1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,160 Speaker 1: Am I the a hole dropping out of a wedding 2 00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 1: party due to ex boyfriend being invited? Do you bring 3 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 1: your ex boyfriend everywhere? 4 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:13,880 Speaker 2: Ooh ooh, I feel like off title, I think you 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:15,239 Speaker 2: should still go. 6 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,800 Speaker 1: Well, this comes for it, we'll see. This comes from 7 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,240 Speaker 1: working log forty six seventy seven, who says, I, twenty 8 00:00:20,239 --> 00:00:23,959 Speaker 1: five female dated a boy Ronald four years ago. To 9 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: sum up what could be its own Reddit post. He 10 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,480 Speaker 1: was extremely abusive and I was finally diagnosed with PTSD 11 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:32,360 Speaker 1: about a year ago, and in. 12 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:35,680 Speaker 2: That case, he should be uninvited exactly what? 13 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 1: Yeah? What? An important note is that I did not 14 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,840 Speaker 1: leave the relationship cleanly. Toward the end of the relationship, 15 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,360 Speaker 1: a mutual friend named Alex was giving me advice on 16 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: how to fix my wreck of a relationship with Ronald. 17 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 1: That conversation turned into spicy texting for a few days 18 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:55,960 Speaker 1: prior to me a officially breaking it off with Ronald. 19 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 1: When when I broke up with him, I told him everything. 20 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 1: I am aware I cheated and am the a hole 21 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,360 Speaker 1: for how I ended my previous relationship. 22 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,840 Speaker 2: That is that is a messy situation. 23 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's you know it? Yeah? Yeah, that sucks 24 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: when we broke up, Ronald took my phone and screenshot 25 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,360 Speaker 1: at some of the messages Alex and I sent to 26 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,320 Speaker 1: each other. Ronald took those screenshots sent them to Alex 27 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: and Ronald's mutual friends, one being Trad. Alex and Trad 28 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: are best friends. So basically, it's Trad. 29 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:31,680 Speaker 2: Is that a name? 30 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 1: That's a name? 31 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 2: I've ever heard that name in my life? 32 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 1: Rad? Good old Tad. 33 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:38,040 Speaker 2: You know Trad. You've heard of Chad, You've heard of Brad, 34 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 2: but have you heard of Trad? 35 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 1: The ultimate ad ad name. So basically Ronald like blew 36 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 1: it up in Opie's whole friend group, essentially like outing 37 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:51,160 Speaker 1: Ops as a cheater to everybody or forked for cheating 38 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 1: or spicy texting in front of it. Also tel d 39 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:58,920 Speaker 1: R it's our REDI Jane. Alex and I dated for 40 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:02,760 Speaker 1: three years before then getting married six months ago, so 41 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 1: now they're married. In between my breakup with Ronald and 42 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 1: marrying Alex, I befriended Trad's soon to be wife, Carly, 43 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,680 Speaker 1: and she was a bridesmaid in our wedding? 44 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 2: Are there not like different friends? 45 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:15,800 Speaker 1: Like? 46 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 2: How is? How is everyone so tied together? 47 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:18,920 Speaker 1: Everyone must marry everyone? 48 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 2: That's crazy? 49 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,639 Speaker 1: That's the rule. It must it must be. When Ronald 50 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:26,080 Speaker 1: and I broke up, Trad insisted on staying neutral in 51 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: our breakup. Despite being neutral, he did completely listen to 52 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,799 Speaker 1: Ronald's side of the story, but never wanted to hear 53 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,639 Speaker 1: my side of the story due to it being done 54 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:41,320 Speaker 1: and over with. Remember, OPI was also in a abusive. 55 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 2: Use of relationship that she has PTSD from. 56 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 1: Literally prior to Carly and Trad becoming engaged, we knew 57 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 1: Trad was proposing. I had brought up that I was 58 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 1: worried about Ronald's being at the wedding due to my 59 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 1: fear of him. I at one point even tried to 60 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 1: get a restraining order against him, but he appealed it 61 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,120 Speaker 1: with a lawyer, and I was defending myself due to 62 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 1: not knowing that he had a lawyer. Carly told me 63 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 1: that he wasn't even on the list she had started 64 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:10,280 Speaker 1: putting together due to her never even meeting him and 65 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 1: him and Trad not being that close. That later changed why. 66 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:20,119 Speaker 1: I hopefully will at least get figured out why soon, 67 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 1: and I once again expressed I was worried and told 68 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: Carly I may not be able to be in the 69 00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:28,079 Speaker 1: wedding if he was there due to the very likely 70 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 1: possibility of me having a panic attack and a setback. 71 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: I want to make it clear I never once asked 72 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: them to choose between me or him, because I recognized 73 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 1: that that was not fair. The only thing that maybe 74 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,720 Speaker 1: stepping over to line was I suggested myself being a 75 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:51,480 Speaker 1: ceremony only guest and Ronald being a reception only guest. 76 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 1: My thought process with this was so that we could 77 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:58,880 Speaker 1: both be included in a safe way, which to me, 78 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: if that's merely a suggestion, I mean Opie's trying to 79 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,040 Speaker 1: by solve it. 80 00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 2: I I feel like op is making an angel move 81 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 2: here exactly. 82 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:10,800 Speaker 1: It's like. 83 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,480 Speaker 2: She is I feel entitled to be like I do 84 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 2: not want like I I just don't think you should 85 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,839 Speaker 2: invite this person to the wedding. But she's like recognizing, 86 00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:24,920 Speaker 2: all right, they have their own friendship and whatever. And 87 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:28,279 Speaker 2: even though this person is has been terrible to me, 88 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 2: I recognize that I can't control everything in people's perceptions. 89 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:37,200 Speaker 2: So she's offering all these solutions. Literally, she's just like, 90 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 2: I'm like, here are the three options. 91 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:41,279 Speaker 1: Uh. 92 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,840 Speaker 2: If he's going to the whole wedding, then I probably 93 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:48,560 Speaker 2: won't go, but if you want both of us to 94 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:51,720 Speaker 2: be there, maybe it's like you know, we we we 95 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 2: switch off wedding versus reception. I feel like that is 96 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:59,120 Speaker 2: the best solution possible and super empathetic. 97 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, and also I was trying to see because I 98 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 1: wasn't one hundred percent sure do Carly and Trad even 99 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 1: know the full story of their history and the abuse 100 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 1: that Ronald. 101 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 2: Dies, Well, it does not. I don't think Opee has 102 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 2: had the opportunity to talk about her side of the story, 103 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 2: at least to Trad. And I don't think uh to 104 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:21,480 Speaker 2: Carly either. 105 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:27,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, like if if, if Trad is still befriending, and 106 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:32,200 Speaker 1: like if I had it from a source, like I 107 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: would not be wanting to continue a relationship with Ronald 108 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 1: the way that he is like listening to Ronald's story 109 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:40,640 Speaker 1: but not Opie's. 110 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 2: And I don't think I don't think he knows otherwise 111 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 2: he wouldn't be so down to invite Ronald, especially because 112 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 2: it's like not it's not like a close friend of his. 113 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's true, But Opie continues, 114 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 1: I did, though, express my concerns on multiple occasions, and 115 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 1: what very open about communication. Carly was aware of all 116 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 1: the trauma I had experienced in the relationship. 117 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,839 Speaker 2: And still was okay with inviting Ronald. That seems whack. 118 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, that seems super whack, which if Carly knows, Trad 119 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,719 Speaker 1: has to know unless op was like explicitly like, don't 120 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: tell Trad, which maybe we'll see in a second. And 121 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 1: when I brought up my concerns, she she she seemed 122 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 1: very understanding and said we would make it work. She 123 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: did not make it work, and I got cut out 124 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,359 Speaker 1: of a lot of things quickly but passively. When I 125 00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:38,040 Speaker 1: eventually dropped out. When when Carly and Trad did get engaged, 126 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 1: I said yes to being in their wedding party, and 127 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 1: my fiance Alex did as well. At this time we 128 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 1: knew Ronald was most likely invited, but not in the 129 00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,240 Speaker 1: wedding party. And to be clear, that's like, hey, he's 130 00:06:49,279 --> 00:06:51,599 Speaker 1: attending the wedding, but he's not a groomsman. He's not 131 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,760 Speaker 1: a bride's or you know, not a grooms in her bridesman. 132 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,159 Speaker 1: People in the actual ceremony itself, which is like a 133 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: lot more interaction and dinners and things like that. Though 134 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,840 Speaker 1: due to the multiple conversations, I thought maybe they had 135 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,560 Speaker 1: figured something out. About ten months before their wedding, I 136 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 1: got my official PTSD diagnosis from the relationship. At that point, 137 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: I dropped out of the wedding and decided to be 138 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 1: a guest due to knowing I could not handle the ceremony. 139 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 1: So Opie is at this point still going to the wedding, 140 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 1: so probably will see Ronald, but she's not in the 141 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:26,640 Speaker 1: uh the wedding party with much deeper, closer time it's 142 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 1: interaction spent together. I was hesitant about attending the ceremony, 143 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 1: but told myself I would push through because they were 144 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 1: some of my closest friends and I wanted to be 145 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 1: there for them. Are they being there for you? 146 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 2: It doesn't sound like I mean, if they're Ronald side 147 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 2: of the story, are they really caring about you? 148 00:07:43,240 --> 00:07:47,480 Speaker 1: Exactly Trad literally from all the context we have, like 149 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,600 Speaker 1: Trad said, oh, I want to stay neutral, but then 150 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 1: went and heard Ronald side of the story and never 151 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,440 Speaker 1: sat down to hear Opie's side of the story. This 152 00:07:56,520 --> 00:08:00,920 Speaker 1: is super whack. This is massive actek. It sounds like 153 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,240 Speaker 1: maybe op is an angel and Opie is giving them 154 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:08,040 Speaker 1: way more breaks and grace than they deserve at all. 155 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, which is very obvious from how she's been talking 156 00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:17,960 Speaker 2: about this situation, where it's like this person did so 157 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,680 Speaker 2: much wrong to me, but I'm okay with them attending 158 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,320 Speaker 2: some of the wedding. I just don't. The only reason 159 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 2: I can't is because I might have a setback and 160 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,240 Speaker 2: a panic attack. 161 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 1: Literally like op Opie is probably doing. Opie just said 162 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 1: they just got diagnosed with PTSD. That is the tip 163 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: of the iceberg of the therapy and whatever else. 164 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,839 Speaker 2: Was going, just starting the process. 165 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:41,080 Speaker 1: Literally, and to have to be confronted with that again, 166 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: and the fact that that Trad and Carli are okay 167 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:47,800 Speaker 1: with this is insane. As the wedding got closer, I 168 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:51,920 Speaker 1: was having more frequent meltdowns that that heavily increased when 169 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:56,120 Speaker 1: we got the official confirmation that Ronald had RSVP'd yes. 170 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 1: Due to my husband Alex worried about my mental state, 171 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,839 Speaker 1: he decided that he would be leaving after the ceremony 172 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: with me. He immediately informed the couple and let them know. 173 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: This was two months before the wedding. My husband then 174 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:14,680 Speaker 1: got a very angry text from Trad through Trad like 175 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,720 Speaker 1: dying a dumpster, Trad with a lot of very disrespectful 176 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 1: words said about myself and husband and eyes relationship. It 177 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 1: was clear that Trad was very ignorant to my PTSD 178 00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 1: and assaults and emotional abuse that Carly knew about. 179 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 2: Why wouldn't Carly share that? So maybe she felt like 180 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 2: it was not her place to share. Potentially, Yeah, maybe 181 00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,840 Speaker 2: for looking at her as the angel. 182 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:41,880 Speaker 1: Maybe yeah, maybe Trad is actually like is actually unaware. 183 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: I mean, it was all it was already off rip 184 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 1: an a whole move to listen to Ronald side and 185 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,480 Speaker 1: not hers. If he's quote unquote staying neutral at that 186 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:52,360 Speaker 1: at least if you're stay If you're saying staying neutral, 187 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 1: maybe you don't get both sides you Yeah, yeah, you 188 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:56,520 Speaker 1: either need to get to both the both side. You're 189 00:09:56,520 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 1: you're a hypocrite and a liar at this point at best. 190 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,120 Speaker 1: My husband Alex did set Tad straight and he pulled 191 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,560 Speaker 1: back a bit, but told us that we should have 192 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 1: said something sooner, which we did. We just didn't know 193 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,720 Speaker 1: that husband would need to drop out until we got 194 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 1: closer to the wedding. If we had known sooner, we 195 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 1: would have said so sooner. They were trying to accommodate 196 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 1: you this whole time. Even though it was like not 197 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 1: their responsibility or duty given everything that Opie's pinto. We 198 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 1: ended up having a phone conversation with them where they 199 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,400 Speaker 1: told me that due to my mental health, they think 200 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,959 Speaker 1: it's best that I not come. Oh, because they care 201 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,679 Speaker 1: about me and don't want to put me in that situation. 202 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 2: That is no, I feel that is the worst thing 203 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 2: that Yeah, and it's kind of like it's kind of meaningless. 204 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:54,520 Speaker 2: It's kind of meaningless. It's like, hey, like it's it's 205 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:59,679 Speaker 2: it's basically like inviting your friend to jump off a 206 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:04,040 Speaker 2: build without a parachute and saying like, hey, the only 207 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,800 Speaker 2: way that you can come to our party is if 208 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 2: you jump off the building without a parachute. But like 209 00:11:09,880 --> 00:11:13,120 Speaker 2: totally understand if you can't do that, better for you 210 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:14,120 Speaker 2: just not to come. 211 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: Or like firing someone. Oh I'm gone, Oh did. 212 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,760 Speaker 2: You say that? But were you about to say something 213 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 2: nice to me? 214 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 1: That's good? Thanks, but you can't see me get you 215 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 1: want to we can have a little slight discussion and 216 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 1: get some I spec. 217 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:35,679 Speaker 2: Yes, but I I feel it. What a What what 218 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,800 Speaker 2: is essentially happening here is they're like, hey, I know 219 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 2: we're putting you in danger. They just don't come literally. 220 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 1: Versus being like, hey, we we will, like. 221 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:51,960 Speaker 2: Let us try to make this environment comfortable for you 222 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,559 Speaker 2: by removing a person that is bad that you shouldn't 223 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:57,800 Speaker 2: even be friends with in the first place. 224 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:01,600 Speaker 1: Like, do you really think that having someone like Ronald 225 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 1: who has done all of the things to op is 226 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: going to be good for the wedding? Are you kidding me? 227 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: Just trying to twist it. I'm firing you so you 228 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:11,680 Speaker 1: can explore other options because I care about you so much. 229 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:16,080 Speaker 2: That actually is a very like that is the same vibe. 230 00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 2: That is the same vibe. 231 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,719 Speaker 1: That is what's happening here. 232 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,679 Speaker 2: I want you to or like breaking up with someone, 233 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 2: and it's like I don't want to tie you down, 234 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 2: like you deserve to explore all kinds of people. That's 235 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 2: why we just we can't be together exactly. 236 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:37,320 Speaker 1: This is stupid. I hate honestly, here's a question. No 237 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,200 Speaker 1: contact with the whole friend group. I think this whole 238 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,679 Speaker 1: friend group is is whack a doodle, is whack alex. 239 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,800 Speaker 1: It seems they're you know, obviously their relationships started in 240 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:50,280 Speaker 1: a bad place. But just to put context in there, 241 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:54,800 Speaker 1: OPI was, you know, trying to get out of this 242 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:56,559 Speaker 1: bat in the midst. I think it was a week 243 00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 1: or whatever trying to get out of the bad not 244 00:12:58,040 --> 00:12:59,599 Speaker 1: not to excuse it, trying to get out of this 245 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 1: bad relationship and probably in a very emotionally vulnerable space 246 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 1: to a person who was before the spicy texting emotionally 247 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 1: trying to help her and help her work through it, 248 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,480 Speaker 1: you know, So that that's that's not to necessarily excuse 249 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,400 Speaker 1: or not excuse, uh, the spicy texting before the official 250 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:19,559 Speaker 1: end of the relationship. 251 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 2: But I think like, if I'm looking at this story, 252 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:29,320 Speaker 2: the only bad move that op did was the spicy 253 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 2: text before, yes, the end of the relationship. I feel 254 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:36,319 Speaker 2: like everything else is has been a pretty above board. 255 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,400 Speaker 1: And and honestly, I think like everything has a certain 256 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 1: weight in context, Like yes, it's it's absolutely not not 257 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:47,640 Speaker 1: a good move. You want to have as much you 258 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:50,439 Speaker 1: don't want to have some some some crazy person like 259 00:13:50,520 --> 00:13:54,400 Speaker 1: Ronald have anything to hold over you. But you know what, 260 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 1: Ronald and everyone else I think is doing much worse. 261 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:01,199 Speaker 1: I would say, in my opinion. 262 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:06,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, But is that the end of story? 263 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 1: The cameras have cooled down, but the story is just 264 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: heating up. 265 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:16,040 Speaker 2: Let's go so damn John got a very nice I 266 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 2: just got good. 267 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 1: I've gotta say it was very good, but that my 268 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: camera was off. True. They also told Alex that they 269 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: understand if he was unable to attend, but they wanted 270 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: him there. I hate these people. I hate these people. 271 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: I hate them. 272 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's really it's super condescending. It's like, of course 273 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,280 Speaker 2: we want you to be there, but again, if you're 274 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 2: not going to jump off the building with no parachute, 275 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 2: like that's the only way they're going to be able 276 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 2: to make it happen, you're not doing any accommodations for anyone. 277 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:49,600 Speaker 1: Zero. They told my husband to at least be like, oh, yeah, 278 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:51,120 Speaker 1: we're we're terrible. 279 00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:54,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, at least either way, f you like that 280 00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:57,240 Speaker 2: would be better, Yes, that would be better. 281 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 1: They told my husband to think about it, but stated 282 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 1: they knew but say that they knew who he would choose. 283 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:06,520 Speaker 1: We were told they would be no hard feelings. Flash 284 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,640 Speaker 1: forward two weeks and my husband has officially dropped out completely. 285 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 1: Neither one of us will be going to the wedding. 286 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,960 Speaker 1: Thank god, they don't deserve it. We are devastated. I 287 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,800 Speaker 1: cannot express how many tears I have cried, poor Op, 288 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,360 Speaker 1: just it wants to be a good friend and has 289 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:25,600 Speaker 1: gone through all of this and is still trying to 290 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 1: be supportive and still feels for the for the friendship. 291 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,080 Speaker 2: Yeah my god. 292 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,840 Speaker 1: A week later, we see that Carly has unfriended us 293 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:35,600 Speaker 1: on Facebook. There you go, as well as everyone associated 294 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: with us. She deleted me off of Snapchat. She has 295 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 1: cut us out of her life without saying a word 296 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 1: to us. I can handle if she does not want 297 00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:45,880 Speaker 1: to be my friend anymore. But I would have thought 298 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,160 Speaker 1: after four years of friendship and all the dreams we 299 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,440 Speaker 1: discussed about being in each other's weddings and having babies together, 300 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 1: she would have at least told us we guess what, Op, 301 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 1: just go donnith Dinna's. 302 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,400 Speaker 2: God honestly good dropper, drop it is. You don't need 303 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:03,560 Speaker 2: you need a new friend group. 304 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,479 Speaker 1: I think OP is still in the it's. 305 00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 2: None of if none of your friends are standing up 306 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 2: for what's right? Were they even your friends to be one? 307 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 1: And I think OP is starting to take the first 308 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,440 Speaker 1: steps out of the reality distortion fields, you know. 309 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,920 Speaker 2: And I think there's something like an important takeaway here 310 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 2: where there's like two kinds of friends, there's friends by 311 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 2: convenience and friends by values, yes, And I think a 312 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 2: lot of people have friends by convenience, where it's like, oh, 313 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 2: you know they are they live next to me, or 314 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,960 Speaker 2: I happen to go to high school with them. But 315 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,160 Speaker 2: I think as you get older, you start to make 316 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 2: more friendships by values, where like, my closest friendships are 317 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 2: people like halfway around the world, because we're friendships by values, 318 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 2: not by convenience. And actually it's not a convenient friendship, 319 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 2: but we still make the time to like be with 320 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:58,680 Speaker 2: each other. And these, like Ope's friends, seems like just 321 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 2: friendships out of convenience. And now she's finally realizing because 322 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,720 Speaker 2: a tough situation came up. Wow, these people do not 323 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,480 Speaker 2: share the values that I have at all, and it 324 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,479 Speaker 2: sucks to come to that realization. But just know that 325 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,640 Speaker 2: these were never your real friends. You're only realizing it now. 326 00:17:15,119 --> 00:17:16,240 Speaker 2: Very good point. 327 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 1: See thanks, Sophia. Look at that, Sophia. I don't object. 328 00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 1: So I'm crushed that it all ended like this. I 329 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 1: worry about my husband's friendship with Trad, worry about it continuing. 330 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,680 Speaker 1: I feel awful that my husband can't go to the 331 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:38,919 Speaker 1: wedding because of me. I'm so mad at myself that 332 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,520 Speaker 1: I can't just be okay for a day? Am I 333 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:46,640 Speaker 1: a whole? Op is just someone who is hurt and honestly, 334 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:51,639 Speaker 1: I wonder this might be more psychologists hat than I 335 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 1: should be putting on. But I wonder if she still 336 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,600 Speaker 1: feels guilty of the spicy texting and is like trying 337 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,840 Speaker 1: to be the best person all around, that she can't 338 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 1: be the angel in all areas that she can be. 339 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 2: You feel like she probably does carry that guilt. Yeah, 340 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:10,280 Speaker 2: and there there's probably a need to just like forgive 341 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:10,960 Speaker 2: yourself for that. 342 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 1: One hundred percent. I think again in context of everything, 343 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,879 Speaker 1: like different actions have different weights, and I think in 344 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:23,520 Speaker 1: context of like Carly and Trad siding saying lying to 345 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:26,119 Speaker 1: your face that everything's okay and cutting you out of 346 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 1: your life, siding with your abuser instead of you good 347 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,080 Speaker 1: freaking Rance. But opis just still trying to be the angel, 348 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:38,880 Speaker 1: and it's still like feeling bad for stuff that Sophie says, 349 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: the trash took itself out really good, Bruce lags and 350 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:45,240 Speaker 1: walked out. You can never trust to Trad, Are you 351 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:45,760 Speaker 1: kidding me? 352 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:50,920 Speaker 2: I knew from the moment I heard that name. That's right, 353 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,040 Speaker 2: no parent that loves their child names them. Try to. 354 00:18:56,320 --> 00:19:02,160 Speaker 1: My mother. Trad no Triad, Yes, I'll go. I'm good 355 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:05,360 Speaker 1: with Tryad put an eye in that Triathlon. 356 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,880 Speaker 2: That's a great name. Are there any kids name Marathon? 357 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,640 Speaker 1: Have to be it's kind of a cool name. May 358 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:16,359 Speaker 1: what if their name was Mary and then last name Marathon? 359 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:24,119 Speaker 1: No Marathon classic self like rivalry. But there's an edit. 360 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 1: And just to be super duper clear, is Op the ahle? 361 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:32,440 Speaker 2: No? Oh no, no, I did not think so at 362 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 2: all unanimous I think of anything OPI is the angel? 363 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,320 Speaker 1: Yes, I agree. I agree OP is the angel. So 364 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 1: edit number one Trad Trad, I believe is still friends 365 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,880 Speaker 1: with my husband? Why is the husband still friends with him? 366 00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:47,520 Speaker 1: He did not ghost us on social media, only Carly did. 367 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 1: Trad and Alex have not talked, though since he officially 368 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:55,000 Speaker 1: dropped out. Uh, they didn't talk every day to begin with, 369 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,199 Speaker 1: though Alex has not reached out yet as he is 370 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 1: waiting till after the wedding to let some of the 371 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,080 Speaker 1: tension pass. Why does Alex wanted? 372 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:08,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, I would. I would take a page of the 373 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:11,000 Speaker 2: last story and just be like that backup boyfriend that's 374 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,280 Speaker 2: just there. Signing off, right and be like, oh, you 375 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 2: don't like my girl, Well, I don't like you. 376 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:26,399 Speaker 1: There's the door. I am the ever present boyfriend. I 377 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,560 Speaker 1: did not make this clear, but I did not attempt 378 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,520 Speaker 1: to get the restraining order to ice the ex out 379 00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:39,600 Speaker 1: of the wedding like ice him ice I attempted to get. 380 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,159 Speaker 1: I attempted to get it about six months after breaking 381 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:45,520 Speaker 1: up due to living in the same town, uh, myself 382 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:49,119 Speaker 1: living by myself and him knowing where I worked and lived. 383 00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 1: I was scared that he would hurt me. It would 384 00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,200 Speaker 1: have been null by the time the wedding came around. 385 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,280 Speaker 1: I brought it up to show I am so scared 386 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,399 Speaker 1: of him. I attempted to get a restraining order, which 387 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:05,359 Speaker 1: bride and groom knew. Uh. Bride told me that she 388 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:09,439 Speaker 1: heard Ronald talking about it over Xbox when I was 389 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:14,280 Speaker 1: talking to her about my abuse. So story closed and 390 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 1: to just confirm, uh, Trad and Carly were both basically 391 00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:23,560 Speaker 1: fully aware the majority of the time of Ronald's abuse 392 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,399 Speaker 1: in the relationship. We just did not care and they 393 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,920 Speaker 1: did not care. Not only do they did not care, 394 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:30,520 Speaker 1: they took Ronald's. 395 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,679 Speaker 2: Side, which is show they were They were not your friends. 396 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,359 Speaker 1: Never they were never friends to begin with. 397 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:41,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, wow, what trash people like corumba trash trash, trash trash. Shoot, 398 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 2: huh Yeah, I don't think Op's the a hole at all. 399 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,639 Speaker 2: And I think this is a very uh, very like 400 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:52,200 Speaker 2: with a question that we asked at the beginning of 401 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:56,119 Speaker 2: this episode is like, when is it appropriate to like 402 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,600 Speaker 2: dip out of a wedding, I feel in this case 403 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,560 Speaker 2: or uninvited. Well, I think in this case it's like 404 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:07,880 Speaker 2: they uninvited the wrong person or they created the circumstances 405 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:12,639 Speaker 2: to prioritize the wrong person's attendance at the wedding. And 406 00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:16,800 Speaker 2: I think like that goes for any kind of situation 407 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 2: where two people can't be in the same room. It's 408 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,520 Speaker 2: like you just kind of have to balance who is 409 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:28,879 Speaker 2: more hurt by this like this presence, and try to 410 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,119 Speaker 2: I mean, if it's equal hurt, try to accommodate, accommodate 411 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,400 Speaker 2: them both. I think this happens a lot when you're 412 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,480 Speaker 2: friends with two people and they break up, and it's 413 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,359 Speaker 2: like you kind of have to maybe make space for 414 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,440 Speaker 2: them them both, which is what they They didn't even 415 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,000 Speaker 2: do that, and this was like this wasn't even a breakup, 416 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,720 Speaker 2: Like like whether the thing that I was just talking about, 417 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,200 Speaker 2: that's a breakup where there is no abuse. 418 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:59,479 Speaker 1: Yeah, a typical like non abusive, just like quote unquote 419 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,240 Speaker 1: standard break up things, and there's there's probably a little 420 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:03,560 Speaker 1: bit on both sides. 421 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 2: But in a standard breakup thing, like you, the thing 422 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,679 Speaker 2: that you do is you're like, oh, like this person 423 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,400 Speaker 2: can come to this thing, and this person can come 424 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,160 Speaker 2: to this thing like you know you you you kind 425 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 2: of split time. Yeah, And they didn't even do that, 426 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,800 Speaker 2: knowing the abuse. They didn't even do that. That's like 427 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 2: the minimum They won. 428 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:26,119 Speaker 1: Sided with Ronald the abuser and lied to Opie's face 429 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 1: and tried to look like the good guy and the. 430 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:33,320 Speaker 2: And the angel when they were the devil incredibly whack, 431 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 2: incredibly whack. Yep, but that's where that story ends. 432 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:38,520 Speaker 1: That's it. But with that, I think that's a rapid 433 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:38,879 Speaker 1: doodle do. 434 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,760 Speaker 2: So you love us, make sure to subscribe. 435 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,480 Speaker 1: We Love you and see it tomorrow. 436 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,159 Speaker 2: This is an episode from Deep within the Archives. 437 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 1: Time for okop rewhack. Am I the a hole for 438 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 1: telling my pregnant fiance to just get over herself? 439 00:23:56,080 --> 00:24:00,399 Speaker 2: You're only only pregnant on geez, you're trying to grow 440 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,920 Speaker 2: a life or something exactly. 441 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:05,760 Speaker 1: Get a life, O man. I got a dog two 442 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,199 Speaker 1: years ago, a Corky, and she is very much so 443 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:12,400 Speaker 1: my sweet little sidekick. I've been with my fiance for 444 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,960 Speaker 1: about five years. My fiance does like the dog, but 445 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,920 Speaker 1: she's currently pregnant and experiencing massive migrains and has been 446 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:23,800 Speaker 1: snapping at everything. So every morning when I get up, 447 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:27,200 Speaker 1: I find my fiance already waken at the table relaxing. 448 00:24:27,359 --> 00:24:29,320 Speaker 1: As soon as I get out of bed, my dog 449 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:34,600 Speaker 1: goes nuts. It's like super energy where she's running sideways, 450 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,639 Speaker 1: barking up a storm, jumping on the bed to the 451 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 1: floor a million times, causing the apartment to shake because 452 00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:44,160 Speaker 1: it's old as fuck. Corky, get a new apartment apartment 453 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 1: because a dog is jumping around, maybe a human, not 454 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,160 Speaker 1: a gorky. And I would just sit there and sing 455 00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,919 Speaker 1: made up songs to her and just fuck around with her. 456 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:02,960 Speaker 2: Cooky little I wish you were a little frog. 457 00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,560 Speaker 1: Jumping all day, barking all night. 458 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,360 Speaker 2: Now you're going to make my fiance. 459 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,720 Speaker 1: And I like, wow, that was beautiful. I feel like 460 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,880 Speaker 1: it's exactly the song that he's said. He's like, how 461 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,439 Speaker 1: did you know? Now? It can be pretty noisy, and 462 00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:17,680 Speaker 1: I can be loud. 463 00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:18,640 Speaker 2: Yeah you can. 464 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,639 Speaker 1: It's just my way of interacting with my pet. I 465 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,159 Speaker 1: also have ADHD, so I'm fully aware I can be 466 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:28,639 Speaker 1: ridiculously loud sometimes and I simply forget to tone it down. Okay, 467 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,360 Speaker 1: my fiance has complained about it a few times, and 468 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,800 Speaker 1: I will absolutely try to tone it down for a while, 469 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,840 Speaker 1: But as fucked up as it sounds, the second she 470 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:40,679 Speaker 1: stops complaining and is out of sight, out of mind, 471 00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,200 Speaker 1: I start doing it again. 472 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 2: I just want to be loud and proud with my Corky, 473 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:46,440 Speaker 2: my little sidekick. 474 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,639 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, if I catch myself, I apologize immediately. But 475 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,640 Speaker 1: sometimes I don't even catch myself doing it. You don't 476 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:57,960 Speaker 1: quote unquote catch yourself, or you just are doing it. 477 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:00,960 Speaker 2: Sounds like OP is being like not super considerate. 478 00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:05,119 Speaker 1: Yeah, so she has been getting up earlier than normal 479 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 1: because she says she needs peace and quiet away from 480 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,360 Speaker 1: you and the dog, but because she can't hear herself 481 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 1: think when we get up, and then she starts getting 482 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:16,520 Speaker 1: migraines and being overall pissed off. But now she is 483 00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,879 Speaker 1: complaining because I can sense her not in the bed anymore. 484 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:23,040 Speaker 1: Probably after twenty minutes of her being gone and her 485 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,280 Speaker 1: warmth no longer there, and then I'm wide awake with 486 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,920 Speaker 1: the dog, and then I'm wide awake and the dog 487 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,960 Speaker 1: senses it, so you know, I guess they get they 488 00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:35,199 Speaker 1: get up. Basically, it doesn't matter how early she gets up. 489 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,360 Speaker 1: It seems like a little bit after she's gone, they 490 00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:38,320 Speaker 1: start stirring. 491 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 2: Back because OPE can't deal with the absence of her warmth. 492 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 1: Literally, it's like, which is kind of cute, I guess, 493 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,440 Speaker 1: but it would be cute if it wasn't destructive. Yeah, 494 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,720 Speaker 1: exactly if it wasn't destructive. She's now getting pissed because 495 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,159 Speaker 1: she thinks I'm purposely not letting her have space and 496 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,840 Speaker 1: purposely annoying her with my behaviors. Okay, sounds like it, 497 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:58,280 Speaker 1: but we'll keep. 498 00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:02,320 Speaker 2: Well, this is all these assholes in they. 499 00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:04,880 Speaker 1: Oh, I found I found that get so many where 500 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,280 Speaker 1: they're actually not the AO. I wanted a couple tight 501 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:12,240 Speaker 1: assholes today. I'm not truly, but it seems like, I guess, Okay, 502 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,479 Speaker 1: you come on, bro, you're an asshole. I've tried just 503 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 1: laying in bed for a while so she can relax, 504 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:20,399 Speaker 1: but I get stir crazy and I also don't feel 505 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 1: like I should have to stay in bed so she 506 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 1: can be alone when I live here too. But she 507 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,640 Speaker 1: flipped this morning. I felt her sneaking out of bed 508 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,359 Speaker 1: at five am and tiptoe out of the room. I 509 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,919 Speaker 1: watched her sit at the table with her book. Well, 510 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:37,119 Speaker 1: you guessed it. The dog saw me awake and immediately 511 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 1: goes ballistic, jumping on the bed, whining, barking, et cetera. 512 00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:43,400 Speaker 1: She comes in and says, well, you guys, calm down 513 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,480 Speaker 1: so I can have some time to myself for once. 514 00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 1: I just side eyed her because I'm getting pissed at 515 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:49,600 Speaker 1: this point with her demands. 516 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,880 Speaker 2: Oh you want a relaxing moment without dog barking? 517 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:58,280 Speaker 1: Excuse me, no, serrito, that's all right, she says, Well, 518 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,760 Speaker 1: I tell her, you know yourself, My god. 519 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,840 Speaker 3: Just because she's pregnant, does it mean I have to 520 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:08,440 Speaker 3: change who I am, or change how the household works, 521 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:13,399 Speaker 3: or change my dynamic with my tom This guy is terrible. 522 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:15,840 Speaker 1: Oh, just stay. 523 00:28:15,520 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 2: In bed, that's all she's asking. Like, get up, get 524 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:20,879 Speaker 2: up at the time that you usually get up. That 525 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 2: is literally all. 526 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,080 Speaker 1: She immediately left after telling me to go fuck myself 527 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:29,800 Speaker 1: and won't answer my calls she's been gone six salas. 528 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 2: Yo, Oh he's a huge a hole. You're just a gaping, 529 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:37,200 Speaker 2: gaping sphincter. But my guy, but you. 530 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,320 Speaker 1: Know what else you should put in gaping sphincters saying? 531 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,720 Speaker 1: What your stories that are slashed? 532 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,080 Speaker 2: Okayopay, show please submit them so we can read them. 533 00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:48,720 Speaker 1: Yes, baby, am I the a hole for ending my 534 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:54,360 Speaker 1: sister's pregnancy and possibly her marriage? Uh? Yes, yes, I 535 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,160 Speaker 1: don't know what one one might think, but you know, 536 00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,440 Speaker 1: don't don't judge a title by its cover. We gotta 537 00:28:59,480 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 1: we gotta take it. 538 00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:02,240 Speaker 2: We got a dead we got a sleuth, we got 539 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 2: a slog. We got a sleuth more than Adam. 540 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 1: Lebean trying to find a way to recover his career. 541 00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:09,200 Speaker 2: We go. 542 00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,680 Speaker 1: I male thirty two, have two older brothers, male thirty 543 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:16,480 Speaker 1: eight and male forty, and his sister female thirty four. No, 544 00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 1: the age differences, so him and his sister are younger. 545 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:21,280 Speaker 1: The two brothers are, you know, quite a few years old. 546 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 2: Yeah cool. 547 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,800 Speaker 1: Our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, 548 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:28,240 Speaker 1: so they were cared for a lot by my parents' families, 549 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:30,680 Speaker 1: who were very conservative by the time that me and 550 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,320 Speaker 1: my sister were born. Our dad's career was going great 551 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,440 Speaker 1: and we were well off. Me and my sister have 552 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:38,520 Speaker 1: master's degrees, while our brothers didn't go to college despite 553 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:40,120 Speaker 1: the funds and chances, which is. 554 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:42,080 Speaker 2: Like subtle drag. 555 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, subtle drag, Like not so subtle subtle drag there 556 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:49,560 Speaker 1: on the brothers little elitists. Brothers are a bunch of birds, 557 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: bunch of bozos. My mom had been trying to set 558 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,719 Speaker 1: up my sister with a churchgoer's kid, you know, like 559 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:59,160 Speaker 1: to get married and whatnot. This did not progress until 560 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 1: around the time that my dad died and my sister 561 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,400 Speaker 1: came back and helped with a funeral. My brother's families 562 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,560 Speaker 1: are both in our hometown as well. I worked in 563 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,040 Speaker 1: Tech and China at that time, and I now live 564 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:12,600 Speaker 1: in SF And since the funeral, I've been mostly low 565 00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:16,040 Speaker 1: contact with everyone in my family except my sister. Honestly, 566 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:18,480 Speaker 1: I was very close with my dad, and there was 567 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:23,440 Speaker 1: obvious favoritism towards me, which the others did not like, which. 568 00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:26,840 Speaker 2: I feel like Opie is just talking themselves up right. 569 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:32,880 Speaker 2: I'm sure my brothers were more educated. The dad liked desibore. 570 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,400 Speaker 1: Like making money in China. And SFI. 571 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,000 Speaker 2: That's such as a total bru moment. But you know 572 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,480 Speaker 2: what's better than saying Brah buy and Bra buy our 573 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 2: merch that's right. 574 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,040 Speaker 1: So at this point, my mom and oldest brother now 575 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 1: technically live in the family house. My sister somehow ended 576 00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,440 Speaker 1: up leaving her career and moving back to the hometown. 577 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:51,959 Speaker 1: She then married the man that my mom set her 578 00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 1: up with in twenty nineteen, the churchgoers kid. I honestly 579 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,800 Speaker 1: was in shock at the wedding. I really didn't ever 580 00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:59,280 Speaker 1: see my sister living on a farm and becoming a 581 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,960 Speaker 1: stay at home. I knew for a fact my mom 582 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,600 Speaker 1: and brothers were a huge part of this because there 583 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,080 Speaker 1: was a lot of she's back home posts on their 584 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:09,920 Speaker 1: social media, and later I also found out that my 585 00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:13,040 Speaker 1: sister had pretty much given all of her savings to 586 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:16,520 Speaker 1: the husband. Really, so here's this, like, you know, master's degree, 587 00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,920 Speaker 1: you know, a woman woman, you know, crushing it, and 588 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,520 Speaker 1: then she becomes a farmer's wife and gives a husband 589 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:22,840 Speaker 1: all of her money. 590 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:26,440 Speaker 2: Girl, keep your money, keep keep your money. Get that 591 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:27,360 Speaker 2: preyed up now. 592 00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:30,400 Speaker 1: Later in twenty twenty, my sister straight out of the 593 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:33,920 Speaker 1: blue called me about just chatting and of course I 594 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:36,800 Speaker 1: loved this. Early in twenty twenty one, my mom told 595 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:39,440 Speaker 1: me that my sister was pregnant. I immediately asked my 596 00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:43,200 Speaker 1: sister about this, and she pretty much broke down. In short, 597 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:47,080 Speaker 1: the husband has been very abusive, she's broke and my 598 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,320 Speaker 1: family and her in laws having helped. 599 00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:49,719 Speaker 2: Wow. 600 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,440 Speaker 1: Can you imagine, like, oh my god, terrible situation and 601 00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:54,880 Speaker 1: her family pressured her into it, and now they're not 602 00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 1: helping her. 603 00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:57,560 Speaker 2: She's they pressured her into the marriage. 604 00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:00,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like who's who's your kid? The farmer or your 605 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:01,400 Speaker 1: freaking kid? 606 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:02,280 Speaker 2: Yeah? Sheeeese. 607 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,160 Speaker 1: My oldest brother yelled at her about how his wife 608 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,040 Speaker 1: went through the same thing, and my sister should stop 609 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:09,840 Speaker 1: thinking she's special toxic. 610 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,840 Speaker 2: Wait, his wife went to the same thing as as 611 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:17,280 Speaker 2: big Like yeah, like being abused? Did you just admit 612 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:18,400 Speaker 2: to abusing your wife? 613 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:18,720 Speaker 1: Dude? 614 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:23,480 Speaker 2: Doing seriously, God, go back to school, get an education 615 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 2: and not. 616 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,960 Speaker 1: Being the first time she called me he had kicked 617 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:31,520 Speaker 1: her out of the home for complaining about their finances, 618 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,520 Speaker 1: and that this was fairly common. This is where I 619 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,960 Speaker 1: might be the a hole. I basically yelled at her too. 620 00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,280 Speaker 1: I told her that she had a career which she 621 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,680 Speaker 1: can go back to and I can help her move 622 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,800 Speaker 1: back to NYC where she worked and studied before. It's 623 00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:48,960 Speaker 1: nice to the brother, but the thing is, he's like 624 00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,920 Speaker 1: yelling at her. He's like, you have a career, Like 625 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 1: why don't you go back to New York? What are 626 00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:55,760 Speaker 1: you doing? Like why are you staying here? 627 00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,040 Speaker 2: I guess it could have been handle better, but the 628 00:32:58,080 --> 00:32:59,840 Speaker 2: sentiment is nice, like I'm going to help you build 629 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:00,640 Speaker 2: your life back to hear. 630 00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, the sentiment was nice, and he finished off 631 00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 1: by saying that the pregnancy wasn't the end of it 632 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 1: and that there are other options. The next day, she 633 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:10,640 Speaker 1: asked me for five thousand dollars, which I sent to 634 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:13,720 Speaker 1: her without asking anything. I didn't hear much after that 635 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 1: and didn't intrude because it was just a total mind 636 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,000 Speaker 1: f to me. A month later, my sister told me 637 00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,239 Speaker 1: that she had gotten a new job at NYC and 638 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:22,240 Speaker 1: filed for divorce. 639 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:24,160 Speaker 2: Wow, okay, God, so we go. 640 00:33:24,360 --> 00:33:26,560 Speaker 1: You know, she she's moving back in a good direction 641 00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:31,120 Speaker 1: and also the pregnancy is no longer on the table now. 642 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 1: My family has been blowing up on social media, calling 643 00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:37,200 Speaker 1: me in all sorts of bs. I've in general clapped 644 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:39,280 Speaker 1: back at them, and it looks like the home might 645 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:41,360 Speaker 1: be on the market soon. My sister needed to switch 646 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,520 Speaker 1: apartments and got a restraining order against her ex as well. 647 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:48,760 Speaker 1: Oh things are not so great right now, zam, But 648 00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:51,640 Speaker 1: I'm happy that my sister is better. So the question 649 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:52,960 Speaker 1: is am I the A hole? 650 00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,040 Speaker 2: I mean, you could have maybe been a little bit nicer, 651 00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,800 Speaker 2: but I'd say, overall, you're trying to help your sisters, 652 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 2: So I'd say not the a hole. 653 00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,480 Speaker 1: And I would actually disagree a little bit. I think 654 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:06,920 Speaker 1: that the fact, like, dude, she's she's been beaten by 655 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,080 Speaker 1: this guy, beat her, stole her money. You know, she 656 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,080 Speaker 1: has a baby with the guy, which she doesn't want, 657 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,760 Speaker 1: you know, anything to do with, and now another person 658 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:16,919 Speaker 1: is yelling at her, Like I could just see even 659 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:18,680 Speaker 1: though it's like the right message. 660 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:21,080 Speaker 2: Like yeah, like the tough love is maybe not what 661 00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:25,680 Speaker 2: this person needs right now. Honesty without empathy is cruelty. Yeah, 662 00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:27,759 Speaker 2: And I feel like the brother might be being a 663 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:28,480 Speaker 2: little cruel. 664 00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, but at least like the advice he gave her 665 00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 1: is what she followed, which seems to like she'll get 666 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,480 Speaker 1: her own money back, she'll you know, life hopefully rebuild 667 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 1: her life. 668 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:39,280 Speaker 2: She's