Speaker 1: Forever. Look man, oh, I see you? Why and look
Speaker 1: over there? How is that culture? Yes? Goodness? Wow? Decorum,
Speaker 1: decor to look at our costume change? Horn? Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: um uh it was. I get a costume change against
Speaker 1: my will, I will say. I said to them all,
Speaker 1: we have to do a costume change because I couldn't
Speaker 1: pick out an outfit. There you go. How's everybody doing
Speaker 1: right now? We all do it? Okay, it's a longer story,
Speaker 1: but you guys don't care. Yeah? Um, you guys feeling good? Wow?
Speaker 1: So we've had a crazy, crazy, crazy first half. Give
Speaker 1: it up for everyone you saw in the first half
Speaker 1: of the nine. I'm gonna say I was particularly shook
Speaker 1: by Haley Hepworth's I don't think so high. A group
Speaker 1: of men having fun. That's not a draw, that's that's
Speaker 1: a threat. Unbelievable, unreal. Are you guys ready to keep
Speaker 1: it going? All right? So this first group, they are
Speaker 1: called Germanata, which is the last name of Stephanie Germanata
Speaker 1: Ak Lady Gaga. Wait, hold on, before we start. Who's
Speaker 1: seen the Star is Born trailer? Can we talk about it?
Speaker 1: It looks good? You don't think so? Honey? Security removed man,
Speaker 1: that's stupid. Man. Stop. It has the potential to be
Speaker 1: a little shmacked forget out of here. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: People who are not rooting for Lady Gaga and a
Speaker 1: star is born, that woman is fucking shaking on her
Speaker 1: bed in pain trying to give you entertainment. You root
Speaker 1: for her. This is someone who fucking left her out
Speaker 1: to die during the Art Pop. No I did not, No,
Speaker 1: I did not. I had my arms raised in a
Speaker 1: V formation during Venus like every other gay in the world.
Speaker 1: I never left an opportunistic You better shut the funk up.
Speaker 1: I'll walk off. That's the truth. That's the truth. You
Speaker 1: are a sensationalist. I'll get headlines. You are out to
Speaker 1: get headlines tonight. Um anyway, and except we have Blair Sagi, yes, Blair,
Speaker 1: give it up for Kara Clank, Yes, yes, yes, and
Speaker 1: now give it oh yes, Swarp and Alice Wetter Yes,
Speaker 1: Space Mama, and of course Veronica sorry in costume, Honey,
Speaker 1: this cat alright. Megan Gaily to the mike, fresh from
Speaker 1: our cluster, fresh show where she's slaid. Here we go,
Speaker 1: Megan Gaily, Are we gonna do a priest like the topic.
Speaker 1: Are we going to do the troll bowl? I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do pre selected Okay, this is Megan Gailes. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend's boss and I don't give a funk what
Speaker 1: happens after this record it send it to him. He's
Speaker 1: a piece of ship. Okay, you are twenty seven and blonde.
Speaker 1: Fuck you? Do you know how many dinners you've ruined
Speaker 1: for me because you had something urgent? It's social media,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter seconds. Oh boy, I got two heated.
Speaker 1: I have had to eat so many grilled salmons alone
Speaker 1: because of you. People at my parents Christmas Eve party
Speaker 1: thought my boyfriend was made up because he was in
Speaker 1: a different room emailing you and I got no, he's
Speaker 1: Filipino and he said, no, this is Indiana. That's not
Speaker 1: accepted by you. You're not a hard You have a
Speaker 1: trust fund, and you're from Beverly Hills and you're a
Speaker 1: piece of ship, and you used to be an agent
Speaker 1: assistant and you couldn't hack it. Your mother fired. That's
Speaker 1: one Megan Gaily Wow, you're a boyfriend is a fire
Speaker 1: fired tonight? Please welcome Flair. Oh my god, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: oh my god, Blair. I miss I miss you so much,
Speaker 1: just so much, so fucking much. I miss you so
Speaker 1: re selected bit. This is where I don't think so honey.
Speaker 1: Her time starts now, I don't think so honey. Drisk
Speaker 1: its bit. If I wanted a mouthful of hey, I
Speaker 1: will go to a fucking stable. Okay, if you want
Speaker 1: to taste the same thing as a trisky, you can
Speaker 1: just empty a fucking paper shredder into your mouth. If
Speaker 1: I wanted to eat a triskey, I want you and
Speaker 1: mutilate the inside of my mouth flavorless debris. I would
Speaker 1: go blow tumbleweed. That ship is dryer than my grandma's pussy.
Speaker 1: It today is her ninety second birthday on a raft,
Speaker 1: dying of hunger and thirst, and the thing to eat
Speaker 1: was that triskey. I would not be able to eat
Speaker 1: it because I would die immediately up dehydration. Triskeys or
Speaker 1: the Taylor swift of crackers. I don't think so hot, triss.
Speaker 1: We were running sky and please welcome to the stage, Carol.
Speaker 1: As you get the dragons, are we doing you, guys?
Speaker 1: I'm hungry for that trouble, but I'm gonna do a
Speaker 1: pre select my first time. I feel like I have
Speaker 1: something to prove. Okay, carry clank your I don't think
Speaker 1: so honey. Time starts right now. I don't think so honey.
Speaker 1: San Diego no, no, no, no, how about Sandy don't go? Okay?
Speaker 1: San Diego is a city that think it's amazing when
Speaker 1: it's so fucking boring. It's the rita aura of city.
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you, you guys. Yesterday on face on
Speaker 1: fucking Instagram, I saw somebody post about going to the
Speaker 1: Canadian Emmy's and I was like, what a perfecting metaphor
Speaker 1: for the for fucking San Diego the Canadian Emmy's, Like,
Speaker 1: who could care? San Diego is single handedly keeping the
Speaker 1: chain wallet industry afloat. Okay, here's some people. Okay. You
Speaker 1: know who grew up in San Diego and had a
Speaker 1: wonderful time, Andrew Konana. I don't want to live in
Speaker 1: San Diego right now with love things, Danish Ja Susa.
Speaker 1: Do you know who came up in the San Diego
Speaker 1: music sat Jason motherfucking Moras. That's one. Chacols are not enough,
Speaker 1: san Diego, my god, fish, chacols are an appetizer. Thank you, Ka,
Speaker 1: And now Alice Waterland. I love Alice, Alice? What are
Speaker 1: we thinking? I love you guys. I'm sorry. This is
Speaker 1: the most basic group, so I'm doing the basic preselection.
Speaker 1: You guys are a dynamic complex group. Yeah we are.
Speaker 1: Topic alright, So Alice Weterland your time, We'll start right now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, masterclass dot com, master class
Speaker 1: dot com. Did you want to take an online chorus
Speaker 1: from such amazing minds as Professor fucking dead Mouse master
Speaker 1: class dot Com? That's right, it's a veritable who's who
Speaker 1: of future sexual predators who are just making a cash
Speaker 1: grabbed plans pay off those black Cube fees. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Did you want to learn how to
Speaker 1: take photos from Annie Leevivitz? You know, photos of non
Speaker 1: A list celebrities? What do you mean just sucking photos?
Speaker 1: Did you want to learn how to travel space by
Speaker 1: NASA Zone Chris Hadfield? Oh, and you can use the
Speaker 1: forum to ask other students such questions as has anybody
Speaker 1: made it to fucking space yet? But the peace theres
Speaker 1: is stands? Is Judd fucking Apataw teaching you the rule
Speaker 1: of three? Such as higher three actually talented people and
Speaker 1: pass off their improv. That's your own, honey, to choose.
Speaker 1: And by the way, I was going to choose crashing,
Speaker 1: but everybody says not to because I was so hated
Speaker 1: that somebody was already going to choose that. Nobody wants
Speaker 1: to see you fut homesh You have to respect someone
Speaker 1: who burns multiple bridges. And she burned multiple bridges. And
Speaker 1: now Veronica sorreality. Now, bitch, I think I'm gonna do
Speaker 1: preeselect because I got angry. Okay, you're I don't think
Speaker 1: so any time starts now, I don't say so, honey. Sadness, bitch, Yeah,
Speaker 1: go fund yourself. You're the least important of the emotions. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're creeping around like a fucking purpose. Yeah I don't know. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: you think you're so important just because you're around and
Speaker 1: you feel you're felt by everyone. You know what. I
Speaker 1: also feel rage, and that's more useful. When I get right,
Speaker 1: I fuck hate, I write jokes, and I get sassy
Speaker 1: when I'm said, I'm used this. I was about to
Speaker 1: die for MoCCA. You didn't get every I was low.
Speaker 1: I was like depressed, sad, you're fucking sucks. You know
Speaker 1: what any other horned is that doesn't get like blue
Speaker 1: balls is better than you. Sadness, You're always like suiciding people.
Speaker 1: Fucking sadness that you always suiciding people. Everybody, and the
Speaker 1: German sweater. I love that, Love that. And now we
Speaker 1: have a very special group which was originally named Joel's
Speaker 1: l a Friends, but we've renamed it to be Palm
Speaker 1: Springs Fish. Please welcome Brendon Skann, Chris Schliker, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: Patrick Rogers, preten the man dam South, John Kim Boost
Speaker 1: and George him Booster, that bitch who went and replaced
Speaker 1: us with these hotter games. Look at the severe do
Speaker 1: this us. God, he'll be back. Well. First up to
Speaker 1: the dais is Brendan skin So what are you thinking about?
Speaker 1: I'm going to do something that's on my heart and
Speaker 1: it's pre selective. Okay, is this is? I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: and his time starts now, I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Not airing my television show Heathers. Okay, many of you
Speaker 1: backstory don't know that there is a ten episode completed.
Speaker 1: Is an adaptation of Heather's starring Me So many of
Speaker 1: you also do not know that that season has been
Speaker 1: shelved because the Paramount network doesn't want to show it
Speaker 1: because it's too controvertial. Okay, you know what's controversial me
Speaker 1: telling my friends and family for the last two years
Speaker 1: that I was gonna be on television. Okay. You know
Speaker 1: what doesn't feel good? That I got abs for the show. Okay,
Speaker 1: nobody asked me to, but I did anyway. Okay, does
Speaker 1: Heather Duke need abs? No? Actually it was a bad
Speaker 1: form of storytelling, but I got him anyway. I don't
Speaker 1: think not airing a show. I cut people out of
Speaker 1: my lives because I thought I was gonna be famous.
Speaker 1: Supportive boyfriends, get out of here, lifelong friends, I've got cocaine.
Speaker 1: My grandmother send me an email telling me to be
Speaker 1: less sinfully gay, and I refused for Heathers and now
Speaker 1: you're not gonna air it. I don't think that's one
Speaker 1: minute air Heathers. It's a shame that man got apps
Speaker 1: for that show. Eric, Eric, and now please welcome to
Speaker 1: my Chrishliker. Get the best track? All right? So, Chris,
Speaker 1: are we doing a priest Let's topic or the trouble
Speaker 1: um I found a target who really deserves it action.
Speaker 1: This person's got it here and the target is gonna
Speaker 1: get served. And I don't think so any and chrish likers.
Speaker 1: I don't think so many time begins now, I don't
Speaker 1: think so. Princess Charlotte. Yeah, I'm about to go in
Speaker 1: on a three year old, so buckle the fuck. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: you're a flop, You're boring. No one cares. If the
Speaker 1: Royal Family were the Bravo Now Work, you'd be the
Speaker 1: Royal Housewise, a fucking d C. I'm sorry your brother,
Speaker 1: Prince George. He's an icon because he's what sickening everything
Speaker 1: he wears els out. Meanwhile, your top Google hit is
Speaker 1: Princess Charlotte tantrum, Princess Charlotte crying. Your only viral moments
Speaker 1: are you falling down in public. I thought being a
Speaker 1: sloppy drug bitch was Christmas Margaret's beach. I'm sorry you're
Speaker 1: not cute, and that's okay because when you're forty, you're
Speaker 1: gonna be a handsome, toothy woman really obsessed with grooming
Speaker 1: her horses. And I'll be obsessed with you because I'm gay,
Speaker 1: so be you. I'll go out with your mug out
Speaker 1: represent with fat British faces because you're gonna be queen,
Speaker 1: because British George is gonna die on Meek nose is
Speaker 1: too much g with his boyfriend Jacob trum Play with
Speaker 1: your mugg out. I don't think so. HIGHI god, printis
Speaker 1: George and Jacob trum lace boyfriend Dracob traum blas. That's
Speaker 1: like a May December thing. Oh my god, the future
Speaker 1: Teller and now everyone plays welcome Patrick Rogers. Yes, okay,
Speaker 1: so Metrick, are we doing a top Are we diving
Speaker 1: into the trouble? I'm gonna okay, I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Gays who love Jennifer Garner, What why of all the
Speaker 1: actresses in the pantheon, you're picking Jennifer Garner? Um, excuse me?
Speaker 1: Is your favorite dessert meringue because you love flavored air?
Speaker 1: The actual fuck? Jennifer Garner hasn't been to good film
Speaker 1: since thirteen going on thirty. She's further away from an
Speaker 1: egon than Kira Seduate. All these Jennifer Garner gays keep
Speaker 1: telling me she seems so nice. Guess what. I don't
Speaker 1: want nice actresses. I want good actresses. Yes, I don't
Speaker 1: want Judy Dench to be nice to me. I want
Speaker 1: Judy Dinch to dress up his queen Victoria spit in
Speaker 1: my mouth and call me a faggot. Watch from my actresses. Okay,
Speaker 1: so please find another b side muse for yourself. May
Speaker 1: I suggest Mayor winning him or Parker Posey. That's one
Speaker 1: minute you get to exhale man. Oh my god, Patrick,
Speaker 1: it's actually rule of culture number eighty eight. And may
Speaker 1: I suggest may winning him? And everyone please give it
Speaker 1: up for Louis rotis that journalism that he was reporting live? Um? Okay,
Speaker 1: So Louis, are we doing the trouball or a priest
Speaker 1: like the topic? You know, I love a stump. We're
Speaker 1: going into that trouball. He loves the stunt. If there's
Speaker 1: anyone who can go into the trouble, it's okay, here
Speaker 1: we go and oh bitch. Okay, so Louis your I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Trouble topic is Chelsea Clinton and
Speaker 1: your time starts. I don't think so, honey, Chelsea Clinton.
Speaker 1: Oh I love your soft spoken Twitter replies, how thrilling.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, you don't say somebody named Nish was sexist
Speaker 1: to your mom? I can't believe it. I hope you
Speaker 1: respond in two characters saying that you researched them and
Speaker 1: they seem nice, and you hope they have a merry
Speaker 1: time today. That's extremely thrilling. Congratulations to you, Chelsea Clinton.
Speaker 1: You went to stand for seconds. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: Chelsea Clinton. What you are good at is sitting in
Speaker 1: crowds and looking your mom and making this face. I've
Speaker 1: already seen Bob's big Boy. I don't need to look
Speaker 1: at that face considered that, Chelsea. I don't think so,
Speaker 1: Chelsea Clinton. You're named after a Joni Mitchell song, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna shoot my son second. It's not even a good one, bitch.
Speaker 1: It's from the second album Clouds. It was the sixties.
Speaker 1: Jony came of age in nineteen seventy one. You dumb
Speaker 1: fucking bitch. That's what masterful. Give it up. Wow, what
Speaker 1: a bit game for Chelsea Glinton. My sister's name is Chelsea.
Speaker 1: She was named after Daryl Hannah's character and Legal Eagles,
Speaker 1: And that's real. My mom is dumb. All right, here
Speaker 1: we go joking booster my sister to be up here
Speaker 1: sharing the stage with the men. I replaced you with
Speaker 1: you will be back alright. So, Joel, are you gonna
Speaker 1: do a pre selected topic or um? I don't know
Speaker 1: the trouble, well you, I famously believe that the trouble
Speaker 1: is the purest form of and I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: But we were at dinner earlier and I really found
Speaker 1: something that might make me some enemies, but I it's
Speaker 1: really it's been weighing heavy on my heart and I
Speaker 1: think I have to from dinner to right now. Is
Speaker 1: stoking boosters? I don't think so, Honny. And this time
Speaker 1: will begin now. I don't think so, honey. The Tony's
Speaker 1: trotting out the Parkland students to sing seasons of Love. Listen,
Speaker 1: I know what you're thinking. I am not attacking to
Speaker 1: children who have been through trauma. But what I am
Speaker 1: attacking is an institution bringing out kids who have been
Speaker 1: through a horror show and now they have to sing rent.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Honny. Okay, if they're going to
Speaker 1: sing a song, give them a song that doesn't require
Speaker 1: a mail solo. Don't think we didn't look that. Just
Speaker 1: skipped over the mail solo. Parkland students, because they're high
Speaker 1: school students. They can't hit those notes yet. But you
Speaker 1: know there was a fagot at that school who said,
Speaker 1: I think I can actually do it, but he can't,
Speaker 1: and he shouldn't be asked to. Should then given a
Speaker 1: song from Legally Blonde, or let them sing Little Women
Speaker 1: because they are astonishing, but they should not have been
Speaker 1: asked to rent, because those people have paid their rent
Speaker 1: emotionally over kids should have sang oh my god, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, you guys, give it for Paul Springs, Fish
Speaker 1: Brendan's get out Bush like Patrick Rogers, Kim Booster, Oh
Speaker 1: my god, how do you guys feel? Yeah, this next
Speaker 1: group is called every Boy. Please welcome to the stage.
Speaker 1: Kirby Howell Baptiste. Give it up for Samantha Martin, and
Speaker 1: give it up for mo Wow. Here comes Mono. I
Speaker 1: got Bion and finally my sister Oscar Montoya. We're all
Speaker 1: from the house of Montoya house. His daughters are going
Speaker 1: on sand mar looks and first to the mic is Kirby.
Speaker 1: How baptize Kirby the look realness in the building. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I was doing a pre sleight the topic are
Speaker 1: we going to do the trouball? We're doing a pre
Speaker 1: selected because I be in my bonnet, in her bonnet,
Speaker 1: and she's gonna release it now, Kirby your I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: White liberal gentrifiers who complain about gentrification, I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. You saying this area is
Speaker 1: getting so gentrified because the Starbucks moved in? Oh you
Speaker 1: didn't think it was gentrified? When a much a bomb
Speaker 1: moved in, fucking pop physique move thin, when that father
Speaker 1: fucking loves a role place move second, I think that
Speaker 1: was gentrification. I don't think so, honey. I'm the only
Speaker 1: person of color at your wedding. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: except maybe maybe some of your weddings were. There's an
Speaker 1: Asian woman married to a very boring white man who
Speaker 1: as to talk about anime and that time he once
Speaker 1: went to Japan. I don't think so, hunty. I don't
Speaker 1: think so posting about black lives matter but still trying
Speaker 1: to touch my hair, I do not fucking think sad one.
Speaker 1: We stand, Stanford, we stand, and we stand and now
Speaker 1: we stand for Samantha. Yes, more beautiful hath him? Hi there?
Speaker 1: So I turned thirty yesterday, thank you, and I had
Speaker 1: a little bit of a revelation, so I want to
Speaker 1: talk about it all right, this time starts now, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Honey. The song Happy Birthday. Now,
Speaker 1: I could tell you why I hate this song, or
Speaker 1: I could show you and then tell you a little Okay,
Speaker 1: everybody sing Happy Birthday ship. You sound very bad, and
Speaker 1: I'm sure all of you have taken like four voice
Speaker 1: lessons at least, and it's not your fault, you all.
Speaker 1: You all have to depict that key out of thin air. Okay. Now,
Speaker 1: the whole song sucks, but the worst part is when
Speaker 1: great white male sings that harmony. You know what I'm
Speaker 1: talking about. When it's like, you know, happy birthday, do
Speaker 1: you say thank you? You like congratulations? Steve, you found
Speaker 1: the third above the melody? Okay. Now, I had more
Speaker 1: trouble being delighted by the co workers that I have
Speaker 1: singing Happy Birthday at me yesterday then I did pretending
Speaker 1: to be delighted by the sweet kisses of my seventh
Speaker 1: grade boyfriend Kenny as a burgeoning lesbian. Okay, I don't
Speaker 1: think so, Kenny, Wow, Wow, Honestly, you all did sound
Speaker 1: like fucking ship when you sounded so fucking bad. You're
Speaker 1: all bad singers, Thank you, and now coming to the
Speaker 1: stage is mo. Wow, So what are we doing? Are
Speaker 1: we doing a pre sleted topic or do you think
Speaker 1: we're gonna do a trollball topic? I never prepare trollball? Whoa,
Speaker 1: she doesn't prepare? Okay, here we go. I got it
Speaker 1: right here, holy ship, this is a big one. Am
Speaker 1: I the only straight one up here? All right? Mo?
Speaker 1: Your I don't think so on a trollable topic? Is Madonna? Oh?
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, Madonna? What kind of name
Speaker 1: is that? We get it? You're a mom. Put it
Speaker 1: in the front of Donna. I don't think so, Honey.
Speaker 1: You have a gap in your tooth the side of
Speaker 1: the Mississippi River. Okay, no, one like that one. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, Madonna. You know Madonna doesn't white her ass.
Speaker 1: I read that in an article. She has tissue stuck
Speaker 1: up in her butthole every single day. This guy is
Speaker 1: shaking his head. No, you don't believe me. I read
Speaker 1: it in Hello Giggles, and I wrote the article. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, Madonna. What does that bra do for you?
Speaker 1: It is two cones. I don't get it. It's from
Speaker 1: the eighties. I know nothing about you. Five seconds. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, Madonna. I love you, and that's what
Speaker 1: shorer and you attacked. My god, everyone give it up,
Speaker 1: coming to the stage mana capion I copion I copions
Speaker 1: You got it? We got it? Yeah, sure, why not?
Speaker 1: Why not? What do we think pre selected? Okay, and Mona,
Speaker 1: your time will begin right now. I don't think so,
Speaker 1: Princess Daisy, that's right in case you're not a fucking
Speaker 1: nerd like me. That's the basic bitch. Sister of Princess Peach.
Speaker 1: Not only did she copy her style, she had any
Speaker 1: color to choose from, and she was like, I want
Speaker 1: my dress to be mustard yellow and safety cone orange.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Daisy. And then she could pair
Speaker 1: it with a gem and she said, you know what
Speaker 1: goes good with yellow and orange? Fucking turquoise. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, you bitch. And let's not have started on
Speaker 1: that shake and go wig on the top of your head, bitch,
Speaker 1: die on the top of your head. You can't even
Speaker 1: get your own game. And when Bowser comes to town,
Speaker 1: he doesn't even want the kidnap you baby five seconds,
Speaker 1: so take it, run that and stop golfing, carting and
Speaker 1: tennis ing. I don't think so, honey. That's one minute, Princess.
Speaker 1: Why is she in Sash brother She can't even get kidnapped?
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Oh by the way, fun she announced
Speaker 1: the new super Smash Brothers today. Then the only new
Speaker 1: characters are Daisy and Ridley. Someone likes the British fucking
Speaker 1: actress like eight of you respond, you know, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: That was Niches and wait, hold on, this is our
Speaker 1: fabulous mother mother Darling. Oscar, we love you, bitch, We
Speaker 1: love you very much. Very mom is proud, so, Oscar,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Are you gonna do a trouball or
Speaker 1: a pre slight the topic. I'm gonna do a pre
Speaker 1: selected talk. Okay, Oscar Montoya, your time starts now. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. The guy who gave me ship
Speaker 1: for me, referencing Stacy Rico at an improv show two
Speaker 1: days ago. Okay, bow and her elegance gag and her
Speaker 1: gaggery bitch. Okay, if I take the time to know
Speaker 1: who Ari Gold is, you better know Stacy Rico. She
Speaker 1: is an unsung legend. So y'all better read. If y'all
Speaker 1: here looking at me dumbfounded, do your homework. You hear
Speaker 1: me fery so honey, not accepting the way that I talk,
Speaker 1: not accepting my cultural references. Okay, sorry if my cultural
Speaker 1: backbone doesn't align the Atlanta Braves or Dan Marine Now
Speaker 1: or Chrow machines. Okay, you will never be glamor. You
Speaker 1: will never be glamor. Okay. If I talk to you
Speaker 1: and you nod your head every time I say seven
Speaker 1: oh two, you are glamour. If you know who double
Speaker 1: A Morgan is, that's saying the hit single dance with me.
Speaker 1: You are glamor. Let us be glamor. It's actually rule
Speaker 1: of culture number seventy one. Let us be glamor. Christian
Speaker 1: give it up for this group. Every ball, every ball, Kirby,
Speaker 1: how about yes, very religious, She's very religio. Chi can
Speaker 1: still give you a bop still bob, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: you can give me a religious and give a bop. Intersectionality, guys,
Speaker 1: please welcome our next group. You doctors know nothing. Langon Kingsley,
Speaker 1: everyone Van tops a Butcher, Glan Boozen finda brodya what
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to see you now. First to the
Speaker 1: mic is Langon kings It's a thrill to see, a
Speaker 1: thrill to be here. Thrill. Now let's continue the thrill
Speaker 1: by asking the question, are you going to do a
Speaker 1: pre slector topic or the trouble I'm doing pre selected
Speaker 1: selected Langon Kingsley, you're a priest lected. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Time starts now, Okay, I don't think so, honey. The
Speaker 1: new adaptation of Little Women on PBS. First of all,
Speaker 1: a brunette Lorie. I know that's true to the book,
Speaker 1: but somewhere Christian Bale is rolling in his proverbial grape
Speaker 1: to yell at a lighting assistant. Second of all, a
Speaker 1: pretty bath march. Nah. Even Claire Danes knew she had
Speaker 1: to contort her facial expression to serve you. Scarlet fever.
Speaker 1: Also Uma Thurman and Ethan hawks daughter as Joe. Nah,
Speaker 1: she has the hereditary bone structure. This is I go
Speaker 1: to Brearley and have a fake idea that gets me
Speaker 1: into clots on the Lower East Side on the weekend
Speaker 1: that I am a blue socking New England intellectual who
Speaker 1: writes pirate novels. In her attic, someone saying double door
Speaker 1: to Samantha Morton and Dame Judy from this atrocity up
Speaker 1: and give us the season three of Cranford. We all deserve.
Speaker 1: That's one mine have lost season three. I c everyone
Speaker 1: given up for the Royalty Thompson royalt, I said, turn
Speaker 1: a look in the email, I said to everyone. And
Speaker 1: Shavon was the only one who took the note. This
Speaker 1: is a look. I love a note and I love
Speaker 1: homework to be p Am going to do a pre
Speaker 1: selected I don't think oh, here we go, Von Thompson.
Speaker 1: Your I don't think so, honey, time begins now. I
Speaker 1: don't think so. The fucking Royal family and any of
Speaker 1: you counts who think they're good suck are bad people.
Speaker 1: They represent everything that is bad in this world. I'm
Speaker 1: just because they've had some light rebranding recently doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that they are not truly evil. Everything that is powerful
Speaker 1: in the white straight cys ammonic, fucking bullshit seconds funk.
Speaker 1: Those people. Do you know what they do? Thank you
Speaker 1: so much? Oh my god, beautiful. They have a castle
Speaker 1: filled with jewels that they stole, stoles, and you people
Speaker 1: pay money to see them. They already owned the jewels.
Speaker 1: Need your money pay them. The country funck them. They
Speaker 1: are fectless cunts and I hope they all die. And
Speaker 1: that one feckless cunts. Oh my god, Yes that is
Speaker 1: a giving queen. Thank you everyone, give it up for real. Butcheria,
Speaker 1: are you going to say that I did not bring
Speaker 1: a look because this one bully? Oh shame. No vodka
Speaker 1: promotions treat each other, Kylie, let's go, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: butcher what are we thinking? The troll ball troball? Okay,
Speaker 1: your ball topic, yeah, Jessica Chastain, this is chime starts now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Jessica, sass chass Steak. I didn't
Speaker 1: even say your fucking name. What kind of a name
Speaker 1: is chass steak? That sounds like some jewels in a
Speaker 1: palace kind of ship, kind of a crazy white ass
Speaker 1: ancestral water put from with those cheekbones in that red
Speaker 1: ass hair. If it's even real, chass Stain, I see
Speaker 1: what you're doing, trying to get your liberal white ass
Speaker 1: in with all the good people. Where have you been?
Speaker 1: Where are you playing Molly's game? Not in this town.
Speaker 1: I'll watch it on a plane, sure, Chasta, that's all
Speaker 1: I got on, Jessica chast Okay, then here's one more.
Speaker 1: It is Barbara streisand ten seconds, honey, I don't think so.
Speaker 1: Barbara Streisand somebody took a picture of your house on
Speaker 1: a beach, and you paid too much attention to it.
Speaker 1: And you brought attention to that picture of your beautiful
Speaker 1: house on a beach. And if you would have just
Speaker 1: walked on by Barbara streisand we wouldn't have invented the
Speaker 1: Barbara streisand effect. Everybody bought that photo. They looked at
Speaker 1: that photo. You trolled yourself, Barbara streisand and you know what,
Speaker 1: I think she was doing it on purpose. I think
Speaker 1: Barbara wants the controversy effect everybody. It's fucking Glenn buses.
Speaker 1: If it has been so good tonight, what will it be? Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do a pre select. Okay, I hope I
Speaker 1: don't make any enemies alright now. Um, I don't think so, honey, Hitler,
Speaker 1: Um hey new swash Hitler. No one likes you, bitch.
Speaker 1: I can get out here. Hey, bitch, grow a full mustache. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I don't like the body shame, but honestly, you're not cute, bitch,
Speaker 1: and like if you I'm like, hey, Hitler. You're the
Speaker 1: Hitler of people. Okay, we all make fun of you
Speaker 1: where you know, if you were alive right now, oh
Speaker 1: my god, you'd be so embarrassed because everyone's like, like
Speaker 1: the worst thing and they say you bitch, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: like honestly like Matcheen seconds, No honey, um, and your
Speaker 1: friends also are bad. Um, I don't think um, nine honey,
Speaker 1: nine honey. And that's one minute coming after headline we
Speaker 1: got we got a little Volkswagen shade for Maria. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can family everyone coming up for Brody Cupta so much.
Speaker 1: Look is really good, such a good look. Yes, none
Speaker 1: of this look belongs to me. It crowdsourced. I love
Speaker 1: that so much. So here's something real quick to um.
Speaker 1: So i've gained a little bit of confidence, maybe do
Speaker 1: the trouball. Okay, and I think that maybe I should
Speaker 1: do it. But also I didn't know who Daria Hatger was.
Speaker 1: We'll do We'll pick one out. If you don't know
Speaker 1: who it is, we'll throw it back in. We'll pick
Speaker 1: another one out. And if you don't know who it is,
Speaker 1: fuck you. Here. Here's here's the thing. If I don't
Speaker 1: know who it is, I'll project a vomit onto the
Speaker 1: first Okay, first show, everyone has their ponchos on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're gonna know who this is, Brodie, here we go.
Speaker 1: You're I don't think so, honey. Topic is Emily Blunt
Speaker 1: and not think so. Emily Blunt? Are you who? John
Speaker 1: Krasinski was looking into camera for this entire time. I
Speaker 1: think that you're the receptionist of a Scranton, Pennsylvania office. No,
Speaker 1: you're not. You have a British accent. You co start
Speaker 1: in a movie with Anne Hathawayasuly has not done that.
Speaker 1: But we want John Krasinski to be happy with Pam Beasley,
Speaker 1: the character, but the actor. Also, I don't know what's
Speaker 1: going on right now. Emily Blunt, congratulations on your rolling
Speaker 1: into the Woods. We all had a great time, but
Speaker 1: also we didn't really remember you and you didn't. You
Speaker 1: didn't really get a late night show as a result,
Speaker 1: which means that maybe you didn't do into the Woods
Speaker 1: right five seconds, Emily Blunt, if you're in the audience,
Speaker 1: I'll be friends with you. And that's one brody gop out.
Speaker 1: You know what I gotta spot before we let this
Speaker 1: group go. I gotta spot a trend all the troubles
Speaker 1: have ended with I love you and that's very positive.
Speaker 1: That's what we come here to do. Give it up
Speaker 1: for these doctors know nothing. Blagon King's Thompson. Good. Why
Speaker 1: are you guys ready for the last group of the night.
Speaker 1: This group is called the mother Fucker's. Give it up
Speaker 1: for Danielle Pere. This we have Eliza Skinner and we
Speaker 1: have Solomon. They're making their way up there. They are
Speaker 1: making an entrance. Honey, it's the final group. So that
Speaker 1: has to be a moment of suscepense because the Motherfucker's
Speaker 1: are coming to the stage. It's the Motherfucker's. And then
Speaker 1: we have Drew Derogi. Okay, perfect, okay, everyone, let's go.
Speaker 1: Let's have up to the stage. Very first, Naomi Eagan,
Speaker 1: why we have the whole group? Wait one more time, Danielle,
Speaker 1: Eliza Skinner, Solomon, Georgia and Naomi. Yes, welcome, welcome, welcome here. Mother?
Speaker 1: Are we ready? Are we ready? Miss Danielle Perez to
Speaker 1: the mike. Care she turned up? Look is turned Danielle.
Speaker 1: I am excited to ask you. Are we doing a
Speaker 1: pre selected topic or the trouble? You look stunning? Thank you.
Speaker 1: I famously like to look stunning, and I famously like
Speaker 1: to do pre select, famously prele Okay, so here we go,
Speaker 1: Danielle Perez is, I don't think Sony, your time starts now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, stars, who are you for? People? Leafy?
Speaker 1: People who were? I don't funk with either? And I
Speaker 1: want access, honey. Okay, I'm not, I know, half in
Speaker 1: puff like I'm at some sad olliptical at twenty four fitness.
Speaker 1: I just want to go to a laster hours blove
Speaker 1: party in downtown l A. Okay, stairs our dirty s,
Speaker 1: there's our growth. Stairs are for poor people. The only
Speaker 1: thing that has stepped is sobriety, and I don't think so.
Speaker 1: And seconds seconds. The only thing I want to be
Speaker 1: going up and down with any sort of exhaustion is
Speaker 1: a dit five seconds. All right. Anna Wintour doesn't do stairs.
Speaker 1: I neither fun do I do? What? Del Perez? Oh
Speaker 1: my god, Perez, you have some respecting. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: everyone welcome Alies the skin, Alisa, your honor. I would
Speaker 1: have stood for that, but it would have seemed like rude.
Speaker 1: That was very good, amazing, Eliza. Are we doing a
Speaker 1: pre selected topic or um? I'd like to do a
Speaker 1: pre selected topic late night shows on a Tuesday. I
Speaker 1: don't think so. It's not a one day, it's not
Speaker 1: a three day. It's a tuesday. You people don't have jobs.
Speaker 1: Are you vampires? So what is happening? Oh? None of
Speaker 1: you have someone to go home and kiss. No one
Speaker 1: has anyone to fuck. You'll just stay up and lonely
Speaker 1: for hours. If you drink enough and watch other people scream,
Speaker 1: the loneliness goes away. You think this skin comes from
Speaker 1: not sleeping? Okay? Do you think this bud day comes
Speaker 1: from staying up late at night? It doesn't. It comes.
Speaker 1: I'm sitting all the time and staring at myself and
Speaker 1: wondering why I've done this to my I need to
Speaker 1: get home early to get my beauty sleep so I
Speaker 1: can wake up at four am and think about all
Speaker 1: my bad choices. That's one minute, I don't think so, honey, Yes,
Speaker 1: even doing here? It is Tuesday night. We're almost don't
Speaker 1: you worry? Mastup? We have slid at Georgia. I love Hi.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Solomon, I will know. I'm too new.
Speaker 1: It's his first night doing comedy. I'm pre selected Solomon
Speaker 1: George's I don't think sonniest time starts now. I do
Speaker 1: not think so, honey. White people acting black that think
Speaker 1: I will not call the police on them? Fuck that.
Speaker 1: I saw a white dude with corn rolls beatboxing. I
Speaker 1: called the cops on his trifle that because guess what,
Speaker 1: if we can't be black in public, you can't try
Speaker 1: to be black in public? Okay, and even better, you
Speaker 1: know what I sound like on an upset white womanly, Hi,
Speaker 1: this is Brittany. Oh you're already on the way. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. Fifteen seconds and I'm done with all
Speaker 1: of you. You can't. Black culture has been consumed to
Speaker 1: a billion dollar industry, and yet you cannot even tell
Speaker 1: your goddamn racist I'm going to go fuck himself. No,
Speaker 1: I'm calling the cops on all of y'all. Five seconds.
Speaker 1: If I see you listen to Cardi B, I'm calling
Speaker 1: the cops on you. That's what. Do not listen to
Speaker 1: Cardi B. That's not for us, Salomon Georgia, everybody, you
Speaker 1: will go to prison. Do not cross hall. And now
Speaker 1: welcome to the stage to the Have some respect, have
Speaker 1: some respect, have some respect, some respect. I drew another
Speaker 1: veteran another and you hint it to me in an
Speaker 1: email that you would like to do the trollball. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stick with that. Yeah, let's do it. I
Speaker 1: knew I just wanted one more trouble before the night
Speaker 1: was over. Okay, here we go, trouball, let's make it.
Speaker 1: Let's see you're okay, You're I don't think so. Any
Speaker 1: trouball topic is the television show Gilmore Girls, and you're
Speaker 1: a time starts now, I don't think so, honey, Gilmore Girls,
Speaker 1: fucking slow down. You're talking so goddamn fast. It doesn't
Speaker 1: make you interesting. You're your three years apart in age.
Speaker 1: You look exactly the same. They should be called the
Speaker 1: Gilmore fucking Twins. Does anyone remember anything from the Guilty
Speaker 1: Gilmore Goes other than than like falling back onto like
Speaker 1: a lawn. They were always they were always like on
Speaker 1: in like yards somewhere, and like Melissa McCarthy's a chef
Speaker 1: in what world? In what universe? Bless your hearts? Ain't
Speaker 1: that fun? Oh my god? And Kelly what's her name?
Speaker 1: The mom who was in Dirty Dancing? I mean everybody
Speaker 1: that show was just called it was just mayonnaise with
Speaker 1: shoes on five seconds. I don't mean we don't mean
Speaker 1: Gilmore girls, just like we don't need you know anything
Speaker 1: else from that awful time in the two thousand's. I
Speaker 1: don't think so on it red Kelly Bishop to filth.
Speaker 1: Didn't even know her goddamn last name, Kelly Bishop, didn't
Speaker 1: even get Kelly Bishops. Who knows Kelly Bishop? Wow? Personal bags?
Speaker 1: All right, Here we go our final I don't think so,
Speaker 1: Honey of the evening will be delivered to us by
Speaker 1: Naomi bar again. Take the long way around, Honey, Take
Speaker 1: the long way around, Naomi. Oh my gosh, Naomi, are
Speaker 1: we doing a priest like the topic or the troll ball?
Speaker 1: You know? I got feeling. Ok Here we go, Okay,
Speaker 1: Naomi your I don't think so, honey. Time begins now, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. Fitty comics on one show. Okay, baby,
Speaker 1: like a Liza said, you got to rest. Okay. I've
Speaker 1: been sitting up in here since eight fifteen, Honey, I
Speaker 1: might have a touch of swamp ass in my pants.
Speaker 1: We ain't got no a c. I'm trying to make
Speaker 1: a bang happen. And that's about eleven thirty feet. It's
Speaker 1: too early in the week to be making mistakes. Honey,
Speaker 1: We're about to kill each other for the same fucking
Speaker 1: uber when this ship is all over, honey, you know
Speaker 1: we're all up in here fitted comic. We all need
Speaker 1: a goddamn moment to shine up in this ship. Hey,
Speaker 1: this is not an NBC stand Up for Diversity audition.
Speaker 1: Anytime to be me, thesh anytime to be me and
Speaker 1: that's one bang. Oh my god, giving up for this group.
Speaker 1: The motherfucker's Danielle Pearrel Skinner and Georgia True, jo Naomi
Speaker 1: and Fair Again, honestly, we have been noted we have
Speaker 1: to change this goddamn format. But did you have fun
Speaker 1: tonight though? So anyway, thank you all so much for coming.
Speaker 1: I'll give it up for all your comics. We're gonna
Speaker 1: list them all in order right now, Ray Sonny Off
Speaker 1: and Red Enemy Bile, Andrew Law, Darcy Carter, David had
Speaker 1: a Title, Mian j Dominant Expense, and Roger Joan Firstman.
Speaker 1: Daniel Well, I'm clapping your motherfuck keep clapping. What the
Speaker 1: fund is wrong with you? Megan Gilly, We're soak Caricula,
Speaker 1: Alice Weatherland, keep going. Brendan's Canalsh like Patrick Rogers Lewis,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, where on my Kirby Hall about tea
Speaker 1: and at the morn, oh my god. Well well Orry Skater, Alma, Georgia,
Speaker 1: Jost Roam, have a great night. Good luck with the
Speaker 1: verse they all, good luck Forever. This has been a
Speaker 1: Forever Dog production executive produced by Brett Boham, Joe Cilio,
Speaker 1: and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please visit Forever
Speaker 1: Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our shows on
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Keep
Speaker 1: up with the latest Forever Dog news by following us
Speaker 1: on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and liking
Speaker 1: our page on Facebook.