1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,280 Speaker 1: One of my biggest X is when they like wake 2 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:04,920 Speaker 1: up in their confused. 3 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,000 Speaker 2: If they play games on their phone. 4 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,479 Speaker 3: When he posts on social media, grown men should have 5 00:00:10,560 --> 00:00:18,239 Speaker 3: wear earrings. Don't message me saying when am I taking you? 6 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,759 Speaker 4: How seriously should people take X? 7 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 3: They should be seen as more of a funny thing, 8 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,120 Speaker 3: not something that actually puts them off their partner. 9 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 4: Do you ever get over an ick? 10 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 3: The more you like someone, the more you'll find the executor. 11 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:34,200 Speaker 4: Everyone is going to have something that gives you the ich. 12 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,200 Speaker 3: I remember one of my X was at the beginning 13 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,599 Speaker 3: when we were dating. Come on, we used to do that. 14 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,600 Speaker 3: Oh my god, Hey. 15 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,720 Speaker 4: Everyone, welcome back to On Purpose with Jay Shehady with 16 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,600 Speaker 4: my favorite person in the world rather than Lucia, And 17 00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:49,800 Speaker 4: we're diving into topics about things that we talk about, 18 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 4: things that we hear about from friends and family, things 19 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 4: that you could talk about on the long car journey 20 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 4: after a long day at work, or maybe while you're 21 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 4: out at dinner and you want to have a chat 22 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 4: about what's going on. So today's topic is all. 23 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 3: About X X, good old X. 24 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 4: I feel like the concept of X didn't exist when 25 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,640 Speaker 4: we were dating. No, or maybe they existed, but they 26 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 4: didn't have that language. And if anyone's wondering, because you've 27 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 4: been sleeping under a rock, what an ick is? The 28 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:22,360 Speaker 4: term ick refers to a sudden turn off or something 29 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,480 Speaker 4: that instantly kills attraction. 30 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,720 Speaker 3: Ooh, that's a harsh time. 31 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 4: These aren't always rational, and they can vary culturally and individually, 32 00:01:30,760 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 4: but there are common patterns reported in dating conversations, social media, 33 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:40,760 Speaker 4: and psychological observations. Wow, so official, when did you first 34 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,039 Speaker 4: discover what X were? 35 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,760 Speaker 3: I don't know when, but I feel like now that 36 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:46,480 Speaker 3: it's got a name to I appreciate it because I 37 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 3: felt X my whole life. 38 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 4: Really Yeah, what like when you were dating back in 39 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 4: the day. Yeah, you never dated anyone apart from me? 40 00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:56,320 Speaker 3: What it's definitely I definitely felt X throughout my life. 41 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 3: I've probably felt a few X with you. What do 42 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,560 Speaker 3: you mean we talk about this? What we've had X? 43 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 3: So many X? But X doesn't mean that you don't 44 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:08,680 Speaker 3: love someone, right, It just means you're like, oh, maybe 45 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 3: you know, don't do that around me? 46 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 4: Right? 47 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:14,000 Speaker 3: Yeah? You have X with me with me? 48 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:15,639 Speaker 4: Yeah? 49 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:18,800 Speaker 3: Anyway, is this about us? We're just having a general 50 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 3: conversation about X. Guys, No, they came. The topic came 51 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 3: about because we were in a car journey with my cousins. 52 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,640 Speaker 3: We were on our way back from the Drake concert. 53 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 3: We had a long journey and somehow we came onto 54 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 3: the topic of X within our relationships, but then also 55 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 3: just generally. You know, there's a man with the ick list, 56 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 3: which the. 57 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,680 Speaker 4: Girl that's mine, that's my favorite. 58 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,280 Speaker 3: The guy with the guy with the list. 59 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, I love it. If you don't follow guy with 60 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 4: the list, I have no idea who he is. 61 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 3: He is hilarious, he's brilliant, and he just like he 62 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,799 Speaker 3: finds all these things that women say, oh men say, 63 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,359 Speaker 3: are X about men and women, and he puts them 64 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,000 Speaker 3: onto a really really long list. So we started getting 65 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 3: into it, and let me tell you, we came up 66 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 3: with some crazy easy ones. One of my cousins said 67 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 3: that she thinks it's icky when her husband uses an 68 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 3: indicator in the car. I don't even know how that's 69 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:10,880 Speaker 3: an egg, but that was. 70 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,240 Speaker 4: An egg because reasoning I don't remember. She said that 71 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 4: it doesn't feel masculine. 72 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 3: That'scular enough. Yes. Someone else that I spoke to said 73 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,079 Speaker 3: that she finds it really icky when her husband cries. 74 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:27,360 Speaker 3: That's terrible, so not nice, but also just so funny 75 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 3: that people put down the eck list. Well, okay, it's 76 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,680 Speaker 3: obviously funny, but there's also a little bit of meanness 77 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,600 Speaker 3: and depth to it. That people get turned off so 78 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:40,160 Speaker 3: easily these days, and I think it's really sometimes just 79 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,240 Speaker 3: by getting an inch, they won't go on a second day. 80 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 3: I feel like, should we start off by reading some 81 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 3: really funny it's okay, so oh, when they run after 82 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 3: a receipt that's blown away in the wind. 83 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 4: That does that. 84 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 3: When they hold a limp umbrella in a strong wind, 85 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,160 Speaker 3: When they run with the backpack on and it bounces 86 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 3: side to side, that's a really good one. I agree. 87 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,120 Speaker 3: When they when they try to get out of a 88 00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 3: bean bag chair and it takes a full twelve seconds. 89 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,200 Speaker 3: When they walk, when they call a waiter over but 90 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:19,679 Speaker 3: they walk right past them. These are all very good ones. 91 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,600 Speaker 3: There are some other really funny ones. They do what else? 92 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 3: What else do we say in the car? That was 93 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:28,160 Speaker 3: really funny. I don't remember when they have allergies. That's 94 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:30,960 Speaker 3: so rude. When you're driving and they grab the bar. Yeah, 95 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 3: when you are the driver, when the girl's the driver 96 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 3: and the guy gets scared and holds holds the side 97 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:38,279 Speaker 3: of the car. That's icky. When they get cassick. 98 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,839 Speaker 4: I get cassick. That's not it. It's a really bad 99 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:43,680 Speaker 4: thing to go through. 100 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 3: Actually, when they wear no show socks, no, yeah, I 101 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:54,040 Speaker 3: agree with that. There's little panty liner socks. They are awful. 102 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 3: The phonge socks is what we should call them? Awful? Awful? 103 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 4: Is that what you have to say? 104 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,200 Speaker 3: Well, look, I think X a fair, but I also 105 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,000 Speaker 3: think that they should be more seen as more of 106 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,400 Speaker 3: a funny thing, not something that actually puts them off 107 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 3: their partner. 108 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 4: I think you should end up becoming something that's endearing, 109 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,560 Speaker 4: Like you should go from thinking it's an it to 110 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 4: finding it a bit. 111 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,320 Speaker 3: You remember. I remember one of my ex was at 112 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 3: the beginning when we were dating, when you used to 113 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 3: do that baby voice with your mum and your sister. 114 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:27,600 Speaker 3: Oh my god, I cannot even hear it. Go and 115 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 3: do it, please don't anyone else. You do know it though, 116 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 3: and sister Suddenly I was in a room with all 117 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 3: three of them and they're all doing this weird baby 118 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:41,480 Speaker 3: voice to each other. I was like, where am I 119 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,080 Speaker 3: and what is happening? 120 00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:44,840 Speaker 4: Please? Just don't want no I don't do it. 121 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 3: I'm going to show them to say. 122 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,839 Speaker 4: I literally don't do it anymore because you. 123 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 3: Actually don't do it that much. But you know what 124 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:52,120 Speaker 3: you should be who you want to be. 125 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 4: I don't do that anymore. 126 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:54,960 Speaker 3: But just don't do that voice around me? 127 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,400 Speaker 4: What what? What about you? But no, what are about you? 128 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:02,719 Speaker 3: I don't know at the beginning? 129 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 4: Being late? Yeah, that is an ick. That is a 130 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,599 Speaker 4: massive itch for me when people really massive. You can't 131 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 4: be late. 132 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 3: I've been your whole life then, mate. 133 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,720 Speaker 4: Basically what else skinny jeans? 134 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 3: Skinny jeans are a skinny gee. I was just checking 135 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 3: up up your jographers skin me gee before I said it. 136 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,520 Speaker 3: Skinny jeans, big ick. 137 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:28,040 Speaker 4: Now they are At one point they were fashionable. That's 138 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 4: what it is about X, that there was a time 139 00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 4: when the IK could have been fashionable. Like I know 140 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 4: one of our friends, her sister doesn't like men who 141 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,320 Speaker 4: are jewelry. 142 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 3: Oh. 143 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,840 Speaker 4: So That's what I'm trying to understand, is like, how 144 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 4: seriously should people take X. 145 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:46,640 Speaker 3: I don't I think they should be taken with a 146 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 3: pinch of salt, you know. I don't think you should 147 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,160 Speaker 3: take them too seriously. But I think if there are 148 00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 3: too many. As you know, they're not going to find 149 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,599 Speaker 3: that person attractive. That's the problem. So either you have 150 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 3: to work on your tolerance and what you find it key. 151 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,359 Speaker 3: And maybe some things like you're not wanting your husband 152 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 3: to cry in front of that may be therapy that's required. 153 00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:04,520 Speaker 3: Not gonna lie, you may need to really work on that. 154 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 3: But other things like you know, flip flops with socks, 155 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 3: you know, give a bit of leeway. Maybe just choose 156 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,160 Speaker 3: the shoes for your partner the next time they go out. 157 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:15,520 Speaker 4: All right, I'm going to read out a list of 158 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,960 Speaker 4: it's and we have to decide on a scale of 159 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,040 Speaker 4: one to ten how bad they're okay, all right? 160 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:22,280 Speaker 3: Or do we do it? Yes or no? Is an 161 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 3: itch or not? 162 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:28,320 Speaker 4: Yeah? All right? Chewing with their mouth open, the ick 163 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 4: for sure, Clapping when the plane lands. I like it. 164 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,440 Speaker 3: You know what, it's appreciated, really. 165 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 4: Happy when a plane lands. 166 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's. 167 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 4: Not washing their hands after the bathroom. 168 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 3: Yea, that is all around it. That's not subjective. 169 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 4: Asking to split a bill. 170 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 3: I don't think that's anick. But then I you know, 171 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 3: I like being a self sufficient woman. 172 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,960 Speaker 4: As a man, I always wanted to pick up the bill. 173 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 4: I always did when we were dating originally as well, 174 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,760 Speaker 4: like there's always something that I've wanted to do, and 175 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 4: so to. 176 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,320 Speaker 3: Me, that's not a nick for me. 177 00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 4: Okay, talking in a baby voice. 178 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:11,720 Speaker 3: As a grown ass man. Absolute egg, I. 179 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:15,239 Speaker 4: Get it now. Using too many hashtags. 180 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:19,200 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, and I'm using too many emojis as 181 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,160 Speaker 3: a no ick, being. 182 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 4: Too obsessed with astrology, like blaming everything on being a Gemini. 183 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 3: Oh that's a bit of a Nike that. 184 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 4: Taking mirror selfies at the gym, Well, okay, no, shall 185 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:34,440 Speaker 4: tell you what. 186 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 3: There's this girl that I've been seeing at the gym lately. 187 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 3: I was like, Wow, her body's amazing. She must work 188 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,720 Speaker 3: so hard. I swear I'm not seeing them lift one 189 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 3: way in the gym. All she does is coming to 190 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,720 Speaker 3: the gym in beautiful outfits. She looks amazing, takes pictures 191 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,839 Speaker 3: and leaves so. Yes, if you're taking pictures off t 192 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,320 Speaker 3: having done a hard workout, not a nick. If you're 193 00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,000 Speaker 3: coming to the gym in a cute outfit just to 194 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 3: take pictures without doing a workout or another inch when 195 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,920 Speaker 3: the man looks in the mirror more than you do it. 196 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 4: We don't have that problem, obviously, poor grammar in texts 197 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:06,679 Speaker 4: you're hot instead of you. 198 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:12,800 Speaker 3: Are hot, air guitar when a guy doesn't air guitar, 199 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 3: or like fake golf, Oh my god, no? Or finger 200 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 3: guns oh no. 201 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 4: Leaving voice notes that are four plus minutes long. Massive 202 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 4: it you not leave. 203 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 3: Me me and my friends do that. 204 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 4: I hate it, but maybe just such a waste of time. 205 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 4: It's like, so, I really wanted to tell you this, 206 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 4: and I don't want this to be long. But I've 207 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 4: been thinking about this, and I'm thinking about one friend 208 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,680 Speaker 4: that does it. 209 00:09:39,760 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 3: Drinks cow's milk in a glass, drinks cow's milk. Will stop. 210 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:48,079 Speaker 4: Using phrases like let that sink in too? Seriously? 211 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:54,840 Speaker 3: Cause women females? Is your biology teacher? 212 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 4: My god? All right? Obsessing over a celebrity like they 213 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:03,559 Speaker 4: know them personally. 214 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:04,320 Speaker 3: Yeah. 215 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,840 Speaker 4: When I have friends that refer to celebrities by their 216 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 4: first who don't know is an it? Referring to their 217 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 4: ex is crazy with no context? You're okay with that? 218 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,719 Speaker 4: Oh gosh, So let's help people. Let's think about X. 219 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:21,200 Speaker 4: What's our take? 220 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:26,160 Speaker 3: My take is that you should give Oh. 221 00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,320 Speaker 4: Wait, it's a bad question. Yeah, do you ever get 222 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,200 Speaker 4: over a ick? Can you get over it? Like, did 223 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,080 Speaker 4: you get over the ick of me talking a baby voice? 224 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,679 Speaker 4: Or did I have to stop doing it? 225 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,640 Speaker 3: Mixture of both. I think the more you like someone, 226 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 3: the less you'll find like the more you'll find the executor. However, 227 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 3: there are just some things that you're going to have 228 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 3: the other person's going to have to just stop doing 229 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,520 Speaker 3: if they've their partner finds it icky more than three times. 230 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 4: So how do you tell someone, Hey, I have an 231 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 4: ick about this, and I think that's the reason I 232 00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,920 Speaker 4: haven't been texting you. That's the reason I haven't been 233 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 4: How do you do it? 234 00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 3: Chur GPT will give you a really great answer for that. No, 235 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 3: but seriously, yeah, how would you do it? I think 236 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,079 Speaker 3: I think it could be really honest in saying that 237 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,200 Speaker 3: I really like you as a person, but when you 238 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 3: wear socks and sandals, it really upsets me because I 239 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,720 Speaker 3: enjoy fashion and that to me it doesn't look like fashion. 240 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:22,479 Speaker 3: But I would love to go shoe shopping with you, yeah, 241 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:25,120 Speaker 3: and help you find shoes that really work well with 242 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 3: those socks. Yeah. 243 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,480 Speaker 4: I remember the scene in Nobody Wants This? Do you 244 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:33,440 Speaker 4: remember that show? So with what's his Name? Adam Brody 245 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,840 Speaker 4: and Kristen Bell and there's a scene where he comes over, 246 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:40,480 Speaker 4: but he's wearing shorts with the blazer. Yeah, and she's 247 00:11:40,559 --> 00:11:45,400 Speaker 4: got the biggest it. Really, he's wearing shorts with the blazer, 248 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 4: and it's like the whole episode is like her spiraling 249 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:52,439 Speaker 4: thinking he's not the guy. I can't believe it. I'm 250 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,920 Speaker 4: going to break up with it. It's a massive thing. 251 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,079 Speaker 4: And then I think she tells him about it, and 252 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 4: I think that is the reality of if you flag 253 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,040 Speaker 4: it to someone, what happens when that person says, well, 254 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 4: this is who I am. Is that the end? 255 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,840 Speaker 3: I don't know. It depends how much that person really, 256 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 3: how invested you are in that person. I do think 257 00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:15,079 Speaker 3: when they're when you're when you're basing dating someone off 258 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,840 Speaker 3: a few eggs and this is really putting you off 259 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 3: to the point where you don't really want to be 260 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 3: seen with them and want to hang out with them, 261 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 3: or it just every time you're seeing them you're feeling icky. 262 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,880 Speaker 3: It's probably a sign that the if there's a few 263 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 3: too many for you to be able to handle. Yeah, 264 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,839 Speaker 3: I mean me icked out every every day. 265 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,240 Speaker 4: For sure, But you've also got to know what your 266 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 4: basic level of standards are too because everyone is going 267 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 4: to have something that gives you the ick, and you're 268 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:45,840 Speaker 4: not dating the ick. You date a person who is 269 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:49,480 Speaker 4: like do they respond, do they show up, do they call? 270 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 4: Do they check in? Like that's what you're doing. You're 271 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:56,040 Speaker 4: not dating the person whose backpack bounces when they run, 272 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:57,359 Speaker 4: Like that's. 273 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:00,719 Speaker 3: You don't give them a different bag tie in their back. 274 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 4: That you don't have to watch that every day. Like 275 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 4: that's not your life, you know what I mean? Like 276 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,360 Speaker 4: I think, I think today people find ix to get 277 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 4: out of something they want to get out of. 278 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 3: So it's like, it's like it's an easy reason. 279 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's an easy reason. It's a scapegoat. It's uh, 280 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:21,320 Speaker 4: it's something you used to justify why you don't want 281 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 4: to be with someone. You just aren't attracted to them, 282 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 4: You just aren't into them, and you don't want to 283 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,520 Speaker 4: say that, so you end up coming up with this 284 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,719 Speaker 4: ick that justifies why you don't want to be them. 285 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think, so, I think, And it is a 286 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:32,360 Speaker 3: good easy way. 287 00:13:32,160 --> 00:13:36,439 Speaker 4: Out, Yeah for sure. Jared Freed, who hosts the U 288 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 4: Up podcast, Who's a mate of mine. He says that 289 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:42,839 Speaker 4: men like an itch would never stop a man from 290 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 4: dating someone if they like someone, they like someone doesn't 291 00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,199 Speaker 4: matter even if there's an ick. But from women it's 292 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 4: actually a lot more serious. Do you agree, I think so? Why? 293 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:53,360 Speaker 3: But then I think I wonder if, okay, let's say 294 00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 3: a girl's got a bad breath, is that not going 295 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 3: to be an ick for a guy. No, of course 296 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 3: it is, but it won't stop her him from dating. 297 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 4: I don't know. So that's the question for Jared right there. 298 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,400 Speaker 4: I'm not sure, like I I mean, for me, to me, 299 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 4: that's more than a nick. To me, that's just bad 300 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 4: I gene. I'm like, that's like a base something else. Yeah, exactly, 301 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 4: that's like a basic human thing that you'd want from everyone, 302 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 4: let alone the person. 303 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:16,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. 304 00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:18,320 Speaker 4: That's true, right, it's yeah. 305 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 3: I think women definitely are potentially pickier. I'd say maybe 306 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:24,800 Speaker 3: things like that. 307 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,760 Speaker 4: Interesting. Well, I got up here the top five x 308 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:31,280 Speaker 4: women commonly have about men. Lack of hygiene or grooming. 309 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:32,920 Speaker 3: Oh wait, the women have about men. 310 00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 4: Yeah, dirty nails, bad breath, or unkept hair can instantly 311 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 4: kill attraction. Wow, Smelling bad or being generally unkept ranks 312 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,800 Speaker 4: high end surveys. However, I would say I know a 313 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,960 Speaker 4: lot of friends who are with guys who don't smell 314 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 4: great and they're oh interesting. Number two is x that 315 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 4: women have about men. Over confidence or cockiness, dominating gradations, 316 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,720 Speaker 4: or acting like I know it all is often perceived 317 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 4: as insecurity masked as arrogance. 318 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,840 Speaker 3: I like that. That's a good one. 319 00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 4: Let's talk about that. What is the difference between confidence 320 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,280 Speaker 4: and cockiness and confidence and arrogance? For you? 321 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:14,640 Speaker 3: I think arrogance is when you are trying to prove 322 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 3: to someone that what you're worth, is when you're trying 323 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:20,880 Speaker 3: to prove to someone that you are better than something 324 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 3: else or someone else. And I think confidence is, you know, confidence. 325 00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 3: I just find it is so much quieter. It's like 326 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 3: you just show up with energy. That is, you are 327 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 3: supporting your own self. You're not trying to put other 328 00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaker 3: people down in trying to make yourself look better. A 329 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 3: lot of the time with arrogance, people are trying to 330 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,760 Speaker 3: put other people down or they're acting in a way 331 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:45,120 Speaker 3: that feels superior. I think that's the difference. Arrogance is superiority. 332 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:51,040 Speaker 3: Confidence is being able to carry yourself with respect for yourself. Yeah, 333 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 3: and I think you really see the difference when people 334 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,840 Speaker 3: are talking acting how they act towards other people, how 335 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,320 Speaker 3: they act towards you, the things that they say in conversation, 336 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,120 Speaker 3: even on a day, Like, it's so obvious when someone 337 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,920 Speaker 3: is cocky, and usually cockiness comes from insecurity. 338 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 4: So yeah, I definitely think over confidence arrogance is a 339 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:14,000 Speaker 4: turn off for everyone, exactly conversation. It's not endearing, it's 340 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,920 Speaker 4: not impressive. You switch off really really quickly. Yeah, that 341 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 4: makes a lot of sense. Number three is immaturity or 342 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 4: childish behavior. This includes playing too many video games, making 343 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:29,840 Speaker 4: crude jokes, or being emotionally unavailable or avoiding. Those are 344 00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,560 Speaker 4: all X for women like serious X. 345 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think the childish behavior. It's interesting because I 346 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 3: think some women actually, depending on what traumas they've been 347 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,280 Speaker 3: through when they've been younger, babying a man is what 348 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,640 Speaker 3: they've been used to, or interesting they are attracted to interesting, 349 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 3: a man to save, a man to look after, a 350 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:53,720 Speaker 3: man to care for. So I actually see a lot 351 00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,680 Speaker 3: more women, well, I see a lot of powerful women 352 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,360 Speaker 3: ending up with people like that where they have to 353 00:16:59,400 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 3: look after them. 354 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 4: Interesting. 355 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 3: But I can understand why it should be a turn off, 356 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 3: because you don't want to be mothering your boyfriend or 357 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:07,160 Speaker 3: your partner. 358 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:11,640 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's really interesting. I think sometimes women 359 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,680 Speaker 4: get into relationships hoping the man will change, yes, and 360 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 4: men get into relationships hoping the women will never change. 361 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,720 Speaker 3: Yes, that's so true. 362 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 4: What ends up happening is that the man doesn't change 363 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,960 Speaker 4: and the woman does. So it's the opposite of what 364 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:28,280 Speaker 4: you wanted. And when you get into relationship with a 365 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 4: guy who plays video games, he's not just going to 366 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,480 Speaker 4: stop playing video games the moment you get married. That's 367 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 4: what he does, and you're not going to change that 368 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:39,160 Speaker 4: about him. And I think that's what's so interesting about 369 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 4: these its is that if something really affects you, you 370 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 4: should know it's less likely to change than more likely, 371 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,680 Speaker 4: especially if it's something conditioned and deeply a part of 372 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:53,520 Speaker 4: their life, right. And so if something does affect you 373 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:56,119 Speaker 4: that deeply, the two questions you have to ask is 374 00:17:56,720 --> 00:18:00,200 Speaker 4: why does this trigger me so much? And am I 375 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:09,479 Speaker 4: of this never changes? I think that's really important. It is, Well, 376 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 4: you all want to feel better, to have more energy 377 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,719 Speaker 4: and more focus throughout the day. That's why I co 378 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:19,400 Speaker 4: founded Juny, a sparkling adaptogenet drink made with powerful ingredients 379 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:23,400 Speaker 4: like ushwagandha and Lion's Maine. It's designed to boost your mood, 380 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:27,280 Speaker 4: support your focus, and give you natural energy, all without 381 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:31,119 Speaker 4: the crash. A new classic reimagined. We're so excited to 382 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:35,199 Speaker 4: officially launch our new Lemonade iced tea flavor. When we 383 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,959 Speaker 4: created Juny, my goal was simple. I wanted to make 384 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:41,359 Speaker 4: drinks that help you feel balanced and energized without compromise. 385 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:46,200 Speaker 4: Our upgraded take on the classic Arnold Palmer is crisp, refreshing, 386 00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 4: and crafted with adaptagens to support energy, focus and mood, 387 00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:53,439 Speaker 4: all with zero sugar. Be among the first to try it. 388 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:57,240 Speaker 4: Available exclusively at Drinkjuni dot com, where you can use 389 00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 4: the code on purpose twenty for twenty percent off your 390 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 4: first order. Cheers to your daily mood boost. Well, you 391 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,919 Speaker 4: all want to feel better, to have more energy and 392 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:10,560 Speaker 4: more focus throughout the day. That's why I co founded Juny, 393 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:15,480 Speaker 4: a sparkling adaptogenet drink made with powerful ingredients like Ushwagandha 394 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:19,040 Speaker 4: and Lion's Maine. It's designed to boost your mood, support 395 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,880 Speaker 4: your focus, and give you natural energy, all without the crash. 396 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,520 Speaker 4: Get your daily mood boost with Juni at Whole Foods 397 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:30,040 Speaker 4: Market or head to Drinkjuni dot com to find a 398 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:40,000 Speaker 4: store near you. The next one is poor communication. Being vague, 399 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 4: giving one word replies or ghosting creates a feeling of 400 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 4: unreliability and emotional distance. 401 00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:49,120 Speaker 3: See. I think there's a difference between X now and 402 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:53,040 Speaker 3: what makes someone feel secure in the relationship, because that's 403 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 3: a big security part of a relationship, where if you 404 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,159 Speaker 3: feel confused about where you stand, if the person and 405 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 3: isn't communicating in a way that makes you feel wanted, 406 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,199 Speaker 3: that actually breaths in security in a relationship. And I 407 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:08,960 Speaker 3: think that more than an ICH, that is probably a 408 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,960 Speaker 3: serious and itch to me is something that's not a 409 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:14,560 Speaker 3: serious problem. An it to me is something slightly silly 410 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 3: that your mind's fixated on, but you know there is 411 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,120 Speaker 3: a bit of humor to it. Whereas this doesn't seem 412 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:21,920 Speaker 3: like an itch, it seems like more of a serious 413 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,959 Speaker 3: issue because you don't know where you stand in the relationship, 414 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,680 Speaker 3: and that you have to know the difference between an 415 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 3: ICH and something that is actually fundamental. 416 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 4: That's really interesting because usually we overvalue an inch and 417 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:37,359 Speaker 4: we undervalue a fundamental so red flag. If someone runs 418 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,880 Speaker 4: with their backpack bouncing, we think, oh my gosh, they're 419 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:44,440 Speaker 4: so unattractive, but if someone doesn't reply, you're like, oh, 420 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:46,879 Speaker 4: they must be busy, right, So we make excuses for 421 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:51,040 Speaker 4: the fundamentals, but we over amplify X, which is a 422 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,880 Speaker 4: really weird thing in our mind. 423 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 3: And why do we do it like that? 424 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:55,320 Speaker 4: Right? 425 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:56,359 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so true. 426 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,080 Speaker 4: It's such an interesting thing. Like I feel like so 427 00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,040 Speaker 4: many people are like I just can't deal with the 428 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 4: fact that he wears you know, ankle socks or whatever 429 00:21:04,119 --> 00:21:06,359 Speaker 4: it is. And it's like, well, wait a minute, that 430 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 4: guy replies to every message, that guy shows up when 431 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 4: he says he's going to show up, But the guy 432 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,679 Speaker 4: who's really attractive doesn't show up on time, doesn't message 433 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:17,120 Speaker 4: you back. But even though he has all of that, 434 00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 4: you don't care. No, why do we do that? Why 435 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,560 Speaker 4: do we justify people's bad behavior? I ultimately think it's 436 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,119 Speaker 4: because when you're attracted to someone, when you're into someone, 437 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,680 Speaker 4: you will justify anything they do because you're just so 438 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 4: excited about the fact that that person might be into you, 439 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,320 Speaker 4: if someone shows you attention, if someone cares about you. 440 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,400 Speaker 4: But if someone is someone that you don't find that attractive, 441 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,919 Speaker 4: isn't your type, even if they're like the kindest and 442 00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 4: nicest person. You don't care, don't care. 443 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 3: I was actually reading something what was it? This morning? 444 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,040 Speaker 3: It came up on my Instagram that when you end 445 00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:53,119 Speaker 3: up being a little bit obsessed with someone, your actual 446 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,480 Speaker 3: physiology in your mind changes so that even the things 447 00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,040 Speaker 3: that you would normally find unattractive, you find attractive in them, 448 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,160 Speaker 3: especially if in a toxic relationship. When it's a toxic 449 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 3: relationshiphere things are up and down. Apparently the hormones in 450 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 3: your body, the chemicals in your mind end up finding 451 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,399 Speaker 3: even the things that are absolutely grotesque your body. Actually, 452 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:13,320 Speaker 3: even if the person has bad breath, you don't smell 453 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:13,959 Speaker 3: the bad breath. 454 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 4: Wow. 455 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,440 Speaker 3: Even if the person you get used to, even their 456 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,399 Speaker 3: smell and the way that they speak, and everything that 457 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,720 Speaker 3: you normally find disgusting in someone else that other people 458 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 3: may even notice, you don't. That's why it's so funny, 459 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,800 Speaker 3: you know, when you end up seeing someone that your 460 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 3: friends dated, and you're like, how in the world, especially 461 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 3: if they weren't a good person, and they see maybe 462 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:39,399 Speaker 3: physically they don't match either. It's like that shallow haliffect 463 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:44,199 Speaker 3: where the person is literally seeing a completely different version 464 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:46,200 Speaker 3: to the person that they actually are. 465 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,560 Speaker 4: That's fascinating. That is so true as well so true? 466 00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:51,240 Speaker 4: Or I want to go through the list of the 467 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,560 Speaker 4: top five x men have about women? Number one open, 468 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:55,560 Speaker 4: Can I say one more thing? 469 00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 3: It's like, for example, I remember I really disliked smoking 470 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,600 Speaker 3: when I was growing up, but then I remember thinking 471 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,679 Speaker 3: this guy my college was really attractive, but he was 472 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,120 Speaker 3: a smoker, and at that point I was like, oh wow, 473 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:09,679 Speaker 3: I actually like the smell of I was around the 474 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,359 Speaker 3: smell of smoke so much I ended up thinking I 475 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,879 Speaker 3: liked the smell of smoke, even though I absolutely despise smoking. 476 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 3: And my friends have said the same thing. When they've 477 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,480 Speaker 3: dated people who drink alcohol, or when they've dated people 478 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:21,920 Speaker 3: smoked weed. They absolutely hate it, would never do it themselves. 479 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,360 Speaker 3: But because they were obsessed with that person or thought 480 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,919 Speaker 3: that person was, suddenly what they do becomes attractive. 481 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,880 Speaker 4: That's why that's so interesting. Yeah, And that's why it's 482 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,399 Speaker 4: so important to choose someone in your life that actually 483 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,959 Speaker 4: has the habits and things you want, because you're going 484 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,359 Speaker 4: to be influenced impacted even if you don't want to. 485 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,119 Speaker 3: No, I didn't want to do it. I just my 486 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:41,439 Speaker 3: mind shifted towards right. 487 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:44,119 Speaker 4: If you had stayed with that person or whatever that 488 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:45,920 Speaker 4: slowly would become your lifestyle. 489 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,239 Speaker 3: Yeah. Maybe so interesting the fact that your mind can 490 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 3: shift something you really don't like just because someone that 491 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,160 Speaker 3: you like does it. Opposite of X. 492 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,280 Speaker 4: Top five X men commonly have about women. Number one 493 00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 4: overly superficial behavior talking only about appearances, name dropping, or 494 00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:09,159 Speaker 4: obsessing over social media and selfies. Yeah, I yeah, it's frustrating. 495 00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:10,320 Speaker 3: I love a good sealthie. 496 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,800 Speaker 4: I know you do. I am your Instagram husband and 497 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:14,399 Speaker 4: I never get a photo credit. 498 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,120 Speaker 3: Ever, you don't if you once you're married, you don't 499 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:21,240 Speaker 3: need photocrad. It's just part of the relationship. 500 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:25,440 Speaker 4: Right, Okay, Yeah, that's an ick. And number two playing 501 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:29,600 Speaker 4: mind games, being intentionally vague, manipulative, or using passive aggressive. 502 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,160 Speaker 3: Text the fundamental Yeah, that's not an it. I feel 503 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:33,439 Speaker 3: like that's a fundamental issue. 504 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,400 Speaker 4: Yeah. Number three entitlement or materialism, expecting to be spoiled 505 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:41,360 Speaker 4: without reciprocation, or judging people based on money, status or possession. 506 00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,080 Speaker 3: Some guys like that, to be honest. 507 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,400 Speaker 4: Yeah, because guys like it gives them the ability princess 508 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,719 Speaker 4: with some relationships like that, because then it becomes an 509 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,919 Speaker 4: easy way of showing status. Or an easy way of 510 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,719 Speaker 4: showing prowess. Yeah, I don't love that, though I'm a 511 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,840 Speaker 4: fan of that number four being overly dramatic or constantly 512 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:02,400 Speaker 4: negative that, oh my god, that's exactly it. I struggled 513 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,359 Speaker 4: with that a lot. I felt like I dated a 514 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:06,280 Speaker 4: lot of people who were like that all the time, 515 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,879 Speaker 4: really but really small things, and I felt like I 516 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 4: had constantly guess what their mood was going to be. 517 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,880 Speaker 4: And that is not an it, it's a big fundamental 518 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:18,640 Speaker 4: but it was really challenging to feel, as a teenager, 519 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,639 Speaker 4: to feel you had to be the emotional regulator someone 520 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:25,720 Speaker 4: else's emotion too much I do, which is really really hard. 521 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:30,200 Speaker 4: And there's a difference between being patient, being compassionate, being kind, 522 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,480 Speaker 4: and then literally someone asking you to be their emotional 523 00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:37,560 Speaker 4: regulator and then yeh. Fifth and finally, lack of accountability, 524 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,639 Speaker 4: blaming others forever everything, never admitting when they're wrong, or 525 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:42,560 Speaker 4: constantly playing the video. 526 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:43,959 Speaker 3: It's all like serious. 527 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,119 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's quite a strong list. Actually, yeah, because the 528 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:48,919 Speaker 4: guy with the list comes up with much easiert. 529 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,120 Speaker 3: You pull up some guy with the list stuff just yeah. 530 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:52,680 Speaker 4: Let's do it, let's do this, let's do it. Guy 531 00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:55,159 Speaker 4: with the list. We love you, we love you. Don't 532 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:56,920 Speaker 4: send her an Instagram reel. 533 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,640 Speaker 3: That's it? Okay, nexs. 534 00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:01,879 Speaker 5: You know when you go to an event and you 535 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:05,119 Speaker 5: leave early, like, I will never understand those sort of people, 536 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 5: Like you've literally paid money, send. 537 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:10,040 Speaker 3: An hour or two of your life. 538 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,160 Speaker 5: To go and watch this event, but you would rather 539 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 5: leave twenty minutes early or ten percent to beat the 540 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:17,200 Speaker 5: traffic back. What else is that urgent that you need 541 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,720 Speaker 5: to get home for rather than the thing that you 542 00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:22,240 Speaker 5: hate to go and see? Like that will know that 543 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 5: was made just to beat. 544 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 4: The true that's you with me? You are that she 545 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,199 Speaker 4: has an eck with you. Yeah, there's a lot of 546 00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:32,120 Speaker 4: these visuals. I'm sorry to say. If you're a man 547 00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:33,480 Speaker 4: and you haven't I pad take it back? 548 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 2: It is so iy. 549 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:41,560 Speaker 4: Why do you have an iPad that book? Yeah? 550 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,240 Speaker 3: You know what if a guy's got iPad mini, No, 551 00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 3: a little iPad mini. They could fit in one hand. 552 00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:48,960 Speaker 4: What do you mean? 553 00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:50,480 Speaker 3: No, there's something. 554 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,320 Speaker 4: Cheaper than the bigger iPad. 555 00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,760 Speaker 3: Mini anything like in the like you know, like a 556 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,880 Speaker 3: small phone. I've just some larger New Egg. 557 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 1: Tell me why I was your at the dog park 558 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,760 Speaker 1: and I met the cutest guy he the sweetest little dog. 559 00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,440 Speaker 1: But in the middle of our conversation he started screaming 560 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:10,000 Speaker 1: his dog's name, calling him five ten times. And I 561 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,520 Speaker 1: don't know why, but in that moment he just became 562 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:14,199 Speaker 1: so unattractive to me. 563 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:18,720 Speaker 5: Oh, like, I just I got my dog and I left. 564 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 3: These girls are amazing. 565 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 4: Don't scream at your dog. In the dog book, He's hilarious. 566 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:27,359 Speaker 4: No wonder everyone's single. 567 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:29,200 Speaker 3: Mm hmmm. It's rough a. 568 00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:33,080 Speaker 2: The worst text to send the girl the morning text, 569 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:37,000 Speaker 2: Good morning, sweetheart, how are you doing. Hope you slept well. 570 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:40,240 Speaker 2: You're basically saying you're a sin. That text is not masculine. 571 00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,840 Speaker 2: That is not a good text. It shows needy. It 572 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,320 Speaker 2: just shows that like, oh, I was thinking about you 573 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,640 Speaker 2: and I was hoping your morning was going well. That's 574 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,760 Speaker 2: not what you want to come across. As always, always remember, 575 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,760 Speaker 2: texting is only to set up the dates. Men fall 576 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,560 Speaker 2: into this trap of sending good morning texts, sending texts 577 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,000 Speaker 2: like hey, how was your week, and wanting to talk 578 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 2: and have these big ol have a conversation over text. 579 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,199 Speaker 2: For what happens is you call into friend zone or 580 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:05,200 Speaker 2: you become prepenter. 581 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:06,480 Speaker 3: No morning text. 582 00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:08,960 Speaker 4: Wow, it's rough out. There for guys. 583 00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:10,280 Speaker 3: That's a lot. 584 00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,359 Speaker 4: Well, that's a lot. I think the takeaway is know 585 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:18,000 Speaker 4: the difference between X and fundamentals. Yes, don't overvalue X 586 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:22,959 Speaker 4: and undervalue fundamentals. And ultimately we all have X. We 587 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,399 Speaker 4: all have Even the person you marry, you'll have X 588 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 4: with and you can still love each other. 589 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:36,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, you can. Thank you so much for watching. This 590 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 3: is a lovely, little funny episode. 591 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 4: Wasn't it spontaneous? 592 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:41,360 Speaker 3: Yeah? 593 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 4: I love it. 594 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,560 Speaker 3: We love a good ic. We do, don't we. 595 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:47,280 Speaker 4: Hey everyone, if you love that conversation, go and check 596 00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 4: out my episode with the world's leading therapist Lourie Gottlieb, 597 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 4: where she answers the biggest questions that people ask in 598 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:59,640 Speaker 4: therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, and dating. 599 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,360 Speaker 4: If you're trying to figure out that space right now, 600 00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,640 Speaker 4: you won't want to miss this conversation. 601 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:07,800 Speaker 3: If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. 602 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:09,920 Speaker 4: It's really hard to argue. 603 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,880 Speaker 3: It actually calms your nervous systems. 604 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,719 Speaker 4: Just hold hands as you're having the conversation. 605 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:15,840 Speaker 3: It's so lovely.