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Speaker 1: Welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, Sweetie. Today

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Speaker 1: I am talking about love the way God intended, and guys,

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Speaker 1: it's something I'm still trying to navigate because I haven't

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Speaker 1: figured it out. But when I think about love the

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Speaker 1: way God intended, I think of two things. Charlottne and

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Speaker 1: God said. It wasn't until he started to honor his

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Speaker 1: wife that his whole world changed. He stopped cheating, he

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Speaker 1: went to therapy. He said, I saw my whole world

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Speaker 1: turn around. And then in the Bible says a man

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Speaker 1: who finds a wife finds a good thing in favor

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Speaker 1: upon the Lord. So I have brought two of my friends,

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Speaker 1: people I love and admire so much, Shamika Daniels and

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Speaker 1: doctor Darius Daniels, who are my spiritual leaders here at

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Speaker 1: Changed Church in Atlanta. You guys can come, we have

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Speaker 1: a good time. And you also have a church in

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Speaker 1: New Jersey. Is there any other locations that I'm missing?

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Speaker 2: We got global to me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, y'all have you.

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Speaker 2: Guys.

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Speaker 1: I'm telling you, like every time I post, you guys

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Speaker 1: are like tapping into my d M s. And one

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Speaker 1: lady asked me to come to Shallow High School. I

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Speaker 1: just want you to know that you brought me back

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Speaker 1: to the Lord from posting. So now she goes a change. Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I started tearing up.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, that's what I want, that's my street.

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Speaker 2: I love it.

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Speaker 1: But I just I love your relationship. I love how

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Speaker 1: you like. I just love how you guys are.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, if I'm going to have anybody on,

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Speaker 2: I want to have you too.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 5: Some course, Thank you guys.

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Speaker 4: We love you, we love you, and we're excited about

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Speaker 4: everything that's happening with you. Super proud, impressed, and yeah,

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Speaker 4: we just happen to be I'm looking forward to the conversation. Yes,

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Speaker 4: we will keep it spiritual and spicy.

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Speaker 2: That's for both. I love it.

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Speaker 1: I love it. It's a little storytelling backstory. It was

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Speaker 1: twenty nineteen, top of the year. You know, on the

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Speaker 1: top of the year, we always have these revelations of

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Speaker 1: things we're gonna do different. We got our New Year's

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Speaker 1: resolutions and other things that we want to change in

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Speaker 1: our lives. And at that time, I was like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, God.

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Speaker 2: I'm tired of the heartbreak. I'm tired of relationships not working.

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Speaker 2: I know the type of woman I am. I know

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Speaker 2: I'm a wife. I'm a wife, and I'm like, Lord,

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Speaker 2: where is he?

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Speaker 1: So I meet this guy and at the time, he

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Speaker 1: was like every morning posting scriptures on his Instagram and

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Speaker 1: like he would post like, is.

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Speaker 2: A pandemic kid?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a top of twenty twenty nineteen. Oh

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Speaker 1: pandemic hadn't happened yet. So he was posting his churches

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Speaker 1: in Virginia and he was posting like sermons and I

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Speaker 1: was like, Okay, this guy's really into the Lord. And

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Speaker 1: he would send me doctor Tony Tony Evans.

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Speaker 2: He had sent me his stuff. I'm like, okay, a

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Speaker 2: man after guys, I'm hard.

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Speaker 5: I don't like it.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, God, I'm gonna do it

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Speaker 1: your way. I'm gonna practice your way because I'm tired

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Speaker 1: of doing it. Clearly my way isn't working, so let

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Speaker 1: me try it's different. And I wasn't having sex. We

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Speaker 1: were going to church together and I was like this

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Speaker 1: is this is really good and they always say if

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Speaker 1: you have stained from sex, and it'll show you what.

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Speaker 2: He's really around for.

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Speaker 1: And we dated for a year, didn't do anything in

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Speaker 1: the whole time, and it was great.

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Speaker 2: We built a good friendship. But what I found was that.

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Speaker 1: I started feeling like some distance coming and I was like,

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Speaker 1: something something off here. I'm not feeling the same energy.

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Speaker 1: I was feeling like he wasn't keeping that same energy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I think he was getting worn out, you know,

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Speaker 1: of the weight. And a year later we decided to

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Speaker 1: break up. But I said, okay, lord, it didn't work.

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Speaker 1: I was testing you.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, look, I want this to I want this

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Speaker 2: to be my testimony.

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Speaker 1: I did it your way and it worked, and like

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Speaker 1: I changed my life and I did a guy's way.

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Speaker 2: That kind of how Charlotte Mane was.

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Speaker 1: As soon as I started outing my wife everything that

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Speaker 1: had changed, I want that to be my It was

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Speaker 1: not my story, and so nay, I wasn't picking myself

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Speaker 1: off the ground. I wasn't in the shower crying like

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Speaker 1: I would from previous breakups. And we're still friends this day.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, God, there was a lesson

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Speaker 1: to take from that. You know, you put practices, practices

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Speaker 1: into place so that it protects us. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm still whole from after this, and I still have

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Speaker 1: a great friend, but I'm trying to see I want

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Speaker 1: to bring you guys on to kind of help dive.

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Speaker 2: I just turned forty, yes, regulation yes, and still single.

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Speaker 1: So I'm like, I know there's a lot of women

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Speaker 1: that go through the same thing, and so I wanted

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Speaker 1: to just kind of dive into it. I want to know, like,

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Speaker 1: how did you guys meet and kind of what was

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Speaker 1: your story?

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Speaker 2: Did you know as soon as you started?

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Speaker 4: First of all, what version do you want?

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Speaker 2: I want?

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Speaker 4: Okay, all right, so I'm gonna give the Okay, I'm

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Speaker 4: gonna give my version.

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Speaker 3: There we go and I my part, So I'm.

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Speaker 4: Gonna give you the truth, all right. Part So long

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Speaker 4: story short is, I went to this We met in college.

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Speaker 4: So I went to this small school in Jackson, Mississippi,

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Speaker 4: and she went to this larger school in Hattiesburg. So

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Speaker 4: my school was like more academic, the social life was

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Speaker 4: kind of trash. So we went we would go, we

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Speaker 4: would drive to her school for all the parties. Yes,

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Speaker 4: so it was something it was a fraternity party, sorority party, whatever.

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Speaker 4: So me and my friends we went down there. So

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Speaker 4: we're at this party, right, and there's this girl I see.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go talk to her. So

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Speaker 4: she's sitting on the It wasn't her. So the girl

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Speaker 4: is sitting on this little bench. So I go and

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Speaker 4: I started sitting. I said, on the bench, I start

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Speaker 4: having a conversation with a girl. Now I want you

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Speaker 4: to I want you to see what's happening here. It's

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Speaker 4: a long bench, the girls on the end. I'm right

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Speaker 4: next to the girl. You got all this other space

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Speaker 4: on the bench. All of a sudden, she walks over

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Speaker 4: sits right in between me and the girl. So my friend,

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Speaker 4: one of my best friends, who like, he's here in

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Speaker 4: Atlanta right now, he works with us. He was like,

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Speaker 4: he was there that night. He was like, yo, what

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Speaker 4: is she doing? Like, I have no idea. So the

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Speaker 4: other girl gets up and leaves, and she eventually leaves.

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Speaker 4: So I'm like, you didn't even want me, You just

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Speaker 4: I don't want what's up with this? And then I'm

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Speaker 4: leaving the party that night and she's standing by the door.

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Speaker 4: She takes a piece of paper, she writes her name

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Speaker 4: and the number on it and gives it to me

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Speaker 4: and say, call me if you're interested.

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Speaker 3: What's the part that he didn't tell his story.

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Speaker 4: I didn't know that part, and I don't believe I'm

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Speaker 4: not sure if I believe it, but go ahead.

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Speaker 6: So it was one of my sorority sisters and she

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Speaker 6: was actually dating a football player, and so I was

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Speaker 6: just like, oh, this is a party. We don't want

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Speaker 6: this party to be a disaster. So I don't want

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Speaker 6: this guy to have any show. But when I saw him,

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Speaker 6: now I saw him, he walked through the room, he

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Speaker 6: had his hat on.

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Speaker 5: I was like, yes, like cute.

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Speaker 6: But when I saw him go over to her, I said,

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Speaker 6: I don't even want this guy to get in this trouble,

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Speaker 6: so I'm gonna just go, you know.

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Speaker 2: So he was protect it. It was cute.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, let me just going to give it my

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Speaker 3: number too.

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Speaker 6: That was my way, my subtle way of saying, you know,

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Speaker 6: I'm saving, but I'm interested too.

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Speaker 4: To your credit, there were like the football players had

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Speaker 4: they were had like gotten into a couple of fights.

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Speaker 6: Yes, everything down, yeah, and so and I was and

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Speaker 6: I was fundraising. So like I think we threw the party.

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Speaker 6: So I probably like put the party on.

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Speaker 2: You know. She was the girl, still the girl I love.

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Speaker 4: And then later I'll tell you all all the stuff

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Speaker 4: after that, because that was really.

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Speaker 2: Didn't take me to call her like.

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Speaker 4: I actually called her the next week, but she gave me.

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Speaker 4: She told me her name and gave me the number.

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Speaker 4: So she said Mika. I thought she said to Mikat.

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Speaker 4: So when I called her dorm room, her roommate picked

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Speaker 4: up pet. I was like, hey, can I speak to Tamika.

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Speaker 4: I don't know Tamika lived here, And all she had

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Speaker 4: to say was so it was like months because she

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Speaker 4: didn't have my number, and that was back in the

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Speaker 4: day I'm about to date myself. It was no cell phone. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: so she now my number, so I had no way.

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Speaker 4: I was like, this girl did all this and gave

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Speaker 4: me a fake number. And literally we were at this

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Speaker 4: event months later, me and some of my fraternity brothers

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Speaker 4: and she just happened to be there. I was like,

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Speaker 4: you gave me a fake number. She's like, no, idea whatever.

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Speaker 4: So I kind of like reconnected after that.

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Speaker 2: I love it. I love it. So what was like

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Speaker 2: the courtship to Coven?

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Speaker 4: It like, yeah, so that was.

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Speaker 3: It was?

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Speaker 4: It was.

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Speaker 3: I think it was interesting because he was clear on

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Speaker 3: what he wanted.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that was pretty cool.

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Speaker 6: I was in the season where I had been raised

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Speaker 6: in church, but I was enjoying college. So I went

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Speaker 6: the Bible study on Wednesday night, church on Sunday.

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Speaker 5: But I lived life through the week.

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Speaker 3: Yes, And I think for him that people need to know.

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Speaker 5: So I went to the club.

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Speaker 2: I did all.

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Speaker 5: I did it all, but I love Jesus.

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Speaker 6: And so when we actually were talking, you were really clear,

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Speaker 6: and I think that even made me admire you even

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Speaker 6: the more and be attracted to you. You were clear, but

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Speaker 6: I don't think I was as clear.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you were you were, you were, you were, you

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Speaker 4: were figuring out. Let me tell you this. I think

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Speaker 4: the people need to know this. I think the people

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Speaker 4: need to No, no, no, I got you. I got you.

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Speaker 4: So we are I guess we're. We were talking, but

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Speaker 4: we hadn't defined the relationship. So we had talked for

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Speaker 4: a while before we defined the relationship right. And I'll

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Speaker 4: never forget this. This is how we went from just

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Speaker 4: talking to dating exclusively to courtship. This is how we

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Speaker 4: got the court shop. She literally she's getting ready to

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Speaker 4: go to this there's a school in Mississippi all Corn states,

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Speaker 4: so it's an HBCU. So she's getting ready to go

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Speaker 4: to this fraternity party or sorority party or something at

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Speaker 4: all Corn. I'm literally in my apartment in Jackson, Mississippi.

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Speaker 4: I get this call. She's like, hey, me and my

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Speaker 4: friends were going to all Corn tonight for this thing.

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Speaker 4: I was like, all right, no, you know, have a

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Speaker 4: good time whatever. She's like, but I need to ask

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Speaker 4: you something. She said, I need to know before I

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Speaker 4: go here. Am I taking? I was like. I was like,

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Speaker 4: I was like, are you taking? What are you saying?

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Speaker 4: She was like, well, I know when I go here

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Speaker 4: it's gonna be people here. Whatever. I just need to know,

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Speaker 4: am I taking? I was like, you taking, You'll take it.

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Speaker 4: You're absolutely taken. So that's how I know people. They

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Speaker 4: probably expected something way more romantic than that. But no,

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Speaker 4: it's something, and it's something. I believe this I teach,

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Speaker 4: and I think that sometimes stuff will stay in the

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Speaker 4: gray relationally if a person isn't assertive enough yeah, to

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Speaker 4: require a person to make a decision, you know what

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Speaker 4: I'm saying. So I just feel like she rushed me,

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Speaker 4: rush me, because it's like, yo, it's been some months, right,

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Speaker 4: but at this point you should know if you want

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Speaker 4: me or not in that way. And so I just

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Speaker 4: felt like I didn't feel pressure, but I realized like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I want this exclusively, so I made the decision.

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Speaker 2: Wow, I love that.

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Speaker 1: I think nowadays dating men are not They don't apply

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Speaker 1: the pressure.

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Speaker 2: Like they used to.

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Speaker 1: They don't you know, I don't. I go out and

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Speaker 1: men don't even come up to me really swear. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm intimidating. Some people say, oh,

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Speaker 1: I thought you had a man. You kind of carry

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Speaker 1: yourself like you already have someone. But I was thought

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Speaker 1: that when you thought that, you shouldn't be out here

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Speaker 1: loose and like you can pinpoint, oh, she's definitely single, right, So.

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Speaker 2: I was taught not to do that.

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Speaker 1: But it's like men do not They're not intentional. They

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Speaker 1: don't come to you say hey, like I would like

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Speaker 1: to say know you. It's always it's almost like they

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Speaker 1: want you to come up to them. And I don't

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Speaker 1: know if if bo genders are now like scared of rejection.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: We talk about that often when we're working with other

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Speaker 6: couples and when we're talking to singles, And I think

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Speaker 6: that is one of the things because even with him, honestly,

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Speaker 6: well you know, you.

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Speaker 3: Were trying to talk to somebody else, But honestly, I

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Speaker 3: don't know if he.

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Speaker 4: Wait a minute, time out. I wasn't trying to talk

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Speaker 4: to someone else.

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Speaker 2: Well, you were.

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Speaker 3: Sitting next to my sororities.

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Speaker 4: Oh you're right. I thought you meant when we were courted.

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Speaker 6: Initial meeting, But even with that, you were super casual

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Speaker 6: with it.

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Speaker 3: And so I don't know.

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Speaker 6: Some men may you know, not want to be rejected

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Speaker 6: or turned down, and so and people. I felt like,

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Speaker 6: at first we would tell the story, people would be like, well,

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Speaker 6: it says the Bible says, who findance a wife? So

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Speaker 6: you we went after him, And I'm like, well, I

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Speaker 6: feel like, if it's something that you're interested in, sometimes

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Speaker 6: you have to just kind.

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Speaker 5: Of put yourself out there.

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Speaker 6: Yes, why I did the piece of paper, and then

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Speaker 6: if he's interested, then he would you know.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but it wasn't. Yeah, I don't feel like she was.

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Speaker 4: I didn't feel like thirsty. I didn't feel any of that.

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Speaker 4: It was like her making sure I knew she was

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Speaker 4: interested exactly. And there are ways to do that. And

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Speaker 4: I mean, and guys know you know what I mean,

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Speaker 4: because guys can definitely tell when you're not giving us

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Speaker 4: I don't.

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Speaker 1: Know, because there's a few that don't.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, either like just don't read the room or can't

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Speaker 2: read like I'm not giving you any.

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Speaker 4: Place I don't Right, they could be persistent, though.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, no, don't go it all but the right one.

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Speaker 2: We wanted to fly all the questions, the pressure.

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Speaker 1: So yesterday in church, you said that you felt like

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Speaker 1: you were called to be his help mad Yes, at

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Speaker 1: what point did you I guess, like once you knew

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Speaker 1: that you guys were going to be together, at what

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Speaker 1: point you say, this is what I was called to do?

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Speaker 1: And what did he do to make you know that?

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Speaker 1: Because a lot of times I think when we look

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Speaker 1: for characteristics and actions and men to be like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: feel safe with this, and I'm put on nerve to

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Speaker 1: help this person?

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Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, what was it that?

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Speaker 4: So?

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Speaker 6: I think when we were dating, we always complimented each other,

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Speaker 6: but I think it actually took years into our marriage

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Speaker 6: where I actually adopted the mindset like I really was

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Speaker 6: created for Darius Daniels, because.

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Speaker 2: I feel like we're like a piece of a puzzle.

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Speaker 6: The places that maybe I had strengths, then you know,

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Speaker 6: we just compliment each other in that way. And I

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Speaker 6: remember I was going through my own healing journey where

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Speaker 6: I needed to be emotionally healthy. A lot of times

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Speaker 6: I got a lot of my worth and value out

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Speaker 6: of what I did and not necessarily who I was.

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Speaker 6: And so in that process I was able to start

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Speaker 6: learning who Shamika was.

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Speaker 3: And in that I'm like.

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Speaker 6: I am super created. Like God really created Shamika for Darius.

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Speaker 6: And I mean after that revelation, because it was so bad,

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Speaker 6: I would tell him, people would ask me like what

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Speaker 6: do you do? And when I would say I help

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Speaker 6: him in you know, helping with the business or helping with.

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Speaker 5: The church, like okay, well what do you do for you?

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Speaker 6: And I would feel some type of way And it's

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Speaker 6: just like, as I began to really process it, I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 6: I'm a everything I do I add value to I'm like, God.

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Speaker 5: Really brought me his life so that I can add value.

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Speaker 6: So I'm clear that whatever Darius says he wants to do,

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Speaker 6: where this jump over the moment, I am to help

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Speaker 6: him get there.

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Speaker 2: Can we take That's a real thing.

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Speaker 1: And I think a lot of times women they're not

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Speaker 1: sure if what their purpose is. For a man, I

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Speaker 1: think that definitely like shows your what you've shown her

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Speaker 1: because you made her feel safe and like to know that, Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is what I'm here for.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, I was doing this was and it

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Speaker 4: was it's a different kind of podcast, but it was.

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Speaker 4: It was men, right who And there's a couple of

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Speaker 4: guys and they have a slightly different view on gender

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Speaker 4: roles and particular nature, right, and so they were talking

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Speaker 4: about we started talking about like this idea of like helpmate,

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Speaker 4: and I feel like sometimes when people say that word,

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Speaker 4: at least at least in this context, they kind of

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Speaker 4: reduced helpmate to like domestic duties. Feel like, that's not

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Speaker 4: that's not what she does. So when she says helpmate,

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Speaker 4: it's not like she sweeps floors. It means that I

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Speaker 4: feel like I have a vision that is so robust

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Speaker 4: it requires gifts other than mine, and so I recognize

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Speaker 4: that those gifts are in her, and so she brings

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Speaker 4: to the vision the things I can't bring to the vision.

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Speaker 4: So she's helping me in that way, not just frying chicken.

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Speaker 4: And I think, and there's nothing against that at all, right,

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Speaker 4: but I think helpmate can mean different things to different people,

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Speaker 4: and I think it's important for people to have the

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Speaker 4: freedom to say, well, help make means for me. We're

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Speaker 4: about to build this empire together, yes, yeah, or help

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Speaker 4: make means for me. You know, I'm just gonna focus

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Speaker 4: on raising the children or whatever that is. But I

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Speaker 4: recognize that in her and straight up this is no

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Speaker 4: hyperpotly whether it's on whether it's what our business is

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Speaker 4: or what personal life or church, it wouldn't be what

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Speaker 4: it is if she had brought her gifts to the table.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, yeah, no, absolutely, just the fact I remember

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Speaker 1: the first y'all did the pop up in Atlanta.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and chadla Moore he performed my little brother. He

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Speaker 2: hit me and he was like, yo, sis, He's like,

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Speaker 2: y'all gotta come.

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Speaker 1: He said, I'm performing for or singing for Change Church

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Speaker 1: or do the pop up pull up. I was like,

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Speaker 1: all right, but love Chandler, like this kid has prayed

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Speaker 1: over me, like very prophetics, feel like he knows the

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Speaker 1: Lord was raised in the church.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, all right, cool, like I'll come.

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Speaker 1: So I came and I saw you walk in, and

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Speaker 1: you know, some people just have a presence. And I

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Speaker 1: was like and I never like literally had never watched you,

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Speaker 1: hadn't seen you. I just knew you were heard like

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Speaker 1: it was.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I was like, and I don't even remember this, but

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Speaker 1: she smiled at me, and I smiled like.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know what she recognized me, but.

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Speaker 1: You had that presence from the very first time. And

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Speaker 1: that's when I was sold. And I was so happy.

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Speaker 1: When you guys decided to come to Land, I was like,

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Speaker 1: they're really use that was that was a great, great night.

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Speaker 4: Lord.

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Speaker 2: I hope they don't go somewhere else, do populist somewhere?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I knew, like, yeah, you're right, Like it

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Speaker 1: couldn't be what it is without you.

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Speaker 5: And I just love what I do.

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Speaker 6: I feel like, from day one, whatever it is we've

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Speaker 6: done together, I've enjoyed doing it.

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Speaker 2: That's I love it.

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Speaker 1: When you guys were like first dating, what were some

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Speaker 1: of the boundaries that you put into place to get

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Speaker 1: this love that God intended?

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Speaker 2: Because you clearly have the love the way God intended.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like we learned a lot on by experimentation.

403
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Speaker 4: You know. I feel like both of my parents, Like

404
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Speaker 4: I was, I was texting my dad on the way here.

405
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Speaker 4: I was like, Yo, how long y'all been married? I

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Speaker 4: just wanted to because today it's her parents forty fifth anniversary.

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Speaker 4: That's crazy y'all been married and it's like their forty

408
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Speaker 4: fifth is in September.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: And so anyway, I'm like, man, they've been married a

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Speaker 4: long time. They got married young.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but.

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Speaker 4: I have no backstory, no guidance. I saw the marriage.

414
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Speaker 4: I saw nothing about the day.

415
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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 4: So a lot of that was just kind of experiment, Yeah,

417
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Speaker 4: how good are we? How okay do we need to

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Speaker 4: day in public? Like do we need to stay in

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Speaker 4: public or not? Like, Okay, can we netflix and chill

420
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Speaker 4: and chill? I don't know, I don't know. Yeah, It's

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Speaker 4: like we had we kind of like tried out. I

422
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Speaker 4: was like, okay, I don't know if we can chill

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Speaker 4: and chill?

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Speaker 6: Like me to a church, I'm going to say who

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Speaker 6: it was, Yeah, viable service for our first day.

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Speaker 4: No, no, no, that was Second Date. Was the movie

427
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Speaker 4: we watched. Remember that movie? Because I had to get

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Speaker 4: some balance balance in my life at that point. It

429
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Speaker 4: was it was a little weird, like yo, my pastor

430
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Speaker 4: college was like listen, she told me I went to

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Speaker 4: church for the day.

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Speaker 3: But you know what we did do is we submitted

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Speaker 3: to counsels.

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Speaker 6: Because he understood that guy had a calling on his

435
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Speaker 6: life early and we just kind of didn't know what

436
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Speaker 6: to do. And so we had a pastor there in

437
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Speaker 6: Mississippi where he talked to him like, hey, you know,

438
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Speaker 6: I'm interested in d Jamiica and we want to do

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00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 6: this the right way.

440
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:38,399
Speaker 2: So we were coached through.

441
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 4: That helped us. Yeah, we got we got coaching while

442
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:41,520
Speaker 4: we recorded.

443
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:46,080
Speaker 2: That's good and so that was for us.

444
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:46,400
Speaker 4: Yeah.

445
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 2: Wow, because a lot of people don't have it. We

446
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 2: are literally figuring it out and making mistakes.

447
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:53,440
Speaker 3: As I'm an advocate for that.

448
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 2: I love it. Wow, Oh my goodness.

449
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,159
Speaker 1: I wish a lot of people more people had the

450
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,439
Speaker 1: council while dating.

451
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,919
Speaker 2: You ly don't get the counsel to decide you'renna be married.

452
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, And like we come across from data,

453
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,120
Speaker 4: like one out of four couples who even get it

454
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 4: primarily find it effective because what most of them need

455
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:17,840
Speaker 4: as a couple if they're just starting off, is coaching.

456
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:22,399
Speaker 4: What they need individually is counseling. You see what I'm saying.

457
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:25,119
Speaker 4: So it's like we're doing marriage counselor it's like they

458
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 4: kind of have been married long enough to cause trauma

459
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,200
Speaker 4: to each other. Right, but they've gone through their own

460
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 4: trauma individually, and because of that, they need to do

461
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:36,440
Speaker 4: that individual work in therapy to get back to a baseline,

462
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,120
Speaker 4: and then unique coaching on how to actually bring those

463
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,639
Speaker 4: two lives together. And I just think, I don't know,

464
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,480
Speaker 4: I was broke. I was, you know, trying to figure

465
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,159
Speaker 4: it out when we were dating. But I was very clear,

466
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 4: like in terms of my vision for my life, and

467
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,920
Speaker 4: I knew because it's just some stuff I saw growing up,

468
00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 4: how bad relationships make it really hard have a good life. Yes,

469
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 4: So super early on, I was like, Yo, we need

470
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 4: some help with this because it's like I can't be

471
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 4: in my doing room, not able to go to class

472
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 4: because I'm crying over I got stuff to do. So

473
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 4: we got we got to make sure this is right.

474
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 4: So we kind of went. We went hard, we did earlier.

475
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 3: I expectations early on.

476
00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I was like I might be broke. Like

477
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:25,440
Speaker 4: it was like it was all of that, like can

478
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 4: you handle that? Could you could potentially make more money

479
00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 4: than me? Are you think less of me because of that?

480
00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 2: Yeah?

481
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 4: It was like that, And you.

482
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,600
Speaker 6: Talk to me about even what you expected of me,

483
00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 6: like you know, in a woman Okay, so that was interesting.

484
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 4: We just we just you just tell all of the businesses.

485
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,439
Speaker 4: It wasn't that she's referring to this one thing because

486
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,760
Speaker 4: she had like some sorority sisters that maybe manage their

487
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,520
Speaker 4: emotions a bit differently. So me, I just kind of

488
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 4: we were having a conversation. I was like, Hey, I'm

489
00:22:55,520 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 4: never going to raise my voice at you. You don't

490
00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 4: have to raise your voice at me. And then y'all

491
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 4: just went down the list. I'm never gonna cut your tires,

492
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 4: so I'm not gonna I didn't have a water bed.

493
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 4: But there was an instance where somebody, not herh somebody

494
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 4: cut somebody. I'm not gonna cut. So it was like

495
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,680
Speaker 4: it was that that's what she was reversed.

496
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,159
Speaker 6: But it was a lot of communication though, and so

497
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:25,800
Speaker 6: we did get to know each other. And that's one

498
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 6: of the things that we teach couples even when they're

499
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,160
Speaker 6: dating now that when you're dating, it's like the process

500
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 6: of gathering data. That's one of the things he always says,

501
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 6: dating means gathering data. When you get to the point

502
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 6: where you've gathered enough data and you feel like maybe

503
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:38,879
Speaker 6: they're the one, that's when.

504
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 3: You ask the question am I taking or not?

505
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 5: Are you ready for that?

506
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 6: So we did a really good job with just getting

507
00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:46,400
Speaker 6: to know each other and to gather data.

508
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 2: I think that's really important, getting to know each other.

509
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 1: And that's for me, Like when I do start dating

510
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 1: sort of getting to know someone, my main thing is

511
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 1: like I want to be their best friend, Like because

512
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:58,400
Speaker 1: the way I treat my best home guy r homeboy,

513
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,520
Speaker 1: Like I don't just know judgment, it's like I ride

514
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,880
Speaker 1: for you. I want that in a relationship as well,

515
00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:05,600
Speaker 1: you know, and if you don't take the time to

516
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,880
Speaker 1: cultivate that, it's not gonna work.

517
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,359
Speaker 4: Only best friends can keep vows.

518
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:12,960
Speaker 2: Wow, y'all can we say that again?

519
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,719
Speaker 4: Only best friends can love love. Being a lover alone

520
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 4: does not get you through better or worse, rich or poor,

521
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:21,240
Speaker 4: sickness and in health.

522
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:28,080
Speaker 2: Only best friends. Wow, that's good. That's a good nigga.

523
00:24:28,160 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 2: That's my takeaway already. I got my takeaway for this episode.

524
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:34,639
Speaker 2: What are like okay and dating for?

525
00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:37,439
Speaker 1: If you were giving advice to young women, what is

526
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:39,639
Speaker 1: something or that are green flags to give a woman?

527
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:41,359
Speaker 1: Because I know you have the spirit of discerning that

528
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:43,479
Speaker 1: our induition that guy has already given us. But what

529
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,280
Speaker 1: are some green flags for young men that they should

530
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 1: look for in women and that men should look for

531
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,919
Speaker 1: and or that, Yeah, to know, like if you were

532
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,600
Speaker 1: telling me, because like this is what these are things

533
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 1: you need to look for to know that this man

534
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 1: is like on the right.

535
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 2: These are green because you got red flags. You got

536
00:24:58,119 --> 00:24:58,719
Speaker 2: green flags?

537
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,399
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, do I run towards him?

538
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:02,879
Speaker 2: Or do I run away?

539
00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 4: So here would be a few things. I just did

540
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 4: this thing where it was like we joke about this.

541
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,040
Speaker 4: If I had a daughter.

542
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,399
Speaker 2: I've been following, Yeah, that's coming up to you.

543
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:16,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, be upset about that stuff. I would tell her.

544
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:18,800
Speaker 4: She would be on game like.

545
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 5: That.

546
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 2: That's what I got daughter.

547
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,280
Speaker 5: She's like watching, She's like, I got it.

548
00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:24,840
Speaker 4: I know what to do.

549
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 2: It's so good reals that you've been doing right.

550
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 4: So but anyway, like I would say, just a couple

551
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 4: of everybody, you got your you have your preferences. I

552
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 4: would say to a women, you got your preferences as

553
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 4: a woman, and so it's okay to have those preferences,

554
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,160
Speaker 4: but it's it's important to be clear on what your

555
00:25:44,200 --> 00:25:47,560
Speaker 4: standards are, right, and so standards not the ceiling, that's

556
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:50,920
Speaker 4: the floor. That's like yo, this is the least I'm

557
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 4: take you. Yeah, it's like, yeah, this is a non

558
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 4: negotiable and so your preferences can be negotiable, your standards

559
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:01,640
Speaker 4: shouldn't be and then the standards determine what inflex right.

560
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 4: So let's say, like I would you know, I would

561
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 4: say in terms of standard, if you're talking long term

562
00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 4: relationship with a man, you need to know is he responsible?

563
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 4: You know what I mean? Like, is he responsible? Not

564
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 4: just you know, is he a hard worker? Is he responsible?

565
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 4: Does that mean? Because that lets me know I can

566
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:25,360
Speaker 4: trust him. I mean, he's going to be responsible with business,

567
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 4: but he's also going to be responsible in his decisions

568
00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 4: because he knows how these decisions affect me. So I know,

569
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 4: certain decisions I make, it doesn't just affect me, It

570
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 4: affects her, It affects my kids. If I do something stupid,

571
00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 4: it affects my business, all those kinds of things. So

572
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 4: I would say responsible. It's going to be one two.

573
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 4: And this is what I'm not talking about emotionally. I'm

574
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 4: not talking about like being hyper emotional here, but empathy.

575
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,360
Speaker 2: Yes, if he.

576
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 4: Doesn't have empathy, he will never be able to meet

577
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,919
Speaker 4: your emotional needs. If not he's going to be judging

578
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:03,200
Speaker 4: your needs and you should feel that way or instead

579
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 4: of getting a sense of like what does this person

580
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:08,119
Speaker 4: actually need? Because we put it this way, it's like,

581
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 4: if you're not gonna be my relational needs, what you're

582
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,200
Speaker 4: telling me is you can only shop in one store,

583
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:14,880
Speaker 4: but I'm not gonna put what you need on the shelf.

584
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 4: So I'm gonna say responsible. It needs to have needs

585
00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 4: to be there, needs to be empathy. I think the

586
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:27,960
Speaker 4: person needs to have ethics. Yes, yeah, like they need

587
00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,160
Speaker 4: to have a standard. I don't want just a person

588
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 4: that won't lie to me.

589
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 5: I want a person that just don't lie period.

590
00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,800
Speaker 4: Yeah. So I like and I think those are probably

591
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 4: the top three.

592
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 6: And so I think if I was talking to a

593
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,399
Speaker 6: woman about all of this, I would first say, you

594
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 6: need to know what you want for you. I wish

595
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 6: I had known, which you know, God he strategically put

596
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 6: us together, But if I had known who Shamika was

597
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,119
Speaker 6: early on and what I needed, I felt like I

598
00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 6: could have communicated things differently with him and would have

599
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,240
Speaker 6: just giving us a jump start and in our relationship.

600
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 5: So I would probably first by.

601
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 6: Saying to any woman, know what you need, even on

602
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,920
Speaker 6: an emotional because I feel like we have this checklist.

603
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 6: You know, you got to have good credit, you gotta

604
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 6: have this much money in a bank, those type of things.

605
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,680
Speaker 6: But I'm like, let's think about emotionally what you need

606
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 6: to like, do you need someone that's going to affirm you?

607
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 6: Do you need someone that's going to be affectionate to you?

608
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,479
Speaker 6: And that way, when you have this emotional list too,

609
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,119
Speaker 6: as you're gathering data, you're asking the right type of

610
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,840
Speaker 6: questions and see if this is the right type of

611
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,600
Speaker 6: person for you. So I would kind of say your

612
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 6: list or your list has what it truly of what

613
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 6: you need, and then based off of that, I would say, okay,

614
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 6: these are green flags. So like, if I'm big on family,

615
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 6: then I'm asking questions during the dating process, how's your

616
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,560
Speaker 6: relationship with your family? What do y'all do during holidays?

617
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 6: So if this person is doing none of that and

618
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 6: they're not open to it, that's a real yes, right,

619
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:52,520
Speaker 6: So I would kind of gage it in that way.

620
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:53,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it.

621
00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 1: I love it because for me, like telling a business, now,

622
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 1: that's what you're for.

623
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 2: I really want to know my business.

624
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: So there recently I was my should we had as

625
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 1: a team of prayer and my realtor was there and

626
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:15,440
Speaker 1: she had posted me on her story and this young

627
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 1: woman had a dream that me and her brother got married,

628
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 1: and she she woke up and saw me on her

629
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 1: friend's store and she was like, do you know this girl?

630
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 1: She was like, I had a dream to her and

631
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,400
Speaker 1: my brother were together. So my friend she's like, let

632
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 1: me see what you look like. So she sends me

633
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,680
Speaker 1: everything is like Instagram, what you got to see the

634
00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,480
Speaker 1: perception first, So she's like, oh, yeah.

635
00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:34,840
Speaker 2: She's single.

636
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:38,600
Speaker 1: So then she sent it to me and she's like,

637
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 1: he's interested in you, and I was like, yeah, send

638
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 1: in my number. But yeah, and like we're talking and

639
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 1: have so many similarities and raised too. He was raised

640
00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 1: my pastors, so he's like he knows his sister's like,

641
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 1: don't let him feel you know the word too, And

642
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: I'm like okay. But it was a situation where like

643
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 1: he's like, y'all need to get back in church because

644
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 1: COVID really kind of got people used to just sitting

645
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,040
Speaker 1: at home watching it versus getting coming back in which

646
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,440
Speaker 1: is I love that we are back in church in

647
00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 1: the house, just with like minded people who are in alignment.

648
00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 2: But I'm looking wondering.

649
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 1: Like okay as I navigate this, because I'm like, okay, lord,

650
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: I just feel like this is my years from this.

651
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 2: I feel like I was bringing my husband, you know.

652
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 1: And people like kind of like when I bought this house,

653
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: they were like, why are you buying this house? Like

654
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 1: you're never going to find a man, like like it

655
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 1: was gonna be intimidating for someone else.

656
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:30,720
Speaker 2: And I was like, well, I'm forty.

657
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,000
Speaker 1: I'm not going to keep waiting on him to come,

658
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:34,600
Speaker 1: like if he don't ever come, I'm gonna live where

659
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: I want to exactly. And so as I navigate this water,

660
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 1: so if you could tell me as little sis and

661
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 1: that it's not that we're not that far apart.

662
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:45,520
Speaker 2: But like.

663
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,960
Speaker 1: Little sis, because I noticed you're doing the what I

664
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 1: would tell my daughter as I'm navigating this, because I

665
00:30:54,800 --> 00:31:00,840
Speaker 1: aesthetically this man is fine, yes for fine, And I'm like,

666
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 1: come on, lord, yes, and we have so many similarities

667
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:06,640
Speaker 1: and we're gonna get continue to get to know each other.

668
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 1: But as I navigate this, what would you tell me?

669
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,640
Speaker 1: Like it's just his advice, like hey, sis, this is

670
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,480
Speaker 1: what you should do, if this is why you really

671
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:14,400
Speaker 1: like this is how you should like navigate this.

672
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I would. I would tell you let

673
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 4: me keep it a buck, right, Yeah, okay, listen, I

674
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 4: would say, I want you to be super clear on

675
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:45,080
Speaker 4: what you feel like you have to have in a

676
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 4: relationship to be fulfilled, and whether or not he is

677
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 4: actually demonstrating some of that versus whether or not you

678
00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:07,040
Speaker 4: are falling for what might just be potential.

679
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:08,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good.

680
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,800
Speaker 4: I think you should see potential, But you don't fall

681
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 4: in love with right, You need to you want to

682
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 4: fall in love with the and so. And when I'm

683
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,360
Speaker 4: talking about potential, I'm not talking about like career or

684
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 4: anything like that. Of course it takes time, but like

685
00:32:25,720 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 4: how do we put it? We put it so it's

686
00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 4: like your needs need to automatically be his values. So

687
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 4: for example, if she needs affirmation, I need to value affirment.

688
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 4: That way is always going to be organic for me

689
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 4: and it's not going to be something I have to

690
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 4: put on and she is not going to have to

691
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:54,400
Speaker 4: live with wondering am I gonna get it this week?

692
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:58,480
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. So I don't know what

693
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:02,240
Speaker 4: I think those needs are different for everybody, Like, yo,

694
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 4: what what do I really need in a relationship? And

695
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,600
Speaker 4: then when I look at him, it's like, does he

696
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 4: just kind of do that automatically? And if so, I

697
00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:11,320
Speaker 4: would be like, Yeah, that's a that's a that's a proceed,

698
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:14,840
Speaker 4: that's a dream. And if it's not there yet, it

699
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 4: doesn't mean it's a red light. It's just me it's

700
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 4: a yellow light, right, Yeah, is he gonna have to

701
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 4: Is he gonna have to to try to do this?

702
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 4: Of course he's gonna have to learn how to do

703
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 4: it the way you need it. Yeah, but he's got

704
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,040
Speaker 4: a value and then it will be organic and automatic.

705
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 4: That's that's to me, that's the most.

706
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,600
Speaker 6: Important, and that's what's helped us because we and we

707
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 6: talk about this, we do check in, So we believe

708
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,160
Speaker 6: in doing check ins often just to see how we're

709
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:41,960
Speaker 6: doing with our needs, like emotionally, how you're doing. But

710
00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 6: then even I believe in when I'm working with couples,

711
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,200
Speaker 6: I tell him like every quarter, like our lives are

712
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 6: changing so much.

713
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 5: As we we get halfway.

714
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 6: Through the year, we want something totally different, right, affirm

715
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 6: my life. I feel like I need more more affection

716
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,719
Speaker 6: in this season. That's what I tell him, and so

717
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:06,960
Speaker 6: we kind of I believe, like every quarter, do a

718
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 6: whole check in, talk about really what it is that

719
00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:10,480
Speaker 6: you need just.

720
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 3: In this moment.

721
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 6: You may be dealing with things or going through shows

722
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:14,759
Speaker 6: and you might just need a little more affection or

723
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:17,360
Speaker 6: a little more affirmation. So I'm big on doing the

724
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 6: check ins. And this is all a part of communication,

725
00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,960
Speaker 6: and it's going to even help the relationship even the more.

726
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:26,160
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, now you spoke on something about basic kind

727
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:27,839
Speaker 1: of loving each other the way you need to be loved.

728
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,759
Speaker 1: Did that all come from communicating just basic communication like

729
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 1: this is what I need?

730
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:34,440
Speaker 2: Or was that trial and error? Like did you?

731
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:37,280
Speaker 1: Were you ever not getting what you needed and like

732
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 1: like hey, this is what I need?

733
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:41,680
Speaker 4: Right, Yes, it's all the time.

734
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:43,480
Speaker 5: And I think it's because we didn't know like a

735
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 5: lot of this stuff. We had to teach ourselves.

736
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 6: So, yes, we had somebody that coached us in the dating,

737
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 6: but once we jumped in the marriage, we were twenty two.

738
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, young, Yeah, we were young.

739
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, so at that age you don't know you enough. Well,

740
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 4: we didn't know us. We didn't know us enough to

741
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 4: be able to even articulate to another person what we need,

742
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 4: which and I know this sounds easy for us to say,

743
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:13,640
Speaker 4: but I wish people would trust us a little bit

744
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:15,839
Speaker 4: more when we say this, when people feel like, yo,

745
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 4: I'm so behind schedule and I wish I would be

746
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:22,440
Speaker 4: married about now, and I'm just like, your experience is

747
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 4: going to be so much better because all the years

748
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:31,080
Speaker 4: we spent getting to know ourselves, it was also years

749
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,839
Speaker 4: we spent doing some damage to each other that we

750
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:38,920
Speaker 4: had to heal right, and that that can be really

751
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,960
Speaker 4: it could be really tough. And when a person is

752
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 4: a little bit older and they've done the work and

753
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,720
Speaker 4: they know who they are, they know what they need,

754
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 4: you start light years ahead of where we've actually started.

755
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:56,400
Speaker 4: Anything more blissful, and your relationship can be like a

756
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:00,319
Speaker 4: like an airplane takeoff as opposed to a roller coaster

757
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 4: when you do it. When we did it, it was

758
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 4: like it's a roller coaster ups and downs because there's

759
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 4: some things we just didn't know about each other. So

760
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:12,279
Speaker 4: there's some experimentation and then there's like some honest conversations.

761
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:13,759
Speaker 4: So like, we've been working on this thing we call

762
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:14,880
Speaker 4: it relationships on censor.

763
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm ready to get it. In relationships, I can.

764
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 4: But it's like couples, and I think, yeah, our lean

765
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 4: is like yo, not uncensored in terms of hurting each other,

766
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:32,320
Speaker 4: but you gotta be usensory area. So like those check ins,

767
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:35,440
Speaker 4: it's like it's not brutal, but it's just like yo,

768
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:37,759
Speaker 4: we say like instead of saying how am I doing,

769
00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:40,720
Speaker 4: it's like how we say your emotions are like cups?

770
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:42,320
Speaker 4: How your cups?

771
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 5: As I love.

772
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:47,880
Speaker 4: My affirmation cup is a little low, but you gotta

773
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,760
Speaker 4: if it's low, she's got to say it's low instead

774
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:54,759
Speaker 4: of trying to spare my feelings. Relationship, so we just

775
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,560
Speaker 4: I feel like the unsensored communication is the is the

776
00:36:57,640 --> 00:36:59,839
Speaker 4: key that's helped us so much.

777
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 6: So and then I know for us too, because we

778
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:04,000
Speaker 6: were so young, we had to read a lot. We

779
00:37:04,040 --> 00:37:06,719
Speaker 6: have read so much material and it was taken it

780
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 6: and tried this with one person said what somebody else saying?

781
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:12,000
Speaker 5: So now get a combination, right, I'm.

782
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:15,200
Speaker 2: The same way. All these type of relationship books I have.

783
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: It's crazy, like I've read books like it was one

784
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:21,239
Speaker 1: book that like how to get a man or so

785
00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 1: how to keep from like all these things women should do.

786
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,360
Speaker 2: I've read. I've read The Weight, I've read every single

787
00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:27,880
Speaker 2: book that I.

788
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 1: Can tell me in different ways how to keep from me,

789
00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 1: and I will, like I feel like turning forty, there

790
00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,359
Speaker 1: was times in my thirties I felt like I was

791
00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: behind the mark, like career was going great, and I

792
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,759
Speaker 1: look around, like, Lord, I have everything I want.

793
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 2: Where is the love? You know? And like, I know

794
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:46,440
Speaker 2: I have love in me.

795
00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: I give it to everybody that I'm around, But where

796
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,959
Speaker 1: is my person? And there are times where I would

797
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 1: get discouraged, Like I would walk into my room and

798
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: all the pillows been lined up on one side of

799
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: the bed where somebody else should be, and I'm just like,

800
00:37:58,239 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 1: is this my life right?

801
00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:00,360
Speaker 4: You know?

802
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,080
Speaker 2: And it gets discouraging, it really does.

803
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 1: And I think now once I hit forty, I hit

804
00:38:06,560 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 1: a place where clarity. I'm talking about extreme clarity and

805
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:15,359
Speaker 1: what I want in therapy, healing and unlearning a lot

806
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 1: of things. And I think, now I'm realizing, I know

807
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 1: everything's in God's timing, but it's also knowing like you're

808
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:24,960
Speaker 1: saying you've learned, you have learned so much and be

809
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 1: a lot of years ahead when you are a little

810
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 1: late to the game, or if you think you're gonna

811
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,759
Speaker 1: be right on time, and even with my crow, like

812
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:33,319
Speaker 1: I know how I am. Like, Guy's like, no, you

813
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 1: need to focus on this right now because I know

814
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 1: if I bring somebody in, you're gonna be a.

815
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:40,759
Speaker 2: Little distracted, because that's like what you need.

816
00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 1: I never want my person to feel neglected, like and

817
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 1: I put a lot of other things back.

818
00:38:46,000 --> 00:38:47,839
Speaker 2: To make sure they're good right right right now.

819
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 1: So I feel like a part of that is because

820
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:52,399
Speaker 1: he knows the right time.

821
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 2: But I feel like the time is coming. I feel

822
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:59,400
Speaker 2: like it's drawing here time. It's been an amazing start.

823
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 2: And even my manager, Donor, she was just like she

824
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:03,880
Speaker 2: said it was something at the top of the year.

825
00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 2: I just feel it.

826
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 1: She was like, this is going to be an incredible

827
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 1: year for you, and she was like, I feel you're

828
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 1: gonna find your husband, like business, everything's.

829
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 2: Just going to like explode. And I feel that too.

830
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 1: It's off to a great start, but I'm still trying

831
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: to like figure out this whole dating thing and trying

832
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 1: to like it down.

833
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:24,840
Speaker 6: I think what I would probably say is so with

834
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:27,400
Speaker 6: the data, yes, you're learning each other, you're gathering data.

835
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 6: But I think when I had the revelation of and

836
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 6: it's some of the stuff we probably read, and it's

837
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 6: in scriptures, how it talks about a husband and wife,

838
00:39:34,080 --> 00:39:35,920
Speaker 6: how you're supposed to meet each other's needs when we

839
00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:39,800
Speaker 6: start leaning into communication first and learning each other's needs.

840
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 6: And so my number one goal is to meet his

841
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 6: needs and his his mine. I felt like it just

842
00:39:44,239 --> 00:39:46,000
Speaker 6: did something new for our relationship.

843
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

844
00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 2: I love it.

845
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 1: I want to know for you, guys, what is like

846
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:53,120
Speaker 1: the definition of love the way God into it for

847
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 1: you too?

848
00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:58,680
Speaker 4: So for me, it's going to be a couple of things.

849
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 4: And well, let me tell you what I mean, what

850
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 4: I think about when you say that, right, I think

851
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 4: about this. The creator of a thing knows how to

852
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 4: get the best out of it. So because for me,

853
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,080
Speaker 4: this whole idea of love and relationships is God's idea.

854
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,839
Speaker 4: Doing it his way. Isn't just about Yo, I want

855
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:21,799
Speaker 4: to do this because it's right unquote right in the sense,

856
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:24,200
Speaker 4: but like I want to do it this way because

857
00:40:24,239 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 4: it's wise. It just makes sense to listen to the

858
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:30,840
Speaker 4: person that kind of created it, you know. And so

859
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 4: for me what that means practically, And I know people

860
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 4: some people have a problem with this, but it's like

861
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:42,919
Speaker 4: some people talk about like the term servant leadership. It's

862
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,880
Speaker 4: like for me with my wife, is I'm a servant

863
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:51,480
Speaker 4: lover and by that is, what are the relational needs

864
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 4: that God intended to be met in the context of marriage?

865
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:01,799
Speaker 4: There are like, there are certain things that only I

866
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 4: can do emotionally and relationally for her. Yes, and so

867
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 4: saying part of my job as a husband is to

868
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:12,759
Speaker 4: do those things. Yeah, that is like, Yo, that is

869
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:17,240
Speaker 4: love God's way. This is love is he intended?

870
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:17,880
Speaker 2: Absolutely?

871
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:19,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's a I mean, I said a couple

872
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 4: of things, but you know, I'm a speaker, so I go,

873
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:22,879
Speaker 4: I say too much.

874
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 2: So that's so good. That's good.

875
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:26,920
Speaker 6: And I would ded all that because it goes all

876
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:29,479
Speaker 6: back to the scriptures where in marriage it talks about

877
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:32,560
Speaker 6: a husband is supposed to satisfy his wife and vice

878
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 6: versa wife satisfy her husband. So that's I believe if

879
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 6: you meet each other's needs, you keep God in the

880
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 6: foundation as a foundation, then I believe the marriage can

881
00:41:39,719 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 6: be everything that God has called it to be.

882
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:43,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you feel like love the way God

883
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,719
Speaker 1: intended in a dating pace for people who aren't married yet.

884
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:52,800
Speaker 4: Yep, So a couple of things. So one is obviously

885
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 4: the it's the gathering the data, and that is Okay,

886
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,880
Speaker 4: what are my standards and what are my needs? And

887
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:02,399
Speaker 4: do I feel like this person meets them organically? Now,

888
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:05,920
Speaker 4: once that's taking place, it's about to be a little controversial. Okay,

889
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 4: We're about to get a little controversial once you kind

890
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 4: of feel like I got a green light here, and

891
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:14,240
Speaker 4: when I say green light, meaning okay, I feel safe

892
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 4: investing fully emotionally. I don't think you should be reckless emotionally,

893
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,400
Speaker 4: but like, okay, I'm going all in emotionally here. I

894
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 4: feel like the same patterns and not the same but

895
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 4: similar the similar way you would serve relational needs when

896
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 4: you married, you practice that when you're dating, right, Yeah,

897
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 4: so I think it's just that I know it is. Yeah,

898
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 4: that's controversial. Wait a minute, so I'm not saying everything right,

899
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 4: of course, there are certain things that should be reserved

900
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 4: for marriage. Yet at the same time, it's like, I you,

901
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:52,120
Speaker 4: so you're gonna wait until the ring before you practice

902
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 4: meeting her needs? You know what I mean? Like, you're

903
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:59,080
Speaker 4: gonna wait because I know you think when you say

904
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 4: I do, you can just the switch and it takes

905
00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 4: it to another level and it's like no, not really.

906
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 4: So I believe it's kind of like dating is great practice,

907
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,319
Speaker 4: and it's not just if it's loved God's way, then

908
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,319
Speaker 4: it can show up in the dating phase and in

909
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 4: the marriage phase.

910
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,279
Speaker 2: Thank you guys so much. We are going to get

911
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 2: to the part of the show where we.

912
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 1: Have positive outcomes and this is where the fans write

913
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 1: in and we kind.

914
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:30,200
Speaker 2: Of give them advice.

915
00:43:30,880 --> 00:43:34,160
Speaker 1: So this one says, I've had a boyfriend for five years.

916
00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 2: We live together and have a child together.

917
00:43:36,440 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: I'm having a hard time deciding whether or not we

918
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:41,440
Speaker 1: should be together because we're five years in with a

919
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: baby and he has not proposed.

920
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 2: We've talked about marriage.

921
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:47,400
Speaker 1: He says he wants to be married, but he's not

922
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: ready because he wants to make sure we're financially secure

923
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,319
Speaker 1: before doing So what should I do?

924
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 2: We really just kind of tech it. We really just

925
00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:56,319
Speaker 2: talked about this.

926
00:43:57,640 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 4: You know, if I was talking to her, one of

927
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 4: the things I would tell it is like, I want

928
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:05,280
Speaker 4: you to give your self permission to define too long.

929
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:08,319
Speaker 1: For you, because nobody can define that.

930
00:44:09,640 --> 00:44:12,759
Speaker 4: You know what season of life you're in, you know

931
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:15,200
Speaker 4: the kind of investment that you've made in the relationship,

932
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:18,359
Speaker 4: and how you try to show yourself to be a

933
00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 4: person that wants to spend the rest of your life

934
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:25,040
Speaker 4: with this person, and at some point you have to decide,

935
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:28,960
Speaker 4: you have to accept that I can't control another person.

936
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 4: The only person I can control is me, And you

937
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 4: have to set a boundary because I don't know if

938
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 4: there's anything she can do besides assuring him that money's

939
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:45,640
Speaker 4: not an issue for her to make him change his mind.

940
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 4: So if I had a daughter, I would tell her.

941
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:52,760
Speaker 4: I wouldn't say give it another year, give it two years.

942
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 4: I was like, when you feel like you've had enough,

943
00:44:57,200 --> 00:45:00,359
Speaker 4: then that's the right time, like.

944
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 1: Put on you what their talent is, like why are

945
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,520
Speaker 1: you Like I'm sure her friends may be like, girl,

946
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 1: why are you still with him? Or why are you

947
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:08,440
Speaker 1: waiting this long? But that's their timeline that may not

948
00:45:08,520 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 1: be hers. And I feel like society and our peers

949
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,520
Speaker 1: put that pressure on us to like, oh, then you

950
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,200
Speaker 1: start pressuring your guy, like, so, what are you gonna

951
00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 1: do this? Because I'm embarrassed because everybody else thinks we

952
00:45:18,239 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 1: should have done this by now.

953
00:45:19,320 --> 00:45:19,400
Speaker 2: Right.

954
00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, so that's good.

955
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:22,239
Speaker 2: How do you feel about that?

956
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:22,800
Speaker 1: No?

957
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 6: No, so I do agree. I believe that she does

958
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 6: have to set her own boundaries. But I know also

959
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 6: sometimes with guys, they want to get it because we're

960
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:34,920
Speaker 6: portraying this lifestyle that we want to live and they

961
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 6: feel like they have to have enough to.

962
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 4: Keep up with it.

963
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:39,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, So in assuring him, I would assure him and

964
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 6: I would live in that way to show right now

965
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 6: like I'm good, I just want you and we don't

966
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 6: have to ever have anything else, and I'm good. But

967
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 6: I would make sure that I'm living that as well

968
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 6: if that's the true issue, because that might not be.

969
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 2: The true issue.

970
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, A lot of times I don't feel like women

971
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 4: are putting that pressure. Sometimes they are, but a lot

972
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 4: of times you've been with them five years, you probably

973
00:45:57,680 --> 00:45:59,919
Speaker 4: not putting that kind of pressure on them monetarily. But ma'am,

974
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 4: we do put that pressure on ourselves.

975
00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:05,520
Speaker 5: Okay.

976
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 1: So we are coming to the clothes, and we like

977
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:11,799
Speaker 1: to end it with keep it blank, sweety, and you

978
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 1: fill in the blank with something that resonated from the podcast.

979
00:46:15,760 --> 00:46:19,520
Speaker 1: So I'll start with let me see because there's so

980
00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:27,680
Speaker 1: many nuggets. Good Lord, I would say, keep it honest, sweety,

981
00:46:28,040 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 1: Keep it honest, because you have to be honest with

982
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:30,000
Speaker 1: each other.

983
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:34,240
Speaker 6: Yeah, So that's what I was gonna say.

984
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 3: I can come up with a couple more.

985
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:40,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm gonna say, I don't know, y'all gonna wonder

986
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 4: where I got this this one from. Yeah. No, but

987
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 4: I mean it. I mean it. I'm gonna say, keep

988
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:49,439
Speaker 4: it spicy, sweet, I like it. Yeah, I think, Yeah,

989
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 4: I think some of the conversations need to be edgy.

990
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 4: I mean, keep it uncensored. I mean spicy in the

991
00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:03,000
Speaker 4: sense that things that you are feeling that are positive

992
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 4: and passionate, articulating those things. Yeah. And I'm just speaking

993
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:11,839
Speaker 4: from a man's perspective, because the thirty year old man

994
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:14,959
Speaker 4: still need to hear with a three year old boy,

995
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,440
Speaker 4: Oh you know how you three year old boys like,

996
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:19,800
Speaker 4: look at your look at the muscles, and he starts

997
00:47:19,800 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 4: flexing his muscles. It affects the thirty year old man

998
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 4: the same way he just done visibly flex He's flexing internally.

999
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 4: So he needs to hear those things. So she will

1000
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:30,799
Speaker 4: do that. So I walk in the room and she'll

1001
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:31,719
Speaker 4: make a noise.

1002
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,840
Speaker 7: You know sometimes like it will be at church, and

1003
00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:41,800
Speaker 7: I'm like, wait, you know what I mean? Yeah, Yeah,

1004
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:44,680
Speaker 7: I'm like, we need that.

1005
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 4: That's spicy.

1006
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:47,839
Speaker 2: I love it.

1007
00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:50,360
Speaker 6: I would probably say so, I really want to say honest,

1008
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:51,920
Speaker 6: but I will say keep it real, and I will

1009
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 6: say real within you, like, you need to know what

1010
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:56,319
Speaker 6: you want and be able to communicate what you want.

1011
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 6: And so I think if you're being honest and real

1012
00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:00,640
Speaker 6: in the relationship, then it's gonna it's going to just

1013
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,839
Speaker 6: help so many different things. And I think when we

1014
00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:05,839
Speaker 6: start being something else other than who we truly are,

1015
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:07,439
Speaker 6: then that's where everything goes left.

1016
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:08,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good.

1017
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,120
Speaker 1: So we want you guys to keep it honest, keep

1018
00:48:11,160 --> 00:48:14,560
Speaker 1: it real, and keep it spicy.

1019
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:16,680
Speaker 2: That's so good. I love it.

1020
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:18,799
Speaker 1: So I just want to thank you guys so much

1021
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:21,120
Speaker 1: for coming and thank you guys for tuning in. I

1022
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:24,439
Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed this episode of Keep it Positive, Sweetie.

1023
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:26,600
Speaker 2: And make sure you guys continue to keep it positive.

1024
00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:28,319
Speaker 1: I love you, guys, and I hope you got so

1025
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:29,919
Speaker 1: much out of this as I did.

1026
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:32,960
Speaker 2: You