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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Dakota, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay story Time hosts, and we've got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. But before that, we have a quick two

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Speaker 1: minute break from the sponsors that keep this show running.

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Speaker 2: I found my wife's secret account and she's been obsessed

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Speaker 2: with my ex.

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Speaker 3: WHOA, that's a turn of events.

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Speaker 2: So I male thirty six, met my wife, Bailey, female

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Speaker 2: thirty three, nine years ago through mutual coworkers, and we

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Speaker 2: hit it off immediately. I felt absolutely head over heels

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Speaker 2: with this woman. She was everything I was looking for.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from user molasses stock six

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Speaker 2: zho five to five, and if you want to submit

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Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

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Speaker 2: Time subreddit. I am Matt, and I.

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Speaker 1: Am Sabana and I'm Carly, and.

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Speaker 2: We are here to give you good advice. Goofily, but

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Speaker 2: we don't have all the answers. We only know what

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Speaker 2: we would do in this certain situation. So let us

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Speaker 2: know what you would do in the comments. I had

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Speaker 2: gotten out of a toxic, long term relationship right before

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Speaker 2: that with a woman Bailey and I had been acquainted with,

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Speaker 2: or Bailey had been acquainted with, but not friends with

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Speaker 2: I had her blocked on everything and had no contact

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Speaker 2: with her since breaking up. We got married right after

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Speaker 2: the tail end of the pandemic, bought our first house together,

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Speaker 2: and started trying to conceive. That was difficult because Bailey

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Speaker 2: has PCOS. But last year she finally gave birth to

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Speaker 2: our first daughter. Oh congratulations, OPI. I am having a

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Speaker 2: blast being a dad. It's kind of a dream come true.

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Speaker 2: I finally got my happy life with my perfect wife,

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Speaker 2: My perfect wife. Until last Monday. It's always Mondays, isn't it.

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Speaker 2: My laptop's battery crapped the bed, so I took up

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Speaker 2: Bailey's work tablet with an attached keyboard. You can set

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Speaker 2: it up like a monitor, to check on some tax stuff.

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Speaker 2: She wasn't home. It was just me and the baby.

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Speaker 2: But we've never asked permission to use each other's devices.

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Speaker 2: We've always been open like that. There's nothing for us

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Speaker 2: to hide. Famous last words, but that's what I thought.

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Speaker 2: When I opened the Internet, I noticed she had the

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Speaker 2: incognito tab open. Never in a million years did I

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Speaker 2: expect to discover what I did. My wife had a

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Speaker 2: secret Google account with a photo album she called x X.

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Speaker 2: In this Google album were over three hundred photos three

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Speaker 2: hundred and forty eight. Actually, it took the time to

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Speaker 2: count of my X, the woman I was with right

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Speaker 2: before I met Bailey, the woman who tormented me and

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Speaker 2: made me feel worthless. The album said it was started

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Speaker 2: back right around the time Bailey and I started dating,

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Speaker 2: and was updated as recently as two weeks ago. The

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Speaker 2: photos ranged from candid shots with families to pictures at

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Speaker 2: her work functions. There were even pictures from her yearbook.

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Speaker 2: I don't know how Bailey could have found her high

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Speaker 2: school yearbook photos, photos from vacations, id photos from work,

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Speaker 2: photos of her in crowds, screenshots of videos, and screen

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Speaker 2: recordings of videos just her. The other people in the

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Speaker 2: photos would be scribbled out, or the photo would be

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Speaker 2: cropped and zoomed in on just my ex I'm scared.

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Speaker 1: That's strange.

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Speaker 2: Are you?

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Speaker 1: Are you? That's very strange, And I would be like,

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Speaker 1: are you all right? That's scared obsession.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, actually scared.

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Speaker 1: Oh God, I want to know what's happening. What's going on?

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Speaker 2: Well, let's find out, shall we. There were other disturbing

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Speaker 2: things I found too. There was another album with just

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Speaker 2: zoomed up pictures of my ex's hair. Come to think

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Speaker 2: of it, Bailey had recently started wearing her hair different,

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Speaker 2: and my Axe had a very identifiable hair type. There

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Speaker 2: was another album with screenshots of comments on social media.

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Speaker 2: Of course I can't find them because I have her blocked,

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Speaker 2: like Facebook group she's in and public posts, and my

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Speaker 2: ex is very low key on social media. I can't

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Speaker 2: imagine the links Bailey went to find them. My ax

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Speaker 2: literally lives in another country.

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Speaker 1: Now, what's up.

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Speaker 2: There were also different links to the exact outfits she

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Speaker 2: was wearing, like very specific blouses and trousers. You'd have

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Speaker 2: to really go looking for to find a very specific

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Speaker 2: water bottle. I remember her purchasing and identical hiking boots

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Speaker 2: and sandals. So basically, my partner of almost a decade

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Speaker 2: has been single white femaling. My ex girlfriend has secretly

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Speaker 2: stalked her to the point of buying her exact clothes

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Speaker 2: and changing her hair. And now I'm starting to realize

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Speaker 2: Bailey's new interests over the years were just my exes.

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Speaker 2: Bailey has turned herself into my ex.

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Speaker 3: Why I don't why terrify, like, what is that?

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Speaker 1: What is that doing for them?

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Speaker 2: It's maybe a jealousy thing because you were with them first.

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Speaker 2: Everything feels like a lie. Our love feels like a lie.

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Speaker 2: The things we share feel like a lie. I threw

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Speaker 2: up and had a panic attack, as one should in

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Speaker 2: this situation. I don't think anyone can fault you for that.

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Speaker 2: I looked at our daughter and felt betrayed. I haven't

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Speaker 2: confronted her yet. I don't know if I want to.

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Speaker 2: I want to run away with our daughter. I want

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Speaker 2: to print out all her pictures, leave them on the

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Speaker 2: table and disappear. I don't know what to do. I

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Speaker 2: just want to throw up any advice, advice Talk to

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Speaker 2: a lawyer now, yeah, talk to a bodyguard now.

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Speaker 4: That's like crazy, Like to spend almost ten years of like,

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Speaker 4: you know, you started a life with this person, and

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Speaker 4: now all of a sudden you find this out. I'd

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Speaker 4: be like, my life is over. Like I hate that.

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Speaker 2: This is the point where you record a If you're

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Speaker 2: watching this, it means I'm If you're watching this, it

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Speaker 2: means she got to me. Maybe it's probably a lot

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Speaker 2: of deep seated insecurity or some other issue that she has,

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Speaker 2: some maybe previous traumas, some insecurity, some desire to be

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Speaker 2: more than herself. I think, yeah, I think there's something

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Speaker 2: maybe that maybe that the husband mentioned about or yeah,

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Speaker 2: the husband mentioned Opie mentioned about the ex wife. That

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Speaker 2: kind of maybe got her thinking, maybe does he still

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Speaker 2: think about her? Sometimes there's something there. All right, we

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Speaker 2: have an update. First, let me clear things up. No,

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Speaker 2: I didn't actually throw up. I was in the middle

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Speaker 2: of a panic attack. Private browsing tabs were open to

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Speaker 2: the websites with clothing and objects. Another tab was signed

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Speaker 2: into Google Photos. When I exited the Google photosab to

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Speaker 2: look at the websites with clothing and came back, it

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Speaker 2: was already signed out and I couldn't get back in

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Speaker 2: a lot of the clothing I recognized wasn't because I

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Speaker 2: remembered my ex wearing them. They were more recent pictures

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Speaker 2: of her in the file wearing them, and I remember

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Speaker 2: the day Bailey bought the water bottle that also happened

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Speaker 2: to be in the folder. The hair Bailey and my

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Speaker 2: ex are the same race, and my ex moore braids

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Speaker 2: in a particular way, not so particular that it's exclusive

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Speaker 2: to my ex, because Bailey also had worn different braids,

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Speaker 2: but seeing pictures of her made me put two and

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Speaker 2: two together. Is there any way Bailey could have gotten

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Speaker 2: with me in an attempt to get to my ex.

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Speaker 2: Was Bailey possibly obsessed with my ex before she met me?

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Speaker 2: Probably not, because Bailey grew up here and my ex

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Speaker 2: originally moved here for university, And while you can drive

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Speaker 2: across the border, it's not that easy, and I don't

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Speaker 2: think Bailey was going back and forth to stalk her

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Speaker 2: in person. Also, the reason why my ex and I

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Speaker 2: broke up has nothing to do with Bailly and I,

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Speaker 2: and she could not have had any involvement onto the

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Speaker 2: actual update. The next day, when I had calmed down,

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Speaker 2: I called several social workers and therapists. I was planning

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Speaker 2: to confront her there. Unfortunately, the only places that take

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Speaker 2: our insurance did not have an opening for another couple weeks. So,

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Speaker 2: despite what a lot of you think, I've known my

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Speaker 2: wife for nearly a decade, and even while I was

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Speaker 2: confused and upset in doubting things, I don't think she'd

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Speaker 2: be a danger to me. We sure about that, Opie,

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Speaker 2: We sure about that, Opie. We took baby to Grandma's

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Speaker 2: and I asked her for her to go on a

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Speaker 2: walk with me. Oh God, I did not beat around

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Speaker 2: the bush and straight up told her I found the folder.

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Speaker 2: Her face got very red and she was frozen. But

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Speaker 2: I also tried to play domb At first. I was persistent,

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Speaker 2: and she started crying and begged me not to leave her.

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Speaker 2: This is what I uncovered.

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Speaker 1: Here we go, Here we go.

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Speaker 2: The Bailey first started looking up my ex out of

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Speaker 2: curiosity to keep tabs, I guess, but over time it

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Speaker 2: became more pathological. It's like she got addicted to it.

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Speaker 2: But she also wanted to please me. Okay, maybe I

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Speaker 2: had talked about my ex a lot more than I thought,

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Speaker 2: and Bailey wanted to emulate the good parts. She told

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Speaker 2: me she really doesn't know who she is, and my

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Speaker 2: ex's image was something she latched onto because she had

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Speaker 2: me first tea. It was it was the previous woman thing.

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Speaker 2: I guess A little bit there, finding information about her

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Speaker 2: became a game. Finding the clothing and object became a

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Speaker 2: game by searching things like blue water bottlegreen stripe, until

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Speaker 2: she she couple compared a product to a photo and

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Speaker 2: found the exact one. You can do puzzles, you know,

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Speaker 2: you can do healthier puzzles than that.

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Speaker 1: It's true. You can just watch like sbu I feel

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Speaker 1: like that.

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Speaker 2: You know, the reason why I couldn't find the post

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Speaker 2: wasn't because I had blocked my ex, but because my

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Speaker 2: ex had made a new Facebook under a different name.

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Speaker 2: Bailey found her profile by searching up a family member.

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Speaker 2: She made fake social media and added enough mutual friends

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Speaker 2: until she could see my ex's posts and until her

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Speaker 2: private Instagram accepted her. She weasels her way into her

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Speaker 2: exercise Facebook group where the videos were posted, and searched

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Speaker 2: her school on a yearbook website to find the yearbook pictures.

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Speaker 2: Over time, she just coected the images and would get

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Speaker 2: excited to find something new, despite the fact that my

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Speaker 2: ex is extremely private on social media. The folder had

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Speaker 2: originally been called hex the X in case I discovered it.

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Speaker 2: She was going to make the excuse of saving the

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Speaker 2: picture to put a hex on her When she made

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Speaker 2: a burner Google account, she deleted the old folder and

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Speaker 2: named the new one x X. Then she got sloppy

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Speaker 2: and comfortable. And that's right around the time I just

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Speaker 2: happened to open the word tablet.

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Speaker 1: Fuck the hex is just throwing me.

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Speaker 2: Like, you're allowed to have different interests exactly, You're allowed

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Speaker 2: to be different people. That's I think what makes relationships

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Speaker 2: stronger is that you learn to learn new things through

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Speaker 2: your differences. Yeah, you find new ways to connect and

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Speaker 2: if even if you don't like them, that's fine. That

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Speaker 2: means that you have your own things that are separate

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Speaker 2: and that you can be passionate about.

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Speaker 1: Yes, I love it. I always think a partnership like

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Speaker 1: should be two people.

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Speaker 4: Just living their lives together, not that they have to

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Speaker 4: form into each other and like be like, now we're

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Speaker 4: the same person and we do everything together and we

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Speaker 4: can ever separate.

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Speaker 1: That's like too much.

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Speaker 3: I can't.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm gonna live my life, You're gonna live

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Speaker 4: my life, and we're gonna like live it together. And

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Speaker 4: I think that is like perfect harmony.

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Speaker 2: But we do have a date. So let's get into

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Speaker 2: the update where Savannah loses it. We took a break.

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Speaker 2: I'm taking break from my voice. Apparently it was a while.

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Speaker 2: We made it to couple's counseling, and Bailey and I

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Speaker 2: are also began seeing separate therapists. She still has not

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Speaker 2: had an assessment but with a psychiatrist, but it's on

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Speaker 2: the list. She promised to stop and deleted the album

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Speaker 2: in front of me slowly, certain clothing items began to

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Speaker 2: disappear from the closet. I still do not entirely trust her,

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Speaker 2: and that is for me to work on. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't trust her either. I'm afraid she has another

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Speaker 2: secret account somewhere, like a backup see I told you, yeah,

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Speaker 2: backup account. The physical mimicking is actually stopping, though, including

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Speaker 2: the hair change. We're still not okay. I want us

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Speaker 2: to be okay, and it's okay if that takes time. Okay.

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Speaker 2: If we end up not being okay, then that's something

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Speaker 2: I have to deal with. What I do know is

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Speaker 2: that my wife is incredibly insecure, probably mentally ill, and

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Speaker 2: is misled. I don't really want to walk away from that,

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Speaker 2: but we can walk away from this story because it's done.

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Speaker 4: Oh oh pee, he made me cry, just knning I

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Speaker 4: did that to myself.

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Speaker 1: But oh my god, what was I even talking about.

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Speaker 4: I would leave, But the thing is, you have a kid,

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Speaker 4: And it's hard when you have a kid because now

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Speaker 4: like you have to like integrate them into how this

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Speaker 4: is gonna work and the whole custy.

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Speaker 1: Thing and all that blah blah blah, and like factually

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Speaker 1: a lawyer.

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Speaker 2: I thought you said liar, and I was like, oh, no, lawyer,

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Speaker 2: I should enuncie it my words better.

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Speaker 1: No, it was just honestly, that entire story was, like, I.

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Speaker 2: Crazy, It's surprisingly common for like relationships like this and

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Speaker 2: stories that I've read on like the interwebs.

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Speaker 1: I just like could not fathom.

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Speaker 2: There's a lot of jealousy and insecurity. Yeah, and they're

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Speaker 2: looking for something else to make them more appealing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. O see, I hate that. I ugh.

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Speaker 4: I just wish everyone was like really confident in themselves

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Speaker 4: and could just be like, yeah, this is who I

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Speaker 4: am and I'm comfortable with it, Like I am who

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Speaker 4: I am and sorry, is it just me?

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Speaker 2: I respect that so much.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I've never ever like tried to be anyone else.

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Speaker 1: It's so hard to do that. And that's the end

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Speaker 1: of this story. We're going on to the next one.

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Speaker 4: My husband couldn't care less about my illness, so I left.

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Speaker 2: That leaves me feeling sick to my stomach.

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Speaker 1: Yeah right, I feel bad already.

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Speaker 4: There are trigger warnings here of mentions, ever, so if

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Speaker 4: you don't want to hear that, you don't have to

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Speaker 4: listen to this. My husband twenty six male, and I

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Speaker 4: twenty four female, have been married for a few years

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Speaker 4: and have a baby. We had relationship issues after the baby.

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Speaker 3: But I thought we had resolved.

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Speaker 1: Them and he promised he would be better. In all

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Speaker 1: that he did get better. He did his share around

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Speaker 1: the house, and house chores aren't a.

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Speaker 4: Big issue because he just does what needs to be

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Speaker 4: done without complaint or comment. But something at the back

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Speaker 4: of my head felt off. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 4: from Throwra Constant and if you want to submit your

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Speaker 4: own stories, you can go to the Okay story time subreddit.

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Speaker 4: I am Savannah, I'm Matt, and I'm.

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Speaker 5: Carly, and we are here to give some good advice. Goofly,

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Speaker 5: but we do not have all the answers. We only

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Speaker 5: know what we do, so let us know what you

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Speaker 5: do in the comments. As Op says, I never really

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Speaker 5: explored the nagging.

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Speaker 4: Feeling, but now I realized that he never showed me

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Speaker 4: any extra care. In fact, he gets upset or easily

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Speaker 4: frustrated with me if I cause any extra inconvenience. I'm

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Speaker 4: not sure how I didn't notice until now. Two days ago,

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Speaker 4: I think I got sick. I was feeling that gross,

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Speaker 4: thick skin feeling and kind of lightheaded, and by nighttime

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Speaker 4: I was shivering and freezing. I was still able to function,

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Speaker 4: so I didn't think much of it. I complained to

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Speaker 4: my husband about it, and then we went to sleep. Yesterday,

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Speaker 4: I woke up feeling like my bones were made of lead.

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Speaker 2: Ouch.

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Speaker 4: I don't know how I functioned yesterday, but it felt

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Speaker 4: like autopilot. My boss messaged me with some tests, so

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Speaker 4: I did them on my phone before.

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Speaker 1: My baby woke up.

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Speaker 4: I rolled out of bed and somehow took my sister

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Speaker 4: to school. I came back and worked some more. Usually

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Speaker 4: I had the energy to flip between being a mom

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Speaker 4: and working, but yesterday I just laid on the floor

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Speaker 4: to work while my one year old watched some Miss Rachel.

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Speaker 4: Then I had to pick up my sister from school,

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Speaker 4: come home to make dinner, and by the time my

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Speaker 4: husband came home, I felt passed away on my feet.

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Speaker 4: Anytime I moved, it felt like I was lagging and

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Speaker 4: my body couldn't keep up. I told my husband this

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Speaker 4: a few times. We ate and I put the leftovers

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Speaker 4: away and put the baby to sleep while my husband

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Speaker 4: went to his office to do some quick work. After this,

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Speaker 4: I don't really remember because my brain was I found

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Speaker 4: myself in this office.

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Speaker 1: We exchanged a few words, but I don't remember what.

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Speaker 4: And the next thing I knew, I woke up alone

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Speaker 4: in his office on the floor.

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Speaker 2: That was, are you Okayop? Is this tiredness or is

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Speaker 2: there something like medically wrong? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 3: What?

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Speaker 1: Happa? I felt so heavy and out of it. It

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Speaker 1: took so much effort to get up.

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Speaker 4: But when I got up, all the lights were off,

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Speaker 4: the kitchen was untouched, and he was in bed. I

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Speaker 4: just stood in the kitchen and realized that he just

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Speaker 4: doesn't care. I already knew he wasn't going to clean

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Speaker 4: the kitchen tomorrow and that he didn't care that I

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Speaker 4: felt off. I had a busy day planned and I

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Speaker 4: didn't have time to wash all the all the dishes

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Speaker 4: the next day, so I loaded the dishwasher and then

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Speaker 4: went to bed. I laid down, and five minutes later,

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Speaker 4: my husband, very angrily told me to turn off the lights.

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Speaker 2: In the kitchen.

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Speaker 4: At this point, I had no energy to deal with him,

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Speaker 4: so I ignored him and fell asleep. The next morning,

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00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,480
Speaker 4: I woke up covered in sweat, but that gross feeling

335
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Speaker 4: was gone. That's when I realized that I was sick.

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Speaker 4: My husband was upset with me. He wouldn't talk or

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Speaker 4: look at me and was stomping around. I tried to

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Speaker 4: ask him about yesterday, but he just grumbled something about

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Speaker 4: me confusing his Oh so.

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Speaker 2: He's a child, you're married to. You're married to a child,

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Speaker 2: married to a little man baby throw.

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Speaker 4: For Everything from yesterday caught up and I just can't

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Speaker 4: see him the same. I realized that he has never

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Speaker 4: taken care of me or done anything that was inconvenient

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Speaker 4: for him. I've been sick before, and every time it's

346
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,600
Speaker 4: the same thing. He gets upset at me somehow. Why

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Speaker 4: because you're sick and now you can't like do your

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Speaker 4: normal tasks. Like a man, a true man would pick

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Speaker 4: the slack up, be like, Oh, my wife is sick

350
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Speaker 4: in bed. I can do you know, I can help out.

351
00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:52,719
Speaker 4: I can just do what she needs to do. I

352
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Speaker 4: know it's not gonna be forever. It'll probably be like

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Speaker 4: two three days a week, maybe at most, unless it's

354
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Speaker 4: like a horrible disease that she all of a sudden has,

355
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Speaker 4: But like I can pick up the slack and I

356
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,920
Speaker 4: feel like that's just like a normal person would think

357
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Speaker 4: that it's a partnership right right after I had the baby.

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Speaker 4: He was upset that nothing was kept up around the house.

359
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:16,600
Speaker 4: Yet he got angry with me when I fainted from

360
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Speaker 4: over exertion at two weeks postpartum.

361
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Speaker 1: Oh my, what who is this man like?

362
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Speaker 2: Get up, start doing the dishes.

363
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Speaker 1: Oh, okay, are you five? Do I have to take care?

364
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Speaker 1: Do I have another baby? Huh?

365
00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:34,000
Speaker 4: I remember him yelling at me that I did this

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Speaker 4: to myself and that it was my fault for not

367
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,040
Speaker 4: taking care of myself, even though just two days before

368
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,280
Speaker 4: he was telling me that he was angry with me

369
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Speaker 4: for not keeping up with laundry and that I needed

370
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Speaker 4: to clean the kitchen because it was starting to smell

371
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Speaker 4: and he didn't want to cook anymore.

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Speaker 3: Don't even get me started on now. He never woke

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Speaker 3: up at night.

374
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Speaker 4: All these memories hit me and I am just disgusted

375
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Speaker 4: by him.

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Speaker 1: How did I not see this? What do I do? Oop? Edit?

377
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:06,160
Speaker 4: He just texted me saying he's beat and could barely

378
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,040
Speaker 4: brush his teeth this morning. I don't even know what

379
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,320
Speaker 4: to respond. I can't believe I took care of this

380
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:16,800
Speaker 4: man every time he got sick, and after two surgeries,

381
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,720
Speaker 4: judgment not.

382
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Speaker 1: To the a hole. Ooh update one month later, are

383
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,199
Speaker 1: we uh what are we thinking? This guy's horrible?

384
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,359
Speaker 2: This guy leaf take the baby and leave because he's

385
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:32,720
Speaker 2: clearly not invested in you. And it's like it's one

386
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,160
Speaker 2: thing that you've already passed out from exhaustion in the office.

387
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,840
Speaker 2: He just left you on the floor. He didn't check

388
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:40,960
Speaker 2: up on you. He didn't call like try to see

389
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,840
Speaker 2: if you're okay. He didn't call an ambulance. He didn't

390
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,199
Speaker 2: do any of the work in the kitchen, like what

391
00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,720
Speaker 2: happens if something worse goes? All right? Like, yeah, he's

392
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 2: not doing anything to help He's not to be anything

393
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,479
Speaker 2: to help your child. He's just gonna go to bed.

394
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 2: That's it. You need to either go to a therapist

395
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,959
Speaker 2: or leaf or have an interview of some sort.

396
00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I don't know how long they've been

397
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 1: together or.

398
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,359
Speaker 4: Whatever, but like it seemed like these types of people

399
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:08,199
Speaker 4: don't change, no, Like they very much are set in

400
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:11,119
Speaker 4: their ways and they want you to like be set,

401
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,320
Speaker 4: like you know, they want to be like oh, I

402
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 4: you know, like you said you were gonna do this,

403
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,760
Speaker 4: so like if you don't do it, I'm gonna get

404
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 4: angry unless.

405
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,280
Speaker 2: They're Unless they're forced to change, there's gonna be no

406
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 2: motivation for them to do it. And even if they do,

407
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 2: how long is that change gonna stick around? Are they

408
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 2: gonna maybe try it out for a couple of weeks

409
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,120
Speaker 2: and go right back to where they were? Exactly?

410
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:35,520
Speaker 1: That's how it usually is.

411
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Speaker 3: Love those people.

412
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:41,880
Speaker 1: Anyway. We have an update one month later. I went

413
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,119
Speaker 1: to the hospital that day since a shocking percentage of

414
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,600
Speaker 1: people suspected he could have messed with something.

415
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,640
Speaker 2: But no, at least at least he's not doing that.

416
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:54,679
Speaker 1: However, he did say I had high blood pressure and

417
00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:58,480
Speaker 1: recommended me to a cardiologist. I still have a month

418
00:20:58,560 --> 00:20:59,680
Speaker 1: left before the appointment.

419
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 4: When my husband got home from work, he was acting

420
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 4: like everything was normal. I wanted to see if he

421
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,679
Speaker 4: would inquire at all about my fainting the night prior,

422
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 4: but nothing. So after the baby was settled for the night,

423
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,200
Speaker 4: I asked him why I woke up alone.

424
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:14,760
Speaker 1: In his office.

425
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 4: He instantly got angry with me and seemed annoyed that

426
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 4: I even brought it up. He said I was acting

427
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,680
Speaker 4: confusing and asked what he was supposed to do. According

428
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 4: to him, I should have told him what I wanted

429
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 4: him to do. I told him about my visit to

430
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Speaker 4: the hospital, and he said that going to the hospital

431
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 4: was a little much. I told him the doctor said

432
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 4: I was showing signs of heart issues, likely caused by stress.

433
00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,679
Speaker 4: He blew up on me. That's a crazy response to

434
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,639
Speaker 4: be like, oh, I went to the doctor today and

435
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 4: he said I might have heart problems.

436
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 1: My first instinct is to be like, are you kidding me?

437
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 3: How dare you?

438
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 1: Like?

439
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:53,840
Speaker 3: You're so stressed?

440
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:54,280
Speaker 1: La? La la?

441
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 2: Who did this to you?

442
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 4: And you know it's probably all those other people but

443
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 4: not me, because I'm the ratest man.

444
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:04,240
Speaker 2: Out there is a lack of self awareness, selfishness.

445
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, I hate this man. Oh, Pee, I hate him.

446
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 4: He blew up on me, yelling that I was causing

447
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 4: my own early grave and that it was my fault

448
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:17,280
Speaker 4: for not taking care of myself.

449
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 1: Yep, my fault. Sorry.

450
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,760
Speaker 4: With that, he closed himself in the room, leaving me

451
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:27,639
Speaker 4: to clean up after dinner alone again, except I decided

452
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:31,159
Speaker 4: that I wouldn't yees, so, Pee, you don't need to

453
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 4: and you shouldn't because this man is horrible.

454
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:37,480
Speaker 1: So I went on the couch and watched a movie.

455
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:43,680
Speaker 4: He came out, suddenly friendly and flirty, no way. He

456
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,679
Speaker 4: tried to lay with me and ask what I was doing.

457
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:50,760
Speaker 4: He kept trying to act cute, and when I wasn't

458
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:55,160
Speaker 4: showing much response, he got angry and stormed off, walking

459
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,160
Speaker 4: me out of the bedroom. The next morning, I woke

460
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 4: up to him slamming around the case and cussing about

461
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 4: how I couldn't even properly clean. I just went to

462
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 4: the bedroom and went back to sleep, if you can

463
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,960
Speaker 4: call it that, because he kept doing things to keep

464
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 4: me awake. Later that day, he complained about being hungry

465
00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 4: because I didn't make him breakfast or lunch.

466
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 1: I mean, I can't. I gave myself a break day.

467
00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:22,840
Speaker 1: I didn't work or focus on the house.

468
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,720
Speaker 4: I was just a mom and spent time with our baby.

469
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 4: We went to the park, the library, and my in laws.

470
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 4: I tried to talk to my mother in law about

471
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 4: the heart thing, and she responded with.

472
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 1: Poor husband's name. He's probably going to stress about this.

473
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,199
Speaker 3: Well, we found where it comes from them.

474
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, wait, get that right from his mom. That's crazy.

475
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:49,399
Speaker 4: That's when I realized I couldn't do this anymore. I

476
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,840
Speaker 4: got pizza for dinner and got home right after my husband.

477
00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,560
Speaker 4: He was not happy and it was different this time.

478
00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:00,040
Speaker 4: I tried to ignore his obvious tension. He cleaned the

479
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 4: kitchen very loudly, oh my yeah, and was muttering under

480
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,239
Speaker 4: his breath. I washed up our daughter and put her

481
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 4: to bed, trying not to feel anxious. When I came out,

482
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,080
Speaker 4: he started talking very aggressively about how I'd been letting

483
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:15,080
Speaker 4: myself get lazy and how he wouldn't take my lack

484
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 4: of effort. A relationship is a two way street, he said.

485
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 4: I started yelling back about how I cook, clean and

486
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,800
Speaker 4: manage his child and work at the same time. So

487
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,920
Speaker 4: how is it that I'm the one who's lazy when

488
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:32,040
Speaker 4: he keeps expecting me to do even more? Things escalated

489
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 4: and it was not pretty. Then he left the house

490
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 4: and I called the police. My baby woke up. The

491
00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 4: neighbors came because they heard yelling and glass breaking, and

492
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 4: it was chaos.

493
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 1: Yikes. When he came back, he tried to say, I

494
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 1: did everything.

495
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 2: Oh ohs man, record everything, op, yes, record everything, and

496
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,359
Speaker 2: lawyer up. I'm gonna that's just my mantra for a night.

497
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:55,639
Speaker 1: Lawyer up, what are we thinking?

498
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 2: I'm thinking you divorce this man and let his mom

499
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 2: take care of him. Again.

500
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 1: True, seems like what does he do?

501
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 2: What benefit does he add to your life? He's already

502
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,119
Speaker 2: given you the child, what you clearly love, so like,

503
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 2: take the child and run.

504
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:16,679
Speaker 1: I'm still trying to process everything. It all happens so fast.

505
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,640
Speaker 4: Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had

506
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 4: just sucked it up and didn't rebel. Would our relationship

507
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,600
Speaker 4: be fine? I have my first therapy session schedule for

508
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:28,920
Speaker 4: next Tuesday, so I guess I'll talk about everything then.

509
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,000
Speaker 4: My husband is at his mom's now.

510
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,800
Speaker 1: Oh okay, good.

511
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 4: I'm at my grandmother's for now and have almost all

512
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,160
Speaker 4: my stuff out of our apartment.

513
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 1: We have a temporary.

514
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:43,360
Speaker 4: Restraining order and the official hearing is tomorrow morning. I'm scared.

515
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 4: If I'm honest, I haven't seen him since that night.

516
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 4: My daughter keeps asking me where her dad is, and

517
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 4: I don't know what to tell her. There's my update.

518
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 4: I feel so numb to it all. I could probably

519
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:57,720
Speaker 4: type much more that happened, but it already.

520
00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 1: Feels so long. Plus I don't want to cry.

521
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 2: Get it?

522
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:01,640
Speaker 3: Oh pee?

523
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:03,680
Speaker 1: Ah?

524
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:05,399
Speaker 2: Is there no update after that?

525
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:06,480
Speaker 3: What?

526
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,440
Speaker 1: Oh? P And we ran right back to his mom.

527
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:13,120
Speaker 3: He went.

528
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 1: We called it.

529
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 4: I'm gonna put the ending to this, and.

530
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 2: They lived happily. Ever afterward, this awful man.

531
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 4: And yeah yeah op and the baby lived a happy

532
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 4: life without the men child.

533
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:29,680
Speaker 1: And the picture.

534
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:35,159
Speaker 4: And he, I don't know, passed away. Who knows what

535
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 4: could have happened to me?

536
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 2: He went to the apple orchared up state.

537
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: He went to the great old apple tree in the sky.

538
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: And that's the end of the story. We're going on

539
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 1: to the next one. My stepdaughter makes my home chaotic,

540
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:50,440
Speaker 1: so I want her to leave.

541
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:52,719
Speaker 3: You're making everything crazy.

542
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,440
Speaker 1: I twenty nine female, have a partner thirty male, who

543
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,399
Speaker 1: has a fifteen year old daughter. Let's call her Lila.

544
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: She came to live with us six years ago. My

545
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: partner and I have two kids, a seven year old

546
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: girl and a nine year old boy. Ever since Leila

547
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: moved in with us, she has been very disrespectful to

548
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,120
Speaker 1: my kids and me. She would slam doors in their faces,

549
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 1: ignore them when they talk to her, insult them, take

550
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 1: their toys, and do many other things. My partner never

551
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 1: did anything about it. By the way, this comes from

552
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:23,359
Speaker 1: dangerous working for for zero And if you want to

553
00:27:23,359 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 1: submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay, storytime,

554
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 1: separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia. We're here to

555
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: give good advice, Googly, but we don't have all the answers.

556
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 1: We just know what we would do in the situation,

557
00:27:33,840 --> 00:27:35,879
Speaker 1: So let us know what you would do in the

558
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 1: comments and o pieces. She would steal my money, my

559
00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 1: cosmetic products, perfumes, makeup, and any random thing you could

560
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 1: think of. Again, my partner never did anything about it.

561
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:52,040
Speaker 1: She started to steal things from my partner too, again

562
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 1: with no consequences. She would constantly break my rules, be

563
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:59,400
Speaker 1: disrespectful to us, and lie without any remorse. My partner

564
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 1: never did any thing about it. Over the years, we

565
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,160
Speaker 1: have had multiple problems with her. She would be aggressive

566
00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 1: towards the kids, disrespectful towards me, slammed doors in my face,

567
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:13,119
Speaker 1: and more, but she never faced consequences. She stole my

568
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 1: money multiple times, would interfere with my son's virtual classes,

569
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 1: and pester my daughter. Whenever I grounded her, my partner

570
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 1: would unground her. We were contacted multiple times by teachers

571
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,919
Speaker 1: regarding her poor academic performance and being disrespectful towards the

572
00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: teachers and administrative staff. She often asked to visit a

573
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,840
Speaker 1: friend to get her hair braided and wouldn't come home

574
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 1: until around eleven pm, and with no braids in her hair.

575
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 1: I've asked my partner multiple times over the past few

576
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,400
Speaker 1: months what his plans were to discipline her, but his

577
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 1: answers were always she's not your daughter, none of your business,

578
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 1: or I'm glad she does that to you because you

579
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 1: suck up to her too much. Every time I pointed

580
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:53,640
Speaker 1: out everything I do for his daughter and how I

581
00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 1: treat her like my own, he just told me, well,

582
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 1: that happens to you because you're a sucker. Well, today

583
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 1: I expected she had a friend over and brought food

584
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 1: to her room so they could eat. One of my

585
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:08,240
Speaker 1: rules is no eating in the bedroom. I pointed it

586
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: out to my partner and he said it was because

587
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 1: the food was for her friend. I asked him if

588
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 1: the rules only applied to certain family members, and he

589
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 1: just walked away. I texted Lyla and told her that

590
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 1: I wanted no food in the bedroom. She lied, saying

591
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 1: she had no food in there, even though we both

592
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 1: saw her take plates into her room. That was the

593
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: last straw. I texted my partner and said I wanted

594
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 1: no more of her friends in the house and that

595
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 1: if he couldn't make Lila respect us and follow the rules,

596
00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,800
Speaker 1: then he needed to get her out of my house.

597
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 1: He came to me and asked me to come to

598
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 1: our room, and we had an argument. He said I

599
00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: was just looking for excuses to punt Lila out of

600
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,440
Speaker 1: the house, and I reminded him of all the things

601
00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 1: that she had done over the past six years and

602
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,520
Speaker 1: how he had handled them. He tried to make excuses

603
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 1: for her behavior, and I told him that what he

604
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 1: was doing showed me that he didn't respect me or

605
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 1: the kids, and that Leila wasn't the only one who

606
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 1: needed to leave the house. He just walked away and

607
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 1: has been in the kids room ever since. We haven't

608
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,840
Speaker 1: talked since then. I think Lyla heard us and has

609
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,000
Speaker 1: been giving me the side I ever since the argument,

610
00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:10,480
Speaker 1: But at this point I don't care anymore. I understand

611
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 1: that she's his daughter and I might be asking a

612
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 1: lot from him, but I have to protect my kids.

613
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:17,440
Speaker 1: She's not my daughter, and there's no reason for me

614
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 1: to put up with this. I treated her like my

615
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 1: daughter for years, and all she's done is disrespect me,

616
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 1: my kids, and my house with no consequences. In the

617
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,320
Speaker 1: past four to five months, my kids have started to

618
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 1: raise their voices at us, talk back and mimic Lyla's

619
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 1: behavior when we discipline them. They always ask why Liah

620
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 1: gets to do those things without consequences while they can't.

621
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: They see how unfair it is. So reddit, am I

622
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 1: the a hole? And there is an edit?

623
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 3: But no, no, no, no, I think I shocked that

624
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:50,160
Speaker 3: you put up with it for six years. Yeah, your

625
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 3: partner does not respect you as a partner or as

626
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 3: a parent.

627
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, no, not at all. We're a person even

628
00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: like saying that you deserve poor treatment at all, but

629
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 1: especially from his daughter because of an insult that he's

630
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 1: casting your way.

631
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,800
Speaker 3: He's also insulting you. He's going to sack up and

632
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: saying that, yeah, as you said, you deserve the treatment,

633
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 3: which is crazy.

634
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:16,000
Speaker 1: Crazy crazy. We do have an edit. It clearly says

635
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: that after he came up with excuses for Lila's behavior,

636
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 1: I told my partner that Lila is not the only

637
00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 1: one who needs to leave the house, meaning he needs

638
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 1: to go as well. We do a second edit here

639
00:31:25,960 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: just to add more info. Lila has a mom who

640
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 1: lives overseas with her two year old daughter. As far

641
00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 1: as we know, her mom has never brought a man home.

642
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 1: Although she's had partners over the years, Lila has never

643
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 1: had a stepdad. Lila's dad and I met in high school.

644
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 1: At the time, Lilah was living with her mom overseas,

645
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 1: and she was about a year old when we started dating.

646
00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,600
Speaker 1: Lila has always known about me for as long as

647
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: she can remember I've been around. We would talk on

648
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: the phone and have video calls, and I would send

649
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 1: her gifts from time to time, which she always thanked

650
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:59,440
Speaker 1: me for. When she arrived, the first few days were

651
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 1: normal for kid, addressing crying because she missed her mom

652
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 1: and friends, not eating much, and not being too excited.

653
00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:08,160
Speaker 1: The VID hit a few months after she came, so

654
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 1: we were locked down together, which is when the problems started.

655
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 1: She began mistreating the little ones, who were only two

656
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:17,239
Speaker 1: and four at the time. When my partner and I

657
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 1: had to work, my kids were babysat by a friend

658
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 1: slash family member. We got multiple complaints about Lela not

659
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 1: being kind to the babysitter or their family. She would

660
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 1: go into their rooms, take things, and act aggressively towards

661
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:31,280
Speaker 1: their kids, to the point that nobody wanted to babysit

662
00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 1: her anymore. They would accept my kids, but not her.

663
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 1: She started demanding specific meals because she preferred them. I

664
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 1: always told her I had no problem cooking what she liked,

665
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 1: but she also needed to understand that sometimes I'd make

666
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 1: food other family members liked too. She wanted the TV

667
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 1: on twenty four to seven, and I told her TV

668
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 1: time had to be split equally with her siblings until

669
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 1: we could afford more TVs. When she first came I

670
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: helped her study, taught her how to add and subtract,

671
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: and helped her learn English. Convinced her dad to switch

672
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 1: her to a better school since the local public school

673
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 1: wasn't good. I made sure she had clothes, skincare of

674
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 1: feminine pads, and everything that she needed. I took her

675
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 1: to her doctor's appointments, went to parent teacher conferences, celebrated

676
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 1: her birthdays, and got her Christmas presents. When she was

677
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 1: bullied in sixth grade, I stood up for her and

678
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,400
Speaker 1: made sure that the school had addressed the issue. I

679
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 1: cared for her when she was sick two months ago.

680
00:33:22,880 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: I took her to the er because of complications with

681
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 1: her period and fought with a doctor who wanted to

682
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 1: send her home with painkillers. I pushed for an ultrasound

683
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 1: and it turned out that she had at pcos. I

684
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 1: took her to the Obie appointment and got her all

685
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 1: her medicine, only for her to get angry at me

686
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 1: when I reminded her to take it. She was allowed

687
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 1: to touch my things, but only when she asked permission

688
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 1: first and returned them afterwards. Even when I bought duplicates

689
00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:50,400
Speaker 1: for both of us, she would still sneak into my room,

690
00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:53,240
Speaker 1: take mine, use them, and then throw them away what

691
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,479
Speaker 1: She was allowed to play with any of my kid's toys,

692
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 1: but she had to return them when done. She didn't

693
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 1: like that and also refused to let my kids play

694
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 1: with her choice. She would tell everyone she hates me

695
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 1: and her siblings, but could never explain why. Before she

696
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 1: came to live with us, her family had already warned

697
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,800
Speaker 1: us that she was troubled. Her dad picks and chooses

698
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 1: when to parent her. When he actually does, she listens,

699
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,279
Speaker 1: but it's rare. We installed locks on my room in

700
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,880
Speaker 1: the little one's room years ago to prevent her from stealing.

701
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,000
Speaker 1: She used to share a room with my daughter until

702
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 1: about three years ago, when she got angry at my

703
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,760
Speaker 1: daughter for opening the door to get clothes before showering.

704
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:32,359
Speaker 1: She pushed my daughter into the doorframe, giving her one

705
00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 1: of the worst bruises I've ever seen. Oh my gosh,

706
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:37,600
Speaker 1: My guess is that she had something she didn't want

707
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,239
Speaker 1: anyone to see. Lyla is a teenager who will be

708
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,719
Speaker 1: an adult in less than three years. Her behavior right

709
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:45,320
Speaker 1: now is excused because of her age and her dad's

710
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 1: lack of parenting. But at this point, this is who

711
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:50,759
Speaker 1: she is and she won't change no matter what anyone does.

712
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 1: She was troubled before she even came to this house,

713
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:57,319
Speaker 1: and that's not on me. So sad this is this said,

714
00:34:57,440 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 1: I would completely disagree with the fact that, oh, this

715
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: is just how how she is. She can't change.

716
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 3: No, she's only fifteen and she's never had a parent

717
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 3: actually parent her.

718
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:06,520
Speaker 1: Yeah.

719
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,279
Speaker 3: Besides, I mean you to an extent, but you still

720
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 3: have limitations.

721
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:11,800
Speaker 1: Yeah.

722
00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:14,839
Speaker 3: I feel really bad for this girl. It's obviously she's

723
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 3: you know, behaving badly and absolutely problem. But you're sitting

724
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 3: here telling me that when she was nine years old,

725
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,680
Speaker 3: people were saying that she was trouble and then you

726
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:28,680
Speaker 3: took her in expecting her to be trouble and how

727
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 3: and now I have you know, continued that narrative that

728
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 3: everyone's been telling her this whole time.

729
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I mean this talks, dude, Because because yes,

730
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,240
Speaker 1: she is young, young enough that she can still change

731
00:35:40,239 --> 00:35:42,680
Speaker 1: and be taught a good way and so be shown love,

732
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 1: but old enough consequences. Yeah yeah, And I mean I

733
00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 1: it brings up a lot of questions about, uh, you know,

734
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 1: how she was treated overseas? I don't know. And then

735
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 1: I wonder too.

736
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,120
Speaker 3: She also didn't speak English when she got so, like

737
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 3: we moved at eight or nine, Yeah, he was teaching

738
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:03,360
Speaker 3: her English, which is also a pretty big I don't know,

739
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:08,400
Speaker 3: just like like adds another barrier obstacle to integrate, like

740
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:11,560
Speaker 3: integrating into a new family totally where the kids don't

741
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,160
Speaker 3: speak the language that she and then she's.

742
00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:15,359
Speaker 1: Like alone in it. I mean, I want to know

743
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,360
Speaker 1: why she moved back, what that was about, Like, what

744
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,399
Speaker 1: was the reason who like chose to have her do that?

745
00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:21,879
Speaker 2: Was it?

746
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,560
Speaker 1: Did it go over well? How'd you guys like handle

747
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: that overseas? And then also like I do wonder how

748
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:31,399
Speaker 1: Opie's partner treats op in front of her too? Cause

749
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:33,879
Speaker 1: I think, like, if if the dad isn't a good

750
00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:36,080
Speaker 1: parent her, I mean, that's obviously going to result in

751
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: poor behavior, But then if he's also treating Ope poorly,

752
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,960
Speaker 1: then like that also contributes to how she sees op

753
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 1: and how she thinks it's okay to be you know,

754
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:48,799
Speaker 1: there's just so much stuff that goes into it, and

755
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:52,360
Speaker 1: it's it would be very challenging to counteract all this stuff,

756
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 1: but it's possible. But there is a little bit more

757
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:56,799
Speaker 1: of the story. In less than three years, she'll be

758
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 1: in adults and no one will put up with her behavior.

759
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,839
Speaker 1: Her dad and mom can deal with it. Then her

760
00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 1: dad is not innocent in this, and he wouldn't be

761
00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 1: around much longer. But he can't blame me for this

762
00:37:06,719 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 1: situation or accuse me of fighting. And that's the end

763
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,280
Speaker 1: of this story. We're going on to the next one

764
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 1: six years. I won't be gaslighted anymore or put Lilah

765
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:19,759
Speaker 1: and her dad above my own children. She's broken and

766
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:21,600
Speaker 1: it's not my job to fix her. It's time for

767
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,479
Speaker 1: her mom and dad to pull their weight. By the way,

768
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 1: I have a great relationship with her mom, who has

769
00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:29,279
Speaker 1: been by my side all these years, and keeps telling

770
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,840
Speaker 1: Lila to stop acting this way and start appreciating me

771
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 1: and her siblings more. I have so many questions.

772
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:38,879
Speaker 3: I just don't understand why you would stay.

773
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 1: With the dad.

774
00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think if he's like in you know, because

775
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:46,160
Speaker 3: usually we have like the parent this the other parent

776
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 3: who you know, uh is caring for the child, is

777
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:54,920
Speaker 3: not pulling their weight and you know, allowing this behavior.

778
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,399
Speaker 3: But Ope and her partner would be like the ones

779
00:37:58,440 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 3: who are.

780
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:00,000
Speaker 2: Trying to make a difference.

781
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:02,759
Speaker 3: But here you've been watching your partner just kind of

782
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 3: fail as daughter for six years. Yeah, and that is

783
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:08,720
Speaker 3: not I don't know that woud be a deal breaker

784
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 3: for me.

785
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

786
00:38:11,440 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 1: to the next one.

787
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 2: Hey, it's key on your host with the cakes.

788
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:15,359
Speaker 1: Here.

789
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:16,760
Speaker 2: We're going to get back to the stories.

790
00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 3: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My

791
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:23,359
Speaker 3: girlfriend got a massive tattoo for me, and I don't

792
00:38:23,480 --> 00:38:23,799
Speaker 3: like it.

793
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:25,799
Speaker 1: They just can't get my nose right.

794
00:38:26,040 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 3: I have thirty one male, been with my girlfriend twenty

795
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 3: seven female for almost a year. I've always made sure

796
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:34,760
Speaker 3: she knows that I wanted to take things very slow

797
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:38,799
Speaker 3: and didn't want anything too serious right now. I've only

798
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,320
Speaker 3: been divorced for a year and I have primary custody

799
00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 3: of my kids two and four, so they are and

800
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 3: have always been my priority. I can't stress how clear

801
00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,719
Speaker 3: I was about keeping our relationship casual. By the way,

802
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 3: this comes from CHRISO forty seven and if you want

803
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:53,720
Speaker 3: to smit your own stories, good to the r slash Okay,

804
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:57,920
Speaker 3: storytime suppered. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and Op says anyways,

805
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 3: I have a lot of tattoos I want, and they're

806
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 3: all super meaningful, but most of the bigger pieces are

807
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:07,359
Speaker 3: related to my hobbies, friends, family, and random stuff I'm into.

808
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 3: My girlfriend only has the teeniest, tiniest tattoo on her ankle,

809
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:16,280
Speaker 3: so small. I was away last week during the Vegas

810
00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 3: Bachelor Party road trip thing when she texted me that

811
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 3: she had a surprise for me and sent a pick

812
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 3: of the tattoo. It's a tree that starts where the

813
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:27,919
Speaker 3: butt meets the leg ends on the back of her neck.

814
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 3: The branches have crappy tattoos that are copies of mine.

815
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:35,080
Speaker 3: Of many of mine, a few in particular pissed me off.

816
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,239
Speaker 3: One is a copy of a tattoo my buddies, and

817
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,800
Speaker 3: I got to commemorate a friend who passed away. Another

818
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 3: is very similar to one of mine that was inspired

819
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 3: by a drawing my kid did. I showed it to

820
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,399
Speaker 3: my friends and they all think she's effing crazy. Her

821
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,240
Speaker 3: explanation is that she liked my tattoos, so she wanted

822
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:54,319
Speaker 3: to get similar ones in her own design. She did

823
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,239
Speaker 3: it to honor me, she said, she got it for me.

824
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 3: She went to a crappy artist, so looks pretty bad,

825
00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:04,120
Speaker 3: and the design isn't great in itself, which I think

826
00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,760
Speaker 3: defeats the purpose of honoring someone. They mean literally nothing

827
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 3: to her. Between or copying my tattoos and having a

828
00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 3: genuinely crappy tattoo covering her entire backside, I really don't

829
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:19,520
Speaker 3: find her schmeckshi anymore. It's a huge mood ender. She

830
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:22,399
Speaker 3: was my dream girl in bed, so without that, there

831
00:40:22,480 --> 00:40:25,680
Speaker 3: isn't much left. I'm starting to consider just breaking up

832
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 3: with her because what she did seems so insane. On

833
00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 3: the other end, we've been dating for almost a year

834
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,239
Speaker 3: and I am really into her, and she now has

835
00:40:33,280 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 3: this giant tattoo honoring me, So breaking up with opinions

836
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 3: And there are some relevant comments.

837
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,360
Speaker 1: But what do you think I would break up with her? Yeah,

838
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,239
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, well, if you're so mad about it,

839
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 1: like this is the reason why you should never get

840
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,959
Speaker 1: a tattoo. Yeah, that's alive to learn for you. Yeah,

841
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,320
Speaker 1: it's been less than a year, it's been casual. Why

842
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:56,480
Speaker 1: yeah why Yeah, me discussed this with me first.

843
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 3: And you know, like also maybe for you ape, we

844
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 3: don't we don't label the casual relationship because I feel

845
00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 3: like the second that you label it, it becomes inherently

846
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 3: not casual. Yeah, at least it Yeah, yeah, that's just

847
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 3: in general, that's just a separate note.

848
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 1: Austoin Ashley says, she just ended the relationship.

849
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:17,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a little relationship end her well the comments.

850
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 3: Broke Nell says, she's crazy. This is so effing insane.

851
00:41:21,360 --> 00:41:24,880
Speaker 3: I would run run far if she got a tattoo

852
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 3: to commemorate something special between you two, eh, but to

853
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:32,719
Speaker 3: copy your tattoos batcrap, crazy and ones that were so

854
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 3: personal to a life before her. Oh, he says, I

855
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 3: haven't explained what they all mean to her, so she

856
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,200
Speaker 3: might not know that the one tattoo is commemorating my friend.

857
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:46,759
Speaker 3: But still pretty crazy. Right is where I'm helping. I

858
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:49,640
Speaker 3: swear I'm helping. It's even crazier that she doesn't know

859
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 3: the meaning of them. It's like she just wants to

860
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 3: wear your skin. Cat Chris says, I had to check

861
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:56,240
Speaker 3: that I wasn't on no sleep.

862
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:57,360
Speaker 1: This made me shudder.

863
00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 3: Op run hold on to your skin Dealita says, did

864
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:04,200
Speaker 3: she do all of this off of memory? Eight hours?

865
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 3: Isn't a drunken tattoo mistake? Was this maybe planned? Did

866
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:12,320
Speaker 3: she take pictures of all your tattoos? Is it weird

867
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 3: that one her friends and two the tattoo artist did

868
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 3: not say anything? Opie says, I'm guessing it's based off pictures.

869
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 3: Newer or crappy artists don't seem to care what they

870
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 3: tattoo as long as they get paid. Stephanie says she

871
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 3: got a detailed button neck tattoo finished in one setting.

872
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:31,919
Speaker 1: I won't lie.

873
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,920
Speaker 3: I'm kind of impressed. She sounds nuts, though, and you

874
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 3: don't talk about any of her good qualities other than

875
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:41,360
Speaker 3: being your dream girl in bed, So dump away, I guess.

876
00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 3: Opie says, it's not done yet, but yeah, she sat

877
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 3: there for eight hours getting this crappy tattoo.

878
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:47,879
Speaker 1: She does have really good.

879
00:42:47,840 --> 00:42:50,120
Speaker 3: Qualities, but I have never seen her as a future

880
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 3: wife material, you know. Lolitote says, if you never saw

881
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 3: her as future wife material in the first place, then

882
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 3: why is this even an issue. Just break up with

883
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:00,920
Speaker 3: her and move on. Why do you need the validation

884
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 3: of strangers to convince you to do something it seems

885
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 3: you already know you want to do. Opie says two reasons.

886
00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:10,280
Speaker 3: One is that despite not wanting to get married right away,

887
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 3: I was still really into her and this came out

888
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 3: of left field. And the other is if I do

889
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:18,160
Speaker 3: break up with her, she's probably gonna feel pretty bad

890
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:20,680
Speaker 3: now that she has the giant tattoo on her back. Dude,

891
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:22,840
Speaker 3: that is a terrible reason to stay with someone.

892
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, because imagine if a stranger came up to you

893
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:27,280
Speaker 1: and it was like, hey, I saw your Instagram posts,

894
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 1: here's here's my tattoo I have of your face. Yeah, Like,

895
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:34,320
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean you have to marry them now, No,

896
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:34,879
Speaker 1: not at all.

897
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,520
Speaker 3: That's a terrible reason to marry someone or be in

898
00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:39,560
Speaker 3: a relationship because you feel bad.

899
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 1: Delete.

900
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:43,160
Speaker 3: It's as harsh as it may sound. The tattoo really

901
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:46,279
Speaker 3: isn't your problem. That was a crazy thing to do,

902
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 3: and you are in no way responsible for all the

903
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:52,319
Speaker 3: negative fallout she'll suffer because of it. When told to

904
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:54,880
Speaker 3: just let his girlfriend live with a bad decision, tattoo

905
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:57,879
Speaker 3: Opie says, it would also give me peace of mind

906
00:43:57,920 --> 00:44:00,160
Speaker 3: that someone out there doesn't have the same trip you

907
00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:03,720
Speaker 3: tattoo my buddies and I have for a friend the past. Granted,

908
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 3: she removed the text, so it doesn't mean much without it,

909
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 3: but still I'd rather that not be on her. An

910
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:13,640
Speaker 3: update nine days later, we broke up. I tried to

911
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:15,640
Speaker 3: stick it out, but the tattoo was too much of

912
00:44:15,680 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 3: a turn off and I just didn't find her attractive anymore,

913
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:21,600
Speaker 3: which is the opposite of what she had intended with it.

914
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 3: The breakup went about as expected. She completely lost it,

915
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:27,480
Speaker 3: and yeah, she was mad because she thought it would

916
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 3: lead to something more serious. Eventually, my artist agreed to

917
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,680
Speaker 3: finish the piece for and he will cover up the

918
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:36,400
Speaker 3: bits that match my tattoos. It should be very easy

919
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:39,440
Speaker 3: since there wasn't any shading yet. I'm glad she agreed

920
00:44:39,440 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 3: to see him because now her tattoo is chance of

921
00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,359
Speaker 3: looking decent, and I could be certain that it will

922
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 3: be properly covered up.

923
00:44:45,719 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 1: I think that's very nice that your your artist, who

924
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 1: you know, you say is very good, is going to

925
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:54,279
Speaker 1: do that, and that seems like it'll work out. I think.

926
00:44:54,320 --> 00:44:56,560
Speaker 1: So it's not, you know, your face on there a

927
00:44:56,600 --> 00:45:01,319
Speaker 1: little harder to cover up. That's true. Wait, I just

928
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 1: had the visual of like, if you have someone's face

929
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:06,920
Speaker 1: and you don't want their face tattooed on you, you

930
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:08,600
Speaker 1: have to put like a disguise on them, and then

931
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:11,440
Speaker 1: you just put those glasses that have like the mustache

932
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 1: in the nose.

933
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:15,399
Speaker 3: That would be a great way to cover up.

934
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:18,000
Speaker 1: Someone's Like, you're never gonna know who it is now.

935
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's not my ex, that's a different person. I

936
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,719
Speaker 3: try to get her to explain to me why she

937
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:27,719
Speaker 3: thought it was a good idea, but all she kept

938
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 3: saying was that she truly believed I would like it

939
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 3: and she thought it would help move our relationship to

940
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,719
Speaker 3: the next level. I told her she should see a therapist,

941
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 3: and she told me to f off. So there you

942
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:41,799
Speaker 3: have it, and there are some final comments I nick

943
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 3: stuff says, I told her she should see a therapist

944
00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:46,600
Speaker 3: and she told me to f off. Well, crap. Clearly

945
00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:49,839
Speaker 3: the tattoo wasn't thought through very well. Now she has

946
00:45:49,880 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 3: a permanent reminder to never do something that grand again

947
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 3: without proper self and peer consultation. I think this worked

948
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:59,840
Speaker 3: out well for you, Opie says. Hopefully she's learned that

949
00:46:00,000 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 3: it was a big mistake to make Brettatron one says,

950
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:05,439
Speaker 3: and the costly one.

951
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:06,120
Speaker 1: I'm guessing.

952
00:46:06,400 --> 00:46:08,799
Speaker 3: Opie says, I'm paying for the cover up. Figured it's

953
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 3: the least I could do. Madame iron Mouse says, you

954
00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:15,880
Speaker 3: must really care about tattoos looking not crappy kudos. Opie says,

955
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 3: it's not so much that, although it does bother me,

956
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 3: her having the tattoo that my friends and I all

957
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 3: have to commemorate our friend that passed away bothers me

958
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 3: a lot. She got it for all the wrong reasons

959
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:29,480
Speaker 3: and didn't even know what it meant. I just want

960
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:32,360
Speaker 3: to know that it's covered up, and the kids drawing

961
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,640
Speaker 3: one just creeps me out. Madam iron Mouse says, did

962
00:46:35,680 --> 00:46:36,719
Speaker 3: she know the meanings of them?

963
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 2: Oh?

964
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 3: Pie says, well, she knew that the drawing by my

965
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 3: kids was what it is. It's obvious a four year

966
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 3: old drew it. She didn't copy that tattoo exactly, but

967
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,319
Speaker 3: used the same art style for a tattoo of her

968
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 3: and her dog. I don't think she knew that the

969
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:53,239
Speaker 3: one was memorial for my friend, but either way, it

970
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:56,239
Speaker 3: has a skateboard in it and she doesn't skate at all.

971
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,480
Speaker 3: Just weird that she copied it one of the ones

972
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:02,680
Speaker 3: she caught. It is so stupid. I got it when

973
00:47:02,680 --> 00:47:04,719
Speaker 3: I was sixteen and think it's funny now because of

974
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:07,400
Speaker 3: how stupid it is, and now she has it on

975
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 3: heor opie. When I asked just how huge was that tattoo,

976
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 3: says it went from butt to neck diagonally across her

977
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 3: entire back, just the outline. Because she only did one session,

978
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:20,760
Speaker 3: it included a memorial piece for a friend that passed

979
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,359
Speaker 3: away and a copy of my kids drawing. It wasn't

980
00:47:23,480 --> 00:47:25,920
Speaker 3: very well done either, and that is the end of

981
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 3: that story. But yeah, hey, it's Dakota, your favorite good

982
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:31,440
Speaker 3: time boy host.

983
00:47:31,480 --> 00:47:31,719
Speaker 2: Here.

984
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:33,920
Speaker 3: We're going to get back to the stories. But here's

985
00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 3: three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

986
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: My fiance blocked me over my brother wanting a dog,

987
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,879
Speaker 1: got him have a dog for context. My fiance thirty

988
00:47:42,960 --> 00:47:45,359
Speaker 1: one mail. I am going to call him Andrew and

989
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 1: I twenty nine female, just moved into our second home.

990
00:47:48,640 --> 00:47:50,359
Speaker 1: We have been engaged for a little over a year

991
00:47:50,400 --> 00:47:52,439
Speaker 1: instead of date to get married in November of twenty

992
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 1: twenty six. By the way, this comes from Ballmost twenty

993
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:57,319
Speaker 1: one fifty six And if you want to submit your

994
00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytemes and

995
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:04,280
Speaker 1: I'm Angie, I'm Sophia. We're here to give good advice goofully,

996
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: but we don't have all the answers. We just know

997
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 1: what we would do in this situation, so let us

998
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:10,280
Speaker 1: know what you would do in the comments. Opie says

999
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 1: he purchased our first home from family five and a

1000
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 1: half years ago, a super small and krabby house that

1001
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 1: we both put a lot of love and money into

1002
00:48:16,960 --> 00:48:20,120
Speaker 1: fixing up. We lived there for about five years and

1003
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 1: two months ago, I was able to purchase a home

1004
00:48:22,120 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 1: in my name only. We want to save his first

1005
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 1: time home buyer's house for our third property, so we

1006
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:30,479
Speaker 1: only put it in my name. We took a huge

1007
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:34,520
Speaker 1: risk and rented his or our first house out to

1008
00:48:34,560 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 1: my brother, twenty one male, who I will call Matt,

1009
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 1: and my niece, his two year old daughter. I am

1010
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,080
Speaker 1: very grateful to Andrew for letting him move in. He

1011
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 1: was super hesitant about it, but he did need the money.

1012
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 1: It has been three months since we moved into the

1013
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:50,360
Speaker 1: new house and my brother moved into our old house.

1014
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:53,439
Speaker 1: We have watched Matt's struggle, but he has been able

1015
00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:56,160
Speaker 1: to pay his bills on time, although barely. We have

1016
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 1: access to the electric account and can see he's barely

1017
00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:01,759
Speaker 1: keeping money on the out just enough to not get

1018
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:04,520
Speaker 1: it shut off. Basically, his rent has been paid, but

1019
00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:07,480
Speaker 1: the second month it was one day late. He is

1020
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 1: known to jump from dropped a job every few months

1021
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 1: to try to earn higher wages, and just had a

1022
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 1: bad car accident that used up his savings the week

1023
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:16,480
Speaker 1: before he was set to move in. It was a

1024
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,680
Speaker 1: huge risk letting him move in after that, but we

1025
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 1: agreed to it if he paid a security deposit Andrew's idea,

1026
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 1: which he did. I drafted a lease agreement that said

1027
00:49:25,600 --> 00:49:27,799
Speaker 1: if he wanted pets, he would need to ask, which

1028
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:30,920
Speaker 1: Matt verbally agreed to, but Andrew never had him sign it.

1029
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:33,239
Speaker 1: He has made several comments like this before, and I

1030
00:49:33,280 --> 00:49:35,680
Speaker 1: have noticed a pattern where he refers to it as

1031
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:39,080
Speaker 1: his house when it is a decision he wants to control,

1032
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:41,440
Speaker 1: and it is our house when it's something that he

1033
00:49:41,480 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 1: wants me to help with, which becomes relevant later. A

1034
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:47,279
Speaker 1: few days ago, Matt asked us if he could get

1035
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:49,160
Speaker 1: a dog, and it has caused a bit of a

1036
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:52,520
Speaker 1: rift between Andrew and me. We have been going to

1037
00:49:52,560 --> 00:49:54,840
Speaker 1: couple's therapy for almost two years, and when we talked

1038
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:56,920
Speaker 1: to our therapist about renting our house to my brother

1039
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,600
Speaker 1: and our concerns, we all agreed that it was best

1040
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 1: for Andrew and Matt to handle all aspects of the

1041
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 1: house rental together and I would stay out of it

1042
00:50:04,080 --> 00:50:06,520
Speaker 1: because my love for my brother would conflict with my

1043
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:09,840
Speaker 1: ability to be a landlord. Andrew wanted full control of

1044
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:13,239
Speaker 1: the situation, so that was the expectation that I went

1045
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:15,920
Speaker 1: into this with. I preemptively told Andrew that Matt had

1046
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:18,680
Speaker 1: asked about getting a dog, so he was not blindsided

1047
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:20,680
Speaker 1: by the ask and would have time to consider it.

1048
00:50:20,719 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 1: But Andrew immediately got very mad and said Matt was

1049
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 1: stupid for even thinking about it. He started venting all

1050
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 1: the reasons that it was a bad idea, and I

1051
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:31,760
Speaker 1: openly agreed that there were several reasons that I agreed

1052
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 1: with a dog is destructive to the house. They take

1053
00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:37,120
Speaker 1: a lot of time and money to care for. His

1054
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:39,680
Speaker 1: daughter is scared of dogs. He needs to live there

1055
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:42,000
Speaker 1: longer and show us that he can pay his bills

1056
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 1: and afford dog food because he can barely pay his

1057
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,719
Speaker 1: electrical bill. He also later told us that he was

1058
00:50:47,760 --> 00:50:50,240
Speaker 1: looking at a two year old German shepherd a coworker

1059
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 1: was rehoming, which is one of the highest energy and

1060
00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 1: hardest to train breeds. But Andrew was a hard no,

1061
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:00,680
Speaker 1: so that was the decision for now. I said we

1062
00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: could tell him now, but that we should have an

1063
00:51:02,719 --> 00:51:05,360
Speaker 1: open discussion with Matt so we could set some guidelines

1064
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:08,360
Speaker 1: to work towards him getting a dog. One day. Andrew

1065
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:11,279
Speaker 1: agreed that he was okay with Matt having a dog eventually,

1066
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:14,239
Speaker 1: but not right now. Andrew also said he was too

1067
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:16,480
Speaker 1: angry to have the conversation with him, and that I

1068
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:18,440
Speaker 1: would need to handle talking to my brother if I

1069
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 1: did not want him to blow up that Matt, which

1070
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:23,760
Speaker 1: are his words. This was a concern for me since

1071
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:26,320
Speaker 1: we already talked about me staying out of big decisions

1072
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:28,040
Speaker 1: with the rental, and I told him that the whole

1073
00:51:28,040 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 1: conversation was giving me anxiety, and I was not comfortable

1074
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 1: talking to him alone as a decision maker. I wanted

1075
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:37,680
Speaker 1: to talk together as a unified front and have an

1076
00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:40,719
Speaker 1: open conversation about it. When I have a conversation in

1077
00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:43,360
Speaker 1: that mindset, my whole brain seems to shut down, and

1078
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:46,680
Speaker 1: I get really flustered and forget every reason an argument

1079
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:50,399
Speaker 1: I had, which is exactly what happened. Matt came over

1080
00:51:50,480 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 1: later that day to borrow our lawnmower, and while he

1081
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:55,799
Speaker 1: was there, he asked to have the conversation about getting

1082
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 1: a dog, and I got shaky and told him that

1083
00:51:57,960 --> 00:51:59,879
Speaker 1: it was a no for now, but that we could

1084
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:02,239
Speaker 1: at it and try to find a way for us

1085
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:04,759
Speaker 1: to be comfortable with that in the future. I told

1086
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 1: him I did not know what that was or how

1087
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,680
Speaker 1: it looked, that I needed more than a day's notice

1088
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:12,280
Speaker 1: to make that decision and come up with some ideas

1089
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 1: to discuss. He said he was frustrated that we did

1090
00:52:14,640 --> 00:52:17,239
Speaker 1: not trust him with the responsibility, but that he understood

1091
00:52:17,400 --> 00:52:20,239
Speaker 1: and that was it. I told him we had a

1092
00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 1: list of reasons why we were against it, and he

1093
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:25,680
Speaker 1: wanted me to text him the list later. We went inside,

1094
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 1: and when Matt saw Andrew He tried to tell him

1095
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:29,960
Speaker 1: a few things about the dog he wanted, like how

1096
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:32,480
Speaker 1: he would leave it outside in the kennel, but Andrew

1097
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 1: did not respond and it was just awkward silence. I

1098
00:52:35,560 --> 00:52:37,719
Speaker 1: told Matt that we still needed time to think about it.

1099
00:52:37,800 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 1: After a few more words and a few more minutes

1100
00:52:39,960 --> 00:52:42,160
Speaker 1: of awkward silence, I ushered Matt to the door and

1101
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:45,080
Speaker 1: he left. In hindsight, I should have told Matt before

1102
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:47,239
Speaker 1: we walked in that Andrew did not want to talk

1103
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:50,600
Speaker 1: about it and that he was upset. After a few hours,

1104
00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 1: I was feeling really guilty about the awkwardness of the

1105
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:55,400
Speaker 1: whole conversation and having to say no. So I messaged

1106
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:57,640
Speaker 1: Matt that I was sorry for the awkwardness it was

1107
00:52:57,680 --> 00:53:00,040
Speaker 1: still in o, but that I would like to be

1108
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 1: for all of us to talk about it so there

1109
00:53:02,600 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 1: is no resentment from either side. If he was a tenant,

1110
00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:08,480
Speaker 1: I didn't know, I would not care if he was

1111
00:53:08,560 --> 00:53:10,560
Speaker 1: mad about it or upset. But it being my brother,

1112
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:13,640
Speaker 1: I do care. So I texted him saying, hey, bro,

1113
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 1: just want to say sorry for the awkwardness earlier. I

1114
00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 1: think it was a bit of a surprise and we

1115
00:53:18,160 --> 00:53:21,000
Speaker 1: were not prepared to deal with the pet talk just yet. Well,

1116
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 1: I love you and it hurts my heart to not

1117
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:26,279
Speaker 1: say yes, but we also have some hesitations about it.

1118
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:28,320
Speaker 1: Andrew did not want to talk about it tonight, and

1119
00:53:28,360 --> 00:53:30,640
Speaker 1: I think we both need time to process the request

1120
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:32,640
Speaker 1: and come up with some points of discussion about it.

1121
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:35,080
Speaker 1: I will work on that list of reasons why we

1122
00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,320
Speaker 1: are against it, and we can talk about it throughout

1123
00:53:37,320 --> 00:53:39,080
Speaker 1: the week or maybe the next time I see you.

1124
00:53:39,160 --> 00:53:40,319
Speaker 1: I hope you have a great I don't know.

1125
00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:42,760
Speaker 3: It is nice that you're doing all of this, but also,

1126
00:53:42,920 --> 00:53:44,719
Speaker 3: like at the end of the day, he needs to

1127
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:48,319
Speaker 3: realize that you guys are his landlords effectively, and he

1128
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:49,280
Speaker 3: just can't have a dog.

1129
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:51,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't have a dog. You don't watch you. Also,

1130
00:53:52,520 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have a dog, yeah, I mean you shouldn't.

1131
00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,600
Speaker 1: The reasons that they're not wanting it is so valid.

1132
00:53:57,800 --> 00:53:59,520
Speaker 1: You can't if you can barely afford to pay your

1133
00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:02,040
Speaker 1: electrical bill and you have a kid, like don't get

1134
00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 1: a talk, especially if it's just a two year old

1135
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:08,360
Speaker 1: kid like you don't us too much too much, He

1136
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:11,719
Speaker 1: replied with I appreciate it, sis, and do not feel bad.

1137
00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:13,960
Speaker 1: I understand have a great week two, he said that

1138
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:16,719
Speaker 1: the following morning. That morning, Andrew grabbed my phone to

1139
00:54:16,719 --> 00:54:19,120
Speaker 1: call his phone that he had misplaced, and saw the

1140
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:21,440
Speaker 1: text from Matt and opened my phone and read the messages.

1141
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:24,080
Speaker 1: He left in a hurry, and when I called to

1142
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:27,080
Speaker 1: ask him if he had forgotten his lunch, he answered

1143
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:30,640
Speaker 1: the phone with a what which was very aggressive and

1144
00:54:30,719 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 1: out of character. About ten minutes from my office, I

1145
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:35,799
Speaker 1: got a long text from him saying that he was

1146
00:54:35,880 --> 00:54:38,600
Speaker 1: mad at me, with bullet points about what I did wrong.

1147
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:42,919
Speaker 1: As follows, be ready to hear the bullet points. One,

1148
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:45,480
Speaker 1: I am upset that, based on the text, you did

1149
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:48,600
Speaker 1: not have an in depth conversation with Matt. Two I'm

1150
00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 1: upset that you are almost thirty years old and still

1151
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 1: get anxiety talking to people. You need to grow up.

1152
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:56,759
Speaker 1: Funny how you never have an issue being rude to me,

1153
00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:59,319
Speaker 1: but you are scared of hurting other people's feelings. Three

1154
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:01,880
Speaker 1: it is just respectful that I stated my boundaries and

1155
00:55:01,920 --> 00:55:03,440
Speaker 1: that I did not want to talk to Matt, and

1156
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:05,680
Speaker 1: yet you still wanted me to join the conversation. And

1157
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:08,239
Speaker 1: if I do not respect his boundaries, he is going

1158
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:12,320
Speaker 1: to grow resentful, for we are one entity. If I struggle.

1159
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:12,920
Speaker 2: You struggle.

1160
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:15,759
Speaker 1: We spent five years working on the other house, and

1161
00:55:15,840 --> 00:55:18,520
Speaker 1: you need to start caring more about protecting the investment

1162
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:21,840
Speaker 1: than caring about your brother's wants. He ended it with

1163
00:55:21,960 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 1: saying that he does not want to argue, and I

1164
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:26,560
Speaker 1: just need to do better when it comes to dealing

1165
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:29,720
Speaker 1: with Matt. I was caught off guard by this message

1166
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:33,960
Speaker 1: at eight am. Matt is not bipolar, but Andrew's sister is,

1167
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 1: and he makes a lot of assumptions about my family

1168
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 1: based off his bad experience with her. I think his

1169
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:43,200
Speaker 1: biasedness toward her once once not being able to feed

1170
00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 1: her kids and getting a dog instead is playing into

1171
00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:48,440
Speaker 1: this and making his reaction bigger than it needs to be.

1172
00:55:49,040 --> 00:55:51,279
Speaker 1: Matt cares for his daughter in every sense of the word,

1173
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:53,400
Speaker 1: and I think he is doing a great job for

1174
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:56,839
Speaker 1: his young age. I replied that there was a lot

1175
00:55:56,880 --> 00:55:59,120
Speaker 1: to unpack in his text message and that we are

1176
00:55:59,320 --> 00:56:01,239
Speaker 1: all adults and should be able to talk about it

1177
00:56:01,280 --> 00:56:04,839
Speaker 1: in a healthy way. He applied with no communication is

1178
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:09,759
Speaker 1: not healthy communication. You apologize to him for awkwardness, but

1179
00:56:09,920 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 1: will not apologize to me for the list of reasons above,

1180
00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:16,479
Speaker 1: and he said, if you cannot handle talking to your brother,

1181
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:20,279
Speaker 1: then he does not need to live there. I told

1182
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:22,960
Speaker 1: him that I thought he was being biased because of

1183
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:25,359
Speaker 1: his bad experience with his sister, and that I still

1184
00:56:25,400 --> 00:56:28,320
Speaker 1: agreed with him and told Matt no for the unified front,

1185
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:30,680
Speaker 1: but my text was saying I would still like to

1186
00:56:30,760 --> 00:56:34,000
Speaker 1: keep open communication and talk through the frustration on both sides.

1187
00:56:34,360 --> 00:56:36,920
Speaker 1: I mentioned beforehand that I was uncomfortable and if he

1188
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:40,000
Speaker 1: wanted it handled a certain way, he should have communicated

1189
00:56:40,040 --> 00:56:43,000
Speaker 1: with him, even if it was just a i'm having

1190
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:45,560
Speaker 1: a hard time with this, Matt, give me some time process.

1191
00:56:45,719 --> 00:56:47,879
Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about this right now, though

1192
00:56:48,480 --> 00:56:51,440
Speaker 1: he replied with just forget it. Let the resentment build.

1193
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 1: I said, your texts do not seem like you want

1194
00:56:55,040 --> 00:56:57,320
Speaker 1: to have a healthy conversation. You want to be angry.

1195
00:56:57,440 --> 00:56:59,000
Speaker 1: We can talk about it when you are ready to

1196
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:02,960
Speaker 1: communicate in a healthy way. He replied, no, I'm done talking.

1197
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:06,600
Speaker 1: I said, it is not fine, But by this point

1198
00:57:06,719 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 1: I was feeling myself getting irritated and decided to end

1199
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 1: the conversation too. I said, we put so much work

1200
00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:15,920
Speaker 1: into our relationship and working through conflict, and the second

1201
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:18,960
Speaker 1: something comes up, you throw in the towel and it hurts,

1202
00:57:19,640 --> 00:57:23,000
Speaker 1: to which he replied, I'm blocking you. I don't know,

1203
00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:26,520
Speaker 1: is just a lot a lot? I think, No, what

1204
00:57:26,560 --> 00:57:28,400
Speaker 1: do you think I think this is? That was a

1205
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:32,919
Speaker 1: crazy twist. I'm blocking you when we're gonna get married. Yeah,

1206
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,720
Speaker 1: that's pretty crazy. Like she just feels like.

1207
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:38,720
Speaker 3: They're all talking on text. IWI is everything through text?

1208
00:57:38,800 --> 00:57:40,040
Speaker 1: So much conversation and text?

1209
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:43,320
Speaker 3: You guys are like engaged, Yeah, what, let's talk you

1210
00:57:43,320 --> 00:57:43,680
Speaker 3: about it.

1211
00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:46,880
Speaker 1: Because the thing I kind of agree with is, or

1212
00:57:47,160 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 1: the thing I do agree with, is that she is

1213
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:53,960
Speaker 1: twenty nine. I don't know why she's so anxious talking

1214
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:55,200
Speaker 1: to her brother. I don't.

1215
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:58,120
Speaker 3: I don't get that either. Yeah, I like, obviously anxiety

1216
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 3: shows up in different ways and is weird and you know. Yeah, however,

1217
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:05,360
Speaker 3: I think it is a fair statement for him to

1218
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:08,080
Speaker 3: say to be like, hey, I need you to you know,

1219
00:58:08,200 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 3: I said I don't. I said no about the dog. Yeah,

1220
00:58:10,720 --> 00:58:12,840
Speaker 3: if he's gonna keep asking about it, then you need to,

1221
00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:14,760
Speaker 3: you know, talk to your brother about that.

1222
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:17,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I I could see why it might annoy

1223
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:20,280
Speaker 1: him that like, oh my gosh, my fans can't even

1224
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:22,960
Speaker 1: talk to her own brother about like a conflict, you know,

1225
00:58:23,080 --> 00:58:25,600
Speaker 1: like but at the same time it's like, well, that's

1226
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:27,640
Speaker 1: kind of a long thing to fix, and the yeah,

1227
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:29,360
Speaker 1: the only thing that can really change about that now

1228
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:31,920
Speaker 1: is like maybe getting her into therapy, but that's not

1229
00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:35,320
Speaker 1: gonna like it's not going to change fast enough for

1230
00:58:35,480 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 1: this problem to be like fixed by that, you know so,

1231
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:40,760
Speaker 1: And then the way he said it too, like you

1232
00:58:40,800 --> 00:58:42,959
Speaker 1: need to grow up. This is it just.

1233
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:45,120
Speaker 3: Doesn't feel like they wanted to get married at the

1234
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:45,560
Speaker 3: end of this.

1235
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:48,320
Speaker 1: No, yeah, and the fact that he was like all

1236
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:51,360
Speaker 1: for communication, it seemed, and then and then he was

1237
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:53,560
Speaker 1: like I'm done, Like I don't want to argue.

1238
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:55,720
Speaker 3: I don't want to talk to you, and I don't

1239
00:58:55,720 --> 00:58:57,680
Speaker 3: want to talk to your brother, right, who.

1240
00:58:57,640 --> 00:58:59,640
Speaker 1: Does he want to talk to because that like like

1241
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:01,680
Speaker 1: I don't I want to argue thing wasn't in a

1242
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:03,760
Speaker 1: way of like I don't need this to blow up

1243
00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:06,040
Speaker 1: into a big things. Don't need to argue about that,

1244
00:59:06,080 --> 00:59:07,680
Speaker 1: like we could just talk about it. It was like

1245
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:10,520
Speaker 1: we're not arguing. These are this is just my and

1246
00:59:10,520 --> 00:59:12,080
Speaker 1: you need to hear it and fix You're just got

1247
00:59:12,080 --> 00:59:14,040
Speaker 1: to listen. But there is a little bit more to

1248
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 1: this story now here. I am almost thirty with a

1249
00:59:17,360 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 1: fiance who blocked my texts. I am hurt and feel

1250
00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:23,400
Speaker 1: like I put so much work into therapy and building

1251
00:59:23,440 --> 00:59:26,400
Speaker 1: a love bank so that when conflict happens we can

1252
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:28,360
Speaker 1: deal with it together. I feel like it has all

1253
00:59:28,400 --> 00:59:31,600
Speaker 1: been for nothing. I do not know how I can

1254
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,600
Speaker 1: go from working toward building a real life together with

1255
00:59:34,720 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 1: the houses and planning a wedding to thinking about ending

1256
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:41,240
Speaker 1: the relationship of eight years over my brother asking for

1257
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:44,480
Speaker 1: a dog. But I know it's bigger than that. It's

1258
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,520
Speaker 1: Andrew's reaction to it and the immaturity that he's showing.

1259
00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:49,840
Speaker 1: I thought he would grow up and start acting mature

1260
00:59:49,880 --> 00:59:52,479
Speaker 1: with all the therapy work, but now I'm not so sure,

1261
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:56,320
Speaker 1: and I feel blindsided by being blocked. I'm supposed to

1262
00:59:56,440 --> 00:59:59,120
Speaker 1: be his future wife. I fear if this is how

1263
00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 1: things are now, it will continue into our marriage and

1264
01:00:02,240 --> 01:00:05,520
Speaker 1: my husband will block me over what feels like minor disagreements.

1265
01:00:05,680 --> 01:00:07,680
Speaker 1: Any advice is appreciated.

1266
01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, if Yeah.

1267
01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:14,440
Speaker 1: I feel like if you were going into couples therapy

1268
01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:17,440
Speaker 1: because something happened in your past, not sure what, but

1269
01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:20,480
Speaker 1: you had the idea and the want for him to

1270
01:00:20,680 --> 01:00:23,840
Speaker 1: grow up and get more mature, and you've been married

1271
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,320
Speaker 1: for a little or engaged for a little over a year.

1272
01:00:26,440 --> 01:00:29,400
Speaker 1: I feel like we should like fix, we should get

1273
01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 1: to a point where we don't need couples therapy anymore

1274
01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:32,920
Speaker 1: before we get engaged.

1275
01:00:32,960 --> 01:00:35,920
Speaker 3: Well that was my point, because I mean, again, sometimes

1276
01:00:36,000 --> 01:00:39,080
Speaker 3: there are people who use it just preventatively, but this

1277
01:00:39,120 --> 01:00:41,720
Speaker 3: doesn't feel like a preventative method. It feels like you

1278
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:44,960
Speaker 3: have an actual problem. Yeah, now you were about to

1279
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:48,120
Speaker 3: get married, which if you're working through a problem that

1280
01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 3: requires couple's counseling, maybe yeah, agreed, not ready.

1281
01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:54,720
Speaker 1: To get married. Not ready to get married, which you

1282
01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:56,800
Speaker 1: certainly weren't. And that's the end of this story.