1 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:05,640 Speaker 1: This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up, 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:08,119 Speaker 1: that sounds like a soap opera, sounds like a drama movie, 3 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:12,360 Speaker 1: but it's so real, and it's not the only one. 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,000 Speaker 1: There are things we might not know about somebody we 5 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:19,560 Speaker 1: live with, and there's so many stories like this. 6 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:37,480 Speaker 2: I'm Andrea Gunning and this is Betrayal, a show about 7 00:00:37,479 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 2: the people we trust the most and the deceptions that 8 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:46,280 Speaker 2: change everything. About a year ago, we heard from a 9 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 2: listener with a story that floored us. Tora Giles is 10 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,960 Speaker 2: a history professor in Colorado, which she grew up on 11 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 2: the California coast with her seven siblings. 12 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:58,440 Speaker 1: And we grew up on a farm, so my life 13 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:02,560 Speaker 1: was kind of wild and crazy and great. Grew up 14 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,560 Speaker 1: super religious in the Seventh day Adventist Church. 15 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,720 Speaker 3: As a kid, the church was Tora's life. 16 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,720 Speaker 2: She went to a Christian school, her friends and after 17 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 2: school activities were all through the church, and she assumed 18 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 2: that her life would follow the same path that was 19 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:21,600 Speaker 2: modeled by the women around her. Graduate high school, get married, 20 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:23,000 Speaker 2: and start having kids. 21 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:27,680 Speaker 1: Funny enough, I thought as a kid that twenty years 22 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 1: old was being a grown up, and twenty five year 23 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: olds were old, and so I thought for sure that 24 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:40,839 Speaker 1: I would be married by twenty but I never really dated. 25 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:46,000 Speaker 2: After high school, Tora became a full time nanny, and 26 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:48,240 Speaker 2: she tried to give dating a shot. 27 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 1: I finally went on one date with a guy and gave 28 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: him like the little peck at the end of the 29 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:59,280 Speaker 1: night and was just like, no, that was not for me. 30 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: I did not like that. I don't want a date. 31 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,080 Speaker 3: Tora started to realize that the traditional path. 32 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,840 Speaker 2: Wasn't for her, so instead of trying to find a husband, 33 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 2: she started planning for a new career. 34 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: And decided to go to college and I studied history, 35 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 1: which was really fun. 36 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 2: After undergrad she moved to Colorado to pursue a pH 37 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 2: d in history. 38 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 1: I was living in this really cute, tiny apartment in 39 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: the older section of Colorado Springs, so cute and just 40 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,120 Speaker 1: loving my life. I felt like I had really kind 41 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,360 Speaker 1: of arrived. I had a job, I was teaching, I 42 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 1: had friends. I was very happy. 43 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 2: She loved teaching, especially American history. 44 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 1: It was so much fun. Keeps us in mind. January 45 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:50,600 Speaker 1: of twenty seventeen, and I decided it would be a 46 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: good time to teach conspiracy culture and elections in United 47 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:56,760 Speaker 1: States political history. 48 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,800 Speaker 3: By this time, Toro was in her mid thirties. 49 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:04,639 Speaker 2: She'd tried dating for years, but ultimately decided she didn't 50 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 2: need romance. 51 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,400 Speaker 3: Her life was complete without it. 52 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 1: Dating and romantic relationships were not going to be part 53 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,399 Speaker 1: of my life, and I was sort of settled into 54 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 1: that in a very comfortable way where it didn't bother me. 55 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: It wasn't something I was seeking out. I wasn't on 56 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:25,079 Speaker 1: dating apps, I wasn't looking for it, and I certainly 57 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,960 Speaker 1: was not looking for him. 58 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 2: In that class, she met a student named Erin. Like her, 59 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 2: he was also in his mid thirties. 60 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 1: He had a service dog, this really cute English mastiff 61 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 1: named Osa, and she had the best underbite, and she 62 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:46,080 Speaker 1: would be in the back of class chomping on a bone. 63 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: So I was always very aware of his presence, partially 64 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: because of her. He would come up after class and 65 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 1: we would pet the dog and chat a little bit. 66 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,960 Speaker 2: Aarin was a veteran, a former Army medic who'd lost 67 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,120 Speaker 2: his foot in an explosion in Iraq. 68 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,360 Speaker 1: I knew that he had had an amputation to his leg. 69 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 1: He talked about it fairly frequently. He had a handy 70 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 1: cat parking past. 71 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 2: The disability was a big part of his life, but 72 00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 2: it didn't define him, and it certainly didn't hold him back. 73 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,200 Speaker 2: He was finishing his bachelor's degree on his way to 74 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 2: start nursing school. After each class, he would stay behind 75 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,039 Speaker 2: and chat with Tora. 76 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: He had a very slow way of speaking. There was 77 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,400 Speaker 1: no rush for anything in life. I always had the 78 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 1: vibe that he was one of those people that would 79 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,640 Speaker 1: talk forever if you let them, and so I would 80 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:40,480 Speaker 1: start to gather my things, and eventually he started walking 81 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: me to my car because my class was from seven 82 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,040 Speaker 1: to ten pm. And it was a very surface level 83 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:50,599 Speaker 1: chat throughout the whole time. I was his teacher, usually 84 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:54,200 Speaker 1: about class, usually about some interesting fact. He was like 85 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 1: a sponge for information. 86 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:59,720 Speaker 2: Aaron shared that he was Native American talk tall, which 87 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,839 Speaker 2: was a big part of his identity, and she noticed 88 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:05,000 Speaker 2: that he was always immaculately put together. 89 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 1: He had kind of long hair that he kept tied 90 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,239 Speaker 1: back in this low knot on the back of his head, 91 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: kind of slicked back low. I hesitate to call amandun 92 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:19,800 Speaker 1: because I know that was hurt Aaron's feelings, but that's 93 00:05:19,839 --> 00:05:23,920 Speaker 1: what it was. And he had a cowboy Western Bible 94 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 1: thost not like costume me, but he wore a lot 95 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:31,080 Speaker 1: of very nice button ups and jeans and leather boots, 96 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,479 Speaker 1: so that was pretty much his uniform. He just had 97 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:39,400 Speaker 1: this confident air about him that he knew he was smart, 98 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 1: he knew he was good looking, but he was also 99 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 1: kind and respectful and interesting and funny and talented. And 100 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:52,599 Speaker 1: I was a fan very quickly, just of his entire aura. 101 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 2: Aaron and Tora kept talking every week after class for 102 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:58,000 Speaker 2: the rest of the semester. 103 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: At some point in those conversations, I brought up the 104 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 1: fact that I had been a nanny, and a few 105 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 1: months later he came to me after class one day 106 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,280 Speaker 1: and said, we need to switch where my son is 107 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,719 Speaker 1: going to daycare. What do you know about maybe hiring 108 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,279 Speaker 1: a nanny. So we chatted a little bit about that, 109 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 1: and that's how I found out he had a child. 110 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,600 Speaker 1: I didn't know that before. He wore a ring, so 111 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,280 Speaker 1: I knew he was married, but I didn't know that 112 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,720 Speaker 1: he had a kid who was a baby at the time, 113 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: maybe four or five months old. So that was sort 114 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,480 Speaker 1: of our first fory into anything personal. Was just that 115 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:38,479 Speaker 1: bit of advice he was seeking about finding good childcare. 116 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 2: After the class ended in May, Tora got a Facebook 117 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:42,720 Speaker 2: friend request. 118 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 3: It was from Aaron. 119 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 2: He was already Facebook friends with other teachers, so she 120 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 2: accepted the request. 121 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,520 Speaker 1: Then about a week later, he sent me a message 122 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 1: about nine ten o'clock at night, and I was already 123 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:57,440 Speaker 1: in bed, and I thought, well, that's weird, what the heck? 124 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: And so rolled over and checked the message. It was 125 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 1: from him and he just said, you know something, very casual. 126 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:06,240 Speaker 1: How are you? And I said, oh, I'm good. The 127 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:10,160 Speaker 1: whole time thinking like, what does this guy want? Keep 128 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: in mind, I am very single, very happy to be single, 129 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: not looking for anything. I think he's great. Hadn't really 130 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:18,320 Speaker 1: given any thought. The man's married with a baby, right. 131 00:07:18,840 --> 00:07:22,080 Speaker 3: They chatted for a few minutes before Aaron revealed why 132 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 3: he had reached out. 133 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,120 Speaker 1: He said, do you know that I'm going through a 134 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 1: pretty bad divorce And I said, oh no, I had 135 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 1: no idea. So we chatted a little bit about it. 136 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:37,840 Speaker 1: He said, yeah, actually she was arrested last night. We 137 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 1: got into an argument and she got physical and I said, 138 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: that's terrible. I'm so sorry to hear that. And then 139 00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:49,120 Speaker 1: I did the nice thing which I've since learned not 140 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 1: to do. Which is. I said, is there anything I 141 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:58,560 Speaker 1: do to help? And he said, well, I might need 142 00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: some help with my son. 143 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,840 Speaker 3: Toora read between the lines, Aarin was desperate. He was 144 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 3: about to start in an intensive two year nursing program, 145 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,080 Speaker 3: and now he would likely have full custody of his 146 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 3: infant son. She felt for his situation, and the next day, 147 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 3: while Aaron was on campus, he's swung by Tora's office. 148 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,560 Speaker 2: With his baby in tow. He wanted to thank Tora 149 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 2: for the semester and for offering to help. 150 00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 1: And I sat and listened to him, and I held 151 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,120 Speaker 1: the baby, and oh my gosh, she was the cutest 152 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 1: little thing. And then as we start of wrapped up 153 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,840 Speaker 1: that conversation, it was the end of my day and 154 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 1: I said, okay, well, if you need anything, let me know. 155 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,960 Speaker 1: And he said, well, actually, I have a paper I 156 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,840 Speaker 1: have to work on tonight. Would you be able to 157 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,920 Speaker 1: come over and just hang out with him while I 158 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 1: do my homework for an hour or two and then 159 00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:45,520 Speaker 1: I'll make dinner. 160 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 3: Almost reflexively, she said yes, it. 161 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:54,080 Speaker 1: Was more this like Christian sense of duty that I 162 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:58,120 Speaker 1: had been trained into. Someone needs help, you show up, 163 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,600 Speaker 1: even if it's inconvenient or you don't really want to. 164 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: And that was my first thought, is I don't really 165 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 1: want to. I don't really want someone who's going to 166 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 1: rely on me. I don't really want to be involved 167 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 1: in someone else's drama. And I have a full time job, 168 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,320 Speaker 1: I'm teaching, I'm busy. 169 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 2: In addition to that, she didn't want Errand to mistake 170 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,839 Speaker 2: her kindness for something else. 171 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,080 Speaker 1: I'm worried all the time that men are going to 172 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,000 Speaker 1: take my presence as some sort of an invitation. And 173 00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 1: I was so anti dating and relationships that it was 174 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:32,200 Speaker 1: just something I never wanted to foster. So I'm thinking 175 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 1: about all this is I'm driving the twenty minutes to 176 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 1: his house, like, okay, I'm going to have to think 177 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 1: of boundaries. I'm going to have to be careful with 178 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 1: saying yes. 179 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 2: When she got to his house, her anxiety dissipated. He 180 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:47,640 Speaker 2: was just erin and that made her feel comfortable. 181 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 1: He was himself the way he always was with me 182 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:56,680 Speaker 1: after class, just very warm and friendly and kind and thoughtful. 183 00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: So I stayed, had dinner, and then you know, stay 184 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:04,480 Speaker 1: and we'll have an adult beverage is what he used 185 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,199 Speaker 1: to call them. Stay and we'll have an adult beverage 186 00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:10,959 Speaker 1: after the boy goes to bed, and I didn't really 187 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,600 Speaker 1: have anything going on, so I not so I stayed 188 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,439 Speaker 1: and we had a beer, sat out on the back patio, 189 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 1: and he told me a little bit more about what 190 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 1: was going on, and it was pretty bad. There were 191 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:24,280 Speaker 1: holes in the wall going up the stairs. There was 192 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 1: a hole in the wall in the dining room. And 193 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:31,079 Speaker 1: we just talked and talked and talked and talked. He 194 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,160 Speaker 1: shared a little bit of the emotions that came up 195 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,280 Speaker 1: with him. Oh, I feel bad and she is my 196 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 1: son's mother, but also we can't keep doing this and 197 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,320 Speaker 1: I need to get out of his marriage. 198 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 3: That night, they ended up talking until one am. 199 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,560 Speaker 1: I have work at eight am, and he said, just 200 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:50,720 Speaker 1: crash in my guest room. Here's some clean pajamas, here's 201 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 1: a toothbrush. Just crashed downstairs. And I did, which is 202 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,280 Speaker 1: so out of character for me. I felt a little weird, 203 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 1: but I was very happy to be around him and 204 00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 1: just wanted to stay there and be helpful. I love 205 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,960 Speaker 1: to be helpful, I love to be needed. So I 206 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:09,240 Speaker 1: stayed the night, got up in the morning, trucked off 207 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: to work, and then the next day he said, hey, 208 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 1: you know I've got a test coming up if you're pretty. 209 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:18,840 Speaker 1: Later on, I went back over there. 210 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 2: Soon she was going over to Aaron's every few days. 211 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 3: To help out with his son. It felt like the 212 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:26,120 Speaker 3: right thing to do. 213 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,319 Speaker 1: I was always sleeping in the guest room. I made 214 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 1: it very clear to him, I don't let people touch me. 215 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,240 Speaker 1: I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I am just 216 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,440 Speaker 1: here to help. I want to be your friend. I 217 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: want you to feel supported. But that's as far as 218 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: this is going to go. And I just kept telling him, like, 219 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,320 Speaker 1: we're just friends. I don't let people touch me. The 220 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 1: fact that I give you hugs is kind of exceptional. 221 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 1: You have to respect that, and he really did. 222 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,360 Speaker 2: After Aaron would put us on to bed, the two 223 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,200 Speaker 2: of them would stay up and have a drink on 224 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,679 Speaker 2: the back patio and just talk about life. 225 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 3: It became their little ritual. 226 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,680 Speaker 1: He was a very guarded person, so a lot of 227 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 1: what he would talk about was things that were very 228 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 1: present right now. If he brought up the past, it 229 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,959 Speaker 1: always felt like kind of an honor that he trusted 230 00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:17,439 Speaker 1: me with that story. And he would point that out 231 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:20,000 Speaker 1: in a very subtle way of oh, I don't really 232 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 1: tell people this story, but you're different. We just never 233 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 1: ran out of things to say. 234 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 2: After about two months of this, Tora went back home 235 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:34,239 Speaker 2: to visit her family in California. 236 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,959 Speaker 1: The whole time I'm with my family, I'm bringing him 237 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,000 Speaker 1: up and I'm talking with him on the phone, and 238 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 1: they're seeing that this person is making me kind of 239 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,160 Speaker 1: giddy and smiley and those kinds of things. 240 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 2: She had never talked about a friend like this before. 241 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 2: When she got home from that trip, she went straight 242 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 2: to Aaron's house. 243 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 1: He had cleaned the whole house, he had some of 244 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 1: my favorite music on Baby was in bed. He had, 245 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,760 Speaker 1: you know, a bouquet of flowers and a card welcoming 246 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:08,160 Speaker 1: me home and thanking me for being his friend. And 247 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,079 Speaker 1: that was my first sort of inkling, like, hmm, I'm 248 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 1: gonna have to keep an eye on this because here 249 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,320 Speaker 1: I was at home kind of being giddy about this person. 250 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 1: Here he is bringing me flowers. So there was this 251 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:24,280 Speaker 1: undercurrent starting where I'm repeatedly saying him like, we're just friends, 252 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:29,640 Speaker 1: but we're friends who are snuggling on the couch watching 253 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:33,560 Speaker 1: a movie, not touching. He just like just leaning like 254 00:13:33,559 --> 00:13:37,080 Speaker 1: my head on his shoulder or something so benign so 255 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,120 Speaker 1: middle school. But it was perfect for me because I 256 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 1: wasn't ready to do that. 257 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:45,560 Speaker 2: One night, while they were up late talking on the patio, 258 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,400 Speaker 2: Aaron finally said what they had both been thinking. 259 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:52,640 Speaker 1: He said something to me like, I think you're in 260 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:53,960 Speaker 1: love with me, and I said, I think you're in 261 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: love with me. And that was it. We were in 262 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 1: a relationship after that. 263 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 3: That day became their anniversary. 264 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:09,960 Speaker 1: I leaned in and it was the most fulfilling time 265 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:14,360 Speaker 1: of my whole entire existence. I'm getting emotional just talking 266 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 1: about because that part is perfect in my mind. 267 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,840 Speaker 2: After writing off Romance, Tora found a man who defied 268 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 2: all expectations. Aarin was strikingly handsome, determined, respectful, and he 269 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,760 Speaker 2: was an incredible father. Tora moved into his house and 270 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:53,080 Speaker 2: their relationship deepened. That's when Aarin opened up about his 271 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:57,800 Speaker 2: traumatic childhood. He said that both of his parents were abusive. 272 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 1: His family was incredibly complicated, incredibly damaged, incredibly dysfunctional, and 273 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 1: these were the reasons that he's so guarded. These are 274 00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 1: the reasons that he doesn't have a relationship with them, 275 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,800 Speaker 1: or see them or go to visit them. 276 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,480 Speaker 2: When he was eighteen, he ran away from home and 277 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 2: joined the military. At the time the war in Iraq 278 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,120 Speaker 2: was just beginning. He worked his way up to become 279 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:24,200 Speaker 2: a Special Forces medic, but his military career ended in tragedy. 280 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:28,000 Speaker 1: He got hurt in Iraq. They were on a drive 281 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:31,560 Speaker 1: through a city of some kind and hit an id 282 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 1: and the humpy in front of them blew up. Theirs didn't, 283 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 1: but the impact knocked THEIRS off its balance. He got hurt. 284 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 1: His foot was amputated because of that injury, and he 285 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: was medically retired and then came home. 286 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,960 Speaker 2: Aaron spent weeks in the hospital recovering from his injury, 287 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:54,920 Speaker 2: and even in this time of crisis, his family turmoil continued. 288 00:15:55,600 --> 00:16:00,040 Speaker 1: His dad showed up to the hospital and tried to 289 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,560 Speaker 1: get medical power of attorney so that he could sell 290 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 1: Aaron's portion of land that he had been left by 291 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 1: his grandparents on the Choctaw reservation in Oklahoma. So Aaron 292 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:16,120 Speaker 1: fought tooth and nail to get better, to get stronger, 293 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 1: and kicked his dad out of his life. 294 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,320 Speaker 2: This is one of the reasons he needed Tora's help, 295 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 2: because he didn't have anyone his family and his ex wife, 296 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:32,320 Speaker 2: they weren't safe people. Tora realized he'd spent his entire 297 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:35,640 Speaker 2: life moving from one traumatic situation to another. 298 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 1: The man was covered in enormous scars. Everything about him screamed, 299 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: I have had a hard life. I have had a 300 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,760 Speaker 1: physically hard life. I've been injured, I've had surgeries. 301 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 2: Even though it had been years since Aaron was injured 302 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,960 Speaker 2: in the war, it was part of his everyday life. 303 00:16:55,160 --> 00:17:00,200 Speaker 1: He walked with a very slight limp and kept that 304 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: leg pretty stiff, but he always kept a stock on 305 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 1: that foot, and I just figured he wanted to protect it. 306 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 1: He had a couple of different doctors who were working 307 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:15,199 Speaker 1: on maybe a better prosthetic because he ended up injuring 308 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,240 Speaker 1: his knee on that same leg, and we thought maybe 309 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 1: he needed a little bit more support from that prosthetic. 310 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:24,160 Speaker 2: And that wasn't his only injury from the war. He'd 311 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,560 Speaker 2: also injured his back, his shoulder, and his arm. They 312 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 2: were constantly getting reinjured, causing Aaron to go to the 313 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:34,680 Speaker 2: doctor in pain. But despite all this, he still thought 314 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:38,040 Speaker 2: for full custody, especially because of his childhood. 315 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,680 Speaker 3: Aaron was determined to show up for his son. 316 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:48,240 Speaker 1: He was an incredible father. He was so attentive and 317 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 1: so loving and so affectionate and just lit up when 318 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 1: it came time to go get the boy out of 319 00:17:56,000 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 1: bed or read the boy his bedtime story. We called 320 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:01,879 Speaker 1: him the Boy. I'm going to call him the Boy 321 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,040 Speaker 1: because I'm not going to say his name. 322 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,320 Speaker 2: The boy was only a few months old when Tora 323 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,840 Speaker 2: met him, and she was there for all of his 324 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 2: big firsts. 325 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:15,159 Speaker 1: The boy and I were just absolutely connected at the 326 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,479 Speaker 1: hip from day one. When it was time for him 327 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,840 Speaker 1: to start eating solids, I was the one who decided 328 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,360 Speaker 1: how that should go, because I had twenty years childcare 329 00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:27,639 Speaker 1: experience and this is his first child, and I would 330 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:29,200 Speaker 1: just light up to be around each other. 331 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,480 Speaker 2: The boy took his first steps to Tora. The three 332 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 2: of them fell into a kind of domestic bliss based 333 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,680 Speaker 2: on a foundation of love for each other and love 334 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,800 Speaker 2: for Aaron's son. After a year together, Tora felt like 335 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,359 Speaker 2: this was her family now. She didn't want to go 336 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:48,960 Speaker 2: through the formalities of a wedding and marriage, so instead 337 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,399 Speaker 2: they lived as common law spouses. They just started calling 338 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,600 Speaker 2: each other husband and wife. With Aaron in school, Tora 339 00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 2: took on more financial responsibility. 340 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:05,520 Speaker 1: He's a retired veteran, so he gets some money, but 341 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:10,040 Speaker 1: you know, life is expensive, so we were always a 342 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:13,199 Speaker 1: little bit stressed on money. He really liked being a 343 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,960 Speaker 1: provider and making sure that the baby had everything he needed, 344 00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,760 Speaker 1: but that usually meant that there was no food in 345 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: the refrigerator for adults. So I started doing things like 346 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:26,639 Speaker 1: pitching it on groceries, and I took over the WiFi 347 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,600 Speaker 1: and the trash bills. 348 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 2: Aaron had to make a monthly home equity payments to 349 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,560 Speaker 2: his ex wife, and the expenses just kept coming. 350 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,919 Speaker 1: Oh gosh, it was just never ending. We needed a 351 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,480 Speaker 1: new roof, but we didn't have any money. We needed 352 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,560 Speaker 1: to pay off five thousand dollars in credit cards in 353 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:46,520 Speaker 1: order to get a refinance on the mortgage, so we 354 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,480 Speaker 1: didn't lose the house. 355 00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 2: Despite the stress of loving paycheck to paycheck, Tora was 356 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:56,440 Speaker 2: filled with love for her family. Everything was precariously perfectly balanced. 357 00:19:57,160 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 2: That was until Aaron got sick. One day, he woke 358 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,879 Speaker 2: up in excruciating pain with a very high fever. Tora 359 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,880 Speaker 2: had to go to work, so Aaron went to see 360 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,920 Speaker 2: their family doctor by himself, and when he got there, 361 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,720 Speaker 2: his fever was so high he needed to go to 362 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:14,919 Speaker 2: the er right away. 363 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,760 Speaker 1: One of the things that they thought might be going 364 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 1: on when he was in the er was that he 365 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:23,119 Speaker 1: was having some kind of an infection from his amputation. 366 00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,960 Speaker 2: He called Torah from the hospital and she rushed over, 367 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 2: but when she got there, he wasn't in a hospital 368 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,439 Speaker 2: room erin was just sitting by the hospital entrance in 369 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,200 Speaker 2: a wheelchair. 370 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: He said that they ended up accusing him of being 371 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 1: pain med seeking, and he said that was racist, that 372 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 1: was because he was brown. He literally ripped the ivy 373 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,920 Speaker 1: out of his arm and stormed out of the hospital. 374 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,400 Speaker 1: And I kind of yelled at him all the way home, 375 00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,240 Speaker 1: like what were you thinking? You obviously need help. Something 376 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 1: is going on. He had a very high fever. He 377 00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,040 Speaker 1: was in a lot of pain. I could see that 378 00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 1: he was miserable. It's been a long, awful day sitting 379 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,560 Speaker 1: in the een, are getting tests done on him and 380 00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,040 Speaker 1: all of them coming back negative. 381 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 2: In addition to the fever, Aaron was in excruciating pain, 382 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 2: debilitating chronic pain from his old combat injuries. 383 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,679 Speaker 3: But this time his doctors weren't. 384 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,879 Speaker 2: Able to figure out what was going on, so Tora 385 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,720 Speaker 2: stepped in to take care of him. 386 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,040 Speaker 1: This whole time, I'm icing his back, I'm getting the 387 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 1: ice packs for his knee. He had special equipment for 388 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:29,720 Speaker 1: icing his shoulder and driving him around to doctor's appointments 389 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,160 Speaker 1: because he's in too much pain to drive. I can 390 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 1: see the pain on his face. I can see him 391 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 1: changing and drawing into this pain in his life of 392 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:41,760 Speaker 1: being in chronic pain. He stopped going to the gym, 393 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,040 Speaker 1: and then he stopped working out in the garage, and 394 00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:49,199 Speaker 1: then he stopped moving. Eventually, he just sat around all 395 00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:53,159 Speaker 1: day and the house stopped getting cleaned. And this is 396 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:56,000 Speaker 1: all because he's in excruciating pain and he's miserable. 397 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,320 Speaker 2: He spent weeks on the couch, unable to function. To 398 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 2: keep his spirits up. He showed Torah his favorite YouTube videos. 399 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:08,640 Speaker 1: You mentioned have you ever heard of stolen valor? Son? 400 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:12,080 Speaker 1: He pulled up YouTube and we spent I would say, 401 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,440 Speaker 1: probably an hour watching YouTube videos of people being exposed 402 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 1: for stolen balor. 403 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 2: Stolen valor is the term for people who impersonate military 404 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,120 Speaker 2: service members and veterans, and. 405 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,240 Speaker 1: So there's lots of videos on YouTube of people going 406 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:31,119 Speaker 1: up to a person wearing a uniform, insay a mall 407 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:35,040 Speaker 1: and saying, your bars are on the wrong side of 408 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:40,000 Speaker 1: your collar, your patches upside down, you are not supposed 409 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,800 Speaker 1: to be in this uniform, you know, shaming them for 410 00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:46,359 Speaker 1: this act of stolen valor. And this was something that 411 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:51,200 Speaker 1: he was very amused by, that these people are getting 412 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,440 Speaker 1: caught and shamed publicly. He loved it, he said, it 413 00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:55,880 Speaker 1: was so entertaining. 414 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:02,119 Speaker 2: It was a welcome distraction from him pain, especially considering 415 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 2: the price he was paying for his military service. She 416 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,480 Speaker 2: understood why he liked the stolen valor videos so much. 417 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,640 Speaker 1: So as he withdraws into this chronic pain, I'm pushing 418 00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,680 Speaker 1: harder and harder to make sure that bills are paid, 419 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:16,960 Speaker 1: to make sure that the house is taking care of, 420 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,639 Speaker 1: make sure the baby has everything he needs, to make 421 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 1: sure the baby got to go to the park today 422 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:24,280 Speaker 1: and play outside. I just started picking up more and 423 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:27,919 Speaker 1: more of the slack as he withdrew into being miserable. 424 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,040 Speaker 1: It was awful to watch the person that you're so 425 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,480 Speaker 1: in love with falling apart in front of me. 426 00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:51,680 Speaker 2: Tora's new life with Aaron was thrown off balance when 427 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,200 Speaker 2: his chronic pain took a sharp turn for the worst. 428 00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 2: Aaron eventually started pain management therapy, and Tora felt helpless. 429 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:04,760 Speaker 1: Making oxy cotone. I believe percocet anyway, you're taking one 430 00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,400 Speaker 1: of those. And he was supposed to take like one 431 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,520 Speaker 1: a day, he was taking like two or three because 432 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:09,560 Speaker 1: he was in so much pain. 433 00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 3: He said he knew what he was doing. 434 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,439 Speaker 2: He was in nursing school and had years of training 435 00:24:14,440 --> 00:24:15,399 Speaker 2: as an army medic. 436 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,320 Speaker 3: One night, before he came to bed, he. 437 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,199 Speaker 1: Went took a shower and he came back into the 438 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:23,520 Speaker 1: room and he had a patch on his shoulder. I said, 439 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:28,160 Speaker 1: what's that and he said, oh, it's final. It's great. 440 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:32,080 Speaker 1: I'm not in any pain. It's amazing. And I said, 441 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,639 Speaker 1: but you took your beds today. He said yeah, And 442 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,800 Speaker 1: I said, isn't that how people overdose? And he kind 443 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:39,560 Speaker 1: of poo pooed me, like, I know what I'm doing. 444 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:44,000 Speaker 1: I'm not an idiot. It's fine, going to bed, good night. 445 00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:45,480 Speaker 1: I've had a bad day. We're not going to have 446 00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:49,480 Speaker 1: a fight about this. I was so uncomfortable and I 447 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,400 Speaker 1: just sat there staring at his back, wanting to rip 448 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,680 Speaker 1: them off, but trusting him at the same time. 449 00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:04,440 Speaker 3: In the morning, Aaron was unresponsive, so. 450 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:11,840 Speaker 1: I grabbed my phone and I called nine one one, hysterical, said, 451 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 1: my husband's not breathing. He was asleep and he's not 452 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:17,199 Speaker 1: waking up. 453 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,480 Speaker 2: The nine one one operator instructed her to begin chess 454 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,880 Speaker 2: compressions until the paramedics arrived. 455 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,159 Speaker 1: And the whole time I'm doing chess compersions, I'm like, 456 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:32,240 Speaker 1: he's cold, he's gone. This man is not alive. The 457 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:36,760 Speaker 1: whole time, in the background, the boy is just scurreaming 458 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:38,120 Speaker 1: my name. 459 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:44,440 Speaker 2: The paramedics arrived and confirmed what she already knew. There 460 00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:48,560 Speaker 2: was no bringing Aaron back. She called friends to come 461 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,720 Speaker 2: over and together they waited for the coroner. 462 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:55,080 Speaker 3: Not knowing what else to do, she fixated on the boy. 463 00:25:56,080 --> 00:26:00,720 Speaker 3: He was three. Tora tried to distract him, play with him, 464 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,280 Speaker 3: but he wanted to know what was going on. 465 00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,480 Speaker 1: He loved the little prince, and we started saying, you know, 466 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,440 Speaker 1: Daddy went to hang out in the stars with the 467 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:09,760 Speaker 1: little prince in the fox. 468 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 2: Before the coroner came, Tora and their friends took turns 469 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 2: saying goodbye. 470 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,280 Speaker 1: We all went up and sat with Aaron, and I 471 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,200 Speaker 1: sat down and I told him I will miss you 472 00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: every day for the rest of my life. And then 473 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:29,639 Speaker 1: he was gone. 474 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,320 Speaker 2: But his death would reveal an avalanche of discoveries. It 475 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,440 Speaker 2: began on that very day, but his ex wife showed 476 00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:41,520 Speaker 2: up at the front door. The police had notified her 477 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:45,720 Speaker 2: of Aaron's death, and his ex wife called his family, 478 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 2: his estranged family. 479 00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:51,600 Speaker 1: About ten o'clock and knock on my door, and the 480 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:55,560 Speaker 1: boy's mom showed up. And it's just done, sitting down 481 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,399 Speaker 1: and talking to me. I don't know this person at all, 482 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:01,920 Speaker 1: other than the reputation that I have been very carefully 483 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,080 Speaker 1: spoonfed for three years, which is that she is awful 484 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:09,240 Speaker 1: and a horrible person. And she came in like a 485 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,680 Speaker 1: blast of cold air, sat down in my living room 486 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,720 Speaker 1: and said, if you want to be in my son's life, 487 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,560 Speaker 1: there's some things you need to know. First of all, 488 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:21,720 Speaker 1: Aaron's not choktaw. Aaron's black. And I kind of laughed 489 00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 1: at her. I'm like, okay, lady, like really, we're going 490 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,240 Speaker 1: to do this right now. 491 00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:31,119 Speaker 2: Given the circumstances, this comment seemed absurd and irrelevant, but 492 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,960 Speaker 2: his ex wife insisted that there were truths about Aaron 493 00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,280 Speaker 2: that Tora needed to know before she could share more. 494 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,480 Speaker 2: Aaron's biological family arrived. They were surprised to meet Tora. 495 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:43,760 Speaker 2: They didn't know she existed. 496 00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:48,640 Speaker 1: It was Aaron's mom and annt's brother, who was very 497 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:51,520 Speaker 1: much a black man. They came in, they sat down 498 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,480 Speaker 1: in my living room, and I told them about me 499 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,320 Speaker 1: and my life with Aaron and how long we've been together. 500 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:04,320 Speaker 1: And she said he wasn't a good person, and I thought, well, 501 00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:06,199 Speaker 1: that's a really weird thing to say to agreev. 502 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:10,240 Speaker 2: Being widow, Toura had seen pictures of Aaron's mother, father, 503 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:14,119 Speaker 2: and brother. But these people in her house they weren't 504 00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:18,000 Speaker 2: the same ones she'd seen photos of. Nothing made sense, 505 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:21,520 Speaker 2: from Aaron's sudden death to the arrival of this family 506 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:25,960 Speaker 2: she didn't recognize. But they were his family, and now 507 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,080 Speaker 2: they wanted the house back right away. 508 00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:32,800 Speaker 1: I gave it a lot of thought, and I called 509 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,840 Speaker 1: my family on a zoom call and I saiky, I'm 510 00:28:34,840 --> 00:28:38,280 Speaker 1: going to bake eat the house. I don't own it, 511 00:28:38,440 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 1: name's not on it. I don't have any right to it. 512 00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:45,000 Speaker 1: And my friend, the lawyer, said, take what's yours, what 513 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 1: you bought together, and nothing else. 514 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,000 Speaker 2: Toura packed her car with a few boxes and prepared 515 00:28:52,040 --> 00:28:55,120 Speaker 2: to leave. She'd also be leaving the boys she'd raise 516 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:58,719 Speaker 2: from infancy to nearly age four, But she knew she 517 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:02,080 Speaker 2: wasn't part of his biological family. It was clear that 518 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 2: with Aaron gone, Tora just didn't have a place in 519 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:06,160 Speaker 2: the boy's life. 520 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,200 Speaker 1: And I reached down and I picked him up, and 521 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 1: I held him really close, and I said, never forget. 522 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:13,960 Speaker 1: I love you and I'm your Alma, and that never changed. 523 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,239 Speaker 1: And she fell out of the road, drawy. I never 524 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 1: saw Hi against me. 525 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 2: Before walking out of the house for the last time, 526 00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:30,600 Speaker 2: she decided to take Aaron's laptop with her. Her brother 527 00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 2: came to meet her, and together they drove back to 528 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 2: their parents' house in California. 529 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:41,120 Speaker 1: I fell apart. I fell apart. I wasn't getting out 530 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: of bed, I wasn't taking care of myself, I wasn't eating. 531 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:45,360 Speaker 1: I was a disaster. 532 00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:50,040 Speaker 2: At first, she fixated on his death, how and why 533 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:50,720 Speaker 2: it happened. 534 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 3: She got a copy of his autopsy report. 535 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 1: When I got his autopsy, it was very much an overdose. 536 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 1: He had on double the dose and he had taken 537 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:08,880 Speaker 1: double the dose of oxycodone at the same time to 538 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 1: go to bed. 539 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:13,640 Speaker 2: And there was something else on his autopsy that stood out. 540 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:19,200 Speaker 1: On his autopsy, had said he had a brace on 541 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,400 Speaker 1: his leg, said a brace on his left leg. And 542 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,800 Speaker 1: I thought, well, that's a really weird way to stay prosthetic, 543 00:30:26,160 --> 00:30:27,600 Speaker 1: and that was the last I thought of it. 544 00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,520 Speaker 2: The questions that came up right after his death about 545 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:35,520 Speaker 2: his family, his race, she just didn't have the capacity 546 00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,440 Speaker 2: to think about all of that at the time. 547 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,840 Speaker 1: I stayed very much in grieving widow mode for two months, 548 00:30:43,960 --> 00:30:47,160 Speaker 1: and it wasn't until after the second month that I 549 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,560 Speaker 1: opened my eyes finally. So I just let a lot 550 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:52,400 Speaker 1: of this stuff slide and thought like, either I'll deal 551 00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 1: with it later, or it's not true, or it's a misunderstanding. 552 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:59,640 Speaker 1: And then after two months, I opened his computer and 553 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:05,960 Speaker 1: every thing changed instantly. So I opened the computer, got 554 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:07,720 Speaker 1: right in on the first try. I knew the password, 555 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:11,400 Speaker 1: and I opened his pictures and I started looking through 556 00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:15,520 Speaker 1: and there were some screenshots in there that sent me 557 00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: to his text messages. All of his text messages are 558 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:25,720 Speaker 1: on his computer, and immediately, within twenty seconds, I realized 559 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:27,840 Speaker 1: that he was in a relationship with somebody long distance. 560 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 1: I spent an hour coming through their text messages, which 561 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:42,440 Speaker 1: were graphic and filthy, and the worst part of all 562 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 1: of that, there are two things that were just devastating. 563 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,960 Speaker 1: The first was that the things he said to her 564 00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:52,120 Speaker 1: while they were having this like fantasy relationship is the 565 00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,360 Speaker 1: same stuff he would say to me when we were intimate. 566 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:59,800 Speaker 1: Orbade him and he would tell her, well, I have time. 567 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:03,080 Speaker 1: I won't have the boy on these dates because I 568 00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,680 Speaker 1: was going to be gone for a conference on those dates. 569 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,960 Speaker 1: So that was a lot to realize that he was 570 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:14,280 Speaker 1: manipulating her and mean to keep us both on the 571 00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:18,560 Speaker 1: hook back and forth. But then the worst thing I 572 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:23,360 Speaker 1: found in everything I found was him saying, nobody has 573 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:31,320 Speaker 1: ever loved me, nobody except for you. And that is 574 00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:37,200 Speaker 1: the biggest lie he ever told, And just the most infuriating, devastating, 575 00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,800 Speaker 1: cruel thing he could have said was that nobody had 576 00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:45,480 Speaker 1: ever loved him. And here I had just spent eight 577 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:51,520 Speaker 1: weeks bottomed out, devastated, flat lined because this man had 578 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 1: died and I had given him everything. 579 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:02,080 Speaker 3: She kept looking through his text and found more women. 580 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,240 Speaker 1: He was texting four other girls, a couple from tender, 581 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:09,040 Speaker 1: couple from school. One of my favorites was a girl 582 00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:11,240 Speaker 1: he had been in school with who had been to 583 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,320 Speaker 1: our house and knew me, and they were talking about 584 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:17,000 Speaker 1: how she could move in and her teenager could live 585 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,280 Speaker 1: in the basement bedroom to a three bedroom house, and 586 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,840 Speaker 1: his son lives in one of those bedrooms, so presumably 587 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:27,520 Speaker 1: I'm not living there as she's moving in. So that 588 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,040 Speaker 1: was like, what the heck is he just going to 589 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:32,080 Speaker 1: kick me out? Like this is resent. 590 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,600 Speaker 2: Aaron was talking to these women up until the week 591 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:37,720 Speaker 2: he died, making. 592 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:40,960 Speaker 3: Plans with them and inviting them over, and. 593 00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 1: He was saying, well, you know, I don't ever have 594 00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,240 Speaker 1: anything going on Tuesday nights, so you could come over 595 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,360 Speaker 1: for dinner, we could watch a movie, but then I 596 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,440 Speaker 1: have to go to bed around ten because I was teaching. 597 00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:55,200 Speaker 1: I was at class seven to ten on Tuesdays, so 598 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,440 Speaker 1: he knew I would stay at work and go to 599 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:02,440 Speaker 1: So that was like, I guess, kind of opening that 600 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:05,640 Speaker 1: box of like, okay, so he's been doing stuff behind 601 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 1: my back. I don't know what. I still don't. I 602 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:10,759 Speaker 1: don't need to, it doesn't matter. He offered it. 603 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,040 Speaker 2: In the two months since Aaron died, these women had 604 00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:16,600 Speaker 2: been trying to get in touch with them. So Tora 605 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,720 Speaker 2: messaged them back to let them know he was gone. 606 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:26,200 Speaker 1: The girlfriend messaged me back, what, No, this isn't real. 607 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,879 Speaker 1: What's going on? Who are you really? Did you steal 608 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:32,799 Speaker 1: his phone? Just total disbelief, which is fair. It is 609 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,319 Speaker 1: completely fair. And I said, yeah, no, real, here's the 610 00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:40,000 Speaker 1: pictures of us. We've been together for this amount of time, 611 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:42,520 Speaker 1: three years, and she said, we've been together for longer 612 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:47,120 Speaker 1: than that. They've been together when he was married to 613 00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:48,120 Speaker 1: he's an other wife. 614 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,160 Speaker 2: Tora kept digging through his laptop and that's when she 615 00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,600 Speaker 2: saw the photo that changed everything. 616 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:59,279 Speaker 1: His computer were all these pictures of his honeymoon, including 617 00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:07,600 Speaker 1: his two fully attacked feet on the beach, much much 618 00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:13,799 Speaker 1: after he was supposedly injured, and just stared at his feet, like, 619 00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:17,680 Speaker 1: these are his feet. I recognized one of them. I'd 620 00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:19,920 Speaker 1: seeing one of them without a sock on. 621 00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:24,440 Speaker 2: The entire time they were together, Aaron kept a sock 622 00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:28,239 Speaker 2: and a brace on his prosthetic foot. She had never 623 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,680 Speaker 2: actually seen his amputation site. 624 00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:36,720 Speaker 1: He didn't ever like pop off a prosthetic or anything 625 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:41,440 Speaker 1: like that in front of me. And he needed to 626 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:44,040 Speaker 1: shower downstairs because it was really hard for him to 627 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,120 Speaker 1: step into the shower upstairs and it was a tub 628 00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:50,040 Speaker 1: shower combo, so he basically had his own bathroom in 629 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:54,200 Speaker 1: the downstairs part of the house. So I never saw 630 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:59,319 Speaker 1: him fully unclothed because he kept a sock on it 631 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:05,200 Speaker 1: when we were sleeping so I never questioned it. It 632 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:09,319 Speaker 1: was his private business, that's his medical history, and there 633 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,839 Speaker 1: was nothing for me to say, well, that seems off. 634 00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,560 Speaker 2: She saw the monthly checks coming in from the military, 635 00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:19,000 Speaker 2: she heard the hard prosthetic foot hitting the ground when 636 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:22,880 Speaker 2: he walked, Plus he was self conscious about his injury. 637 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:24,720 Speaker 2: She never pressed him further. 638 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:27,600 Speaker 1: Why would I question that? Who would that make me? 639 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,360 Speaker 2: But after she saw the photo of Aaron's two feet 640 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:35,480 Speaker 2: in the sand on his honeymoon, Tora called their family doctor, 641 00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,440 Speaker 2: the doctor who'd done physical exams on her and Aaron 642 00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:40,560 Speaker 2: in the past year. 643 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:47,239 Speaker 1: I said, did you ever look at his prosthetic or 644 00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:51,799 Speaker 1: looked at his amputation site? And she said, I'll make 645 00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:57,399 Speaker 1: sure I did. Well, maybe not actually let me think, hey, 646 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:03,279 Speaker 1: maybe I didn't. And I just at there flabbergasted. And 647 00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,600 Speaker 1: at that point that was what was finally like, Yeah, 648 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:10,680 Speaker 1: this man did not have an amputated foot. I don't 649 00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:12,319 Speaker 1: know what he was wearing, I don't know why he 650 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,359 Speaker 1: was wearing it, but it wasn't a prosthetic foot. 651 00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:20,160 Speaker 3: This shocking revelation caused her to question the whole story 652 00:37:20,320 --> 00:37:22,640 Speaker 3: she'd been told about his military career. 653 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,600 Speaker 1: Found his D two fourteen, which is like his exit 654 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,040 Speaker 1: paperwork from the military, and it didn't add up with 655 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:29,799 Speaker 1: what he told me. 656 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,040 Speaker 3: On his discharge papers. 657 00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:35,239 Speaker 2: It said he did join the military at eighteen, and 658 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:39,480 Speaker 2: he did go to combat once, not four times like 659 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:43,400 Speaker 2: he'd said. He wasn't a Special Forces medic like he'd claimed. 660 00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,839 Speaker 2: She doesn't know why he left the army, but it 661 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:48,360 Speaker 2: wasn't because of an injury. 662 00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:52,200 Speaker 3: Her entire understanding of Aaron changed. 663 00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:58,720 Speaker 1: And I went out into the kitchen and I poured myself. 664 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:01,720 Speaker 1: I am not joking it out. This is tequila down 665 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,200 Speaker 1: to that my dad lives in the country. Thinking this, 666 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:07,520 Speaker 1: walked out way out into the hills and just screamed 667 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:13,040 Speaker 1: and screamed and screamed, and tel I lost my voice. 668 00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:17,440 Speaker 1: The person I had just spent three years loving and 669 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:25,120 Speaker 1: caring for and two months devastated over his loss didn't exist. 670 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:32,960 Speaker 1: And I came to this point that day where I said, 671 00:38:33,719 --> 00:38:36,279 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, he took everything from me, 672 00:38:37,239 --> 00:38:39,600 Speaker 1: and when there was nothing left to take, he took 673 00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 1: himself from me. The person I had loved and been 674 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:50,160 Speaker 1: in a relationship with disappeared, and with him went three 675 00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:52,279 Speaker 1: years of my life into a black hole. 676 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:58,040 Speaker 3: Who was Aaron and what was his real life story? 677 00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,480 Speaker 1: So I was googling everything. I'm a historian. I can 678 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:05,960 Speaker 1: research like nobody's business. So I'm just googling everything I 679 00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:07,680 Speaker 1: can think of to try to find out who this 680 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,040 Speaker 1: person is. I'm looking on Facebook, I'm looking on Instagram, 681 00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:11,040 Speaker 1: social media. 682 00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:13,839 Speaker 3: She started reaching out to people who were connected to Aaron. 683 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:17,600 Speaker 1: You know, now I'm asking questions, right, what about these people? 684 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,600 Speaker 1: It's not real. Grandparents were not those people. Those people 685 00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:25,839 Speaker 1: didn't exist at all. I mean, it was an entirely 686 00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:31,160 Speaker 1: crafted life. His family is fake, his military experience was 687 00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:34,880 Speaker 1: not his, and I don't know how he kept it 688 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:35,440 Speaker 1: all straight. 689 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:38,160 Speaker 3: She found out that the family who showed up at. 690 00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:42,040 Speaker 2: Aaron's house, those people she didn't recognize. They were his 691 00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:46,400 Speaker 2: biological family, and they were very different from what Aaron described. 692 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,680 Speaker 1: So I didn't know about his real mom, even though 693 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:51,520 Speaker 1: she's a real person who lives in a real place. 694 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,759 Speaker 1: I knew about some other version of someone that he 695 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:57,239 Speaker 1: could completely control that narrative. And I'm never going to 696 00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,400 Speaker 1: look her up and say, is this the truth? I 697 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:02,440 Speaker 1: was the per person for him because I chose to 698 00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:06,359 Speaker 1: trust him, and he practiced different things. He tried out 699 00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:09,200 Speaker 1: different things to test me, to see if I would 700 00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:13,799 Speaker 1: trust him, and I did. I always did. He very 701 00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:15,640 Speaker 1: carefully curated my life. 702 00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:19,759 Speaker 2: When she started looking back on it, she realized that 703 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,200 Speaker 2: Aaron had slowly isolated her from anyone who'd known him 704 00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,800 Speaker 2: for more than four years, anyone who would contradict the 705 00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:28,359 Speaker 2: narrative he was telling her. 706 00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:32,200 Speaker 1: When I finally learned everything and could sort of lay 707 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:36,120 Speaker 1: out a life timeline for him, there is about a 708 00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:40,040 Speaker 1: three to five year capacity on the stories he was 709 00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:42,319 Speaker 1: telling people. And then he would move on in some way. 710 00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,600 Speaker 1: He would leave town, he would start a new school program, 711 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:50,360 Speaker 1: something like that. He'd get married. So he was coming 712 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,919 Speaker 1: to the end of that, and his stories were getting 713 00:40:52,960 --> 00:40:53,520 Speaker 1: a little thin. 714 00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:59,040 Speaker 2: The amputation, the chronic pain from combat wounds, even his 715 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:03,919 Speaker 2: Native American ancestry, it was all a lie. The one 716 00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:07,400 Speaker 2: thing that was real is that he was sick. He 717 00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:11,759 Speaker 2: had an opioid addiction. She sees that clearly now, and 718 00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:14,520 Speaker 2: she sees that as a part of a larger pattern 719 00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:15,279 Speaker 2: of behavior. 720 00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:18,360 Speaker 1: He's an addict, so he's always looking for kind of 721 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,000 Speaker 1: that next better hit of whatever it was. And sometimes 722 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,560 Speaker 1: it was a partner, and sometimes it was becoming a parent, 723 00:41:25,719 --> 00:41:29,640 Speaker 1: and sometimes it was a new degree in school. But 724 00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:32,680 Speaker 1: you know, he's tying things together, trying to make himself 725 00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:35,839 Speaker 1: a life that he would have been happy with. So 726 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:38,040 Speaker 1: he just kept shifting it into this story that he 727 00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,120 Speaker 1: liked a little better, and a little better, a little better, 728 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:47,640 Speaker 1: and it still didn't satisfy him. He still needed narcotics. 729 00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:56,239 Speaker 1: I feel very strongly that he wanted to stay in 730 00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,640 Speaker 1: our life but wasn't sure how to do that. Do 731 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,600 Speaker 1: I think that he put the patches on and hoped 732 00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:07,080 Speaker 1: he would fall asleep and never wake up. Yeah, I do. 733 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,640 Speaker 2: You can probably tell that Tour has been through years 734 00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:14,359 Speaker 2: of therapy to understand and heal from what happened to her. 735 00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:19,720 Speaker 1: My doctor had me talk to the therapist in her office, 736 00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:28,439 Speaker 1: and I owe everything to his methods. He gave me terminology, 737 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:32,439 Speaker 1: and that terminology completely changed how I was going through this. 738 00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:39,080 Speaker 1: He was the first person to say, you have PTSD, 739 00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:44,399 Speaker 1: and I thought, no, no, No. PTSD is for soldiers, which 740 00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:47,279 Speaker 1: is a really common thought that PTSD is for people 741 00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:50,879 Speaker 1: who've been to war. Through war. He was really good 742 00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,279 Speaker 1: about this is what I think might be going on. 743 00:42:53,400 --> 00:42:56,799 Speaker 1: Read it and let's talk about it next time. He 744 00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,480 Speaker 1: was providing me information to heal myself. 745 00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:04,160 Speaker 2: It's been four years since Aaron died and she discovered 746 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,680 Speaker 2: that the man she was building a life with was 747 00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:07,240 Speaker 2: a fraud. 748 00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:09,880 Speaker 1: I'll still be driving down the road and have a 749 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:14,160 Speaker 1: random memory and go, oh, yeah, that's probably what happened. 750 00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:17,319 Speaker 1: So I'm still less and less and less and less, 751 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:23,200 Speaker 1: putting things together and making the pieces fit. But I'll 752 00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,799 Speaker 1: never know everything, and they'll never have closure, And I 753 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:29,000 Speaker 1: think that's probably the most important thing, is like, closure 754 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:32,480 Speaker 1: isn't necessary for you to move on and heal. It's 755 00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:36,640 Speaker 1: really not help, but it's not necessary. 756 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:40,960 Speaker 2: Instead, she's tried to find understanding for the real person 757 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:45,280 Speaker 2: Aaron was. With him gone, She's been able to access 758 00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,960 Speaker 2: a kind of empathy, not to excuse his behavior, but 759 00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:50,120 Speaker 2: to make peace with it. 760 00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:53,360 Speaker 1: He was broken. He was broken by a world that 761 00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:56,439 Speaker 1: breaks people and spits them out. I think he grew 762 00:43:56,560 --> 00:44:00,920 Speaker 1: up feeling inadequate, grew up feeling unloved, and he wanted 763 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:03,840 Speaker 1: to write himself a better story than that. And instead 764 00:44:03,880 --> 00:44:08,160 Speaker 1: of becoming someone who would be loved, he became someone 765 00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:14,000 Speaker 1: who he thought was lovable and adjusted it for each 766 00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:15,520 Speaker 1: person as he met them. 767 00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:20,600 Speaker 2: Tora moved back to Colorado where she still teaches history, 768 00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:24,520 Speaker 2: but she says that this time around, she's a different person. 769 00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:28,000 Speaker 2: She's forever changed by the love she had with Aaron 770 00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:35,120 Speaker 2: and the pain he put her through. We end every 771 00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:38,319 Speaker 2: episode with the same question, why did you want to 772 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:41,040 Speaker 2: tell your story? 773 00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:44,359 Speaker 1: This is an incredible story that sounds like it's made up, 774 00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:47,560 Speaker 1: that sounds like a soap opera, sounds like a drama movie, 775 00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:50,399 Speaker 1: but it's so real and it's not the only one, 776 00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:54,480 Speaker 1: and there's so many stories like this. The more we 777 00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:57,719 Speaker 1: talk about it, the more out in the open we 778 00:44:57,880 --> 00:45:00,359 Speaker 1: bring these people who exist in the shadow and want 779 00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:06,640 Speaker 1: to operate from the shadows. We have to understand them, 780 00:45:07,040 --> 00:45:10,480 Speaker 1: we have to assign terminology to the disorders that caused 781 00:45:10,480 --> 00:45:15,759 Speaker 1: them to act in these ways, and we have to 782 00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:19,239 Speaker 1: support people who've been through it. And my mission through 783 00:45:19,239 --> 00:45:22,400 Speaker 1: all of this became sort of explaining to more and 784 00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:27,600 Speaker 1: more people that you can heal, you will heal, what 785 00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:31,640 Speaker 1: you're experiencing is valid. Something that I say so often 786 00:45:31,719 --> 00:45:33,960 Speaker 1: to this day is my story was true and my 787 00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:39,959 Speaker 1: experiences were valid. My story was true, even if his wasn't. 788 00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:40,560 Speaker 1: Mine was. 789 00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:47,040 Speaker 3: On the next episode of Betrayal. 790 00:45:47,440 --> 00:45:50,600 Speaker 1: I went out into the garage area the car was gone, 791 00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:53,279 Speaker 1: like where did he go? 792 00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,920 Speaker 2: I'd like to reach out to the Betrayal team or 793 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,680 Speaker 2: want to tell us your Betrayal story, Email us at 794 00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:09,720 Speaker 2: Betrayalpod at gmail dot com. That's Betrayal Pod at gmail 795 00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:10,480 Speaker 2: dot com. 796 00:46:11,040 --> 00:46:14,120 Speaker 3: We're grateful for your support. One way to show support 797 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:15,319 Speaker 3: is by subscribing to our. 798 00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:18,000 Speaker 2: Show on Apple Podcasts and don't forget to rate and 799 00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:21,480 Speaker 2: review Betrayal. Five star reviews go a long way. A 800 00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:25,120 Speaker 2: big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is 801 00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:28,040 Speaker 2: a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment 802 00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:31,800 Speaker 2: Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show is executive 803 00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:35,440 Speaker 2: produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fason, hosted and produced 804 00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:39,280 Speaker 2: by me Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Monique Leboard, 805 00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:44,280 Speaker 2: also produced by Ben Fetterman. Associate producers are Kristin Mercury 806 00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:47,799 Speaker 2: and Caitlin Golden. Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and 807 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:53,080 Speaker 2: Jessica Krincheck. Audio editing and mixing by Matt Delvecchio, additional 808 00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:58,200 Speaker 2: editing support from Nico Aruka. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Bains. 809 00:46:58,840 --> 00:47:03,239 Speaker 2: Music library by mob Music and for more podcasts from 810 00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:07,239 Speaker 2: iHeart Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you 811 00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:08,200 Speaker 2: get your podcasts.