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Speaker 1: Ya, bon jour, ridiculous historians, and welcome to the show.

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Speaker 1: We'd like to begin by giving a profound and sincere

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Speaker 1: thank you to Napoleon Bonaparte, who has done so much

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Speaker 1: for this program. Yeah, man, he you know, he taught

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Speaker 1: us how to love again. He taught us that rabbits

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Speaker 1: can be a threat. He taught us that a little

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Speaker 1: bit of hut split goes a long way. Yeah. He

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Speaker 1: taught us about the InHand beauty of a swan like

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Speaker 1: neck and a luxurious ringlet filled main. Yeah, we're going

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Speaker 1: to talk about one of Napoleon's officials who epitomized that.

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Speaker 1: But first thing first, I'm Ben, I'm no, and we

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Speaker 1: are joined with our super producer, Casey Pegram. Give it

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Speaker 1: up for him, folks. I don't know why I sounded

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Speaker 1: so downtrodden when I said that I was just trying

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Speaker 1: something new, trying a new cadence, you know, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes we need to try new and unorthodox things

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Speaker 1: when the traditional methods aren't quite working, or even when

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Speaker 1: we need something new. Man, your mastery of the segue

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Speaker 1: never ceases to amaze. Balls. Mean, that's very kind man,

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Speaker 1: Thank you for saying so our story today takes place

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Speaker 1: during the Napoleonic Wars. Oh boy, you know those Napoleonic Wars.

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Speaker 1: It was that conflict that lasted from around eighteen oh

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Speaker 1: three till eighteen fifteen, where Napoleon it was like Napoleon

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Speaker 1: versus the world, or at least europe Um. But he

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Speaker 1: had overthrown the during the revolution, the French Revolutionary government,

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Speaker 1: and installed himself as Grand High conquering Emperor of France.

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Speaker 1: And you know, he had designed on extending that title

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Speaker 1: to as much of the world or the lands that

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Speaker 1: he could get to as humanly possible. And whomever it

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Speaker 1: was that gave us a shout out for calling it

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Speaker 1: a mix tape of European powers Voltron NG together. You said,

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Speaker 1: you said that we're a team. No, dude, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm glad to be part of your vultron, but

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Speaker 1: you are clearly the head. Oh no, no, no, we're

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Speaker 1: a team. And if we were, if we did have

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Speaker 1: a hierarchy, I think we could both agree. Casey as

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Speaker 1: the head I am no, no, no no, I am the

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Speaker 1: left shoulder. Casey is like the torso or maybe the sword,

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Speaker 1: and you, sir, are the head. The reason I like

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Speaker 1: the comparison of Casey being the head, and I appreciate this.

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Speaker 1: But the reason I like the idea of Casey being

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Speaker 1: the head is because, folks, the podcast you were hearing

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Speaker 1: now has been spun from straw into gold by a

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Speaker 1: super producer. Oh. I think it's a it's a team

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Speaker 1: effort there as well. We're all kind of spinning straw

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Speaker 1: into gold. But Casey in particular works magic. He's a

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Speaker 1: magic mouseman. Yes, there we go. I like that, and

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Speaker 1: our story today is similar in terms of spinning straw

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Speaker 1: into gold. It takes place on the thirteen of November

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Speaker 1: in eighteen o five, so just a couple of years

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Speaker 1: into this, uh, this massive conflict. Yeah, yeah, exactly, just

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Speaker 1: a couple of years into this conflict that will continue

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Speaker 1: until eighteen fifteen for ten more years. Right. There are

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Speaker 1: two marshals in Napoleon's forces and they are battling Austrians

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Speaker 1: near a town called Spits, which is located on the

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Speaker 1: Danube River, Yeah, which is I believe near Vienna. And

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Speaker 1: you said this was in Austria. So they were fighting

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Speaker 1: the Austrian forces, who were no slouches. They were pretty

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Speaker 1: intensely good at at at war and at defending their

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Speaker 1: their territory. Right. So um, as you said, the French

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Speaker 1: were being led by these two marshals. One of them

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Speaker 1: was named Jean lay Casey, Jean lan Casey. On the case,

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Speaker 1: I like geen Land, It's great. Who's the next guy?

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Speaker 1: The next guy? I think I got this one? Now

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Speaker 1: got this one? M Mura and QUACKI is it Joachim

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Speaker 1: Joachim Joachim, Yeah, Joachim. I don't know Casey. I think

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Speaker 1: in the in fringe it's yeah, Joachim, Joakim, Joachim Jack.

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Speaker 1: I think they Yeah, that the j is a little

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Speaker 1: more apparent. Kim Muratt double double case, double time, double

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Speaker 1: time case right. And this dude, actually he was Joachim. Napoleon, Yes,

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Speaker 1: dash Napoleon Murat. Isn't it funny that he got the

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Speaker 1: guy's first name as a weird little sub name for

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Speaker 1: marrying his sister Caroline. You think he would have gotten

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Speaker 1: that Bonaparte hyphenate in there, but no, no, sir, he

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Speaker 1: got a Napoleon in there. Now, let's talk a little

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Speaker 1: bit about these guys before we get to their adventures. So,

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Speaker 1: at first, it looks like they're not going to have

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Speaker 1: a great day. Tensions are running high. Uh Joachim murat

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Speaker 1: Or was born in seventeen sixty seven, and he became

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Speaker 1: one of Napoleon's most celebrated marshals. As a matter of fact,

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Speaker 1: after this day that we discussed in today's episode, he

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Speaker 1: later becomes the King of Naples. He was the son

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Speaker 1: of an innkeeper. Unlike Drake, he actually did start from

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Speaker 1: the bottom. He studied briefly for a career in the church,

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Speaker 1: but he enlisted in a cavalry regiment in seventeen eighty seven,

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Speaker 1: and when war broke out in ninety two, he was

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Speaker 1: rapidly promoted. And when Napoleon was trusted with suppressing a

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Speaker 1: Royalist insurrection in seventeen nine, murat joined up, and Napoleon

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Speaker 1: liked him so much, and specifically his contribution and bringing

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Speaker 1: cannon to bear one of my place as an aide

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Speaker 1: de camp to Bonaparte for the Italian campaign in seventeen

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Speaker 1: ninety seven. So by the time eighteen o five rolls around,

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Speaker 1: this guy is seasoned. And we don't want to judge

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Speaker 1: people on appearances, but I think the three of us

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Speaker 1: can agree this guy has some amazing portraits of himself

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Speaker 1: well they all do. All of these French military dignitaries

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Speaker 1: were super well dressed in these outfits. It just don't

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Speaker 1: seem very functional for all super garish. She was also

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Speaker 1: a real smoke show his he looks like a hair commercial. Oh,

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Speaker 1: I know, it looks like a commercial for product for

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Speaker 1: Clear Home perm kit or something. I was taking Clear

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Speaker 1: All herbal Essences. Uh, neither of which responses of our show.

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Speaker 1: We're just making any comparison, but we'll take it. But

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Speaker 1: we will take it if you are listening Clear all

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Speaker 1: herble Essence or maybe some kind of relax er. I

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Speaker 1: don't know, yeah, yeah, like you said, some kind of

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Speaker 1: perm kit. But he and his compatriot as fellow Marshal

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Speaker 1: Jean Loan. He was born in seventeen sixty nine, and

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Speaker 1: he would go on to become one of Napoleon's most

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Speaker 1: prized general's. Napoleon, when speaking of Jean Long, famously once

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Speaker 1: said I found him a pigmy and left him a giant,

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Speaker 1: which is a very self aggrandizing way to look at

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Speaker 1: somebody's success. Well, that's also kind of interesting considering what

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Speaker 1: people say about Napoleon's height, you know, as though he

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Speaker 1: was able to lift men up from small stature to

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Speaker 1: giant hude, which we did establish was British propaganda. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I choose to still like to believe it. He wasn't

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Speaker 1: actually extraordinarily short. I told a friend of mine that

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Speaker 1: I was doing an episode, we were doing an episode

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Speaker 1: of Napoleon today, and she sent me a gift of

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Speaker 1: a cartoon of Napoleon riding a very very small horse,

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Speaker 1: looking very sad. The horse not Napoleon. Yeah, it was

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Speaker 1: one of the most effective propaganda campaigns in Western history.

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Speaker 1: So back to this day, November eighteen o five, Jean

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Speaker 1: and Joachim are guiding their forces as as you said, Noel,

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Speaker 1: on their way to Vienna. But there's a very important

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Speaker 1: bridge that they have to cross, the tab Or Bridge,

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Speaker 1: the Tabor Bridge at Tabor Bridge. I don't know. I'll

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Speaker 1: go with that. I I support that. Um listeners, don't

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Speaker 1: don't bother writing us in with your particular pronunciations of

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Speaker 1: it unless you really feel strongly about it. We might,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it'll still annoy us. It's fine. We

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Speaker 1: love you though, we love all of you, each and

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Speaker 1: every one of you. Casey's pronunciation corner real quick, just

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Speaker 1: so I get it. Out there, the pronunciation would be

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Speaker 1: murraw more than murat. Okay. But but because you always

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Speaker 1: run into these situations where everybody says that a certain

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Speaker 1: way English, so you kind of get used to saying

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Speaker 1: it that way, and it's kind of obnoxious in a

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Speaker 1: way if you say raw in in an otherwise English

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Speaker 1: language sense. That's right, that's right. But we were we

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Speaker 1: also we're kind of putting on some slightly affective French accents.

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Speaker 1: What is it? It's okay? So it's is it at

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Speaker 1: the level of pretension? Uh? That going into taco bell

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Speaker 1: and ordering like surely not? How bad? Okay, while we

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Speaker 1: still have you Casey, Um, what about the bridge? Is

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Speaker 1: it in France or it was Invianna? Yeah? Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: who knows? I don't know Casey on the case. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Casey's jurisdiction is only in France. That's French reasons. So

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Speaker 1: but still, thank you for showing up and thank you

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Speaker 1: for doing the right thing and recusing yourself. You know,

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Speaker 1: that's very honest. As the resident little German boy of

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Speaker 1: the podcast, I would like to throw my dice behind

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Speaker 1: Tabor Tabor. Okay, So these guys Lan and Mara see

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Speaker 1: this bridge and they know that the Austrians, their forces,

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Speaker 1: being imminently experienced and very well aware of the importance

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Speaker 1: of the bridge, they know that these enemy forces may

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Speaker 1: destroy the bridge entirely unless they do something. And they

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Speaker 1: can't do the usual Napoleonic tactic of running up there

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Speaker 1: in mass because the bridge will just get destroyed that

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Speaker 1: much more quickly. So instead, these two guys, and this

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Speaker 1: is great, these two guys decide to run a con job.

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Speaker 1: They don't run up with the forces, you know, banners

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Speaker 1: and guns blazing, somebody drumming behind them and all that jazz.

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Speaker 1: Instead they walk up to the bridge casually, a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a little bit of a stroll, and they're

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Speaker 1: waving a white flag. And they've just got a small

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Speaker 1: group of a small group of people with a little envoy.

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Speaker 1: And let's less we forget that the the the Austrians

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Speaker 1: had the bridge rigged to blow already, right there were

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Speaker 1: like fuses like at the ready so that they could like,

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Speaker 1: you know, send this thing into the into the river

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Speaker 1: upon first side or on the first sight. Because they

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Speaker 1: knew and they were instructed by their uh, their commander,

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Speaker 1: who was a guy named Carl Osburg, to defend their

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Speaker 1: territory at all costs and not let the French cross

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Speaker 1: the bridge. So they were prepared for this scenario. Um,

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Speaker 1: but there was this nice little subterfuse going on here.

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Speaker 1: They just kind of sauntered across the bridge, like you said,

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Speaker 1: waving this white flag of retreat of truce, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: of truce, And this is commonly understood to mean that

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Speaker 1: there will be some sort of parleys, some sort of

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Speaker 1: colver station rather than a conflict. And they meet. You know,

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Speaker 1: the Austrians at this point are dumbfounded. They're thinking what's happening.

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Speaker 1: They already have their adrenaline pumping, they're ready to fight.

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Speaker 1: And then these two French marshals they say, oh guys,

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Speaker 1: funny story, quick update, and armistice is about to be signed.

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Speaker 1: I mean, we'll enter into a time of peace and

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Speaker 1: due to the negotiations, this bridge actually belongs to French

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Speaker 1: forces and we're on the way to make it official

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Speaker 1: with your boss, Carl. I do just want to say too,

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Speaker 1: that's also possible that the Austrians were just taken aback

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Speaker 1: by the sheer sex appeal of these two French generals.

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Speaker 1: Flowing locks, they're sauntering down these bridges. And by the way,

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Speaker 1: the Tabor Bridge, it was not just one bridge, it

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Speaker 1: was a series of bridges. There were three bridges and

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Speaker 1: the first two were set to burn because they were

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Speaker 1: on they were would I imagine, And then the third

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Speaker 1: one was actually ragged with munition. Is the third one

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Speaker 1: being the one closest to to shore to land. So

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Speaker 1: um oh, I love this. The guy named Ausberg by

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Speaker 1: the way, Auersberg, I believe it's how you would pronounce it. Um.

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Speaker 1: This is his His title was field martial lieutenant. Yes,

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Speaker 1: all one word, all one where I love these long

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Speaker 1: German compound words. They're great. And he was also not

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Speaker 1: around when this happened. So the Austrians in charge, and

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Speaker 1: as you said, Old, it's a series of bridges. They

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Speaker 1: were going for the main bridge that crosses the Danube

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Speaker 1: most directly. Carl is not around at all. And while

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Speaker 1: the marshals are sort of vamping and convincing these folks

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Speaker 1: that hey, we don't have to fight, and armistice is

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Speaker 1: pretty much official at this time, let's let's all chill

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Speaker 1: a little bit while they're While they're doing all this

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Speaker 1: smoke and mirrors, their actual French troops are sneaking slowly

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Speaker 1: toward the bridge as Long and Murat are walking across

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Speaker 1: the bridge with the Austrians. Yeah, because these guys are

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Speaker 1: kind of a little bit dumbfounded. They were sort of

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Speaker 1: taken aback by this. They're trying to confirm these reports.

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Speaker 1: It's not like they have any kind of mobile communications technology.

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Speaker 1: They're obviously running couriers or sending sending a runner and

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Speaker 1: they had yeah, of course, so they had to hop

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Speaker 1: to and and find out if this was true. And

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Speaker 1: that's why it was such a tactical feat of genius,

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Speaker 1: because they literally just kind of confused them to the

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Speaker 1: point where they weren't paying attention and they were able

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Speaker 1: to get their guys pretty casually across the bridge. It's

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Speaker 1: got this kind of Ocean's eleven vibe, very much like age. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: in terms of the con So things do get sticky.

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Speaker 1: They don't completely go according to plan. Because as they're waiting,

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Speaker 1: as the marshals are waiting for the French troops to

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Speaker 1: get close enough to the bridge to make a difference

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Speaker 1: in the fight or save it from being destroyed, one

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Speaker 1: Austrian sar decides that he does not buy this tail.

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Speaker 1: Smart man. Yeah, that this is all cockamamie that if

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Speaker 1: it's too good to be true, that usually means it is.

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Speaker 1: It's a real cock and bull story. And so this

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Speaker 1: guy surreptitiously begins to uh starts to light a fuse

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Speaker 1: or tries to. He's got matches in his hand. He's

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Speaker 1: about to just blow the bridge up, yea. And doesn't

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Speaker 1: our boy Murat just just daintily snatch it from him.

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Speaker 1: It was lawn excuse me, Jeanjean lo uh. So jeanl

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Speaker 1: lol uh snatches the match from this guy's hand, and

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Speaker 1: he says, you know what, pal, a truce has been signed,

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Speaker 1: and that means that you're destroying public property because we're

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Speaker 1: not in an act of war and if you try

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Speaker 1: that one more time, I will have you arrested off

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Speaker 1: to prison with you. So we've talked about these munitions

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Speaker 1: that were rigged to you know, blow up the bridge,

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Speaker 1: die hard style. Um. But they had they had some

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Speaker 1: their stuff guarding their side of the bridge. These Austrians

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Speaker 1: didn't they've been They had some heavy weapons. Yeah, they

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Speaker 1: had an artillery force with cannon and the cannons were

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Speaker 1: preparing to fire on the grenadiers who were standing behind

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Speaker 1: the marshals. Now, by the way, I just want to

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Speaker 1: clarify this with you, Ben, were grenadiers wielders of grenades

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Speaker 1: or is this just another name that was pre the

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Speaker 1: invention of the grenade, because that seems like a little

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Speaker 1: bit more of a modern device to me. They were

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Speaker 1: specialized soldiers that were first established I guess in the

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Speaker 1: mid to late seventeenth century six hundreds for throwing grenades.

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Speaker 1: That's what they did. They were usually going to be

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Speaker 1: the strongest and largest soldiers because they could throw the farthest.

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Speaker 1: That's right. So the grenades more or less as we

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Speaker 1: know them today were definitely used during the Napoleonic conflicts

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Speaker 1: during his era, at least the basic principle the basic principle,

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Speaker 1: so maybe maybe more along the line, maybe a little

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Speaker 1: bit less, I don't know. There's not a whole lot

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Speaker 1: of moving parts in the grenade. It's sort of just

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Speaker 1: like a metal piece of dynamite with a fuse, more

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Speaker 1: or less, right, Yeah, pull, throw, release the whatever, the latch,

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Speaker 1: the crack, the cracking please. Um. So these there's a

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Speaker 1: there's a really amazing account where who is it? Is

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Speaker 1: it morat or or Lan who distracts one of the

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Speaker 1: cannon operators by straddling the cannon. I'm picturing it in

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Speaker 1: a slightly come hither way. I don't know why, as

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Speaker 1: as if he like laid on it as though or

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Speaker 1: a grand piano, you know, and like I don't know. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So the grenade deers are on the other side of

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Speaker 1: the bridge still or they haven't walked all the way

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Speaker 1: across it at least, and Jean Lan sees the artillery

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Speaker 1: about to fire on the French forces, and so as

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Speaker 1: you said, he hops on the cannon and uh just

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Speaker 1: lights a pipe and starts smoking. See again, picture him

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Speaker 1: just kind of like straddling the cannon, crossing his legs,

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Speaker 1: pulling out his pipe and just never like breaking the

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Speaker 1: man's gaze, letting his pipe and just being like what,

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Speaker 1: doing a basic instinct doing a bit of a base

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Speaker 1: against Yes, yes, I am picturing that, um and I'm

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Speaker 1: sticking to it. That's that's what my imagination says, and

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Speaker 1: that's what I'm saying out loud. And so here's where

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Speaker 1: Muratt comes into play. This really is a two person

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Speaker 1: con So there are several sergeants there, and the sergeants

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Speaker 1: are you know, gonna be battle tested, and they typically

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Speaker 1: are gonna be a little bit better at seeing through

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Speaker 1: a ruse or uh discerning a tactic. And one of

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Speaker 1: the sergeants continue saying, look, this is a trick. Do

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Speaker 1: not trust these uh evil French forces. These guys are

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Speaker 1: clearly doing a snow job on us. And then Murat

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Speaker 1: says to the Austrian officers, you guys gonna let and

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Speaker 1: enlisted man talk to you that way. I don't know

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Speaker 1: how it works in the Austrian army, but we don't

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Speaker 1: tolerate that as French officers. So I don't know what

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Speaker 1: kind of what kind of circus you all are on

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Speaker 1: in here. These dudes powers of persuasion and distraction are

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Speaker 1: second to none, my friend, second to none. This is

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Speaker 1: this is fabulous stuff. And the Austrian officers are like,

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Speaker 1: goes on. We don't know exactly what he says, but

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Speaker 1: he goes on for a little while, and he's dressing

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Speaker 1: down the officers because he's like horrified and offended on

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Speaker 1: their behalf. And so eventually the officers are so I guess,

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Speaker 1: ashamed and humiliated, like in a tizzy or something. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because you know, officers see each other as equals, right,

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Speaker 1: so they're essentially screwing up by allowing this insolence to occur.

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Speaker 1: And so they order that sergeant arrested and imprisoned. And

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Speaker 1: can you imagine being that poor Austrian sergeant. You know

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Speaker 1: you're correct, you know it's a trick, and now you're

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Speaker 1: going to jail. This whole thing plays out like one

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Speaker 1: of those episodes of Bugs Bunny where he convinces someone

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Speaker 1: like he's a girl rabbit or whatever us to like

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Speaker 1: get his way, or he poses in some disguise and

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Speaker 1: is able to gaslight some poor hapless sap like Elmer

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Speaker 1: Fudd into like doing just the thing he needs him

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Speaker 1: to do to have him win the day. This is

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Speaker 1: not strike you as that like it says these these Austrians,

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Speaker 1: and it's gonna come around to haunt them acted and

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Speaker 1: just utter incompetent ways that just defy any kind of logic.

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Speaker 1: So all I can do is I can only assume

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Speaker 1: that these guys were not complete and utter idiots. You know,

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Speaker 1: the Austrian army had a good reputation for for having

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Speaker 1: their their stuff together, but they were no match for

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Speaker 1: the wits of these two frenchmen. Were they right exactly?

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Speaker 1: And so at this point they're still trying to convince

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Speaker 1: all the Austrians, and armistice has been reached. It's it

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Speaker 1: just happened so recently that you guys haven't heard of

335
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Speaker 1: it again, implying something might not be great with your army.

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Speaker 1: And at this point another Austrian officer arrives and they

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Speaker 1: do the whole dog and pony show again, and armistice

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Speaker 1: has been signed. This bridge belongs to France. It's public property.

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Speaker 1: We're not at war. What's the big hub up? And

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Speaker 1: if you blow this bridge up then you're liabel for

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Speaker 1: destruction of public property. Adults, you're essentially it's terrorist. This

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Speaker 1: is gas lighting one on one, dude, I know it's

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Speaker 1: not even one on one. This is advanced level again,

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Speaker 1: this is this is high intermediate at the very least. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's it's it's a it's a it's a real, a

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Speaker 1: real ship show here. Yeah. And gaslighting is just for

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Speaker 1: anyone who is fortunate enough not to have known that

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Speaker 1: phrase beforehand, gaslighting is when you deceive or manipulate someone

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Speaker 1: by making them think that they are crazy. Right, So

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Speaker 1: what does this officer do, this new on the scene

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Speaker 1: officer when he learns the news. Well, I mean, at

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Speaker 1: this point, they really need an adult in the room,

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Speaker 1: you know, they really need to consult with the grown up.

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Speaker 1: So he runs to get Ausberg, the field martial lieutenant

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Speaker 1: who was it was in command, but seemingly a bit

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Speaker 1: of an absentee commander. Um, so they really needed to

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Speaker 1: consult with this guy because they were just running around

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Speaker 1: like chickens with their heads cut off at this point.

359
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Speaker 1: And the French forces, now they're still approaching, Austrians have

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Speaker 1: no idea what to do because it's a cost benefit thing.

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Speaker 1: If it really if there really is an rmoustice, then

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Speaker 1: they are in deep, deep fudge if they if they

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Speaker 1: shoot at these French forces, it's like a who's on

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Speaker 1: third kind of like situation. I mean, it really is.

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Speaker 1: It's yeah, and the the French soldiers have been told

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Speaker 1: by the marshals, like right before they went off on

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Speaker 1: this crazy con job, they've been told guys, just walk

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Speaker 1: forward like nothing's wrong, just like walk forward like you're

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Speaker 1: not in a war. I just think it's so incredible

370
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Speaker 1: that like all the information they're getting is coming from

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Speaker 1: the enemy, all of it, and they're acting on it

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Speaker 1: as though it's like you know, to be believed, and

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Speaker 1: and the and the one guy, the one guy who said, hey,

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Speaker 1: maybe we should slow a role a little bit and like,

375
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Speaker 1: you know, take a couple of steps back and think

376
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Speaker 1: on this. He gets arrested and like put in the

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00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 1: stocks or whatever by his own people. Yeah, this is

378
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 1: some some bugs bunny malevolence right here, my friend. And

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Speaker 1: I'm picturing this Binny Hill soundtrack playing softly under a

380
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Speaker 1: lot of this. I'm just picturing these these Austrians just

381
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,880
Speaker 1: running around like juggling stuff and just like tripping over

382
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Speaker 1: each other and just like Pratt falling for days all

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Speaker 1: on this bridge. Yes, and we have to mention to

384
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 1: this this stuff once it begins happening, once these two

385
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:38,240
Speaker 1: guys walk up with their forces, it happens pretty quick. Succession.

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Speaker 1: I think this could have been This could be like

387
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,639
Speaker 1: a sitcom episode, like like one one episode. Yeah, I

388
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 1: think that's about how long it could have in real time,

389
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Speaker 1: play out as a five minute television second. Why don't

390
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,359
Speaker 1: we just do a season of various hilarious things from

391
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,879
Speaker 1: the Napoleonic Wars, get Larry David to write it and

392
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:58,440
Speaker 1: then put it on HBO. Can't you picture the part

393
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,679
Speaker 1: where Napoleon and his dudes are getting them by the bunnies,

394
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 1: and it's just don't, don't, don't exactly. I think that's perfect,

395
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 1: especially Benny Hill and Larry David work on and Seinfeld

396
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 1: works for this too, because as the forces from France

397
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Speaker 1: march onto the bridge, they actually get on the bridge,

398
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: they're being super chill about it. Everybody's being cool. They're

399
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 1: just strolling up there, sauntering maybe a sachet or so

400
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:32,760
Speaker 1: for anyone who was a suppressed actor. And as they're

401
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 1: walking up, the Austrians are are panicking. They're realizing we're

402
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,720
Speaker 1: not at war. Uh hip hip, hooray, kluekla, what a

403
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 1: wondrous day and so on, and they start physically throwing

404
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:48,359
Speaker 1: all the explosives that they had prepared for blowing up

405
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 1: the bridge into the Danube. They just threw them away,

406
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,680
Speaker 1: get them out of the way. The French are coming.

407
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:59,200
Speaker 1: We're friends now, Yeah, yeah, really really ill advised. So

408
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: Carl is up. I love calling him by his first day, Carl, Carl, Carl,

409
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 1: get over here. There's sort we have an armistice. So

410
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:13,280
Speaker 1: Carl shows up and he sees the French marshals and

411
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 1: all their forces on the bridge. He sees his own

412
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,920
Speaker 1: men throwing away all the explosives, and Carl looks around

413
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:23,720
Speaker 1: and he goes, huh, well, it must be true. They've

414
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: got so far with this. You know, it's clearly this,

415
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:29,960
Speaker 1: I mean, this is good news for us, right, Really,

416
00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:31,399
Speaker 1: you think he thought that, You think he wasn't just

417
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,959
Speaker 1: immediately outraged. He No, he thought it was true, and

418
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,679
Speaker 1: so he handed the bridge over to the marshals. Not

419
00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:41,120
Speaker 1: a shot was fired, and the entire thing, Oh god.

420
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 1: But then immediately after handing over the bridge, they became

421
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Speaker 1: prisoners of war. The French took them prisoner and they're

422
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,959
Speaker 1: like wait, what wait what what? What? What casey? Can

423
00:24:52,960 --> 00:25:04,200
Speaker 1: you queue up that that curbed music again? Yeah? Yeah,

424
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,000
Speaker 1: like that. So what happened afterwards? No, what I mean,

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00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,320
Speaker 1: because Napoleon's not on the scene at all. He's not

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00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 1: on the scene. But yeah, Napoleon had nothing but praise

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00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 1: to heap on his brother in law, old Joaquim Napoleon

428
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 1: Murat and he had a really cool nickname for him,

429
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:20,879
Speaker 1: by the way, which was the first Horseman of Europe

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00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: Um and his compatriot gen lan Um. And he basically

431
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 1: said that they had achieved a feat of strategy, and

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00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,160
Speaker 1: that he was very proud of them and they were

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00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,919
Speaker 1: good little boys, and he gave them pat on the

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00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:36,160
Speaker 1: head and uh, you know, probably some kind of military commendation.

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00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:40,120
Speaker 1: Who's to say, Um, the Austrian side did not fare

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00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,800
Speaker 1: quite so well in terms of the praise that was

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00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 1: heaped upon them, because there was none, right, right, there

438
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:49,480
Speaker 1: was not at it. It's a great story, but yeah,

439
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:53,880
Speaker 1: you can only imagine the ignomy of that. And Carl

440
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 1: himself is later court martialed, convicted of negligence rightly so

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00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 1: cashiered and stripped of all his honors. Later he is

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00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: pardoned and actually reinstated. So this hilarious mistake did not

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00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: follow him for all of his days. I don't know, man,

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00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: I feel like it probably did. That's a pretty embarrassing

445
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:18,200
Speaker 1: thing to have been in charge of. Yeah, hopefully he learned,

446
00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 1: uh that are critical thinking skills. Well, he wasn't even

447
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 1: there right like all this later he came later, and

448
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 1: he he would have thought that he could have put

449
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:29,479
Speaker 1: it together. But it's just I cannot believe that these

450
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 1: French guys outsmarted their enemies at literally every possible turn

451
00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 1: in this story. Yeah, and I can't get over the

452
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,680
Speaker 1: one guy that was like, wait, but but but it's

453
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 1: like the kid in the horror movie that knows there's

454
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 1: a monster but no one will believe him, you know. Yeah, yeah,

455
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,720
Speaker 1: or the one person who gets called crazy in the

456
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:52,160
Speaker 1: first third of a horror movie. Yeah, it's it's insane.

457
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:58,919
Speaker 1: I can't get over just the sheer amazing confidence. And

458
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 1: as someone who does calm it the outside of the

459
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 1: studio here, I'm very impressed with their improvisational skills. They

460
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 1: were just yes, ending their way to victory. Yeah, that's

461
00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 1: a good way of putting in. We should have put

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00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 1: that as the subtitle of the episode. Hey, that's not

463
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 1: a bad idea. No, yeah, let's do that. And this

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00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:22,679
Speaker 1: concludes our most recent installment of hilarious stories from the

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00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,199
Speaker 1: Napoleonic Wars. A lot of them. Man, I'm excited to

466
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 1: get get into some more. Surely, surely we have not

467
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,160
Speaker 1: exhausted them yet. Yeah. True. Let us know what other

468
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 1: strange and funny war stories you have found, especially if

469
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: they involve Napoleonic shenanigans. In the meantime, Well, we do

470
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:43,399
Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed this episode. As always, want to give

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00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 1: a big thanks to Casey Pegram for once again saving

472
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 1: the show and our immortal souls and Nold's immortal soul.

473
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,280
Speaker 1: I I'm sorry. I shouldn't have spoke. I shouldn't have

474
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 1: learned you. Well I had, I got this ongoing negotiation.

475
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 1: We also want to think our recurring guests and research

476
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,880
Speaker 1: associate Christopher hasciotis. Yeah. Man, he pitched at us earlier

477
00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: about making that thing a regular occurrence, and I want

478
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:10,919
Speaker 1: to bring it up to you right now. I think

479
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: it's a golden idea. Yeah. I already wrote back to him,

480
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 1: and so this said much the same. Yeah. Good good.

481
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,440
Speaker 1: So we're in agreement. Yeah, so we are in agreement,

482
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 1: and we hope that you agree. It would be fun

483
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:27,160
Speaker 1: to check out our other stuff on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. Yeah,

484
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 1: and I swear ben on all of our shows. We

485
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 1: need to, you know, we need to follow the lead

486
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,160
Speaker 1: of our pals in l A who do a much

487
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,600
Speaker 1: better job of maintaining their own social media accounts. You

488
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:37,680
Speaker 1: and I think got the stories, they got the gifts,

489
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:39,959
Speaker 1: the boomerangs and stuff. We need to do more of that.

490
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna throw down the gauntlet right now and pledge

491
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 1: that we're gonna We're gonna try to start doing that.

492
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: You know, if we don't follow through, don't hold it

493
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 1: against us too harshly. But you know, I want to change.

494
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 1: I want to be better. You got to be the change. Yeah,

495
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 1: do we have anything else we're supposed to mention? Think? So?

496
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,320
Speaker 1: Do we think? Thanks for thanks to Alex Williams, who

497
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,360
Speaker 1: composed our theme. Thanks to use Jeff Cote, who did

498
00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 1: not work on this episode. I believe but is a

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00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 1: font of knowledge. Um. Thanks to you, Benjamin for that

500
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 1: dapper checker shirt you're wearing today. Thanks to you knowl Jamin,

501
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: you have a nice shirt as well. You're right, Thank you,

502
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 1: ben Casey. Can I see your shirt? Just leaning it?

503
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: Casey's killing it too, he really is. And I think

504
00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,800
Speaker 1: we're all going to go and have a drink and

505
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 1: a bite of food at our local haunt after we

506
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: wrap up here, because we are in fact real friends.

507
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: This isn't just a show. Yeah, we do hang out

508
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 1: in an inordinate amount of time. We probably spend more

509
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: time with each other than we do with our girlfriends.

510
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 1: I have a girlfriend. Yeah, Well you know what I mean.

511
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: I'm working on all right. Well, uh, that's it until

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00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 1: next time, So stay tuned the end