1 00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:04,040 Speaker 1: It is time now for my Strawberry Letter for today 2 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:08,080 Speaker 1: and listen, guys. If you need advice on relationships, on dating, 3 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:12,360 Speaker 1: on work, on sex, on parenting, and more, please submit 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com and click 5 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:22,000 Speaker 1: submit Strawberry Letter. Okay, buckle up, hold on tight, We 6 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,920 Speaker 1: got it. Four year Hiberties the Strawberry Letter. We can 7 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 1: be reading yours just like we're reading this one subject. 8 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:32,599 Speaker 1: You can't hide a beautiful body. Dear Stephen Shirley, I 9 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:35,919 Speaker 1: am a thirty year old single woman without any children, 10 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,880 Speaker 1: and I've been dating a forty one year old man 11 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,600 Speaker 1: that has three young daughters. We've been together for five months, 12 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, he does not approve of 13 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,680 Speaker 1: how I dress. He told me that I dress as 14 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,879 Speaker 1: if I want attention from other men, and not like 15 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 1: a wholesome woman. I am a full time legal assistant 16 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: at a popular law firm, and I take law classes 17 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: at at work, I'm in heels and pencil skirts, and 18 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:06,680 Speaker 1: on the weekend, I dress for whatever the occasion is 19 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:10,840 Speaker 1: and it's my own personal style. I have a beautiful, 20 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: curvy body, and at my age, I don't see the 21 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 1: problem with me wearing a top that shows a little 22 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:19,840 Speaker 1: stomach or a dress that shows off my curves. He 23 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,280 Speaker 1: didn't have a problem with how I dress when he 24 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 1: met me, but now he has been talking about it NonStop. 25 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,760 Speaker 1: I recently met his daughters and I was dressed appropriately 26 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: in jeans and a sweatshirt. He still said that I 27 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,440 Speaker 1: need to do a better I need to do better 28 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: at presenting myself in a more wholesome manner when he met. 29 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:42,560 Speaker 1: When he and I met, it was not wholesome. So 30 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,679 Speaker 1: why does he want me to seem wholesome now? I 31 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,560 Speaker 1: never intended to be a role model for his children. 32 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:51,040 Speaker 1: He says he wants me to be more like his 33 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,920 Speaker 1: friend's wife. And that's all fine and good if I 34 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:57,240 Speaker 1: were an older, stay at home mom, but I'm not. 35 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 1: Why is he bringing this up now and trying to change. 36 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,920 Speaker 1: I'm at the point where I want to settle down 37 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 1: and he could be the one, but obviously I'm not 38 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 1: the woman he really wants. Could this be a deal breaker? 39 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 1: Please advise? Well, you know what, It depends on how 40 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,600 Speaker 1: you look at it. It could be a deal breaker 41 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,920 Speaker 1: if he's like this controlling dude you know that wants 42 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,760 Speaker 1: to tell you how to dress and you know, compare 43 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: you to other women like he's doing in this letter 44 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 1: all of that. It could be that, or it could 45 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:29,960 Speaker 1: be he's considering you for a little more serious role 46 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 1: in his life, because I don't understand why he would 47 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,920 Speaker 1: even be concerned about how you're dressing if you're not 48 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,959 Speaker 1: dressing like, you know, a stripper or something in front 49 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,240 Speaker 1: of his friends and daughters. Dressing for him in private 50 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 1: is one thing, but there is something to be said 51 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: about appropriate dress in front of others, especially young impressionable girls. 52 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 1: I'll give him that. Although you said you were dressed 53 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,360 Speaker 1: properly when you met his daughters in jeans and a sweatshirt. 54 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 1: You didn't say that you're tummy was out. You didn't 55 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,359 Speaker 1: say any of that. I mean, this guy does sound controlling. 56 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: He does sound BOSSI after only five months in, and 57 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,760 Speaker 1: remember what he's doing now, how he's talking to you now, 58 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: you guys haven't even made the six month mark. Uh. 59 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,960 Speaker 1: That's how it's going to be in a relationship and 60 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,880 Speaker 1: into a marriage. So you're gonna have to decide if 61 00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 1: that's what you want. I mean, you have your own 62 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 1: personal style, and you said you don't see anything wrong. 63 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: I mean that's what's fashionable. Crop tops are fashionable, Uh, 64 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,119 Speaker 1: you know, as long as you're rearly had on one 65 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 1: in the dr at all at all. I mean, you 66 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 1: could do things tastefully. But we were at the beach. 67 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 1: Can we just say that, Steve, we were we were 68 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 1: It was a swim party and everything. We weren't at 69 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 1: no beach. We was on the inside in the auditorium. 70 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,080 Speaker 1: But when I saw you, I don't know where you 71 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 1: came from from the beach, didn't look like bel didn't 72 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 1: have on that anyway, back to the letter, you can't 73 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 1: hide a beautiful body as a subject. So you know, 74 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 1: even though you never intended to be a role model 75 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 1: for his children, sometimes we're thrust in those positions. You know, 76 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: you're dating this guy and he does have daughters, so 77 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: you have to consider that when you are around them, 78 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 1: you're you're You're not there their mom or anything, but 79 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: they are. If you're around their dad, they are looking 80 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 1: to you for certain things. So you know, I'm not 81 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: telling you to cover up and dress like a nun 82 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:26,039 Speaker 1: from head to tour or anything like that, but be mindful, 83 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: especially around the daughters, of how you're presenting yourself. You know, 84 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,280 Speaker 1: just do that for their sake. Okay, come out of 85 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 1: yourself for a little bit and just do that for 86 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 1: their sake. As far as you and this guy goes, 87 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: time will only tell if he continues to be controlling. 88 00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:44,479 Speaker 1: He sounds like a nagger and all that already. But 89 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,719 Speaker 1: you got to decide if you want to deal with that, 90 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 1: because it's not going to get any better. And yeah, 91 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: when you're fine and beautiful, you can't hide it. Steve, Well, 92 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:56,600 Speaker 1: this is a real simple fix right here. Appreciate everything 93 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,040 Speaker 1: you said, Sherley. Here's the other side of the coin. 94 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,919 Speaker 1: Where you dressed. That's how you got him. See, he 95 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 1: liked all that when he saw you. That's what got 96 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:10,400 Speaker 1: his attention. You had what he wanted. That's why y'all 97 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 1: together now, the little pencil skirts, the tight fit, the 98 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:19,040 Speaker 1: crop tops to cleavean showing, y'all go out on weekends, 99 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,480 Speaker 1: you dress how you want. Bam, that's what got it. 100 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,799 Speaker 1: But now he want to change. Well, see the problem 101 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:30,440 Speaker 1: he got now is he probably need a nun. And 102 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you why. Here's I'm first, I'm gonna 103 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:37,160 Speaker 1: get into this right here. You thirty and he forty one. 104 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 1: That's eleven years. That's a gap, and it's a real 105 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:47,840 Speaker 1: gap when it's more than an eleven year distance, eleven 106 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:51,839 Speaker 1: year difference, it's probably more because he's probably an older 107 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,320 Speaker 1: forty one. He probably an old stuck up forty one. 108 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:59,279 Speaker 1: Then you might just be a little bit younger thirty. 109 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 1: But you a lawyer, you work at a law firm, 110 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,880 Speaker 1: You got a career. You gotta go to work appropriate. 111 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,599 Speaker 1: You can't go in there looking like anything like like 112 00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,400 Speaker 1: like like you know, you can't go to work looking 113 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: like you a case. So I think you and you're 114 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: okay right there. I think what's really happening here is 115 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,799 Speaker 1: this eleven year age difference is bigger than eleven years 116 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: because in his mind he wants something else. He wants 117 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: something else from you now, and now he trying to 118 00:06:26,560 --> 00:06:28,960 Speaker 1: shape you like that because he turned around and said it. 119 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 1: He wants you to dress like his friend's wife, and 120 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 1: you said that be fine if he was a forty 121 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,039 Speaker 1: some years stay at home month. But you ain't got 122 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 1: no kids. I don't I don't know what he wants, 123 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,040 Speaker 1: but you all have to decide it's what you want 124 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,039 Speaker 1: from here worth giving him what he want from you? 125 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: All right, we'll come back with part two of your 126 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,360 Speaker 1: response at twenty three after the hour. Right after this, 127 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:58,599 Speaker 1: you're listening to Steve. Let's get to part two of 128 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 1: your response, subject you can't hide a beautiful body. Well, 129 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 1: this thirty year old lady married this old as for 130 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 1: the one year old man with these three damn daughters 131 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 1: that she ain't got no kids. They've been together five 132 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 1: months and he don't approve now how she dressed. You know, 133 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: he says you dressed like he want attention from other men. 134 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: See that's crazy, because see you dressed got attention from him. 135 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 1: Now that he got you, he don't want nobody else 136 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 1: paying attention to you. This is the beginning of something greater. Now, 137 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:35,280 Speaker 1: I really do believe that this dressing is the beginning 138 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 1: of something greater. And like Shirley said, he could be 139 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 1: very controlling. Next thing, you know you can't wear it is. 140 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,680 Speaker 1: Next thing, you know why you're going over there? And 141 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 1: next thing, you know why you spending that. Next thing 142 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,720 Speaker 1: you know, I don't want you driving that car no more. 143 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: Next thing, you know you ain't gonna had no friends. 144 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 1: I don't see a problem with me. Man or top 145 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:58,200 Speaker 1: to show a little stomach or a dress that shows 146 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:01,520 Speaker 1: off my courage. He didn't have a problem with you 147 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: dressed how he met me. You don'g gonna write it didn't. 148 00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 1: But now I've been talking about a non stop that's 149 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: called some of his damn friends is looking at you. 150 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:11,800 Speaker 1: See now he's starting to notice some of the other 151 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 1: men looking at you. Now he's feeling sort of inadequate. 152 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:17,880 Speaker 1: You know, I don't want you to do this. I 153 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: don't want you to He's feeling some little little bit 154 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: of insecurity too. I think I recently met his daughters 155 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 1: and I was dressed appropriately in jeans and a sweatshirt. 156 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: He still said, I need to do a better presenting 157 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,760 Speaker 1: myself in a more wholesome matter. What the hell and 158 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:37,520 Speaker 1: wholesome that's what I'm saying, covered up from head to tell. 159 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 1: So why you want me to seem wholesome? Now? I 160 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: never tend to be a role model for his children. Okay, 161 00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: now let me explain him. You can't say that. I 162 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,439 Speaker 1: can't say that to him. Man, I ain't trying to 163 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: be no damn role model for your damn kids. Uh. 164 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:56,760 Speaker 1: I can't say that. I don't say that, lady. He 165 00:08:56,800 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: ain't gonna handle that good all right, he says that 166 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,360 Speaker 1: he wants me to be more like his friend's wife, 167 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,920 Speaker 1: and that's all finally good. Where he should marry his friends, 168 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 1: He should just go dates. One of his one half half. 169 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:18,160 Speaker 1: His friend's wife introduced him to some of her friends. 170 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:26,640 Speaker 1: They all three kids. Yeah, drive a minute, van, it 171 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 1: all it's all good. Ain't nothing wrong with that. But 172 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 1: you're gonna get out, this little fan says called you guy, 173 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,520 Speaker 1: you're gonna get yourself a minute van, get down here 174 00:09:38,559 --> 00:09:41,320 Speaker 1: to this damn save a lot and get you damn groceries. Wow, 175 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:51,679 Speaker 1: that's what you're gonna do. Why is he bringing this 176 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,559 Speaker 1: up now and trying to change him. I'm at the 177 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,000 Speaker 1: point why I want to settle down, and he could 178 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,680 Speaker 1: be the one, but obviously I'm not the woman he 179 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,080 Speaker 1: really wants. Well, now, hold, let's just take these last 180 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 1: two statements. I'm at the point where I'm ready to 181 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,280 Speaker 1: settle down and he could be the one, could be 182 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 1: the one, and but obviously I'm not the woman he 183 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: really wants. Okay, he could be the one, but obviously 184 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 1: I'm not the woman he really wants. Could this be 185 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 1: a deal breaker? It could be a deal break. I 186 00:10:21,840 --> 00:10:24,920 Speaker 1: think what you should do, though, is wait a little 187 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:28,720 Speaker 1: while and just see how it goes. You know, don't 188 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: make a commitment. Just stay in this relationship and see 189 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,920 Speaker 1: how I go, See how heavy he gets with what 190 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 1: he want. You know, you know, some of the little 191 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:41,800 Speaker 1: changes you can make in your dress might be good 192 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 1: for you, but then some of it might not be 193 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 1: what you want to do. You can't just totally flip 194 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 1: the script for this man, and he ain't flipping the 195 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 1: script for you. I would flip the script for a 196 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 1: woman if she flipped the script for me. It's as 197 00:10:53,960 --> 00:11:01,959 Speaker 1: long as I get flipped. Got to give flip. No, 198 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 1: you don't when they want no woman to flip me? 199 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:19,840 Speaker 1: That's what J J J. The woman it ain't gonna 200 00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: go like you playing whistle no no, no, no no no J. 201 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:29,640 Speaker 1: That's how he liked it. You ain't been flipped for no, 202 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:41,040 Speaker 1: I don't either. How come out facing the head. That's 203 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: not a good feeling. I don't know what you're doing 204 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,559 Speaker 1: when you flip me? First day coming out? What is going? 205 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 1: What were doing here? Calling? Calling sexual time out? That's true. 206 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: Can't flip me because usually when you get flipped, it's 207 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,880 Speaker 1: followed by shut up. But yeah, about saying, soon as 208 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,440 Speaker 1: you get flipped, your respect is taken. No, man, you're 209 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 1: not gonna talk to me like that. No, no, no, 210 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 1: no no. If you keep getting flipped, it follows up 211 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: with a slap. Oh man, this is this is scary. 212 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 1: Yeah you know now that you look at it. As 213 00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:38,680 Speaker 1: I was doing light flipping, this is aggressive flipping. Also, 214 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 1: once you get flipped, Once you get flipped, you get 215 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,520 Speaker 1: this baby, fix my plate, fix your damn I don't 216 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 1: say place. I can't get the sandwich, I can't get 217 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: the same So you're gonna lead the covers off me 218 00:12:54,600 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: like that. This starting a little real, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, 219 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:07,439 Speaker 1: take your flip back, Tommy M. Yeah all right, look, 220 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,880 Speaker 1: we gotta go email us or instagram us. Guys. Uh 221 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,800 Speaker 1: your your thoughts on today's Strawberry letter at Steve Harvey 222 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: f M. Coming up more of the Steve Harvey Morning 223 00:13:16,480 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 1: Show right after this. You're listening to the Steve Harvey 224 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 1: Morning Show.