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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: If they think they can take advantage of you, if

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Speaker 2: they think they're just going to run the gamut of

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Speaker 2: their typical hospital cascade of interventions, they're going to try.

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Speaker 2: So the more we become aware, educated, and knowledgeable about birth,

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Speaker 2: that we can show up and hold them accountable.

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Speaker 3: That's definitely the first step to.

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Speaker 1: Be Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 4: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to UPLI

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Speaker 4: women like you. We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Broussard, a

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Speaker 4: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 1: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 1: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 1: five rooids to fake friends and create a safe space

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Speaker 1: where black women can.

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Speaker 5: Just be.

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Speaker 4: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 4: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

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Speaker 4: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

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Speaker 4: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brussard dot com.

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Speaker 4: That's d R D O M I n I q

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Speaker 4: U E b R O U ss ar D dot

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Speaker 4: com to scull a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

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Speaker 4: forward to hearing from you.

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Speaker 1: All right, lady, we have a very special guest today

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Speaker 1: and we are covering a topic that's extremely important to

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Speaker 1: our community. Nicole Bailey is a childbirth educator, doulah, and

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Speaker 1: author with a passion for reclaiming birth as our birthright

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Speaker 1: and healing birth trauma through encouraging new experiences. Nicole became

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Speaker 1: a doula to protect and support other Black women in

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Speaker 1: her community and to find the root of the Black

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Speaker 1: maternal health crisis. In her book entitled Body Belly Soul,

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Speaker 1: a Black Mother's Guide to a Primal, peaceful and Powerful Birth,

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Speaker 1: she empowers Black mothers to manifest the birth they deserve

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Speaker 1: and truly desire by reconnecting with their roots. Now, this

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Speaker 1: episode is a great compliment to season thirteen, episode three,

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Speaker 1: why more Black families should consider having a doula with

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Speaker 1: Bear with me duo. Now, what makes this episode a

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Speaker 1: little different is that we're talking about how you can

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Speaker 1: cultivate a powerful birthing experience or support a birthing person

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Speaker 1: that you might know. So, without further ado, Nicole, welcome

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Speaker 1: to cultivating her space.

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Speaker 2: Thank you guys for having me. That was a wonderful introduction.

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Speaker 2: I feel so passionate about this mission and ensuring that

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Speaker 2: black women feel more empowered to give birth. So thank you.

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Speaker 5: You are so welcome. We're so excited.

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Speaker 3: Yes we are.

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Speaker 4: And we're going to start with our quote of the day,

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Speaker 4: which will sound really familiar to you, Nicole, because this

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Speaker 4: is one of your birthing affirmations that I thought just

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Speaker 4: complimented this conversation so beautifully wonderful. My body is perfectly

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Speaker 4: created for carrying and birthing my baby.

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Speaker 5: I love it.

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Speaker 4: And I'm going to say that again for the folks

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Speaker 4: in the back to make sure you write this down

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Speaker 4: and repeated all the time. My body is perfectly created

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Speaker 4: for carrying and birthing my baby, Nicole, this conversation is

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Speaker 4: one that is so important, particularly for black mothers. And

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Speaker 4: so when you created your list of affirmations, what was

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Speaker 4: it in particular about this affirmation that was so important

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Speaker 4: to you?

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. I mean, I'm sure you guys have

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Speaker 2: talked to many women about their birth experiences, especially Black women,

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Speaker 2: and you know, sometimes people have told their babies too

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Speaker 2: big for their body, They're not producing enough milk for

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Speaker 2: their baby. I mean, just all these insecurities are constantly

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Speaker 2: given to Black mothers while they're preparing, once they're in

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Speaker 2: the middle of it, and during postpartum. So it's just

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Speaker 2: very important for us to tell ourselves something positive while

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Speaker 2: going through this so that, I mean, we can manifest

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Speaker 2: the actual process for ourselves and stop taking in so

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Speaker 2: much outside information fear tactics from the hospitals just to

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Speaker 2: kind of push you in the way of more interventions.

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Speaker 2: So I just wanted women to start repeating more positive

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Speaker 2: things themselves about birth and their baby and the process.

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Speaker 5: Yeah. So powerful.

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Speaker 1: We need that these days too, because I feel like

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Speaker 1: a lot of times we just kind of adapted what

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Speaker 1: the old school thinking was or what we were taught

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Speaker 1: about birth right and doesn't have to be that way.

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Speaker 1: So we definitely need you and the work that you're doing,

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Speaker 1: so we appreciate you.

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Speaker 5: Nicole.

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Speaker 1: Can you talk to us a little bit about your

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Speaker 1: origin story and what your journey to becoming a doula

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Speaker 1: and childbirth educator was.

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Speaker 2: Like, Yes, I've always had a strong passion for human biology, psychology,

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Speaker 2: and black history, and I think that the black doula,

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Speaker 2: the black men and wife, that's really where that intersection

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Speaker 2: comes together is you know, creating life. So after experiencing

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Speaker 2: my my birth with well my daughter's birth and achieving

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Speaker 2: the exact timal and peaceful yet powerful birth that I

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Speaker 2: set out to have, I became to see like a

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Speaker 2: disconnect like from like my friends, who you know, are

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Speaker 2: just as educated as me or just as experienced in

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Speaker 2: life as me, but they were just shied away from

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Speaker 2: like birth, like preparing for birth, you know, they kind

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Speaker 2: of just left everything in the hands of the hospital.

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Speaker 2: And I just I just felt that level of disconnect

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Speaker 2: and I wanted to do something about it. So I

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Speaker 2: started studying, reading many books about it. Took the doula

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Speaker 2: certification course mainly out of the desire to like know

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Speaker 2: more information to you know, to create the book, To

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Speaker 2: write the book, I just wanted more, you know, information,

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Speaker 2: just more experience to put on besides just my.

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Speaker 5: Birth experience exactly.

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Speaker 2: So I just felt like, you know, many times when

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Speaker 2: we were saying they were just going with the flow,

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Speaker 2: or they would take the pain as it goes. If

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Speaker 2: it gets too strong, then maybe they would get an

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Speaker 2: epidural or maybe not. And what I learned from my

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Speaker 2: experience of preparing for birth is like, you need to

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Speaker 2: know before you get that far that you really want

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Speaker 2: to have a natural birth. It's not something or an

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Speaker 2: intervention free birth. It's not something that you dislike, can

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Speaker 2: go with the flow about. It's something that you really

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Speaker 2: have to be intentional about. You need to say these affirmations,

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Speaker 2: You need to believe in yourself. And I just really

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Speaker 2: felt like that's what was missing in our community, is

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Speaker 2: that women didn't believe in themselves. People did feel like

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Speaker 2: the mortality rates were scaring them more than anything else.

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Speaker 2: So I wanted to do something about that. So within

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Speaker 2: my book, I describe the importance of your why, and

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Speaker 2: I really encourage women to find out why they want

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Speaker 2: to birth the way they want to birth. Is it

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Speaker 2: to heal from a past trauma birth. Is it because

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Speaker 2: you don't trust the hospital with your birth, or because

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Speaker 2: you want a birth with black women like you? And

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Speaker 2: you know, there's different reasons why you will want to

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Speaker 2: try to achieve that natural birth. So I try to

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Speaker 2: dissect that in the beginning of the book.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Nicole, that was so powerful and I really appreciate

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Speaker 1: you just sharing about how you had friends that had

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Speaker 1: the same level of education, probably the same level level

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Speaker 1: of access, but maybe they just there wasn't a conversation

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Speaker 1: around being intentional about their birth and not just kind

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Speaker 1: of leaving it up to the doctors, because I think

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Speaker 1: many of us were just taught to do that, right.

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Speaker 1: It's just like, oh, my doctor got me. They have

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Speaker 1: my best interest at her, wink wink, you know, right,

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Speaker 1: And so it's a little tricky. Now, we've talked a

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Speaker 1: lot about this topic in general, and so we've learned

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Speaker 1: a lot about this, and one of the things that

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Speaker 1: we've learned is that when you experience some type of mistreatment,

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Speaker 1: in addition to having your provider know in your chart

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Speaker 1: that they might refuse, you know, to give you some

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Speaker 1: type of treatment that you're requesting, there are other ways

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Speaker 1: that we can advocate for ourselves. So do you have

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Speaker 1: any other ways in mind that you can share with

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Speaker 1: our listeners, So we can kind of put that little

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Speaker 1: proll tip in our back pocket.

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Speaker 6: So I'll listed out a few different tips. But then

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Speaker 6: I have a very powerful story that I want to

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Speaker 6: share with you guys about my cousin, So I'll go

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Speaker 6: over the tip. So one, I would say, having a

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Speaker 6: doula that's very familiar with the medical system dynamics in

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Speaker 6: your area because they usually know what hospitals are more

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Speaker 6: likely to induce or have C sections and things like

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Speaker 6: that too. Shoose providers that listen to you look like

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Speaker 6: you and be ready to switch at any inkling of

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Speaker 6: a notice that they don't want to listen to you.

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Speaker 6: So instead of just like putting in your charge, it's like,

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Speaker 6: I'll switch if you've read the whole book. I switched

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Speaker 6: from OBGYN to a midwife in the beginning of my pregnancy,

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Speaker 6: and I felt good about it. I mean, I told

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Speaker 6: her that I want to have a natural birth. She

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Speaker 6: laughed at me, and I was like, okay, I'm not

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Speaker 6: comfortable here. Like first, I just felt like a number

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Speaker 6: in general, like they were just like rotating you in

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Speaker 6: and out and not really you know, not really explaining

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Speaker 6: like the birth. It's just like you've been here before,

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Speaker 6: like you know, I'm sure you know what it's like.

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Speaker 6: I'm like, I've never had a kid though, Like, but

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Speaker 6: they weren't really going in death about the process. And

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Speaker 6: then what she laughed when I told her about my

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Speaker 6: desire to birth without up duro was like done and done,

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Speaker 6: and I just started.

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Speaker 3: Looking for us choices.

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Speaker 6: So it's just really important to just find a team

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Speaker 6: that wants you to burst the way you want to birth,

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Speaker 6: for one, because otherwise you're going to go down their

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Speaker 6: own rabbit hole. And of course the most radical decision

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Speaker 6: is just not the person in the hospital at all.

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Speaker 6: First at home. Our great grandmothers did it, our grandmothers

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Speaker 6: did it. It can be done. But this story from

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Speaker 6: my cousin, Oh my goodness, I had to go get

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Speaker 6: all the details this morning because I wanted to tell

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Speaker 6: you guys so bad. So So this is another very

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Speaker 6: common thing.

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Speaker 5: So my cousin gets.

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Speaker 6: Diagnosed with just fational diabetes one time, I guess following

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Speaker 6: that they recommend a gestational diabetes nutritionists, so that person

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Speaker 6: was optional. She could do that or not do that.

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Speaker 6: She could just say, oh you have gestational diabetes. Boom,

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Speaker 6: you'll get induce to thirty seven weeks the end. But

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Speaker 6: seeing my cousin, of course, she was like, okay, I'm

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Speaker 6: going to go meet with the nutritionists. And she learned

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Speaker 6: how to trick herself and test her numbers or diabetes

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Speaker 6: you know, daily or after every meal. And she never

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Speaker 6: got the numbers or the levels that blood sugar levels

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Speaker 6: that she had the one time they tested her at

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Speaker 6: her appointment. So every time she would go back to

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Speaker 6: the doctor, they'll be like, oh, this is really good,

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Speaker 6: like you, you don't show any high levels of having

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Speaker 6: that diabetes anymore. This will be fine whatever whatever. So

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Speaker 6: then the closer she got her do they they were like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 6: it's no day in your record that you had gestational diabetes,

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Speaker 6: so we can go ahead and schedule your invention. And

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Speaker 6: she was like, well, why would you do that because

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Speaker 6: the numbers never showed that ever. Again, So proud of

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Speaker 6: my count my baby cousin. I was so proud and

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Speaker 6: she was like, no, I'm not scheduling an induction. You

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Speaker 6: guys have been very adamant about congratulating me. About my

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Speaker 6: numbers not being up, and I mean I essentially don't.

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Speaker 6: I don't have justestational diabeta have them showing no signs.

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Speaker 6: You know, there's signs, blurred vision whatever. She's like, I

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Speaker 6: don't feel like I have any warning signs. She trusted

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Speaker 6: her guts, she knew her body, you know, very Subrina

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Speaker 6: Williams is like, no, I know when something's wrong. This

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Speaker 6: is something wrong, it's not.

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Speaker 5: And she didn't get induced.

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Speaker 6: She actually once she hit forty weeks. Of course they

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Speaker 6: were really really pressuring her, but she went to forty

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Speaker 6: weeks in four days and she had her baby, no interventions,

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Speaker 6: no medications. And then one other thing they tried to

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Speaker 6: use as a far tactic was they were like, well,

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Speaker 6: usually people with justtational diabetes, the baby will be too big.

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Speaker 6: You might get stuck trying to come down to berth.

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Speaker 6: And now baby was seven pounds six ounces average average

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Speaker 6: little way, and I was just I was just so

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Speaker 6: proud of her. I was like, that is a true

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Speaker 6: story of advocating for yourself. Like, I mean, in a

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Speaker 6: situation that was I mean very likely for you to

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Speaker 6: just be like all right, let.

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Speaker 5: Me just go along with what they're saying exactly, and

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Speaker 5: she did not.

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Speaker 6: Okay, I know, like, oh, I'm about to write.

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Speaker 5: About you girl.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yes, let's let's give her all the props because

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Speaker 4: because I can't imagine how hard that had to have

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Speaker 4: been for her to consistently advocate for herself, because I

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Speaker 4: know that there are moments when you're in the doctor's

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Speaker 4: office and you know, and you like, you write the

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Speaker 4: things down, you write your questions down, you write all

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Speaker 4: the things you want to say.

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Speaker 7: You get in there, and then the doctor or the

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Speaker 7: nurses start talking and the way they're engaging you write

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Speaker 7: back now, yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like you don't want to say anything.

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Speaker 7: And so kudos to baby cousin for putting her needs

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Speaker 7: out there and insisting that they listen to her.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Aunt Clayborne, you know, it might be helpful for

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Speaker 1: us to dive into some strategies and like what do

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Speaker 1: you what type of energy do you have? If you

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Speaker 1: are going into the hospital and you want to ask

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Speaker 1: your questions? How do you prepare for that appointment? And

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Speaker 1: the reason I asked that too is because it can

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Speaker 1: be intimidating, right, you know, being with someone who they

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Speaker 1: have a degree, they're a doctor, and you're in there

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Speaker 1: and maybe it's you know, we're in mister covid, right,

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Speaker 1: So maybe you don't have your partner that's able to

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Speaker 1: be in there with you as an advocate, and you're

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Speaker 1: just there by yourself. And like you said, she laughed

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Speaker 1: at you. That's so disrespectful to.

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Speaker 5: Me, Like you laughed at a black woman.

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Speaker 1: Saying she wants to have a you know, an unmedicated birth.

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Speaker 1: Like what, So, what do you think are some of

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Speaker 1: the tips that we can use to advocate for ourselves appropriately.

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Speaker 5: In that setting?

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Speaker 2: So one, I do have a list of questions and

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Speaker 2: my book of questions.

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Speaker 3: You should ask your provider.

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Speaker 2: To make you know, one to make them aware that

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Speaker 2: you are, you are interested in your birth, Like you're

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Speaker 2: not just here to follow directions.

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Speaker 3: You have you have written down, choices, you have.

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Speaker 2: Studied, you know, like kind of just show them that

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Speaker 2: you care about your birth. I think that's I mean,

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Speaker 2: that's something that we have to do. I know it

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Speaker 2: sounds it might sound stilly that, oh, why do I

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Speaker 2: have to tell them might care.

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Speaker 3: About my birth? But I mean, if they think they

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Speaker 3: can take advantage of you, if.

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Speaker 2: They think they're just going to run the gamut of

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Speaker 2: their typical hospital cascade of interventions they're going to try.

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Speaker 2: So the more we become aware, educated and knowledgeable about birth,

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Speaker 2: that we can show up and hold them accountable. That's

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Speaker 2: definitely the first step to me. Go in, ask you

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Speaker 2: a few questions, hey, acts like how do you feel

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Speaker 2: about the black paternal health rates? See if you could

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Speaker 2: shake them up, you know what I mean? Like they

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Speaker 2: might be like, yeah, really, or you know, have you

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Speaker 2: ever seen a really positive birth that you would love

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Speaker 2: to see again? Or just like see if they even

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Speaker 2: have they've ever even seen a good birth, you know,

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Speaker 2: like just try it out, see how they react.

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Speaker 7: Love that, right, and even having them maybe define what

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Speaker 7: is a good birth from a medical perspective, right, because

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Speaker 7: what you think of as a good birth might be

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Speaker 7: different from what they see, and so you want to

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Speaker 7: make sure that you're on the same page.

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Speaker 4: I love these questions.

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Speaker 3: Just have you seen birth in this natural state?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 5: And gently?

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Speaker 3: You don't have to do that.

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Speaker 2: To graduate from medical school. You don't have to see

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Speaker 2: birth in its natural state. You have to see a

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Speaker 2: city section now, of.

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Speaker 1: Course, so getting a close book, use the questions from

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Speaker 1: the book. Okay, that's one prepare advance and then you

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Speaker 1: said something else and it just escapes my mind at

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Speaker 1: the moment, But I listened back to the episode when

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Speaker 1: you gave another tip in there.

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Speaker 2: I guess, hold on doctors accountable, Yeah, they know the headlines.

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Speaker 1: You cannot going with your intuition, that's the other thing

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Speaker 1: you say, and just go with your good and you

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Speaker 1: get that feeling and you're like, I just asked this question.

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Speaker 5: I didn't like the way that we got to listen

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Speaker 5: to our good right, yeah, beautiful?

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Speaker 4: And so how can someone mentally prepare So they're going

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Speaker 4: to go in, they're going to ask the questions, they're

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Speaker 4: gonna engage the doctor, they're going to advocate for themselves.

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Speaker 4: How do they mentally prepare to do that?

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Speaker 2: So for this one, I thought of four ways I

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Speaker 2: think you should mentally prepare.

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Speaker 3: One, surround yourself with positive stories.

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Speaker 2: What we feed our brain, what we feed what we

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Speaker 2: taken matters, you know. So when I was pregnant, I

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Speaker 2: watched positive like I watched all like the spiritual water birds,

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Speaker 2: like with the goo light of candles and everything. I

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Speaker 2: didn't actually get to have one of those, but I

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Speaker 2: just watched births where women just look strong in control

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Speaker 2: and calm and just you know, just serene like they

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Speaker 2: were just birth and queens. That's the kind of births

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Speaker 2: I watched, and that's how I felt, that's how it births.

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Speaker 3: So I think that's important.

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Speaker 2: Even like I said before, I had friends that may

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Speaker 2: not have had the best stories and we're you know,

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Speaker 2: pregnant around the same time. Maybe they gave birth like

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Speaker 2: a month or six months before me, if they had

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Speaker 2: a traumatic experience, I was just like, all right, I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna talk to you on the back inst I want

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Speaker 2: to take a little break because right now I just

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Speaker 2: felt like I needed to talk to people with, you know,

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Speaker 2: stories that align with the story I wanted just to

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Speaker 2: manifest like what I want. You know, I'm still friends

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Speaker 2: with those people, but just you know, not to get

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Speaker 2: all caught up in their storylines.

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Speaker 3: And then two, I depositive.

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Speaker 2: Affirmations, which we talked about being intentional affirming you and

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Speaker 2: your baby.

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Speaker 3: Three, I would say meditation and yoga.

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Speaker 2: You know, it teaches you the breathing techniques and you

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Speaker 2: know just how coping comfort measures during that labor process.

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Speaker 3: And then my favorite one is visualization.

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Speaker 2: So I have a friend that's getting ready for a

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Speaker 2: second perth now and I'm just like, you know what,

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Speaker 2: this is one tip I haven't given you. Start visualizing

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Speaker 2: your baby, breathing your baby down out of the birth canal,

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Speaker 2: breathing your baby out into your arms. Just start thinking

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Speaker 2: about that process over and over again, you know, once

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Speaker 2: or twice a day. Just imagine, just imagine birthing your

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Speaker 2: baby out and holding.

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Speaker 5: Up for you better preach Nicole.

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Speaker 1: I am almost a year postpartum and I use a

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Speaker 1: lot of those tips, So I'm just like so excited

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Speaker 1: over here.

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Speaker 5: Like, yes, girl, it's so powerful. Our minds is a

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Speaker 5: powerful thing.

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Speaker 1: You literally hit the nail on the head with everything,

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Speaker 1: and I love that. You also mentioned setting a boundary

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Speaker 1: with your friends because a lot of times that was

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Speaker 1: the big thing for me. It is like putting on

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Speaker 1: blinders and since I love you, but I don't have

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Speaker 1: this space and the capacity and the bandwidth to take

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Speaker 1: on your birthday experience because it wasn't what I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to manifest and that can be tricky, but that's important

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Speaker 1: to discuss. How did you navigate that conversation? Do you

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Speaker 1: mind sharing? Like how do you have that conversation?

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Speaker 3: Because okay, yeah, let me, let me think.

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Speaker 2: About say, but let's think about it one that I'm

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Speaker 2: talking about them exactly because I love this moment to death.

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Speaker 2: I remember vividly one day I was walking around downtown

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Speaker 2: d C. I think me and my husband I went

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Speaker 2: to lunch or dinner or something, and it was like

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Speaker 2: the week that I was doing or something, or maybe

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Speaker 2: I was feeling some type of contractions and my friend

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Speaker 2: was like.

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Speaker 3: You need to go to the doctor. And I was like, no,

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Speaker 3: I don't, like I feel fine.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I, I you know, I've really planned

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Speaker 2: this out and I feel comfortable with doing this, but

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Speaker 2: I will let you know as soon.

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Speaker 3: As the baby's here. And then that was kind of it,

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Speaker 3: like I just I'll just let you know.

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Speaker 2: I'm not worried about it. But you don't even be

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Speaker 2: worried about it. Just you're not relaxed.

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Speaker 5: Yes, I love that.

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Speaker 4: I love setting that boundary of folks, but doing it

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Speaker 4: in a way that's caring, right, Like that's acknowledging that, Hey,

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Speaker 4: I see that you care about me and I got this,

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Speaker 4: and because I know you care, I will bring you

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Speaker 4: in when when it's time exactly exactly. I love that.

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Speaker 7: So we've talked about kind of setting boundaries with the doctor,

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Speaker 7: with some of your friends in your life.

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Speaker 5: Mm hm.

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Speaker 3: But it's one more person.

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Speaker 5: Yes, yes, there's one more person.

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Speaker 7: What is the best way that we can communicate our

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Speaker 7: birthing needs to a partner or yeah, our birthing partner,

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Speaker 7: whoever's going to be in that space, in that journey

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Speaker 7: with us, because I do want to acknowledge that there

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Speaker 7: are some women out there who are birthing and not

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Speaker 7: any partner relationship.

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Speaker 2: Right right, right, So just whoever your intimate circle is.

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Speaker 2: I would definitely encourage people to birth with their most

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Speaker 2: intimate and supportive circle, which doesn't typically you know, if

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Speaker 2: that if it's the annoying mother in law, if it's

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Speaker 2: the over aggressive sister, whoever it is that would distract

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Speaker 2: your energy or bring their own trauma into the birthing space,

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Speaker 2: I would let my partner know, like, hey, you know,

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Speaker 2: I really really don't want your sister in town that week,

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Speaker 2: Like it's you know, it's going to be a lot

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Speaker 2: for me.

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Speaker 3: You know, just try to express it.

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Speaker 2: You're just really protecting your energy, which is kind of

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Speaker 2: what we talked about before, just letting the people around

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Speaker 2: you know that, you know, you're really focused on birthing

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Speaker 2: something that you can take serious. And then you just

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Speaker 2: want to protect your energy, so you want to make

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Speaker 2: sure the people that are around that are around you

441
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 2: are the most supportive. And maybe and maybe I've taken

442
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 2: a birthday class with you, like maybe you took a

443
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 2: birthday class with your sister or you know, whoever your

444
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 2: partner may be, So I would say that. And I

445
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:19,560
Speaker 2: know for us, our doula had this question on our

446
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,800
Speaker 2: our birthday plan. And I mean there was like a

447
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 2: number of questions like in what order do you want

448
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,280
Speaker 2: to start telling your friends or family that you had

449
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 2: the baby. You know, there's different types of like planning

450
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 2: that you can't do that aren't just about the hospital,

451
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 2: but also about you know, your dynamic with your with

452
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 2: your partner so that they understand, you know, how you

453
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:38,640
Speaker 2: want to.

454
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,119
Speaker 3: Move forward, Like, hey, you know, don't call your mom

455
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 3: while I'm in the middle labor because she's gonna be

456
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 3: blown off our phone.

457
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 6: Or whatever it is.

458
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:47,840
Speaker 3: You know, some of those things you might want to

459
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 3: go ahead and express her in the birth plan.

460
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,880
Speaker 5: Y'all, y'all, y'all better go get in the closed book.

461
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 5: I'm just a minute. I'm from you title interrupted.

462
00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:58,639
Speaker 3: Like I don't want to invite to hear that.

463
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 5: You're just you're whis just on point, you are just

464
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:02,400
Speaker 5: you're speaking facts.

465
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: And I think it's just so powerful too that we

466
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,960
Speaker 1: see representation, like we see.

467
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,160
Speaker 5: Black women who have given birth the.

468
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 1: Way that they deserve and desire, and talking about this inspires,

469
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:15,480
Speaker 1: I believe inspires other Black women who know their way,

470
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,520
Speaker 1: even though I may not have seen this in my

471
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,000
Speaker 1: immediate family or vicinity.

472
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 5: Like it's possible. So I'm just I'm super excited for

473
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:23,959
Speaker 5: your work too.

474
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,240
Speaker 1: Oh you better go, hey girl, go ahead, girl. So

475
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 1: what about you're so welcome? What about when you think about,

476
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,119
Speaker 1: you know, your partner or your family or friends, to

477
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 1: whoever is going to be there supporting you. How can

478
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: you make those people feel included in the birthing process?

479
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,679
Speaker 1: Probably specifically your partner if you do have a partner,

480
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,880
Speaker 1: because I know sometimes especially that's a man.

481
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 5: They're like what do I do?

482
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,640
Speaker 1: But they're very much part of the process as well.

483
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 1: So how did you work on having yeah, your partner?

484
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 3: Now, my husband was amazing, I mean he did far better.

485
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:58,640
Speaker 2: I mean I did some of these instructions that didn't

486
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,399
Speaker 2: give them you know, he just I was like, wow,

487
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:05,679
Speaker 2: like you really kindle that, babe. So I will say

488
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 2: what we did you know for me to keep him

489
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,160
Speaker 2: engaged and things that he he, I guess he started

490
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:11,200
Speaker 2: to do to stay engaged.

491
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 3: One we did well. One I would top people.

492
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,119
Speaker 2: We didn't do this specifically, but I know people that

493
00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 2: did the study the Bradley method. That's the method where

494
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:24,080
Speaker 2: the husband is like your primary support during birth to

495
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:28,359
Speaker 2: attend birth classes together. I do not understand why so

496
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 2: many people do not attend birth classes and they're like, oh,

497
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:32,160
Speaker 2: it's too expensive.

498
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 3: I'm like, go to birthday class.

499
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 2: You're going to need to know, you know, when you're

500
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 2: in early labor, when you're in active labor, how your

501
00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:40,399
Speaker 2: partner can help you through this.

502
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:41,080
Speaker 5: You know.

503
00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 2: I'm not surprised that so many people go to the

504
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,920
Speaker 2: hospital so early when they haven't taken birthing classes because you.

505
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,000
Speaker 3: Don't know where you at, You're going to need to know.

506
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 2: So we did birth and classes together, you know, one

507
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 2: of those long like eight hour day ones, so we

508
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:57,920
Speaker 2: were together all day, you know, brighten things down, using

509
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,040
Speaker 2: the balls, practicing, and I don't know if all that

510
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 2: is available now during the pandemic, but you could still

511
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 2: do it online. So do that together. Doula's off and

512
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 2: encourage men. Hopefully, if your doula, you know, comes from

513
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,320
Speaker 2: a partner situation as well, they will know how to

514
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 2: encourage the man to step in, you know, give him

515
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 2: tips on like how to do counter pressure on the

516
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 2: hips and things like that. Like our dealer was really

517
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 2: good about that. Like she would like make us practice

518
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 2: in front of her. He would be like, practice labor.

519
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 2: She was like, this is not a game, Johnny. You know,

520
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,400
Speaker 2: she was very serious with him. It was cute period.

521
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:39,160
Speaker 2: You know, we love her to this day. And then

522
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,720
Speaker 2: four I would say, you know the apps, like use

523
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 2: the baby Development app so you guys can be you know,

524
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,399
Speaker 2: starting to become engaged with the baby.

525
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:49,520
Speaker 3: Like he had the app. He would be like, oh, look,

526
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,040
Speaker 3: our baby's a watermelon today, or that's probably too big.

527
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 3: My baby's probably never a watermelon, but I limited a

528
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 3: live with strawberry whatever. I can't believe that's a watermelon.

529
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 3: But yeah, he would be engaged.

530
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 2: He would be on the little app and he would

531
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 2: be like, oh wow, they got their fingertips today or whatever.

532
00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 2: He just brings something to our attention and we would

533
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 2: talk about it. And then the other app is the

534
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,439
Speaker 2: contraction time or app. Now, I didn't even tell him

535
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 2: to download this app. I was just in the midst

536
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,919
Speaker 2: of my contractions and he was clocking them. I was

537
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 2: zoned out, and he was able to like contact the hospital, contact.

538
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 3: The doula, tell everybody where I was at. I was like,

539
00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 3: I was surprised.

540
00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,840
Speaker 2: It was like I mustn't have been out of it

541
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 2: because he just had to step up.

542
00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:35,760
Speaker 5: That's amazing.

543
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 4: That is amazing, and that that is the ideal, right

544
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 4: is that you have the partner who is there and

545
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 4: is involved and engaged and I love what you said

546
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:51,280
Speaker 4: about your doula. Is that person who's going to have

547
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 4: that conversation with him, right your doula is that person

548
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,600
Speaker 4: that's gonna say, all right, get it together, because the

549
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,639
Speaker 4: saying about you right now about her so that you

550
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 4: don't have to say it right And so that is

551
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:14,440
Speaker 4: all leading up to the birth. Right now, So many

552
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:23,680
Speaker 4: people after giving birth experience postpartum depression, experienced baby blues,

553
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 4: and so how can someone minimize the risk of postpartum

554
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:37,960
Speaker 4: depression and baby blues and maximize on a more peaceful

555
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 4: postpartum experience Right.

556
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:46,000
Speaker 2: Now, I will say baby blues, especially that first time,

557
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 2: is almost inevitable because I mean you're just becoming a

558
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 2: new person, Like you're just you're letting go of yourself.

559
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 3: I'm Terry, I know you're probably still going through this.

560
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,760
Speaker 1: You're like, can you define it, Nicole? Can you define

561
00:28:57,800 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: baby blues.

562
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 5: Just so in case fokes are completely with the postperm depression.

563
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 2: I mean, baby blues are really just the hormonal shift.

564
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,840
Speaker 2: So one, you're going to have a drop in your hormones.

565
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 3: So just like when you have your.

566
00:29:09,680 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 2: Period or anything else, when that hormone shift happens, it's biological.

567
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,800
Speaker 3: There's almost nothing we can do about that part that's

568
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 3: going to happen. You're going to be a little emotional.

569
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 2: I remember my husband made a video of like the

570
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 2: whole birth process, and I literally bust out in tears.

571
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 2: I've been I was like, well that was not me.

572
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 2: Like I literally just cried. It was like the day

573
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:32,719
Speaker 2: or do it after I gave birth. I was just

574
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 2: very emotional. And then second, just as women that we

575
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 2: are today, you just lose a sense of self that

576
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 2: it's just forever.

577
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 3: Changed once you've become a mom.

578
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:45,280
Speaker 2: And I don't know if that's talked about a lot

579
00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:48,000
Speaker 2: as far as baby blues, but it's very much true.

580
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:52,360
Speaker 2: And then the isolation piece, especially with the pandemic, people

581
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 2: don't want to bring people in to hurt the baby.

582
00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 2: Your immune system is weak because you just have just

583
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 2: given birth. So I think the isolation piece also is

584
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 2: going to cause a little bit of like, you know,

585
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:05,160
Speaker 2: being a little unsettled.

586
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 3: But that's okay.

587
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 2: You know, you should take five days in the bed,

588
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 2: five days around the bed, and then five days in

589
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 2: the house before you really, you know, start to walk

590
00:30:16,240 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 2: downstairs or something like that. They say like fifteen days

591
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 2: is a good amount of time to like go through

592
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 2: that first shift of like the hormone drop and everything,

593
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 2: and then you really should start to try to create

594
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 2: some ways to uplift.

595
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 3: Your spirits is basically what I did.

596
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 2: So, like maybe before my husband went back to work,

597
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 2: I was like, you know, really, like can we walk

598
00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 2: through like how to put the car seat in the car,

599
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:40,640
Speaker 2: how to you know.

600
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 3: Use a stroller?

601
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 2: Like can we just go around a block just so

602
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 2: I can see what it feels like to walk outside

603
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 2: with this whole human that I'm responsible for, Because.

604
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 3: It's I mean, it's overwhelming.

605
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 2: Like you need to like kind of know that some

606
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 2: of those things need to be walk through. You need

607
00:30:56,800 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 2: a couple of test runs before that's really your life.

608
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:01,720
Speaker 2: And I'm sure, like, like you said, everybody doesn't have

609
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:05,240
Speaker 2: a partner, everybody doesn't have that. But you know, even

610
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 2: the first time I went to the grocery store, I

611
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 2: call my girlfriend. I'm like, hey, can you go to

612
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 2: the grocery store for me?

613
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 3: Because I don't know how I feel.

614
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 2: I'm going to the grocery store right now with the infant,

615
00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 2: you know, so I could carry her in the in

616
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:23,280
Speaker 2: the baby carrier and my friend like pushed the car

617
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 2: and I just got some grocery, you know, just like

618
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 2: little like you just need to know what life feels

619
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,200
Speaker 2: like with the infant sometimes, like you just need to

620
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 2: test it out. And you might not want to test

621
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 2: that out by yourself, and I feel like that's fine,

622
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 2: it's scary, it's just it's just it's just it's a

623
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 2: big change to be responsible for someone. So that's what

624
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 2: I'll say about that piece. But as far as like

625
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 2: hands on ways to prepare, definitely have a postpartum healing

626
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 2: kit in the bathroom so that you know you're not

627
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 2: fumbling around the leading all over the place, crying like

628
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 2: I need this, I need this pad, I need this diaper.

629
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 3: Like have your stuff together so you can try to

630
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:00,120
Speaker 3: keep it together that.

631
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,240
Speaker 2: When you in the bathroom, prepare a little newborn and

632
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 2: breastfeeding station in the bedroom so that you can kind

633
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,640
Speaker 2: of handle like the nighttime. You know, at that point,

634
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 2: babies are like having bound movements so often.

635
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,720
Speaker 3: Now my daughter is like almost three, so I'm like, whoof.

636
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 3: And it was like when you had to use the

637
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:19,560
Speaker 3: bathroom like eight times.

638
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 2: A day, Like that's just it was just a lot.

639
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 2: So just have everything close by. Create some type of

640
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:28,320
Speaker 2: fresh air routine, like a morning walk. I know, I

641
00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 2: joined like a mommy running club. That was you know,

642
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 2: just very like low key, like I could we could breastfeed,

643
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 2: we could stop, we could be late. Like nothing was

644
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 2: really like high pressure because everybody knows, like this is

645
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 2: everybody's here during their maternal leave and they're kind of

646
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 2: just trying to, you know, try to learn how to

647
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 2: get outside. And then you just have that support, like

648
00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 2: you meet new new other new moms and you can

649
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 2: just talk about things and get tips.

650
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,320
Speaker 3: Or you know whatever. Just kind of its kind of

651
00:32:58,320 --> 00:32:59,480
Speaker 3: communicate with other moms.

652
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 2: I mean, and then when I think about it, I

653
00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 2: should started a black One, but I was just going

654
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,480
Speaker 2: to one with anybody, But I really should just actually

655
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 2: started black One myself in the DC area.

656
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 3: But it was so nice.

657
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,080
Speaker 2: It was still nice just to meet with anybody and

658
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 2: talk about any new mom so that was nice, and

659
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 2: finding mommy and me activities. I used to take her

660
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 2: to mommy and yoga again, no pressure, like you can

661
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:26,040
Speaker 2: be late, you can breastfeed in there. Like everything was

662
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 2: just kind of like chill, like come in, Oh, your

663
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 2: babies crying too much, Let's do something else. Like the

664
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 2: teacher was just really good, Like she wasn't you know,

665
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:38,080
Speaker 2: too demanding. She knows like we're just fumbling around trying

666
00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:40,560
Speaker 2: to make it work when some of the museums do

667
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:42,800
Speaker 2: like a lot of little mommy and me things and

668
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 2: just like little places the museum tours, running club, just

669
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 2: find something to find you like a mommy group, a

670
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 2: new mom group, and they might not be her friends forever.

671
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 1: But I love those are so amazing Cole, and I

672
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 1: love to know pressure at it where it's like it's

673
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 1: okay if you're late, it's okay.

674
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 5: If you have to respee or the baby's crying.

675
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: That feels so good to not have that pressure as

676
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 1: in your mom because, like you said, it can be

677
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:10,240
Speaker 1: very overwhelming.

678
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 5: And it is a huge adjustment. So those are amazing.

679
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 1: Now, Nicole, I'd love to know before we dive into

680
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: the next phase of this conversation. I love to know,

681
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:22,960
Speaker 1: is there one thing in particular that you wish every

682
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:25,800
Speaker 1: birthing person knew, Like if you could I had a

683
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 1: microphone and really stay to the world, which you kind

684
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 1: of are doing right now, right and you are just

685
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,759
Speaker 1: share something with every birthing person, what would that be?

686
00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,040
Speaker 3: You know, I really battle with what this would be.

687
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 2: I think that it would be you have the power

688
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:43,520
Speaker 2: to birth exactly the way you want, not the way

689
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 2: that your doctor wants.

690
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 3: But it takes full and intentional preparation.

691
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:49,840
Speaker 5: I love that.

692
00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,120
Speaker 3: So pick up body Valley's Soul and I'll teach you

693
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:53,759
Speaker 3: how to do that.

694
00:34:54,680 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: Yes, might get that okay, book, my drop mamas, all

695
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 1: right down, I think it's time.

696
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,360
Speaker 3: It's all right, It's.

697
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:05,400
Speaker 5: About that time, Nicole.

698
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:08,880
Speaker 1: We're about to shift up the energy of this conversation. Okay.

699
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 1: And because we recognize, appreciate, and celebrate the multi faceted woman,

700
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 1: and we believe that it's okay to be bougie, it's

701
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 1: okay to be classy, it's okay to be ratchet. You

702
00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:22,399
Speaker 1: can be elegant and dance to strip club music if

703
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:26,800
Speaker 1: you so choose. So, Nicole, we want to invite Oh,

704
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 1: we can't wait to hear it, okay, because we want

705
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 1: to invite you two the oh you blatchet segment.

706
00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 5: So Nicole, do you take on the challenge?

707
00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 3: Of course?

708
00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:39,080
Speaker 1: All right, we got her, We got her. So Nicole,

709
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 1: we're gonna ask you three questions. We're gonna share three

710
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,760
Speaker 1: sentience completions, and we have three photos from your ig

711
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:45,959
Speaker 1: pulled up.

712
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 5: On a big screen. So we're gonna share one of

713
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 5: these photos. You have to choose a number between one

714
00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 5: and three.

715
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: We're gonna share a photo, and we want you to

716
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,799
Speaker 1: provide us with more context about the photo that we

717
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,760
Speaker 1: would not know just by looking at the photos. So

718
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 1: let's die on and do so.

719
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 4: The first question, what is the best piece of wisdom

720
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,800
Speaker 4: or advice that you've ever received.

721
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 3: Post pimam advice?

722
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:14,360
Speaker 2: You know one one of my friends and this is

723
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:16,360
Speaker 2: a good classic classy ratchet.

724
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 3: I want that clatchet.

725
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,839
Speaker 2: She said, you know, when you go to that post

726
00:36:20,840 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 2: farm and make sure you got your shape wear gear

727
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,360
Speaker 2: so you don't be embarrassed when you try to go

728
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,040
Speaker 2: back out with your man, because everybody else looked good.

729
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 3: And that was a good tip. That was a very

730
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:31,719
Speaker 3: good tip.

731
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,399
Speaker 2: I was like, all right, I have like my little

732
00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 2: waist trainer, like you know, the days that I wanted to,

733
00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 2: like put on a dress.

734
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, I could look well put together,

735
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 3: you know what I mean, Like you're gonna need that.

736
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 3: Things are leaking and dripping and stagging.

737
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 5: You need it a little bladed yes.

738
00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:50,799
Speaker 3: And I was like, you know, that was some good

739
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 3: advice because nobody's telling me that. Nobody's telling you like

740
00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:56,600
Speaker 3: you still don't need to.

741
00:36:56,560 --> 00:37:01,399
Speaker 5: Keep up pregnant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's a good

742
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:02,279
Speaker 5: piece of advice there.

743
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 1: And Nicole, I have four words for you now, okay,

744
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 1: T work or two steps work. She was like, obviously, hey,

745
00:37:12,800 --> 00:37:13,360
Speaker 1: we love it.

746
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:17,319
Speaker 5: We love it. Yes, I love it.

747
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,919
Speaker 4: Okay, So since you're out there, you're ready to work,

748
00:37:21,960 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 4: what is the sexiest item you own?

749
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 3: Oh? My goodness, So probably not want to know what

750
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 3: this is.

751
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,520
Speaker 2: I think I think I recently got married, right, and

752
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 2: one of my friends gave me, like you know, the

753
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:42,280
Speaker 2: old school like lingerie or at the bachelor for the

754
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 2: bridal shower. So there was like this bra with like

755
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 2: the whole like nipples cut out or whatever.

756
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:50,719
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm gonna pack it for the honeymoon. Right,

757
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 3: I packed it. My husband was like, is it supposed

758
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:55,880
Speaker 3: to be like that or is it just too small?

759
00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:02,600
Speaker 8: I was like, heyst for me to put this, I've

760
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 8: tried to know it.

761
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:06,160
Speaker 3: Oh no, I think it was good. I think it

762
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:06,680
Speaker 3: looks good.

763
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 1: You don't even appreciate the nipple cut out, Like is

764
00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:12,360
Speaker 1: he the access?

765
00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 2: He was like.

766
00:38:14,640 --> 00:38:15,919
Speaker 3: I was like, yes, it's a thing.

767
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:25,520
Speaker 1: Okay, So I'm gonna stop at this part of the

768
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 1: interview like, okay, Shoppy, that's it.

769
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:29,720
Speaker 5: That's a good story, Nicole.

770
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 1: We have three sentence completions for you now before we

771
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,759
Speaker 1: dive into the photo. So the completion, the first one

772
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:39,760
Speaker 1: for you is one question or topic I wish people

773
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 1: asked me about more often?

774
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,320
Speaker 2: Is I think I wish people ask you more often

775
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:47,720
Speaker 2: about how I manage it all, how I manage my schedule.

776
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:52,479
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm a really well like planned out.

777
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 2: I feel like I have advice to give in that

778
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:58,959
Speaker 2: space too, like how to be a wife, a mom, professional, starter,

779
00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:01,239
Speaker 2: side hustle, right, but like I feel like I have

780
00:39:01,320 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 2: advice to give.

781
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 3: In that space. I wish you much about that wail.

782
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:08,120
Speaker 7: To put it out there.

783
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,240
Speaker 4: Our next sentence completion is.

784
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:15,120
Speaker 5: I manage it all by.

785
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 2: I managed all by being intentional, by writing things down,

786
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,040
Speaker 2: and by making sure I get in the cold time,

787
00:39:24,520 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 2: mean time.

788
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 5: A men to that. Okay, you better feeling you own

789
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,800
Speaker 5: that word. Come home. We're just gonna let a little

790
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:33,560
Speaker 5: pause after that.

791
00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 1: That's powerful. Fill your own cup, lady. You gotta fill

792
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,959
Speaker 1: our cup in order to pour into others. I love it, yes,

793
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 1: And that leaves us to one sentence completion now, since

794
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 1: we kind of pig back to off the other question or.

795
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 5: Other the other sentence completion.

796
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:49,840
Speaker 1: So this last one is what I love most about

797
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 1: myself is.

798
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 2: I love that I've pivot a lot in life that

799
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 2: I just I keep going.

800
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,560
Speaker 3: I always find something new.

801
00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:03,280
Speaker 2: To be engaged in and to enjoy through different phases

802
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 2: of my life.

803
00:40:03,719 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 3: And I enjoyed that. Go ahead, girl, Okay, we see you,

804
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:09,360
Speaker 3: We see you at.

805
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 5: All, right, Nicole, here's the time.

806
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 1: The time has come for you to choose the number

807
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,319
Speaker 1: between one and three.

808
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm trying to think if you guys would to

809
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:21,879
Speaker 2: chose like the funnest picture for number one, if you.

810
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:28,920
Speaker 1: Guys try to mix it that, they're all pretty fun honestly. Okay,

811
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:32,879
Speaker 1: I knew you were going to choose too. Okay, here

812
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 1: we go now, Nicole, some people are not tuned in

813
00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:38,320
Speaker 1: on video, so let them know what you're looking at first,

814
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 1: and then describe something about the picture that we wouldn't know.

815
00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:42,560
Speaker 3: By legit find this.

816
00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 8: Can I find this body? I need to find this

817
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:49,799
Speaker 8: body myself.

818
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 5: Girl. I feel you, Okay, I feel you.

819
00:40:54,120 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, I was so cute girl. Guess my

820
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 3: stumma was so flat?

821
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 1: Nicole, you sound like me looking at old pictures from back.

822
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:08,520
Speaker 5: In the day before the baby.

823
00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:11,960
Speaker 3: I'm like, damn, look at that body. But what is ray?

824
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:14,120
Speaker 2: You said that you were big like you used to be, Like,

825
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 2: oh dang, I really wasn't that small, but you look back,

826
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 2: but you I need to.

827
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 5: Work on this. And then after you're like, oh, day summer,

828
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 5: my stoma.

829
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 3: My stummer was fine about the picture.

830
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,920
Speaker 5: What's the context? Where did you take this picture at?

831
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 5: What do you remember about that day anything in particular.

832
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:38,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I was in Vegas for one of my

833
00:41:38,440 --> 00:41:43,440
Speaker 2: friends maybe twenty eighth or twenty ninth birthdays, was right

834
00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 2: afore I met my husband, So maybe one of my

835
00:41:46,840 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 2: friend's twenty eighth birthdays. And yeah, I was in Vegas.

836
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,920
Speaker 2: I was just moving the life.

837
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:55,719
Speaker 5: I mean I was.

838
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:58,600
Speaker 2: I think I had just moved to DC at the time,

839
00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,520
Speaker 2: and I was just being a city girl.

840
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,800
Speaker 5: By city girl, City Girl.

841
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,480
Speaker 2: I love it, okay.

842
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:14,919
Speaker 1: Okay, like yes, yes, period, period, I love it.

843
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:16,840
Speaker 5: Thank you for playing this fun games.

844
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:21,440
Speaker 1: But this is so insightful, so fun, just an inspiration

845
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 1: for other black mothers that want to have the birthday

846
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 1: deserve and desire. So we just appreciate you, your time,

847
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 1: your book, what you're doing for the community. And we'd

848
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,080
Speaker 1: love to just let people know where they can find

849
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:36,360
Speaker 1: you and if you have any closing words, Yes.

850
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 2: Please pick up the books on Amazon Body Belly Soul,

851
00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 2: you can buy me at one of Coole Bailey, or

852
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:47,480
Speaker 2: you can find the book Instagram at Body Belly Soul.

853
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 2: Please stay connected and you can have the berview desire.

854
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 9: Hey lady, it's Terry here from the Cultivating Our Space podcast.

855
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:02,320
Speaker 9: I'm host a free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to

856
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 9: teach you how to create your impactful podcast and how

857
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:09,040
Speaker 9: you can generate multiple streams of income. You can visit

858
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 9: podcast with Terry dot com to register for free. I

859
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:13,920
Speaker 9: hope to see you there.

860
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 4: You thanks for joining us today. Please note that our

861
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:25,440
Speaker 4: show may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment,

862
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:29,120
Speaker 4: and mental health, but is by no means meant to

863
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:33,120
Speaker 4: be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a

864
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 4: trained mental health provider. If you are someone you know

865
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:40,520
Speaker 4: is in need of mental health care, please visit a

866
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 4: Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your

867
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:46,960
Speaker 4: insurance provider.

868
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:49,359
Speaker 1: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

869
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:54,400
Speaker 1: the conversation going, visit our website at cultivatinghirspace dot com

870
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 1: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get

871
00:43:57,120 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: access to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show.

872
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me, what's meant

873
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 1: for me? Will never miss me? I don't have to

874
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 1: chase