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Speaker 1: I should have seen you.

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Speaker 2: Tell me so many lessons.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 1: I'm Nila, and I'm really excited. We're both really excited

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Speaker 1: because we have a special guest that I feel like

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Speaker 1: we've sort of manifested slash like been like stalking, stalking

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Speaker 1: like slowly, like sending little ds and like posting photos

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Speaker 1: of her and ship. We have author, sexologist and just

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Speaker 1: overall amazing badass woman, Shan bood Room.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's always so weird on video because I'm just

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Speaker 3: sitting here, like what do you need to say about me?

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Speaker 3: But an audio makes because I just pop up the cake, right,

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Speaker 3: I'm just like, surprise me. I'm really excited to be here.

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Speaker 4: And yes, your game was so good on me, like

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Speaker 4: really really reeled me in. So I'm happy that we

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Speaker 4: got to do this.

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Speaker 1: You know, we try to be subtle.

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Speaker 4: You know, it wasn't really subtle. I'm like, bitch, did

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Speaker 4: you get my emails?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right subtle. Actually, I've had alas told me

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Speaker 1: like you need to chill on the d ms.

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Speaker 2: First of all, you told me one time I tried

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Speaker 2: to like that was a little too much. Information.

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Speaker 5: It seems a little aggressive. I'm like, bitch, I've seen

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Speaker 5: the ds.

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Speaker 4: You said less words, just get straight to the It's

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Speaker 4: easier to give advice to others and to take our

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Speaker 4: own advice. But apparently the aggression works it right, notes

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Speaker 4: to self, get more aggressive.

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Speaker 5: She was strangers in your home. Now because we've pressed,

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Speaker 5: you brought donuts, so it's fine. I've assessed that you're

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Speaker 5: not serial killers.

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Speaker 3: On top of that, the two you guys sent the

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Speaker 3: most handsomest camera person to my door. That that's our

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Speaker 3: secret key, it really is. It's the opening of a

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Speaker 3: wrong cong and nobody set me up to be like

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Speaker 3: for greatness to be like, hey, maybe brush.

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Speaker 1: Your teeth, he's fine, sleep.

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Speaker 3: Out your eyes, do something with yourself. No, just a

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Speaker 3: Tyler Perry movie.

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Speaker 5: That's literally how Terry Tyler Perry works. Like open the

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Speaker 5: door and it's like More's Chestnut. Yeah, every single movie.

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Speaker 3: Your hair bonnets on. You just don't like yourself in

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Speaker 3: that moment. But hey, we're here, we're here.

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Speaker 1: It's great, beautiful.

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Speaker 2: Oh, thank you, brush your teeth, thank you.

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Speaker 4: Robert didn't tell me that same is not Robert.

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Speaker 2: No, you call him Eric now, Robert his name is Brandon.

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Speaker 3: Brandon actually the data Brandon, so I should lock that

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Speaker 3: in and Brandon looks kind of similar to him.

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Speaker 4: There you go, now you there you go.

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Speaker 1: You're mind me. Well, I'm so excited because I've been

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Speaker 1: following you for a long ass time and getting educated

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Speaker 1: by you, honestly, like you did this one post of

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Speaker 1: the vagina and like all the different words, like all

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Speaker 1: the different like parts of it, which I felt so like.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't even know myself. I don't even

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Speaker 1: know how I who am. I'm like, wait, that's not

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Speaker 1: that's not the vagina. I'm like, oh wait, there's more

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Speaker 1: involved than this, So thank you.

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Speaker 5: I just the outer labia, inner labia clatoris. Did well, No,

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Speaker 5: it's like grand labia.

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Speaker 1: There's like yeah, minor labia clatoris. That's all I know.

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Speaker 1: That's all I got.

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Speaker 3: I like that you say clatorius because I say clatorius,

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Speaker 3: people like it's clitterius and I'm like, yeah, it's clatorus.

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Speaker 4: It sounds colossial.

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Speaker 3: Yes, it's wonderful to know the parts of yourself. It's

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Speaker 3: I think it's one of the sex education tools that

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Speaker 3: parents should give. I actually have mirrors downstairs little handheld mirrors.

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Speaker 3: You should ask your daughter to sit down with a

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Speaker 3: mirror and then give her a chart with all the

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Speaker 3: different parts, like this is your barthling gland, here's your

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Speaker 3: rethrow opening. Like even that in itself, like debunking the

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Speaker 3: myths that you don't pete and have sex in.

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Speaker 5: The same hole. Oh my god, I didn't know that

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Speaker 5: to litll of shit. I don't know, Like fifteen.

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Speaker 3: Right, I got a strong flow in my yeah, strong stream.

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Speaker 2: When do you think that's a good time where they

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Speaker 2: can read?

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Speaker 1: Yes, moms.

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Speaker 3: I actually I went to school for sexology and we

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Speaker 3: got this really great book that was year by year,

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Speaker 3: what's normal sexual development for a kid? I think that

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Speaker 3: every parent should have that because it says like, hey,

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Speaker 3: at age three.

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Speaker 1: They might discover their genitals.

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Speaker 3: By age five, they might find stress relief in like

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Speaker 3: humping or hunching, doing something with it, and it was

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Speaker 3: like by age seven it might developed crushes. And it

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Speaker 3: was a really great like for me, it was very

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Speaker 3: affirming because I was like a freaky kid.

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Speaker 5: Maybe soon and then I belong as as an adult,

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Speaker 5: I'm like, was I molested?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Like this.

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Speaker 4: I used to get called loud a lot by my mom.

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Speaker 1: Lude.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, mood just means like sexually inappropriate, Like at a

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Speaker 3: young age, like I was so, Mom's like you're so lude,

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Speaker 3: like you're being like that was the word, and then

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Speaker 3: I read this thing. I was like, no, I was

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Speaker 3: just being normal, Like this is just I may have

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Speaker 3: been a little ahead of the curve, but you know,

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Speaker 3: I was still on the spectrum. So you start having

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Speaker 3: the conversation as it's appropriate for them. So if at

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Speaker 3: age three, they're starting to explore their genitals, you start

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Speaker 3: with that discussion of like, hey, this is what this

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Speaker 3: body part is, Like, you start developing the language.

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Speaker 4: And so at age five, if you notice.

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Speaker 3: That they you see them maybe playing doctor with their friends,

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Speaker 3: you're like talk about consent at that time, and you

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Speaker 3: might talk about like pleasure, the difference between what adults

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Speaker 3: do and what kids can do, and they're right to

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Speaker 3: their bodies and so it's not I think we refer

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Speaker 3: to sex talk as like the talk like we're waiting

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Speaker 3: until like do we start at fifteen?

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Speaker 1: No, you don't know an ongoing conversation. I think for me,

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Speaker 1: like I have a friend who is a therapist and

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Speaker 1: she deals with a lot of sexual abuse within children,

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Speaker 1: and she was before when I was pregnant, she was

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Speaker 1: already tellity like, it's so important that Irie knows how

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Speaker 1: to identify her body parts, because a lot of times

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Speaker 1: when kids can't identify their body parts, things can go

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Speaker 1: wrong in the court system. People can get away with

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Speaker 1: things because they're calling the vagina their butterfly or they

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Speaker 1: or they're too ashamed to identify what it is. And

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Speaker 1: so me like me and Iri, and also I know

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Speaker 1: Jamila is very open with her daughter as well. You know,

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Speaker 1: we talk about we don't call it like your peepee,

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Speaker 1: we call it your vagina, your breast. I mean she

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Speaker 1: still does that because I think just socially that's what

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Speaker 1: most kids are calling it. But I even like the

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Speaker 1: past probably year, Irie is really into like she'll just

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Speaker 1: spread spread eagle and just be like touching herself and

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Speaker 1: in a really innocent way, whereas my mom was probably

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Speaker 1: more like your mom who was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: what's wrong? Why is she doing that? Someone touched her?

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Speaker 1: And my mom would be like, why is she doing that?

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Speaker 1: Is everything okay? Like she's exploring herself, Please stop shaming her, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because she needs to know that it's okay. It's fine,

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Speaker 1: But you're right. I think, because this has been going

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Speaker 1: on now for a while, I probably do need to

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Speaker 1: have a talk with her about identifying what this actually

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Speaker 1: is and what like the names even more specifically. But

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't I didn't even know honestly, your video, I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't even have known how to identify those parts. It's

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Speaker 1: just kind of like one vagina, the vagina.

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Speaker 3: In actuality, the vagina is really just the canal and

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Speaker 3: the outside is the volvulva, and vagina translates to sheath,

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Speaker 3: which means.

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Speaker 1: A place that you store a sword. So it's like a.

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Speaker 3: Real, like not empowering word, the place that you store

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Speaker 3: like one of those like leather casings that you like

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Speaker 3: put your sword in your finished using it.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, no, Yeah, that's the depth of the vagina, right,

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Speaker 1: that's terrible.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, that that is tricky, Like because I even realized now,

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Speaker 5: like discussing pleasure and discussing boundaries, ship, I fucking am

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Speaker 5: learning that still now, like realizing like no, don't touch me.

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Speaker 5: Even with the dentist yesterday was like her first time

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Speaker 5: going to the dentist and we're walking out and it

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Speaker 5: was a really sweet, like dental hygienas. But I noticed

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Speaker 5: she like kissed her on the cheek and I was like,

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Speaker 5: why are you kissing her?

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Speaker 2: Like you're the dentist, you know? Okay, lady, you know?

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Speaker 5: And she my daughter doesn't care, she's hello friendly. But

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Speaker 5: I was like, did that want to kiss you?

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Speaker 1: And she's like oh.

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Speaker 5: I was like, you can tell people not to touch you.

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Speaker 5: It's fine, you know, like establishing you know, you don't

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Speaker 5: have to let.

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Speaker 2: Anybody touch you. And even sometimes I'm trying to smother

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Speaker 2: and it's like, get off of me, and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: you don't tell me to get off of you.

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Speaker 5: And I checked myself because I'm like, shit, yeah, I

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Speaker 5: taught her boundaries. Now she's boundaring me. Yeah, I've made you.

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Speaker 5: But that is I think it's for women particularly, the

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Speaker 5: boundary thing is something that has to start early, because shit,

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Speaker 5: we don't get that until like later, only allow things

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Speaker 5: because we think, you know, it's like us being nice

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Speaker 5: or if we do it, it's being mean.

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Speaker 1: One hundred percent.

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Speaker 3: I think it's also too like you guys know, wheezy

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Speaker 3: from horrible decisions. She was talking about that with her

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Speaker 3: mom that like, for whatever reason, our early sex talks

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Speaker 3: with our parents tend to be about assault and preventing

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Speaker 3: assault rather than like, hey, pleasure, Like there's two sides

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Speaker 3: of it, Like your sexuality has a lot of different purposes,

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Speaker 3: and so it's not just a matter of like don't

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Speaker 3: good touch, bad touch. It's like your right to your

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Speaker 3: body to pleasure yourself in a private setting. And here's

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Speaker 3: what your body parts are, just so you know what

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Speaker 3: they are, and then as you get older, that's going

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Speaker 3: to be useful information for you. So it's important to

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Speaker 3: talk about boundaries and consent and of course the possibility

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Speaker 3: of preventing any abuse, but then also to flourish a

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Speaker 3: sex positive attitude in your kids.

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Speaker 1: I was listening to this Ted talk and they were

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Speaker 1: talking about how in Sweden they educate from a they

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Speaker 1: educate and sex said from a position of self pleasure,

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Speaker 1: and that's so rare. And because of that, these girls

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Speaker 1: in the study that they did, like the girls as

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Speaker 1: they become women, their sex life is not based out

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Speaker 1: of like a lot because I feel like most women

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Speaker 1: we have sex to please ourselves, but a lot of

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Speaker 1: it is for the pleasure of men. Yeah, and for

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Speaker 1: these women they did the study and a lot of them.

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Speaker 1: It was they were either single, single or they were

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Speaker 1: pleasing themselves. They were masturbation was a regular part of

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Speaker 1: their life, and they weren't in like toxic relationships that

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Speaker 1: had a lot to do with like a lot of

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Speaker 1: toxic sex. And I was like, I don't. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I know why America does a lot of really weird

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Speaker 1: shit and a lot of shaming of women in our bodies,

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Speaker 1: But I just thought, like, wow, what an amazing like

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Speaker 1: way to start that conversation or that journey into sex

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Speaker 1: is like knowing that like, Okay, it's for my pleasure,

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Speaker 1: it's not for his pleasure or and vice versa, even

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Speaker 1: for a man. I think, also, I don't I think

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Speaker 1: obviously men experienced this too, but obviously women on such

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Speaker 1: a wider scale. And thinking about how to talk to

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Speaker 1: that with my daughter is so interesting too because I

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Speaker 1: wasn't taught that and it can feel uncomfortable, like how

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Speaker 1: do I actually talk to my daughter about her self

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Speaker 1: pleasure without like being scared like oh my god, now

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Speaker 1: she's going to go fuck or something like But she's.

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Speaker 4: Like, she's only four, You guys terrify full grown adults,

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Speaker 4: right right, right? Adults?

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Speaker 3: Like how do they talk about that, how are they

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Speaker 3: so open? It's just at the end of the day,

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Speaker 3: it's a muscle, right, they have to practice. You have

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Speaker 3: to practice using it, like it's probably no big deal

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Speaker 3: for you talk about like deep throating, it's like Tuesday, right,

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Speaker 3: every day?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but then you incorporate like your children and they're like.

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Speaker 5: Even we record all of our fucking business, And I'm like,

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Speaker 5: won did this listen to?

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Speaker 1: This? Mortifying?

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Speaker 2: But you know it's real. How do you think you

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Speaker 2: got here?

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Speaker 5: And it's funny that you you know, because I'm thankful

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Speaker 5: your mom's a freak.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, I'm going to hear that shit. I'm joking, But.

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Speaker 5: It's funny to think you can't have a healthy relationship

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Speaker 5: with sex and sexuality if you don't acknowledge that there's

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Speaker 5: a positive and there can be a negative. You have

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Speaker 5: to have the relationship with both sides of it, and

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Speaker 5: you have to be able to communicate that to your

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Speaker 5: kid so they realize, because we always have preventing something

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Speaker 5: from happening.

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Speaker 2: Someone can hurt you. Someone this this that the people

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Speaker 2: being weird.

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Speaker 5: If someone touts you, then that's the nature of your

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Speaker 5: your your relationship with sex. Yes, but when you say

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Speaker 5: it's pleasurable, it's it's an amazing thing, it's love, it's

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Speaker 5: all these different you know things, then there's a balanced

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Speaker 5: introduction to what it actually is. Because shit, I think

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Speaker 5: I probably have We all probably have had or are

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Speaker 5: un learning just the negatives. Like you said, like I

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Speaker 5: think women, because of the patriarchy, I realize we are

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Speaker 5: driven so much by male attention and male validation that

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Speaker 5: I notice, even amongst my girlfriends, we will sit and

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Speaker 5: talk about nigas for hours hours. I'm like, where the

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Speaker 5: nick is at? Are we going to the bar with

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Speaker 5: the guys?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: Are they find guys there?

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Speaker 1: Are they rich?

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Speaker 4: Valid question?

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Speaker 5: You won't believe what happened? But so and so he

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Speaker 5: cheated on me? Everything is and then and then I'm

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Speaker 5: around men and.

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Speaker 1: They're like.

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Speaker 5: It's not until they see like a woman right here

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Speaker 5: and like oh sex, you know what I mean. Like,

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Speaker 5: but we are like, let's go where the guys are

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Speaker 5: talk about the guys because we're so driven by that mentality,

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Speaker 5: you know, and it like stems so many different ways

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Speaker 5: that sexual.

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Speaker 3: Like I also kind of like that about women, though,

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Speaker 3: I think for dudes to talk about so much boring shit,

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Speaker 3: whenever I listen to Jared's conversations with his friends, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: this is so dull, Like what rappers doing this?

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Speaker 4: Who might get traded to what team? And it's just

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Speaker 4: like I'd rather talk about things that actually matter.

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Speaker 3: Two thirds of there's a study about like what makes

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Speaker 3: someone happy, and it's this book that I love called

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Speaker 3: The Social Animal, And two out of three of those

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Speaker 3: things are drawback to our close relationships. And so that

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Speaker 3: means like one third is about like your purpose and

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Speaker 3: maybe like about I don't know, like your money or

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Speaker 3: whatever else, but two thirds of those have to do

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Speaker 3: with our close interpersonal relationships. And so I love the

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Speaker 3: fact that women spend a lot of time focusing on

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Speaker 3: that and like microanalyzing relationships not just with men or

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Speaker 3: whoever you're attracted to, but also with each other and

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Speaker 3: with family members. And so I think it's our superpower.

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Speaker 3: I think we're good at that. True, you have a

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Speaker 3: full last podcast about it, so it's true.

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Speaker 1: We sure know. Speaking of thoughts and things we talk about.

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Speaker 1: We have this game that we play with We have

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Speaker 1: this game that we play with new guests. It's a

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Speaker 1: good it's a quick way to get to know you better.

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Speaker 1: Our listeners get to know you, even though I'm sure

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Speaker 1: they know who you are, because I'm really excited you're

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Speaker 1: on today. And it's called Trigger, and it's basically, we

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Speaker 1: just run down a list of words and you think

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Speaker 1: of the first thing that comes to mind when I

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Speaker 1: say it.

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Speaker 4: Are we all going to play?

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Speaker 1: No? Really, they know us.

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Speaker 4: Okay, but this might be new words though. Maybe everyone

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Speaker 4: should play. Maybe everyone should just one word, just saying

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Speaker 4: we made the words up. I know, but then now

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Speaker 4: it's okay, clear your mind, zoom. Give yourself that men

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Speaker 4: in black wipe.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that I thought I heard us.

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Speaker 3: I want to give myself time to think. That's your

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Speaker 3: turn first, go ahead, what do you think?

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Speaker 1: No, you're only playing?

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Speaker 4: Sorry, okay, okay, so you boom?

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Speaker 1: Okay, see you ready? Yes? Okaya. Modern monogamy Brandon just joking.

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Speaker 3: He's like he is married. Modern monogamy is one person

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Speaker 3: at a time. That's a long sentence.

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Speaker 4: Sorry, Canada, Oh awesome, Kawhi not staying anymore? That's pretty sad. Basketball,

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Speaker 4: Hey Drake, a goat.

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Speaker 1: Favorite sex position.

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Speaker 3: Like to the side where I can also rub my

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Speaker 3: clip while I'm getting side penetrated. I don't get the

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Speaker 3: full dick that way. And I also get like time

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Speaker 3: to play with myself. And yeah, that that's.

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Speaker 1: My favorite kink. Awesome boxes or briefs.

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Speaker 3: Whatever's tighter, what's one's a tighter? I want to see

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Speaker 3: I want to see the imprint. I want to see

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Speaker 3: the imprint.

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Speaker 1: Or sub sub dom sum reality TV for some people, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: not for me.

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Speaker 4: Your vice sugar bad habits eating sugar, Jared eat icing Derek.

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Speaker 6: Here's my addiction, kids, Uh, scary translate so that my

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Speaker 6: iud scary.

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Speaker 1: Viagra?

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Speaker 3: Um, try giddy instead. Four Fun for some, LA, fun

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00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:33,920
Speaker 3: for some, Feminism for everyone, fun for everyone, A blast

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00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:39,200
Speaker 3: for everyone, Divorce a valuable, viable decision.

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Speaker 1: Happily ever after a goal Trump A no black women A. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So tripping, I don't know tripping is. I didn't know

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Speaker 1: what that was. She taught me yesterday. I was like,

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Speaker 1: ripping is it's scissoring. It's scissoring.

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Speaker 4: It's a porn category. Went oh, lovely porn. Lesbian porn

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Speaker 4: is my favorite category.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that was one of the questions. So bam, okay,

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Speaker 1: crystal dildos.

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Speaker 3: I'm not really into the sacred sexuality side of things,

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Speaker 3: but I appreciate those who are, but it's not like

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Speaker 3: I don't connect with it.

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Speaker 1: Asexual Yes, pregnancy.

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Speaker 4: Loyalty beautiful, pregnancy, beautiful.

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00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:27,159
Speaker 3: Reever I say a prenant woman, I'm like, oh, that

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00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,320
Speaker 3: looks so gorgeous. Loyalty not my shit.

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Speaker 1: I don't believe in loyalty. Cheating.

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Speaker 3: Um, try something different, I mean, I like, try something different.

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Speaker 3: I just think that should be the last resort. Threesomes. Yes,

364
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:46,080
Speaker 3: childhood amazing. I had an awesome childhood favorite Cereal Cookie

365
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Speaker 3: Crisp Disney and Nickelodeon.

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Speaker 1: Disney, we didn't have Nickelodeon in Canada. We talked about everywhere.

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Speaker 3: I don't know, it's crazy because Jared has so many

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Speaker 3: childhood references, Like we did not have that show at all.

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Speaker 4: Those people did not exist.

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Speaker 1: To me, that's crazy grassy, and I don't know what

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Speaker 1: else show.

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Speaker 3: We had a channel called y TV that was our Nickelodeon, Like, oh,

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Speaker 3: like everyone has Nickelodeon Erica celebrity crush. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 3: neymar do you know he's a soccer player. Listen you guys.

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Speaker 3: I just found out about him and he's one of

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Speaker 3: those people who has like a fucking five hundred million followers.

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Speaker 1: I love Nymar. If you're listening right at Google's Neymar.

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Speaker 4: N e y m A r Naymar Junior.

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00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:42,040
Speaker 7: Is one hundred and twenty one million, right like Kim

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Speaker 7: kardash Yes, he's Kim Kardashian and he's so he's f

381
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 7: oh lord, he's always smiling, like if you watch his stories,

382
00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:52,240
Speaker 7: always having a good time.

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Speaker 1: So you know, I like likes. You know. They always

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00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:55,200
Speaker 1: confused about Nymar.

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Speaker 3: He's got a full on white baby.

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Speaker 1: That's the sogn No, it's one his white son.

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Speaker 4: What do you mean genetics man like that, that's his

388
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Speaker 4: white baby.

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00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:11,040
Speaker 1: No. Yes, they have the same minds, but the kids blonde,

390
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,400
Speaker 1: like maybe maybe his grandma had blonde hair.

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Speaker 3: Namar, I got questions, got questions, okay, single mom, yes,

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Speaker 3: go for you go girl.

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Speaker 1: Therapy is awful, Yes, yeah, go.

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Speaker 4: For you go get it girl. You got it therapy.

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00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:30,480
Speaker 4: Single moms, yes both, Yes to both.

396
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Speaker 1: Sexual trauma therapy is squirt p yes or no.

397
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 4: No.

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Speaker 1: Influencer mm okay, favorite author, Oh my goodness, let me

399
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:42,760
Speaker 1: think about this. By category.

400
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:46,840
Speaker 3: Robert Green probably number one for life influenced, Jody Pico

401
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:50,639
Speaker 3: just for books that I absolutely love doctor Ian Kerner

402
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:55,560
Speaker 3: for sex books anyone else I love, and David Brooks

403
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,720
Speaker 3: I love. And then doctor Ellen Fisher for books about love.

404
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,360
Speaker 1: Damn, bam bam. Hear that. Go read visions.

405
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,480
Speaker 3: Estra Perrell just for like a gateway drug into the

406
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 3: world of intimacy. She's really fun to read. You can

407
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,120
Speaker 3: read all those idle Oh my god, I'm gonna say.

408
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:12,440
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say Robert Green, which I feel like that

409
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,320
Speaker 3: might not be the best answer because I don't know

410
00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 3: about his personal life, because he.

411
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,840
Speaker 4: Really just might be a NAXI. I'm not sure.

412
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,679
Speaker 1: I just like his books a lot. I like his

413
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,880
Speaker 1: philosophy on life. Thong or panties, Oh.

414
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 4: My god, none, but if I have two panties, I

415
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:26,160
Speaker 4: don't fuck with thongs.

416
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 1: Curly or straight, curly.

417
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:31,119
Speaker 4: Insecurity, oh man, you know, I couldn't even think of

418
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:31,680
Speaker 4: one right now.

419
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 3: So good. I was gonna say hair, but I'm doing

420
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:35,560
Speaker 3: laser hair moval right now.

421
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:37,400
Speaker 1: The next one's harry.

422
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:41,280
Speaker 3: I was gonna say, but I have like acne medication

423
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:42,160
Speaker 3: that I have on right now.

424
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,480
Speaker 1: I've been working on my insecurities. I love that the

425
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 1: work I've been putting, the work in the work in

426
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,639
Speaker 1: so Harry pussy. First thing comes to mind. Oh lovely

427
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 1: anal sex, Oh lovely zodiac side aries. I don't believe

428
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:58,359
Speaker 1: in that shit though, but aries hard or soft. Oh

429
00:20:58,720 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 1: somewhere in the middle.

430
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,639
Speaker 3: I be like, I'm terrified of really large dicks, so

431
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:04,640
Speaker 3: I like to get it like right between where it's

432
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:05,440
Speaker 3: like not as hard.

433
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 2: I'm like, now's the time I've never heard say that.

434
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,639
Speaker 1: See like, first of all, which when I put that down,

435
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,680
Speaker 1: she's like, duh hard, And I was like, first of all,

436
00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:16,920
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be sex, it could be anything.

437
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 3: I also love playing with a soft penis. It's just

438
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 3: so wonderful. It's just a weird it's a we don't

439
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 3: have anything like that. It's just this like boneless meat.

440
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:30,000
Speaker 3: It's like boneless. It's so fun to play or massage

441
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,679
Speaker 3: it like it's just like, I don't know, I love it.

442
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,360
Speaker 1: I love playing with soft dicks.

443
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 3: Like watching it grow on me too. I love giving

444
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,440
Speaker 3: head to the not so hard dick and then.

445
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 1: And then you feel like you've like accomplished.

446
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 3: Remember when we were kids. I don't know how old

447
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 3: you guys are, but we used to have that toy

448
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 3: that you put in water and it would start out

449
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,800
Speaker 3: small and yeah, yeah, that's it. Brings me back to

450
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 3: the joys of childhood's in our thirties.

451
00:21:53,040 --> 00:22:01,440
Speaker 1: Turn off shaming. Intersectional feminism, you know what, I don't.

452
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,119
Speaker 4: I couldn't even I'd have to think about what that means.

453
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 1: It means like feminism, not just like because a lot

454
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 1: of times feminism is kind of reserved for white feminism

455
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:15,960
Speaker 1: and intersectional like takes into account class, race, everything, and

456
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 1: not just like feminism just straight up so like feminism

457
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 1: within the black community versus the white community and all that.

458
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:24,560
Speaker 1: I didn't really know what that meant. I just put

459
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:29,480
Speaker 1: it down, Okay, anyway, learning, joy, growth, grow joy. Yeah,

460
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 1: twenty nineteen, it's been a joyful year for me. Biggest

461
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 1: regret my ex.

462
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,040
Speaker 3: My most I don't have all exes that I regret,

463
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 3: but I really did fuck up a lot of years

464
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,240
Speaker 3: of my life and like set myself back with my

465
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:42,919
Speaker 3: last one.

466
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:44,240
Speaker 1: That's it for.

467
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:47,680
Speaker 3: That being said to end on a happiness.

468
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 2: I'm happy now.

469
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:53,919
Speaker 1: Well that joy Speaking of exes. Okay, so you congratulations

470
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:55,080
Speaker 1: on your book that you have.

471
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, I did not know where that was going to go.

472
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 1: Well, well, I'm.

473
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:05,040
Speaker 2: Thinking of.

474
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,679
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of all the tips that you're giving me

475
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,439
Speaker 1: women and like how to hopefully well it's the art

476
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,760
Speaker 1: of seduction. Hopefully you're seducing people not like your ex

477
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: or hopefully you're seducing the right partner. Yes, Because when

478
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:21,040
Speaker 1: I was reading, was like, were browsing through your book

479
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,200
Speaker 1: and I was like, towards the end, I was like, wait,

480
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,080
Speaker 1: this isn't actually how to find like your man, like

481
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 1: how it's really just how to the art of seduction?

482
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,199
Speaker 1: Because I was like, I'm doing everything and I'm still single.

483
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 1: I don't understand. But there were so many things within

484
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 1: the book that I was like, Okay, well I do

485
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:40,800
Speaker 1: the s shape.

486
00:23:41,000 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 2: I feel like I touch a lot, I'm the life

487
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:43,280
Speaker 2: of the party.

488
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, I'm okay. So how can you talk about

489
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:52,399
Speaker 1: like how did you come how did you decide that, okay,

490
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,880
Speaker 1: I'm going to take these women? And like how did

491
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,040
Speaker 1: you how did you figure out these are the perfect women?

492
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 1: These are the prototypes. These not prototypes, but these are

493
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,639
Speaker 1: the ones that I feel like would be perfect examples

494
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,679
Speaker 1: for other people to read about, Like what was that process? Like?

495
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:08,119
Speaker 4: So I interviewed three hundred women, which I was like

496
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,360
Speaker 4: really amazed that many even apply because I don't look

497
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 4: at LA as being a market where a lot of

498
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,639
Speaker 4: people know me. I don't ever get recognized in LA.

499
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 4: I'll go out just live my life doesn't matter.

500
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 3: So when that many women responded back, I'm like, Okay,

501
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 3: this is truly this is a city where that would happen.

502
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 3: Though so many people are like, let me do something

503
00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:25,679
Speaker 3: different because whatever I'm doing is not working. And so

504
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 3: my criteria with these women in particular is one diversity.

505
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,200
Speaker 3: I want to find people who were diverse in story,

506
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:35,240
Speaker 3: diverse and look diverse in background. And they had to

507
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,520
Speaker 3: have like a regular job. So it was important for

508
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 3: me because I didn't want anybody who was performing. I

509
00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:43,879
Speaker 3: just really wanted real, regular, everyday individuals. And then my

510
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 3: three criteria was one, they had to be in the

511
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 3: summer for at least eighty percent of it to in

512
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 3: the city. Sorry, oh, in the city for the summer,

513
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 3: thank you for I was like in the summer, in

514
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,600
Speaker 3: the summer. It had to be in the summer, bronze

515
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,919
Speaker 3: for eighty percent of life. They had to be around

516
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 3: because I wanted it to be about the group dynamic

517
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 3: and us working together. Two, according to Maslow's hierarchy, of needs,

518
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,679
Speaker 3: all their basic needs had to be met. So I

519
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 3: did not want to work with people because I would

520
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,600
Speaker 3: never ask a woman to like focus on getting a

521
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 3: partner where they had to find somewhere to live or

522
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 3: find a job, or maybe at this present time they

523
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 3: just had a kid and they were just trying to

524
00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,680
Speaker 3: figure out that role, or somebody who needed to.

525
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: Go to therapy.

526
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,040
Speaker 3: So I made it really clear, like if I talked

527
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 3: to somebody who I felt this wasn't the next step

528
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,240
Speaker 3: for them, The next step for them probably should be therapy.

529
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 3: The next step for them probably should be, you know,

530
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 3: like nesting or something. So it was people who had

531
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:38,159
Speaker 3: everything else figured out except their love life was in

532
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 3: absolute shambles consistently, and then finally people who just weren't

533
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:46,360
Speaker 3: a dick only because it was the dynamic to work

534
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 3: with them. It didn't work out that great for me.

535
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 3: Actually yeah, yeah they were.

536
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 1: That's okay.

537
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 3: It was a part of the story and it was

538
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 3: really I thought that every woman represented something different and

539
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 3: brought something different to the table, had a young mom

540
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 3: in there. It was a really awesome group and I'm

541
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 3: still friends with them to this day.

542
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 1: Did you think so going how did you come up

543
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 1: with these five you know, steps to seduction, and like

544
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 1: while you were applying or having them applying these rules

545
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 1: or these steps to their life, was there any adjustments

546
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:24,480
Speaker 1: you had to make? Like okay, like maybe you had

547
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,679
Speaker 1: like a step that maybe you had to change, Like

548
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 1: this is one hundred. I thought this was going to

549
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 1: be it.

550
00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,439
Speaker 3: And when I first started this process, it was a

551
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 3: six week course, like six weeks to making yourself the

552
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 3: ultimate seducer. Six weeks and you're a masterful connector No,

553
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 3: it was like six months. We're still working together, the

554
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 3: biggest thing. So the five phases are to no, change, learn, practice,

555
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 3: and be Phase one no is half the fucking book.

556
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,919
Speaker 3: Like it was so difficult to get people to face

557
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 3: some of their I call them like reactionary personalities, meaning

558
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 3: when you pick up negative habits, bad traits in reaction

559
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 3: to something else.

560
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 4: And so I like to get people to admit.

561
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 3: That like hey, I'm a bit of a bulldozer, or

562
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 3: like I'm a moralizer like I or I'm really pushy,

563
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:18,040
Speaker 3: or my shyness isn't like a quirky trait, it's an

564
00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:20,800
Speaker 3: inhibitor to me having my best life. So to get

565
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 3: the women in the group to really confront their faults.

566
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,920
Speaker 3: We had to one do the workbook and that only

567
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 3: kind of worked. Then two we had them speak to

568
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,560
Speaker 3: their exes, and that only kind of worked.

569
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 1: The delusion was so strong.

570
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 5: So basically you're saying like how people were as a

571
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,239
Speaker 5: result of things that had happened to them, they had

572
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 5: developed these traits and undoing those traits.

573
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 3: Yes, undoing some of the toxic. But I would say

574
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:50,919
Speaker 3: like if you're consistently, for example, the advice that we

575
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,160
Speaker 3: give most people who are chronically single and can't really

576
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 3: figure it out. If you're like I just seen I'm

577
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,879
Speaker 3: going on this date today and I'm really nervous. My

578
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,560
Speaker 3: last ten dates haven't worked out. Person to be like,

579
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:03,919
Speaker 3: just be yourself, just this, and you're like, what, like

580
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:04,800
Speaker 3: what in life?

581
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:06,919
Speaker 1: She was actually talking about that in the car. She

582
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 1: was reading that part of.

583
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:10,959
Speaker 5: Your And then you're right that people don't look at

584
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:14,120
Speaker 5: like people. Everyone says be yourself, be yourself, be yourself,

585
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 5: and if they don't, if you're yourself and they don't

586
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:17,240
Speaker 5: like you, then you know they're not for you.

587
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 1: But you're like, if you're.

588
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:22,200
Speaker 5: A medical school failing and yeah, and you're advice with

589
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:23,120
Speaker 5: someone be yourself.

590
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:24,119
Speaker 2: That would be bad advice.

591
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, you gotta do something different.

592
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:28,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, talent is very bald.

593
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,199
Speaker 3: You got to figure out what it is that's blocking

594
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,239
Speaker 3: you from getting the grades in that case, or what

595
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:36,360
Speaker 3: you have to work on, maybe what what negative personality

596
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:38,320
Speaker 3: traits you may have to fix, or a jest. Like

597
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 3: I learned from myself, I'm very disagreeable, and like everything has,

598
00:28:42,760 --> 00:28:45,440
Speaker 3: there's two sides to every coin. So being disagreeable is

599
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,520
Speaker 3: actually really helpful in my job. It's why I'm an

600
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 3: entrepreneur because it means that I always think I could

601
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 3: do this better. That's great for my career, it's awful

602
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 3: for relationships, and I had to learn that about myself,

603
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,400
Speaker 3: like do I want to continue to have challenging relationships

604
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 3: where I'm always and arguments, I'm always combating the person

605
00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 3: and we develop this like toxic power dynamic because I

606
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 3: have to always have my way, always have my say.

607
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:10,880
Speaker 3: So I just start working on that part of my personality.

608
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 3: And when I did, I mean I have the most

609
00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 3: agreeable partner on the planet, which really makes it easy

610
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 3: for me to.

611
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:17,880
Speaker 4: Try to curb this part of myself. But I had

612
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 4: to acknowledge that make.

613
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: Easier, doesn't make it harder because if he's agreeable.

614
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 2: Then it doesn't really it doesn't really prompt you to

615
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:24,680
Speaker 2: have to change.

616
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:25,760
Speaker 1: No, I mean he's not.

617
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 3: I think people interpret agreeable as like yes, man, submissive,

618
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:32,200
Speaker 3: submissive where and more so, it's just like their priority

619
00:29:32,360 --> 00:29:33,240
Speaker 3: is like the vibe.

620
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, like fine, is that making happen to go?

621
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 1: Yeah?

622
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,440
Speaker 3: And then it's like if you ruin the vibe because

623
00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 3: you're being really argumentative, like you will cause conflict in

624
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,480
Speaker 3: your relationship. And so even if that person is agreeable,

625
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 3: I think I just learned by watching him. I learned

626
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 3: how much easier his relationships were, how much more people

627
00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 3: really like just gravitated towards him. I just saw an

628
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,800
Speaker 3: amazing example of what agreeableness could do for someone's life.

629
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I want some of that, Like I

630
00:29:57,720 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 3: get in arguments everywhere, I have someone sandwiches the airport,

631
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 3: like so much of my life is based on me.

632
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 4: Like with conflict, I.

633
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:09,800
Speaker 5: Saw what you're say, be someone who's can get along

634
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 5: with mom and every waitress, every mom and every wairess.

635
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, yes there's the thing that like there's someone

636
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 3: for everyone. But with this book, my goal was to

637
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 3: make you the kind of person who you are for

638
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 3: most people, like you can walk into most rooms and

639
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:25,840
Speaker 3: make a connection. I mean, to your point, I can't

640
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 3: promise anybody they're going to find their partner. There's a

641
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 3: certain magic that happens with that. There's a certain bit

642
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,600
Speaker 3: of tim in Jena Sequah that goes along with that.

643
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 3: But I can promise you you will never have a

644
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 3: bad first date again. You will never walk into a

645
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 3: room and feel awkward. You will never feel like I

646
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 3: don't belong in this room or in this space. Like

647
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 3: when you do this book and you go through the

648
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 3: phases in the process, you're going to be like complete

649
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,280
Speaker 3: and whole in yourself, know how to attract others, know

650
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:50,560
Speaker 3: what makes you the shit, and be really really good

651
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 3: at applying those techniques.

652
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 1: I think also when I was reading your book, I

653
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 1: felt like this is also really great for just not

654
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:02,120
Speaker 1: just in attracting attention from a potential partner or a

655
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,280
Speaker 1: person you're dating, but in business and it works, and

656
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,480
Speaker 1: like making yourself attracting whatever it is you want. You

657
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 1: go into a room because I know for me, like

658
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: I'm kind of moody, I like sometimes I can walk

659
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,239
Speaker 1: in a room and be like center of attention and like,

660
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:20,840
Speaker 1: you know, talking to everyone, or sometimes I'm just like

661
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 1: that girls wants to chill and watch people. And I've

662
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 1: been told my whole life you have resting bitch face,

663
00:31:26,440 --> 00:31:28,520
Speaker 1: like are you okay? What's wrong? Are you happy? And

664
00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,800
Speaker 1: I'm just chilling. I'm actually great, But now I'm upset

665
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 1: because you're asking you. But like I've been really actively

666
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:38,480
Speaker 1: trying to fix that because I'm like, how many opportunity,

667
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 1: how many how many relationships not just with men or women?

668
00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,479
Speaker 1: Am I missing out on because of how people are

669
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 1: perceiving my energy? Yes, you know. And I'm like, I

670
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,760
Speaker 1: like I could have missed out on like an amazing

671
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 1: business opportunity or an amazing woman that could have been

672
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 1: a great friend to me because of whatever I'm giving off.

673
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 4: It's such a small fix too, Like it's not much.

674
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 3: It's just like, Okay, let me lift my eyebrows, open

675
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 3: my body language up, pop my hip out as a

676
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 3: nice ass, stand at the edge of the groups that

677
00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 3: I'm accessible to others, and maybe move walk around right,

678
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 3: And I'm not asking for someone.

679
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:14,479
Speaker 1: To like smile all day because that was the thing.

680
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:15,600
Speaker 1: So I was like, well, maybe I just need to

681
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 1: smile all the time. And then I was doing that.

682
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,000
Speaker 1: I was like, this feels fake. This is not who

683
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:24,240
Speaker 1: I am. I face hurts. I'm attracting people like don't

684
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 1: actually want to talk to which is a.

685
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 4: Great practice, you know what.

686
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 3: My sister and my cousin were here in town and

687
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 3: they were so fucking annoyed with me because I literally

688
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 3: talk to people wherever I go, and sometimes I don't

689
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 3: say the right thing. It's it's a crapshoot, you know

690
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 3: what I mean, Like sometimes it works, sometimes it does,

691
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 3: and sometimes I make a joke that lands, sometimes it

692
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:43,840
Speaker 3: doesn't land.

693
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: And they were like, this is so annoying that you

694
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: do that.

695
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,480
Speaker 3: But You're like, guess what the reason why we get

696
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 3: to stay in my house, the reason why I'm.

697
00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 2: I'm a fucking friendly thing, right.

698
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 3: I have to practice all the time. So that when

699
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 3: I went to Red Table Talk, they had a live discussion,

700
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 3: and I made sure I was in the eye line

701
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 3: of Jada Pinkett. I was so far away from her,

702
00:33:02,880 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 3: but she's like my idol. I was like, maybe like

703
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 3: twenty yards, but I stayed right in front of her,

704
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 3: stared at her the whole time, and sure enough. When

705
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 3: they asked for questions, I raised my hand. She's like

706
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 3: the girl in the back with the bun, the curly hair,

707
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 3: and you get her the.

708
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,120
Speaker 1: Mic and they walked back to get the mic to her.

709
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 3: I'm like, you see, like all those times I have conversations,

710
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 3: I don't really want to have or practice, so when

711
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 3: I'm in high pressure situations, it's second nature to me,

712
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 3: and so a lot of people it's like they don't.

713
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 3: I want to want to talk to everybody, but then

714
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,000
Speaker 3: when it counts, you don't have the muscle to do

715
00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 3: it right. And that's a big part of the game

716
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 3: with practice, like phase four, is that the girls were

717
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 3: saying to me, like, well, how am I supposed to

718
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,240
Speaker 3: remember all these techniques because you do it all.

719
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: The time all the day we were reading. We were

720
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 1: reading the prologue and you have these cards. Yes, And

721
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:50,800
Speaker 1: I was like, is this real? She lying.

722
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 2: I was literally waiting for the part that's not what happened.

723
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, because I feel like I would

724
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 1: have been like looking out and wait, what does that say?

725
00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:01,240
Speaker 5: Yeah?

726
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 1: Happy face double.

727
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:11,319
Speaker 3: But Courtney's personality, she had memorized them, and you met her,

728
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:12,080
Speaker 3: you'd understand.

729
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 1: But for her.

730
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:16,759
Speaker 3: She needed the routine because she tends to give a

731
00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 3: lot on dates, like she tries to get too intense

732
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 3: too quick, and sometimes you can destroy the mystery and

733
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 3: ruin the fun a bit. And so for her, it

734
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:26,640
Speaker 3: was for me being like, Okay, I think you need

735
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:28,319
Speaker 3: to really see how this is going to play out,

736
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 3: because I would give her tips and then she'd come

737
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:32,080
Speaker 3: back and be like, the date was a bust, and

738
00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:33,320
Speaker 3: I'm like, what the fuck did.

739
00:34:33,160 --> 00:34:39,240
Speaker 5: You actually do to be there for everybody?

740
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 1: Yes, it's full proof, O, yes we actually took your test.

741
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 1: I took what we took. I took my commitment style

742
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 1: and my attachment style. So for attachment secure, yay, well done.

743
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 1: And then commitment modern monogamy.

744
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 4: Oh, very fascinating. I was not going to guess that

745
00:34:57,719 --> 00:34:59,040
Speaker 4: really would you get well?

746
00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:01,600
Speaker 3: Only because anybody who I think like talks about sex

747
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 3: for a living, I'm like, you're a free spare like

748
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 3: monogamish at least, you know, like monogam Mish is like,

749
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,759
Speaker 3: let's go to the strip club, bab and modern monogamy

750
00:35:09,880 --> 00:35:13,080
Speaker 3: is just like it's us any more questions, but that's

751
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:14,680
Speaker 3: what I am.

752
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:16,480
Speaker 1: I am like, let's go to the strip club baby,

753
00:35:16,480 --> 00:35:20,560
Speaker 1: but I'm also like, it's just us though I choose.

754
00:35:20,600 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 2: Cut that ship off and that's what. Okay, well now

755
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 2: that's good.

756
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, tell her where was I was.

757
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:27,799
Speaker 5: I was kind of surprised that not really, I thought

758
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 5: I was going to be modern monogamous or whatever we did.

759
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:35,880
Speaker 5: I did because my new found monogamy, love for monogamy,

760
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:37,360
Speaker 5: it's my new mature.

761
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:39,000
Speaker 2: No, I was a swinger.

762
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, those are the guesses that I would have been

763
00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 3: in the ball park of which I was.

764
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:47,560
Speaker 2: I was surprised, but not surprised because I do like

765
00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 2: to share. I'm cool with sharing, like, oh, yeah, that's that's.

766
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: Hot, let's do that.

767
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,839
Speaker 5: But also I'm like, your mind, look at me, yes,

768
00:35:53,239 --> 00:35:54,320
Speaker 5: don't make any suggestions.

769
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,040
Speaker 1: I'll pick the girl.

770
00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 3: That's what swinging is, right, Like, it's it's like a

771
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,680
Speaker 3: team sport, right, Like it's like we're doing this together.

772
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 1: Yes, but a swinging always have to do with having

773
00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:06,319
Speaker 1: another couple or could it just no, you.

774
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:08,239
Speaker 3: Don't actually really want to rebrand that word because like

775
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 3: people just don't connect.

776
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 2: When you think of swinger, you think of swapping.

777
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:12,760
Speaker 4: You think of swapping, and you think of like old

778
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 4: White company.

779
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 1: Literally.

780
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:16,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's a swinger clubs and some of them

781
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 2: are not so hot.

782
00:36:17,320 --> 00:36:19,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I definitely have to rebrand that word. But yeah,

783
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:21,440
Speaker 3: it's essentially it doesn't have to be a couple swap,

784
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,399
Speaker 3: but it can be. Even a threesome is a part

785
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,560
Speaker 3: of swinging, right, Like it's like, yeah, we're gonna invite

786
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,919
Speaker 3: somebody else into the sexual play, but it's us who

787
00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:30,920
Speaker 3: we take it on together. Whereas an open relationships, it's

788
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 3: like those are separate activities where it's like you may

789
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:34,959
Speaker 3: have a partner, I may not have one at the time.

790
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 3: Maybe you're going on a date for a while, or

791
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 3: maybe I'm going on a separate date. But I think

792
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,440
Speaker 3: swinging is more like, no, like we are doing this

793
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:42,160
Speaker 3: together together.

794
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:47,240
Speaker 1: So as someone who has talked openly about your open relationships,

795
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:49,759
Speaker 1: me and Jamila have had many, We've had a few

796
00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 1: episodes and battling with the idea of open relationships. You know,

797
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,839
Speaker 1: I came from a very long term relationship that was

798
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 1: not supposed to be monogamous, but was not monogamous on

799
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:05,760
Speaker 1: mostly his end, and so then going into being single

800
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 1: and dating, I started dating someone who had been in

801
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,840
Speaker 1: an open relationship that didn't work out. But he was

802
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 1: very honest and said, you know, I don't. I wish

803
00:37:13,960 --> 00:37:15,680
Speaker 1: I could say that I could only sleep with one

804
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:17,319
Speaker 1: person my entire life, but I know that I can't.

805
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 1: And I said to him, I agree, like I don't

806
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 1: believe that, not like I don't believe that monogamy is

807
00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:26,280
Speaker 1: natural in my relationship. I was in a monogamous relationship

808
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,759
Speaker 1: because that's just what we had. I don't know it.

809
00:37:28,760 --> 00:37:30,480
Speaker 1: It wasn't even agreed upon, it was just this is

810
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 1: what relationship is. That we started that relationship. We were

811
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 1: so young. I think obviously the different spectrums of relationship

812
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 1: are more, people are talking about them more, so you

813
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 1: know that they exist, Whereas then I didn't even realize

814
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 1: that was an option. So we entered into a dating

815
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 1: We were dating and essentially open, and throughout that time,

816
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 1: I've kind of realized that I don't know if this

817
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:57,320
Speaker 1: is for me. I know I could do it, really

818
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,320
Speaker 1: I felt like he couldn't do it, which is strange

819
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 1: because he had come an open relationship but then had

820
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,239
Speaker 1: problems with me doing things outside of our relationship. I

821
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:07,319
Speaker 1: think it's a lot of like that male toxic masculinity shit.

822
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:11,839
Speaker 1: But I'm so then I made. I was like, okay,

823
00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:14,440
Speaker 1: I can't do open relationship. We had a guest on,

824
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 1: this woman named Daphne, who was like, open relationship they

825
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 1: don't work. I've never seen one work. They always end

826
00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:27,239
Speaker 1: up in like this miscommunication. Something's gonna go wrong. And

827
00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, maybe she's right. And

828
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 1: then then we had other people hit us up. I've

829
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:32,480
Speaker 1: been married for ten years in open relationship. It's a

830
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:34,879
Speaker 1: lot of fucking work, but it works for us. Yeah.

831
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:40,879
Speaker 1: So in your experience, like you have you been, You've

832
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,319
Speaker 1: been a mononymous relationships and also open relationships, and for you,

833
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,319
Speaker 1: open has been like what's your experience with it? It's

834
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:50,280
Speaker 1: just been like the most I guess where you felt

835
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:51,960
Speaker 1: the most whole.

836
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 3: It's just been easier for me. I think it's just

837
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,080
Speaker 3: it's a lot easier. I have to do less self

838
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:01,920
Speaker 3: regulating in vice versa. I don't ever go through my

839
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 3: partner's phone. I just don't, you know. I used to

840
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,240
Speaker 3: be in a monogamous relationship and I would like dread

841
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 3: opening my DMS to see the like athletic Joe Man,

842
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,719
Speaker 3: like you know DM message from somebody, and I don't

843
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,879
Speaker 3: have that anymore. For some reason, in a relationship where

844
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:16,120
Speaker 3: technically my partner could do.

845
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:16,759
Speaker 4: Whatever they want.

846
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 3: I just think that it just opened up such an

847
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 3: opportunity for us to be authentically ourselves and so the betrayal,

848
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:25,880
Speaker 3: the fear of betrayals just doesn't exist. I think that

849
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 3: that created a lot of stress for me. Also, I

850
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 3: had a partner who constantly did betray and so that

851
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 3: was a part of the culture of the relationship. But

852
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,320
Speaker 3: I don't know, it's just like it's an it's autopilot,

853
00:39:35,360 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 3: it's it's really is the easiest thing for me. But

854
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 3: it's bizarre because when I think about people saying, like

855
00:39:39,640 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 3: debating if they could be an open relationship or not,

856
00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:43,920
Speaker 3: Like it's kind of like debating if you could be

857
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:44,960
Speaker 3: a dentist.

858
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 4: Like it's just you could, right, basically you're interested.

859
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,719
Speaker 1: Do you think that? I mean, obviously I'm assuming you

860
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 1: the answers no. But for people that are hesitant about

861
00:39:55,600 --> 00:40:00,920
Speaker 1: open relationships, which is me, do you you think because

862
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,360
Speaker 1: in my experience, I feel, in this one experience that

863
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 1: I've had, so you know, it's only one, I just

864
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 1: feel like it allows someone to have no accountability, like

865
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:13,400
Speaker 1: for your feelings, Like you're not allowed to feel a

866
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 1: way about what's something that they've done because you've opened

867
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 1: up your relationship, Like, what how do you navigate through

868
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 1: that space?

869
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:25,040
Speaker 3: I guess because like you're anecdotally describing it based on

870
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 3: your experience, and so anyone can do that with monogamy too,

871
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:30,120
Speaker 3: Like I just feel like it's a place there's so

872
00:40:30,200 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 3: much restrictions and it's about behaving for your partner as

873
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 3: opposed to being who you are, and you're like, that's

874
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 3: not what it is at all. It's just like we're

875
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:38,880
Speaker 3: choosing each other. You can choose to describe it. I

876
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 3: think in any fashion, there is toxic monogamy. There is

877
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:46,359
Speaker 3: toxic open relationships. Any relationship in general where you say

878
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:49,759
Speaker 3: one thing and do the other is inaccurate. Any relationship

879
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 3: wherein that your consideration for your partner's health and well

880
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:54,840
Speaker 3: being is not at the forefront is a not a

881
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:57,879
Speaker 3: good is a tap toxic relationship. So I would think

882
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 3: that if you're in an open relationship and it's a

883
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 3: lot about well mind your business, you know, like that

884
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 3: level of commitment isn't there? You still have to be

885
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:07,600
Speaker 3: when you're in relation to someone, You're like, we're doing

886
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:10,200
Speaker 3: this together for as long as it makes sense for us,

887
00:41:10,480 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 3: and doing this together means that we both have to

888
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 3: be in mutuality. I have to feel supported, You have

889
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:17,320
Speaker 3: to feel supported. We got to feel good about the

890
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 3: decisions we're making that reflect the relationship. And if they're

891
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 3: not communicating with you, and that's hurtful to you, obviously

892
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 3: they are not doing what they're supposed to do. And

893
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:28,200
Speaker 3: that applies for monogamy or swinging or anything else. So

894
00:41:28,640 --> 00:41:31,360
Speaker 3: I just thinking in general, if someone says to me,

895
00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:33,920
Speaker 3: I don't know how you could do an open relationship,

896
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 3: I could never I'm.

897
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:37,239
Speaker 4: Like, then don't and we don't need you to.

898
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,239
Speaker 3: And actually it's the quiz that you guys took, right,

899
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 3: It was taken by like fifty thousand people, and modern

900
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:46,440
Speaker 3: monogamy was over fifty percent of the responses. So the

901
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,719
Speaker 3: good news is is that I think people feel this

902
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 3: pressure to give up monogamy, but.

903
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 5: And in fact everybody, actually more people want it than

904
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:54,360
Speaker 5: not exactly.

905
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:56,880
Speaker 1: I feel like it's in LA because when I in

906
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,439
Speaker 1: like major cities like LA or like New York, because

907
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:04,280
Speaker 1: what I found in dating now because I was dating

908
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,399
Speaker 1: has been so interesting for me because I haven't done

909
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,840
Speaker 1: it and I was in a relationship for almost eight years,

910
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 1: so coming into dating apps and being like, what wait,

911
00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:14,040
Speaker 1: this is what we're doing. We're meeting through apps, and

912
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:20,239
Speaker 1: it feels like people don't want they want like at

913
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,880
Speaker 1: least they're saying they want to leave their options open,

914
00:42:22,920 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 1: but they want the they want to feel like they're

915
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,319
Speaker 1: in a relationship, but they don't actually want to be

916
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,840
Speaker 1: in a relationship. Yes, and that's what I found with

917
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 1: many of the people that I've dated, which'd be grateful

918
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:34,040
Speaker 1: that they're defining that.

919
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:36,440
Speaker 5: Some people I would rather come to the door say

920
00:42:36,480 --> 00:42:38,160
Speaker 5: this is what I want to so I don't have

921
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:38,839
Speaker 5: to figure it out.

922
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:41,040
Speaker 3: But just that's what the commitment quiz I think is

923
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 3: ideally done with people who are.

924
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,920
Speaker 1: Just getting to know each other. Take this something where

925
00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:45,160
Speaker 1: you're at.

926
00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:49,799
Speaker 2: I almost sat into some money. It works for you

927
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 2: in twenty minutes because I have something also to It.

928
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,120
Speaker 3: Stops you from taking it personal, because if I'm in

929
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 3: talking to you for six months then you bring up

930
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:59,480
Speaker 3: open relationships, I might be like I'm not enough versus

931
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:02,200
Speaker 3: like this person saying this is like I don't obviously

932
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:03,920
Speaker 3: you're part of probably wasn't a great partner, but I

933
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:06,280
Speaker 3: love that he said to you, like, look, I'm probably

934
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 3: never gonna be satisfied with having one sexual partner for life.

935
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 3: Just like if he came to you and said, like, look,

936
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 3: I probably will never be able to suppress my attraction

937
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 3: for men. You would accept that it's just a part

938
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,000
Speaker 3: of who he is. You wouldn't be like, well, it's

939
00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 3: because of me. It's like, no, it's a part of

940
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:21,880
Speaker 3: his orientation.

941
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:26,359
Speaker 1: I'm confused where I stand because I want It's not

942
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: even that it's just like wance, I need security or

943
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:33,320
Speaker 1: not security like I need. It's not their stability because

944
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 1: I don't think I know that I could not sleep

945
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:37,320
Speaker 1: with the same person for the rest of my life.

946
00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:40,560
Speaker 5: You don't know that, though I tell you with someone

947
00:43:40,560 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 5: and you're like, I don't believe you never never say never.

948
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 5: I mean, obviously there's always gonna be attraction, Like look,

949
00:43:47,080 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 5: interests at exists, that soccer player exists, you know, done,

950
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 5: yeah them, it's never gonna go in. But like would you,

951
00:43:56,480 --> 00:43:58,000
Speaker 5: maybe you never say never?

952
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:00,719
Speaker 1: I could, of course I could want what do I

953
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:03,399
Speaker 1: want to No, I don't think so. I think it's

954
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,239
Speaker 1: just like me and my partner have to have that

955
00:44:05,280 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 1: conversation together. It can't just be something like, well, I'm

956
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 1: gonna go fuck this.

957
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 5: There has to be a respect and fact that's what

958
00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:13,440
Speaker 5: that's established that I don't even care, like I know

959
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 5: what we have, So like Becky could come in right now,

960
00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 5: Hi boo, you know, like I know it looks good.

961
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 1: Do you know? We have to stop with doing We

962
00:44:20,680 --> 00:44:22,520
Speaker 1: just stop putting the pressure on people to make for

963
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 1: life decisions.

964
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 3: Like even when you're eighteen, it's like, what career do

965
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:27,920
Speaker 3: you want to do for the rest of your life?

966
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,640
Speaker 3: It's like, nah, maybe for three years, I may want

967
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,080
Speaker 3: to do this, you know, I mean, like for you,

968
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 3: don't feel confused because if right now monogamy is what

969
00:44:35,080 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 3: is the foundation you want to build that feels right

970
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 3: for you?

971
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 4: Just like that's why the.

972
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,279
Speaker 3: Quiz is called what is your current relationship structure? Because

973
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:44,719
Speaker 3: this can change is nonlinear. You could I could see

974
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 3: you in six years you could be dating a full

975
00:44:46,200 --> 00:44:49,800
Speaker 3: woman like that we don't really know. It's giving yourself

976
00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:51,799
Speaker 3: the ability to choose for what works for.

977
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,320
Speaker 1: You in the moment. We're no longer dying at fifteen

978
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 1: or thirty.

979
00:44:54,880 --> 00:44:57,360
Speaker 3: There's a long life to live, and so give yourself

980
00:44:57,360 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 3: space to change your mind.

981
00:44:58,480 --> 00:45:00,719
Speaker 5: And evolve like you're feelings just look like you know,

982
00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:02,879
Speaker 5: five years ago, it's all about open relationships.

983
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 1: Now I want to be married. Six months ago, I

984
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 1: was all about it, right, Yeah, this is great. I

985
00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 1: love it. It's so great. And then I'm like, why

986
00:45:08,640 --> 00:45:12,560
Speaker 1: it's so much anxiety? Yeah, I have so much anxiety.

987
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 5: I saw a couple of your youtubes and you're discussing

988
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 5: how like you're on the view and then you've kind

989
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:20,400
Speaker 5: of felt attacked by the women because they didn't really understand.

990
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:22,759
Speaker 5: I was annoyed by that too. I understand where you

991
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:25,799
Speaker 5: were coming from. So immediately they felt like, oh what

992
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:26,200
Speaker 5: about this?

993
00:45:26,280 --> 00:45:27,799
Speaker 2: Oh you say that. I hate when old women say

994
00:45:27,800 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 2: should like this? Oh you say that?

995
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:31,480
Speaker 1: Now? Like from the fuck up?

996
00:45:32,120 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 5: Well, I'm only alive right now, all right, when I'm

997
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 5: sixty bit yeah about sixty right right?

998
00:45:39,120 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 2: Like well when do you have kids?

999
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 1: Like I'll have a day. Yeah, you know.

1000
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 5: But for me, I think open. I I'm really friendly,

1001
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 5: I'm really like I want to flirt with everybody. I

1002
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 5: want to get to know everybody.

1003
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:52,080
Speaker 2: I'm going to connect with you.

1004
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 1: I'm going to remember next time I see like, oh.

1005
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 2: My god, how is your uncle Pete?

1006
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 5: And I don't like to be limited in that I

1007
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:00,959
Speaker 5: feel I'm really value human inner action and I value

1008
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 5: getting to know people and like the possibility of people

1009
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 5: like changing my perspective and you know, relationships evolving. Not

1010
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:11,719
Speaker 5: necessarily that has to be intimate. Shit, sometimes it is.

1011
00:46:11,760 --> 00:46:13,799
Speaker 5: Sometimes it's just want time. It can go so many

1012
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 5: different ways. I don't like to have rules, and I

1013
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:18,719
Speaker 5: mean maybe it's me not wanting to be accountable, but

1014
00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:20,280
Speaker 5: also like I don't want someone to be like you're.

1015
00:46:20,120 --> 00:46:20,800
Speaker 2: Being too friendly.

1016
00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:24,360
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't believe in the cutoff of love and flow.

1017
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:26,520
Speaker 5: You know, if I respect and love you, I'm always

1018
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:28,880
Speaker 5: coming back, So chill the fuck up. Yeah, you know,

1019
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:30,759
Speaker 5: over here I want to interact with Tom because for

1020
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 5: right now, whatever reason I'm in track it to him,

1021
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:34,640
Speaker 5: there's some energy that needs to maybe have a message

1022
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,240
Speaker 5: for each other, you know what I'm saying. But also,

1023
00:46:37,320 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 5: like I value monogama, I value having commitment to one person,

1024
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:43,239
Speaker 5: so that might be my own personal ship. But I

1025
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:46,160
Speaker 5: noticed I only watched a few but in your relationship

1026
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 5: with Jared, like.

1027
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 1: You're supposed to watch all videos.

1028
00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 4: Speaking to me, you tried really hard to watch the

1029
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:55,960
Speaker 4: mom and read a goddamn book and read the book

1030
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:56,640
Speaker 4: like the.

1031
00:46:56,920 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 5: Kind to school more of it, but have Okay, First

1032
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 5: of all, the video I think was before you guys

1033
00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:03,000
Speaker 5: got married.

1034
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:03,960
Speaker 1: But have you guys?

1035
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 2: Because it seemed to me that you guys are.

1036
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:09,319
Speaker 5: Open to an open relationship, but there had not been

1037
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:12,640
Speaker 5: an instance yet that you guys had yet to like

1038
00:47:12,680 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 5: maybe you found someone else that you enjoy their company

1039
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:17,879
Speaker 5: or vice versa. So that hump really hadn't come yet.

1040
00:47:17,880 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 5: You hadn't had to experience it. So you're like, some shit,

1041
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:22,560
Speaker 5: I don't have. I don't know because it hasn't come yet.

1042
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 5: A since you've gotten married, has the openness change and

1043
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:27,320
Speaker 5: in what way?

1044
00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:28,879
Speaker 1: And b has that change?

1045
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 5: Has there been a dynamic where there is another person

1046
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:32,880
Speaker 5: outside of you guys that someone.

1047
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:35,200
Speaker 2: Else is interested in Would you meet that person?

1048
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:36,440
Speaker 1: Would he meet that person?

1049
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 2: Or has that just not happened? We haven't crossed that

1050
00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 2: bridge yet.

1051
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: We haven't crossed that bridge. I guess it's just like

1052
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:43,280
Speaker 1: I side with what you just said.

1053
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,840
Speaker 3: Like for me, the biggest part of openness is just

1054
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:48,840
Speaker 3: the ability to connect, flirt, et cetera. So like I

1055
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:50,880
Speaker 3: have a phone buddy who I'll speak to. Maybe now

1056
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 3: like for three hours at a time. Who am I

1057
00:47:53,120 --> 00:47:56,440
Speaker 3: attracted to? Is that cross any kind of physical boundaries? No,

1058
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:58,400
Speaker 3: But it's just something that like Jared could be home,

1059
00:47:58,560 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 3: I'm talking to him like, oh, you're on the phone.

1060
00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:03,600
Speaker 4: So there's just like, oh hey, hey Joe. No, I

1061
00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:04,240
Speaker 4: don't he doesn't.

1062
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:06,040
Speaker 1: I think they've met before, but I don't think that

1063
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 1: they have that, and I don't think he desires that.

1064
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:08,680
Speaker 1: I have.

1065
00:48:08,760 --> 00:48:10,160
Speaker 5: You said, this is who I'm always talking to on

1066
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 5: the phone.

1067
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:12,800
Speaker 1: No, they met.

1068
00:48:12,680 --> 00:48:15,400
Speaker 3: Before I met first. I've had a dude who I

1069
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 3: was like somewhat dating. He's been at this house before.

1070
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:21,080
Speaker 3: So I wouldn't say, like, for me to be honest

1071
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:24,000
Speaker 3: with you, I'm probably sexually monogamous. I say, probably give

1072
00:48:24,040 --> 00:48:26,200
Speaker 3: him some space to be flexible. But this isn't even

1073
00:48:26,280 --> 00:48:28,960
Speaker 3: Nika Jared thing. It's just my personality. Even when I

1074
00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:32,400
Speaker 3: was single, I didn't have like multiple My discipline is really.

1075
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 1: Strong and also too, like I know the discipline. I

1076
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 1: like that, that's me my I think I'm sexually monogamous too,

1077
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 1: but yeah, discipline. Actually, I don't know if I'm sexually anonymous.

1078
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:44,360
Speaker 1: I guess I am when i'm because I love so

1079
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 1: hard and I'm when I'm focused on you. It's hard

1080
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:48,600
Speaker 1: for me to say, like you have tonnel vision because

1081
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:52,920
Speaker 1: even me and Happy Bay when in our openness, were open.

1082
00:48:53,000 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 1: But I'm so focused on him, I'm not really like

1083
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:58,120
Speaker 1: looking at anybody else. I don't know how long that was,

1084
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:00,719
Speaker 1: because you know this ship, you know, lust and all

1085
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 1: the shiny shit starts to you know, fade away, not

1086
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 1: fade but but discipline. That's a really interesting way.

1087
00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 3: I mean, like, I like, if I see somebody that

1088
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:11,279
Speaker 3: I like, like my mind goes to making out or

1089
00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:12,919
Speaker 3: like makes you a maker out of it, I'm gonna

1090
00:49:12,920 --> 00:49:14,440
Speaker 3: make her outd I'm like, oh, I want to make out.

1091
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:16,919
Speaker 3: I just had and like Jared and I connected on sex.

1092
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 3: We're fuck buddies first and like, so our sexual chemistry

1093
00:49:19,840 --> 00:49:22,399
Speaker 3: is like the foundation of our relationship. It's not said

1094
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,160
Speaker 3: it's the best thing in our relationship, but it's it's

1095
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:25,880
Speaker 3: up there. It's the best sex I've ever had before.

1096
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:29,839
Speaker 3: It's like my desire for others, especially it's still new.

1097
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,160
Speaker 3: I've only been with Jared for three years, so I

1098
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:34,160
Speaker 3: will say that like at this present time, I just

1099
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:35,879
Speaker 3: don't ever look at a dude and be like.

1100
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 1: I can't wait to get plowed by him. I just

1101
00:49:38,080 --> 00:49:39,240
Speaker 1: doesn't cross my mind.

1102
00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:43,239
Speaker 3: But for early twenties thought right, yeah, but maybe in

1103
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 3: my forties, I don't know.

1104
00:49:44,400 --> 00:49:45,880
Speaker 1: I leave space for the unknown.

1105
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 3: But yeah, I don't think our openness has been challenged

1106
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 3: in that literal way. And for him, he hasn't had

1107
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 3: a sexual partner, and if I think he's if he has.

1108
00:49:54,480 --> 00:50:00,239
Speaker 1: Flirty conversations in his DMS, I don't know. I love

1109
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:01,880
Speaker 1: you fucked anybody this week outside of me?

1110
00:50:02,520 --> 00:50:04,640
Speaker 3: Well, we have a I would like to think that

1111
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:06,880
Speaker 3: we have a structure in place where it's.

1112
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:08,480
Speaker 2: Like, if you do, it's about to happen.

1113
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:10,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I like to know, Like I'm I'm so

1114
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,279
Speaker 3: fascinated by sex and love in general. Like if he

1115
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,319
Speaker 3: goes out to a club or a strip club or something,

1116
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 3: I'm like, did you like anybody, did anyone like you

1117
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:18,799
Speaker 3: who said you were hot? And he was just like,

1118
00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 3: nobody like leave me alone?

1119
00:50:20,880 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 1: Nobody said shit.

1120
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to know everything, and so I mean

1121
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:26,480
Speaker 3: I would hope that he does, but I wouldn't. Also,

1122
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:28,400
Speaker 3: I mean, if somebody's gonna DM me from this podcast

1123
00:50:28,400 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 3: and be like I fle like young man, I'd be like, oh, Jay.

1124
00:50:30,400 --> 00:50:31,359
Speaker 4: Is this true?

1125
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:32,680
Speaker 2: Why did you mention it?

1126
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1127
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 2: Why didn't you mention this? So I don't have to

1128
00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:35,279
Speaker 2: cuss this bitch?

1129
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,120
Speaker 1: Right? I wouldn't. I would never. How do you think

1130
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: for women or for yourself? If you ever do you

1131
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:43,839
Speaker 1: want children? I know you're right, you know what it.

1132
00:50:43,800 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 4: Is because I'm in my thirties and like, I just know.

1133
00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 4: It's like when you.

1134
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 3: Want kids someday when you're twenty eight, it's cute, But

1135
00:50:50,160 --> 00:50:52,000
Speaker 3: when like in your thirties and you want kids someday,

1136
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 3: it's like, well, bitch.

1137
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 4: Tomorrow, Like, well do you feel the pressure. I'm starting

1138
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 4: to feel the biological pressure. Like I literally have a

1139
00:50:58,040 --> 00:50:59,840
Speaker 4: fertility kit in the other room. I'm like, I should

1140
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,279
Speaker 4: do this because like you stop knowing if you even

1141
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:03,640
Speaker 4: have the ability to do it.

1142
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:05,839
Speaker 2: So la only LA makes everything a thing.

1143
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:07,680
Speaker 5: Like all my friends like I should phrase my eggs,

1144
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:09,600
Speaker 5: I'm like, shut the fuck out those like eggs park.

1145
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:13,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't know, right, they know Western.

1146
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:16,359
Speaker 2: Medicine, so it's daunting, it's yeah.

1147
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:20,959
Speaker 1: But so if my question is how would you talk

1148
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:23,480
Speaker 1: if you had if you had kids, or if you

1149
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:26,759
Speaker 1: were recommend or giving advice to someone who does how

1150
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 1: would you introduce or talk about your I guess alternative

1151
00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:35,319
Speaker 1: lifestyle with them. And I only say alternative because it's

1152
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 1: alternative to a lot of people who our own like

1153
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:40,360
Speaker 1: really lived by traditional or model.

1154
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 3: Yeah, i'd probably say that, like, you know, mom and

1155
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:48,040
Speaker 3: dad don't feel like they own each other.

1156
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:50,800
Speaker 4: Like we share each other, we share life, we share children,

1157
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:55,319
Speaker 4: we share love, but we make our own decisions for ourselves,

1158
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:58,200
Speaker 4: and those decisions sometimes may not reflect what happens in

1159
00:51:58,280 --> 00:52:01,320
Speaker 4: Disney and then where we were at in terms of

1160
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 4: like the openness, Like if Jared had a girlfriend or

1161
00:52:03,280 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 4: something like that, there obviously be a.

1162
00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:07,719
Speaker 3: It'd be a conversation of like, yeah, this is like

1163
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,360
Speaker 3: your this is your dad's really close friend that he

1164
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:11,360
Speaker 3: really cares about.

1165
00:52:11,160 --> 00:52:13,400
Speaker 1: That's important to him. I don't know.

1166
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't have the answers for that, And

1167
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:18,240
Speaker 3: I really never want to give advice to like parents

1168
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 3: when I'm not a parent. Like my sister has a

1169
00:52:20,800 --> 00:52:23,440
Speaker 3: daughter and a son, and it's funny because like I'm

1170
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 3: a sex educator, and like when her kids asked her,

1171
00:52:25,680 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 3: you know, mom, like where do babies come from?

1172
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 4: She was like I didn't want to, but I was like,

1173
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:33,640
Speaker 4: there's a wizard, and I don't want to judge her

1174
00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:34,719
Speaker 4: because I don't know what it's like to be in

1175
00:52:34,760 --> 00:52:38,719
Speaker 4: that there's a wizard thought, you're with the wizard. No, no,

1176
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 4: She just gave that answer of like, oh, no, they

1177
00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 4: choose a person when they get old, when mommy's and

1178
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,840
Speaker 4: daddies get to mommy and daddy age the wizard.

1179
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 1: Baby.

1180
00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:50,000
Speaker 2: You know, some stupid answer is very creative.

1181
00:52:50,200 --> 00:52:51,719
Speaker 1: Actually not what I re asked me. I think I

1182
00:52:51,760 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 1: talked about this too. She asked me how I was.

1183
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:57,400
Speaker 1: She got into my stomach, and I was like, oh God,

1184
00:52:57,520 --> 00:52:59,400
Speaker 1: is this happening already? Like how are we going to

1185
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:02,880
Speaker 1: explain that? And I said, well, you know, me your

1186
00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 1: daddy loved each other, always had the same day, and

1187
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 1: you know we we prayed for you and we thought

1188
00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 1: about you really hard, and you daddy rubbed my stomach

1189
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:14,719
Speaker 1: and we touched a lot, and then you appeared in

1190
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:15,280
Speaker 1: my stomach.

1191
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 4: That's the wizard dancer.

1192
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, well touching, I mean there's no wizards or like imagine,

1193
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 1: I like, your dad put his penis inside of me

1194
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:30,600
Speaker 1: and then ejaculated, and I'm just like I don't I

1195
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:31,319
Speaker 1: didn't know like.

1196
00:53:31,400 --> 00:53:35,480
Speaker 4: What We clapped three times didn't rain dance and then you.

1197
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:37,719
Speaker 1: Were full, you know, and like when when she asked me,

1198
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 1: it's like a few things, like things just keep popping up,

1199
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:42,120
Speaker 1: Like even the other day in the car, she asked me,

1200
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 1: She's like, mommy, why are you Why are we different colors?

1201
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:49,560
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh shit, okay, And she was like,

1202
00:53:49,640 --> 00:53:50,440
Speaker 1: why are you clear?

1203
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 3: And I'm black, You're like, I'm brown first, I am

1204
00:53:55,080 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 3: you know, I'm real about don't starts like that colorism

1205
00:53:57,960 --> 00:53:58,160
Speaker 3: with me.

1206
00:53:59,120 --> 00:54:02,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was like, well, actually we are different shades

1207
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:05,440
Speaker 1: of brown. We are both black girl black girls. I

1208
00:54:05,480 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 1: was like, you're just a little darker. I'm a little lighter,

1209
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 1: but we're both black. But I thought it was so

1210
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: interesting that first of all, she called me clear.

1211
00:54:11,400 --> 00:54:13,880
Speaker 3: Yes, No, my niece and nephew are stay hating on

1212
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 3: my color, like why are you like why are you

1213
00:54:16,719 --> 00:54:17,280
Speaker 3: so pale?

1214
00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,960
Speaker 4: They're white like Iggy? They call me Iggy right, not.

1215
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:23,680
Speaker 1: White like like Avail. You know what it is.

1216
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:24,280
Speaker 4: It started.

1217
00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:26,720
Speaker 3: It's a weird thing, but it's like Iggy is, oh okay,

1218
00:54:26,800 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 3: that's that's hilarious. It's a story that's like cute for me,

1219
00:54:29,760 --> 00:54:31,920
Speaker 3: but long for you guys, and pointless for the listeners.

1220
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 2: So my question was speaking of children, how how are you?

1221
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:39,200
Speaker 1: How is your how are your.

1222
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:41,839
Speaker 5: Parents dynamic and their relationship and how do you think

1223
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 5: that's affected you now? Because obviously like it's your relationship

1224
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:47,360
Speaker 5: is untraditional or you know what I'm saying. Do you

1225
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 5: think in any way what you saw between your parents

1226
00:54:49,840 --> 00:54:54,080
Speaker 5: has evolved or affected your decision and relationships right now?

1227
00:54:54,239 --> 00:54:56,560
Speaker 3: Absolutely? I think my parents are in some form of

1228
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:57,719
Speaker 3: like a free relationship.

1229
00:54:57,800 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 4: They won't never.

1230
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:01,000
Speaker 3: Call it that, but that I wouldn't they just like

1231
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:03,799
Speaker 3: you know, I've known about my mom's ex boyfriends for

1232
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:05,960
Speaker 3: a long time, like she'll go and hang out with

1233
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:09,080
Speaker 3: them sometimes, like my dad. I mean now that especially

1234
00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:10,719
Speaker 3: that I'm in this space. Maybe not when I was

1235
00:55:10,719 --> 00:55:12,400
Speaker 3: like when I needed the sex talk, they didn't give

1236
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 3: it to me. But as they started to see me

1237
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:16,640
Speaker 3: into this space. My parents got separated for a while

1238
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:18,239
Speaker 3: and they were both talking to me about like my

1239
00:55:18,280 --> 00:55:20,279
Speaker 3: mom's like I'm on Tinder, what do I do? And

1240
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 3: so I feel like I know a lot about their

1241
00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 3: sexual habits and like their relationships with others, and my

1242
00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 3: parents are definitely sexually monogamous. They're not swinging or anything

1243
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:30,400
Speaker 3: to the capacity that.

1244
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:30,960
Speaker 1: I'm aware of.

1245
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:33,440
Speaker 3: But I don't think that they have like an ownership

1246
00:55:34,080 --> 00:55:38,520
Speaker 3: a strict monogamy concept around their connection. And my dad

1247
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:40,680
Speaker 3: is so non conventional. I feel like for a lot

1248
00:55:40,760 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 3: of people, once you meet my dad, it clears up

1249
00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:45,840
Speaker 3: so much about me. He's a very, very wild person.

1250
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 3: My dad had his own religion for a while.

1251
00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:49,120
Speaker 1: Called fuck it.

1252
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:55,439
Speaker 4: He was really trying for a bit.

1253
00:55:55,600 --> 00:56:02,239
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, religion, Well fuck him into it. Yeah, okay,

1254
00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:04,239
Speaker 1: getting off topic. We're not getting off topic. But I

1255
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:05,719
Speaker 1: just have to go back and touch on something in

1256
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 1: your book because I thought it was so interesting. Ye

1257
00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:11,640
Speaker 1: don't miss this. Wait what what was it? What was

1258
00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:13,319
Speaker 1: the name? What was the actual name? It was like,

1259
00:56:13,440 --> 00:56:21,640
Speaker 1: of what's Chanelle number? Vagene Yes, I love number of

1260
00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:23,680
Speaker 1: the vagine. Yeah, And I was like, oh my god,

1261
00:56:23,719 --> 00:56:25,759
Speaker 1: this is amazing. I immediately caught my hand. I was

1262
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:28,520
Speaker 1: like wait. And then it was talking about rubbing your

1263
00:56:28,719 --> 00:56:33,759
Speaker 1: you know, vaginal secretions onto the your temples. Your power

1264
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,880
Speaker 1: points is what your pressure pressure points? Yes?

1265
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:37,040
Speaker 4: And I was like, wait, butit yes to.

1266
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:40,920
Speaker 1: Power point power points pressure points. I was like, wait,

1267
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:44,560
Speaker 1: what we're putting our our vagina juices on our on

1268
00:56:44,640 --> 00:56:46,640
Speaker 1: our necks and our I was like, maybe I can

1269
00:56:46,680 --> 00:56:49,239
Speaker 1: put it like a highlighter on my face. Yeah, like

1270
00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:50,719
Speaker 1: you know, that's like the I was like, what if

1271
00:56:50,760 --> 00:56:53,600
Speaker 1: like vaginal juices become like the next beauty hacks.

1272
00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:56,120
Speaker 5: Like So, there's like a portion in her book where

1273
00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:59,279
Speaker 5: she takes these five women now that she's coaching, and

1274
00:56:59,360 --> 00:56:59,799
Speaker 5: they go to so.

1275
00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:02,480
Speaker 1: House and which, by the way, when you were describing it, sorry,

1276
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:03,239
Speaker 1: just speak for you.

1277
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:04,080
Speaker 4: I didn't even feel that.

1278
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:07,400
Speaker 1: Okay, well there, I was like, oh my god, I

1279
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:08,279
Speaker 1: know exactly where that is.

1280
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:10,240
Speaker 2: They're right here downstairs by the elevator.

1281
00:57:13,440 --> 00:57:14,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, I know that bench.

1282
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:17,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, bench by the theater room. This is where they're talking.

1283
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:21,200
Speaker 5: Like, there's a portion where they're in there, they're interacting

1284
00:57:21,240 --> 00:57:22,560
Speaker 5: and then they take a like.

1285
00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:25,040
Speaker 1: A well, they go in and they interact with a

1286
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:25,880
Speaker 1: few men and they.

1287
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,080
Speaker 5: Take a time out and then she tells them all

1288
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:31,200
Speaker 5: this only this mostly works during ovulation to go in

1289
00:57:31,200 --> 00:57:35,080
Speaker 5: the bathroom, rub a little vaginal juice, put it in

1290
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:37,040
Speaker 5: your pressure points, and then go back out and see

1291
00:57:37,040 --> 00:57:39,440
Speaker 5: how people interact with them. Because there's been studies that

1292
00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:43,600
Speaker 5: show when you're ovulating because of the copulnce copulents that

1293
00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:48,400
Speaker 5: attracts higher men or whatever, and that she's gotten results

1294
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:50,560
Speaker 5: from it. And so now me and Erica can't wait

1295
00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:53,120
Speaker 5: to be ovulating together because we're going to the fucking

1296
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:53,880
Speaker 5: Soho House.

1297
00:57:54,120 --> 00:57:57,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, downtown, because the one in was Hollywood. Yeah no, no, no,

1298
00:57:57,880 --> 00:58:00,400
Speaker 1: I think it's very strange there. The dawn wants no,

1299
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:03,120
Speaker 1: but it's going open soon, Okay, having vagina juices all.

1300
00:58:03,360 --> 00:58:07,920
Speaker 3: Over texting Shan like, no, I've gotten such I've been

1301
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:10,040
Speaker 3: using that for like ten years, and there's times that

1302
00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:11,920
Speaker 3: I'll use it where it's nuts the reaction.

1303
00:58:12,160 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 1: Really, I'm talking about everybody, men, women, children, everybody blocking.

1304
00:58:16,400 --> 00:58:18,720
Speaker 3: And I've had a friend whom I told to do

1305
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 3: it and she worked as like a promotions person, like

1306
00:58:21,680 --> 00:58:24,640
Speaker 3: you know, for some phone company whatever, and she was like, girl,

1307
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:28,040
Speaker 3: it was nuts, Like all day long, I did no work.

1308
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:31,240
Speaker 3: Everybody was just swarming me. And there's times I've done

1309
00:58:31,240 --> 00:58:33,280
Speaker 3: it and I've seen no reaction. So but I do

1310
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:34,920
Speaker 3: know what I say about it. It's like, to me,

1311
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:38,160
Speaker 3: it's placebo. When we did it at the Soho House,

1312
00:58:38,480 --> 00:58:41,000
Speaker 3: the three women who did the experiment, like they said

1313
00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:43,280
Speaker 3: that when they walked out, like they immediately these three

1314
00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:45,640
Speaker 3: hot guys from Holland started talking to them and like,

1315
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 3: is it because of this? I'm not sure, but I

1316
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 3: do know that I also felt more confident in the

1317
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 3: conversation and I felt like I had a little sexy secret.

1318
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:55,360
Speaker 3: So I would say that it's something that every woman

1319
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:57,600
Speaker 3: should do, especially I do it for job interviews.

1320
00:58:58,360 --> 00:59:01,400
Speaker 1: One thousand percent going a job interview, man, woman child,

1321
00:59:01,400 --> 00:59:01,880
Speaker 1: I don't care.

1322
00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 3: I am like doing it on And it's the wrists,

1323
00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:07,360
Speaker 3: the inside of your neck and then your collar bones.

1324
00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:09,360
Speaker 3: Those are the places you talk with your hands and

1325
00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:11,480
Speaker 3: so you get the waft going. And then if somebody

1326
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:13,200
Speaker 3: gets really close to you, of course, like that's when

1327
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 3: they catch the scent.

1328
00:59:14,400 --> 00:59:16,200
Speaker 1: But pheromones breaks.

1329
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:20,720
Speaker 3: Down into horrmones that transfer and they transfer excitement. So

1330
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:23,200
Speaker 3: it's like the transfer and of excitement. That's what your

1331
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 3: copulents can do. I'm really excited to try this. I

1332
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:27,200
Speaker 3: read that last night.

1333
00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:30,680
Speaker 1: I'm surprised. Guys gonna come moved up? Actually should I

1334
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:38,200
Speaker 1: probably right now? Yeah, at dinner party.

1335
00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:42,640
Speaker 2: They will have me.

1336
00:59:44,680 --> 00:59:45,960
Speaker 1: Using her own on her.

1337
00:59:48,640 --> 00:59:52,840
Speaker 5: We're crazy, but I am but not wrong, not wrong,

1338
00:59:54,480 --> 00:59:55,920
Speaker 5: So me things to try now.

1339
00:59:56,760 --> 01:00:00,560
Speaker 1: We had so we asked our followers and let's listeners

1340
01:00:00,600 --> 01:00:03,360
Speaker 1: if they had any questions for you, and so we

1341
01:00:03,440 --> 01:00:05,240
Speaker 1: got a bunch of questions, but there was one in

1342
01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:10,280
Speaker 1: particular that I felt. I felt it would be great

1343
01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 1: because I think it's a question that I think a

1344
01:00:12,040 --> 01:00:15,560
Speaker 1: lot of women and I don't think men probably even too,

1345
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:19,800
Speaker 1: struggle with trying to find this balance and knowing. So

1346
01:00:20,160 --> 01:00:21,160
Speaker 1: go ahead, Okay.

1347
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:23,200
Speaker 5: Took me about to gather my thoughts on this question.

1348
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:25,640
Speaker 5: I'd like for y'all to ask for me in the

1349
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:26,720
Speaker 5: sham Booty interview.

1350
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 2: Wait, hold on, that's not it.

1351
01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 1: Oh.

1352
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:33,680
Speaker 5: I would love to know some good tips for knowing

1353
01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:36,800
Speaker 5: how to gauge whether your sexual appetite is healthy or

1354
01:00:36,800 --> 01:00:38,960
Speaker 5: if you're using sex as a coping mechanism.

1355
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:40,320
Speaker 2: I'd like to know that too.

1356
01:00:40,560 --> 01:00:41,560
Speaker 4: Oh.

1357
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:44,600
Speaker 3: I think sex lasts for twenty four hours, you know

1358
01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:46,240
Speaker 3: what I mean. Like, it's how you feel leading up

1359
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:48,240
Speaker 3: to it, it's how you feel during the event, it's

1360
01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:50,880
Speaker 3: how you feel about yourself the next day, maybe even

1361
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:53,360
Speaker 3: lasts a week, right Like, It's about like sex should

1362
01:00:53,360 --> 01:00:55,560
Speaker 3: be a healthy addition to your life. It's kind of

1363
01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 3: the same thing with food, right, Like, if you notice

1364
01:00:57,800 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 3: that you get really depressed and you binge and the

1365
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,520
Speaker 3: next day you hate yourself and you feel a sense

1366
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:05,000
Speaker 3: of self loathing. You know that your relationship with food

1367
01:01:05,040 --> 01:01:07,840
Speaker 3: is not healthier, that your interaction with food is not healthy.

1368
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:09,520
Speaker 3: So the same with sex, like you have to really

1369
01:01:09,560 --> 01:01:12,680
Speaker 3: track your emotions, not just in the moment or right afterwards,

1370
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:15,480
Speaker 3: but the next day, in the next week, and knowing yourself,

1371
01:01:15,560 --> 01:01:19,160
Speaker 3: like did this experience contribute to the health and happiness

1372
01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:21,360
Speaker 3: of me? Did it impinge on the health or happiness

1373
01:01:21,360 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 3: of my partner? I think that's the barometer to go by.

1374
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:25,320
Speaker 5: I think it's hard but sex to you, because I

1375
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:28,280
Speaker 5: think women experience a lot of shame and guilt for

1376
01:01:28,360 --> 01:01:31,320
Speaker 5: having casual sex. So it's like sometimes for me, I've

1377
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:33,000
Speaker 5: learned in my life there would be times like that

1378
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:34,800
Speaker 5: was kind of fun, but like, oh, should I've done

1379
01:01:34,800 --> 01:01:37,919
Speaker 5: that and really know him? Yeah, but it's like fuck it, Yeah,

1380
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:39,600
Speaker 5: I felt good and he was nice.

1381
01:01:39,720 --> 01:01:41,919
Speaker 2: I felt he respected me, and you know, so long.

1382
01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 5: But sometimes like if your friend's like, oh, you didn't

1383
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:49,040
Speaker 5: even know him, jameilla, and like calm the fuck down.

1384
01:01:49,520 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1385
01:01:51,880 --> 01:01:54,600
Speaker 5: So I think there's a lot of note Like, like

1386
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:56,760
Speaker 5: you said, a lot of the book is like self confidence,

1387
01:01:56,840 --> 01:01:59,360
Speaker 5: self self self. Well, most of it is being confident

1388
01:01:59,360 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 5: in yourself and able to identify those feelings.

1389
01:02:01,520 --> 01:02:03,240
Speaker 3: But I'm also a big fan of meet yourself where

1390
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:04,960
Speaker 3: you are, Like, I think what a lot of people

1391
01:02:05,040 --> 01:02:06,320
Speaker 3: do is they go to extreme.

1392
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:07,880
Speaker 1: So if you know that you ought to change, Like

1393
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:08,520
Speaker 1: you have.

1394
01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:12,120
Speaker 3: Shame associated with masturbation, that's your thing, and certatime you masturbate,

1395
01:02:12,160 --> 01:02:14,040
Speaker 3: you feel it's really deep sense of shame and you

1396
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:16,360
Speaker 3: want to stop that. People go to the far extreme

1397
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:18,640
Speaker 3: where it's like I'm gonna masturbate in public, or I'm

1398
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:20,440
Speaker 3: gonna get a class and vibrate, I'm gonna buy the

1399
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:23,000
Speaker 3: biggest dildo, and then they traumatize themselve because it's just

1400
01:02:23,040 --> 01:02:25,400
Speaker 3: too much of a far departure. So meet yourself where

1401
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:27,080
Speaker 3: you are means that, Like, hey, if you're at a

1402
01:02:27,080 --> 01:02:29,120
Speaker 3: place right now where you still have shame associated with

1403
01:02:29,160 --> 01:02:31,560
Speaker 3: casual sex, accept that about yourself.

1404
01:02:31,200 --> 01:02:32,160
Speaker 1: But work on it slowly.

1405
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:35,320
Speaker 3: So maybe you have a casual makeout session and see

1406
01:02:35,320 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 3: how you feel after that, and maybe you have.

1407
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:40,520
Speaker 4: Casual oral sex. Like go take small steps forward. You

1408
01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:42,560
Speaker 4: don't want to put yourself in a position where you

1409
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:44,200
Speaker 4: have to negotiate with your own.

1410
01:02:44,040 --> 01:02:46,320
Speaker 3: Feelings to force yourself to feel what you just don't.

1411
01:02:47,120 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 3: So if you aren't ready to have casual sex because

1412
01:02:49,640 --> 01:02:52,760
Speaker 3: you're still doing the work of untangling a past that

1413
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:56,480
Speaker 3: maybe was layered with religion or sexual shame towards women,

1414
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,720
Speaker 3: whatever it was, you're still in the process of working

1415
01:02:58,760 --> 01:03:00,880
Speaker 3: on that. Don't put yourself in a position to act

1416
01:03:00,920 --> 01:03:02,000
Speaker 3: like you're at your after yet.

1417
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:03,880
Speaker 1: Got it. That's that's important.

1418
01:03:04,840 --> 01:03:07,400
Speaker 5: I think a lot of our other questions kind of

1419
01:03:07,400 --> 01:03:10,680
Speaker 5: boiled down to the same thing, and it's sexual compatibility.

1420
01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. Eric gave me a really good quote a couple

1421
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:16,320
Speaker 1: of weeks ago.

1422
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:18,680
Speaker 5: She just like, look, bitch, I just gave me the

1423
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:21,520
Speaker 5: realization we're freaks, okay, like with like ass play with

1424
01:03:21,560 --> 01:03:23,680
Speaker 5: like freaky shit with like porn. You can't just settle

1425
01:03:23,680 --> 01:03:25,960
Speaker 5: for like the vanilla asked sex, It's just not gonna happen.

1426
01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:30,640
Speaker 1: You gotta be pissy lip. Yeah, yeah, conversation. Yeah, you're

1427
01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:34,680
Speaker 1: right that. I was just saying, like why settle, Like

1428
01:03:34,960 --> 01:03:38,680
Speaker 1: why settle or sex? I was like, like, if I'm

1429
01:03:38,680 --> 01:03:41,280
Speaker 1: gonna have sex with one not one person, but consistently

1430
01:03:41,320 --> 01:03:44,040
Speaker 1: with one person, Like, why would I settle for? Like

1431
01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:46,400
Speaker 1: I almost did, Like I have in the past, and

1432
01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:49,280
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm single now. Do I want life

1433
01:03:49,400 --> 01:03:52,520
Speaker 1: a lifelong partner? Of course, but that's a requirement for

1434
01:03:52,600 --> 01:03:55,120
Speaker 1: me now, whereas before I felt like, well, duh, but

1435
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:57,880
Speaker 1: I but I didn't do that, And so I feel

1436
01:03:57,880 --> 01:03:59,920
Speaker 1: like a lot of women that write into us are like,

1437
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:02,200
Speaker 1: how do I talk to my partner about like giving

1438
01:04:02,240 --> 01:04:04,160
Speaker 1: me head it's not good, or like he doesn't give

1439
01:04:04,280 --> 01:04:06,680
Speaker 1: enough of it, or we've tried and it's not getting better.

1440
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:08,840
Speaker 1: What do I do? I love him? Do I just

1441
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:10,760
Speaker 1: like let sweep this under the rug and just keep

1442
01:04:10,800 --> 01:04:13,200
Speaker 1: it pushing and just accept that this is where we

1443
01:04:13,280 --> 01:04:16,440
Speaker 1: are because he has so many other great qualities.

1444
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:17,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, Or is that a part of the perk of

1445
01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 2: being open?

1446
01:04:18,680 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 5: Like maybe Joe can't each your pussy right, but George,

1447
01:04:21,560 --> 01:04:24,080
Speaker 5: can you know is that when you say, like, maybe

1448
01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:26,120
Speaker 5: this is a good idea to introduce other people because

1449
01:04:26,120 --> 01:04:28,000
Speaker 5: there's things that I'm not getting satisfied, Like I'm not

1450
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:30,480
Speaker 5: fully satisfied in or is that not a good reason?

1451
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:33,840
Speaker 1: I don't love those reasons, but there there's some people's reasons.

1452
01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:37,920
Speaker 3: So in the book, there is that when you get

1453
01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:41,760
Speaker 3: past I think it's phase three, you're now on to learn.

1454
01:04:42,080 --> 01:04:43,959
Speaker 4: But in that case, I had.

1455
01:04:43,840 --> 01:04:46,240
Speaker 3: The women do a job listing exercise where they had

1456
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:48,280
Speaker 3: to be specific what am I looking for? Is it

1457
01:04:48,280 --> 01:04:50,000
Speaker 3: a fuck buddy, is it a lifelong partner? Is it

1458
01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:52,400
Speaker 3: a hiking buddy? For each person you're looking for, they

1459
01:04:52,440 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 3: need a different job posting, like a clear delineation of

1460
01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:57,800
Speaker 3: what the different roles are. Because you are the CEO

1461
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:01,280
Speaker 3: of your multi billion dollar company, like this ship right

1462
01:05:01,400 --> 01:05:04,120
Speaker 3: right here runs because you're the boss, and so you

1463
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:06,280
Speaker 3: want to make sure if you're hiring people on they

1464
01:05:06,280 --> 01:05:08,240
Speaker 3: can do the role that you need because you're delegating

1465
01:05:08,280 --> 01:05:11,760
Speaker 3: to them. So in that it's also about creating, like

1466
01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:14,680
Speaker 3: your qualifications, your frozen.

1467
01:05:14,320 --> 01:05:15,040
Speaker 4: Five I called them.

1468
01:05:15,080 --> 01:05:17,880
Speaker 3: So your frozen five or five things this person has

1469
01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:21,080
Speaker 3: to have. Scientifically, it's three things. That's like the science

1470
01:05:21,080 --> 01:05:23,440
Speaker 3: of Happily ever after the book, people should choose three.

1471
01:05:23,520 --> 01:05:25,160
Speaker 3: But I'm like, if you read my book, you get

1472
01:05:25,160 --> 01:05:27,240
Speaker 3: two more, but you put the work in, you get

1473
01:05:27,240 --> 01:05:29,680
Speaker 3: too extra. And so if in your frozen five, I

1474
01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:31,400
Speaker 3: give a list of twenty six things in the book

1475
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:34,480
Speaker 3: that are like crucial components to a relationship, I.

1476
01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:36,320
Speaker 4: Could read some off with my books on the side.

1477
01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:51,720
Speaker 8: Let me just flip really quickly, get over there.

1478
01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:54,560
Speaker 1: You do have a call at eleven. Just okay, No,

1479
01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:58,680
Speaker 1: we're gonna be done way before that, right now. Okay,

1480
01:05:58,880 --> 01:05:59,280
Speaker 1: all right.

1481
01:06:00,560 --> 01:06:02,640
Speaker 3: So here's some of the things in the that you

1482
01:06:02,640 --> 01:06:06,480
Speaker 3: could potentially put as your frozen five. Agreeable, emotionally stable,

1483
01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:09,960
Speaker 3: securely attached, high novelty seeking mean they like to do

1484
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:13,880
Speaker 3: new things. Supportive, slash, happy for your good news, physically attractive,

1485
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:18,320
Speaker 3: takes responsibility for self, speaks my love language, sexually compatible,

1486
01:06:18,400 --> 01:06:23,600
Speaker 3: financially well off, trustworthy, highly ambitious, independent thinker, has good

1487
01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:25,840
Speaker 3: relationships with others. And so there's twenty six of those

1488
01:06:25,880 --> 01:06:28,320
Speaker 3: that just listed some So if in your frozen five

1489
01:06:28,480 --> 01:06:32,160
Speaker 3: sexual compatibility is up there, absolutely you need to make

1490
01:06:32,160 --> 01:06:34,120
Speaker 3: that a high priority in your partner selection.

1491
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:35,120
Speaker 1: If it's not that.

1492
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:38,960
Speaker 3: Important to you, you're going to have incompatibilities with everybody.

1493
01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:40,680
Speaker 3: There's going to be some things that are not going

1494
01:06:40,720 --> 01:06:43,480
Speaker 3: to be on like, and so you have to identify

1495
01:06:43,520 --> 01:06:45,280
Speaker 3: what are the things that you just can't live without.

1496
01:06:45,360 --> 01:06:48,240
Speaker 3: I know women were financially well off, It's number one

1497
01:06:48,240 --> 01:06:50,200
Speaker 3: on their list, Like that is their love language, and.

1498
01:06:50,200 --> 01:06:52,560
Speaker 1: So they don't care if the dude has great dick.

1499
01:06:52,600 --> 01:06:54,280
Speaker 1: They care if they have a savings account.

1500
01:06:54,440 --> 01:06:56,960
Speaker 3: So it's up to you to decide for what those

1501
01:06:57,040 --> 01:07:00,400
Speaker 3: top five are and then negotiate your compatible ability with

1502
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:01,520
Speaker 3: someone else based on that.

1503
01:07:01,880 --> 01:07:04,000
Speaker 1: What if you're already in it and then you read

1504
01:07:04,040 --> 01:07:06,240
Speaker 1: your book and then you're like, wait, these are my

1505
01:07:06,320 --> 01:07:09,160
Speaker 1: top five. My partner that I've been with for the

1506
01:07:09,240 --> 01:07:13,040
Speaker 1: last seven years, isn't hitting them? Like? Is that just?

1507
01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:15,200
Speaker 1: Is that a conversation I guess you just have to

1508
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:16,240
Speaker 1: have with yourself.

1509
01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:17,480
Speaker 4: Like it's a joint converse?

1510
01:07:17,600 --> 01:07:19,120
Speaker 1: Is it over too?

1511
01:07:19,240 --> 01:07:19,320
Speaker 8: Like?

1512
01:07:19,360 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 3: I think a massive like in my life partner, like

1513
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:26,120
Speaker 3: the cool key characteristic. The reason why I chose him

1514
01:07:26,120 --> 01:07:28,760
Speaker 3: as a life partner was because his ability to change

1515
01:07:28,800 --> 01:07:31,680
Speaker 3: is incredible. I witnessed that through him, and so that

1516
01:07:31,760 --> 01:07:33,600
Speaker 3: to me was so hopeful to say I could try

1517
01:07:33,640 --> 01:07:36,000
Speaker 3: life with you because if I've had an issue, you

1518
01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:38,400
Speaker 3: always rise to the occasion, and then in turn, that's

1519
01:07:38,440 --> 01:07:39,439
Speaker 3: inspired me to do the same.

1520
01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:43,000
Speaker 4: So if your partner has that quality, it's very possible

1521
01:07:43,000 --> 01:07:43,760
Speaker 4: that you can work through it.

1522
01:07:43,800 --> 01:07:45,440
Speaker 3: But you have to identify for them and say these

1523
01:07:45,440 --> 01:07:47,960
Speaker 3: are my priorities, and like, let's work together, what are

1524
01:07:48,000 --> 01:07:48,720
Speaker 3: your priorities?

1525
01:07:48,720 --> 01:07:51,240
Speaker 1: It has to be mutual yeah, Like, so what if

1526
01:07:51,280 --> 01:07:54,000
Speaker 1: you're five and his five are different? That's obviously I'm

1527
01:07:54,080 --> 01:07:55,760
Speaker 1: assuming that's what it is most of the time.

1528
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:56,520
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, for sure.

1529
01:07:56,560 --> 01:08:00,880
Speaker 1: And if they're widely and wildly different, that a bad sign.

1530
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:03,480
Speaker 4: It's bad if you don't qualify, you know what I mean, Like,

1531
01:08:03,520 --> 01:08:05,520
Speaker 4: because there's some things on my list that I want

1532
01:08:05,520 --> 01:08:08,040
Speaker 4: that I don't have. You know, I'm not an agreeable motherfucker,

1533
01:08:08,080 --> 01:08:11,360
Speaker 4: but I want that in a partner. So if Jared

1534
01:08:11,400 --> 01:08:13,080
Speaker 4: put that on his top five, we'd be in trouble.

1535
01:08:13,080 --> 01:08:15,200
Speaker 4: I'll be like, well, I'm working, but you didn't give

1536
01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:17,160
Speaker 4: me some time. This is a big part of my personality.

1537
01:08:17,720 --> 01:08:20,360
Speaker 4: So it doesn't work if you don't qualify. It's kind

1538
01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:21,920
Speaker 4: of like love languages. You don't have to have the.

1539
01:08:21,880 --> 01:08:24,479
Speaker 3: Same love language. You have to prioritize each other. It's

1540
01:08:24,600 --> 01:08:27,840
Speaker 3: love languages, got it, got it? So to your point,

1541
01:08:27,960 --> 01:08:31,040
Speaker 3: if for you, you're like, you know what, sexual compatibility

1542
01:08:31,160 --> 01:08:32,519
Speaker 3: is massively important.

1543
01:08:32,560 --> 01:08:33,599
Speaker 4: It's important a lot of women.

1544
01:08:33,640 --> 01:08:35,280
Speaker 3: As a matter of fact, to women in the book,

1545
01:08:35,680 --> 01:08:39,000
Speaker 3: I have physically attractive over sexually compatible. It's more important

1546
01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:40,680
Speaker 3: than I look at my partner and I'm like, oh,

1547
01:08:41,520 --> 01:08:44,400
Speaker 3: than because then I can do the rest, yes, but.

1548
01:08:44,760 --> 01:08:47,160
Speaker 1: A lot of others that's not me. Yeah, isn't for me.

1549
01:08:47,200 --> 01:08:49,479
Speaker 1: I mean, of course I like good like pretty people,

1550
01:08:49,880 --> 01:08:51,720
Speaker 1: but I don't really you have to be kind of

1551
01:08:51,760 --> 01:08:52,880
Speaker 1: like a fine person. I don't.

1552
01:08:52,960 --> 01:08:55,160
Speaker 2: I have it, wants to walk away and dolanguage.

1553
01:08:55,280 --> 01:08:59,040
Speaker 1: If someone can make me laugh, then I'm men. But

1554
01:08:59,400 --> 01:09:02,040
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously there is some physicality things there, because

1555
01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:07,240
Speaker 1: there are, but it's not number one. Definitely sex for sure.

1556
01:09:07,479 --> 01:09:10,360
Speaker 1: And financial which is new for me because you would

1557
01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:11,960
Speaker 1: ask me that. Like five years ago, had been like, oh,

1558
01:09:11,960 --> 01:09:14,759
Speaker 1: I don't care how much money you make. I love head. Yeah,

1559
01:09:14,960 --> 01:09:17,240
Speaker 1: And now I'm like, wait, I got a care, I

1560
01:09:17,280 --> 01:09:20,920
Speaker 1: got shit, I got built. I'm like I'm doing pretty good,

1561
01:09:21,040 --> 01:09:22,920
Speaker 1: Like I need you to be doing pretty good, Like

1562
01:09:23,040 --> 01:09:26,000
Speaker 1: come on, let's let's like at least be even and

1563
01:09:27,200 --> 01:09:29,760
Speaker 1: like yeah, I think. Also seeing other women in my

1564
01:09:29,840 --> 01:09:33,320
Speaker 1: life take care of their partners and that's what they

1565
01:09:33,400 --> 01:09:35,519
Speaker 1: like to do, that's not really for me. You know,

1566
01:09:35,600 --> 01:09:36,960
Speaker 1: I don't want that in a partner. I feel like

1567
01:09:37,000 --> 01:09:39,679
Speaker 1: eventually I'll be like I'll get turned off. Mm hmmm.

1568
01:09:40,400 --> 01:09:42,559
Speaker 5: I would love to be someone sugar, mama, you would

1569
01:09:42,680 --> 01:09:44,519
Speaker 5: I would be someone sugar mama, for sure, I.

1570
01:09:44,520 --> 01:09:47,000
Speaker 1: Don't have any desire for that. And that's so important.

1571
01:09:47,000 --> 01:09:49,880
Speaker 3: These conversations are so crucial because then someone's listening exactly

1572
01:09:49,920 --> 01:09:50,680
Speaker 3: to your point, like.

1573
01:09:50,680 --> 01:09:51,400
Speaker 4: I would love that.

1574
01:09:51,840 --> 01:09:53,920
Speaker 1: So we do this with our careers.

1575
01:09:53,960 --> 01:09:56,880
Speaker 3: We spend eighteen years through process of elimination learning in

1576
01:09:56,920 --> 01:10:00,040
Speaker 3: a low risk environment where we excel and where we

1577
01:10:00,320 --> 01:10:02,479
Speaker 3: aren't that great, and we can ask ourself the question

1578
01:10:02,560 --> 01:10:03,719
Speaker 3: do I want to get a math tutor?

1579
01:10:03,720 --> 01:10:05,920
Speaker 4: A say, fuck math, I'm gonna be an artist anyways. Right,

1580
01:10:06,000 --> 01:10:07,280
Speaker 4: So it's a process of.

1581
01:10:07,280 --> 01:10:10,160
Speaker 3: Narrowing down where you know you're gonna be best suited,

1582
01:10:10,360 --> 01:10:10,719
Speaker 3: like what.

1583
01:10:10,640 --> 01:10:12,599
Speaker 5: I'm If I'm good at this, then you don't have

1584
01:10:12,640 --> 01:10:16,200
Speaker 5: to be that like just adding and subtracting. What I'm

1585
01:10:16,200 --> 01:10:17,599
Speaker 5: good at might not be your strong point. But that's

1586
01:10:17,600 --> 01:10:19,479
Speaker 5: fine because that's my strong point and that's exact great.

1587
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:22,120
Speaker 4: But it's putting yourself. I mean a ninety percent.

1588
01:10:22,160 --> 01:10:24,000
Speaker 3: To be honest with you, I think of a relationship

1589
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:27,680
Speaker 3: is about do I like myself around you? It's kind

1590
01:10:27,720 --> 01:10:29,519
Speaker 3: of about liking the other person. That's ten percent. You've

1591
01:10:29,520 --> 01:10:30,920
Speaker 3: got to like that in motherfucker.

1592
01:10:31,280 --> 01:10:33,880
Speaker 5: How do you affect? And yeah, who I am? And

1593
01:10:33,880 --> 01:10:36,519
Speaker 5: that's true because with Bruna, we had this other gone.

1594
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:38,439
Speaker 5: She wrote a book called The Problems with Dating and

1595
01:10:38,479 --> 01:10:40,639
Speaker 5: she was solvent for like something like a thousand days

1596
01:10:40,640 --> 01:10:42,960
Speaker 5: plus and you know, did this whole thing. But she

1597
01:10:43,120 --> 01:10:47,840
Speaker 5: was saying, it's interesting that we don't we've new things

1598
01:10:47,880 --> 01:10:50,920
Speaker 5: come up in relationships because you've never seen yourself with

1599
01:10:51,000 --> 01:10:51,719
Speaker 5: this person before.

1600
01:10:51,800 --> 01:10:53,600
Speaker 1: Yes, so you can't deal with certain.

1601
01:10:53,320 --> 01:10:56,599
Speaker 5: Things until you're literally there because I've never had this issue.

1602
01:10:56,640 --> 01:10:59,000
Speaker 5: I've never had to deal with myself dealing with you.

1603
01:10:59,320 --> 01:11:01,600
Speaker 5: And there's different parts of me that I'm addressing that

1604
01:11:01,640 --> 01:11:04,800
Speaker 5: I'm uncomfortable with because I've never seen them before. So

1605
01:11:04,880 --> 01:11:06,519
Speaker 5: there's all these new things that come up, and you

1606
01:11:06,560 --> 01:11:09,559
Speaker 5: have to be aware, like how this person is influencing you,

1607
01:11:09,600 --> 01:11:11,400
Speaker 5: and if you like or dislike what they're bringing out

1608
01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:13,719
Speaker 5: in you, and who you become with that person. Because

1609
01:11:13,720 --> 01:11:15,080
Speaker 5: I also read in your book, which I thought was

1610
01:11:15,080 --> 01:11:18,160
Speaker 5: interesting about not being yourself, is that it's true. There's

1611
01:11:18,160 --> 01:11:21,559
Speaker 5: there's your work self, there's your like after our self,

1612
01:11:21,600 --> 01:11:24,080
Speaker 5: there's your drunk self, there's when no one is watching self.

1613
01:11:24,160 --> 01:11:26,120
Speaker 2: So you do choose who you are and who you choose.

1614
01:11:26,160 --> 01:11:27,880
Speaker 2: The person you choose to be is who you are.

1615
01:11:28,120 --> 01:11:30,960
Speaker 5: Yes, but there's choices, and I guess that is true,

1616
01:11:30,960 --> 01:11:34,640
Speaker 5: and there's we all have numerous dynamics and besides of

1617
01:11:34,640 --> 01:11:37,040
Speaker 5: our personality, there's a dark side. There's v a side

1618
01:11:37,120 --> 01:11:40,960
Speaker 5: of yourself. It's like the professional side. So I think

1619
01:11:41,120 --> 01:11:42,080
Speaker 5: you know that's that's true.

1620
01:11:42,080 --> 01:11:42,280
Speaker 1: True.

1621
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:44,479
Speaker 3: Yeah, You've got to be the sad of yourself that

1622
01:11:44,560 --> 01:11:46,280
Speaker 3: you like in reflection to your partner.

1623
01:11:46,280 --> 01:11:48,920
Speaker 1: And that makes you feel sexy and powerful.

1624
01:11:48,439 --> 01:11:50,880
Speaker 4: And smart, like a great mom and a great person.

1625
01:11:51,040 --> 01:11:54,040
Speaker 3: And when you have all of those feelings, I feel

1626
01:11:54,040 --> 01:11:56,920
Speaker 3: like that just enhances every area of your life. I

1627
01:11:56,920 --> 01:11:59,200
Speaker 3: think relationships should be like and yeah, it should be

1628
01:11:59,240 --> 01:12:01,360
Speaker 3: like you're You're safe, fun zone. You don't have to

1629
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:03,719
Speaker 3: be in a relationship it's twenty nineteen. If you're gonna

1630
01:12:03,760 --> 01:12:05,920
Speaker 3: do it, it has to be only because it one

1631
01:12:06,000 --> 01:12:10,280
Speaker 3: hundred percent benefits you if you hired from some other how.

1632
01:12:10,360 --> 01:12:16,400
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, last question. We have a segment on

1633
01:12:16,400 --> 01:12:17,479
Speaker 1: our show called horror Stories.

1634
01:12:17,600 --> 01:12:18,920
Speaker 4: Yes, I'm so afraid of this.

1635
01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:25,360
Speaker 1: Who Stories.

1636
01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:29,320
Speaker 4: I was hoping we would just forget about it get

1637
01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:30,040
Speaker 4: to it.

1638
01:12:30,960 --> 01:12:34,800
Speaker 1: Which is a horror a horry situation. It was either

1639
01:12:34,840 --> 01:12:38,040
Speaker 1: a highly horrific as in scary sexual situation or a

1640
01:12:38,120 --> 01:12:42,000
Speaker 1: very funny sexual situation. Do you have any that you'd

1641
01:12:42,000 --> 01:12:44,360
Speaker 1: like to share. I'll do a personal one, but like

1642
01:12:44,439 --> 01:12:45,240
Speaker 1: I'm not that great.

1643
01:12:45,360 --> 01:12:46,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, I.

1644
01:12:46,000 --> 01:12:48,160
Speaker 3: Just wish that I was, Like I listened to the

1645
01:12:48,240 --> 01:12:50,599
Speaker 3: horrible decisions girls and like they.

1646
01:12:50,520 --> 01:12:52,840
Speaker 1: Truly like walk the wall they go in.

1647
01:12:53,120 --> 01:12:56,439
Speaker 4: Really, but they're like they live that life. I don't live,

1648
01:12:56,520 --> 01:12:57,320
Speaker 4: you know what I mean, Like one.

1649
01:12:57,240 --> 01:12:59,000
Speaker 2: Of them a sex educator, but I'm not.

1650
01:12:59,160 --> 01:13:00,920
Speaker 3: I wish, you know, I I took that pressure off

1651
01:13:00,920 --> 01:13:03,080
Speaker 3: myself because there was a time when I was studying

1652
01:13:03,080 --> 01:13:05,439
Speaker 3: where You're learning about all these kinks and fetishes and

1653
01:13:05,479 --> 01:13:06,920
Speaker 3: I'm just like, man, like.

1654
01:13:07,800 --> 01:13:12,920
Speaker 1: I supposed exactly what I'm We're gonna go pegging tonight.

1655
01:13:13,080 --> 01:13:17,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's just like I took the pressure on. I'm like,

1656
01:13:17,240 --> 01:13:18,120
Speaker 4: you know why, I just do it.

1657
01:13:18,760 --> 01:13:20,880
Speaker 3: It's like ruining my sexual experience by trying to live

1658
01:13:20,960 --> 01:13:23,439
Speaker 3: up to the expectation of being like like, I will

1659
01:13:23,439 --> 01:13:27,000
Speaker 3: fully admit I'm definitely not as good in bed as

1660
01:13:27,040 --> 01:13:29,559
Speaker 3: like many women because of the fact that I'm just

1661
01:13:29,560 --> 01:13:32,360
Speaker 3: not as adventurous. Not I've never eaten pooh before, you

1662
01:13:32,479 --> 01:13:36,280
Speaker 3: make oh, not like that. But the extremes of things

1663
01:13:36,439 --> 01:13:39,360
Speaker 3: where people say freaks, I'm like, oh, Doggie style on

1664
01:13:39,360 --> 01:13:40,240
Speaker 3: a Friday.

1665
01:13:41,280 --> 01:13:42,400
Speaker 1: My glasses the plan.

1666
01:13:43,760 --> 01:13:46,400
Speaker 3: I will tell a story of like when I was

1667
01:13:46,680 --> 01:13:49,880
Speaker 3: early yeah, like maybe like twenty eight years olds, when

1668
01:13:49,880 --> 01:13:52,559
Speaker 3: I was just getting back into the dating scene, I

1669
01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:54,800
Speaker 3: met this and I knew myself at this time. So dating,

1670
01:13:54,800 --> 01:13:56,519
Speaker 3: when you know yourself, you put the work in. Like

1671
01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:58,920
Speaker 3: when you've done the game of Desire new the plug,

1672
01:14:00,080 --> 01:14:02,240
Speaker 3: it's different because you're like, okay, like I just want

1673
01:14:02,280 --> 01:14:04,559
Speaker 3: this to be fun and celebrate and celebrate and celebration

1674
01:14:04,640 --> 01:14:06,800
Speaker 3: of me. So on a date with this dude so

1675
01:14:07,040 --> 01:14:10,559
Speaker 3: fine washed my car. We had a really great time.

1676
01:14:10,760 --> 01:14:12,639
Speaker 3: Like he's like, I have this amazing view of the city.

1677
01:14:12,640 --> 01:14:14,880
Speaker 3: Do you want to see it? I'm like absolutely, And

1678
01:14:14,960 --> 01:14:17,120
Speaker 3: so we went up to the top. We're having this

1679
01:14:17,160 --> 01:14:19,240
Speaker 3: great conversation with the Wu Tang clan. It was like

1680
01:14:19,320 --> 01:14:21,320
Speaker 3: really fun. I was like I'm really feeling this guy,

1681
01:14:21,360 --> 01:14:24,640
Speaker 3: and like he was just arker typely so beautiful, and

1682
01:14:24,680 --> 01:14:27,719
Speaker 3: then it was almost as if the fucking moon got

1683
01:14:27,760 --> 01:14:30,519
Speaker 3: like a shadow passed over it all of a sudden,

1684
01:14:30,560 --> 01:14:33,880
Speaker 3: he just turns so sexual and it was just like

1685
01:14:34,520 --> 01:14:37,040
Speaker 3: heavy makeouts, which I love. I love a good makeout

1686
01:14:37,040 --> 01:14:39,439
Speaker 3: and I'm like, he's such a good kisser, was so amazing,

1687
01:14:39,720 --> 01:14:41,880
Speaker 3: but he was really trying to advance to sex. And

1688
01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:44,000
Speaker 3: we were at the rooftop, so we were like close

1689
01:14:44,040 --> 01:14:46,519
Speaker 3: to you know, his place, and so he just kept

1690
01:14:46,560 --> 01:14:48,880
Speaker 3: trying to advance into sex. But I'm like, I know me,

1691
01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:51,080
Speaker 3: I go by the twenty four hour policy. I can

1692
01:14:51,120 --> 01:14:52,840
Speaker 3: fuck you now, but tomorrow I'm not going to be

1693
01:14:52,880 --> 01:14:55,479
Speaker 3: happy with this decision. Like, and there's something that's off.

1694
01:14:55,560 --> 01:14:57,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, why are you are you passing me so hard?

1695
01:14:57,280 --> 01:14:58,479
Speaker 1: Yeah? Something was off.

1696
01:14:58,520 --> 01:15:00,640
Speaker 3: And he was just like really like trying and like

1697
01:15:00,720 --> 01:15:03,000
Speaker 3: throwing at me all like the best moves, all his

1698
01:15:03,120 --> 01:15:06,839
Speaker 3: like Ryu Hadukans like compliments and like, you know, offers

1699
01:15:06,880 --> 01:15:09,360
Speaker 3: to do things in the future, and you know how

1700
01:15:09,400 --> 01:15:12,840
Speaker 3: I feel about you this connection, and I was just

1701
01:15:12,840 --> 01:15:15,160
Speaker 3: blocking all that ship, you know what I mean. And

1702
01:15:15,200 --> 01:15:17,680
Speaker 3: so he walked me to my car and we had

1703
01:15:17,720 --> 01:15:19,800
Speaker 3: this really intense make out of the car and he's like,

1704
01:15:19,840 --> 01:15:21,000
Speaker 3: are you sure you don't want to come up? And

1705
01:15:21,000 --> 01:15:23,720
Speaker 3: I was like no, And then I got in my car,

1706
01:15:23,760 --> 01:15:26,880
Speaker 3: I drove off, I parked around the corner. I masturbated

1707
01:15:27,560 --> 01:15:30,000
Speaker 3: and then I unmatched with him and blocked his number

1708
01:15:30,240 --> 01:15:31,599
Speaker 3: because I'm like, I know, I.

1709
01:15:31,520 --> 01:15:33,599
Speaker 4: Can see where this is going and I but.

1710
01:15:33,680 --> 01:15:37,760
Speaker 1: You but you were horny though, Like right decision, make

1711
01:15:37,800 --> 01:15:38,519
Speaker 1: the right decision.

1712
01:15:38,800 --> 01:15:40,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's not a horror story. That's like, you know,

1713
01:15:40,840 --> 01:15:42,080
Speaker 4: I was like a proud of you know what.

1714
01:15:42,200 --> 01:15:45,400
Speaker 1: That's actually like a really good technique because instead of

1715
01:15:45,640 --> 01:15:47,519
Speaker 1: just like going for it, just like let me just

1716
01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:48,400
Speaker 1: go get it off real.

1717
01:15:48,360 --> 01:15:51,000
Speaker 2: Quick and see how I feel, like, you know what,

1718
01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:52,040
Speaker 2: I'm still on the corner changed.

1719
01:15:52,240 --> 01:15:56,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure I'm right there. I'm actually watching masturbate,

1720
01:15:56,800 --> 01:15:59,960
Speaker 1: you know, and like, yeah, like if you're like you're

1721
01:16:00,040 --> 01:16:01,680
Speaker 1: make it with the guy, like BRP, I'm going to

1722
01:16:01,680 --> 01:16:04,840
Speaker 1: the bath, right, you're gonna go freshen up. Yes, go

1723
01:16:04,840 --> 01:16:06,760
Speaker 1: get it off real quick and if you still want it,

1724
01:16:07,000 --> 01:16:09,000
Speaker 1: then cool. But if not not, or wait for twenty

1725
01:16:09,040 --> 01:16:10,720
Speaker 1: four hours as she said, which most of us.

1726
01:16:10,760 --> 01:16:12,360
Speaker 3: You know a lot of men do that before dates.

1727
01:16:12,400 --> 01:16:14,200
Speaker 3: They mastered be before a date to make sure they're

1728
01:16:14,200 --> 01:16:16,800
Speaker 3: not making any like something about Mary. M hm, yes,

1729
01:16:16,920 --> 01:16:17,839
Speaker 3: something about Mary.

1730
01:16:18,120 --> 01:16:20,639
Speaker 1: That's a good line. Start doing that. I mean, I'm

1731
01:16:20,640 --> 01:16:21,479
Speaker 1: not really fucking right now.

1732
01:16:21,640 --> 01:16:24,280
Speaker 4: Masturbate before a date and then take your vaginal fluid down.

1733
01:16:24,840 --> 01:16:27,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god, I can't wait where we're going

1734
01:16:27,680 --> 01:16:32,640
Speaker 1: this weekend girl of July. We can vaginal juice. Girl,

1735
01:16:36,080 --> 01:16:38,040
Speaker 1: I'm telling you it's gonna be the next wave of

1736
01:16:38,080 --> 01:16:41,840
Speaker 1: beauty that breast milk and vaginal juices. Yeah, telling you,

1737
01:16:41,920 --> 01:16:46,800
Speaker 1: I support it, mark my words. Okay, Well, I think

1738
01:16:46,840 --> 01:16:49,040
Speaker 1: that's that's all we got for you, girl. Thank you

1739
01:16:49,160 --> 01:16:50,919
Speaker 1: so much, No, thank.

1740
01:16:50,720 --> 01:16:54,639
Speaker 4: You, this was really fine. It's really a black thank.

1741
01:16:54,520 --> 01:16:56,719
Speaker 1: You for both wonderful positively to our stalking.

1742
01:16:56,880 --> 01:17:00,759
Speaker 4: Yeah behavior.

1743
01:17:01,720 --> 01:17:03,400
Speaker 1: Now, you guys are awesome and I'm really grateful and

1744
01:17:03,520 --> 01:17:04,680
Speaker 1: thank you for the work that you do.

1745
01:17:04,760 --> 01:17:07,000
Speaker 4: You take up the space that not a lot.

1746
01:17:06,960 --> 01:17:07,960
Speaker 1: Of people would dare to.

1747
01:17:08,160 --> 01:17:11,480
Speaker 3: And I think to hear mothers talk about their sexuality

1748
01:17:11,479 --> 01:17:15,000
Speaker 3: and be so like truly confident even just sitting here

1749
01:17:15,000 --> 01:17:18,439
Speaker 3: as their sexual selves makes me feel really inspired and

1750
01:17:18,520 --> 01:17:19,799
Speaker 3: hopeful towards my future.

1751
01:17:19,920 --> 01:17:22,040
Speaker 1: So this was another step for me.

1752
01:17:22,200 --> 01:17:23,919
Speaker 4: And like the baby thinking about.

1753
01:17:24,160 --> 01:17:26,559
Speaker 1: I'm on if you get pregnant and hit us up.

1754
01:17:26,560 --> 01:17:27,960
Speaker 1: We got tips, tricks, all types.

1755
01:17:27,760 --> 01:17:30,519
Speaker 4: Of yes, I will thank you.

1756
01:17:30,960 --> 01:17:32,360
Speaker 1: Can you tell her? I'm sure they know where to

1757
01:17:32,360 --> 01:17:33,640
Speaker 1: find you, but I just let them know where they

1758
01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:35,560
Speaker 1: can get your book, all that stuff.

1759
01:17:35,360 --> 01:17:37,760
Speaker 4: Get my books everywhere that books or Soul Wends is

1760
01:17:37,800 --> 01:17:41,599
Speaker 4: coming out not next Wednesday, so I'm still on pre order.

1761
01:17:41,680 --> 01:17:43,320
Speaker 1: But my pre order game is really strong.

1762
01:17:43,600 --> 01:17:46,519
Speaker 3: I have podcasts on like how to like manage your

1763
01:17:46,560 --> 01:17:49,360
Speaker 3: friends with benefits, like step by step techniques. I'm doing

1764
01:17:49,360 --> 01:17:51,880
Speaker 3: an advice podcast. It's a private podcast only for those

1765
01:17:51,880 --> 01:17:53,880
Speaker 3: who pre ordered. You can get a phone call with

1766
01:17:53,960 --> 01:17:55,280
Speaker 3: me so you can ask a question.

1767
01:17:56,000 --> 01:17:58,519
Speaker 4: I'm also giving away a color chart like for dressing

1768
01:17:58,560 --> 01:18:00,639
Speaker 4: that like I've been using the people with like So

1769
01:18:00,920 --> 01:18:02,639
Speaker 4: when you pre order you get a lot of love.

1770
01:18:02,960 --> 01:18:04,880
Speaker 3: If you buy the book afterwards, you just get the book,

1771
01:18:05,000 --> 01:18:07,640
Speaker 3: which is great. But take advantage right now of all

1772
01:18:07,680 --> 01:18:09,559
Speaker 3: the offers that I have. Go to the game of

1773
01:18:09,640 --> 01:18:11,120
Speaker 3: Desire dot com.

1774
01:18:11,640 --> 01:18:15,400
Speaker 1: Awesome, Thank you so much. I love you. And you

1775
01:18:15,439 --> 01:18:17,920
Speaker 1: know what, Jared is really really sweet.

1776
01:18:18,080 --> 01:18:21,840
Speaker 2: It's very nice coffee boys. We saw him outside.

1777
01:18:21,960 --> 01:18:22,400
Speaker 4: Let me tell you.

1778
01:18:22,520 --> 01:18:24,720
Speaker 5: We pulled that from like, hey, we're here to do

1779
01:18:24,800 --> 01:18:26,799
Speaker 5: a podcast, and Shan he's like, okay, park anywhere.

1780
01:18:26,920 --> 01:18:28,960
Speaker 2: So we're sitting at the door and he's she's knocking.

1781
01:18:29,000 --> 01:18:30,599
Speaker 1: She hates that. I like bust in people's houses all

1782
01:18:30,600 --> 01:18:31,759
Speaker 1: the time. I'm like, girl, it's unlocked.

1783
01:18:31,760 --> 01:18:33,040
Speaker 5: She's like, we don't even know that. We cat just

1784
01:18:33,080 --> 01:18:35,240
Speaker 5: busted us, like he just saw us, and like she's Canadian.

1785
01:18:35,320 --> 01:18:35,800
Speaker 1: Trust me.

1786
01:18:35,960 --> 01:18:37,600
Speaker 2: Just she says, you do it. I'm like fine, I

1787
01:18:37,600 --> 01:18:38,599
Speaker 2: opened the door and he's.

1788
01:18:38,439 --> 01:18:42,639
Speaker 1: Like come in. I'm like, yeah, it's she always busts

1789
01:18:42,680 --> 01:18:44,960
Speaker 1: in my house and scares the shit out of me.

1790
01:18:45,000 --> 01:18:46,920
Speaker 1: And I'm like, bitch, if I had a gun, you've

1791
01:18:46,920 --> 01:18:49,559
Speaker 1: been dead. I mean, you can't go in. I know

1792
01:18:49,600 --> 01:18:51,479
Speaker 1: you don't have you guys, I know, but I'm dead.

1793
01:18:52,080 --> 01:18:54,920
Speaker 1: You can't be busting in people's houses. So I was wrong.

1794
01:18:55,920 --> 01:18:59,439
Speaker 4: Well Brandon was already here. You're in good company. Out

1795
01:18:59,439 --> 01:18:59,960
Speaker 4: Brandon and he.

1796
01:19:01,680 --> 01:19:04,360
Speaker 2: On the film your wife, how fine you are.

1797
01:19:04,640 --> 01:19:08,519
Speaker 1: Shout out to your white friends. Anyway you guys can

1798
01:19:08,560 --> 01:19:10,280
Speaker 1: find us you don't want to find us at good

1799
01:19:10,280 --> 01:19:13,960
Speaker 1: Mom's Underscore Bad Choices and we'll see you guys next

1800
01:19:14,000 --> 01:19:16,639
Speaker 1: week and start up for newsletter. Yes do that too.

1801
01:19:16,560 --> 01:19:35,320
Speaker 1: Good Bye bye you you you shut the way you

1802
01:19:35,360 --> 01:19:38,280
Speaker 1: in the feeling happy said you're pregnant. That gets you

1803
01:19:38,400 --> 01:19:40,479
Speaker 1: the daddy. Don't want to fall for it, but in

1804
01:19:40,520 --> 01:19:42,519
Speaker 1: the space of good I do. So now I'm back

1805
01:19:42,720 --> 01:19:42,760
Speaker 1: to