WEBVTT - CONFLICT: Validating your partner

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, it's Delilah. Thank you for stopping by. I have

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<v Speaker 1>put together some of my favorite radio moments here to

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<v Speaker 1>share with you on our daily podcast you.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, it's Delilah.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you writing in a car with someone you love

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<v Speaker 1>or are you home with someone you love? Are you

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<v Speaker 1>home with your husband or your wife or your sweetheart? Well,

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<v Speaker 1>if you're in a car, then you're in a trapped

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<v Speaker 1>environment and I can talk to you. If you're at home,

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<v Speaker 1>they can walk in the other room or change the

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<v Speaker 1>channel or whatever. But wherever you are, if you are

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<v Speaker 1>in conflict with your sweetheart, with your partner, maybe ah,

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<v Speaker 1>this is a new thing, or maybe it's an everyday thing.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe you just can't stop fussing and fighting and you're

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<v Speaker 1>in conflict and there is no peace. I want you

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<v Speaker 1>to think about something. When was the last time you

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<v Speaker 1>let your walls down and let that person in all

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<v Speaker 1>the way into your heart? When was the last time

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<v Speaker 1>you said I want to know how you feel. I

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<v Speaker 1>want to care about how you feel. I'm not going

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<v Speaker 1>to get defensive. I'm not going to argue with you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to tell you your feelings are not valid

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<v Speaker 1>or I didn't really hurt your feelings by saying what

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<v Speaker 1>I said or doing what I did. When was the

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<v Speaker 1>last time you listened and let them all the way

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<v Speaker 1>into your heart. We're so used to being defensive, argumentative,

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<v Speaker 1>to gaslighting our partners, or not listening, not making them

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<v Speaker 1>feel heard, feel seen, feel precious, feel loved. Love Someone

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<v Speaker 1>show them that by listening and letting them in your heart. Hi, Matthew,

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<v Speaker 1>thank you for your patience.

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<v Speaker 2>This is Delilah. Hi. What can I do for you?

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<v Speaker 3>Matt I'd like to make your dedication to my life.

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<v Speaker 1>What's her name?

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<v Speaker 3>Her name is Christina?

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<v Speaker 1>And what do you want to tell the world about

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<v Speaker 1>your bride.

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<v Speaker 3>We've been together for a year and a half now

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<v Speaker 3>and everybody's been against us, and about a month ago

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<v Speaker 3>we split up. Well, we learned real quickly we could

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<v Speaker 3>not live without each other.

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<v Speaker 1>Why is everybody fighting against you?

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<v Speaker 3>Her family didn't like my family. My family don't like

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<v Speaker 3>her family. So Romeo and Juliet story.

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<v Speaker 1>Her family and your family don't get along, Yes, ma'am,

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<v Speaker 1>but you're the two that are married. Yes, it doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>really matter what her family or your family thinks.

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<v Speaker 3>It was a lot of stress of allowing people trying

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<v Speaker 3>to come in between us, and it was decided that

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<v Speaker 3>we needed a break, and we both realized that was

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<v Speaker 3>the worst of we've ever done it. It was horrible

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<v Speaker 3>away from each other.

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<v Speaker 1>There's a very old book that says, and a man

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<v Speaker 1>shall leave his mother, and a woman shall leave her home.

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<v Speaker 1>And what that means is that you need to break away.

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<v Speaker 1>Not that you stop loving your parents or stop honoring

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<v Speaker 1>your parents, but you have to make a break from

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<v Speaker 1>your parents and establish your own life.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Well, we have a beautiful, pretty much old daughter

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<v Speaker 3>now and life is wonderful. I've recently got a great

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<v Speaker 3>job and she's going to call us to be a nurse,

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<v Speaker 3>and life is going great. And I love her so much.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, she completes me.

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<v Speaker 4>She really does well.

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<v Speaker 2>Do me a favor.

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<v Speaker 1>If anybody suggests again that they know better what you

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<v Speaker 1>should be doing in your married life, suggests that they

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<v Speaker 1>mind their own business.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, i'ned that I've learned that. But where my love

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<v Speaker 3>and art?

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to the Delilah Show.

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<v Speaker 2>Who is this?

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<v Speaker 5>Hi?

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<v Speaker 6>This is Jackie.

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<v Speaker 1>What can I do for you?

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<v Speaker 4>Well?

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<v Speaker 7>Actually, my boyfriend of the year we got into an

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<v Speaker 7>argument last week and I don't know, like I felt

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<v Speaker 7>really distanced from him lately, and I don't know if

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<v Speaker 7>he's listening, but I just was hoping that you could

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<v Speaker 7>play a song for us.

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<v Speaker 1>So what was this little argument over I.

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<v Speaker 6>Want to go back to school and his life is

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<v Speaker 6>headed in a different direction, and I don't know if

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<v Speaker 6>I'm going to be moving And you know, we haven't

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<v Speaker 6>been together very long, and we're both really young, and

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<v Speaker 6>so it's just kind of hard to know where our

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<v Speaker 6>lives are leading us. And so you know, we just

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<v Speaker 6>kind of argued about what we were going to do,

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<v Speaker 6>and so it's really tough.

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<v Speaker 2>But how old are you?

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<v Speaker 7>I'm eighteen.

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<v Speaker 1>Well here's a concept. Why don't you cross that bridge

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<v Speaker 1>when you get to it? Yep? I mean, instead of

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<v Speaker 1>future tripping and trying to decide what's going to happen,

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<v Speaker 1>why don't you just love each other and enjoy each

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<v Speaker 1>other this company, and have a great summer and wait

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<v Speaker 1>and see what happens once that happens.

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<v Speaker 6>I think that's a wonderful idea, Delilah.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, if you live in the hour, if you

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<v Speaker 1>live in this moment, if you live in the day

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<v Speaker 1>that God has given you, then the future will take.

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<v Speaker 2>Care of itself.

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<v Speaker 1>Honey, alrighty, but if you spend all your time and

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<v Speaker 1>energy worrying about what's going to happen in the future

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<v Speaker 1>and are we going to be able to stay together

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<v Speaker 1>and should we date other people? And it's too many

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<v Speaker 1>miles and blah blah blah blah blah, you'll not only

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<v Speaker 1>mess up your future, you'll be messing up here here

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<v Speaker 1>and now.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, you're right. I hope he's listening, because I wishly

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<v Speaker 6>could have heard that you said that too. I don't

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<v Speaker 6>think I could tell him as well as you just did.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I think you can.

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<v Speaker 6>All right, Thank you so much, Jelilah.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, good night, honey, good night. Hi Sean. What

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<v Speaker 2>can I do for you?

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<v Speaker 5>Well, I don't know right now with the caller, but

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<v Speaker 5>we're having a bit of a trouble in our relationship,

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<v Speaker 5>Like right now we're separated temporarily because me.

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<v Speaker 1>And my significant other who may not be my significant other,

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<v Speaker 1>because I don't know if we're going to make it work,

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<v Speaker 1>but I really want it to work because I love.

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<v Speaker 2>Her with all my heart and soul.

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<v Speaker 5>Exactly is that.

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<v Speaker 2>Where you're at?

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<v Speaker 5>Exactly? You always know it?

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<v Speaker 2>What led to.

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<v Speaker 1>This separation between you and what's her?

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<v Speaker 2>Name.

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<v Speaker 5>Her name's Chelsea.

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<v Speaker 1>What happened with you and Chelsea that you're in this quandary?

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<v Speaker 5>Well, basically we were. We had a big fight and

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<v Speaker 5>then over what she was talking to her ex boyfriend,

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<v Speaker 5>who we've had problems with in the past.

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<v Speaker 1>We've had problems with. Obviously, if she's talking to him,

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<v Speaker 1>she's not having problems with it.

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<v Speaker 5>Well, she had a problem with him in the past,

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<v Speaker 5>but she got over it and I never did.

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<v Speaker 1>She's still emotionally connected to her ax, which drives you nuts. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>and for whatever reason, she can't let go of that

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<v Speaker 1>emotional tie and still Oh.

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<v Speaker 5>Yes, she told me today that she that it was

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<v Speaker 5>over between them and now she's devoted to me, and

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<v Speaker 5>that made me really happy. And I just wanted to

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<v Speaker 5>see if you can play a song for us that

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<v Speaker 5>shows her that I forgive her and I understand.

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<v Speaker 1>But what's to forgive, honey. She's not in the wrong

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<v Speaker 1>for no.

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<v Speaker 5>She I don't know how to say it, but.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm saying, if she still has feelings for her ex boyfriend,

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<v Speaker 1>that's not something she can control.

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<v Speaker 5>Yes, I know that, it's just that she in a

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<v Speaker 5>way has deceived me.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so she can control the line.

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<v Speaker 1>But if she still is emotionally connected to him, that's

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<v Speaker 1>not something that can be wished away or made to

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<v Speaker 1>go away, or you know, she can be honest with

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<v Speaker 1>you about it, but if they still.

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<v Speaker 5>Have an emotional sort of the deception, she lied a

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<v Speaker 5>lot about the situation. That's the main part of it.

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<v Speaker 1>Why are you wanting to stay in a relationship with

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<v Speaker 1>somebody who is not emotionally.

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<v Speaker 2>Available to you?

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<v Speaker 5>Well, now, after talking to her today before she went

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<v Speaker 5>into work, she explained everything to me and it said

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<v Speaker 5>that she is now and I'm giving her a second

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<v Speaker 5>chance because I believe that everyone deserves a second chance.

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<v Speaker 2>Everyone does deserve a second chance. So I'm glad you

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<v Speaker 2>guys are working it out.

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<v Speaker 1>Good luck, sweetheart, Thank you, Hi Will, This is Delilah.

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<v Speaker 1>What can I do for you tonight?

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<v Speaker 4>The middle of a divorce and the child custody battle,

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<v Speaker 4>and I know the relationship's over, but trying to get

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<v Speaker 4>over it's been a real struggle with me because I

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<v Speaker 4>have a lot of history with my wife and she's

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<v Speaker 4>got a lot of mental problems and addictions, and I

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<v Speaker 4>still have feelings for even though I know that it's

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<v Speaker 4>for the best, and I'm trying to get that through

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<v Speaker 4>to my own head. I find it difficult every day

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<v Speaker 4>to be a challenge. You know, we have a child involved,

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<v Speaker 4>and but I'm listening thinking myself, it's when.

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<v Speaker 5>Does it end?

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<v Speaker 1>When does your heart stop loving her? I guess when

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<v Speaker 1>you love somebody with all of your heart, even though

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<v Speaker 1>you see that it's not healthy, you see that it's

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<v Speaker 1>not good, you see that it's destroying you, you still

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<v Speaker 1>love them. The love doesn't go away. But what you

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<v Speaker 1>have to do is decide, Okay, I love her, I

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<v Speaker 1>will always love her, but I cannot be in relationship

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<v Speaker 1>with her because it hurts too bad. Right, you have

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<v Speaker 1>to get to a point where you can accept that

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<v Speaker 1>somebody you love is not somebody that you can be

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<v Speaker 1>in relationship with. That you can still love her, you

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<v Speaker 1>can still wish her well, you can still cherish all

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<v Speaker 1>those wonderful memories. You can still miss her, But you

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<v Speaker 1>can't put yourself back in that mess.

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<v Speaker 4>No, I can't.

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<v Speaker 1>If your heart doesn't love again for years, it may

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<v Speaker 1>take a long time.

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<v Speaker 2>Who knows.

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<v Speaker 1>It was twenty years for me before my my heart

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<v Speaker 1>felt right and at home again, that I was able

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<v Speaker 1>to truly give myself completely.

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<v Speaker 2>But I still had a full life in that time.

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<v Speaker 1>I just didn't allow myself. It's not that I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>allow myself. I couldn't be in love because I wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>in love. Let me find a song for you.

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<v Speaker 4>Thanks you for talking with me.

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<v Speaker 1>I so hope you have enjoyed these radio moments as

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<v Speaker 1>much as I enjoy bringing them to you. I'll share

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<v Speaker 1>more with you each weekday on Hey, It's Delilah to Lo.