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,439 Speaker 3: But it's agony watching someone being born into adulthood. 332 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:13,560 Speaker 1: It is. 333 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 6: And you know, your instincts to try to avoid controlling and. 334 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:25,280 Speaker 1: Advising and you know, like babying them through it are 335 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:25,840 Speaker 1: really good. 336 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:25,960 Speaker 5: You know. 337 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,240 Speaker 6: I wish I could say my instincts had been better 338 00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:29,560 Speaker 6: as far as that went. 339 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,400 Speaker 2: I came from a place. 340 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:34,720 Speaker 6: Where I was going to outdo my parents, you know 341 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 6: the things that I didn't get. Man, she was going 342 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,840 Speaker 6: to get it in spades, and I overdid it. There's 343 00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:41,680 Speaker 6: somebody told. 344 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,960 Speaker 1: Me the other day our generation overcorrected. 345 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 2: Huh. 346 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,480 Speaker 3: That's interesting. I actually think that's really true. I think 347 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 3: that they were so hands off. Yeah, I think I definitely, 348 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:57,680 Speaker 3: to his detriment, sometimes been super prescriptive, like too prescriptive. 349 00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,159 Speaker 3: But I don't know what we were talking about this 350 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,720 Speaker 3: last night, my sister and some friends. Oh you can 351 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 3: just it's just the best you can do, right. Oh yeah, 352 00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:08,160 Speaker 3: And there's no handbook, you have no idea. You often 353 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,360 Speaker 3: don't realize the things you've handed on to your kids 354 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 3: until they've been handed on. 355 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,520 Speaker 2: So all you can do is just keep talking about it. 356 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:16,719 Speaker 2: And I don't know. 357 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,520 Speaker 1: All you can do is keep talking about it, and 358 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 1: it's hard to watch them struggle, and then you reach 359 00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,120 Speaker 1: a point where you are over correcting. And somebody said, 360 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:29,440 Speaker 1: you've got to give them the dignity of learning. 361 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,200 Speaker 2: Oh that's good. I like that a lot. 362 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,000 Speaker 6: I do too, and my folks were on the other 363 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:39,120 Speaker 6: side of the spectrum. But I figured it out. Yeah, 364 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 6: we all figured it out. 365 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:49,120 Speaker 2: So what is the quality that you like least about yourself? 366 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,560 Speaker 1: A few, but I'll try to focus on one. 367 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:57,679 Speaker 6: I did kind of an inventory of the things that 368 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,840 Speaker 6: I do that I really wasn't aware that I was doing, 369 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:02,480 Speaker 6: just to cope in life. 370 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,200 Speaker 1: I think we all have these things, and I gave 371 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:04,960 Speaker 1: them names. 372 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,040 Speaker 6: What I was going to say was the quality I 373 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:11,479 Speaker 6: like least in myself is I isolate. I enjoy time alone, 374 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,920 Speaker 6: but I isolate too much. I just do, and I'm 375 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:18,600 Speaker 6: trying to work on that. I'm just kind of a recluse, 376 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 6: I guess. And I love texting with people and talking 377 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 6: on the phone. 378 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 2: But I just kind of stood put. 379 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: But this other thing I was telling you about where 380 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:32,280 Speaker 1: I started to make a list of my coping mechanisms 381 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 1: that aren't healthy, and I gave them names. And one 382 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:41,320 Speaker 1: was the contractor. So you know, you meet people. 383 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,280 Speaker 6: You fall in love, you have certain friends, whatever shaped 384 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 6: you in your childhood, you make unconscious contracts with people you. 385 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 2: Know you do, or at least I do. 386 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:56,879 Speaker 6: If you do do do, then you will get Weah. 387 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,399 Speaker 6: I just realized how full of manipulation I was, and 388 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,879 Speaker 6: how I would make these contracts rather than accepting the 389 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:07,920 Speaker 6: situation just as it is. Another one was the pontificator. 390 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:13,640 Speaker 6: I think I'm an expert in so many areas, and 391 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:18,119 Speaker 6: I give tons of advice. I just think I know it. 392 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:23,480 Speaker 6: You know, you asked me about mental health, music, fashion, 393 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,560 Speaker 6: you know, bring it up. So those are just two 394 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,120 Speaker 6: and the isolation. But you know, there's so many things 395 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,119 Speaker 6: to improve in myself is just becoming aware of what 396 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,600 Speaker 6: they are, which comes to you whenever it comes to you. 397 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,679 Speaker 3: What do you get out of isolating? Like, what are 398 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,080 Speaker 3: the benefits of it? 399 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,800 Speaker 6: That's a really good question. I guess I have social anxiety. 400 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:48,479 Speaker 6: I guess that's kind of that's really kind of it. 401 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,680 Speaker 2: Just more comfortable being by yourself. 402 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 1: I like being by myself, but I can lonely with 403 00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:59,239 Speaker 1: that in that isolation. So it's kind of a you know, 404 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,639 Speaker 1: edged sword, because for example, when I get up to 405 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:06,040 Speaker 1: go to the pool, I get up when it's very dark, 406 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 1: and I get in the car and listen to the 407 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,479 Speaker 1: music I love and get a cup of coffee and 408 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 1: sit in the parking lot in my car at the 409 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 1: pool in the dark, and it's my favorite time. 410 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:18,720 Speaker 6: It's day. 411 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,520 Speaker 1: And then the dawn starts to break, and I wandered. 412 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:23,200 Speaker 2: That's beautiful. 413 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:26,600 Speaker 6: Well, it's great, but then you know, the day goes 414 00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:31,040 Speaker 6: on and I live alone. So I've realized that in 415 00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 6: my isolation there's something to do with pleasing people. 416 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 1: I don't know. I drift away from. 417 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,119 Speaker 6: People that are very important to me, that I may 418 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:44,400 Speaker 6: have known from the past or worked with, but don't 419 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 6: work with anymore. I tend to drift away from the 420 00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 6: people that understand me the most. It's something I'm looking at. 421 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,760 Speaker 6: So this isolation is some kind of protection in some way, 422 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,000 Speaker 6: and I think it's just perhaps some to some degree 423 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,520 Speaker 6: kind of low self esteem of being closed intimacy. 424 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,159 Speaker 2: Mm hmm, I don't know. 425 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 3: I think it's really interesting to not just fill a 426 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:10,880 Speaker 3: space because it's empty, or maybe to reframe the notion 427 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:14,520 Speaker 3: of emptiness with space. I started doing that with things 428 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,520 Speaker 3: that were I guess problematic, and that was one of 429 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 3: the words I would supplant. So emptiness, this feeling of emptiness, 430 00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,080 Speaker 3: I have it a lot around my son being at 431 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,920 Speaker 3: boarding school and I don't get to see him every 432 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,679 Speaker 3: single day, and he is truly the great love of 433 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,240 Speaker 3: my life. And I started playing around with when I 434 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,800 Speaker 3: say empty, how that makes me feel. But if I 435 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:41,879 Speaker 3: say space, which feels something that I can share with 436 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,320 Speaker 3: someone else, something I could share with even him at a 437 00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:49,240 Speaker 3: later day, or it's like it took my foot off 438 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:51,600 Speaker 3: the pedal of slamming into that wall. 439 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:55,920 Speaker 2: That just felt one way. Yeah, you reframed, Yeah. 440 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,199 Speaker 3: I mean I wonder if like there's I feel like 441 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 3: all this. Huxley talked a bit about it, wow, which 442 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 3: is I'm totally paraphrasing this idea of if we don't 443 00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:09,520 Speaker 3: follow along with social norms, that it's somehow wrong and 444 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,639 Speaker 3: that it's only not beneficial if we actively feel it 445 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,080 Speaker 3: hurting ourselves. But if it's just something that's different from 446 00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,040 Speaker 3: the norm, maybe so be it. 447 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:17,680 Speaker 2: And there's an. 448 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:20,359 Speaker 3: Exploration of what that is that is pertinent to the 449 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:21,440 Speaker 3: human is doing it. 450 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,119 Speaker 6: Yeah, there are expectations and rules as we grow up 451 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 6: and we get kind. 452 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:26,760 Speaker 2: Of trapped by those. 453 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, I understand what you're meaning. 454 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,400 Speaker 6: With my daughter being gone, I felt an emptiness And 455 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:37,080 Speaker 6: for me, filling up the space has been well the 456 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:42,120 Speaker 6: opportunity to kind of soul search and realize the things 457 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,560 Speaker 6: I've been sort of pushing under because I was so 458 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,480 Speaker 6: busy raising my daughter and how do I get to 459 00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:50,840 Speaker 6: focus on myself now? You know, it's a great opportunity 460 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:58,400 Speaker 6: for me to look inward and reclaim hobbies, interests, more travel. 461 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,560 Speaker 1: So I'm trying to kind of turn it on its. 462 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:05,960 Speaker 6: Ear, and, like you said, instead of feeling empty, recreating 463 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:10,639 Speaker 6: it into an idea of space where I get to thrive. 464 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 2: Yeah. 465 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 3: I started doing the things that felt good more than 466 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,879 Speaker 3: once a day. Do you know how you kind of 467 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:21,159 Speaker 3: feel if you have like an itinerary in your day, 468 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,080 Speaker 3: and it's like, well, you know, so I wake up 469 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:25,000 Speaker 3: and I get my coffee, and I go for a swim, 470 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,440 Speaker 3: and then I do this, and I do all these 471 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:33,080 Speaker 3: these things just singularly, right, And I started going, I'm 472 00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:34,440 Speaker 3: going to swim three times a day. 473 00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,520 Speaker 2: I'm going to go down to the beach and I'm 474 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,200 Speaker 2: swim oh yeah, oh yeah. 475 00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 1: But are you in London. 476 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,560 Speaker 3: I am, and I go and swim, and we have 477 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,960 Speaker 3: these lighters, so we have these amazing ponds all over London. 478 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:47,200 Speaker 2: I work you did. 479 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,960 Speaker 1: I went to the Ladies pond last time I was 480 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 1: in London. 481 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:50,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. 482 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 1: I gotta find that water wherever I go. 483 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,240 Speaker 3: One hundred percent. But it was interesting because I used 484 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 3: to feel really sad. I come in from my surf 485 00:24:57,119 --> 00:24:59,600 Speaker 3: or my swim in the morning, and these are in night, 486 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,840 Speaker 3: you know, moments that were difficult or hard. And I 487 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,840 Speaker 3: said that, going, God, you know, my happiest moment has happened. 488 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,120 Speaker 3: And I've just got the rest of the days stretching out. 489 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:13,119 Speaker 3: And eventually I went, well, fuck that, I'm going to 490 00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:14,959 Speaker 3: go and do it again. I'm going to sit here 491 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:17,160 Speaker 3: and I don't know, I'll write or talk to someone, 492 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 3: or I'll play some music, or i'll make some food 493 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,560 Speaker 3: or I'll do whatever, and then I'm going to go again. 494 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:25,960 Speaker 3: And I kept doing it until once was again enough. 495 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,439 Speaker 3: And I really liked that idea of the things that 496 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:32,320 Speaker 3: make us feel good doing it more than once. 497 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I totally relate to that. 498 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,800 Speaker 6: I even wrote something about it once, but I had 499 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:41,440 Speaker 6: to do with Texas Monthly and Austin and I talked 500 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,680 Speaker 6: about the ritual that I do in the morning, about 501 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,879 Speaker 6: going to the springs, get up, have the coffee at 502 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,879 Speaker 6: the dark, the music, and then on the way home 503 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 6: stopping at juice Land and getting my favorite smoothie and 504 00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:58,840 Speaker 6: talking to somebody on the phone and then and then 505 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:03,439 Speaker 6: the best part of my day. So, and you're right, 506 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 6: and people have so just go swimming again. You know, 507 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 6: that's that's a great song. 508 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 3: Actually, that's a beautiful song, Go swimming again. What relationship, 509 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,280 Speaker 3: real or fictionalized, defines lovely? 510 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:37,439 Speaker 6: Well, it has to be my kid. Yeah, I know 511 00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,960 Speaker 6: what you were saying about Daniel Day Lewis and the 512 00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:49,240 Speaker 6: selfless and dear actions of another person and the gift 513 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 6: of not being judged by someone and the gift of 514 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,800 Speaker 6: being accepted and understood. 515 00:26:56,800 --> 00:26:57,720 Speaker 1: And treated well. 516 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:03,560 Speaker 6: But being a parent, first of all, you're responsible, you know, 517 00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 6: from our one And that was totally intimidating to me. 518 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,240 Speaker 6: I was like, someone's how have I taken on this job? 519 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,560 Speaker 2: And I think the. 520 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:18,919 Speaker 6: Only thing that keeps you going on some level is 521 00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 6: this bond that's kind of inexplicable. I mean, it's been 522 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:24,879 Speaker 6: a hard job, you know, it's not been easy, but 523 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 6: it's she's the love of my life. It's been the 524 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:32,400 Speaker 6: most fulfilling job and it'll never be over. And I'm 525 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 6: sure it's a very common answer, so it's hard to describe. 526 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:38,840 Speaker 3: Well, it's a hard one to look away from because 527 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:42,480 Speaker 3: it is like for me, it's the most defining relationship 528 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,680 Speaker 3: of my life, like without a shadow of a doubt, 529 00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,640 Speaker 3: Like I can think of other ones, Like I said, 530 00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:49,359 Speaker 3: I talked about Daniel da Liz, particularly because I rather 531 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:51,880 Speaker 3: talk about Henry all the time. And I was like, oh, 532 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,280 Speaker 3: let me, I'll talk about something else for a minute. 533 00:27:54,800 --> 00:28:01,600 Speaker 3: But it is magical and is my greatest proof that 534 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:06,439 Speaker 3: there is something other than what we see here. The 535 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,040 Speaker 3: way that I feel about Henry and the connection that 536 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 3: we have reminds me of this other place or this 537 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,879 Speaker 3: other time. But it's not like because I don't consciously 538 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:20,040 Speaker 3: remember it. But the feeling of connection to something out 539 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:24,200 Speaker 3: of this time and place is how I feel about him. 540 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,920 Speaker 2: And it's hard to put into words. It really is. 541 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:29,080 Speaker 1: It's deep. 542 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,720 Speaker 3: It is deep, and it makes me think about It's 543 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 3: funny you said you were talking about the contractor and 544 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,840 Speaker 3: like these contracts, I wonder about those, the idea of 545 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 3: soul contracts, and whether we are playing out these relationships 546 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:47,840 Speaker 3: in different forms because I don't know the feeling of 547 00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:50,840 Speaker 3: connectivity it feels like it goes so much further than 548 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,920 Speaker 3: even beyond the extraordinary act of giving birth, which, as 549 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 3: you'll know, is. 550 00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,160 Speaker 2: You know, it's otherworldly. 551 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:00,000 Speaker 1: It really is. 552 00:29:00,520 --> 00:29:02,800 Speaker 2: It really is. I mean, just did you have music playing? 553 00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,720 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, did I have music playing? I sure did. 554 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:08,880 Speaker 3: I did have an amazing playlist, I really did. And 555 00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:15,160 Speaker 3: there's this really beautiful devotional that rummed us sang. It 556 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,400 Speaker 3: was a live recording and it was on the playlist, 557 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:20,760 Speaker 3: and that happened to be as Henry was being born, 558 00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:24,000 Speaker 3: but I didn't know that Henry was a boy. I'd 559 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 3: been told I was having a girl, even though I 560 00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:28,800 Speaker 3: didn't want to know. So when he came out, and 561 00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,320 Speaker 3: I wanted love to be the first word that he heard. 562 00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,960 Speaker 3: So as I'm listening to like Ram dass Is in 563 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:39,040 Speaker 3: Turning Love Lover, I'm like pushing h And then the 564 00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,200 Speaker 3: baby comes out and my mom goes, oh my god, 565 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:42,480 Speaker 3: it's a boy, and I went. 566 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:42,920 Speaker 1: What the fuck? 567 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:44,960 Speaker 2: So the whole deeply. 568 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,280 Speaker 3: Spiritual entry from my kid was a bit it went 569 00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:48,240 Speaker 3: a bit sideways, but. 570 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:54,160 Speaker 6: Well, yeah, but it's sounds like really great. Well hopefully 571 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,440 Speaker 6: not when you give birth exactly, hopefully. That's just you know, 572 00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:58,760 Speaker 6: did you have a playlist going? 573 00:29:58,800 --> 00:29:58,880 Speaker 5: Like? 574 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:01,080 Speaker 2: Did you have music? I did? I have a playlist. 575 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:05,760 Speaker 1: I had one song that I wanted played when it 576 00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:09,800 Speaker 1: was imminent. Oh wow, yeah, I don't know why. 577 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:10,280 Speaker 2: I know. 578 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,720 Speaker 6: I was just concentrating on what needed to be done, and. 579 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,080 Speaker 2: I would you mind sharing? Would you do? 580 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:17,520 Speaker 1: Is that? 581 00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:17,800 Speaker 4: Oh? 582 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:19,160 Speaker 2: No? And it's the song is. 583 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,920 Speaker 1: No, I don't mind sharing at all. And it's a little. 584 00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:26,400 Speaker 6: Strange, but to me, it's a very transcendent spiritual song. 585 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:31,040 Speaker 6: It certainly is not necessarily positive and it's a little abstract, 586 00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:34,200 Speaker 6: but it's proco hair and whiter shade of pale. 587 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:40,680 Speaker 2: No way, way. I was just just oh wow. Yeah. 588 00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,640 Speaker 3: For me instantly, it's the movie with Nil and I, 589 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,000 Speaker 3: which is my son and my favorite movie. 590 00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:48,480 Speaker 1: I love that movie. 591 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:51,880 Speaker 3: I'm not thinking of it in I'm not thinking of 592 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,600 Speaker 3: it in terms of somebody being born into this world, 593 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 3: and like hearing that it is it's transcendent. 594 00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 2: It has transcendence in it that song, for sure, it does. 595 00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:03,360 Speaker 6: And if you look at it lyrically, it's not necessarily 596 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,800 Speaker 6: the ideal thing for someone to be born to. But 597 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,560 Speaker 6: that's the thing. That's the thing about music. It transcends 598 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,480 Speaker 6: a lot of things. The words don't even have to 599 00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,400 Speaker 6: necessarily make sense, you know. 600 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 2: I mean, it's a stream of. 601 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,400 Speaker 1: Consciousness, bizarre, bizarre. 602 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:24,880 Speaker 6: Song, but it's just steep, and that's why it feels 603 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:25,480 Speaker 6: holy to me. 604 00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:27,800 Speaker 2: You know, it just feelt holy to me. So yeah, 605 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:28,440 Speaker 2: that's what I did. 606 00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 3: I think that's also really beautiful to pay attention to 607 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 3: the things that feel holy to us, Like I don't 608 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 3: think we I think it's really cool to consciously do 609 00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:38,960 Speaker 3: that and go whatever that is, whatever that sounds like 610 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:41,680 Speaker 3: or looks like this feels holy to me. 611 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:42,840 Speaker 2: That's really wild. 612 00:31:42,880 --> 00:31:46,280 Speaker 3: I'm just thinking about as a kid listening to The 613 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:49,160 Speaker 3: Cocktail Twins, and you know, for the first like struggling 614 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:52,680 Speaker 3: for those first few months of listening, going why why 615 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:55,560 Speaker 3: don't I understand what she's saying? Like I can't what 616 00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,600 Speaker 3: is she saying? And then my mom, rather casual, went, 617 00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:01,280 Speaker 3: she's not saying anything. She's just making amazing sounds and 618 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:04,200 Speaker 3: she's intoning like it is whatever you want it to be. 619 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:06,800 Speaker 2: And I was like, ah, what do you mean? What 620 00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:07,400 Speaker 2: does it mean? 621 00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,640 Speaker 3: And she, my mother said a much more caustic version 622 00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,200 Speaker 3: of like, stop looking for meaning in everything and just 623 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:17,520 Speaker 3: enjoy the way that it feels slash sounds. And I 624 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:19,520 Speaker 3: always think that way about music, particularly if there are 625 00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:23,200 Speaker 3: lyrics that I don't particularly love, Like there's a there's 626 00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:27,000 Speaker 3: a songwriter whose lyrics I don't love at all, but 627 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:31,720 Speaker 3: I love the music. I love the music so much. 628 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:35,000 Speaker 3: And my son and I genuinely have like changed the 629 00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:38,080 Speaker 3: lyrics about four of this song. And do you like 630 00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,959 Speaker 3: his singing? I love his voice, I love his music, 631 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:45,600 Speaker 3: and his lyrics are just they're just not good. They're 632 00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:49,000 Speaker 3: just not good to me, and they invoke images that 633 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:54,720 Speaker 3: are like, really really rubbish. There's one about like, I'm 634 00:32:54,720 --> 00:32:58,440 Speaker 3: not kidding, it's like a comestain on sheets in the 635 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,520 Speaker 3: middle of this beautiful song that's where he's referencing. And 636 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:03,960 Speaker 3: I was so horrified by this whole thing that I've 637 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,720 Speaker 3: had to like rewrite it. Like when we play that song, 638 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:08,400 Speaker 3: which may sound terrible, book. 639 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:09,320 Speaker 1: No, it doesn't sound fair. 640 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:10,480 Speaker 2: That's great to rewrite the. 641 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,560 Speaker 1: Lyrics and instead of just turn off the music. If 642 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:15,080 Speaker 1: you love the voice and you love the music itself. 643 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,040 Speaker 3: I know, and I think that sometimes there's a whole 644 00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,560 Speaker 3: bigger feeling at play than what somebody meant in there. 645 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,480 Speaker 6: Yeah, but you're reminded me of a funny story, if 646 00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:24,600 Speaker 6: I may tell me. 647 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,120 Speaker 1: Well, I was dating this guy once who was an actor. 648 00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:28,600 Speaker 2: Oh god, pol you. 649 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,040 Speaker 6: This was in New York and he hadn't reached any 650 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,040 Speaker 6: big success. He was a sweet guy, but yeah, maybe 651 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 6: a little narcissist. But of course, like any actor wants 652 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 6: to be a musician, and like any musician wants to 653 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,800 Speaker 6: be an actor, right, so here, this guy's really good 654 00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:47,160 Speaker 6: actor and getting. 655 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:47,720 Speaker 1: Somewhere and doing well. 656 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:48,920 Speaker 2: But he's a songwriter too. 657 00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:52,520 Speaker 6: He said, Oh, no, so he wanted me to listen 658 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:54,680 Speaker 6: to his cassette tape. 659 00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,680 Speaker 1: That's how long ago it was. And I'm like, okay, 660 00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 1: you know, tell him what I thought so bad? 661 00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 6: And my favorite lyric that he had was he rhymed 662 00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:10,240 Speaker 6: apocalypse with Picasso lips. 663 00:34:11,320 --> 00:34:12,120 Speaker 2: Across? 664 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:17,120 Speaker 3: Is that not a horrible apocalypse with Picasso lips? 665 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:21,120 Speaker 6: Picasso lips? And my best friend, who's a writer. 666 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,959 Speaker 2: I said, what do I do? What do I say? 667 00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:25,600 Speaker 2: You run? 668 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,279 Speaker 6: Well, you just find something that you do like, you know, 669 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:31,399 Speaker 6: and you just kind of go with that. And I said, 670 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:35,560 Speaker 6: he rhymed apocalypse with Picasso lips And my friend goes, 671 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 6: what are you gonna do? So I don't know, but 672 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:44,719 Speaker 6: I think that's cool. You rewrote the lyrics because you 673 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,160 Speaker 6: love the old parts so much. 674 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,160 Speaker 3: The cool progression is so beautiful, The melody top line 675 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:50,520 Speaker 3: is beautiful, The whole thing's beautiful. 676 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,680 Speaker 2: It's just this really, it's like. 677 00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:54,880 Speaker 3: Very young when he wrote these lyrics, like they feel 678 00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:58,000 Speaker 3: like a sort of fifteen year old boy fantasy of 679 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,800 Speaker 3: that means judge, but obviously will. 680 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:01,960 Speaker 1: You get to like you? 681 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,680 Speaker 3: I think that's exactly right. Yeah, Oh, Sean, thank you 682 00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:07,880 Speaker 3: so much, Thanks, thank you. 683 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:12,160 Speaker 2: That's it. That's my seventh Questions. I've made it. You 684 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,920 Speaker 2: did you made it? Thank you? Oh, thank you, Minnie. 685 00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:18,080 Speaker 2: It was a pleasure. Great, It's a real pleasure. Thank 686 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:18,719 Speaker 2: you so much. 687 00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:24,319 Speaker 4: Mini Questions is hosted and written by Me Mini Driver, 688 00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:29,360 Speaker 4: Executive produced by Me and Aaron Kaufman, with production support 689 00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:32,840 Speaker 4: from Jennifer Bassett, Zoe Denkler, and Ali Perry. 690 00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:37,240 Speaker 2: The theme music is also by Me and additional music 691 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:38,600 Speaker 2: by Aaron Kaufman. 692 00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:44,840 Speaker 5: Special thanks to Jim Nikolay Addison, O'Day, Henry Driver, Lisa Castella, 693 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:49,600 Speaker 5: Anick oppenheim, A, Nick Muller and Annette wolf A w kPr, 694 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:55,440 Speaker 5: Will Pearson, Nicki Etoor, Morgan Levoy and mangesh Had tigg Adore.