Speaker 1: Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2: Elizabeth Dutton Zeron Burnett. I got a question for you. Yeah,
Speaker 2: all right, do you just just out of you know,
Speaker 2: out of the blue, would you be able to tell
Speaker 2: me what is ridiculous?
Speaker 3: Well, I have a question for you.
Speaker 2: Oh, we're gonna flip it right back around so quickly.
Speaker 3: Do you like beverages with bite? Do you feel like
Speaker 3: a drink that has like a bite to it?
Speaker 2: No, next question, you do? I do? Yes? I like yes,
Speaker 2: but I'm really suspicious.
Speaker 3: You love sparkling water.
Speaker 2: I do sharp water, sharp water, sharp water, Yes, I
Speaker 2: love that sharp water.
Speaker 3: I can't take it.
Speaker 2: Water with teeth. That's what I like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, toothy water.
Speaker 2: And so also are uh did they ruin water too?
Speaker 3: They totally ruined.
Speaker 2: The water, dude.
Speaker 3: So we have been getting so many messages about this
Speaker 3: through all channels. Like a pigeon flew in my window
Speaker 3: and it was tied to the leg. We got them
Speaker 3: with a mashup. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: Are you surprised, No, Elizabeth, I'm really not surprised.
Speaker 3: Probably I think one of the worst. And it should
Speaker 3: be criminal and it involves seven eleven okay, and it involves.
Speaker 2: You think they'd be more involved in this seven eleven
Speaker 2: in other match, you don't.
Speaker 3: Bring them up because they've been holding it and now
Speaker 3: they just let it rip. Oh, they just it's their
Speaker 3: tummies were small. They just opened her up. So seven
Speaker 3: eleven got together with a company called Miracle Seltzer okay,
Speaker 3: and they're doing this line of sparkling water specifically for
Speaker 3: seven eleven. It's the seven select from House of miraclesure.
Speaker 3: So there are these flavors lemon, lime, green apple, sweet orange.
Speaker 3: You would totally grip.
Speaker 2: On those, totally all kinds of flavor, right.
Speaker 3: So then there's one that's called one that's called hot
Speaker 3: Dog hot Dog Water. Yeah, it's a twist on one
Speaker 3: of seven eleven's most beloved snacks, the Big Bite hot Dog. God,
Speaker 3: the Big Bite hot Dog Sparkling Water combines the delicious
Speaker 3: and watering experience of seven eleven's iconic big Bite hot
Speaker 3: dog into one refreshing beverage catch up and mustard included. God,
Speaker 3: on are the days of alternating bites of a hot
Speaker 3: dog with SIPs of a beverage. Now those can go. Now,
Speaker 3: those on the cave, I don't know. Now, those on
Speaker 3: the goat comes up the bun for bubbles.
Speaker 2: So does it come with a nice float of grease
Speaker 2: like from the rollers, because otherwise it's not authentic.
Speaker 3: Seven eleven man Marissa Jarrett, she laid it down for us.
Speaker 3: She's an executive vice president. While crafting flavors like Lemon
Speaker 3: lime and sweet Orange came more easily, our journey took
Speaker 3: an unexpected turn with the creation of Big Bite hot
Speaker 3: Dog Sparkling Water, a daring flavor that pushes the boundaries
Speaker 3: of flavor innovation. You know, the press release goes on
Speaker 3: and on, but let me tell you something more. Details
Speaker 3: on the availability of this flavor will be revealed on
Speaker 3: April first.
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, there we go.
Speaker 3: There it is. I think that's part of it. But
Speaker 3: in the meantime, the rest of the lineup is available
Speaker 3: at seven elevens, so I think it's totally fake. But
Speaker 3: I was like, hot dog flavored water, Where have I
Speaker 3: heard that? And then I remembered that's the name of
Speaker 3: olymp Biscuit album, hot Dog Water. It's a chocolate starfish
Speaker 3: and the hot dog flavored water, So like, I google
Speaker 3: it right, and that said, you know how sometimes they
Speaker 3: have like people also ask and it tells you other
Speaker 3: Google searches, and it said, what is the meaning of chocolate?
Speaker 3: Starfish and the hot dog flavored water?
Speaker 2: Elizabeth, what is the meaning of chocolate?
Speaker 3: And it just says the human anus. The first part
Speaker 3: of the title is a slang term for the human anus.
Speaker 3: And then hot dog flavored water is an in joke
Speaker 3: started by Wes Borland at a truck stop while the
Speaker 3: band was on tour where Borland saw bottles of crystal
Speaker 3: guys or flavored water and made a joke about having
Speaker 3: meat or hot dog flavors.
Speaker 2: So he was just ahead of the curve.
Speaker 3: He was ahead of the curve. Royalties, that, friends, is ridiculous.
Speaker 2: I'll give it to you.
Speaker 3: You should.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what the it's ridiculous. No, twenty one
Speaker 2: cubic feet of cash. That is ridiculous, right, that's ridiculous, Elizabeth.
Speaker 2: One man, one man stole twenty one cubic feet of.
Speaker 3: Cash, twenty one cubic feet.
Speaker 2: And his brother got away with it. Oh for a
Speaker 2: very long time. This is his story. Done Dune. This
Speaker 2: is Ridiculous Crime a podcast about absurd and outrageous capers,
Speaker 2: heists and calms. It's always ninety nine percent murder free
Speaker 2: and one hundred percent ridiculous. Very oh, Elizabeth, Oh zaren
Speaker 2: Philip Johnson. Yeah, sure, Phil Johnson, my man Johnson, Philly
Speaker 2: j Elizabeth. This story I'm about le on you is
Speaker 2: a Cohen Brothers style story, but like the later movies,
Speaker 2: not the early goofy ones. Yeah, this is a it's
Speaker 2: a crime story. This dude, Phil Johnson. Right, he was
Speaker 2: a meticulous man. He was a smart man. He was
Speaker 2: a cynical man, Elizabeth. He wasn't also an angry man,
Speaker 2: and he was a lonely.
Speaker 3: Man and a hungry man the time of very hungry.
Speaker 2: The time of our story, Phil Johnson was thirty three
Speaker 2: years old, which you know what that means. He was
Speaker 2: in his Jesus year. He was in his Jesus here,
Speaker 2: and my man, Phil Johnson was a major league screw up.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. A former co worker, Larry Taylor he said,
Speaker 2: and I quote he chow up for work late or
Speaker 2: not at all. Everything he did he screwed up. One
Speaker 2: of his neighbors said that Phil Johnson quote just couldn't
Speaker 2: get anywhere in life. He was always talking about his
Speaker 2: disappointments and his job didn't pay good. It was always
Speaker 2: negative things.
Speaker 3: Yeah, usually they talked to a neighbor and they're like
Speaker 3: he was just the nicest.
Speaker 2: Fellaw totally or else, like, you know, they were really bizarre. Now,
Speaker 2: his own sister said of her brother Phil that he
Speaker 2: quote lived in a world of pain. Oh yeah, Now
Speaker 2: what was that world of pain? What was the job
Speaker 2: that he hated? And what was he so terrible at doing? Elizabeth,
Speaker 2: I any guesses. No, I'll just tell you. He was
Speaker 2: a courier for Loomis Fargo. They are like the armored
Speaker 2: car company security, like Wells Fargo.
Speaker 3: So was he just scared all the time?
Speaker 2: Is that why he didn't like No, No, it wasn't
Speaker 2: so much this job terrified him or such. It would
Speaker 2: be basically he was a guard for the armored car
Speaker 2: and as a courier, what that means is he's the
Speaker 2: guy who goes into the business to get the cash.
Speaker 2: Now he's making seven dollars an hour and that was
Speaker 2: the pay he gets to risk his life for these
Speaker 2: cash deposits.
Speaker 3: That's stupid.
Speaker 2: So that was still depressing. This is nineteen ninety seven,
Speaker 2: so seven dollars an hour would be thirteen dollars and
Speaker 2: fifty cents in twenty twenty four dollars man.
Speaker 3: That's a lot of risk for very little compensation.
Speaker 2: Completely, also no health plan, no dental, no employer contributions
Speaker 2: to his pension. In fact, there was no pension nada.
Speaker 2: There was just the seven dollars an hour.
Speaker 3: He'd be better off as like a waiter somewhere.
Speaker 2: Oh. Completely. He worked his job for ten years and
Speaker 2: he hated it. Yeah, right, So for one, it was routine.
Speaker 2: It was just like literally, he drove a route, so
Speaker 2: he picked up cash, he took it to a collection point,
Speaker 2: same stops, over and over again. Mind numbing work, right,
Speaker 2: Phil Johnson. He let everyone know this, right, so all
Speaker 2: of his car workers, they knew how much he hated
Speaker 2: the job that he shared with them. They knew how
Speaker 2: much he felt they were all paid too little, and
Speaker 2: that how she had benefits for risking their life for
Speaker 2: circle kse cash drops right right now. This job but
Speaker 2: also gnawed away at his self respect because he began
Speaker 2: to loathe not just the job but his life. Like
Speaker 2: soon enough he'd loathe its effect on his self esteem.
Speaker 2: Like he told a friend, this dude, Tim Gray, that
Speaker 2: he'd likely never get married because what girl on her
Speaker 2: right mind? Would ever want a guy like him? Right
Speaker 2: kind of said, well.
Speaker 3: I mean, here's the thing. He is the captain of
Speaker 3: his own ship totally. So you know, you can complain
Speaker 3: and complain and complain, but then so times you just
Speaker 3: gotta do something.
Speaker 2: It all comes out of perspective too. I mean, the
Speaker 2: seven dollars is not doing anything to decide who he is. Yeah, exactly,
Speaker 2: but it is a factor in his conditions that he's
Speaker 2: responding to, which he has a choice in how he responds. Okay,
Speaker 2: there was though, in this nature nurture debate. There was
Speaker 2: the nature part of it. He had a tough family
Speaker 2: situation right now, obviously this would probably fall mostly under
Speaker 2: nurture because we're not talking about like genetics being like
Speaker 2: genetic predispositions to disease. But anyway, my point is his
Speaker 2: parents split up when he was three years old. His
Speaker 2: father cut out. He had an older sister and a brother,
Speaker 2: Sharon and David. Now their mother being a single mom,
Speaker 2: she's trying to do the best she can, Elizabeth. She
Speaker 2: goes on welfare. She moves her family to public housing
Speaker 2: in Atlanta, a rough neighborhood at the time. His sister
Speaker 2: would recall how other kids would throw rocks at them
Speaker 2: as they rode their bikes, so damn right, just because
Speaker 2: they didn't like them. I guess this is the eighties.
Speaker 2: You know they always hear, you know, you hear about
Speaker 2: how rough things were in the eighties. We rode our
Speaker 2: bikes everywhere. What you don't hear is it some kids threw.
Speaker 3: Rocks at us?
Speaker 2: So things continue to go bitter for young Phil. By
Speaker 2: the time he was eight years old, the siblings were
Speaker 2: split up. Baby of the family, Phil, he went north
Speaker 2: with his mother. They relocated to a trailer park on
Speaker 2: the fringes of Rochester, New York. That didn't last long, though,
Speaker 2: don't worry, because he was given over to his in
Speaker 2: laws and there he worked for them in Pennsylvania.
Speaker 3: Oh god.
Speaker 2: That also didn't last long though, thank god, because he
Speaker 2: wound up in the West with his father, of all people.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that also didn't last long. He was sent
Speaker 2: back by his dad. He packed up his boy on
Speaker 2: a bus and said, doing his best impression of like
Speaker 2: Bizarro World, Horace Greeley, He's like, go east, young man,
Speaker 2: go east.
Speaker 3: So like, I just I know that there are a
Speaker 3: lot of people in this world who have to face
Speaker 3: that kind of stuff. But on their behalf. I want
Speaker 3: to go on a slapping spree.
Speaker 2: Oh I know you do.
Speaker 3: Just find these people.
Speaker 2: Your hand will be read at the end of this.
Speaker 2: Phil Johnson. Now he's back in New York. He goes
Speaker 2: he stays with an aunt, and the aunt was a
Speaker 2: kind steadying force in his life. He finally has someone
Speaker 2: who's going to nurture this young boy. She pays for
Speaker 2: the kid whose smarts has mostly been overlooked at this
Speaker 2: point to go to a private religious school, Lima Christian
Speaker 2: Academy in Lima, New York. Right, so finally he's got
Speaker 2: like a good stable situation. Phil Johnson. He stays with
Speaker 2: his aunt all the way through high school. He enjoys
Speaker 2: the first real period of stability in his entire life.
Speaker 2: Up to this point, though the damage has been done, right,
Speaker 2: So he's basically a young hard case. Unfortunately, so one
Speaker 2: former teacher from his time at Lima Christian they recalled
Speaker 2: that quote Phil had some problems. You know, he just
Speaker 2: didn't trust authority figures, especially male authority.
Speaker 3: I wonder why.
Speaker 2: Exactly he had the same teacher also noted that Phil
Speaker 2: was quote very bright, sort of cynically critical, so I
Speaker 2: relate to this cat like I won't even lie. Like
Speaker 2: by my high school years, I was also pretty distrusting
Speaker 2: of authority, especially male authority figures. Teachers would sense my skepticism,
Speaker 2: but I also knew that was no way to go
Speaker 2: through life, right, So I did my damnes not to
Speaker 2: not grow bitter. And I see how he crossed from
Speaker 2: skepticism into cyndicism, and then with that comes the betterness, right,
Speaker 2: which is a poison pill.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So also this was another factor. He was basically a
Speaker 2: proto in cel in that fact he had no girls
Speaker 2: in his life, and he blamed a lot of his
Speaker 2: conditions for his unhappiness on the fact he had no
Speaker 2: women in his life, right, right, So that can make
Speaker 2: a man weird. I will be honest about that. That
Speaker 2: the resentment of how of other young men for having
Speaker 2: women and you not having him, Like they're a possession,
Speaker 2: that a natural component to a man's life. Well yeah, exactly,
Speaker 2: So like ignoring the woman's humanity and like agency, they're
Speaker 2: just like I should have one these other guys. They're
Speaker 2: thinking about it as a male competition, so it becomes
Speaker 2: a way of like measuring mans right now, anyway, Phil Johnson.
Speaker 2: He had a nickname his buddies that called him Fishkay,
Speaker 2: not like the beloved Barney Miller character. Did he look
Speaker 2: like a no, But this was based on his love
Speaker 2: of answering fish and bread. Whenever he was asked, what
Speaker 2: do you want to eat?
Speaker 3: Fish and bread?
Speaker 2: Fish and bread? Yeah, he was like, on that loaves
Speaker 2: and fish energy, right, and he's just like out there.
Speaker 2: He seriously would have loved the all you can eat
Speaker 2: fish and bread party that Jesus threw. He's like, this
Speaker 2: is the best thing ever, just mowing down mackerel like
Speaker 2: any no thing anyway other than fish and bread. His
Speaker 2: other great love was the idea of being a cop.
Speaker 2: When he was growing up. He really wanted to be
Speaker 2: Johnny law.
Speaker 3: Right, I'd love to have someone bitter on the force.
Speaker 3: We got these women as subhuman you.
Speaker 2: Even his high school teacher was like, I don't know, Phil,
Speaker 2: let's look at some other career options. Mister Ludeman from
Speaker 2: Lima Christian said, and I quote, we didn't think he
Speaker 2: was one of the guys we wanted out on the
Speaker 2: highway protecting us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I know very little about this.
Speaker 2: So this the voter no confidence. This didn't dim Phil
Speaker 2: Johnson's hopes, not in his own eyes. So he goes
Speaker 2: off to Monroe Community College near Rochester, New York. Pursued
Speaker 2: his dream with a passion. He gets an associate's degree
Speaker 2: in criminology, which I'm not gonna lie, Elizabeth, I kind
Speaker 2: of half want to go get one of those mysel
Speaker 2: probably should right, just for the.
Speaker 3: Kicksh take it, take a online.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I give myself a criminology.
Speaker 3: You're here in California, and you know you can get
Speaker 3: you can a lot of places you can do at
Speaker 3: least one year for free to make me to college.
Speaker 2: Good point. Maybe I shouldn't look into this anyway. You
Speaker 2: should back to my man, Phil john After he graduated
Speaker 2: from Monroe Community College, he went south to.
Speaker 3: Jacksonville, Jacksonville, Florida, Florida.
Speaker 2: There are multiple Jacksonville's, but the Jacksonville, you know, like
Speaker 2: the yeah, the Miami, the Ohio State, the Jacksonville. So
Speaker 2: that's where his mother and big sister were living at
Speaker 2: the time. Right, So before he dipped down to Jacksonville,
Speaker 2: he made a little pit stop in Venezuela.
Speaker 3: That's a little roundabout wait to get to Jacksonville.
Speaker 2: You remember lima Christian. He went there on a missionary trip.
Speaker 2: So this is where he finally meets a girl one
Speaker 2: who liked him back a blonde missionary. She may have
Speaker 2: even assumed the position with him. I don't know, but
Speaker 2: I don't for certain that. What I do know is
Speaker 2: that there was a camp romance because when they got
Speaker 2: back home to America, she dumped him. So Phil Johnson
Speaker 2: starts his new life and his new career, and he
Speaker 2: pursues his passion for criminology. Right he goes, He's like,
Speaker 2: in Jacksonville, He's not going to go become a cop.
Speaker 2: He tries in Jacksonville, no luck. He tries other cities
Speaker 2: and towns in Florida. Somehow still can't get hired. Right,
Speaker 2: He's like, I don't know what's wrong with me right now. Honestly,
Speaker 2: I don't know what's wrong with him, Like, how can
Speaker 2: you not get hired as a cop in Florida? It
Speaker 2: seems like the bar is pretty darn low.
Speaker 3: Think about the red flags this dude is sending up.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm thinking the other cops, you know, Because.
Speaker 3: He walks in for an interview and he's like, so,
Speaker 3: how easy is it to find a lady's address based
Speaker 3: on her license?
Speaker 2: Do I get a full access to all addresses?
Speaker 3: Hypathetic, just saying if I saw some broad walking down there, like, Okay,
Speaker 3: that's enough. How'd you go?
Speaker 2: Well, if you ask Phil Johnson, he'd tell you there
Speaker 2: were two reasons, just two reasons why he couldn't get
Speaker 2: a job as a cop. Can you guess what they are?
Speaker 2: Elizabeth women? No, I'll tell you. One was his back.
Speaker 2: It had a slight curve his back. And two he
Speaker 2: was quote too male and pale as in, he was
Speaker 2: much too much of a white male to get a
Speaker 2: job as a cop in the South. Me, I'm like, bro,
Speaker 2: come on, that's like, that's the first.
Speaker 3: Ironman, I really like, I'm gonna I'm just gonna stop
Speaker 3: my whole tirade on.
Speaker 2: Anyway, what could he get a job as Elizabeth? He
Speaker 2: could get a job doing vacuum cleaner demonstrator.
Speaker 3: They still have that back.
Speaker 2: In the nineties they did. Yeah. Now, this wasn't like
Speaker 2: he was a salesman on the floor making a commission. No, No,
Speaker 2: he showed people at home goods conventions. How you could
Speaker 2: you know, clean up a spilled legos with the new
Speaker 2: sucomatic seven thousand, so, you know, but this whole time though,
Speaker 2: he still longs to be a cop, right, So, he
Speaker 2: gets a job as a security guard. He plans to
Speaker 2: stay there a while because one police department had noted
Speaker 2: that he had a spotty work history. He's just all
Speaker 2: over the place, right right, So he's like, I need
Speaker 2: to get a job and keep it. So he keeps
Speaker 2: this security job as long as he can so he
Speaker 2: can show the cops that he can hold down a job.
Speaker 3: That's why he did that for someone.
Speaker 2: He ends up working there ten years, right so, and
Speaker 2: that's why he hated it, so that and also the
Speaker 2: job sucked. So at this point he feels his job
Speaker 2: is beneath him. He should be a cop, a detective,
Speaker 2: a c I s I specialized.
Speaker 3: Sorry, of course, I know people like this exactly. I
Speaker 3: know people who get criminal justice degrees and they think
Speaker 3: they're going to be c s I and like y'all
Speaker 3: get the sunglass for prince and also somehow arresting people
Speaker 3: and also like you know, cross examining exactly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's not happening for him.
Speaker 3: And I know people who can't get jobs as cops
Speaker 3: with all that, and I know them and I know
Speaker 3: exactly why they're not getting Think Jesus.
Speaker 2: Now that we know who Phil Johnson is, let's take
Speaker 2: a little break and then I'll tell you why Phil
Speaker 2: Johnson is not going to be the hero of this tale.
Speaker 4: I is Phil Johnson, Elizabeth sar and we're back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Hey, what's it?
Speaker 2: So? I was thinking about it all and break my
Speaker 2: man Phil Johnson on He use that term by a
Speaker 2: man loosely, but he what he should have done if
Speaker 2: he wanted to become a copy go to the military.
Speaker 2: That's the right. You got a lot most cops are
Speaker 2: ex military, right, so you go to the military. You
Speaker 2: qualify yourself and these certain components of like I can
Speaker 2: listen to orders, I can fire a gun, I can like,
Speaker 2: you know, not shoot the wrong person most of the time. Right,
Speaker 2: They're like, okay, you could.
Speaker 3: Be a dishonorable discharge written all over him.
Speaker 2: Probably so. Anyway, most of Phil's coworkers at the armored
Speaker 2: truck company where he got a job, they were ex military,
Speaker 2: so they would kind of lord that over him. Anyway.
Speaker 2: As he marked his time as a security guard, still
Speaker 2: dreaming of one day becoming a cop, he would drive
Speaker 2: around in his armored truck listening to Rush Limbaugh's talk
Speaker 2: radio show on the Old Am Radio dial getting radicalized,
Speaker 2: and a friend of his from that time said he
Speaker 2: knows how all the Rush Limbaugh was making Phil Johnson
Speaker 2: even more negative, And I quote Tam everything was a
Speaker 2: catch twenty two. I didn't want to be around him
Speaker 2: sometimes because he was so negative. I'm sorry, but I
Speaker 2: can only take so much. I'm with him now. By
Speaker 2: this point, we're ten years deep in his quest to
Speaker 2: be a cop. Right, He's getting frustrated, getting radicalized. Phil
Speaker 2: Johnson's telling that same friend who I just quoted that
Speaker 2: he had so little to show for his life, he
Speaker 2: might as well end it, right, He's getting desponded. It
Speaker 2: got so bad his mother and sister looked into checking
Speaker 2: him into a mental hospital, but without any health insurance
Speaker 2: to cover it, that was not an option. The hospital
Speaker 2: wouldn't even admit him.
Speaker 3: So one day that's terrible. But also now you're worried
Speaker 3: about his mental health, well, his family.
Speaker 2: I think that they finally had signs that were irrefutable.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true, okay, so I'll allow it.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. I appreciate your latitude on that.
Speaker 2: There was a neighbor June Glover, an older lass who
Speaker 2: was friendly with him. She recalled how Phil Johnson had asked, well,
Speaker 2: she'd asked him, rather if when he was complaining about
Speaker 2: his life, if he'd ever considered going to church, maybe
Speaker 2: you know, turning to prayer, give it up to God?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 2: And Phil Johnson told her he couldn't do that because
Speaker 2: as he as he said, and I quote, I'm mad
Speaker 2: at God.
Speaker 3: He's mad.
Speaker 2: He's mad at God, So talk to him.
Speaker 3: Ironed out.
Speaker 2: So when what would Phil Johnson do now that he's
Speaker 2: mad at God, desponded with life, wants to be a cop,
Speaker 2: can't get a shot? Well, he decided, you know, I
Speaker 2: guess I could always go the other way.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 2: So he worked out a plan. He studied how he
Speaker 2: could get away with this idea. He was meticulous, as
Speaker 2: I said, in the details of logistic He worked out
Speaker 2: his plan to the tiniest consideration, and one day, the
Speaker 2: day one day before Easter, in fact, he decided it
Speaker 2: was time to strike. It was time to become the
Speaker 2: guy the cops were looking for you roll back the stone. Yeah,
Speaker 2: now who wants to find old Phil Johnson?
Speaker 3: I have to say this doesn't include our one percent correct,
Speaker 3: which is shocking everything written all over it.
Speaker 2: He kill somebody, Yeah no, not not this guy. He's
Speaker 2: he's too pathetic to kill. No, I mean like he
Speaker 2: I don't think anyway. So this was March twenty ninth,
Speaker 2: nineteen ninety seven. We just passed the anniversary of Elizabeth. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and we did you notice that it was a good
Speaker 2: day in nineteen ninety seven. It was in the spring.
Speaker 3: So Phil, he doesn't have to use his aka exactly today.
Speaker 2: Mama didn't make a breakfast with no hog. So Phil
Speaker 2: drove his busted VW Rabbit to work. He showed up
Speaker 2: his normal shift and on his normal shift, I told
Speaker 2: you he was a courier. Sure, yeah, yeah, No, Elizabeth,
Speaker 2: are you familiar, because if you're unfamiliar with the industry jargon,
Speaker 2: I'm just throwing around the courier. That's the security guard
Speaker 2: who hops out of the armored car and they go
Speaker 2: into the business alone but armed, and then they collect
Speaker 2: the heavy canvas bag of cash. They guard it as
Speaker 2: they securely transport it back to the armored truck. Inside
Speaker 2: the armor truck is where the doors they are they
Speaker 2: have to remain locked. And there this is all policy,
Speaker 2: by the way.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so he's like the runner.
Speaker 2: He's like the runner, but they call him the courier, right,
Speaker 2: and then the inside there's the driver, right, and then
Speaker 2: if there was another guy, then maybe he'd be the shotgun. Okay, right,
Speaker 2: So the guards of the truck they have gun ports
Speaker 2: that they are allowed to shove the barrel out of
Speaker 2: and then they can fire at the bad guys. But
Speaker 2: they're in, but they're not allowed to open the doors.
Speaker 2: So if he's out there getting robbed, they're just they
Speaker 2: can just watch or like possibly take shots everybody exactly,
Speaker 2: So things see why he's really did not like his job.
Speaker 2: He's just basically expendable for seven dollars an hour. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but he was given a bulletproof vest and I know
Speaker 2: how much you love those, and also a thirty eight pistol.
Speaker 3: Right, that's something I mentioned on the Daily Zite.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 3: Yes, I think that bulletproof vests are overrated because a
Speaker 3: head shot usually kills you right away pretty much. So
Speaker 3: how's that going to help me?
Speaker 2: Not much?
Speaker 3: Right, So you were saying, but a lot.
Speaker 2: Of people notice you for center mask because it's an
Speaker 2: easier target than a person's heads.
Speaker 3: Right, But you were saying, I said you should have
Speaker 3: like a bulletproof balaklava. Yeah, you were saying, you want
Speaker 3: like a cobra commander.
Speaker 2: A cowl, a mask. Yeah, I want draping.
Speaker 3: I want like I want a kevlar bubble. Just roll
Speaker 3: down the street. So anyway, continue.
Speaker 2: Like a like a fish bowl, like just round.
Speaker 3: And perfect, like a Jake Gillenhall boy in the bubble.
Speaker 3: Uh huh a diving bad allergies.
Speaker 2: Allergic to a full bubble surrounding your head. I got you.
Speaker 2: I can totally see you. So, after completing their regular
Speaker 2: route Phil Johnson's armor truck, they would then return to
Speaker 2: the Loomis Fargo warehouse to drop off all the collected cash.
Speaker 2: Then they would get cleared by a guard to enter
Speaker 2: the lot, because a whole lot is secured. Right then
Speaker 2: the garage door gets open, the armored truck pulls inside.
Speaker 2: Very nineteen thirties, as you pointed out, Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2: As soon as the armor truck is parked, the driver
Speaker 2: he's done for his day. He can clock out, He's
Speaker 2: done his whole thing, right that, Yeah, you're out, man,
Speaker 2: But Phil Johnson he has to stay behind and process
Speaker 2: the load and then he'd be done. He got to
Speaker 2: process the load bro some load man. So this was,
Speaker 2: by the way, on this night, well, he was the
Speaker 2: last truck to return to the warehouse. So at night
Speaker 2: it's about seven pm. Phil Johnson is a loan, which
Speaker 2: is two vault guards who are left working inside the
Speaker 2: warehouse because they also have to clear the load with him.
Speaker 2: There as by the way, are Dan Smith and James Brown. Yes,
Speaker 2: the godfather of Saul was working at it. Truly the
Speaker 2: hardest working ship man in show business. You know, different
Speaker 2: James Brown. But at seven pm or so, this James Brown,
Speaker 2: Dan Smith and Phil Johnson they are in the warehouse right,
Speaker 2: And that's kind of like.
Speaker 3: The most generic names totally.
Speaker 2: I mean they're just like AI generic names, but not
Speaker 2: even AI, because a I would mess it up totally.
Speaker 2: So Phil Johnson he draws his thirty eight on his
Speaker 2: fellow guards. They're like, hey, that's not funny, man, don't
Speaker 2: point that at me. And he's like, no, no, man,
Speaker 2: I got to drop on you. They're like, yeah, you
Speaker 2: got to drop on me. He's like, I got to
Speaker 2: drop on you.
Speaker 3: Well, you'll never become a cop act like that.
Speaker 2: That's so he's like, yeah, Josh, your weapons over here.
Speaker 2: So then they do, and then he's like, okay, no,
Speaker 2: handcuff yourself to the floor because apparently the floor had
Speaker 2: like metal rings or something to it.
Speaker 3: So they were like, that's convenient. Are you handcuffing yourself?
Speaker 2: So Dan Smith he was the younger man, Elizabeth he
Speaker 2: was about twenty seven. James Brown he was an old
Speaker 2: vet of the game. He was fifty two. These two
Speaker 2: men weren't expecting to be robbed, right, So but they
Speaker 2: were like, as I told you, they're basically handling paperwork
Speaker 2: on this last load of the night. They're like all
Speaker 2: the just about to get home. Now they're getting handcuffed
Speaker 2: and shackled to the floor. So they're like, oh, yes,
Speaker 2: a Friday night man. So Phil Johnson he walks out
Speaker 2: of the yard. He grabs a white fourd a conoline van,
Speaker 2: backs it up to the loading dock for the vault area.
Speaker 2: And then this is a picture you just your standard
Speaker 2: stretch white van, nothing special about it, like something a
Speaker 2: church group would use, right Phil Johnson. He loads heavy
Speaker 2: canvas cash bags like these bags aren't they're stuffed full
Speaker 2: with bills? Right? None of the bills are smaller than
Speaker 2: a ten dollars bill. Oh, and he loads the canvas
Speaker 2: cash bags into the back of the van for two hours,
Speaker 2: he loads cash bags by himself, two solid hours toss
Speaker 2: and bags.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: The money, by the way, was perfect for a heist
Speaker 2: because it was all from convenience stores, gas stations, liquor stores,
Speaker 2: fat food joints, grocery.
Speaker 3: Stores riddled with bacteria.
Speaker 2: What do you have within the bacteria is unmarked non
Speaker 2: sequential bills, Yeah, exactly, and a ton of them collected
Speaker 2: from business. It's impossible to track this cash. So the
Speaker 2: van is now loaded with millions in cash. Phil Johnson
Speaker 2: he walks over to the surveillance security system. He removes
Speaker 2: the videotapes recording the security cam footage. Then he went
Speaker 2: and pulls his personnel file took it with him. Lastly,
Speaker 2: he locked the vault and said it to so it
Speaker 2: wouldn't be open until Sunday afternoon thanks to the timelock.
Speaker 2: Then he goes back. He unshackled James Brown and Dan Smith.
Speaker 3: James smooths his pressed hair.
Speaker 2: My pop is cocked. So he told them to hop
Speaker 2: in the van, lie down on top of the bags
Speaker 2: of money and do as instructed, or he would ventilate them. Right,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna give it to you, see with my heat
Speaker 2: at Phil Johnson. He starts the van up. He calmly
Speaker 2: drives out of the secured warehouse. He drives with the
Speaker 2: eighteen point eight million dollars he's managed in another van. No,
Speaker 2: they're in the back in the van with them, just
Speaker 2: lying on their cash. Yeah, he's got a plan, Elizabeth. Okay,
Speaker 2: Now this eighteen point eight million in twenty twenty four dollars,
Speaker 2: double it, it would be thirty six point three million. Wow,
Speaker 2: Phil Johnson has he's got his thirty six million. Basically
Speaker 2: it's eighteen point eight. But anyway, where do you think
Speaker 2: he went with his loot and his two co workers
Speaker 2: that you questioned him bringing along.
Speaker 3: I don't know the waterfront.
Speaker 2: No, he went home. He drove to his place. He
Speaker 2: went back to his house. He had a three bedroom house,
Speaker 2: a nice little Tony joint about a mile away from
Speaker 2: the warehouse. By nine pm, he pulls into his place.
Speaker 2: He's like, sorry for the mess, guys. He took James
Speaker 2: Brown out of the van, he led him inside the
Speaker 2: house and then none of the neighbors saw the two
Speaker 2: men go inside apparently. But once inside, Phil Johnson, he
Speaker 2: handcuffs the old vet James Brown to a metal pipe
Speaker 2: right now that James Brown is sitting there, and this
Speaker 2: is a pipe that is running through a closet. He's
Speaker 2: like in a closet and he's like attached to like
Speaker 2: one of the big metal like you know, okay, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: So he leaves him some snacks in a two gallon
Speaker 2: jug of water, you know, for his blood sugar. He's
Speaker 2: an older guy, thoughtful, I thought. Then Phil Johnson, he goes,
Speaker 2: he calls back into the white floor to cond of
Speaker 2: line van and he lays a blanket over Dan Smith
Speaker 2: and he's like we're gonna roll. And he fired that
Speaker 2: bad boy back to life. And he drove Dan Smith
Speaker 2: and the stolen millions away, right, they drove all through
Speaker 2: the night. Elizabeth. He's like humming songs to him, like
Speaker 2: sing along dad. So and he tells Dance Smith if
Speaker 2: he by the way, if you try to get away,
Speaker 2: you try to do anything stupid, I am prepared to
Speaker 2: kill you. Okay, now worry what song you want to sing?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: So eventually he has to pull the van over. I
Speaker 2: don't know if it's for a bio break or for
Speaker 2: gas or whatever. He tells Dan to lay there, covered
Speaker 2: by the blanket, handcuffed. Mind you to the van and
Speaker 2: he wanted to see, Like, you know, do you want
Speaker 2: to live to see the next day? Then just be cool, right?
Speaker 2: Dance Smith is like, I want to see tomorrow, so
Speaker 2: he acts cool. Phil Johnson meanwhile unloads the cash and
Speaker 2: does some unseen secure location. Because Dance Smith's covered with
Speaker 2: the heavy blanket, Phil Johnson gets back in the van
Speaker 2: drives off again. They drive for four hours. Dan Smith
Speaker 2: has no idea what direction where they're going right. Then
Speaker 2: suddenly actually what he doesn't know is he's missing out
Speaker 2: on a great drive because they were on the Blue
Speaker 2: Ridge Parkway. Really nice. It would have been better for
Speaker 2: the autumn, but it was the spring anyway, so beautiful drive.
Speaker 2: So this is also, by the way, now Easter Sunday
Speaker 2: because the days have passed.
Speaker 3: And if it was me, I'd be car sick.
Speaker 2: Yeah you do. So the van pulls over the backwoods
Speaker 2: outside Ashville, North Carolina. Oh right, Phil Johnson uncuffed Dan
Speaker 2: and he's like, you're not going to saying get out.
Speaker 3: Right, So he find a cute coffee.
Speaker 2: Shop something that we can do, and do it somewhere
Speaker 2: we can take photos. So they order. He orders him
Speaker 2: out of the van right. He handcuffs him to a tree.
Speaker 2: Then he leaves him some snacks in another jug of water.
Speaker 2: Once again, very thoughtful, He tells Dan Smith, look, man,
Speaker 2: I'll tell you the cops where to find you. Just
Speaker 2: wait forty eight hours and then they'll come out and
Speaker 2: get you right now. If Elizabeth, I was curious about
Speaker 2: this when I was doing the research on this, if
Speaker 2: a co worker abducted you, drove you out to the
Speaker 2: woods in North Carolina, handcuffed you to a tree, that said,
Speaker 2: trust me, I'm going to alert the cops, would you
Speaker 2: believe them?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: Okay, Dan Smith was our kind of guy, because Elizabeth,
Speaker 2: you know what he had in his pocket? It is no,
Speaker 2: he wasn't happy to see you. A Swiss army knife.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 2: We used it to pick the handcuffs and he freed
Speaker 2: himself within an hour.
Speaker 3: Good for her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, then he walked out of the woods.
Speaker 3: That's why you gotta always carry you know what do
Speaker 3: I know you do?
Speaker 2: He flagged down. A passing motorist asked for a ride
Speaker 2: to the closest authorities he was given a ride to
Speaker 2: the US Forest Service station because that was the closest
Speaker 2: authorities like, how about a park ranger? Yeah, god's good,
Speaker 2: they got a badge. So I Meanwhile, my man Phil Johnson,
Speaker 2: he's initiating the second part of his plan, getting away
Speaker 2: with it. So back in Jacksonville, it's Sunday morning. The
Speaker 2: morning shift at Louis Fargo has a arrived for work
Speaker 2: and discovered the vault was locked. The supervisor phoned the police.
Speaker 2: Cops arrived. They asked to see the security camo footage
Speaker 2: from the night before. Supervisor took them to the surveillance room,
Speaker 2: where they discovered there are no tapes of the night before.
Speaker 2: Things looked rough for the investigating officers. But this is
Speaker 2: when the Jacksonville Police received a call from the cops
Speaker 2: in North Carolina. They had this guy who had gone
Speaker 2: to the Park Service and now they got into it
Speaker 2: all the way to the police. They told him the
Speaker 2: Jacksonville cops said, is what Dan Smith had told them.
Speaker 2: Together with the FBI, the Jacksonville Pd raced over to
Speaker 2: Phil Johnson's house. They raid the house and what do
Speaker 2: they find. No brown in a closet exactly they find
Speaker 2: James Brown in the closet. No Phil Johnson though, So
Speaker 2: the FBI Field agency starts the whole home. They discover
Speaker 2: all sorts of clues. There was paperwork that showed Phil
Speaker 2: Johnson had definitely secured fake identities. There was some tourist
Speaker 2: books that indicated he may have cut out for Brazil.
Speaker 2: It's like Brazil and five dollars now. So all in all,
Speaker 2: the investigators find that Phil Johnson had been planning his
Speaker 2: heist for five years.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 2: So it took him five years of being a security
Speaker 2: guard before he's like, forget all this, I'm gonna go
Speaker 2: become a lawless outlaw.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So they also found that Phil Johnson had painted a
Speaker 2: personal mantra on the walls of one of his homes.
Speaker 2: He painted three words Elizabeth House of Pain. I don't
Speaker 2: think he was like a super fan of the band
Speaker 2: get Down exactly. I think I think he said, look,
Speaker 2: look y'all, I came to get down. I came to
Speaker 2: get down, So get up in your seat and jump
Speaker 2: arou right is because jump jump jump his his house
Speaker 2: of pain.
Speaker 3: That her mom, I came, I know that about you. Right.
Speaker 2: So, now that the FBI has their main suspect the
Speaker 2: ever last number one fan. The NPI launches a nationwide
Speaker 2: man hunt. But what was Phil Johnson up to?
Speaker 3: He was in the wind.
Speaker 2: Well, he ditched the white Florida Connoline van.
Speaker 3: Good call, I'm interested to find out what that stop was.
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, that's where he dumped off the money.
Speaker 3: Yeah, where is that?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Exactly. Well, we do know that he dumped the
Speaker 2: Florida Connoline van at the National Guard Armory parking lot.
Speaker 2: That would take a while to notice. Kind of smart.
Speaker 3: Thank you for your serving. Yeah.
Speaker 2: The FBI checked the transportation records of all the various airports,
Speaker 2: bus stations, train stations, and they found evidence that suspected
Speaker 2: Phil Johnson, using one of his fake identities, had bought
Speaker 2: a Greyhound ticket to Mexico and most likely fled the country.
Speaker 3: Oh man at Greyhound in Mexico.
Speaker 2: At this point, he has a five year head start
Speaker 2: in terms of planning. Right, He's been underestimated his entire life.
Speaker 2: Oh and now he's showed the law enforcement community what
Speaker 2: they've been missing out on. And he's got the eighteen
Speaker 2: point eight million dollars to fuel his revenge too, and
Speaker 2: had done it, ripped off his employer, he's successfully gotten away,
Speaker 2: but it gone on the lamb. He was laying low
Speaker 2: and staying there for months. Wow, the FBI had no
Speaker 2: solid leaves. Jacksonville PD had even fewer. Finally, on July
Speaker 2: twenty sixth, nineteen ninety seven, Washington Post published a star
Speaker 2: at the headline and I quote, have you seen this man?
Speaker 2: He's thirty three, single, lonely, grouchy, rumpled, and very possibly
Speaker 2: the richest thief who ever lived. God get him Washington Palace.
Speaker 2: He's homely, exactly, grouchy, grumpled. I mean, he could use
Speaker 2: an iron, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Poke the bear. They're trying to get him all upset.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm thinking. Louis Fargo, meanwhile, is furious. The
Speaker 2: company has offered half a million dollars for any information
Speaker 2: that would lead to Phil Johnson's whereabouts or his arrest.
Speaker 2: No one's coming forward. Mike Hurd, the FBI field agent
Speaker 2: in charge of the man hunt, said, and I quote,
Speaker 2: he looks like anybody, So go find him and we'll
Speaker 2: give you a half million. Like we got nothing, y'all.
Speaker 2: Therobo for the FBI was that they had their hands
Speaker 2: full with a far more high profile purp at the time,
Speaker 2: the killer Andrew Kanana yea, yeah, he was on his
Speaker 2: cross country killing spree. At this point. The FBI was
Speaker 2: very much focused on calculating Florida exactly. There was another
Speaker 2: factor that also made it difficult to capture Phil Johnson.
Speaker 2: He was wholly unremarkable looking. He was a nondescript wife guy.
Speaker 2: His blonde hair was his most distinguishing feature, and blonde
Speaker 2: hair can easily be dyed so effectively. His plainness made
Speaker 2: him invisible. Yes, finally working out for Elizabeth. At this
Speaker 2: point April April okay so and his old friends, they
Speaker 2: were shocked to learn what he'd been up to lately.
Speaker 2: His friend Tim Gray was at a funeral, yeah, about
Speaker 2: his old buddy Phil Johnson had done. And somebody told him,
Speaker 2: did you hear Phil Johnson gave himself a raise sou
Speaker 2: Southern humor. Now you know who was also impressed. The
Speaker 2: Guinness Book of World Records. Mark Young, the editor of
Speaker 2: the US edition of the Guinness Book of World Records,
Speaker 2: when he heard that Phil Johnson what he had done,
Speaker 2: he said, and I quote damned impressive. Actually twenty million,
Speaker 2: and he's still out there.
Speaker 3: He's rounding up on him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally, Vin, do you think he'd be better on
Speaker 2: the stats?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 2: But he was so impressed because his young well knows.
Speaker 2: Phil Johnson had obliterated the old record for the most
Speaker 2: money ever stolen in a heist. The previous record was
Speaker 2: eleven million dollars stolen from an armored car vault in
Speaker 2: New York City. Now around the world, the record was
Speaker 2: a disputed amount because it was somewhere between twenty and
Speaker 2: fifty million dollars. Yeah, I don't know which was stolen
Speaker 2: from the vault in safe deposit boxes of the British
Speaker 2: Bank of the Middle East in Bay Route. Oh, but
Speaker 2: that wasn't one man. That was a whole heist team
Speaker 2: and they'd use bombs. So you know, Phil Johnson, he
Speaker 2: just used routine and cleverness to rip off eighteen point
Speaker 2: eight Yeah, solid, indisputable right now, do you know how
Speaker 2: much money that is?
Speaker 3: I mean physically, well, what were you saying some about
Speaker 3: cubic feet?
Speaker 2: Yes, twenty one twenty one cubic FEETLLEA, that's moving that
Speaker 2: much cash would have been insane workout. Mike heard the FBI agent.
Speaker 2: He estimated that the amount Phil Johnson stole as he said,
Speaker 2: I quote, I'm told the dimensions were roughly twenty one
Speaker 2: cubic feet. That's a heck of a lot of money.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that is a heck of a lot of money.
Speaker 2: You said it might urg Yeah. Now, if you took
Speaker 2: those big Duffel bags that you like that can hold
Speaker 2: a dead body, yes, one one cubic feet of cash
Speaker 2: would fill about six of those Duffle bags. That's how
Speaker 2: much we're talking. If you try to deposit the money
Speaker 2: at a different banks in order not to raise suspicions,
Speaker 2: you'd have to stay under like that ten thousand dollars
Speaker 2: mark so the bank wouldn't report it. That means you'd
Speaker 2: have to go to one and eighty banks before you'd
Speaker 2: be good. Huh right. You can wash the money, but
Speaker 2: you have to trust someone. You could hide it. You
Speaker 2: could bury it, wrap it up, paint it like a
Speaker 2: fake bowlder, you know whatever. But I don't recommend burying
Speaker 2: money because it will rot in the ground, and if
Speaker 2: you leave it sitting somewhere, rats will sometimes eat it.
Speaker 2: Ask my man Pablo Escobar about that. So what's a
Speaker 2: self respecting mastermind to do with your twenty one feet
Speaker 2: a cubic feet mind you of cash. I don't know
Speaker 2: well after this break a little, but I will tell you.
Speaker 2: Oh Elizabeth, goodness, we're burke. We're burke. So now that
Speaker 2: we're back, dude phil Johnson, Right, His sister provided some
Speaker 2: insight as to what kind of guy they were dealing with, right,
Speaker 2: ZIBII was like investigating everybody, talking everybody, and he was like,
Speaker 2: to her, he was very clearly more of an outlaw
Speaker 2: folk hero than anybody else would have fought, right, she said,
Speaker 2: And I quote, if Philip even has the money, if
Speaker 2: he hasn't buried it somewhere, he'll probably just give it away,
Speaker 2: find an orphanage or something in South America and just
Speaker 2: give it to them.
Speaker 3: Hmmm. I haven't seen any evidence of that, but you
Speaker 3: know what, that's his sister. She knows best.
Speaker 2: That's what I was gonna say. You you would think that,
Speaker 2: uh that from our the read you have, right, but
Speaker 2: remember the bitterness was an acquired quality of his before
Speaker 2: the bitterness inside the onion layer years of his soul.
Speaker 2: There is a kind hearted kid in there, right, And
Speaker 2: so she also hinted at the sister at what his
Speaker 2: motivations were for stealing the money, other than proving that
Speaker 2: the cops should have hired him, Like obviously that's job
Speaker 2: number one, right, But other than that, his sister said,
Speaker 2: Phil Johnson wanted revenge. In other words, he was still
Speaker 2: mad at God. So you want to him attack and
Speaker 2: dethrone cop does job number two? Right, So Sharon said
Speaker 2: it I quote really, that's what this is all about,
Speaker 2: payback to show the world what morons wels Fargo is
Speaker 2: because Philip never cared about the money, right, So she's like,
Speaker 2: he wants to get back at his boss to get
Speaker 2: the cops and God, he doesn't care about the money.
Speaker 2: His old high school buddy and this dude named Shaeffer,
Speaker 2: he noted that you could trace a straight line back
Speaker 2: to Phil Johnson's old Suparu. Oh He's like, yeah, when
Speaker 2: he was he was a super he was a boo owner.
Speaker 2: So they were in a high school and his old
Speaker 2: Subaru was, as Shaeffer put a quote, so roached. It
Speaker 2: was a wonder they let him drive it. But he
Speaker 2: loved it because it was beat so right, a little
Speaker 2: insight there, Now, Phil Johnson, was he still getting even
Speaker 2: with life or because he didn't really do it for
Speaker 2: the money.
Speaker 3: Apparently, sure that people made him feel like he wasn't smart. Yes,
Speaker 3: and so either because he couldn't get these jobs or
Speaker 3: at work, it's probably so like not intellectually challenging. So
Speaker 3: he's showing like, you know, I can outsmart all of you.
Speaker 3: You're morons.
Speaker 2: You're the morons, not me, you too, God?
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you got God's like, let us wait and see.
Speaker 2: I think the amount that he picked up was to
Speaker 2: get attention, he guys, clearly. I think he wanted to
Speaker 2: be a big score. So that way he would you know,
Speaker 2: which he most certainly got. So back to the question
Speaker 2: at hand, what would he do with the stolen Lucci?
Speaker 2: As his pal high school pal Shaeffer suggested, quote, has
Speaker 2: he just taken enough to live on and ditch the rest?
Speaker 2: I wouldn't put it past him to sit there and
Speaker 2: burn twenty million and keep one of it as a
Speaker 2: SPI thing close to him. Suggest he doesn't give a yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, a feather or a fig about this, right? Yeah,
Speaker 2: So anyway, Phil Johnson, Son of the House of Pain, right,
Speaker 2: what is he up to? This outlaw folk hero of
Speaker 2: the busted and beat? Where is he Elizabeth? And what
Speaker 2: is he doing with all the stolen cash.
Speaker 3: What do you think did he make it to Mexico?
Speaker 2: He was indeed in Mexico. He made it out of
Speaker 2: the country. He deposited some of the money in Mexican banks,
Speaker 2: not eighteen hundred of them, but some of the money.
Speaker 2: He floated around. He played the happy gringo once again, nondescript, forgettable,
Speaker 2: blends in with all the other, like you know, jerks
Speaker 2: down there embarrassing themselves.
Speaker 3: Six giant uffel bags with them.
Speaker 2: Exactly six body bags of cash. Meanwhile, the FBI is
Speaker 2: scouring the North Carolina woods. He was looking for a clue.
Speaker 2: The white Ford, a Connoline van eventually gets called in.
Speaker 2: The FBI investigates that vehicle. It offers very little inevidence
Speaker 2: or clues. Like I said, dude was meticulous. They got nothing,
Speaker 2: not even a hair out of it. Right, so THEI
Speaker 2: They tracked though a series of suspicious bus tickets. They
Speaker 2: believe that Phil Johnson bought a Greyhound ticket to Atlanta.
Speaker 2: Then he bought a ticket to Brownsville, Texas. At the
Speaker 2: border town, he bought another bus ticket into Mexico, and
Speaker 2: agents eventually found evidence supported this theory. They found proof
Speaker 2: that Phil Johnson had spent some nights in Mexico. But
Speaker 2: after that trail went cold, not a boom, right, They're like,
Speaker 2: what are we gonna do with this guy? Now? Loomis Fargo,
Speaker 2: the security company, they had their own team to investigate,
Speaker 2: so they said, you go down and find Phil Johnson.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: The FBI. Meanwhile, they turned up a phone call to
Speaker 2: a local Ashville, North Carolina TV station that had alerted
Speaker 2: the news department where there was a man handcuffed in
Speaker 2: the woods. So he was good to yeah, and the
Speaker 2: FBI trade he tried to trace the call and back
Speaker 2: to my man, Mike Hurd, the lead FBI field agent,
Speaker 2: he said, we don't know. He made some noise about
Speaker 2: ma Bell because it was very much like coming out
Speaker 2: of the breakup of the Bell phone phone company. So
Speaker 2: he's like, yeah, with mob Bell, there's just so many
Speaker 2: phone companies. I mean, can you tell me how many
Speaker 2: phone companies there are? Yeah, come on, FBI. Anyway, the FBI,
Speaker 2: they turned to USA Today, all right, and they took
Speaker 2: out a full page ad.
Speaker 3: So they asked him, some people in hotels across.
Speaker 2: Exactly, put down your croissant and your medium coffee and
Speaker 2: tell me have you seen this man. He's surly, he's ornery,
Speaker 2: he's rumpled, so grouchy.
Speaker 3: It's like everybody.
Speaker 2: They started asking for information leading to the arrest of
Speaker 2: Phil Johnson. They get nothing. Right Still, they spent months
Speaker 2: of digging. They have very few leads. They have found
Speaker 2: one thing that will help them, Phil Johnson's fake identities.
Speaker 2: They found the paperwork. They connected the dots on that.
Speaker 2: They found that one of the fake identities was in
Speaker 2: the name of his half brother, another was in the
Speaker 2: name of a high school friend, and another was an
Speaker 2: old roommate.
Speaker 3: So if he knows he's gonna have to skip out,
Speaker 3: why leave any evidence in the house.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm surprised by that too. He's meticulous
Speaker 2: about everything, but he leaves behind that. I was surprised
Speaker 2: by That'd be quite honest with You.
Speaker 3: Do a burn pit in the neighbor's yard, exactly right, just.
Speaker 2: Be regularly burning leaves. So the FBI struggled to get
Speaker 2: the public to care about this problem. Right, So now
Speaker 2: we got this outlaw full caro who's not really a
Speaker 2: full caro because nobody cares about him. Right, So Phil
Speaker 2: Johnson's is overlooked and ignored. So meanwhile, there's a guy
Speaker 2: who worked at the local Jacksonville radio stations, Guy al Wells.
Speaker 2: He writes a full caro ballad for Phil Johnson.
Speaker 3: Good is like a morning Zoo type totally.
Speaker 2: But even he noted how forgettable Phil Johnson was, and
Speaker 2: he said, and I quote, what's really hurt the guy
Speaker 2: in terms of turning into a PR coup another dB
Speaker 2: Cooper is his name, so dull Philip Johnson, Even I
Speaker 2: can't remember it. So there's your songwriter, Disny months from
Speaker 2: now passing the now international manhunt has produced not a
Speaker 2: bubb GISs ziltch.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: It's almost as if that was the problem. Because Phil
Speaker 2: Johnson he'd always wanted to rub his outlaw success in
Speaker 2: the face of the law enforcement community who rejected him,
Speaker 2: and he couldn't even do that because they were like, oh,
Speaker 2: we're gonna stop looking at this guy. So whatever, he
Speaker 2: got eighteen point eight million, but eventually he did something
Speaker 2: about it. Essentially he got their attention again, or at
Speaker 2: least that's how it seems to me. I don't know
Speaker 2: if it was intentional, but sure I like it. Right.
Speaker 2: My point is, Elizabeth, I'd like you to close your
Speaker 2: eyes as I'd like you to picture it. It's August thirtieth,
Speaker 2: nineteen ninety seven, and Elizabeth, you are in Brownsville, Texas.
Speaker 2: I don't need to tell you, but it's been a
Speaker 2: hot wire. So you are down there at the US
Speaker 2: Mexico border crossing across the river from Matemoros, Mexico, and
Speaker 2: you're working at the border. That's right, you are a
Speaker 2: US customs agent. It's already been a long day, a
Speaker 2: hot day, and you can hear the air conditioning as
Speaker 2: it hums above the soft din of waiting border crossers,
Speaker 2: but you don't really feel that air conditioning. All around
Speaker 2: you families and laborers, mixed with salespeople and business commuters,
Speaker 2: most of all of them are Mexicans or Americans returning home.
Speaker 2: You are, in fact the supervisor for this border station,
Speaker 2: and at the moment you walk among your border agents,
Speaker 2: stopping momentarily at each agent's kiosk to observe how they
Speaker 2: greet and process the incoming travelers. You see a Youngish
Speaker 2: American man step up to a border guard's kiosk as
Speaker 2: you settled in to observe the agent's demeanor and professionalism.
Speaker 2: You run a tight ship, Elizabeth, and have high expectation
Speaker 2: for your agents. You note that this agent asked by
Speaker 2: wrote with a flat affected delivery the first question, what
Speaker 2: was the purpose of your visit to Mexico. The agent
Speaker 2: you're observing is named Virginia Rodriguez. She's processing the intake
Speaker 2: for a line of travelers, most of whom just stepped
Speaker 2: off of an america An inbound bus. While she may
Speaker 2: be going through the motions, You're pleased to see that
Speaker 2: Agent Rodriguez's attention snaps to a sharp focus as soon
Speaker 2: as the agent detects that the Youngish man standing before
Speaker 2: her is particularly nervous. When he was asked what the
Speaker 2: purpose was of his visit to Mexico, he paused for
Speaker 2: a moment, Elizabeth, A long moment, one you noticed, and
Speaker 2: then he said, to visit friends. That caught your attention,
Speaker 2: and it peaked Agent Rodriguez's suspicions. She repeats his answer
Speaker 2: back to him, to visit friends. The Youngish man replies, Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's it, Yeah, her friends. You have to stifle a
Speaker 2: laugh at this man's poor impression of John Lovett's pathological
Speaker 2: liar character from SNL back in the day. Meanwhile, Agent
Speaker 2: Rodriguez hones in on the truth. She has to see
Speaker 2: proof of the man's identity, a driver's license, a passport.
Speaker 2: The youngish man pulls out a North Carolina driver's license.
Speaker 2: You hear Agent Rodriguez pronounce the name on the license,
Speaker 2: Roger Lauder. That's your name, sar. The man answers in
Speaker 2: the affirmative. You watch over Agent Rodriguez's shoulder as she
Speaker 2: types in the name Roger Locker into her computer terminal.
Speaker 2: The cursor on the green and black screen flashes as
Speaker 2: the computer retreats information, and then boom upflashes a warning.
Speaker 2: The name Roger Lauder is a known alias for the
Speaker 2: suspect who robbed the Loomis Fargo warehouse in Jacksonville, Florida.
Speaker 2: Agent Rodriguez spins coolly around, looks at you, her supervisor.
Speaker 2: You give her that steely look and a pert smile.
Speaker 2: Then you turn your attention to two waiting border security guards.
Speaker 2: You give the signal to the armed border guards. The
Speaker 2: two guards move quickly, professionally. They approach from either side
Speaker 2: of the young man. Then he sees your attention has shifted.
Speaker 2: He spins around on his heels in time to see
Speaker 2: the two border guards just as they march up on him.
Speaker 2: They grabbed by the arms. Sir, if you'll come with us,
Speaker 2: you give a quick congratulations to Agent Rodriguez for her
Speaker 2: astute eye for a suspicious traveler. Then you followed the
Speaker 2: sound of the two armed border security guards boots as
Speaker 2: they lead the young suspect into an unmarked back room
Speaker 2: for first questioning, and boom, just like that, Philip Johnson
Speaker 2: was caught. Nice congratulations, you and your team busted Phil Johnson, Elizabeth,
Speaker 2: the man with the single largest armored car heist in
Speaker 2: US history.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much as them, Yeah, we did well.
Speaker 2: After confirming his real identity, the custom agents turned over
Speaker 2: Phil Johnson to the FBI. The g men held him
Speaker 2: on charges of armed robbery as well as kidnapping, interstate
Speaker 2: flight to avoid prosecution, and now he was surrounded by
Speaker 2: law enforcement agents up which ironically was where he always
Speaker 2: wanted to be, right he made it. After questioning, the
Speaker 2: FBI learned that Johnson used the birth certificate of a
Speaker 2: former roommate to get a driver's license in the new
Speaker 2: of Roger Lauder. Same for his other fake IDs. Now,
Speaker 2: at the time of his arrest, he had ten seven
Speaker 2: hundred and fourteen dollars on him in cash roughly another
Speaker 2: sixty five thousand dollars that he deposited in eight different
Speaker 2: Mexican banks. After five months on the lamp, Phil Johnson
Speaker 2: had spent how much of the money?
Speaker 3: Well, I mean what he's got less than one hundred
Speaker 3: grand they accounted for at this point totally at eighteen
Speaker 3: point eight mil.
Speaker 2: One hundred and eighty six thousand dollars, that's all he
Speaker 2: spent over five months. When he's got this big score,
Speaker 2: he clearly was not in it for the money. The
Speaker 2: rest of the stall in eighteen point eight million was
Speaker 2: located in a storage facility in the town of Mountain Home,
Speaker 2: North Carolina. So just some random storage facility sitting there
Speaker 2: eighteen point eight millions.
Speaker 3: What if it had gone what if he hadn't paid
Speaker 3: for the facility and then someone.
Speaker 2: Else would get it for like four grand? Yep. That's
Speaker 2: always my goal, my goal in life. You talk about
Speaker 2: winning the lottery, I want to buy a storage unit
Speaker 2: that has like is part of a major crime, and
Speaker 2: then I get all the cash and I don't tell
Speaker 2: anybody what happened.
Speaker 3: Though.
Speaker 2: He bought a storagin and retired.
Speaker 3: And he just pays cash for everything.
Speaker 2: From Canada. So, as you might guess, mister House of Pain,
Speaker 2: he was unfriendly when he was arrested and he was
Speaker 2: called belligerent. He refused to cooperate. Yeah, he was still
Speaker 2: kind of rumpled and grouchy. But however, eventually his better
Speaker 2: instincts kicked in. He pleaded guilty to charges of it
Speaker 2: interfering with interstate commerce, money laundering, kidnapping, all the charges
Speaker 2: they threw at him. He was eventually tried, convicted, and
Speaker 2: sentenced to twenty five years in prison in Colorado. Then
Speaker 2: he was That's where he was first incarcerated. Then he
Speaker 2: later was transferred to a federal facility in California, and
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty Elizabeth Yamter, serving out twenty two years
Speaker 2: of his full twenty five year sentence. Will Johnson was
Speaker 2: released from prison. Yeah, not much time off.
Speaker 3: Forget, he usually don't get the full ticket.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know what he was doing on the inside,
Speaker 2: but yeah, he wasn't making friends still, Yeah, what can
Speaker 2: you do. The lawyer who'd represented him in his trial
Speaker 2: was a man named Tom Cushman, a local Jacksonville lawyer.
Speaker 2: He attempted in the newspapers to sum up his former
Speaker 2: client and why he did what he did, and Cushman said,
Speaker 2: and I quote, I sincerely believe that he sincerely believed
Speaker 2: in what he was doing as a labor protest And
Speaker 2: I just say that I love that if that actually was.
Speaker 3: True, I love that.
Speaker 2: He's totally Kushman the lawyer. He also offered that I
Speaker 2: always like Philip. He was quiet, but he was very intense.
Speaker 2: Philip was very bright. He did not let on that
Speaker 2: he thought deeply or that he was very bright, but
Speaker 2: clearly he was. So there you go.
Speaker 3: I like, he didn't let on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he couldn't tell look at him in the eye,
Speaker 2: but there was something big secret. His light was under
Speaker 2: a couple of bushels. So at this point, Philip Johnson,
Speaker 2: he could be in his Basically he'd be about sixty
Speaker 2: years old. I think, yeah, his former lawyer has no
Speaker 2: idea where to find him. He is free. He's somewhere
Speaker 2: out there in the world. So phil Johnson, if you're listening,
Speaker 2: good on your brother. He says, no one knows where
Speaker 2: to find him. But I bet his sister Sharon knows
Speaker 2: where to find him. But when the counselor was asked
Speaker 2: where his former client might be these days, Cushman said,
Speaker 2: and I quote, I would think that he would be
Speaker 2: doing something very low key, avoiding publicity and all, although
Speaker 2: it seemed to me that he had a good story
Speaker 2: to tell. Now, Phil Johnson, if you happen to.
Speaker 3: Hear this, two things, get a book agent.
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly. Congrats from us. Number one on pulling off
Speaker 2: your heist and having an exit plan like we are
Speaker 2: so happy to her.
Speaker 3: No one really got hurt.
Speaker 2: No one, definitely, no one got hurt. And also well
Speaker 2: done on all of that around the way right, you know,
Speaker 2: getting your revenge, you know, oh it for him attacking
Speaker 2: and dethroning God, whatever it is you're trying to be
Speaker 2: a way to go right. But also number two, as
Speaker 2: Elizabeth points out, get yourself a book agent, because my man,
Speaker 2: you need to write a book. You are now a
Speaker 2: qualified author.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you've been in prison, he's done the time.
Speaker 3: It would be a fascinating book.
Speaker 2: I think so, And I do, like I'm I'm with
Speaker 2: all the people close to him. I'd like to believe
Speaker 2: that he's just somebody who got twisted by life.
Speaker 3: And that's what I think.
Speaker 2: He was a kind heart kid.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I want to know more about that, So get
Speaker 3: a literary agent.
Speaker 2: Dude, get hunted, get a type.
Speaker 3: It add to our ridiculous crime library.
Speaker 2: Yeah, paper's cheap and typewriters are still out there, that's right.
Speaker 2: So hey, what's our ridiculous takeaway from here? Elizabeth?
Speaker 3: Oh boy, that is one way to protest labor.
Speaker 2: Great the labor protest, right. But if that is true,
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you think it's true?
Speaker 3: No? No, And I don't think. I don't think it
Speaker 3: was like a big revenge thing. I think he was
Speaker 3: just thinking, like, I could do this. I'm bored out
Speaker 3: of my skull. I think. I think. I think he
Speaker 3: sits there all day long and then thought about how
Speaker 3: he would go about doing this and then realizing how
Speaker 3: easy it could be. And yeah, I think he was
Speaker 3: mad at him and he thought, here's my two fingers.
Speaker 3: I'm out of here.
Speaker 2: You take away? Thanks for asking. Martin Luther King once
Speaker 2: said that the riot is the voice of the unheard.
Speaker 2: I think his heist was the voice of the neglected.
Speaker 3: Oh that's good. I like that. That's my that's my
Speaker 3: takeaway too.
Speaker 2: You're taking that one, Yeah, Davy wanting on this this
Speaker 2: could be yours too, I'll take it very good. Nice. Well, hey,
Speaker 2: while you're while you're on the mic, Hey, we're in
Speaker 2: the mood for a talkback. How's that sound for you?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I.
Speaker 3: Want gee hey, guys, just an idea inspired by EVP.
Speaker 3: What if the two of you played two truths in
Speaker 3: a lie where you each describe three crimes and the
Speaker 3: other one has to figure out which crime was the lie.
Speaker 2: That sounds fun.
Speaker 3: That's a good one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, do you want to do that?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we should totally do that. That'll be a good episode. Like, yeah,
Speaker 3: we'll get David on this too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you so much much.
Speaker 3: Talkbacker, Yeah, talker Backer.
Speaker 2: Give it up well. As always, you can find us
Speaker 2: online Ridiculous Crime, Twitter, Instagram, so forth and so on.
Speaker 2: We have the website that we do love, Ridiculous Crime
Speaker 2: dot com. Check it out. Also, we love your talkbacks,
Speaker 2: so hit up you iHeart app, download it, do what
Speaker 2: you got to record it and may hear yourself on
Speaker 2: the air. Also emails if you like. We love the
Speaker 2: stories Ridiculous Crime at gmail dot com. Started tier Elizabeth
Speaker 2: and uh that's all we got for you. Once again.
Speaker 2: We'll catch you next cry. Ridiculous Crime is hosted by
Speaker 2: Elizabeth Dutton and Zaren Burnett, produced and edited by the
Speaker 2: Mayor of Jacksonville, Florida, Dave Cousten. Research is by Florida's
Speaker 2: most feared fact checkers and researchers, Marissa Brown and Andrea
Speaker 2: Song Sharpened Tear. Our theme song is by Thomas Alleged
Speaker 2: Lee and Travis Yeah, That's the ticket, Dutton. The host
Speaker 2: wardrobe provided by Botany five hundred. Executive producers are Ben
Speaker 2: twenty one cubic feet of cash, Bowlin and nol I
Speaker 2: brought snacks Brown.
Speaker 3: Why Say It One More Time? Crime?
Speaker 1: Ridiculous Crime is a production of iHeartRadio four more podcasts.
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