WEBVTT - Two Ts Presents: Two Jersey Js: The Perfect Lie 0:00:02.040 --> 0:00:06.360 Hi, friends, It's Jennifer Fessler and Jackie Colchnight. 0:00:05.960 --> 0:00:09.159 And we are too Jersey Jays. How's everyone doing? How 0:00:09.200 --> 0:00:09.720 are you doing? 0:00:09.840 --> 0:00:13.440 I'm doing pretty good. A bit of a crazy sad week. 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:15.800 I had a friend who passed. Oh I'm sorry, thank 0:00:15.800 --> 0:00:20.000 you so much. So yeah, that was really hard, but 0:00:20.680 --> 0:00:23.759 sorrow was for another episode, although actually not really because 0:00:23.760 --> 0:00:25.080 we're talking about social media. 0:00:25.320 --> 0:00:28.440 Yeah, plenty of sorrow from social media. It's an interesting 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:31.080 week too. Something that I didn't put on social media. 0:00:31.080 --> 0:00:33.000 I had to have a liver by Epcy this week. 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:36.000 That was not fun. That was not fun. I did 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:38.839 not put that on social media. And that leads us 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:39.279 right in. 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:45.440 Yeah, right, because we're talking about well, in my humble opinion, 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:49.760 and I'm talking about my own social media, my social 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.080 media is a lie. 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:55.639 No, it's not really a lie. You do have genuinely 0:00:55.680 --> 0:00:57.480 good times and a lot of friends. 0:00:57.520 --> 0:01:03.279 However, social media is not real, and again it may 0:01:03.280 --> 0:01:07.080 be for some. I'm talking about from my perspective and 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:10.560 my own social media. That's not to say that I 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:14.600 don't post from my actual real life, but what I 0:01:14.720 --> 0:01:20.080 represent on social media, I think that it comes off 0:01:20.120 --> 0:01:21.880 as I maybe even try to make it come off 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:26.679 as my entire life, and it really is just a snapshot, 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:30.880 a snap not only a snapshot happy stuff. 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:32.639 Of course it is. And that's the whole point of today, 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:35.720 is that, you know, we talk a lot about the 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:40.640 effects of social media on young people, right, but we 0:01:40.680 --> 0:01:44.480 don't talk about the effects of social media on middle aged. 0:01:44.240 --> 0:01:47.560 People, right, particularly middle aged women, but actually no middle 0:01:47.560 --> 0:01:50.600 aged people, right. But it really does have an effect. 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:55.120 I mean, how much time have you lost to deep 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:58.800 diving on someone else's life on social media? Well, how 0:01:58.800 --> 0:02:03.840 about before that, how much time have I lost pretending 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:06.120 about my own life on social media? So let me 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:09.639 tell you. I'll tell you a story. So a few 0:02:09.680 --> 0:02:13.480 months back, the four of us, my family, we went 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:18.000 to Mexico for a fabulous vacation, a week long vacation. 0:02:18.200 --> 0:02:23.000 It was at the most beautiful resort, and we were 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:31.519 obviously all psyched. I spent so much of this vacation posing. 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.919 I spent so much of it taking the perfect pictures. 0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:39.280 I spent so much of it with my phone glued 0:02:39.320 --> 0:02:44.639 to my face. I spent so many dinners where we 0:02:44.639 --> 0:02:47.720 were all on our phones. And then one of us 0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:52.040 would have the sense to say, guys, let's put our 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:55.280 phones down, And so we would and we would have 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:57.720 the appetizer, and then we would check our phones again, 0:02:57.919 --> 0:03:00.360 and then Mommy would get up and say, guys, I 0:03:00.400 --> 0:03:05.320 need to take a picture of Rachel you eating the crembrulet, 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:10.040 and let's take a video of me dancing into the restaurant. 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:14.239 So let me just say that all of that happened, 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:19.400 it was all fun. What I didn't show on social 0:03:19.440 --> 0:03:24.079 media is us arguing at the dinner table, even though 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:27.840 it was a perfect vacation. What I didn't show on 0:03:27.919 --> 0:03:31.720 social media is me pitching a fit because no one 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:34.079 wanted to sit in the shade and I wanted to 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:38.000 sit in the sun. Or to my son, I don't 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:40.040 like what you're wearing. Mom, I'm twenty three years old. 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:42.080 I don't give two shits if you like what I'm wearing. 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:46.280 You know all of that that goes along with it. 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:49.480 I don't air that you don't see that. Let me 0:03:49.520 --> 0:03:53.720 assure you that as wonderful as the vacation was, they 0:03:53.720 --> 0:03:57.840 were parts of it that were not so wonderful. And 0:03:58.640 --> 0:04:02.040 so it's it's just for me. 0:04:02.440 --> 0:04:03.200 It's not real. 0:04:04.000 --> 0:04:07.040 I think that I would love to blame it on 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:11.400 the fact that I'm now a public figure or whatever 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:18.240 you want to say, I'm not that jack Hint. Okay, 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:22.200 I'm a star, but anyway, I'm not Jackie Goldschneider. I'm not. 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:28.320 But what it doesn't matter that pressure of showing my 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:36.080 life off and I think making it seem aspirational. I'm 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:40.760 following the lead of other and most I think celebrities right, 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:44.440 Like you know, I think that you can be real 0:04:44.480 --> 0:04:47.400 on social media. I think that you can talk about 0:04:47.440 --> 0:04:50.440 your issues on social media. But what I see, for 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:56.840 the most part, specifically from celebrities, also from friends and acquaintances, 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:01.920 I see a lot of perfect lives. So I'm here 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:06.560 to tell you that I think that social media is 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:07.520 not real. 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:12.760 Well, I think that as middle aged women, it's particularly 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:18.520 hard on us because we're already going through changes at 0:05:18.520 --> 0:05:24.320 this age. In this age group that add to you know, 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:27.200 they just complicate our relationship with social media. So like 0:05:27.240 --> 0:05:31.760 when we're I think more prone because of our you know, 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:35.919 changing hormones and changing looks, you know, and and the 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:38.560 fact that, like we spoke about last time, we feel 0:05:38.600 --> 0:05:41.960 a little less visible in society. I think that we're 0:05:42.000 --> 0:05:44.560 already prone to feeling a little more anxious and a 0:05:44.560 --> 0:05:47.960 little more depressed when we compare our lives to others. 0:05:48.040 --> 0:05:54.680 And that's exactly what social media does. It makes us, right, 0:05:54.720 --> 0:05:57.920 but compare our lives to other people, like we could 0:05:57.920 --> 0:06:00.359 look at other people who are in the same age group, 0:06:00.960 --> 0:06:04.880 and we say, have I accomplished as much as they 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:07.520 have accomplished? Is my life as good? Do I go on? 0:06:07.680 --> 0:06:10.640 As many vacations do I have as many friends? Are 0:06:10.680 --> 0:06:16.640 my children as happy? And really it's really causing alarming 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:19.320 levels of depression. I mean, there's a lot of studies 0:06:19.640 --> 0:06:27.360 about this stuff and the results are really alarming. For that, 0:06:27.480 --> 0:06:31.479 women who are just adults, US adults who use photo 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:34.680 sharing social media platforms are much more likely to report 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:36.760 feeling depressed than compared to those who don't. 0:06:36.920 --> 0:06:42.440 You know, did you see recently there was at Mark 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:46.640 Zuckerberg and who else was there? There was a hearing 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:52.839 and he actually apologized to a bunch of parents about 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:56.880 to their kids who had done harmful things to themselves 0:06:57.360 --> 0:07:01.080 as a result of depression that they incurred from social media. 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:06.520 So we're all so concerned about kids and the effects, right, 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:09.800 And I'm here to tell you and I think Jackie, 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:11.400 you are too. It has its effects on me. 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:12.560 It has. 0:07:13.880 --> 0:07:18.000 Not such great effects on me. So let me also 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:21.080 caveat all of this with saying that I'm not going 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:24.600 off social media today. I am addicted to social media. 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:28.040 So I think maybe the first step is recognizing that 0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:31.480 I have a problem, right, which I absolutely do. 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:33.840 Well, we're going to go through all the ways to 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:38.800 kind of disconnect later, but like, how many times have 0:07:38.960 --> 0:07:43.440 you seen, for example, a couple that announces they're getting 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:48.480 divorced and you're like, wait, what, your marriage is so perfect? 0:07:48.480 --> 0:07:53.440 You just wrote on his birthday post Happy Birthday to 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:56.760 the love of my life. There is no me without you, 0:07:57.360 --> 0:08:01.280 the perfect father, the perfect husband, my rock, right yeah. 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:04.680 And you're like, wait, I don't understand because everything was 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:09.080 so beautiful, and I mean I feel like I feel 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:11.480 like that's just emblematic of like so many things that 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:15.400 I see so many times that even you jen like, 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:17.840 I'll see you go to something and I'm like, wow, 0:08:17.960 --> 0:08:19.840 that's amazing, Like I wish I was there with her, 0:08:19.840 --> 0:08:22.800 and then you'll be like it was okay, Well, you 0:08:22.840 --> 0:08:23.480 know it's tired. 0:08:23.560 --> 0:08:26.880 I think, right, well, I'm always tired and I'd always 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:29.400 rather be home. Well, first of me say that my 0:08:29.560 --> 0:08:33.480 friends that are you know, outside of the housewives and 0:08:34.120 --> 0:08:40.320 outside of the whole, you know, public arena, They're like, Jen, 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:44.320 you are so busy. You are on the go, because 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:48.000 what do they see. They see me going out for 0:08:48.160 --> 0:08:53.120 the night to whatever social event with other people that 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:56.679 are also public figures. And then they see my next post, 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:59.880 which is me going out with someone that they may 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:04.360 know to a charity event, and then there's more me 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:08.400 and I'm at you know, I'm shopping for fabulous things. 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:13.760 So all of that is giving off this message that 0:09:13.880 --> 0:09:16.400 I am so busy and so fact. 0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:18.320 Like I had a friend say to me, she was like, 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:20.360 I wanted to see if you wanted to go out 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:22.440 for drinks, but you're always every time I look at 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:24.200 your Instagram, you're on a red carpet, And I'm thinking 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:26.760 to myself, wow, because most nights I'm on my couch 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:30.040 eating jello and pajamas, so you could totally call me right. 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:34.160 Well, and in my bed eating usually it's popcorn and 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:34.560 ice cream. 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:36.240 But anyway, anyway. 0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:39.840 Yeah, so that's the perception that I think I give 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:43.079 off and that I'm trying to give off. But again, 0:09:43.760 --> 0:09:46.120 the first step is recognizing that you have a problem. 0:09:46.200 --> 0:09:48.800 So I'm here to tell you friends, that is not 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:52.440 what my life looks like. And I think that it 0:09:52.480 --> 0:09:59.000 pours over not just into you know, seeing adults going 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:02.720 places that are glamorous, uh and looking a certain way 0:10:03.000 --> 0:10:06.679 and you know, having the perfect marriage. It even I 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:10.600 think it even pours over into look at my kid. 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:15.200 Oh so, and that starts, I feel like at a 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:18.080 young age, so like neither one of my kids, just 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:21.839 like Jeff and I neither won, are athletic, and they 0:10:21.880 --> 0:10:27.120 never were. And the constant barrage on social media forget 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:30.680 about them seeing what they saw, but of me seeing 0:10:31.080 --> 0:10:39.600 you know, the accolades poured. Yay Joey, Joey, you know, 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:45.160 got twelve home runs in the game, and Mandy just 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:47.920 won the Gymnastus competition. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm 0:10:47.960 --> 0:10:51.679 not saying that, you know that you shouldn't be able 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:55.400 to share fabulous things about your kids, but sometimes the 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:57.800 effects of it. And then let's like, let's move on 0:10:58.000 --> 0:11:02.840 to bar and Bob mitzvah. Let's move on to and 0:11:02.920 --> 0:11:07.800 my kid made Honor Roll this year, and congratulations to 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:13.599 my straight A student who's going to Duke, and wow, 0:11:13.800 --> 0:11:18.720 sammy just got into law school, whatever it is. 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:21.120 I'm so proud all of that is. 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:21.680 I'm not. 0:11:22.320 --> 0:11:25.680 It's fabulous news, right, and you want the people that 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:28.560 you love and their children and to be happy and 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:33.319 do wonderful things. But it does provoke a certain feeling 0:11:33.520 --> 0:11:38.360 of maybe inadequacy sometimes. You know, I wouldn't change a 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:40.640 hair on either one of my kids' heads, and I 0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:45.960 know you wouldn't either, But this whole game of you know, 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:50.920 look at me, I am wonderful, my marriage is perfect, 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:57.160 my kids are gorgeous, and it's a I think it's 0:11:57.160 --> 0:12:00.800 a setup, and I think it's a lie because you know, 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:05.920 when was the last time you posted I don't know. Uh, 0:12:06.080 --> 0:12:09.120 my kid got caught cheating in school today and he 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:11.120 has a three day you know, he has a three 0:12:11.200 --> 0:12:14.800 day suspension. Go me like, it's not you know, we'll 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:19.360 skip right over that part. You know, there's a million 0:12:19.440 --> 0:12:23.760 things that go on with your kids, with your husband, 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:26.199 with your significant other, with your friends. 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:28.760 Right. I mean evident I don't fight a lot, but 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:31.319 when we do have a fight, I'm certainly not putting 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:36.320 that shit on social media. Absolutely not right. Also, I think, 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:43.439 aside from people faking their social lives, marriages, and children, 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:47.679 like how perfect it is. The face tuning is out 0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:50.080 of control. Oh my god, it's out of control. I 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:53.800 mean Chloe Kardashian last week face tuned her cat. Did 0:12:53.800 --> 0:12:54.200 you see that? 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:57.160 She face tuned her fucking cat. The whiskers came off. 0:12:57.360 --> 0:12:59.440 My cats are so ugly. There's not enough face tune 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.959 this old to make them look good. I love when 0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:05.839 face tune actually comments on people's I never saw that. 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:08.440 Oh we're telling me about that, yeah. 0:13:08.240 --> 0:13:12.320 But she I mean like people don't even look the 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:15.600 way that they're that they're portrayed. I mean, and I'm 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:19.439 not talking a tweak, because we all tweak. I don't, yes, no, 0:13:19.559 --> 0:13:21.280 I don't. I sweak. If I send to. 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:26.440 My PR people and they want to post something, they 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:29.200 look at it sometimes and they're like, whoa tweak this? 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:32.360 I personally don't know how to tweak, and I don't 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:37.600 want absolutely not. But I also feel like it's like 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:42.120 I'm on TV. The gig is up, like you're gonna 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:45.720 see me. So I mean, what is the point of 0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:53.240 pretending to be you know, smooth and uh and perfect 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:57.360 and because guess what in about what four months you're 0:13:57.360 --> 0:13:59.800 gonna see I'm not wait, but. 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:02.720 So, so, how does it, like, do you find yourself 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:03.800 getting depressed? Ever? 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:07.640 I find myself getting depressed without social media, so yes, 0:14:07.720 --> 0:14:10.360 But with social media yeah. And not only do I 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:11.640 get depressed, I get mad. 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:13.400 I get mad too. Can I tell you when I 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:15.679 first moved with this was going back fifteen years. But 0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:18.600 when I first moved to my town, I really wanted 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:21.080 I came from the city and I had no friends 0:14:21.120 --> 0:14:24.080 in my town, and I wanted a friend group, right, 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:28.520 And like, I made a few friends, and I didn't 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:31.360 definitely didn't have anyone super close and I did not 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:34.360 have a friend group. But there was this group of 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:36.760 moms and they would go every summer to the Hamptons 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:39.200 together for like a week, and I was always I 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:42.480 would watch what they did on social media, and I 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:44.400 would see all their good times and their dinners and 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:47.000 their parties and their late nights in the house, and 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:50.120 I was just I was angry that I wasn't a 0:14:50.160 --> 0:14:51.920 part of it, even though I didn't even know them. 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:55.760 I was angry. I was sad for myself. I wanted it. 0:14:55.800 --> 0:14:57.960 I was jealous. I mean all of that. It's very 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:01.720 different now for me, but god, I mean I just 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:04.160 couldn't stop watching these people. I didn't even know them. 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:10.160 Yeah, I can watch people's posts and literally feel like 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:16.080 this anger bubbling up, and I it can be because 0:15:17.480 --> 0:15:20.320 I think they are showing off. I think a lot 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:24.120 of it comes from, obviously my own insecurity. I can 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:26.920 see the way people that I know are representing themselves 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:31.800 and I don't feel like it's real. But why would 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:34.400 I give a shit? I don't know why, but I do. 0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:36.520 I know I understand because it makes me. It annoys 0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:39.160 me too, Like there's the one person in particular who's 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:43.680 always just posting the most egotistical shit, and I just 0:15:43.880 --> 0:15:47.000 look at these posts and I'm like, God, get over yourself, 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:49.200 and that like it annoys me so ben, then I 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:51.200 have to be like, why are you annoyed? Let everyone 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:54.360 do that. Yeah, but guess what I post egotistically shit? 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:57.560 Yes I do. I don't post it. I'm not obvious. 0:15:57.600 --> 0:15:58.640 I don't think I'm obvious about it. 0:15:58.720 --> 0:16:01.120 And I like to be self depreciate and I'm gonna 0:16:01.120 --> 0:16:04.560 really work harder on showing some real some of my 0:16:04.720 --> 0:16:07.280 like real life on social media. 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:09.440 But yes I do. 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:13.000 Look at me at this party, look at me at 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:16.000 this concert, look at me, and maybe there's nothing wrong 0:16:16.080 --> 0:16:18.760 with it, but I think that when I watch others 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:22.720 do it, I start to compare and it's not healthy. 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:30.240 How about this, how about when it's there's someone's birthday, 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:33.960 it's not for me. And I'm on Instagram now way 0:16:33.960 --> 0:16:39.440 more than I am on fa on Facebook. But for Facebook, 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:42.040 that is how I remember birthdays, right, Like you know 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:44.120 everybody's birthday, People that you went to kindergarten with, you 0:16:44.160 --> 0:16:49.120 know their birthday. The birthday post is the biggest bummer. 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:52.240 I I cannot tell. 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:55.000 You how much I hate the birthday post. And well, 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:57.520 you know when people post for your birthday, No, I 0:16:57.600 --> 0:16:58.040 love that. 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:02.120 I'm talking about like posts for everyone's birthday and you 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:04.199 know what, it's year in and it's year out. The 0:17:04.240 --> 0:17:07.800 people I love, they absolutely know that I love them, 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:11.280 and I have to declare my love. And I have 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:16.359 to go back and find pictures from nineteen eighty three 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:18.560 and I and I have to make a call oph 0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:21.560 I don't make the clauses anymore and profess my love 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:25.320 and tell them why I am over it. Like how 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:30.080 about just calling your friend, hi, baby, happy birthday, I 0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:30.520 love you. 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:33.760 What are you doing today? Let's go to lunch. How 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:34.480 are you feeling? 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:39.600 Instead, it's now you have to do the most Jane Doe. 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:43.560 For twenty five years, I've loved you. You are so 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:48.560 individual and strong, you are my everything you are. It's 0:17:48.680 --> 0:17:52.000 just so gaggy, Like I'm so tired of it, and 0:17:52.040 --> 0:17:54.960 you do it because guess what on your birthday. 0:17:56.000 --> 0:17:57.880 You want to hear about it? Yeah, well you want 0:17:58.000 --> 0:18:01.720 declarations of love, life hack, going to your h your 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:04.320 albums and groll to the same day last year and 0:18:04.520 --> 0:18:05.600 just repost that shit. 0:18:06.000 --> 0:18:08.320 I have done that, but like it really to me, 0:18:08.520 --> 0:18:11.240 I hope not to everyone, but like how many And 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:13.240 you're looking all day long it's your birthday. You're missing 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:15.960 your fucking birthday because you're looking. I know how Maybe 0:18:16.119 --> 0:18:19.480 I commented how many people said, that's. 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:21.400 Favorite part of my birthday? Is social media? Really said yeah? 0:18:21.400 --> 0:18:23.840 Because not only do I read into I don't like 0:18:23.880 --> 0:18:26.680 my birthday. I'm one of those guys I hate my birthday, 0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:31.560 but I read into like, if there's enough love given, 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:33.920 did you give me as much love as you gave 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:37.000 your other friends? Like I I look at who didn't 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:40.000 post for me? Like I just I hate the social 0:18:40.080 --> 0:18:43.399 media of it all. But let's talk about being on 0:18:43.440 --> 0:18:46.000 a reality show and the social media that comes along 0:18:46.040 --> 0:18:49.159 with that, because that is a shit show, and I 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:51.880 will let me let me just put a disclaimer that 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:53.360 there's a lot of good things that can come from 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:58.640 social media, you know, the networking, the reconnecting, the being 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:01.840 able to share memories of your family, all of that 0:19:01.880 --> 0:19:03.080 stuff is can be good. 0:19:03.080 --> 0:19:07.200 To think about how much information, guys, I need a 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:09.760 p diatrist, right, like you know, I'm on like Upper 0:19:09.760 --> 0:19:12.480 Side River Moms or even not like anybody you guys, 0:19:12.520 --> 0:19:16.679 I need a little bit of your input on whatever 0:19:16.720 --> 0:19:19.040 issue it is that I'm facing, and it is very 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:22.440 helpful and also can be so supportive and loving. Right, 0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:25.000 But when you are on a reality show, what I have. 0:19:25.040 --> 0:19:31.320 Found is that because you're on a show about your life, 0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:36.479 social media feels free to dissect your life and comment 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:39.480 on your life, of course, of course, but in very 0:19:39.600 --> 0:19:46.240 very cruel often, you know, just really mean horrible ways. 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:52.320 And not only individual people, but there's a whole network 0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:57.560 of bloggers that just tear your life along and post 0:19:58.240 --> 0:20:04.040 very sometimes not true things about you, and sometimes it 0:20:04.160 --> 0:20:07.200 ends up in print, and sometimes the entire Internet is 0:20:07.280 --> 0:20:11.119 reposting it and I will tell you there's you know, 0:20:11.160 --> 0:20:15.040 being on a reality show is amazing sometimes, but those 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:19.480 moments when the whole internet is commenting on something about 0:20:19.480 --> 0:20:24.960 your life in a negative way, there's nothing worse for me. Nothing. 0:20:25.040 --> 0:20:28.959 When you sign up for a reality show, you know 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:32.280 you live in the world. You know that you're going 0:20:32.480 --> 0:20:36.680 to get critiqued on social media at some point, right, 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:41.359 and so you know you signed on the dotted line. 0:20:41.760 --> 0:20:44.520 Too bad for you. Well, the thing is that you 0:20:44.600 --> 0:20:48.399 do know it, You've seen it happen. But there's a 0:20:48.440 --> 0:20:51.480 little part, well at least there wasn't me that thought, 0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:55.240 you know what, Nah, they're. 0:20:55.080 --> 0:20:55.800 All going to like me. 0:20:56.560 --> 0:20:58.959 Everybody's like, you sign up for it, and you think, well, 0:20:59.040 --> 0:21:01.399 I'm not going to do anything that would make people 0:21:02.040 --> 0:21:02.560 not like me. 0:21:02.640 --> 0:21:04.040 You just have to breathe. I know, but you can't 0:21:04.160 --> 0:21:06.680 do it. I mean the season that I had that 0:21:06.840 --> 0:21:10.440 there was that whole rum where about Evan. The social 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:13.640 media was so bad with people weighing in and whether 0:21:13.720 --> 0:21:15.520 or not my husband was cheating. I mean, my husband's 0:21:15.560 --> 0:21:17.720 the best guy ever. I had no doubt even for 0:21:17.760 --> 0:21:23.080 a second that it was nonsense. Like I couldn't stop 0:21:23.320 --> 0:21:27.840 the like brage of comments and articles and blog posts 0:21:27.920 --> 0:21:31.480 and YouTube videos and it was just NonStop every day, 0:21:32.040 --> 0:21:36.280 and I was in such a black hole of like 0:21:36.320 --> 0:21:39.320 I couldn't see straight from all the social media and 0:21:39.359 --> 0:21:41.560 I didn't want to see it, but I couldn't stop 0:21:41.640 --> 0:21:45.480 checking it. It was awful and a lot of times 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:48.399 the bloggers. There was one blogger I can think of 0:21:48.440 --> 0:21:51.439 and I won't name any names, he went after me 0:21:51.840 --> 0:21:56.560 for years, just crucified me, just hated me, and would 0:21:56.680 --> 0:22:01.479 just say the meanest, most horrible thing me and I 0:22:01.600 --> 0:22:03.960 just couldn't do anything about it. And sometimes I wonder, 0:22:04.080 --> 0:22:09.640 like if they ever feel any regret when they're posting 0:22:09.680 --> 0:22:11.919 negative shit online about you. 0:22:12.000 --> 0:22:16.920 That I can't tell you. I think that that's part 0:22:16.920 --> 0:22:19.160 of their job. It is to be shady. And guess what, 0:22:19.359 --> 0:22:21.719 We're on a reality show and we're shady and we 0:22:21.800 --> 0:22:26.119 say nasty things and for the public to consume. So 0:22:27.359 --> 0:22:30.239 you know, it's just it's it's a different world with 0:22:30.280 --> 0:22:34.040 social media. And again I signed on the dotted line, 0:22:34.680 --> 0:22:37.240 and I knew what I was signing up for, and 0:22:37.280 --> 0:22:39.679 I just we just you know, wrapped our second season. 0:22:40.160 --> 0:22:45.160 So I did it again, and I'm expecting more negativity, 0:22:45.359 --> 0:22:49.000 and you know, it's at any point nobody is holding 0:22:49.040 --> 0:22:50.680 a gun to my head. I could say I've had enough, 0:22:51.160 --> 0:22:52.280 but I've signed up. 0:22:52.240 --> 0:22:52.680 For it again. 0:22:52.720 --> 0:22:55.240 But I look at some of these reality stars that 0:22:55.280 --> 0:22:57.440 have been doing it for so long, and they've gotten 0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:03.240 so much eat and I wonder myself, like, how is 0:23:03.280 --> 0:23:04.720 their skin so thick? 0:23:05.480 --> 0:23:06.359 They don't care? 0:23:06.840 --> 0:23:10.760 How is that possible they keep signing up again and again. 0:23:11.520 --> 0:23:12.000 I don't know. 0:23:12.160 --> 0:23:16.840 I don't know, but all of this has definitely taken 0:23:16.880 --> 0:23:20.720 its toll on my mental health. I believe the life 0:23:21.119 --> 0:23:24.000 the mental health of my family. I don't just mean 0:23:24.359 --> 0:23:26.399 since I signed up for Housewives, I mean in general. 0:23:26.440 --> 0:23:28.200 And we know this, you guys. This is not news 0:23:28.240 --> 0:23:32.280 that social media is the devil, and yet I'm addicted. 0:23:32.680 --> 0:23:35.040 There are parts of it I love. I'm part of 0:23:35.080 --> 0:23:39.440 the problem, and I can't line say after we wrap 0:23:39.520 --> 0:23:41.600