WEBVTT - Are You Using Food & Exercise As A Weapon? (Outweigh) 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.520 I won't let my body out be outwait everything that 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:07.960 I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change. 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:12.479 I'm learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong, 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:16.759 I feel free, I know every part of me. It's 0:00:16.840 --> 0:00:24.360 beautiful and then will always out Way if you feel 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:27.080 it with your hands and be here, She'll some love 0:00:27.120 --> 0:00:30.480 to the food I get there. Take you one day, Anita, 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:36.839 did you and die? Out Way? Happy Saturday, Outweigh. I'm 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.600 Leanne Ellington and I'm a friend of Amy's and the 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:43.360 author and creator of Stressless Eating, and I am back 0:00:43.400 --> 0:00:46.240 again as the resident guest host for a few episodes 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:48.639 of Outway, which we started doing a few weeks ago. 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:52.159 It's been super fun, so if you miss those, definitely 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:54.720 go back and check those out. And we are going 0:00:54.800 --> 0:00:58.240 to just keep on trucking along with this week's episode 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:00.760 of Outweigh, which is all about this idea of are 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:05.440 you using food and exercise as a weapon. So just 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:08.520 for some context, I've been on diets and weight loss 0:01:08.520 --> 0:01:11.440 program since I was in third grade, so you know, 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:14.480 if losing weight were an Olympic sport, I would have 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:17.080 taken home the gold medal by the time I was ten. 0:01:17.560 --> 0:01:21.200 But in reality, all that happened to me was I 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:24.800 simply got really good at out smarting whatever plan or 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:28.440 program I was on. And I got really good at 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:31.440 fake it till you make it and motivational pump me ups. 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.800 And I got really good at tricking the scale and 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:38.319 tricking my stomach and tricking my mind. And I got 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:42.120 really good at living life hungry, you know, hungry and 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:46.120 tired and miserable and restricted. And so yeah, I mastered 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:48.400 those things, or at least I thought I did, but 0:01:48.560 --> 0:01:52.480 there was a major cost. Essentially, I got really good 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:57.120 at out smarting and deceiving myself. But it didn't just 0:01:57.160 --> 0:02:00.720 stop there. There was another really big fact that came 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:04.320 about as a result, because in order to maintain my 0:02:04.400 --> 0:02:07.200 results or feel can I put this in air quotes, 0:02:07.360 --> 0:02:10.000 you know, feel in control of my body. But obviously 0:02:10.040 --> 0:02:13.800 I wasn't in control. I had to continue to outsmart 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:17.240 myself every single day in order to feel like I 0:02:17.280 --> 0:02:20.600 was in control. And that well, that just flat out 0:02:20.639 --> 0:02:24.200 exhausted me, to be honest, not to mention, it consumed 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:27.200 my life, and it consumed all of my inner thoughts. 0:02:27.680 --> 0:02:30.000 And you know, if a friend called me to have dinner, 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:33.200 my first thoughts would be something like, ah, are they 0:02:33.240 --> 0:02:35.400 going to have a salad there that would fill me up? 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:38.359 Or just freaking out thinking what am I going to eat? 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:41.320 And then another one of my inner voices would chime 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:44.040 in and say, well, if I'm really you know, air 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:47.320 quotes good all week and do extra cardio sessions at 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:50.600 the gym, then I can quote unquote earn my cheat 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:53.840 meal and feel really good about it. And so, looking 0:02:53.919 --> 0:02:56.480 back at the unten times that this happened, or the 0:02:56.520 --> 0:02:59.480 bazillion different types of situations like this that occurred in 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:02.520 my life on a daily basis, now I can see 0:03:02.560 --> 0:03:05.239 clear as day that I was missing out on my life. 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:08.840 You know, instead of getting excited about connecting with people 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:12.240 I love, I was stressed about what to eat or 0:03:12.280 --> 0:03:15.040 how my body appeared when I was with them. Or 0:03:15.120 --> 0:03:18.760 instead of engaging and focusing in on the conversations or 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:22.000 connections at hand, I was focusing in on what I 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:25.000 should eat or shouldn't eat and if anyone would judge 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:28.520 me if I got dessert, And instead of actually sitting 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:31.919 down and gifting myself the experience of a delicious meal 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:35.800 cooke to my liking in a fun environment with beautiful people. 0:03:36.480 --> 0:03:40.840 I was feeling guilty or anxious or psychoanalytical about food 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:45.360 and my body. So yeah, I had motivation and discipline 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:49.040 and willpower and check in short term spurts, And yeah, 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:51.640 I was able to lose weight on demand or drop 0:03:51.680 --> 0:03:53.880 a gene size in record time, or whatever you know 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:56.280 words I was using at the time. But you know 0:03:56.360 --> 0:04:01.800 what else I had. I had a very toxic relationship 0:04:01.920 --> 0:04:05.360 with my body and a very toxic relationship with my 0:04:05.440 --> 0:04:09.680 food as a result. And to be honest, that toxicity 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:12.400 had very little to do with what I was eating 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:15.560 or how much I weighed. It had everything to do 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:19.080 with my relationship with food and my relationship with my 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:22.440 body and my whole life. I was so concerned with 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:25.800 being skinny or fit or whatever words I was using, 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:29.640 I never realized how much it was costing me and 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:33.640 my mental emotional health, not to mention costing me my 0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:37.200 freedom because food was the boss of me, or I 0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:39.960 was just a slave to some brutal workout routine to 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:43.240 ensure that I didn't go gain anything back. And so 0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:45.920 twenty four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five 0:04:46.000 --> 0:04:49.040 days a year, the life and body I was working 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.760 so hard to create was actually at the mercy of 0:04:51.920 --> 0:04:55.520 this prison and at the mercy of exercise, and so yeah, 0:04:55.560 --> 0:04:57.560 what to eat and how to stick with it weren't 0:04:57.560 --> 0:04:59.520 the real problem in the end. I mean, I told 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:02.960 you I the motivation and discipline game backwards and forwards. 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:06.120 The real struggle was the simple truth that if I 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.720 wanted to win those air quotes games every single day, 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:14.040 it involved massive amounts of energy and grit and blood, 0:05:14.120 --> 0:05:17.960 sweat and tears to maintain it. Because no matter how 0:05:18.240 --> 0:05:20.880 motivated or disciplined I got myself to be on a 0:05:20.960 --> 0:05:24.880 day to day basis, food and exercise still ruled my 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:28.719 every move, And no matter what size I wore or 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:32.200 how much weight I lost, I still had what I 0:05:32.279 --> 0:05:34.320 now refer to as a fat head and a fat 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:38.239 self image sitting on top of my body, carrying around 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:41.040 the weight of the weight that I've mentioned on pretty 0:05:41.080 --> 0:05:44.280 much every outweigh episode I've been on. And what I 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:46.560 realize is that it doesn't matter how much you weigh 0:05:46.640 --> 0:05:49.400 or what size you wear, if you have what I 0:05:49.480 --> 0:05:51.880 call a fat head or a fat self image sitting 0:05:51.920 --> 0:05:54.799 on top of your body, you will always be carrying 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:57.760 around that weight of the weight too, And most women 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:01.120 think they have a weight problem, or a food problem, 0:06:01.320 --> 0:06:04.080 or a laziness problem. But I don't believe any of 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:07.159 those things are the problem. And yes, women are walking 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.680 around with a weight problem. But it's the weight of 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:12.240 the weight that I keep mentioning that's weighing us down. 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:15.560 And it's the weight of shame and blame and guilt 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:19.640 and comparison itis that usually comes alongside, you know, typical 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:23.080 weight loft methods AKA you know, your inner critic, your 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:26.920 inner naysayer. There's the weight of the plans and programs 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.719 that cause you to restrict yourself and punish yourself or 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:32.120 persuade yourself to do the things you don't really want 0:06:32.200 --> 0:06:34.520 to do. And then there's the weight of waiting for 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:36.960 the weight to live the life that you want to live, 0:06:37.040 --> 0:06:38.760 and to wear what you want to wear, and do 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:40.640 what you want to do, and have the life that 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:43.039 you want to have and really just be who you 0:06:43.080 --> 0:06:46.760 want to be. And that is the weight that is 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.960 truly weighing you down and keeping you on this roller 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:52.919 coaster of a ride with your body, because that's what 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:56.479 inevitably comes along for the ride when you're using food 0:06:56.560 --> 0:06:59.960 and exercise as a weapon that works against you rather 0:07:00.240 --> 0:07:03.640 than a helpful tool that works for you. So how 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:05.960 can you tell? How can we tell if we're using 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:08.640 food and exercise as a tool or as a weapon. 0:07:08.920 --> 0:07:10.760 I should say, is a tool to get ourselves healthy. 0:07:10.800 --> 0:07:13.280 And again you can't see me, but I'm putting healthy 0:07:13.280 --> 0:07:15.320 in air quotes because that's kind of part of the problem, 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:18.080 is our version of healthy has gotten skewed. But you 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:20.000 know what I'm saying, are you using it to get 0:07:20.040 --> 0:07:23.000 you healthy or are you using it as a weapon, 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:27.280 a weapon of punishment, control, restriction, or shame. And so 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:30.440 there's four different you know, kind of signs and symptoms 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:32.760 that I talk about with my clients, and I'm going 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:34.920 to just share all of them with you here today. 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:43.520 So let's dive in now real quick. I want to 0:07:43.600 --> 0:07:47.040 just revisit this distinction between using something as a tool 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:50.440 versus using it as a weapon. And I mentioned this 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:53.880 on the is social Media Helping or Harming your relationship 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:57.960 with your Self Esteem? Episode? But it definitely bears repeating. 0:07:58.400 --> 0:08:01.080 So the difference between using something as a tool and 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:04.240 using it as a weapon. So a very obvious example 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:06.720 would be when I had spine surgery and I was 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:09.920 in a lot of pain. Afterwards, they prescribed me opiates 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:11.960 as a tool to help me deal with my pain, 0:08:12.440 --> 0:08:15.360 and using them responsibly, I could use them as a 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:17.960 tool for what they were designed for, to help me 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:22.080 manage my pain. Right, But to the tens of thousands 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:25.400 of people that die from opioid overdoses every single year, 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:29.600 that same drug, that same substance is no longer a 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:33.040 helpful tool. But instead now it's become a weapon of 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:37.680 abuse and destruction and addiction. And yeah, even though technically 0:08:37.720 --> 0:08:40.439 it's the same substance, in one case, it's a helpful 0:08:40.480 --> 0:08:44.240 tool and in one case it's a destructive weapon. And yes, 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:47.360 that's a very extreme example, but I really just want 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:49.760 you to get the concept here. And so sugar is 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:52.920 another example. It can absolutely be a tool for pleasure 0:08:53.080 --> 0:08:56.360 and creativity and baking in the kitchen or you know, 0:08:56.400 --> 0:09:00.200 connecting with family or friends over a treat, and a 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:03.440 tool to help regulate insulin and blood sugar for a 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:07.239 diabetic Now. I know sugar has been kind of villainized 0:09:07.280 --> 0:09:10.800 in today's society, and that's not the point of today's episode. 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:14.199 But sugar as it's designed, it's not this bad or 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:17.840 evil thing, right, but too much of it, or using 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:22.200 it mindlessly, or using it to fill a void of sadness, loneliness, comfort, stress, 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:25.360 you name it, or any way of abusing it where 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:28.840 it does harm your health or your lifestyle. That same 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:32.600 sugar that seems substance, used in a different way can 0:09:32.640 --> 0:09:35.439 become a weapon that harms us in the long run. 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:38.440 Now back to food in your body. So how can 0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:42.120 you tell if you're using food and exercise as a 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:45.680 tool or if they've become a weapon. Well, let's talk 0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:48.960 about that. So, like I said, there's four different signs 0:09:48.960 --> 0:09:51.080 and symptoms that I talk about with my clients, and 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:52.720 I'm going to lay them all out for you here 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:55.760 right now, starting with the first one. So, the first 0:09:55.760 --> 0:10:00.000 symptom is you're using food as a weapon of mass control. 0:10:00.679 --> 0:10:04.080 And so if you've been living in that diet mentality 0:10:04.280 --> 0:10:07.520 or disordered eating pattern for a while and your air 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:10.800 quotes diet brain is the one calling the shots, it's 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.400 only natural that it might start to feel like food 0:10:13.440 --> 0:10:17.240 controls you more than you control it. And this is 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:20.160 when food has the tendency to become a means for 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:23.520 you to control yourself, compare yourself, or judge yourself, So 0:10:24.000 --> 0:10:27.720 examples of this might look like just always thinking about 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:31.280 or counting or measuring or weighing your food, or constantly 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:35.280 restricting yourself or starving yourself or punishing yourself. Maybe you're 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:39.200 always just you know, cutting calories or using food as 0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:42.400 a comfort or an escape, or maybe it's become a 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:45.959 weapon of feeling guilty after you eat, or feeling a 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:49.040 shame because of what or how much you eat, or 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:52.400 just feeling cranky or depleted or hungry or sad because 0:10:52.400 --> 0:10:55.280 of food. Right, but it doesn't just stop there. For 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:59.839 a lot of people, somewhere along the way, food became personal. 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:02.480 And this is exactly what happened to me. So that's 0:11:02.480 --> 0:11:04.880 why I know about it. But instead of it simply 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:09.079 remaining this inanimate object like a plant or a thumbtack, 0:11:09.640 --> 0:11:13.640 it became a means of judgment and control and comparison. 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:17.800 So what's the solution. And again, as we've said before 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:20.720 on this podcast, it's simple, not easy, right, but the 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:23.720 solution is to make peace with food and instead of 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:25.960 using it as a weapon, to use it as a 0:11:26.000 --> 0:11:31.280 tool of influence. But also notice what I did not say, Okay, 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:34.640 I did not say that the solution was to go 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:38.360 control food some more, or get better at controlling food 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:41.880 or dieting more, or get better at dieting, or go 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:45.200 on yet another attempt to lose weight. Okay, that's not 0:11:45.280 --> 0:11:47.800 what I said. The solution I'm talking about here is 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:52.080 making peace with food and changing your relationship with food 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:55.839 while you move towards health. Okay, And here's what I mean. 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:59.560 There's a lot of voices out there labeling certain foods 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:03.280 as good or bad, right or wrong. But I believe 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:07.240 that it's these blanket statements that add shame and judgment 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:11.200 to a topic that doesn't require anyone else's opinions or 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:14.880 feedback or labels. And yeah, food is personal, right when 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:18.360 it comes to your desires, your preferences, and what tickles 0:12:18.400 --> 0:12:21.400 your fancy, But it doesn't have to be used as 0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:24.560 a weapon or a source of judgment. And to boot, 0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:26.760 it's no one's business but your own. We do enough 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:28.520 of it on our own, but having it come from 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.880 third parties as a whole nother level. Because what you 0:12:31.920 --> 0:12:34.160 eat and how much you eat and the way you 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:37.880 eat is personal and it's a personal choice. And food 0:12:38.080 --> 0:12:40.480 is a resource, a tool, and a form of energy, 0:12:40.520 --> 0:12:43.680 and it's no one's business but your own, and the 0:12:43.800 --> 0:12:47.040 judgment that comes alongside food and what you eat, it's 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:50.640 completely optional, and when it's there, it takes away the 0:12:50.679 --> 0:12:54.360 pleasure and the connection and the power that food has 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:57.040 to create. And when I say power, I mean yeah, 0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:00.760 it's a powerful tool of healing and connection and pleasure 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:04.000 in all of those things. But again with the judgment, 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:06.920 it takes away the power of it and the influence 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:09.640 of it and makes it a weapon. But if you 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.920 start to call the truce with food, and if nothing more, 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:15.560 just stop making it out to be the enemy or 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:18.720 the bad guy. And if little by little you remove 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:21.720 the disconnect that you have with food and create some 0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:25.600 new connections in your brain, one day you and food 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:29.959 really can become friends. And then, and really only then, 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:32.760 will you be able to use food as the powerful 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:35.199 tool that it truly is. And like I said, it's 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:38.120 a tool for pleasure and nourishment and connection and healing. 0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:40.839 But in the meantime, if that feels like too far 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:43.160 of a stretch, I just invite you to let it 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:47.800 be neutral. Let it just be food. Symptom number two 0:13:48.160 --> 0:13:51.000 is that you're using your body as a weapon of 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:54.600 mass control. So again, when your default brain is the 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:57.680 one in charge. You might feel like your body controls 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:01.040 you more than you control it, as in you feel 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:03.480 like a prisoner in your own body, or a prisoner 0:14:03.520 --> 0:14:06.040 to your weight or your size. And this is when 0:14:06.080 --> 0:14:08.520 you might have the tendency to use your body to 0:14:08.640 --> 0:14:12.920 control yourself or compare yourself, or judge yourself, or just 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:16.960 compare and control and judge your body. And so examples 0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:19.120 of this are how this might show up when used 0:14:19.160 --> 0:14:21.640 as a weapon. Is you know, examples like punishing your 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:25.680 body with grueling workouts, or obsessing over the scale, or 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:28.360 just you know, simply letting the scale dictate your self worth. 0:14:28.880 --> 0:14:31.840 You know, using comparison as a weapon. So whether it's 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.320 the clothes you want to wear, your body type, the 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:37.440 number of pushups you can do, anything comparing yourself to 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:40.600 somebody else is going to be using comparison as a weapon. 0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:44.560 So allowing your body to create a disconnect in your 0:14:44.600 --> 0:14:47.360 relationships or block intimacy. I hear this happened with my 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:49.400 clients all the time. This was a big thing for me. 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:53.640 Using the mirror as a weapon to compare or reject yourself, 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:57.280 that's a big one. Using pictures or photos as a 0:14:57.280 --> 0:15:00.320 weapon to compare or reject yourself, and that's picture of 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:03.880 your self, pictures of others, using social media or the 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:08.080 media in general as a weapon to compare or reject yourself, 0:15:08.680 --> 0:15:11.880 and using your body as an excuse not to do 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:14.480 the things that you want to do, or using your 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:18.960 body as an excuse to why you aren't happy, fulfilled, successful, 0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:22.040 fill in the blank. Okay, so that is how you 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:25.040 know that. And again there's no shame to this, but 0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:28.280 we're all about awareness. Here is just okay, now I 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:31.160 can see that these patterns they're not normal, or they 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:33.920 don't have to be my normal, right, and let me 0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:36.040 rephrase that. Actually, now that I just said that, it's 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:38.360 not that they're not normal, they're natural and normal. Given 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:42.280 the programming that we've all gotten, I had it too, 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:44.960 But what I met was it doesn't have to be 0:15:45.160 --> 0:15:47.280 your version of normal. It doesn't have to stay your 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:51.480 default any longer. And so the solution, like what's the alternative, Well, 0:15:51.760 --> 0:15:54.200 the solution is to make peace with your body and 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:57.920 start to use it as a tool of influence. And again, 0:15:58.000 --> 0:16:00.800 notice what I did not say. I did not say 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:03.560 that the solution was to go lose weight or whip 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:07.640 your body into shape or try to air quotes perfect yourself. Right. 0:16:08.080 --> 0:16:10.360 So it's one of those things where, you know, making 0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:12.600 peace with your body. A lot of people think like, oh, 0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:14.560 I have to lose weight in order to make peace 0:16:14.600 --> 0:16:16.600 with it. And that's where I'm inviting you to kind 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:18.720 of think about this backwards, like what if you made 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.600 peace first? And that was actually the gateway too. If 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:24.040 you want to change it, go for it, right, But 0:16:24.080 --> 0:16:26.360 the solution is to make peace with your body while 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:28.880 you change it if you want to change it. And 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:32.280 I know that wanting to change your body is considered 0:16:32.400 --> 0:16:35.280 bad or wrong in a lot of the health world 0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:39.720 or the body positivity communities, and for again reasons be 0:16:39.760 --> 0:16:42.240 on the scope of today, I don't agree with that, 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:44.680 and Amy and I are actually going to be talking 0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:48.360 about that specifically in another episode of Outweigh coming up soon. 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:51.880 But back to what I was saying, your body and 0:16:51.960 --> 0:16:56.160 your brain they are miraculous. They are miraculous pieces of machinery. 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:59.840 And sure they're also extremely complex, don't get me wrong. 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:03.160 But if you start tuning into your body, like what 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:06.520 do I need? What do I want? The requirements, the desirements, 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:08.520 which is a word I just made up, you're going 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:10.760 to find that a lot of that mystery starts to 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:15.000 go away. And the reason I say that is because unfortunately, 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:18.320 most women are totally ignoring their bodies or spending their 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:21.840 time shaming it, calling it names, blaming it, comparing it. 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:24.520 And that's why they don't. You know, if you ask 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:26.159 a lot of women what does your body need or 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:29.960 what do you want? They don't know because they're so disconnected. Right. 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:32.960 But when you lay down the weapons of control and 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:36.800 comparison and judgment, it leaves you the space to go 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:40.560 meet your body again and use this miraculous body and 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:43.480 nervous system of yours, your body, your breath, movement to 0:17:43.560 --> 0:17:46.800 go set your body free. And yes, I said use 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.880 movement as a tool towards freedom in your body, not 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:53.280 using exercise as a way to punish your body. And 0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:56.800 that means, you know, things like changing your relationship with exercise, 0:17:56.880 --> 0:17:59.040 because most of us learned I know that I did 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:03.359 that exercise was this harder, faster, more, no pain, no gain, 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:07.480 mentality and finding something that you love that feels safe 0:18:07.480 --> 0:18:10.280 to you and where there isn't any judgment placed upon you. 0:18:10.880 --> 0:18:13.920 That's what I mean by changing your relationship with exercise 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:16.200 or movement so that you can go find something like that. 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:19.639 Other examples, it means, you know things like using the 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:22.399 mirror is just a mirror, not as a means to 0:18:22.480 --> 0:18:24.679 reflect on the parts of your body that you don't 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:27.800 approve of, and beginning to get to know yourself naked, 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:30.960 which again most women totally avoid. So it means changing 0:18:30.960 --> 0:18:34.399 your relationship with the mirror. It means things like changing 0:18:34.400 --> 0:18:37.639 your relationship with the scale, because if you're going to 0:18:37.720 --> 0:18:40.040 weigh and measure yourself, and again this isn't a black 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:42.520 and white like you shouldn't measure yourself or your way 0:18:42.720 --> 0:18:44.400 or you should or shouldn't. It's not black and white. 0:18:44.400 --> 0:18:47.440 It's different for everyone. But it's crucial that your self 0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:51.239 esteem is not at the disposal of that number, and 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:53.920 so you might find that you have to change your 0:18:53.920 --> 0:18:58.000 beliefs about what those numbers do and don't represent. And 0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:00.840 again that's something that will never happen them through a diet. 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:04.440 Other examples of using it as a tool, It means 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:08.200 using pain as a tool and an indicator that your 0:19:08.240 --> 0:19:11.600 body might need some rest or rejuvenation, or maybe that 0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:15.120 you have some muscular imbalances that need to be taken 0:19:15.160 --> 0:19:17.719 care of, or that your breathing or movement patterns need 0:19:17.760 --> 0:19:20.320 to be addressed, or that your nervous system needs some love. 0:19:20.400 --> 0:19:23.720 Like pain is really a signal from the brain telling 0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:26.400 like giving you alert but a lot of us use 0:19:26.440 --> 0:19:28.720 it as a weapon to shame ourselves. I know for me, 0:19:29.200 --> 0:19:31.240 pain was a big source of shame for me and 0:19:31.560 --> 0:19:34.080 made up stories that my body was broken, all those things. 0:19:34.160 --> 0:19:36.879 You get the picture. So it might mean having to 0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:39.399 change your relationship with pain if you are one of 0:19:39.440 --> 0:19:42.159 those people that are in pain. And I get it, 0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:44.720 all these things that I'm talking about right now, the 0:19:44.720 --> 0:19:47.520 weight loss industry, the health industry, is not really talking 0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:50.040 about this. They're throwing more and more diet and exercise 0:19:50.080 --> 0:19:52.800 plans at you. So if nothing more, I just invite 0:19:52.800 --> 0:19:55.480 you to stop looking at your body as a burden 0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:59.440 or a curse or your downfall. Right, there's people all 0:19:59.520 --> 0:20:03.200 over the world with circumstances far more life altering than 0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:06.720 backfat or muffin top right. And I mean this with 0:20:06.760 --> 0:20:08.720 so much love, and this is not a judgment, but 0:20:08.840 --> 0:20:10.879 I do invite you to just give yourself a bit 0:20:10.960 --> 0:20:13.600 of a reality check when you forget those things, because 0:20:13.880 --> 0:20:15.840 we all need a reality check once in a while 0:20:15.920 --> 0:20:18.919 myself included. Trust me, everything I share is stuff that 0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:23.000 I need to hear as well. Bottom line, your body 0:20:23.119 --> 0:20:25.600 and you are a tag team for the rest of 0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:28.800 your life, whether you like it or not. So my 0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:31.520 invitation to you is, like, what if the solution was 0:20:31.560 --> 0:20:34.240 to just wave the white flag and begin to make 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:38.119 peace with your body? Right and if nothing more, start 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:40.080 playing on the same side and the same team as 0:20:40.119 --> 0:20:43.119 your body and not finding against it, And then you 0:20:43.160 --> 0:20:47.159 can start identifying and eliminating all the disconnects that you 0:20:47.200 --> 0:20:50.359 have with your body and create some new connections, ones 0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:59.600 that actually serve you and your happiness. Symptom number three 0:20:59.840 --> 0:21:04.200 is you are walking around feeling weighed down by whatever 0:21:04.320 --> 0:21:07.840 plan or program or structure you are or, let's be honest, 0:21:07.880 --> 0:21:11.639 aren't following. So if your game plan is sucking the 0:21:11.760 --> 0:21:14.960 life out of you and bogging you down, chances are 0:21:15.200 --> 0:21:17.520 you're not gonna stick with it long term, and it's 0:21:17.560 --> 0:21:20.760 gonna end up being another short term band aid and 0:21:20.800 --> 0:21:22.960 you'll end up putting it in the category of great. 0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:25.280 Here's another thing I tried that didn't work for me, 0:21:25.359 --> 0:21:27.359 And we talked about all a lot of this in 0:21:27.680 --> 0:21:30.040 the episode around losing that trust in yourself and how 0:21:30.040 --> 0:21:33.760 to earn your trust back. But examples of this of 0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:36.359