Speaker 1: I said this before and I'll say it again. Given
Speaker 1: birth is the closest you'll get to death, and I'm
Speaker 1: proof of that this fourth time around. Unfortunately, but I'm
Speaker 1: here and I've been living to see another day, So
Speaker 1: thank God for that. Hey. I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our
Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,
Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one
Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We
Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's
Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk
Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead
Speaker 1: adds is the term that we say every day. So
Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about
Speaker 1: to take pillow talk to a whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: Ass starts right now. After Codeine gave birth to Dakota,
Speaker 1: I remember saying to her, baby, if you feel anyway,
Speaker 1: in particular, you feel nauseous, headache, something don't feel right,
Speaker 1: open your mouth and tell me. And she was like okay, babe,
Speaker 1: I got you. Fast forward about a week and a
Speaker 1: half later, Codeine is walking in the house and I'm
Speaker 1: just like, hey, baby, all right. She's just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just have a headache. And I'm like, well, how
Speaker 1: long have you had this headache? Now? I had a
Speaker 1: headache for a couple of days. So I'm like, all right, well,
Speaker 1: you know, I know sleep deprivation is real, and you
Speaker 1: did just have a baby, so you know, have you
Speaker 1: been drinking water? Have you've been eating? And she's like,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if I've been drinking enough. And her
Speaker 1: mom and dad are here, both nurses, was like, yo,
Speaker 1: let me take your your blood pressure. They take Conde's
Speaker 1: blood pressure, and Conde's blood pressure was running pretty high.
Speaker 1: You know, um, you're typically over the entire pregnancy too,
Speaker 1: so at this point her blood pressure was at home
Speaker 1: when we took it as about one forty something over
Speaker 1: eighty something. And this was after you. It took toyling
Speaker 1: on and I remember your dad was just like, you know,
Speaker 1: they won't admit you if your blood pressure isn't super high,
Speaker 1: or they're gonna do is send you back home. And
Speaker 1: I was agreeing with him. I was like you know what,
Speaker 1: maybe we should just set an appointment for tomorrow so
Speaker 1: you can go to the doctor, but you should call
Speaker 1: it to Key and ask her. And you was like,
Speaker 1: I already spoke to to Kia. The Key was like,
Speaker 1: I think you should go to the ear and I
Speaker 1: was just like, well, it's a kid says we're going
Speaker 1: to the ear, We're going to the ar. At the
Speaker 1: same time, I had to take Jackson to basketball practice,
Speaker 1: so Conne was just like typical black mom mode, you
Speaker 1: could take them to basketball practice first and then you
Speaker 1: can come back. So I was like, all right, cool,
Speaker 1: that will take me ten minutes. Then she said what
Speaker 1: time is it. I said, oh, basketball practices at seven,
Speaker 1: will be done at eight. And she was like, well,
Speaker 1: what about sisters. Sisters come on tonight. I don't want
Speaker 1: you to miss sisters. I'm like, I'm not worried about
Speaker 1: this damn TV show. And your stylist was coming to
Speaker 1: style you for the Soul Train Awards. All of this,
Speaker 1: all of this was happening, mean while the kid was like, uh,
Speaker 1: send me pictures of your feet because my feet were swollen.
Speaker 1: Mind you. They went down after I had Dakoda, but
Speaker 1: they were back up again and the headache and the
Speaker 1: blood pressure. So I said, we're not going to know that.
Speaker 1: I'm going to drop Jackson to practice. I'm not staying
Speaker 1: the whole time, and we're going to the hospital. We
Speaker 1: get to the hospital, I'm in there for about fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1: They check her or whatever. They come back out and
Speaker 1: the nurse looks at me and says, Mr. Rellis, we're
Speaker 1: gonna have to admit your wife. I was like, why,
Speaker 1: what's the matter? Your blood pressure at that time was
Speaker 1: one seventy over And I was like, okay, is she
Speaker 1: going to be okay? And she was just like, we hope.
Speaker 1: So I've sang this song before. I want to sing
Speaker 1: it again because it's the truth. M It's a song
Speaker 1: that I proposed to Cadeem two ah song. Even though
Speaker 1: it seems I have everything, I don't want to be alone, live, food,
Speaker 1: all of the women, all the expensive cars, all of
Speaker 1: the money don't amount to you and make me leave everything.
Speaker 1: But I can't evertend that. I don't see that without you,
Speaker 1: my life is in complete. Oh, We're gonna take a
Speaker 1: break and we'll be back. So I'm gonna jump back
Speaker 1: into story time to just give you all a little
Speaker 1: bit of my perspective of what was happening. UM, because
Speaker 1: I think a lot of times as moms, um, black
Speaker 1: moms in particular, we just keep it moving, we keep
Speaker 1: it pushing. We may feel a thing or to and
Speaker 1: disregarded as, oh, it's just a little something. Oh I'm
Speaker 1: going to sleep this off, which is some of the
Speaker 1: worst things that we can even think about doing, um
Speaker 1: when we don't feel our best now. At first, when
Speaker 1: I felt the things I was feeling, I literally just
Speaker 1: chalked it up to, girl, you just had a baby
Speaker 1: nine days ago, so you're going to be feeling the things. Right.
Speaker 1: You may have a headache because your breastfeeding, are you
Speaker 1: drinking enough water, sleep deprivation, Like Devo said, Um, there's
Speaker 1: so many reasons as to why I could have had
Speaker 1: a headache. Um, but the headache was persistent over like
Speaker 1: the course of a day or two. Taking Thailand all
Speaker 1: wouldn't really it would maybe dull the pain a tiny bit,
Speaker 1: but it was like a pounding, throbbing that I had
Speaker 1: in the same spot. And um, sleeping it off wasn't
Speaker 1: working at this point. And my midwife at this point,
Speaker 1: had she had gone back home, she left home on
Speaker 1: like the Sunday, I was having this this tension headache,
Speaker 1: which is what I thought. It was Tuesday into Wednesday
Speaker 1: and she was still touching bass with me, which I loved. Um,
Speaker 1: just to make sure that we were okay in her absence.
Speaker 1: So I mentioned this headache just leisurely in conversation with her,
Speaker 1: and she was like, oh, a headache. She's like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, you have to let me know when you
Speaker 1: have things like a headache. The same thing Devout said,
Speaker 1: So it's a girl. Was just a little headache. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm tired, you know, baby has me up, I have
Speaker 1: the three boys. Devout like, it's just a lot going on. Um,
Speaker 1: And she said, you know anything else you're feeling She said,
Speaker 1: any swelling. So it's like she knew the questions to ask.
Speaker 1: So I said, well, yeah, my hands and my feet
Speaker 1: are a little swollen. Um, they've gone up more since
Speaker 1: I've had Dakota. And she said, when's the last time
Speaker 1: you check your blood pressure? Are you having any pain
Speaker 1: in your upper abdomen under your rib? Like very specific questions.
Speaker 1: So I said, no pain in my abdomen, no nausea.
Speaker 1: She said, do you have blurred vision? Are you seeing spots? Mom?
Speaker 1: I said, no, I do feel a little groggy, but
Speaker 1: I think it's maybe just the headache. So she says,
Speaker 1: your mom there, tell her to check your blood pressure.
Speaker 1: So my dad gets the blood pressure coff he has
Speaker 1: an electric one, and we check it with the electric
Speaker 1: blood pressure machine and it was one over one oh
Speaker 1: one right. So I'm like, oh, this is clearly not wrong.
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes it's electric. Things don't work properly. I'm
Speaker 1: not right this, you know it's not right. Um, these
Speaker 1: you know, machines don't work sometimes. So my mom got
Speaker 1: the manual blood pressure cuff and at this point it
Speaker 1: was like over, which was still very high for me.
Speaker 1: My entire pregnancy, my entire life, all pregnancies have always
Speaker 1: had stellar blood pressure, so this is very not cadine.
Speaker 1: So at that point of Key said, I think you
Speaker 1: need to go to the er just to get checked out,
Speaker 1: blood work, you're in things like that. She didn't seem alarmed,
Speaker 1: so I kind of just took it as okay, well,
Speaker 1: at some point I can get to the hospital or
Speaker 1: the doctor or somewhere so they can check me out further. Um.
Speaker 1: But then she was a little bit more persistent. She said.
Speaker 1: Blood pressure is one of those things that you know,
Speaker 1: can just very in spur the moment elevate or drop,
Speaker 1: and it can cause things like seizure, stroke, death, you know.
Speaker 1: So at that point I was like, all right, you know,
Speaker 1: I still feel okay, I can manage. Um. Develot has
Speaker 1: his stylists come into the house. I want to see
Speaker 1: what he's worried to the Sole Trade Awards. Jackson has
Speaker 1: basketball practice dinner. Um, it's Wednesday, persisters like, there's things
Speaker 1: happening today. So I eventually get there maybe tomorrow. But
Speaker 1: then something in me it was just like you know,
Speaker 1: a kidein. I think you should just go get checked out.
Speaker 1: I was also thinking about Dakota nursing breastfeeding exclusively. Now,
Speaker 1: so how am I going to feed him in the ear?
Speaker 1: I'm not taking him to the e er where there's
Speaker 1: still COVID and all the things happening. Um. But something
Speaker 1: just told me to go. Um. So Devot got me
Speaker 1: in the car, went to the e er. UM was
Speaker 1: in triage. My blood pressure at this point was over
Speaker 1: like um. They instantly took me to the back and
Speaker 1: started me with an ivy like there were a couple
Speaker 1: of people rushing in, so I'm like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: something serious at this point now, um, And they called
Speaker 1: down a doctor from the O B G N Unit
Speaker 1: and she pretty much told me, you know, miss Ellis,
Speaker 1: we're afraid that you are showing symptoms of postpartum preclampsha
Speaker 1: and um, I didn't even know that was a thing.
Speaker 1: I was like, what is that? What is postpartum? Like?
Speaker 1: You hear about it during pregnancy. Yeah, you hear about
Speaker 1: it during pregnancy. What you never never hear about it after?
Speaker 1: So she at that point was giving me some facts
Speaker 1: that she said, up to six weeks after having a baby,
Speaker 1: you can experience symptoms or the signs of postpartum preclampsha.
Speaker 1: And I totally did not know there was a thing.
Speaker 1: Um Ta Kia had kind of said that sounded like
Speaker 1: what I had, but she wasn't sure. But they pretty
Speaker 1: much at that point said I was showing the symptoms
Speaker 1: of that, and before I started to exhibit any more
Speaker 1: symptoms like the blurred vision or the pain under my
Speaker 1: rib cage, they wanted to make sure they got that
Speaker 1: under control, so they said they'd be admitting me to
Speaker 1: Labor and Delivery Unit. UM instant tears, um in the back,
Speaker 1: sobbing um so. The doctors trying to console me. She
Speaker 1: was really sweet and she said, you know, what are
Speaker 1: you worried about? Let me know how you're feeling. So
Speaker 1: I said to her, my baby first and foremost, like
Speaker 1: I don't have him. I'm going to have to be
Speaker 1: in the hospital without from for howls. Who knows how long. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm still nursing. I just had that that
Speaker 1: that anxiety about leaving him. I wasn't even worried about
Speaker 1: myself at that point. I was more worried about my baby.
Speaker 1: And then I'm like, I have three other kids at home,
Speaker 1: my husband is going about to go film he has
Speaker 1: like I'm thinking about everybody else. And she said all that,
Speaker 1: I'm sure we'll get taken care of, but I'm purposely
Speaker 1: putting you on a labor and deliver unit so you
Speaker 1: can bring your baby to the hospital here and he
Speaker 1: can stay with you and your husband can stay with you.
Speaker 1: So instantly I was feeling better. I said, Okay, that
Speaker 1: makes me feel a lot better. She said, however, you're
Speaker 1: going to have to be on magnesium sulf fate for
Speaker 1: twenty four hours. She said, I just want to let
Speaker 1: you know that it's a pretty nasty drug. Um, you're
Speaker 1: not gonna feel really great on it. But what it
Speaker 1: does is it pretty much raises the threshold for you
Speaker 1: to potentially have a seizure. So if your blood pressure
Speaker 1: typically or is running say two hundred over for example,
Speaker 1: and that seizure level, what the magnesium sulfate does is
Speaker 1: it raises the threshold to maybe two forty over one thirty,
Speaker 1: So that way, if your blood pressure does happen to raise,
Speaker 1: you won't see. So it's a great and she said,
Speaker 1: and it may and also help your blood pressure regulate
Speaker 1: and come back down as well. Um. At this point
Speaker 1: I had a splitting headache. I never had a migraine before,
Speaker 1: but I feel like that was probably migraine level headache. Um.
Speaker 1: They gave me a dose of the magnesium sulfate that
Speaker 1: was concentrated as I was leaving the e R because
Speaker 1: they were so concerned about my pressure. And at that
Speaker 1: point I called the Vale and told him I was
Speaker 1: going to be in this hospital. I didn't know how long.
Speaker 1: They said, may before two or three nights until things
Speaker 1: were regulated, but I could bring the baby, so I
Speaker 1: had him pack to coda up. My mom gave him
Speaker 1: whatever breast milk I pumped at home, UM to hold
Speaker 1: him over till he got to me. And then Devot
Speaker 1: came of course, prepared to spend the night and UM,
Speaker 1: I was admitted on Labor and Delivery unit. I was
Speaker 1: watched around the clock that magnesium sulfate, that concentrated version
Speaker 1: that they gave me. I felt super loopy. UM, I
Speaker 1: felt hot. I felt like, oh my god, my baby's coming.
Speaker 1: How am I supposed to take care of him while
Speaker 1: being on this drug? UM, But I also knew that
Speaker 1: was concentrated, so but they gave me over the course
Speaker 1: of twenty four hours. After that was still had me
Speaker 1: feeling a little messed up, but at least I had
Speaker 1: to vow close by it so kind of assist, especially
Speaker 1: overnight with the baby and UM, it was a scary
Speaker 1: time for me. UM. I don't know if it was
Speaker 1: the sedation or what it was, but at some points
Speaker 1: Devout had to leave to go, you know, either take
Speaker 1: the kids to him from school or to just go
Speaker 1: home and tend to some business. UM. And there were
Speaker 1: several moments that I was in the hospital room just
Speaker 1: like in tears because you hear so many times about
Speaker 1: my having successful deliveries and then a couple of days later,
Speaker 1: some complication arose. Um yeah, and yourhysms just yeah, infections.
Speaker 1: There's certainly so many different reasons why things like that happened.
Speaker 1: So I was just literally in tears because I'm just
Speaker 1: like thinking to myself, a what if I die in
Speaker 1: this hospital bed with my baby here? Um, I have
Speaker 1: four boys and a husband to get back home to, Like,
Speaker 1: I can't die. Um. But in that moment, you just
Speaker 1: feel so terrible. That's probably the worst that I've ever
Speaker 1: felt after I probably ever the worst that I felt physically. Um.
Speaker 1: And then you're wondering about recovery that I'm wondering is
Speaker 1: blood pressure and hypertension going to be a chronic issue
Speaker 1: for me now at this point after having you know,
Speaker 1: the postpartum preclampsha um. And then I had a really
Speaker 1: sweet nurse that came in I think her name was Carlin,
Speaker 1: and she was actively she was another system. So she
Speaker 1: and I kind of vibe and she was like, girl,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna try to find a way to
Speaker 1: get rid of this headache for you. So at first,
Speaker 1: they were just giving me thailan all or i'd be
Speaker 1: profen um, and they were, you know, given me after
Speaker 1: every four hours or something, and then she said, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna give you thailean al and then after an hour
Speaker 1: give you hyperprofin and try to kind of see if
Speaker 1: the tag team will help to get rid of the
Speaker 1: headache for you, because I also felt like I couldn't
Speaker 1: function having this migraine, and UM, that was the one
Speaker 1: thing that actually worked. Towards the end of the twenty
Speaker 1: four hours, I didn't have the headache as much anymore,
Speaker 1: as I started to kind of feel a little bit better,
Speaker 1: though still groggy on the magnesium sulfate. UM, my blood
Speaker 1: pressure was eventually starting to come down UM still not
Speaker 1: quite to my normal level, but it was at least
Speaker 1: reacting to the medication, which was a good sign. And
Speaker 1: the plan when I spoke to the doctors leaving or
Speaker 1: being prepared to be discharged was if my blood pressure
Speaker 1: was under control, I would be on one pill a
Speaker 1: day for the next thirty days UM and then going
Speaker 1: to see them after that to be able to get
Speaker 1: a check up and just see what the plan in
Speaker 1: course of action would be after that. UM. But in
Speaker 1: that moment, well, it was the moment before that. I
Speaker 1: remember you said I'm gonna go take a shower before
Speaker 1: I go to the hospital. And I came into the
Speaker 1: bathroom and you stepped out of the shower and I
Speaker 1: looked at you and I was like, what's the matter.
Speaker 1: And you just broke down, start of crying, and you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm scared. And I was scared too. But once again,
Speaker 1: and I always talk about this, my body's not going
Speaker 1: through anything in that moment. I can't show you that
Speaker 1: I'm scared. In that moment, I have to act as
Speaker 1: if everything is gonna be fine, and as if I
Speaker 1: know everything is going to be fine, even though I
Speaker 1: was thinking the same thing I swear, I swear to
Speaker 1: God could be. I was like, is this going to
Speaker 1: be one of those moments where I take my wife
Speaker 1: to the hospital, I come back to check on my kids,
Speaker 1: took them in at night, and I get a phone
Speaker 1: call then my wife didn't make it. And that's why
Speaker 1: I like, like listen, like even singing incomplete fuck said
Speaker 1: this to you before. This ship does not work without you,
Speaker 1: It doesn't work. And whenever you ask a woman to
Speaker 1: have your child, it sounds cliche, but it's a life
Speaker 1: or death proposition, and you wanted to always just be
Speaker 1: about life. But we know people who've lost their wife. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, during labor and after labor. So I'm trying
Speaker 1: to keep like a positive spirit. On top of that,
Speaker 1: our kids are very empathetic. Jackson is like where you're
Speaker 1: going with mommy, And I'm like, oh, she just you know,
Speaker 1: trying to be you know, the rock. You know, she
Speaker 1: gotta gona get checked up in hospital. She's gonna be
Speaker 1: right back, bro. And I wasn't expecting to have them
Speaker 1: check you in, and so I was like, she's gonna
Speaker 1: be admitted. So now I got to come home and
Speaker 1: explain to Jackson, why are you staying in the hospital.
Speaker 1: So during all of this time, I'm like I'm walking around,
Speaker 1: you know. You know, he's fine, right, But every ride
Speaker 1: from the house to the hospital, and I took several
Speaker 1: a day because I went to bring Jackson to practice,
Speaker 1: then I went to check on you, and I went
Speaker 1: back to get food and I got the colder, then
Speaker 1: I brought him back. Every ride in between was like
Speaker 1: tears because I'm like, it's gonna sound fucked up, but
Speaker 1: I'm like this woman better be okay. I'm gonna kill her.
Speaker 1: That's all I kept saying to myself is my wife
Speaker 1: is a thug and she better be all right, Like
Speaker 1: she better be all right? And then um, before I
Speaker 1: got into you. Of course, you know, I always speak
Speaker 1: to the nurses. I don't want to speak to them,
Speaker 1: went in front of you because I want to know
Speaker 1: the real and the nurse said to me, you know,
Speaker 1: there what there is a chance that you could have
Speaker 1: your wife could have went to bed and seized in
Speaker 1: her sleep and you wake up and then she's no
Speaker 1: longer with you. You know, there's there's so many things
Speaker 1: that happened with blood pressure and headaches, and when it
Speaker 1: comes to your wife, it's like nothing else matters, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, except for the kids. And then
Speaker 1: when you're trying to be all in for your wife
Speaker 1: and then you get a text for me your son,
Speaker 1: it's like hey dad, you're gonna do this, It's like fuck,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. At that in that moment,
Speaker 1: it was just like what do I what do? I
Speaker 1: felt helpless, like who's there for you too? Because I'm
Speaker 1: normally the one to be like me bring it in, baby,
Speaker 1: bring it in, you know. But um, but that one
Speaker 1: time you came to see me at the hospital, I
Speaker 1: think it was like the second day. I was definitely
Speaker 1: very suday it under the drug, remember, and Dakota was asleep,
Speaker 1: I think on me. And when you walked in, of course,
Speaker 1: it was a sense of relief because I always felt
Speaker 1: better when you were there. And I literally just had
Speaker 1: like tears. I think both of us were just oh
Speaker 1: my god, what's happening right now? Um. But I did
Speaker 1: speak to the doctor unexpected, and he made me feel
Speaker 1: at ease. He was like Mr Ellis, like women go
Speaker 1: through this. She's on a drug that she won't see.
Speaker 1: At that point, your pressure had went down and it
Speaker 1: was like in the low one eighties and he was like,
Speaker 1: this isn't the danger zone. And I think it was
Speaker 1: like it was like one eight to me was high
Speaker 1: for you, but was like a little high, am. And
Speaker 1: he was just like, twenty four hours, her pressure will
Speaker 1: be down, should be able to go home. And hearing
Speaker 1: from the doctor and they were great, you know, they
Speaker 1: were great, and the nurses, it made me feel like
Speaker 1: I don't have to worry about that. But deep down
Speaker 1: and there's always that, you know. They always say everything
Speaker 1: is fine until it's not fine, and then it's like, well,
Speaker 1: what happened, Oh there was a complication. I was going
Speaker 1: through all of that, and I gotta say this to
Speaker 1: you now and to all the listeners who are listening.
Speaker 1: When your wife says she has a headache but she
Speaker 1: don't feel good, don't hit her with the super mom answer. Oh,
Speaker 1: you're not the first woman to have a baby. You
Speaker 1: tire and go take a nap. You really feel bad,
Speaker 1: Let's go get it checked out. Because going to get
Speaker 1: it checked out in that moment, it's the only reason
Speaker 1: why you're here, because you and I both tend to
Speaker 1: do that. I'll be fine, I'll take a time, I'll
Speaker 1: go to sleep. Oh I'll be fine. I'll just go
Speaker 1: take a nap. I need to eat something. I know
Speaker 1: I do that as well. And Black men are known
Speaker 1: for not trusting the system when it comes to medical professionals,
Speaker 1: and we're known for saying putting things off because we
Speaker 1: don't want to go to the hospital. But this moment
Speaker 1: was perspective for me because I'm not a medical professional,
Speaker 1: and here I am would have told my wife to
Speaker 1: lay down in the bed and take a nap, and
Speaker 1: then then what you know what I'm saying. So I
Speaker 1: was upset at myself. I was even upset at you
Speaker 1: for a little bit because you said you had had
Speaker 1: a headache for a couple of days, And I'm saying
Speaker 1: to myself, why do we let it get to a
Speaker 1: couple of days and now an emergency? We could have
Speaker 1: checked this beforehand. And it's important for us to share
Speaker 1: because think about how many moms lives were lost because
Speaker 1: they just felt like they didn't want to say something
Speaker 1: they didn't want to nag, and how many dealing with it,
Speaker 1: just dealing with it, how many fathers were being tough
Speaker 1: guys because I know I've said to you before and
Speaker 1: it's gonna make me sound like a douche bag, but
Speaker 1: I've said this to you before. Your mom had three kids,
Speaker 1: My mom had three kids. You act like you're the
Speaker 1: only woman that had kids. Sometimes you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and it it makes you realize, like, fuck, like how
Speaker 1: many times there is a woman here that and say,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't want to say anything because I
Speaker 1: don't want to feel like I'm not woman enough to
Speaker 1: do this job. And then don't wake up. We're not
Speaker 1: realizing that every pregnancy is legit different. Like when people
Speaker 1: say that every pregnancy is different, every child is different.
Speaker 1: It's so true because no two pregnancies are like in
Speaker 1: the same woman. Think about all the different routes that
Speaker 1: we've had. O, you have four kids now. Two kids
Speaker 1: were perfect, like ideal situations, and to the bookends were emergencies.
Speaker 1: One was emergency surgery to prevent you from hemorrhaging, and
Speaker 1: the other one you had to get on magnesium to
Speaker 1: prevent you from seizing season. This is the same woman,
Speaker 1: four different kids, and for this pregnancy in particular, it's
Speaker 1: not like we were doing anything out of the ordinary.
Speaker 1: You were in your best diet, your best spiritual place,
Speaker 1: your best monetary space, or your best financial space. We
Speaker 1: were in the best space emotionally. We've been connected. You
Speaker 1: were working out up until the last week, so you
Speaker 1: literally did everything perfect and then for this to take
Speaker 1: a turn like that shows you that there's there's no
Speaker 1: answer for when it's going to happen and when it's
Speaker 1: not going to happen. So I really want to let
Speaker 1: men know and women know when when that woman says, hey, something,
Speaker 1: don't feel right, don't take chances, absolutely not, especially um
Speaker 1: when it comes to pregnancy and like post partum um.
Speaker 1: It's estimated that up to sixty of maternal complications are preventable,
Speaker 1: and with preventable complications that result in death disproportionately affecting
Speaker 1: Black women. The best way that we can save lives
Speaker 1: is by talking about our own experiences like we are
Speaker 1: now with serious complications during and after pregnancy and childbirth.
Speaker 1: UM so the most common, so we throw around them
Speaker 1: the term preclamption. That's pretty much when you're blood sure,
Speaker 1: it's elevated, and typically during pregnancy. From what I understand,
Speaker 1: it's due to the placenta UM and they people who
Speaker 1: suffer from preclamption normally have earlier babies, so they may
Speaker 1: deliver early UM, probably by c section, because they want
Speaker 1: to get the placenter out UM. So that's why it
Speaker 1: was something that kind of threw us for a loop
Speaker 1: because I'm like, Okay, this is not based on a
Speaker 1: placenta because I no longer have my placenta, but my madiboset.
Speaker 1: It can happen because of just hormonal changes. And it's
Speaker 1: important because I remember, I'm not sure if it was
Speaker 1: the nurse who was telling us, or if it was
Speaker 1: the key, but there was a term she used. I
Speaker 1: think it was called toxemia or toxemia, I can't remember.
Speaker 1: What they were saying. Is when the placenta is developing,
Speaker 1: sometimes the body sees it as a foreign object and
Speaker 1: it rejects the placenta, which can cause these type of complications,
Speaker 1: which means it doesn't matter if you're in perfect health
Speaker 1: or you're in the worst health. If your body doesn't
Speaker 1: receive the placenta growing the proper way, you can have
Speaker 1: preclamps you and it can be an issue. You should
Speaker 1: always look for the signs, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: so that you can be prepared when something like this happens, because,
Speaker 1: like Taquilla said, your blood pressure is fine and everything
Speaker 1: is fine until it's not. And when you get to
Speaker 1: blood pressure and headaches, it can happen in the in
Speaker 1: the split of the second exactly exactly. So. Preclam shot
Speaker 1: is um a pregnancy complication characterized by high blood pressure
Speaker 1: and signs of damage to the other order systems like
Speaker 1: the liver and the kidneys, which is why they were
Speaker 1: asking me if I had any kind of issues or pain,
Speaker 1: you know, under my rib cage on my upper stomach,
Speaker 1: because I believe that's where the liver is. UM. It
Speaker 1: usually begins after twenty weeks of pregnancy and women whose
Speaker 1: high blood pressure is typically normal, which would have been
Speaker 1: me UM. So if you leave it untreated, it could
Speaker 1: be fatal for the mom and the baby. That's why
Speaker 1: normally they'll have to take the baby earlier and then
Speaker 1: the baby would have to be in the Nike you.
Speaker 1: Postpartum preclampshot is a rare condition that occurs when you
Speaker 1: have high blood pressure or excess protein in your urine
Speaker 1: soon after childbirth. For me, it happened nine days after
Speaker 1: UM if you develop it within most cases people develop
Speaker 1: it within forty eight hours after childbirth, which why which
Speaker 1: is why for me it was so different, because it
Speaker 1: can't develop up to six weeks after. But for me
Speaker 1: it was, like I said, the nine days UM. It
Speaker 1: requires prompt treatment. If you leave it untreated, it can
Speaker 1: cause seizures or other serious complications. Signs and symptoms are
Speaker 1: high blood pressure UM greater than one forty over ninety.
Speaker 1: So if mine was in the house here at like
Speaker 1: what was it one over one oh one and then
Speaker 1: at the hospital over ninety which is pretty high. UM,
Speaker 1: excess protein in your urine, severe headaches, which was what
Speaker 1: I also felt. UM changes in vision, which is like
Speaker 1: a loss of vision, possibly sensitivity to light is what
Speaker 1: I had. Not necessarily blurred vision, UM painting your upper
Speaker 1: belly under your ribs on the right side, UH, shortness
Speaker 1: of breath, decrease urine or nausea, and vomiting. So one
Speaker 1: thing they were checking for was my urine output. So
Speaker 1: I remember had I had a little like bowl in
Speaker 1: the toilet that I had to pee, and so Devout
Speaker 1: cames and came in before the nurses did. He'd be like, damn,
Speaker 1: you had you on I V so we knew you
Speaker 1: were gonna You know, they want to make sure that
Speaker 1: they're measuring how much you're and you're expelling, which is
Speaker 1: you know. But but this is also another reason why
Speaker 1: I was so concerned about being present during the birth
Speaker 1: and immediately after the birth, because you miss things when
Speaker 1: you're producing, you know what I'm saying. When you're trying
Speaker 1: to create content or make a moment or manufactural moment
Speaker 1: or capture moment, sometimes you missed the moment. And I
Speaker 1: know this time around with us being older and you
Speaker 1: considered being geriatric based on just your age. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to be aware. I wanted to be able to
Speaker 1: look in your eyes and not focus on anything else
Speaker 1: but you, you know, And I've noticed some people would
Speaker 1: be like, oh, you guys don't post as much or
Speaker 1: you know, we haven't been able to see the God
Speaker 1: to yet, and it's because we've been focusing on being alive,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And I appreciate that people
Speaker 1: are so invested in seeing us and being a part
Speaker 1: of the process, but it is also very important during
Speaker 1: these times to be in the moment. Like you can't
Speaker 1: capture and produce everything. Sometimes you just gotta live. And
Speaker 1: I honestly feel like if you and I weren't living
Speaker 1: and being aware of each other, we could have missed that.
Speaker 1: And if you missed that, then you miss out on life.
Speaker 1: You're absolutely think about it. I probably would have been
Speaker 1: capturing you having Shari here styling you for the Awards show.
Speaker 1: That was another layer to it. Diva was supposed to
Speaker 1: be leaving that Friday morning to go to New York
Speaker 1: for the Soul tryin Awards. I knew I wasn't going
Speaker 1: to be attending, of course, because we just had the baby,
Speaker 1: and your mom was going and I know she was
Speaker 1: super looking forward to being there with you, and Deva
Speaker 1: was ready to shut the whole ship down and be like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to New York. And then of course me,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you have to go. Your mom is looking
Speaker 1: forward to it. I want her to experience against that.
Speaker 1: You know, it would be a nice moment for you, guys,
Speaker 1: a nice moment for you to present your first time. Um.
Speaker 1: And if I was like, hey, I'm not leaving you
Speaker 1: and until I know what is going on here, And
Speaker 1: I didn't tell my mom purposely what you're going through,
Speaker 1: because you know what she would have said, stay here
Speaker 1: exactly exactly. I didn't tell my mom. I knew she
Speaker 1: would have been like, well, we're not we're not doing
Speaker 1: so crying train, can wait to train, can leave without
Speaker 1: us the next train, exactly what she would have said.
Speaker 1: I And then she ended up calling anyway, and I
Speaker 1: had to tell her where I was because she was
Speaker 1: just like, hey, man, why are you checking on me?
Speaker 1: And I'm like I'm in the hospital, babe. Um. You know.
Speaker 1: So there were just so many things going on, but
Speaker 1: like like Devo said, we could have missed something if
Speaker 1: we just weren't in tune, if I wasn't in tune
Speaker 1: with my body, if and then I even reached out
Speaker 1: to my sister and I was like, sorry, what do
Speaker 1: you think her being a nurse, And she's like, well,
Speaker 1: the Kia never overreacts. She's always level headed, and she
Speaker 1: always gives the best advice, and she knows your body
Speaker 1: really well. And I think you need to go and
Speaker 1: do what she said and go to the er, because
Speaker 1: she too was concerned with my high blood pressure. So
Speaker 1: I'm glad that we did um that in that moment, because,
Speaker 1: like I said, I was able to live to see
Speaker 1: another day. And I'm glad you're here in days after
Speaker 1: and I'm and I'm still watching you every day. You
Speaker 1: ask every day I set my alarm, set my alarm,
Speaker 1: I wake up? Did you take your blood pressure medicine?
Speaker 1: Did you every morning? Blood pressure? Like white on right? Look,
Speaker 1: look what you asked down here. If y'all can't see,
Speaker 1: if you're listening, if I got my blood pressure cuff
Speaker 1: right here, I've been here, like look, put your son
Speaker 1: in your ass and now I'll see. I'm like a
Speaker 1: nurse now because I know what to do. I put
Speaker 1: that on right, like, hold it up to your heart. Wow,
Speaker 1: I want to know. I call it. At the middle
Speaker 1: of the day, I call on, like, how you're feeling.
Speaker 1: I know how you had a feeling. What's your broad pressure?
Speaker 1: I ain't checking in a while, we'll go check it. Well,
Speaker 1: I gotta stop what you're doing. Check your blood pressure.
Speaker 1: That's just what we are right now. That's it, that's
Speaker 1: what we're on. Literally. So once I was finally released, Um,
Speaker 1: I told him. I was like to the Soul Train Awards.
Speaker 1: We knew that I was gonna be okay. We spoke
Speaker 1: to the doctor. I felt confident. He felt confident that
Speaker 1: everything would be okay. And I was like, you gotta
Speaker 1: catch your flight to New York because crystals waiting on you,
Speaker 1: Your mom was waiting on you. Y'all have to get
Speaker 1: this stuff done. Um. Teams of team up all day
Speaker 1: every day. So I wanted to make sure that y'all
Speaker 1: were good. Um, once you knew that I was good,
Speaker 1: And of course I had my mom and dad here,
Speaker 1: you know, shout out to them for always holding down
Speaker 1: the fort. So they had the kids in order. Um,
Speaker 1: they were able to pick up the CODA and I
Speaker 1: from the hospital. I got back home and was able
Speaker 1: to rest. So now y'all know the story because some people,
Speaker 1: some people, people who know us, it's like if that
Speaker 1: looks tired, right, And just so you know, Soul Trained
Speaker 1: Awards was Saturday, well, Saturday night, Wednesday night, codein and
Speaker 1: codeine got it into the hospital. I didn't sleep all
Speaker 1: day Wednesday into Thursday. Woke up, came home, worked out,
Speaker 1: had some rehearsals, got the kids from school, went back
Speaker 1: to the hospital, mad shred everything, came back home, did
Speaker 1: everything again for the kids at night. Went and stayed
Speaker 1: in the hospital Thursday night. Slept on that little ass,
Speaker 1: thin ass mattress they have for me Thursday and too Friday,
Speaker 1: and then Friday morning I had to catch a seven
Speaker 1: am flight, got got to uh New York, had to
Speaker 1: do my fittings and everything for that Friday nights. At
Speaker 1: Friday night, I didn't sleep because I was anxiety. Kadine
Speaker 1: and I ended up what happened Friday night and we
Speaker 1: had argument Friday night. You remember that, Yes, we did
Speaker 1: argument Friday night. This is another thing. Okay, want to
Speaker 1: fight with me? You was picking a fight. She she's
Speaker 1: I told I didn't want to go. I said, I'm
Speaker 1: not going. I'm not going. I'm not going, right. So
Speaker 1: then I go to New York to go to Soul
Speaker 1: Train and I ended up meeting Um. I can't I
Speaker 1: can't talk about it because it's something that that's going
Speaker 1: to come out later. I end up meeting someone for
Speaker 1: a new opportunity. So I get back to my hotel
Speaker 1: room and I cocain. Now I'm all excited, and she's
Speaker 1: just like oh, and I'm like what you mean by oh?
Speaker 1: And then um, I had bought a new coat because
Speaker 1: being in Atlanta, it's not as cold as it is
Speaker 1: as it is in New York, so I wouldn't got
Speaker 1: me new coats. And back in New York and this November,
Speaker 1: and I say, he's like my coat and she's just like,
Speaker 1: I hope you're not wearing all that jewel rasing no
Speaker 1: football game, and I'm like, yo, what is the matter
Speaker 1: with you? I didn't stay with my neck and everything
Speaker 1: like that is putting. I couldn't even move my neck
Speaker 1: to be able to do any of that either because
Speaker 1: my head was hurting me. I literally just said, I
Speaker 1: hope you're not going to that football game with all
Speaker 1: that jewelry on. That's how you think you said it.
Speaker 1: You just admitted to the people that you was on
Speaker 1: mad medication and was loopy. Now you're gonna tell me
Speaker 1: you were cognizant to know how your neck was moving.
Speaker 1: This man, I was moving with a headache. I was
Speaker 1: off the medication at this point, y'all was at this point.
Speaker 1: I was of sound judgment at this point, I was
Speaker 1: no longer no Ivy drip. I knew I was home.
Speaker 1: I knew what was happening. Ivy was still coming down,
Speaker 1: drip dripping your in your body. What you're talking about.
Speaker 1: I was home at this point. I was home at
Speaker 1: this point because then was picking a fight with me
Speaker 1: because in her wanting to be supportive as a wife,
Speaker 1: she wasn't saying what she really needed. Because what you
Speaker 1: really needed was what say it? I wanted you to
Speaker 1: stay home with me, thank you. And that's my point, right,
Speaker 1: this is my point. When you need when you need something, conflicted, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: when you need something, you have to say what you need.
Speaker 1: You can't say what you think is right in that moment.
Speaker 1: Then when I do that, get upset at me because
Speaker 1: you're not getting what you need. That's psychological warfare, like
Speaker 1: a psychological terrorist. I really, it's not like I was
Speaker 1: upset with you. I wasn't upset that you were going there.
Speaker 1: I was just like, I still wanted you to be
Speaker 1: with me. Absolutely felt sad and a little bit absolutely
Speaker 1: because I wanted to be back home after being in
Speaker 1: the hospital for three days. I wanted to be home
Speaker 1: and in bed and cuddling with you, and you just
Speaker 1: weren't there. And it was absolutely justified. But but you're
Speaker 1: feeling like that, it's absolutely justified, which is why when
Speaker 1: I asked you, like, but I'm gonna stay, you should
Speaker 1: justifiably say how you feel, not say what you think
Speaker 1: is right in the moment. Know when you feel something different,
Speaker 1: I know, but then I don't. I didn't want to
Speaker 1: take away everything was so much about me for the
Speaker 1: past but everything has been about me for the past
Speaker 1: year with this baby, I feel like, so I felt
Speaker 1: like this was a moment where it was about you
Speaker 1: and it needed to be about you, and I wanted
Speaker 1: you to be able to experience this for the first time.
Speaker 1: So I put my feelings aside and I said, Babe,
Speaker 1: I want you to go. You'll see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But I really want you to din't. We just say.
Speaker 1: We just say it's important for women when they're feeling
Speaker 1: a certain way to be open and honest with their
Speaker 1: partner about how they feel right now. But physically skinny
Speaker 1: did We can't try to tell people the proper way
Speaker 1: to do things, so they have open lines of communication.
Speaker 1: But then you try to justify not doing that because
Speaker 1: of anything. I don't want to hear anything about me
Speaker 1: and and I almost now we're supposed to be about
Speaker 1: you because I'm not almost dying anymore. That don't make
Speaker 1: no sense. That was done the brink, but I was recovering.
Speaker 1: Opportunities come and go right. There would have been another
Speaker 1: opportunity if I didn't do so strange, there would have
Speaker 1: been something else. But she looked so fine in that
Speaker 1: turtle night turn, looking like a tall glass of coal milk,
Speaker 1: almond milk, milk. But he was cute, That's what it was.
Speaker 1: So it was worth it. She saw me looking fly.
Speaker 1: It was worth it all mag I wasn't dead. I
Speaker 1: still got that out of it. I'll put it on.
Speaker 1: I told you put it on, putting on, and we
Speaker 1: can get it on. We can't get nothing on what
Speaker 1: you're gonna do? Oh, I know what You've got to countdown?
Speaker 1: All right? How many more days to you got that golf? Golf?
Speaker 1: Non thousand? Though? Well, I mean, however, because I was,
Speaker 1: I was trying to be mad at you're not telling
Speaker 1: me exactly what it is that you needed in the moment.
Speaker 1: But here you are making jokes and talking out the account.
Speaker 1: And then let's take a break because this is this
Speaker 1: one is so left oxy toasting, get away from me.
Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break, y'all, because the valty
Speaker 1: is to cool off. We're gonna hold him down and
Speaker 1: we'll move into listener letters after this. We're back listen time.
Speaker 1: I had to go cool off without that. All right,
Speaker 1: let me do this first one. Go for it. Okay,
Speaker 1: what's up, guys? I need help, and I really feel
Speaker 1: like y'all will understand where I'm coming from. How do
Speaker 1: I have a baby after having a whole four almost
Speaker 1: five year old that was us? My husband and I
Speaker 1: went want to start trying soon for our second and
Speaker 1: my daughter will be five in February. O pregnancy was
Speaker 1: a little rough. I developed preclaims. Yeah, you know, and
Speaker 1: had my daughter at twenty nine weeks, and my husband
Speaker 1: and I were also nervous to think to even think
Speaker 1: about me possibly getting pregnant again. It sounds almost like
Speaker 1: us with Jackson and you haven't have stitches. Um, well,
Speaker 1: now your girl is ready to get pregnant like yesterday.
Speaker 1: But I am so out of touch with what's it
Speaker 1: like to have a whole newborn? To be honest, what
Speaker 1: do Tyler's even do anymore? My daughter is ready for
Speaker 1: another sibling since rolled up on me last month asking
Speaker 1: when I was going to have another baby. But kids
Speaker 1: be asking like they got something to do with it.
Speaker 1: But I'm a little nervous to start the whole process
Speaker 1: all over again. Can y'all give me some tips or
Speaker 1: advice that what worked for y'all with transitioning from one
Speaker 1: kid to two. Um, not as concerned about the age
Speaker 1: gap too much because my sister and I are six
Speaker 1: years apart, so I know what to expect when it
Speaker 1: comes to my daughter and her emotions. I'm the oldest,
Speaker 1: so I understand the responsibility of having a younger sibling,
Speaker 1: so were we both the oldest. But I don't know
Speaker 1: how my mama did it, and need some millennial encouragement.
Speaker 1: I know I have plenty of love to give the
Speaker 1: two kids. Yes you do, Mama, but I want to
Speaker 1: be able to make sure my daughter feels that way too.
Speaker 1: Thanks for everything you'll do. We appreciate your baby. You
Speaker 1: gotta answer for her. Girl. Go ahead that baby, go ahead,
Speaker 1: and they go gay, go get pregnant like yesterday, like
Speaker 1: you said, Um, I mean again, one of those things
Speaker 1: you never really prepared for it, to have your first child,
Speaker 1: your second child, your third child. I feel like the fourth.
Speaker 1: By the fourth one, it's like one more added to
Speaker 1: the bunch, like I said, another episode, like it's just
Speaker 1: one more added to the bunch. Um. I don't think
Speaker 1: the five year age gap like you said, wouldn't be
Speaker 1: an issue because it's actually Jackson and Cairo are five
Speaker 1: years apart, and I know that Cayro the door and
Speaker 1: Kyro and Dakota are five years apart, so Kyro adores.
Speaker 1: So I feel like your daughter, um already asking for
Speaker 1: a sibling is going to be great because she will
Speaker 1: then be almost like a little mini mom to this
Speaker 1: new baby, and that new baby would completely be in
Speaker 1: love with her and want to be so much like her,
Speaker 1: especially if you have another girl. Um but I can
Speaker 1: see how the trauma around having preclampshot and then having
Speaker 1: your daughter at twenty nine weeks can pretend make you
Speaker 1: feel like, man, we got over that obstacle. We're in
Speaker 1: the clearer, she's five, We're good. And then it's like, damn,
Speaker 1: don't want to go back to that point again, because
Speaker 1: we have felt that way after Jackson. Remember right after
Speaker 1: Jackson we said we weren't having no more kids. Right
Speaker 1: after that whole episode was like I'm done, Like I'm
Speaker 1: emergency surgery. You almost almost lose you. It's not doing that.
Speaker 1: I'm not doing that. And that's what took us five
Speaker 1: years between Jackson and Cairo. And we were so in
Speaker 1: love with Jackson to that, Like everything Jackson day, we
Speaker 1: were like Jackson, it's like the best thing ever, the
Speaker 1: best kid ever. Um So I did have a lot
Speaker 1: of that guilty feeling having another baby after Jackson, but girl,
Speaker 1: the love is there. I will say this, though Jackson
Speaker 1: came and I was like Jackson is so perfect. I
Speaker 1: feel bad for whatever child comes after Jackson because no
Speaker 1: child is going to be as perfect as fact. Then
Speaker 1: Cairo came and was a different type perfection. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then after Cairo came and he was just this amazing
Speaker 1: little person. Becaudan got pregnant immediately after and I was like, shoot, like,
Speaker 1: we're gonna have two. And I was like, dang, look
Speaker 1: at how perfect Jackson's. Look how perfect Cayro is. Then
Speaker 1: we have a third different version of perfection. Literally now
Speaker 1: with Dakota, you would think this is my first baby.
Speaker 1: We just sit in the bed just steering him and
Speaker 1: smiling like what she's biling like the coda and we
Speaker 1: like to damn foods. Not I'm telling you, when it's
Speaker 1: your child, it's just different forms of perfection, different combinations
Speaker 1: of you and your husband. So go for a mama,
Speaker 1: do that thing. I think you should do it. Do it,
Speaker 1: do it, do it for sure? All right, I'll do
Speaker 1: the second one. Yo. Love the show listening last week
Speaker 1: on the topic of pregnancy and communication, and it struck
Speaker 1: a nerve. I'm glad that ch'lld are enjoying this season.
Speaker 1: I dealt with a woman for almost eight years, and
Speaker 1: it's coming from my man. I think I always saw
Speaker 1: her as a good person to kick it with, but
Speaker 1: never got to the point of being in a relationship
Speaker 1: because she already had a kid in a bag and
Speaker 1: the baggage of our past. She got pregnant after a
Speaker 1: plan B failed and wouldn't consider an abortion despite us
Speaker 1: having us solid foundations last relationship. I always wanted to
Speaker 1: be a good father and decided to try to make
Speaker 1: it work for the sake of my kid. I reluctantly
Speaker 1: traded in my bachelor lifestyle lifestyle for being a stepdad
Speaker 1: to her daughter, which I adore, and a bitchy baby mama.
Speaker 1: She constantly complained and talked to me crazy, telling her
Speaker 1: my displeasure with our situation. Constantly ended up in fights.
Speaker 1: I finally told her I wasn't it wasn't going to work,
Speaker 1: and decided to move on. She'll never see that I tried,
Speaker 1: or the effect of her attitude, only that I didn't
Speaker 1: end up with her or my mistakes. Now that she's
Speaker 1: seen me with another woman, she's decided to keep my
Speaker 1: daughter away from me, which has now exceeded half of
Speaker 1: her life. I now have to foul. I have now
Speaker 1: filed cut for custody, but I'm trying to resolve things
Speaker 1: with her in the meantime. Any suggestions take it to Corebra.
Speaker 1: This this, this I'm telling you right now, if you
Speaker 1: cannot amicate Amica Lee, split with your significant other and
Speaker 1: still co parents, you take the necessary steps to petition
Speaker 1: in court to see your daughter, because the last thing
Speaker 1: you ever want is for that child to grow up
Speaker 1: and be resentful thinking her father didn't fight for her,
Speaker 1: because that's the hardest thing for a child to feel
Speaker 1: like someone didn't want her, didn't love her enough to
Speaker 1: fight and do everything to give her you know, like
Speaker 1: and And the truth of the matter is, the court
Speaker 1: doesn't only work for women. There are are plenty of
Speaker 1: men who have used the court system to get the
Speaker 1: rights of a parent. And as a father, you have
Speaker 1: rights as well. So I would say, don't you know,
Speaker 1: if you can't speak and things get nasty, don't do
Speaker 1: it that way. Keep every email, keep every text message,
Speaker 1: keep everything you have, every bit of communication you have
Speaker 1: with her to go to court and get what is
Speaker 1: rightfully yours as a father, because I tell you like this,
Speaker 1: if you don't, she will, And if she goes there first,
Speaker 1: more than likely it ain't gonna work out good in
Speaker 1: your favor, bro, because the court system is not one
Speaker 1: for black men. Let's just be honest. The minute you
Speaker 1: walk into a court system, you are a public enemy
Speaker 1: number one, whether that's for child support or any type
Speaker 1: of petty crime. But the minute they see you in
Speaker 1: the court system, they automatically assume that you're guilty as
Speaker 1: a black man. So you better off going to petitioning
Speaker 1: for your rights first, done and done. So I feel
Speaker 1: about it. Do you sound like you're speaking from experience
Speaker 1: we have We have friends who have fought, who have
Speaker 1: been fighting. Yeah, I'm talking about good dude to make money,
Speaker 1: who want to be fathers, but have dealt with you know,
Speaker 1: some bitter women, because it's it's not always a dead
Speaker 1: be dad. And then not for nothing, that's not always
Speaker 1: a bitter woman. But sometimes sometimes you have these situations
Speaker 1: where personalities don't mix and hurt people hurt people. So
Speaker 1: if you happen to be with the person who has
Speaker 1: been hurt in the past and now they're so purpose
Speaker 1: in life is to try to hurt you, you can't.
Speaker 1: You won't be able to get through that person. That
Speaker 1: person needs therapy, that person needs help professionally, and rather
Speaker 1: than trying to reason with them and they get caught
Speaker 1: in a web of deceit and lies and miscommunication, go
Speaker 1: through the court systems and get an attorney and and
Speaker 1: make sure the judge appoints you your rights so that
Speaker 1: you can be the best version of a parent you
Speaker 1: can be for that job, because that's all that matters.
Speaker 1: Sounds good to me, all right, y'all. If you like
Speaker 1: to be featured as one of our listener letters, be
Speaker 1: sure to email us at data has Advice at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. That's D E A D A S S
Speaker 1: A D V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: My mom, and the truth is simple, ladies. If you
Speaker 1: feel something, say something. If you feel like something is off,
Speaker 1: say something. Do not wait, Do not try to be superwoman.
Speaker 1: It's better that you get checked. They tell you everything
Speaker 1: is okay, or they tell you it's not, and at
Speaker 1: least you know. There is no comfort in guessing when
Speaker 1: it comes to your health. And as much as we
Speaker 1: try to be there for everyone else and to be
Speaker 1: everything for everything everyone else, those there's moments where you
Speaker 1: have to take a look at your own health and
Speaker 1: your own well being first, because we cannot continue to
Speaker 1: pour from an empty cup. So that being said, if
Speaker 1: you feel something, say something, I'm gonna piggyback off yours gentlemen,
Speaker 1: if you feel something is wrong with your significant other,
Speaker 1: your baby, mother, your wife, your girlfriend, you say something,
Speaker 1: don't wait for her to tell you. If you notice
Speaker 1: something is off, baby, let's just go run real quick
Speaker 1: and see a doctor. On top of that, if you
Speaker 1: know your baby mama don't want you to go to
Speaker 1: the Soul Train Awards because she needs you to stay here,
Speaker 1: don't go because all she's gonna do is pick a
Speaker 1: fight with you before you go to the awards. Have
Speaker 1: you up until three four in the morning arguing, and
Speaker 1: you're gonna be on the red carpet with eyes looking
Speaker 1: like mine. It looks fabulous. Actually, if I do say so,
Speaker 1: I appreciate you now about that suit? I got you.
Speaker 1: Got you take to the dry cleanness you know, put
Speaker 1: it back on, holding up night out of it. I
Speaker 1: got you, alright, y'all. What's the end of this? I
Speaker 1: forgot Sorry, close my laptop. Be sure to find us
Speaker 1: on social media at dead as the Podcast and you
Speaker 1: can find me I am and I am devout. And
Speaker 1: if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,
Speaker 1: review and subscribe, and make sure I'll share this season
Speaker 1: with some people who are looking to be pregnant, are pregnant,
Speaker 1: expecting parents, all that good stuff, like I appreciate you
Speaker 1: listening good stuff. Dead as dead Ass is a production
Speaker 1: of I Heart Media podcast network and is produced by
Speaker 1: the Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media
Speaker 1: at dead as the Podcast and never miss a Thing
Speaker 1: I Do