WEBVTT - Jay & Radhi Talk About Icks vs. Red Flags (How to ACTUALLY Know the Difference) 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:03.280 One of my biggest X is when they like wake 0:00:03.400 --> 0:00:04.920 up in their confused. 0:00:04.680 --> 0:00:07.000 If they play games on their phone. 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:10.479 When he posts on social media, grown men should have 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:18.239 wear earrings. Don't message me saying when am I taking you? 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:20.759 How seriously should people take X? 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:22.640 They should be seen as more of a funny thing, 0:00:22.680 --> 0:00:25.120 not something that actually puts them off their partner. 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:27.520 Do you ever get over an ick? 0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:31.120 The more you like someone, the more you'll find the executor. 0:00:31.560 --> 0:00:34.200 Everyone is going to have something that gives you the ich. 0:00:34.440 --> 0:00:36.200 I remember one of my X was at the beginning 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:38.599 when we were dating. Come on, we used to do that. 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:40.600 Oh my god, Hey. 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:43.720 Everyone, welcome back to On Purpose with Jay Shehady with 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:46.600 my favorite person in the world rather than Lucia, And 0:00:47.240 --> 0:00:49.800 we're diving into topics about things that we talk about, 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.000 things that we hear about from friends and family, things 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:53.680 that you could talk about on the long car journey 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:57.400 after a long day at work, or maybe while you're 0:00:57.400 --> 0:00:58.600 out at dinner and you want to have a chat 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:01.840 about what's going on. So today's topic is all. 0:01:01.680 --> 0:01:05.240 About X X, good old X. 0:01:05.280 --> 0:01:08.440 I feel like the concept of X didn't exist when 0:01:08.480 --> 0:01:11.640 we were dating. No, or maybe they existed, but they 0:01:11.640 --> 0:01:16.160 didn't have that language. And if anyone's wondering, because you've 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:19.120 been sleeping under a rock, what an ick is? The 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:22.360 term ick refers to a sudden turn off or something 0:01:22.400 --> 0:01:24.480 that instantly kills attraction. 0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:26.720 Ooh, that's a harsh time. 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:30.360 These aren't always rational, and they can vary culturally and individually, 0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:35.240 but there are common patterns reported in dating conversations, social media, 0:01:35.520 --> 0:01:40.760 and psychological observations. Wow, so official, when did you first 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:42.039 discover what X were? 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:44.760 I don't know when, but I feel like now that 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:46.480 it's got a name to I appreciate it because I 0:01:46.520 --> 0:01:47.760 felt X my whole life. 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:49.920 Really Yeah, what like when you were dating back in 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:52.200 the day. Yeah, you never dated anyone apart from me? 0:01:52.720 --> 0:01:56.320 What it's definitely I definitely felt X throughout my life. 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.320 I've probably felt a few X with you. What do 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:01.560 you mean we talk about this? What we've had X? 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:05.320 So many X? But X doesn't mean that you don't 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:08.680 love someone, right, It just means you're like, oh, maybe 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:10.040 you know, don't do that around me? 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:10.720 Right? 0:02:11.160 --> 0:02:14.000 Yeah? You have X with me with me? 0:02:14.720 --> 0:02:15.639 Yeah? 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:18.800 Anyway, is this about us? We're just having a general 0:02:18.800 --> 0:02:22.280 conversation about X. Guys, No, they came. The topic came 0:02:22.320 --> 0:02:25.680 about because we were in a car journey with my cousins. 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:27.640 We were on our way back from the Drake concert. 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.880 We had a long journey and somehow we came onto 0:02:30.880 --> 0:02:33.680 the topic of X within our relationships, but then also 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:36.120 just generally. You know, there's a man with the ick list, 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:37.040 which the. 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:38.680 Girl that's mine, that's my favorite. 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:40.280 The guy with the guy with the list. 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:42.400 Yeah, I love it. If you don't follow guy with 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:46.200 the list, I have no idea who he is. 0:02:46.560 --> 0:02:49.320 He is hilarious, he's brilliant, and he just like he 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:51.799 finds all these things that women say, oh men say, 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:54.359 are X about men and women, and he puts them 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:57.000 onto a really really long list. So we started getting 0:02:57.000 --> 0:02:59.120 into it, and let me tell you, we came up 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:03.040 with some crazy easy ones. One of my cousins said 0:03:03.080 --> 0:03:05.880 that she thinks it's icky when her husband uses an 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:09.919 indicator in the car. I don't even know how that's 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:10.880 an egg, but that was. 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:14.240 An egg because reasoning I don't remember. She said that 0:03:14.280 --> 0:03:15.280 it doesn't feel masculine. 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:19.440 That'scular enough. Yes. Someone else that I spoke to said 0:03:19.440 --> 0:03:22.079 that she finds it really icky when her husband cries. 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:27.360 That's terrible, so not nice, but also just so funny 0:03:27.400 --> 0:03:30.000 that people put down the eck list. Well, okay, it's 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:33.680 obviously funny, but there's also a little bit of meanness 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:35.600 and depth to it. That people get turned off so 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:40.160 easily these days, and I think it's really sometimes just 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:42.240 by getting an inch, they won't go on a second day. 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:44.360 I feel like, should we start off by reading some 0:03:44.520 --> 0:03:49.440 really funny it's okay, so oh, when they run after 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:51.360 a receipt that's blown away in the wind. 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:54.000 That does that. 0:03:55.080 --> 0:03:57.720 When they hold a limp umbrella in a strong wind, 0:04:00.800 --> 0:04:03.160 When they run with the backpack on and it bounces 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:08.280 side to side, that's a really good one. I agree. 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:10.120 When they when they try to get out of a 0:04:10.160 --> 0:04:12.400 bean bag chair and it takes a full twelve seconds. 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:16.200 When they walk, when they call a waiter over but 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:19.679 they walk right past them. These are all very good ones. 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:22.600 There are some other really funny ones. They do what else? 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:24.320 What else do we say in the car? That was 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:28.160 really funny. I don't remember when they have allergies. That's 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:30.960 so rude. When you're driving and they grab the bar. Yeah, 0:04:30.960 --> 0:04:32.960 when you are the driver, when the girl's the driver 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:35.440 and the guy gets scared and holds holds the side 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:38.279 of the car. That's icky. When they get cassick. 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:42.839 I get cassick. That's not it. It's a really bad 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:43.680 thing to go through. 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:48.840 Actually, when they wear no show socks, no, yeah, I 0:04:48.920 --> 0:04:54.040 agree with that. There's little panty liner socks. They are awful. 0:04:54.279 --> 0:04:59.240 The phonge socks is what we should call them? Awful? Awful? 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:01.160 Is that what you have to say? 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:05.200 Well, look, I think X a fair, but I also 0:05:05.240 --> 0:05:07.000 think that they should be more seen as more of 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:09.400 a funny thing, not something that actually puts them off 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:10.039 their partner. 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:12.920 I think you should end up becoming something that's endearing, 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:15.560 Like you should go from thinking it's an it to 0:05:15.680 --> 0:05:16.320 finding it a bit. 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:18.320 You remember. I remember one of my ex was at 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:20.800 the beginning when we were dating, when you used to 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:23.000 do that baby voice with your mum and your sister. 0:05:23.240 --> 0:05:27.600 Oh my god, I cannot even hear it. Go and 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:30.960 do it, please don't anyone else. You do know it though, 0:05:32.080 --> 0:05:35.200 and sister Suddenly I was in a room with all 0:05:35.240 --> 0:05:38.200 three of them and they're all doing this weird baby 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:41.480 voice to each other. I was like, where am I 0:05:41.640 --> 0:05:43.080 and what is happening? 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:44.840 Please? Just don't want no I don't do it. 0:05:44.880 --> 0:05:46.080 I'm going to show them to say. 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:47.839 I literally don't do it anymore because you. 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:51.000 Actually don't do it that much. But you know what 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:52.120 you should be who you want to be. 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:53.440 I don't do that anymore. 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:54.960 But just don't do that voice around me? 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:01.400 What what? What about you? But no, what are about you? 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:02.719 I don't know at the beginning? 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:06.200 Being late? Yeah, that is an ick. That is a 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:09.599 massive itch for me when people really massive. You can't 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:10.000 be late. 0:06:10.200 --> 0:06:11.800 I've been your whole life then, mate. 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:15.720 Basically what else skinny jeans? 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:19.640 Skinny jeans are a skinny gee. I was just checking 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:21.800 up up your jographers skin me gee before I said it. 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:25.520 Skinny jeans, big ick. 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:28.040 Now they are At one point they were fashionable. That's 0:06:28.080 --> 0:06:30.440 what it is about X, that there was a time 0:06:31.160 --> 0:06:34.000 when the IK could have been fashionable. Like I know 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:37.520 one of our friends, her sister doesn't like men who 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:38.320 are jewelry. 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:40.400 Oh. 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:42.840 So That's what I'm trying to understand, is like, how 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:44.520 seriously should people take X. 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:46.640 I don't I think they should be taken with a 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:48.320 pinch of salt, you know. I don't think you should 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:50.160 take them too seriously. But I think if there are 0:06:50.200 --> 0:06:51.920 too many. As you know, they're not going to find 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.599 that person attractive. That's the problem. So either you have 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:56.880 to work on your tolerance and what you find it key. 0:06:57.000 --> 0:06:59.359 And maybe some things like you're not wanting your husband 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:01.920 to cry in front of that may be therapy that's required. 0:07:02.279 --> 0:07:04.520 Not gonna lie, you may need to really work on that. 0:07:05.040 --> 0:07:08.200 But other things like you know, flip flops with socks, 0:07:08.520 --> 0:07:10.880 you know, give a bit of leeway. Maybe just choose 0:07:10.920 --> 0:07:13.160 the shoes for your partner the next time they go out. 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:15.520 All right, I'm going to read out a list of 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:17.960 it's and we have to decide on a scale of 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.040 one to ten how bad they're okay, all right? 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:22.280 Or do we do it? Yes or no? Is an 0:07:22.280 --> 0:07:22.760 itch or not? 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:28.320 Yeah? All right? Chewing with their mouth open, the ick 0:07:28.600 --> 0:07:34.200 for sure, Clapping when the plane lands. I like it. 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:36.440 You know what, it's appreciated, really. 0:07:36.200 --> 0:07:37.400 Happy when a plane lands. 0:07:37.600 --> 0:07:38.360 Yeah, it's. 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:42.760 Not washing their hands after the bathroom. 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.920 Yea, that is all around it. That's not subjective. 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:47.880 Asking to split a bill. 0:07:48.560 --> 0:07:51.120 I don't think that's anick. But then I you know, 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:52.640 I like being a self sufficient woman. 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:55.960 As a man, I always wanted to pick up the bill. 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:58.080 I always did when we were dating originally as well, 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:00.760 like there's always something that I've wanted to do, and 0:08:00.800 --> 0:08:01.360 so to. 0:08:01.320 --> 0:08:03.320 Me, that's not a nick for me. 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:05.920 Okay, talking in a baby voice. 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:11.720 As a grown ass man. Absolute egg, I. 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:15.239 Get it now. Using too many hashtags. 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:19.200 Oh my gosh, and I'm using too many emojis as 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:21.160 a no ick, being. 0:08:20.920 --> 0:08:24.800 Too obsessed with astrology, like blaming everything on being a Gemini. 0:08:25.040 --> 0:08:27.200 Oh that's a bit of a Nike that. 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:34.040 Taking mirror selfies at the gym, Well, okay, no, shall 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:34.440 tell you what. 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:36.880 There's this girl that I've been seeing at the gym lately. 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.040 I was like, Wow, her body's amazing. She must work 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:40.720 so hard. I swear I'm not seeing them lift one 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:42.400 way in the gym. All she does is coming to 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:45.720 the gym in beautiful outfits. She looks amazing, takes pictures 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.839 and leaves so. Yes, if you're taking pictures off t 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:51.320 having done a hard workout, not a nick. If you're 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:53.000 coming to the gym in a cute outfit just to 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:56.000 take pictures without doing a workout or another inch when 0:08:56.040 --> 0:08:57.920 the man looks in the mirror more than you do it. 0:08:59.600 --> 0:09:04.760 We don't have that problem, obviously, poor grammar in texts 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:06.679 you're hot instead of you. 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:12.800 Are hot, air guitar when a guy doesn't air guitar, 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:18.120 or like fake golf, Oh my god, no? Or finger 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:20.520 guns oh no. 0:09:21.640 --> 0:09:24.480 Leaving voice notes that are four plus minutes long. Massive 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:26.320 it you not leave. 0:09:26.240 --> 0:09:27.760 Me me and my friends do that. 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:30.960 I hate it, but maybe just such a waste of time. 0:09:31.000 --> 0:09:33.280 It's like, so, I really wanted to tell you this, 0:09:33.320 --> 0:09:36.120 and I don't want this to be long. But I've 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:38.200 been thinking about this, and I'm thinking about one friend 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:39.680 that does it. 0:09:39.760 --> 0:09:43.000 Drinks cow's milk in a glass, drinks cow's milk. Will stop. 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:48.079 Using phrases like let that sink in too? Seriously? 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:54.840 Cause women females? Is your biology teacher? 0:09:58.080 --> 0:10:02.520 My god? All right? Obsessing over a celebrity like they 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:03.559 know them personally. 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:04.320 Yeah. 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:06.840 When I have friends that refer to celebrities by their 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:11.280 first who don't know is an it? Referring to their 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:16.120 ex is crazy with no context? You're okay with that? 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:19.719 Oh gosh, So let's help people. Let's think about X. 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:21.200 What's our take? 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:26.160 My take is that you should give Oh. 0:10:26.080 --> 0:10:29.320 Wait, it's a bad question. Yeah, do you ever get 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:32.200 over a ick? Can you get over it? Like, did 0:10:32.200 --> 0:10:35.080 you get over the ick of me talking a baby voice? 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:36.679 Or did I have to stop doing it? 0:10:37.080 --> 0:10:40.640 Mixture of both. I think the more you like someone, 0:10:40.720 --> 0:10:46.120 the less you'll find like the more you'll find the executor. However, 0:10:46.120 --> 0:10:48.040 there are just some things that you're going to have 0:10:48.240 --> 0:10:50.040 the other person's going to have to just stop doing 0:10:50.080 --> 0:10:52.520 if they've their partner finds it icky more than three times. 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:55.080 So how do you tell someone, Hey, I have an 0:10:55.160 --> 0:10:57.280 ick about this, and I think that's the reason I 0:10:57.320 --> 0:10:59.920 haven't been texting you. That's the reason I haven't been 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:01.360 How do you do it? 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:05.360 Chur GPT will give you a really great answer for that. No, 0:11:05.400 --> 0:11:07.320 but seriously, yeah, how would you do it? I think 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:09.079 I think it could be really honest in saying that 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:11.200 I really like you as a person, but when you 0:11:11.200 --> 0:11:14.920 wear socks and sandals, it really upsets me because I 0:11:15.080 --> 0:11:18.720 enjoy fashion and that to me it doesn't look like fashion. 0:11:19.559 --> 0:11:22.479 But I would love to go shoe shopping with you, yeah, 0:11:22.520 --> 0:11:25.120 and help you find shoes that really work well with 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:26.760 those socks. Yeah. 0:11:26.880 --> 0:11:29.480 I remember the scene in Nobody Wants This? Do you 0:11:29.520 --> 0:11:33.440 remember that show? So with what's his Name? Adam Brody 0:11:33.559 --> 0:11:36.840 and Kristen Bell and there's a scene where he comes over, 0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:40.480 but he's wearing shorts with the blazer. Yeah, and she's 0:11:40.559 --> 0:11:45.400 got the biggest it. Really, he's wearing shorts with the blazer, 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:49.360 and it's like the whole episode is like her spiraling 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:52.439 thinking he's not the guy. I can't believe it. I'm 0:11:52.440 --> 0:11:54.920 going to break up with it. It's a massive thing. 0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:57.079 And then I think she tells him about it, and 0:11:57.160 --> 0:11:59.480 I think that is the reality of if you flag 0:11:59.520 --> 0:12:02.040 it to someone, what happens when that person says, well, 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:05.280 this is who I am. Is that the end? 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:08.840 I don't know. It depends how much that person really, 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.240 how invested you are in that person. I do think 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:15.079 when they're when you're when you're basing dating someone off 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:17.840 a few eggs and this is really putting you off 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:19.240 to the point where you don't really want to be 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:21.600 seen with them and want to hang out with them, 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:25.160 or it just every time you're seeing them you're feeling icky. 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:27.880 It's probably a sign that the if there's a few 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:29.800 too many for you to be able to handle. Yeah, 0:12:29.840 --> 0:12:32.839 I mean me icked out every every day. 0:12:32.360 --> 0:12:34.240 For sure, But you've also got to know what your 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:38.800 basic level of standards are too because everyone is going 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:42.040 to have something that gives you the ick, and you're 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:45.840 not dating the ick. You date a person who is 0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:49.480 like do they respond, do they show up, do they call? 0:12:49.800 --> 0:12:52.400 Do they check in? Like that's what you're doing. You're 0:12:52.400 --> 0:12:56.040 not dating the person whose backpack bounces when they run, 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:57.359 Like that's. 0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:00.719 You don't give them a different bag tie in their back. 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:04.640 That you don't have to watch that every day. Like 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:06.800 that's not your life, you know what I mean? Like 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:11.360 I think, I think today people find ix to get 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:13.280 out of something they want to get out of. 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.000 So it's like, it's like it's an easy reason. 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:18.720 Yeah, it's an easy reason. It's a scapegoat. It's uh, 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.320 it's something you used to justify why you don't want 0:13:21.320 --> 0:13:23.600 to be with someone. You just aren't attracted to them, 0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:25.280 You just aren't into them, and you don't want to 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:27.520 say that, so you end up coming up with this 0:13:27.640 --> 0:13:29.719 ick that justifies why you don't want to be them. 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:31.320 Yeah, I think, so, I think, And it is a 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:32.360 good easy way. 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:36.439 Out, Yeah for sure. Jared Freed, who hosts the U 0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:39.120 Up podcast, Who's a mate of mine. He says that 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:42.839 men like an itch would never stop a man from 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:45.280 dating someone if they like someone, they like someone doesn't 0:13:45.280 --> 0:13:48.199 matter even if there's an ick. But from women it's 0:13:48.200 --> 0:13:51.560 actually a lot more serious. Do you agree, I think so? Why? 0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:53.360 But then I think I wonder if, okay, let's say 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:55.360 a girl's got a bad breath, is that not going 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:57.040 to be an ick for a guy. No, of course 0:13:57.080 --> 0:13:59.480 it is, but it won't stop her him from dating. 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:01.480 I don't know. So that's the question for Jared right there. 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:04.400 I'm not sure, like I I mean, for me, to me, 0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:06.520 that's more than a nick. To me, that's just bad 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:11.640 I gene. I'm like, that's like a base something else. Yeah, exactly, 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:14.800 that's like a basic human thing that you'd want from everyone, 0:14:14.880 --> 0:14:15.600 let alone the person. 0:14:15.760 --> 0:14:16.440 Yeah, that's true. 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:18.320 That's true, right, it's yeah. 0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:23.320 I think women definitely are potentially pickier. I'd say maybe 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:24.800 things like that. 0:14:24.880 --> 0:14:27.760 Interesting. Well, I got up here the top five x 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:31.280 women commonly have about men. Lack of hygiene or grooming. 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:32.920 Oh wait, the women have about men. 0:14:33.040 --> 0:14:37.160 Yeah, dirty nails, bad breath, or unkept hair can instantly 0:14:37.240 --> 0:14:41.080 kill attraction. Wow, Smelling bad or being generally unkept ranks 0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:43.800 high end surveys. However, I would say I know a 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:46.960 lot of friends who are with guys who don't smell 0:14:47.000 --> 0:14:51.760 great and they're oh interesting. Number two is x that 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:57.960 women have about men. Over confidence or cockiness, dominating gradations, 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:00.720 or acting like I know it all is often perceived 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:03.040 as insecurity masked as arrogance. 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:04.840 I like that. That's a good one. 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.320 Let's talk about that. What is the difference between confidence 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:10.280 and cockiness and confidence and arrogance? For you? 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:14.640 I think arrogance is when you are trying to prove 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:17.560 to someone that what you're worth, is when you're trying 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:20.880 to prove to someone that you are better than something 0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:25.560 else or someone else. And I think confidence is, you know, confidence. 0:15:25.560 --> 0:15:27.480 I just find it is so much quieter. It's like 0:15:27.520 --> 0:15:30.960 you just show up with energy. That is, you are 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:34.080 supporting your own self. You're not trying to put other 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:37.360 people down in trying to make yourself look better. A 0:15:37.360 --> 0:15:39.040 lot of the time with arrogance, people are trying to 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:41.760 put other people down or they're acting in a way 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:45.120 that feels superior. I think that's the difference. Arrogance is superiority. 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:51.040 Confidence is being able to carry yourself with respect for yourself. Yeah, 0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:53.280 and I think you really see the difference when people 0:15:53.320 --> 0:15:56.840 are talking acting how they act towards other people, how 0:15:56.880 --> 0:15:59.320 they act towards you, the things that they say in conversation, 0:15:59.400 --> 0:16:02.120 even on a day, Like, it's so obvious when someone 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:04.920 is cocky, and usually cockiness comes from insecurity. 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:08.720 So yeah, I definitely think over confidence arrogance is a 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:14.000 turn off for everyone, exactly conversation. It's not endearing, it's 0:16:14.040 --> 0:16:16.920 not impressive. You switch off really really quickly. Yeah, that 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:20.400 makes a lot of sense. Number three is immaturity or 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:25.160 childish behavior. This includes playing too many video games, making 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:29.840 crude jokes, or being emotionally unavailable or avoiding. Those are 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.560 all X for women like serious X. 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:37.840 Yeah, I think the childish behavior. It's interesting because I 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:40.840 think some women actually, depending on what traumas they've been 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:44.280 through when they've been younger, babying a man is what 0:16:44.320 --> 0:16:47.640 they've been used to, or interesting they are attracted to interesting, 0:16:47.800 --> 0:16:49.840 a man to save, a man to look after, a 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:53.720 man to care for. So I actually see a lot 0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:56.680 more women, well, I see a lot of powerful women 0:16:57.400 --> 0:16:59.360 ending up with people like that where they have to 0:16:59.400 --> 0:16:59.960 look after them. 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:00.960 Interesting. 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:03.680 But I can understand why it should be a turn off, 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:06.600 because you don't want to be mothering your boyfriend or 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:07.160 your partner. 0:17:07.440 --> 0:17:11.640 Yeah, I think it's really interesting. I think sometimes women 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:14.680 get into relationships hoping the man will change, yes, and 0:17:14.760 --> 0:17:17.560 men get into relationships hoping the women will never change. 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:19.720 Yes, that's so true. 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:21.840 What ends up happening is that the man doesn't change 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:24.960 and the woman does. So it's the opposite of what 0:17:25.040 --> 0:17:28.280 you wanted. And when you get into relationship with a 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:29.960 guy who plays video games, he's not just going to 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:32.480 stop playing video games the moment you get married. That's 0:17:32.560 --> 0:17:35.840 what he does, and you're not going to change that 0:17:35.920 --> 0:17:39.160 about him. And I think that's what's so interesting about 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:42.320 these its is that if something really affects you, you 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:45.600 should know it's less likely to change than more likely, 0:17:46.240 --> 0:17:48.680 especially if it's something conditioned and deeply a part of 0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:53.520 their life, right. And so if something does affect you 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:56.119 that deeply, the two questions you have to ask is 0:17:56.720 --> 0:18:00.200 why does this trigger me so much? And am I 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:09.479 of this never changes? I think that's really important. 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