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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Bridget and you're listening the stuff momb

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Speaker 1: never told you. Today's episode is exciting for two reasons. One,

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Speaker 1: it's recorded live right here in Austin, Texas from south

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Speaker 1: By Southwest. And two, it's really a celebration of one

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Speaker 1: of my favorite topics, and that is the work life.

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Speaker 1: That's right, we're talking to your friend who reads that

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Speaker 1: late night email when you're having a freak out or

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Speaker 1: responds to your text at three am when you're crying

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Speaker 1: in the bathroom. I was joined by three rad ladies

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Speaker 1: to discuss why our work lives are so important? Did

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Speaker 1: you know that women are actually hardwired for friendship? A

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Speaker 1: study by Laura Klein and Kelly Taylor on that when

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Speaker 1: life gets tough, women actually seek out friendships with other

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Speaker 1: women as a means of regulating their stress level. As

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Speaker 1: they put it, women quote tend and befriend to deal

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Speaker 1: with situations. And if you listen to our episode, can

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Speaker 1: We be Friends? You already know that lady friends are

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Speaker 1: good for your health. In fact, a study by David

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Speaker 1: Spiegel found that the survival rate of women with breast

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Speaker 1: cancer was much higher among those with a strong supportive

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Speaker 1: circle of friends. Versus those who lived in social isolation.

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Speaker 1: And beyond that, your work wife is actually good for business.

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Speaker 1: According to a study from the Institute for Operations Research

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Speaker 1: and the Management Sciences, when employers bustered office environment that

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Speaker 1: supports positive social relationships between women co workers, female employees

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Speaker 1: are much less likely to experience conflict. Now this is

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Speaker 1: especially true in male dominated fields. So now you know

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Speaker 1: why lady friends are so important. Now. I was really

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Speaker 1: excited to be joined I r L by some of

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Speaker 1: my newest lady friends Blair Monty, Basiamerza and Darien Smone

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Speaker 1: Harvin to talk about our favorite lady friends both in

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Speaker 1: pop culture and I r L enough set up without

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Speaker 1: further ado, here Sminty Live, this is Grid and you're

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Speaker 1: listening or I guess watching stuff Mom never told you

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Speaker 1: um today, I'm really really stoked to be joined by

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Speaker 1: such an awesome crew of soon to be lady pals.

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Speaker 1: I think and hope we'll see um. If you listen

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Speaker 1: to the show, you know that this was a show

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Speaker 1: that has really been about dynamic women collaborating together. The

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Speaker 1: earlier iteration of the show was two awesome women Molly

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Speaker 1: and Kristen. Then after that it was another two awesome women,

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Speaker 1: Kristin and Caroline, and it was me and my good

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Speaker 1: pal Emily Aries, who recently left to do her own thing.

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Speaker 1: And what I learned from that experience of working on

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Speaker 1: a collaborative project with a friend is that lady friends

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Speaker 1: are very important, not just to get stuff done. They're

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Speaker 1: the person who's there answering your email when it's in

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Speaker 1: all caps, but the person who you know answers that

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Speaker 1: group text at three am when you are losing your uh.

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Speaker 1: They're there for you, and you know, there's no one

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Speaker 1: I would have rather have done that show with and

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Speaker 1: my good friend Emily, And when she left to go

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Speaker 1: do bigger and better things, I was so happy for her,

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Speaker 1: but it made me want to really uplift and reaffirm

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Speaker 1: the importance of lady friendships. So that's what today's episode

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Speaker 1: is all about. I'm so stoked to be joined by

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Speaker 1: my pal here today. Would you like to introduce yourself?

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Speaker 1: My name is Fausia Mirza. Um what else should I

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Speaker 1: tell you? Um? Tell us your favorite best friend duo

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Speaker 1: in pop culture? Oh gosh, um, I can I have

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Speaker 1: to say? My favorite best friend duo right now is

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Speaker 1: actually my best friend who lives in Austin. I know

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Speaker 1: that's on pop culture, but it will be because we

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Speaker 1: are pitching a television show. So uh, but she can't

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Speaker 1: be here right now because she's doing god knows what.

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Speaker 1: But Lisa Donato is one of my best friends and

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Speaker 1: my lady collaborator and buddy that makes everything makes sense

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Speaker 1: when nothing else does. Hi. I'm Darien Harvin. Um. I

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Speaker 1: am a digital media and social media consultant and I

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Speaker 1: live in Los Angeles. I would have to say that

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Speaker 1: my current like, besides Beyonce and Kelly, my favorite kind

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Speaker 1: of like BFFs right now. Does anyone watch Claws our

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Speaker 1: clause on TNT? Okay, so if you watch that show,

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Speaker 1: then all of kind of like the main characters and

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Speaker 1: with niece Nash are all kind of like bff lady friends,

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Speaker 1: but specifically her relationship in the show. Um with I

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Speaker 1: wrote it down because I'm so bad at actor and

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Speaker 1: actresses names. Um, Carrie Preston and she plays Polly and

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Speaker 1: NC Nash plays does Not. And I just love the

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Speaker 1: dynamic of how they lean on one another on one another.

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Speaker 1: So they're my favorite in pop culture right now. Awesome. Um,

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Speaker 1: my name is Blair Monty. I'm an activist Black Lives

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Speaker 1: Matter and lgbt Q rights activists. Um, and I'm also

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Speaker 1: an author. My books coming out in October, so screw

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Speaker 1: everybody who told me I couldn't write a book. So

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Speaker 1: I don't know how to use commas. Um, she's not

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Speaker 1: gonna learn. Yeah, I'm gonna send them all to my

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Speaker 1: English teachers who are like, Blair, what are you doing? Um?

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I think my favorite hopefully they can be

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Speaker 1: real people. You said, real people. Um? Uh. Tegan and Sarah, Um,

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Speaker 1: they're siblings, so like sibling activists, like activists doos sibling

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Speaker 1: best friend duos. Sorry, everything in my mind is activist oriented. Um.

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Speaker 1: And then also the Lucas brothers, who are also a

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Speaker 1: sibling duo. I'm just trying to also befriend all of

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Speaker 1: the like indie twin sibling duos right now. Um it's

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Speaker 1: going well. Um, but yeah, I just love the dynamics. Um.

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Speaker 1: My best friend is my younger sister Chelsea, who she

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Speaker 1: probably won't agree with me, but just kind of like

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Speaker 1: the animosity, like don't sounds real close to me like

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Speaker 1: that like love hate, but also I'll have your back

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Speaker 1: no matter what. And I will punch your partner in

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Speaker 1: the elevator ALLASA launch. I love it. I love that

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Speaker 1: you brought up I mean, I'm gonna gonna jump right in.

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Speaker 1: I love that you brought up sibling friendships because I'm

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Speaker 1: a I'm a younger sister, um, super braddy all of that.

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Speaker 1: You don't actually see a lot of sibling relationships as

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Speaker 1: friendships on the big screen, right. Usually it's they don't

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Speaker 1: like each other, or they only exist because you know,

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Speaker 1: the sister has a crush on the brother's friend or

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Speaker 1: something like that. Um. So I love that you brought

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Speaker 1: up siblings because definitely, I think, like your your siblings,

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Speaker 1: the way that we were raised atlis who's like you know,

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Speaker 1: when we're like when push comes to shove, your siblings

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Speaker 1: are going to have your back no matter what. That's

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Speaker 1: not the case for everybody, but definitely in my family. Like,

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Speaker 1: I got beat up by this dude at school, and

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Speaker 1: my brother, who was a couple of years older than me,

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Speaker 1: he came back to campus and he was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: what's up, Like, what's what's happening? And so it was

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Speaker 1: like just that that presence, that constant presence, like that's

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Speaker 1: going to outlive, you know, hopefully all of the friendships

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Speaker 1: you have because you you know, you're born with these

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Speaker 1: folks or raised together. Inquiring minds want to know, did

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Speaker 1: your brother kick that guy's ask? My brother is a

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Speaker 1: pacifist um as of my but he gave him a

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Speaker 1: stern Talking to Chelsea, So, I have four siblings, Nancy, Marlina, Brandon, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: um and we're all pretty spread out except for me

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Speaker 1: and Chelsea. I would like antagonize people with language and

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Speaker 1: so with Brandon, and then Chelsea would come in with

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Speaker 1: the muscle. Um so, but we're all pacifist. It sounds

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Speaker 1: like it's so true though, that like you don't get

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Speaker 1: to see these positive female like sibling relationships, even though

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Speaker 1: I know growing up and I do have an older sister,

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Speaker 1: but with the seven years different between us, it was

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Speaker 1: really hard for us to be friends. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I grew up in a conservative Pakistani must some household,

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Speaker 1: so it was like, don't tell anybody anything about anything,

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Speaker 1: including the people your blood related to, right and so,

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Speaker 1: so that's been kind of a bit of our struggle.

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Speaker 1: But I'm I have to say, I'm very excited about

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Speaker 1: um a sibling relationship in a new show UH that's

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Speaker 1: going to be on Stars, which is truly, I think,

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Speaker 1: very exciting and never seen before. It's the Latin xt

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Speaker 1: queer show UM called Vita and Um. The two main

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Speaker 1: characters are sisters who come back to East l A

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Speaker 1: when their mother dies and they're so different and um

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Speaker 1: but also having to reconnect as sisters in his family.

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Speaker 1: And I got to watch the first few episodes, but

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, yes, we don't see that ever, and

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Speaker 1: and brownness and sister nous and friendship nous all of

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Speaker 1: the end, queerness in all one space is super powerful

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Speaker 1: and exciting, totally. I was having a conversation with General

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Speaker 1: were them recently on from Still Processing, which is a

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Speaker 1: great podcast. You don't listen to it, um, so you should.

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Speaker 1: But she was talking about how you don't even kind

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Speaker 1: of realize how sort of traumatic it can be to

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Speaker 1: not see your own story reflected on screen, and that

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Speaker 1: when you actually see it, only then are you like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I was thirsting for a representation of

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Speaker 1: what something that looks like me. And if you can't

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Speaker 1: see these authentic, meaningful depictions of siblings and friendships you

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Speaker 1: know that look like you, you kind of don't realize

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Speaker 1: what a big thing that is until you actually see it,

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Speaker 1: so it's very from it. Yeah, I agree with that,

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Speaker 1: and I also that experience that you just described actually

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Speaker 1: had that but with Black Panther. So for me, I mean,

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Speaker 1: obviously that was like a sci fi marvel action movie.

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Speaker 1: But I will never forget actually went with my parents.

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Speaker 1: They were coming to visit in l A. And I

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Speaker 1: waited a few days because I wanted to see it

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Speaker 1: with them, and I remember just going up the elevator

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Speaker 1: and thinking to myself, I have never even seen a

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Speaker 1: black woman who look like me portrayed in that way

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Speaker 1: so consistently throughout, like a timeline of a movie. And

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Speaker 1: I didn't even in that at first. I was even

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Speaker 1: taken aback by it and like a little shock that

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Speaker 1: at first I had known it, but because I had

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Speaker 1: never truly seen it before. In that moment when I

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Speaker 1: finally did, it like hit me like a ton of bricks,

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Speaker 1: and it's you're right, like you don't even really understand

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Speaker 1: like the devastation of it really until it's actually it

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Speaker 1: actually comes to fruition totally. That's percent true. Like, so

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Speaker 1: we always watched shows like Full House and like The

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Speaker 1: Cosby Show and just you know, all of those shows

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Speaker 1: that were you know, I was born in any three,

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Speaker 1: so we're all reruns at that point. But we would

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Speaker 1: we would always watch those shows and I'd be like, wow,

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Speaker 1: and I actually watched The Cosby Show, for example, like

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Speaker 1: so often that I would start to conflate experiences as

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Speaker 1: the kids were having with my own life. I'd be like, Dad,

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Speaker 1: remember that time you cut a hole in the middle

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Speaker 1: of the chocolate cake and then stuffed paper towels in

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Speaker 1: the cake and then cover that he he was like Blair.

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Speaker 1: That was definitely an episode of The Cosby Show. And

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Speaker 1: so there's a lot of that happening. But the funny

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Speaker 1: thing was that I felt like those families were so perfect,

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Speaker 1: like even though in full house, like there was a

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Speaker 1: different dynamic than most families like or whatever that means,

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Speaker 1: you know, Like I felt like there had to be

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Speaker 1: the two point five kids and the mom and the

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Speaker 1: dad and that any kind of unrest or like um,

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Speaker 1: you know, growing up with my sister Chelsea, she's autistic

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Speaker 1: in um um bipolar, and so I never saw that

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Speaker 1: representation except in that one movie that Shyla buff was

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Speaker 1: in that like did a really sloppy job. Um or

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Speaker 1: like in rain Man, just seeing somebody with like a

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Speaker 1: sibling that was disabled. And so especially like in seeing

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Speaker 1: rain Man, like that was such a traumatic like vision

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Speaker 1: of what a family looks like with um, you know

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Speaker 1: it's a disabled child. But my mom would always tell me, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, speaking of stuff, mom and would told you

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Speaker 1: my mom, like, I feel like she told me everything.

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Speaker 1: She's like, nobody's family is like what you see on

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Speaker 1: the Cosby Show or what you see in the Fresh Prince,

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Speaker 1: Like everybody's family is a mess. And so that always

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Speaker 1: was very comforting to me because when you know, when

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Speaker 1: crazy stuff happens, like my um, my grandfather had a

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Speaker 1: lot of kids and so we have a lot of cousins.

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Speaker 1: And when my older cousin started almost dating her cousin, like,

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Speaker 1: that's wild hilarious stuff that she wouldn't really see on TV,

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Speaker 1: but like it's a relatable, hilarious experience. I thought it

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Speaker 1: was hilarious. She did not, Um, But yeah, like the

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Speaker 1: families we see on TV, when we do see families

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Speaker 1: are so non dysfunctional that it's like it makes you

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Speaker 1: think that your family is the odd one out. But

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Speaker 1: everybody's dealing with wildness. Well, and they're the model minorities, right,

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Speaker 1: So it's like I thought the same thing. I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, why is my boxsany Muslim family living

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Speaker 1: in Sydney, Nova, Scotia, Canada, not like the Cosby Show,

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Speaker 1: because that is what we should be like and that

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Speaker 1: and I wasn't even allowed to date like boys, much

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Speaker 1: less have sex with women and so and so that

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Speaker 1: was such a you know, departure from any reality. But

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Speaker 1: I just thought, that is normal. Why don't we act

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Speaker 1: like that? That is right? And it took years to

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Speaker 1: realize exactly what you're talking about, which is we're all

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Speaker 1: messed up and that is beautiful actually, and the complications

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Speaker 1: of that now I find great joy in. But it

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Speaker 1: took a lot of work and there were there were

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Speaker 1: no depictions, I mean even now, you know. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it's it's a great time to be you know, it's

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Speaker 1: real sexy right now to be South Asian. And oh

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Speaker 1: my god, it's like the Dina el Amine I think

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Speaker 1: that's her last name on The Bold Type. I had

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Speaker 1: just come out as a queer Muslim on Fox News.

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Speaker 1: It was a mess. How about to come out? By

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Speaker 1: the way, you know, I always were like, how about

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Speaker 1: I pick a safe place right where people really embrace

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Speaker 1: me for who I am on Tucker Carlson Tonight and

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Speaker 1: so yeah, you're living you learn. But anyway, so but

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Speaker 1: when after that happened, Um the Bull Type premiered and

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Speaker 1: there's a Dina el Amine and like the big tagline,

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Speaker 1: he's like, well, you know in my Twitter bio says

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Speaker 1: I'm a proud Muslim lesbian and everybody was like, Blair,

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Speaker 1: you have to watch and so I did. But it

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Speaker 1: was like I was frustrated because I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's not like typecasting me. And then I watched it

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Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, this is really it speaks

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Speaker 1: to me in a lot of ways, and so I

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Speaker 1: wrote about it for for Glad actually, but it's also like,

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Speaker 1: would we be in this moment if it wasn't so

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Speaker 1: sexy to be Muslim right now? Like it, you know,

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Speaker 1: like it's the the oppressed group didure and it's really

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Speaker 1: frustrating to be seen as a token. So out of curiosity,

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Speaker 1: why do you think we're in this moment? But that

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Speaker 1: is like a sexy thing right now. I think it's

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Speaker 1: like like Judeo Christian Gil in addition to white gil

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Speaker 1: in addition. It's like, you know, like it's it's a

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Speaker 1: similar phenomenon to me from seeing like Obama when I

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Speaker 1: was in middle school, Obama was running for office, and

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Speaker 1: I don't know about y'all, but I was like the

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Speaker 1: all this the spokesperson for Young Black America at the

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Speaker 1: age of fourteen when he was running for office. It

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Speaker 1: was like, Blair, what do you think? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: I think that I just want to get my math

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Speaker 1: homework done on time, like I don't really care. And

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Speaker 1: so you were a good representative for the entire you know,

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Speaker 1: and now I'm a public speaker. So um, it leveled

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Speaker 1: up to something. But it's it's interesting we have the

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Speaker 1: Muslim ban. I think that there are people grappling with

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Speaker 1: this idea of like, well, this this group is being

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Speaker 1: oppressed and I have biases against them. Let me learn

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Speaker 1: more about this group, and so um, like right after

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Speaker 1: Trump became president, I had tweeted that I'm afraid this

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Speaker 1: would be the last time I feel safe were in hijab,

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Speaker 1: And for a long time it was like it was

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Speaker 1: a lot of um violence happening to Muslim women and

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Speaker 1: still going on, especially in London, like acid attacks, where

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Speaker 1: people are you know, showing that they are not terrorists

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Speaker 1: by show by the shopping acid into the faces of

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Speaker 1: Muslim women. UM. And so this violence, it really culminates

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Speaker 1: into this. You know, people who are in you know,

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Speaker 1: the silent majority or people who um are well meaning

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Speaker 1: folks who don't espouse like vitriolic ideology, who are thinking

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Speaker 1: what can I do to learn more? What can I

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Speaker 1: do to help? Um. It's like when we saw the

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Speaker 1: phenomenon of people wearing safety pins and then folks realizing, well,

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Speaker 1: that's not doing very much. What can we do in addition, um,

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Speaker 1: so like subscribing to the safety pinbox to learn how

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Speaker 1: to become a better ally um through monthly subscription services.

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Speaker 1: So I think that it a genuine curiosity for some people,

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Speaker 1: and I think for other folks it's a check you

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Speaker 1: know well. And I think that there's something about the

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Speaker 1: fact that like, you know, given the like I can't

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Speaker 1: remember the exact eloquent language you use about like dijour

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Speaker 1: right like, but but the social justice issue or the

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Speaker 1: social justice class of the social justice race, you know,

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Speaker 1: whether it's you know, black people or Latin X people

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Speaker 1: or um, you know, even right now with the Me

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Speaker 1: Too movement. I mean I worked in sexual violence for

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Speaker 1: a long time, prevention for a long time, and you know,

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Speaker 1: right now, the fact that people are like, God, this

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Speaker 1: is a thing that's happening, and I'm like, yeah, and

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Speaker 1: it's been going on since humans were invented by whatever

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Speaker 1: you believe in, right, and so this is not new.

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Speaker 1: This is not a new thing. And so so you know,

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Speaker 1: I think post nine eleven is kind of when you know,

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Speaker 1: as a South Asian Muslim, I remember a Pakistani Muslim.

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Speaker 1: I remember before nine eleven there was the where's Pakistan?

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Speaker 1: Post nine eleven, it was like, oh, I know where

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Speaker 1: you're from. I know where you're from. And I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: thank you. I get now I've converted two years ago

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Speaker 1: and now people it's so funny, like I do tweet

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Speaker 1: about it a lot, but like people want me to

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Speaker 1: be where they're from, like if they're you know, if

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Speaker 1: they're immigrants, They're like, are you from Egypt? And I'm

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Speaker 1: like no, I'm just regular black, like regular regular today

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Speaker 1: like and people are subsid I don't speak Arabic. And

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Speaker 1: then I'll meet folks from Pakistan and they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: are you from like the Pashtoon region, And I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: but I know where that is. Like it's so awkward,

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Speaker 1: and it's interesting because people, I think people want to

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Speaker 1: be they want to be conscious, right, and they want

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Speaker 1: to show you that they're trying. And then it turns

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Speaker 1: into assumptions that you don't speak English. But well, meeting

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Speaker 1: assumptions that you don't speak English, um gets stron to

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Speaker 1: in every language that is not mine, which is like

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Speaker 1: English or do and maybe French because I'm Canadian, but

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Speaker 1: that's and maybe Canadian some people think that's a language, um,

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Speaker 1: but it's never it never works. And I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm I'm just Pakistani and they're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: are you okay? Yeah, I'm doing great. Actually I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of joy I love you, and I love

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Speaker 1: all of us. But but it's it's it's fascinating, and

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Speaker 1: I think part of the part of the power of

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Speaker 1: whatever it is happening right now is how can we

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Speaker 1: use that to transcend the narrative, transcend and create space

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Speaker 1: for us because we as us, we've always been there, right,

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Speaker 1: It's not like gay people were just invented, you know

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Speaker 1: when stream Yeah, when Ellen came out, it's like, oh

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Speaker 1: my God, gays of welcome. Gays. You know, we've always

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Speaker 1: been here. And one of the things I love to

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Speaker 1: talk about is, you know, when you know the people

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Speaker 1: built the taj Mahal, you know, the the Harems, I mean,

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Speaker 1: the Harems were not just you know, women, there were

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Speaker 1: people of all different intersectional spaces, queer people, trans people. Um,

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Speaker 1: the oldest religion and one of the oldest religion in

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Speaker 1: the world, I mean, Thuism. There are trans people in

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Speaker 1: in the Ramayana. And so what it is is that,

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Speaker 1: like in a post colonization world, we're kind of just

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Speaker 1: getting to a place where we can revisit where people

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Speaker 1: of color come from and our stories and our power

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Speaker 1: and so um, yeah, let's let's enjoy that. Yeah, y'all,

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Speaker 1: this is a good time to be alive. It does

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Speaker 1: feel like a really interesting time. Something that you both

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Speaker 1: mentioned earlier was sort of seeing The Cosby Show and

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Speaker 1: being like, oh, this family kind of looks like mine,

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Speaker 1: but it's different from mine because they're squeaky clean, and

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Speaker 1: I wonder you know, you brought up Ellen Um. Some

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Speaker 1: cultural critics have actually said shows like The Cosby Show

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Speaker 1: helped sort of America imagine what black, upper middle class

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Speaker 1: folks looked like. Um, some folks would say like shows

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Speaker 1: like William Grace help people imagine what gay people look like.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure how I feel about those comments, but

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Speaker 1: part of me wonders, is there some truth to that

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Speaker 1: that in this moment where you know, Muslim folks and

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Speaker 1: queer folks and folks of color are up having a

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Speaker 1: moment in pop culture, is there something to be said

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Speaker 1: for the fact that that might help folks who otherwise

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be able to say, like, there's a Muslim girl

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Speaker 1: in my school, help them humanize us in a way

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Speaker 1: that they couldn't before. Or is it just tokenization? And well,

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Speaker 1: I think about Blackish right now that you know I

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Speaker 1: I often what I always try to remember about when

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Speaker 1: we have movements or moments within culture is that typically

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Speaker 1: it's not the first time that it's happened, right, And

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Speaker 1: so for me, I think about a show like Blackish

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Speaker 1: where even just on a personal level, definitely elements of

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Speaker 1: those characters and that family dynamic that were a lot

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Speaker 1: like mine. Would I like other people who don't look

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Speaker 1: like me, white folks to watch that show, especially kids,

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Speaker 1: and to take something from those family dynamics. Absolutely for

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Speaker 1: me personally, UM, But I think it also just depends.

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Speaker 1: I think that there is something to be taken away

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Speaker 1: from UM A lot of these at a show like Blackish,

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Speaker 1: even if we're just if I'm going to focus on that,

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Speaker 1: UM because of the way that they do portray black

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Speaker 1: life in the dynamic of that, and I think that

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Speaker 1: they also do a good job of not just showing

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Speaker 1: one version of it. I like how uh Anthony, I'm

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Speaker 1: so bad at actors names, but the but the husband,

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Speaker 1: you know, like he doesn't come from the same background

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Speaker 1: as Jracy Ellis Ross. They're trying to raise their children,

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Speaker 1: um in an upper middle class family with some morals,

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Speaker 1: and they also have mothers and fathers in law who

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Speaker 1: also didn't grow up the same way as them either,

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Speaker 1: and they're mersed into the show. So I don't know,

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Speaker 1: when I think about shows like that, I am okay

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Speaker 1: with what people are going to take away from them.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, yeah, I think definitely that's very true of Blackish.

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Speaker 1: Like I almost don't watch Blackish because it's so similar

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Speaker 1: to my family and it's a little jarring like they

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Speaker 1: sound amazing. Can we all come over totally? If you're

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Speaker 1: ever in Los Angeles, everyone listening to this podcast, you're

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Speaker 1: invited a reasoner at my mother's house because if I've

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Speaker 1: spoken to you once, you're my best friends in her

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Speaker 1: mind and we can all hang out. Um, So leose

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Speaker 1: podcasts to be like that's true. Um, But with with

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Speaker 1: the Cosby Show, I think that it's really like you're

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Speaker 1: hearing more about folks who were on the Cosby Show,

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Speaker 1: and we're dealing with the sexual violence that Bill Cosby

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Speaker 1: was perpetrating. And so when it comes to the Causeby show,

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Speaker 1: like it was such a respectable version of black identity, right,

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Speaker 1: and in pursuing the protection of that, so much stuff

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Speaker 1: was swept under the rug. So I think that while

426
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 1: there was good that came from the Cosby Show, if

427
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 1: we're pursuing this like idealized vision to the point where

428
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,200
Speaker 1: we're silencing people who are going through violence, that's not okay.

429
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:36,359
Speaker 1: So that's with any TV show, like um if somebody's

430
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,640
Speaker 1: it happens a lot with child actors as well, who

431
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,399
Speaker 1: go through like the worst treatment as young people in

432
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 1: these spaces with a lot of predatory adults, and it's

433
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,680
Speaker 1: swept under the rug to maintain the squeaky clean image

434
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,479
Speaker 1: of the child. But meanwhile people are suffering. So I

435
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 1: think that looking at the Causeby show in full context,

436
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 1: it makes it so much more insidious that it was

437
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:59,199
Speaker 1: the squeaky clean image. But I think that shows, you know,

438
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:00,879
Speaker 1: for for a lot of people, that show was the

439
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 1: first entry into like the black identity of the black experience.

440
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:05,800
Speaker 1: And it doesn't that sort of just go to show

441
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,960
Speaker 1: how important these representations are for us that I completely

442
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 1: agree a lot of people did. They were really quick

443
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:16,399
Speaker 1: to sleep that abuse under the rug and not believe it.

444
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,800
Speaker 1: And like all of these allegations came forward, So it

445
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,120
Speaker 1: wasn't he said, she said, it was. He said, she said,

446
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,159
Speaker 1: she said, she said, she said, she said, and so

447
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:26,959
Speaker 1: she said, she said, she said. Still people were plugging

448
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 1: their ears. I know, I know black folks today that

449
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,719
Speaker 1: still don't believe it. I know people today who were

450
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,439
Speaker 1: still like, well, Cosby was trying to buy NBC and

451
00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 1: you know they won't let a black many successful, so

452
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,480
Speaker 1: they had to take him down. And it just goes

453
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 1: to show that we as as people of color, are

454
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:46,399
Speaker 1: so thirsty for representation that when we get something that

455
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 1: feels meaningful, we will do anything to protect that image,

456
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: even if it's your toxic and violent I was gonna say,

457
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,760
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's it's so complicated too, because you know,

458
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:01,160
Speaker 1: it's it's the black rever centation, and we do crave

459
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 1: those heroes and we want those people. But on top

460
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,120
Speaker 1: of that, then it's also the fact that like sort

461
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:11,520
Speaker 1: of living in this very patriarchal, misogynist culture, we believe,

462
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 1: well I don't want to say we, but our culture

463
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 1: believes the heteronormative male experience over everything else, the heteronormative

464
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:25,239
Speaker 1: white male experience over everything else. And so, you know,

465
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:28,879
Speaker 1: even just thinking about rape culture and thinking about um,

466
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,159
Speaker 1: you know, uh, the rape is one of the least

467
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 1: reported crimes sexual harassment. Yes, we have the me too movement,

468
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:43,960
Speaker 1: but think about the privileged, most powerful women had to

469
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,600
Speaker 1: come forward for this to matter. And this is something

470
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:52,360
Speaker 1: that's been happening to women across culture, across race, across religion,

471
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 1: constantly consists, and it's still happening everywhere. We just suddenly

472
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 1: care about it because it's these you know, and it

473
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,879
Speaker 1: doesn't get less painful for the survivors. But what it

474
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,439
Speaker 1: is is that suddenly we care because it's people we

475
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,640
Speaker 1: know and their celebrity and they've made it so So

476
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:14,479
Speaker 1: it's race coupled with our inability to believe in rape culture.

477
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 1: I think for me, um, we have like the name

478
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:21,119
Speaker 1: of the podcast written on my notebook, but like my

479
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:23,600
Speaker 1: mom told me so much stuff, UM, Like when it

480
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,679
Speaker 1: came to like R Kelly, for example, we were not

481
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 1: allowed to listen to that in our house, not at all,

482
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 1: Like my mom was very acutely aware of the way

483
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,600
Speaker 1: that he treats young women. Continues to the predatory nature

484
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 1: of our Kelly and everything that that stands for, and

485
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,920
Speaker 1: the way that you're signing on in a certain way

486
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 1: by engaging with that content. Um. And so it hasn't

487
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 1: been until recently I felt where my family wasn't the

488
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,199
Speaker 1: odd one out, Like suddenly when that came on at

489
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,640
Speaker 1: barbecues over this past summer, people were turning it off.

490
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,479
Speaker 1: And that's thanks to the work of folks like Jimmie

491
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 1: Lemieux who are writing about those predatory Um, his predatory

492
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:58,840
Speaker 1: behavior which has gone on for decades now, and so UM,

493
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: I think that my parents are always like very hyper feminist.

494
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,760
Speaker 1: My name is Blair because it's a unisex name, and

495
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,160
Speaker 1: you'll have an equal opportunity until you get to the door.

496
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 1: They'll probably get their own podcast. Um. But it's it's

497
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:14,199
Speaker 1: really interesting like the way that my mom responded to that,

498
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: Like if R. Kelly came on, she would just be

499
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: like turn that off, like he's a good and you know,

500
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 1: so much of that was true, and I felt like

501
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 1: my mom's so ridiculous shielding me from rape culture. But

502
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,120
Speaker 1: you know, I didn't even think of it that way.

503
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 1: I just thought like, well, my mom will let me

504
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:29,520
Speaker 1: to listen to happy people or I believe I can fly,

505
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,480
Speaker 1: like what the heck? But she was very adamant about

506
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 1: us not engaging with it, um, And so I want

507
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 1: to have a conversation with her about like the Cosby

508
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:38,919
Speaker 1: Show and how she feels about that now when she

509
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: was so uh, when she cared so much about it

510
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,239
Speaker 1: was so important to her to keep us from that

511
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 1: type of that that issue. I wanna say something that

512
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: I'm not proud of now that I'm real woke. But

513
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: I do live in Chicago. I'm originally Canadian, but I

514
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 1: I moved to Chicago a long time ago. I'm not

515
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:05,000
Speaker 1: aren in the same year as you are a player. Yeah,

516
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:13,280
Speaker 1: not although I can play. But in living in Chicago,

517
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 1: I went to law school there. I was a lawyer

518
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,719
Speaker 1: for a second. Don't judge me. Um now I'm an

519
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 1: artist artivist, but um, I did. I was hanging out

520
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,720
Speaker 1: with these women who were like, we're going to R.

521
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 1: Kelly's house on South side of Chicago, and this was

522
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:35,680
Speaker 1: after the allegations were out, and um, we had to

523
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 1: design waivers to in the car to enter the property

524
00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 1: and the premises. And you know, I didn't really I

525
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 1: didn't know. I honestly, like I was such a part

526
00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 1: of and brainwashed by culture in the mainstream spaces, and

527
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 1: you know, someone who deeply didn't even understand the concept

528
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,640
Speaker 1: of consent at the time, and the concept of just

529
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:03,919
Speaker 1: being a human in woman who is as agency in

530
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:08,080
Speaker 1: the world. And it's been years of processing and doing

531
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:11,120
Speaker 1: this kind of work and working with so many different

532
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 1: kinds of people across intersections where I'm like, oh my god,

533
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,679
Speaker 1: that is not okay and I would never do that again.

534
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,880
Speaker 1: But that is a true thing that after those allegations

535
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 1: came out, that was something you had to sign to

536
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,800
Speaker 1: get in the same space with this human person. Um

537
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 1: and um, yeah, I don't know. It's and and and

538
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,719
Speaker 1: and and I know plenty of people who did this

539
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 1: day still will say yeah, but I was trapped in

540
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,000
Speaker 1: the closet too, and I'm like, okay, great R Kelly,

541
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 1: you know, and they love they love what he stood for,

542
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,520
Speaker 1: and they're like, no, but he is this strong man,

543
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,280
Speaker 1: strong black man doing this work and he was framed.

544
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:55,440
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm trying so hard to relate, relay

545
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 1: this some way to to be fs. I know we

546
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 1: got out the rails, but kind of SA let it happen.

547
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 1: I keep on trying to and I'm like, I keep

548
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,239
Speaker 1: on pulling myself away because I'm like, that's that's not it. Well,

549
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: I think that's something that's important in this safe space.

550
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,880
Speaker 1: I'm the Queen of Spin, so watch this, okay, Um.

551
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,400
Speaker 1: I think that's something that's important to remember, like you know,

552
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 1: in these safe spaces and in this idea of wokeness,

553
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,199
Speaker 1: is that we're all growing and changing, and that nobody

554
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,120
Speaker 1: was born woke, but we have to constantly like stay

555
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:24,359
Speaker 1: awoke and learn new information and affirm new identities as

556
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 1: we like learn of them and as folks get new power,

557
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: and I think that friendship is such an important space

558
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 1: to practice that. So let's talk about friendship. I love

559
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 1: it is. That was so good, that startful. I think

560
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 1: that's real. Um. I think that for me in my

561
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 1: best friendships, I know that they are strong when my

562
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 1: friends can sort of I don't like, I don't like

563
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 1: to use to use the phrase call me out, but

564
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 1: call me in, And I will share in the in

565
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:56,560
Speaker 1: the spirit of like safe spaces, I will share a

566
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,640
Speaker 1: time where I was really intensely called in by someone

567
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 1: and that was because they were my friend. And so

568
00:29:02,840 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 1: if y'all watch that show Project runway way back when,

569
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,120
Speaker 1: like in the early days, it was the best, right,

570
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 1: I think it's still on. But back in the day,

571
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 1: it used to be like really popping. And there was

572
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:15,480
Speaker 1: a condescent on the show who used to use a

573
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:18,320
Speaker 1: he was a gay, white male. He used to use

574
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,480
Speaker 1: a like a transphobic slur right relatively often, like it

575
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 1: was like kind of his thing. And you know, this

576
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: was years ago. This was that was kind of newly woke.

577
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's such a clever catch phrase,

578
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 1: and so I thought I will use it to write

579
00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 1: like he's gay, Like it's probably tangentially related to the

580
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 1: trans communicate my mind. You know, I was I was

581
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 1: sort of figuring this out. I was still grappling with

582
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 1: like what it means to be someone who is intersectional,

583
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,719
Speaker 1: and so you know, I thought like, oh, listen, this

584
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 1: has to be an okay word to use. And it

585
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,160
Speaker 1: took a friend really pulling me aside and saying, you

586
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 1: need to understand why this is stump and not okay.

587
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 1: And honestly, you know, when someone calls you out for

588
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:00,680
Speaker 1: something or calls you in, you have that moment where

589
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: you kind of freeze and you your first instinct is

590
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 1: to be like, but I do so much for the community,

591
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 1: like like you, like, I mean, everyone does it, and

592
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,719
Speaker 1: it's I had friends that right exactly, Like you go

593
00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 1: through this checklist of like why all of the reasons

594
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 1: why you're the best if you've never made a mistake,

595
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: and all the things you've done, and like here's here's

596
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 1: all my receipts for like how I'm super awoke. But

597
00:30:23,000 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 1: you have to sort of work through that and it's

598
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 1: tough and it's scary, and it takes a lot of introspection.

599
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 1: But he was right. He was super right to call

600
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 1: me in and that was an act of friendship and love.

601
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,520
Speaker 1: And you know, that was probably scary for him and

602
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:43,240
Speaker 1: tough for him to do. And I'm so thankful that

603
00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:47,040
Speaker 1: our friendship could sustain that kind of thing, because honestly,

604
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,440
Speaker 1: he made me reflect on something that I didn't even

605
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 1: know I was doing. That was stuck and hurtful and

606
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,280
Speaker 1: like violent, right, Like I didn't even know. And that's

607
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:57,400
Speaker 1: not an excuse. But had he have not had enough

608
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: respect for me and respect our friendship to do that,

609
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:05,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't even want to know like what

610
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 1: I would be saying now. I mean, it really was

611
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,240
Speaker 1: a moment of like, just because you are into Black

612
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 1: Lives matter and into you know, our woke on Twitter

613
00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 1: or whatever, doesn't mean that you don't need to look

614
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,719
Speaker 1: at your own behavior and your own actions and your

615
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:19,400
Speaker 1: own ship. Oh my gosh. That's basically one of my

616
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 1: favorite things in the world, is like, especially when you

617
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 1: are like sort of someone who is like in these

618
00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:27,920
Speaker 1: intersectional spaces, truly, everyone's like, no, you're gay, it's cool,

619
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 1: you can say whatever you want. No, you're Muslim, you

620
00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 1: are cool. You're a pressed group. Oh you're South Asian.

621
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 1: People hate you because you they think you're a terrorist,

622
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: and it's like no, no, no, every single one of

623
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 1: these groups, any of them is not necessarily as woke

624
00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 1: just by virtue of their identity. And it's so important

625
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,680
Speaker 1: to have some people and I honestly think that like

626
00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:51,280
Speaker 1: one of the best things we can do as individuals,

627
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 1: but also like through those friendships is transcending the noise

628
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:58,480
Speaker 1: and transcending all of that and finding that space. And

629
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,640
Speaker 1: I think friendship is one of the greatest ways we

630
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 1: can do that. And you know, and one of the

631
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 1: people I talked about was one of my collaborators, Lisa Donado,

632
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:09,800
Speaker 1: and like she is truly someone who I look and

633
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,040
Speaker 1: she's so different than me in the respect that like

634
00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:19,120
Speaker 1: she's a white you know, Montana born queer lady. Um.

635
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 1: But one of the things we connect on is heart,

636
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 1: and we feel deeply. We cry a lot together, um.

637
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 1: And and it's that thing where it's like, is it

638
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: okay to cry? Yes, of course, it's okay to cry.

639
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: Is it okay to have these deep connections with other people? Yes,

640
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 1: of course it's okay. And through that we you know

641
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,840
Speaker 1: sometimes and this is something that as a queer person,

642
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 1: when you have an intense female connection with someone. It's

643
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 1: really easy to think or other people to say, oh, well,

644
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:52,840
Speaker 1: you must be attracted to them and you want to

645
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 1: have sex with them. No, no, I don't want to

646
00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: have sex with them. I just connect with your soul.

647
00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 1: And I believe in all mates that are not all romantic.

648
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,320
Speaker 1: I believe in that deep, deep spiritual connection with the

649
00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: human being because you just move in the same way.

650
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 1: And she is one of those people for me and

651
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 1: is one of my my greatest creative collaborator, and UM

652
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 1: makes me a better person. And actually it's up by Southwest.

653
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:21,080
Speaker 1: I feel like has saved me from some you know,

654
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 1: some tragedies already. I think UM for me. One point

655
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: where I've really had to like evaluate my frame of

656
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: understanding around race especially was UM in a way where

657
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 1: I don't even know, like I had areas of like bias,

658
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: I guess, like valid distrust um of folks in the

659
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 1: white community, you know. But I was at a Black

660
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:44,240
Speaker 1: Lives Matter protest and in Battern region and I got arrested,

661
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 1: and UM all that happened. UM, And then I got

662
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 1: into the police vehicle and I we're all giving our names,

663
00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:52,840
Speaker 1: and you have to give your name, your your sex

664
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 1: and your race, UM, and people are you know, giving

665
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 1: their name and then like I'm hearing blo bloa, white

666
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 1: blo blah, white blo bo and I'm, oh, my goodness,

667
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,520
Speaker 1: I'm the only woman of color in this car UM.

668
00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 1: And so it was different from what you know, what

669
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 1: you would imagine people who are getting arrested at a

670
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 1: protest would be, you know, potentially especially around the murder

671
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:14,839
Speaker 1: of a black man at the hands of police. UM.

672
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,799
Speaker 1: And so I had to like umpack that as I was,

673
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 1: you know, getting were we went to Baton Rouge Parish prison, UM,

674
00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,880
Speaker 1: and I got really like to know these people. And

675
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:25,200
Speaker 1: a lot of the women were in social social work

676
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 1: and social justice, were educators who are working with young

677
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 1: kids every day who look like the kids that are

678
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 1: getting you know, killed either through community or you know,

679
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,839
Speaker 1: through gun violence or um by state violence. And so

680
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,200
Speaker 1: that was really interesting for me. UM. And something that

681
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:43,040
Speaker 1: really resonated with me was my friend Taylor, who we've

682
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 1: become very close now, Like after you go through that

683
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 1: kind of experience, apparently you get very close with people. UM.

684
00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:51,760
Speaker 1: And so with Taylor, she was there because her father

685
00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:56,200
Speaker 1: and grandfather were very against integration and so her grandfather.

686
00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 1: You know, there's still probably black and white pictures of

687
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 1: him yelling at people who are trying to into great schools.

688
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 1: And so that's that very heavy on her heart. And

689
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 1: we're both women of faith. She's Catholic, and she felt

690
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 1: like she had to do something to you know, repent

691
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: for the sin of her family being racist. So she

692
00:35:10,680 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 1: was in the streets and she ended up going to

693
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:16,799
Speaker 1: um to Standing Rock and like working with the folks

694
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 1: in the Native community there. And I think she's still

695
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 1: up in South Dakota. So she's like totally like change

696
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:24,279
Speaker 1: the trajectory of her life and realizing like I have

697
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 1: this privilege, like I have a trust fund, Like let

698
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:28,839
Speaker 1: me change the trust trajectory of my life and use

699
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:32,279
Speaker 1: this to advance justice because my family hasn't done what

700
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 1: we needed to be doing. And in my mind, I'm

701
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 1: thinking like wow, like what is it? Like, why don't

702
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 1: I think this couldn't even exist? And so that was

703
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:41,360
Speaker 1: a really beautiful moment of growth for me because I

704
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,880
Speaker 1: realized I was shutting myself off from a whole community

705
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,839
Speaker 1: despite myself being half white. Let's take a quick break

706
00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 1: and we're back. Um, So the data around friendships actually

707
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,800
Speaker 1: shows that in spaces that are like workspaces or activist

708
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:04,800
Speaker 1: spaces or community building spaces, friendship like you just described

709
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,480
Speaker 1: was actually super super important. And so I know that

710
00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 1: for myself. Um, something about me is that before I

711
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 1: ever got into the podcast media sport of game, i'm

712
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 1: as an activist and an organizer. And before that, I

713
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,600
Speaker 1: was a teacher and I taught at Howard University in

714
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 1: d C. Go by you. You know, I went to

715
00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:24,600
Speaker 1: Howard Law School for seven weeks. Okay, we need to

716
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 1: get this story. If you've got you like, I love it.

717
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 1: I love it, um. But so you know, Howard is

718
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:33,800
Speaker 1: this place where it's a it's an HBCU historically black college,

719
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 1: and it's a kind of place where the students are activists, right, Like,

720
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,960
Speaker 1: these are young people who really feel compelled to make

721
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 1: change in their community. So I was, I was a

722
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 1: lecturer there, but I also felt like I was kind

723
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 1: of an organizer, Like I taught classes on social change.

724
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 1: It was a kind of kind of classes where you

725
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,800
Speaker 1: read like rules for radicals and then use it to

726
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: write a paper or something like that. Right, So the

727
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 1: law schools are not like that. Yeah, it's not. It's not.

728
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,600
Speaker 1: And you know, for four of years, Howard was my

729
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,680
Speaker 1: radical black organizing home. It was like where I felt

730
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 1: where I became myself, right, these young black and brown

731
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 1: students who felt so compelled to change the world, like

732
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 1: they were there, they were my home, right, It just

733
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 1: felt like home. And it was the best job I

734
00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 1: ever had. I was that like crazy teacher lady who

735
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 1: had a license plate that reads love to Teach, like literally,

736
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 1: um so that was me. I was that person and

737
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 1: I loved it. But it was also the kind of

738
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:29,800
Speaker 1: job or like I knew, you know, without a PhD,

739
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 1: I would never be able to move up. The pay

740
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,759
Speaker 1: was kind of jankie like, it had its downsides, and

741
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 1: so I ended up getting a job at a mostly

742
00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 1: white organizing training organization called the New Organizing Institute that

743
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 1: basically trains Democrats organizing organizing like organizing principles on how

744
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 1: to win elections them. So it's really tied to the

745
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 1: Democratic Party. It's super mainstream. It's a great organization. But

746
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 1: it was very different from my Howard home. And so

747
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 1: I wrestled with this choice of do I leave Howard

748
00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,200
Speaker 1: my sort of you know, I leave the communities, leave

749
00:38:00,239 --> 00:38:02,560
Speaker 1: my community, yeah, or do I go to this sort

750
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:08,080
Speaker 1: of super white, super mainstream, you know, Democratic Party funded.

751
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 1: Not that there's anything wrong with that, but like that

752
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 1: that that that meant something to me. It felt a

753
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:14,439
Speaker 1: kind of way that you know, most of our money

754
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,960
Speaker 1: was from the DNC UM and I left. I went

755
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 1: to that job and the first week was hell, right,

756
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 1: Like I was like this black girl who really really

757
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 1: desperately missed home. I felt like, you know, I felt

758
00:38:27,120 --> 00:38:29,400
Speaker 1: like I had moved or something. And I remember riding

759
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,719
Speaker 1: my bike past Howard University and like having to get

760
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:33,719
Speaker 1: off because I was crying as I missed it so much.

761
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 1: But the thing that kind of reaffirmed the importance of

762
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,719
Speaker 1: what you were just speaking about is the day that

763
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 1: they announced that they would not be that there were

764
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 1: not that George Zimmerman would not be getting, you know,

765
00:38:46,040 --> 00:38:50,399
Speaker 1: charges for murder. I was working at that organization and

766
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:52,759
Speaker 1: there was this I live in d C, and there

767
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:57,279
Speaker 1: was this sporadic activist moment where all of these organizers

768
00:38:57,360 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 1: went to the park, Malcolm X Park in d C

769
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:03,200
Speaker 1: to protest, and it was just this spontaneous rally where

770
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 1: everyone was just it was a powder keg of anger

771
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 1: and we were just piste off. It's like no other

772
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,399
Speaker 1: way to say it. D C was piste off and

773
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 1: I'll never forget, you know, walking on the streets and

774
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:18,919
Speaker 1: bumping into four of my white female co workers at

775
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 1: this protest, and I burst into tears. I thought, you

776
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 1: guys are y'all are here, and it just felt like

777
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: they were here for me. And it felt like I

778
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:29,880
Speaker 1: had spent the entire week crying about this choice to

779
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,880
Speaker 1: leave Howard, really beating myself up about leaving my like

780
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:37,360
Speaker 1: scrappy black lead radical organizing home for this very polished,

781
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 1: you know, button up. It wasn't that bad, but like

782
00:39:40,160 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Uh, when I when I

783
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 1: saw them there, it was like they showed up for me.

784
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 1: And I can't even describe what that felt like for me.

785
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 1: And so what you're speaking about that that moment where

786
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,600
Speaker 1: it reaffirms like, hey, we can be friends and come

787
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:56,760
Speaker 1: from these different backgrounds and we can cross these boundaries,

788
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,400
Speaker 1: and that's so important for how we show up, how

789
00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 1: we show up free, how they're so important. And definitely

790
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 1: it was a really important moment in my life. I

791
00:40:03,880 --> 00:40:07,279
Speaker 1: felt the same way like when um I started like

792
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 1: I had written all these articles, I'm weird where like

793
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,239
Speaker 1: if I'm having like for like friends with coworkers, I

794
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 1: will be very silent about everything I'm doing and then

795
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: you'll be like Blair, I read an article about how

796
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:17,360
Speaker 1: you're scared to go home on the train with your

797
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:19,600
Speaker 1: job on, and I was like, yeah, you know, personal

798
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:23,400
Speaker 1: stuff saying it's like you'll do things it's like anonymity.

799
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,719
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm sorry to but but it's just

800
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,200
Speaker 1: like you'll kind of I very much feel that way.

801
00:40:29,280 --> 00:40:31,719
Speaker 1: My workspace is like I go in to do my work,

802
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:35,640
Speaker 1: into be an excellent teammate, into do my work very well,

803
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 1: and then it's like, oh you have a podcast or

804
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,480
Speaker 1: oh you did this, or you're gonna be at south

805
00:40:40,520 --> 00:40:42,880
Speaker 1: By but not for the company, like you know what

806
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 1: I mean. It's like it's very much those moments. And

807
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:47,120
Speaker 1: so when then you have people who I think the

808
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 1: fear for me is like rejection, Like what if people

809
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,120
Speaker 1: think that I'm weird you know, um, And what if

810
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 1: people find I'm dealing with this stuff and they don't

811
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:54,880
Speaker 1: feel like they can be on the team with me,

812
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:57,839
Speaker 1: Um because I'm too distracted. Um I've gotten that before.

813
00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,840
Speaker 1: But you know, too distracted by oppression to do the

814
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 1: job whate um and which is valid? I have a

815
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 1: d D anyway, so uh when I um, but no,

816
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:09,800
Speaker 1: when I wrote this article for Vice about how I

817
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,319
Speaker 1: stopped wearing a job right after Trump got elected, my

818
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:15,000
Speaker 1: coworker had read it because we, like, you know, when

819
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:17,359
Speaker 1: you were I worked at Planned Parenthood in the communications office,

820
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,480
Speaker 1: so everybody has media alerts for everybody else to make

821
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: sure that you know there's no scandals, but also to

822
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:24,240
Speaker 1: like support the good work you're doing. Um. And so

823
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,040
Speaker 1: somebody got the media alert and then had my friend

824
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,759
Speaker 1: Laurie actually and then send sent out an email to

825
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:33,040
Speaker 1: everybody on in our department like, hey, if Blair's going home, like,

826
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,440
Speaker 1: ask her if she needs like a walk to the

827
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 1: to the train. And so that was really powerful for

828
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:41,760
Speaker 1: me because I didn't like fathom that that would exist,

829
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 1: like I had just converted to Islam, like I didn't

830
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: even I didn't even know what support looked like. And

831
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,520
Speaker 1: somebody who cared about me, and now we're really good friends,

832
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:51,400
Speaker 1: like we'd met in the workplace, like when that's not

833
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:54,320
Speaker 1: supposed to exist, like you know, deep friendships in the workplace,

834
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:57,399
Speaker 1: like in the midst of all of the election stuff, um,

835
00:41:57,440 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 1: and somebody just to be like I care about you

836
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: and we want to take care of you. Like that

837
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:03,960
Speaker 1: was really important for me, um and really transformed what

838
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 1: I feel. What you know, we talked we talked about

839
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:09,360
Speaker 1: TV at the beginning, but it's it's rare that you

840
00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 1: see that, like again with the Bold Type, which apparently

841
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 1: I stand for, Like I love the bold type. But

842
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,759
Speaker 1: they have these three women whom are working in the

843
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 1: same place, and they're constantly dealing with what does it

844
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:20,960
Speaker 1: mean when you get a promotion but I don't, What

845
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:22,479
Speaker 1: does it mean when you get a raised but I don't?

846
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 1: What does it mean when you don't feel safe walking home?

847
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 1: But I do? And so the way that privilege operates

848
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 1: amongst these friendships, even in the workplace, it's something that's

849
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 1: been really beautiful to see. I love that. Oh I

850
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:38,560
Speaker 1: was just gonna say, like it's there's something so I mean,

851
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 1: there is this thing like thinking about friend shows, for

852
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 1: thinking about these spaces where you know, when we talked

853
00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,400
Speaker 1: about like, oh you know, Fazzi, can you do this podcast?

854
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 1: Like I was like, Okay, well, why the thing with women?

855
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 1: Like right now we're in this moment of time where

856
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 1: women are coming together, but The thing is women do

857
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:02,160
Speaker 1: come together, but it's not cool or sexy for us

858
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 1: to come together because when we come together, we're either lesbians,

859
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:10,880
Speaker 1: which by the way, is awesome, Yeah, go lesbians, but

860
00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:15,040
Speaker 1: like not cool in some spaces many spaces um, but

861
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:20,040
Speaker 1: also seen as um not great for the male gaze,

862
00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:24,440
Speaker 1: and not great for men and the heteronormative man. And

863
00:43:24,239 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 1: and I think that's kind of what it comes down

864
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:29,800
Speaker 1: to sometimes, is that Why are is it us looking

865
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 1: out for each other? Not cool or safe or accepted

866
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 1: or beautiful. We're talking about wages, like talking about wages

867
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 1: idea of being quiet about how much you make. Like

868
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:42,080
Speaker 1: there's an amazing organization called Ladies Get Paid. Look them

869
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:45,320
Speaker 1: up if you can. They're they're disrupting so much that

870
00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 1: people are like adamant to shut them down. But they're

871
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:49,359
Speaker 1: all about like talking to women about what it means

872
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 1: to talk about wages and like you just got our rays,

873
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:53,480
Speaker 1: what does that mean for me? When we were at

874
00:43:53,480 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 1: playing parent Head, Lorie and I UM, when we were

875
00:43:55,800 --> 00:43:57,879
Speaker 1: talking about how much we make, and I was like, oh, what,

876
00:43:58,080 --> 00:43:59,799
Speaker 1: like you I know that you are here way later

877
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:01,480
Speaker 1: than I am, Like, let's talk about that. So we

878
00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:03,279
Speaker 1: both went to our manager and then Laurie ended up

879
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 1: getting a raise, and so this stuff can't happen. And

880
00:44:06,520 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 1: it's like you you can't just be in it for yourself.

881
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:11,680
Speaker 1: I mean like sometimes economically you have to be, but

882
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 1: if you're in a position of privilege, then sometimes that

883
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 1: friendship needs to be an accomplished and where you're looking at, well,

884
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:21,040
Speaker 1: my success is inherently tied to your success. So let's

885
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,480
Speaker 1: fight together. I love that. I swear I didn't plan this.

886
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 1: I also worked up planned parenthood in d C. When

887
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,760
Speaker 1: you were in New York. The same exact thing happened

888
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 1: to me with my I guess work wife, where she

889
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:32,239
Speaker 1: told me how much she made when we were doing

890
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 1: very similar jobs and I was like, well, if she

891
00:44:35,320 --> 00:44:36,719
Speaker 1: makes that, I should make that. And I got a

892
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:38,960
Speaker 1: raise because because she told me how much she made,

893
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,560
Speaker 1: and she's a white woman, and I think she saw

894
00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 1: it as a way of being like, yo, just so

895
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 1: you know, here's what I make. When you're in the

896
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:48,840
Speaker 1: negotiation process, you know have that information. And honestly, for

897
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 1: the dudes out there, tell women how much you make.

898
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 1: This is unrelated, but not like in a braggy way,

899
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: but how much wakes they can get their money. Well,

900
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 1: I was just in the panel, um that had you know,

901
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:05,440
Speaker 1: the president of UH, Warner Brothers, the head of TNT,

902
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 1: the showrunner for Claus, one of the actresses from Clause.

903
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I should have been there. It was

904
00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:13,680
Speaker 1: amazing two days ago. It was an amazing panel. But

905
00:45:13,760 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 1: one of the things, uh, and I cannot remember which

906
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:19,879
Speaker 1: of the amazing women on the panel said this, but

907
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:24,840
Speaker 1: she took out the men first. She took out the

908
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:27,879
Speaker 1: men because a the women were not making that much

909
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 1: and we're not like at that level. But also, you know,

910
00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 1: there's this fear of sharing because it's like, oh, well

911
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:37,360
Speaker 1: there's only one spot. There's only one spot for anybody.

912
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 1: There's only one spot for a woman I want it

913
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:42,440
Speaker 1: versus someone else wanting it, Like there's only one spot

914
00:45:42,480 --> 00:45:46,920
Speaker 1: for a quer Muslim on a panel like the unicorns

915
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 1: right now, you know. But like, but that also is

916
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:51,520
Speaker 1: a testament where we're at and to you as well.

917
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 1: But but for that, she took out the men, and

918
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:57,240
Speaker 1: the men told her it wasn't easy. It took a minute.

919
00:45:57,560 --> 00:45:59,840
Speaker 1: The men told her how much they made. And so

920
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:02,960
Speaker 1: when she went in for her promotion, she had the

921
00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:06,799
Speaker 1: highest level of the male salary, and that is what

922
00:46:06,920 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: she ended up making. Yeah, but it took that and

923
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:11,799
Speaker 1: it's powerful and it's beautiful. And the things we don't

924
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 1: talk about our money sometimes our love, our relationships, and

925
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: these are the most important things that affects us the most.

926
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 1: And so like who are best friends? Like I think

927
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:24,000
Speaker 1: that can transcend, that can be multiple different kinds of

928
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 1: people in space. Yeah, And something that you even said

929
00:46:27,080 --> 00:46:30,719
Speaker 1: earlier about how it hasn't been sexy, it hasn't been

930
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 1: attractive to kind of show sisterhood or to show friendship

931
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 1: with in the workspace. I feel like I think a

932
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 1: lot about why that is, especially being a millennial. Like

933
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:43,400
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say the car's word, right, it's like

934
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:49,560
Speaker 1: minis thank you millennials. Thank you millennials your understanding intersectionality

935
00:46:50,040 --> 00:46:52,959
Speaker 1: than most people I know exactly. And so there's two

936
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:55,359
Speaker 1: things I think about when you're a millennial and you're

937
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 1: trying to have a career. One thing is for me,

938
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:01,319
Speaker 1: it's like we're so driven in we are we want

939
00:47:01,360 --> 00:47:03,239
Speaker 1: to have impact and we want to do it as

940
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 1: quick as we can. Sometimes that's a bad thing, and

941
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:08,680
Speaker 1: sometimes it's just like an earnest desire to get something done.

942
00:47:08,920 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 1: But then the second part of that is because that

943
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,120
Speaker 1: that makes things complicated is that we also know how

944
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 1: to get things done very quickly, as opposed to maybe

945
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 1: a job or a task or a goal that may

946
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 1: have taken someone who who had been through the workforce

947
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 1: a lot longer than I had. They have their own

948
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:28,799
Speaker 1: process for getting things done. But there's a chance that

949
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,880
Speaker 1: mine may be a little bit quicker just because of

950
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,360
Speaker 1: like the technology or the way that I think about

951
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:37,040
Speaker 1: getting things done, um, or like what I see as

952
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:40,799
Speaker 1: my resources. And I think that in those moments, friendships

953
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 1: can become sticky. Um, whether it's you're talking about wage,

954
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 1: whether you are bouncing back and forth, how should I

955
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:51,920
Speaker 1: communicate this message with someone who I'd like to have

956
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,759
Speaker 1: a cold email with or this really popular cool person

957
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 1: who I want to work for it happens to follow

958
00:47:57,160 --> 00:47:59,399
Speaker 1: me on Twitter, who I feel like I can reach

959
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 1: out to, Like, there's just I just did that with you.

960
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 1: You were you were the popular cool person. Yeah. But

961
00:48:06,960 --> 00:48:10,399
Speaker 1: and it's like and it's but your approach right was like, well,

962
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:12,239
Speaker 1: I know who Bridge is and I think she's doing

963
00:48:12,280 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 1: really cool work. And it's like you know, I just

964
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 1: really think that in these moments, like to kind of

965
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 1: bring it back to why work friendships are so important.

966
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 1: It's because while we're trying to navigate this space and

967
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 1: when sometimes there are a lot of chairs at the

968
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:30,200
Speaker 1: table and sometimes there aren't, I always really try to

969
00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 1: remember that the career stuff is really cool and it's

970
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 1: really popping and it's really great, but that at the

971
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,479
Speaker 1: end of the day, I really do just like want

972
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 1: a friendly, you know, like I really do just want

973
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:48,719
Speaker 1: to have a friend, and like that, I mean, that's

974
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:51,959
Speaker 1: really the end of my sent here to make friends. Yes, friend,

975
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,680
Speaker 1: you need somebody, I think especially it's like a millennial colors,

976
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:56,120
Speaker 1: like you need somebody that you can call them be

977
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 1: like okay, you're in that meeting. Was that racist? Yeah,

978
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:05,080
Speaker 1: like was it queer phobic? Like with me, it's like

979
00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:07,360
Speaker 1: a raw shock test, like who knows what what the

980
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:10,640
Speaker 1: ism was? And so like that's what Laurie was again,

981
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 1: like Laurie Rodriguez was for me. Um working at Planned Parenthood,

982
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 1: it was rarely you know, it was a great place

983
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:17,080
Speaker 1: to bring your full self. But again, we have these

984
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 1: external meetings and sometimes things would go sideways and it

985
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 1: can really be uh, especially when you're dealing with something

986
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 1: for the first time, like those moments in the workforce

987
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 1: where you've been told your whole life it's gonna be

988
00:49:27,760 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 1: hard to be a woman, and then you get there

989
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 1: and you're like, wow, I'm invisible to men like that

990
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:36,759
Speaker 1: type of thing, and so it's it's just great to

991
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:38,879
Speaker 1: have somebody who's been there before or who can give

992
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 1: you like an um what's it called, who can back

993
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:43,040
Speaker 1: you up, somebody who can give you an objective opinion

994
00:49:43,080 --> 00:49:45,240
Speaker 1: about what you've gone through and really just like be like, hey,

995
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 1: as a friend, let me, you know, tell you this

996
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,240
Speaker 1: email sideways. This email is good, you know, just somebody

997
00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:52,920
Speaker 1: to be there for you totally. I want to tell

998
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 1: one quick anecdote and then I want to kick it

999
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:57,240
Speaker 1: over to questions. UM, I think something that really speaks

1000
00:49:57,280 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 1: to what all of y'all are saying is a little

1001
00:49:59,120 --> 00:50:01,120
Speaker 1: bit of a weird example. But do you all remember

1002
00:50:01,160 --> 00:50:04,440
Speaker 1: back in the day, how these two black powerhouse models,

1003
00:50:04,560 --> 00:50:07,120
Speaker 1: Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks were always sort of like

1004
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:08,840
Speaker 1: they were pitted against each other, like there was this

1005
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,919
Speaker 1: big feud. It was always like Tyra hates Naomi. Nao

1006
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 1: me it hates Tyra, and it was this real thing

1007
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:17,600
Speaker 1: in in the in the media that was like, Oh,

1008
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 1: they hate each other, they're very catty. I'll never forget

1009
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 1: when Tyra had her show, Naomi Campbell came on her

1010
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:25,200
Speaker 1: show and I thought, Oh my god, this is it,

1011
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:27,080
Speaker 1: Like they're gonna have it out. It's gonna be juicy,

1012
00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 1: it's gonna be catty. They might physically fight, like what's

1013
00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: gonna happen? And I was like, totally that person who

1014
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:34,960
Speaker 1: wanted to see what you were just speaking about right

1015
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:37,359
Speaker 1: like each other. Yeah, I was like, this is gonna

1016
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:40,320
Speaker 1: be good, Like I was, could not wait. And the

1017
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:44,000
Speaker 1: conversation that ensued was really about how they both felt

1018
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:47,680
Speaker 1: pressured to buy the modeling industry to hate each other

1019
00:50:47,719 --> 00:50:49,960
Speaker 1: because there was only one slot for a black model,

1020
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 1: And the conversation wasn't about this like juicy catty feud.

1021
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:57,399
Speaker 1: It was about how this up racist industry profited off

1022
00:50:57,440 --> 00:50:59,959
Speaker 1: of people thinking that they hated each other, and how

1023
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 1: they really didn't hate each other, but they were hitting

1024
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:05,600
Speaker 1: against each other purposefully so that they you know, because

1025
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 1: that's how the industry works. And it really made me think, like,

1026
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:11,560
Speaker 1: why why was I so excited for this like juicy

1027
00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:15,120
Speaker 1: cat bite that actually was that really meaningful conversation. I

1028
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 1: mean it's sort of I mean it goes back even further, right,

1029
00:51:17,520 --> 00:51:20,319
Speaker 1: I mean like the Betty and Joan show, like that

1030
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 1: television show when you watch it and you're like, Okay,

1031
00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:26,759
Speaker 1: these two women were literally pitted against each other by

1032
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:31,760
Speaker 1: an entire industry of men, you know who who were saying,

1033
00:51:31,840 --> 00:51:34,279
Speaker 1: this is gonna be really good for our ratings, this

1034
00:51:34,320 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 1: is gonna be really good for sexiness, for the story.

1035
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:41,239
Speaker 1: And and I think part of it is that we, yes,

1036
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:44,080
Speaker 1: we want that one slot, like you know, you know,

1037
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 1: like we want the one and I hear there was

1038
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:50,040
Speaker 1: another career Muslim. I would have objected right now, but

1039
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 1: it is. It's crazy because it's like in some ways,

1040
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:56,440
Speaker 1: in some ways being a queer Muslim. For me, people

1041
00:51:56,480 --> 00:52:01,760
Speaker 1: are like, oh, you're a unicorn, you're special, you're sexy.

1042
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,600
Speaker 1: We want to talk to you. And friends may have

1043
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:07,480
Speaker 1: said that before, but a larger audience didn't give a

1044
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 1: ship before, and then so there's space for one. And

1045
00:52:11,080 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 1: then for me, like seeing that you're a career Muslim

1046
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:14,960
Speaker 1: and you've been you know, Muslim longer than I have.

1047
00:52:15,000 --> 00:52:18,480
Speaker 1: Some in Muslim for like three years. That means I'm older, no,

1048
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:24,440
Speaker 1: but that you've been in the Indus from crack. But

1049
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 1: seeing that you've been you know, you've been out even vocal,

1050
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:28,680
Speaker 1: like you've been doing this thing. It's a relief to

1051
00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:29,920
Speaker 1: me because it makes me feel like I don't have

1052
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:31,480
Speaker 1: to do it on my own and I'm not like

1053
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 1: the only one, and so it's so then it's so

1054
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 1: powerful just to see like because like you have a

1055
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:40,359
Speaker 1: lot of folks like I have a lot of folks

1056
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:41,920
Speaker 1: looking up to me. I'm sure like you, I look

1057
00:52:42,000 --> 00:52:44,600
Speaker 1: up to you. Like it's really it means so much

1058
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 1: when you see somebody who's like, Okay, they've done it,

1059
00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 1: they've survived. I can go, I can keep going. I

1060
00:52:49,719 --> 00:52:52,279
Speaker 1: just had that experience. So I went to Berlin, l

1061
00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:54,520
Speaker 1: A and Berlin the first time ever, and I watched

1062
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:58,040
Speaker 1: the m I A documentary m I A for people

1063
00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:01,520
Speaker 1: who don't know is it like paper yet? Like there

1064
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:04,320
Speaker 1: you go, there you go. This is amazing Sri Luncan

1065
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:08,719
Speaker 1: like woman, British Sri Luncan woman. And I watched your

1066
00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 1: documentary and I was like, oh my god, I didn't

1067
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:16,600
Speaker 1: realize how sad I am about They're not being positive

1068
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:21,080
Speaker 1: South Asian strong role models who you know role models

1069
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 1: are friends too, write like it's like in in in

1070
00:53:24,960 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 1: because not all of us get the privilege and opportunity

1071
00:53:27,680 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 1: to be in spaces whether people look like us. So

1072
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 1: when there people aren't who don't look like us. Yes,

1073
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:34,560
Speaker 1: now we have social media, but we look to faces

1074
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:37,759
Speaker 1: and M I A was like this face, but in

1075
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:41,320
Speaker 1: many ways society and the press were like by girl,

1076
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 1: like by you did this, you're wrapping and you're not black?

1077
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 1: By bye? Or you flipped off the media at you know,

1078
00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 1: uh being your world? Dare you dare everybody? Like? I

1079
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 1: think that's so so frequently even when you do get

1080
00:53:55,600 --> 00:53:57,480
Speaker 1: to a point of being a role model or like

1081
00:53:57,840 --> 00:54:00,840
Speaker 1: in the workplace, particularly when you like like initiative and

1082
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:03,800
Speaker 1: you take initiative, there's so many people who not maybe

1083
00:54:03,800 --> 00:54:06,080
Speaker 1: because like they want to take you down, but you're

1084
00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:08,600
Speaker 1: you're deviating from the norm, and so people get very

1085
00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 1: upset and they want to put you back into that

1086
00:54:10,239 --> 00:54:12,480
Speaker 1: box that you stepped out of. And so I think

1087
00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:14,840
Speaker 1: with M I A as well, like they want to

1088
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 1: put you back in that place that you don't even

1089
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:19,560
Speaker 1: belong in. And so that's why I think role models

1090
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:22,600
Speaker 1: are so important and how best friends can support you

1091
00:54:22,880 --> 00:54:26,120
Speaker 1: as you start to break down those expectations. I love

1092
00:54:26,120 --> 00:54:36,799
Speaker 1: it very well, said, let's take a quick break and

1093
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:39,040
Speaker 1: we're back. So I want to kick it over to

1094
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 1: the audience for some questions, questions, comments, what do we got?

1095
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:47,440
Speaker 1: What do y'all think? Hi? And where you're from? I'm Alex.

1096
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:52,279
Speaker 1: I actually just recently moved to the Austin area. Um So,

1097
00:54:52,520 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 1: first of all, y'all are great, thank you fairly enjoyed

1098
00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:58,719
Speaker 1: all this so far. Um I I feel like I've

1099
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 1: ascilate between feeling like I do nothing about being an

1100
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 1: ally and then wanting to drop my whole life and

1101
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:07,480
Speaker 1: quit everything and like go fall activism. So I was

1102
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:10,279
Speaker 1: wondering if you all could speak to like what does

1103
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:12,480
Speaker 1: a middle ground look like for being an alley? Like

1104
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:16,399
Speaker 1: how can I be helpful and still like follow my

1105
00:55:16,640 --> 00:55:20,440
Speaker 1: other dreams and other passions? And I think like I

1106
00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:22,600
Speaker 1: have friends who are like on all parts of that spectrum,

1107
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 1: like my friend Taylor, who was like Blair, I think

1108
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 1: I'm dropping out of school. She was at tu Wane

1109
00:55:25,920 --> 00:55:28,560
Speaker 1: and I was like, girl, you're wild, call me later,

1110
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:30,080
Speaker 1: and then she like Blair dropped out of school. Now

1111
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:33,760
Speaker 1: I'm in North Dakota finding the pipeline from being built,

1112
00:55:33,760 --> 00:55:39,680
Speaker 1: And I was like, girl, okay, Like, so that's one path, right, yeah,

1113
00:55:40,239 --> 00:55:43,279
Speaker 1: because we're friends, you know what I mean. But um, like,

1114
00:55:43,520 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would have done that, but

1115
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:47,880
Speaker 1: I support her. Um. I think it's all about the

1116
00:55:47,880 --> 00:55:50,560
Speaker 1: access you have, right, Like if you tell somebody, um,

1117
00:55:50,600 --> 00:55:52,400
Speaker 1: you know there's a protest happening right now here in

1118
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:54,920
Speaker 1: Austin about veganism, and so that's a very you know,

1119
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,239
Speaker 1: important dance that a lot of people have. But also like,

1120
00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 1: is your movement work making best table is cheaper for

1121
00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:04,440
Speaker 1: families who can't afford the food and nutrients required to

1122
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 1: be a healthy vegan, you know, so thinking about the

1123
00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:11,600
Speaker 1: way that your approach can be more accessible. So I

1124
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:13,840
Speaker 1: think that everybody has a role in the movement. Finding

1125
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,759
Speaker 1: out what you're good at and realizing that your path

1126
00:56:15,880 --> 00:56:18,720
Speaker 1: isn't separate from an activist path, like find ways to

1127
00:56:18,760 --> 00:56:21,680
Speaker 1: build activism into what you're doing. Um, had I finished

1128
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 1: law school, then I would have been looking at doing

1129
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:26,000
Speaker 1: pro bono cases with corporate cases or whatever I would

1130
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:27,920
Speaker 1: have been doing. I was definitely gonna drop out everybody

1131
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:30,880
Speaker 1: knew it, um, but like just figuring out ways, like

1132
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:32,839
Speaker 1: if you're in a position of hiring or if you're not,

1133
00:56:32,920 --> 00:56:35,279
Speaker 1: and your friend is like making sure that she understands,

1134
00:56:35,320 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 1: like not throwing out names that aren't white, like just

1135
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:42,239
Speaker 1: making sure that you're being a person that is disrupting

1136
00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 1: the spaces around you that are toxic. Because even my mom,

1137
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:47,839
Speaker 1: when I first started wearing his job, she was like

1138
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:50,399
Speaker 1: no daughter of mine and literally took the job off

1139
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:52,600
Speaker 1: of my head and when we were in the grocery store,

1140
00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:55,920
Speaker 1: and so I can't just be like, fine, mom, you're

1141
00:56:55,960 --> 00:56:57,960
Speaker 1: not in the movement. She's my mom, you know, And

1142
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:00,799
Speaker 1: so it was upon me then to explain to her

1143
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:02,960
Speaker 1: what the hit job meant to me, to like, you know,

1144
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:05,840
Speaker 1: talk through her, talk through the biases she had. And

1145
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:07,920
Speaker 1: that's something we can all do. And there's very much

1146
00:57:07,920 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 1: activism in our daily lives, whether that's giving your friends

1147
00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:13,360
Speaker 1: reading material, challenging somebody when they, you know, call somebody

1148
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:16,080
Speaker 1: the wrong thing, or when they don't understand something. So

1149
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:18,840
Speaker 1: I think that's very middle ground. But we can always

1150
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:20,480
Speaker 1: level up, you know, like it doesn't always have to

1151
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:22,440
Speaker 1: be you donating money. Not everybody can do that, but

1152
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 1: if you care about voting rights, looking at what it

1153
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 1: means to register folks to vote in your in your

1154
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 1: apartment building, or what it means to drive folks to

1155
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:32,680
Speaker 1: the polls or volunteers. So I think that there are

1156
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:34,439
Speaker 1: so many different ways and you don't have to drop

1157
00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:37,640
Speaker 1: that everything. It's so true. I mean, it's like it's

1158
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:41,120
Speaker 1: like the activism takes on this like really hefty, like

1159
00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:45,560
Speaker 1: heavy labels sometimes, but it literally is the time, I

1160
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:47,240
Speaker 1: honestly believe, like when people are like I want to

1161
00:57:47,280 --> 00:57:50,680
Speaker 1: change the world, like we none of us can actually

1162
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:55,680
Speaker 1: change the world. But those tiny tiny things that we do,

1163
00:57:56,200 --> 00:57:58,919
Speaker 1: not alone, not alone, and and and those tiny things

1164
00:57:58,920 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 1: that we do that create connection, create empathy, that calls

1165
00:58:01,960 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 1: somebody out, those moments like if we all did them,

1166
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:08,400
Speaker 1: if we all did one of those today literally everybody

1167
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:11,160
Speaker 1: is south by Southwest. If everybody called somebody out that

1168
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:13,919
Speaker 1: was doing something, do she or not cool and race

1169
00:58:15,040 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 1: like paked up some trash or recycled because that's not

1170
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 1: really happening. Um, I just had to say that we

1171
00:58:20,920 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 1: had a conversation about that. Um. But but honestly, that

1172
00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 1: has huge ripple impact and it's it's important. It really is.

1173
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 1: And I think about like even like we're talking about, well,

1174
00:58:32,360 --> 00:58:34,880
Speaker 1: I think a lot about the me too movement. You know,

1175
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 1: you have a lot of men who say, how do

1176
00:58:36,680 --> 00:58:40,080
Speaker 1: I participate? And it's like, well, listen past the mic

1177
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:45,520
Speaker 1: and also express your support. You know, that's that's huge

1178
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:49,680
Speaker 1: because the power is in those groups. And so I

1179
00:58:49,680 --> 00:58:52,480
Speaker 1: think recognizing your privilege and your power and we all

1180
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:54,440
Speaker 1: have it, all of us have it. I mean, I

1181
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,720
Speaker 1: have privilege of living in a big city. I have

1182
00:58:56,800 --> 00:59:01,480
Speaker 1: privilege of living being born in a family that educated me. Um.

1183
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 1: Although I'm still paying off my law school even though

1184
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:08,560
Speaker 1: I am an actor artist. Um it sucks. Um but

1185
00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:11,120
Speaker 1: but but but you know, we all have privilege in

1186
00:59:11,160 --> 00:59:14,920
Speaker 1: some way whatever that isn't recognizing that and owning up

1187
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:17,080
Speaker 1: to that and and speaking out about it. I think

1188
00:59:17,120 --> 00:59:19,680
Speaker 1: that matters. I love it. I think we have time

1189
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:24,520
Speaker 1: for maybe one more quick question anyone or comment or

1190
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:27,840
Speaker 1: how use about your work wife or your favorite bff

1191
00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 1: workwife story? Oh god, question, how much time do you

1192
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 1: have lady? How's your favorite about your mom? My favorite

1193
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:40,440
Speaker 1: thing about such a good question. I could talk all day.

1194
00:59:40,480 --> 00:59:43,520
Speaker 1: My mom is amazing. My favorite thing about my mom

1195
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:47,560
Speaker 1: is how warm she is. She's the kind of person

1196
00:59:47,680 --> 00:59:49,880
Speaker 1: that she could be in a room with someone who's

1197
00:59:49,920 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 1: had the worst day ever and make them open up

1198
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,640
Speaker 1: and make them smile. She's the warmest person you'll ever meet.

1199
00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 1: She's so she just has that bubbly thing where people,

1200
00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:01,600
Speaker 1: I think people people like want to talk to her.

1201
01:00:01,680 --> 01:00:05,320
Speaker 1: She's that kind of person. Um. Well, a lot of

1202
01:00:05,360 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 1: my work is actually inspired by my mother. So if

1203
01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 1: you ever look me up, you'll learn about that. There's

1204
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:13,400
Speaker 1: a movie, there's a play, there's another movie coming out.

1205
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:16,160
Speaker 1: But my mother, to me, one of the things I

1206
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:20,320
Speaker 1: love about us is, um, you know I look like this,

1207
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:27,480
Speaker 1: which is you know Bruno Mars meets the karate kid. Um, yeah, slash,

1208
01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:33,800
Speaker 1: maybe a little Hallieberry and um. But my mother is

1209
01:00:34,120 --> 01:00:37,040
Speaker 1: you know, she wears her job, she wears shell Varkami

1210
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:42,160
Speaker 1: is very become a very you know, uh, introverted Pakistani

1211
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 1: Muslim human woman. Um. But and so if you look

1212
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:49,480
Speaker 1: at us, we look like complete opposites. But honestly, the

1213
01:00:49,520 --> 01:00:52,080
Speaker 1: reason I don't ever look at anybody's exterior and think

1214
01:00:52,080 --> 01:00:55,760
Speaker 1: I understand them, Um, it's because I know that if

1215
01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:58,040
Speaker 1: you look at my mother and I, we are exactly

1216
01:00:58,120 --> 01:01:02,280
Speaker 1: the same, although we look so different. Um when people

1217
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:05,000
Speaker 1: are like your energy, you're this, you're this, you'r smile

1218
01:01:05,040 --> 01:01:07,280
Speaker 1: blah blah, and I'm like, well, that's my mom, my

1219
01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 1: mom and I And it took some work to get

1220
01:01:09,080 --> 01:01:16,880
Speaker 1: there to see that. And um, but I I hope

1221
01:01:16,880 --> 01:01:22,280
Speaker 1: my mom is listening. She's definitely not. She's definitely not.

1222
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:24,760
Speaker 1: It was my birthday yesterday, so she might be like

1223
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:28,560
Speaker 1: with Falsia right now. Um, and she's not thinking that

1224
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:33,640
Speaker 1: I'm doing this panel and anyway, but um, it's um,

1225
01:01:33,680 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 1: she's She's a gift to me and I love her

1226
01:01:36,640 --> 01:01:40,600
Speaker 1: very much. So one of the things that I now

1227
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:43,320
Speaker 1: that I am no longer in school, um, I think

1228
01:01:43,360 --> 01:01:45,720
Speaker 1: about I think about how much time I spent away

1229
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:49,120
Speaker 1: from my mom because I was in school. And it

1230
01:01:49,160 --> 01:01:51,600
Speaker 1: seems like such a like such a way of simplifying

1231
01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,080
Speaker 1: or kind of like simplifying the situation, But I really

1232
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:57,480
Speaker 1: do think about it a lot. And her proximity to me,

1233
01:01:57,720 --> 01:02:01,240
Speaker 1: to compassion and to literally just being a nice person

1234
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:05,200
Speaker 1: reminds me how much nicer I need to be to others,

1235
01:02:05,600 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 1: and like her just consistent kindness really has just blown

1236
01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:12,439
Speaker 1: me away. It really blows me away. Whenever I'm around her.

1237
01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:16,760
Speaker 1: For me, my mom has like been through so many changes.

1238
01:02:16,840 --> 01:02:19,040
Speaker 1: I changed my name, I converted to Islam, I came

1239
01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:20,480
Speaker 1: out as a lesbian. Then I came out as by

1240
01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:24,400
Speaker 1: per sexual, and then I came out on national television

1241
01:02:24,520 --> 01:02:27,960
Speaker 1: and I got tattooed. Like she's just been like go

1242
01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:31,560
Speaker 1: Blair except for the job, but now she's cool about it. Um.

1243
01:02:31,920 --> 01:02:33,480
Speaker 1: So I think that my mom, she's just like she

1244
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 1: rolls with the punches and she calls it like she

1245
01:02:35,240 --> 01:02:38,200
Speaker 1: sees it, and she battles the trolls in my mentions

1246
01:02:38,240 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 1: and like and in real life, like when I got um,

1247
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:42,640
Speaker 1: when I was getting her as, she made a video

1248
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:44,480
Speaker 1: and posted it on Twitter and it was just like

1249
01:02:44,640 --> 01:02:47,960
Speaker 1: leave my baby alone. Um. You can follow her at

1250
01:02:48,040 --> 01:02:51,920
Speaker 1: Chrissy Lupo on Twitter. She's hilarious. Um. But she's just

1251
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:56,640
Speaker 1: like so real and there's like not a mean spirited

1252
01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:58,960
Speaker 1: bone in her body. Like she does make mistakes like

1253
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:01,439
Speaker 1: we all do, but she's willing to learn and grow

1254
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:04,680
Speaker 1: and go with all the you know, just roll with

1255
01:03:04,680 --> 01:03:07,280
Speaker 1: the punches. I swear I didn't plan this, but learn

1256
01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:10,760
Speaker 1: and grow together is the unofficial motto of this podcast.

1257
01:03:10,920 --> 01:03:15,400
Speaker 1: So well, that's a perfect place to wrap my amazing

1258
01:03:15,480 --> 01:03:18,280
Speaker 1: panelist for being here. Y'all are all amazing and thanks

1259
01:03:18,280 --> 01:03:20,160
Speaker 1: to y'all, I we couldn't have done the style. Y'all go.

1260
01:03:20,840 --> 01:03:29,560
Speaker 1: Thanks Siminthy listeners. What's your relationship like with your work wife?

1261
01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:31,600
Speaker 1: Did this episode make you want to call her up

1262
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:33,720
Speaker 1: in a thank her for being a friend? Let us know.

1263
01:03:34,160 --> 01:03:36,160
Speaker 1: You can find us on Instagram at stuff I've Never

1264
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:39,280
Speaker 1: Told You, on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, and as always,

1265
01:03:39,400 --> 01:03:41,880
Speaker 1: we love your emails at mom stuff at how stuff

1266
01:03:41,920 --> 01:03:55,280
Speaker 1: works dot com.