Speaker 1: One of my biggest X is when they like wake
Speaker 1: up in their confused.
Speaker 2: If they play games on their phone.
Speaker 3: When he posts on social media, grown men should have
Speaker 3: wear earrings. Don't message me saying when am I taking you?
Speaker 4: How seriously should people take X?
Speaker 3: They should be seen as more of a funny thing,
Speaker 3: not something that actually puts them off their partner.
Speaker 4: Do you ever get over an ick?
Speaker 3: The more you like someone, the more you'll find the executor.
Speaker 4: Everyone is going to have something that gives you the ich.
Speaker 3: I remember one of my X was at the beginning
Speaker 3: when we were dating. Come on, we used to do that.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Hey.
Speaker 4: Everyone, welcome back to On Purpose with Jay Shehady with
Speaker 4: my favorite person in the world rather than Lucia, And
Speaker 4: we're diving into topics about things that we talk about,
Speaker 4: things that we hear about from friends and family, things
Speaker 4: that you could talk about on the long car journey
Speaker 4: after a long day at work, or maybe while you're
Speaker 4: out at dinner and you want to have a chat
Speaker 4: about what's going on. So today's topic is all.
Speaker 3: About X X, good old X.
Speaker 4: I feel like the concept of X didn't exist when
Speaker 4: we were dating. No, or maybe they existed, but they
Speaker 4: didn't have that language. And if anyone's wondering, because you've
Speaker 4: been sleeping under a rock, what an ick is? The
Speaker 4: term ick refers to a sudden turn off or something
Speaker 4: that instantly kills attraction.
Speaker 3: Ooh, that's a harsh time.
Speaker 4: These aren't always rational, and they can vary culturally and individually,
Speaker 4: but there are common patterns reported in dating conversations, social media,
Speaker 4: and psychological observations. Wow, so official, when did you first
Speaker 4: discover what X were?
Speaker 3: I don't know when, but I feel like now that
Speaker 3: it's got a name to I appreciate it because I
Speaker 3: felt X my whole life.
Speaker 4: Really Yeah, what like when you were dating back in
Speaker 4: the day. Yeah, you never dated anyone apart from me?
Speaker 3: What it's definitely I definitely felt X throughout my life.
Speaker 3: I've probably felt a few X with you. What do
Speaker 3: you mean we talk about this? What we've had X?
Speaker 3: So many X? But X doesn't mean that you don't
Speaker 3: love someone, right, It just means you're like, oh, maybe
Speaker 3: you know, don't do that around me?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: Yeah? You have X with me with me?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Anyway, is this about us? We're just having a general
Speaker 3: conversation about X. Guys, No, they came. The topic came
Speaker 3: about because we were in a car journey with my cousins.
Speaker 3: We were on our way back from the Drake concert.
Speaker 3: We had a long journey and somehow we came onto
Speaker 3: the topic of X within our relationships, but then also
Speaker 3: just generally. You know, there's a man with the ick list,
Speaker 3: which the.
Speaker 4: Girl that's mine, that's my favorite.
Speaker 3: The guy with the guy with the list.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love it. If you don't follow guy with
Speaker 4: the list, I have no idea who he is.
Speaker 3: He is hilarious, he's brilliant, and he just like he
Speaker 3: finds all these things that women say, oh men say,
Speaker 3: are X about men and women, and he puts them
Speaker 3: onto a really really long list. So we started getting
Speaker 3: into it, and let me tell you, we came up
Speaker 3: with some crazy easy ones. One of my cousins said
Speaker 3: that she thinks it's icky when her husband uses an
Speaker 3: indicator in the car. I don't even know how that's
Speaker 3: an egg, but that was.
Speaker 4: An egg because reasoning I don't remember. She said that
Speaker 4: it doesn't feel masculine.
Speaker 3: That'scular enough. Yes. Someone else that I spoke to said
Speaker 3: that she finds it really icky when her husband cries.
Speaker 3: That's terrible, so not nice, but also just so funny
Speaker 3: that people put down the eck list. Well, okay, it's
Speaker 3: obviously funny, but there's also a little bit of meanness
Speaker 3: and depth to it. That people get turned off so
Speaker 3: easily these days, and I think it's really sometimes just
Speaker 3: by getting an inch, they won't go on a second day.
Speaker 3: I feel like, should we start off by reading some
Speaker 3: really funny it's okay, so oh, when they run after
Speaker 3: a receipt that's blown away in the wind.
Speaker 4: That does that.
Speaker 3: When they hold a limp umbrella in a strong wind,
Speaker 3: When they run with the backpack on and it bounces
Speaker 3: side to side, that's a really good one. I agree.
Speaker 3: When they when they try to get out of a
Speaker 3: bean bag chair and it takes a full twelve seconds.
Speaker 3: When they walk, when they call a waiter over but
Speaker 3: they walk right past them. These are all very good ones.
Speaker 3: There are some other really funny ones. They do what else?
Speaker 3: What else do we say in the car? That was
Speaker 3: really funny. I don't remember when they have allergies. That's
Speaker 3: so rude. When you're driving and they grab the bar. Yeah,
Speaker 3: when you are the driver, when the girl's the driver
Speaker 3: and the guy gets scared and holds holds the side
Speaker 3: of the car. That's icky. When they get cassick.
Speaker 4: I get cassick. That's not it. It's a really bad
Speaker 4: thing to go through.
Speaker 3: Actually, when they wear no show socks, no, yeah, I
Speaker 3: agree with that. There's little panty liner socks. They are awful.
Speaker 3: The phonge socks is what we should call them? Awful? Awful?
Speaker 4: Is that what you have to say?
Speaker 3: Well, look, I think X a fair, but I also
Speaker 3: think that they should be more seen as more of
Speaker 3: a funny thing, not something that actually puts them off
Speaker 3: their partner.
Speaker 4: I think you should end up becoming something that's endearing,
Speaker 4: Like you should go from thinking it's an it to
Speaker 4: finding it a bit.
Speaker 3: You remember. I remember one of my ex was at
Speaker 3: the beginning when we were dating, when you used to
Speaker 3: do that baby voice with your mum and your sister.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I cannot even hear it. Go and
Speaker 3: do it, please don't anyone else. You do know it though,
Speaker 3: and sister Suddenly I was in a room with all
Speaker 3: three of them and they're all doing this weird baby
Speaker 3: voice to each other. I was like, where am I
Speaker 3: and what is happening?
Speaker 4: Please? Just don't want no I don't do it.
Speaker 3: I'm going to show them to say.
Speaker 4: I literally don't do it anymore because you.
Speaker 3: Actually don't do it that much. But you know what
Speaker 3: you should be who you want to be.
Speaker 4: I don't do that anymore.
Speaker 3: But just don't do that voice around me?
Speaker 4: What what? What about you? But no, what are about you?
Speaker 3: I don't know at the beginning?
Speaker 4: Being late? Yeah, that is an ick. That is a
Speaker 4: massive itch for me when people really massive. You can't
Speaker 4: be late.
Speaker 3: I've been your whole life then, mate.
Speaker 4: Basically what else skinny jeans?
Speaker 3: Skinny jeans are a skinny gee. I was just checking
Speaker 3: up up your jographers skin me gee before I said it.
Speaker 3: Skinny jeans, big ick.
Speaker 4: Now they are At one point they were fashionable. That's
Speaker 4: what it is about X, that there was a time
Speaker 4: when the IK could have been fashionable. Like I know
Speaker 4: one of our friends, her sister doesn't like men who
Speaker 4: are jewelry.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 4: So That's what I'm trying to understand, is like, how
Speaker 4: seriously should people take X.
Speaker 3: I don't I think they should be taken with a
Speaker 3: pinch of salt, you know. I don't think you should
Speaker 3: take them too seriously. But I think if there are
Speaker 3: too many. As you know, they're not going to find
Speaker 3: that person attractive. That's the problem. So either you have
Speaker 3: to work on your tolerance and what you find it key.
Speaker 3: And maybe some things like you're not wanting your husband
Speaker 3: to cry in front of that may be therapy that's required.
Speaker 3: Not gonna lie, you may need to really work on that.
Speaker 3: But other things like you know, flip flops with socks,
Speaker 3: you know, give a bit of leeway. Maybe just choose
Speaker 3: the shoes for your partner the next time they go out.
Speaker 4: All right, I'm going to read out a list of
Speaker 4: it's and we have to decide on a scale of
Speaker 4: one to ten how bad they're okay, all right?
Speaker 3: Or do we do it? Yes or no? Is an
Speaker 3: itch or not?
Speaker 4: Yeah? All right? Chewing with their mouth open, the ick
Speaker 4: for sure, Clapping when the plane lands. I like it.
Speaker 3: You know what, it's appreciated, really.
Speaker 4: Happy when a plane lands.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's.
Speaker 4: Not washing their hands after the bathroom.
Speaker 3: Yea, that is all around it. That's not subjective.
Speaker 4: Asking to split a bill.
Speaker 3: I don't think that's anick. But then I you know,
Speaker 3: I like being a self sufficient woman.
Speaker 4: As a man, I always wanted to pick up the bill.
Speaker 4: I always did when we were dating originally as well,
Speaker 4: like there's always something that I've wanted to do, and
Speaker 4: so to.
Speaker 3: Me, that's not a nick for me.
Speaker 4: Okay, talking in a baby voice.
Speaker 3: As a grown ass man. Absolute egg, I.
Speaker 4: Get it now. Using too many hashtags.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, and I'm using too many emojis as
Speaker 3: a no ick, being.
Speaker 4: Too obsessed with astrology, like blaming everything on being a Gemini.
Speaker 3: Oh that's a bit of a Nike that.
Speaker 4: Taking mirror selfies at the gym, Well, okay, no, shall
Speaker 4: tell you what.
Speaker 3: There's this girl that I've been seeing at the gym lately.
Speaker 3: I was like, Wow, her body's amazing. She must work
Speaker 3: so hard. I swear I'm not seeing them lift one
Speaker 3: way in the gym. All she does is coming to
Speaker 3: the gym in beautiful outfits. She looks amazing, takes pictures
Speaker 3: and leaves so. Yes, if you're taking pictures off t
Speaker 3: having done a hard workout, not a nick. If you're
Speaker 3: coming to the gym in a cute outfit just to
Speaker 3: take pictures without doing a workout or another inch when
Speaker 3: the man looks in the mirror more than you do it.
Speaker 4: We don't have that problem, obviously, poor grammar in texts
Speaker 4: you're hot instead of you.
Speaker 3: Are hot, air guitar when a guy doesn't air guitar,
Speaker 3: or like fake golf, Oh my god, no? Or finger
Speaker 3: guns oh no.
Speaker 4: Leaving voice notes that are four plus minutes long. Massive
Speaker 4: it you not leave.
Speaker 3: Me me and my friends do that.
Speaker 4: I hate it, but maybe just such a waste of time.
Speaker 4: It's like, so, I really wanted to tell you this,
Speaker 4: and I don't want this to be long. But I've
Speaker 4: been thinking about this, and I'm thinking about one friend
Speaker 4: that does it.
Speaker 3: Drinks cow's milk in a glass, drinks cow's milk. Will stop.
Speaker 4: Using phrases like let that sink in too? Seriously?
Speaker 3: Cause women females? Is your biology teacher?
Speaker 4: My god? All right? Obsessing over a celebrity like they
Speaker 4: know them personally.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: When I have friends that refer to celebrities by their
Speaker 4: first who don't know is an it? Referring to their
Speaker 4: ex is crazy with no context? You're okay with that?
Speaker 4: Oh gosh, So let's help people. Let's think about X.
Speaker 4: What's our take?
Speaker 3: My take is that you should give Oh.
Speaker 4: Wait, it's a bad question. Yeah, do you ever get
Speaker 4: over a ick? Can you get over it? Like, did
Speaker 4: you get over the ick of me talking a baby voice?
Speaker 4: Or did I have to stop doing it?
Speaker 3: Mixture of both. I think the more you like someone,
Speaker 3: the less you'll find like the more you'll find the executor. However,
Speaker 3: there are just some things that you're going to have
Speaker 3: the other person's going to have to just stop doing
Speaker 3: if they've their partner finds it icky more than three times.
Speaker 4: So how do you tell someone, Hey, I have an
Speaker 4: ick about this, and I think that's the reason I
Speaker 4: haven't been texting you. That's the reason I haven't been
Speaker 4: How do you do it?
Speaker 3: Chur GPT will give you a really great answer for that. No,
Speaker 3: but seriously, yeah, how would you do it? I think
Speaker 3: I think it could be really honest in saying that
Speaker 3: I really like you as a person, but when you
Speaker 3: wear socks and sandals, it really upsets me because I
Speaker 3: enjoy fashion and that to me it doesn't look like fashion.
Speaker 3: But I would love to go shoe shopping with you, yeah,
Speaker 3: and help you find shoes that really work well with
Speaker 3: those socks. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I remember the scene in Nobody Wants This? Do you
Speaker 4: remember that show? So with what's his Name? Adam Brody
Speaker 4: and Kristen Bell and there's a scene where he comes over,
Speaker 4: but he's wearing shorts with the blazer. Yeah, and she's
Speaker 4: got the biggest it. Really, he's wearing shorts with the blazer,
Speaker 4: and it's like the whole episode is like her spiraling
Speaker 4: thinking he's not the guy. I can't believe it. I'm
Speaker 4: going to break up with it. It's a massive thing.
Speaker 4: And then I think she tells him about it, and
Speaker 4: I think that is the reality of if you flag
Speaker 4: it to someone, what happens when that person says, well,
Speaker 4: this is who I am. Is that the end?
Speaker 3: I don't know. It depends how much that person really,
Speaker 3: how invested you are in that person. I do think
Speaker 3: when they're when you're when you're basing dating someone off
Speaker 3: a few eggs and this is really putting you off
Speaker 3: to the point where you don't really want to be
Speaker 3: seen with them and want to hang out with them,
Speaker 3: or it just every time you're seeing them you're feeling icky.
Speaker 3: It's probably a sign that the if there's a few
Speaker 3: too many for you to be able to handle. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean me icked out every every day.
Speaker 4: For sure, But you've also got to know what your
Speaker 4: basic level of standards are too because everyone is going
Speaker 4: to have something that gives you the ick, and you're
Speaker 4: not dating the ick. You date a person who is
Speaker 4: like do they respond, do they show up, do they call?
Speaker 4: Do they check in? Like that's what you're doing. You're
Speaker 4: not dating the person whose backpack bounces when they run,
Speaker 4: Like that's.
Speaker 3: You don't give them a different bag tie in their back.
Speaker 4: That you don't have to watch that every day. Like
Speaker 4: that's not your life, you know what I mean? Like
Speaker 4: I think, I think today people find ix to get
Speaker 4: out of something they want to get out of.
Speaker 3: So it's like, it's like it's an easy reason.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's an easy reason. It's a scapegoat. It's uh,
Speaker 4: it's something you used to justify why you don't want
Speaker 4: to be with someone. You just aren't attracted to them,
Speaker 4: You just aren't into them, and you don't want to
Speaker 4: say that, so you end up coming up with this
Speaker 4: ick that justifies why you don't want to be them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think, so, I think, And it is a
Speaker 3: good easy way.
Speaker 4: Out, Yeah for sure. Jared Freed, who hosts the U
Speaker 4: Up podcast, Who's a mate of mine. He says that
Speaker 4: men like an itch would never stop a man from
Speaker 4: dating someone if they like someone, they like someone doesn't
Speaker 4: matter even if there's an ick. But from women it's
Speaker 4: actually a lot more serious. Do you agree, I think so? Why?
Speaker 3: But then I think I wonder if, okay, let's say
Speaker 3: a girl's got a bad breath, is that not going
Speaker 3: to be an ick for a guy. No, of course
Speaker 3: it is, but it won't stop her him from dating.
Speaker 4: I don't know. So that's the question for Jared right there.
Speaker 4: I'm not sure, like I I mean, for me, to me,
Speaker 4: that's more than a nick. To me, that's just bad
Speaker 4: I gene. I'm like, that's like a base something else. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 4: that's like a basic human thing that you'd want from everyone,
Speaker 4: let alone the person.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker 4: That's true, right, it's yeah.
Speaker 3: I think women definitely are potentially pickier. I'd say maybe
Speaker 3: things like that.
Speaker 4: Interesting. Well, I got up here the top five x
Speaker 4: women commonly have about men. Lack of hygiene or grooming.
Speaker 3: Oh wait, the women have about men.
Speaker 4: Yeah, dirty nails, bad breath, or unkept hair can instantly
Speaker 4: kill attraction. Wow, Smelling bad or being generally unkept ranks
Speaker 4: high end surveys. However, I would say I know a
Speaker 4: lot of friends who are with guys who don't smell
Speaker 4: great and they're oh interesting. Number two is x that
Speaker 4: women have about men. Over confidence or cockiness, dominating gradations,
Speaker 4: or acting like I know it all is often perceived
Speaker 4: as insecurity masked as arrogance.
Speaker 3: I like that. That's a good one.
Speaker 4: Let's talk about that. What is the difference between confidence
Speaker 4: and cockiness and confidence and arrogance? For you?
Speaker 3: I think arrogance is when you are trying to prove
Speaker 3: to someone that what you're worth, is when you're trying
Speaker 3: to prove to someone that you are better than something
Speaker 3: else or someone else. And I think confidence is, you know, confidence.
Speaker 3: I just find it is so much quieter. It's like
Speaker 3: you just show up with energy. That is, you are
Speaker 3: supporting your own self. You're not trying to put other
Speaker 3: people down in trying to make yourself look better. A
Speaker 3: lot of the time with arrogance, people are trying to
Speaker 3: put other people down or they're acting in a way
Speaker 3: that feels superior. I think that's the difference. Arrogance is superiority.
Speaker 3: Confidence is being able to carry yourself with respect for yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and I think you really see the difference when people
Speaker 3: are talking acting how they act towards other people, how
Speaker 3: they act towards you, the things that they say in conversation,
Speaker 3: even on a day, Like, it's so obvious when someone
Speaker 3: is cocky, and usually cockiness comes from insecurity.
Speaker 4: So yeah, I definitely think over confidence arrogance is a
Speaker 4: turn off for everyone, exactly conversation. It's not endearing, it's
Speaker 4: not impressive. You switch off really really quickly. Yeah, that
Speaker 4: makes a lot of sense. Number three is immaturity or
Speaker 4: childish behavior. This includes playing too many video games, making
Speaker 4: crude jokes, or being emotionally unavailable or avoiding. Those are
Speaker 4: all X for women like serious X.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the childish behavior. It's interesting because I
Speaker 3: think some women actually, depending on what traumas they've been
Speaker 3: through when they've been younger, babying a man is what
Speaker 3: they've been used to, or interesting they are attracted to interesting,
Speaker 3: a man to save, a man to look after, a
Speaker 3: man to care for. So I actually see a lot
Speaker 3: more women, well, I see a lot of powerful women
Speaker 3: ending up with people like that where they have to
Speaker 3: look after them.
Speaker 4: Interesting.
Speaker 3: But I can understand why it should be a turn off,
Speaker 3: because you don't want to be mothering your boyfriend or
Speaker 3: your partner.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's really interesting. I think sometimes women
Speaker 4: get into relationships hoping the man will change, yes, and
Speaker 4: men get into relationships hoping the women will never change.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's so true.
Speaker 4: What ends up happening is that the man doesn't change
Speaker 4: and the woman does. So it's the opposite of what
Speaker 4: you wanted. And when you get into relationship with a
Speaker 4: guy who plays video games, he's not just going to
Speaker 4: stop playing video games the moment you get married. That's
Speaker 4: what he does, and you're not going to change that
Speaker 4: about him. And I think that's what's so interesting about
Speaker 4: these its is that if something really affects you, you
Speaker 4: should know it's less likely to change than more likely,
Speaker 4: especially if it's something conditioned and deeply a part of
Speaker 4: their life, right. And so if something does affect you
Speaker 4: that deeply, the two questions you have to ask is
Speaker 4: why does this trigger me so much? And am I
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Speaker 4: giving one word replies or ghosting creates a feeling of
Speaker 4: unreliability and emotional distance.
Speaker 3: See. I think there's a difference between X now and
Speaker 3: what makes someone feel secure in the relationship, because that's
Speaker 3: a big security part of a relationship, where if you
Speaker 3: feel confused about where you stand, if the person and
Speaker 3: isn't communicating in a way that makes you feel wanted,
Speaker 3: that actually breaths in security in a relationship. And I
Speaker 3: think that more than an ICH, that is probably a
Speaker 3: serious and itch to me is something that's not a
Speaker 3: serious problem. An it to me is something slightly silly
Speaker 3: that your mind's fixated on, but you know there is
Speaker 3: a bit of humor to it. Whereas this doesn't seem
Speaker 3: like an itch, it seems like more of a serious
Speaker 3: issue because you don't know where you stand in the relationship,
Speaker 3: and that you have to know the difference between an
Speaker 3: ICH and something that is actually fundamental.
Speaker 4: That's really interesting because usually we overvalue an inch and
Speaker 4: we undervalue a fundamental so red flag. If someone runs
Speaker 4: with their backpack bouncing, we think, oh my gosh, they're
Speaker 4: so unattractive, but if someone doesn't reply, you're like, oh,
Speaker 4: they must be busy, right, So we make excuses for
Speaker 4: the fundamentals, but we over amplify X, which is a
Speaker 4: really weird thing in our mind.
Speaker 3: And why do we do it like that?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so true.
Speaker 4: It's such an interesting thing. Like I feel like so
Speaker 4: many people are like I just can't deal with the
Speaker 4: fact that he wears you know, ankle socks or whatever
Speaker 4: it is. And it's like, well, wait a minute, that
Speaker 4: guy replies to every message, that guy shows up when
Speaker 4: he says he's going to show up, But the guy
Speaker 4: who's really attractive doesn't show up on time, doesn't message
Speaker 4: you back. But even though he has all of that,
Speaker 4: you don't care. No, why do we do that? Why
Speaker 4: do we justify people's bad behavior? I ultimately think it's
Speaker 4: because when you're attracted to someone, when you're into someone,
Speaker 4: you will justify anything they do because you're just so
Speaker 4: excited about the fact that that person might be into you,
Speaker 4: if someone shows you attention, if someone cares about you.
Speaker 4: But if someone is someone that you don't find that attractive,
Speaker 4: isn't your type, even if they're like the kindest and
Speaker 4: nicest person. You don't care, don't care.
Speaker 3: I was actually reading something what was it? This morning?
Speaker 3: It came up on my Instagram that when you end
Speaker 3: up being a little bit obsessed with someone, your actual
Speaker 3: physiology in your mind changes so that even the things
Speaker 3: that you would normally find unattractive, you find attractive in them,
Speaker 3: especially if in a toxic relationship. When it's a toxic
Speaker 3: relationshiphere things are up and down. Apparently the hormones in
Speaker 3: your body, the chemicals in your mind end up finding
Speaker 3: even the things that are absolutely grotesque your body. Actually,
Speaker 3: even if the person has bad breath, you don't smell
Speaker 3: the bad breath.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 3: Even if the person you get used to, even their
Speaker 3: smell and the way that they speak, and everything that
Speaker 3: you normally find disgusting in someone else that other people
Speaker 3: may even notice, you don't. That's why it's so funny,
Speaker 3: you know, when you end up seeing someone that your
Speaker 3: friends dated, and you're like, how in the world, especially
Speaker 3: if they weren't a good person, and they see maybe
Speaker 3: physically they don't match either. It's like that shallow haliffect
Speaker 3: where the person is literally seeing a completely different version
Speaker 3: to the person that they actually are.
Speaker 4: That's fascinating. That is so true as well so true?
Speaker 4: Or I want to go through the list of the
Speaker 4: top five x men have about women? Number one open,
Speaker 4: Can I say one more thing?
Speaker 3: It's like, for example, I remember I really disliked smoking
Speaker 3: when I was growing up, but then I remember thinking
Speaker 3: this guy my college was really attractive, but he was
Speaker 3: a smoker, and at that point I was like, oh wow,
Speaker 3: I actually like the smell of I was around the
Speaker 3: smell of smoke so much I ended up thinking I
Speaker 3: liked the smell of smoke, even though I absolutely despise smoking.
Speaker 3: And my friends have said the same thing. When they've
Speaker 3: dated people who drink alcohol, or when they've dated people
Speaker 3: smoked weed. They absolutely hate it, would never do it themselves.
Speaker 3: But because they were obsessed with that person or thought
Speaker 3: that person was, suddenly what they do becomes attractive.
Speaker 4: That's why that's so interesting. Yeah, And that's why it's
Speaker 4: so important to choose someone in your life that actually
Speaker 4: has the habits and things you want, because you're going
Speaker 4: to be influenced impacted even if you don't want to.
Speaker 3: No, I didn't want to do it. I just my
Speaker 3: mind shifted towards right.
Speaker 4: If you had stayed with that person or whatever that
Speaker 4: slowly would become your lifestyle.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Maybe so interesting the fact that your mind can
Speaker 3: shift something you really don't like just because someone that
Speaker 3: you like does it. Opposite of X.
Speaker 4: Top five X men commonly have about women. Number one
Speaker 4: overly superficial behavior talking only about appearances, name dropping, or
Speaker 4: obsessing over social media and selfies. Yeah, I yeah, it's frustrating.
Speaker 3: I love a good sealthie.
Speaker 4: I know you do. I am your Instagram husband and
Speaker 4: I never get a photo credit.
Speaker 3: Ever, you don't if you once you're married, you don't
Speaker 3: need photocrad. It's just part of the relationship.
Speaker 4: Right, Okay, Yeah, that's an ick. And number two playing
Speaker 4: mind games, being intentionally vague, manipulative, or using passive aggressive.
Speaker 3: Text the fundamental Yeah, that's not an it. I feel
Speaker 3: like that's a fundamental issue.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Number three entitlement or materialism, expecting to be spoiled
Speaker 4: without reciprocation, or judging people based on money, status or possession.
Speaker 3: Some guys like that, to be honest.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because guys like it gives them the ability princess
Speaker 4: with some relationships like that, because then it becomes an
Speaker 4: easy way of showing status. Or an easy way of
Speaker 4: showing prowess. Yeah, I don't love that, though I'm a
Speaker 4: fan of that number four being overly dramatic or constantly
Speaker 4: negative that, oh my god, that's exactly it. I struggled
Speaker 4: with that a lot. I felt like I dated a
Speaker 4: lot of people who were like that all the time,
Speaker 4: really but really small things, and I felt like I
Speaker 4: had constantly guess what their mood was going to be.
Speaker 4: And that is not an it, it's a big fundamental
Speaker 4: but it was really challenging to feel, as a teenager,
Speaker 4: to feel you had to be the emotional regulator someone
Speaker 4: else's emotion too much I do, which is really really hard.
Speaker 4: And there's a difference between being patient, being compassionate, being kind,
Speaker 4: and then literally someone asking you to be their emotional
Speaker 4: regulator and then yeh. Fifth and finally, lack of accountability,
Speaker 4: blaming others forever everything, never admitting when they're wrong, or
Speaker 4: constantly playing the video.
Speaker 3: It's all like serious.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's quite a strong list. Actually, yeah, because the
Speaker 4: guy with the list comes up with much easiert.
Speaker 3: You pull up some guy with the list stuff just yeah.
Speaker 4: Let's do it, let's do this, let's do it. Guy
Speaker 4: with the list. We love you, we love you. Don't
Speaker 4: send her an Instagram reel.
Speaker 3: That's it? Okay, nexs.
Speaker 5: You know when you go to an event and you
Speaker 5: leave early, like, I will never understand those sort of people,
Speaker 5: Like you've literally paid money, send.
Speaker 3: An hour or two of your life.
Speaker 5: To go and watch this event, but you would rather
Speaker 5: leave twenty minutes early or ten percent to beat the
Speaker 5: traffic back. What else is that urgent that you need
Speaker 5: to get home for rather than the thing that you
Speaker 5: hate to go and see? Like that will know that
Speaker 5: was made just to beat.
Speaker 4: The true that's you with me? You are that she
Speaker 4: has an eck with you. Yeah, there's a lot of
Speaker 4: these visuals. I'm sorry to say. If you're a man
Speaker 4: and you haven't I pad take it back?
Speaker 2: It is so iy.
Speaker 4: Why do you have an iPad that book? Yeah?
Speaker 3: You know what if a guy's got iPad mini, No,
Speaker 3: a little iPad mini. They could fit in one hand.
Speaker 4: What do you mean?
Speaker 3: No, there's something.
Speaker 4: Cheaper than the bigger iPad.
Speaker 3: Mini anything like in the like you know, like a
Speaker 3: small phone. I've just some larger New Egg.
Speaker 1: Tell me why I was your at the dog park
Speaker 1: and I met the cutest guy he the sweetest little dog.
Speaker 1: But in the middle of our conversation he started screaming
Speaker 1: his dog's name, calling him five ten times. And I
Speaker 1: don't know why, but in that moment he just became
Speaker 1: so unattractive to me.
Speaker 5: Oh, like, I just I got my dog and I left.
Speaker 3: These girls are amazing.
Speaker 4: Don't scream at your dog. In the dog book, He's hilarious.
Speaker 4: No wonder everyone's single.
Speaker 3: Mm hmmm. It's rough a.
Speaker 2: The worst text to send the girl the morning text,
Speaker 2: Good morning, sweetheart, how are you doing. Hope you slept well.
Speaker 2: You're basically saying you're a sin. That text is not masculine.
Speaker 2: That is not a good text. It shows needy. It
Speaker 2: just shows that like, oh, I was thinking about you
Speaker 2: and I was hoping your morning was going well. That's
Speaker 2: not what you want to come across. As always, always remember,
Speaker 2: texting is only to set up the dates. Men fall
Speaker 2: into this trap of sending good morning texts, sending texts
Speaker 2: like hey, how was your week, and wanting to talk
Speaker 2: and have these big ol have a conversation over text.
Speaker 2: For what happens is you call into friend zone or
Speaker 2: you become prepenter.
Speaker 3: No morning text.
Speaker 4: Wow, it's rough out. There for guys.
Speaker 3: That's a lot.
Speaker 4: Well, that's a lot. I think the takeaway is know
Speaker 4: the difference between X and fundamentals. Yes, don't overvalue X
Speaker 4: and undervalue fundamentals. And ultimately we all have X. We
Speaker 4: all have Even the person you marry, you'll have X
Speaker 4: with and you can still love each other.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can. Thank you so much for watching. This
Speaker 3: is a lovely, little funny episode.
Speaker 4: Wasn't it spontaneous?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I love it.
Speaker 3: We love a good ic. We do, don't we.
Speaker 4: Hey everyone, if you love that conversation, go and check
Speaker 4: out my episode with the world's leading therapist Lourie Gottlieb,
Speaker 4: where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in
Speaker 4: therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating.
Speaker 4: If you're trying to figure out that space right now,
Speaker 4: you won't want to miss this conversation.
Speaker 3: If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands.
Speaker 4: It's really hard to argue.
Speaker 3: It actually calms your nervous systems.
Speaker 4: Just hold hands as you're having the conversation.
Speaker 3: It's so lovely.