WEBVTT - Relationship Rage

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Rage Pod. I'm here with the Tara ericson,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm here with e Bar and of course we are

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<v Speaker 1>joined by Wendy, our incredible producer who loves helicopters.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah she does. She's a little obsessed. We're trying to

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<v Speaker 2>get her to move off into another signal, but it

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<v Speaker 2>hasn't worked.

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<v Speaker 1>No. No, I'm into trains. Everyone knows that, which just

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<v Speaker 1>basically means what am I on the spectrum?

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<v Speaker 2>You really are.

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<v Speaker 1>Like you like me because I love trains.

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<v Speaker 2>But Ebar, you have convinced me, and like, let's just

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<v Speaker 2>talk about we got to talk about what we're raging

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<v Speaker 2>this week. I'm not trying to get a copter again.

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<v Speaker 2>But I'm telling you right now that you have asked

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<v Speaker 2>me several times to go to the train on at

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<v Speaker 2>in Los FiOS and it is fun as hell, but

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<v Speaker 2>you are dedicated to it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. So also though that trained to be fair, there's

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<v Speaker 1>like miniature sets.

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<v Speaker 2>I know I love decently.

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<v Speaker 1>That's what I'm saying. How are you not like over

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<v Speaker 1>the moon for it?

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<v Speaker 2>I do? I do love it, just I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>You're a train gal. I am a train girl, and like,

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<v Speaker 2>just in case nobody knew it like she's a train gal.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna tell you right now. Flight lost power on

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<v Speaker 1>landing this past week. It's just another another town to

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<v Speaker 1>go to the train and the train on the train side.

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<v Speaker 2>Just so you know, she looked up how much it

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<v Speaker 2>would be to buy a caboost from a train and

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<v Speaker 2>hook it on to a train, like legitimately, she looked

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<v Speaker 2>up how much it would be. So when I am

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<v Speaker 2>saying she is a trained girl, I am not joking. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>she spent her real time on that.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I told Bend to do it, but I did.

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<v Speaker 1>I looked up the general ideas of it, and then

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, oh you can do that. Can you

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<v Speaker 1>figure out how much it costs?

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<v Speaker 2>All right? So what do you think about?

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<v Speaker 1>That's a good uh theme connector anyway, So yeah, let's

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<v Speaker 1>talk let's jump into relationship rage.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we want to talk about three stages of love

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<v Speaker 2>because e Bar is in an eleven year relationship with

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<v Speaker 2>speaking of tortoises and a long long She's been together

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<v Speaker 2>with her partner for a long time. Wendy's in a

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<v Speaker 2>long distance one, but it's only been about a year

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<v Speaker 2>and a half and I'm a year and a.

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<v Speaker 1>Half No, we're coming up on a year because it

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<v Speaker 1>was a year. Yeah, because July fourth, they met July fourth. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I will never forget.

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<v Speaker 2>That's right, that's my bad.

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<v Speaker 1>I never forget for some. Never forget for some is

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<v Speaker 1>nine to eleven. For me, it's her, it's her relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>And I am in a very newly dating someone, so

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<v Speaker 2>I don't I don't have as much juice as you guys,

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<v Speaker 2>But we wanted to talk about, like what makes relationship work?

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<v Speaker 2>So what do you think actually makes that work? Years? Like,

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<v Speaker 2>in my head, I'm gonna be honest with you, bar.

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<v Speaker 1>You didn't think we'd make it. I get it, and

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<v Speaker 1>that's fine. I totally support that, not that hypothy.

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<v Speaker 2>I think anyone who tells me they've been in a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship for eleven years or more or even like eight, I'm.

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<v Speaker 1>Like, how well, okay, first starters. And I would love

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<v Speaker 1>to hear too Wendy's thoughts on her relationship because she's,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, nearing a year and I think this applies

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<v Speaker 1>to that as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I tell all my friends when we get on the

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<v Speaker 1>topic of like matching with people, I think you really

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<v Speaker 1>have to know what you can live with and what

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<v Speaker 1>you can live without, like really know what are your

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<v Speaker 1>priorities and not just like the resume of like what's

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<v Speaker 1>their job? You know, what's there? You know, just straight

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<v Speaker 1>up what's their like DNA creds. Obviously, attraction is something

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<v Speaker 1>that you have to have, but beyond that, I knew

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<v Speaker 1>that I needed to feel seen in a real way.

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<v Speaker 2>Yep.

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<v Speaker 1>I needed to be with someone that I could communicate

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<v Speaker 1>with in a lot of different ways, and unfortunately for me,

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<v Speaker 1>those trumped financial security and abundance. Ben totally gets me

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<v Speaker 1>on so many like he gets me as a person,

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<v Speaker 1>but he also gets me as an artist.

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<v Speaker 2>For that to work, and you're to say that you

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<v Speaker 2>felt safe, you felt seen all of that, what did

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<v Speaker 2>he do specifically, what does he still do that makes

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<v Speaker 2>that work? Because eleven years I'm thinking, like I'll just

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<v Speaker 2>be honest, and I think this about a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>people were married, Like I haven't lived with someone since

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<v Speaker 2>my early twenties, right, I was in a five and

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<v Speaker 2>a half year relationship. It was great, No, that was

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<v Speaker 2>like terrible, but like there was a lack there, uh,

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<v Speaker 2>like you kind of get over it. And again, I

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<v Speaker 2>was in my twenties, so I was a different person,

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<v Speaker 2>but I think like there's probably like a lack of

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<v Speaker 2>like sex or intimacy, Like you get tired of them.

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<v Speaker 2>They're in your face every day. You got to live

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<v Speaker 2>with them, and then you got to raise kids. Like,

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<v Speaker 2>I just think it's got to be hard to find

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<v Speaker 2>the romance, right, Sure, Sure, I.

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<v Speaker 1>Mean I think just straight up by like logistics alone. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>being pulled in that many directions, like sort of the

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<v Speaker 1>emotional and mental real estate of having to do so

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<v Speaker 1>many things, there's no way that you're going to be

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<v Speaker 1>able to maintain like the freedom of intimacy that you

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<v Speaker 1>have when you're in your twenties and you have zero responsibilities, right,

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<v Speaker 1>that you do when you've both got jobs and kids

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<v Speaker 1>and taxes, a mortgage and a mortgage and now like

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<v Speaker 1>filling up your car with gas, huge responsibility and obstacle

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<v Speaker 1>to overcome. So well, I can be the ugliest version

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<v Speaker 1>of myself around Ben, and Ben can be the ugliest

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<v Speaker 1>version of himself around me, and I have a complete

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<v Speaker 1>trust that he still loves me and is an attract

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<v Speaker 1>and is attracted to me. That's great even in those moments,

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<v Speaker 1>or maybe not in that moment, but afterwards. Sure, And

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<v Speaker 1>that was a big like signifier for me because in

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<v Speaker 1>previous dating situations or relationships, if somebody had done something

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<v Speaker 1>that was really ugly and cringey to me, it was

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<v Speaker 1>hard to rebound, Like it was hard to come back

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<v Speaker 1>to like, oh, I ever want to see you without

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<v Speaker 1>your shirt on again? You know right?

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<v Speaker 2>Like you mean you got the ick and you couldn't

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<v Speaker 2>come back, couldn't come Yeah? Yeah, and you feel like

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<v Speaker 2>you have you ever gotten the ick with them? I've

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<v Speaker 2>come back with it, but yeah, you have come back

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<v Speaker 2>with it because like what would be the number one thing?

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<v Speaker 2>And then I'm gonna come to you, Wendy that bade

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<v Speaker 2>you go? I saw the yick, but there's it. I

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<v Speaker 2>brush you away. But it's it's something that he's doing right,

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<v Speaker 2>because it once we get to itck, that's hard to

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<v Speaker 2>get it out.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not an ongoing dick. If it was an ongoing dick,

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<v Speaker 1>that would be really really hard. There was just some

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<v Speaker 1>like moments. But I remember there was a wedding that

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<v Speaker 1>we went to and he got like really really drunk,

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<v Speaker 1>and like I just was like, I won't do it.

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<v Speaker 1>I won't do it again. I will not do that.

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<v Speaker 1>Like and I know for some people they'd be able to.

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<v Speaker 1>I just was like, I'm so turned off by you

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<v Speaker 1>on this night. You're too much. You've drank too much,

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<v Speaker 1>and you're too fucking much.

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<v Speaker 2>Yep.

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<v Speaker 1>And I literally told him that the next day in

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<v Speaker 1>the most psychopathically calm way and tone, like, Hey, so

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<v Speaker 1>just you know, like I'm not going to do this again.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, you have to just had a boundary, because

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<v Speaker 2>it's like I have friends like that. I've been in

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<v Speaker 2>those where you see that other side of that person.

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<v Speaker 2>You're like, I am not attracted to that person at all.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't even really want to be like half your

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<v Speaker 2>friend right now. Yeah, this is too much.

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<v Speaker 1>Not like I was hurt by you. I'm grossed out

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<v Speaker 1>by you.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, it's like major dick, I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>who you are.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah. And then he I mean, and this is

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<v Speaker 1>probably the other side of like how do you keep

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<v Speaker 1>things going? He is such a communicator and I am

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<v Speaker 1>such a communicator that we can have those conversations and

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<v Speaker 1>we can actually implement changes.

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<v Speaker 2>Right.

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<v Speaker 1>It doesn't mean that we don't fall and we don't

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<v Speaker 1>like set ourselves back. Yeah, we're very flawed, but just

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<v Speaker 1>the fact that he can course correct and wants to right,

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<v Speaker 1>that's the work, right, Like we always hear relationships or

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<v Speaker 1>work what does that mean? And it's like, that's an

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<v Speaker 1>example of the like do you want to prioritize this,

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<v Speaker 1>which means you might have to make changes in your

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<v Speaker 1>day to day patterns that feel uncomfortable? Yeah, because it's

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<v Speaker 1>real easy to just stick in those patterns totally.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean I feel like for you when since you've

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<v Speaker 2>only been in a in a year one, like have

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<v Speaker 2>you gotten the ick? And or has he have you

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<v Speaker 2>got an issue where he has course corrected where you've

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<v Speaker 2>been like thumbs up, buddy.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, them making noise when he eats.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, that's a big one for Wendy n she's got

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<v Speaker 1>miss Aphonyon case you guys didn't know enough.

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<v Speaker 3>We're early enough in where it's not that. But I

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<v Speaker 3>think for us it's making it work because there is

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<v Speaker 3>a distance. You know, he's five hours away by car,

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<v Speaker 3>So prioritizing between work, between the podcast, between my life

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<v Speaker 3>and then also carving out that time to make sure

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<v Speaker 3>that we get to see each other because we don't

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<v Speaker 3>want to let too many weeks go by before we

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<v Speaker 3>get together. Like for instance, on Thursday night, he was

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<v Speaker 3>really tired, but he was like, I, if I don't

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<v Speaker 3>get down there this weekend, I'm not gonna be able

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<v Speaker 3>to see you for another two weeks. So he jumped

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<v Speaker 3>in the car and drove down. And I do think

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<v Speaker 3>there is that level of being committed to trying to

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<v Speaker 3>make it work. But at the same time, if I

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<v Speaker 3>was to say what gives me rage in my relationship

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<v Speaker 3>right now, it is the distance. I kind of love

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<v Speaker 3>and hate the distance. I love it because I'm so

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<v Speaker 3>busy and I can have my own independence and do

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<v Speaker 3>my own stuff. But I also hate it because when

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<v Speaker 3>it's a Saturday afternoon and you're kicking it by yourself

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<v Speaker 3>and you wish somebody was there and he's not.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not a hymn thing though. That's a distance, that's

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<v Speaker 2>a circumstance. It's a big, a little I asked you

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<v Speaker 2>with him, what has gone on there? Because we got

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<v Speaker 2>to get to the juice, like, has there been anything?

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<v Speaker 2>And it's fine if you say sides the chewing exactly, Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>Being really honest, there were some times where his drinking

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<v Speaker 3>I would be like, you got to slow your role, bud,

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<v Speaker 3>And he's aware, and we've kind of had those conversations.

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<v Speaker 3>I've had that very calm like I'm not this is

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<v Speaker 3>not how it's going to be. I did date somebody

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<v Speaker 3>years ago who was an alcoholic, and I was never

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<v Speaker 3>going to get into that situation. Again.

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<v Speaker 2>Does it change when he drinks?

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<v Speaker 3>He hasn't drank in two weeks?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh?

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<v Speaker 3>No, does he change?

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<v Speaker 1>No?

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<v Speaker 2>I mean like, what, yeah, what is it? Does he

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<v Speaker 2>does he get a little too?

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<v Speaker 3>No? No, no, he's totally fine, like his fine, fun,

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<v Speaker 3>jolly self. But I was just like, you don't need

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<v Speaker 3>to come home and drink every day after work.

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<v Speaker 2>That's not healthy, totally that that's that's tough if you're

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<v Speaker 2>if you're seeing that because you're like, I'd like you

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<v Speaker 2>to last a little longer.

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<v Speaker 1>Exactly, exactly, yes.

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<v Speaker 2>But I think Erica laughed because I said last a

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<v Speaker 2>little longer, and I think she was thinking of the

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<v Speaker 2>ding dong, which I I feel like, because if you

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<v Speaker 2>if you drink, you laugh, you could last longer. But

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<v Speaker 2>then you're you're not coming.

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<v Speaker 1>No, I was what were you thinking?

0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:37.160
<v Speaker 2>Because I saw a laugh and I looked at your eyes.

0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:38.400
<v Speaker 2>I was like, we're not thinking the same thing.

0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:42.320
<v Speaker 1>I was thinking about death because I can Oh yeah,

0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:44.280
<v Speaker 1>I was and then I was literally I was like,

0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:46.960
<v Speaker 1>and like, maybe a little bit of it is is

0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:50.120
<v Speaker 1>actually a preservational tool, right, like you can you can

0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:53.360
<v Speaker 1>store things alcohol and it lasts a little bit longer. Yeah,

0:11:53.400 --> 0:11:56.680
<v Speaker 1>but not the body with too much of it. Yeah,

0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:59.679
<v Speaker 1>not the human body over the course of ninety years

0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:02.320
<v Speaker 1>or whatever. Right right, that's literally I just let you

0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:04.400
<v Speaker 1>in on exactly what I was thinking about.

0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:07.920
<v Speaker 2>Like, it's kind of like cherries, the stuff and cherries

0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:10.120
<v Speaker 2>that they put the little cherries in. That's what it is.

0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:12.040
<v Speaker 2>It's that you could preserve a body in.

0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:15.040
<v Speaker 1>That, right exactly. Like it's sort of like formaldehyde, except

0:12:15.040 --> 0:12:18.800
<v Speaker 1>it also has negative consequences and could lead to your

0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:21.600
<v Speaker 1>death as well. But totally, but the fact that you

0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:27.199
<v Speaker 1>both are making the effort to overcome the distance to

0:12:27.200 --> 0:12:29.360
<v Speaker 1>see each other and prioritize and then also that like

0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:33.840
<v Speaker 1>he's you know again course correcting not like that just

0:12:33.880 --> 0:12:36.880
<v Speaker 1>shows that's sort of the work when people say, right,

0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:40.400
<v Speaker 1>like you're doing the like you're you are consciously choosing

0:12:40.400 --> 0:12:42.600
<v Speaker 1>to make this a priority and then doing the things

0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:46.640
<v Speaker 1>to support that relationship, versus like, I don't know, some

0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:48.880
<v Speaker 1>people probably just get into Okay, I'm in the relationship

0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:51.520
<v Speaker 1>I don't have to do anything else besides like whatever

0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:52.960
<v Speaker 1>I want to do in my life, and like the

0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:54.880
<v Speaker 1>basics of showing up.

0:12:54.880 --> 0:12:56.800
<v Speaker 2>That's the way to make it fail, because I'm like,

0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:59.920
<v Speaker 2>if you're not continuing to like like he's not going

0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:02.560
<v Speaker 2>sober for two weeks, right or is he? Are you?

0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:04.520
<v Speaker 2>You haven't asked him to go fully sober or did you?

0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:06.640
<v Speaker 3>I didn't ask him to do anything. I just asked

0:13:06.720 --> 0:13:09.480
<v Speaker 3>him to watch it and it's something he's wanted to do.

0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:12.160
<v Speaker 3>Watch it and and he was like, you know what,

0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:13.640
<v Speaker 3>I'm not going to drink tonight. And he was like

0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:14.719
<v Speaker 3>and then in the next day he was like, I

0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:16.720
<v Speaker 3>don't think I'm gonna drink today too, And I was like, good,

0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:19.440
<v Speaker 3>you know, and he's just kind of like I want to.

0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:21.000
<v Speaker 3>He's like, I don't know how long this is going

0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:24.000
<v Speaker 3>to be for, but I just want to reset. And

0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:26.480
<v Speaker 3>I was like great, and I supported one hundred percent.

0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:29.120
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I love that. I mean we have written in

0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:32.600
<v Speaker 2>here like the things we pretend that don't that they

0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:36.760
<v Speaker 2>don't matter, but they actually do. And I'm like, I

0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:38.480
<v Speaker 2>don't know, what do you guys feel.

0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:40.640
<v Speaker 1>Me before we move on? Is there anything that's come

0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:43.880
<v Speaker 1>up or is it too new for for you guys.

0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:49.840
<v Speaker 2>I think it's it's really probably too new. I also

0:13:50.000 --> 0:13:57.800
<v Speaker 2>think I am an only child. I I think I

0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:01.920
<v Speaker 2>lost people early in my thirties change me fundamentally as

0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:05.680
<v Speaker 2>a person, where I felt very singular and alone, and

0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:08.280
<v Speaker 2>I got really used to that. I think I'm really

0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:11.920
<v Speaker 2>good at compartmentalizing and I got really good at just

0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:15.199
<v Speaker 2>being alone, living alone, stuff like that, and I don't

0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:17.480
<v Speaker 2>mind it. There is something very freeing about it. So

0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:21.840
<v Speaker 2>I think that sometimes the codependency with people makes a

0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:25.080
<v Speaker 2>relationship work. And I have never had that with not

0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:29.040
<v Speaker 2>even sometimes with friendships. But I've then had to train

0:14:29.080 --> 0:14:32.000
<v Speaker 2>myself to go like pull yourself back, and that's my problem.

0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:34.240
<v Speaker 2>That's something i'd talk about in therapy. I'm not saying

0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:39.400
<v Speaker 2>that's the right move. I'm just saying that I like

0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:44.080
<v Speaker 2>living alone and I like being independent. But I think

0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:47.400
<v Speaker 2>the who I am dating right now has been a

0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:50.840
<v Speaker 2>perfect addition to my life because of the way that

0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:54.640
<v Speaker 2>he has come in and brought like laughs and joy

0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:57.080
<v Speaker 2>and I feel understood and seen and like listen to

0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:00.120
<v Speaker 2>and all of that stuff. But I think I would

0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:04.160
<v Speaker 2>be probably the biggest red flag versus him, like I

0:15:04.200 --> 0:15:06.400
<v Speaker 2>think that I'd be the walking red flag and like

0:15:07.040 --> 0:15:09.080
<v Speaker 2>I would never and I've told you guys this where

0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.520
<v Speaker 2>am I. I would never. I don't first see myself

0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:13.880
<v Speaker 2>live with anyone. You could live next door, that'd be great.

0:15:13.920 --> 0:15:16.120
<v Speaker 2>I would love it if you live closer, but I

0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:20.360
<v Speaker 2>want my own space. I've never had the urge to

0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:22.080
<v Speaker 2>like sit cohabitate.

0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:22.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:25.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, since I was in my twenties, I did really

0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:27.520
<v Speaker 2>want that, and now I'm sort of done with that.

0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:32.640
<v Speaker 2>So there's still this I think independent side that I'm like, uh,

0:15:33.560 --> 0:15:37.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if it's great for relationships because I'm

0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:39.560
<v Speaker 2>so used to being alone.

0:15:39.400 --> 0:15:42.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and being self sufficient and getting to control your

0:15:42.200 --> 0:15:46.360
<v Speaker 1>environment and your day to day I think that that's

0:15:46.400 --> 0:15:52.120
<v Speaker 1>actually not I don't think that people in relationships have

0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:56.000
<v Speaker 1>to cohabitate. You see, there's a lot of people who

0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:58.320
<v Speaker 1>have spoken to the benefit of having their own place

0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:01.920
<v Speaker 1>or having separate rooms at the very left. Yeah, because

0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:08.200
<v Speaker 1>even codependent couples will get to a point where they're like, oh, yeah,

0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:10.640
<v Speaker 1>I love you, but this is too like this is

0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:14.680
<v Speaker 1>too much, and they see the benefit of getting away

0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:16.920
<v Speaker 1>like I think Wendy and talking about like, oh, there's

0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:21.720
<v Speaker 1>part of the distance that she likes. That's probably wrapped

0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:24.440
<v Speaker 1>up into that situation, right, But she doesn't even realize

0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.040
<v Speaker 1>because she's you're also in This is so funny to

0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:29.520
<v Speaker 1>like talk to her like this way. I know, I

0:16:29.560 --> 0:16:31.920
<v Speaker 1>see you, like, I know you're tagging her, but it's

0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:35.400
<v Speaker 1>like I'm gonna bounce it off the wall to her. Yeah,

0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:39.120
<v Speaker 1>it's interesting that it's like also in year one that

0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.880
<v Speaker 1>you two have this distance, but I don't know that

0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:47.080
<v Speaker 1>you wanting to maintain some level of like it's necessarily

0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:50.000
<v Speaker 1>a red flag. I think it's also intimacy isn't just

0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:53.120
<v Speaker 1>tied to geographical proximpity, right.

0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:55.760
<v Speaker 3>And I think your point about you know, pretending you

0:16:55.800 --> 0:16:57.920
<v Speaker 3>know that it doesn't matter, but it actually does. And

0:16:57.960 --> 0:16:59.920
<v Speaker 3>I think a big important thing of making a really

0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:03.080
<v Speaker 3>work is that you have to both be independent people.

0:17:03.560 --> 0:17:05.760
<v Speaker 3>You have to have your own life, your own friends,

0:17:05.760 --> 0:17:09.679
<v Speaker 3>your own interest, your own hobbies. And I think what

0:17:09.840 --> 0:17:11.560
<v Speaker 3>works so well with me and Steve, and one of

0:17:11.560 --> 0:17:13.639
<v Speaker 3>the things that I was so attracted with him was

0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:15.119
<v Speaker 3>that he did have all of that.

0:17:15.480 --> 0:17:16.120
<v Speaker 1>He has his.

0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:18.680
<v Speaker 3>Own social circle, he has his own life. I think

0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:22.840
<v Speaker 3>when couples just have each other as their own social

0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:27.560
<v Speaker 3>outlets and everything is involved around just each other. You're

0:17:27.600 --> 0:17:30.600
<v Speaker 3>gonna suffocate and you're gonna smother it. So I think

0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:32.920
<v Speaker 3>it's healthy to have some level of independence.

0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:36.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I agree. That's why I was like, I still

0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:41.040
<v Speaker 2>don't understand how you living together. I know, and it

0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:44.240
<v Speaker 2>seems insane to me, but I say this to all

0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:47.280
<v Speaker 2>my friends. I'm like, but how do you guys live together?

0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:51.000
<v Speaker 2>Day in and day out? You see each other every day,

0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:54.720
<v Speaker 2>you go to sleep in a bed, they're right there,

0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:58.480
<v Speaker 2>you wake up, they're right there. I realize that I'm

0:17:58.520 --> 0:18:01.119
<v Speaker 2>watching all these realities shows and they're like, I can't

0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:03.879
<v Speaker 2>wait to tweak up to you, and I'm like, great,

0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:06.000
<v Speaker 2>but we're not eleven years in.

0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:09.199
<v Speaker 1>No, no, And also that's a highly produced show, like

0:18:09.200 --> 0:18:12.159
<v Speaker 1>we can't. We can only take that at so much value.

0:18:12.200 --> 0:18:14.959
<v Speaker 2>Okay, right, well, I feel like these people they're being honest,

0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:17.760
<v Speaker 2>but it's because we're not seeing them eleven years in.

0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:20.200
<v Speaker 2>You've seeing him in the beginning, and they do mean

0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:22.280
<v Speaker 2>that and they're probably very much in love. But I

0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:24.879
<v Speaker 2>feel like I just had to, like, I don't know,

0:18:25.000 --> 0:18:27.600
<v Speaker 2>grow up to be sixty and not care or something

0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:31.520
<v Speaker 2>at my age, Like there's something fundamentally different in the

0:18:31.560 --> 0:18:33.160
<v Speaker 2>way that I look at that that I go, that's

0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:35.760
<v Speaker 2>not gonna last. And that may just make me a pessimist.

0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:39.800
<v Speaker 1>No, No, I mean I think that the stats support

0:18:39.920 --> 0:18:42.240
<v Speaker 1>what you are saying. I don't think it is easy

0:18:42.520 --> 0:18:47.800
<v Speaker 1>to find a relationship that everybody is stoked about every

0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:50.840
<v Speaker 1>single day, every single week of every single month of

0:18:50.880 --> 0:18:51.560
<v Speaker 1>every single year.

0:18:51.720 --> 0:18:51.920
<v Speaker 2>Right.

0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:54.639
<v Speaker 1>You know you brought up sleep. We don't always sleep

0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:56.600
<v Speaker 1>in the same bed because that was another thing God say,

0:18:56.760 --> 0:19:00.919
<v Speaker 1>right here, Ben, he's got some sign of stuff. But

0:19:01.000 --> 0:19:04.080
<v Speaker 1>also he struggles with his weight, and this is nothing

0:19:04.080 --> 0:19:06.800
<v Speaker 1>that he wouldn't talk about. He's very much an open book.

0:19:07.080 --> 0:19:09.760
<v Speaker 1>He snores, And I'll tell you right now, Like there

0:19:09.800 --> 0:19:13.119
<v Speaker 1>have been times where like I here, I'm storing, and

0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:15.119
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, I think you're the worst person in the

0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:19.280
<v Speaker 1>entire world. Like I think I think this is where

0:19:19.359 --> 0:19:23.000
<v Speaker 1>the like demons, spons you're induced.

0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:24.960
<v Speaker 2>With rage when you're snore, right, you want to kill age?

0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:28.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I talk about miss aphony like I hated so much. Yeah,

0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:31.680
<v Speaker 1>And there was a guy that I like, very briefly dated,

0:19:31.680 --> 0:19:34.280
<v Speaker 1>who I went to a wedding with, who snored so

0:19:34.400 --> 0:19:37.479
<v Speaker 1>loudly after he had like gotten so drunk, and I

0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:39.520
<v Speaker 1>hated him, but I had the ick that like I

0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:41.120
<v Speaker 1>was like, oh, I never want to like I never

0:19:41.160 --> 0:19:43.840
<v Speaker 1>want to see you again, but because of the snoring,

0:19:43.840 --> 0:19:46.600
<v Speaker 1>because the snoring, and also too he got over again drunk,

0:19:46.800 --> 0:19:50.240
<v Speaker 1>overly drunk at a wedding. But see the difference. Yep, right,

0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:53.400
<v Speaker 1>I could come back with ben yep, but.

0:19:53.320 --> 0:19:56.960
<v Speaker 2>The over corrected. He understood, he understood the assignment.

0:19:56.600 --> 0:19:59.880
<v Speaker 1>And I can understand with snoring. Okay, well just go

0:20:00.119 --> 0:20:03.000
<v Speaker 1>we sleep in different rooms until you figure this out,

0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:06.679
<v Speaker 1>which he is like working on it, right, And recently

0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:10.119
<v Speaker 1>I said to seapap it, I've been asking for for anever,

0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:13.199
<v Speaker 1>but it's like it's tied to his like weight issues,

0:20:13.240 --> 0:20:14.800
<v Speaker 1>so I have to be sensitive to that. But I

0:20:14.920 --> 0:20:18.480
<v Speaker 1>finally said to him recently, like it just came out.

0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:21.680
<v Speaker 1>We were like having some sort of like little argument

0:20:21.760 --> 0:20:23.440
<v Speaker 1>or whatever, and I was like, I just don't understand

0:20:23.440 --> 0:20:26.000
<v Speaker 1>why you haven't done anything about it, right, because like

0:20:26.080 --> 0:20:27.920
<v Speaker 1>he went to the doctor and the doctor was like, Okay,

0:20:27.920 --> 0:20:29.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna give you a referral, and then he said

0:20:29.880 --> 0:20:31.600
<v Speaker 1>someone's gonna call you in a week and nobody did.

0:20:32.440 --> 0:20:33.840
<v Speaker 2>Oh, and he didn't follow up.

0:20:33.800 --> 0:20:36.639
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, I don't understand why you like

0:20:36.720 --> 0:20:39.320
<v Speaker 1>and it just came out and that's what he needed.

0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:43.320
<v Speaker 2>Oh so he needed angry, he needed that. And then

0:20:43.320 --> 0:20:47.399
<v Speaker 2>he responded, yeah interests. Yeah, that's how you're gonna be,

0:20:47.440 --> 0:20:50.680
<v Speaker 2>like he got mad. Okay. So I mean is that

0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:54.520
<v Speaker 2>when we're talking about things that you pretend don't matter

0:20:54.560 --> 0:20:57.760
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship but they actually do. What would that

0:20:57.960 --> 0:21:00.840
<v Speaker 2>be for you guys? Because I mean I guess people

0:21:00.880 --> 0:21:03.080
<v Speaker 2>could say, like, oh, if they store, it's like it's

0:21:03.119 --> 0:21:03.920
<v Speaker 2>not a big deal, but.

0:21:03.840 --> 0:21:06.520
<v Speaker 1>Then you're like, no, it's a huge fucking deal. It's horrendous.

0:21:06.680 --> 0:21:07.639
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's terrible.

0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:10.399
<v Speaker 1>It's literally like, if you put that in a movie

0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:14.920
<v Speaker 1>with nothing else, that's a horror film that should win awards.

0:21:15.000 --> 0:21:16.840
<v Speaker 1>Just the white screen was snoring.

0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:18.040
<v Speaker 2>We'll just call it the star.

0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:21.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, skip to it. Just call it Snorre Fest. I

0:21:21.680 --> 0:21:23.560
<v Speaker 1>love that. And then it becomes like a film festival.

0:21:23.800 --> 0:21:26.080
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what do you think when like, are

0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:29.080
<v Speaker 2>what are your things? What people pretend is fine in

0:21:29.200 --> 0:21:30.480
<v Speaker 2>relationship but it's actually not.

0:21:30.680 --> 0:21:32.920
<v Speaker 3>Well, there's one story I wanted to bring up. It

0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:37.280
<v Speaker 3>was friends of mine, this couple that he was adamant

0:21:37.680 --> 0:21:42.880
<v Speaker 3>that the pets couldn't sleep in the bed with them, okay,

0:21:42.920 --> 0:21:45.720
<v Speaker 3>And she had a cat that she had a cat

0:21:45.760 --> 0:21:49.119
<v Speaker 3>that was ill, and so he still wouldn't let the

0:21:49.119 --> 0:21:52.040
<v Speaker 3>cat in the bed. She would sleep in the guest

0:21:52.119 --> 0:21:54.960
<v Speaker 3>room with the dying cat. And I was out of

0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:56.800
<v Speaker 3>my mind about this. I was out of my mind

0:21:56.840 --> 0:21:58.960
<v Speaker 3>about this. I was like, how did you agree to that?

0:21:59.040 --> 0:21:59.800
<v Speaker 1>I straight up asked her.

0:21:59.840 --> 0:22:01.520
<v Speaker 3>I was like, why would you even agree to that?

0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:02.080
<v Speaker 2>Right?

0:22:02.359 --> 0:22:06.760
<v Speaker 3>And I saw the story online last week where Jesse Buckley,

0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:12.359
<v Speaker 3>the actress, when she first met her now husband, I

0:22:12.400 --> 0:22:16.320
<v Speaker 3>guess his cats hated her and they would shit all

0:22:16.359 --> 0:22:18.680
<v Speaker 3>over the pillows and just like her side of the bed.

0:22:19.480 --> 0:22:21.480
<v Speaker 3>And she looked at him and she was like, I've

0:22:21.520 --> 0:22:24.280
<v Speaker 3>had it. It's either me or the cats.

0:22:24.359 --> 0:22:27.040
<v Speaker 1>Which she looked at him. Yes, I mean I kind

0:22:27.040 --> 0:22:28.879
<v Speaker 1>of get it, but I'm also like, as a cat person,

0:22:28.920 --> 0:22:31.240
<v Speaker 1>that's really But he got rid of the.

0:22:31.280 --> 0:22:34.200
<v Speaker 2>Cats, he got rid of the cat.

0:22:34.320 --> 0:22:36.000
<v Speaker 1>Well, I don't think he killed them.

0:22:36.280 --> 0:22:41.800
<v Speaker 2>But here his there his freaking cats. They're his cats.

0:22:42.119 --> 0:22:43.520
<v Speaker 1>I know I need more.

0:22:43.800 --> 0:22:46.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna give away the cats to keep her, get

0:22:46.680 --> 0:22:49.160
<v Speaker 2>an extra litter box and put it in the bedroom.

0:22:49.400 --> 0:22:51.760
<v Speaker 1>But they might it might have been her, Like we

0:22:51.800 --> 0:22:54.240
<v Speaker 1>have my cats started, we got a new roommate, and

0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:58.080
<v Speaker 1>she fucking marked that roommate's room, like did not like

0:22:58.160 --> 0:23:00.680
<v Speaker 1>that person. So it didn't matter if there was another

0:23:00.720 --> 0:23:02.480
<v Speaker 1>litter box. It was about the person.

0:23:02.760 --> 0:23:05.960
<v Speaker 3>Is that a red flag? If your cats hate your

0:23:06.000 --> 0:23:07.040
<v Speaker 3>partner that much?

0:23:07.720 --> 0:23:10.080
<v Speaker 1>We'll see TBD, We'll see if I want to get

0:23:10.520 --> 0:23:12.760
<v Speaker 1>like did he get them, like because maybe he got

0:23:12.800 --> 0:23:14.800
<v Speaker 1>them a home of somebody that he could go visit

0:23:14.880 --> 0:23:15.439
<v Speaker 1>them daily.

0:23:16.080 --> 0:23:20.480
<v Speaker 2>She didn't know. She doesn't know, which means no, probably not.

0:23:20.680 --> 0:23:22.440
<v Speaker 1>We got to do a follow up. We'll do a

0:23:22.480 --> 0:23:24.760
<v Speaker 1>follow we will get all up. But yeah, no, I

0:23:24.800 --> 0:23:27.400
<v Speaker 1>know what you're saying, Like that's like really aggressive though,

0:23:27.400 --> 0:23:29.360
<v Speaker 1>like a cat pooping on your pillow.

0:23:29.560 --> 0:23:31.920
<v Speaker 2>Like okay, I get it, Like if you okay, fine,

0:23:32.000 --> 0:23:33.959
<v Speaker 2>if you walk in, there's poop all over my pillow

0:23:34.000 --> 0:23:37.280
<v Speaker 2>every you're talking every single night, it's very frustrating. But

0:23:37.320 --> 0:23:40.040
<v Speaker 2>I'd be like, those are your babies.

0:23:40.200 --> 0:23:42.240
<v Speaker 1>I know, I know. I think that there's a difference

0:23:42.280 --> 0:23:45.520
<v Speaker 1>between like because I hadn't definitely had an accident in

0:23:45.680 --> 0:23:47.760
<v Speaker 1>like cats, and I was like, oh, I knew it

0:23:47.800 --> 0:23:50.159
<v Speaker 1>wasn't gonna last. I was young. So I was like,

0:23:50.920 --> 0:23:53.199
<v Speaker 1>it's like, this isn't gonna last. Like just I'm like,

0:23:53.359 --> 0:23:58.320
<v Speaker 1>just doesn't like your cat, Like that's different. And between

0:23:58.320 --> 0:24:03.080
<v Speaker 1>that and oh, this cat is actively waging a fecal

0:24:03.160 --> 0:24:04.360
<v Speaker 1>war against you.

0:24:05.920 --> 0:24:09.159
<v Speaker 2>Fecal war is fucking great. I mean, okay too. I

0:24:09.280 --> 0:24:11.960
<v Speaker 2>have looked at it well, I've been watching you guys know,

0:24:12.000 --> 0:24:14.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm on the reality and one big one it married

0:24:14.640 --> 0:24:17.879
<v Speaker 2>at first sight was that they teamed up this couple

0:24:17.960 --> 0:24:22.320
<v Speaker 2>because their sex drive was the most matched up. Okay,

0:24:22.440 --> 0:24:27.800
<v Speaker 2>and I'm wondering if like a sex drive mismatch. That's

0:24:27.840 --> 0:24:30.399
<v Speaker 2>a good question when you think about it so much,

0:24:30.480 --> 0:24:33.720
<v Speaker 2>so to go, I don't think this is I don't

0:24:33.720 --> 0:24:35.520
<v Speaker 2>think this is gonna work. Yeah.

0:24:35.640 --> 0:24:41.000
<v Speaker 3>I actually had that exact situation with my ex husband,

0:24:41.080 --> 0:24:41.960
<v Speaker 3>who he's gay.

0:24:42.000 --> 0:24:47.240
<v Speaker 1>Because he's gay, so I would imagine, but it was,

0:24:47.320 --> 0:24:47.840
<v Speaker 1>and it was.

0:24:48.000 --> 0:24:50.680
<v Speaker 3>It was so awful because when I didn't realize what

0:24:51.359 --> 0:24:54.679
<v Speaker 3>the issue was, I remember having a conversation with my

0:24:54.760 --> 0:24:57.240
<v Speaker 3>mom and just saying, I don't know what to do

0:24:57.359 --> 0:25:00.399
<v Speaker 3>because everything about him is wonderful. He's a wonderful he's

0:25:00.440 --> 0:25:04.439
<v Speaker 3>a wonderful partner. I enjoy his company, but it's so

0:25:04.840 --> 0:25:08.040
<v Speaker 3>bad that it makes us not even want to attempt

0:25:08.080 --> 0:25:11.240
<v Speaker 3>it anymore. And she said, you know, Whendy, you're too

0:25:11.280 --> 0:25:13.639
<v Speaker 3>young to be in a sexless marriage. Because I was like,

0:25:13.680 --> 0:25:15.280
<v Speaker 3>do I leave? Do we break up?

0:25:15.320 --> 0:25:15.880
<v Speaker 2>What do we do?

0:25:16.040 --> 0:25:17.480
<v Speaker 3>How am I supposed to live like this? And she

0:25:17.560 --> 0:25:21.800
<v Speaker 3>kind of gave me this reassurance that that is incompatibility,

0:25:21.880 --> 0:25:24.159
<v Speaker 3>like that is something that would break up a relationship,

0:25:24.240 --> 0:25:27.080
<v Speaker 3>and then cut to surprise, he's gay. And I was like,

0:25:27.119 --> 0:25:28.360
<v Speaker 3>oh my god, everything makes sense.

0:25:28.480 --> 0:25:28.680
<v Speaker 1>Nice.

0:25:29.520 --> 0:25:31.520
<v Speaker 3>I wasn't even that mad. I was more relieved. I

0:25:31.560 --> 0:25:34.000
<v Speaker 3>was like, no, shit, that explains everything.

0:25:34.200 --> 0:25:34.640
<v Speaker 2>It's a lot.

0:25:34.680 --> 0:25:36.440
<v Speaker 1>It's pretty clear, pretty black and white.

0:25:36.560 --> 0:25:37.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, totally.

0:25:38.040 --> 0:25:41.280
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, I think with sex drive, what's interesting because

0:25:41.320 --> 0:25:45.320
<v Speaker 1>you are saying the word drive. There's a lot of

0:25:45.359 --> 0:25:48.880
<v Speaker 1>layers here, right, because there's like sexual compatibility, and then

0:25:48.960 --> 0:25:55.399
<v Speaker 1>there's like appetite hormone, like how often, and then just

0:25:55.440 --> 0:26:00.320
<v Speaker 1>like sort of desires and wants and so I mean,

0:26:00.359 --> 0:26:04.760
<v Speaker 1>I can definitely tell you that the frequency in our

0:26:05.520 --> 0:26:08.880
<v Speaker 1>relationship has gone down, I'm sure, but I don't feel

0:26:08.880 --> 0:26:11.720
<v Speaker 1>like I don't know if drive is the right word,

0:26:11.800 --> 0:26:13.800
<v Speaker 1>but I don't feel like the drive has gone away.

0:26:13.920 --> 0:26:16.960
<v Speaker 2>And like, do you feel like the frequency is tied

0:26:17.000 --> 0:26:20.680
<v Speaker 2>to paramenopause, kids, business, it's just.

0:26:20.680 --> 0:26:23.400
<v Speaker 1>Everything, and it's like and then it's like, oh, I'm tired.

0:26:23.680 --> 0:26:26.640
<v Speaker 1>And then as you're getting older, you're turning more tortoise.

0:26:26.720 --> 0:26:28.679
<v Speaker 1>And then you're like, oh, if we're going to have

0:26:28.720 --> 0:26:30.719
<v Speaker 1>that kind of sex, cause I gotta drink seven gallons

0:26:30.760 --> 0:26:33.240
<v Speaker 1>of water and like and I've only got twenty minutes.

0:26:33.280 --> 0:26:34.399
<v Speaker 1>Can we make this happen?

0:26:34.520 --> 0:26:34.719
<v Speaker 2>You know?

0:26:34.760 --> 0:26:37.320
<v Speaker 1>It's like there's so much need more.

0:26:37.200 --> 0:26:39.680
<v Speaker 2>Help just to even freaking do the job.

0:26:39.920 --> 0:26:42.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm then lagging an IV that I walk around with,

0:26:43.119 --> 0:26:46.080
<v Speaker 1>and then yeah, and then I'm always but I feel

0:26:46.080 --> 0:26:46.480
<v Speaker 1>like it.

0:26:46.359 --> 0:26:49.480
<v Speaker 2>Goes straight to your blood. It but I don't know

0:26:49.520 --> 0:26:54.119
<v Speaker 2>if it lubricates down there, If it lubricates downstairs.

0:26:53.520 --> 0:26:55.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it doesn't translate.

0:26:55.080 --> 0:26:57.560
<v Speaker 2>I don't think it'll hurt. You don't think it'll hurt.

0:26:57.640 --> 0:27:02.000
<v Speaker 2>Ye'll hurt to see me walking? Really does IV hook

0:27:02.000 --> 0:27:04.480
<v Speaker 2>her up to the sailing Honey's see what what juice?

0:27:04.520 --> 0:27:05.520
<v Speaker 2>And gets started there?

0:27:05.680 --> 0:27:08.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, she wants me to go full cocoon.

0:27:08.640 --> 0:27:11.320
<v Speaker 2>She does because she can hear you. Your y'all are neighbors.

0:27:11.560 --> 0:27:14.680
<v Speaker 2>Y'all keep the windows open because I remember one time

0:27:14.800 --> 0:27:18.080
<v Speaker 2>I was at your house and we heard Wendy juice

0:27:18.080 --> 0:27:22.360
<v Speaker 2>in it. No just a little bit. Yeah yeah, I

0:27:22.400 --> 0:27:26.280
<v Speaker 2>was like, great, juice juice away man. But poinping is

0:27:26.359 --> 0:27:29.320
<v Speaker 2>you can't kind of hear it, which I just think

0:27:29.400 --> 0:27:29.840
<v Speaker 2>is funny.

0:27:30.359 --> 0:27:33.240
<v Speaker 3>I thought that water fountain really masks to that.

0:27:33.320 --> 0:27:34.920
<v Speaker 2>I guess no, it doesn't.

0:27:34.960 --> 0:27:41.199
<v Speaker 1>Mass I oh my god, all right, let's go like

0:27:41.280 --> 0:27:43.720
<v Speaker 1>you did not hear me, because I'm at least three

0:27:43.760 --> 0:27:48.320
<v Speaker 1>of those. I don't do a single. But I also

0:27:48.800 --> 0:27:51.600
<v Speaker 1>like the idea of wearing a hospital gown to commit

0:27:51.760 --> 0:27:54.720
<v Speaker 1>because it's been convenient too, because then there's no clothes

0:27:54.760 --> 0:27:56.000
<v Speaker 1>to take it. Like it's right there.

0:27:56.000 --> 0:27:57.919
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, you're already ready, you're naked. I mean, might

0:27:57.920 --> 0:28:00.480
<v Speaker 2>as well go in the nude. I meet it with

0:28:00.520 --> 0:28:01.040
<v Speaker 2>the ivy.

0:28:01.200 --> 0:28:03.680
<v Speaker 1>Just talking around nude with an ivy.

0:28:03.800 --> 0:28:04.560
<v Speaker 2>How hot is that?

0:28:04.840 --> 0:28:07.120
<v Speaker 1>All right, let's do it, let's get it, let's get

0:28:07.160 --> 0:28:07.520
<v Speaker 1>it going.

0:28:08.560 --> 0:28:10.040
<v Speaker 2>I feel like, I mean a couple of couple of

0:28:10.040 --> 0:28:12.520
<v Speaker 2>other things that we wrote down here is like cleanliness,

0:28:12.520 --> 0:28:15.359
<v Speaker 2>like living habits, employment, money difference, which I'm like, yeah,

0:28:15.359 --> 0:28:18.520
<v Speaker 2>that's always gonna happen in a relationship. I think, especially

0:28:18.520 --> 0:28:21.760
<v Speaker 2>for me, I need the space to be clean, and

0:28:21.800 --> 0:28:23.760
<v Speaker 2>if it's dirty, I need to know that I made

0:28:23.760 --> 0:28:26.639
<v Speaker 2>it and not someone else. Otherwise it's gonna be I

0:28:26.720 --> 0:28:28.719
<v Speaker 2>don't know how people do it where they're like they

0:28:28.840 --> 0:28:31.439
<v Speaker 2>pick up stuff and like that would really get to me.

0:28:31.840 --> 0:28:33.800
<v Speaker 2>The money difference is always gonna be me. I'm probably

0:28:33.800 --> 0:28:35.880
<v Speaker 2>always gonna be on the lower end and outmind it

0:28:35.920 --> 0:28:37.879
<v Speaker 2>because I'm like, follow your heart, all your dreams. I

0:28:37.880 --> 0:28:40.960
<v Speaker 2>don't want to be. I'm already depressed and there's already

0:28:41.000 --> 0:28:45.080
<v Speaker 2>a struggle. So imagine if I get, you know, sixty

0:28:45.120 --> 0:28:47.520
<v Speaker 2>hour a week job and I'm making all the money,

0:28:48.320 --> 0:28:50.800
<v Speaker 2>I would be a shell of a person, I think.

0:28:50.640 --> 0:28:52.600
<v Speaker 1>And you and it might not be as much money

0:28:53.200 --> 0:28:55.040
<v Speaker 1>as it needs to be as it needs to.

0:28:55.000 --> 0:28:57.520
<v Speaker 2>Be to be that shell of a person to make

0:28:57.600 --> 0:28:59.440
<v Speaker 2>up for it where I'm like, I'm a shell of

0:28:59.480 --> 0:29:02.760
<v Speaker 2>a person. But I can fly us to Mexico for

0:29:02.800 --> 0:29:05.080
<v Speaker 2>the weekend, but I'm like, I don't know, you don't.

0:29:04.880 --> 0:29:07.920
<v Speaker 1>Want to go. It might be a little dicey with cartels,

0:29:07.960 --> 0:29:09.600
<v Speaker 1>so don't worry, You're not missing out.

0:29:09.680 --> 0:29:10.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I want to keep my head.

0:29:10.720 --> 0:29:14.200
<v Speaker 3>But I think there's also something where whatever somebody contributes

0:29:14.240 --> 0:29:16.720
<v Speaker 3>to the relationship it doesn't have to be money, but

0:29:16.720 --> 0:29:19.720
<v Speaker 3>if they're there for you emotionally, if they can support

0:29:19.720 --> 0:29:22.640
<v Speaker 3>you in other ways, I think there can be equity

0:29:22.880 --> 0:29:26.160
<v Speaker 3>in relationships where it doesn't have to be that. I

0:29:26.160 --> 0:29:29.360
<v Speaker 3>think the problem becomes when someone doesn't have a job,

0:29:29.480 --> 0:29:32.360
<v Speaker 3>they're not motivated to find a job, and then you're

0:29:32.400 --> 0:29:35.520
<v Speaker 3>the one paying for everything. I think that's where resentment grows,

0:29:35.600 --> 0:29:38.600
<v Speaker 3>and that's really rageful. But I think people can contribute

0:29:38.600 --> 0:29:41.720
<v Speaker 3>in other ways if they're not necessarily a breadwinner. It's

0:29:41.760 --> 0:29:44.360
<v Speaker 3>the unemployment and not doing anything about it that I

0:29:44.360 --> 0:29:45.360
<v Speaker 3>think is problematic.

0:29:45.440 --> 0:29:48.600
<v Speaker 1>And then also not like not cleaning the house, yeah,

0:29:48.680 --> 0:29:53.000
<v Speaker 1>not cooking dinner, not instigating, not thinking about the things

0:29:53.080 --> 0:29:55.400
<v Speaker 1>that can make the person who is doing all of

0:29:55.440 --> 0:29:58.840
<v Speaker 1>the work, not thinking about how to make their life easier.

0:29:58.520 --> 0:30:01.320
<v Speaker 2>Exactly I would. I like, sometimes I've thought about it

0:30:01.320 --> 0:30:03.840
<v Speaker 2>because I love cleaning and organizing that I'm like, I

0:30:03.840 --> 0:30:06.080
<v Speaker 2>would make such a good trad wife. Like I don't

0:30:06.120 --> 0:30:09.080
<v Speaker 2>want it, but like if I if someone was like

0:30:09.320 --> 0:30:11.440
<v Speaker 2>just loaded and they're like, you don't really have to work,

0:30:11.480 --> 0:30:14.800
<v Speaker 2>I'd be like, I'm I'm cleaning, everything will be organized.

0:30:14.440 --> 0:30:17.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm making my own butter. That's we're done. It's hell

0:30:17.200 --> 0:30:17.400
<v Speaker 1>to me.

0:30:17.440 --> 0:30:19.160
<v Speaker 2>I would love that. I'd be like, I have time

0:30:19.280 --> 0:30:22.560
<v Speaker 2>to make our bread. Well, I've made the bread. I

0:30:22.600 --> 0:30:23.720
<v Speaker 2>would either.

0:30:23.880 --> 0:30:28.160
<v Speaker 1>Probably I bet you there fifteen kids running around. If

0:30:28.160 --> 0:30:30.840
<v Speaker 1>you're going to be this person, kill me fifteen kids.

0:30:31.120 --> 0:30:34.200
<v Speaker 1>But some of that that you can, like, I don't

0:30:34.200 --> 0:30:35.719
<v Speaker 1>know if that makes you a trad wife.

0:30:36.040 --> 0:30:37.120
<v Speaker 2>You're right, you're right.

0:30:37.280 --> 0:30:39.320
<v Speaker 1>Just now, I know there's gonna be like, that's not

0:30:39.360 --> 0:30:41.520
<v Speaker 1>what a trad wife is. But can we like get

0:30:41.520 --> 0:30:44.440
<v Speaker 1>a sense of numbers. You're right, you're right, Like single

0:30:44.640 --> 0:30:47.280
<v Speaker 1>trad wives are out there that are like leaving the

0:30:47.400 --> 0:30:51.680
<v Speaker 1>charge on the movement, like like like I'm sorry, childless.

0:30:51.560 --> 0:30:54.760
<v Speaker 2>There's wives, there's not so I guess mine would just

0:30:54.800 --> 0:30:58.120
<v Speaker 2>be find somebody rich and just I don't work. But

0:30:58.200 --> 0:31:00.520
<v Speaker 2>I tell you what I'll do is everything be clean.

0:31:00.640 --> 0:31:03.560
<v Speaker 2>I'll cook meals, It'll be organized. But I feel like

0:31:03.880 --> 0:31:06.360
<v Speaker 2>I love doing that. Like I come alive and I'm like,

0:31:06.400 --> 0:31:09.120
<v Speaker 2>I gotta fix my garden and I've got to make

0:31:09.200 --> 0:31:11.440
<v Speaker 2>fine this person? Do we think?

0:31:11.520 --> 0:31:15.880
<v Speaker 3>But we really like I really like we like we

0:31:16.000 --> 0:31:16.320
<v Speaker 3>like Mike.

0:31:16.400 --> 0:31:18.560
<v Speaker 2>I'm already I'm already in there with that. I just

0:31:18.720 --> 0:31:21.440
<v Speaker 2>like maybe one day, I'll get loaded, like I'm working

0:31:21.480 --> 0:31:23.240
<v Speaker 2>hard on it. It's I don't think that it's like

0:31:23.880 --> 0:31:26.320
<v Speaker 2>out of out of grasp for me. So we're we're

0:31:26.320 --> 0:31:29.600
<v Speaker 2>we're getting there. We'll just we'll see it's YouTube is

0:31:29.640 --> 0:31:30.240
<v Speaker 2>a weird game.

0:31:30.680 --> 0:31:33.560
<v Speaker 1>Never, it's gonna be a weird This is gonna sound

0:31:33.680 --> 0:31:36.280
<v Speaker 1>so crazy, But really what this all comes down to

0:31:36.360 --> 0:31:39.800
<v Speaker 1>is communication. It's true though, but it's so true. It's

0:31:39.840 --> 0:31:42.360
<v Speaker 1>so like you know, you were saying, like, oh, I

0:31:42.400 --> 0:31:47.239
<v Speaker 1>can't imagine like clean I even like more recently, like

0:31:47.360 --> 0:31:49.280
<v Speaker 1>I'd say, in the last couple of years, like I

0:31:49.320 --> 0:31:52.800
<v Speaker 1>do a lot more of the like house stuff, Like

0:31:52.920 --> 0:31:58.680
<v Speaker 1>he just is allergic to laundry. Interesting too, but he

0:31:58.800 --> 0:32:03.520
<v Speaker 1>will recognize, say, but he's also staying up until like

0:32:03.640 --> 0:32:06.760
<v Speaker 1>two in the morning to work to work, so it's

0:32:06.760 --> 0:32:08.360
<v Speaker 1>like tough and I will recognize that.

0:32:08.480 --> 0:32:09.959
<v Speaker 2>So it's like you got to find the balance.

0:32:09.960 --> 0:32:12.520
<v Speaker 1>But like, if I think what happens is when and

0:32:12.600 --> 0:32:16.880
<v Speaker 1>this is obviously traditionally in historically it's been women. It's

0:32:16.960 --> 0:32:20.760
<v Speaker 1>like they're doing all of this work. There's not really

0:32:20.800 --> 0:32:25.720
<v Speaker 1>a lot of recognition, right, there's not really any kind

0:32:25.760 --> 0:32:30.480
<v Speaker 1>of awareness. It's not it's not looked at as anything

0:32:30.520 --> 0:32:32.280
<v Speaker 1>of value. It's just looked at as like, oh, that's

0:32:32.320 --> 0:32:35.000
<v Speaker 1>just that's just what you do. That's where the rage

0:32:35.320 --> 0:32:37.000
<v Speaker 1>really begins to fester.

0:32:37.240 --> 0:32:40.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm with you because if somebody Mike came into my

0:32:40.280 --> 0:32:42.160
<v Speaker 2>apartment and went, Wow, I love how clean it is

0:32:42.560 --> 0:32:45.600
<v Speaker 2>chit ching, I just felt like really proud about it,

0:32:45.640 --> 0:32:47.600
<v Speaker 2>because sometimes like guys will come in and I'll be like,

0:32:47.640 --> 0:32:49.960
<v Speaker 2>don't you see how clean it is in here? Doesn't

0:32:50.000 --> 0:32:52.840
<v Speaker 2>it smell nice? Can't you just think like this is

0:32:52.840 --> 0:32:56.520
<v Speaker 2>a nice place? But anyway, so I get it, like

0:32:56.600 --> 0:32:59.800
<v Speaker 2>feeling seen in those ways does matter, you know, Well,

0:33:00.040 --> 0:33:02.120
<v Speaker 2>let's just get into the rage hotline. See it's gonna

0:33:02.160 --> 0:33:03.240
<v Speaker 2>piss us off this week.

0:33:04.400 --> 0:33:10.240
<v Speaker 3>You've reached the rage hotline. Please leave us a message. Hi, ladies,

0:33:10.400 --> 0:33:13.240
<v Speaker 3>I need a sanity check. My boyfriend of two years

0:33:13.360 --> 0:33:15.959
<v Speaker 3>is a nice guy, but he refuses to make a

0:33:16.000 --> 0:33:19.240
<v Speaker 3>single decision where to eat. I don't care what to

0:33:19.320 --> 0:33:22.520
<v Speaker 3>do up to you cool, except now I'm the CEO

0:33:22.720 --> 0:33:25.959
<v Speaker 3>of our entire relationship and the kicker. When I do

0:33:26.120 --> 0:33:28.600
<v Speaker 3>pick something, he'll go, eh, I'm not in the mood

0:33:28.600 --> 0:33:32.480
<v Speaker 3>for that. You don't get veto power after opting out.

0:33:32.840 --> 0:33:35.600
<v Speaker 3>I've asked him to plan one date night. We ended

0:33:35.680 --> 0:33:37.720
<v Speaker 3>up on the couch while he scrolled for forty five

0:33:37.760 --> 0:33:40.479
<v Speaker 3>minutes trying to pick something to do, and then we

0:33:40.640 --> 0:33:43.760
<v Speaker 3>ate leftovers. I snapped and said, I feel like I'm

0:33:43.800 --> 0:33:47.400
<v Speaker 3>dating a ghost who occasionally eats meals I choose. He says,

0:33:47.640 --> 0:33:51.280
<v Speaker 3>I'm being intense? Am I crazy? Or is this rage valid?

0:33:51.440 --> 0:33:56.960
<v Speaker 1>Very valid? It's very valid, Like just have some fucking

0:33:57.120 --> 0:34:02.520
<v Speaker 1>idea once in a while, because decision making is tiring.

0:34:03.520 --> 0:34:06.600
<v Speaker 1>It's really fucking tiring. Yeah, you know, and I get

0:34:06.600 --> 0:34:09.719
<v Speaker 1>the like the whole like being the CEO and sometimes,

0:34:10.280 --> 0:34:12.200
<v Speaker 1>you know, Ben and I've definitely had like, you know,

0:34:12.760 --> 0:34:14.799
<v Speaker 1>fucking arguments over that and he'll be like, but then

0:34:14.800 --> 0:34:16.200
<v Speaker 1>I pick, and you don't like it. I'm like, I

0:34:16.239 --> 0:34:19.000
<v Speaker 1>don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just fucking pick and then

0:34:19.080 --> 0:34:19.720
<v Speaker 1>let me complain.

0:34:20.080 --> 0:34:20.520
<v Speaker 2>But no.

0:34:20.640 --> 0:34:23.880
<v Speaker 1>But I think it's it also comes down to again,

0:34:24.239 --> 0:34:27.439
<v Speaker 1>like are you are there other things that he does

0:34:27.600 --> 0:34:31.040
<v Speaker 1>to compensate. But if it's just like whatever, whatever, whatever,

0:34:32.080 --> 0:34:35.520
<v Speaker 1>that feels like uh, communication issue.

0:34:35.760 --> 0:34:37.920
<v Speaker 2>I feel, yeah, that's terrible because I have seen Ben.

0:34:37.960 --> 0:34:40.120
<v Speaker 2>I've been at your house, you know, where we've ordered

0:34:40.120 --> 0:34:42.759
<v Speaker 2>pizza and Ben's like, no, no, Eric is not gonna

0:34:42.840 --> 0:34:45.279
<v Speaker 2>like that. And now, and now that I've known you

0:34:45.360 --> 0:34:48.320
<v Speaker 2>for so long, if somebody goes, we're gonna order champagne

0:34:48.360 --> 0:34:49.880
<v Speaker 2>or wine, and I'm looking at the phone. I think

0:34:49.920 --> 0:34:51.520
<v Speaker 2>it was with Wendy and I went, Nope, she's not

0:34:51.520 --> 0:34:52.400
<v Speaker 2>gonna drink dialogue.

0:34:52.480 --> 0:34:53.040
<v Speaker 1>Get next.

0:34:53.080 --> 0:34:55.320
<v Speaker 2>Nope, she's not gonna that's not gonna be in her alley.

0:34:55.560 --> 0:34:58.400
<v Speaker 2>Here's what the alley might be. And I feel like

0:34:58.480 --> 0:35:00.480
<v Speaker 2>he does a good job of that. So I'm like,

0:35:00.560 --> 0:35:03.839
<v Speaker 2>if you're not if this person is not getting that

0:35:03.960 --> 0:35:06.640
<v Speaker 2>out of their relationship where number one, you're choosing all

0:35:06.680 --> 0:35:09.040
<v Speaker 2>the time, he's not recognizing it, but then when you choose,

0:35:09.040 --> 0:35:12.000
<v Speaker 2>he always has an issue with it. I'm already exhausted

0:35:12.160 --> 0:35:14.480
<v Speaker 2>and like being like, I think I gotta go now,

0:35:14.520 --> 0:35:17.920
<v Speaker 2>because like I'm not what the fuck is this is?

0:35:18.000 --> 0:35:18.680
<v Speaker 2>Honestly how I.

0:35:18.800 --> 0:35:20.959
<v Speaker 1>Well, And here's something that like he could be doing.

0:35:21.239 --> 0:35:25.239
<v Speaker 1>Obviously he's like, I don't fucking care, Like I don't know,

0:35:25.320 --> 0:35:29.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm an amba whatever. So but he can ask her

0:35:29.560 --> 0:35:32.839
<v Speaker 1>is it a is it a hetero? Yes, he can

0:35:33.000 --> 0:35:35.560
<v Speaker 1>ask her like, hey, he could say something like I

0:35:35.640 --> 0:35:39.160
<v Speaker 1>really don't care, so let's let's maybe figure out what

0:35:39.200 --> 0:35:42.280
<v Speaker 1>you want, right, you know, at least like be part

0:35:42.400 --> 0:35:46.680
<v Speaker 1>of the process totally. Don't just like say like, oh

0:35:46.800 --> 0:35:48.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm out. Yeah, you know.

0:35:49.120 --> 0:35:51.120
<v Speaker 2>You know what I would do. Here's my suggestion. I

0:35:51.120 --> 0:35:53.080
<v Speaker 2>would turn it into a game. I'd be like, here's

0:35:53.080 --> 0:35:55.200
<v Speaker 2>three things that I feel like I'm gonna eat tonight.

0:35:55.480 --> 0:35:57.759
<v Speaker 2>Is Italian? Is this and this thing? Put him in

0:35:57.800 --> 0:35:59.960
<v Speaker 2>a fucking hat, and whatever you choose is what we're

0:36:00.000 --> 0:36:01.920
<v Speaker 2>I can get in. If you fucking complain about it,

0:36:02.000 --> 0:36:05.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm fucking out because Okay, if it's literally been like

0:36:05.120 --> 0:36:08.160
<v Speaker 2>it feels like, because she says like she feels like

0:36:08.200 --> 0:36:12.080
<v Speaker 2>she's dating a ghost who eats meals that she chooses that,

0:36:12.200 --> 0:36:14.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, oh she's now. Now what we have to

0:36:14.719 --> 0:36:17.960
<v Speaker 2>do is to kind of trade it with like childlock cans,

0:36:17.960 --> 0:36:19.240
<v Speaker 2>where it's like, let's play.

0:36:19.040 --> 0:36:23.240
<v Speaker 1>A game, and I think instead of just her having

0:36:23.280 --> 0:36:26.520
<v Speaker 1>to adapt to what he wants, or he can participate

0:36:26.520 --> 0:36:29.239
<v Speaker 1>in other ways if he doesn't have an opinion, which

0:36:29.280 --> 0:36:31.560
<v Speaker 1>clearly then he does have an opinion, yeah, because then

0:36:31.600 --> 0:36:34.600
<v Speaker 1>he's like, man, at least then say, let's work on

0:36:34.680 --> 0:36:37.839
<v Speaker 1>this together. I don't really care, but like let's maybe

0:36:37.880 --> 0:36:41.160
<v Speaker 1>figure out Oh, Okay, we had you know, pizza the

0:36:41.239 --> 0:36:43.080
<v Speaker 1>last you know, we've had it three times a week. Like,

0:36:43.200 --> 0:36:46.719
<v Speaker 1>let's not do Italian right, Like just participate, you thank

0:36:46.760 --> 0:36:49.879
<v Speaker 1>you participate in the process in any way, even if

0:36:49.880 --> 0:36:52.319
<v Speaker 1>you don't have a strong opinion, that's fine. But then

0:36:52.400 --> 0:36:55.640
<v Speaker 1>like help her figure it out together, because now she's

0:36:55.680 --> 0:36:58.640
<v Speaker 1>constantly feeling like, I don't know, it's stressful to try

0:36:58.640 --> 0:37:00.320
<v Speaker 1>to figure this out, and then you have time you

0:37:00.320 --> 0:37:02.200
<v Speaker 1>don't like my decision, but then you have no like

0:37:02.920 --> 0:37:06.920
<v Speaker 1>criticism without any offering of a potential solution. The worst

0:37:07.120 --> 0:37:08.160
<v Speaker 1>is horrible.

0:37:08.480 --> 0:37:13.600
<v Speaker 2>Do not come to me with a problem without a solution, yeah,

0:37:13.640 --> 0:37:16.200
<v Speaker 2>because I don't want to hear it. And like if

0:37:16.239 --> 0:37:18.600
<v Speaker 2>this is their biggest problem, I would literally I'd be like,

0:37:18.640 --> 0:37:22.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm getting a whiteboard. Here are fifty door dash things

0:37:22.640 --> 0:37:25.160
<v Speaker 2>places that we can go pick one. But you know

0:37:25.200 --> 0:37:26.200
<v Speaker 2>what's not my job anymore.

0:37:26.280 --> 0:37:28.799
<v Speaker 3>I bet that this You know how you always say,

0:37:28.960 --> 0:37:31.080
<v Speaker 3>is it really about the ordering of the food or

0:37:31.120 --> 0:37:33.200
<v Speaker 3>what is the bigger problem? Because if he's doing it

0:37:33.239 --> 0:37:37.160
<v Speaker 3>about this, is he participating in any decision making in

0:37:37.239 --> 0:37:39.719
<v Speaker 3>their relationships? And all the burden is on her.

0:37:39.840 --> 0:37:41.319
<v Speaker 2>I was trying to get it. It give him like

0:37:41.360 --> 0:37:43.279
<v Speaker 2>I get away out of jail free card.

0:37:43.280 --> 0:37:47.359
<v Speaker 1>But she's right, No, it's it's not it's complacency. It's

0:37:47.400 --> 0:37:51.480
<v Speaker 1>not wanting to like take because it it takes efforts.

0:37:51.640 --> 0:37:53.879
<v Speaker 1>We think people get you know, it's like, oh, you're

0:37:53.920 --> 0:37:57.080
<v Speaker 1>doing that. It's not like being part of a system,

0:37:57.160 --> 0:37:59.320
<v Speaker 1>part of a group, which is like what being a

0:37:59.520 --> 0:38:02.880
<v Speaker 1>family and a relationship is. Like, it's it's not just

0:38:03.680 --> 0:38:07.000
<v Speaker 1>literally physically being there, and it's not just like you know,

0:38:07.080 --> 0:38:08.080
<v Speaker 1>hammering nails into.

0:38:08.000 --> 0:38:09.480
<v Speaker 2>The wall or using a drill desion.

0:38:09.520 --> 0:38:11.880
<v Speaker 1>It's also like the mental energy they might and that's

0:38:11.960 --> 0:38:17.400
<v Speaker 1>so often like the emotional burdens and families so often

0:38:17.400 --> 0:38:20.040
<v Speaker 1>come down on women. And that was definitely something for me.

0:38:20.080 --> 0:38:22.600
<v Speaker 1>I was like, I'm not I'm not carrying that alone. Yeah,

0:38:22.600 --> 0:38:23.960
<v Speaker 1>like that's a priority for me.

0:38:24.239 --> 0:38:27.000
<v Speaker 2>You shouldn't. I just want to say to that guy

0:38:27.200 --> 0:38:32.719
<v Speaker 2>that relationships take work. Yeah, like, bro, like that's what

0:38:32.800 --> 0:38:34.839
<v Speaker 2>this whole thing is. And I'm not yelling at her

0:38:34.920 --> 0:38:36.520
<v Speaker 2>because she wrote in she gets it.

0:38:36.520 --> 0:38:39.719
<v Speaker 1>You're yelling at him. Come on, dude, you're yelling at

0:38:39.719 --> 0:38:40.200
<v Speaker 1>the ghost.

0:38:40.640 --> 0:38:44.480
<v Speaker 2>Step it up or like she's out of there, and

0:38:44.520 --> 0:38:45.160
<v Speaker 2>I hope she is.

0:38:45.200 --> 0:38:47.160
<v Speaker 1>If you don't. I don't know. I don't know who.

0:38:47.239 --> 0:38:49.880
<v Speaker 2>Whose people are me neither I I don't know either.

0:38:49.960 --> 0:38:53.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm just gonna assume that maybe she's like me or.

0:38:53.760 --> 0:38:58.480
<v Speaker 1>Is like bye, because what Okay, So to wrap this up, yeah,

0:38:58.520 --> 0:39:02.040
<v Speaker 1>we're talking about relationships. I want to know what your

0:39:02.080 --> 0:39:06.040
<v Speaker 1>all love languages are. Between words of affirmation, quality time,

0:39:06.120 --> 0:39:10.240
<v Speaker 1>receiving gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.

0:39:11.000 --> 0:39:13.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's it's for me. It's definitely words of affirmation

0:39:14.239 --> 0:39:17.960
<v Speaker 2>and probably like acts of service. But there was I

0:39:18.040 --> 0:39:19.440
<v Speaker 2>will tell you here's one thing.

0:39:19.480 --> 0:39:19.640
<v Speaker 1>I know.

0:39:19.680 --> 0:39:22.040
<v Speaker 2>We're not allowed to have a ton of them, but

0:39:22.480 --> 0:39:26.080
<v Speaker 2>I did go to dat a guy who he was

0:39:26.120 --> 0:39:28.880
<v Speaker 2>like French, and he would always like sort of like

0:39:29.719 --> 0:39:31.520
<v Speaker 2>he would sit close and he would always like sort

0:39:31.520 --> 0:39:33.480
<v Speaker 2>of like massage my hand or my leg, and I

0:39:33.520 --> 0:39:36.399
<v Speaker 2>was like, this is so nice. And then it kind

0:39:36.440 --> 0:39:39.120
<v Speaker 2>of made me think like maybe I'm a physical touch

0:39:39.160 --> 0:39:42.480
<v Speaker 2>person because I liked it so much, But I'm like,

0:39:42.760 --> 0:39:44.799
<v Speaker 2>you really have to be built that way, so.

0:39:44.880 --> 0:39:47.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't like if the physical touch is right, like

0:39:47.440 --> 0:39:52.040
<v Speaker 1>obviously this guy you your sensory Yeah it was.

0:39:53.080 --> 0:39:55.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, he would just sort of just it would just

0:39:55.560 --> 0:39:57.239
<v Speaker 2>be sitting at a bor it wouldn't be anything weird,

0:39:57.239 --> 0:39:59.120
<v Speaker 2>but he would just like massage my hand or my

0:39:59.239 --> 0:40:01.680
<v Speaker 2>leg or something like. I just like this is so nice.

0:40:02.239 --> 0:40:07.000
<v Speaker 2>Like it literally made me addicted to spending being around

0:40:07.080 --> 0:40:09.880
<v Speaker 2>him because it just felt so nice.

0:40:10.000 --> 0:40:12.319
<v Speaker 1>Oh, if someone gave me a scout massage, I might

0:40:12.360 --> 0:40:14.880
<v Speaker 1>be possible. I could cheat on my totally.

0:40:14.920 --> 0:40:16.799
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely. So what's your love flag?

0:40:17.440 --> 0:40:20.200
<v Speaker 1>I honestly not to not to be like me too,

0:40:21.239 --> 0:40:26.040
<v Speaker 1>but it's like acts of service because that to me

0:40:26.280 --> 0:40:29.319
<v Speaker 1>says so much like you're thinking about me. You're thinking

0:40:29.400 --> 0:40:33.480
<v Speaker 1>about how to make my life easier. So it's beyond

0:40:33.520 --> 0:40:37.400
<v Speaker 1>just the thing, but also depending on where my self

0:40:37.440 --> 0:40:41.239
<v Speaker 1>esteem and emotional like self worth is. Obviously, validation is

0:40:41.520 --> 0:40:41.920
<v Speaker 1>up there to you.

0:40:41.960 --> 0:40:43.680
<v Speaker 2>Gotta have it. We gotta have it. I mean we're

0:40:43.680 --> 0:40:45.600
<v Speaker 2>both actors. We gotta have it obviously.

0:40:45.719 --> 0:40:47.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, our self seems in the toilet.

0:40:47.040 --> 0:40:47.759
<v Speaker 2>And yeah, what about you?

0:40:49.120 --> 0:40:52.040
<v Speaker 3>Am I a red flag? If I say all of them.

0:40:53.520 --> 0:40:56.640
<v Speaker 1>A lot a lot, dude? Yeah, like or not and

0:40:56.680 --> 0:40:58.879
<v Speaker 1>you're not doing the exercise.

0:40:58.960 --> 0:41:01.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's called red flag. This takes work.

0:41:02.280 --> 0:41:07.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, hell, I talk about not fucking choose it.

0:41:07.520 --> 0:41:08.400
<v Speaker 2>That's what I'm saying.

0:41:08.520 --> 0:41:11.399
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Wow, red flag, Like she's like, I don't care.

0:41:11.480 --> 0:41:11.920
<v Speaker 1>I want all.

0:41:12.080 --> 0:41:12.799
<v Speaker 2>I want all of it.

0:41:13.080 --> 0:41:16.920
<v Speaker 1>You want Italian, you want the American, you want fucking tie,

0:41:17.800 --> 0:41:18.399
<v Speaker 1>I want it all.

0:41:18.480 --> 0:41:22.040
<v Speaker 3>If I really had to choose, I would probably say

0:41:22.120 --> 0:41:25.720
<v Speaker 3>acts of service to echo what e Bar said, because

0:41:25.800 --> 0:41:28.319
<v Speaker 3>our lives are so busy, so when someone comes into

0:41:28.400 --> 0:41:31.800
<v Speaker 3>it and helps alleviate some of that stress and see

0:41:31.880 --> 0:41:34.040
<v Speaker 3>something that needs to be done, I'm just like, oh,

0:41:34.080 --> 0:41:34.840
<v Speaker 3>thank you.

0:41:34.880 --> 0:41:37.200
<v Speaker 1>Knowing you, I would pick acts of service for you.

0:41:37.600 --> 0:41:40.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, because e Bar knows like it and going

0:41:40.840 --> 0:41:43.239
<v Speaker 2>to the bar a lot or whatever going out that

0:41:43.320 --> 0:41:45.640
<v Speaker 2>she knows that if if you got if she can't

0:41:45.640 --> 0:41:48.160
<v Speaker 2>get me a drink. When I like arrive and it's there,

0:41:48.280 --> 0:41:50.759
<v Speaker 2>it's like my most favorite thing. And it's not like

0:41:50.880 --> 0:41:53.399
<v Speaker 2>I'm making you guys like pay for like I'll venmo

0:41:53.560 --> 0:41:57.680
<v Speaker 2>for you know, it's just that it's there. I'm like, literally,

0:41:57.719 --> 0:42:00.440
<v Speaker 2>that's like such a treat for me that could maker

0:42:00.640 --> 0:42:03.040
<v Speaker 2>that like makes my day. And that's such a simple

0:42:03.080 --> 0:42:05.080
<v Speaker 2>thing when you think of acts of service that if

0:42:05.120 --> 0:42:08.680
<v Speaker 2>you can recognize that about somebody, and it's it's not

0:42:08.920 --> 0:42:11.680
<v Speaker 2>large things, it's about the fucking small, little fucking things.

0:42:11.840 --> 0:42:13.280
<v Speaker 2>Well that's a relationship.

0:42:13.320 --> 0:42:16.640
<v Speaker 1>It's also about being selfless, right, Like if someone's giving

0:42:16.640 --> 0:42:19.440
<v Speaker 1>you an octicar, they are thinking about you. Yeah, you know.

0:42:19.560 --> 0:42:22.480
<v Speaker 1>Obviously some of it is like like Ben loves to

0:42:23.040 --> 0:42:26.160
<v Speaker 1>make people feel happy, so there's also a self serving

0:42:26.200 --> 0:42:30.439
<v Speaker 1>component of it. Ultimately it nets out that it's posit,

0:42:30.640 --> 0:42:33.440
<v Speaker 1>it's giving to somebody else totally, you know.

0:42:33.800 --> 0:42:36.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So to wrap up this this episode, you know

0:42:36.480 --> 0:42:40.440
<v Speaker 2>and talking about relationships, I guess I'm still the walking

0:42:40.480 --> 0:42:42.360
<v Speaker 2>red flag. We learned a lot about you.

0:42:42.360 --> 0:42:46.000
<v Speaker 1>You're in eleven years, We've got a lot of your relationship.

0:42:46.080 --> 0:42:47.600
<v Speaker 1>We are flying the flags together.

0:42:47.880 --> 0:42:50.040
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but you know what, it's a huge win to

0:42:50.080 --> 0:42:52.160
<v Speaker 2>hear somebody say we're in it eleven years and we

0:42:52.200 --> 0:42:55.239
<v Speaker 2>have toddlers and you own a business together and we

0:42:55.280 --> 0:42:59.400
<v Speaker 2>are still happy together. I'm I I know it sounds

0:42:59.800 --> 0:43:02.640
<v Speaker 2>in insane for me to say this sentence. I think

0:43:02.680 --> 0:43:05.080
<v Speaker 2>that is a huge win and it is surprising to

0:43:05.160 --> 0:43:08.520
<v Speaker 2>me and that that's what makes me probably need more therapy.

0:43:08.640 --> 0:43:09.960
<v Speaker 2>But that's just me being honest.

0:43:10.000 --> 0:43:13.480
<v Speaker 1>Well, it's not like we definitely have really bad moments

0:43:13.800 --> 0:43:15.840
<v Speaker 1>like one hundred percent where you're like, oh, I feel

0:43:15.840 --> 0:43:17.919
<v Speaker 1>really bad about myself and I think he feels really

0:43:17.920 --> 0:43:19.640
<v Speaker 1>bad and we all feel bad, like why are we

0:43:19.680 --> 0:43:20.080
<v Speaker 1>doing this?

0:43:20.320 --> 0:43:22.919
<v Speaker 2>Right? But it's far you come back from it, though

0:43:23.080 --> 0:43:23.800
<v Speaker 2>it has.

0:43:23.640 --> 0:43:26.600
<v Speaker 1>The positive has to far outweigh the negative and past

0:43:26.680 --> 0:43:27.080
<v Speaker 1>that does.

0:43:29.239 --> 0:43:32.640
<v Speaker 2>So. Just a reminder, guys on YouTube if you can like, comment,

0:43:32.680 --> 0:43:34.879
<v Speaker 2>subscribe when you do, click that belce your note five

0:43:34.920 --> 0:43:36.440
<v Speaker 2>of all the videos that we were dropping. You can

0:43:36.560 --> 0:43:42.600
<v Speaker 2>also dm us on Instagram also rage at thereagepod dot com.

0:43:42.960 --> 0:43:44.840
<v Speaker 2>Send us an email, send us your thoughts, send us

0:43:44.880 --> 0:43:47.239
<v Speaker 2>voice memos. We'd love to have you on the rage hotline.

0:43:47.520 --> 0:43:50.080
<v Speaker 2>Send us any of your thoughts. We love you. Uh

0:43:50.480 --> 0:43:54.440
<v Speaker 2>loveagepod dot com. We have gear up there that we

0:43:54.520 --> 0:43:57.239
<v Speaker 2>haven't we haven't shown you guys, but it's cool, so

0:43:57.400 --> 0:43:59.440
<v Speaker 2>buy some gear if you want it and uh, I

0:43:59.440 --> 0:44:01.839
<v Speaker 2>think that's it or the hell out of here houm.

0:44:02.080 --> 0:44:03.440
<v Speaker 1>That's right, alright.

0:44:03.520 --> 0:44:06.880
<v Speaker 2>Bye