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Speaker 1: Dearest John, It's been a fortnight since I felt your

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Speaker 1: warm embrace.

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Speaker 2: Dear Sam, such it has since we started the Okay

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Speaker 2: Story Tom podcast.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and I have a message for you, a delicious

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Speaker 1: story that I think you'll love. Sincerely Sam.

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Speaker 2: But before that, thine divine two minute outbreak must happened,

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Speaker 2: I bid thee farewell.

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Speaker 3: See you in two minutes.

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Speaker 4: I refuse to do a DNA test to confirm if

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Speaker 4: my dad is the father of another child.

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Speaker 5: If you just close your eyes, nothing bad will ever happen.

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Speaker 4: And it's I'm Not your Father Week on Okay Story Tom,

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Speaker 4: where we are diving into jaw dropping paternity twist and

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Speaker 4: family confessions that'll have you asking is this really my dad?

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Speaker 4: But let's dive into this one for context. For about

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Speaker 4: five years ago, my mom came across the message from

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Speaker 4: a woman claiming my father is the baby daddy two

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Speaker 4: her three year old daughter.

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Speaker 5: Five years ago wow.

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Speaker 4: And compared photos of her and I when I was

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Speaker 4: around that age to show that we looked alike. However,

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Speaker 4: dismissed getting any DNA task After my father got incarceonated.

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Speaker 4: Now I seventeen female and my mom recently came across

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Speaker 4: a message tonight from the same woman again claiming my

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Speaker 4: father is the baby daddy to her now eight year

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Speaker 4: old daughter. Now that her daughter is older, she has

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Speaker 4: started questioning who her real father is. By the way,

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Speaker 4: this comes from teeth Graveyard and if you want to

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Speaker 4: submit your own stories, what are okay storytime Subreddit. So

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Speaker 4: now this is the part that has me a bit skeptical.

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Speaker 4: Her daughter does have the same skin color as my dad. However,

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Speaker 4: every other feature is completely different. That's just the mom's side, and.

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Speaker 5: She might not even really know that he's incarcerated.

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Speaker 4: She might not know.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, sounds kind of probably like it's true.

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Speaker 4: My dad has hazel, almost vibrant green eyes, while the

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Speaker 4: mother has bright blue eyes. My mother also has bright

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Speaker 4: blue eyes, and my mother and father's genie than resulted

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Speaker 4: in central heterochromia in my eyes. This child has pitch

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Speaker 4: black eyes. Usually brown eyes are the dominant gene to

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Speaker 4: blue eyes, So how did pitch black eyes suddenly appear

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Speaker 4: on my dad's side of the family. Their eyes are

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Speaker 4: all very vibrant green or gray. Not only do the

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Speaker 4: eyes get me, but the nose shape on both my

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Speaker 4: dad and eyes are the same. However, this woman's daughter

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Speaker 4: has a completely different shape. This lady is basically convinced

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Speaker 4: that my father is her baby daddy and even said

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Speaker 4: tonight if my father wasn't willing to give a DNA test,

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Speaker 4: asked if I would be willing to give a DNA test,

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Speaker 4: yet has not even told us her name. I'm torn

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Speaker 4: between a decision. But my father is actively in my life,

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Speaker 4: and I know that if he knew he had another child,

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Speaker 4: he would also try to be in this child's life

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Speaker 4: as well. The only thing is she lives two states away.

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Speaker 4: Getting a DNA test would do what get child support?

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Speaker 4: She's financially stable with a husband and two other kids,

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Speaker 4: so now why is she reaching out after five years?

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Speaker 4: Reassurance is real and I one hundred percent support it. However,

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Speaker 4: that big time gap. What was the mother telling her daughter?

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Speaker 4: With all that kid consideration, I told her I wouldn't

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Speaker 4: be comfortable giving a DNA sample. She told my mother

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Speaker 4: that we're ruining her daughter's life by not allowing her

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Speaker 4: to know her real father. However, I just can't believe her,

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Speaker 4: as if this was my father's child, why didn't she

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Speaker 4: reach out sooner? She literally reached out five years ago.

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Speaker 4: I'm not sure anymore. I just feel like a butt.

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Speaker 4: But my gut tells me something fishy is going on,

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Speaker 4: So am I the a hole. I'm also feeling a

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Speaker 4: touch fishy here.

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Speaker 5: See. The thing is, I'm kind of annoyed at Ope,

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Speaker 5: Okay because Okay, on the one hand, I don't think

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Speaker 5: that it is necessarily at all Ope's responsibility to do

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Speaker 5: this DNA test. She's like nineteen or whatever. Mm hm

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Speaker 5: young She's a teenager, and which, guys, I'm like, you know,

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Speaker 5: this woman shouldn't be reaching out to a teenager to

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Speaker 5: ask her to do a DNA test. Seventeen Okay, she's

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Speaker 5: even younger. If I were a seventeen year old and

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Speaker 5: a random woman was like, do a DNA test for me,

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Speaker 5: I'd be like no, But.

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Speaker 4: This woman is not giving her name.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, which is why I understand why OPI would be

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Speaker 5: like hesitant to give DNA samples to this woman. However,

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Speaker 5: I think that OP is kind of asking the wrong questions.

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Speaker 4: It's a stranger. I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I think that the easiest way to prove if she's

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Speaker 5: lying or not is for the father to do like

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Speaker 5: a DNA test.

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Speaker 4: The father do test I believe one, this is fishy.

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Speaker 4: There might be something going on here inheritance or whatever.

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Speaker 4: I don't know. Another part of this is if this

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Speaker 4: woman's super serious and she has enough evidence court order,

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Speaker 4: you can court order a DNA test.

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Speaker 5: I wonder how it all works with him being incarcerated,

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Speaker 5: you know, like, is she not able to reach him?

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Speaker 4: Like, what's what's the deal here? Yeah, but we are

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Speaker 4: halfway through and we got an update. Okay, update, okay,

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Speaker 4: so wow. I didn't think this was going to get

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Speaker 4: much attention as it did. Yeah, YadA, YadA. I've talked

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Speaker 4: to my dad. He is aware that this woman has

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Speaker 4: reached out again. My mom told him this morning and

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Speaker 4: showed him screenshots of the woman's messages. He's going to

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Speaker 4: get the DNA test done and out of the way.

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Speaker 4: But it's also skeptical because she hasn't pursued anything legally

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Speaker 4: for the past five years.

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Speaker 5: But I think that is the way to go. Like,

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Speaker 5: I think he should just do a DNA test and

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Speaker 5: then if it's false or it's you know, it's not true,

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Speaker 5: then perfect. Done with this woman. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: If someone demands a DNA test for me and I

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Speaker 4: don't know them, I'm gonna be like, nah.

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Speaker 5: He knows her. Okay, it's not like just a random woman,

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Speaker 5: because he wouldn't do it. If this was a stranger,

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Speaker 5: he'd be like, I don't know who that is. I'm

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Speaker 5: not doing a DNA test for a stranger.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. I'm still confused by everyone's motive in the story.

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Speaker 4: I've spoken to some of my personal friends and family

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Speaker 4: about what I should be doing, and it just hurts

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Speaker 4: me that if this is my half sister, I haven't

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Speaker 4: been allowed to be involved with her. I'm going to

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Speaker 4: talk more with my dad when he gets off work,

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Speaker 4: but the next update will be the DNA test results.

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Speaker 4: I'm just not sure how long that will take. And

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Speaker 4: it seems like he's out of jail now.

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Speaker 5: They reached out five years ago, they could have been involved,

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Speaker 5: you know, if they had done the DNA test five

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Speaker 5: years ago, she was Opie's half sister, could have been

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Speaker 5: involved in Opie's life. But seems like the mom was like, no,

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Speaker 5: we're not doing the DNA test.

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Speaker 4: I need the mother like Opie's mom's pov onness. I

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Speaker 4: need to understand where she's coming from.

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Speaker 5: Well, I guess this probably would have been cheating. Oh

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Speaker 5: unless they're not together anymore. I don't know.

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Speaker 4: I need more context from other people relative comments. Baby

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Speaker 4: Kate two thousand and four says, not the a whole. However,

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Speaker 4: the entire section you've written on looks is bs. You've

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Speaker 4: not accounted for this woman's family features. It's not that

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Speaker 4: brown eyes are dominant, is that darker ones are. Assuming

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Speaker 4: this child is off your dad's. If the mother has

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Speaker 4: darker eyes in her family, then her child is likely

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Speaker 4: to have dark eyes as hazel greeny eyes, if not more. Yeah. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: so like your science is kind of off. Oh, Piz

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Speaker 4: was seventeen, so you know, and she's trying to make

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Speaker 4: sense of it. Yeah, you and your dad's noses look

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Speaker 4: different because you have your dad's nose. This child could

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Speaker 4: have her mom's or grandparents on her mother's. It sounds

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Speaker 4: like you're trying to come up with reasons to not

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Speaker 4: believe this because you don't want it to be true.

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Speaker 4: But in doing so, you're not using real logic. You've

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Speaker 4: just decided doesn't it look like me? Therefore isn't true.

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Speaker 4: If you're making the decision only based on that logic,

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Speaker 4: then yeah, you're a bit of the ye hole. I

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Speaker 4: don't know this is comment, but at the end of

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Speaker 4: the day, it's not your job to do this. If

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Speaker 4: she wants a DNA test, she needs to go to

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Speaker 4: the actual dad, maybe get a court order for one,

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Speaker 4: but not your circus, not your monkey's. And op says,

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Speaker 4: with sharing more of their opinion, I'm not trying to

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Speaker 4: imply that it's not his child. Those are just my

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Speaker 4: personal reasons for not wanting a DNA test from me.

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Speaker 4: I just think it's weird. She's putting in a little

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Speaker 4: bit too much effort to get a DNA tuss done

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Speaker 4: from a minor. Yet as even told us her daughter's

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Speaker 4: name when she got with my father, et cetera. She's

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Speaker 4: not giving any context. Do you have an emoji? And

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Speaker 4: another conminner says low balance forty four oh four says info.

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Speaker 4: Is your dad still in prison, no matter where is he?

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Speaker 4: Does he know of any of this? Opie says he's

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Speaker 4: aware of this and has been since she reached out

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Speaker 4: when the child was three. He is now out of prison.

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Speaker 4: I'm not sure what exactly happened to the whole thing.

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Speaker 4: I honestly forgot about it because it's been five years now.

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Speaker 4: But she's trying to get me involved, and has been

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Speaker 4: like comparing our photos together, saying we look alike things

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Speaker 4: like that. It's just weird. My father is sleeping right now.

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Speaker 4: I live with him, but of course I'm bringing this

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Speaker 4: up to him tomorrow and I'll give an update.

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Speaker 5: It's so like again, you know, I don't. I think

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Speaker 5: ope's maybe illogical, Like has made some silly comments about,

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Speaker 5: you know, a couple of different things, but is a

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Speaker 5: seventeen year old and has an adult reaching out to

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Speaker 5: her about doing a DNA.

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Speaker 4: Like that is we weird. That is weird.

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Speaker 5: That is weird. I don't understand why the dad wouldn't

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Speaker 5: have done the DNA if he knew about it the

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Speaker 5: first time. Why didn't he do a DNA test when

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Speaker 5: the kid is three? Yeah, Like why it's all weird?

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Speaker 4: Just sit on you?

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Speaker 5: Op, Yeah, it isn't on you, Like you're seventeen and

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Speaker 5: you're acting like a seventeen year old. Very valid. You

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Speaker 5: don't know anyone that you don't know a DNA test.

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Speaker 5: They should not be caught, Like none of the adults

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Speaker 5: in the situation should be putting you in the middle

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Speaker 5: of this at all. Like this is weird.

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Speaker 4: But it seems like they figured it out and we

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Speaker 4: don't know the results because that's you in the story.

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Speaker 4: What yeah, that's it. I feel like that with the

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Speaker 4: last story.

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Speaker 5: This is ridiculous. I know, we just don't know.

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Speaker 4: We don't know.

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Speaker 5: Come on, OP. My advice if this is your app

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Speaker 5: sibling Center Card, Center Cards, see if you can hang

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Speaker 5: out with her. But also I have a talk to

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Speaker 5: your parents and say, hey, can we like, can you

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Speaker 5: kind of protect me a little bit more and not

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Speaker 5: have this random woman message me about my DNA.

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Speaker 4: Please don't put me in the middle of your DNA shenanigans.

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Speaker 5: No one should be asking OP anything about this truly.

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Speaker 5: This should only be between the dad and the woman.

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Speaker 5: That's it. Those are the only relevant players exactly.

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Speaker 4: And we have another story coming up.

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Speaker 5: So we're going to get into it, folks.

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Speaker 4: Another DNA So tune in tomorrow for another DNA story

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Speaker 4: just for you guys.

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Speaker 2: I refuse to attend my niece's wedding because I do

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Speaker 2: not like her fiance's good reason. So for context, there's

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Speaker 2: a twenty one year age gap between myself and my

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Speaker 2: oldest brother. This made it so me twenty eight female

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Speaker 2: and his closest daughter twenty three female are very close

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Speaker 2: in age and have.

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Speaker 3: Grown up very close by the way.

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Speaker 2: It comes from proper marriagean forty nine to sixteen and

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Speaker 2: if you want to submit your own stories, go.

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Speaker 3: Do the r Slasha Okay story times up right.

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Speaker 2: I am very much the favorite, not and have always

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Speaker 2: considered us friends, not just family. She comes to me

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Speaker 2: when she has a problem that she doesn't want to

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Speaker 2: talk to her parents about. She tells me about her

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Speaker 2: boyfriend and friend problems. She would call me when she

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Speaker 2: was in college and needed to be picked up from

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Speaker 2: a party or a bar, and I was the first

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Speaker 2: person she told when her boyfriend proposed to call, calling

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Speaker 2: me at six am in the morning because he was

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Speaker 2: so excited. The Dubby, my niece and her fiance have

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Speaker 2: been together for three years. He is one year younger

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Speaker 2: than her. She just graduated in May twenty twenty four

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Speaker 2: and he is on track to graduate in May twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty five. Their wedding is scheduled for a week after

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Speaker 2: his graduation. He is studying biomedical and microengineering, but he's

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Speaker 2: more on the introvergent side. He has some dry humor.

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Speaker 2: Since she introduced him to the family, we could tell

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Speaker 2: they were serious so try to be as welcoming as possible.

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Speaker 2: We invited him to family events, trips, got him Birthday

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Speaker 2: and Christmas presents, and genuinely tried to get to know him.

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Speaker 2: Whenever he's around our family, he acts annoyed all the time,

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Speaker 2: like it's painful to spend time with us. He expects

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Speaker 2: my niece to stay by his side the whole time,

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Speaker 2: getting irritated if any of the little cousins ask her

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Speaker 2: to play, including my children.

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Speaker 3: For context, my niece is my children's godmother.

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Speaker 2: He also expects her to leave at the same time

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Speaker 2: as him, even if they drive separately.

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Speaker 1: Ooh, sounds a little controlling. So yeah, he's at the

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Speaker 1: very least socially awkward.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Hate sounds like he hates kids, hates the family.

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Speaker 3: It is not fun.

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Speaker 2: My eldest brother constantly defends him, saying that he's just

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Speaker 2: introverted and that the size of our family makes him uncomfortable.

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Speaker 4: He insists that the fiance is.

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Speaker 2: Different in smaller groups are one on one, but I

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Speaker 2: haven't seen it, not even when it was just the

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Speaker 2: two of them with my husband and me. He talks

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Speaker 2: to everyone like we're stupid and is extremely condescending After

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Speaker 2: they got engaged, things got worse. Since my niece and

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Speaker 2: I are close, I expected to be asked to be

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Speaker 2: part of the wedding, but she didn't ask.

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Speaker 3: I was a little hurt, but I let it go because.

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Speaker 2: It's her special day and her choice. Then his family

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Speaker 2: planned the engagement party and didn't invite any of my family.

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Speaker 2: She told me that it was just a small affair

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Speaker 2: with only their parents and siblings.

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Speaker 4: But I later found out that she had lied.

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Speaker 3: When I saw the pictures on social media.

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Speaker 2: So I confronted her about it, but she said she

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Speaker 2: didn't plan the guest list, so I tried to let

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Speaker 2: it go.

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Speaker 1: I mean, even if she didn't plan the guest list,

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Speaker 1: that just even even more means that the fiance's control.

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Speaker 2: It means like he literally completely had full control of

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Speaker 2: the guest list. Insanity in red and flag after red flag,

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Speaker 2: so many red flags. Again, when your when your partner

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Speaker 2: tries to control who you hang out with, that is

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Speaker 2: a red flag, unless unless in the case where like

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Speaker 2: the friends that you're hanging out with are like causing

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Speaker 2: you to do bad things or like I don't know,

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00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:23,720
Speaker 2: like infidelity or substances or I don't know Robin Banks. Later,

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Speaker 2: she didn't invite my mom or me to the dress

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Speaker 2: to the dress fitting, saying that there was a limited

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Speaker 2: number of people allowed and she wanted to make sure

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Speaker 2: that his mom and sisters could come. At that point,

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Speaker 2: I told her it really seemed like she was trading

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Speaker 2: our family for his. She denied it, but when I

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Speaker 2: later asked how they planned to spend the holidays, he

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Speaker 2: said they'd be with his family. The last straw came

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Speaker 2: in December and January. In December, she invited my husband

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Speaker 2: and me over to dinner. I was excited because she

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Speaker 2: hadn't initiated hanging out since her engagement. To dinner was nice,

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Speaker 2: though a little awkward sense conversation with her fiance wasn't smooth,

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Speaker 2: but overall pleasant enough. When the check came, my husband

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Speaker 2: took care of it after it sat on the table

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Speaker 2: for about fifteen minutes, and they didn't offer to split or.

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Speaker 3: Pay, even though they had invited us.

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Speaker 1: Oh, that's crazy. If anything, the inviter should pay.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, and just like not addressing it at all.

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Speaker 2: Then, when we were ready to leave, they asked if

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Speaker 2: we could have a serious conversation. I was confused about

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Speaker 2: why we hadn't talked about it during the meal, but

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Speaker 2: they proceeded to ask us.

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Speaker 4: For money to help pay for their wedding.

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Speaker 1: The wedding that you're cutting us out of. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: know this is uh. I mean, like again, it's crazy

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Speaker 1: when people with no social tact to go and try

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Speaker 1: to pull something like this. There's like like like you

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Speaker 1: would at least hope there was some like thin veil, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but there's there's not even a thin veil.

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Speaker 2: The thin veil was like, uh, I grace you with

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Speaker 2: my presence for dinner that you buy.

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Speaker 1: Now pay.

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Speaker 2: She said that it was turning out to be more

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Speaker 2: expensive than they had expected and that they needed help

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Speaker 2: since their parents didn't make enough. I asked why they

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Speaker 2: didn't wait until he had a job in instead of

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Speaker 2: just an unpaid internship another great question, or until she

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Speaker 2: got a full time job instead of a part time line.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't saying no. I just wanted to understand why

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Speaker 2: they were rushing the wedding, which was only eight months

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Speaker 2: after the engagement. That conversation turned into an argument about

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Speaker 2: financial responsibility. Per fiance said that if we could help,

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Speaker 2: we should, because it's family. He then added that we

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00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,280
Speaker 2: had plenty of time to resave. After my husband explained

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Speaker 2: that a lot of money was invested for our children's future.

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00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:33,480
Speaker 2: You can't demand you can't demand access to other people's money.

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Speaker 2: This should be a very simple concept. We offered two

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Speaker 2: thousand dollars as a small contribution, but then my niece

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Speaker 2: brought up my savings from my deceased husband's life insurance.

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Speaker 3: Oh god, oh my god.

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Speaker 2: I asked if she really thought bringing up my past

339
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:55,720
Speaker 2: away husband was going to help her case date. After that,

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00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:59,240
Speaker 2: we repeated our offer of two thousand dollars, which crazy,

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Speaker 2: it's still on the tape. Is a lot? Yeah, two

342
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,440
Speaker 2: thousand a lot? And her fiance asked if that was

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Speaker 2: really all we would give.

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Speaker 1: Them, ungrateful, ungreat again again, if if you're gonna ask

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Speaker 1: for money, you could employ just some night like, if

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Speaker 1: you are nice to people, usually they will give you

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Speaker 1: more money. And right now you are being a massive,

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Speaker 1: uh poopy bead. Yes, I didn't want to swear poopy

349
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Speaker 1: head behavior. Yeah, this is poopy head behavior. Yeah, be

350
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Speaker 1: nice and maybe you're you are being the meanest possible

351
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Speaker 1: and you're still getting too grand.

352
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Speaker 2: And still and still pushing it and still pushing like,

353
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Speaker 2: don't fumble the bag, so we withdrew the offer entirely good.

354
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Speaker 3: We left enraged.

355
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Speaker 2: Before Christmas, my mom invited them over to bake, since

356
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Speaker 2: the fiance enjoys baking desserts and bread. He was so

357
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Speaker 2: rude to my mom. She came over to my house

358
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Speaker 2: afterwards for some grandkid time and tea because she was

359
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,920
Speaker 2: so sad. My dad was furious, and then neither my

360
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,840
Speaker 2: my niece nor or fiance came to Christmas. At a

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Speaker 2: family get together around New Year's while driving two of

362
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Speaker 2: my brothers and their wives home, we had a conversation

363
00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:09,639
Speaker 2: about how sick we all are of the fiance and

364
00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,800
Speaker 2: how we wished they weren't getting married. Finally, in January,

365
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:16,840
Speaker 2: it was my parents' fiftieth wedding anniversary. I had planned

366
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Speaker 2: a party for them and afterwards we were taking them

367
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Speaker 2: to Mexico, a trip that was group financed by my

368
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Speaker 2: siblings and me. The fiance was only coming to the

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Speaker 2: party since he couldn't miss school for Mexico. The party

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Speaker 2: was fancy RSVP invitations, a private venue, catered, and semi

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Speaker 2: formal dress code.

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Speaker 4: A week before, my niece texted me.

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Speaker 2: To say her fiance wasn't coming because of a fraternity event.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna miss this fancy fancy you're in.

375
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Speaker 2: Law's fiftieth wedding anniversary, Your in law's fiftieth wedding anniversary.

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Speaker 3: For a frat party.

377
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Speaker 2: I told her that this was an important family event

378
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,919
Speaker 2: and that it was rude to back out of an

379
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,320
Speaker 2: RSVP'd event without a good reason.

380
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Speaker 1: Yeah, yes, it's an RSVP'd event. That's also like important. Yeah,

381
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:03,320
Speaker 1: it's less that it's like the fiftieth anniversary. It's more

382
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,240
Speaker 1: that it's the RSD well but so.

383
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Speaker 2: Like catering and everything, they're paying for the meals exactly.

384
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,400
Speaker 1: Speaking of did you did you do it? I did it?

385
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,960
Speaker 2: So I made it clear that I didn't consider his

386
00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:17,399
Speaker 2: fraternity event a good enough excuse, especially since he had

387
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 2: known about the party for a long time. She said

388
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,439
Speaker 2: she talked to him, but I never heard back, so

389
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,760
Speaker 2: I wasn't sure if he was coming. The day of

390
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:28,200
Speaker 2: the party, he showed up late wearing a T shirt, jeans,

391
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Speaker 2: and backward cap. My mom, still trying to be nice,

392
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,080
Speaker 2: said she was glad he was there, and he responded,

393
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Speaker 2: like I had a choice.

394
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Speaker 1: That is.

395
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:42,200
Speaker 4: D bag, wow, Like I had a choice.

396
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:46,080
Speaker 2: He then sat at his table the whole time, not

397
00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:49,720
Speaker 2: speaking to anyone or participating in any activities. Halfway through,

398
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,000
Speaker 2: we were taking a family picture and invited him to

399
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,200
Speaker 2: be in it. He said, this isn't my family.

400
00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:57,040
Speaker 1: I mean, it won't be soon. You're about to get

401
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 1: it into divorce. Yeah, it won't be wishful thinking.

402
00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,680
Speaker 2: My mom started crying and excused herself to the bathroom.

403
00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 2: I pulled him aside and snapped. I told him that

404
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 2: if he didn't want to be part of his family,

405
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,359
Speaker 2: he should get the f out. I said, I was

406
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:14,479
Speaker 2: tired of his attitude, disrespect, and tired of pretending to

407
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,400
Speaker 2: like him, and told him to leave.

408
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:17,880
Speaker 4: My niece went to follow him.

409
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,520
Speaker 2: I told her that if she left with him, she

410
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 2: could forget about coming to Mexico with us, which just

411
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,679
Speaker 2: super quick. I'm afraid of that because then she can.

412
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:28,960
Speaker 3: Get more isolated.

413
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,159
Speaker 2: And look, it might be a in the heat of

414
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:34,440
Speaker 2: the moment emotional response, right, and maybe later she's like a,

415
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,840
Speaker 2: you know, maybe shouldn't have lasted like that.

416
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:37,880
Speaker 3: But that's a.

417
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,240
Speaker 1: Really good point. That's a really good point. I think

418
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:46,239
Speaker 1: I think what this person. I think Op's niece is

419
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:51,000
Speaker 1: probably feeling more and more isolated. Maybe she's being manipulated

420
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 1: by this guy. This is a lot of conjecture, but regardless,

421
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,679
Speaker 1: what she needs right now is she needs you to

422
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,320
Speaker 1: bring her closer and if anything, say like hey, I

423
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 1: still want you to come on this Mextroc trip, please come,

424
00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 1: but you cannot bring him.

425
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,280
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, clear, clear line like hey, we accept you,

426
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,120
Speaker 2: We're here for you, like heep. Keep that that that

427
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 2: line of communication and love open, but hard line on

428
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,560
Speaker 2: the fiance where it's like we're not gonna we're not

429
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:17,440
Speaker 2: gonna deal with this. But she also made it clear

430
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,520
Speaker 2: that she was upset that he had been punted out

431
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,440
Speaker 2: of the event. The adults in the family, about twelve

432
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,359
Speaker 2: of us sat down with her to air out our

433
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:29,720
Speaker 2: grievances about the fiance so she could understand the extent extent.

434
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:30,120
Speaker 3: Of the problem.

435
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 2: She still defended him, saying that we didn't know him

436
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 2: well enough and that we made him uncomfortable.

437
00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,960
Speaker 4: How much more do you need to get this thing?

438
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:42,679
Speaker 1: Is that probably is true in terms of like like

439
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 1: the social anxiety thing we were talking about, like that

440
00:20:44,840 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 1: probably he probably does feel uncomfortable. In his defense, mechanism

441
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,440
Speaker 1: is being a d bag to extraordinary levels, and she's

442
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:55,159
Speaker 1: seeing like this whole other side to him of like

443
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,800
Speaker 1: this insecure society is prevent like showing this doesn't excuse

444
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:01,880
Speaker 1: his behavior. Yeah, by any means by I understand why

445
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 1: she's saying that, because it's probably true. But I think

446
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 1: the rebuttal that the family should say is like, who

447
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:11,600
Speaker 1: cares if he's insecure or like uncomfortable if he's acting

448
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,560
Speaker 1: this way? If you, you know, being uncomfortable makes you

449
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,840
Speaker 1: want to punch babies, I'm taking you away from my baby.

450
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you can't.

451
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 2: You can't let someone do do a heinous because there's

452
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 2: an excuse, So Opie says, she still defended him, saying

453
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,200
Speaker 2: we didn't know well enough and that we made him uncomfortable.

454
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:33,199
Speaker 2: After that conversation, I told my husband that I just

455
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,360
Speaker 2: couldn't act like nothing was wrong anymore, so we declined

456
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,439
Speaker 2: on the RSVP to the wedding. She texted me asking

457
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:41,400
Speaker 2: why we said no, and I met up with her

458
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:44,160
Speaker 2: for coffee. I explained to her that I didn't feel

459
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,400
Speaker 2: that I could support her marriage and that he wasn't

460
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,879
Speaker 2: a good person, and I felt like her independence and

461
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 2: everything that was special about her was disappearing behind his expectations.

462
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 2: She disagreed and told me that I just didn't understand.

463
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 2: She then told me that if I really cared about her,

464
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,879
Speaker 2: that I would suck it up and come to her wedding.

465
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 2: So am I the a hole? Should we go to

466
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 2: the wedding? And was I wrong for telling her in

467
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:11,240
Speaker 2: the first place? We have an update, but maybe you

468
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:13,160
Speaker 2: can quickly answer these First.

469
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 3: Is Op the a hole?

470
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: No, she needed to put her like foot down at

471
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 1: some point.

472
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:20,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, it became her circus, so it was beyond her

473
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 2: circus by the time she stepped in.

474
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 1: And for the wedding thing. I think that this guy

475
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 1: is not good for her at all. Yes, is being

476
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,880
Speaker 1: a is taking action that is trying to isolate her.

477
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,199
Speaker 1: He's being rude and like mean to the family. He

478
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 1: needs to go figure his stuff out independent of of

479
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 1: the of Op's niece. But in the same kind of

480
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,120
Speaker 1: vein that as what you were saying, like you want

481
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 1: to have an open line of communication, I think you

482
00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 1: can voice like I don't think you should marry this guy,

483
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,760
Speaker 1: but I'm going to be there for you, yes, to

484
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 1: make sure that you know you have someone you can

485
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 1: talk to because and hopefully maybe she'll use.

486
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,439
Speaker 2: That one, yeah, one angle of going to the wedding

487
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:06,560
Speaker 2: is just it's just constantly communicating her I'm there for you,

488
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 2: I'm there for you, I'm there for you to hopefully

489
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,119
Speaker 2: when the time is right and when you know, niece

490
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 2: snaps out of it, she knows that she can go

491
00:23:14,680 --> 00:23:16,120
Speaker 2: back to Opie versus exactly.

492
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:17,120
Speaker 3: Maybe if she gets.

493
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:18,959
Speaker 2: The impression that she's closed out, she's like, oh, now

494
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 2: I have no one yeah to turn to. So I

495
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 2: would say I would say OPI is not the ale

496
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 2: for not going to the wedding because one, I still

497
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,760
Speaker 2: think she can do things like going out for coffee

498
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,640
Speaker 2: and show her that she's there for And then also two,

499
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,679
Speaker 2: that's putting themselves in harm's way quote unquote because now

500
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,639
Speaker 2: they have to that's a good point essentially deal with

501
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,199
Speaker 2: him at the wedding like they had to deal with

502
00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:38,920
Speaker 2: him at this event.

503
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:40,920
Speaker 3: We have an update, ladies and gentlemen.

504
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 2: So my family is very religious, and so niece and

505
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 2: her fiance do not live together or have overnights, and

506
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,080
Speaker 2: she still lives with their parents with a curfew God

507
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 2: as long as she's under their roof. So while I

508
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 2: agree with the assessment that he's setting her up to

509
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:57,239
Speaker 2: be isolated. They aren't currently in a situation or the

510
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 2: privacy for financial or emotional. I do also think that

511
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 2: he is a self absorbed person. She agreed to sit

512
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 2: down and talk with me again, and I was able

513
00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,639
Speaker 2: to better articulate my concerns for her future and what

514
00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:11,120
Speaker 2: she is setting herself up for, and my concerns about him.

515
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 3: We are still not going to the wedding.

516
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 2: I explained to her that part of it is because

517
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 2: I love her, that ultimately it's supposed to be a

518
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 2: special day for her, and that with the way I

519
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 2: feel about him, that I would object to the union

520
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,639
Speaker 2: in front of everyone as.

521
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:24,919
Speaker 3: Opposed to privately.

522
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 2: So I told her, whatever she chooses, that I am

523
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:31,000
Speaker 2: always specifically in her corner specifically, and that I hope

524
00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 2: that she will still want to spend time with me

525
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 2: and my kids, but more than that, to know that

526
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 2: she can come to me for any any time, for anything,

527
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 2: which is I think exactly what we were saying. Let

528
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:42,920
Speaker 2: her know that you're taught, and that for her sake,

529
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,359
Speaker 2: I do hope that I'm wrong about him. By the way,

530
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 2: there's one thing that I'm never wrong about that you

531
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 2: can listen to full episodes and stories just like this

532
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:50,680
Speaker 2: go to Spotify.

533
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:51,360
Speaker 4: Apple podcasts.

534
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 2: By the way, just cracked the top one hundred comedy

535
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,440
Speaker 2: podcasts on Apple Podcasts.

536
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 1: We are a Chop one hundred yep.

537
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 2: Oh, so the podcast king started telling me your favorit

538
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 2: pop on your favorite pod app. So getting into this ending,

539
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 2: we did get her a few things off the registry

540
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 2: that I knew were more for her than for him.

541
00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,479
Speaker 2: She said that she would think about everything, so we

542
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 2: will see what happens between then and now. And to

543
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,720
Speaker 2: the person who said that they thought I didn't think

544
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:19,719
Speaker 2: it through on what this might mean for the future,

545
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 2: I can assure you I did. My family means the

546
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 2: world to me, and I don't want to hurt her

547
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,639
Speaker 2: or my relationship with her. But we got to the

548
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 2: point where I couldn't stay quiet and just pretend like

549
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,120
Speaker 2: there wasn't anything wrong. Thanks to everyone for the input.

550
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,960
Speaker 2: It really helped me organize my thoughts and think everything

551
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,480
Speaker 2: through with everything that's happened.

552
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 1: Honestly, kind of like a cash money response, I feel

553
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:41,000
Speaker 1: like that's exactly I've been saying that a lot that

554
00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 1: But but I kind of I kind of love, I

555
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:48,600
Speaker 1: kind of love where we ended. Yes, keeps the door open,

556
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 1: but says that you don't like their relationship. OPI ended

557
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,920
Speaker 1: in the perfect place, gotch Opie. My brother always got

558
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 1: away with his mischief until I finally banned him from

559
00:25:58,320 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 1: my home.

560
00:25:58,880 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 4: You bang.

561
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 1: Thirty one male have an older brother, forty mail, who

562
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 1: was born with special needs. His mind is almost that

563
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,439
Speaker 1: of a seven year old. Now, before I go any further,

564
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:10,439
Speaker 1: let me just say that I love my brother and

565
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 1: I do care for him, but over time, it's got

566
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 1: to the point where he gets away out of mischief.

567
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 1: Little Dennis the menace chime of character mostly comes from

568
00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,160
Speaker 1: our mother brushing it off like it's nothing. By the way,

569
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 1: this comes from Icy Reached six s x' sixty nine

570
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,480
Speaker 1: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

571
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:29,399
Speaker 1: to our slash Okay storytime subreddit. So once it started

572
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:32,159
Speaker 1: to affect finances, I had to talk with her and

573
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:35,719
Speaker 1: said she cannot keep babing him anymore because it's starting

574
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,880
Speaker 1: to get out of hand. He knows there are things

575
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 1: he has to do in his daily life to just

576
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 1: go to work, take medication, but he never seems to

577
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 1: remember the important stuff. It's always the things he doesn't

578
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 1: need to do for example, he stays with my mom.

579
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:48,960
Speaker 1: When she or I used to leave the house, he

580
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 1: would rummage through our belongings, even my mom's tax information,

581
00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,120
Speaker 1: writing nonsense all over the back of it. He would

582
00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:58,679
Speaker 1: go into my wallet, mess with my credit cards, steal

583
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 1: my money, thinking it was his again performance piece, even

584
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 1: though he knows he's not supposed to touch things that

585
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,520
Speaker 1: don't belong to him. Over the weekend, my mom got

586
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 1: invited out with a few of her friends and their

587
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 1: old boss. She asked if I could watch him. I

588
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:13,119
Speaker 1: said yes, as I had nothing to do on a

589
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 1: Saturday night, so she brought him over to my place.

590
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 1: When he's there, he usually just sits and watches TV,

591
00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 1: but when he moves around, he completely destroys my bathroom.

592
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:24,440
Speaker 1: If I get him food, he leaves a mess on

593
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 1: my table without cleaning up, even though he knows he's

594
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:30,639
Speaker 1: supposed to. Things took a turn when he went to

595
00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:33,520
Speaker 1: the bathroom, thinking nothing of that. I assumed it would

596
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 1: just be another mess I'd have to clean up, but

597
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,959
Speaker 1: I was completely wrong. He crapped in my toilet and

598
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,880
Speaker 1: backed it up. I tried using a plunger and even

599
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 1: went out to get anything that would unclog the drain,

600
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 1: but the beast still remains in my pipes as I

601
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 1: type this. You need a poop knife, dude.

602
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 4: True, honestly, I'm not even lying poop.

603
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 3: Sorry.

604
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 4: My parents had to buy an entirely new.

605
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:57,040
Speaker 2: Toilet when I was ten years old because I kept

606
00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 2: just destroying it. I would clog it all the time,

607
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:04,640
Speaker 2: but I'm great at plunging. Oh my god, it literally

608
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 2: felt like a tornado on your freaking butt cheeks.

609
00:28:07,200 --> 00:28:12,120
Speaker 1: I was constantly at Menards or Home Depot getting supplies

610
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 1: to unclog the toilet every month. He has a bad

611
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 1: habit of choosing what he wants to take a crap.

612
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:22,040
Speaker 1: His record is holding it for five days. I'm pretty

613
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 1: sure the employees who saw me there all the time

614
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,520
Speaker 1: thought I was the one backing up the toilets. It

615
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 1: got to the point where the pipes were clogged literally

616
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:32,399
Speaker 1: because of his craft that my mom had to spend

617
00:28:32,480 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 1: thousands of dollars for a plumber to clear out the

618
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: drain system. It got so bad that the toilet wouldn't

619
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 1: flush and the water started coming into the shower and

620
00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,320
Speaker 1: the laundry room. I'm currently waiting for a plumber to

621
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: come in which will be on my off day so

622
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: they can fix the problem. Until then, I am technically

623
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: without a toilet for five days this which is just

624
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 1: in time.

625
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 4: He's got enough time to charge up.

626
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: Every morning, I have to skip using the toilet and

627
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 1: hold it until I get to the gym where I

628
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: can finally go. As I said at the beginning, I

629
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,120
Speaker 1: do love my brother, but there is a limit.

630
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

631
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: I told my mom that he backed up my toilet

632
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,520
Speaker 1: and that he is not allowed to come back to

633
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 1: my place anytime soon. He's repeatedly shown that he has

634
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 1: no respect for other people's property, especially since he's not

635
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 1: the one paying for it. I told her if she

636
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: wants me to watch him, I will come over to

637
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 1: her house, but he is never to step foot into

638
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,160
Speaker 1: my place again. For context, I have a one bedroom,

639
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 1: one bathroom condo, so having a working toilet is a

640
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 1: necessity for me. So am I the A hole? There

641
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 1: is an update? But uh is op the a hole

642
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 1: for banning her brother from her house and bathroom?

643
00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 4: Not at all?

644
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 3: Dude?

645
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 2: That is dude, dookie, water is flooding the living room.

646
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 3: Yeah this point like it.

647
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,560
Speaker 1: Is, these are biblical poops coming out right now?

648
00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, like literally the house is about to be funderwater

649
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 2: like oh and underprouve some poopy water too.

650
00:29:56,240 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: Oh no, gonna be like thro sediment. Oh god, that

651
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 1: ain't clear. That is that is a brown river, not

652
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 1: like an alpine lake. I can tell you that, but

653
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 1: it you know what it is. I'm seeing. I'm picking

654
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 1: up what you're putting down like ness quick. But you

655
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 1: just put like four scoops into one glass of milk

656
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 1: because you want it to taste real good. And this

657
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 1: is super dark. Keeps going chat anyway, we got an update. Basically,

658
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 1: after four days of not having a toilet, I finally

659
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 1: got it unplugged thanks to my best friend, who I

660
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 1: explained my situation to, who went out of his way

661
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 1: to get a pump plunger and fixed the situation. Took

662
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,320
Speaker 1: about fifteen minutes, and we made sure the toilet was

663
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 1: flushing populy, and he saved me from hiring a plumber

664
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 1: who charges one hundred and ninety six dollars an hour.

665
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 1: We did a talk for a minute and he told

666
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: me that banning my brother is just going to cause

667
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 1: a rift, but I should set some boundaries, this being

668
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 1: the first defense he's not allowed to come to my

669
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 1: place for three months. That is the lock phone screen method.

670
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 3: Dude on the dot.

671
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:58,680
Speaker 1: Second defense will result in him not being allowed to

672
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 1: come for six months. There we go. This is later

673
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,800
Speaker 1: our methods straight beautiful three and what would be the

674
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 1: final offense will result in him not coming over whatsoever,

675
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 1: essentially him being banned. These are Stairstep boundaries. We love

676
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 1: to see it. We love to see it. Oh yeah,

677
00:31:13,880 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 1: Stairstep boundaries. You know, you don't go immediate no contact,

678
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: you go increasingly no contact, low to know, lo to

679
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: know unless they're really really bad.

680
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,360
Speaker 2: Less the foundation of your home has been racked in.

681
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 2: Yours is wrecked. Your home is a sinkhole because of

682
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 2: his nuclear turns.

683
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 1: A lot of you suggested that he needs to put

684
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:32,719
Speaker 1: it to a home cares to those of special needs,

685
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 1: as well as having a conversation with my mom in

686
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: regards to his well being after she passes. I basically

687
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: had that conversation with her a long time ago, and

688
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,360
Speaker 1: she said the state will take care of him. If

689
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,720
Speaker 1: something were to happen to me, will the state take

690
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 1: I don't know if the state does that. I mean

691
00:31:47,400 --> 00:31:49,479
Speaker 1: there's a lot of homeless people just yeah, you know

692
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:53,480
Speaker 1: which came off to me as I got this, bro,

693
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. For context, he is forty years

694
00:31:56,680 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 1: old and has the mind of a seven year old.

695
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 1: He is somewhat functional, as he can brush his own teeth, shave,

696
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,760
Speaker 1: and even warm up food in the microwave. It's bigger things,

697
00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 1: such as operating a vehicle or any sort of equipment whatsoever,

698
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 1: that he has not had the capability of doing. I

699
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 1: had talked to my sister about this twenty six a

700
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 1: while back, and we had come to the mutual agreement

701
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 1: that if one of us were to get him that

702
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,040
Speaker 1: we would definitely be putting him in a home as

703
00:32:17,080 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 1: we cannot care for him, especially when it's coming with

704
00:32:19,600 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 1: a financial burden. She grew up having to put up

705
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 1: with some of his tantrums and whatnot, but I was

706
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 1: the one that I had to take some of the

707
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,120
Speaker 1: heavy lifting stuff got worse when she decided to move away.

708
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 1: We talked recently again about putting him in a home,

709
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 1: and she brought up the point by saying that he's

710
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: probably not going to one because without him at the house,

711
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 1: our mom would be lonely. For context, our dad passed

712
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 1: away from cancer in two thousand and one, So our

713
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 1: mom had to raise all three of us by herself

714
00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:44,360
Speaker 1: with little to no support from both sides of the family.

715
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,960
Speaker 1: That's hard. Special needs kid and three kids, that's a lot.

716
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 1: So me and my sister are very appreciative everything she's

717
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 1: done for us and U, and we'll do even if

718
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 1: we protest. My mom is going to be sixty two

719
00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 1: this year and has about three more years so she

720
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: can officially retire. He's basically done so much for our

721
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 1: family that words can't even describe it. I personally think

722
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 1: it would be better that she spends those last years

723
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: without having to worry about caring for my brother when

724
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 1: she gets older. He's in good health and in good shape,

725
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 1: but it can only last for so long. I know

726
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 1: there's going to be people that will probably say that

727
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,880
Speaker 1: putting him in a home is a terrible thing to do,

728
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 1: But do I say, Unless you've had first experience, firsthand

729
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,959
Speaker 1: experience of dealing with special needs individuals on daily basis

730
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 1: and essentially being a glass child, you will never understand

731
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,080
Speaker 1: how much it takes on you. I can tell when

732
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 1: I see my mom that it's mentally draining to have

733
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:32,240
Speaker 1: to put up with his antics and him never showing

734
00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 1: an ounce of appreciation. As I said to my original post,

735
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 1: I do love my brother and will do whatever it

736
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 1: takes to keep him safe. But at this point in time,

737
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 1: it has gone to the point where he has been

738
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 1: told multiple times to stop doing certain things that have

739
00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:47,200
Speaker 1: been causing problems, and it's going on deaf ears. I mean, okay,

740
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,520
Speaker 1: really pausing here, right right quick, Like it seems like, yes,

741
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 1: like the money thing and the drawing on stuff, it

742
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: was an issue, but it seems like the biggest issue

743
00:33:56,520 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 1: was just the herculean poops this guy was dropping and

744
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 1: like that's really not like a special needs thing.

745
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, we got to take him to like the gut doctor,

746
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:09,080
Speaker 2: Like what what's he Yeah, just like three three bags

747
00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:09,879
Speaker 2: of jeesus to day.

748
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:13,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think, like, I mean, I think we just

749
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 1: need to install some of John's toilets or something and

750
00:34:17,840 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 1: fifty percent of this would be solved, maybe because it

751
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 1: definitely helped. I don't know if it seems like fifty

752
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 1: percent of the story is focused on the poops and

753
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,640
Speaker 1: I'm like it was totally emphasized. It was so emphasized,

754
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 1: and putting someone in a home is so expensive, like

755
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 1: just get a good toilet and maybe maybe you'll be Okay.

756
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 2: I will say, not necessarily be like super prone this camp.

757
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,879
Speaker 2: My girlfriend's mom actually works in that position, and she's

758
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:45,360
Speaker 2: like essentially like a mom to them, you know, she

759
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:47,399
Speaker 2: like cooks them homemade meals, and they're like they live

760
00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:48,320
Speaker 2: in like a big.

761
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 3: House, like everyone has their rooms.

762
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,320
Speaker 2: Not saying that it's like always that they should definitely

763
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 2: do that, but I could see with the right situation

764
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 2: and specifically like the right caretakers that being like it's

765
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 2: it's not like a like a nursing home like you

766
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,319
Speaker 2: would imagine, it's like a home with like a very

767
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,280
Speaker 2: like motherly caring figure.

768
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:09,239
Speaker 3: But I don't know if that's the situation all.

769
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I think I don't think that's what the

770
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:11,400
Speaker 1: state is.

771
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 2: Like, that's definitely not what the state because op is

772
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:17,160
Speaker 2: saying like, oh, we'll take them to like a like

773
00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:20,400
Speaker 2: a state run Yeah, okay, that's very yeah yeah lit

774
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 2: difinitely little bit so.

775
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, this one's a little premiums a little boogie.

776
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 1: If this does happen within the next two years, I

777
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 1: fear that he will literally drive my mom insane or

778
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:29,719
Speaker 1: she will lose her mind. I've said that it will

779
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 1: go over to the house when she wants to go out,

780
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:34,239
Speaker 1: because I understand that she needs a break for him,

781
00:35:34,239 --> 00:35:36,400
Speaker 1: but he will not be anywhere near my place for

782
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: a while. I'm laying this down now because I'm at

783
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 1: the point where I just can't do it anymore. And

784
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,760
Speaker 1: it's gone to the point where I have sometimes resented

785
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 1: him when I'm around to him, it's his world and

786
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:46,680
Speaker 1: we are just living in it. By the way, you

787
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 1: can listen and live in our world by going to

788
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,799
Speaker 1: full episodes of this podcast with stories just like this,

789
00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:55,359
Speaker 1: Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or your favorite podcast app

790
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 1: and search. Okay, storytime, there's another relevant update. But what

791
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: do we think? What do we think here? Is is

792
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:04,440
Speaker 1: OP making? Is OP making the right move by basically

793
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:09,200
Speaker 1: expediting getting her brother a home? Does she need a

794
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,759
Speaker 1: new toilet and will that solve a lot of her problems?

795
00:36:12,400 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 1: Does the mom actually need a break like she's saying

796
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:15,600
Speaker 1: they do?

797
00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 2: What?

798
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:16,359
Speaker 1: What do you think?

799
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 3: I think?

800
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,960
Speaker 2: Like what if all four of them, Like like if

801
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 2: they said, uh, the brother was working, what if it

802
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 2: was o P sister, mom and brother are all contributing

803
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,319
Speaker 2: towards like a really good home?

804
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:31,360
Speaker 4: Like split between four people.

805
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,560
Speaker 2: Is that not a possibility where it's like he's in

806
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 2: a good in a good place where he has like

807
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 2: good quality care.

808
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 1: I don't think OP wants to take on that kind

809
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 1: of responsibility though. Yeah. Yeah, and and and he's like

810
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 1: annoyed enough when he comes over for like a weekend

811
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 1: or something like that.

812
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 2: Oh not to not to not to house him, but

813
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,040
Speaker 2: to put him in a like not a state sponsored

814
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 2: like like home.

815
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 1: Oh, you may light him in a house with other people.

816
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 2: And if it's split between the four of them, does

817
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,400
Speaker 2: that like yes, it's like okay, it'll probably you know,

818
00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:02,760
Speaker 2: pinch their pockets a decent amount.

819
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 3: But is that kind of a compromise.

820
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:06,640
Speaker 1: We got a little bit more of this story. I mean,

821
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:08,480
Speaker 1: I think there might. I think there's a solution. I

822
00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: don't think it's the worst thing to put him put

823
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:12,279
Speaker 1: him in a home again, Like you're gonna you're gonna

824
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 1: have to do this eventually.

825
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,720
Speaker 3: It's a tough one. It's a tough, hard one to answer.

826
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, but at it We live in Illinois, so I

827
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:23,879
Speaker 1: don't really think how the home systems are are here.

828
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 1: But I do agree with y'all when you say we

829
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:27,400
Speaker 1: have to start looking also I know some of you

830
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 1: mentioned if he's ever gotten consequences. To my knowledge, he

831
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 1: is not. The worst he's gotten was a scolding, but

832
00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:35,719
Speaker 1: that was about it. But he knows. For me it

833
00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,520
Speaker 1: was a bit different. I don't nor will I ever

834
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:40,680
Speaker 1: physically discipline him, but he likes to get his hair

835
00:37:40,719 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: cut and that's a big thing for him. So there's

836
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 1: been a few times where I told him, if he

837
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,560
Speaker 1: doesn't start behaving right, I will shave his head. Apparently

838
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,920
Speaker 1: he thought I was bluffing, so he went around his

839
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,359
Speaker 1: merry way continued on with his business. So the next

840
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: time I cut his hair, I shaved it bald. I'm

841
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. It was nice not having to cut

842
00:37:56,520 --> 00:37:58,879
Speaker 1: his hair every month. That feels a little cruel, Yeah

843
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:01,440
Speaker 1: about that? Yeah, I don't know about that.

844
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 3: Yeah.

845
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 1: I think I got about a good two months out

846
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,879
Speaker 1: of shaving his head. I got yelled at for doing so.

847
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: I don't care he was warned. Dude, Oh p lost

848
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 1: he lost me. You absolutely lost me with that one. Yeah,

849
00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:17,279
Speaker 1: because maybe maybe I'm viewing this wrong.

850
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,520
Speaker 2: People, also, people with experience in these situations, would love

851
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 2: for you to comment below with your insights and like

852
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 2: also your real life experiences because I don't have those.

853
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 2: But like he said, oh, he was at the same

854
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 2: level as like a seven year old. Essentially, it's like

855
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 2: imagine doing that to a seven year old, you know

856
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:38,880
Speaker 2: where it's like, oh, it wasn't behaving. So I just

857
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:39,360
Speaker 2: like shaved.

858
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 3: I don't know.

859
00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 2: I don't like that at all. I don't like that

860
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 2: at all. I don't like that at all. Hey, y'all,

861
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:46,480
Speaker 2: it's John og Host here. We're gonna get back to

862
00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:48,239
Speaker 2: the story. So but here's a quick three minute break from.

863
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 3: ASP for more sponsors.

864
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 4: My friend treating me horribly during her wedding planning. I

865
00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 4: want in the friendship.

866
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 5: I bribe Zilla alert to anybody.

867
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 4: Perhaps, I say no, oh really, oh you're thinking op's

868
00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:05,840
Speaker 4: over reacting. My twenty seven female friend twenty seven female,

869
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 4: let's call her Sarah, is getting married soon and recently

870
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 4: found out she's pregnant. I'm her maid of honor, and

871
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 4: ever since her engagement, she's expected me to handle almost

872
00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:18,640
Speaker 4: everything for her wedding, despite me working full time and

873
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:20,959
Speaker 4: doing my master's degree. By the way, this comes from

874
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 4: pretend to pay thirty nine and if you're to your

875
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 4: own stories, go to our stars. Okay, story dumps up Reddit,

876
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:28,879
Speaker 4: so she refuses to hire help. So on her wedding day,

877
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 4: I'll be getting my hair and makeup done at six am,

878
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:34,959
Speaker 4: then setting up her entire venue from seven am until

879
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 4: the wedding starts at three pm, along with a few

880
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 4: of her cousins. In my culture, you hire people for this,

881
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,960
Speaker 4: and you never expect your guests to work at your wedding,

882
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 4: so this already feels excessive to me. At it, I

883
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,320
Speaker 4: have to pay for my hair and makeup, which again

884
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 4: is not a thing in my culture, so it's not

885
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,399
Speaker 4: like I'm actually going to her wedding for free. I'll

886
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 4: be working at her wedding and paying for all of

887
00:39:55,719 --> 00:40:00,440
Speaker 4: my accommodations and such. She's also not giving any wedding

888
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:03,919
Speaker 4: favors because she thinks paying for food is already enough.

889
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:07,080
Speaker 4: Many people from both her and her fiance's families aren't

890
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 4: even attending. She doesn't work, so money isn't a big factor,

891
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 4: But it's really her full considering my full time job,

892
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:15,840
Speaker 4: my master's degree, and now being her maid of honor,

893
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,799
Speaker 4: while she just talks about how stressed she is all

894
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 4: the time, she takes away time from my job or school,

895
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:26,320
Speaker 4: to event for hours per day about her fiance. Sometimes

896
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 4: it seems like she's the only one message with me

897
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:31,879
Speaker 4: because the text don't read as if they're from her.

898
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,839
Speaker 4: On top of all of this, our friendship feels incredibly

899
00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 4: one sided. She could engage on my birthday and never

900
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:41,640
Speaker 4: acknowledged it. I ignored this, but she constantly asked me when

901
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 4: my birthday is, and I usually laugh it off, saying

902
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 4: it's the same day you gonna engage. Feels like she's

903
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 4: rubbing into my face because she's been with her partner

904
00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 4: a lot shorter than I've been with mine. She also

905
00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:55,320
Speaker 4: never reached out while I was on a deeply spiritual

906
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 4: ten day trip, which really made me reflect on our dynamic.

907
00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:01,760
Speaker 4: It feels like if I don't initiate contact, we wouldn't

908
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:04,720
Speaker 4: have a friendship at all. Since she found out she's pregnant,

909
00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:07,759
Speaker 4: I've been really lenient on this, but she doesn't have

910
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,839
Speaker 4: a job and hasn't worked in years. She has a

911
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 4: dog that she hasn't trained, and honestly, her being pregnant

912
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:19,320
Speaker 4: and completely dismissed off of any scientific literature on parenting

913
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 4: and pregnancy scares me. She thinks she will be able

914
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 4: to raise the perfect child because kinds can speak. Her

915
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 4: dog doesn't understand English.

916
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 6: Oh that's crazy, Hey, use flash. The kid doesn't understand

917
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:35,560
Speaker 6: any language until it learns it. As if it's easier

918
00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 6: to raise a kid than train a dog who does that.

919
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:43,399
Speaker 6: I'm not against people that don't work, but like, she's

920
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 6: putting a lot on Ope right now. No, p has

921
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,120
Speaker 6: a lot on her plate, and like, even though you're

922
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:50,320
Speaker 6: not working, I understand that you're about to get married

923
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:51,839
Speaker 6: and you're pregnant, and that is a.

924
00:41:51,760 --> 00:41:54,960
Speaker 4: Lot put a lot on OP. I don't think she

925
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 4: understands what you know she has right here. She's not

926
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 4: a friend, dude, Like, I don't know. I think I

927
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 4: think it was the rubbing, like being.

928
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 5: Like when is your birthday? It's like, you know, you

929
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:07,359
Speaker 5: know my.

930
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:10,080
Speaker 6: Birthday is the day that you got engaged.

931
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know it, So why are you now saying it?

932
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 4: Like after asking a few times?

933
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 1: You know when someone's birthday?

934
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 4: Recently, I was on a forty hour travel journey home,

935
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:22,760
Speaker 4: exhausted from kids punting my seat and screaming on the plane.

936
00:42:22,760 --> 00:42:24,760
Speaker 4: I tried to explain to her that I was tired

937
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:27,520
Speaker 4: and didn't have the energy for a deep talk. Instead

938
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:31,120
Speaker 4: of sympathizing, she took it personally, saying she'll be traveling

939
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 4: with her newborn in the future and that she doesn't

940
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:36,760
Speaker 4: respect my opinion that I don't appreciate misbehaved children because

941
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 4: parents aren't responsible. I actually did make an exception for

942
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:43,800
Speaker 4: kids crying because their ears popped or had a bad dream,

943
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,480
Speaker 4: because you can't control that, But kids jumping on their seats,

944
00:42:46,560 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 4: punting my chair and screaming about the games they were

945
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:52,600
Speaker 4: playing on the plane TV, constantly knocking my head as

946
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 4: they fired their finger at the screen. I paid an

947
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:59,200
Speaker 4: extra two hundred for my emergency excy or peace of mind,

948
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 4: and I definitely he didn't get that. I replied with

949
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:05,920
Speaker 4: some basic scientific info on flying with infants, which I

950
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 4: know about because I'm interested in pregnancy and parenting. I

951
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:12,440
Speaker 4: even reassured her that it's her life and she should

952
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 4: do whatever she wants if her doctor approves. She acted

953
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,880
Speaker 4: fine in the moment, but later messaged me on a

954
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 4: platform she knows I rarely check, saying I crossed the boundary.

955
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:24,920
Speaker 4: She said that as an expectant mother, she didn't appreciate

956
00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:28,319
Speaker 4: me educating her because she already has a doctor and

957
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 4: a mom. Meanwhile, she previously got mad at me for

958
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:34,480
Speaker 4: not warning her about pregnancy risk like miscarriage. So I

959
00:43:34,520 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 4: feel like I can't win. Tell me about this, don't

960
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 4: tell me about that, tell me about this, don't tell

961
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 4: me about that. This makes me think you have to

962
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:45,799
Speaker 4: be really, really careful with the people you surround yourself with,

963
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:49,000
Speaker 4: because there is this thing called a soothing ear Because

964
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:51,439
Speaker 4: if you have a friend that always tells you things

965
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:54,040
Speaker 4: you want to hear, yeah, that's dangerous. Yeah, it's just

966
00:43:54,080 --> 00:43:56,560
Speaker 4: a yes man, yes, yes, yes, this, this, that, and

967
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,080
Speaker 4: telling you things that you only accept and you're not

968
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:02,160
Speaker 4: willing to hear things that are hard to hear. Puts

969
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:04,800
Speaker 4: you in a really comfortable situation, and it makes you

970
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:07,719
Speaker 4: very selective and honestly doesn't allow.

971
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:09,160
Speaker 3: Me to grow. Yeah, put you in a bubble.

972
00:44:09,440 --> 00:44:11,960
Speaker 4: What really stung was that earlier that day, I had

973
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 4: excitedly messaged her about my maid of Honor dress arriving

974
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,720
Speaker 4: and how perfect it was. She completely ignored my text

975
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:20,000
Speaker 4: and then five hours later only reached out on the

976
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,839
Speaker 4: platform I don't use just to criticize me. It felt

977
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:26,080
Speaker 4: like she deliberately chose to engage only when she had

978
00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:28,560
Speaker 4: an issue with me. She told me I disrespected her

979
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 4: by giving her information she didn't ask for. Again, she

980
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:33,640
Speaker 4: got mad at me in the past for not sharing

981
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,799
Speaker 4: pregnancy risk. She also claimed that I went on and

982
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 4: on when in reality, only one text went through because

983
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 4: the plain Wi Fi wasn't working. I feel completely disrespected

984
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:46,239
Speaker 4: because unless I kissed the floor, she walks on and

985
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 4: accepts any uneducated opinion she pulls out of her butt.

986
00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 4: She gets angry. I usually try to agree with her

987
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,440
Speaker 4: to appease her, but when it comes to health of

988
00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 4: a baby, I'm very concerned. I've started to feel like

989
00:44:57,760 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 4: everything is always about her. She gets mad at people

990
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 4: for doing things she constantly does, holding grudges for small things,

991
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 4: but expecting me to forgive her instantly. When I finally

992
00:45:07,680 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 4: told her, I accept it if she no longer wanted

993
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:12,360
Speaker 4: me to be at her wedding or in her life,

994
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 4: she didn't respond. You know what, she has one app

995
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 4: she wants you to read, and then she has another

996
00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,480
Speaker 4: app of all the things she's sending you that you

997
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:22,160
Speaker 4: haven't even signed up for, She's just saying all the

998
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 4: bad things about you there.

999
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,080
Speaker 6: So the text message that she just sent was basically

1000
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,399
Speaker 6: like I'm done I'm out right.

1001
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 4: She just sent the message. She She's like, if you

1002
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 4: don't want me in your wedding or your life, just

1003
00:45:32,239 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 4: let me know.

1004
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 6: Ohp just take the initiative and be like, I don't

1005
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:36,959
Speaker 6: want to be in your wedding or your life. Take

1006
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 6: the initiative, take it, take it.

1007
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 4: I'm starting to feel guilty, like maybe I was too harsh,

1008
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:44,840
Speaker 4: But my other friends have been telling me for a

1009
00:45:44,840 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 4: while to cut her off. So ammonel for one to

1010
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 4: step back from this friendship? Or am I overreacting comments.

1011
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,440
Speaker 4: To be honest, I'd step away from being made of

1012
00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,960
Speaker 4: honor and advise her that, do to your job and

1013
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,640
Speaker 4: your master's commitments, you need to step down to just

1014
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,359
Speaker 4: being a guest at the wedding, make yourself far less

1015
00:46:01,400 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 4: available to her, and possibly go low contact. Friendship should

1016
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 4: be pretty equal, and this is a long way from that.

1017
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 4: You deserve better, Opie says. I've tried addressing this, but

1018
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 4: she usually dismisses me with, oh, come on, it's not

1019
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 4: that much work. She constantly undermines what I have to do.

1020
00:46:17,120 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 4: After weeks of struggling to show her different bouquets, flowers,

1021
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:24,400
Speaker 4: and arrangements, she suddenly says, fine, I'll just order my

1022
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 4: own flowers, as if I haven't spent all this time

1023
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:30,760
Speaker 4: helping her. She also complained about spending fifteen hundred dollars

1024
00:46:30,760 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 4: on flowers and blaming me for picking the most expensive option.

1025
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 4: I try to explain that flowers are very expensive, and

1026
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:40,400
Speaker 4: while I didn't want to say it was cheap or

1027
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,360
Speaker 4: what she wanted, it was actually a reasonable price. In

1028
00:46:43,440 --> 00:46:45,960
Speaker 4: my culture, you don't ask friends to do this kind

1029
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 4: of work, and weddings are extravagant. Just look at Lebanese's weddings.

1030
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 4: I was open minded and doing my best, but nothing

1031
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 4: I did ever seemed good enough. After dealing with the flowers,

1032
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:57,319
Speaker 4: I told her I couldn't keep putting in this much

1033
00:46:57,360 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 4: time without any appreciation. I was at much just to

1034
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:04,560
Speaker 4: feel like my efforts were recognized. I had already accepted

1035
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:06,919
Speaker 4: that I had to pay for everything myself, on top

1036
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 4: of giving her a wedding present. But it feels like

1037
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,720
Speaker 4: she doesn't appreciate me at all. Honestly, why should she.

1038
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:15,680
Speaker 4: She didn't go to school and hasn't worked in years.

1039
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:18,680
Speaker 4: Her fiance gives her an allowance, which she's using to

1040
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:21,239
Speaker 4: fund her wedding. She's white, By the way, I know

1041
00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:25,600
Speaker 4: the situation sounds arab, but it's just because she hasn't

1042
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:28,600
Speaker 4: worked in years. Is mom even threatened to a victor

1043
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 4: because she doesn't pay rent at the apartment they rent

1044
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,440
Speaker 4: out to them? And we got an update.

1045
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 6: We've already said it. Get out of there. Yeah, remove

1046
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:37,239
Speaker 6: yourself from this situation.

1047
00:47:37,840 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 4: You gotta get out.

1048
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:43,879
Speaker 6: This is also I just looked up Lebanese weddings. They

1049
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:50,640
Speaker 6: look very extravagant. So to just expect op or like

1050
00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:52,719
Speaker 6: your friends to just put all this on for you

1051
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 6: without really paying or like geded more help, it's like, well,

1052
00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 6: we need to temper our expations now, don't we.

1053
00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:04,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, so, I don't know.

1054
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 6: It just seems like you'll be better off without this friend.

1055
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:12,040
Speaker 4: Oh, absolutely, I was not expecting things to go this way.

1056
00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 4: After I reached out to my friend excited that my

1057
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 4: maid of honor a dress had arrived, she ignored my

1058
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 4: message and instead replied to me hours later on the

1059
00:48:18,880 --> 00:48:21,279
Speaker 4: platform I barely check on. Her response wasn't about my

1060
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,279
Speaker 4: excitement at all, but instead a long message accusing me

1061
00:48:24,320 --> 00:48:26,759
Speaker 4: of things I never said or did. She told me

1062
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 4: that my thoughts on separate topics, which are based on

1063
00:48:29,239 --> 00:48:33,400
Speaker 4: actual research, were not factual and just my opinion. She

1064
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:36,440
Speaker 4: also accused me of never letting her express her thoughts

1065
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 4: in our conversations, despite the fact that I always listen

1066
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 4: and support her. She even brought up unrelated past conversations

1067
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,960
Speaker 4: and twisted them into saying something I don't even recognize.

1068
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:49,279
Speaker 4: I generally don't understand where this is coming from. This

1069
00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:51,839
Speaker 4: happened again in the last story, where someone would pull

1070
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 4: something from the past to accuse the person. Yeah, what

1071
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:57,279
Speaker 4: is this called? And why are we doing this?

1072
00:48:57,400 --> 00:48:59,120
Speaker 6: And like dredging, drudging?

1073
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:00,000
Speaker 5: Is that what that's called?

1074
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:05,160
Speaker 6: No, No, just like go and you go fishingh you

1075
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:07,840
Speaker 6: pull it out, you go, hey, look, here's the problem

1076
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,319
Speaker 6: that we had five months ago.

1077
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:11,800
Speaker 4: Let me just bring it back that one up. What

1078
00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:13,960
Speaker 4: really things is that I have been nothing but supportive

1079
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,359
Speaker 4: of her wedding. I've encouraged her every step of the way,

1080
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 4: listen to her event, and have been excited for her,

1081
00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 4: even when she hasn't always reciprocated my excitement, which, to

1082
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 4: be honest, I ignore her because I understood how stressful

1083
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:29,000
Speaker 4: wedding and baby planning is. And now after all this,

1084
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:31,840
Speaker 4: she never actually said I'm out of the wedding, but

1085
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:34,239
Speaker 4: the tone of her message makes it clear that she

1086
00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:36,600
Speaker 4: no longer wants me involved in her life at all.

1087
00:49:36,719 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 4: And guys, we want you involved in our lives because

1088
00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:42,759
Speaker 4: if you don't go to your favorite podcast platform right

1089
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 4: now and search up Okay storytime, we will banish you forever.

1090
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:49,680
Speaker 4: We will find you. We know who looks and who

1091
00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 4: doesn't look, but we will banish you. But it's that easy,

1092
00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:58,239
Speaker 4: two simple steps. Favorite podcast platform. Okay, Storytime, I'll do it.

1093
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,520
Speaker 6: Did you just threaten everyone in the chet that we're

1094
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:01,319
Speaker 6: going to banish them?

1095
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 4: I absolutely did? Did another realm. I haven't messaged her

1096
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:07,440
Speaker 4: family or the bridal party yet because my heart is

1097
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 4: racing and I don't want to react out of pure emotion,

1098
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 4: but it just really hurts. I know I shouldn't let

1099
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 4: false accusations get to me, but when it's a friendship

1100
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:19,239
Speaker 4: I've cared about and invested so much in, it's hard

1101
00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:22,160
Speaker 4: not to feel blindsided. I let her know I wish

1102
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 4: her the best in her wedding, her marriage, her family,

1103
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:28,440
Speaker 4: and her life. Am I overreacting for this by being hurt?

1104
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 4: Should I even try to clarify anything or just accept

1105
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:32,480
Speaker 4: that she's made up? Her mind.

1106
00:50:33,719 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 5: I'm tired of my best friend ghosting me, so I

1107
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 5: finally cut ties. Snip snip. This is no longer Casper

1108
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 5: the friendly ghost. This is Casper the unfriended ghost. Ooh,

1109
00:50:45,760 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 5: I female thirty two. I've been no contact with my

1110
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,280
Speaker 5: ex best friend, female thirty two Nikki since the last

1111
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 5: time she traveled across continents to visit me. Part one.

1112
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:57,399
Speaker 5: A long backstory. Nikki and I met in our first

1113
00:50:57,440 --> 00:51:00,000
Speaker 5: year of university two thousand and eight, and we're casual

1114
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:03,880
Speaker 5: friends for about seven years. Our dormitory were next to

1115
00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:07,040
Speaker 5: each other. We had many mutual friends and we generally

1116
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,480
Speaker 5: had a positive connection. By the way, this comes from

1117
00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 5: Playful for video and if you want to smit your

1118
00:51:11,440 --> 00:51:13,560
Speaker 5: own stories, go to our slash okay storytime severed it.

1119
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:17,359
Speaker 5: So after we graduated, I relocated to the UK and

1120
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:20,840
Speaker 5: a few friends, including NICKI, moved to Australia. We lost

1121
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:24,040
Speaker 5: contact for a while, but eventually reconnected over time. I

1122
00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 5: became best friends with Nicky as I planned to move

1123
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 5: to Australia after spending two years in the UK. Relevant

1124
00:51:30,239 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 5: side story. My ex boyfriend and I broke up after

1125
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:35,920
Speaker 5: almost ten years of dating and I wanted to move

1126
00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 5: far away to prevent us from getting back together. Since

1127
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:41,320
Speaker 5: he planned to move to Sydney, I chose Melbourne.

1128
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:43,799
Speaker 6: However, Oh you said it like it, You said it

1129
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 6: the way that they say it. Melbourne, all right, not Melbourne.

1130
00:51:49,200 --> 00:51:51,640
Speaker 6: Discussing Melbourne, meban Melbourne.

1131
00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:54,600
Speaker 5: However, after arriving in Melbourne, he decided to tour for

1132
00:51:54,640 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 5: a bit before heading to Sydney, but then chose to

1133
00:51:56,760 --> 00:51:59,239
Speaker 5: stay in Melbourne instead. Because of this, I had to

1134
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:01,840
Speaker 5: give up money of planning and moved to Sydney. Fortunately,

1135
00:52:01,880 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 5: Nicki lived in Sydney, so I stayed with her. After

1136
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:06,719
Speaker 5: a week, I returned to Melbourne because I had already

1137
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:09,080
Speaker 5: planned my life there and generally preferred it. During my

1138
00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:11,759
Speaker 5: time in Sydney, Nicki and I had an amazing time

1139
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:15,800
Speaker 5: catching up on our lives. I admired, respected, and cherished

1140
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 5: her deeply. She was selfless and giving, and I truly

1141
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 5: believe she deserved the best in life. Naturally, I wanted

1142
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:24,000
Speaker 5: to give her as much love and support as possible.

1143
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:27,160
Speaker 5: Our friendship made my life better and she gave me confidence,

1144
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:30,759
Speaker 5: especially after my breakup. This is where the fairytale friendship

1145
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:33,800
Speaker 5: and after a year and a half, Nicki suddenly ghosted

1146
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 5: me without any explanation. I was completely lost because we

1147
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 5: spoke multiple times daily about everything. We made video calls

1148
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:43,480
Speaker 5: for hours, helped each other pick outfits for dates or

1149
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 5: special events, and talked about work, family, friends, and life.

1150
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,880
Speaker 5: We even gossiped freely because we were each other's safe space.

1151
00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:53,160
Speaker 5: My other close friend, Indie female thirty five, and I

1152
00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 5: tried to brainstorm what could have happened, but there were

1153
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 5: no signs of resentment or conflict. NICKI only maintained enough

1154
00:52:58,680 --> 00:53:00,800
Speaker 5: contact for me to know she was safe. I couldn't

1155
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:03,040
Speaker 5: figure out what I had done wrong, and I hated

1156
00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:05,799
Speaker 5: how lost I felt. The situation made me wonder if

1157
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:07,920
Speaker 5: I was someone who deserved to be abandoned, though I

1158
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 5: never voiced that thought in any After three weeks, she

1159
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:12,680
Speaker 5: finally called me while I was at work. I cared

1160
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 5: about he so much that I asked for emergency leave

1161
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,880
Speaker 5: to take her call. I tried to sound casual, but

1162
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:20,680
Speaker 5: internally I was so relieved to hear from her. She

1163
00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:23,279
Speaker 5: told me she felt uncomfortable with our friendship because she

1164
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,720
Speaker 5: believed the kind of bond we shared should be reserved

1165
00:53:25,719 --> 00:53:28,000
Speaker 5: for romantic partner, and she didn't see me that way.

1166
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:30,400
Speaker 4: What, that's an interesting twist.

1167
00:53:30,320 --> 00:53:34,239
Speaker 6: That whoa what I think we're actually too cool that

1168
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:37,279
Speaker 6: I want to date you now so we can't.

1169
00:53:37,440 --> 00:53:39,160
Speaker 3: It's a twist.

1170
00:53:39,400 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 5: It's a twist. Yeah, that's insane. That's a really crazy

1171
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 5: take on friendship. You'd be like, Wow, we are too

1172
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 5: freaking close.

1173
00:53:46,480 --> 00:53:49,200
Speaker 4: We are like it's almost like I want to.

1174
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 5: She insinuated that I had romantic feelings for her. I

1175
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:54,800
Speaker 5: told her that she could have just asked me directly

1176
00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:56,880
Speaker 5: if I was sappic by or attracted to her. The

1177
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:58,759
Speaker 5: last time I jracked, I was still a straight woman

1178
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:01,080
Speaker 5: attracted to men. And I had no idea where this

1179
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:03,759
Speaker 5: assumption came from. Oh, she could be projecting.

1180
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, maybe she's like low key, I had got a

1181
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:10,160
Speaker 6: quest on you, and she's nervous about that, but you

1182
00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:11,160
Speaker 6: actually have a quest on me.

1183
00:54:11,520 --> 00:54:13,640
Speaker 5: I should add that I hadn't dated anyone while we

1184
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,840
Speaker 5: were close friends, because I believe it healing before moving on. However,

1185
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:19,400
Speaker 5: Nicki had a different view. She thought the next relationship

1186
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 5: helps you heal.

1187
00:54:20,400 --> 00:54:24,919
Speaker 4: Hey, where'd you read that? Who told you that? Take

1188
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:27,320
Speaker 4: a little bit of time? Yeah, be in a relationship

1189
00:54:27,400 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 4: with yourself.

1190
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:30,839
Speaker 5: Jump into relationships, right after the first you know, right

1191
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:35,200
Speaker 5: after going from the other one, be with yourself Part two.

1192
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:38,880
Speaker 5: After a long conversation, we agreed that regardless of the situation,

1193
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:42,400
Speaker 5: we needed to communicate and clarify things instead of assuming.

1194
00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:44,960
Speaker 5: We resumed our friendship and things were normal again for

1195
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 5: the next two years, even after I relocated to Canada.

1196
00:54:48,040 --> 00:54:50,120
Speaker 5: For my birthday after the VID, Nicki sent me the

1197
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 5: most thoughtful gift, a box filled with everything I loved,

1198
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,439
Speaker 5: along with a heartfelt note this will be relevant later.

1199
00:54:55,560 --> 00:54:58,319
Speaker 5: Once in Canada, I finally felt ready to date again.

1200
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:00,359
Speaker 5: I had taken two years after my breakup to work

1201
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:02,879
Speaker 5: on myself, and now I was open to new relationships.

1202
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 5: I went on dates and he even had a fling.

1203
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 5: As always, Nicki knew all the details, just as I

1204
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 5: knew about all her short term relationships. We never spared details.

1205
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:14,239
Speaker 5: Then things got weird again. I genuinely wanted Nikki to

1206
00:55:14,239 --> 00:55:16,879
Speaker 5: take at least a few weeks for herself between relationships,

1207
00:55:16,960 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 5: but she didn't believe in that. She ghosted me for

1208
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:21,959
Speaker 5: the second time, this time for two weeks. It didn't

1209
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 5: hurt as much as the first time, but when she returned,

1210
00:55:24,160 --> 00:55:26,759
Speaker 5: I slowly learned that she had started dating someone just

1211
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 5: three days after her last breakup. She hadn't told me

1212
00:55:30,280 --> 00:55:32,840
Speaker 5: because she assumed I would judge her once again. She

1213
00:55:32,920 --> 00:55:36,360
Speaker 5: hinted that I was preventing her from dating because of

1214
00:55:36,400 --> 00:55:39,200
Speaker 5: my supposed sapphagism. But I was still straight and I

1215
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,719
Speaker 5: had never expressed romantic feelings for her or any other woman.

1216
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:43,879
Speaker 5: I genuinely hope this new guy would be the one

1217
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:45,799
Speaker 5: for her, but unfortunately he turned out to be a

1218
00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:49,360
Speaker 5: creep who almost attacked her. This was an incredibly painful

1219
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:50,640
Speaker 5: situation for both of us.

1220
00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 4: Part three.

1221
00:55:52,440 --> 00:55:55,360
Speaker 5: At the time, I was enrolled in a career transition

1222
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:58,400
Speaker 5: program in Canada that kept me busy from nine am

1223
00:55:58,600 --> 00:56:01,000
Speaker 5: to five pm daily. This it was very different from

1224
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:03,839
Speaker 5: before because I had initially worked remotely and could talk

1225
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:06,319
Speaker 5: to Nikki throughout the day. Given the seventeen hour time

1226
00:56:06,360 --> 00:56:08,879
Speaker 5: difference between Australian and Canada, I made sure to talk

1227
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:11,960
Speaker 5: to Nikki before nine am and immediately after five pm.

1228
00:56:12,040 --> 00:56:14,240
Speaker 5: I was also happy that, for once, she wasn't jumping

1229
00:56:14,239 --> 00:56:17,160
Speaker 5: into another relationship and I wanted to support her emotionally.

1230
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:18,759
Speaker 5: This is where I might be the a hole.

1231
00:56:18,840 --> 00:56:19,640
Speaker 3: Oh boy.

1232
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:22,400
Speaker 5: After about three to four weeks of being there for

1233
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 5: Nikki every single day. I tried to take some time

1234
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 5: for myself. Even though we spent hours talking daily, we

1235
00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 5: still had our own lives. However, now that she wasn't dating,

1236
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:33,640
Speaker 5: I had to feel that extra time for her, which

1237
00:56:33,760 --> 00:56:36,360
Speaker 5: left me unable to enjoy my own interests or maintain

1238
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:40,480
Speaker 5: other friendships. I'm also a huge BTS fan, and during

1239
00:56:40,560 --> 00:56:43,040
Speaker 5: this time, I wasn't able to watch their online concerts

1240
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:45,040
Speaker 5: or keep up with them like I usually did. I

1241
00:56:45,320 --> 00:56:51,720
Speaker 5: miss them. Duh nah dah no, nana uh.

1242
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:57,399
Speaker 6: That's Big Times this dynamite, which in a way, it's

1243
00:56:57,440 --> 00:57:01,480
Speaker 6: almost that's BTRs and btsqa s that's there right next

1244
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:03,879
Speaker 6: to each other. That's really the closest acronym I could

1245
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:04,960
Speaker 6: have possibly chose.

1246
00:57:04,800 --> 00:57:05,960
Speaker 4: Not the same good one.

1247
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:06,719
Speaker 3: I just want a.

1248
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:08,680
Speaker 6: Little acknowledgment of my brilliance.

1249
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:12,080
Speaker 5: There you sure sure, sure, sure.

1250
00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 3: Big time rush to BTS.

1251
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:17,600
Speaker 5: One day, while talking to Nicki, I decided to watch

1252
00:57:17,600 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 5: some BTS music videos at the same time. This was

1253
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 5: normal for us. We often did things together on the phone,

1254
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 5: like watching movies. I truly thought it would be fine,

1255
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 5: but Nicki wanted my undivided attention. I really wanted to

1256
00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 5: catch up on BTS, but I knew telling her that

1257
00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 5: would upset her. Nicki's like, I have something important to

1258
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:33,080
Speaker 5: tell you.

1259
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:34,800
Speaker 4: BTS time, BBTS time.

1260
00:57:34,800 --> 00:57:35,480
Speaker 3: It's BTS.

1261
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:40,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, oh look, uh can you tell me in maybe

1262
00:57:40,280 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 6: like seven minutes? Yeah, eight minutes, A couple of songs.

1263
00:57:45,040 --> 00:57:47,960
Speaker 5: However, she was incredibly sharp and picked up on my distraction.

1264
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 5: She abruptly left the call, even though she claimed she

1265
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 5: wasn't upset, she.

1266
00:57:51,440 --> 00:57:52,680
Speaker 4: Was incredibly sharp.

1267
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:55,520
Speaker 6: I meanwhile, it's like Op's not responding for like twenty seconds,

1268
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:56,760
Speaker 6: just staring at BTS.

1269
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:59,400
Speaker 5: Yes, she's only one second or not, but it's like,

1270
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 5: it's funny. I decided to use that time to catch

1271
00:58:02,360 --> 00:58:04,440
Speaker 5: up on everything I had been neglecting before calling her

1272
00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:07,640
Speaker 5: the next day BTS, but when I did, she was cold.

1273
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:09,920
Speaker 5: Over the next few days, there was a tension between

1274
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:13,160
Speaker 5: us via text. I emotionally disconnected because I didn't want

1275
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:15,280
Speaker 5: her words to hurt me, and I knew she was

1276
00:58:15,280 --> 00:58:18,240
Speaker 5: in a vulnerable state. I thought we would get through it,

1277
00:58:18,320 --> 00:58:21,120
Speaker 5: and I expected she would eventually apologize for the hurtful

1278
00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:23,320
Speaker 5: things she had said, so I remain present for her.

1279
00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:27,120
Speaker 5: But she spiraled. Maybe she sensed my emotional withdrawal because

1280
00:58:27,120 --> 00:58:29,640
Speaker 5: for the third time she ghosted me. I know she

1281
00:58:29,720 --> 00:58:31,920
Speaker 5: cared about me too, though I couldn't understand why she

1282
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 5: wanted me to show that I was hurt by her words.

1283
00:58:34,120 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 5: I tried to reach out in the following weeks, but

1284
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:39,160
Speaker 5: she stayed distant. After two months, I realized she had

1285
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:41,120
Speaker 5: thrown our friendship away.

1286
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:43,280
Speaker 6: I don't know if I agree with all of this.

1287
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 6: I agree with what well it's like, Well, I get

1288
00:58:48,280 --> 00:58:50,400
Speaker 6: I know ghosting is like a loose term, but it's like,

1289
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:52,440
Speaker 6: how do you get ghosted three tons? It usually only

1290
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:56,680
Speaker 6: get ghosted once if there's communication maintained in between there,

1291
00:58:57,360 --> 00:58:59,400
Speaker 6: Sure there's there could be like a level of like

1292
00:58:59,440 --> 00:59:03,160
Speaker 6: withdrawal or like you know, like a do you feel

1293
00:59:03,160 --> 00:59:05,240
Speaker 6: like a barrier has been put up? But in terms

1294
00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:06,960
Speaker 6: of like ghosting, I think.

1295
00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:10,800
Speaker 5: It's ghosting because I think that like any any long

1296
00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:16,120
Speaker 5: stretch where you're expecting, where where communication goes from normal

1297
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:18,360
Speaker 5: and then it changes drastically, I think that is a

1298
00:59:18,360 --> 00:59:20,280
Speaker 5: type of ghosting. I think there are levels to ghosting.

1299
00:59:20,360 --> 00:59:23,240
Speaker 6: In my opinion, you need a book on that. Yeah, immediately,

1300
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:25,240
Speaker 6: you need a gen z or to write that book. Please,

1301
00:59:26,680 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 6: But ugh, some of this just feels like a miscommunications

1302
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 6: or like misunderstanding.

1303
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:38,919
Speaker 5: I think, okay, I'm gonna say something crazy conspiracy theory.

1304
00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:46,160
Speaker 5: I think that Opie's friend is experiencing like she is.

1305
00:59:48,440 --> 00:59:48,520
Speaker 1: She.

1306
00:59:48,760 --> 00:59:53,360
Speaker 5: I think she's actually into OPE, and she's like putting

1307
00:59:53,400 --> 00:59:56,880
Speaker 5: all of this emphasis on the relationship and it's like

1308
00:59:57,040 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 5: incredibly uh important to where But she's not willing to

1309
01:00:01,200 --> 01:00:03,520
Speaker 5: accept herself, and so she's like going into all these

1310
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:06,160
Speaker 5: relationships like one after another because she's like, I'm straight,

1311
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:10,440
Speaker 5: I'm a straight woman. There's nothing else here. But she's

1312
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:12,680
Speaker 5: actually in love with Ope, and that's why everything is

1313
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:16,320
Speaker 5: like really hitting her. I like this conspiracy Thank you.

1314
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:19,320
Speaker 5: I think it's a good one. Thanks But let's get

1315
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:22,080
Speaker 5: into this. Coming to terms with the fact that there

1316
01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:23,680
Speaker 5: was nothing I could do to fix it hurt just

1317
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 5: as much as the end of my ten year relationship.

1318
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:29,120
Speaker 5: And there is a part four. Let's get into it.

1319
01:00:29,440 --> 01:00:32,480
Speaker 5: Let's go last four to ten months later, my mom

1320
01:00:32,520 --> 01:00:34,880
Speaker 5: passed away in September of twenty twenty one. Oh, this

1321
01:00:35,040 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 5: was the worst thing that had ever happened in my life.

1322
01:00:37,240 --> 01:00:40,280
Speaker 5: So my brain automatically went to I need Nikki mode.

1323
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:42,960
Speaker 5: I called her several times, but she didn't pick up.

1324
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,040
Speaker 5: She called me the next day after seeing posts on

1325
01:00:45,080 --> 01:00:47,240
Speaker 5: social media, and even though I was sad that she

1326
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:50,360
Speaker 5: ignored me all this time, I was so happy and

1327
01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:52,800
Speaker 5: felt safe to express my pain because she was the

1328
01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:55,640
Speaker 5: only one who could understand. Unfortunately, NICKI told me she

1329
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:58,640
Speaker 5: had also lost her mom two weeks prior, and I

1330
01:00:58,760 --> 01:01:01,840
Speaker 5: was dumbfounded for two reasons. First because I was sorry

1331
01:01:01,840 --> 01:01:04,440
Speaker 5: she was in as much pain as I was, And secondly,

1332
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:07,200
Speaker 5: I was heartbroken that she didn't think of me as

1333
01:01:07,200 --> 01:01:09,400
Speaker 5: someone she could have leaned on. These two emotions have

1334
01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:11,200
Speaker 5: led us to where we are now, because even though

1335
01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 5: I still love we have not been friends since our

1336
01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:16,000
Speaker 5: mom's past three years ago. We haven't actually been friends

1337
01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:18,320
Speaker 5: for four years since she ghosted me for the third time.

1338
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:20,840
Speaker 5: I came to read it because after our moms passed,

1339
01:01:21,000 --> 01:01:24,120
Speaker 5: she suddenly wanted to rekindle our friendship. It is a

1340
01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:26,200
Speaker 5: fact that she also knows the value of us being

1341
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:29,000
Speaker 5: in each other's lives, and any sane person would miss that.

1342
01:01:29,040 --> 01:01:31,680
Speaker 5: But no matter how hard she tried to get closer,

1343
01:01:31,760 --> 01:01:33,840
Speaker 5: I couldn't bring myself to be friends with her again.

1344
01:01:34,160 --> 01:01:36,880
Speaker 5: You know you don't know her that no, But tried.

1345
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 6: It feels like part of that might be mixed up

1346
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:39,760
Speaker 6: in like the grief that.

1347
01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:43,040
Speaker 5: Absolutely went through, like when they lost their mothers. I

1348
01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:45,600
Speaker 5: mean yeah, I mean Opie's experience probably the grief of

1349
01:01:45,600 --> 01:01:49,160
Speaker 5: losing her mother, but then also the probably reliving the

1350
01:01:49,200 --> 01:01:50,120
Speaker 5: grief of losing.

1351
01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:52,040
Speaker 6: Her friends, which still I don't understand how you get

1352
01:01:52,040 --> 01:01:54,080
Speaker 6: ghosted three times. And it's like they also were in

1353
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:56,720
Speaker 6: communication about their moms, like passing within two weeks of

1354
01:01:56,760 --> 01:01:58,520
Speaker 6: each other. It's like it feels like there was a

1355
01:01:58,560 --> 01:02:00,320
Speaker 6: comment here where it's like it almost feels like they're

1356
01:02:00,360 --> 01:02:02,600
Speaker 6: expecting each other to be able to read their minds.

1357
01:02:02,920 --> 01:02:03,360
Speaker 5: Absolutely.

1358
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:06,120
Speaker 6: It's like somebody just needs to like be like, hey,

1359
01:02:06,280 --> 01:02:09,880
Speaker 6: what's up. Direct communication? Sometimes were direct communication here.

1360
01:02:09,920 --> 01:02:12,880
Speaker 5: I think sometimes when you were so close for so long,

1361
01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:15,720
Speaker 5: you do expect that kind of like my reading thing,

1362
01:02:15,720 --> 01:02:18,120
Speaker 5: and then you're like, well, unbelievable they did that to

1363
01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 5: me and they didn't even freaking like it.

1364
01:02:20,280 --> 01:02:20,480
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1365
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:23,360
Speaker 5: I think it happens a lot in really really close friendships,

1366
01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:26,920
Speaker 5: and it does take communication to fix that, and it's

1367
01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:29,840
Speaker 5: easy to not communicate about it. A few weeks after

1368
01:02:29,880 --> 01:02:32,200
Speaker 5: we lost our moms, she began dating a friend who

1369
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:36,040
Speaker 5: consoled her and was going to get married three months after. Oooh,

1370
01:02:36,080 --> 01:02:38,640
Speaker 5: I may be wrong about this timeline. Nikki wanted me

1371
01:02:38,720 --> 01:02:41,120
Speaker 5: to become her old bestie again and be excited for

1372
01:02:41,200 --> 01:02:43,160
Speaker 5: our friendship in the wedding, but I couldn't. We had

1373
01:02:43,200 --> 01:02:45,600
Speaker 5: not been friends, and when we reconnected, I was mourning.

1374
01:02:45,640 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 5: We mourned differently, and my way to cope was being isolated.

1375
01:02:48,840 --> 01:02:51,480
Speaker 5: I quit my remote job and became withdrawn. I eventually

1376
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:53,400
Speaker 5: got another job to take me away from my home

1377
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:55,760
Speaker 5: for months on end because I was always scared at

1378
01:02:55,760 --> 01:02:59,240
Speaker 5: home alone and started having panic attacks and nightmares. I

1379
01:02:59,280 --> 01:03:02,120
Speaker 5: threw myself into work and mourned my mom's for two

1380
01:03:02,200 --> 01:03:04,800
Speaker 5: years with my family. Because my single mom was at

1381
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:07,360
Speaker 5: the center of everything for us, I did not communicate

1382
01:03:07,360 --> 01:03:09,560
Speaker 5: with most friends for about a year and lost a

1383
01:03:09,600 --> 01:03:12,000
Speaker 5: lot of friends because I was busy mourning for a

1384
01:03:12,040 --> 01:03:15,160
Speaker 5: long time. Therefore, becoming besties and supporting a wedding was

1385
01:03:15,200 --> 01:03:18,200
Speaker 5: not on my mind, especially because we were no longer friends.

1386
01:03:18,200 --> 01:03:20,880
Speaker 5: For ten months before our moms passed away and the

1387
01:03:21,040 --> 01:03:24,439
Speaker 5: final straw was in June twenty twenty three, I kept

1388
01:03:24,440 --> 01:03:26,440
Speaker 5: thinking about Nicki and went through the box that she

1389
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:28,520
Speaker 5: had given me for my birthday in twenty twenty. I

1390
01:03:28,560 --> 01:03:30,920
Speaker 5: read the note and cried a little because I missed her.

1391
01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:33,320
Speaker 5: I decided to send her a message. We had not

1392
01:03:33,480 --> 01:03:35,919
Speaker 5: talked since December of twenty twenty one by this point,

1393
01:03:36,160 --> 01:03:40,600
Speaker 5: chatted briefly between September December. Nikki was elated to receive

1394
01:03:40,640 --> 01:03:42,400
Speaker 5: my message. He told me she thought a lot about

1395
01:03:42,400 --> 01:03:44,320
Speaker 5: sending me a message to because she was coming to

1396
01:03:44,360 --> 01:03:47,280
Speaker 5: visit Canada in two weeks. Excellent timing because I had

1397
01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:50,320
Speaker 5: started integrating back into society. First of all, talking to

1398
01:03:50,400 --> 01:03:52,760
Speaker 5: Nikki always makes me feel like everything in my life

1399
01:03:52,800 --> 01:03:55,520
Speaker 5: is stable and fine, and I was overwhelmed with emotion.

1400
01:03:55,640 --> 01:03:57,800
Speaker 5: But hearing that she was coming to Canada made me

1401
01:03:58,000 --> 01:03:59,919
Speaker 5: so excited that I could have flown into the sky.

1402
01:04:00,280 --> 01:04:02,960
Speaker 5: At the same time, I was scared. Nicki makes me

1403
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:05,640
Speaker 5: feel happy and scared ever since all the ghostings, So

1404
01:04:05,920 --> 01:04:08,000
Speaker 5: my brain tells me to be guarded with her, but

1405
01:04:08,040 --> 01:04:10,400
Speaker 5: my heart is always happy to have our friendship. Indy

1406
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:13,360
Speaker 5: tried her best to manage my expectations with Nicki visiting

1407
01:04:13,400 --> 01:04:15,440
Speaker 5: me in two weeks, and I tried my best to

1408
01:04:15,480 --> 01:04:17,919
Speaker 5: take her advice. But I had not seen Nicki since

1409
01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:20,520
Speaker 5: I left Sydney and returned to Melbourne in twenty seventeen.

1410
01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:22,760
Speaker 5: I was excited to see her, excited to talk to

1411
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:25,640
Speaker 5: her again and even for a few minutes, and excited

1412
01:04:25,640 --> 01:04:27,760
Speaker 5: to do things for slash with her and my city.

1413
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:29,960
Speaker 5: Also excited to meet her now husband. I was one

1414
01:04:30,040 --> 01:04:33,160
Speaker 5: hundred percent ready to forget the past and continue our friendship.

1415
01:04:33,240 --> 01:04:33,640
Speaker 5: Like nothing.

1416
01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:34,040
Speaker 1: It happened.

1417
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:37,400
Speaker 5: Nicki came and I was so happy, but emotionally guarded.

1418
01:04:37,480 --> 01:04:40,880
Speaker 5: I maintained my composure very intentionally, and a lot happened

1419
01:04:40,880 --> 01:04:43,080
Speaker 5: over that week. We quickly realized that we had to

1420
01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 5: address the elephant in our hearts. You're so close to

1421
01:04:46,240 --> 01:04:48,920
Speaker 5: the right saying the elephant in our hearts, the.

1422
01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:51,360
Speaker 6: Elephant in the room is the elephant in our heart,

1423
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:55,400
Speaker 6: an elephant in my heart, and that elephant has to fart.

1424
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:57,120
Speaker 1: That's why.

1425
01:04:57,440 --> 01:04:59,640
Speaker 5: So her husband encouraged her to spend a whole day

1426
01:04:59,640 --> 01:05:02,200
Speaker 5: with me in my house. The summary of the day

1427
01:05:02,320 --> 01:05:04,960
Speaker 5: was that we had so much fun with stories until

1428
01:05:05,040 --> 01:05:08,240
Speaker 5: I noticed Nikki briefly and subtly looking down on me

1429
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:10,080
Speaker 5: for the way I lived my life. She was always

1430
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:13,000
Speaker 5: the more ambitious one between us. I am also very ambitious.

1431
01:05:13,040 --> 01:05:15,200
Speaker 5: I lost a lot of drive after my mom passed away.

1432
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:17,720
Speaker 5: I'm not struggling in any way, and I have everything

1433
01:05:17,760 --> 01:05:20,440
Speaker 5: I need to live comfortably and above the average income

1434
01:05:20,480 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 5: earners since I'm not a big spender. I closed up

1435
01:05:22,720 --> 01:05:24,880
Speaker 5: a little after this, but when we eventually got to

1436
01:05:24,920 --> 01:05:27,800
Speaker 5: the topic of all the ghostings and abandonment, we concluded

1437
01:05:27,800 --> 01:05:30,920
Speaker 5: that I am sensitive to being abandoned and find it

1438
01:05:31,200 --> 01:05:34,160
Speaker 5: difficult to get back after someone gives me the feeling,

1439
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:38,600
Speaker 5: so I became guarded and emotionally disconnected. We also realized

1440
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:40,800
Speaker 5: that Nikki was a person who was comfortable giving love

1441
01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:43,480
Speaker 5: but had a difficult time receiving it. Lastly, I realized

1442
01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:45,360
Speaker 5: that I value Nikki too much to not give her

1443
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:47,480
Speaker 5: all the love I think she deserves. But for us

1444
01:05:47,520 --> 01:05:50,160
Speaker 5: to be friends, I would need to learn to stop.

1445
01:05:50,320 --> 01:05:52,320
Speaker 5: There would be no need for our friendship if I

1446
01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:54,200
Speaker 5: could not love my friend, and it breaks my heart

1447
01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:56,600
Speaker 5: to realize that such a magnificent person puts a cap

1448
01:05:56,640 --> 01:05:59,000
Speaker 5: on the love she gets to receive. We mutually agreed

1449
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:01,240
Speaker 5: to part ways, but I knew I would respond if

1450
01:06:01,240 --> 01:06:03,400
Speaker 5: she said HI, or eventually reach out to her again,

1451
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:05,880
Speaker 5: so I decided to remove her from all my social

1452
01:06:05,960 --> 01:06:09,360
Speaker 5: media and delete her contact. Whoa, this is an intense

1453
01:06:09,440 --> 01:06:10,320
Speaker 5: friendship breakup.

1454
01:06:10,400 --> 01:06:12,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, but I mean, like, wait, but I feel like

1455
01:06:12,960 --> 01:06:13,680
Speaker 6: we were right there.

1456
01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:14,400
Speaker 3: What happened.

1457
01:06:14,440 --> 01:06:15,560
Speaker 5: We're having the communication.

1458
01:06:15,840 --> 01:06:16,440
Speaker 3: What happened?

1459
01:06:16,480 --> 01:06:19,240
Speaker 5: We were having that communication. We were there what happened?

1460
01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:24,480
Speaker 6: And you were like, actually, in my own head, I'm

1461
01:06:24,520 --> 01:06:26,480
Speaker 6: just gonna like completely cut her off.

1462
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:27,720
Speaker 4: I can't love her right.

1463
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:30,480
Speaker 5: But you know who can love you right way? Us?

1464
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:31,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you could.

1465
01:06:31,640 --> 01:06:34,240
Speaker 5: Listen to full episodes of stories just like this. Just

1466
01:06:34,280 --> 01:06:37,520
Speaker 5: go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio to get your

1467
01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:39,400
Speaker 5: love and in and search a pokey story time. But

1468
01:06:39,480 --> 01:06:41,120
Speaker 5: there is a little bit left to the story. But

1469
01:06:41,160 --> 01:06:42,320
Speaker 5: what did you do? You have any find thoughts?

1470
01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:43,040
Speaker 4: I don't like this?

1471
01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:47,000
Speaker 6: Yeah, oh Pee, I think you just like I don't know,

1472
01:06:47,040 --> 01:06:48,840
Speaker 6: maybe oh, people was just really scared. Maybe oh he's

1473
01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:51,040
Speaker 6: trying to rationalize in their own head like why they

1474
01:06:51,040 --> 01:06:53,680
Speaker 6: did that. But it's like it doesn't feel like, uh,

1475
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:55,680
Speaker 6: the move that needed to be made at that moment.

1476
01:06:56,000 --> 01:06:57,320
Speaker 5: I feel like you guys were right there.

1477
01:06:57,440 --> 01:06:57,640
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1478
01:06:57,680 --> 01:06:59,520
Speaker 5: I feel like we were having the things and we

1479
01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:01,960
Speaker 5: were having the talks, and then Nikki realized that she

1480
01:07:02,080 --> 01:07:03,680
Speaker 5: know she puts a cap on the love that she

1481
01:07:03,680 --> 01:07:05,760
Speaker 5: can receive. And it could have been like, Okay, you

1482
01:07:05,800 --> 01:07:08,760
Speaker 5: know what, we figured it out. Yeah, we've now I

1483
01:07:08,840 --> 01:07:12,720
Speaker 5: understand your nature better. But instead it was like, all right, well,

1484
01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:13,400
Speaker 5: I guess I'll.

1485
01:07:13,240 --> 01:07:13,800
Speaker 4: Never speak to you.

1486
01:07:13,840 --> 01:07:16,920
Speaker 5: I understand your nature and I gotta go bye. I

1487
01:07:16,960 --> 01:07:19,480
Speaker 5: know she would relocate to Canada in twenty twenty five,

1488
01:07:19,560 --> 01:07:21,960
Speaker 5: and I keep wondering about this because if she chooses

1489
01:07:22,000 --> 01:07:24,200
Speaker 5: to stay in my city, we could potentially meet up again,

1490
01:07:24,280 --> 01:07:26,640
Speaker 5: and I have no strength to resist being friends with

1491
01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:28,480
Speaker 5: her again, but I don't want to get hurt. What

1492
01:07:28,600 --> 01:07:30,520
Speaker 5: would I do when she arrives in a few months.

1493
01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:32,960
Speaker 5: I have no idea? So am I the ale for

1494
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:36,000
Speaker 5: going no contact with her after all this, even though

1495
01:07:36,040 --> 01:07:37,560
Speaker 5: I still love her but don't want to get hurt.

1496
01:07:37,760 --> 01:07:39,200
Speaker 5: And that is the end of that story.

1497
01:07:40,280 --> 01:07:41,960
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1498
01:07:42,000 --> 01:07:43,960
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors.

1499
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:49,680
Speaker 6: My ex friend ghosted us, and now he's posting shade online.

1500
01:07:49,760 --> 01:07:53,440
Speaker 5: You're gonna post our private feelings online?

1501
01:07:54,320 --> 01:07:55,040
Speaker 3: Shady ghost?

1502
01:07:55,680 --> 01:07:58,280
Speaker 6: What is shady? Low down thing to do?

1503
01:07:59,080 --> 01:07:59,160
Speaker 1: So?

1504
01:07:59,680 --> 01:08:03,560
Speaker 6: At the time of the event, I twenty had started

1505
01:08:03,640 --> 01:08:05,960
Speaker 6: UNI a year or so ago. And I had become

1506
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:08,840
Speaker 6: a part of one of the most absolutely amazing friend groups.

1507
01:08:08,880 --> 01:08:10,960
Speaker 6: We are a small group of people who all study

1508
01:08:11,040 --> 01:08:13,640
Speaker 6: linguistics and have a bunch of trauma issues and are

1509
01:08:13,680 --> 01:08:15,960
Speaker 6: all very weird in our own way, but we support

1510
01:08:16,040 --> 01:08:18,439
Speaker 6: each other through everything. They have helped me see just

1511
01:08:18,560 --> 01:08:21,800
Speaker 6: how much my past friends and treated me poorly and

1512
01:08:21,840 --> 01:08:24,160
Speaker 6: how I deserve so much better. By the way, this

1513
01:08:24,160 --> 01:08:27,160
Speaker 6: comes from user arrow ace Dragon, and if you want

1514
01:08:27,160 --> 01:08:29,120
Speaker 6: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

1515
01:08:29,160 --> 01:08:33,800
Speaker 6: Okay storytime subreddit. So for some background, I have had

1516
01:08:33,880 --> 01:08:36,839
Speaker 6: issues with friends in the past, including but not limited

1517
01:08:36,840 --> 01:08:39,680
Speaker 6: to being told to stop displaying when I had emotions,

1518
01:08:39,760 --> 01:08:40,839
Speaker 6: but that's a different story.

1519
01:08:41,200 --> 01:08:42,720
Speaker 4: I am a recovering.

1520
01:08:42,400 --> 01:08:46,320
Speaker 6: People pleaser CPP, so you can imagine how this led

1521
01:08:46,320 --> 01:08:50,400
Speaker 6: to some toxic friendships. Thankfully, since then, I have taken

1522
01:08:50,400 --> 01:08:52,639
Speaker 6: the time to really learn to be comfortable with myself

1523
01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:55,400
Speaker 6: and then I got this wonderful group of friends who

1524
01:08:55,479 --> 01:08:57,880
Speaker 6: have helped me be a better person. And I've gotten

1525
01:08:57,920 --> 01:08:59,640
Speaker 6: more hugs in the past two years than i have

1526
01:08:59,760 --> 01:09:01,840
Speaker 6: in my entire life. Oh my god, what that made

1527
01:09:01,840 --> 01:09:05,720
Speaker 6: me smile? And they are absolutely wonderful people. Anyway, when

1528
01:09:05,720 --> 01:09:08,280
Speaker 6: I first started to become a part of this friend group.

1529
01:09:08,360 --> 01:09:11,519
Speaker 6: There was this one guy who I'll calls Steve Steeve.

1530
01:09:11,840 --> 01:09:14,200
Speaker 6: Steve has always kind of rubbed me the wrong way

1531
01:09:14,240 --> 01:09:17,240
Speaker 6: for a variety of reasons. Mostly it was just little

1532
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:19,759
Speaker 6: things here and there. First, there was the occasional comment

1533
01:09:19,840 --> 01:09:23,280
Speaker 6: about me clearly not knowing something because he's ten years

1534
01:09:23,280 --> 01:09:26,439
Speaker 6: older than me and obviously so much smarter. I will

1535
01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:29,280
Speaker 6: get into the whole ten year older situation later. Then

1536
01:09:29,320 --> 01:09:32,080
Speaker 6: there was the occasional comments about how I don't know

1537
01:09:32,120 --> 01:09:34,240
Speaker 6: who I am and just need to take time to

1538
01:09:34,280 --> 01:09:37,839
Speaker 6: figure it out for sure. For context, I am assigned

1539
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:40,200
Speaker 6: female at birth and was recently figuring out I am

1540
01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:43,599
Speaker 6: autistic and gender diverse. He didn't seem to fully believe

1541
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:47,360
Speaker 6: that I could be autistic because obviously women can't be autistic,

1542
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:50,639
Speaker 6: and clearly I was a woman, because he didn't really

1543
01:09:50,680 --> 01:09:52,280
Speaker 6: see me as existing.

1544
01:09:52,800 --> 01:09:58,680
Speaker 5: What we so annoying because also women autistic women have

1545
01:09:58,840 --> 01:10:02,080
Speaker 5: so much trouble being diagnosed because there's like very little

1546
01:10:02,080 --> 01:10:05,680
Speaker 5: research on autism and women, really, yes, very little. That's

1547
01:10:05,680 --> 01:10:08,360
Speaker 5: why it's super hard for women to get diagnosed. Maybe

1548
01:10:08,360 --> 01:10:10,799
Speaker 5: those women just don't exist, like Steve, they just don't exist.

1549
01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:13,439
Speaker 6: Maybe Steve is onto something. Maybe they're just not real.

1550
01:10:13,520 --> 01:10:15,280
Speaker 5: He's like, actually, they're not freaking.

1551
01:10:15,040 --> 01:10:19,520
Speaker 6: They live in the space between spaces, the plane between planes.

1552
01:10:19,920 --> 01:10:21,519
Speaker 5: Hope. He's like, you know what, like we need to

1553
01:10:21,520 --> 01:10:23,360
Speaker 5: give like right stages, Like I actually don't believe that

1554
01:10:23,400 --> 01:10:26,080
Speaker 5: they exist. I don't think they're real.

1555
01:10:26,520 --> 01:10:26,840
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1556
01:10:26,880 --> 01:10:28,920
Speaker 6: So this leads me to the next type of comment,

1557
01:10:29,160 --> 01:10:34,040
Speaker 6: which were underhanded misogynistic comments. Women weren't real to him.

1558
01:10:34,720 --> 01:10:38,759
Speaker 4: No way, Wow, you actually called it.

1559
01:10:38,840 --> 01:10:44,240
Speaker 6: There's no way he really said that, right, How's let's

1560
01:10:44,240 --> 01:10:44,960
Speaker 6: see how.

1561
01:10:46,360 --> 01:10:47,040
Speaker 5: He backed this up.

1562
01:10:47,320 --> 01:10:51,519
Speaker 6: Women weren't real to him, He preferred male professors to

1563
01:10:51,600 --> 01:10:55,360
Speaker 6: female professors, et cetera. No explanation on him not thinking

1564
01:10:55,400 --> 01:10:58,280
Speaker 6: women are real. But he had been friends for a

1565
01:10:58,280 --> 01:11:00,040
Speaker 6: long time with a lot of my new friends, and

1566
01:11:00,120 --> 01:11:01,960
Speaker 6: so I just kind of tried to ignore it. I

1567
01:11:02,040 --> 01:11:03,599
Speaker 6: thought they were good friends with him, and I didn't

1568
01:11:03,600 --> 01:11:06,080
Speaker 6: want to affect their relationship with him. I will admit

1569
01:11:06,240 --> 01:11:08,439
Speaker 6: I was a bit cold to him and kept my

1570
01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:11,320
Speaker 6: distance and worked extremely hard to not be left alone

1571
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:12,800
Speaker 6: in a room with him so I didn't have to

1572
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:17,400
Speaker 6: face the brunt of his comments. And then the event happened.

1573
01:11:17,439 --> 01:11:20,240
Speaker 6: The day of the event, the sky was clear. Not

1574
01:11:20,320 --> 01:11:22,960
Speaker 6: actually it was rainy again, and the air was hopeful.

1575
01:11:23,080 --> 01:11:25,600
Speaker 6: It was almost finals week the horror. But I was

1576
01:11:25,640 --> 01:11:27,920
Speaker 6: actually having an okay day hanging out with some of

1577
01:11:27,960 --> 01:11:30,880
Speaker 6: my friends and we were all chatting like usual. Unfortunately,

1578
01:11:31,160 --> 01:11:36,240
Speaker 6: Steve was there, which made my okay day it turn

1579
01:11:36,320 --> 01:11:40,280
Speaker 6: into a really not so okay day. I was mostly ignoring.

1580
01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:41,080
Speaker 5: Him like usual.

1581
01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:44,000
Speaker 6: Then this horror of a man made a comment along

1582
01:11:44,040 --> 01:11:46,519
Speaker 6: the lines of I'm about to find out here we go,

1583
01:11:47,000 --> 01:11:48,360
Speaker 6: here we here we go.

1584
01:11:48,439 --> 01:11:50,400
Speaker 5: Everyone hold your horses.

1585
01:11:51,160 --> 01:11:53,240
Speaker 3: Old old old way.

1586
01:11:54,160 --> 01:11:55,080
Speaker 5: I'm there quote.

1587
01:11:56,000 --> 01:11:59,040
Speaker 6: I don't really see women as being real because I

1588
01:11:59,160 --> 01:12:03,799
Speaker 6: don't like women and don't make friends with women except Abby.

1589
01:12:03,960 --> 01:12:07,280
Speaker 6: Of course, Abby is another one of our friends. No

1590
01:12:07,360 --> 01:12:09,880
Speaker 6: way that was being real. So there's no way.

1591
01:12:09,800 --> 01:12:12,760
Speaker 5: That she was a baby, right, No, because he's got

1592
01:12:12,880 --> 01:12:17,760
Speaker 5: object permanence. What do you mean, Yeah, he's got he's

1593
01:12:17,760 --> 01:12:19,599
Speaker 5: got like he has no object permanence.

1594
01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:22,920
Speaker 6: I really feel like this is like a sarcastic comment,

1595
01:12:23,080 --> 01:12:26,720
Speaker 6: like being like misatur to be like I don't think

1596
01:12:26,760 --> 01:12:28,880
Speaker 6: women are real because I don't even like women, and

1597
01:12:28,920 --> 01:12:31,000
Speaker 6: I'm not friends with him except for my friend Abby.

1598
01:12:31,520 --> 01:12:33,559
Speaker 6: Like that's come on, I'd be like if I was like,

1599
01:12:33,680 --> 01:12:36,679
Speaker 6: I really can't stand women. I don't even think they're real.

1600
01:12:36,920 --> 01:12:39,880
Speaker 6: I refuse to acknowledge their existence except for Sophia. She's lovely,

1601
01:12:39,920 --> 01:12:43,719
Speaker 6: She's wonderful. Everyone should love Sophia. It's like, it feels

1602
01:12:43,760 --> 01:12:44,400
Speaker 6: like a joke to me.

1603
01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:46,599
Speaker 5: But we gotta get we gotta get more info.

1604
01:12:47,040 --> 01:12:52,200
Speaker 6: Let's continue now. This became the event for three main reasons.

1605
01:12:52,280 --> 01:12:56,519
Speaker 6: Holy misogyny batman is the first reason. Number two, Abby,

1606
01:12:56,600 --> 01:12:59,280
Speaker 6: after hearing she was the exception to the man's rule

1607
01:12:59,479 --> 01:12:59,920
Speaker 6: was few.

1608
01:13:00,040 --> 01:13:02,760
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, okay, now, but now now we've got other

1609
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:05,920
Speaker 5: people involved. Clearly doesn't sound like a Joe.

1610
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:08,120
Speaker 6: Also, our other friend, who I'll call Lily, who is

1611
01:13:08,280 --> 01:13:11,280
Speaker 6: very much a woman and am an absolute gem of

1612
01:13:11,280 --> 01:13:13,360
Speaker 6: a human being, was in the room when he said this.

1613
01:13:13,560 --> 01:13:17,080
Speaker 6: Dang Lily had walked to and from classes with this

1614
01:13:17,160 --> 01:13:19,840
Speaker 6: man and had been friendly and had so many conversations

1615
01:13:19,840 --> 01:13:22,000
Speaker 6: with this man, and she considered him a friend.

1616
01:13:22,120 --> 01:13:23,479
Speaker 5: But apparently she wasn't real.

1617
01:13:24,280 --> 01:13:27,080
Speaker 6: Lily looked like she was near tears when she processed

1618
01:13:27,080 --> 01:13:29,040
Speaker 6: what this misogynistic.

1619
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:29,479
Speaker 4: Chihuahua had just said.

1620
01:13:29,600 --> 01:13:31,800
Speaker 6: There also is a fourth friend there who I will

1621
01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:34,640
Speaker 6: call Henry. Henry just went off on Steve about his

1622
01:13:34,720 --> 01:13:38,040
Speaker 6: misogynistic comments. Me and Lily sat in awe at hearing

1623
01:13:38,200 --> 01:13:41,320
Speaker 6: at him tearing Steve a new one. After being told off,

1624
01:13:41,360 --> 01:13:43,519
Speaker 6: Steve got all huffy and said, well, I guess I'm

1625
01:13:43,560 --> 01:13:45,920
Speaker 6: not wood here, and then he stormed off. As my

1626
01:13:46,000 --> 01:13:48,080
Speaker 6: mom put it when I retold this to her, good

1627
01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:50,679
Speaker 6: let the trash take itself out. She also pointed out

1628
01:13:50,680 --> 01:13:52,840
Speaker 6: that the fact he was attracted to the same gender

1629
01:13:52,880 --> 01:13:55,599
Speaker 6: actually meant that he was even more misogynistic for not

1630
01:13:55,680 --> 01:14:02,840
Speaker 6: seeing women as people. Oh the layer, because it meant

1631
01:14:02,880 --> 01:14:06,879
Speaker 6: he saw women as only being four men aka men's attraction,

1632
01:14:07,080 --> 01:14:09,439
Speaker 6: and because he isn't attracted to women, he doesn't see

1633
01:14:09,439 --> 01:14:12,280
Speaker 6: them as people, which are his exact word. Mom is

1634
01:14:12,400 --> 01:14:15,720
Speaker 6: very smart. After the event, Steve stopped coming to UNI

1635
01:14:15,760 --> 01:14:18,599
Speaker 6: events as much on his own accord, and stopped hanging

1636
01:14:18,640 --> 01:14:19,719
Speaker 6: out with our group of friends.

1637
01:14:19,800 --> 01:14:20,720
Speaker 5: I did not miss him.

1638
01:14:21,040 --> 01:14:23,600
Speaker 6: Good riddance. The few times I saw him, I was

1639
01:14:23,640 --> 01:14:26,519
Speaker 6: cordial but cold anyway. The event was honestly ages ago,

1640
01:14:26,640 --> 01:14:29,559
Speaker 6: like maybe a year, and I had completely forgotten about Steve.

1641
01:14:29,600 --> 01:14:31,960
Speaker 6: My life was better without him than a few weeks ago.

1642
01:14:32,080 --> 01:14:34,839
Speaker 6: Lily messaged me like, have you seen what Steve posted

1643
01:14:35,000 --> 01:14:38,040
Speaker 6: I was like no, and she sent a screenshot of

1644
01:14:38,080 --> 01:14:42,080
Speaker 6: the post she saw and holy vague posting. It was

1645
01:14:42,200 --> 01:14:45,160
Speaker 6: basically a pick of this specimen of a man, head

1646
01:14:45,160 --> 01:14:48,400
Speaker 6: tilted to the side, staring mournfully into the distance, hair

1647
01:14:48,479 --> 01:14:50,519
Speaker 6: ruffled up into a mess with a caption. Sometimes you

1648
01:14:50,560 --> 01:14:53,680
Speaker 6: get excommunicated from a linguistics community that is obsessed with

1649
01:14:53,760 --> 01:14:57,160
Speaker 6: labeling and being autistic slash going nonverbal even though that

1650
01:14:57,320 --> 01:14:59,479
Speaker 6: isn't a thing, because they want clout just me.

1651
01:15:00,200 --> 01:15:03,120
Speaker 5: Oh, this is this type of person is exhausting. This

1652
01:15:03,200 --> 01:15:06,360
Speaker 5: is the type of person that thinks that, Oh, I'm like,

1653
01:15:06,400 --> 01:15:08,240
Speaker 5: I don't have the filter. I can say whatever I want.

1654
01:15:08,520 --> 01:15:10,080
Speaker 5: You know, I don't. I don't try like I don't.

1655
01:15:10,120 --> 01:15:12,400
Speaker 5: I'm not PC, you know, I'd like to say whatever

1656
01:15:12,439 --> 01:15:14,000
Speaker 5: I want, like no one can tell me what to say.

1657
01:15:14,280 --> 01:15:16,960
Speaker 5: And then and then and then people are like, oh, yeah,

1658
01:15:17,080 --> 01:15:19,000
Speaker 5: you can't say whatever you want and we're not gonna

1659
01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:20,840
Speaker 5: be friends with you. And then they're like like, you

1660
01:15:20,880 --> 01:15:22,599
Speaker 5: can't do that. You can't say that. Oh you can't. Yeah,

1661
01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:23,639
Speaker 5: I can't say anything.

1662
01:15:23,880 --> 01:15:26,360
Speaker 4: You're not allowed to be upset. I'm allowed to do

1663
01:15:26,400 --> 01:15:29,360
Speaker 4: whatever I want in America. Oh I'm sorry, sorry, I

1664
01:15:29,360 --> 01:15:30,920
Speaker 4: thought this was America.

1665
01:15:30,479 --> 01:15:32,240
Speaker 5: Like, yeah, you can say whatever you want and people

1666
01:15:32,280 --> 01:15:32,920
Speaker 5: can react.

1667
01:15:32,960 --> 01:15:36,320
Speaker 6: However they literally the entire history of the country freedom

1668
01:15:36,360 --> 01:15:41,599
Speaker 6: of speech has been freedom of speech, not freedom of consequence. Yes, exactly,

1669
01:15:42,160 --> 01:15:46,679
Speaker 6: let's continue. So two things here excommunicated. The second point

1670
01:15:46,720 --> 01:15:49,720
Speaker 6: is what clout are you talking about? So this man

1671
01:15:49,880 --> 01:15:52,920
Speaker 6: is a full grown man, graduated from university and everything

1672
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:56,560
Speaker 6: vague posting about how we were terrible friends for excommunicating

1673
01:15:56,600 --> 01:15:58,960
Speaker 6: him from our group like a fourteen year old teenage

1674
01:15:58,960 --> 01:16:02,240
Speaker 6: boy after getting his ego hurt almost a year ago. Now,

1675
01:16:02,360 --> 01:16:04,679
Speaker 6: I feel like this is an important time to note

1676
01:16:04,720 --> 01:16:06,840
Speaker 6: that in our group, we are all pretty much between

1677
01:16:06,840 --> 01:16:09,040
Speaker 6: the ages of eighteen and twenty six. The fact that

1678
01:16:09,080 --> 01:16:11,160
Speaker 6: this thirty one year old man felt the need and

1679
01:16:11,200 --> 01:16:13,800
Speaker 6: desire to be hanging out with us is weird as

1680
01:16:14,000 --> 01:16:16,000
Speaker 6: f as my mom so clearly pointed out when I

1681
01:16:16,040 --> 01:16:18,960
Speaker 6: complained about this situation with her, which made me wonder

1682
01:16:19,040 --> 01:16:21,320
Speaker 6: if the people his age just saw through his bes

1683
01:16:21,360 --> 01:16:23,040
Speaker 6: faster than we did. But I don't know, and that's

1684
01:16:23,040 --> 01:16:25,920
Speaker 6: probably true. Our friend group has been talking about this

1685
01:16:25,960 --> 01:16:28,000
Speaker 6: ever since it happened, and being like, did you tell

1686
01:16:28,040 --> 01:16:29,960
Speaker 6: him to stop going to Uni events, what about you,

1687
01:16:30,120 --> 01:16:32,320
Speaker 6: and realizing none of us did anything, he just kind

1688
01:16:32,320 --> 01:16:34,559
Speaker 6: of stopped coming because he was mad he got called

1689
01:16:34,560 --> 01:16:37,400
Speaker 6: out for being a misogynist. Right after it happened. The

1690
01:16:37,479 --> 01:16:39,760
Speaker 6: only thing I could think of was, how are you

1691
01:16:39,960 --> 01:16:42,280
Speaker 6: not embarrassed? And there is an update?

1692
01:16:42,400 --> 01:16:44,000
Speaker 5: How are you not embarrassed?

1693
01:16:44,240 --> 01:16:49,720
Speaker 6: Discussting update y'all? He posted again, talking So I am

1694
01:16:49,760 --> 01:16:51,960
Speaker 6: here sharing more of the tea because this is a

1695
01:16:52,000 --> 01:16:54,280
Speaker 6: thirty one year old man acting like a whiny high schooler,

1696
01:16:54,320 --> 01:16:57,320
Speaker 6: and it is embarrassing. Like I said, cringe posting onto

1697
01:16:57,360 --> 01:16:59,800
Speaker 6: the post. So this morning I woke up to Lily,

1698
01:16:59,800 --> 01:17:03,320
Speaker 6: who who is justifiably personally angry at this wet cat

1699
01:17:03,360 --> 01:17:06,120
Speaker 6: of a man, sending a screen shot. The screen shot

1700
01:17:06,160 --> 01:17:08,439
Speaker 6: was of a post by the man that said the

1701
01:17:08,479 --> 01:17:11,759
Speaker 6: following clarifying I was once part of a cool community

1702
01:17:11,800 --> 01:17:14,120
Speaker 6: of people who loved linguistics. Then they decided they'd rather

1703
01:17:14,160 --> 01:17:16,280
Speaker 6: act like a high school clique, talking about people behind

1704
01:17:16,280 --> 01:17:19,559
Speaker 6: their backs, becoming obsessed with non scientific self identities and

1705
01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:22,600
Speaker 6: excluding others. It's sad and hypocritical, but I am so

1706
01:17:22,720 --> 01:17:24,360
Speaker 6: glad to be done with all that drama.

1707
01:17:24,439 --> 01:17:25,080
Speaker 4: Smiley face.

1708
01:17:25,240 --> 01:17:27,439
Speaker 6: I love grad school and my cohort, as well as

1709
01:17:27,479 --> 01:17:30,200
Speaker 6: the people who really know and care about me. I

1710
01:17:30,200 --> 01:17:33,639
Speaker 6: honestly feel like I'm going crazy. I am reviewing all

1711
01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:35,599
Speaker 6: of the things I've said to this man, seeing if

1712
01:17:35,640 --> 01:17:38,280
Speaker 6: anything I said was petty or rude or disrespectful, and

1713
01:17:38,320 --> 01:17:40,160
Speaker 6: reviewing what the rest of my friends have said, and

1714
01:17:40,200 --> 01:17:42,599
Speaker 6: I just can't find anything I wasn't anything.

1715
01:17:42,960 --> 01:17:44,639
Speaker 5: I don't think you have to review everything.

1716
01:17:45,080 --> 01:17:48,200
Speaker 6: You don't have to like explicitly be like and now

1717
01:17:48,479 --> 01:17:52,400
Speaker 6: you are banished from the group. To like to like

1718
01:17:52,439 --> 01:17:55,519
Speaker 6: banish somebody from a group, it's like just your vibe

1719
01:17:55,560 --> 01:17:58,439
Speaker 6: becoming like yeah, you can do.

1720
01:17:58,439 --> 01:17:59,480
Speaker 4: It, absolutely.

1721
01:17:59,520 --> 01:18:02,519
Speaker 5: But also I think that piece like we didn't say anything,

1722
01:18:02,680 --> 01:18:03,800
Speaker 5: We weren't mean timble.

1723
01:18:03,520 --> 01:18:04,320
Speaker 4: Book that you should have.

1724
01:18:04,360 --> 01:18:04,720
Speaker 1: You could have.

1725
01:18:04,960 --> 01:18:07,880
Speaker 7: That's fine, you guys did kind of he come out

1726
01:18:07,920 --> 01:18:10,280
Speaker 7: and that's okay, Yeah, because he deserved to be kicked out.

1727
01:18:10,560 --> 01:18:13,040
Speaker 7: He was being a bad person and now he's being

1728
01:18:13,040 --> 01:18:15,000
Speaker 7: a bad person on Instagram.

1729
01:18:15,120 --> 01:18:17,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, you are allowed to You're allowed to take like

1730
01:18:17,960 --> 01:18:18,960
Speaker 6: a call be like, hey, do we.

1731
01:18:18,920 --> 01:18:19,960
Speaker 5: Want to keep hanging out with them?

1732
01:18:20,200 --> 01:18:20,360
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1733
01:18:20,479 --> 01:18:22,080
Speaker 6: If you all are like no, then you can be

1734
01:18:22,120 --> 01:18:23,360
Speaker 6: like all right, then we're not hanging out with this.

1735
01:18:26,080 --> 01:18:27,479
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was cold.

1736
01:18:27,760 --> 01:18:30,559
Speaker 6: Yes, but like we weren't friends except for like calling

1737
01:18:30,640 --> 01:18:33,480
Speaker 6: him out when he was being rude or misogynistic or disrespectful.

1738
01:18:33,600 --> 01:18:36,720
Speaker 6: Maybe we were too harsh. I don't know. Why are

1739
01:18:36,720 --> 01:18:37,320
Speaker 6: you second guess?

1740
01:18:37,360 --> 01:18:40,360
Speaker 5: I don't understand. Like he sucks, Why does it matter?

1741
01:18:40,680 --> 01:18:41,400
Speaker 5: Why does it matter?

1742
01:18:41,920 --> 01:18:42,160
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1743
01:18:42,280 --> 01:18:42,720
Speaker 4: I don't know.

1744
01:18:42,840 --> 01:18:46,920
Speaker 6: Anyway, Lily is currently planning a response. No, honestly, I

1745
01:18:46,960 --> 01:18:47,479
Speaker 6: can't wait.

1746
01:18:47,720 --> 01:18:50,280
Speaker 5: No, no, stop.

1747
01:18:50,640 --> 01:18:52,519
Speaker 6: It's a great blueprint on what not to do in

1748
01:18:52,560 --> 01:18:53,160
Speaker 6: this situation.

1749
01:18:53,439 --> 01:18:55,160
Speaker 5: The train is heating for the trash.

1750
01:18:55,280 --> 01:18:59,320
Speaker 6: Remember when your mom said the trash took itself out

1751
01:19:00,400 --> 01:19:03,519
Speaker 6: to the dump and you are dragging the trash back

1752
01:19:03,640 --> 01:19:04,240
Speaker 6: to your house.

1753
01:19:05,479 --> 01:19:06,080
Speaker 1: Don't do that.

1754
01:19:06,400 --> 01:19:10,400
Speaker 5: I don't understand why you wouldn't block him. Stop talking

1755
01:19:10,439 --> 01:19:13,200
Speaker 5: to him. He's looking for reaction. This is what he wants.

1756
01:19:13,760 --> 01:19:15,000
Speaker 3: You're playing his mind game.

1757
01:19:15,080 --> 01:19:17,519
Speaker 6: But it's also what OPI wants. Yeah, well, I mean

1758
01:19:17,600 --> 01:19:19,120
Speaker 6: he goes Honestly, I can't wait.

1759
01:19:19,439 --> 01:19:22,559
Speaker 5: Yeah, no, this is what OPI wants, and that's sometimes

1760
01:19:22,560 --> 01:19:23,160
Speaker 5: we like druma.

1761
01:19:23,479 --> 01:19:25,800
Speaker 4: She's going to sacrifice herself.

1762
01:19:26,439 --> 01:19:28,599
Speaker 5: Can't It must be unto the way.

1763
01:19:29,320 --> 01:19:31,960
Speaker 6: Lily is the kind of person who is kind and

1764
01:19:32,080 --> 01:19:34,960
Speaker 6: waits and is patient and then snaps, and I can

1765
01:19:35,000 --> 01:19:37,519
Speaker 6: tell that she has snapped, and I'm just waiting with

1766
01:19:37,560 --> 01:19:40,240
Speaker 6: popcorn to see what her response is. For now, here's

1767
01:19:40,280 --> 01:19:43,519
Speaker 6: what Abby said about him. No one excommunicated him, no

1768
01:19:43,560 --> 01:19:46,120
Speaker 6: one said you aren't welcome anymore. He decided that he's

1769
01:19:46,160 --> 01:19:47,960
Speaker 6: not going to hang out with us anymore. And that's

1770
01:19:48,040 --> 01:19:50,360
Speaker 6: his decision, and it's fine. But what isn't fine is

1771
01:19:50,360 --> 01:19:52,720
Speaker 6: playing the victim and saying that it's because of all

1772
01:19:52,720 --> 01:19:55,080
Speaker 6: these reasons that you don't fit in and that these

1773
01:19:55,160 --> 01:19:58,040
Speaker 6: things don't exist just because you don't believe that they do.

1774
01:19:58,280 --> 01:20:01,080
Speaker 6: Chef's kiss. I love my friend so much.

1775
01:20:01,439 --> 01:20:04,479
Speaker 5: By the way, you can love all of the.

1776
01:20:04,720 --> 01:20:08,479
Speaker 6: Full episodes with stories like this, and you can listen

1777
01:20:08,560 --> 01:20:11,280
Speaker 6: to them by going to your podcast platform of choice

1778
01:20:11,280 --> 01:20:14,400
Speaker 6: be at iHeartRadio or Spotify, your Apple podcasts and searching

1779
01:20:14,439 --> 01:20:17,200
Speaker 6: Okay story time, and there there are fifty two consecutive

1780
01:20:17,280 --> 01:20:19,920
Speaker 6: days worth of stories for you to listen to. There's

1781
01:20:19,960 --> 01:20:23,240
Speaker 6: almost thirteen hundred hours. We're getting there. We're over twelve hundred,

1782
01:20:23,280 --> 01:20:25,680
Speaker 6: we're getting at thirteen. Now we have a little bit

1783
01:20:25,680 --> 01:20:27,920
Speaker 6: more story. There's a final update here.

1784
01:20:30,760 --> 01:20:33,639
Speaker 5: It seems like they're on the collision course to send

1785
01:20:33,640 --> 01:20:37,280
Speaker 5: that text. Oh, if I'm leaning towards everyone sucks here,

1786
01:20:37,280 --> 01:20:39,639
Speaker 5: I don't think it's that much. It's all everyone sucks here.

1787
01:20:39,760 --> 01:20:45,840
Speaker 5: It's just everyone is. It's nobody's drama. Everyone's dramatic here.

1788
01:20:45,880 --> 01:20:46,799
Speaker 5: Everyone's dramatic.

1789
01:20:46,880 --> 01:20:49,400
Speaker 4: Everyone's dramatic. He was dramatic when he was like, I

1790
01:20:49,400 --> 01:20:50,479
Speaker 4: guess I'm not wanted here.

1791
01:20:50,840 --> 01:20:53,760
Speaker 6: After being like, yeah, all women are, it's like it's

1792
01:20:53,800 --> 01:20:56,360
Speaker 6: like the girl who's like all men are trash, and

1793
01:20:56,400 --> 01:20:58,519
Speaker 6: it's like, to some extent, it's like, all right, we've

1794
01:20:58,560 --> 01:21:01,040
Speaker 6: heard that, We've heard it enough. Yeah, it's like you

1795
01:21:01,080 --> 01:21:02,280
Speaker 6: say it and you say it and you say it again,

1796
01:21:02,280 --> 01:21:04,639
Speaker 6: and it's like, hey, but they're not. It's like you've

1797
01:21:04,680 --> 01:21:08,639
Speaker 6: met some trash men. Holy Mother of updates Batman. Okay,

1798
01:21:08,720 --> 01:21:10,599
Speaker 6: first of all, I talked to a friend who wasn't

1799
01:21:10,640 --> 01:21:13,040
Speaker 6: involved in any of this, and I feel a lot

1800
01:21:13,120 --> 01:21:15,200
Speaker 6: less crazy now after I read it out to her.

1801
01:21:15,240 --> 01:21:17,240
Speaker 6: She noted how many of us were just out of

1802
01:21:17,280 --> 01:21:19,600
Speaker 6: high school, so it would have been understandable if we,

1803
01:21:19,680 --> 01:21:23,120
Speaker 6: I don't know, acted like high schoolers. He is thirty one,

1804
01:21:23,479 --> 01:21:25,519
Speaker 6: he should find people his own age.

1805
01:21:25,680 --> 01:21:27,479
Speaker 5: Anyway. Now onto the fun part.

1806
01:21:27,600 --> 01:21:30,000
Speaker 6: My friend Lily posted a response, and let me just

1807
01:21:30,040 --> 01:21:33,320
Speaker 6: tell you, I am sitting here obsessed with the response.

1808
01:21:33,439 --> 01:21:35,200
Speaker 6: I got her permission to post it here because it's

1809
01:21:35,240 --> 01:21:38,360
Speaker 6: pure gold. She rarely swears. She is typically kind and

1810
01:21:38,479 --> 01:21:40,960
Speaker 6: quiet and just an overall lovely human being, and she

1811
01:21:41,600 --> 01:21:45,200
Speaker 6: is pissed. The white is what he posted. The other

1812
01:21:45,320 --> 01:21:47,360
Speaker 6: colors are Lily's response.

1813
01:21:47,720 --> 01:21:51,519
Speaker 5: Okay, so you get excommuted from not right.

1814
01:21:51,560 --> 01:21:52,679
Speaker 4: So that's all what he said.

1815
01:21:52,720 --> 01:21:55,519
Speaker 6: We've already read that they just want claup blah blah

1816
01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:58,400
Speaker 6: blah and the clarification and then so let me.

1817
01:21:58,520 --> 01:22:00,280
Speaker 5: Get oh my god, this is so bitch.

1818
01:22:00,960 --> 01:22:04,200
Speaker 6: There's he left was that someone told him that he

1819
01:22:04,240 --> 01:22:07,599
Speaker 6: shouldn't say that women don't exist in his mind, and

1820
01:22:07,640 --> 01:22:10,519
Speaker 6: can you can bring it up a little bit? And yes,

1821
01:22:10,760 --> 01:22:13,880
Speaker 6: this was after he told that to my face, after

1822
01:22:13,960 --> 01:22:19,479
Speaker 6: I considered him my friend. And then imagine not acting

1823
01:22:19,520 --> 01:22:22,360
Speaker 6: your age and posting and complaining about something instead of

1824
01:22:22,439 --> 01:22:24,920
Speaker 6: talking it out with the other party after months of

1825
01:22:24,920 --> 01:22:27,680
Speaker 6: no communication with them. This man is thirty one and

1826
01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:30,200
Speaker 6: is the one acting like a high schooler and not

1827
01:22:30,240 --> 01:22:32,559
Speaker 6: facing his problems. I can't imagine being so petty and

1828
01:22:32,600 --> 01:22:35,360
Speaker 6: pushing the blame on others. Of a failed friendship is

1829
01:22:35,400 --> 01:22:38,160
Speaker 6: the best thing you can come with. I mean sure,

1830
01:22:38,280 --> 01:22:40,160
Speaker 6: I don't know. We didn't even need to say any

1831
01:22:40,160 --> 01:22:42,160
Speaker 6: of that. Just block the man, move on.